“its funny yo”
my friend replied, when i asked him about some of the differences between the burgh (he’s a grad student at the university of pittsburgh) and philly (his hometown)
“i never was really around this many white people before, and it took me a while to get used to em…especially the women”
when i asked him to expound, he remarked,
“when i first got here, i assumed every white chick i met was trying to f*ck me. thing is, i just wasn’t used to chicks being happy and smiling all the time. usually, when a sista is nice to you or smiling, it means she’s digging you. with white women, it seems like thats just the way they are”
the topic of the angry/melancholy/choleric/easily annoyed/indignant black woman is one as synonymous to american culture as jazz, apple pie, baseball, and drunk snizzles…an ambivalence breeding topic that cultivates tons of questions.
is it a destructive stereotype or slightly exaggerated truth? a dangerous myth or a legitimate fact? hyperbole or honesty? are women of other races given the benefit of the doubt? if a black women shows the same traits as an “assertive“, “pensive“, or “focused” white, latina, or asian woman, is she labeled “bitter“, “mysterious“, or “aloof“?
if true, if most black women do carry shaq sized boulders on their shoulders, are there legitmate reasons for this? when considering the many uphill battles they face, do black women have to stay, to quote one of my cousins “aggresively guarded to stay sane”?
also, since men are typically attracted to “soft”, pleasant, compassionate, and affectionate women, how much does the angry black chick dynamic impact the dating scene?
for those with angry black chick discussion fatigue…sorry. (God-willing) in a couple months, one of the inhibitants of the white house will be a (then) 45 year old black woman who has already had the entire perfunctory “how to label a black woman” kit thrown at her by many detractors, with “unpatroitic” and “elitist” added for good measure…so those tired of this discussion better find they asses a second wind.
damn. i asked a ton of questions. people of vsb…what are your answers?
—the champ
I’m pretty happy-go-lucky, unless there’s something really bothering me. At which case, instead of snapping at people, I just become really quite. U will almost be able to see a gloom cloud over me. I choose to smile a lot because laughter is great medicine for a lot of things, and helps me cope with whatever life throws my way.
So when life throws me lemons, I make bomb a$$ lemonade, and share it with others.
And sometimes, I do make tart lemonade. I ain’t always all smiles. VEG can testify to the mean-mugging I do to people who get outta hand in the club (like the fools that ask me to dance, and I politely decline. Then they pull me towards them and I give them a look so bad they almost turn to stone. They usually walk away)
*testifies*
woohoo, for more people!! lol
Thank you, oh buddy of mine
luvvie, you know, i think petite chicks get a lot of isht if theyre not prepared to mean mug when the occasion calls for it. people generally think they can manhandle you if youre on the smaller side…
As a smaller person who was like a size 2 when I clubbed, I found it has a lot to do with how you decline. If I said a flat, “No” it was more likely that the guy would still try–physically sometimes. But when I said, “Oh thanks. That’s so sweet of you but I’d rather not.” the response was different. Honestly, I think the second response painted me out to be a sweet, fragile creature who shouldn’t be man-handled. LOL
“So when life throws me lemons, I make bomb a$$ lemonade, and share it with others.”
i heard from a bird that your lemonade tastes like gasoline
*curses* Champ, may there be albino roaches on ur toast.
you have ruined toast for me forever. thanks
“you have ruined toast for me forever”
Wow, you went down easy, Champ. A few roaches and you just throw in the towel, huh? Punk. *snicker*
yes. i dont box with roaches
“Wow, you went down easy, Champ”
That’s what I said.
@8th Wonder,
LMAO!!! nice!
awww damn *looking for iron lung*
“you have ruined toast for me forever”
See? This just made my day. Mission accomplished.
I dont know..I am often the angry black chick at work but everytime it has been justified. The time my manager painted her baseball figure in black face for the sales contest and said that she was trying to make it look like Chef..umm since when did chef have shiny glitter red lips in that formed a perfect O shape and glittery red cheeks? You are a southern white woman from the south..you know the business on that one. However 1 or 2 instance of speaking my mind has gotten me that label. I dont walk around mean mugging but excuse me for not wanting you to touch my fro or pull my twists? Now Im angry because you invaded my personal space? or because you decided it would be a good idea to have a team outing at 8 am when I work from 2-11 and I am not all sunshines and rainbows and while everyone else goes home I am still expected to work my closing shift?…….. its bull that I am expected to endure this bullshyt with a smile and the moment I dont immediately jump on the bandwagon I am stereotyped….
“I am often the angry black chick at work but every time it has been justified”
*co-sign*
Speaking your mind in the work place can often get a sista the “Angry Black Chick Label”. It is sooo unfair. You can speak your mind in a calm and polite manner and still be labeled a b!tch.
Speaking your mind in the work place can often get a sista the “Angry Black Chick Label”. It is sooo unfair. You can speak your mind in a calm and polite manner and still be labeled a b!tch.
EXACTLY….thats what I have a problem with. I go to work and I am just as professional as the next person if not more so, but I do have the right to speak my mind and just because I disagree or because I bring up an issue Id like to see addressed does not mean I should be dismissed as the angry black chick. Thats whats most infuriating about the stereotypes. It gives people the ability to dismiss our feelings and emotions as just the way “we” are and not take them seriously…..
“It gives people the ability to dismiss our feelings and emotions as just the way “we” are and not take them seriously…..”
That is the WORST part of it all! I hate that with a passion. At a meeting when I address an issue that was overlooked I am the b!tch too. But when some under qualified Sarah Palin lookin’ chick says the same thing its cool. When will this mess end!?
*Shaking my tiny fists in the air*
Maybe I should ask Oprah for help on this one…lol.
“It gives people the ability to dismiss our feelings and emotions as just the way “we” are and not take them seriously…..”
i feel you on this one, for sure. thats been happening to women since the dawn of time. it jsut seems that nowadays the non-black woman will be labeled “too emotional” and the black woman will be labeled “angry and mean”
All you people and your tiny fisteses
“All you people and your tiny fisteses”
lol…when i skimmed past this the first time i thought it read “tiny feces’
um…ew!
@shay-d-lady, EXACTLY!
At work, whites are way more considerate when they ‘feel’ they know you. It’s part of playing the game, I think.
Where the hell was HR on the whole Black face thing?? I had a similar thing happen some years ago. I played the ‘hurt’ card knowing along this would cause a nice big HR backlash. There was no point in little old me checking the chick when I could manipulate HR into doing it for me.
There was no point in little old me checking the chick when I could manipulate HR into doing it for me.
making the man work for you huh hostess? lol
“making the man work for you huh hostess? lol”
the hostess brings up a good point though. too many of us (black men and women) spend too much time at the micro levels instead of thinking more globally. basically, we dont know how to play the “game”
yeah.
“At work, whites are way more considerate when they ‘feel’ they know you. It’s part of playing the game, I think. ”
I agree with this statement completely. When my Business Management professor deviated from the script and taught us corporate politics, I thought the broad was crazy. But now that I’m in it full force… I realized the wisdom of her words… Why take on the sensitivity battle for myself and be labeled as the office’s ABW when I can drop a lil jewel in HR’s ear or ask an innocent but leading question to my manager and let them handle my lightweight?!
The only thing you need to be careful of is when non-black people feel like they know you…they tend to speak out their asses and that is by no way tolerated or accepted and I am sure to “sweetly check” them the way my momma did me. Check them in a way that makes it feel like it was of their own volition to correct themselves and not the voodoo yoda mind trick I just played on them. 90% of the time, it works 100% of the time!
shay-d, you witness/experience some of the craziest ish i’ve ever heard in my life!! from your personal to your professional life–you be havin stories! dang lol.
but i feel you on holding the Angry Black Woman title in the work place. i “work” in a research lab and i’m the only person of pigment. and i’m 1 of 2 w/ XX chromosomes out of a lab of about 10 ppl. and every now and then i get a ‘tude becuz of them being inconsiderate and slopy of our shared workspaces. i’ve been called a b*tch on more than one occassion becuz i speak up and tell ppl what i think of their dirty habits. and i’ve been told, my mulitple labmtes on multiple occassions, that they’re scared of me. “i wouldn’t mess with gem, she doesn’t play.” like they’ve ever seen me REALLY go off. or i go around picking fights and tearing ppl down. the other 2520 chick in the lab can be just as stern and outspoken , yet nobody blinks and thinks she’s just the sweetest person ever.
it is what it is i guess.
Gem, this could have been my testimonial. And I already told Shay-d she has the funniest, craziest stories on VSB. I love em lol.
ps) I left you the Suessy mssg on FB!
@shay-d-lady, I COULDN’T HAVE SAID I T BETTER MYSELF!!!
Our emotions are not irrational, they are in fact justified reactions to heinous events…events which people other than our own do not recognize as overtly offensive.
As for why the brothas aren’t as “angry”–so to speak–as we are, I say it’s because ATLEAST they walk around as the high sought after sex figure…WHICH consequentially boosts their ego from time to time…(ok maybe that last part was a bit much).
My point is that, often I am regarded as acting irratitonally to certain events and circumstances, but know one understands as us the way (we) black people do…they just don’t understand our strife.
Now, about the angry Black woman stereotype. I want to stop short of saying it is true, but let’s face it. I’ve come across some attitudinal sistahs. I LOVE my sistahs but sometimes, we are so quick to snap our necks and suck our teeth that I can see why folks are intimidated to approach some of us.
However, I do realize folks deal with a lot in their lives that makes them have a perpetual chip on their shoulders. Reasons could range from job dissatisfaction to an unhappy home life. In trying to keep everything together in all the roles we gotta play (Superwoman ain’t got ISH on us), some become bitter and others just hold a grudge on life in general.
“In trying to keep everything together in all the roles we gotta play (Superwoman ain’t got ISH on us), some become bitter and others just hold a grudge on life in general.”
yeah, the problem is that some dont….but we all get labeled the same.
my problem with it is the fact that there is no room for variation among black women. we are one monolithic group who acts, thinks and behaves the same. even the anomalies are just putting on an act.
that ish annoys me.
however, i will say that the thing that will piss me off quick is for me to be wandering in my own reverie with no thought to facial expressions and some man comes up and tells me to smile. that is one of my biggest pet peeves! some of the most selfish ish ever….like, whats happening in my world is relevant, i should smile so that YOU feel better? gtfohwtbs!
“whats happening in my world is relevant, i should smile so that YOU feel better?”
yup
i meant irrelevant, but you got me….and yeah, i wouldnt hold my breath waiting on that smile, champski!
Eff that. I’m not smiling to make ANYBODY more comfortable. I’ll do it when I feel like it, IF I feel like it.
Since when am I and every other black woman responsible for the comfort of the whole GD world?
Hush.
I’ll do it when I feel like it, IF I feel like it.
nah. you’ll do it when i say.
trust me
Ha! Whatever Mr. Champs.
Apparently you had a side of industrial skrenff Wheaties w/that Toast this morning.
Apparently you had a side of industrial skrenff Wheaties w/that Toast this morning.
thanks to luvvie, i dont do toast anymore. its all muffins now
i’m def with you on this shatani. i think it stems, as you said, from the fact that they look at all of us as being angry all the time. when men say that sh!t to me i usually give ‘em the side eye and keep going.
most of the time i’m just walking around contemplating my own thoughts, making a mental list of what i need to buy in target or which of the 15 errands i have to run today am i going to do next. it ain’t got nothing to do with you or being angry. that being said, it also just pisses me off because you never know what someone is going through at the time.
exactly! its complete selfishness.
however, i will say that the thing that will piss me off quick is for me to be wandering in my own reverie with no thought to facial expressions and some man comes up and tells me to smile. that is one of my biggest pet peeves!
i can so testify to this! it irks me to no end as well. but apparently, as i’ve been told many times, when i don’t smile, i look like i’m mean-mugging. and when i don’t smile, i get the “you should smile more, you are too beautiful to be frowning” or the “why you so angry?” questions. why i got to be angry becuz i’m not smiling?? as many other ladies have already stated, sometimes i’m not smiling becuz i’m focused on the thoughts in my head (or the voices talking inside my head, either way it’s nunyabiznass). or maybe i’m just sad becuz i had a bad day. or whatever.
as some one who is very aware of body language and non-verbal communication, i use many other things besides my mouth smiling or frowning to display how i feel, what mood i’m in, and whether or not i want to be bothered. please pay attn to them ALL and learn something about me before you come around harassing me. thanks.
*Wet Blanket Alert*
To corroborate what Luvvie said, I would share a tidbit of my own experience…
I have experience America as an adult. Moving here for college was an education all by itself. I was in a small ass school in a boring ass town with not a ton of black people around. The school was predominantly white and hispanic.
I am usually a rather friendly person, your typical outgoing chick who can make conversations with friends with lamposts at bus stops, if I so choose. So high was my surprise when my attempts at befriending the only other black girl in most of my classes were met with an extreme cold shoulder. I could only explain it with me being a foreigner.
Meanwhile, my rommate was a first generation Mexican-American and that girl was one of the nicest persons I have ever met.
My conclusion was easily that being that her parents were immigrant themselves it was easier for her to relate to me. Or something like that.
It wasn’t until much later that I actually realized that it was across the board for Black Females. The girl who was mean mugging me those first semesters is now one of my best friends in the land.
I believe it comes from the fact that typically black women in America would not trust anybody outwardly with good reasons! They stand to lose too much by doing so. That need for trust before letting people in often reinforces the outwardly appearance that black women are angry.
In my case, they were just being careful who to rely upon.
*wet blanket session over*
There are so many psychological implications on the why and how this stereotype came to be. And I have to get ready for work… but I’ll get into it later.
“There are so many psychological implications on the why and how this stereotype came to be”
i agree with this (i posted my comment b4 i read erryone’s)..The row to tow hasn’t historically been easy for black women. (I would venture to say that neither is it a cake walk for Black Men).
moving past some of the political and social fallout that made the “Angry Black Woman” ..
***Pollyanna whirls her shams***
how much of it now is personal responsibility to change outlook. Deal with some of the junk in our trunk (let’s face it some of this is very psychological and unhealthy) and take a more self-directed role in our own joy.
“how much of it now is personal responsibility to change outlook. Deal with some of the junk in our trunk (let’s face it some of this is very psychological and unhealthy) and take a more self-directed role in our own joy.”
good point, comeback girl? what happened, are your blankets in the dryer today?
” are your blankets in the dryer today?”
yes i had an opportunity to fling some around at P-Fiddy’s est. yesterday thus airing them out in time for the post today.
I believe it comes from the fact that typically black women in America would not trust anybody outwardly with good reasons! They stand to lose too much by doing so. That need for trust before letting people in often reinforces the outwardly appearance that black women are angry.
There’s gotta be a way to put all this on a t-shirt, mug, bag, something!
i’m thinking maybe one of those bar code tattoos on every black chicks neck.
This part stood out to me, too.
Too many people hate us (Black people and Black women) for no reason. It really is astounding when I think of all the people who have screwed me over for no good reason even as they smiled in my face.
*Eyes shift toward passive aggressive @$$ 2520s*
So, yeah. I smile at people to avoid the baggage of yet another stereotype. I go to their parties and laugh at their jokes and am known as the sweetest thing alive. BUT, it is at least 75% Splenda because I know that I don’t really know where I stand with most people I interact with on a day to day basis.
Are you in the gossip loop–without contributing to it? Like if you were about to get the ax, would one of them pull you to the side and say something or hint? I believe that’s the true test of where one stands.
oh snap! i think i am! although, i have something about me that makes folks wanna tell me stuff all the time. blessing/curse.
Girl, this is how I act at law school. I CAN’T GO TO WORK!! I CAN’T GET NO REAL JOB!!!!!!
this made me laugh out loud. i co-sign what you said… had the same experience in grad school.
ive managed to find a few fantastic friends here in grad school and as for the rest of them, i dont really care where i stand with them because of where they stand with me!
I use to smile all of the time. However, now that I live in the city, I had to adopt a different mentality. When I am on the train or walking to class, or even just going about my day, I found that I have to have this, “You mess with me and I will F*&K you up” attitude. Otherwise, smiling is like an invitation for something more, when really I just want to be polite.
It is tiring walking down the street having random “men” yell things out loud. Not to mention embarrassing. Women of other races do not have to worry about men of their respective races saying profane/sexual things to them while they are out and about. So why should I?
“Women of other races do not have to worry about men of their respective races saying profane/sexual things to them while they are out and about.”
I’m sorry…
Men of ALL races catcall and women of ALL races get catcalled.
I have white friends (yes I do) and they have numerous stories about white construction workers or men in suits downtown who yell lewd, disrespectful things at them. Same goes for Latinas.
“I have white friends (yes I do)…”
its true! she does! i seen pictures….i mean. unless they were paid actors! lmao
My friends and I we are like a Benetton Ad. White, Asian, Southeast Asian, Arab, Black, and the list goes on. I think I even have a purple one.
Just to let you know V Dot, that you are not alone.
I concur!
“Women of other races do not have to worry about men of their respective races saying profane/sexual things to them while they are out and about. So why should I?”
this comment actually alludes to another stereotype…that black males are hyperheterosexual beings who are much more profane, forward, and tactless than men of other races. (which is another topic in itself)
“this comment actually alludes to another stereotype…that black males are hyperheterosexual beings who are much more profane, forward, and tactless than men of other races. (which is another topic in itself)”
Yeah and this is part of the reason why I boycott anything “King Kong” related. Champ, I will look forward to that post. The animalistic Black man is a stereotype that must be discussed.
oh yeah, i remember the upheaval of that one magazine cover….was it lebron james?
it was Vogue… Lebron w/ Giselle the model…
yeah. and honestly, i didn’t even think that until the media started talking about it. i thought it was a bit much.
“yeah. and honestly, i didn’t even think that until the media started talking about it. i thought it was a bit much.”
you know, this was one of those situations where i initially downplayed it, but the more i thought about it, the more i thought that the critics had a valid point
I didn’t think it was that bad when I first saw it… but after thinking about it and the LACK of Black female models used in Vogue period, I thought the criticism was valid.
yup. esp the lack of black modes.
The criticism of the LeBron James GQ cover where he was in hooping gear and pulling at Gisele was very valid. GQ is known for pinstripe tailored suits and utter dapper-ness, not mesh shorts and headband. So already, I gave the cover the side eye. Then add to that LeBron’s Gorilla-like pose, and the fragile pose Gisele gave. GQ lost MAJOR points with me.
The criticism of the LeBron James GQ cover where he was in hooping gear and pulling at Gisele was very valid. GQ is known for pinstripe tailored suits and utter dapper-ness, not mesh shorts and headband. So already, I gave the cover the side eye. Then add to that LeBron’s Gorilla-like pose, and the fragile pose Gisele gave. GQ lost MAJOR points with me.
(sidenote: it was vogue, not gq)
Senility is no good.
Vogue, my bad. Well they ain’t known for mesh shorts either. I guess I will give GQ back their points and subtract from Vogue’s
on a totally separate lebron note…is anybody else still giving him the side eye for telling his mama to sit her @ss down? f^ck a fine, my mama woulda walked right through all of them cavaliers and snatched my @ss…
on a totally separate lebron note…is anybody else still giving him the side eye for telling his mama to sit her @ss down? f^ck a fine, my mama woulda walked right through all of them cavaliers and snatched my @ss…
you know what, as much as i love and respect my mother (and father, late grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) if one of them would have tried to run on the court during the middle of a game, i might have responded the same way. i probably wouldnt have cursed, but i definitely wouldnt have “gentlely requested” that they remove themselves either
this made me laugh..,
Southern Girl – i don’t know anything about this incident (gonna look it up) but i know a little about LeBrons family (one of his sisters is my one of coworker’s son’s baby’s mama – his dad had like 17 kids) so i can just imagine his mama running out onto the court.. hilarious.
lol. well, d@mn pgh—>(one of his sisters is my one of coworker’s son’s baby’s mama – his dad had like 17 kids)
yeah. its on you tube. she didn’t so much run onto the court as try to get all up in an altercation he had when he fell in the stands on a foul. from what i hear on the e-streets his mama is somethin’ else but still…cursing yo mama?
“this comment actually alludes to another stereotype…that black males are hyperheterosexual beings who are much more profane, forward, and tactless than men of other races. (which is another topic in itself)”
Champ, you’re absolutely right with this point. I’d really like to go in on that statement, but that’s another topic for another time. I will say that I have friends of various races and they’ve said and done some things that I or my circle of black friends wouldn’t say or do to a woman of ANY race…but when the topic of disrepectful and offensive men come up, please believe that face is almost always black.
““this comment actually alludes to another stereotype…that black males are hyperheterosexual beings who are much more profane, forward, and tactless than men of other races. (which is another topic in itself)””
this is SOOO dam@n deep rhat here.
Great point AkShone.
