Theory & Essay

link of the week: man up

recently dubbed the “sexiest woman on earth” (ha!) by jerkmag FMH, attractive snizzle megan fox recently explained in GQ why she feels as if she’s the perfect catch

But for now, it’s hard not to wish for a world where everyone in Hollywood talked like this no-bullshit Megan Fox. This one who is convinced that she’s secretly a man (“If my mom were to tell me that I’d been born with male and female genitalia and that she had to make a choice, I would believe her”). This one who’s not afraid to talk about her life at home, where she and Brian spend most of their time watching movies and playing Xbox together. She’s even up for just sitting there all day watching him play Gears of War.

“That’s the upside of dating a woman who’s almost a man,” she says. “She likes the same things that you like, but she has a vagina!”

from “sex in the city’s” amanda to ciara’s “like a boy”, the idea of women approaching romance like a typical man has always been a relevant, if somewhat polarizing, topic. this idea itself explicitly states that there are distinct differences in the thought processes, dating, and mating patterns between each gender (which i believe) and also not so subtly implies that men do it better.

honestly, i don’t believe that any gender has a distinct advantage over the other in this regard, but i will say that its a bit humorous that women who openly state that they “act, think, and date like men” usually have just adopted the worst characteristics of the typical male. its like a young emcee saying that they’re trying to emulate nas…but choosing “nastradamus” as their blueprint instead of “illmatic”.

questions to ponder:

what exactly is “dating like a man”, how exactly would a woman go about doing this and, is purposely emulating the traits of another gender a good thing or a disaster waiting to happen?

thoughts, please

—the champ

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • SouthernGirl

    from “sex in the city’s” amanda

    i think you mean samantha…lol

    • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

      Champ must have had some of that gotdamn messing with his brain…. smh

      • Leila

        lol! I was trying to figure out who Amanda was.

    • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

      Leave him alone, I give the man props for getting it wrong. I would have to ask some questions if the brother was really up on his Sex in the City character knowledge.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        yeah, you know i went to see the movie with some of my homegirls and i still don’t know all the characters names. in fact…i only know the chick miranda’s name. i don’t even know sarah jessica parker’s name on the show.

        and i’m really trying to figure it out right now…and i got nothing.

        • miss t-lee

          Carrie…lol

      • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

        first, HEY BIG BUCK! we missed you!

        second, but what’s Champ’s excuse for calling that magazine “FMH” instead of FHM…i thought you men liked those types of mags.
        Champ, you’re slippin. Report to my journalism class immediately!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “i thought you men liked those types of mags.”

          i dont think anyone actually buys those mags other than barbershops and college students.

    • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

      What guy really takes stock in the names of ‘sex and the city’ characters???? Like really, if someone held a gun to my head and told me to recite the characters’ names or they’d shoot, I’d be dead.

      • http://www.myspace.com/bbgirl180 Tay

        They did something similar to one of the children on family guy. Each time he couldn’t remember all 4 names, they gave him electroshock therapy. lol

      • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

        I don’t think I’d make it out alive either, Monk. I think I may have watch that show once. Meh…couldn’t relate.

        • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

          It’s kinda like an evil Jeopardy question that Alex Trebec would ask a dude that just knew EVERYTHING. Because he spent more than 87% of his life remembering ‘important’ things, that’ll be the one thing that stomped him.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      samantha, amanda, gonzaga…same thing

      • 8th Wonder

        Only it isn’t.

    • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

      stuck in a melrose place past..we forgive you Champ

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        ummm…thanks. (i think)

  • SouthernGirl

    as for the question, i think doing anything that is not true to who you are is the disaster waiting to happen. be it trying to date like a man or trying to make something work when everything in your spirit is telling you that its wrong. i think you have a point though about people trying to date like the opposite sex usually meaning taking on the bad traits of that gender. i know i can usually only go so far without getting attached to someone, IF that’s what i’m looking for as i’m more of a relationship girl but i have had a cut buddy here and there.

    actually, i’ve been told i’m a guy’s girl because i love basketball, know music/(real) hip hop, mob movies, video games and the like. and i can get real rowdy and cuss like a sailor if need be. but i think i balance things well because i’m also very feminine, makeup, hair done, etc. and the walk is mean in a good pair of heels,of which i have many. so maybe the point should be trying to find a balance…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “i think you have a point though about people trying to date like the opposite sex usually meaning taking on the bad traits of that gender”

      lol…i specifically said “women” not “people” for a reason. this seems to be female-specific behavior

      • Leila

        It wouldn’t work for men. Women would lose respect for any man that went around saying that he dates like a woman and likes the same things that a woman does only he has a penis. I wouldn’t date a man who was into shopping, getting manis/pedis, talks about his feelings, etc.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          “I wouldn’t date a man who was into shopping, getting manis/pedis, talks about his feelings, etc.”

          that’s probably b/c he’d be gay. or at least ubermetro and teetering on that line by wearing clear nail polish.

          not that there’s anything wrong with t hat.

