to0 stupid to see the irony in rocking a $150 fishing hat while living in your parent’s spare bedroom, i purchased a white burberry bucket cap from saks in may of 2002.
unfortunately, by the end of that summer the streets of the burgh became so infested with bootleg louie and burberry fashion indistinguishable from the real thing that i eventually retired it in august, hilariously pissed at how those “analog n*ggas were messing up my market value!!”
i thought of this sad situation because it was the only analogy i could think of to possibly compare to how a naturally curvy woman might feel when going to a nightclub and seeing men ogle over the minotaur pictured above.
thing is, while that feeling is thought to be a phenomenon exclusive to women, mike salvini is doing is damnest to make sure its not.
But Mike Salvini is a hero and an inspiration to thousands of men who dream of building their own fearsome endowments — not because of how big he is, but because of how far he’s come. He’s not Mike Salvini to them, though; he’s Double Long Daddy, guru of natural penis enlargement. And before he calls it quits, he wants to have the largest d*ck in the world.
i guess i should be bothered with this, but, while wondering why the hell shana luxury even bothers rocking a belt, i can’t help but think that this is just the natural evolution to our obsession with artificial enhancement.
from wigs and wonderbras to boobjobs and braces, you probably can’t even name a single adult person who’s never done anything to make themselves appear more physically attractive than they really are. when you break it down, whats the difference between lacefronts and wang lengthening?
still, as a professionally certified ass connoisseur, i’m greatly upset by the fact that i’ve began to second guess and question the validity of every heavenly ass-to-waist ratio i see. while most guys over 25 can find a fake boob one hundred yards away, we’re completely unable to spot an artificial onion, and this deeply, deeply saddens me.
eh. oh well. enough about me. people of vsb.com, how do you feel about artificial enhancement?
is it lame or an accepted part of the game?
do you think it gives a person an unfair advantage, or is all fair in love and war?
guys, would knowing an attractive woman’s had some “work” done change your opinion about her?
ladies, how would you feel if you found out the “footer” you’re currently dating was dimple-d*cked until he made some changes two years ago?
the carpet is yours and sh*t
—the champ
the eff is that bullshiggidy in the pic? I can’t even get to reading the post because that trainwreck of a photo keeps distracting me!
@blackberry molasses,
I was on my way to bed before I saw this pic. Whatever that is next to John Starks is going to haunt my dreams. His weird smile also will not help matters.
@Legendary Dash,
I’m glad you mentioned that was John Starks…
I was like…I’ve seen that dude, wait he’s a b-ball player, but who is he again?
*giggling*
@miss t-lee,
I thought it was spud webb for a sec old sko john starch i memba when he dunked on jordan
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I vaguely remember him being in a fight with someone when he was on the Knicks…or maybe that was Anthony Mason.
I may be completely wrong all together, hell that was back when I was in HS…lol
@Legendary Dash,
Starks looks like he is in a trance. Or like he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place, struggling to escape, yet can’t let go of that booty. His eyes are saying, “Help me” and his smile is saying, “That’s one tight azz, yessiree”.
@blackberry molasses,
it’s so horrible…. but I can’t look away!!!!!
@Selah,
that hips/a$$ is so round like a complete circle
@blackberry molasses,
That is one serious camel toe.
@V.E.G.,
GOMH!!! Was thinking that as I scrolled down. Her camel toe would make JayZ’s lips jealous!
@Thuggie Luvvie,
yeah. her toe game is vicious. if camel toes were “strong ass forearms” she’d be amanda gatti
…or Popeye.
@V.E.G.,
Ugh. God is good for allowing me to avoid that upon first glance, but Lucifer transformed himself into the image of your comment to make me scroll up and be traumatized. It’s my own fault for being nosy, but still.
Ew. It looks like Joe Camel is stomping on her nether regions.
@blackberry molasses
You may have to get used to this picture, The Champ may use it again for articles on:
(1) Those shameful people whose conduct no longer matches their age (for John Starks and anyone else who still thinks they’re a literal or figurative baller in their late 40′s and up). Any current Snoop picture would work too though.
(2) Why it never pays to lie to the s.o. about going somewhere in public (because some stank thing like this ALWAYS finds you, even at classy events, and the picture ends up in the inboxes or facebook news feeds of your s.o.’s friends almost instantly).
(3) What happens when you follow beauty tips from Wendy Williams.
(4) How to dress appropriately at a Jamaican day care/club/doctor’s office/anywhere where it’s 70+% Jamaican women.
(5) People with special physical talents (in this case, being able to give the peace sign with your genitalia).