BTW, do people call you Action Jackson?
ive been having that urge for some time now! but ive refrained!
“BTW, do people call you Action Jackson?”
Lol, yeah…except I don’t have Jackson in my name.
- Ironically, that was one of my favorite movies as a kid.
“I will say that I have friends of various races and they’ve said and done some things that I or my circle of black friends wouldn’t say or do to a woman of ANY race…but when the topic of disrepectful and offensive men come up, please believe that face is almost always black.”
yeah, the black male boogieman stereotype is just as old (and more dangerous) than the angry black chick one
well, blacks in general are hyperheterosexual. . . at least on the surface. blacks voted 70/30 for prop 8, whites 45/55, latinos 51/49, and everyone else around 55/45.
well, blacks in general are hyperheterosexual. . . at least on the surface. blacks voted 70/30 for prop 8, whites 45/55, latinos 51/49, and everyone else around 55/45.
Interesting…
c’mon! Voting ‘no’ on prop 8 in great numbers than other races does not make black folk hyper heterosexual. It makes us socially conservative, bound by religious edicts, maybe even homophobic…but not hyper hetero.
shi!t. no wonder white folk stereotype us. We stereotype ourselves.And we embrace the stereotypes, wear them like fancy new clothes.
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery…
tell the truth, now, veggie!!!
and lets not forget that the real culprit in that were older people…i read that the ratio of old/young folks that passed prop 8 was extremely high.
“c’mon! Voting ‘no’ on prop 8 in great numbers than other races does not make black folk hyper heterosexual. It makes us socially conservative, bound by religious edicts, maybe even homophobic…”
…or they (read: “me”) could only be interested in the semantic side of the argument
Voting ‘no’ on prop 8 in great numbers than other races does not make black folk hyper heterosexual. It makes us socially conservative, bound by religious edicts, maybe even homophobic…but not hyper hetero.
i actually don’t think hyperheterosexualism and social conservatism, religious edicts, and homophobia are mutually exclusive. i think these things lead to what makes ppl in general hyperheterosexual.
i think these things lead to what makes ppl in general hyperheterosexual.
interesting…
“well, blacks in general are hyperheterosexual”
If by blacks, you mean “THE WORLD” then yes.
@The Champ,
Hey All! I’m new to this blog. Well, not really, since I’ve been stalking for a while but just HAD to respond to this. I live in NYC and get catcalled ALL the FRIGGIN time to the point where it angers me and yes might have turned me into abw on the streets. NYC born and raised. Black and Latino men are the ones in my experience who you cannot walk past without being commented on, or being commented on in a vulgar manner, or being commented on AFTER you’ve walked past so that they could get a good booty shot before saying something to you. I know I can’t walk in certain neighborhoods without expecting someone to say something. I purposely put my headphones on even when I am not listening to any music, as a ‘buffer.’ Seriously, any black/hispanic woman living in NYC, has got to know what I’m talking about. This starts when a woman is about 12. No kidding. So yes, those ninjas make me morph into abw and I do not apologize. White men make comments too, but really, not so much. They may look at me, or even nod a head or say ‘good morning,’ but compared to what the black and hispanic men say to me, they are actually a lot more respectful.
The stereotype of the angry black woman will always continue to manifest itself – for justified and sometimes unjustified reasons. You’ll be lieing to yourself if you said there wasn’t a great deal of women out there that would fit into that catgory. A lot of them that DO fit into that category won’t even admit, but will talk shyt upon others and through them in it.
There are many factors (too many to get into right now) that contributes to this, but a lot of it has to do with poor self-esteem, daddy issues, dealing with the wrong dudes, or a combination of these.
There are angry chicks of all nationalities, but society often labels the black woman as being the queen of all things angry because of steretypes and an over-domineering attitude that some sistas carry. Many times, especially if there wasn’t a strong male figure in a girl’s life, she’ll see either (big) momma runnin’ shyt all by herself, talking down to other men and expressing that she “don’t need no man” and for some reason or another, I think some girls and women interpret this as being powerful, strong, and in some ways angry because of how they go about getting what they want and expressing their assertiveness.
Although I understand it, it’s no reason not to freakin’ smile from time to time.
“Although I understand it, it’s no reason not to freakin’ smile from time to time.”
True story, Monk
“…especially if there wasn’t a strong male figure in a girl’s life…”
its amazing how much negative sh*t in our community stems from the breakdown of the family (illegitimacy, single-parents, etc)
“its amazing how much negative sh*t in our community stems from the breakdown of the family (illegitimacy, single-parents, etc)”
Yeah. 2520s REALLY effed us up during slavery. I think the breakdown of the family is the #1 reason (out of infinite others) why slavery was as painful as it was. 200 years later, we still haven’t been able to get the strong family we came from Africa with.
“2520s REALLY effed us up during slavery.”
Well the west Africans didn’t help when they sold us off…
I DONT OWE U NUFFIN, V!!! I kno you tryna get reparations from me. I thought I bought you crepes and we were even. lol
*dead*
*laughing hysterically, choking on own saliva*
True, but keep in mind slavery to west africans was like indentured servitude to the whites of that time. You worked your ass off for a while, then you earned a place in society, and everyone treats you equally.
LoL, I mean, look at the native americans, who knew that 2520s would want to own land into perpetuity?
“True, but keep in mind slavery to west africans was like indentured servitude to the whites of that time. You worked your ass off for a while, then you earned a place in society, and everyone treats you equally.”
Praise Him!!
I find myself explaining this time and time again not only to ridiculously uninformed 2520′s that I encounter, but to ridiculously uninformed black folks as well.
whatever!
I understand how it all it played out. Ise literate. But it still stands that the west africans should have to give me something…
how bout some jaloff rice and a glass of palm wine?
V, this West African is only offering you crepes. Maybe sushi. Or… a bottle of Bailey’s. We can take libations to our ancestors.
I’ll throw in a bowl of goat stew and some fried plantains.
We good, VEG?
We’re good.
*gingerly backs up off of this comment*
Yeah. 2520s REALLY effed us up during slavery. I think the breakdown of the family is the #1 reason (out of infinite others) why slavery was as painful as it was. 200 years later, we still haven’t been able to get the strong family we came from Africa with.
you know what though, families were pretty much intact in the 40′s, 50′s, and 60′s, at least much more than they are today. i dont know if you can blame slavery for that one
it is official. I hate you all! I DONT KNOW WHERE THE 2520 comes from and it makes my blood boil! EFFING E-elitists!
Chick, if you don’t bring that boiling down to a slow simmer. We can’t have all that…we have a Black president now.
2520 is a VSB euphemism for White People
Y=25th letter of the alphabet
T=20th letter of the alphabet
Put YT together and see what you get?
OKay, now I shall sprankle you w/glittery loveliness and send Jesus an email* on your and your scorched blood’s behalf.
*****
******
*******
********
“Send Jesus an email” = PBG’s personal euphemism for prayer.
@PBG,
*ahem* Thank you. I have been asking for WEEKS! But you know I did realize that my um, email address may have been incorrect… for the um… reply function at the bottom.
i still say we need a friggin glossary! *humph*
E HUGS!
“you know what though, families were pretty much intact in the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s, at least much more than they are today. i dont know if you can blame slavery for that one”
True…this is due to much deeper issues outside of slavery (though it’s in the recipe). Especially when we’re talking post 1960. What, with the women’s movement (by this I mean the effects it had on men’s old-school mentality and how it transformed male/female relationships), high unemployment rates (women not being a major percentage of the workforce at that time), the rules of public housing (can’t have a man in the household) and the crack era (IMO, the worst thing to happen to the black community since slavery & its residual effects) just to name a few.
i feel like de-segregation helped things along too..
shatani, i was just talking to Champers and Ivy about this. i think law-inforced integration dissolved some of the efforts for black communities staying together as 1 unit. i won’t go into my tirade, but i think separate but [truly] equal would have helped establish the quality and strength of black business, education, etc, and intergration (without force) would have naturally occured. imho, of course.
as always, we right >here<
my best friend’s mom used to work in one of the BPP run daycares back in the day. im sorry, but folks who are caring for and feeding children while their parents work cannot be all bad! they were taking care of the community in ways that we aint had in a loooong time.
shatani, i was just talking to Champers and Ivy about this. i think law-inforced integration dissolved some of the efforts for black communities staying together as 1 unit. i won’t go into my tirade, but i think separate but [truly] equal would have helped establish the quality and strength of black business, education, etc, and intergration (without force) would have naturally occured. imho, of course.
i totally had this conversation 3 seperate times last week.
yes shatani, tis true that black women have been mothering this world for a long time now. we aren’t taking care of things how we used to, but some are definitely still doing their parts.
and e-twin, that’s why we’re twins!! cuz we share a damn brain lol. GOMH!!
@shatani, it did
i definitely agree with you, AkShone. esp the crack era piece. this point in our history is crucial. it definitely had an impact on the community and shaped the way it exists currently.
The crack epidemy did not help things either.
Yeah. 2520s REALLY effed us up during slavery. I think the breakdown of the family is the #1 reason (out of infinite others) why slavery was as painful as it was. 200 years later, we still haven’t been able to get the strong family we came from Africa with.
I’m getting in on the conversation late, so I apologize if anything I am saying is a repeat. The point above hit home with me. During undergrad, as I decided to focus on International Relations with a focus on Africa, I had a general understanding of “divide and conquer” and its consequences. When I read some of the personal testimonials of the British leadership in S. Africa for example, and the tactics they used and the methodical way they sought to conquer a people…I was floored. In one such testimonial, it specifically said that to destroy a people, you destroy their men first. A small example, is howt hey imposed a hut tax on the men forcing them to work in the mines. When payday would roll around the men were paid in alcohol. Literally, they were given alcohol for their weeks work. They were not allowed to visit their wife and family as frequently as they wanted, but were provided prostitutes. We can all imagine how disease, discord and destruction were the consequence. The more I read, the more I looked around and thought “d*mn, this worked better and longer than they probably imagined”.
I wish more people of color would read. You don’t know what you are fighting against, or why you are fighting, until you know what put you in the ring in the first place. I think Comeback girl spoke on unpacking baggage above. This is so crucial, as Black people we have unique issues. We have internalized a lot of defense mechanisms, and a lot of it might not even be because of what you have experience directly, it could be inherited.
The “angry” label to me also brings to mind the “strong” label. Black women are always caring for some 2520 damsel in distress because she has no feelings and 2520 women are as fragile as papyrus. It’s clear where these roles were developed. The fact we continue to see them on screen at the movies is fine, I think we are some tough arse women, but we def have feelings. I’m wondering also how much of this is culture. My family is from Africa (Somalia…lest I perpetuate the idea that Africa is a country, Palin wink*) and I know that growing up I was told I would not survive in this world if I kept up the waterworks for no reason. Thing was, I always had a reason but I was told that wearing my heart on my sleeve would only cause me pain, and I need to learn how to keep a strong exterior. Needless to say, instead of the “angry” label, people stay tryna test me! I don’t understand it, I don’t walk around grinning and shuffling, but I do smile at strangers…and a smile can be as disarming as an expelliarmus spell (yall WILL read Harry Potter!). My problem is that while people may not know to test me upfront, when they do, they are shocked when I respond accordingly. This is even worse because they were not expecting it so people make you feel like you had a Hulk moment when you really just asserted yourself on a basic level.
I think what hurts the most, is not when 2520 or outsiders make these generalizations, but when our own men validate them by using them as a reason to date outside the race. I’m not going to get into loyalty and whether Black men should not date other women, but must you disrespect and insult me as you slam the door and leave?
O,
First of all – I love you for your expalliarmus spell! You are not alone on the HP tip. Good post.
lol, all the people i meet in life, and like, appreciate HP. you are a trip btw, you had me dying last night. can’t wait to do it again!
@overit, i like how youre so gansta about the Potter…i feel ya girl. im slightly obsessed!
@overit,
that was awesome. Go girl.
over/under-it, you summed things up quite nicely (though rather “longly” i might add). as your resident VSB-twin, i couldn’t have said it better myself. you rock!
“a lot of it has to do with poor self-esteem, daddy issues, dealing with the wrong dudes, or a combination of these.”
well, going along with a commenter up above, it pays to mean mug here in the city because you have problems with people thinking you are friendly and dont wat to freaking leave u alone. to all of you that live in pleasantville and can afford and handle that kind of attention, smile away, but i dont need people rolling up on me asking me to pay their phone bill cause i said good morning to them 2 weeks ago. we got alot of crazy people here and its one of those things where its best to keep everybody away (or at least at bay) as opposed to inviting them in.
just last night a van followed me to my block and you cant imagine how creepy that is at night, now the guys inside kept catcalling at me and i ignored them. they stopped and the catcalling turned into a full on cuss out with my not even as much as acknowledging them. it seems females arent the only angry ones and for every person that just may well be crazy as all he!!, i steer clear of all.
now going back to the quote i referenced, there are alot of peopel period that need to be avoided, not just the nes that you have had a bad experience with, so i wouldnt say that the angry black chick shell doesnt always have to come off of low self esteem and daddy issues, 2 things i am proud to say i have resolved in my adult life.
just last night a van followed me to my block and you cant imagine how creepy that is at night, now the guys inside kept catcalling at me and i ignored them. they stopped and the catcalling turned into a full on cuss out with my not even as much as acknowledging them.
d@mn. this too is another post in itself–why men just cant take no for an answer. i hate when men do stuff like that.
just last night a van followed me to my block and you cant imagine how creepy that is at night, now the guys inside kept catcalling at me and i ignored them. they stopped and the catcalling turned into a full on cuss out with my not even as much as acknowledging them.
did you call the cops?
just last night a van followed me to my block and you cant imagine how creepy that is at night, now the guys inside kept catcalling at me and i ignored them. they stopped and the catcalling turned into a full on cuss out with my not even as much as acknowledging them.
Eek. I had a similar incident in the parking lot late a couple of nights ago. I swear this 2520 dude came out of the fog on some Unsolved Mysteries looking bullsh*t talking about “my last girlfriend was Ethiopian, you look like her”. All I could in hear in my head was “If YOU have any information…”. That’s when I got “angry, Black woman if you even THANK you gon touch me I will cuttt you” on him…and walked fast like shyt to my car lol.
“I swear this 2520 dude came out of the fog on some Unsolved Mysteries looking bullsh*t ”
oh snap, i just choked on my stoffer’s mac n cheese! LMAO!
“All I could in hear in my head was “If YOU have any information…”.
*dead*
eh…need….air *found iron lung and crawling back into it*
le sigh. story of my life. i have a reputation on my campus for being the quintessential angry black woman – what’s ironic is that while it is true, i’m angry at a lot of the same things that angry black men are mad at, but yet when i express my anger at colonialism/white bullshyt/ignorant a$$ questions i get about being african, people look at me like i’m a bomb about to explode, but will listen to the “angry black man” like he’s malcolm or martin reincarnated. i don’t know why – i’m not angry all the time, nor do i try to isolate people by saying, “you’ll never understand where i’m coming from.” i want to engage in dialogue with the people who may not understand where i’m coming from, but because i won’t subscribe to the politically correct way of going about it i get looked at sideways. maybe it’s because i express my opinions in a manner that differentiate me from a doormat i.e. not in a meek way but with the confidence to back up my beliefs. to be fair, it’s also often white people i get this whole “you’re intimidating” nonsense from so maybe that’s also a different dynamic than when a person of colour reacts that way. all i know is my “anger” doesn’t define me, it isn’t by any means all of me and if you don’t want to see past that, i’ll offer my derriere for your lips to enjoy.
lmao! great ending!
i also had a reputation on my campus in undergrad…i just LOOK angry a lot. i would constantly have friends say to me that they saw me walking earlier but didnt want to bother me cuz i looked mad. im like, uh…
and even friends who are very close now, once were scared to talk to me. but dangit, thats just what my face looks like! lmao!
Quick question puff: Did you move here for school or were you raised here?
I ask this because if like me you moved away from home for school, then it’s easy to become the “angry black chick” on campus fast!
Thank God I had already had my “away from home having to deal with stupid questions” epiphany before moving to the states. Or else, I would have been in a prison somewhere accounting for my murders.
I used to take it so very personal when people I was considered peers with would ask me questions not suitable for a kindergartner. It used to drive me up the walls. Then I realized, some of those folks really are clueless. And they really want to know, or want to make conversation badly enough that they have to act like they want to know.
The “are there airports in your country” questions still come from times to times, but I usually direct those to a Bill Maher special or something…. (why? because more ignorant people need to know about Bill Maher. Lol!)
Give it a couple of years. Then find like-minded, informed individuals to discuss the repercussions of colonialism and the state of neo-colonialism in sub-saharan Africa. Don’t waste your energy and blood pressure points on people who can care less.
Talk Paris Hilton with them. Everybody gets her.
I used to have a stronger accent when I was in grade school, and my IJOT ASS DEGENERATES peers would ask me ish like “Is your house like the Discovery Channel?” “Do you guys wear clothes?”
If I was the smart alec I am now, I woulda been like “Tommy, is your mom bulimic/anorexic?” “Does your dad snort cocaine?” That ish was aggravating.
i moved stateside for school, but i’ve been living outside of nigeria since i was pretty young (this hasn’t stopped people from asking if i’m FOB, including nigerians, which cracks me up). to be honest, it’s not even the really ignorant people that get to me, it’s the ones who think they know because they go to a swahili class/went to south africa this one time/love ethiopian food. none of that ish has anything to do with me. i guess i get mad when africa is constantly looked at by them as one big country with a totally homogeneous culture, but when i start talking about my home specifically their eyes glaze over and they lose interest. luckily the african student group on my campus is amazing, they’ve become my therapy in place of ebenezer redeemed baptist church of the reincarnation. i just wish the people who see me as just “random angry black chick” would take the time to find out why i seem that way – and to find out that i’m considerably less angry with a couple shots of tequila in me.
Not that I’m trying to rationalize people’s ignorance, but you have to realize the small view of Africa and other parts of the world that people in America see. They really only go off of what they’ve seen on TV, especially when we’re talking about people who grew up pre-internet and satellite cable. I have Kenyan friends that told me when they came to America, they were surprised to see fat people and honestly “ugly” people, because they always saw the polar opposite viewing America on TV on the outside looking in. I can see how it’d make ya blood boil though…
A Negro with a brain is a 2520′s worst nightmare. They really do think that our average IQ is 70. Whenever they interact with you, you chip away at their unfortunately erroneous worldviews.
One of my top three or four favorite James Baldwin quotes:
“Try to imagine how you would feel if you woke up one morning to find the sun shining and all the stars aflame. You would be frightened because it is out of the order of nature. Any upheaval in the universe is terrifying because it so profoundly attacks one’s sense of one’s own reality. Well, the Black man has functioned in the white man’s world as a fixed star, as an immovable pillar: and as he moves out of his place, heaven and earth are shaken to their foundations.”
The fact that you exist scares the sh!t out of white people.
thats a great quote…and also rather sad when applied to the young (and not-so-young), gifted and black.
“…but because i won’t subscribe to the politically correct way of going about it i get looked at sideways…”
what exactly would be the pc way of doing things?
in my mind, not doing the things i get called out for on the regular i.e. cursing A LOT, saying some willfully ignorant shyt, displaying a general disregard for the whole “we’re just people – everyone is the same underneath it all” sentiment… it’s funny, these are things i feel that i’ve done all my life, but it’s only since moving to america that they’ve become noticeable issues with other people. i think it may come from having lived in england where they’re a little more accommodating of “eccentricity” or just regla old madness… i don’t know, i just feel as though the “freedom of speech” touted in this country comes with so many qualifications sometimes, for example if you’re “liberal” you have to be so in a particular way, if not you’re excluded and looked at like a crazy mofo…
America does love its labels.
And anything outside of the “label” is scary.
In Europe, they have the chance(?) to encounter a lot more different cultures just by the virtue of their positions. It makes them not necessarily less racist but definitely more aware of others and difference.
So we’ll either be Mammy types, Omorosa types, or Video Vixens types (can I get all three???
)
people look at me like i’m a bomb about to explode, but will listen to the “angry black man” like he’s malcolm or martin reincarnated.
not only this, but i know plenty of “angry” brothas who wave their hand at the gripes of “angry” sistas, like they can’t be bothered with our troubles and they have it worse. as if it were some kind of competition on who is more “oppressed” or holds more weight on their shoulders or who deserves to be more angry!
*takes a deep breath* ok, i didn’t mean to get all ABW just now but it irks me when we (black folk) won’t listen to each other and help each other thru our issues. too many ABM and ABW competing for sympathy i guess. idk.
Ugh, the ignorance about Africans and Africa is the most annoying. This comes from all sides lol. Black kids would call Africans “African booty scratchers” in elementary school. I’m like booty scratchers though??
i heard African bush boogie….i dont even know what that means!
