we’ve heard the story ad nauseum
boy meets bonita. boy likes bonita. bonita likes boy, but despite boy’s good enunciation and earning potential, doesn’t like him like that due to boy’s unimpressive height, melanin, swagger, and lack of ability to properly recite and recall lyrics from the blueprint. boy moves on, meets bianca, blair, and botswana, and rinses, washes, and repeats with each to same results.
boy meets becky. becky offers easy benevolence and easier flat blond back. excessively backed up boy bones sh*t out of becky, breaking flat back and immediately becomes becky’s black buck boyfriend. months later, now banker boy buys brand new benz, beeming bleached alabaster veeners while brandishing becky at black bike week. a brooding and barren bonita beholds this, berates boy beneath bated breath and unabashedly blasts boy at bi-quarterly zeta phi beta bbq.
although usually dismissed as an urban legend told by mundane black men who feel that courteousness should equal automatic coochie, in “what single women can learn from michelle“, jenee desmond harris writes that barry o could have very easily been the aforementioned boy if not for young chelly robinson’s insight
“She must have focused on an abundance of goodness instead of his hint of goofiness and fixated on a warm smile instead of a pair of oversized ears. It’s easy to see now that he was a great catch, but how many of us would have been open to this guy who strayed so far from the black Prince Charming ideal, starting with his very name?”
before i continue, i have to say that i don’t entirely agree with her premise or david swerdlick’s strange rebuttal.
i mean, even the most superficially discriminatory young black women i know aren’t gonna continually dismiss the harvard law grad beating down their door. plus, and lets be real, although she’s definitely a stunning and charming woman now, michelle obama aint exactly the second coming of cleopatra. i doubt anyone, including her, thought she was settling or slumming when accepting barack’s advances.
despite this, the latent points remain true:
barack obama has replaced hill harper as the patron saint of bandwagon attraction, and when it comes to dating and relationships, we (black men and women) consistently value the wrong sh*t…
…or not.
who knows?
i do know, though, that i’ve heard this all before, and i’m sure you have to0.
since today’s about hope and change and sh*t, tell me, people of vsb.com, what the hell is the right sh*t?
—the champ
First, I appreciate your awesome application of alliteration and award you with my adoration, you astute fella you! *applause*
@Thuggie Luvvie, I think I am going to have to address the elephant in the room. First, let me state I love the first family. LOVE THEM. But, lets be real, Michelle minus the hair and clothes was probably not the cutie on campus. I don’t think she was doing Barry O a service by allowing him to date her. Clearly, Obama (I still hate his name) could have had almost any decent woman he wanted with his style, education, looks, and exposure. I have always been attracted to what black folks consider lame ni**as but in the end, those are the ones that will provide the lifestyle I am accustomed to and in search of.
@El,
See, I’m not and never have been attracted to so-called “lame” dudes, but I don’t think I would’ve put Obama in the lame category (I hate his name too! lol).
He was actively involved in the community, was articulate, played ball, seems like the average black man except brilliant and incredibly ambitious. His blurple lips and afro woulda had me steering clear of Obamatown but I don’t get the corny vibe from him at all. This was also the dude who blowing trees at Occidental (I think) parties. He’s far from the typical black nerd.
It kinda throws me for a loop when socially awkward dudes, doing nothing admirable, but just happen to be smart compare themselves to Obama. GTFOH! You’re nothing like him!
@Me fail english?,
“It kinda throws me for a loop when socially awkward dudes, doing nothing admirable, but just happen to be smart compare themselves to Obama.”
No.
@miss t-lee,
uhhh?? I don’t get it. lol
@Me fail english?,
LOL! I didn’t mean no to you…I meant no to the socially awkward kats comparing themselves to Obama.
I’ma hafta start clarifying my “no’s”…hee-hee!!
@miss t-lee,
U’ve misused the one-word answer “no”, thus leading to Me Fail’s misunderstanding. The “no” should be used mainly as a response to a question that is posed. Or something that begs for it. That’s what VSB manual says. That’ll be $15. [U can insert a "no." here and it'd be valid]
@Thuggie Luvvie,
*throat punch*
@Thuggie Luvvie,
I think throat punches can sub as no’s.
No?
@V Renee,
No.
@Me fail english?,
i’m with you. i look at old pictures of Barry and think “he doesn’t exactly seem like a lame or a geek”.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay, me neither. i’ve seen com pics where he looked like a pretty cool chap. had me going “look ole Barry O…lookin’ like a playa…FROM THE HIMALAYAS!!!”
word to Jerome.
@Panama Jackson, exactly. based off the pics i’ve seen and stuff i’ve read, the young barry o was a pretty cool dude. and he dabbled with the herbal refreshment and even messed with that white stuff, and he was hella smart and down to earth, i definitely woulda given him more than one date.
it’s these other dudes that think that just because they have a degree and a job that i should be rushing to be their wifey that need to go kick rocks with no socks! yes, you may be a nice guy from a good school with a nice job, but if i’m not attracted to you….sorry. but i digress…
@A Plus,
Word ‘em ups! Why these weirdo dudes would use O as proof of why women should like “guys like us” is beyond me. He aint like you.
@Panama Jackson,
exactly!!! i think the young Barry O today could get it from Gem. i mean, lanky body, big ears, small fro, and awkward name and all. i woulda def let the brotha holla!!
@Panama Jackson,
Martin is one the greatest shows ever, lol.
@Panama Jackson,
remember those pictures in Time of him in the hat smoking a cigarette? Barry O. was cool as a fan back in the day. Young Barry O. could defiintely get it, and I might even smoke a cigarette (or something else) with him…
@Me fail english?,
“It kinda throws me for a loop when socially awkward dudes, doing nothing admirable, but just happen to be smart compare themselves to Obama. GTFOH! You’re nothing like him!”
People do this? I’m with Miss t-lee. Just no.
@Nikiloveli,
Thank you…you understood what I was getting at…lol
@Thuggie Luvvie,
“First, I appreciate your awesome application of alliteration and award you with my adoration, you astute fella you! *applause*”
***acknowledging accolade***
And yes we value the wrong sh*t. Otherwise, T-Pain, the ghost of Coon Present (and fearfully, future) would not have women who actually touch him. EEK! Dude looks like a walking “Mr Hankey” but cuz he got money, he has baby mamas. Who Freaked THAT specimen? iCan’t.
Speaking of Hill Harper. I had the misfortune of watching his film “Loving Jezebel” this past weekend and the awfulness that is that movie made my forehead livid.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
I don’t know if T-Pain having a baby momma necessarily means we value the wrong ish (we do…I just don’t think this is a sign of it). I mean, one of them is Miss Cherry (or so I read) from Miss Rap Supreme. She is nothing to write home about. They are on the same level, I think.
This is more a sign that we are valuing the wrong things: an attractive research scientist with a PhD lets T-Pain knock her up. Sure, she could love his personality. But, more likely, she wanted access to cash, quickly, and thought this was the way to do it.
I don’t know if T-Pain having a baby momma necessarily means we value the wrong ish (we do…I just don’t think this is a sign of it). I mean, one of them is Miss Cherry (or so I read) from Miss Rap Supreme. She is nothing to write home about. They are on the same level, I think.
exactly she raps he raps they have music in common both are extremely ghetto…LOL
@shay_d_lady,
lol. right! and neither one is a great beauty. lol.
@iloVEGrits,
Yeah but Ms Cherry aint his only baby mama. His ther one aint in the rap industry. Whats the excuse for THAT?
@Thuggie Luvvie,
If she’s broke…and unattractive…it’s two lost souls getting together. I gave you a more fitting example. And so did PJ. Deal with it.
@Thuggie Luvvie & Champale,
How dare you both speak ill of Hill Harper. I met him ya know – yeah, you know – I said it before and got clowned, lol. But whatever.
I hope your combined 20 fingertips turn black with gangrene for having typed such meanness about my best friend that I only met once!
And mind you I didn’t even know who he was. *sighs*
Now, what the hell is the right sh*t? I gotta say:
A man that’s loyal, upstanding, decent, kind and loving. Of course good credit is a plus cause I’m not tryna live in no cardboard box with cut-outs for windows and pillowcases for curtains. The “bad boy” is merely a fantasy that most women like, but right-minded women realize that it is just that – a fantasy. And to the right-minded woman, looks don’t really matter when it all boils down to it, cause the ugliest muhf*kka in the world can be the best provider and most loving mate one could ever hope for. See: Bill Gates.
Hill, if you’re reading this – don’t worry bout them
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread,
“Hill, if you’re reading this – don’t worry bout them”
What I meant to said was:
Hill, if you’re reading this – don’t worry bout them – they’re just jealous.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread, I think the desire for having a bad boy is simply knowing that your man can protect you and your future family. I have never been into thugs but I do see why other women like them. They appear tough and every woman wants to know that the man they are with is not a punk.
@El,
“They appear tough and every woman wants to know that the man they are with is not a punk.”
sounds like you should be hooking up with Superman or The Terminator.
I have always wondered about what kind of ish does a woman have to be dealing with to require a glorified bodyguard under the guise of a “gotta who gotta gotta whaaaaa ruffneck?”
@T. Troy Stewart, she doesn’t have to do much. For example, your are at a spades party with your (lame) man, somebody might try to holla at you giving that man no respect. Now, had you been with a gansta/ruffneck/thug nobody would try to holla at you or disrespect your man, because he automatically got respect and they would be shook. JS.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread, I agree with you. Before I became an adult, I wanted the thug- for looks, for protection, for his admiration. For some reason, I feel like thugs desire and admire and want to protect the “good girl” more.
As I grew up, I decided a thug wasn’t what I really wanted…. there was unnecessary drama, they “worked” all times of the night (drug dealers don’t work 9 to 5), and it was just scary. My good girl a&& was not ready for that mess. lol
It’s all about life experience.
Let’s not forget, men made some wrong choices too… the freak was what was hot in the streetz at one time, also.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread,
I hope your combined 20 fingertips turn black with gangrene for having typed such meanness about my best friend that I only met once
i only type with one hand wednesday nights, thank you.
and, btw, turn deez
@The Champ,
“i only type with one hand wednesday nights, thank you.”
I’m afraid of what that other hand is up to. o_0
@Thuggie Luvvie,
r u d e. c o m
@V Renee,
why this chick i met has an account there I was like dam that thang is juicy but Hadta let her go tho thats to much exposure for me.
why this chick i met has an account there I was like dam that thang is juicy but Hadta let her go tho thats to much exposure for me
vsb.com: where the champ wants bluntblazer to invite all of his chicks to the vsb bbq
@Thuggie Luvvie, I think a better example is Lauren London getting knocked up by Lil Wayne, a man who has two other baby mommas (one as recent as last year) who’s allegedly engaged to on-and-off again for years to Nivea (who’s also currently preggers, at least according to rumor). now THAT is a some non-sense. hell, she lost points in my book b/c of that and to me Lauren London was very very high quality-esque. granted she’s made some rather retarded statements about her desires in men, so perhaps she got what she was looking for and im projecting my perception of her as opposed to the real her. but seriously, being Lil Wayne’s 3rd baby mama just seems like a really really bad idea.
also, Hill Harper has been in some very bad movies. Constellation comes to mind, Hav Plenty (though I do enjoy it, it wasn’t good), and pretty much most of his movies.
@Panama Jackson,
Yeah the Lil Wayne & Lauren London Baby Mama-ship KILLED me not so softly. Talk bout some things that don’t go 2gether. Maybe their kid will come out looking like a cute roach w/ half a dimple.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
P was pointing out that your example was lame. Learn from this. :-p
@iloVEGrits,
Ok and did I argue w/ P? I’mo need u not to have a one-sided argument w/ urself :-p
@Thuggie Luvvie,
I’m more interested in what a cute roach would end up looking like than anything I’ve ever wondered about ever.
@Panama Jackson,
I think a better example is Lauren London getting knocked up by Lil Wayne .
This still baffles me. Like how did this happen???? In what world!
Then it got me to thinking, I bet Wayne is slick with the mouth and can charm the pants off of a chick. Think about it, this man raps on 100 songs per week. His mouthpiece is mean.
@V Renee,
His mouthpiece is mean.
and i’m sure highly diseased.
@V Renee,
Methinks Lil Wayne’s mouthpiece harbors weapons of mass diseases. He looks like his breath is a threat to the ozone & the amazon rainforest. iCan’t.
@V Renee,
Lil Wayne’s “Driving Miss Katie” asz couldn’t charm the snot off a runny nose!
Lauren London just needs a hobby.
@V Renee,
“This still baffles me. Like how did this happen????”
he’s a rich rapper and she’s a cute hoodrat, lol. its not exactly rocket surgery.
@The Champ,
do ppl actually perform surgery on rockets??
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
LOL! He has a hard time saying brain. *smh*
@Panama Jackson,
I was gonna mention the New-New/Wayne debacle, but then I realized that I don’t know anything about her other than that article in KING (which is to say I know nothing). Still, just the fact that she has a legal paying gig, makes me think she woulda done fine to invest in some birth control if she was gonna screw with some dude that’s not her hubby.
But maybe she’s been a groupie all along *shrugs*
@Me fail english?,
I read some rumors that she supposedly gave her v-card to Wayne.
To Wayne, SERIOUSLY?
and got knocked up to boot.
@miss t-lee,
Poor girl. I hope the baby looks like her. I mean, we’ve all had shetty taste in men at some point, but damn! Rawdog with Wayne?
Going raw with Wayne (and having the public find out about it) has gotta be a major blow to your image.
@Panama Jackson, LAUREN LONDON: Mission Accomplished.
@T. Troy Stewart,
4real wayne is slowly becoming my idol lol
i woulda knocked up nivea and nu-nu shiiiiii
hell yea
@Panama Jackson,
I still need proof of this, the rumor is just too outlandish. I need to see Birth certificates signed by New New and Wayne, Blood tests, and youtube video of his Mama claiming the baby as her grand before I believe this ish!
@Dom, Ditto! I needs documentation!
I think the original article is BS. As a Black woman who runs in and/or knows of these circles, these Ivy chicks ain’t gonna turn down other Ivy dudes who actually ACK RITE and are easy on the eyes. Yeah he has big ears and he’s skinny but dude has a nice smile, is well-liked, and he’s smart.
The author clearly doesn’t know enough nice women from the Ivy league. They’re pretty open and willing for a man like Barack to cross their paths because the truth is most young Black men in these ranks are a pain in the ass thinking they’re God’s gift to mankind because they’re a) black and b) go to harvard/ivy league school. Barry O seems like he’d be the obvious breath of fresh air from that status quo.
Outside of the Ivy ranks, I guess her theory holds, but I’m not entirely sure it’s the same situation at that point.
@Liz, I agree.
@Liz,
“I’m not entirely sure it’s the same situation at that point.”
Why wouldn’t it be? Curious.
I think you can make this case for Barry O and black women as a whole if say, you were at the million man march with Barack and the girl being sought after is Lil Kim…or somebody random. But a seemingly wholesome black woman falling for a seemingly wholesome (but geeky and skinny) black man in the ivy league circle? Doesn’t seem farfetched at all. There are only so many Black men at these schools, and generally speaking they’re jerks (sorry, but they are). I have friends who go to and went to these schools and while there may be 40 eligible (age, career, orientation) dudes in a given class, only one or two are worth the effort. Barack seems like he was the type of guy who would seem worth the effort in this context. In the regular world….your options and distractions are limitless….but my gut tells me most black women in the ivy league are not considering the black male population as a whole to be a part of their dating pool.
@Liz, i’m going to go ahead and agree with you. he doesn’t come across as a lame at all. he seems like he’d be have been the cool cat everybody would hang out with and who would hang with everybody.
i know a gang of ivy league law cats and quite a few are lames to the nth degree. conversely going to the hbcu i went to, i get to see that same thing magnified 100 fold as well. barack seemed like he’d have done fine and been the kind of cat chicks might be interested in, for his personality alone, in any surrounding.
and i should know, i’m a 3 who’s been pulling chicks off of personality since at least 1997.
@Liz,
“only one or two are worth the effort.”
You get what you deserve.
@WestIndianArchie, what does this have to do with anything? “You get what you deserve” has nothing to do with the fact that out of 30 black men in a harvard business school class, 4 of them are actually viable with the rest being gay, coupled up already, or only date 2520s. Are you implying a single black woman can deserve a gay black man? She can deserve a man who already has a woman? Try again.
@Liz,
Looking for a hubby in your grad program?
You deserve exactly what you get.