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            there is a whole lot wrong with that…the only nail polish my man ever needs to be wearing is the kind that accidentally spilled on him while I was doing my nails sitting in his lap

            • Jen

              Amen! I can’t be walking around with no man fighting me for mirror space and bathroom time trying to be prettier than me.

              • Intellectual Hedonist

                that’s why I cant fux with Kappa’s

              • Peyso

                hahahahahahahahahaha

        • temps

          “It wouldn’t work for men. Women would lose respect for any man that went around saying that he dates like a woman and likes the same things that a woman does only he has a penis. I wouldn’t date a man who was into shopping, getting manis/pedis, talks about his feelings, etc.”

          Thank you “Leila”…cause this is really one of those Women Only things aint nothing cool about men into foundation, facial skin care and booking appts for the spa..cant wait til this cross gender polanating thing is dead…all we need now is a chick to shoot up a school!

      • SouthernGirl

        lol. ok fine…”women.” but you weren’t as specific at the end and said “gender.” but you get my point.

      • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

        Uuuh, yeah, there is a difference.

    • 8th Wonder

      “as for the question, i think doing anything that is not true to who you are is the disaster waiting to happen. be it trying to date like a man or trying to make something work when everything in your spirit is telling you that its wrong.”

      This is so true.

  • http://loveandnappyness.blogspot.com love&nappiness

    a woman who openly states that she dates like a man is probably utilizing a defense mechanism which enables her to imagine she is more callous than she really is. she’s proving something to herself. this can be disastrous if the phase doesn’t run its course.

    the REAL DEAL daters don’t let you know the agenda! they are simply programmed that way and enjoy their unsuspecting prey, morsel by morsel. fortunately few men have their guard up ;D – we do exist.

    • ForReal

      “a woman who openly states that she dates like a man is probably utilizing a defense mechanism which enables her to imagine she is more callous than she really is. she’s proving something to herself. this can be disastrous if the phase doesn’t run its course.”

      That’s some true ish right there. Nothing quite as sad as someone making a vehement proclamation that is really just a question that everyone around them knows the real answer to.

    • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

      My name is Monk…and I endorse this comment.

    • miss t-lee

      “the REAL DEAL daters don’t let you know the agenda! they are simply programmed that way and enjoy their unsuspecting prey, morsel by morsel”

      Tee-hee!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      good comment for a (i think) first timer. welcome and sh*t

      • Intellectual Hedonist

        having trouble keeping track? Champy, don’t you keep a roster of all the players?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          i can’t help it. i get my rosters confused sometimes.

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            are you saying that some VSBers are on another of your rosters?

    • shay

      shake hands with your partner

    • hey.

      “the REAL DEAL daters don’t let you know the agenda! they are simply programmed that way and enjoy their unsuspecting prey, morsel by morsel. fortunately few men have their guard up ;D – we do exist.”

      Amen and Awoman.

  • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

    Who the heezy is Megan Fox? I mean, should I actually know?

    And what able-minded woman would want to be ANYTHING like a man?? Seriously…I hate hearing crap like that. Why would any woman want to deny and denounce their sensible moon goddess, earth mother status to be like a dude?

    Ilk. Blech. Yuck.

    • SouthernGirl

      And what able-minded woman would want to be ANYTHING like a man??

      lol. true.

      she’s that chick in the transformers movie. i had NO idea who she was until then and have no idea what she’s done since.

    • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

      i have a vague idea of who megan fox is…maybe you should google her

      • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

        Champ quotes her as hanging out w/her dude playing video games and watching movies most of the time.

        I’ll pass on googling her. She seems like a bubblehead.

        • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

          lol

    • puff

      “Why would any woman want to deny and denounce their sensible moon goddess, earth mother status to be like a dude?”

      i love you! *lighting incense and turning ferns in north corner of bedroom counter clockwise 7 times while chanting in amharic*

      • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

        Puff totally gets it.