African bush boogie
this sounds like a flick that would star marie luv and johnny depth
@The Champ,
ur p0rn references scare me.
are women of other races given the benefit of the doubt? if a black women shows the same traits as an “assertive“, “pensive“, or “focused” white, latina, or asian woman, is she labeled “bitter“, “mysterious“, or “aloof“?
Yes. The answer is yes. All you have to do is look at reality tv. The same traits that are displayed by all the contestants on, say, Top Model or The Apprentice (Omarosa, anyone?)–the same traits that are needed to win–are labeled as “bitchy” or “mean” when a Black woman has them.
ugh. On one particular episode of Top Model–the Camille & Yoanna season; I used to be a stan–all the girls had to run to pick out the pair of shoes they wanted before someone else got them. So, when the Black girl gets to the shoes first–which is the point!!–how does that make her a bitch!? It curdles me.
“how does that make her a bitch!? ”
She elbowed one of them to get to the shoes!
Media stereotyping plays into this a lot: you get these sistas who go on tv and act a fool (they are not being strong, they are being witchy…you cannot tell me Camille making up the bulimia story about Yoana was NOT witchy or that Omarosa was NOT a back stabbing snake); the shows LOVE to cast them and the producers edit the footage to make sure they show the juiciest, witchiest bits.
And yes, there are white women on these shows too who are snakes. And no, they don’t get called out via the media like our own will. But that doesn’t give us cause to excuse it when sistas act like winning some reality show is more important than displaying integrity.
if i remember correctly, they was all throwin bows up in that piece! lmao
yes, the media plays into it. they will never cast a mild mannered black person. that doesnt make ratings. and dave chappelle’s version of The Real World really brings that point home!
the fact is, a black woman and a white woman (hell the black woman and black man!) could act the same, display the same traits and whatnot and she (the black woman) will always be labeled harshly, whereas the others are just “playing the game”
I agree with all of this.
The casting directors know what America wants to see, and feed spoon them what they want.
Actually that’s a problem I have with reality tv in general. It seems like extremely selfish behavior is often considered as “self-preservation” and a winning trait while honor, taking a stand for the team etc, are often seen as meekness as best, weakness at worst. Those contestants who show those qualities are often axed first.
I’d like to hope it is not how we as a society thinks but then I have my own unicorned glittery black squirrel in my backyard. So there.
“Yes. The answer is yes. All you have to do is look at reality tv”
i’m sorry, charli, but i can’t take any reality tv analogy seriously, especially when certain archetypes and caricatures are specifically cast. point being…its not “real”
“i’m sorry, charli, but i can’t take any reality tv analogy seriously”
Say what you want Champ, but I’ve seen you watch “The Real World” on many of occasions.
I agree w/Mr. Champs’ statement and I may even smile if he asked nicely.
whether they are specifically cast that way is not the point. AMERICA, who is watching this trash…er..um..tv are the ones making the judgments. calling the assertive, go getting black woman a b*tch while her white counterpart is just “business savvy”.
whatever your thoughts on reality tv doesn’t change the fact of how ppl view black women vs. white women.
@The Champ,
i feel you. i was going to make a disclaimer (“i’m sorry for making my point by way of reality tv, but…”). But, i mean, i still gotta stand by story. and sh*t. haha
i understand you’re using omarosa as an example but i don’t think she’s the right one. she just makes me sad. you can win and have traits to do so without showing your @ss and sinking to depths so low that earthworms look down on you.
i know they cast certain people to be “characters” and whatnot but they will work with the footage you give them to slice and dice. omarosa wasn’t just trying to get ahead. she was trying to get ahead AT ANY COST and admitted that she was playing into the role of the bitchy black chick and what america or her “fans” as she calls them, wants to see.
people are going to label black women regardless, but there is no reason to play into it. especially on national tv because you’re making it harder for the rest of us and giving them the “proof” they need to continue to label us and treat us the way they do.
Man, I LOVE NY is the prime example of what America thinks of black women. We are loud, argumentative, classless, permiscuous, bossy and ghetto. She was the quintessential “black woman” for what, 2 seasons?
We are angrier than others. It is justified. If you are Black in America and not angry, then you are probably also stupid. From a strictly feminine perspective, I must cosign with the sister above: catcalling gets old. So does a narrow dating pool of Black men, all of whom think they are God’s gift to the world. Besides, Black women have a lot on our plates.
Do I try to smile and be pleasant? Yes. Do I attract more attention from creeps and derelicts when I do? Again, yes. Does reality sometimes catch me off guard and leave me mean mugging the world? Why, yes it does.
But, I AM DOING MY BEST.
I approve this entire message.
“But, I AM DOING MY BEST.”
Jen, thats all you can do is ur best. Kudos
So true.
excellent point of view!
“If you are Black in America and not angry, then you are probably also stupid”
hmmmm. can’t get with you on this one.
“If you are Black in America and not angry, then you are probably also stupid”
Ok how the heck did I miss that line? I oughta stop skimming people’s posts.
I completely disagree with that. Walking around with a supersize cheeto on my shoulder does not make me intelligent. Just cuz I aint giving everyone glares of doom does not mean I’m not Mensa-qualified.
I think I follow what op is alluding to there; (not to put words in your mouth Jen) that just being born black in America comes with so much baggage that if you are conscious of all that bs it’s hard not to be angry inside. I say sometimes we choose ignorance over 24/7 awareness because how else do you get thru the day without stabbing someone in the neck with your pen? You can be controlled, polite, professional and even nice and still have that anger inside, many people do it everyday and it doesn’t mean you unleash at random people. You find yourself a nice spot like VSB and let it all out here…
You’re spot on.
Just because you are angry doesn’t mean that people perceive that anger. If Black people showed their appropriate levels of anger on their faces…
lol
Considering we get the angry stereotypes as is, I don’t want to even think about what THAT world would be like.
Surely you realize that most people do not wear their hearts on their sleeves.
We wear the mask that grins and lies/It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes/This debt we pay to human guile/With torn and bleeding hearts we smile/…Nay, let them only see us while/We wear the mask
i was thinkin the same thing, generally, the angry ones actually arent that bright.
I would amend it to read:
“If you’re Black in America and not angry, then you’re probably not paying attention”
But I TOTALLY get what you’re saying, Jen.
“If you’re Black in America and not angry, then you’re probably not paying attention”
i think you need some more amendments, lol.
lemme try…
“if you’re black in america and not angry…you’re just an unangry person”.
Fine. If you aren’t angry as a Black person in this country, you may be:
-stupid
-ignorant
-apathetic
But, if you are any of these, you need to walk right the eff past my @$$ because I don’t want to deal with you.
Fine. If you aren’t angry as a Black person in this country, you may be:
-stupid
-ignorant
-apathetic
do you really feel that the only way a black american can not be an angry person is if theyre possessing these traits?
I very literally mean this.
Unless, from your vantage, the phrase “angry person” invokes some locutionary significance beyond “person who is angered by a certain predicament, reality or turn of events” (as in: to you, it alludes to a person suffering from an inordinately pathological mindstate), I have no idea how you could possibly disagree.
“I have no idea how you could possibly disagree.”
i think its dangerous suggesting that all american blacks should have the same general state of mind, and that the ones that don’t are faulty people. ‘
extremely dangerous and irresponsible.
So, yes.
To you, the phrase “angry person” alludes to a person suffering from an inordinately pathological mindstate.
You introduced the phrase “angry person”. I did not.
That said, I do not think that all Black Americans should have the “same general state of mind,” but I do think that anger is an appropriate reaction to our treatment in this country.
Once again, I have no idea how you could possibly disagree.
“all of whom think they are God’s gift to the world.”
…come on, now. Must you paint with such a wide brush…
“We are angrier than others. It is justified. If you are Black in America and not angry, then you are probably also stupid.”
what exactly..today..is the justification for a black woman being angry? What does it buy you? How right does it make you and to whom? Do you get to re-write history? fix a wrong?
help me..what does anger do for you?
I’ll be stupid if I must..to let go of a stupid emotion that is now being linked to all sorts of psychosis, physical ailments and bankruptcy..shi!t over all that I’ll be stupid all dayum day.
well, lets not go as far as to label an emotion stupid or not….you feel what you feel. anger is a natural part of being a human being.
i think its perfectly acceptable to be a little pissed off at the way you (universal you) are treated as a black woman. does that mean everyone gets shat on? no.
sometimes you have to let ish go–esp if it’s anger and its hindering you from doing what you gotta do and/or hindering your relationships with other ppl, be it personal or professional. but if some one truly feels wronged in this world, or is tired of being shat on by others–why should they just pretend like it doesn’t bother them?? ppl are entitled to feel mad, hurt, upset, or however they damn well please. that being said, emotions benefit ppl most when it changes an outcome–which is what our lovely limbic/pre0limbic brain system is for! sometimes you gotta be [fill in negative emotion] to make a point, to encourage yourself or others to do something about your situation, alert your environment there’s a problem. but certainly, there are times when emotions are just that, and the feedback never makes if to your prefrontal cortex for a switch in behavior to be made. and this is when you have the (what i like to call) “Angry For No Good Reason But To Make Other Ppl Angry Black Woman/Man.” and yes, these ppl are problematic. and terribly unfortunate to be around.
“i think its perfectly acceptable to be a little pissed off at the way you (universal you) are treated as a black woman.”
I agree with Gem, Shatani..after 10 minutes of being pissed, what does being angry “get you”..other miserable people who think you’re cool, cause you have a better sob story then everyone else?…makes for a good blog read..but not a successful and purposeful life.
I know you are a mental health professional..who knows more about this than I…let’s face it though…our people have been programmed to believe that the struggle is noble. the fight has honor. Its not cool for life to work.
it will be interesting to see what Obama will do as he revisits (mental/physical WELLNESS) in our healthcare system..one of the things he is working on.
This is the most impotent thing I have ever read.
WOW..impotent!!! lol i appreciate you too…
one thing is for sure my life (as stupid as some may think) works VERY WELL.
i guess the true bottom line is..if what works for you works..then i can’t really knock it. i have negative and postive people in my very own family. I’ve seen where negative gets you. And the picture looks awfully familiar here.
i choose something different.
I am not negative. I am a realist.
It’s good to be able to distinguish between negativity and realism.
It’s even better to be okay with realism.
“I am not negative. I am a realist. ”
LOL..now thats a dam#n tee-shirt. Realism is in its PUREST form is highly subjective if you are able to peel back some of the layers a bit.
Obama was a “long shot” 4 years ago. Thats real. He spoke at the Democratic convention (right around the time he would be seated for senate THE FOLLOWING YEAR) Thats REAL.
but he thought outside the box, ran a campaign (fiscially) LIKE NO OTHER. all those things are very real.
what made Obama win was the momentum of realism and a whole bunch of PERCEPTION…i hope thats impotent enough for you lol
It is becoming increasingly apparent that we may not even be having the same conversation.
Why the he11 do you think I walk around dipped in Splenda? I know what perception does for people.
And why are you dragging Barack Obama’s good name into this ugly conversation?
Are you one of those people who thinks Barack Obama believes even half of what he says in public? Please tell me you are not. Because if so, we can go on and end this now because I can’t do this with you.
Once again, I think some of you more Pollyannaesque commentators (and bloggers…ahem) are synonymizing attitude, countenance and emotion.
And for what? That isn’t reality.
Jen, you;re right..we are having two TOTALLY different conversations. but I do wish you and all your realism and your ability to seperate the above three which might include anger and still remain “sane” …all the best.
all snark aside.
Contentment with a destructive society necessarily leads to complacency.
theres a big difference between knowing/admitting that there are myriad injustices in the world that can very easily make someone upset/angry/depressed, and being a generally angry person.
what your comments are suggesting is that the mere existence of injustice should make black people pissed 24/7, with no other possible emotion.
you can acknowledge that f*cked up sh*t exists, and make real efforts to change the f*cked-upness without allowing the f*cked-upness to permeate your being
“what your comments are suggesting is that the mere existence of injustice should make black people pissed 24/7, with no other possible emotion.”
No, my dear. That is what YOU have suggested.
I am much more rational than that bastardization of my thoughts on the subject.
I am angrier than the average American, yes.
But the average American is white and the privilege of that racial status includes having a lot less sh!t to be angry about.
“what your comments are suggesting is that the mere existence of injustice should make black people pissed 24/7, with no other possible emotion.”
No, my dear. That is what YOU have suggested.
nah…not me. every conclusion ive made stems from…
“If you are Black in America and not angry, then you are probably also stupid”
…which DOES suggest that if you’re not an angry black person, you’re an idiot.
like i said before, occasional anger is appropriate, but theres something wrong with saying that we all need to be angry all of the time.
am i missing something here?
Yes you are, and I know of no other way to explain that thing to you.
The two things do not mean the same thing if you categorize anger as you continue to categorize it–as I have previously indicated you probably do categorize it: as “suffering from an inordinately pathological mindstate”.
Anger does not necessarily or even typically have any such meaning AS I DISCUSS IT.
And, as I am saying for the third time today, you and some of the commentators are inappropriately synonymizing emotion, attitude and countenance.
Shifting away from that for a moment…
Frankly, I do not think that a Black person whose anger has developed into something pathological is necessarily inordinately reacting to his status in life.
That is, I believe that there are millions of us in this country who are so poorly situated and so regularly wronged that a continual state of anger would be understandable and not symptomatic of some sort of cognitive or emotional abnormality.
That is, I believe that there are millions of us in this country who are so poorly situated and so regularly wronged that a continual state of anger would be understandable and not symptomatic of some sort of cognitive or emotional abnormality.
thing is jen, i never denied this. sadly, i do think that for many of us, perpetual anger is justified.
what i’m saying is that for someone like me who grew up with two loving parents, went to good schools, received a full scholarship to college, and holds a decent job with intellectual, intrinsic, and altruistic value, having anger inside of me would be forced and disingenuous.
i admit, your reality might be completely different than mine, and i am in no place to decide whether or not someone else should be angry…but neither are you.
“having anger inside of me would be forced and disingenuous…”
…Or it might make you empathetic toward the millions of people who look just like you but were not permitted those things for reasons beyond their own control…
Why do you have such a polarized view of what anger is?
Thats why I secretly dig you, Champ. U said this perfectly.
…Or it might make you empathetic toward the millions of people who look just like you but were not permitted those things for reasons beyond their own control…
you can be empathetic/caring/compassionate/inspired/**insert any other “caring adjective”** without being angry.
and, until the definition of anger changes from..
a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
my view about what defines anger will remain the same.
i’m thinking (hoping) we’re arguing about semantics
I’m not sure anymore.
I initially thought it was a semantics issue, but now I don’t know.
I don’t think you can be truly empathetic about a gross injustice and not be brought to anger.
If you believe that being displeased about a wrong and allowing that displeasure to push you toward opposition of that wrong is somehow inherently harmful, then I can’t eff with that.
Anger is what drives passion and social change–not this fuzzy, subdued, only-mildly-unpleasant feeling of passing empathy that you seem to be describing.
@ Jen,
Anger is what drives passion and social change–not this fuzzy, subdued, only-mildly-unpleasant feeling of passing empathy that you seem to be describing.
I don’t wan to catch the wrath, but I think that empathy can potetially be much stronger than anger. In sane people anger is fleeting. But empathy, i think is more what cause 61% of White people to vote for Barack Obama and be the catalyst in this country. my $.02
“But empathy, i think is more what cause 61% of White people to vote for Barack Obama and be the catalyst in this country.”
True. Barack Obama’s empathy.
***paging dr. Shatani to thread number 8***
“Frankly, I do not think that a Black person whose anger has developed into something pathological is necessarily inordinately reacting to his status in life.
That is, I believe that there are millions of us in this country who are so poorly situated and so regularly wronged that a continual state of anger would be understandable and not symptomatic of some sort of COGNITIVE abnormality
”
what do you think about this?
@The Comeback Girl….
i think that for something to be pathological is for it to be maladaptive (that is…no longer useful/helpful and actually detrimental to the person)….so, it seems contradictory to me
*sloppily and illegibly co-signing all over shatani’s assessment*
LMAO! why it gotta be all sloppy though? *giggle*
ha! so it can be “doctor” like. just practicing for future signings lol
@Gem of the Ocean,
dont believe the hype gemmie!! im gonna start the league of doctors with excellent penmanship! lol
And on a personal note, I am prone to be the happy-go-lucky type myself, but I am learning that life can really f*** with your ability to keep that up. For one thing, smiles ARE mistaken for flirting. So, as a woman, you learn to mug and ignore the hell out of strangers, lest you get that, “I’m feeling you. And I KNOW you’re feeling me too. I mean, look at how you’re looking at me.” Negro, please.
And a lotta men/white people can take happy-go-luckiness for weakness, too. So, to keep from having to go from Pollyanna to The Hulk before a man’s (or white person’s. lol.) very eyes after he takes it too far, it’s easier to just have an attitude from the beginning, I am learning.
Plus, we’re in a recession.
Girl, yes.
Charli, I see where you’re coming from. Some people tend to take my kindness for weakness. At one point, I was wondering “Must I be a b*tch to be taken seriously?” Then someone told me “Don’t let someone else dictate who you are. Be yourself no matter what so you can look in the mirror and like what you see.”
My strength does not lay in the jokes I tell or the smiles I give. It lays in the confidence I have within myself, that crucifix I wear around my neck, and the values I was brought up with.
I’ll be d*mned if people will make me walk around with a scowl on my face all day. But don’t let my smiles fool you. I know how to get ornery with someone that pisses me off.
DANG Luvvie some of VEG’s zentastical reasoning has rubbed off.. very profound…
“some of VEG’s zentastical reasoning has rubbed off”
She has made me proud. So proud.
*My story as well!* – Thanks for saying everything i wanted to say so i dont have to say it! lol
* 4 rosaries to The Virgin of Lourdes, and add a couple extra ones for the Virgin of Fatima too*
“So, to keep from having to go from Pollyanna to The Hulk before a man’s (or white person’s. lol.) very eyes after he takes it too far, it’s easier to just have an attitude from the beginning, I am learning.”
That’s a dangerous way of looking at things, I think. Because you think someone will think you’re weak (i.e. may hurt or damage or offend you in some way) you want to start from jump with an attitude?
By giving off a negative vibe from get go you run the risk of missing out on great friendships, life opportunities, loves, etc. GOOD people can be turned off/away by that first impression you give them. I’m not saying be a fool – you always have to watch to see what a person is going to reveal to you (and most people will show you who they are very early after meeting; most times we chose to ignore this) but I think it’s sad that so many of us think we need to give off funk to keep ourselves ‘safe’.
“I think it’s sad that so many of us think we need to give off funk to keep ourselves ’safe’.”
Definitely, V. It’s a never-ending cycle of attitude all I the name of what?? I’d rather not have frown lines engrained in my face by the age of 35.
I love how you tied it all up with the recession! Bravo!
For one thing, smiles ARE mistaken for flirting. So, as a woman, you learn to mug and ignore the hell out of strangers, lest you get that, “I’m feeling you. And I KNOW you’re feeling me too. I mean, look at how you’re looking at me.
thing is, isn’t it easier to say “i’m not interested” than to have the gasface on all day?
if “im not interested” always worked, that might be a way to go! lol
i’m sayin….
In my early 20′s I had dudes call me everything but a child of God when I let them down discretely and quietly, I don’t get it as much now, but it still does happen, just because you may be socialized and have a lil’ bit of home training does not mean some of your peers do…. a few (read: a lot) folks can mess it up for er’body….