@WestIndianArchie, Nobody is LOOKING for a hubby in a grad program, clearly they’re looking for a degree in a grad program, duh. But people in college do tend to date people in their vacuum (college) of choice. Your point is fairly irrelevant still, since Michelle and Barry didn’t go to HLS at the same time, and the argument holds for the ivy league types as a whole (ie alumni), not just those currently matriculating.
You say that a if that’s a bad thing though, as if it’s jail. If someone is looking for a husband in jail, yes she gets what she deserves.
@Liz,
They’re pretty open and willing for a man like Barack to cross their paths because the truth is most young Black men in these ranks are a pain in the ass thinking they’re God’s gift to mankind because they’re a) black and b) go to harvard/ivy league school. Barry O seems like he’d be the obvious breath of fresh air from that status quo.
________________________
Exactly. What the author may be missing is that no black woman wants a wack dude that THINKS he’s all that. “Wackness”–or lack of swagger or street credibility, is not–in fact– a bad thing. It’s endearing. But when a melanin deprived, awkward goofy, dude comes up to you trying to talk to you like a T Pain groupie, that’s when you [Bonita] punk his a*s. And in that case, it’s not so bad that he ends up with Maria [Becky]. Because then they’re wack together.
A nice, unassuming clean cut guy is a whole ‘nother story. Not many women would have turned down a 25 year old Mr. President–regardless of big ears or whatever else–if he approached them the way he does his speeches…..not immediately anyway.
Now a old corny, white bread a*s, buppie with an attitude that suggests you should be grateful because he’s givin you the time of day? Negro please. I will talk about you and that damn Becky. Betch.
@charli skipper,
why her name gotta be maria and $hit…lol
@charli skipper,
Only because you mention the word swagger. I’m burying it like the n-word today:
http://thismayconcernyou.com/2009/06/17/the-swagger-devolution/
@thismayconcernyou,
omg! i know i just used it to make a point, but i HATE the word swagger. okay, that’s not entirely true. I’m indifferent to “swagger,” but “swag” kiiiiiiiiiills me.
@charli skipper,
I just think the clowns who came up with swag got lazy and only wanted to pronounce one syllable instead of two. smh.
Anyway: D.O.S. = Death of Swagger … hitting these here Internets today via TMCY. lol.
@charli skipper,
I was cut off in traffic by a dude in a silver Magnum with vanity plates that said “MY SWAG.”
Coincidentally, I ended up meeting him at a family function, and he was wearing a shirt that said “I’m not a model, I just look like one.” He doesn’t.
I had no choice but to roast him and all that he stands for, until he and his mate summarily dismissed themselves from the function in a huff.
@Nikiloveli,
Lol. I sincerely hope he was not over the age of 23…
@Me Fail,
He’s over 30.
Did I mention the Duke/S-curlesque hair?
@Nikiloveli,
Swag is what Pirates steal.
You know what else Pirates call what they steal? Booty.
So when you’re speaking of “Dripping with Swag” or anything of the sort, you are saying you’re dripping with Booty, and any reference as such has a high level of Ayo-age.
Please. Stop.
@Nikiloveli,
Douchebags everywhere need to fall off the earth.
Vanity plates are so pointless.
@charli skipper,
“Not many women would have turned down a 25 year old Mr. President–regardless of big ears or whatever else–if he approached them the way he does his speeches”
so basically, no woman would turn down an awkward 25 year old if he had the confidence, articulateness, and charm of a 45 year old, best-selling millionaire author/president?
@The Champ,
I see what your saying and I admit I haven’t read Audacity of Hope. But judging by Dreams from my Father, he didn’t seem any more awkward or lame than most 25 year olds. That said, I agree with Charli, that Barack wouldn’t have done too bad with the ladies.
@Liz,
“The author clearly doesn’t know enough nice women from the Ivy league.”
I agree with your whole statement.
Speaking about the author, I’m guessing she’s been snobbed by too many of them which is why she holds that opinion. But, since she wrote the article as a journalist, she should have taken a less personal approach and tried to write her piece from an objective point of view – which clearly she didn’t.
I dont see what “ivy league” has to do with anything.. most regular chicks will give a regular dude with a enough confidence, intelligence and personality a chance in any circles especially in college when people are being judged on potential…..
@shay_d_lady, co-sign all day!
@El,
double co-sign!
@shay_d_lady,
Pretty much.
I think the whole “I like thugs myth” is like the 90-10 (golden) rule of business/retail: 10% of your customers buy 90% of goods. There are probably 10% of women who want/need/like thugs but it has been blown out to 90% epic proportion (kinda like the down low thing).
Most women I know like and date decent and nice guys … except for my athlete groupie friends…
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread,
“Speaking about the author, I’m guessing she’s been snobbed by too many of them which is why she holds that opinion. But, since she wrote the article as a journalist, she should have taken a less personal approach and tried to write her piece from an objective point of view – which clearly she didn’t.”
i actually appreciate her putting her personal business out there. if i wanted a completely objective take i’d have gone to the associated press.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread, or maybe, it’s just her. lol. those cats ALSO don’t want her b/c she’s an a**. so she’s saying women have too high standards when in truth, her and her friends are the a**holes that nobody wanted to deal with in the first place and she had an epiphany one day and let her guard (and her attitude) down and decided to “let it go, let it flow” (taken from Something New) and snagged her a man she could love despite what her upbringing and her social circles taught her.
maybe, just maybe, her and her friends were just EBs who finally wised up at some point and realized that everybody has their own thing and that people sometimes do like hot cocoa. i mean if they sell it at the coffee house you’re at, SOMEBODY’S buying it. only true arses think you can only drink coffee at the coffee house.
so says Panama.
@Panama Jackson,
great points!!!!!!
@Panama Jackson,
i’d add that only true arses drink coffee. g’s drink hot chocolate and tea
@The Champ,
“g’s drink hot chocolate and tea”
THIS is a tshirt I’d rock
@Panama Jackson,
Yup… I think you are onto something. She sounds like a reformed Pedestal Patty (wkcite TMCY)!
And since I gave a shout out
and the edit button ran out on me, let me provide a proper link.Pedestal Patty(ies) defined: http://thismayconcernyou.com/2009/05/31/vii-pedestal-pattys/.
No need to thank me.
@Liz, I agree.
@Liz,
as a black woman at an ivy, i don’t think this is necessarily true. most of the black couples i see on my campus, the men are usually the quote-unquote “cute guy” who tends to be a jerk. the adorable dorky skinny boys are usually gay, have a girlfriend back home or, if single and straight, automatically friend-zoned. i’m not surprised barack hated it there.
me personally, i’ve found most of the “dorky” boys i’ve been attracted to fall into the second category
a lot of the “nice” black women at my school are single mainly cos they won’t settle for a jerk, but also because the barack-a-likes always seem unavailable.
besides that though, the GOOD sh*t one should look for in a potential partner: honesty (a person should be able to say what they mean and mean what they say) – a willingness to share – an ability to laugh at themselves/my jokes – a passion for something, doesn’t really matter what it is (maybe not X or gang-banging…) – good manners – someone i can talk to for hours and not run out of things to say. he doesn’t need to look like idris or anything (not that i’d be mad if he did…), but the physical is only a small part of what makes a person overall attractive to me.
@puff,
“me personally, i’ve found most of the “dorky” boys i’ve been attracted to fall into the second category
a lot of the “nice” black women at my school are single mainly cos they won’t settle for a jerk, but also because the barack-a-likes always seem unavailable.”
I agree with you there. When I say these guys are jerks I am already excluding what is left over from the ones canceled out by orientation, availability, or ones who date 2520s only. That’s why out of a class of 40, few are even left up for consideration, usually those being the cute jerks.
@Liz,
…and the church said…amen!
As an ivy league graduate, I agree it is different when your social sphere (esp. where it concerns black men) is severely limited. Even though, the numbers are pretty lopsided everywhere, the dearth of black men is especially pronounced at elite institutions. You tend to take for granted how many black men are on other campuses. Trust, when us ivy girls went to yalls parties, we did NOT make this mistake
. And since the people you meet in school tend to stay/reappear in your network for most of your years (and can even dictate who winds up in your network subsequently) going Ivy can limit your isht fo’ LIFE!!
There are so many pseudo-intellectual, self-absorbed, quasi-revolutionary, meta-republicans I’m not surprised that she dug Barack just on the strength of him being so down to earth and cool. He’d be a catch anywhere, but even more so in the complete vaccuum of charm and style that is Harvard U! (no offense Crimson, but surrously).
Again, what I don’t get is why random black dudes think just because they’re smart they should be comparing themselves to Barack? Negro plz!
This
@Me fail english?, maybe I missed the bus on this one and need a late pass, but I wasn’t aware that so many “smart” Black cats were comparing themselves to Barack Obama outside of the “attempting to be a stand-up guy” sphere.
and then the second part is this, why NOT compare yourself to him? i mean he isn’t exactly my goal or ambition in life (i’m more shooting for Plies) but hell, if that’s what the world thinks the model Black man is, and I think I’m the model Black man (you may disagree, but really perception is reality) then i’m gonna Barack-it up all day long on some, “girl, I could be the next Pres-o-dent.”
not sure i’m getting my point across there, but still, why NOT compare yourself to him? Every black woman out there seems to be holding relationships to the Barack-Michelle standard now so SOMEBODY has to be barack.
@Panama Jackson,
“Every black woman out there seems to be holding relationships to the Barack-Michelle standard now so SOMEBODY has to be barack.”
Not EVERY Black woman. There are plenty of us out here that have had relationship role models way before Barack & Michelle.
Hell–my grandparents (RIP) were my Barack and Michelle way before I knew who either of them were.
@Panama Jackson,
Well if you’re all holding your relationships to the Obama standard then you all need to GET A GRIP. You’re not them. And to not recognize the very VAST differences between Obama and the typical so-called “geeky black man” is a failure in assessment.
This article seems to take on the tone “You black women have such effed up priorities. That’s why yall dont want “nerdy” black men. You wouldn’t have even wanted Barack back in the day!” To which I say BOOSHEET! What does not wanting the average black ivy leaguer have to do with whether or not we’d want Barack?
If you see the majority of upwardly mobile black men as even approaching Barack’s charisma, foresight and courage, take a second look. You’re not Barack! And maybe these men would have better dating success if they tried to figure out why women didn’t want them in particular rather than fronting like they have all these Obama-esque qualities and still aint gettin no play. The black men that have the Obama qualities aren’t having these issues.
P.S. Abe Vigoda is a “stand up guy”. So let’s not play like people are likening themselves to the POTUS on the “stand up guy” scale.
@Me fail english?, wow. feel strongly about this, no? lol.
i was just asking the questions, ma’am. i am actually in the camp of folks who got annoyed when everybody hit the net with articles about how Barack and Michelle will affect and change Black love.
the same way the Huxtables did. they gave us something to look at on a national scale while on the surface while we get to deal with real life at home.
and i tend not to compare myself to anybody, except Malcolm X, and Huey Newton, Tupac, and Jesus…but other than that, most comparisons don’t hold water.
@Panama Jackson,
and i tend not to compare myself to anybody, except Malcolm X, and Huey Newton, Tupac, and Jesus…
LOL uhhhhhh no sir!!
@Panama Jackson,
LOL. Sorry! You totally weren’t who that was directed at.
But yes! I feel so strongly cuz dudes at my school used to think like this. Just like that effin Landon from Harlem Heights. I HATE that smug isht! Negro, you aint OBAMA!!
@Panama Jackson,
“i am actually in the camp of folks who got annoyed when everybody hit the net with articles about how Barack and Michelle will affect and change Black love.
the same way the Huxtables did. they gave us something to look at on a national scale while on the surface while we get to deal with real life at home.”
the only fools that the new notion of “black love” should have an effect on is these fools in Hollywood who think that all we’re capable of is being crack whores and thugs…
@Me fail english?,
I see there is another Crimson grad lurking on vsb. You stole the words right outta my mouf! I would not have overlooked Barak, and anyone like him. Fo realz!
@Me fail english?, but for they record, they didn’t meet at harvard right? they met at the law firm where she was already working and he was a summer associate or something? may be splitting hairs, but it seems like we’re saying that they met in the ivy league vacuum when in fact, they didn’t (even though they both went to harvard law).
@A Plus,
I think you’re right. They were already in Chicago. I think the “vaccum” dynamic was prob similar tho. Esp. wit the hours I imagine they worked. They were both lucky just to get a date!
@Me fail english?,
There are so many pseudo-intellectual, self-absorbed, quasi-revolutionary, meta-republicans I’m not surprised that she dug Barack just on the strength of him being so down to earth and cool. He’d be a catch anywhere, but even more so in the complete vaccuum of charm and style that is Harvard U! (no offense Crimson, but surrously).
can I just say…. I love you…
I have had the geeky type come at me and while it was nice, I think he was going after who I am on paper. There was no chemistry…he didn’t even seem remotely interested in me as a person, but truly wanted to be my boyfriend. I still don’t understand the disconnect there, but he truly has himself together so in theory I should be knockin down his door? Wrong. He doesn’t even know how to interact with me. What am I going to do with this?
Sometimes geeks have social awkwardness issues. That’s why they’re geeks, by definition (read Hackers and Painters for more). Just because we don’t go after geeks doesn’t mean we as Black women have our priorities out of order when dating. If anything this is evolution at work. If a geek can’t really engage with us properly, who are we to start defying human nature to figure out his problem?
We ain’t got time for that, we have babies to make.
Come prepared to mack, or step to the side. This is why I think the original article was BS, because while Barry O is geeky looking he CLEARLY can win over just about anybody, and is savvy and genuinely well liked. This cancels him out of the whole geeky category altogether, because like I said before, most geeks can’t socialize their way out of a paper bag.
So they can miss me with blaming this on Black women and our attitudes towards dating.
@Liz, yep, Liz. he ain’t the nerd she’s making him out to be. he’s a nerd in the sense of all of us Black men who read are considered nerds, but he ain’t “that” nerd…the cat you dont even want to speak to.
@Panama Jackson,
he’s a nerd in the sense of all of us Black men who read are considered nerds, but he ain’t “that” nerd…the cat you dont even want to speak to
**nodding head and sh*t**
@Liz,
Sometimes geeks have social awkwardness issues. That’s why they’re geeks, by definition .
And this is the key. They trying to play Barry like he was the cat in the corner at the party, not knowing how to interact with people around him. Like his only friend was his pet turtle…the only one who truly understood him.
When in fact Barry was the life of the party. The one who had the w.e.e.d connect, coke connect…all of that. I wouldn’t be suprised if he played middle man and made a little change in the process. His mouthpiece was and still is slick. Who else can charm the 2520′s and convince them to vote his (half) black azz into the White House.
@V Renee,
When in fact Barry was the life of the party. The one who had the w.e.e.d connect, coke connect…all of that
lol, so basically barack was the prop joe of harvard?
@Liz,
“most geeks can’t socialize their way out of a paper bag.”
the internet and “social networking” (which I am SURE was designed by GEEKS) is changing that though…these sites are quasi-realtime portals to the observation, tracking aan mimicking of organic “cool kid” interaction…(twilight zone music) they’re watching us…on some NatGeo sh!t man! I can feel it!
@GOODENess, LOL you’re right. I am probably living proof as my bestest of friends I know and met through the internet. My dating through the web average is HORRIBLE though. In fact, I pretty much want to date a guy who never ever logs online.
@Liz,
I believe you do have a very, very valid point. Geeks are socially awkward by nature… And they run in circles with awkward geeks as well (school of engineering anybody? lol)… Geeky girls (read shy and not necessarily social butterflies) will probably prefer hanging out with the more social members of the stratosphere… The likes of Obama(smarts PLUS cool) are far and few between (I believe Me Fail made a great point about it at some point, if memory serves me right)… It’s not surprising that the geeks are not falling all over other geeks… They might want to be with someone a bit different than them…
I happen to like geeks and nerds… but that’s because I happen to be a geek in social butterfly clothing (he he he) but otherwise it’s definitely not the “normal” order of things…
@Sula, haha. yeah i like geeks too and am totally open to dating one so longa s he follows the basics of showing me he is actually interested in me. i’m not gonna just fall for the okie doke lolol
@Liz, “because the truth is most young Black men in these ranks are a pain in the ass thinking they’re God’s gift to mankind because they’re a) black and b) go to harvard/ivy league school.”
Preach it!!!! Dr. Ian Smith comes to mind… to this day I cant stand his obnoxious arse and all over a conversation we had at an after party in Chocolate city (an area in Boston) while he attended Harvard
@Intellectual Hedonist,
I love this! Dr. Ian beef, old Obama crushes. The VSS’s have LIVED man!