@An Island,
“How to dress appropriately at a Jamaican day care”
LOL
@The Champ,
lol i got a mental picture off that one jamaican day care hmmmm?
@An Island,
(5) People with special physical talents (in this case, being able to give the peace sign with your genitalia).
*FLATLINES* That sh!t’s hilar!!!
@An Island,
John Starks was SlamBall Coach of the Year. Does that qualify him for baller status?
@Legendary Dash,
my homie used to play slam ball in vegas
@BLUNTBLAZER,
That sounds like he had a lot of fun. When I see it on tv, I want to do it.
@Legendary Dash
No, but his dunk over Jordan and Horace Grant gets him a permanent pass for all future bad decisions (like taking a picture with that thing).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIlwUgdp3BM&feature=related
@An Island,
“4) How to dress appropriately at a Jamaican day care/club/doctor’s office/anywhere where it’s 70+% Jamaican women.”
L-O-effing-L.
@blackberry molasses,
shana luxury is her name, and apparently she’s the latest in the long line of ridiculously enhanced g-unit affiliated cyborgs (angel “lola luv” was the first)
@The Champ,
*runs to google*
@The Champ,
The pic you used is not the most flattering pic of Ms. Luxury. Disgust…withdrawn.
She looks like this Q I know went to Tennessee State. His titties weren’t as big but same f*cked up teeth.
@Brandon St. Randy,
I still haven’t recovered from the “She looks like a Q I know” part, then BAM! you hit me with the “His titties weren’t as big but same f*cked up teeth.”, then I croaked.
@Brandon St. Randy,
Speaking of Qs. Jesus was one. He was an Alpha AND Omega. You can tell when he turned water to wine. That is ALL Q. Plus his Gold Air Foot Voyage sandals ain’t help either.
BTW, I wrote a blog post yesterday called “Clinton’s a Sigma, Jesus is an Alpha”. *Shameless plug of the day*
@Thuggie Luvvie, you ain’t got nothing on me in terms of shameless plugs. I am , ahem, discussing gold diggers over at a certain site.
@Brandon St. Randy,
i’ve been following the discussions and sh*t on your site this week. you can never go wrong with a romance/finance discussion.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Ummm Jesus is the sum of all things. i.e. Sigma so that ends that and back too your regularly scheduled post.
@Double J,
This man knows whateth he speaketh
@Double J,
Jesus ain’t no Sigma. I think Royal Blue clashes with Jesus’ beliefs (and his favorite Toga).
@Luvvie,
Actually now that I think about it his Toga was pure white. Jesus been rocking para since 0 A.D. son
@Double J, if Sigmas are now claiming Jesus ya’ll can no longer get on the Alphas for claiming F. Douglas a.k.a Big Brother After the Fact.
@SxyScientst in her lovely blue n white,
F. Douglas was a former slave who loved white women. Sounds like an Alpha to me.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Shameless indeed! lol
@K to the…,
Yet my head doesn’t hang low like homegirl in picture’s libia
Corner.
@8th Wonder,
But… but… I ain’t e’en DO nuthin!
*pouts*
*slinks to Corner*
@Brandon St. Randy,
“She looks like this Q I know ”
*crying*
@Brandon St. Randy,
She looks like this Q I know .
Please bury me a G.
@V Renee,
I’ll rock a fake “Thug Life” tattoo to ur funegro. Hmm… Well, mine would say “Thuggie Luvvie”
@Brandon St. Randy
I. Can’t. Breathe.
that picture is almost as disturbing as reh dogg…almost.
funny you bring this up, a wondrous vss and i discussed this very issue last week. its really complicated, my rationale with plastic surgery applies to most things, i feel one thing will lead to another, and another etc. if i get one thing done, and have the money, who says i won’t get another done?
personally, i’d much rather spend time learning to love what i was blessed with then changing it.
in short, i’ve grown to love overit and sh*t:) IBTC and all, LMAO.
@overit,
Can I be Parliamentarian of the IBTC? Iunno what they do but it sounds important? Maybe it means I gotta bring the doritos to the annual meetings
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Saddown.
@V.E.G.,
U just a hater (like Google)
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Methinks not. lol.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
“U just a hater (like Google)”
Actually, I think Bing is a hater with its passive-aggressive snides at Google in its commercials. Um, sorry, no one is gonna incorporate “Bing it” into their lexicon. We already say Google it (no matter the search engine)…sorta like Kleenex. Bing, you think we’re gonna be all, “You looking for gifs of Drake’s face melting? Bing it”. No.