The “Angry Black Woman” stereotype is hurtful. Being labeled is never cool. White people are afraid of angry black people anyway. They think when you are direct with them you are giving them “attitude”. This can be particularly destructive in the work place. As the only black woman in the office I have had to work vary hard to establish myself with my co-workers who are mostly white males. All you can do is just be you. I can get along with most people. I am a fun and playful person but don’t let the smiles and jokes fool ya!
very true…and usually , when i have to correct the assumption that im giving them attitude, its at that point when i start giving them attitude. we was just conversatin (*cringe*) before…now im mad! lol
lol. true…
i feel you on this coco. i once worked in an office where it was only me and one other black girl and it was a disaster. it was a very racially driven climate (but on the sly of course). she told me about some of the things she had to put up with before i got there and i just knew it was gonna be bad.
my manager was always trying to prove how “down” she was with black people and making comments that just left me floored sometimes. besides the fact that she was just not a good manager (everybody ain’t able), my mama thought she probably just didn’t know how to deal with me as an educated, professional black woman that stood my ground when i had to.
i was always professional but i too was labeled because i stood up for myself. especially after i had a review were i was accused, not asked to discuss but already judged and found guilty, about certain incidents in the office that were not even true (and said accusations came from the self-proclaimed scatterbrained 2520 in the office). i sat and took it all in during the meeting ( i was honestly too shocked at the time and pissed to say too much).
the next day i came in with a bulleted list that rebutted every claim they had made against me and sat down, calmly, to talk with her about it and how i thought we could move forward with better communication next time. she admitted that she should have come to ask me about the situations first but still, how do you think that went over? i wasn’t there much longer after that…
yes and no… i feel like we’re expected to be strong and display aggresive qualities…but its like a catch-22 cuz if you’re not strong, then yeah little problems, little issues that attack you nonstop will drive you crazy
sometimes i feel like we do it to ourselves tho…constantly needing to be on defense because we hate on each other and tear each other down…its bad enough when u dealing with it from outside…its worse when we feel the need to do it to each other…
ideally, i would hope i could be strong and it not be considered that i’m a bitch or a bitter or anything like that. wont always happen tho…
“constantly needing to be on defense because we hate on each other and tear each other down”
why do you think this is?
that i can say is low self-esteem/insecurity
i dont know when or how, but we are taught not to trust other women. and if that other woman looks better than you, in your estimation, then you gotta knock her down a peg….its sad, but i see it all the time.
in fact, i get black women lookin at me like i just asked them to marry me because i say something like, “oh i love those shoes” or “your hair is gorgeous” or “that top is too cute!”
i will admit, i am rather loose with the compliments….i have no problem telling someone that they look fabulous that day. but black women are SO not used to that, it seems.
i remember a time a few years back, where i made it a point to compliment at least one woman a day. i dont know about them, but i felt great! lol
i’m with you Shatani… i love to tell another woman how fly she is (if she is in fact, a fly chick lol). I let my light shine so other people feel ok letting their lights shine. there ain’t nothing wrong with it.
i’m with yall on complimenting other women (esp since so many times “we” hate on each other for no good reason). we deserve to be treated well and we should treat others well. and it just feels so good to give props where props are due. so….
PGH MUSE GIRL YOU FLYYYYYYY!!! can’t wait to see you and your flyness again lol
@Gem of the Ocean,
PGH MUSE GIRL YOU FLYYYYYYY!!! can’t wait to see you and your flyness again lol
Awwww. How sweet! I concur!! Imma work it out.. next time FOOD has to be involved! I’m jealous reading about the DMV Vsber’s and the food…
@shatani, i think i do this to a fault, and by that i mean, people do not expect it then think you have some other reason to say it.
crazy world we live in. but i can attest that the VSB ladies i’ve met are all fly, and more importantly, fly from the in>out.
we have lost our sense of self. we don’t know who we are. that definitely leads to a sense of insecurity as shay said. we’re conditioned by life to be tough but not necessarily strong-minded or strong in self. weak, we get jealous of the next girl and try to tear her down, instead of being proud of her and boosting her up. if we had a better understanding of who we are, and how powerful we are, we’d be able to manage life much easier…take compliments with grace instead of suspicion, carry ourselves assertively without being deemed “bitchy” and “evil”…
and this is why we should all get free therapy!
exactly!!!! lol
I definitely don’t fit the Angry Black Woman stereotype. I’m too guarded to let people know when they’ve pissed me off. I’d rather smile in their face, laugh at their jokes, while I plot and plan a way to inform their husband that they’ve been guzzling the janitors sperm, or anonymously write that letter to their pastor to let him know that the man he just appointed to the deacon board has a habit of peeing on 16 year olds.
I honestly love to keep a smile on my face, unless I’m in deep thought and it takes a whole hell of a lot to to make me angry.
I am bothered by how clueless some Black men can be though, in regards to Black women and their emotions. I mean, consider the lives of white women. Compared to Black women, how much do they have to be angry about?
There is a lot to factor in and it pains me when brothas act like sistas are just angry or have an attitude for no reason. There is usually a mountain of reasons
“There is a lot to factor in and it pains me when brothas act like sistas are just angry or have an attitude for no reason. ”
There are a lot of reasons but we can’t wear them like a badge.
Some people are born on third and have a quick jog to home plate. It’s easy for them and, yeah, they seem to be happy (what never really know what lurks underneath).
Others, many black women, are born on first and have to run quite the lap before they hit home. They may get tagged out a time or two before they finally hit the plate. But trust: we won’t ever make it to the dugout if we are going off on folk and blaming the world for our problems.
*lovin the baseball analogy*
i feel ya veggie, i surely do. i just wonder how much do i have to alter who i am to make other people feel comfortable? you know what i mean?
im often labeled angry long before i open my mouth. LONG before. regardless of how calmly i speak, how reasonable i am, how honest and true my words are, there is always the strongest of possibilities that when i walk away, i will be called an angry black b!tch.
i feel like ive come to grips with this reality. im not gonna act out of character….im generally calm, pensive, and keep a straight face. thats just who i be.
i feel ya veggie, i surely do. i just wonder how much do i have to alter who i am to make other people feel comfortable?
i think that’s the whole point of this conversation. the women who (rightly or not) wear their anger as a badge and will cut a ninja, 2520 or whoever else is feeling bold that day, off at the knees if they even so much as look in their direction vs. the women who may feel that same anger/burden but generally have a good disposition (and only pull out the mean mug when necessary) but get labeled an ABW anyway.
i don’t think its about changing who you are if you’re in the second party, so much as realizing that you may have to adjust your attitude depending on the situation just to make it through the day, just as you have to do in life anyway. you can only do so much to guide how people will perceive you. i think you just do you and let the chips fall where they may. and try to help your angry sisters along the way by trying set a good example.
i can’t carry the weight of all black women on my shoulders all day, every day. but i can, in the midst of being myself, try to project a positive image of black women when i’m out and about, on my job, whatever, because i know all eyes are on me, so to speak.
but don’t get me wrong, i will snatch somebody if need be. now how i do it, will be determined by where i am and who’s around cause i can tell you about yourself in a calm professional way on my job just as well as i can bring out all that 9th ward hardhead drama behind closed doors. lol.
“Others, many black women, are born on first and have to run quite the lap before they hit home. They may get tagged out a time or two before they finally hit the plate. But trust: we won’t ever make it to the dugout if we are going off on folk and blaming the world for our problems.”
theres a sports analogy for every situation. good job and sh*t
cosign….
its another example of my particular life circumstances not mattering…i should just go ahead and smile so men feel better.
uh….nevermind then!
I’d rather smile in their face, laugh at their jokes, while I plot and plan a way to inform their husband that they’ve been guzzling the janitors sperm, or anonymously write that letter to their pastor to let him know that the man he just appointed to the deacon board has a habit of peeing on 16 year olds.
Are we related?
“I definitely don’t fit the Angry Black Woman stereotype. I’m too guarded to let people know when they’ve pissed me off. I’d rather smile in their face, laugh at their jokes, while I plot and plan a way to inform their husband that they’ve been guzzling the janitors sperm, or anonymously write that letter to their pastor to let him know that the man he just appointed to the deacon board has a habit of peeing on 16 year olds.”
LOL !!!!!
A couple of thoughts:
First, there is a difference between being strong and having an attitude. Some white folk see the strength in black women (and men) as a ‘personality issue’ and some black women think having a perpetual equals being strong.
Secondly, there are a lot of societal reasons that can push women to live under a cloud of bitterness: dissatisfaction with your job, your relationship status, your friends, your family, issues from your childhood, etc… the issues are real but, truth be told, if your life is a mess and causing you to lash out, you can only blame yourself. You can fix it what is wrong in your world. And you can’t do that by being pissed off all the time. Anger freezes you, prevents you from moving forward. Maybe your road has been difficult but you can dust yourself off and make sh!t better.
Holdin’ on to anger and baggage can put you in an early grave.
Angry black woman = a black woman with a short life span and/or a lonely – no real friends and no, or a no good, man – black woman.
This –>“Anger freezes you, prevents you from moving forward.”<– should be made into a mantra that everyone is required to read every morning.
I love your perspective.
(and somebody please tell me why I always seem to confuse V Dot with V.E.G???)
cuz they are one and the same….
Cuz she is me and I am her.
I co-sign with 95.7% of this.
“Angry black woman = a black woman with a short life span and/or a lonely – no real friends and no, or a no good, man – black woman.”
And the number one killer of Black women is heart disease. We walking around pissed at the world and taking care of everyone but ourselves. So we dying of hypertension and the sugars (diabetes).
Even Atlas shrugged, ladies. Let’s put the world down for a sec, rest our shoulders, and smile a lil. Shoot, maybe Atlas could even give us a massage.
“And the number one killer of Black women is heart disease.”
…and men too (i think)
i dont know man….i really dont. generally, i think most of the labeling has to do with the labeler’s own mindset and insecurities. i mean, for me, its the same wherever i go…people who know me know that i am FAR from the angry black chick. and not like best friends and what not, just people who have met me or been in close proximity when im speaking. on the other hand, people who have never actually met me and only observe from afar get the impression that im mean, angry, bitter (maybe, havent heard this one) and all the other crap thrown at black women. its tiresome, yes. but i suppose i have to deal with it because, as of now, i do not intend to change.
however, as a black woman living in philly for about 5 years now, i really start to wonder about the veracity of these stereotypes of black philly women. i mean, i thought it was exaggerated (and still kind a do) when men and women i met here would IMMEDIATELY surmize that i was “not a philly chick” because of the way i talk (which i dont find to be different, but they say it is) and the fact that i’m semi-cordial/bordering on nice to strangers when they speak to me. ive heard outlandish stories about the poor guy that just wanted to tell her that she was pretty and she unleashed the wrath of khan (not genius!) on him for no good reason! ive never ever seen that happen. but i can say that i get a nice “dont eff with me” vibe off philly women myself, and im not even tryin to push up on them! lmao! but then again, who am i to talk? as i mentioned before, i give off a pretty palpable “dont eff with me” vibe myself (or so im told) and i have no intention of changing. ive never really had a bad experience with a philly chick, but i generally dont talk to strangers if i dont have to and i usually dont have to.
a friend of mine though, she had a good story! shes from alabama (no real accent, so no one believes it) and used to being hospitable…she has an altogether different vibe than this boston chick (thats me!) but we both appear to have “im not from round these parts” signs on our foreheads! anyway…she was coming up the stairs from the train station and was walking behind someone and realized, “damn…im staring at actual @ss right now!” because the chick in front of her had on a shirt and tights but the shirt didnt come down over her rump. my friend, being the sweet girl she is, decides to try and warn this woman that all her goodies was hangin out the jar. cuz you know, if she was walkin around in the world like that she would hope that someone might warn her. this woman WENT OFF! my friend said, “i dont know if youre aware, but your tights are kinda see-thru and i just wanted to let you know, that people can see your behind” and this lady (using the term loosely) said something like, “B!tch i know my tights is see-thru! tights IS see-thru!!! i know what the fvck tights is!” and went on and on about what a b!tch my friend was and how “tights IS see-thru” and my friend was like, “okay, sorry” and went on about her bidness….this chick continued to rant all loudly to her equally skanktastic friend about my friend.
now, that there is effed up. that there is the last time my friend tries to help out a philly chick, too! lmao! do i think thats representative of all women of philly? um…no. but all the men round these parts seem to think so! i will say, that ive never had a philly woman be nice to me. you know how you smile or say hello when youre paying for your purchases or some such. never really gets returned. but who cares? i dont think i was smiling much when i was working retail either.
so after all this equivocating i will say…black women get a bad rap. i think a black woman will need to go out of her way to appear happy-go-lucky to the outside world in order to be labeled anything other than “angry” these days. me? i am actually happy-go-lucky. i dont speak loudly (although i do laugh loud as hell!). and i dont regularly “go off” on mofos. but because when i walk down the street i dont have a giant grin plastered across my face, most people will assume that im mad or bitter or whatever else they call us. when all it would take is a hello, and they would generally get one back. thing is, its hard to guage around here with stories like the one my friend told me! lol
okay, ive written far too much!
moral of the story: never wife a chick from philly
lmao! BBMo aint gon like that line!
** thinks about responding to Champ, but decides its too d@mn easy**
really, i’m not even slightly moved. I’m a Jersey Girl, and an import at that. My roots grow in the lands of jolof rice, plantain and peanut soup.
my husband is the envy of his homies because he has him a ‘nice African girl’
when you decide you want one, yours will be the envy of his friends too
ooooh, i cant wait!
You know you’re a geek when you see “wrath of Khan” and think of a Star Trek movie, rather than Genghis or Kublai.
@kamakula, That was a great movie..
I’m not going to lie, I don’t smile as much as I should. I spent my childhood being an angry, bitchy child because my parents were overly authoritative and overbearing. I literally went to school/track team and came home. I spent the weekends at home, church and the library (the only place I was allowed to go w/o being questioned to death). It didn’t change until I left for college and realized that I had things to smile about. Even then, my face settles into its familiar frown pattern without my realizing it. I can’t help it. But I am not an angry black woman. The opposite in fact. I’ve spent years trying out my “neutral/bored” look in the mirror to no avail.
I think our history, current, varied issues and just the burden in general of being the “other” in society has led black women to adopt this “strong” look without realizing it.
I knew for a fact that I was unapproachable (despite being told for years) when I went to a birthday dinner. An acquaintance was sitting next to me but everything I said to her was somehow taken the wrong way. I wondered deep down if she hated my guts. At the end of the dinner, I had an epiphany.
-The way she behaved, while completely innocent, was the way I treated ppl trying to get to know me. She didn’t hate me at all. She also didn’t realize she was aloof. I didn’t sat anything to her but I walked away with a lesson.-
From then on, I always try to smile and be even friendlier to people despite my reservations. I have no end of girlfriends but I wonder how many men I’ve alienated because I had “don’t even think about it” written on my forehead. Thank God I’m attractive or the ones who dared approach wouldn’t have bothered either. Cuz let me tell you, ugly and angry just don’t mix.
I knew for a fact that I was unapproachable (despite being told for years) when I went to a birthday dinner. An acquaintance was sitting next to me but everything I said to her was somehow taken the wrong way. I wondered deep down if she hated my guts. At the end of the dinner, I had an epiphany.
-The way she behaved, while completely innocent, was the way I treated ppl trying to get to know me. She didn’t hate me at all. She also didn’t realize she was aloof. I didn’t sat anything to her but I walked away with a lesson.-
i’m glad you had an epiphany. i’m also…
“Thank God I’m attractive…”
…glad that you took your confidence pills this morning, lol
I’m one of those people who’s facial expression pretty much tells it all as far as what’s going on inside my head. I actually have to work at a poker face. So what you see is what you get.
Black women do get a bad rap w/that whole stereotype. But honestly, we have some things to be angry about. How about constantly having to fight for our dignity in the media (American culture in general), our communities and sadly, in our own families and relationships. Yeah, that can put a lil’ bit of an edge on a sista.
our communities and sadly, in our own families and relationships. Yeah, that can put a lil’ bit of an edge on a sista.
i agree. this is why you have so many angry Black women.
usually, when a sista is nice to you or smiling, it means she’s digging you
That is not true… how many Black men walk around with the thought process that when a black woman is friendly she’s interested in a relationship of any sort? And where did ya’ll get that ish from?? Black girls learn early the art of the mean mug and ice grill cause grown a$$ men be trying to get in their little pants… grown men take smiles and pleasantries and twist them into something else… Not to mention their mamas are mean… but that mean didn’t come outta the womb. That mean came from a hard life. There are TOO many factors that contribute to the angry black woman stereotype (it’s not all a stereotype either) But I will agree with VEG that we have to take responsibility for our own lives and take responsibilty for our own happiness. I teach a group of young girls on the weekends and they are beautiful and innocent but they are NOT used to kindness, or patience, or hugs and smiles, or being challenged intellectually, or being told that they CAN do something with practice…
“usually, when a sista is nice to you or smiling, it means she’s digging you
That is not true”
for him, though, it was. mind you, he’s from philly, lol…but this was his reality, and this isnt the type of cat to sell wolf tickets
hmmm… but i wonder if it was… people’s perception’s are a m*f*cker…
“Not to mention their mamas are mean”
LMAO!
I am probably the friendliest, happy-go-lucky somebody you’ll meet, but still I get cast in the black angry woman category at work, just by the nature of my job (managment), I can’t be everyone’s friend and must be a snitch always so I get an angry label no matter how much I smile.
And as a side note a lot of black woman mean mugging DOES come from being approachd by every man from the day we reach puberty, it is a defense mechanism, do you guys realize how much sexual harrassment and damn near sexual/physical assault we deal with in a lifetime?
And as a side note a lot of black woman mean mugging DOES come from being approachd by every man from the day we reach puberty, it is a defense mechanism, do you guys realize how much sexual harrassment and damn near sexual/physical assault we deal with in a lifetime?
People, particularly Black men, conveniently forget this when they are complaining about angry Black women.
grown men grabbing your arm on the subway when youre like 12 years old, cuz they wanna holla does not lead to a general friendly demeanor…
1) They’ve been allowed to get away with this behavior.
2) Women have mostly responded favorably to this behavior.
3) They don’t have the communication skills to say something that paints them interesting enough for you to talk to.
Even when I tell a brother about their behavior in a civil way the harassment continues, but yet look at me like I’m wrong when I get my unicorn to gore their persistent disrespectful a$$es….
but yet look at me like I’m wrong when I get my unicorn to gore their persistent disrespectful a$$es….
lol… that’s funny. I have no problem with the BIATCH coming out in certain situations. Sheit…
2) Women have mostly responded favorably to this behavior.
I think this is true… but i think this is out of fear on the part of the female. Girls are not really raised to defend themselves and think that if they are “nice” that the person will be nice to them in return…
“grown men grabbing your arm on the subway”
For real? *flag on the play!*
You better not even touch me unless you know me…lol
i think the part thats most troubling is that we are getting this the minute we develop breasts! i mean, i dont care how grown she LOOKS, that is a damn child! old men been pushin up on me since i was 10…so, forgive me for making it a point to not look inviting at times.
You better not even touch me unless you know me…
you ain’t never lied. out of catcalling, can’t take no for an answer so i’mma ask you again type sh1t, that bothers me the most.
do like your mama told you (or should have) and keep your f^cking hands to yourself.
“do like your mama told you (or should have) and keep your f^cking hands to yourself.”
Or I will punch you in the throat.
It’s soooooo not a game.
“Kats do a lotta slick talkin’ in the club, til’ they coughin’ on the rug.”
(Shouts out to the Game)
yeah, a throat punch will certainly do that to ya!
I had to correct myself….that was Banks…lol
Some days, I’m extremely guarded and it’s on my face. Sometimes I don’t feel like being “ay girled,” or hearing, “Dayum… and sucking teeth sounds,” and it reads on my face. That stuff is disrespectful.
I work downtown and have to walk about three blocks to my car DAILY so every corner can offer new harassments. My face is muck and I hide behind big sunglasses and an iPod. My guard can be confused with “b**tchy or stuck-up.
Then other days, (like every day since Barack’s victory), you would think I am Mary freakin Poppins, smiling and flitting about, speaking to everyone who crosses my path.
Black women have a lot on our shoulders; , a lot of us are carrying it on the inside (I do!). We’re tired, but still expected to be sexy, non-threatening, and strong. We are not allowed to have “break downs.” H3ll, we can’t even get at someone who is straight disrespectful b/c THEN, we will be labeled as an ABW.
I come to work and play this role. As the only black woman, I laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, smile when they enter my office (when I really don’t feel like it)… and keep an open ear to stories about their cats and dogs that are treated like humans.
I’m not whining, only offering an explanation. Through the negatives, I wouldn’t trade my Beautiful Black Womanness for anything. (well, maybe I’d like to be a Spanish chick- I want their hair. LOL)
im not sure if its my field or not, but my b!tchiness (which has little if nothing to do with my blackness) has done nothing but draw people in. lmao! i openly mock my co-workers and their “interesting” relationships with their cats and dogs. i pointedly dont laugh at jokes that arent funny and have been known to remark “hey! cool story!” when they tell dumb ones.
this may just be unique to my particular office culture (which i gotta say i love!) in which people dont take things or themselves too seriously, and b!tches come in all shades….
b!tches come in all shades
possible t-shirt and sh*t
yup
LOL. I think so too.
I def think it’s got to do with the types of folk you work with… At my previous job, mocking would be fun.. these folks would give me the *blank stare*
i get sad at the thought that i might work in a place where i couldnt openly mock people (and be mocked) and then we all have a good laugh about it….
Mary Poppins. . .yeah, I hit that
I think the Angry Black Woman conundrum is part bullshyt, part psychosomatic, and part self-fullfilling prophecy.