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Dr. Ian Smith is a dork even now (not the good kinda dork. But the Urkel kind). I just wanna give him an atomic wedgie. Bet u he got a lotta those in school. He has this pompous air about him that I’ont like.
However, his identical twin is FINE! (Yes, he isn’t but his twin is. Go with me on this one). That one is a personal trainer & he doesn’t at like Carlton Banks so his swag *shivers* is on 1,000. Ok that’s it. I’ve become an urban youth. Scuse me as I go de-slang myself.
@Thuggie Luvvie, yes his TWIN is much better looking and has a much better personality ( so does cardboard for that matter)
@Liz,
I’m not an Ivy League grad but I am a guy who thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread. If you spend time with me, it is my duty to demonstrate this to you if you otherwise have not already picked it up.
That doesn’t mean I expect people to fawn over me or treat others like they are beneath me, but I personally have a thing for people with healthy doses of self-worth.
@kamakula, I feel you! Same here.
@kamakula,
“I’m not an Ivy League grad but I am a guy who thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread. If you spend time with me, it is my duty to demonstrate this to you if you otherwise have not already picked it up”
EXACTLY, therein (sweet baby) lies the difference…pompous arsehats don’t feel that they have to show u why they’re dope..they just expect u to buy it cuz they’re selling it! I say NAY good sir! the ability to SHOW me why you have the confidence that you have (and make me understand it) is the thin line that separates confidence from conceit
When I first read the Harris piece “What single Women Can Learn From Michelle”, I asked ‘myself who are these women who seem to be looking for perfection?’. Barack is a catch…and I’m not on the bandwagon. I knew him before he was even a U.S. Senator; he was on the Board of the org I worked at and, once a quarter, I’d openly admire him as he spoke at the two-day long board meeting and mingle with him at the board dinners. He was smart, personable, driven, a family man…if any woman would turn those qualities away because of some big arse ears or lack of rhythm because she secretly is hoping for *insert Boris, Taye, Idris…whomever you deem ‘worthy’, here* then she deserves to be single. Forever.
With that said, the right things to value in a mate vary from person to person. We should all be looking for someone who is honest, who doesn’t disregard our feelings, who respects us, who acknowledges and accepts that we have flaws, who makes us laugh and who motivates us to be the best we can be.
There is nothing wrong wanting an attractive s.o. But to hold out for a 10, especially when you are a 5 is shallow and immature. And to hold out for someone making big bank when you are perpetually stuck in the 40k to 50k range is as well. Let’s be real…folks usually date someone in their “league”. These external factors are icing on the cake and shouldn’t be make or break in terms of someone’s dating worthiness.
@iloVEGrits, Agree again.
@iloVEGrits,
i think you said it all that needs to be said…
@maria, I agree – there’s nothing more to be said
@iloVEGrits, “to hold out for a 10, especially when you are a 5 is shallow and immature. And to hold out for someone making big bank when you are perpetually stuck in the 40k to 50k range is as well. Let’s be real…folks usually date someone in their “league”.”
I co-sign! I get amazed by the number of people who do this. The same people who say that there are no good people out there tend to be the ones who let the good ones go because of more superficial reasons.
@Leila, Okay, ya’ll are preaching the truth today. I got a friend who has a child saying right now that she is looking for a man that has no kids. WTF? Stay in your lane. WOW, and she said it with a straight face. Craziness.
@El,
I don’t think that’s shallow at all. A baby daddy is complicated enough to deal with in a rel’ship. Add some dude’s baby mama and stuff can get down right funky.
I get VEG’s point but I really never understood the reasoning behind, “If you aint got no car, you should look for a dude on the bus”.
Really? I should want someone as effed up as me?
What part of the game is that? I need someone who complements me, meshes well with me and is weak where I am strong and vice versa. Eff all that defeatist resignation.
@Me fail english?,
“I get VEG’s point but I really never understood the reasoning behind, “If you aint got no car, you should look for a dude on the bus”.Really? I should want someone as effed up as me?”
what she’s getting at is that its faulty to immediately discount someone in the same station you’re in.
now, you might reach for the relative star, but your cloudy ass can’t going around clowning other clouds.
@The Champ,
In the situations VEG described I feel yall completely. But there are plenty of reasons to not want to deal with a dude with children. Whether or not you’re in the same situation doesn’t negate that.
@The Champ, thanks for clearing that up!
@El, “Stay in your lane” LOL
I love you more with each passing day…
@Intellectual Hedonist, love you too! I’m just saying.
@iloVEGrits, With that said, the right things to value in a mate vary from person to person.
thats the key right there….
@iloVEGrits, who acknowledges and accepts that we have flaws,
Amen to this! No one is perfect.
@iloVEGrits, Amen!
@iloVEGrits, this is what the term “equally yoked” is all about… know yourself and to thine own self be true.
@iloVEGrits,
What 5 thinks she is a 5?
@WestIndianArchie,
WORD! none of us actively admits that we are anything less than a 7 (unless ur name is Panama Jackson) but you know full well if you’re pining after something that is out of your league, unless it’s opposite day or some sh!t
@iloVEGrits,
Singing “Shout it from the mountain top!”
(Is it even a song?
)
I would say…
The right things are whether a person makes you smile or can make you feel loved when you are sick…Is he kind and caring? Gentle and sweet…do you see potential for the long term?
@Jac,
“The right things are whether a person makes you smile or can make you feel loved when you are sick”
Jac, I just gotta ask how old you are – you don’t have to answer, but I gotta ask. I ask that because what you list as the right things can be accomplished by any junior high boy/girl – there’s no long term in that.
Sure it’s great to have someone to make you smile, and make you feel loved when you’re sick, but as a possible LIFE partner? Living in the world we live in, those things just don’t seem to be enough to keep a relationship afloat and/or striving.
But, I could be wrong – maybe you know something that no one else knows.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread,
As we get older I feel we tend to get a little more complex however “a person makes you smile or can make you feel loved when you are sick…Is he kind and caring? Gentle and sweet…do you see potential for the long term?” are still part of the things that we should want in a partner as well as other things.
If someone you are dating don’t possess at least these qualities then why do you want to be with him?
@Ms. T,
I agree. At the very basics, I want somebody who can make me smile and that I can still love when he’s getting on my nerves.
I’m beginning to think that the whole “Black Girls don’t like Me” thing is a cop out – similar to the “I’m too Independent to find a Man” thing. Introspection is a muf*cka and when people start looking at their own insecurities and the shyt they sell to people when dating, maybe that’s when their relationships will work out better. I’m not saying that these situations don’t exist. They do… but the Black community as a whole is pretty effed up and in need of some healing. So instead of being a walking pity party and giving oneself excuses… DO BETTER… date more. Take off that tight a$$ sweater vest. Take a confidence pill. Something. If Becky makes u happy and Shawnquita doesn’t whatevs – but come on. There are definite hurdles to surmount when dating, but that happens in every relationship. Every. Relationship.
Such is life.
@pgh muse,
lol & hell yes to this entire statement.
*as i go back to reread*
@pgh muse,
“Black Girls don’t like Me” thing is a cop out – similar to the “I’m too Independent to find a Man”
preach!
I have always, always said that men who say “women don’t like nice guys like me” are using that to hide the fact that they are lame.
And “Men are intimidated by me/you” is some ish women say to themselves/tell their freinds to explain why they can’t get anybody.
Sure…some guy has been told “you’re too nice” by a girl and some chick may have heard “I was too intimidated by you” from a guy, but real talk: the person who told them that is either a lame and not dating material or, more likely, telling them that cuz they didn’t wanna come with the real: ‘I don’t feel you that way’.
@iloVEGrits, nobody ever said that stuff to those people. They are just insecure as @pgh muse said and they are using those labels as excuses.
@El,
“…nobody ever said that stuff to those people.”
eh. i beg to differ. whether or not its completely sincere is one thing, but that sh*t definitely does get said to people. just because you haven’t seen it happen doesn’t mean that it doesn’t
@The Champ, thank you Champy… I get that “you intimidate the hell out of me” shit all the time, maybe I should stop meeting my dates at the door while sharpening my machete
@El, yeah i’m with el champo here. it does get said. i’ve had a chick tell me that i intimidate her before.
don’t know that she’d ever met a dude who would challenge everything she said since she was always the smartest person everywhere she went.
plus, somebody must have forgot to told her how sexxy i’m is.
@Panama Jackson, you are a mess. Okay, maybe people are just too intimidated by me to actually say it :p
@iloVEGrits, yeah, sad to say i got a hombre who went to college with me who was always on this, “Spelman b*tches ain’t all that”. And for a while it threw me off cuz I love me some Spelman women and I couldn’t understand how any Morehouse cat could be so down on his sisters like that, of any school reall…but then it dawned on me, he was a lame who kept striking out. Dude has NO game what so ever and everytime he told me he had a girlfriend i was slightly amazed though I never actually met any of them.
then i realized he was one of them cats who got chicks-by-credential. he found women who were impressed by his resume…
you’ll never hear the Panamanian one on no mess like that.
i love all you women.
@Panama Jackson, thank you PJ
@Panama Jackson,
LOL. I’ve met quite a few Morehouse dudes who had some sorta aversion to Spelman ladies (which says alot cuz I dont know THAT many of yall). And yes, it always makes dude sound corny. No way an entire university of women can be “stuck up”
@Me fail english?, word.life. Spelman is my favorite place on Earth. now granted i know some a**holes there, but I went to Morehouse, I know a**holes a plenty by default. most dudes i know who come with the “chicks from XXX suck…” are the lames with no game who can’t snag no tiger.
@Me fail english?,
we aren’t all stuck up, and I agree with Panama, some of the women are complete azzholes. But so are
mostsome of the men at Morehouse (j/k), and you’ll never hear me make sweeping generalizations about Morehouse b/c I know too many good men who graduated from that institution of higher learning. Those guys and girls who call people stuck-up are ususally just lame and obvioulsy pathetic individuals….@N.I.A. workingtoohard….,
ditto, my beloved Spel sis
@Panama Jackson,
I never understood people like that. One of my friends at Spelman was the same way about Morehouse men, and it was b/c she had been rejected by several men at the ‘House. Even now, I have to stop here when she goes into her “they’re all short, gay, lames” tirade about Morehouse. I also had a Morehouse friend who seemed to hate women at Spelman, and always had something negative to say about them. Obviously, he is no longer a friend….
@iloVEGrits,
I have always, always said that men who say “women don’t like nice guys like me” are using that to hide the fact that they are lame.
I was typing a whole post to showcase this point and then it got lost and I gave up.
Basically, I met a guy who was kindhearted, nice, involved in the community, honest…. who wore the same black jean+oversize black t-shirt+black air force 1 all the time, brushed only once a day and had a bathroom so disgusting a roach would turn its nose up to it (reason given: his mom usually takes care of that when she visits)…. Basically, he was a very smart and evolved 12-yr old boy.
To his credit though, he didn’t use the “Black women don’t like nerds” to give up on black women… but unfortunately, he used it to further defer his growing up (“women expect too much” Uh? a clean bathroom for yourself is too much?).
I hope he finds his queen* soon.
(*): He was a poet so he used such words extensively.
@pgh muse, Dang u are brilliant! I love it
@Nicki Sunshine, Thank u. But i’m really NOT! if only I could get my own relationship together.
@pgh muse,
“Take off that tight a$$ sweater vest”
HA! luv u e-dopple
@pgh muse,
“DO BETTER… date more. Take off that tight a$$ sweater vest.”
U tryna rid me of my argyle sweater vest??? I will have NONE of it.
@pgh muse,
Take off that tight a$$ sweater vest
LOL
@pgh muse,
Introspection is a muf*cka and when people start looking at their own insecurities and the shyt they sell to people when dating, maybe that’s when their relationships will work out better.
yes indeedy yes indeedy!!!!!! tell the truth, shame the devil on that @$$!!!!
@pgh muse,
I don’t think any guy is out there actively telling people “black girls don’t like me”. It is a result of them being questioned on their dating practices (by most likely black women) that generates that statement.
If 19/20 first dates with black women don’t lead to a second date but 5/10 with white women do, and you ask the guy why he seems to be with white girls, what exactly should the response be?
Given that the question tends to blindside whoever is being asked, the quick answer is “black girls don’t like me”. The real answer is “Of the girls I’ve dated, the ones that tend to stick around have been white”.
It looks like it says the same thing, but that’s nuance people. . .nuance. Get a reading rainbow.
Oh yeah, and I gotta agree with the Thugsta, cause your alliteration was definitely on point!
I thought it was heavy handed in application, but that’s just me.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Champ is always all or nothing it seems. I’m guessing that’s how he got his moniker.
@Cheekie, we’re a very extreme culture, us very smart brothas.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread,
thanks and sh*t
@stuffghettopeoplelike,
apply deez
Here’s what’s wrong with the woman … from my perspective …
http://thismayconcernyou.com/2009/05/31/vii-pedestal-pattys/
… What should be right: Read Proverbs 31 concerning women. It’s all right there.
from both perspectives: It’s about opening your mind further than you previously have, and realizing that it’s not about getting everything you want in a spouse … but learning to accept people with their flaws. We all have them, and too many people are too damn shallow to accept the no one is perfect.
If you spend your life looking for a fairy tale ending, you’re doomed to be disappointed. That perfect man/woman doesn’t exist … and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll happen upon Mr./Ms. Right.
@thismayconcernyou, Read Proverbs 31 concerning women
Amen.
@thismayconcernyou,
“If you spend your life looking for a fairy tale ending, you’re doomed to be disappointed. That perfect man/woman doesn’t exist … and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll happen upon Mr./Ms. Right.”
I think far too many people make this mistake. They think relationships are like the movies, that there is nonstop romance, laughter and adventure.
@thismayconcernyou,
Kudos on this whole comment.
@thismayconcernyou,
Iunno bout u but I’m sick of seeing folks’ Facebook “About Me” section talm bout “I’m the Proverbs 31 woman”
1. U’re unoriginal
b. Then y u still single?
3a. You need more people, including author of Proverbs 1-30
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Hey, first off … I abosutely love the new moniker. I’ve been singing “Thuggin Love” since about midnight because of you. lol.
To business: The Proverbs 31 Woman is a lot like a man with swagger … he/she exudes the listed things, and almost never has to speak of them.
You don’t have to tell me you have swagger or that you’re a Proverbs 31 woman. I’ll see it. That to me is the originality to it. Thus, I’m with you.
Don’t tell me what you are. Be who you are. Period.
@thismayconcernyou, Amen!!!!
@thismayconcernyou,
You know what? Y’all just gave me fodder for my next church group discussion which I’ll be hosting
surprising ain’t it?.I wasn’t even aware the bible had the definition for women… Interesting n shyt.
“VSB: where topics to be discussed in church are found”
I’ll get to the topic a little later, but MY link of the week is this:
http://www.thefind.com/
Will immediately become a sneakerhead’s best friend. Got me thinking on some New Balance 574s and Reebok Pump Omni Lites, since I’ve found some inspiring pairs in my size on there.
But it is useful for other things too, apparently….
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“I’ll get to the topic a little later, but MY link of the week is this:”
The hell? So you came here first and foremost to promote your own site? Shameless.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread, That’s not MY site (wish it was, I’d be making CNBC mad Money at this point)…
I just discovered it today and figured I’d pass along the usefulness of it.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Oh, ok – my bad. See, I’ve visited and commented on your site before, but I didn’t read the actual link you posted. All I saw was “MY link of the week”, and being that I know you have a site, I wrongfully assumed that it was yours before checking it out.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread, glad you jumped bad first since you were wrong. And since he clarified I will fall back. LOL!
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread,
Bwahahaha!
I would have said “Reading is fundamental” but that was such a nice semi-apology. Lol!
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
they need to change up the design of that page. right now it looks like a pc virus warehouse.
@The Champ, not to mention it’s hit or miss. I looked up New Balance A20s and got a bunch of car parts and watches. That’s probably because it’s not out yet…but STILL!
And another thing, a lot of wack Black guys that whine about Black women not liking them are missing it: your Ivy league education and fancy job in corporate America should not make you forget how to treat a woman!! That’s what makes you wack. (That’s what makes President O exempt from this category, if his persona is to be believed–I believe it, I’m just sayin).
A lot of these overgrown Carlton Banks’ characters are running around thinking they’re God’s gift, talking to folks crazy** and then want to hide behind their education when black women start calling them wack and tired and white women start flatbackin. More often than not, in my experience, the guy in the plain white tee is the one that’s going to call you “ms.” and break into a small sprint to open a door for you and go out of his way to make sure you feel comfortable and safe, while the guy in the business suit is checkin his goatee out in mirrors and calling you “babe” and making sure you know that he has “options.” Until his stupid a*s burns his p***y bridges, runs out of options and–fool that he is–starts believing that women don’t like him bc he can’t recall lyrics from the blueprint.