        I think I’ll burn incense and chant along w/you, Puff. And toss up some glitter for good measure.

        • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

          girl, just go’head and splash diva dust all over everything

    • Raqi

      I agree. I love being a woman, acting like a woman, feeling and thinking like a woman. And wouldn’t want to change that for anything, no matter what.

      • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

        Isn’t it grand? And I’m not even a woman that’s always done up in heels and dressy dresses. But goodness gracies, I love being a girl.

        • Raqi

          BEING A GIRLS RAWK!!!

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            to quote my 6 and 7 year old neices…Girls rule, boys drool

            • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

              This is why I prefer the company of children. They say some of the best stuff.

              • Intellectual Hedonist

                and most of the times they tellin the truth

      • genius khan

        its the Raq!

        “I agree. I love being a woman, acting like a woman, feeling and thinking like a woman. And wouldn’t want to change that for anything, no matter what.”

        my fantasy adultery team.

        whispers to PBG…

        • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

          uh oh.

          • genius khan

            fret not PBG, no need for uh oh’s.

    • miss t-lee

      Who the heezy is Megan Fox?

      ctfu…ask a 2520 dude…he’ll know exactly who she is…lol

      • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

        Yet more evidence as to why I will go on and skip knowing/caring about who this Fox chick is.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      honestly, i had no idea who she was either, until she showed up on the cover of my new GQ.

      the pic, ummm, served its purpose

      • miss t-lee

        *side eye* lol

      • Intellectual Hedonist

        did you use lotion, vaseline, or nothing at all?

        • 8th Wonder

          IH, why?

          whyyyyyyy?

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            8th, I’m sorry did I say something bad?

    • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

      she is the chick from Transformers. I wonder how many sets of balls she held to get that title? I know women in real life that I’d squirt on before her.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “she is the chick from Transformers. I wonder how many sets of balls she held to get that title? I know women in real life that I’d squirt on before her.”

        i’m just amazed that this comment got past moderation, lol

        • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

          Wow!! Too Funny!!

        • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

          squirt aint a bad word. you gotta b creative with your profanity.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “squirt aint a bad word”

            definitely a t-shirt

  • Jen

    DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN.

    Worse than “dating like men” is “having sex like men.”

    Know why men can date and have sex like men? Because they lack cervices and uteri. NEWSFLASH TO WOMEN: when YOU have sex/date like men, you’re not liberated. You’re not sexy. You’re not free. You’re a slut who just put herself at risk of cervical cancer.

    The truth hurts.

    • puff

      “You’re a slut who just put herself at risk of cervical cancer. ”

      cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooold blooded

    • southernabelle

      dammmn Jen.. you said that and ish…ditto

    • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

      That is one DANK and MOLDY blanket right thurr!

      • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

        you and your blankets! lol…luvvie, you a mess.

      • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

        tee hee hee… that blanket gets me everytime…

    • aja

      Dayum..thanks for keeping it real.

    • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

      “NEWSFLASH TO WOMEN: when YOU have sex/date like men, you’re not liberated. You’re not sexy. You’re not free. You’re a slut who just put herself at risk of cervical cancer.

      The truth hurts.”

      I recognize the truth in this statement but for some reason, it’s funny as hell to me…LOL!!

      • miss t-lee

        I recognize the truth in this statement but for some reason, it’s funny as hell to me…LOL!!

        Me 2…Jen laid it down…lol

        • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

          Indeed.

      • SouthernGirl

        i’m not big on random sex or dating like a man as i said earlier but…just to play devil’s advocate since this comment is aimed at women…isn’t the man who orginally does these things a slut as well?

        • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

          According to society’s standards, Not.So.Much.

          Privilege is a muthafugga.

        • Jen

          Sure. But, given the absence of cervices and uteri, does it matter for HIM the way it matters for HER? Think about babies, fertility impairment, risk of serious disease (cancer and HIV, paritcularly), emotional damage and even the least of these, social stigma.

          Hell no. Hence the high fiving, butt-slapping, dap-giving, cabbage-patching or whatever it is that men do to congratulate one another on being loose. It’s common.

          To contrast, if your girlfriends encourage you to be loose, they don’t give a d@mn about you or your health, are probably talking about your hot @$$ behind your back and you need to find new friends.