The bullshyt piece to this is whatever a person doesn’t understand they have a tendancy to label in a way that both suits and consoles the labeler. (In regards to black/male female relationships) Sometimes smart and discerning black women are “angry stamped” in a way to make black men who can’t get close enough to score-more comfortable with being rejected. Oh she DISSED me…
him: “that batch is elitist”,
me: “no that batch ain’t intereted”
The psychosomatic/self-fullfilling prophetic elements to this could be a post in and of itself. I personally believe that happy people are successful people in relationships, business, parenting, their community and society at large. But trutfully many of us have very little to be happy about. This makes me kind of sad.
***wet duvet alert***
We commence relationships with men who aren’t good for us, because we don’t really know who we are (and therefore what compliments us). We do work that isn;t in alignment with our passion, those of us who do manage to kinda like what we do; we do it in a way that becomes routine and “joyless”. We suck at being nice to other women because we have unaddressed insecurities perpetuated sometimes by men we have no business even liking or wanting. Its a an endless cycle.
just typing that made my @zz a little angry…and now I need some starbucks.
“I think the Angry Black Woman conundrum is part bullshyt, part psychosomatic, and part self-fullfilling prophecy.”
I would have to agree. I think its a label that has been put on black women. The fact that your boy says “when black women are all smiley and nice its because they are digging me” is a clear indication of that fact. Its funny because I am one of the nicest persons anyone will ever meet. I hold conversations with people all the time.. smile in their face and may have little to no interest in them other than having a conversation. I think its sad that not being a batch makes others think your interested and therefore may throw out the “i have a gf” like nagga I didnt ask you that shat I’m just holding a convo!..
oh yeah i forgot to work cite you Joles on Batch and Shat LOL..I agree.
I wonder tho why women mean mug each other..Is it do to lack of comfort? why are we sometimes nicer to our men than each other?
girls have been mean to me since i was a child! i just expect it now. its a sad state of affairs, but i generally expect to not be liked by black women i come into contact with.
self-fulfilling prophecy maybe? who knows. i have a good core of black female friends right now whom i love to death! and this is the first time in my life that ive ever had that.
“girls have been mean to me since i was a child! i just expect it now. its a sad state of affairs, but i generally expect to not be liked by black women i come into contact with.”
this is sad, but a true fact in my life as well. its also a product of being raised mainly around 2520′s. the few black girls who did go to my school were just so mean– like viciously mean. They seemed to take j0y in ripping people apart. So ‘quel suprise!’ that my bff (outside of blood relatives) for a long time was white. She still is my homeslice for life.
i didn’t get that core of ‘good black bffs’ till college. even in college, there was that group of mean girls. that’s why i always say that high school is the pinacle of human social evolution. the rules essentially stay the same, just the stakes are so much higher.
i dont even know about the mean girls in in college, cuz i been rollin with dudes since my younger days. the girls couldnt stand me, so i was friends with the dudes…then the girls couldnt stand me even more!
and you are so right about highschool….whoever thinks adulthood is different is fooling themselves.
CBG, why you so brilliant? lol! great post, im definitely co-signing.
although, ive been known to embrace my elitist label…it throws people off. lol…
i dont know if i would say that im intrinsically happy or not. its true that happy people are easily made happy….and if easily amused was an olympic sport i’d be a gold medalist hundreds of times over!
that said, i generally have a somber demeanor. i would say i have a depressive personality organization (which does not mean im suffering from depression)
“CBG, why you so brilliant? lol”
***adds Shatani to my Christmas Gift List***
thanks chica..that was pre-starbucks so that may have been a lucky shot tho.
“Its true that happy people are easily made happy….and if easily amused was an olympic sport i’d be a gold medalist hundreds of times over!”
I have found joyous things to do with just two pieces of lint, some bubble gum and the New York Post lol..I do believe that most of being intrinsically happy comes from being grateful, because truly it could ALWAYS be worse, but somehow through someone’s favor (source, God, Allah etc) it isn’t.
you know what, “it coulda been worse” is something i often find myself saying after unnecessarily dumb/bad sh!t happens.
like the time my engine stopped and the steering wheel locked up….luckily i was going to walmart and was in the parking lot. any other day i woulda been on the highway when that happened! so, yeah, it sucked @ss but it SO coulda been worse…
let me liven up this thread at bit after this–>and now I need some starbucks.
the starbucks gold card. thoughts CBG?
are you talking about the rewards card???
i have already given my thoughts to the starbucks God’s and management..no need to reward me for any addictions…free coffee on my birthday DOES NOT keep me coming back. my love goes deeper than that.
girrrrrrl me too. *waiting for SB break at 2p*
no need to reward me for any addictions…free coffee on my birthday DOES NOT keep me coming back. my love goes deeper than that.
lol. it’s more than free coffee on your birthday.
now i want a white mocha with caramel… *plotting to sneak out of the office*
“I personally believe that happy people are successful people in relationships, business, parenting, their community and society at large. But trutfully many of us have very little to be happy about”
i agree with most of this statement, but it begs me to ask a question: isn’t happiness sort of a self-fulfilling prophesy? like, if a person’s outlook and demeanor changes, regardless of whether or not they have “very little to be happy about” don’t you think that’ll give em a better chance of improving their lot?
sounds like an interesting social experiment.
i agree..”fake to you make it” sort of like anything getting better and more ingrained with practice…disciplined thought.
begs me to ask a question
i disslike the use of this phrase.
i disslike the use of this phrase.
i disslike the misuse of “dislike”
zing!
then don’t use it, Chump. i mean um Champers.
I don’t really think all black women are evil all the time, but I do think the world puts alot on them. And it takes a strong minded woman to make it in todays society. Sometimes I think black women ae little mean towards men because so many men come at them the wrong way. And it probably gets annoying so they lash out.
“Sometimes I think black women ae little mean towards men because so many men come at them the wrong way.”
This is truth.
“Sometimes I think black women ae little mean towards men because so many men come at them the wrong way.”
True, but we can’t punish every man for what the previous ones have done to us. It is unfair to the ones who are trying to approach us correctly.
However, it is a defense mechanism. We expect little, so when we get minutiae, we are only slightly disappointed.
PREACH!
” do black women have to stay, to quote one of my cousins “aggresively guarded to stay sane”?
Your cousin is very smart.
The answer is sometimes yes.
I can’t tell you how many times I’m been labeled “intimidating” or “mean” just because I don’t walk around all day smiling like I’ve had a frontal lobotomy. I’ve been trying to work on this the last 5 or so years, I don’t let my “angry Black woman” out nearly as much as I used to.
I love how you don’t let your angry Black woman out. Ha. So true. If you aren’t at your core, ABW, then it’s a lot of work. The shyt is physically draining. I only bring mine out like twice a year. Immediately following the ‘act’ I must take a nap. Frankly, I don’t know how women do ABW all the damned time without dripping deal of exhaustion.
I’m totally laughing right now ’cause I only do that a couple of times a year normally too. That ish is draining.
Last time the ABW really came out is when this guy decided to total my car last year, by taking a left turn directly into my car at an intersection, and then he gets out and says it was my fault because I was in the wrong lane.
Trust me, it was ugly.
i would think that if its a state that isnt natural for you, then it would be draining….just like, i imagine, if ABW is your natural state, then doing the opposite might take a great deal of effort! ABW might need a nap after a full day of not “goin the fvck off on a muhfugga” lmao!
the thing that troubles me is that the absence of sh!t eating grin (never could understand that phrase!) for a good portion of the day is equated to angry blackness. i mean, can i not just look regular? i get the intimidating and mean and angry ish all the time…it doesnt help that im a big chick. i suppose a 5’10 chick not smiling is more intimidating than a 5’2 chick not smiling? i dunno…it annoys me, but i will continue to be me and those who are interested will know the joy that is shatani and the rest can blow me where the pampers is. just sayin…
When people have mentioned me not smiling, I tell them smiling causes wrinkles. Our ability to remain stone-faced is why Black don’t crack. Mind you, I say it without smiling, then I giggle. They aren’t sure what to do.
i love leaving them unsure how to react! lol
“Mind you, I say it without smiling,”
Yeah…I say plenty of things with a blank stare. They don’t know what to do. Laugh? walk away? lol straight limbo-land!!!
and you know how uncertainty frightens them so! lol
Exactly.
At least twice a week a black male bus driver will ask me why I am not smiling. I just give a smile and hop off the bus. I’m NOT an angry black woman. It’s just at the end of the day, I’m tired. I don’t have any more fake smiles to give. Really I’m just a frustrated PhD student… not even the white women smile in my program.
Now if when I was getting on the bus and the driver smiled or said, “hey beautiful,” something to that effect, he’d get a smile and a genuine one at that.
excellent point! instead TELLING a woman to smile, why not do something to make her smile??
i am with both of you. give me a good reason to smile. friendly polite conversation often is all you need to get a friendly polite response. harassing me about smiling is NOT the way to get me to smile.
yes…
“i suppose a 5?10 chick not smiling is more intimidating than a 5?2 chick not smiling?”
I’m 5’9…so I know exactly what you mean…lol
I’m 4’11″ and I’m usually just dismissed as some kid who got her bike stolen.
These tiny fists don’t help my ABW cause either.
lol.
LMAO!!!
*pats PBG on the head* awww, c’mere little girl! who took your lolly???
“I’m 4?11? and I’m usually just dismissed as some kid who got her bike stolen.
These tiny fists don’t help my ABW cause either.”
*crying laughing*
i suppose a 5?10 chick not smiling is more intimidating than a 5?2 chick not smiling? i dunno…
that has nothing (or very little) to do with it. trust me.
“Frankly, I don’t know how women do ABW all the damned time without dripping deal of exhaustion.”
since theres a correlation between “abw’s” and “painfully dry vaginas”, i’m thinking that, along with vaginal moisture, abw don’t produce sweat either. hence the non dripping
“since theres a correlation between “abw’s” and “painfully dry vaginas”
Hilarious.
hilarious, but made me start to itch *whispers* down there! lmao!
Cus for you all things are linked to skut quality.
Yesterday, I saw a pretty sister walking through the Metro with the biggest smile on her face and I was soooo taken aback. I was happy that she was happy and wondering where I could get some of that happy feeling for myself (had a BAD day yesterday).
What was sad was that seeing such a big smile on a sister at the end of a work day is so rare. Do a census by counting the number of adult black women who have a scowl vs. a smile on their faces as you walk down the street. I think the ratio will be way unbalanced toward the scowls and frowns.
Rather than slam the sisters for mean muggin, etc., I offer you your props and give you praise for trying to keep your heads up. Yes, the world is screwed up and we get the short end of the stick many times. But if there is ever a reason to smile or be happy, don’t let this world, or it’s wack people, or knuckleheaded men steal your joy and prevent you from sharing your sunshine with those of us that appreciate it.
Because sometimes seeing you smile will make someone else (like me) smile, too……..
But if there is ever a reason to smile or be happy, don’t let this world, or it’s wack people, or knuckleheaded men steal your joy and prevent you from sharing your sunshine with those of us that appreciate it.
great point and sh*t
@Swamii, i dunno how i missed this earlier!
i feel that, and when i feel amused or happy, i am sure to show it. but you know, happy is usually not something that happens at the end of a long workday…i cant front! lol
woah, i don’t know how i missed this either, e-quad (i think there are 4 of us now)….
thanks Swamii. this was great.
lmao!! i wanna be quints!
I think both black men and black women get caught with the label of being angry. The difference is that black men also label black women as angry and not the other way around. The dudes that you hear screaming that are always the ones with the shady behavior when it comes to relationships.
I think both black men and black women get caught with the label of being angry. The difference is that black men also label black women as angry and not the other way around.
this is true. i think that we both get the angry label, but i also do feel that men do a better job of circumventing it in regards to relationships/male-female interactions.
but i also do feel that men do a better job of circumventing it in regards to relationships/male-female interactions.
i disagree. i think there are plenty of ABM that dish it as much as ABW. i think it’s actually worse to hear an ABW b*tch and complain about how hard he has it, as if black women didn’t or are unaware of this. so often times ABM talk AT women instead of TO them. like they’re owed sympathy and babying. and it’s not attractive. i’m happy to stroke your ego becuz i’m caring and i want to, but not at the expense of you feeling you DESERVE it cuz you’re a black man. n*gga please. the ABM syndrome has come between me and many friends and potential suitors.
like they’re owed sympathy and babying
P.R.E.A.C.H.
In my personal life, I’m usually laughing, smiling, and joking a lot. When I met my boyfriend for the first time, he would ask me why I smile all of the time for no reason. It’s just my personality. I even get comments that people don’t believe I’m from New York because I’m so happy all of the time.
But at work, I have a different personality. When I started out, I had a very easy-going personality and with the culture of the company that I work for, it came off as weak. Part of it is due to working in a male-dominated industry (80% of the people that work in IT are men). But, I also noticed differences in how I’m treated by my management. There’s another girl in my group who’s Russian, blond-haired, blue eyes and can get away with being smiling and joking a lot without my boss saying anything. If I do the same thing, I get criticized and he says that I have to be more serious and aggressive. Now I’m very no-nonsense, assertive, and aggressive in order to get respect. It’s a double-standard and I’m not bitter about it because I try to remain positive but that’s the reality of our situations….
shoot, imma be bitter about it on your behalf! it annoys me that blond hair and blue eyes earn you so many perks! like you literally have to alter who you are naturally? that sucks. im mad, dangit! lol
“it annoys me that blond hair and blue eyes earn you so many perks!”
ummm, depending on where you are, a nice ass-to-waist ratio can get you just as many perks, lol
well, then im outta luck all around! lol
“depending on where you are, a nice ass-to-waist ratio can get you just as many perks”
This is what I miss about working in DC. I got curves, but the west coast into a$$ like the east coast:(
There’s another girl in my group who’s Russian, blond-haired, blue eyes and can get away with being smiling and joking a lot without my boss saying anything. If I do the same thing, I get criticized and he says that I have to be more serious and aggressive.
this is some bullsh*t right here… i feel bad that you’re in that kinda situation.
First, I’m a Black woman. Second, I grew up around mostly Black folks. Third, today I have white and Black female friends. Just wanted those things to be clear.
Black women are aggressive. White women are passive-aggressive. Who gets what they want more often??
I wrote about the following on my blog once and it caused a bit of a stir.
I learned a valuable lesson from a white female associate. Once in a meeting, she said, “I can’t deal.” I sat back waiting for our boss to come down on her. He, and nobody else, said a damned thing. She got credit for her soft honesty. Not only was she NOT labeled incapable, but she’s gotten a couple of promotions since then. So one day I tried that shyt cus I was sure it only worked for white women. Worked like a charm in every area of life. Then I thought back and dammit if these chicks hadn’t mastered this game time and time again while Black women rolled eyes and necks and yelled. At the end, for doing that Black women are ‘hard’. But white women? They are labeled ‘soft’, ‘feminine’, and still ‘capable’.
I believe Black women get too caught up in making things happen where white women get caught up in getting things to happen. For example, my mom got mad at my step-dad because he followed my advice which was very similar to what she’d said weeks prior. Between her yapping about him not doing it when she suggested, I pointed out that either way, it still got done.
“I believe Black women get too caught up in making things happen where white women get caught up in getting things to happen”
hmmm…i’m surprised nobody has touched this yet.
i think it goes back to the angry stereotype..no one wants to collaborate with an “angry batch”. “Angry batches” rarely know how to negotiate win/wins its an either or proposition with this stereotype.
They probably won’t. Can it even be argued?? Especially who gets ahead more. Frankly, playing the passive-aggressive game has gotten me more in one year than being aggressive did in 5.
Black women don’t want to learn why white women are successful. Naw, ‘we’ don’t want to play the game to win. ‘We’ just play the game not to lose so much. ‘We’ just want to sit around with the ‘whoa is me…I’ve been mis-labeled’ song. I’m all for singing that song STRATEGICALLY. As I stated in an earlier comment, playing the ‘hurt’ card at work is the business. It’s a language they understand. Hurt people have others jumping over themselves to defend the hurt one. HR swoops in and all is well. Also, I’ve learned to pretend to care about their dogs. You know why? I have gone from being the Black chick to ‘Hostess…she’s so cool’. They will also have me in mind when opportunities to rise become available.
White women aren’t just successful because people think highly of them. Their shyt is so well calculated! Also, they are socialized to behave this way.
I would suggest all Black women get some white friends from all walks of life, then shut up and watch. You might walk away with some useful tools.
“Black women don’t want to learn why white women are successful.”
im not sure if white women always hold this key. I know PLENTAY of whinny @zz ball busting 2520 chicks who think they are entitled simply because “betty friedan” said so. What some ABW’s do to all in the work place…the BF yaya sisters do to their own men. Neither work in my estimation.
White women hold less of the key here. To me all roads lead back to playing strategically, knowing your worth and where it fits on whose line item and on whose balance sheet and leveraging the shyt to “Tim Gunn” make it work.
I never said whinny. Bottom line: they are getting ahead more and don’t need a team of PR people to improve their image like we do.
Dammit. I had more to write. If I’ve been running a race and coming in third, being beat each time by the same two chicks, I’m going to find out where and how they train, what they eat, etc. Obviously, I’m doing something wrong. Or something I’m doing can be tweaked. No need in me re-inventing the wheel. But that’s me.
“If I’ve been running a race and coming in third, being beat each time by the same two chicks, I’m going to find out where and how they train, what they eat, etc”
Maybe we come from two different industries and seeing two different things..im not finding white women making these major strides that black women can learn from. they are making the same mistakes targeting their some white male counterparts instead of EVERYONE in their wake.
I don’t see it limited to work though. I know the world is on their side. But they have managed not to do much to fug that up. It’s not by mistake–no matter how much of a crazed/weak b*tch she appears to be to us. I have learned to speak their language enough that they identify with me. I’m ‘relateable’. BTW, Palin stole my steeze!!!
Eh, maybe I’m just manipulative and attract like minded people.
i think its hard to focus on getting things to happen sometimes when youre a black woman in an “other” dominated workplace…i mean, sometimes it’ll work. but other times, its lose/lose for us. if we dont try and make things happen and they dont happen….we’re lazy negroes who dont wanna work (or worse, inept and only got the job because of affirmative action! *eye roll*). if we dont try and make things happen and they do happen….we’re peripheral and really didnt have anything to do with the success.
a lot of times we have to take full credit for the failures, but share the successes. and i dont know about you, but that gets tiring! and dont let a black woman toot her own horn, now! (champ, stop it!) cuz then she “thinks shes all that” and other such nonsense.
The trick, IMO, is to manipulate (which isn’t a bad word) them into tooting your horn. Get them to praise you. It ain’t that hard.
1) Be approachable. Again, pretend to care about their dogs and feed them some surface info about you.
2) Do a great job. Or if that’s too hard, just do a little bit better than your coworkers but don’t be arrogant.
3) Align yourself with the right people.
4) Walk in knowing your going to win. If you don’t sincerely believe it, keep in mind that you will age better than most of the folks in there. Sometimes, thinking that in a meeting would have a smile plastered on my face. Sometimes, I’ll sit and count crows-feet. Smiling all dayum day!
Oh and manipulation requires a certain amount of self-control.
i agree, manipulation is not a bad word…i see your point, i really do. ive just also seen things not work like that for the black woman (not me, i think my field is less anti-negrette than, say, the business world)….ive seen the damned if you, damned if you dont scenario a lot….
1) Be approachable. Again, pretend to care about their dogs and feed them some surface info about you.
i dont know if people realize how much this matters in all walks of life
i learned it very early on….having a good memory has gotten me far. ive never seen a person light up the way they do when i remember who they are and what we last discussed even though ive only met them one time. it really makes folks feel good when you remember them, and then they wanna be your best friend! thats how ya get em!
My dad used to tell us that:
“When two people argue, from afar, the loudest person always seems to be the bully.”
That was his mantra. Yelling does not get things solved and/or done. To this day, if my dad just utters a word, we all fall all over ourselves to get it done. Just one word.
I had to train myself not to get overly loud during arguments. It’s work, but it’s worth it.
@MsSula@Work, yeah plus it really pisses people off when you maintain a calm and steady tone while theyre quickly flying off the handle…psychological warfare is good isht!
I hear, agree and cosign everything that was said. You are all right. Women, especially black women have a lot to deal with. Society is hard on you sisters. I understand that b/c so many ppl try to talk to you w/ that nonsense that many of you lash out at them. H3ll, I’m a dude and I’ve done it before. But here is my ultimate question: Why ya so mean in the damn club though?!?
lmao! im not much of a clubber, but the couple times ive gone ive seen men do some ish that ruin your night!
for instance, the skeevy mofo that stands right by the ladies room tryin to holla and then be tryin to touch you as you come out. NOT cool. happened to my girl…and not just tugging her arm (which in itself is unacceptable) but skin to skin, touchin her lower back and stuff. oh HELL naw! yeah, she was not sweet to any other men that night….call it unfair, but maybe ya’ll should check ya boys!