Ok, sorry, had to get that mini rant out there. lol
@Thuggie Luvvie/Cheekie,
Bing done already p*ssed me off with them manic azztastic commercials.
I’m not using their ish on GP.
*that lady squwking like a bird of paradise is pretty dayum funny though.
@Thuggie Luvvie, i can’t believe i even said that lol.
but yeah, cool ranch doritos-thx.
*dear god, is me margaret game proper* LMAO.
@overit,
is it wrong that my e-chile is so Ignant? methinks not
@Thuggie Luvvie,
“Maybe it means I gotta bring the doritos to the annual meetings”
or the sports bras.
wait…wrong meeting
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Whoa whoa whoa! Watch it…I’m already on the board as a Treasurer. There is protocol to follow ino order to be on the board of the IBTC! I will forward the bylaws to you, asap!
@K to the…,
The only Bylaws the IBTC has is: to serve on board, U must fit bras by “Barely There”. I do. Case closed.
What flavor Doritos do yall want at the meeting? I prefer Nacho Cheese to Cool Ranch
@Thuggie Luvvie,
lol @ “Barely There”
I’m more of Cool Ranch type of girl. I’ll bring the gum…Orbit, for those naughty mouths!
@Thuggie Luvvie, to be quite honest, i’m not a chips fan lol, i’ll make smoothies!
lmao @ “barely there”.
@overit,
whyyyyy must I crryyyyyyyyy!???? lol
but I 2nd the learning to love yourself. I’ve learned too. tiggo bitties and all. lol
@Selah,
yup.
@Selah, its so important, i don’t see how implants will heal a broken self image, tis a temporary fix i tell ya.
@overit, *than lol
Would I like a booty that comes with it’s own theme music? Yes. If my booty was so STOOPID it needed to be taxed because it was it’s own LLC, would I be a fool? Damn right.
However, the good Lord didn’t deem me fit for such ASS-ets & for good reason. He knew I’d TRULY lack sense. But paying for a fake gluteus ain’t in the books for me. I’d be afraid it’d bust like a cheap waterbed.
Oh & weave makes me itch. iCan’t.
@Thuggie Luvvie, i can’t with weave, i truly can’t…i’ve never tried it either, but i barely can’t with my own lol, i aint trying to add hair.
@Thuggie Luvvie, “Oh & weave makes me itch”
Me either.. I recently wasted $200 bc I took the weave out after a week. Wonder if I can take it back to the shop and ask for a refund?
@Nicki Sunshine,
I was once forced to get a weave for a fashion show I was in as an undergrad (ignore the fact that my 5’4 self cant be nobody’s model).
Anywho, the weave was glued in the day before the show & I hated it! Looked in the mirror and saw myself w/ long hair. I’ve kept my hair short for over 8 years so EEEK!!!!
Wells, as soon as the show was over, I removed it ASAP. Being a weave rookie, I didn’t use proper ways to remove it. I think I just got a lil bit of oil, put it in, and damn near yanked the ish out. Took a whole afternoon.
Stubborn glue + hair + inexperience = hair loss. What I was left with was a strip of hair missing from front to about the middle of my hair. Possibly the first ever reverse mohawk.
I’da been sad if I wasn’t pleased that it gave me yet another excuse to cut my hair shorter. I did. And it was fierce.
Moral of the story:
Don’t let inexperienced ijots touch your hairLearn the proper techniques to removing glue from folliclesWeave is the Devil@Thuggie Luvvie, OH EM GEE, it took your hair out?
“Possibly the first ever reverse mohawk. ”
U may have killed me with this comment.
Anywho, I am the same way… I’ve had this short hair for a minute and got that weave and I thought I looked like shorter and plumper. lol
@Thuggie Luvvie, sad, sad story. weaves are not for everyone, or lazy people cause i feel it requires a lot of maintenance to avoid breakage…i think.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
i dated a chick that used to pull her weave out with her bare hands it looked like she needed a strait jacket thats savage shi
@Thuggie Luvvie,
“Oh & weave makes me itch”
You gotta treat it before you have it put in.
*your friendly weave tip for the day…lol*
@miss t-lee,
…Or just avoid them at all costs. Has worked for me so far.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Whatever’s clever.
@miss t-lee,
“You gotta treat it before you have it put in.”
…ironically, that’s probably what she said to John Starks after that picture.
@AkShone,
CTFU!!!!
Good to see ya back round ‘chere.