Black women are not as shallow as men like to think. we just like to be treated well. And you don’t have to have a degree from Harvard to do that. Although if you do, then I mean, obviously, SCORE!
**I dated a guy once that would pop off with mess like, “I just need arm candy for tonight,” OR “I’m perfect for you. That doesn’t mean you’re perfect for me. But look at the men out here: I’m perfect for you.” OR “It’s fine if you can’t go with me, I can just get somebody else”!?!
betch, please….he now dates a white girl that looks like jane hathaway.
@charli skipper,
as I write an essay….
@charli skipper, .he now dates a white girl that looks like jane hathaway.
And she can have his a$$.
@pgh muse,
i’ll even wrap him in a plastic bag that says, “thank you for shopping,” for her. lol
@charli skipper, lol. RIGHT!
@charli skipper,
You forgot “Please don’t come again”
@charli skipper,
“Black women are not as shallow as men like to think. we just like to be treated well. And you don’t have to have a degree from Harvard to do that.”
Puhreach!! Regardless of his degrees, or lack thereof, if he has good home-training, he’ll treat a woman right, with no emphasis on his accolades.
Not tryna sound racist here, but me thinks that those types will flock to hungry “Beckys” because “Becky” won’t care about his arrogance and mistreatment because all she wanted in the first place was a brotha. Easy kill with no hunt.
@charli skipper,
“**I dated a guy once that would pop off with mess like, “I just need arm candy for tonight,” OR “I’m perfect for you. That doesn’t mean you’re perfect for me. But look at the men out here: I’m perfect for you.” OR “It’s fine if you can’t go with me, I can just get somebody else”!?!”
Sounds like he needed to be punched in the face.
Trust, ladies in far worse shape come at us any kind of way too, as if they can get greasier than sausage and still have us sweatin’ em.
@charli skipper, tell it. When I was Duke we called it Duke Man Syndrome. Now I just call it crazy. Some of my blue collar brothas may not be able to debate with me on philosophy, but they sure can talk sweet and treat me like a lady!
@Afro Diva,
Girl, tell it. That’s why they piss me off with this brainwashing isht when they try to tell you “Oh you want a dude from the hood? You must wanna get beat up and cheated on with a babymama”
What? WHat? WHAT?! I’ve never even been called a name by one of my “hood” dudes, much less beat, Ol’ Celie asz ninjas wanna see the girl with her face lumped up.
I like whoever I like and have met dudes from elite schools that I have gotten along with too. But smthg tells me that they don’t write lame-arse articles like this talmbout “I’ll show you! I’ll sleep with white women!” Go ‘head. Promise I won’t bat an eye.
@Me fail english?,
“Girl, tell it. That’s why they piss me off with this brainwashing isht when they try to tell you “Oh you want a dude from the hood? You must wanna get beat up and cheated on with a babymama””
OMG, I KNOW! What’s with the extremes? This world ain’t a 8-pack of crayola crayons, it’s a big ol’ 96-pack (with the the crayon sharpener in the back). There are a variety of men and just because you ditch Bryant don’t mean you want Bryantyrone.
Shut up, men.
@Cheekie,
i personally preferred the 8 pack. i always felt the 96 packs were secretly mocking me since my art game is in the toilet.
@Afro Diva,
welcome and sh*t
@Afro Diva,
Let’s not start wet blanking now. Not all white-collar men are like this. Douchebags who happen to have high degrees are like that.
The white collar dudes I know (and frequent) are nice AND well-educated. The two are certainly not mutually exclusive.
@charli skipper,
“**I dated a guy once that would pop off with mess like, “I just need arm candy for tonight”
I dated at least two guys like this. Funny, cuz I don’t consider myself arm candy. I see myself as the smart, witty girl. Anyhoo, it’s ridiculous and insulting. And exhausting. I don’t wanna be any dudes token light skint (yes, skint) green eyed piece.
@iloVEGrits,
*Sigh* I will say it, V. U know I love u, right? But light skint (yes, skint) w/ green eyes makes u GREAT arm candy. Yes, of course you have other assets that trump it but for a man that IS looking for just the arm candy, I could see him going for u b/c he knows other dudes will b like “ooo she got green eyes. Good looking, dawg”
No offense lol
And lets not go down the path of The Post Which Shall Not Be Named (which we can refer to as the Voldemort Post from now on). B4 folks jump down my throat, this comment is to NO affront to us chocolate bellas. The again, if folks get offended by it, I can’t help em.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
I <3 you. lol.
@charli skipper,
“I’m perfect for you. That doesn’t mean you’re perfect for me. But look at the men out here: I’m perfect for you.” ”
This woulda got a ninja cussed the eff out.
@iloVEGrits,
And then I would have left, taking all of his left shoes with me.
@charli skipper,
AAAAAA-MEN!!!!
I had to have a young black man escorted out of the bar before I slapped the taste out of his mouth. Dude started throwing dollar bills at my roommate, her friend, and I. Swear, we were the only fully dressed girls there that night, and this mofo (and he had to be black), literally threw 2 singles at us.
I approach dude and ask him why does he think we’re cheap gardening tools, and I quote “Y’all up in the club with drinks and s***, you ain’t no better”.
He then proceeded to knock my drink out of my hand. I gave him a dirty grimace, and he ran in the other direction. Thank goodness I know the bouncers there, and that I was sober enough to have patience. Because, swear, one more drink and I would have caught a case.
Point: Young black men for some reason have this assumption that if they have a job, then you will automatically talk to them.
@chaoticdiva,
lol@ him running from you.
@chaoticdiva,
Young black men for some reason have this assumption that if they have a job, then you will automatically talk to them.
i think you’re missing a “some” .
@The Champ,
I don’t think “some” is missing. Any black man with a decent job thinks he should be a catch.
You’d be lying if you didn’t say you agree.
@Ivy St., i agree with you. hell, i know black dudes without jobs that think they’re a catch. in truth, once you’ve attained whats generally assumed to be the “dream”, a healthy self-esteem will make you think you’re anybody’s catch, even despite glaring shortcomings elsewhere.
besides, self-deprecation isn’t always such a good trait.
@Ivy St., This is true. Ugh. This is sad reality. If he has a job and won’t put his hands on you he thinks you should ride his d*ck into the sunset… gawd. Lots of our people have low expectations.
@pgh muse,
“If he has a job and won’t put his hands on you he thinks you should ride his d*ck into the sunset”
this is my kind of horizon
@charli skipper,
“A lot of these overgrown Carlton Banks’ characters are running around thinking they’re God’s gift, talking to folks crazy** and then want to hide behind their education when black women start calling them wack and tired”
AMEN!
@Ivy St.,
The Carlton Banks imagery made me smile too.
@charli skipper,
“I’m perfect for you. That doesn’t mean you’re perfect for me”
this might be the most ignant pick-up line i’ve ever heard, lol.
you need to find dude and invite him to the vsb bbq
@The Champ,
is it new orleans? because i really believe it should be in new orleans!
@charli skipper,
More often than not, in my experience, the guy in the plain white tee is the one that’s going to call you “ms.” and break into a small sprint to open a door for you and go out of his way to make sure you feel comfortable and safe, while the guy in the business suit is checkin his goatee out in mirrors and calling you “babe” and making sure you know that he has “options.”
dang girl you hit that right on the head!!!!! many of the guys who i’ve dated who weren’t in my “league” exactly have treated me like a QUEEN and realized i was a catch and wasn’t worried about my “pedigree” and what have you. but i’ve met sooooooo many Brooks Bros Brothas who are so into themselves and treat me as if i should feel LUCKY that they are taking me out. n*gga please!!! if you’re more focused on you and what you bring to the table then actually getting to know me outside of my CV, i can’t be bothered.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay, More often than not, in my experience, the guy in the plain white tee is the one that’s going to call you “ms.” and break into a small sprint to open a door for you and go out of his way to make sure you feel comfortable and safe, while the guy in the business suit is checkin his goatee out in mirrors and calling you “babe” and making sure you know that he has “options.”
YES!
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
exactly!!!
@charli skipper,
This is the last time today I comment on this issue. I think the majority of women of any race expect to be treated properly. So, I’m not quite sure that a black guy incapable of treating black women “right” is going to be instantly blessed with success by dating others of different races.
@kamakula,
I understand you. And I think I somewhat agree with what you’ve said so far.
boy moves on, meets bianca, blair, and botswana…. BOTSWANA???? BOTSWANA, champ???? ha ha ha ha, that’s my other country (dad’s from there) and i am so killed that it got name-checked in this random attempt at alliteration, QUITE hilarious. quite.
back to our original programming…
me, i like nerds, always have – so someone like barack would’ve definitely gotten my attention….
in fact i’ve been called out for dating ‘unpretty’ men (remember my post awhile back about how the receptionist at my job told me my ex was ugly? in zulu, she did it, to add insult to injury).
to me, they’re beautiful, beautiful, beautiful – sweet, clean and beautiful hearts, intelligent, great sense of humour, witty, interesting faces (and i mean that in a GOOD way), bookworms, willing to drive me around (i hate driving, and in joburg if you’re not driving, life becomes trickier), kind to everyone, but doesn’t take any bullsh!t….
that’s my superman right there….
@superwoman,
*to me, they’re beautiful, beautiful, beautiful *
and by this i meant the “nerds” that I’ve dated, not necessarily nerds in general… hee!
@superwoman,
thanks for making that clear
@superwoman, girl, im trying to come to the world cup 2010!!!!!
hi, lol.
@overit, great! contact me if you come, i’m serious! we’ll play! it’s gonna be great!!!!
@superwoman,
to me, they’re beautiful, beautiful, beautiful – sweet, clean and beautiful hearts, intelligent, great sense of humour, witty, interesting faces (and i mean that in a GOOD way), bookworms, willing to drive me around (i hate driving, and in joburg if you’re not driving, life becomes trickier), kind to everyone, but doesn’t take any bullsh!t….
I think you and I shop in the same store for dudes.
That is my superman as well… The looks don’t even play into it. I like presence more than I like looks. But the smarts, oh the things I’ll do for a beautiful mind,… the smarts will get the panties sooner than anything else. And please note that smarts does NOT equal degree and/or ivy league… Both can be easi-er achieved with smarts but it’s not by any means any guarantee.
Speaking of sneakers, can someone slide Obama some better kicks to ball in? Maybe when the Lakers hit the White House in a few months, Kobe can give him some of his. He can’t possibly be one of Ebony’s 25 coolest brothers of all time wearing them old man shoes he has on in the picture.
First NBA team to win on his watch! Excellent.
Anyway, I don’t buy that these EBP/paid brothers seek out the Yacubian chicks to the exclusion of sisters and others. Excepting Tiger Woods (who I think is wired funny), I think they just run into someone, hit it off, and get life crackin’ with them. Could be Latina, Asian, another sister, anybody. Paid brothers generally tend not to discriminate.
I just think the sisters they run into early simply tend to be on they bullsh*t. It’s not always being thirsty for thugs either. Could be something like their little friends or the females in their family influencing them. “He aint got this, he ain’t got that, he ain’t sh*t, gurrrrrl!” See that interlude on chronic 2001, that’s real talk.
Could be religion too…a lot of our women impose heavy Christian (and sometimes Muslim) restrictions on us, which no educated man on the planet worth his salt will clap to. So we take our different sets of needs (not necessarily just the skins) and keep it pushin’.
The “right sh*t checklist” IMO goes like this:
-Do you feel at home with this person (read: not wanna kick them out after you .org)?
-Can you put up with the bullsh*t aspects of their being without looking for a knife or rope?
-Can you be down when said person is riding the bus? If not, put on your Adidas and step off. You got to have someone else (and s/he can do bad all by self, never mind you).
-Does the way this person makes you feel outweigh what the little lunch bunch and all these random outsiders think? Does this person make you smile, make you proud?
-Do you not flinch after you get told about the sexcapades, STDs, felonies, and other thangs that went down back in college?
-Can you see yourself comfortably siding with this person over your mama?
-And on the most serious note, are you two closely enough yoked ideologically? That’s very important when kids come into play.
::posts before comments section bloats out of control::
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, a lot of our women impose heavy Christian (and sometimes Muslim) restrictions on us, which no educated man on the planet worth his salt will clap to
hmmmm. Please expound
@pgh muse, it’s kinda self-explanatory if you ask me, but one example is that one can be too rigidly into what her pastor or imam tells her, as if the man is dating the religion and the woman can’t think independently or critically.
The higher a person gets education-wise, the more likely they will place science and facts over religion and beliefs. That is, unless they’re running for a Washington office…
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“That is, unless they’re running for a Washington office…”
Was that a cleverly disguised stab at Obama? Cause it’s late, and I’m reading between lines here, so please clarify.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, u know they say religion and convos wit strangers don’t mix, so i’m gonna brace myself, but I completely disagree with this:
The higher a person gets education-wise, the more likely they will place science and facts over religion and beliefs.
and this: the woman can’t think independently or critically
and this: which no educated man on the planet worth his salt will clap to
It has been my personal experience, that the more you experience in “the world” the closer you come to whatever your spiritual beliefs are, and this by choice, or deductive reasoning. And I know many a saved woman, who rededicated herself to Christ in adulthood – degrees and all, not because she is a robot (shouts out to Yeezy’s Robocop (i like it)), but because it’s what works for her and what she’s learned through trial and error. I appreciate the good book. All the good books that I know of, because I think they basically say a lot of the same thing with some cultural variations. But ne who, education has broadened my appreciation for my belief system because I realize that all the science in the world isn’t going to answer some very basic questions. And spirituality does. What restrictions are there in Christianity that that an “educated” man won’t clap to?
@pgh muse,
exactly. This sounds like a bunch of excuses for one thing: She’s just not that into you.
All the religion, family or whatever other BS you named isn’t gonna matter if the woman is really feeling you.
@pgh muse,
“I realize that all the science in the world isn’t going to answer some very basic questions.”
Ya huh! And as a former Bio-Medical Engineering and Pre-Med major, I’d say my education in the hard sciences and mathematics only served to strengthen my faith. In fact, I’d argue that a whole lotta science is based on faith (meaning it can’t be directly observed or replicated, we can only surmise on the results). That’s why they call it scientific “theory”. And that’s why it changes so much, cause people who can’t directly observe smthg are bound to come up with the wrong theory sometimes.
Also, I don’t believe that most American women are as devout as Stuff is giving us credit for. So I too, would like to know what these stringent tenets of Christianity are that tear rel’ships apart.
@Me fail english?,
if this comment were Idris Elba’s neck after a game of bball, i’d like the sweat off of it.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
Uncouth. Do we need to send a gigolo ur way? U talm bout licking the sweat off Idris Elba after hooping. EEWWW
@Me fail english?, yeah, i don’t agree. if anything religion substantiates science, at least in the Quran it touches on a ton of things that later was substantiated by science.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
uncouth to you maybe. short of BO, i find a man sweaty from a good work (on the court, in the bedroom, wherever) out incredibly sexy. may not be your thing but that’s of no consequence to me.
@Me fail english?, So I too, would like to know what these stringent tenets of Christianity are that tear rel’ships apart.
No disrespect SGPL, but if being slores and an a$$holes are the restrictions that science loving educated men can’t clap to, that’s not on believing women. That my friend, is on the men.
if this comment were Idris Elba’s neck after a game of bball, i’d like the sweat off of it.
***filed under “comments i wish i could unread”***
I was gonna leave it alone…BUT all the hit dog behavior going on here is part of my point.
But yeah, everyone keep their shirts on. I never said anything about religion tearing a relationship apart. Plus where did I ever say an educated person is excluded from being religious? We’re all entitled to have whatever worldview we want. I’m gonna stay away from a theological debate here, because I’m here to have fun…though I will respectfully say in dispute that I simply do not see that just because science doesn’t have an answer yet, this MUST mean religion does. But again, I’m not here to go hard about religion, so back to dating and relationships.
Part of my point is that a man can see what a woman wears on her sleeve. What he was taught will tell him whether or not she’s worth the trouble. Just because guys do most of the pursuing doesn’t mean he can’t elect to walk away from a woman that simply wasn’t a fit for him. Let’s not make like it’s a man’s duty to shuck and jive out of his lane just to have a woman.
It’s my personal observation and experience that men in general are more flexible and open-minded whereas women tend to be more rigid and will bring on more tightly kerned ground rules. Again, this can be based on religion, or the influence of her crew, or numerous other things (e.g. getting burned by her buster *ss baby daddy).