“for instance, the skeevy mofo that stands right by the ladies room tryin to holla and then be tryin to touch you as you come out.”
This is the same reason why banks get robbed, because that’s were the money is!!! It’s the same with the ladies room, that’s where the girls are. It’s all about strategy!!!
As you can see I have nothing better to do today then to play devil’s advocate, lol
hahaha…yes, i can see that!
the strategic placement? meh…if you wanna come off as a dude that wants to indulge in ‘water sports’, then i suppose its cool…but grabbin on me after a very personal moment like that is sure to get you round house kicked, charles bronson style!
1) It’s hot.
2) Our feet hurt.
3) We are tired of random ass hands in the small of our backs.
3) We are tired of random ass hands in the small of our backs.
Exactly.
Agree with this list… also would like to add what I said below…
1) It’s hot.
2) Our feet hurt.
3) We are tired of random ass hands in the small of our backs.
Yall know I like making lists and shyt, lol
1.) Wear less clothes and drink water if your hot
2.) Wear sneakers or something more comfortable if your feet hurt
3.) Stand with your back toward the wall if your tired of ninjas touching your back
and . . .
4.) Stay the fcuk home
4.) Stay the fcuk home
I do.
as do i…
An addendum, once you are hot, your feet hurt and you tired of me whispering sweet everythings in your ear GO HOME
WOW!!!
Do you own the club?? So if a woman spends her money to go out and have a good time she should EXPECT to get harrassed? How about learning how to deal with rejection…
im sayin!
pgh muse, peyso and eff’s point is that if all this…
“”1) It’s hot.
2) Our feet hurt.
3) We are tired of random ass hands in the small of our backs.”
…is going on, why bother even staying, lol. my name isn’t “luvvie”, so pain, heat, and random hands doesnt sound like fun to me
“…is going on, why bother even staying, lol. my name isn’t “luvvie”, so pain, heat, and random hands doesnt sound like fun to me”
That ain’t what 8th Wondra told me. Mmhmmm. It’s ok Humpty. You ain’t gotta lie to kick it. All this projection going on.
Oh, and PAIN DEEZ!
is going on, why bother even staying, lol
Ok …but why is that his concern… Why should he be worried about why she’s here at all? If a female’s not interested, move on. Find a female that wants to talk to you. Don’t be worried about the ones that don’t.
And take them dudes that wanna fight every other minute with you too
And take them dudes that wanna fight every other minute with you too
i never understood this either. you paid 20 bucks to get in, and youre surrounded by tons of drunken and scantily clad women practically ovulating on the dance floor…and you wanna ice grill and fight other dudes?
@The Champ,
Fightin’ in the club is homo thuggin’ at its finest. It’s the perfect excuse to get your hands on another man and still look “hard”. At least that’s how it looks to women.
even though i usually do—>4.) Stay the fcuk home
3.) Stand with your back toward the wall if your tired of ninjas touching your back–>no. this not my responsibility. keep your d@mn hands to yourself and approach me to my face where i can see you. i’m liable to do anything with somebody creeping up from behind me. i don’t like ninjas sneaking up on me.
i’m not mean to all men when i do go. nor do i carry over the attitude i have to give to the ninja that literally crept up behind me and tried to physically pull me onto the dance floor without saying a word, to the next guy but it’s all in how you approach me.
“i’m liable to do anything with somebody creeping up from behind me. i don’t like ninjas sneaking up on me.”
elbow to the nose…
Probably cause we were approached the wrong way or someone said something really stupid…
I am not MEAN at the club, but here is a secret.
Men, I know y’all are at the club trolling for @$$, but nice girls are not at the club for you. We are there to dance with our girlfriends and, perhaps, get a wee bit tipsy. That is why we travel in massive packs and form elitist minicircles and hold each others’ hands as we walk from place to place and stare at the ground or pretend to be deaf-mutes when men try to talk to us.
After the 30th or 40th time you grind your wee weewees into our butts as we are trying to socialize among ourselves or grab and grope us round the waist and physically move us as you drunkenly whisper “excuse me, sexy” KNOWING you could have gotten by without the extra or come around running your tired, drunken game on us and, when you’ve failed, one of our friends or force a drink on us and then act like you physically own us for the next 20 minutes of the night…
the *smile* “I can’t abandon my girls–it’s our ladies’ night!” eventually turns into the ice princessy if-you-don’t-back-the-eff-back glare.
but nice girls are not at the club for you. We are there to dance with our girlfriends and, perhaps, get a wee bit tips
so basically, nice girls at the club are closet lesbians?
is it a crime to go to a club not wishing to meet anyone?
that is my question as well…
“is it a crime to go to a club not wishing to meet anyone?”
No it’s not a crime. But what’s the purpose of going to the club from the get-go? Don’t say to dance with your girls and to drink, because you could do that in the comforts of your own home. Plus it’s way cheaper.
I personally think women do this just to torture us. Yall know men go to the club for one thing, so you should know what to except. I’m not saying that yall should be disrespected, but that’s like going to KFC looking for hamburgers.
I’m just sayin . . .
The purpose of going?
Because we like to dress up and be admired (admired–not groped) and we like the loud music and the DJ’s mixing and the club atmosphere and the people-watching and the stumbling across old friends and the occasional dance with the relatively sober gentleman or the exuberant gay dude.
“the occasional dance with the . . .exuberant gay dude.”
This must be coming harder to do with the increase of straight ninjas wearing man-dex and murses
Yes. Those tight @$$ jeans and smedium shirts be confusing a sister.
hahaha… i havent seen the murse, but i saw the dude in skinny jeans yesterday and was left wondering….where are your testes, sir?!!?
where are your testes, sir?!!?
this made me laugh.
where are your testes, sir?!!?
definitely a t-shirt
dang, im on a t-shirt roll!!
I personally think women do this just to torture us. Yall know men go to the club for one thing, so you should know what to except. I’m not saying that yall should be disrespected, but that’s like going to KFC looking for hamburgers.
so just bcuz ya’ll come looking for one thing that’s it… if we’re not looking to get fcked we should stay home? I disagree… men need to learn some self control. I personally go to the club to have a good time and when i was single (ha! now maybe) if we danced and you were attractive to me maybe we could talk some more… But who dictated that the club is just a pick up joint. If you’re strictly on a$$ patrol ya’ll should stick to chat rooms and telephone dating lines. there are plenty of women there looking to hook up. or buy a prostitute.
so just bcuz ya’ll come looking for one thing that’s it… if we’re not looking to get fcked we should stay home?
Like I said earlier there’s no excuse for females to be disrespected they yall do when yall go to the clubs. All I’m saying is yall should know what to expect at the clubs, so why go there expecting something different? It’s a shame that ignorant ninjas mess shyt up for the nice guys. To be perfectly honest with you, I used to get more positive responeses from chicks when I would say something off the wall vs being a genuine dude
“But who dictated that the club is just a pick up joint. “
^^ I’m going to use that argument, next time wifey gets an attitude about me going to the club. lol
i think its okay to expect “something different” when that something different is basic respect due to all human beings!
we dont go to the club expecting not to be approached (well, i do) but we do expect that when we decline a male’s advances, he will take no for an answer and move the fvck on….what we do NOT expect is to be called everything under the sun or to be manhandled and assaulted and shyt.
is that really too much to ask? really?
^^ I’m going to use that argument, next time wifey gets an attitude about me going to the club. lol
Good luck with that.
is that really too much to ask? really?
Nah girl. It’s not. That’s why I genuinely feel like more females need to be in touch with their inner “knock a ni99a out” reflexes. It’s in there… burried deep. i was in Squirrel Hill the other day and saw a teenaged couple… like 15. They were like at the bus stop and the young boy raised up on the young girl with fists balled up like he was going to hit her… she shrunk back and looked so scared and embarrassed. They were like the same size… if she had been mad enough that he would treat her like that she could have prolly got up with him… but instead she was scared. FC*K THAT.
^^ I’m going to use that argument, next time wifey gets an attitude about me going to the club. lol
Good luck with that.
Yeah, I hoping “woman’s logic” doesn’t rear it’s ugly head
I’m not saying that yall should be disrespected, but that’s like going to KFC looking for hamburgers.
LOL
I go to the club, not to meet anybody, but just to be around grown folks (because I spend the majority of my time around kids) and socialize OUTSIDE of my home. Sure it’s cheaper to drink and listen to music @ home, but I associate a lot of WORK w/my home. Cooking, cleaning, disciplining children, studying…geesh. Can’t I go out just to relieve some stress w/out some overly thirsty dude trying to recruit?? Dang…
Why do you hate freedom?
LMAO!!!
You had me at weewees
Peyso, I had a guy try to wipe me like I was a baby (front to back) as I walked up some stairs at a club. They’re the worst, because they knew they had no chance (and nothing to lose), they hate women, and they’ll follow up with a look that says, “Do sumpn’, b*tch.” Stuff like that makes you never want to go to the club again. But if you do, you have to perfect your mean-mug, side-step, decoy shimmy (the one where you magically disappear from the dance floor) and other tricks.
“I had a guy try to wipe me like I was a baby (front to back) as I walked up some stairs at a club. ”
This is a throat punch situation.
I hope you served him a two piece up right.
No 2 peice from me on that one – dude had the, “I would just love to punch you.” look on his face. I scampered my azz up those stairs with a quickness and gave him a nasty look from out of reach.
Come to think of it, I’m starting to think I have bad luck with men and stairs/escalators. I was in h.s. and was going up the really long escalator out of the metro downtown, when I hear this voice, “You know you want my d*ck up yo a**.” So I look behind me, and the man from “Candyman” is there to harass me. So I go speedclimbing up the rest of the steps, afraid to look back, thinking that I had outrun him. I get to the top and look back – the bamma is still right behind me, and says the ish again. Dayum.
“I was in h.s. and was going up the really long escalator out of the metro downtown, when I hear this voice, “You know you want my d*ck up yo a**”
ok. i officially don’t believe you, lol. sorry. you need at least 1000 more people
Yo – I got time, date and witnezz! To this day, my best friend from h.s. will call me and the first thing she says is, “You know you want my D*ck up yo a*s!!” It’s a community classic.
This made me sad.
Why do u not believe the crass bullshyt menfolks do? I need 1,001 people and a few mythical creatures to believe you are in such denial…
YES
Why do u not believe the crass bullshyt menfolks do? I need 1,001 people and a few mythical creatures to believe you are in such denial….
Lil’ T doesn’t need anymore people. That is a totally credible account of ignorance from some psuedo-man.
“I had a guy try to wipe me like I was a baby (front to back) as I walked up some stairs at a club. ”
wow…
“I had a guy try to wipe me like I was a baby (front to back)”
T..he did NOT try to wipe you did he?
im dying here. lol
Yes, girl – wipe. WIPE! Dayum bastid…
just, d@mn…
Mouth drop…I’ve had some random ish happen at the club before but neva something like that. Stilettos are good for lots of things like making the legs and booty look right…and sometimes stabbing a ninja in the eye!
“Peyso, I had a guy try to wipe me like I was a baby (front to back) as I walked up some stairs at a club. ”
Was the DJ playing the song “Wipe me down”????
As i said earlier, punch him in the throat and then GO HOME. Why do you wanna b in a place where you feel disrespected?
So I have to not ever go dancing ’cause someone else has no sense? Why do I get pusnished?
they just be blaming the victim!
If I’m smiling at you at the club, chances are I am laughing at you inside.
esp if you’re in a pgh club, ha!
just stop it.
don’t be made just becuz we be laughin at you every time we go out. maybe if you wore something other than your damn VSB shirt… let me stop. becuz we’d surely find something else to laugh at.
LOL! I always enjoy watching Gem and Champie poo poo go back and forth. Go easy on him Gem. He is from PGH and doesn’t know any better. BTW, I am getting sick of the same VSB shirt. Please switch it up. Thanks!
Hahaha IvySt. SOOO true. I use the smile to mask my true feelings.
word…especially if he’s the old dude in the club rockin the Cosby sweater!
not the cosby sweater!!
i know a dude who wears sweaters all the time. even to the club. i just be like….. *smh* (cuz that’s all i can do)
Peyso, I for one am not mean in the club. I am in fact, most happy when I have a drink in my hand (and another one on the way) and listening to great music very loudly. There is not a ninja on Earth who can ruin that for me.
If we all have a personal heaven, mine will feature me w/my pre-baby body in a freakum dress dancing to soul music w/free margaritas all night long.
OMG – I can see you doing this now! I’ll be there with you, P – don’t stop til you get enough.
Lil’ T, you know what it is now. Not even a game!
BTW, I left a full hour after the rest of you ladies.
*snicker*
And me and Overit all waiting outside so you wouldnt have to call a cab alone. Finally I was like umm…I don’t think she’s coming, yo.
Then we left.
lol
8th Wondra…
PBG never gets a cab alone…remember that.
*palin wink*
PBG check your blog.
Why ya so mean in the damn club though?!?
I mean for real though? Like isn’t this place supposed to be for fun??
I hate to say this, nah… I never mind, I DON’T hate to say this: Black men treat black women differently than they treat non-black women.
It is as if they enter a relationship with a non-black woman on a different/clear playing field than the one they enter with black women. This is a field where you are allowed to become yourself (for the non-black women) than be forced into a contrived stereotypical box (for the sistas).
It is as if their irritation with their mommas/gold diggers/angry-black chick/stalkerish/gettofabulousness and all black related previous interactions impedes the relationship initially until they can decipher if you fit into one of the above categories. And if you FIT an perceived depiction, you get LABELED and eventually ex-ed out.(read put into jump-off territory). Which is exactly why Black women appear angry in the first place – cause, typically, we don’t fit the stereotype and have to jump through hoops to prove it. One stero-typical move, mood or action, does not equate to overall spirit. (notwithstanding – it CAN be a sign – i do have to admit that)
But for me, its like a long list of don’ts that includes, DON’T: act angry, act like liking black love matters, act like you want a financially sound and emotionally available man around, act like your family actually still lives in the ghetto, act like you might like a lil Wayne song or two. You know, that type of shit or you might be LABELED.
See, the non-blacks don’t have to worry about those initial labels and therefore can be lighter of spirit-(happier) from the jump.
I hate to say this, nah… I never mind, I DON’T hate to say this: Black men treat black women differently than they treat non-black women.
expound and sh*t
“This is a field where you are allowed to become yourself (for the non-black women) than be forced into a contrived stereotypical box (for the sistas).”
I see what you’re saying, but not sure if I totally agree. I see a lot of black men treat non-black women really badly. I think this is more true for latino men.
I had another thought, about to get y’all all up in my business, but I have met a lot of black women (all ages) that like me are victims/survivors of sexual abuse AND/OR assault, how do you expect her to act towards men (or anyone for that matter)? Especially, when she can’t afford (or is taboo) to go sit on a therapist’s couch and work out her issues, then add a teaspoon of all the “Black issues” she has to deal with, sprinkle motherhood on top that, with a dash of no daddy, and a dollop of general bull$hit, sounds like a recipe for disaster or at least an angry a$$ pie…..
oh! you moved it! lol….well, like i said up above. this is just another instance of our personal life circumstances being of no importance. we should just smile so the man feels better.
You’re right bout all those issues making one angry Black woman. But I know some women with great backgrounds, degrees, active families, who still walk around with their lips perpetually stuck out in a state of permanent angst.
To them, I say “GO SAT DOWN, chill the f*ck out, and smile with yo’ over-aggravated 4$$.” Everyday cannot be h*ll on earth.
And I would call her an Angry Black Woman
If that’s the case U-Dub, I should be on a killing spree right the h3ll now. Just murkin’ ninja’s, left n’ right!
And for the record, if I didn’t have health insurance, therapy is something I’d be willing to go into debt for. No bull.
I’m just saying, can you blame a chick for being a little tiffed, that’s all…. I am not making excuses though….
We are —>here<—-. You know that.
While “the angry black woman” stereotype is not a good one (are there any that are good?), there are some other similar or worse stereotypes associated with other women of other races. For instance, white women being easy. It may come down to being more of a gender issue than a race.
If people judge you or treat you based on stereotypes then let them. Also black women, if the shoe fits, wear it.
I’mma just be me… sometimes angry and sometimes happy.
“While “the angry black woman” stereotype is not a good one (are there any that are good?), there are some other similar or worse stereotypes associated with other women of other races. For instance, white women being easy.”
i’ll take easy over angry, lol
“i’ll take easy over angry, lol”
says the ex-college basketball player. I expect you to take easy.
I happen to think the stereotype of me loving chicken wings is a good one, and I’m not ashamed to say that here…or anywhere else. Society be damn’d!
*shakes tiny fist*
these types of questions are what bring out the so-called Spelman ADW* feminist/womanist syndrome in me ( a type of thinking i actually had long before i ever hit the streets of Atlanta). Peej has probably heard such tantrums many times before…
i have more deadlines to meet so i’ll make this somewhat brief and not angry-black-womany (also let it be known i haven’t read any other comments). i understand why some sistas are deemed as “angry” or “cold” simply becuz they’re focused, driven, and unwilling to settle for some Joe Schmoe just to use her eggs before they expire. yet many of these sistas know when to take off their game face and be soft outside the boardroom, are looking to love and be loved. however, there are plenty of sistas who are bitter and angry (for whatever reasons) and think they’re owed something in this life just for being strong, educated, and successful (much like many brothas). and they are relentless and cruel towards everyone they encounter.
essentially, i think the “black chick” label is thrown out there too much and too easily. and sometimes unfairly.
*ADW=African Diaspora and the World, freshman level course all students take for 2 semesters. mostly taught by feminists. read lots of bell hooks, audre lore, etc.
i’ll be back later to deal with the hierarchy of oppression and why black women get such a bad wrap (mostly unwarranted) from black men (particularly).
i’ll be back later to deal with the hierarchy of oppression and why black women get such a bad wrap (mostly unwarranted) from black men (particularly).
Gemmy! Ooops, I mean Gemdawg, I have a 12 page paper on the hierarchy of oppression. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
I am glad we are having this dialogue, but does anyone have any thoughts on solutions? Every generation has built on the previous one, from slavery to now, there has been progress (albeit slow) but how does our generation build and grow from here?
I do… everybody should read A New Earth by Ekhart Tolle… I put this on here before, but this book is truly an eye opener to a lot of things in life in general. It’s great.
e-twin you gotta email me your paper!! i’d love to read it!!!
after a long day of getting my poster printed, meeting with my labmates about this conference, and running around trying to get myself together for my trip tomorrow (including getting my eyebrows done lol) i can’t even think straight. i had this nice long piece to say about the hierarchy of oppression, but i’m going to do like D.A.R.E. and just say no. perhaps you and i can have some dialogue on this later.
but clearly. woman are at the bottom of the totem pole (tho in this day and age you’d think we’d have climbed up and swung around naked and upside down on the b*tch by now but anyway….). we got a whole lot riding against us and buried on top of us. and the list goes on as to WHY women feel angry about their situations.
sidenote: i can’t help but think of Nina Simone’s “Four Women” when i think about the ABW label and the concept of the hierarchy of oppression. that is a powerful and moving. if that song don’t get you to thankin…
but the thing is, what do we do about it?? how do we right the wrongs?? how do we go back and undo all of the psychological oppression we’ve been subjected to?? how do we convince our black men to take care of us and to help ease the burden so we can help ease their burden?? how do we tell society that we are the mothers that raised THEM and we need a break sometimes?? how do teach our little black girls to love themselves, even when no one else seemingly does?? there’s so many things we have to address. where do we start??
i’m starting with self. and trying to infect the community around me (namely my beautiful teenage “lil sisters” at my church) with positive, love, and encouragement. and my [future, God-willing] daughter(s) will be next. becuz we do not have to be victims of our circumstances. and like a Maya Angelou poem, we can still rise, dammit!
this is interesting..i wonder if there is a difference between all black female institutions and their predominantly and or historically white counterparts.
i need to marinate as to why my bell hook”edness” and gloria steinem-fication has worn off a little.
i never even got bell hook’d….im feeling deprived now. *sad face* i cant wait til i finish this God forsaken program so i can get back my beloved leisure reading!
i believe both lorde and hooks (were (deceased) and are: respectively lesbian)..not that there is anything wrong with that…at times tho it just got to be too much. Even some of the more “soft” womanist stuff.
And we won’t even talk about how totally and semi confused i became a few years after college when i learned gloria s was getting married…after all that hype about not needing men? All the shyt that was sold to black and white women alike during the sexual revolution THEN..that we are paying for NOW.
i dunno it felt inauthentic to me. Because if a man was what you wanted (and what you needed..and we all do need men) why not temper some of that with LOVING MEN.
i dunno im still rather confused about it all.
my $.02…
I don’t think being feminist or womanist has anything to do with not loving men. I think that it has everything to do with loving oneself and loving oneself enough to demand the BEST out of our men… but life is a journey, so it takes time to learn what loving oneself really means.