          • SouthernGirl

            i guess it’s just one of those things that annoy me even though i don’t do it.i know its common but that doesn’t make it right and its one of those things like every other gender bias. it will never end as long as people just accept it and gloss over it like, oh he’s a man so its ok. all their random banging can come back to haunt us as well. even the good girls.

            it might not matter for him the way it does for her as you say, BUT IT SHOULD. and to me, you are still a ho. hoes don’t know gender. and neither do diseases. they may not have the risk of cervical cancer or have a uterus but they are at risk as well. i’m not giving you a pass just because you are a man.

            • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

              Guys don’t get a pass Southern Girl, but because of basic physiology, women tend to be a greater risk for diseases and damages to our “parts”. The whole s3x/reproduction thing is just a bigger risk to US overall. That’s not gender bias. That’s biology and nature.

              • SouthernGirl

                I know that but I still don’t think it excuses men from their behavior. When I talk about gender bias I mean the way said behavior is perceived and accepted. And men do get a pass on that the majority of the time while women get branded as sluts.

              • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

                So Southern Girl (I hear Frankie Beverly and Maze every time I type this…lol), what kind of things would you say to a teenage girl to attempt to help her get her mind right in this area? Knowing this society to be exactly what it is, what would be sound advice?

                And this is NO B.S. for me either, I really want to know. I have a girl-child at “that age” and so far I’ve been emphasizing self-esteem and making good choices for herself. Sometimes I wonder if that’s enough.

              • SouthernGirl

                Lord, please don’t bring up Maze…lol. I just can’t escape that ish…but on a serious note…

                I really believe that emphasizing self-esteem and making good choices is really all you can do. Don’t underestimate that. Girls make better choices when they feel good about themselves. You can’t do it enough. I thank God for the confidence and self-esteem my mama instilled in me. I may have my moments but its taken me through so many hard times. Because at the core, I can always come back to that. And pray.

                My mother was always very honest with me (she had me when she was 19) and I just remember being that single mama kid and I know what that’s like. So on top of what my mama instilled in me, I just remember what that struggle can be like.

                I was always saddened by some of my female friends and how caught up they got in other girls’ opinions, peer pressure, etc. Just make sure she really knows and feels she can talk to you. She might not always do it, but make sure she knows she can. Don’t yell or judge her when she does come to you. Talk to her like she’s a person. Answer her questions honestly. I’ve seen it backfire. Use things you see in public or tv (young girls with kids, inappropriate behavior, etc) to start a conversation. My mama would do that or just start a talk with me about whatever and ask how I would handle the situation. Let her know what struggles you went through. And that the choices she makes today can impact her life forever. Let her see the impact of bad decisions.

                Don’t shy away from the realities of sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc. Tell her that unfortunately she will be judged by a different standard sexually, and while that may (righfully) give her more pause when determining her actions, everyone, both male and female should be cautious in the decisions they make. Girls especially as some men will unfortunately try to take advantage of her. Because while men may get the glory while women get reputations, it all comes back around in the end and that same man may later be cursing the choices he made. Tell her its ok to stand up for herself and make choices based on how she feels, not what the people around her want. And please tell her that her real friends or the people that care about her will stand by her.

                I’m sure you’re probably already doing these things but I really believe just talking honestly to your children can help. Sorry this was long.

            • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

              I am doing all these things! You’ve described my Mommy-style perfectly…I feel validated n’ shyt.

              Pish-posh @ it being a long reply. It was effective.

              Seriously, thank you, because sometimes in this whole “parenting” thing, I just need to hear somebody say I’m doing it right. You have made my entire week.

              *sprinkles glitter*

              • SouthernGirl

                You are seriously welcome. Glad I could help–that made ME feel good. Sometimes moms don’t get the credit they deserve and I know its hard. I am so grateful to my mom for helping me become the woman I am today. *hugs*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “You’re a slut who just put herself at risk of cervical cancer. ”

      lol…for whatever reason, this seems like something ron burgandy would have said in “anchorman”

    • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

      “The truth hurts”

      Yes it does. That’s a heavy price to pay though. Isn’t it something like 8 out of 10 women who will contract HPV (the cause of CC) in their lifetime. So i guess the theory is the slu#ts won’t be able to ward off the more cancerous strains.

  • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

    when i think of the idea of dating like a man…it just says to me, dating just for the purpose of dating. not pinning all your hopes and dreams to some one you just met. i think a lot of times women go into things with far too many expectations and then end up severely disappointed.

    • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula

      I was thinking along those lines too…

      Has anybody ever thought that to some women that behavior just come naturally? Rather than trying to “emulate” somebody else, it’s what feels natural for them to do.

      People are different. I hate when things are generalized based on gender. I have 3 sisters and if it told me anything, it’s that there is no such thing as “common behavior among women”… especially when it comes to dating.

      • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

        MsSula: “there is no such thing as “common behavior among women”… especially when it comes to dating.”

        Although people are different (as you stated) and that’s what makes us us, I think the above statement has many flaws in it. Personal experience and documented proof in over a hundred VSB posts suggest otherwise.

        More people, please.

        • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula

          Then again, the VSB sample is a pretty narrow one… Not one that can be “respectfully” extended… No?

          And I have 3 more people waiting in the wings for ya. :)

    • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

      I think that is called dating sensibly,and men nor women have that one pinned down.

      • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

        i agree…its all about perception. and some women perceive that men know the deal and are doing it “right”….i say, call it whatever you want, just dont date like an idiot.

        • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

          “dont date like an idiot.”

          tee shirt???

          • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

            Yes!

        • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

          I concur. You shouldn’t do ANYTHING like an idiot though…unless you are one, then of course the ‘idiot’ default system is instilled in you and there’s probably a slight chance of hope…if any.

    • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/ eysqueen

      and following this logic, which i agree with, we are actually giving guys a compliment. IF dating like a man means dating for the sake of dating and not getting super attached and clingy really early AND a woman says she dates like i man, i suggest that the fellas TAKE THE DANG COMPLIMENT. and keep it moving.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “dating just for the purpose of dating”

      actually, we talked about this a few months ago, but no man dates just for the purpose of dating (ie: “without expectations”)

      • K.

        For women, purpose = relationship. If you’re dating for any other reason than that then you’re dating w/o a purpose.

        • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

          all women do not subscribe to this logic. the purpose doesnt always equal relationship. Sometimes she just migth want her oil changed.

          • K.

            “all women do not subscribe to this logic.”

            um, duh.

          • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

            Or free meal, drinks, recreation. Chick privilege.

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            or brakes fixed, car detailed, gutters cleaned, fence mended…. um can someone fix my brakes please, have my car detailed, clean my gutters, and mend my fence?

      • Jen

        For men, is sex a possible “expectation” that comes with dating?

        Let’s be honest, here; sometimes, the children do not know.

  • puff

    speaking from experience, i think a big part of trying to date “like a man” comes from an insecurity that you’re more committed (or sprung) than he is, and that you’ll be less in control than he is. this leads to not answering his calls, acting like you’re dating other guys (or actually dating other guys), and especially not letting your guard down around him or being vulnerable around him (for example, not saying i love you until he does). i’ll admit a lot of these assumptions spring from stereotypes, but i’ve foolishly done these things to avoid getting hurt and ending up jeopardising a relationship before it even really got started.

    i also think that either separating sex from emotion – or acting like you can – is a big part of this (shout out to amy crackhouse). if i f*ck with “no strings attached” or act like that’s what i’m doing, which is something i think a lot of people believe men do, then i feel like i’m more in control, even though in actual fact i want to be held and have my hair stroked, maybe make a ni99a a sandwich, not bounce out 2 minutes later to get asked by the security guard in my building “sooooooooo… how was that food you just got?”

    i need a new jumpoff.

    • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

      lmao! i so saw that starting to get personal, puffster…security guard need to mind his!

    • Jen

      “this leads to…acting like you’re dating other guys (or actually dating other guys)…and ending up jeopardising a relationship before it even really got started.”

      TRUTH.

      I did this when I first started dating my ex, when I was seventeen. Huge mistake. He was sitting his loyal @$$ at home while I was making up all these exploits that I was too old fashioned to actually undertake. Me, being a childish imbecile, thought I had to keep up with him and at least try to follow up on his SORDID past when, in reality, he was ready to settle down.

      I paid for that mess for the first year of our relationship. I was in love with him almost from jump (again, I was seventeen), but it took him a while to separate my feelings from the games, lies and exaggeration.

      Not worth it.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “when, in reality, he was ready to settle down.”

        how old was he, if you don’t mind me asking?

        • Jen

          21. And, of course, I am referring to the early twenties “settling down,” which is not the mid-twenties – early thirties “settling down.”

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            early twenties and settling down is about as stark as an oxymoron as i can think of, lol. thats like saying corporate thug or celibate hispanic

            • Jen

              celibate Hispanic = very UGLY.