@AkShone, zing!
lol
@Thuggie Luvvie,
I’d be afraid it’d bust like a cheap waterbed.
i imagine that her ass feels like two big ass water balloons filled with milk
i think if people want to pay for it, go for it. women with enhancements aren’t threatening because they either
1) were attractive in the first place anyway, so if an insecure woman was going to be bothered by her, she would have been bothered by her already anyway; or
2) tacky and don’t know when enough is enough, so they go around looking obviously enhanced or just crazy weird or just as unattractive as they were in the first place, but with a large a*s/chest/hair/lips.
i used to be against it. but, hey. when i get older, if the girls start to sag, the girls are getting fixed. period.
@charli skipper,
i am peter pan.
@charli skipper,
“when i get older, if the girls start to sag, the girls are getting fixed”
lol.
I’ve already devised a plan for any children I may have in the future: scheduled C-section, immediately followed by a tummy tuck. Apparently it was the celebrities do. lol.
@V.E.G.,
a chick told me that talmbout she worked so hard to get her new slim a trim body that if i wanted her to hava baby id have to pay for 30racks to get her body back to where it was. bish please.
@V.E.G.,
I never understood why so many people opted for the automatic c-section even when completely capable of natural birth. It shrinks back to the normal size! I think…
@Blue Skyez, It shrinks back to the normal size! I think…
uh no, pregnancy can and often does stretch the muscles at the bottom of the stomach in an irreparable way. You can stregthen and tighten the core but most often, especially with more than 1 you will have that pudge at the bottom…me personally, Im fine with a little curve there…
but I dont get how a c section helps..
@charli skipper,
“when i get older, if the girls start to sag, the girls are getting fixed. period.”
if this is true, and if you believe your 1 and 2 to both be true, which one applies to you?
@The Champ,
i thought about that. but the beauty of my theory is that it doesn’t matter. because i’m gonna be whatever i am anyway. i don’t think i’m half bad looking. but, assuming that i’m a crazy weird looking fool–i’m going to find some way to look tacky anyway and not even know i’m looking tacky, so it is what it is.
@charli skipper,
I don’t know. I’ve seen some trust fund babies whose enhancements. . . well, enhanced them. I don’t go for the unnatural look but some people are quite skilled and it requires an experienced touch to tell the difference.
@charli skipper,
Oh. MA’AM! The fountains of youth WILL going under construction at a later date. I don’t have any babies, but know the saggage would be the worstest! yes….worstest!
i am completely against artificial enhancements via plastic surgery. and, i’m against all of these pill they sale on late night t.v. that is supposed to lengthen the p*nis…honestly, do they really work. fess up, men…does Extenze really give you that extra something. and why isn’t there a pill for bigger boobs, or a bigger, and more shapely booty? granted, i don’t need a pill for either, but i just feel like women are being left out of this particular market.
**i am sooo tired…g’night vsbers
@N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall….,
Those ExtenZe commercials stay killing me… with that awkward pause each time they say — bigger.
*giggles*
@N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall….,
and why isn’t there a pill for bigger boobs, or a bigger, and more shapely booty?
lol, there is one. its called “birth control”
@The Champ,
::Chuckling::
@The Champ,
You ain’t never lied.
@The Champ,
No, it’s called “The Shot”. Pills don’t do that for everybody. Or so I’ve heard o_O
But I’ve seen The Shot take a perfectly cute petite girl & turn her into human cellulite within a year. She gained so much weight she even got cellulite on her KNEES? That was tragic. *sad face*
@Thuggie Luvvie
What’s “the shot”?
@An Island,
I think she’s talking about Depo.
@The Champ,
“lol, there is one. its called “birth control””
Word!!! I’ve seen birth control do some BEAUTIFUL things.
@The Champ, LOL!
@The Champ,
oh shoot for reals! I better get on the that birth control then! I’ve always wanted a bigger tear drop.
@.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall, and why isn’t there a pill for bigger boobs, or a bigger, and more shapely booty?
they do have big boob pills..they are called bloussant..
http://www.bloussantproduct.com/?campaign=google&kw=bloussant+breast+enhancement&gclid=CMDhlYHi2psCFRJ4xgodmSvqcA
“honestly, do they really work. fess up, men…does Extenze really give you that extra something. ”
Hey Champ, I think this question is for you.
@8th Wonder
[Clearing throat. Unfolding signed petition.]
We don’t need that, booboo.
Sincerely,
All VSB
@An Island,
LMAO!
@N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall….,
why isn’t there a pill for bigger boobs, or a bigger, and more shapely booty?
Oh, but there are.