And if a woman was just not that into a particular man, none of this would even come up. He’d be done like dinner at the door. No return calls, no replies to the texts, blocked on the social networking sites, all that. She’d have nothing to discuss with him, period.
Even beyond that, men aren’t desperate idiots. We know when we ain’t in there with a woman, and we generally have no issue with saying “other fish” and moving on.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“I just think the sisters they run into early simply tend to be on they bullsh*t. It’s not always being thirsty for thugs either. Could be something like their little friends or the females in their family influencing them. “He aint got this, he ain’t got that, he ain’t sh*t, gurrrrrl!” See that interlude on chronic 2001, that’s real talk.”
I dated, years a go, a guy who was about 11 years older than me. He was 33 and I was the FIRST black women he’d dated. He was Haitian and moved to the states when he was 15. It was the 80s and girls in his ‘hood fronted him for being dark, etc. etc. When he went to college, the Becky’s loved his arse!!! And so that’s what he ended up dating for a long time. Till we met. We dated 2 years, were engaged and I moved out on him (he was a jerk…the Becky’s shoulda kept him). He is now married to a Latina. lol.
All that to say: I agree with your point.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“Paid brothers generally tend not to discriminate.”
I agree and I think it happens before they get paid. Educated brothas tend not to discriminate. From what my resident friend tells me, it’s all about proximity. In a class of say 300 med students, 12 are black (8 women to 4 men). Of those women, half of them weren’t his type. There are over 100 women of other races. Statistically speaking, a brother is going to choose someone who’s last name is not Jackson.
@Ivy St.,
good point and sh*t
@Ivy St.,
lol while on the flip side, another med friend of ours is like “there’s only 2 black male residents…. where else do i have to go to find more brothas cuz i can’t be bothered with any 2520s”
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Lol @ the “evil scientist” making an appearance today
I agree, black men seem to be less discriminatory in their dating than other men…or women for that matter. I also can say that the black dude who dates white women to get back at black women must be pretty rare, since I’ve never met one in real life (although Essence magazine seems to find them all! lol).
However, men seem to forget that they change over the years. It’s not necessarily that the women were on some BS, but everyone was on some BS…cuz they were young. And youth is for aszholes.
@Me fail english?,
I also can say that the black dude who dates white women to get back at black women must be pretty rare, since I’ve never met one in real life
lol, ive never met one either. i think this is an urban legend up there with “the corporate thug” and “people who celebrate kwanzaa”
@The Champ,
*snickering*
@The Champ,
“people who celebrate kwanzaa”
LMAO @ this being in quotes.
Harambe! (sp?)
@The Champ,
“people who celebrate kwanzaa”
Kwanzaa makes me scowl w/ its ol’ made up 50 yrs ago for Black folks in America to think they’re doing an African tradition face. Yeah I said it.
Africans don’t celebrate Kwanzaa!!!
*drops mic*
@Thuggie Luvvie, daaaaaaaaaaaamn, can’t people try to make their own Lost & Found? rude!
but no, Africans don’t celebrate kwanzaa, we celbrate Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid!
ok, not all africans, but this one lol.
@overit, Thank u. It is a made up holiday… like a lot of the afrocentricities of modern American black folk. It ain’t our fault we got lost without a paddle and a manual.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
ao, don be like dat, my brodda!! i, for one, really enjoyed kwanzaa when i lived in the U.S.!! i’m all for celebrations and holidays…the more the merrier!
@Me fail english?,
“black men seem to be less discriminatory in their dating than other men”
i didnt catch this earlier, but i just wanted to let you know that you’re extremely wrong.
thanks
@The Champ,
thank deez.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Speaking of sneakers, can someone slide Obama some better kicks to ball in
yeah, i was thinking the same thing. if i even stepped on the court with those famous footwear classics he’s rocking i’d sprain my ankle on the foul line.
@The Champ,
Would that really be because of the sneakers?
@Ivy St.,
lmao!!!!
@The Champ,
U’d think since Obama lived in Chitown all these years, he’d pick up some Jordan’s to rock when hooping. Playing basketball in chanclatta Sketchers and ish. Uncalled for, Barry. Uncalled for.
*dead @ “famous footwear classics’*
That’s like the main place you’ll find some old man *ss Nikes like that. There and Sports Authority.
It would be quite appropriate for the President to at least get some all-white Air Force Ones and rock them ON Air Force One.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I think they just run into someone, hit it off, and get life crackin’ with them.
Thank you. I have been told that I may not understand because I am not from here, but to me there is not much more to it, is there?
People meet someone, they like that someone, decided to marry that someone and life went on. If the person happens to be white, purple, maroon, orange-ish, so be it.
My uncle is married to a white woman not because he didn’t date black women or that black women didn’t dig him, but because she was there at his “right” time. Very simple really.
I also wanted to remind y’all, referencing Harris’ article again, that – this is for those of you who don’t live in Chicago – Michelle was given a serious makeover.
Granted, she is an attractive woman. However, before the campaign, she was wearing ill fitting pant suits in drab colors and had Condi Rice hair.
So, in her earlier days, I don’t know if she was bagging dudes to the point she had to toss some back! lol. The black highly educated male set in Chicago tends (though not always) to be picky; I think Barry was a breath of fresh air. (hell…even Mellody Hobson had to turn to George Lucas (yes, that George Lucas!); she was having trouble getting the dudes in Chi (before George; she was always out alone!)
@iloVEGrits, 000000000000h weeee, WHERE did you find that pic of the presidential couple, o dear!!!!
@superwoman,
lol. People are shocked to see pre makeover Michelle. I remember seeing her on tv when the campaign was heating up and going “oh…they hooked her up.”
@iloVEGrits, OMG! Awww VEG! U put her OUT there!!! I would have never in a million years guessed that Michelle could ever ever ever ever look like this. But then again… she is a geek (nttawwt). But a FLY geek! or so I thought. My eyes hurt… my heart is broken. Please say it was just a bad day, which we all have! Please.
@pgh muse,
Chile, that was her normal look (sans the glasses) for many years. I’m telling you, when I saw her on tv during the campaign looking fly…I wanted to know who her people were!
@iloVEGrits, ** Esther Rolle hard sad face, shaking fist**
DAMN DAMN DAMN!!
@pgh muse,
“** Esther Rolle hard sad face, shaking fist**
DAMN DAMN DAMN!!”
I can’t stand the fact that I love you for that comment! LMAO!!!
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread, lol. I’m saying… why Chelly O in the pic looking like Shirley Chisolm? I wanna wall slide like Luvvie.
@pgh muse, or please say it was 1990, when a hairstyle like that was at least somewhat acceptable.
@iloVEGrits,
“Granted, she is an attractive woman. However, before the campaign, she was wearing ill fitting pant suits in drab colors and had Condi Rice hair.”
OMG!!!! Really? I had no idea…lol
@miss t-lee,
yes… Click here to see!
@iloVEGrits,
Holy cow!!!!
I wanna give the makeover team a standing ovation.
@iloVEGrits,
Is this really her?!?!?
@Ivy St.,
yes. lol. Everyone is always shocked. This is what we were looking at in Chicago, up until he became U.S. Senator. Then she stepped it up a wee bit. When he ran for president, she really elevated her style game and got a new hair stylist.
@Ivy St., man, i wanted to ask the same question. DIZZAMN she looked busted (in that pic). LOL.
@Panama Jackson,
I swear it looks photo shopped or I just oculd be in denial. :/
@iloVEGrits,
*faints*
Jeebs be a fence! Michelle looked like a muppet in that pic. Bless her heartspace! They musta had the entire Mario Tricoci team to work on her. Lawd! V, u’ve ruined my morning.
@iloVEGrits,
Michelle looked well…special back then. Seriously, God sent a Couture Angel to work their magic on her. It looks like she stepped into that Steve Urkel-to-Stephon Urkell machine.
@iloVEGrits,
lol, i don’t see why this pic surprises everyone so.
i mean, does everyone assume that the first time you actually see a person they look and act the way they always have? people change and sh*t
@The Champ,
I thought it was just me! She doesn’t even look different to me. Just better clothes and some lipstick.
@Me fail english?, um, you don’t have to lie, Craig.
she looks totally different in that pic that she does now. Champ’s right, people do change, but it seems like her entire aura is different.
@Panama Jackson,
Everything…her skin even looks different.
Now I know make-up works wonders, but that looks like a straight up chemical peel or some microdermabrasion or something…
It’s more than just clothes and lipstick my friends.
@The Champ,
Pretty much. She really doesn’t look that different.
@iloVEGrits, all that is michelle without makeup, most women i know wear some kind of concealer lol.
first lets be real we have all seen the wedding pictures. it took a long time for Michelle to grow into the features…. I mean she had grown women features at 5 yrs old.. at the time they got married I bet more people where shocked she got him than vice versa….now she has grown into a uniquely attractive and stylish woman in her own right but cmon Michelle was bony and funny lookin when they first got together..this should be a cautionary tale to men …not women
@shay_d_lady,
“first lets be real we have all seen the wedding pictures. it took a long time for Michelle to grow into the features…. I mean she had grown women features at 5 yrs old.. at the time they got married I bet more people where shocked she got him than vice versa”
my thoughts exactly. See the pic I linked to above.
@shay_d_lady,
“this should be a cautionary tale to men …not women”
A cautionary tale to men like “don’t worry about what she looks like because she’s intelligent, and intelligence will get you farther than looks?” I’m just tryna understand what you’re sayin, sista. If that’s what you’re saying, I totally agree – but vice-versa as a tale with women.
*sidenote* Yeah I know I might get cussed out for saying this, but chuck it – I love me some Obamas, but truth be told, Michelle really isn’t attractive.
I’m sorry, but she’s just not. She has charming ways and a kick-ass personality, but if you ONLY see her and don’t hear what she has to say, it’s a wrap. She’s called “striking” because her looks do strike you – but it’s not because she’s gorgeous.
I’m not speaking ill of the first couple, cause I honestly do love them – I’m only calling it like I see it – sorry if it’s offensive, but you know damn well she’s odd looking. I’m saying it, but you’ve been thinking it, and you know it.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread,
“I love me some Obamas, but truth be told, Michelle really isn’t attractive. ”
Ya know. I think she’s attractive, per se. In a unique way. But striking, stunning, beautiful, cute…are not words I’d use to describe her.
She’s average looking, with a great smile, poise and intelligence and a fit body…that bumps her up on the ‘scale’.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread, *sidenote* Yeah I know I might get cussed out for saying this, but chuck it – I love me some Obamas, but truth be told, Michelle really isn’t attractive.
you won’t get cussed out from me. i been saying that for a long time. folks usually look at me sideways and call me every name under the sun except Hayseuss for talking about her like that…but her attractiveness is more…inner than it is outer. b/c of his admiration for her, a lot of people place these characteristics on her and it makes her glow…
…but ShoNuff was glowing in The Last Dragon and nobody thought he was hot.
@Panama Jackson,
“but ShoNuff was glowing in The Last Dragon and nobody thought he was hot.”
Speak for yourself, ShoNuff and his topknot were the shiz.
***struts away, crowing “Who’s the baddest mofo lowDOWN around this town?”***
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread, I think Michelle is attractive..Now….
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread,
Iman basically said the same thing and she was labeled a catty, jealous, East African betch.
People have to realize that beauty really (and I mean TRULY) is in the eye of the beholder… (cf. the post that shall not be named). *smh*
@shay_d_lady, I guess I should have read all the comments before I went to the top and put this here. I am so glad you caught it at the height of ya’lls discussion last night. I love the first family but Michelle got lucky.
@El,
Agreed.
@iloVEGrits,
Maybe it’s just me, but Obama aint looking so fly in that pic either. I def. got pics of me with my bf making my “huh?” face that would prob have ppl saying the same thing. “How did she get him?” lol
@shay_d_lady,
” I mean she had grown women features at 5 yrs old”
This statement cracked me up for a good while.
@shay_d_lady,
I remember when Pres. Obama was campaigning many people were commenting that they were happy (and surprised) that Barack Obama chose a wife that looked like Michelle. I agree about it being a cautionary tale for men but as we all know men are much more picky when it comes to women’s looks especially if the women (truth be told) is AA.
@shay_d_lady,
it took a long time for Michelle to grow into the features…. I mean she had grown women features at 5 yrs old
i was talking to p about this yesterday. there are some women who look much, much better as 40-45 year olds than they did in their 20′s and 30′s, and it’s not because of any makeover.
its hard to explain, but certain features “play” better on older women.
@The Champ, my grandma says every one has an unattractive and attractive phase of thier life. If they are unattractive young, the tend to look better (compared to thier unattractive self) when they get older.. or if they are attractive young they tend to look less attractive with age (of course compared to their more attractive self which still might be more attractive than most)….
@shay_d_lady,
This is probably right. I think little old men with big noses and huge ears are just adorable! Then you see pics of them younger with those same features…
*backs away from old folks home*
@shay_d_lady,
I mean she had grown women features at 5 yrs old .
Why must I weep……….BWHAHAHA
@shay_d_lady,
You always say it best in fewer words. Lol!
Shay-d-lady for president.
**off topic**
how could i forget to say!!!
SOUTH AFRICA BEAT NEW ZEALAND LAST NIGHT AT THE CONFEDERATIONS CUP GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LADUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMA!!! GOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!!!!!!!!
what a thrill, bafana bafana can be the most FRUSTRATING team to support ( i mean, iraq beat them on sunday – IRAQ!! the country’s dealing with so much drama, but they manage to pull together a soccer team that beats all the other asian teams, come down to South Africa and have us for afternoon tea ON OUR OWN GROUNDS!!! hai madoda, this is just slaughter!!!)
so i’m THRILLED that we chowed New Zealand last night….
(mind you, Iraq also beat them, so i wonder what that means going forward…)
@superwoman, hang on… iraq didn’t beat us – we drew. which is just as bad, considering…
1. it was the opening game, the vibe was HIGH
2. the match was played in south africa – with all the advantages that brings
3. the south africans ostensibly have more resources than iraq, why isn’t our team measurably stronger?
i think the american team is also kicking butt, but not too sure…. there are some beautiful, beautiful creatures of god on that team… yho! i love the beautiful game! for the beautiful specimens, especially…. 0 dear…i think i’m coming down with a bad case of socca feva,peeps!!
@superwoman,
lol’ing at you having a convo with yourself about football.:)
@iloVEGrits,
“lol’ing at you having a convo with yourself about football.:)”
I was wondering if she was having a stroke, but I didn’t wanna ask, lol.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Cornbread & iloVEGrits
ha ha ha ha, you guys – if you only understood how often our team get their a$$es kicked, you’d understand my delirium….
@iloVEGrits,
LOL me too! Superwoman got that Genius Khan & WudaMan Tourette’s. I wonder if it’s contagious
@Thuggie Luvvie, you’re just jealous coz naija didn’t make it to the cup!! NYA NYA NYA NYA NYAAA NYA!!!!!
@iloVEGrits, oh no!!! bloody italy have a penalty shot, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????? 3 minutes to go! and now this!!!! JEHOVAH!!
@superwoman,
o dankie, jeso- the italian missed, and how!!!
okay, i’ll stop posting random football updates (to myself, heh heh) here – thank you kindly for indulging me. i’ll go out and find friends to watch with, promise….
@superwoman,
It’s New Zealand fam’. If you said they beat Brazil, I would jump out a window. Nevertheless, congrats.
@BlkBond, oooh jehovah, right now, egypt are beating italy, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!?!?! ONE, NIL!!!! however, there are another 20 minutes to go, so anything can happen….
@superwoman,
Congrats!!!
on another unrelated note: I will be in Cape town October 3-8 can we have a off VSB conversation?
@Intellectual Hedonist, yes dearest – but how do we do that, where do i send you my email addy so we can conversate?
but i live in joburg, eh? cape town, i try not to do for more than 5 days at a time… more on that later….
@superwoman,
circa1908@gmail.com
@Intellectual Hedonist,
sharp, i’m writing to you now…. condolences to all americans, you got chowed by brazil this afternoon… three nil. but don’t feel too bad….it’s the brazillians, after all.
damn, the egyptian goalie just did a BRILLIANT save!!! these egyptians ARE ON FIRE!!!!
@superwoman, btw
I love that you are giving us the play by play of the tourney
@superwoman, final footie post of the night, PROMISE!
THE EGYPTIANS WON!!!!!!!! AMEN!!!!!!!!!!
AMAAAAAAZING, PRAISE BE !!!!!!!!
poor italians, they looked shell shocked, shame.
@superwoman,
Thanks for the updates!!
Someone who truly cares, that you have a mental connection with, that wants more out of their lives.