              I disagree. Plenty of men are in monogamous relationships by their early twenties.

              Hell, that’s the prototypical standard for the vast majority of my friends who were married by their mid-twenties. Meet a nice girl in undergrad, lock her down by graduation, pop the question during grad school, marry immediately before or after your extra letters are issued.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                hmmm…see, when i’m thinking “early 20’s,”, i’m actually thinking 19-21 (i know it doesn’t make sense.) i guess extending my definition of early twenties would lower the oxymoron factor

            • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

              I agree…although I like U.S.D.A.’s “Corporate Thuggin'” track.

              Very energetic and get the day started right.

            • Intellectual Hedonist

              “celibate hispanic”

              HEY! I resent that

              not really it was actually funny

            • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

              celibate hi….what?!! grounds for dismissal.
              again your f*cking fired Champ.

    • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

      Awww….

    • SouthernGirl

      “i need a new jumpoff.”

      t-shirt? i’m gonna call it before one of the fellas…

      • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

        i’ll second that emotion…

      • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

        “i need a new jumpoff.”

        t-shirt? i’m gonna call it before one of the fellas…

        Women wearing this shirt will get mobbed…LOL

        • Intellectual Hedonist

          I would wear it to my current Jumpoff’s house….

          • SouthernGirl

            lmao!

          • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

            Is that a turn on though? I’d prefer trench coat (nothing underneath) and heels.

            • Intellectual Hedonist

              whats the address?

              I have some candy apple red stilettos ;)

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                how many people have you e-boned this week?

              • 8th Wonder

                *shots fired*

              • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

                DAMMMNN!! I think Champ is tryna call u an eSLUT

                *Whispers and instigates to IH* If I were you I wouldnt take that from him!

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                hey now, e-boning is safer sex

              • Intellectual Hedonist

                @ champ, did you want me to include you in that number?

                No shame in this direction, e boning is the new celibacy

              • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

                “e boning is the new celibacy”

                i second that. e boning is for the real playas…lol

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      I totally agree Puff…
      I think it is a way for women to protect themselves. In this day and age of disastrous relationships;. most women have witnessed a horrible relationship up close and personal. I know in my case, after watching a woman I know and love being repeatedly dogged both mentally and emotionally, cheated on etcI have always felt the man was wrong but I somehow always thought the woman was weak and had given her power to the man and although I hated the man I wanted to hold that power. Consequently in most of my relationships I programmed my self to think and act this way which is why I would get so angry and lash out when I got sprung/fell in love and was let down. I realize now that I was trying to not only have the power but have the power over that same type of man that I hated yet envied. This type of thing is terrible. Its one of the most trying part of being in a relationship now because it is hard for me to let go and be dependant on my husband. I still to this day feel uncomfortable after a huge display of feminine emotion. When I have had a bad day at work, or my family has really been on me etc etc its still hard to turn to him, he has always been there and never once has he done anything to make me think he wouldn’t be but all those years of being “hardcore” and programming myself against emotion has been detrimental to our relationship on several occasions.

      • em

        I agree that it’s a way of protecting oneself. For myself I have been told by my female and male friends that I can be aloof, indifferent; seemingly like a man…

        As far as dating like a man and doing manly stuff.., I don’t do it: I don’t play video games, I don’t watch a lot of sports or whatever the heck men do.

        There are times while dating someone I become hyperaware of feeling caught up, and it manifests itself into some anxiety (can’t breathe, feel trapped, panicked… all that). Once those feelings surface in the relationship, I usually just check out. I was once engaged to a man. The relationship was great, easy until it got to that level of seriousness. I panicked. I cried. I couldn’t get out of bed. I thought I was dying. I ended the relationship because I was going crazy. I probably really need to seek help regarding this.

        I just know that when I am emotionally detached I feel safe. Oddly, I do like the companionship, like having someone there. Unfortunately, I know I “thrive” in relationships without substance. I seek the emotionally unavailable/geographically undesirable because I know there will very little demanded of me. I wonder why I bother…it’s like some internal struggle…I want the warmth, the compassion and yet I fear it.

        *plays Fiona Apple’s “Criminal”*

        • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

          I can totally relate to what Em and The Shay-d-lady have stated here.

          I know I have worked hard at emotional detachment. I have pushed my twin babies, “Fear & Control” around in a double stroller for years. Scared to let go and simply FEEL because it doesn’t always feel good to be in a relationship (even a good one). So I try to control it all, especially my emotions, thus my perceived vulnerability.