“I don’t think being feminist or womanist has anything to do with not loving men”
im not really talking from the “struggle’s perpespective” civil rights, women’s rights that disscussed cooperation…im talking ROMATICALLY/”Husbandly”,please point to any feminist epistemology (with the exception of Joan Morgan’s “When Chicken Heads Come Home To Roost”) that sought to explore or expand this belief?
im really hard pressed to find any.
Virginia Woolf sorta kinda looked at some of this in a “Room of One’s Own”, but again she was talking about creative, spiritual, and physical autonomy.
Ok.. i understand what you’re saying. good question too. lol… when i find some i’ll email you. But for real, in my own personal life when I flex my feminist muscles in my relationship i usually get referred to the bible and expected to adhere to the biblical “man is the head”… until we talk that to death and then he sulks (especially if I’m right)… but honestly I am unashamedly feminist and it does get us into some sticky conversations… but i think it just boils down to being a strong woman. How can a man be mad if he has a partner that can genuinely hold him down in almost any situation?
“How can a man be mad if he has a partner that can genuinely hold him down in almost any situation?”
well prolly becuz he hasn’t been given the opportunity to “lead” where he is well suited. If the blacksuperwomanpowerofthe universe is holding it down all the time..where are you able to see where and under what circumstances within your relationship dynamic –he is a great leader?
it kinda puts me in the mind of the Jill Scott song, My Love… on her most recent album. My love is sweeter, deeper, stronger, and all that. And I do think that they notice.
he is a great leader?
he is. which is prolly why i was attracted to him in the first place. I am a lot of woman to handle
But he does’t see that as a threat. When we were initially getting to know each other some of his man issues came out, but he can be himself with me and i can be myself with him… and yeah, he did have to step his game up, but isn’t that what they should do anyway?
where are you able to see where and under what circumstances within your relationship dynamic
and I don’t just go around challenging him willy-nilly just rolling up on him trying to bogart sh*t… my personal feminism is that i’m comfortable in my skin. I’m comfortable with my womanhood and i expect him to respect it. I respect him as a man. I do but just bcuz he’s a man doesn’t mean that he can pee on my head and tell me it’s raining… I don’t want u to think i’m a ball buster. I’m not… but i do expect to be respected
@The Comeback Girl,
he is a great leader
Sorry to keep going on and on… but me and HIM talk about this all the time. I think that everyone is a leader or has the potential for leadership. You can learn something from the smallest child if you are open to whatever lesson the universe has for you. So… do i look to him as the sole savior of our family? hell to the naw. He is fallible and human and bleeds red blood. But i love him and want him to be strong and all those things too…. i’m done
i swear.
I’ve exerienced the same thing – a lot of my more “militant” feminist ideals have just worn down as I’ve gotten older.
I like to believe that I am the furthest thing from an ABW as you can get. I’m so damn silly, dorky and goofy, that ‘angry’ rarely enters the equation. At least to me and those who know me.
However, I have been called angry– even though I’m not (usually). I prefer to call it ‘righteous indignation’.
My personal philosophy… If you insist on calling me ‘angry’ and your a$$ doesn’t even know me, I’m going to fulfill your expectations and play “Whack-A-Mole” with your head. H3ll, you asked for it.
whats whack-a-mole?
You’ve never played whack-a mole?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whack-a-mole
whats whack-a-mole?
You’ve never been to chuck- e-cheese or Celebration Station? Damn I’m showing my age bringing up Celebration Station
lmao! how old you iz? ive never heard of such a place!
“Damn I’m showing my age bringing up Celebration Station”
We had a Celebration Station too.
yeah…good times. lol.
ok. i remember it now.
thing is, i never called it “whack-a-mole”, just “the lame game that awkward kids who couldnt play skee-ball or nerf hoops would play”
which is the game you played since you couldn’t play skee-ball or nerf hoops. basically. we understand your awkwardness Champie, we’re all family. no one is judging you, just laughing at you. but it’s love all the same.
i am going to pretend that you didn’t ask that question…
errybody who was anybody in elementary school got invited to Chuck-E-Cheese for ‘that kid’s’ birthday party… i dominated in Whack-A-Mole… and Skee Ball
you are so my e-twin!! although, i was “that kid” a few times…i rock the hell outta some whack a mole and skee ball!!! i need to take my behind down to the boardwalk for some fun times! lol
*singin* chuck-e-cheese’s where a kid can be a kid!
Or for the older heads like myself : *”Shoooooow-bizzzz Pizza, where a kid can be a kid!”*
Oh hellz yeah…I loved Showbiz.
thank you…
“and Skee Ball”
Oh Hells yeah. My cousin (RIP) used to igga-rig up the machine so we could get extra tickets to trade in for those cheap azz prizes…lol
I still dominate skee ball. Go to Dave & Buster’s where an adult can be a kid
actually going to D&B after work for a friend’s b-day… all philly peoples are welcome to attend. trust, she won’t mind if a few extra peoples show up
What’s whack-a-mole? Stop it. That’s like saying, “what’s a skittle?”
i once had a white girl ask me, “whats a grit?” lmao!
I had a 2520 chick ask me what “skeet” was when “Get Low” came out.
I laughed.
yeah, me too…i referred her to the urban dictionary. i think i heard dry heaves coming from her room! lol
lmao!
Somebody that doesn’t even know what Whack-A-Mole is thinks he can tell me when to smile. Hmmph! *eyeroll*
The “Angry Black woman mess” is true; but it is also exaggerated to the 96th power…Well except for those black women who try out for and then make it onto reality TV shows. (see: Flavor of Love & I want to work for Diddy & 50 cent)
Well except for those black women who try out for and then make it onto reality TV shows. (see: Flavor of Love & I want to work for Diddy & 50 cent)
these people don’t count.
POPRAH was the angriest black woman i ever did see
that chick annoyed me from the moment she opened her mouth! i was like, dang, why the big girl gotta be all extra and shyt!
OMG… i love Oprah.
i respect her hustle. but i’m just not that into her. or her show. or her magazine.
i think its Oprah’s fans i cant stand. they act like she walked on water when she comes out on stage.
ya’ll we talkin Poprah, not oprah! lmao….poprah is the nickname of this awful chick on I Wanna Work For Diddy
lol shatani i was responding to pgh muse’s comment about the O. i don’t know about PoPrah being “angry” or whatever. she’s just annoying as heck. i don’t watch the show regularly, but the couple times i’ve watched it i was just like “who she thank she is??” she deserve to work for Diddy’s lardy/greasy lip, Cambodian breast milk drinking, making the band self.
i was truly through once she said she gained weight so dudes in the industry would stop try to get with her.
girl, bye (c) C +D
@SouthernGirl, lmao!
my girl is all about the C&D! she always on some “girl, bye.” be crackin me up!
I’ve learned that the best way to combat the ABW syndrom is to say everything with a smile. I’m a happy/smiling person in general, so I tend to not let too many things bother me. Nothing is truly that serious.
I think there is a way to get your point across without appearing threatening. Tone is important along with ones overall mindset and attitutude. If you approach with the mindset that someone is trying to walk over you, or you feel that someone thinks your weak, I think it can show when trying to address the issue. If you instead approach with the understanding that, Hey I need to inform them because obviously they are misinformed (even though they may be trying to come at you sideways), while at the same time confident, it can come across entirely different.
While I am a smiley person in general, I don’t necessarily walk around smiling all the time. I guess it’s just that Im mindful of my facial appearance, so when Im mean mugging (which is rare) it’s a conscious decision. Any other time my face is approachable. I turn advances down with a smile….it works.
this was a nice and safe comment and sh*t. if this comment were a chick, it would be tia mowry or jenna fischer
seriously man, dont they have therapists up in the burgh?? you are straight loco! lmao
In a nutshell.
Black women are the most loathed human beings on the planet.
Anger seems not enough, given this fact.
“Black women are the most loathed human beings on the planet.”
even more so than black male midgets?
no. midgets are more loathed.
BUT I think it will be a loooong time before we see a black female president cuz the world hates/misunderstands us so.
I stand corrected. LOL.
“Black women are the most loathed human beings on the planet.”
I disagree. Albino midgets give us a run for #1 hated
I disagree. Female Albino midgets who are born to a single female lesbian mother with down syndrome, is by far the most hated.
bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Peyso, you STOOPID!! lmao
i haven’t even had my SB coffee yet, but this perked me up. thanks, Pey!
“Black women are the most loathed human beings on the planet.”
I’m thinking this is a tad bit dramatic.
dont hate the drama! lmao
Black women are the most loathed human beings on the planet. Anger seems not enough, given this fact.
This could be the voice over in the opening scene of a movie, where you see ole girl cleaning and loading her gun. Love it.
This will be the opening to Tyler’s next movie.
Titled “Your Arms Are Too Short To Box With My Israeli Assault Rifle”.
CTFU!!!!! You gonna make me blow my cover at work!
Bwhahahahaha
This could be the voice over in the opening scene of a movie, where you see ole girl cleaning and loading her gun. Love it
this made me spit up my baked potato. now i have artificially made bacon bits all over my keyboard. thanks
Sorry….lol
Humh. I don’t have shyt to be angry.
*smile*
…angry about.
When the world revolves around you…
When everything that has ever been done in the west is for that of alabaster skin and a body resembling that of a teenage boy…
Of course you wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Think about it, how often do you see a homeless YT woman? Especially when you do the #’s for all the other demographics. I live in DC, and I can think of 10 homeless black women I see on the reg, but just 1 white woman.
So if Becky, Suzy, Caitlin and Heather always have a smile on their face, i’m not surprised.
Now consider Keisha n’nem.
When she is born what does she face?
What is her life like?
Both parents?
How’s that economic situation?
Sup with the education Ma?
What’s the extended family like? Any uncles we need to worry about?
What’s the neighborhood like?
Let’s say she’s lucky enough to have that Rudy Huxtable start.
Does the money of her parents insulate her from society’s message that only white women are valuable?
Does the middle class lifestyle of jack and jill events, boule and what not, protect her from the savage or indifferent nature that is school?
How about the work place?
Even in the best of situations Black women consciously and unconsciously face a different path than that of white, asian, or latina women.
Good thing she has her brother, the black man to always depend on. Oh wait….
Now I’m not saying that black women are *entitled* to be on that Onyx Mad Face steez.
Nor am I saying that white gullz be living like Paris Hilton 24/7. Far from it. White women face a lot of obstacles as well. Women in general don’t have it easy in life. Constantly preyed upon, universally underpaid… beset at all sides by the tyranny of evil men.
With that said, given what little I know about the life of a black woman in America, I’m not surprised that she doesn’t always approach life with a cavalier attitude.
That is the way it is now, but that’s not the way it has to be.
And given the times, a sista was just Secretary of State (Condi, if you reading, holla @ me), and now the closest advisor to the President is smart, intelligent, ambitious black woman – things will change.
That’s a change we can all believe in.
*standing ovation*
WestIndianArchie in 2016!
*waving fan*
preach.
This was a great comment.
*thumbs up*
Thought provoking and on point.
I’m grinning almost as big as i was when all them electoral votes came in… this post made me proud
:D:D:D:D
Good job and sh*t
First, You have put it perfectly.
But I do wanna say something about this: Does the money of her parents insulate her from society’s message that only white women are valuable?
Does the middle class lifestyle of jack and jill events, boule and what not, protect her from the savage or indifferent nature that is school?
It helps to build a thicker force field AND also equips her with her own knapsack of entitlement. To be clear, I don’t mean entitled to monetary things but entitled to treatment befitting a human. It allows her to have a different expectation of life that Starneata. Even if Rudy does get hit with all the ills of racism, she sincerely believes that there’s more positive in the world than not. In her foundation years, she was surrounded by mostly positive things making her knapsack full of positive experiences to draw upon–even when hit with the bs.
Couldnt have said it better myself. I actually wish I had said it … le sigh..
***19th Street Baptist Church***
**standing ovation**
To paraphrase a bit “This comment is so good I’d make love to it and have a litter of little comments” – Dr. Cox, Scrubs
i love this comment so much, i wanna take it out behind the barn and get it pregnant!
i love this comment so much, i wanna take it out behind the barn and get it pregnant!
……………………………………….
this made me laugh
Yaah the comment was so awesome Champ from Anchorman would take it to dinner, make love to it and call it the next day. Unlike what was threatened on Dorothy Mantooth.
Dorothy Mantooth was a saint!!!
LMAO!!! you damn right she is!
WIA i truly appreciate the insight you have stated here about the complexities of the environmental impacts that shape the thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs of many black women. and though black women are not at all the same (as deemed by epigenetics, socioeconomics, education, etc) we all suffer similarly becuz of the ONE box we are all so often placed into.
*Throws crumpled dollar bill at pulpit*
dang, just a dolla? even young$$$ coughed up a twenty! lmao
I’m subcribe to the black nod which my dad and brother taught me well. Thing is I notice that this usually gets earns me more attention from the blue collar black men and men my dad’s age who work in my bldg. For example I just had a lovely conversation about the Wire and Baltimore with the driver of my supershuttle in Tampa, and later with the curbside check on brotha at the airport. This all came about from a smile and the black nod. Brothas in suits don’t always respond to my smiley nodding ways. I’m thinking of starting am experiment to further support my theory. Btw, the only time I look gloomy is when I’m pensive or daydreaming about stuff. But when a nice brotha says “c’mon smile” I’m usually cheese muffin again. My question is why are brothas always mean muggin’? Sistas dig smiles to ya know…
Sistahs mean mug on the real as well.
i mean, we’ve gathered that! lol
….but nobody is on a black man to smile more. and they usually have such great ones too!
miss patty, will you teach me the black nod??
“Sistas dig smiles to ya know…”
Yes we do. I think it is hella sexy when a man is not afraid to show me his pearly whits. Now if his teeth look like he’s been chewing on industrial steel… Then THAT may require the shut mouth.
Yeah no smiles from a “Ol’ chewing on gravel chitlins boy”, please and thank you.
my computer doesnt work b/c of the water u caused me to spit all over it
Put it like this. If three or more people have the gaul to tell you that you’re angry. Then your angry. If it walks like a duck and quacks like one…well then…you’re a duck.
I’ll take a risk and say that as a stereotype I believe its true and rightfully so. Black women have to deal with a disproportionate share of Black community issues. Being a single mom, having your brother in prison, and not knowing your daddy takes a toll. We can all act like it don’t bother us; but imma disagree on that one.
This doesn’t mean that a sista can’t be happy; but the looks on sistahs mugs and bodies tell the truth and shame the devil.
If these conditions are typical in most Black communities–I’m saying this because most comments on here point to the same conditions causing ABW syndrome–are BW’s really angry at the norm??
*wet blanket alert*
Based on my reading, it seems like a lot of folk are justifying why so many black women have attitudes ALL the time. Do we really think its okay to be stank 24/7?
Don’t get me wrong. I understand and I know it to be true: black women have a hard row to hoe. But I think some of us take that whole mule of the world thing too far and let it affect our spirits.
Have you seen the old mean black woman who has no friends and spends her time yelling at kids from her window? That’s who you turn into if you let the stresses and injustices affect your natural disposition.
And let’s be real: we have it easier than our moms did and definitely our grandmothers. But it seems some of us keep getting angrier.
first…ive never seen that old black woman! thats good, right?
second…i want to differentiate between a stank attitude and a mean mug. i dont think they go hand in hand, and i think thats the problem with folks making these assumptions.
i have a mean mug. when my face is relaxed, i do not look happy. i grew up in boston and as such have developed a really nice “im not the one” aura so as to protect myself from crazies and muggers. so, yeah, i own that. its just what my face looks like when im expressionless.
my attitude, however, is far from stank! im the goofiest chick you’ll meet. im quick to smile, chuckle, guffaw at any and everything (including myself) and i make other folks laugh, to boot! so, my straight face is not an indicator of who i am…its an indicator of how i look. and those who are fortunate enough to get past it are very happy they did.
ive never seen that old black woman! thats good, right?
lol…no. it just means that it might be you
dang, can a sista get old first?!?! i dont mind yellin at whippersnappers to get the hell off my lawn, though…i think i might enjoy it!
YESSSS V. I’m a bit scared that I haven’t requested you to get more people today. It scared @ me. (c) PBG.
Anyway, they say Black don’t crack but it does tear a lil. It fades slightly, and sometimes becomes frayed. I’m not saying folks need to be skipping around singing kumbaya but some folks seem to be enjoying their bitterness. Wearing it like a security blanket of sorts.
I think people are confusing emotion and even countenance with attitude. Not good.
how can you NOT…i would think its mighty disingenuous and HIGHLY “pathological” (your fav word) to walk around mad and that not be reflective of your “Attitude” even its something you can switch on and off like a light bulb.
“how can you NOT”
Because I am a thinking person.
are you the same thinking person that spoke on Cervical Cancer being the karmic justice for “slutty women”…the same hpv that’s causes CC? The same HPV that prolly 8 out of 10 women on this blog today might potentially get by the time they’re 65?
is that the same thinking person? or was that more “realism” which defies even the most conservative scientific data?
Okay, I wasn’t going to take it there, but the time has come.
I officially present to you the H0 Sit Down gift basket.
You are an idiot if you think that I was saying that cervical cancer was karmic justice for promiscuous women. Holler at me when your IQ hits 75 and keep my handle out yo mu-f#ckin’ mouth.
yep it was you.
Play nice, ladies. No need to call people out they names.
wooooooow…
Where’s PBG with the glitter?? 911 emergency… It’s some glitter NECESSARY @ comment 42… PBG!!! Where r u???
LOL..no glitter needed. its ok..
gurlllll, you might need PBG’s glitter, my gold stars, alise’s unicorn and a whole plethora of additional mythical beings and fairy dust to work this out…lol.
Lawdhammercies!
I go off to do some floor exercises w/my Marshmallows and all h3ll breaks loose! I’m going to have to get the gallon tub of glitter out!! Flood Jesus’ inbox!!
*humming Negro Sprituals*
Link hands, VSBers…let us pray!
Heavenly Father,
Bring us peace and tolerance of opinion to this here blog. Guide us in love and in understanding. Let the words and tones that flow from our respective keyboards be nothing that we wouldn’t want to say sitting in Your holy Living Room. Bind us, Dear God in sisterhood and brotherhood. Let our disagreements be stepping stone for a higher understanding.
In the name of your sweet Son Jesus.
Amen
********
*********
**********
***********
Overit, throw some Islam up on there so we can have as many prayer bases covered as possible.
Please and thank you.
@PBG…
so mad. SO MAD at “flood Jesus inbox”!!! LMAO
I am DEAD at “Your holy living room.”
Jesus knows my heart.
I know I cannot be the only one that prays to Jesus thru email. Not in this day and age of technology. He forwards them to God. You know, the only way to God is thru Jesus, or so say the Christians.
You can’t tell me he doesn’t listen and answer prayer! Even in this world we live in, He is STILL in the business of blessings!! And that Precious Infant Savior is gonna pour all His blessings down into this blog. Amen!
yes lawd…
Lawdhammercies – this had me dead… straight flatlinin’
PBG, you just had me in tears!!! I just laughed so hard I almost choked. LMAO!!!
PBG up in here prayin to tiny little baby Jesus layin there in that manger….
*bows head*
i guess i need to go to the VSB alter and meditate..Jesus be a fence and a backspace on the keyboard of life. LOL
@The Comeback Girl, LOLLLLL!
Lawd!
I’m late to the prayer meeting!
BBM, you ain’t neva too late to pray. especially on this thread.
@CBG, i am dead (so it’s a good thing we on jesus right about now) at this–>Jesus be a fence and a backspace on the keyboard of life.
why don’t we all take a deep breath, ctrl+alt+delete this sitch and leave the impromtu prayer meeting on a good note….yay’men?
Jesus be some “everything that is needed up in here….”
i mean, can we get a group hug or somethin?
i think my iron lung just broke. can’t keep up with my extremely high need for oxygenation. dammit!
yall are carrying the hell on with this e-VSB-prayer business!! omg. tears of joy and laughter. i e-lub all you ladies!!
Where’s PBG with the glitter?? 911 emergency… It’s some glitter NECESSARY @ comment 42… PBG!!! Where r u???
*flipping thru the Quran*
Dear Allah (it means God in another language, sit DOWN Palinites), it’s me Overit.
You are the One, the most gracious, merciful, the eternal and the absolute. The Lord of Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Noah and Mohamed. There is none like unto you. Lord, we seek refuge from ignorance, intolerance, and black squirrels. Let your truth triumph over ignorance, and your logic forcibly abolish the scourge of albino roaches. Lord, shelter us from these times we live in, where ignorance becomes Godliness and foolishness is piety. In unrelated prayer, Lord please cause lightning to strike on the creative minds of everyone behind the career Of Tiffany Pollard who has claimed a piece of your bountiful creation New York as her moniker. Please bring peace to the message board of VSB and an abundance of glitter to PBG’s stock.