Sadly, many of the men that fall under that category mistake a woman who is focused on self as unapproachable. Are we truly unapproachable because we’re not expecting to be approached?
…that or they turn out to be gay. Maybe that’s just what I come across.
@chaoticdiva,
Are we truly unapproachable because we’re not expecting to be approached?
actually, the women not excepting to be approached are the most approachable. any guy will tell you that
@The Champ,
“actually, the women not excepting to be approached are the most approachable. any guy will tell you that”
yup. I gets my fair share of play and, as much as I wanna be, I’m no Stacy Dash. lol. I think its because I expect – not want, there’s a difference – dudes are gonna hit on me. I’m a woman, it’s part of the curse: men hit on you no matter how you look.
Besides, I don’t walk around scowling, lookin’ like I got a ‘tude (like a lotta women do, w/o realizing); I look ‘pleasant’ and ‘kind’. lol.
@iloVEGrits,
You know VEG, this is almost three or four posts in a row that I’ve seen you insert how approachable and nice you are. So, I’ll go ahead and shoot the elephant in the room: Care to join me for drinks Saturday?
@kamakula,
::snickers::
Someone you could see being there with you during a crisis. Like you lost your job or one of your parents passed away. The person you would allow to see you in such a vulnerable place. A person who can recognize your needs and try to support you when you’re going through a hard time is something you should look for and/or hold on to.
@revengeofthenerdette,
this all sounds like a good friend or great pet, not necessarily a romantic life mate
@The Champ, LOL, I was thinking the same thing, like am I reading the classifieds for “Cat Fancy”…which is a real magazine, btw
@Champ. First off, let me behonest a say it was very difficult for me to get throught the blog. You could get your point accross writing in plain English instead of that riddle. Thank God you put a paraphrase in there and a decent picture so I could catch up.
Okay, now, for my opinion. I think the good stuff is simple. Find a black male that can speak correct english without slang, who believes in education even if he didn’t get his Masters or Bachelors, and he must have a suit with matching shoes in his closet. Those are my qualifications.
@El, edited version….
@Champ. First off, let me be honest and say it was very difficult for me to get through the blog. You could have gotten your point across writing in plain English instead of that riddle. Thank God you put a paraphrase in there and a decent picture so I could catch up.
Okay, now, for my opinion. I think the good stuff is simple. Find a black male that can speak correct English without slang, who believes in education even if he didn’t get his Masters or Bachelors, and he must have a suit with matching shoes in his closet. Those are my qualifications.
*Still rolling my eyes at Champ for testing my reading comprehension skills so early*
@El,
comprehend deez
@The Champ, haTER!
@El, are you sure you want the shoes necessarily matching? I think “coordinate” is better to check for in light of these Kings of Comedy *ss, matchy-matchy pimp kits made out of they mama’s curtains I see on too many brothers.
Have some black non-patent shoes and some tan oiled leather shoes and a man is all set for any normal suit he could possibly pick up in his lifetime.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, agreed.
I’ve been hashing this out all week with some folks about this article…ugh.
Hill Harper *yawn*
The way I look at it is, does he have potential?
@miss t-lee, No. Just no. Potential will kill you, unless it’s accompanied by motivation and determination
@Kindred Smile,
I was too lazy to write a full comment…lmao
I realize potential isn’t the be all end all…
It’s in the top 5 though.
Very well written Champie poo poo!
I agree with the fact that sometimes we as women pass up the brothers that are out there doing what they need to do to be successful. On the flip side
should we date them in the hopes that they will change into our swaggerful prince charming?
And if so…
wouldn’t you consider that being a gold digger?
@Ivy St.,
“Champie poo poo”
This is the worst nickname someone has called Champ so far. For this, I kinda say “thanks”
@Ivy St.,
Champie poo poo
Champale
The Chump
haha. Champ gets the worst nicknames!
@Me fail english?, um, i beg to differ. i have clearly had the worst nicknames of anybody on this site.
Panny
Pannyman
Pana-Montana
3
I mean seriously. I’m a grown ass black man who’s actually been referred to as Panny. I felt like a freakin’ faun.
@Panama Jackson,
actually Pana-Montana was the nickname given to your daughter who’s name i still don’t know. so, in my eyes, you’ll always be Papa Pana-Montana
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay, i’m pretty sure somebody called me that before i even let you all know i had a kid on the way. it was then appropriated to her once the cat was out of the bag.
besides, Panny is just as bad as Champie Poo Poo.
down with the suspect arse nicknames for the two coolest cats this side of the Nile.
@Panama Jackson,
well my nickname for you is Peej. is that not manly enough for you??
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay
if you were out and about, and somebody yelled out PEEEEEEEJ really loud…what would you think?
a) Panama Jackson was near
b) locusts were on the way
c) some homeless guy started flashing people
I’m guessing more people would go wich c than a
but I can deal. since i’m so sexxy.
@Panama Jackson,
if you were out and about, and somebody yelled out PEEEEEEEJ really loud…what would you think?
a) Panama Jackson was near
b) locusts were on the way
c) some homeless guy started flashing people
I’m guessing more people would go wich c than a
i just spit on my free starbucks raspberry iced tea at this. good job
@Panama Jackson,
I think Ima go ahead and quit you for the day!
@Panama Jackson,
lol@ 3.
I thought you started calling yourself that!
@Me fail english?, ah you’re right, I did.
i was called a 4.
@Ivy St.,
“On the flip side
should we date them in the hopes that they will change into our swaggerful prince charming?
And if so…
wouldn’t you consider that being a gold digger?”
damn. this is another good comment/question by you ivy. i guess broke clocks are actually right twice a day
@The Champ,
I doubt my clock is broken. If it was, I’m sure you’d already be trying to fix it.
@Ivy St.,
well damn….
I agree with a lot of Stuff Ghetto People Like’s “right shyt” list, but I would say that more people should place more emphasis on the whole what outsiders think aspect. Of course you would love your loved ones to love your loved ONE, but at the end of the day, if they don’t, that’s their problem and it shouldn’t affect how you feel about your S.O.. A significant reason why people value the wrong shyt is based on societal standards and not necessarily their individual standards so in choosing their mate, they seek approval from others. If you love the crust of an individual, but your friends, family, colleagues, etc. don’t, it’s very weak of you if you let that person go based on his/her (dis)approval rating from your folks.
It happened all the time when were little – boy and girl likes each other. The boy’s friend says the girl is “funny looking”. All of a sudden, boy doesn’t like girl any more.
It’s unfortunate that I see this play out all the time in adult life.
@Monk,
“It happened all the time when were little – boy and girl likes each other. The boy’s friend says the girl is “funny looking”. All of a sudden, boy doesn’t like girl any more.
It’s unfortunate that I see this play out all the time in adult life.”
Yeah this is lame. Like VEG said (or maybe she didn’t say it???) these people deserve to not just be alone, but be lonely. Luckily, I’m surrounded by a bunch of headstrong people who date all types of fools I cant stand, haha. So I don’t have to witness this inanity too much.
oops! I lied. My homegirl from HS was always sleepin on this guy from the block. She says cuz he didn’t go to college and he was always on the block. Partially true, but he wasn’t nosy or getting into trouble. He was pretty lowkey, had a job and stuck to hangin with his ppl. I think she really turned him down cuz the rest of us were all dating guys who had more money/cars/etc. and she would felt like she was “losing the race”. We even encouraged her to date him cuz he was cool, cute and funny. She just stayed frontin’.
6 years later he done came up on a nice car, decent job, passable apt and she’s living with Grandma screwing some married dude that lives in the basement and some young bum from across the street. It’s all for the best tho. She didn’t deserve him anyway.
@Me fail english?, “she’s living with Grandma screwing some married dude that lives in the basement and some young bum from across the street”
D*mn, just d*mn. She doesn’t love herself.
@Me fail english?,
“Like VEG said (or maybe she didn’t say it???) these people deserve to not just be alone, but be lonely. ”
Yup, I said it!
my blackberry has betrayed me and will not refresh to the latest VSB page…le sigh
@Intellectual Hedonist,
get over it
I’m not buying “people value the wrong stuff”. People value what they want. And falling in love is about what you want no? If you can’t stand who you wake up next to in the morning, who gives a isht if he values education or pays his bills on time?
More of a problem, is when people find a quality they value and ignore major red flags because of it. But honestly if seeing big ears for the rest of your life is gonna piss you off that much I DO NOT advocate “sucking it up” and just dealing. Relationships are tough enough without having to compromise with someone you’re not even feeling like that….for whatever reason.
@Me fail english?, I truly believe that for every 6 things you dont like about a person, he has a 1/2 dozen things he cant stand about your a$$ LOL. I agree with your statement that there is nothing wrong with wanting what you want but often times we look for perfection and we arent perfect.
I think the issue like you pointed out is that many people settle for whomever for the sake of a warm body next to them. Others take a bunch of bs just to have THINGS. If you are person who loves yourself and truly has something to offer then I believe you will find someone to compliment that.
@Yaa,
“but often times we look for perfection and we arent perfect.”
Tis true. Maybe it’s just in my experience, but most of the single women I know don’t want “perfect”. The ladies on Oprah (the Steve Harvey ep) are more of an exception than a rule. And while I totally dig overlooking some flaws, I don’t want us to throw the baby out with the bathwater. We turn our noses up at certain stuff for good reason. Mainly cuz we’d be pissed having to see it every morning.
P.S. This is the image I have of marriage hell. Waking up every morning for the rest of my life next to smthg I strongly dislike! lol
@Me fail english?,
The ladies on Oprah (the Steve Harvey ep) are more of an exception than a rule.
Exact reason why I didn’t understand how the book made such a mint…
@Me fail english?,
“If you can’t stand who you wake up next to in the morning, who gives a isht if he values education or pays his bills on time?More of a problem, is when people find a quality they value and ignore major red flags because of it. ”
Yes ma’am, oh so true!!!
@Me fail english?, And let the church say Amen!
Character. I made the same point about Michelle on a FB discussion about the article. Most guys who are THAT guy on paper wouldn’t have been checking for Michelle. So hell, maybe men can learn something from Obama. Check for the regular chick and your ass might wind up the most powerful man in the world.
@Hostess,
Looking at it from the other side. Niice.
@Hostess,
Oooh, terrific point.
@Hostess,
***Faith Tabernacle Jesus is Lawd & Will Hold Me in His Arms Baptist A.M.E. C.O.G.I.C.***
@Thuggie Luvvie, *sacramental emergency*
@Hostess, Check for the regular chick and your ass might wind up the most powerful man in the world.
or given how rare that was, you’d just end up with the most regular chick ever. nttawwt.
@Panama Jackson, Or you could easily end up with the love of your life. This article ignores the fact that BOTH could stand to stop trippin’ so much and give folks a chance. Hell.
@Hostess,
“Check for the regular chick and your ass might wind up the most powerful man in the world.”
I know I’m ’bout to stir some ish and upset my fellow XXers. BUT…
how is she responsible for where he is? Yes…successful men often have strong women behind them. And to get to the top, someone has to take care of home. But let’s not forget, Mrs. O was NOT happy with Barry’s political aspirations for a long time. When he lost to (I think) Bobby Rush here in Chi, she wanted him to quit, give up and do something else.
Imagine had he listened to her?
Some people are destined for greatness. As great and as educated and successful Mrs. O is her own right, I don’t give her all that much credit for helping him get to where he is. I think he’d have gotten there had a married any other sista.
@iloVEGrits, I agree. He was going to be who he is regardless.
@iloVEGrits,
I don’t give her all that much credit for helping him get to where he is. I think he’d have gotten there had a married any other sista.
i agree, but i do doubt that he would have received the same (basically) unconditional praise in the black community if his wife looked more like vanessa williams or you. i know its wrong, but i also know that a large percentage of us wouldnt have been as quick to accept him as “down”.
so, for that reason, being married to michelle has helped him greatly, but just for reasons completely out of her control
@The Champ,
“i agree, but i do doubt that he would have received the same (basically) unconditional praise in the black community if his wife looked more like vanessa williams or you.”
I WILL agree with on that. And if he were married to a white woman…he’d would have no political career to speak of.
I will agree with you on that.
@iloVEGrits, Point is, regular looking chicks are people too!
@iloVEGrits,
You know what I want to agree but I kinda disagree.
It’s because they LOVE each other and SUPPORT each other that he’s been able to make it this far.
I take one simple example. Him not going for the big company job and instead going for grassroots movement. As a girl who has strived to be where she was, she could have made the mistake to not believe in his abilities and almost force him onto another path (I know because I almost made that mistake)… So by her very nature and the very nature of their relationship, she has helped become who he is.
People are not stand alone islands and are influenced by their environments… especially by the person they love.
I think looking for the “right shyt” is dangerous. I have been single for about 2 years now (dating a likkle bit around the edges) and during this time I have really been reflecting on MYSELF in relationships. I think when you start looking for the PERFECT person you do often times pass up a good person. I also believe there is a line that many cross and end up with anything/anybody for the sake of the “right shyt”. His big johnson or big wallet (or whatever is on your individual MUST HAVE list) dont mean squat if you cant stand his a$$.
Maybe I am a mushy romantic in my older years LOL. But I believe that you should go ahead and make that MUST HAVE list. Make your list as detailed as possible & then become that person on the list and you will attract who is meant for you.
(I AM OFF TO FEED MY 20 CATS NOW SIIIIIIIIGH)
@Yaa,
20?
@The Champ, It was a joke!!! I dont have a cat (well….I do but….)
You made the joke a few weeks back saying I would turn into some type of crazy cat lady LOL.
Alliteration is hot and is mose definitely the magic potion for
vagina pantiesscoring chicks. And with all those B’s, I now expect you to start beat-boxing, Champ.While Obama’s presidentness may have something to do with how his swagger is perceived, I’m hard-pressed to believe that this ish came outta nowhere. Even when he was just a lesser-known guy tryin’ to get into the Senator game, people felt that aura…that confidence that makes a guy’s big ears not a big deal at all. It overshadows those ears. And it takes a helluva lot of overshadow those Dumbos. Hey, I can clown the prez. My dad had those exact ears.
Same goes for Michelle. She’s all Jackie O-ed up now, but that grace she exhibits didn’t come from first lady status or even potential first lady status. She always had it in the inside, she just happened to gain a group of stylists to show it from the out.
@Cheekie,
LMAO! I’d love to hear Champ beatbox.
And also, I’m in sincere agreement. The stylists can gussy up the hair, makeup, clothes. The persona feels organic to me. CompareObama to any old weirdo with a coupla degrees or Michelle to any faceless chick at Harvard Law and you’ve completely missed the point.
That’s why I’m a fan of not comparing your situation to that of others too often. Run your own race and you’ll glide much easier.
@Me fail english?, how you gonna run and glide at the same time?
Heelies??
@Panama Jackson,
They’re the shoes of the future my friend. *folds arms in satisfaction*
@Me fail english?,
I’m scared of heelies. I’m always tensing up when the kids roll around in their heels like they’re gonna topple over on their arse or something. Gravity ain’t no joke. Keep playin’.
@Cheekie,
lmao yes kids with heelies make me nervous
@Me fail english?,
CompareObama to any old weirdo with a coupla degrees or Michelle to any faceless chick at Harvard Law and you’ve completely missed the point.
You have been dropping nuggets of wisdom and knowledge all up and through today. Ha!
@Cheekie,
“She’s all Jackie O-ed up now, but that grace she exhibits didn’t come from first lady status or even potential first lady status. She always had it in the inside, she just happened to gain a group of stylists to show it from the out.”
LOVING this, Cheekie!
@Thuggie Luvvie, Agreed. Even in the pic looking like Shirley she was still Chelly O. Just in need of a better flat iron
There is some truth to what Champ is saying. I saw this happen to a few friends coming up. Black women wouldn’t give them the time of day. Being so they go where they are wanted. I have a noticed a few similarities with some of these dudes.
1) It’s not that black women don’t want them. Its just that the black women they want don’t want them. These men usually want the Beyonce or Vanessa Williams type.
2) They are lame and corny.
3) They think they are the ish and are mad arrogant. They find out that it is harder for them to find a black woman that will put up with it. So they find women of other races that deal with their ish. These guys can be cornballs too.
@Humble_One,
“It’s not that black women don’t want them. Its just that the black women they want don’t want them. These men usually want the Beyonce or Vanessa Williams type.”
This is soo true. I see it EVERY DAY!
@Ivy St., right! why seek beyonce when you can be overit??
*crowd surfing through a bunch of tyson and boris doplegangers*
@overit,
I heart you, Overit!!
*sidenote: where is my poem?
@Humble_One,
Great points, I agree with them all.