Fake bootays are crossing the line. Crossing the line I say! They were all we men had left. The only curve we could count on to be real. I remember when Myamee had no ass, and how shocking it was to see how developed her rump had become when she became a reality TV star, and the contempt for her that I developed for someone who had always been nice to me.
@Legendary Dash,
I guess I just don’t see the problem with a fake a*s. Fake boobs, now that’s just not right. (lol) But isn’t a b*oty just for looks anyway? I mean, fake br*asts won’t jiggle and they feel hard, so I see why men would be disappointed. But, I’m pretty sure a fake bo*ty is soft…she has to sit on it…so what’s the problem?
@charli skipper,
I am not a breast man. They are only a plus with me, and are easily peeped out from a mile away. A fake booty is just deceitful, and wrong. Seeing as I am the type of guy who will look past a lot of shortcoming of a chika if she has a nice rump, having a fake one is unacceptable.
@Legendary Dash,
“Seeing as I am the type of guy who will look past a lot of shortcoming of a chika if she has a nice rump, having a fake one is unacceptable.”
Well it’s not the fake booty girl’s fault that you are a spot checker, LOL.
@Legendary Dash,
“I am not a breast man.”
um. what? pfft!
@charli skipper,
Never really cared about the breastases. Anything over palm-sized is just extra.
@charli skipper,
I guess I just don’t see the problem with a fake a*s.
asses are sacred. getting booty implants is like drinking grape kool-aid out of the holy grail.
@The Champ,
Confusion here: Is grape kool-aid too good to be sipped from the Holy Grail, or is the Holy Grail too sacred for the grape kool-aid?
@Legendary Dash,
both
@Legendary Dash,
yea i was sad after finding out which celebs had fake boobs.
Mariah, Megan Good etc Janet sniff sniff whyyyyyyyyyy
@BLUNTBLAZER,
For some reason when I noticed that Janet’s boobs were fake it did not bother me. Meghan Good has always looked plastic to me. I have always had reservations about her lips, but since I have not had the pleasure of her DSLs, I just have not worried myself about them.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
All of em are pretty freaking obvious. Especially Mariah’s. Look at her circa 1992 MTV Unplugged and “Butterfly”.
And Janet admitted to hers YEARS ago.
boooo moderation!!!
@N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall….,
Smiley Face
@N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall….,
The moderation is racist, I’ve noticed…
@Cheekie,
racists and sexists…lol
okay, i meant this as a reply to Thuggie Luvvie, but it came out as a message of its own…..
@Luvvie – i’m getting you a pair of those pantyhose with butt-pads for your next birthday, then you can go out and act foolish (or, to use your parlance, ignant) one of these fine days, ha ha ha ha!!!
a homegirl of mine, an incredible a$$less wonder, who’s obsessed with my generous ATM (african trade mark, as we call them here) , went and actually bought herself one of those….i thought my head would explode from laughing, i couldn’t believe what i was seeing. and she would actually WEAR IT OUT!!!! she swore she got more love from guys when she had it on…i just don’t know…
@superwoman, lol @ ATM, me likey.
@superwoman,
So what did she do once she snagged the poor soul who was intoxicated by her detachable fatty? That would suck!!!
That has to be the equivalent to a kid asking Santa for the Playstaion 4 and when he opens that present on Christmas morning after months of anticipation…it’s a pair of pink slippers…two sizes small.
…she might get stoned for such deception.
I don’t see anything wrong with a little zhujing but that is ri – damn-dic-u-fu¢king-lous. That is clearly a major overhaul. I think enhancements should be just that…..enhancements (like Kelly Rowland’s). When your body looks like, and cost just as much as, the gentrification of Harlem you have defeated the purpose. On the other hand clearly there’s a market for it or baintches (and some dudes) wouldn’t do it.
@champ
“while most guys over 25 can find a fake boob one hundred yards away, we’re completely unable to spot an artificial onion, and this deeply, deeply saddens me”
this saddens me too. that ish up top is terribly obvious. Besides the undercuff (the part where the tush meets thigh) is usually the giveaway.
If there are any fake tushies on VSB…how does it feel when you sit down? Does it feel like you’re sitting on a pillow or what?
@Nola Darling, i would not know, i am president of the VA donk chapter, not really, but i’m def not in the itty bitty donk committee.
@overit,
Georgia has the best donks i eva seen I went to a buffett in atl and dawd it looked like a rap video my cuzin was like “awww dawg this aint nuthin wait till the party tonite” and dam that party was like a rap video
@Nola Darling,
I think Kelly Rowlands boobs look great. They’re tasteful and not glaringly obvious. If I got my boobs done I’d want them to look like Kelly’s.