          The real problem w/emotional detachment is eventually there will be a love, a time, a person who is TOTALLY deserving of all you have to offer and because you have worked so hard @ detachment and being emotionally unavailable, you will have lost the ability to reconnect. That is what made me seek out help learning to embrace and deal w/my emotions in a healthy manner. I was more afraid of NOT being able to love when I needed to than I was of being hurt.

          I’m not a therapist, but dangit, I have a VERY solid working relationship with one.

        • Jen

          Oh, wow. It sounds like the idea of commitment pushed you toward depression and panic attacks. The emotional detachment you are talking about sounds like it could be a form of dissociation, which is literally a post-traumatic byproduct.

          You DEFINITELY should get some therapy. I am in therapy, and so are both of my closest friends (one, per my suggestion). My mom is a therapist, so I have grown up believing in the value of it and reading a lot of books about the human psyche. You obviously have a lot of trust issues, and I am sure they come from a valid place, but if you don’t sort things out, they will eventually impede your happiness.

        • temps

          “I want the warmth, the compassion and yet I fear it.”
          Catcher and The Rye anyone?

          You might want to cross ref your emotions with some of the themes and note the Protagonist is a young immature teenage boy who are The Masters at such behavior and its real ugly.

      • Nicki Sunshine

        I agree… I’ve definitely succeeded in becoming “emotionally detached,” but although it’s not healthy, I’m safe.

        I admire those that can love and live freely and not become so calloused when it doesn’t work out. One of my girls is like that. When it’s over, all she says is, “I did my best,” and walks away.

        • temps

          “admire those that can love and live freely and not become so calloused when it doesn’t work out. One of my girls is like that. When it’s over, all she says is, “I did my best,” and walks away”

          This is what some men do in sports…you worked all year for this moment and BOOM the kick goes wide left…wait til nxt yr or if there is a next time how do you approach such dissapointment? Forget quickly but always give your best for the moment at least if it doesnt work you know you gave it a good effort.

      • genius khan

        Shayd exhales:

        ” he has always been there and never once has he done anything to make me think he wouldn’t be but all those years of being “hardcore” and programming myself against emotion has been detrimental to our relationship on several occasions.

        class can we get a round of applause for this. this was very therapeutic expression. i can literally hear an intense feeling and consequent distressed, cracked voice and pouring out, in ur responses today. i encourage u to send ur comment that i’m responding to along to ur husband. …explaining that the reasons for sharing it with him are selfish. i see ur helping urself today. Salute!

  • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

    I have no idea who this is…

    • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

      i have it on good authority that shes the ambiguosly exotic girl from the transformers movie…i say that because she looks like shes not all the way white, but i dont think theres any black in her…im sure p-jack will ask if she wants some

      • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

        Since I don’t watch any movies that disrespect my child hood, lol, I don’t her. lol.

        • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

          awwww, i loved transformers!!

        • SouthernGirl

          lol. you know GI Joe is on the way. and slightly off target…rocky horror too :-(

          but transformers was pretty good

          • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

            i mentioned GI Joe to a dude today and he had NO IDEA what i was talkin about! i hit him with the “now you know and knowing is half the battle” and he was like…ive heard that before. you damn right you heard it before!!!!

            he said he never watched it…made me seriously question what the hell he was doin during the 80s

            • SouthernGirl

              ? wtf…i guess my @ss was watching too much tv. now if somebody decides to mess with Jem or She-ra, i cannot be held responsible for my actions.

              • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

                that would be TRULY outrageous!

              • SouthernGirl

                lmao!!!!! and on that note i’m going to bed. back (later) in the morning…smh

              • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

                I know they’d better NOT mess w/Jem and The Holograms!! That was my jam right there.

                And if they eff w/the Thundercats, ya’ll will see me on the news. No lie.

              • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

                Okay why was my first make believe boyfriends, Rio, Lion-o and Flint from GI Joe.. I also use to have a pair of jemstar earrings (not really, just gold star shapes) and I would be in my room singing loud as he.ll and my mother would tell me to shut up and would press them and say.. shows over synergy….

              • 8th Wonder

                In regards to Jem…I had cassettes of their songs…actual Jem cassettes that came with the dolls.

                I still own them.

                I sang the mistfits song to my boss last week.

                I’m leaving now.