*No pork was consumed in the penning of this message*
*Everyone look under your seats for a complimentary bean pie*
Amen.
I got my bean pie!!
Amen! *translated into Islam*
Thank you for the contribution to peace in the blog valley, VSB Resident Muslim, who BTW, wears some fly-a$$ head wraps.
LMAO @ PBG we say Amen too…there are more similarities than differences, don’t let Palin fool you.
*yes, she has become the root of all evil in her short time in my life. Deal.
AMEN!!!
@ overit,
i love a fly headwrap.. i am ALWAYS in search of fly fabric… i need a new way to wrap my head for real… i got the knot at the back of the head kinda on the side on lock… but i need some training.
pgh muse, i love a fly headwrap too lol. there are a trillion and one ways to wrap a scarf, i just don’t try enough. if we ever have a vsb meetup, i can show you:)
Forever 21 and H&M have some really pretty scarves, especially H&M, check it out. And of course, there is always the fabric store:)
*looking up number to maintenance*
please wait until i get my iron lung fixed before you start saying foolishness. i’ma die of laughter from VSB. i swear fo’ gawd it’s gonna be my end.
this…
In unrelated prayer, Lord please cause lightning to strike on the creative minds of everyone behind the career Of Tiffany Pollard who has claimed a piece of your bountiful creation New York as her moniker.
and…
*No pork was consumed in the penning of this message*
just about did me in, e-twin, so thank you. i see you trying to get rid of me and you know just how to do it!! lmao
And I just saw your little edit. You simple, misled little thing.
If you want to live in lalaland and believe that your lifestyle of chainsmoking hodom and repeat chlamydia infections does not increase your risk of cervical cancer, fine. Life in denial. But it is irresponsible and disgusting for you to publicly shy away from the fact that there are real factors that greatly amplify one’s risk of cervical cancer and that promiscuity is one of them.
On no planet is acknowledging the existence of risk factors related to a disease synonymous with saying that individuals who engage in risky lifestyle choices DESERVE to suffer with cancer.
GROW THE EFF UP.
***admin note***
play nice, ladies. please. we can have mature discourse without the snark and name calling.
what edit..i never touched that comment???
im sorry that that bothered you so much. truly.
***admin note***
play nice, ladies. please. we can have mature discourse without the snark and name calling.
reply to the admin…i didn’t think i was not not playing nice.
i know alot about ALL forms of cancer. I only brought that up because disease in many ways is linked to mental wellness and perception of health.
the comment obviously went far left and again i apologize for what that may have done to the whole “feel goodnes” of the post and thread, to the other posters and Jen as well.
@The Comeback Girl, dang…i would have jumped in here earlier with some glitter too, but I hopped on a plane and missed this whole thread. they need internet access on planes- STAT.
“how can you NOT…i would think its mighty disingenuous and HIGHLY “pathological” (your fav word) to walk around mad and that not be reflective of your “Attitude” even its something you can switch on and off like a light bulb.”
CBG, i get that the simplest conclusion to draw from a scowling woman is that shes mad. im just saying that for me, when im deep in thought (which is often, cuz when you constantly procrastinate, you have a lot on your mind!) there is generally no expression on my face. and people often mistake that for a scowl and assume im mad, or worse, have a stank attitude when that couldnt be further from the truth…
when i catch myself scowling i do soften a bit…but i dont know that im ready to be super vigilant about my expressions. as far as i know, it hasnt harmed my life…
ABW – I’ve just learned to let that ish go. I am loud and friendly by nature (got it from my mama). I’m usually the first to dive into the waters and start conversation. I hate to say it – but the only people who I have seen actively rebuff a friendly salutation are black women. It happened on vacation just this past summer. Nice little resort in Cabo, nothing but fun times and such – and it’s like the few sistahs there were incapable of the most basic pleasantries with anyone outside their immediate circle. Not all BW do this, but it is more common than it should be. There’s something to be said for greeting strangers like you would actually like to meet them. If nothing else, it pays good.
Ha. So true. I did that not diving in thing during the one hour I was at the VSB happy hour. I ended up seeing ppl I hadn’t seen and only talked to them. *sigh* But I wasn’t angry. I just wasn’t ‘new ppl’ friendly. LOL
Hostess…you were there and I didn’t even find out until after you were gone. For shame, cuz we had a grand ol’ time @ our table!! Maybe next time you will join in, okay?
I know. You missed 2 soul train lines. We had a funky good time.
we sho did have a good time and P-Fiddy even played Don Corneilus once..im see if next time he can keep the dam@n kitchen open til like 9:45 (for people who haven’t eaten ALL the dayum day) and we can bring the scramble board.
ummm…..
what that would be fun. lol
Sorry, CG. I had this ex who was scabble obsessed (I mean, I-can’t-have-sex-or-conversation-cuz-i’m-online-playin’-scrabble obsessed). It really put a bad taste in my mouth.
“It really put a bad taste in my mouth.”
Lil’ T, please close that door behind you…here comes Champ.
so you saying we can’t have soul train scramble/scrabble cause you have se!x-a-fears? is that what you tellin me? lol
awww, thats terrible! i LOVE scrabble!!! love it!
*dead at desk*
actually, you asked for wings at 1015 darlin…
**Panama tosses wet afghan back at you**
@Hostess, yeah, y’all sucked. endnote.
@Panama Jackson, I had homework and was craving Ethiopian food and had to get back to my burbs before my carriage turned into a pumpkin. Yeah, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
not being new ppl friendly can come across as angry, or some variation of rude.
“I hate to say it – but the only people who I have seen actively rebuff a friendly salutation are black women. ”
***Daddy Grace and Jim Jones comes back to life and makes various flavors of koolaid***
halleleujer..lol
What if Jim Jones is actually Daddy Grace reincarnate??
See and NOW, you got yourself your own FBI file. I’m cyber distancing myself from you. LOL
@Hostess,
I’m just saying…these possibilities should be considered and explored.
“There’s something to be said for greeting strangers like you would actually like to meet them. If nothing else, it pays good.
”
to me this is 90% of being successful in the work place. Being naturally friendly (im not talkin bout the transparent stuff) is VERY disarming. Lesson 100345-niceness goes A LONG way. Selling (your resume, getting a job, going up the corporate ladder) is partly about being enjoyable enough to work around..that you want to actually keep their @zz another day lol..
i find it hard to believe REALLY that one could be “situationally nice” and REALLY REALLY make it in the world like big time stuff..cause sometimes nice takes a powernap when it actually shouldn’t.
people have sold me ideas and things that i’ve bought hook line and sinker..because i liked they azz. thats the real bottom line.
chuuch!
how you think i ended up with that first boyfriend!?!?! lmao!
**11th Street Mahogany Church of Pretentious Sweet Wings and Salty Margaritas**
seriously the sugary wings .. had my tummy doing flips .. it was like watered down syrup!
I’m glad I didn’t sample those things. I hate to see a chicken wing defiled in such a manner. The one I got from Dorian was good though.
Molasses, brown sugar and Mrs. Butterworth’s do NOT belong on chicken. Heard good things about the crabcake, though.
yall would hate me then..ive been known to marinate stuff in splenda LOL…
ie..collard/kale
Yeah, that crab cake was good. So was that spinach. Mmmm…
CBG, I rebuke the marinating of ANYTHING w/Splenda, in the name of the tiny Infant Savior.
three packs of splenda aint never hurt a pot of greens or some barbeque sauce..nobody even knows i spiked it with it anyway.
Oooo…kaaaaayyy, so CG is signed up for soda and ice at the VSB potluck! Yay!
That crabcake was YUMMMMMM!
the jerk chicken pasta was great though!
Oh yes it was, Overit! Thank you for sharing w/me!
well i sho would like to have had ANY old wang at almost 10 o’Clock and on an empty stomach.
Girl, you should have swung past the Hook-up Wendy’s on your way. I saw you on that bread, lol.
that bread was delish..
11th Street Mahogany Church of Pretentious Sweet Wings and Salty Margaritas**
LMAO. Yall should have listened to me and 8th Wondra. If the description on the menu tells you anything past “Regula a** wings” it is not for us. Once you have all the extra ingredients, and garnishes, and accesorries on your wings, it is not a good look.
WTF is a ginger buffalo wing, really?
SOME BULLSHYT, that’s what.
@8th Wonder, LMAO!!!
thats just unnecessary…why folks gotta try to improve on perfection!?!?
my highlight of the VSB happy hour: a 48 hours suspect mystery looking 2520 dude eyeing 8th ALL night, then coming over to ask if he could buy her a drink. Panama saw this as he walked over to us and stopped in his tracks like “oh sh*t” LMAO. It was hilarious.
I see how we goin today.
You’ll be sorry.
@overit,
I looked @ that man and my little inside voice whispered:
“Him sooo scary @ me!
In addition to that criminal minded trench coat and hat he had on, he was just too dayum tall for my comfort.
@overit,
I looked @ that man and my little inside voice whispered:
“Him sooo scary @ me!
In addition to that criminal minded trench coat and hat he had on, he was just too dayum tall for my comfort.
LMAO. Seriously! That fool had me wishing I kept that rape whistle a 2520 lady gave me @ the grocery store. Why the trench coat? When he walked over, he pushed in ALL the chairs in his way, the way he did it was freaky, like he had to make sure everything was in its proper place before he threw 8th in his trunk. Eeek!
oh no!! don’t tell me my e-twin was about to get got by freaky trench coat 2520 guy?
girl… been there!
first off…don’t be talkin’ about our wings.
i mean they may not be perfect, but that little chicken gave his all to be your meal. play nice.
lol @ P, thanks again for having us, it was good times. next time, i’m going to need you to not say the most ridiculous thing as i take a sip of my ginger ale. preciate it!
btw, i have that list of girls names in Arabic, shall i just send it to the e-mail addy yall got on here?
@overit, i actually dont even remember what i said…
but you can forward them to panamadjackson@gmail.com
thanks…
@overit, ARABIC NAMES ROCK!
What I tasted was good. Pretentious, but very tasty. It gets two messy thumbs up from me, PeeJay.
Eff yo’ wings, son.
@8th Wonder,
wing deez.
*chuckles*
@Panama Jackson, I rebuke your wings and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HU!
I sooooooo agree with this Comeback. Being naturally friendly goes SUCH a long way.
Yeah V, you can’t fake it. I’ve known many folks (men and women) who try to turn the charm off and on like a faucet – usually according to what they think they can get out of the situation or how important the person is who they’re talking to. One, that’s tacky as all get-out. Two, it’s also very obvious. I call it: Designer Imposter Personality.
my girl martha stewart (and I love this woman) had to go to jail to figure that shyt out..
But isn’t her daughter a hoot?
Alexis??? kinda…she messed up the sweet potato pie recipe..wit some dayum allspice and blindbaking..and see i wouldnt put splenda in that..im splenda appropriate.
And then Rachel Ray came in to show her how far friendly will get you!!
Designer Imposter Personality.
And there we have it. The true evil roots of DIP Set!!!
@PBG, you totally stole my thought!
i find it hard to believe REALLY that one could be “situationally nice” and REALLY REALLY make it in the world like big time stuff..cause sometimes nice takes a powernap when it actually shouldn’t.
Sociopaths can…Dammit. I might be a sociopath. Naw. Nope. Wait, maybe I’m delusional. Naw, not that either.
“Sociopaths can…Dammit. I might be a sociopath. Naw. Nope. Wait, maybe I’m delusional. Naw, not that either.”
i rebuke this message for you…lol.
im gonna hold my diagnosis til later! lmao!
@ The Champ,
*teeth suck* we did NOT have food at our **very small** meet and greet! what’s up with that?!?!?!
Werd.
Attenetion Black Women of VSB:
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT
I blame Tyler Perry, actors like Gabrielle Union, Angela Bassett, etc. and of course Jim Jones.
The blame game wouldn’t be complete without throwing Scruffy McHoboson’s name out there. Shout out to Luvvie
well, he IS the bringer of all evil….just sayin.
IT’S THE COUCH!! I digs you.
And yes. I do refuse to call Jim Jones anything but Scruffy McHoboson. That mofo deserves nothing better.
Oh, not my girls Gabby and Angie! Why oh why are they harpies in soooo many flicks! Still love em, tho…
I’m sure some of my points have already been made but I haven’t had the opportunity to read the other comments
I can only comment based on personal experience. Although I’ve always been a nice person I’m a reformed angry black girl from…Pittsburgh. Well, near Pittsburgh at least. I grew up around happy-go-lucky white girls (and a few black) who had a life with out any of the obstacles I faced. I always figured it was easy for them to run around smiling and acting giddy all the time because they had both parents, beautiful homes, etc. I mean who wouldn’t be happy living a problem-free life?
In spite of anything I may have gone throuagh, I’ve grown up and gave up on being angry because it’s just not healthy and it unfairly impacts the people around you. Not to mention life is shitty when you’re always unhappy.
And as for smiling…when I don’t smile it IS because I’m being pensive. Do I have to walk around wearing glasses and carrying a book for folks to believe that? I can’t help that my brow furrows when I’m thinking. But that’s just me, I can’t speak for anybody else.
glasses might not work, but a monocle would definitely work!
LMAO!
Well, near Pittsburgh at least
where and sh*t?
Sewickley and sh*t
damn, lol. i’m sorry.
*calling 8th wonder to give voiceofreason a hug*
See!!! Now if you saw be back in the day you’d wonder why I wasn’t smiling and write me off as mean. It wasn’t my fault I grew up there.
sewickleys not such a bad place. you all have really nice lawns and sh*t.
True. We didn’t really have much of a lawn, though. I don’t live there anymore. I left after I graduated high school and never looked back.
I’m… from…Pittsburgh.
this right here makes me angry (and sad) for you… *smh* po’ thang
You’re sad b/c I’m from Pittsburgh???? LOL! I used to feel sad about that too.
awww girl… I’m a native too and i <3 pgh … i do encourage people to travel… but i think it’s a decent place to live
I agree. I’ve lived in other cities, and I plan to move again. But Pittsburgh will do for now. I guess.
i’m only half kidding. i don’ think pgh is that bad. i like it enough for what i’m here for (grad school). it’s just not my kind of place to want to live once i’m done with school. then again, i don’t know where else to go lol. home (cali) is too expensive and everywhere else that has great job potential is just too daggone cold.
It’s not even 2pm and there’s over 400 comments. But yeah…
This is why we Black men love us some snow bunny treatment. The same results without having to jump through a ring of fire to get a smile (and woppington) sometimes.
When I got to college, I expected to find Black women who were educated and happy to be around Black dudes with the same trait. Much to my dismay, the attitude was still there but the games were more sophisticated. Now that I’m out of school, things have sorta went back to normal. Emphasis on sorta…
And yeah, this is an overall stereotype. It’s been said that white men think that a Black woman with power is the worst thing in the world. Of Course I disagree. *raises fist*
You can get “snow bunny treatment” from a sistah – until you mistake her kindness for weakness. Sorry, but the way some men handle their business they are fostering bitter women of all hues across the land. Too many vanilla Shakikkiletta’s up in PG county right now from messing with black men.
word! thats why i think men should really be checkin each other….as was mentioned on the other post. if you have trife friends, that stench gets on you! i dont wanna hear about how you all chivalrous and know how to treat a woman and your best friend is ho’in up and down the various throughways and shyt.
like is it really okay with you that he does that? you are your brothers keeper dangit!
Naw, that aint right. If he aint in a serious relationship is just all around the world the world on him. You dont put that on me Ricky Bobby!
Will you be my Katie Couric?
@Peyso, dangit! those talladega nights quotes crack me up!
my thing is…ya’ll need to police each other. cuz you know that ya boy is doin dirty ish. dont get mad at the women and give them some ole “im not him” nonsense, telling her to get over it when you all could prevent the pain from ever happening.
How did you treat women in college?
When I was in college a lot of the guys who had the same traits I had were arrogant and acted like they were God’s gift to the world (please don’t take that statement the wrong way because I’m not saying you’re that kind of person). I found it disappointing because when I went to college I looked forward to being around intelligent respectable black men who’d be happy to be around women who had the same traits. But instead they’d approcah me as if they were doing me a favor. Maybe nordic homecoming princesses like that, but I know I don’t
“But instead they’d approcah me as if they were doing me a favor. ”
Diva Dudes….a scourge on society!
Girl, yes! They were running rampant at my college.
“Diva Dudes….a scourge on society!”
I 2nd this.
“I looked forward to being around intelligent respectable black men who’d be happy to be around women who had the same traits. But instead they’d approcah me as if they were doing me a favor. Maybe nordic homecoming princesses like that, but I know I don’t”
I went through this same thing in reverse. I didn’t really “go after” or chase chicks in college. If someone was cordial with me, then I was cordial with them. If you didn’t know me, I was in the “he think his ish don’t stink” category. If a you did know me, you realized I was just a regular dude. I was very disappointed/disillusioned for a while. Coincidentally, a lot of the chicks at my college were from NYC…not sure if that means anything.
As it is late afternoon here in Chicago, and therefore some (def not all) of the comments have echoed my sentiments, I’ll just share my one ABW experience and let it go at that.
Once upon a time, I was hired to manage a mid-sized law firm. Working 10 hour days on average, I revised the company budget, overhauled their filing system, orchestrated two acquisitions, and basically kicked @ss. However, when review time came up, my boss told me that my demeanor sometimes came off as “cold”. Seeing as how I radiated sunshine and p*ssed excellence, I was shocked, dismayed, and mostly confused. After speaking with my staff and some attorneys, I was told that this was a pattern with her, and that nothing was wrong with my performance. Needless to say, that wasn’t good enough. After I left, I filed a complaint with the EEOC that contributed to the firm’s decision to force her into early retirement. So, I guess it all comes down to perception and preconceived notions.
“Seeing as how I radiated sunshine and p*ssed excellence”
Kudos for the Talladega Nights reference
those kinds of things make me happy. *contented smile*
This should be a wifey characteristic. “Able to quote and correctly use lines from all really funny movies especially those including Will Farrell”
“This should be a wifey characteristic. “Able to quote and correctly use lines from all really funny movies especially those including Will Farrell””
**nodding head in agreement**
@The Champ,
now thats a criteria i can get on board with!
and i’d soooooo possess this wifey trait!!! yaaaay for me *doing cabbage patch tho not entirely sure why this dance and not something more modern*
i was actually watching “Kicking & Screaming” this morning before work. and tho it’s not as hysterically funny as Anchorman, Talladega Nights, etc, it’s pretty unexpected humor. cute and light. besides, Ditka is a riot.
Go girl. My old plantation,er,company is like one class action suit away from destruction. I’ve never seen a group of 2520′s so intent on keeping their boots on black people’s necks.
After I left, I filed a complaint with the EEOC that contributed to the firm’s decision to force her into early retirement. So, I guess it all comes down to perception and preconceived notions.
…or vengeance, damn, lol. remind me not to cross you or comment on your runny mac and cheese at the vsb bbq
“when i first got here, i assumed every white chick i met was trying to f*ck me. thing is, i just wasn’t used to chicks being happy and smiling all the time. usually, when a sista is nice to you or smiling, it means she’s digging you. with white women, it seems like thats just the way they are”
so THIS is why I am alwayas being called a flirt…because I am pleasant, smile, and make eye contact when speaking…whodathunkit!
@GOODENess,
heyyyy goodie gumdrops!!!! where you been at? how goes the job search?
And this is why Jim Jones is blamed for everything:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/13/jonestown.jim.jones/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
I’m late on this discussion; don’t matter. I read the link to that article about Michelle Obama and really enjoyed it. I also liked the questions, Champ, that you threw out here.
Despite all the real or imagined relationship problems, I think the greatest strength of the mentally healthy black couple is that in general, they have a much better chance of sharing the same cultural sense of humor.
A daily injection of laughter gives life to any relationship. The couple who can laugh at the same things will hands down have a better long term chance of having a more satisfying relationship long after the initial infatuation has worn off.
Honestly it depends where u come from that makes the “angry black chick”. Coming from the south I was friendly, smiley, polite n what not, until Philly told me differently. Being sweet or nice in the inner city, makes u an easy target for dudes to hit on u n other girls to pick on u. I’m one of the sweetest girls you’ll prob ever met, but If u catch me on da train I’m prob ‘mean muggin doing my blank stare out da window’ look.
This statement – since men are typically attracted to “soft”, pleasant, compassionate, and affectionate women, – is not true about black men. For whatever reason, they like mean women and they LOVE drama. They lie and claim that they don’t but trust. They do.