@Humble_One,
“1) It’s not that black women don’t want them. Its just that the black women they want don’t want them. These men usually want the Beyonce or Vanessa Williams type.”
I totally agree.
1) It’s not that black women don’t want them. Its just that the black women they want don’t want them. These men usually want the Beyonce or Vanessa Williams type.
@Humble_One,
Are you implying that an unfortunate looking chap shouldn’t want a more fortunate looking mate? Or that unfortunate looking fellow should stay in “league” as far as looks go? Just curious?
@Eff yo couch,
I think we’re all in favor of the free market system here (you should get the best your money can buy). So if you’re a 3 capable of pulling dimes, why settle for threes-ville?
However, if you’re a 3 incapable of pulling the dimes, adjust your standards.
@Me fail english?,
So if you’re a 3 capable of pulling dimes, why settle for threes-ville?
question: if you are able to consistently pull dimes, are you a three? i mean, doesnt your score have to be weighted somehow?
@The Champ,
Yes, rich, funny, jet setting threes…are still threes.
@Me fail english?,
However, if you’re a 3 incapable of pulling the dimes, adjust your standards.
This should be a car tag (too long for tee-shirt status).
@Humble_One,
great points!!
It’s funny this is the topic of todays discussion, I am currently in a relationship, where I am dating a young man that not as “established” as I. He does work, he has his own place, etc. I have been told numerous times by numerous friends that we don’t “look” good together. Like what does that mean we don’t “look” good together? Is looking good together the lithmus test for a good relationship, now? I could never understand why people are so caught up with the superficial.
I have also been told that because of where he works that he won’t be a good provider, that he is going to eventually bring me down and that I can do better. If doing better is being with a man that has a degree, and money, and a nice home and car, then I have been there and I was treated like ish. Those men that were “on par” with me treated me like I should be honored to be in their presence, because there aren’t that many of “their kind” to go around because they are the comodity, to quote one of my ex’s “supply and demand baby”.
My bf right now, treats me like I am the only woman on this planet. I have never met a man that thought so highly of me, and isn’t afraid to tell me how he feels about me on a daily basis. No he does not have his MBA, or a BA. But he works hard and he loves me because of who I am not because of what I can do for him.
And another thing….we as women (and I put myself in that category as well cause I catch myself at times doing this) need to stop belittling our men just because they don’t make as much as we do. If that man is doing his part, build him up. Stroke that ego often……Tearing him down and making him feel less of a man will not make him a better man, it will make him a bitter man.
@Complex Simplicity,
If you are happy with him and ya’lls situation, that’s all that matters.
As far as your friends go, what do they have going for themselves? Are they happy, or are they just throwing salt because they are angry and alone?
@miss t-lee, Of my friends, I am the only one that is not married. And again they were all sooo sure of these “better” men and they couldn’t belive a man that has everything going for him wouldn’t want to settle down with me and vice versa. But like I tell them, love is blind and it happens when it happens. But in no way would I ever settle for someone that doesn’t love ME but loves the fact that I make money and we “look” good together. Don’t get me wrong, I have no malice against a man with a degree and so on and so forth. At this juncture in my life, what I have works, really well! So while they are stuck in marriages that have reached its plateau, because they wanted to be with the men that they “looked” good with…I am happy. I have my peace of mind and nothing or no man can erase that.
@Complex Simplicity,
“At this juncture in my life, what I have works, really well!”
Well you said it.
I figured that their situations had to be less than stellar for trying to find nitpicky reasons for you not to be with your man.
Yes…I call the not having a degree thing, nitpicky. If he’s handling up in all other aspects of his life then not having a degree isn’t an issue. At least it’s not one for you.
As your friends are finding out, the grass isn’t always greener.
Enjoy it, he sounds like a great guy.
@Complex Simplicity,
“Stroke that ego often……”
Do some men really need this. As a man I prefer for you not to blow smoke up my @ss. Maybe i’m different but, I don’t want or need a woman to stroke my ego. I think women need this type of validation more than men.
@Humble_One, I think every man wants his ego stroked in one way or another. Its not blowing smoke up your arse, if it’s true. Telling a man he is mandingo when you and him both know he is not, that is blowing smoke up his arse….but if you have a woman that says, “babe, I appreciate you taking out the garbage”, or shows appreciation for those small things you do, thats stroking the ego, at least to me it is. I think people associate stroking the ego to telling someone how good they are in bed, or how good they look, etc. I don’t see it like that. I think it’s all about showing appreciation.
@Complex Simplicity,
Completely agree! Yes, a lot of men DO need it. They need verbal compliments, massages, special dinners and whole buncha other isht that eats up my Tivo time. Otherwise, some won’t know how much you love them. This doesn’t bother me though since I’m the kind of woman who needs to hear it (you’re beautiful, I love you, etc.) one in a while too.
Not to mention, it just feels good to do that stuff, provided he’s supplying the ackrite.
@Complex Simplicity, we as women (and I put myself in that category as well cause I catch myself at times doing this) need to stop belittling our men just because they don’t make as much as we do. If that man is doing his part, build him up. Stroke that ego often……Tearing him down and making him feel less of a man will not make him a better man, it will make him a bitter man.
Preach!
“The “bad boy” is merely a fantasy that most women like, but right-minded women realize that it is just that – a fantasy. And to the right-minded woman, looks don’t really matter when it all boils down to it, cause the ugliest muhf*kka in the world can be the best provider and most loving mate one could ever hope for. See: Bill Gates.”
The thing I see with alot of women is that they don’t realize what you said unitl they hit there late 20′s early 30′s. By then, most of the good men that are not a$$holes are usually tied down.
@Eff yo couch,
“And to the right-minded woman, looks don’t really matter”
*Surrenders right-minded woman card*
I don’t need an exceptionally handsome dude, but the “ugliest mf in the world” (or any man I find physically UN-attractive) is out of the running.
@Me fail english?,
That as real as it gets. I don’t think nobody wants “old shrek lookin boy” on the there side. It’s just irks me to see females and males take someone out the the running for stupid shyt like “she has big feet”, “he/she has bad hair” or “he’s not hood enough”
@Eff yo couch,
“And to the right-minded woman, looks don’t really matter when it all boils down to it, cause the ugliest muhf*kka in the world can be the best provider and most loving mate one could ever hope for. See: Bill Gates.””
I guess it’s just a matter of priorities. Because, hey, we’re human and we’re visual creatures. We have preferences and though it may seem shallow, the physical is an important part. I mean, it’s probably the main difference between seeing someone as just your friend and seeing someone as a romantic interest.
And if a woman isn’t the least attracted to Bill Gates and is effing him, then I’m gonna have to side-eye her because she may be effing him for the wrong reasons because of what he represents (read: money).
NOTE: this is slightly off the topic/question to which Champikins posed but i shall share nonetheless…
my biggest issue with this article “What Single Women Can Learn from Michelle Obama” is the huge disconnect the author is making between Barack and her own man. Barry may be skinny, big-eared, and a “nerd” (aka can read, write, and alliterate) but he is not some loser chump who is incapable of cleaning up nice and being charming.
i mean, the author is talking about her bummy @$$ dude as if he could even compare to a “Barack Obama”. puh-lease!! i’m sorry but i’m not gonna date a brotha who has RAGGEDY locks and wears clothes that don’t fit just because he looks good on paper and is a “good guy”. sure, he might be a wonderful man, but if he can’t take care of himself without me doing it for him, he’s not the man for me. there’s a lot of things i will do (cook, clean, iron, hem, oil scalps, etc), but there are certain things i feel i shouldn’t have to do–and dress and fix a negro’s hair everyday becuz he can’t do well for himself isn’t one of them!!!
i definitely think that highly women (regardless of color and education/class) often times have many check list points for the “perfect man” that have no real barring on the caliber or worth of a man, but i don’t see anything wrong with having standards. just because there’s a shortage of brothas who are doing something with their lives doesn’t mean i need to snatch up the first nerdy, socially awkward dude that comes my way for the sake of “giving a brotha a chance”. now, if that’s the kind of guy i end up being attracted to and feeling comfortable with as a mate, then so be it. but just to do it out of desperation for love and beating the odds that are stacked against me for getting/staying married?? hell to da nah.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
THANK YOU! and lol@ “oil scalps”
“the author is talking about her bummy @$$ dude as if he could even compare to a “Barack Obama”. puh-lease!! ”
This is my main point! These guys are using Obama as the poster boy for their cause and other than the degrees, what do yall have in common with Obama???
That’s like some random obnoxious Texan chick saying “I’m from Texas. I can’t get a man. So obviously yall wouldn’t want Beyonce either cause she’s from Texas! Get yo’ mind right!!”
Uh, you aint Beyonce, boo!
@Me fail english?,
hey…hey…
You leave my state outta this.
@miss t-lee,
U know I’m just hating
.
*Files state income tax*
@Me fail english?,
*singing to the tune of Float On*
Hate on, hate on…hate, hate, hate on…
@miss t-lee,
Literally lol’d at this while singing.
“Hey girl. My name is Larry and I’m a Pisces
“
What can be done to improve Obama’s kick game? Those nikes are terrible. I hope someone at adidas or nike can help dude out. Those shoes look like the ones that fill the clearance rack at Footlocker and Champs. The same nikes they sale at JC Penny and Famous Footwear.
@Humble_One, b/c he works for the government, he probably can’t accept free shoes. lol. damn Ethics rules. i actually think the Gov’t Ethics rules state that you cannot accept gifts valued at greater than $20 bucks. its probably more for the president, but not much more…
he’s still a gov’t employee. LOL. i’m sure Nike’s been trying to outfit him for a while.
@Humble_One,
I was thinking the same thing. Why does he have on running shoes on the basketball court?
And why doesn’t he have his own brand like Jordan?
But on some real ish, those nikes are the ones them 2520′s wear every day for for 15 years, thus making able to pay those high @ss taxes in the burbs. I can name like 4 2520′s with those same nikes. lol
@Eff yo couch,
They either wear those or some BS asics, reeboks, or adidas with a pair of straight leg levi’s with a t-shirt or polo tucked in their pants. And their shoes are tied extra tight with the laces flopping all over the place.
@Humble_One,
I understand them holding one to the same pair of sneakers for eons. But they can at least invest in some brand new shoe strings and some baby wipes to keep their kicks looking fresh, for Christ sakes!
@Eff yo couch,
“And why doesn’t he have his own brand like Jordan?”
I swear I will kill a mofo if they come out with some Air Obamas.
@Cheekie,
I was in this Mall in North east Philadelphia called Franklin Mills 2 weeks ago and why did they have and Obama Chain decked out with red white and blue diamond hanging in the window?
Hopefully nobody bought it because a) they would look stupid and I would clown the shyt out of them and b) I wanted to take a picture of it and post it on my facebook for others to clown it
@Cheekie,
did you hear about the special edition Obama Hennesey bottle?
@Eff yo couch,
I didn’t hear about that one yet, but I wish I could say I was surprised. Obama-branding BEEN done went too far.
Having come of age surrounded by these men (read gone to college in New England in the shadow of 3 Ivy’s and major Big hitter Universities) I saw the Carlton’s, the Ian Smith’s, and the Obama’s… as a matter of fact one Obama type cat is a dear friend of mine to this day.
I also saw how women at these institutions treated them, not all but a lot of sisters acted like they were walking on water as well, and clearly looking like Grimace (McDonald’s character) with the personality of paper. So its no surprise to me that some of these guys ended up with Becky, married with 2.3 kids and a dog.
Again I think it all speaks to being equally yoked and seeking out someone who is on par to you as opposed to you or him trying to step up to the big leagues and out of your league…
@Intellectual Hedonist,
“I also saw how women at these institutions treated them, not all but a lot of sisters acted like they were walking on water as well, and clearly looking like Grimace (McDonald’s character) with the personality of paper. So its no surprise to me that some of these guys ended up with Becky, married with 2.3 kids and a dog.”
now, now…I hate it when the world profiles all black men as being the same, lets not do this to the sistas.
@T. Troy Stewart, “I hate it when the world profiles all black men as being the same, lets not do this to the sistas.”
Which is why I said “not all but a lot of sisters “…
@Intellectual Hedonist, I stand corrected…
Great post!!!
However, I have another issue to address. ALL THE HATE ON THE BLACK IVY LEAGUE MAN’S GOTTA STOP. We aint no gumps, loser, white bread, snobby, pseudo revolutionary, meta republican, d!ckheads.
When me and the squiddy got on the yard, they aint wanna give us the time of the day b/c we we’re too ghetto, too hood for them. Despite the fact that we’re in the same damn school that they were in.
@Peysonic Temple #69,
When me and the squiddy got on the yard, they aint wanna give us the time of the day b/c we we’re too ghetto, too hood for them. Despite the fact that we’re in the same damn school that they were in.
yeah, i heard that there’s some serious intra-racial classism going on at a few of those schools, as well as a couple hbcu’s
@The Champ,
I think there is more classism going on everywhere than people are willing to admit…
I know I can be a bit elitist at times…And another thing. Black dudes at good schools think they are God’s gift to women but black women at those same schools think they are God’s gift to men. That’s part of the issue
@Peysonic Temple #69,
Interesting take. There’s certainly no shortage of sistas at good schools who think similarly educated guys should focus on them, forsaking all more affable, cool and easier to get along with women. But the male:female ratio dictates that not only will there be a lot more women that don’t take this attitude than men, but the men who get on this crap will be on it even worse since they’re in shorter supply.
@Me fail english?,
yea thats the only thing I miss bout HU 70% female population it was like heaven. Im not even a cocky dude but ein in a class of 22 kids and 18 are girls is a beautiful thing.
@BLUNTBLAZER, and a sad thing at the same time…
@Peysonic Temple #69, This is a great point.
@Peysonic Temple #69, Preach!
“Right” is relative. And I’ve noticed that everyone thinks they’re right when it comes to who they choose to date.
But why Bonita gotta be a Zeta? LMAO! iHEART nerds and regular asz dudes. I’ll take the decent brotha with a plan over the Ivy league asz hole any day.
Back in undergrad this Carlton Banks pastel polo/khakis brotha was all in my grill like we could be a great black power couple. I had all the right things on paper and he had political aspirations. YEAH YEAH YEAH…that ninja was straight fool. Wanted my hair a certain way and tried to monitor my friendships. EFF that I dumped his whacko azs and got with my regular dude and Im happy! Still rockin my ‘fro…f*K bein the governor’s wife!
@SxyScientst in her lovely blue n white,
Luv this post and luv ur
swagattitude!All I have to say is that looks are not everything. Clearly Chelle and O valued things such as ambition, character, personality and education, add to that the fact they are not busted, but both cute in their own way, what the problem eyuh? I also think Michelle is cute, I never thought she wasn’t, I don’t understand all the “she aint that cute” commentary, lol. What was she supposed to be, the woman she is AND Beyonce? Does Beyonce have a law degree?
I’m rambling, and really sleepy…oh, and I’ve always liked the somewhat dorky dudes lol. I’ve liked the thugs too, but a dorky thuggy is where its at!
@overit,
“What was she supposed to be, the woman she is AND Beyonce? Does Beyonce have a law degree?”
That would be one baaaaad chica. lol.
@iloVEGrits, she would be Superwoman and her sister could be her sidekick, Duh Girl.
@overit,
I love nerds and dorks as long as they’re cute! They’re a lot more fun than the cooler guys, b/c they’re not afraid to be awkward or goofy (or maybe they can’t help it so they’ve accepted it).
COMPLETELY UNRELATED!!!
(but since yall are family I figured I’d share)
My “Big” just texted me outta nowhere!! What to do? WHAT TO DO?!
I just texted him “Sorry. Me Fail died.” but I don’t think he’s buying it. HELP!
@Me fail english?,
Ignore him and go find your “Aidan.” Those fools always wanna pop into your life when it’s most convenient for them.
@Voiceofreason, “Those fools always wanna pop into your life when it’s most convenient for them”
that is so the truth
I just watched “He’s not that into you” last night I would so love to see that movie with narrations by PJ and Champy
@Voiceofreason,
Ignore him and go find your “Aidan.”
See I don’t know about that… If your heart is not with Aidan, then it’s a moot point to find him.
Which makes me think I never had a BIG… Is it awkward? But then again, I am more of a Miranda than a Carrie… And I certainly have my Steve.
@Me fail english?, Dang. This is a tough one. Big and Carrie did get married in the end after all the drama… I’m a sucker for a struggle and a love conquers all type of chick… so I say text Big back something sexy and see what’s popping. Bump
Aidan. You will leave him in the long run.
@pgh muse,
LOL you are sooooo special!!! i <3 you gf!