              • Jen

                I want a Jem movie so bad. lol

            • miss t-lee

              Jem… now that was a show! :)

              • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

                You can find full Jem episodes on YouTube. Not that I stayed up late one Wed. night watching them or anything.

              • 8th Wonder

                V.E.G.

                Sincerely I say…thank you.

              • SouthernGirl

                WHAT?!?! *making mental note to check youtube*

            • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

              Shatani, I make a note of saying “knowing is half the battle” at least once a week. It fits into SO many conversations.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            rocky horror??

            a remake to the rocky horror picture show?

            why?

            • SouthernGirl

              hell if i know. brought to you by your friends at mtv. *sheds a tear*

            • http://myspace.com/ezra504 Uninspired Muse

              There will be no Rocky Horror movie…
              Too many of us hardcore fans wont let that mess go down.

              Ill choke the director with my Magenta wig.

              The Fox chick kinda killed the Transformer movie for me. Thats what happens when you re-make something good. Blame the tanning bottle and flat iron for the bi-racial look I guess.

              • SouthernGirl

                “Ill choke the director with my Magenta wig.”

                I’ll drive the get away car…

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        im sure p-jack will ask if she wants some..

        i’m not sure why i got to the be one asking if she wants some black in her. i did think she was hot in transformers though…but definitely not some hottest chick on the planet stuff…

    • Swamii

      She alright. She got toe thumbs, however………………

      • Peyso

        Please explain.

  • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

    So it seems that the ladies of VSB are trying to collectively say Megan Fox needs a lifeline, a deal (or no deal), and most importantly, MORE PEOPLE (like the U.S. Army).

    Is I right?

    • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

      Make that Marines. Her people need to come hard.

      • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

        the few. the proud. megan fox’s people.

        • SouthernGirl

          i’m not sure if her people are proud…wait…was that mean?

          • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

            yes. and it made me laugh.

            • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

              if you havent got anything nice to say…..come sit next to me!

              • SouthernGirl

                *running over to sit next to shatani* can we talk?

              • http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/ V.E.G.

                Pulls up next to SouthernGirl

              • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

                girrrrrl….lets dish! lemme tell you bout this hussy i saw today!

              • SouthernGirl

                TELL ME!!! And I’ll tell you about the heffa I saw on my way home from work…

              • Intellectual Hedonist

                pulling up a chair between V.E.G and Southern Girl. **Anyone want sunflower seeds?**

              • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

                *Squeezing btn Shatani & SGirl* Shatani is my eBFF. CLEARLY I rarely have anything nice to say.

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                can I join? i have homemade pound cake and a snarky attitude.

              • SouthernGirl

                “can I join? i have homemade pound cake and a snarky attitude.”

                *taps blackberry on the head with tinkerbell-like wand while giving her the welcoming side-eye*

                girlllll…come on in.

            • SouthernGirl

              good…me too! lmao

    • http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747670340&ref=name PBG

      I’d say you IS right.

    • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/ eysqueen

      I mean she is only 22 right? Lets think of all the stupid things we said and believed back then….go ahead, i can wait…..

      • miss t-lee

        She is hella young…lol

    • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

      I couldn’t differentiate Ms. Fox from any of the other chicks posted in FHM, Stuff, Maxim mags and the sort but I do since a smell of hate behind these comments..

      • SouthernGirl

        boy please…while i can’t speak for the other ladies, ain’t nobody hatin’ on her. in general, i think she’s pretty girl when she’s not trying to be EXTRA and has one less coat of makeup. and while i don’t follow her, everytime i come across her picture or something she said, it’s usually too much and bordering on skanky. it’s a thin line…

  • http://www.myspace.com/regal_muse Muse

    A woman who claims to date like a man probably has self esteem issues or claims that BS to appeal to other men. Honestly most guys I know don’t want a girlfriend who is “one of the guys” that’s what home boys are for. Either way be yourself. If a woman is a tom boy or likes to do guy things then so be it. Don’t add extras to it.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Honestly most guys I know don’t want a girlfriend who is “one of the guys” that’s what home boys are for”

      i agree. i mean, i like when women like sports and steaks and p*rn and sh*t, but when i hafta remind myself that she’s not one of my ninjas, the mojo dissipates.

    • K.

      I agree too. Any dude who wants a woman who is ‘like a dude’ needs to go on and sashay out of the closet and get himself a man.

    • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

      Good Point!! Don’t add the extras and shyt.