link of the week: its too big, its too wide…
as you all probably know by now, i’m the sh*t.
don’t be mad at me, though. i can’t help it, and even if i could, i probably wouldn’t. it seems like it’d be too time-consuming
still, while being the sh*t has its obvious perks and bonuses (ie: free chicken from starbucks and the inherent ability to switch stations back the exact moment the commercial is over), i’m actually a bit over my sh*ttyness now because apparently everyone else thinks they’re the sh*t too. bummer
between our blogs, twitters, facebook accounts, smart phones, ironic pseudonyms, unironic tattoos, concentrated tastes, and highly specialized professional skill-sets, we have enough collective self-importance to fill aretha’s bras.
while extensive ego-stroking is undoubtedly fun and surprisingly practical (i’ve become quite adept at one-handed typing), hannah seligson’s “do narcissists have better sex” presents evidence that this me-me-me mindset is ruining relationships:
The most recent research on narcissism runs contrary to what the legions of self-help experts have proselytized when it comes to finding love—that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. (jean) Twenge says that’s a fallacy. “There is no evidence that people with very high self-esteem are any better in a relationship than people with low self-esteem.”
In fact, narcissism, even in small doses, has shifted courtship into a high-stakes relationship culture. Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives. Twentysomethings not only expect to waltz into high-level career positions right out of college, they also expect partners who have the moral fortitude of Nelson Mandela, the comedic timing of Stephen Colbert, the abs of Hugh Jackman, and the hair of Patrick Dempsey.
“Everyone is looking for ‘the perfect product,’” says Perel, who says she believes this is creating not just emotional, but also sexual, frustration. “People are not willing to compromise, or willing to be patient.”
while i definitely agree that too much self-regard ruins romance (“cockiness” and “the ability to compromise” mix like black and bleach
) i can’t help but think that this pandemic hyper-haughtiness is just an evolved form of self-preservation.
i think that we’ve seen so many blah relationships and broken families that we’ve collectively lost confidence in each other, transforming “do you“ from an highly egocentric mantra to an imperative must.
vaingloriousness is somewhat justified if you honestly (and rightly) feel helplessly vulnerable without it.
people of vsb.com, what do you think?
is this selfishness self-sabotaging ourselves, or is this conceitedness crucial to surviving now? (or both?) the carpet’s yours and sh*t.
now, please excuse me while i continue getting over my own sh*ttyness. don’t wait up. this might take a while.