@pgh muse,
but you know in the sequel, Big is gonna cheat on her, and probably leave her like all the others….
@Voice & pgh,
LOL!!!!
Devil on my shoulder! Angel on my shoulder!
*Head spins*
I think I’m with my Aidan now (except without all the post-affair insecurity). But I’m no fool. Whatever I do I’m not losing Aidan for Big!! Even if we wind up breaking up later.
He tried to hit me with the guilt trip of “Why haven’t you checked on me since way back when?” So far I’m ignoring that text..
edit: Ok, now he’s all “why it gotta be like this??” I wanna say u made it like this! But I don’t wanna start a long exchange cuz I don’t have unlmtd txts!!
@Me fail english?,
Ignore all those texts and drop off the grid.
Oh yeah and don’t answer your phone.
@miss t-lee,
This advice has my vote!
@Me fail english?, I tell anybody, don’t listen to me… I’m dumb about a whole LOT of shyt. Relationships especially.
@pgh muse,
Don’t you say it e-dopple! Up until I got this text I thought that way too!
…and then I got the text *scowling at phone*
@Me fail english?,
This fool just wrote me “ANGRY BLACK WOMAN?”
fhl!
@Me fail english?,
Update: In an effort to stop his texts I hit him with the “I’m good as ever. Thanx. Peace” to which he replied “I DON’T LIKE UR ATTITUDE”.
Although I’m dyyyying to write “Who gives a fcuk what you like?” I’m simply ignoring him
@Me fail english?,
I told ya to fall of the grid.
You give an inch, they want a football field. lol
@Me fail english?,
Tell that fella to go give himself a papercut and dip his hand in nail polish remover. CLEARLY he is beside himself.
Ohhhhh….Emmmm….Geeeee!!!!
BBJ must be rolling in his sacred little sandals!!!
Why did another flame, yes ANOTHER one, just text me outta the blue talmbout “Why don’t we talk no more?” To his credit, I actually ran into this fool on Sunday so it’s not all the way outta the blue.
How bout I aint got isht to say to none-a-yall?! How bout these texts aint cheap.
You go die now!
@Me fail english?,
That must mean your relationship is going great! Your happiness radiates through the universe and the exes are feeling it.
Keep it up!
@Me fail english?,
Let Big go AWAY…. Puerto Rican bf is worth the time… If Big and you are meant to reunite, you will. Trust me.
Back on topic:
Both the modern Black Man & Woman have strayed from core values. The men have become more enamored with superficial beauty, and the women seem to be consumed with money & status.
Shouldn’t we all focus on:
Trustworthy. Honest. Loyal. Hard-working (any profession). Supportive.
Unfortunately, our generation usually lacks at least 2 out of the 5 in the course of dating from what I have seen and experienced.
It seems more plausible to most men to simply ‘get money & buck fitches’ until you stumble across somebody who makes you turn in your player card unfortunately.
A sad state indeed.
Bond.
@BlkBond, I’ve been with my Sweet Thang (don’t ever tell her I said that out in public, she would finish me) for 8 years (that’s 56 in dog years…) and if saw the tale of the tape on us, you would say that she got robbed. She has two master degrees and she can levitate Buicks with her mind. She sexy as whoa, beautiful smile and if eyes are the window to the soul, then hers is pure as the driven snow…
now me, on the other hand, I’m goofy lookin’, slewfoot and if it wasn’t for pop culture, I wouldn’t know a thing at all…and those are my good qualities.
from the outside looking in, we would be the worst Zane novel in history (I said that like there is a GREAT Zane novel…oh stop it, I’m pretty sure Zane is too busy counting her money to be reading this, behave)
But we love one another because we only care what the other things of them and screw the rest of the world. We’re pretty simple:
I made her smile
She made me think
She’s not into cuddling
I cried when Jenny died
Separate, we’re okay
Together we’re wonderful
@T. Troy Stewart,
Separate, we’re okay
Together we’re wonderful
Awww!! This is great.
@T. Troy Stewart, awww. U give me hope. That’s sweet. And I like that you call her your Sweet Thang. That’s awesome
@T. Troy Stewart,
Ummmm is this a tear that I’m wiping from my eye.
OH HELLZ NAW!!!
Naw this was sweet as he.l.l!
@T. Troy Stewart, man When Jenny died and when little Forest went to school….. *verclempt happens*
@WuDaMan, true that…even though Jenny was a garden tool…
@WuDaMan,
Aw, ya’ll are sweet crying when Jenny died. And you know that scene was sad because I was trying to choose between crying and laughing at Tom Hanks’ suck-a-lemon face when he said that speech to Jenny’s gave. Crying won.
@Cheekie,
That ish was sad. Tom Hanks…dude can act.
@T. Troy Stewart,
lmao @ “she can levitate Buicks with her mind”
love it!!
@T. Troy Stewart,
Oh my god!! This is where it’s at people. Zackly!(wkcite RedBeans)
It’s all about matching each other and foregoing what the norm and society dictates.
Beautiful testimony. (and I am telling on you for that sweet thang! Lol!)
@BlkBond,
“and the women seem to be consumed with money & status.”
Maybe this comes from years of not having it. Years of a woman supporting their husband every day of their life for them to barely break even every month. We are women that have been raised by mothers that wish their husbands had and did more. As a result, they have forced these thoughts onto us. I’m not saying it makes it right but I see the root us such things.
Raised in part by my grandmother, from the age of FIVE she always stressed the importance of “having things,” having a great education and to NEVER date or marry a man that didn’t have an education or a good job. Grandma knows best right? I never strayed from this point until recent. Not to say I stopped dating men with an education or a job, but I realized there should be more. All highly educated men with good jobs aren’t always nice to be around.
I may have strayed from the point a bit. I’d like my man to have status and money. At this point, I’m doing what I can to make sure that I (ME) have status and money.
” snizzles and snizzle snatch” ?
Really, champ?
@Liz,
More necissary than you know Liz. lol
you know I’m loving todays writing The Champ. I actually think this is the first time I have seen the written word ‘enunciation’. I mean I’ve used it many times but not written lol. and the alliterated lP killin em.
What’s the right stuff? I been marinating on some Isley Brothers lyrics lately. Ron was like, ‘if you give me everything I need, I’ll give you everything I got.’ I think that’s it. Then again I may be in a meditative state.
@WuDaMan,
Well said Wu! Mr. Peepers would be proud.
I too agree that today is a great post. I’m glad to see everyone out and about.
@Ivy St.,
Ditto Ace. Ditto.
@WuDaMan, which Ron Isley we talking about, the cool playa from the 70s and 80s or that clown Mr. Bigg who dumped Angela Winbush and that should have quit that role after Kelly Price’s FRIEND OF MINE remix?
@T. Troy Stewart,
The cool one from the 70s. *jig dancing* yeah.
@WuDaMan, right…right…
@T. Troy Stewart,
Wasn’t Ron such a disappointment! smh @ his King Koopa lookin asz wifin young hoodrats.
@Me fail english?, he really was…dude was responsible for practically inventing “the Quiet Storm” format and by the 90s he was a pimped out Wile E. Coyote to Mr. Pee On U, R. Kelly’s tricked out Road Runner?
@Me fail english?,
*dead*
@T. Troy Stewart,
” that clown Mr. Bigg ”
You mean tax-evasion Ron Isley? lol
@WuDaMan,
Speaking of the Isleys, I think they got a lyric that speaks to everyone’s souls.
Mine is “It’s important to me/ that you know you are free…’cause I’d never want to make you change…No I wouldn’t change you for the world”
@Me fail english?,
From Hello it’s me. I love that song. Then again, I am an Isley Brother’s stan. So many nights of my life “Sensuality” has been the prelude to many headboard sessions. Can’t go wrong with the Isley’s…
Bond.
@BlkBond, Sensuality is sho nuff!
@WuDaMan,
“What’s the right stuff?”
Since you mentioned songs, the term “the right stuff” only caused a some New Kids on the Block to blast in my head. I can’t get it out!
If we’re talking about looks alone, Chelley and Barry deserve each other.
@WestIndianArchie,
Is this a compliment or an insult to each of them?
@Cheekie,
They are properly matched.
She is as attractive as he is.
He is as attractive as she is.
@WestIndianArchie,
I’m still mad at your cryptic-ness. lol
I have to say that I read Jenee’s article and while it was interesting, I had to wonder if her goal was to stir up some controversy. Its totally great that she has found love in an unlikely person, but that doesn’t give her license to accuse black women of having standards now seem higher than the ones she has lowered. You’d better go on with that. While I do think that males and females alike have a mental pic and resume of their quintessential woman/man, I have not known one person to ever stay single or pass on others because they didn’t fit the bill….NOT ONE.
People are entitled to having AND exercising their preference. While Barack can NOW be called “the patron saint of bandwagon attraction,” it doesn’t mean that the women who weren’t feeling his lanky, big-eared, public service attorney job-having (equals not paid), with his car door fallin off of the hinge THEN valued the wrong things because they didn’t see or just plain ol’ weren’t interested in what Michelle obviously did see in him.
@Mercedes,
good points and sh*t
For the FUNNIEST ish I’ve seen today, I present you with…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7INfm99741E
I think iDied AT LEAST 4 times. Here lies Luvvie. She came, she IGed, she conquered (her fear of the unknown). *dead and SOOOO far gone!* I demand that folks wear a Dereon housecoat w/ matching fuzzy gold glittered slippers to my funegro.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
*snort*
I love how the baby in the audience cried out right after she fell. I also give mad props to her for staying in character and feeling around for the stage to get lifted up. She should get a Tony for that ish.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Dear Luvvie,
the police may come looking for you to charge you with my death,
Sincerely,
IH
died 2:34pm 6/18/09
@Thuggie Luvvie,
LOL!! Thanks Thuggie Luvvie…now my co-workers know for sure that I’m not working….
Mi dos pesos
I just feel that there is nothing wrong with being “superficial” I mean I like fat a**es. Every girl I have ever dated has had a nice booty. Yeah some women /men want someone on par and others dont. But I just dont think lovin and likin need to be a lot of work.
All you need to do is assess on regular basis whether or not that nappy haired, big tooth monster you dating is making YOU happy. If not, ditch that ninja If so tell them other folk to shut they dumb a** up. Even if its yo mama (but say it under your breff)
side note, obama got yall fooled. That dude wears timbalands, smoke trees, sometimes rocks a gold toof, dangles his participles, has long stroke nasty sex to r. kelly and tupac and luther vandross. He had to put that stuff away so he could be Prez. Mark my words there is a picture of BO with a jheri curl and sunglasses lokin like hollywood shuffle. It just hasn’t surfaced yet.
just let your sooooooooul glooooooo!
*whispering soul glo*
@Blacklaw,
“dangles his participles,”
LOL
@Blacklaw,
“side note, obama got yall fooled”
Not fooled enough. If all of the above were true, I’d still vote for his arse over John McCain.
I haven’t read all the comments yet…but just let me make a few points before I scroll back up and see that they have already been made!
*I don’t think “Barry” was a lame back in the day…he looked pretty d@mn cool in those throwback pics of him in the hat…Although, I’m sure he wasn’t just born the cool as sh*t dude that we see today…I wouldn’t exactly assin LAME to him either
*Michelle is strong and smart and definitely a laaaaaddy! but I think she would have been more the lame back then than
Barry…I mean I would venture to say that she was dolling out major dome to secure her spot and even then it’d be a stretch cuz if I had a peen, I would be afraid to put it anywhere near those chompers! YIKES!
*Finally, you never know how the one you love will end up…today’s cool, worldly bookworm could be tomorrow’s wino on the block asking for a dollar…*shruggin* I’m just saying…
@GOODENess, LMAO. You slay me. Everytime. Every. Time.
Hmmm…great points. I can’t stand the excuse of being with Becky because sistahs don’t act right, wasn’t feelin me, are gold diggers and/or have too much attitude. We come with varying personalities as numerous as our shades.
Second, Chelle was prob lucky to get him. Not that I think he has always been as “swaglicious” as he is today, but he prob wasn’t completely wacktastic either. Plus for as smart and accomplished as she is…(Preparing for attacks) I’ve always felt like she looked like a decendent of the predator creature. Sorry.
Looks aren’t everything. Just need to be breedable.
Everyone makes them out to be the supreme example of black love, but we don’t know nuffin bout them. I mean he has a dude writin books and such about givin him dome after smokin rocks together. I’m cool. Love B and from what I SEE, he could be my ideal mate(aside from those old man mall walker tennis shoes).
The right stuff, who knows. Completely relative. I find myself questioning if my deal breakers are legitimate allllll the time. What I look for is very diff from most of my friends, but I’m the only one who matters. I have been said to walk in any venue and look for the brotha who only dates Becky and decide that’s the one I’m attracted to. Apprently I also seem to be the most likely to date Ted. Ah well.
I need ambition, drive, passion, laughter, spirituality, strong fam values, appreciation for the institute of marriage. Also, I need character traits that compliment me such as good money management skills as I brink on a fail in that area, someone who is more by the book, as I might break a law or two
, someone who is a lil ocd as I tend to be flighty at times.
Then of course there are the more superficial traits that are desired but not required. At least 6’3″, 230+#, nice teeth, big hands, great style, and loves music. I’d prefer a brotha, but I’m getting weary of the Gods gift mentality. I’m a gift too!!! Let’s ‘preciate eachother!!
I’d also like to add that we aa women catch a bad rap as far as lookin for the dude who’s already fly, made it whatever. I know I have, as well as many others, been the chick holdin a brother down while he figures out who he wants to be, brokeness, weight gain and loss, only for that man to finish law school and get some shine, and change the whole game up! Now we can’t relate because I don’t have, and was undecided about persuing a professional degree?? This is not rare.
Now that I have actually read the article, I think I agree with her in principle.
Women too often get away with being superficial, while men constantly get slayed for having preferences.
Women can say all day long that they want a tall, dark-skinned dude that is ripped, but if a man mentions prefering something –anything, all hell breaks loose. (cf the post that shall not be named)
My thing is if you are gonna hold out for the Harvard gradutate/Rhodes Scholar/Rapper with the babyface and killer bod, you best not talk about anybody dating Becky. You just wait and hope your Prince Charming comes sooner than later…
and not just in your dreamsI did post this in FRIDAYS blog by accident but it was meant ofr THURS blog:
This trend is what happens when fools start going to college to get a degree in something that they have no clue to the rigors of said degree.
They just no the degree pays well-but sans passion they get bored and start fooling around with women (cuz we are talkin about men here) since they feel no need to stop aint like they got anything worth losing and it aint like they building toward anything significant.
They just go to their very well paid gig knowing they have NOTHING after work to do but go to the bar/lounge/club-not to blow off steam but to as if they still in college run through as many women as possible-when they meet their match they get on that, “I am a catch cuz…(so you should be bowing down…any minute now…any minute) oh dammit I got a phD.
What I am saying is even with prestigious advanced degrees ALL industries have their Gofer Workers-ya know the guy in the military cuz he likes guns as long as he doesnt have to shoot em.
Tons of men like this exist on Wall St and in Entertainment and yes ladies some of yall maybe even on this blog fell for this dude.
I have dated several of these women, college educated but some how got played into baby moma status like they 19 in Seth low projects in Brownsville, Brooklyn.
Its only after she is dumped and left alone (negating her degree and her “independence”) that she sees his Graphic Design degree is just that a degree it aint his passion. That explains why even when you met him 3 yrs after he got out he has no professional body of work-nothing-not even a logo for local rapper and we in NYC!! Still his bull$hit got him a car-job-apt and off course free time to bone and make her groan and these men play into young women folly that life should be a series of PEAKS with no VALLEYS. As I said unfortunately too many young black professional women are getting caught up with this guy.
Yes he’s a lame but I am more suspect about the women he was able to pull in, it seems the thug/hustla has been replaced by good man /w degree and no kids=Great Boyfriend. Thats only true if he’s really putting his heart-time and money into his passion and then judge his reactions when something goes wrong (because when chasing dreams something WILL go wrong). His response to that shows you if he is a fighter-but if he act like it was “nothing” man you got a Loser in your bed! Now it doesnt mean for sure he’d be a great BF but it reveals Character in the face of Adversity.
I cant stand it when I try to get women to tell me what was so great about their Ex-that at the time they got pregnant and all they say is -”his job-he treated them nice-he said he wanted have kids”-ya know as a man IDK what other guys hear when this is said but all I hear is “Sex and Status”. To me it is not a surprise THIS kind of guy is a louse even with degree. Its about passion people the degree is a tool to help you get there, nothing more.
Also the one that stays learning and reading YEARS after college is who you ladies (and men too) should be checking for.
KAIZEN!!!