Theory & Essay

Lies, Damn Lies, and Wonderbras.

Fact. Men are fascinated by female-parts. We appreciate curves and love to play Guess What’s Under That Dress, despite knowing exactly what’s under that dress.

With that in mind, Colonel Sanders isn’t the only man who’s got breasts on the brain all day long. It is with this in mind and also with great dismay that I must say that wonderbras are the most evil and vile invention known to humankind.

Wonderbras are deception and deception is evil. I’m sure it’s in the Bible somewhere. Probably in Tupac 6:16 or something – but I’m sure it’s in there. And do you know why wonderbras are evil?

Before we answer this, let’s talk about deception. For example…if I meet you in the club and you CLEARLY had two legs when you were at the bar, and you fail to mention that one of them belongs to the lab up the street, but I get your number and we go out and then one day when things go “there” between us you remove your fake leg…well, I’m going to be pissed. And I’m not going to be pissed that you have a fake leg, I have no problem with that. I’m going to be pissed that you didn’t think I was big enough of a person to tell me until the very last moment for fear that I wouldn’t like you anymore!! You deceived me and you know what…

…it hurts.

Though it can’t hurt worse than being thrown out of my place for frontin’ like you had two legs. And there is nothing wrong with only having one leg. I applaud the spirit many one legged folks have. Clearly, they are well versed in dealing with unfair situations. I, however, do not like deception. And if you are up in the club with TWO legs and a week later you only have ONE and you HAVEN’T been in a car accident, well, I’m just saying I won’t date you anymore. Not sure how you bring it up in the club, but if I have to find out on my own that you got a fake leg, AND I MET YOU IN THE CLUB, (which means it was all physical attraction) then you, madam, are a liar.

And nowhere is this fact truer than in the case of the most evil: wonder bras.

Wonder bras are deception at its finest. They play up on man’s fascination with breasts and our attraction to them and lead us astray!! They intentionally deceive. They are evil. Now I’ll admit, men’s obsession with breasts is clearly the culprit here. HOWEVER, a woman will know this and enhance her own, in order to lure the man into her web…ONLY to have to be found out later (assuming it gets there) that she was indeed telling untruths about herself. And this isn’t like makeup where SOME semblance of your face has to be present, though, I’ll admit I’ve met some women who basically had to remove a whole face in order to get to who they really were:

Gremlins.

Anyway, wonderbras are lies. All lies. I can’t help the fact that women’s assets are on display and men’s aren’t. If a dude even starts bragging on the size of his Army, well, then you have grounds for dismissal if you find he has been lying. It’s the same thing intentional deception in hopes of securing personal gain. But see, the man only has his mouthpiece (unless of course somebody pulls your shit out in the club or amusement park or church), women have let wonderbras do all the talking for them.

Wonderbras make liars out of good women…

…because wonder bras are evil.

-VSB P

Filed Under: ,
Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

Previously

Pole Position.

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    And I’m not going to be pissed that you have a fake leg, I have no problem with that.

    You are ridiculous.

    I have no direct experience with wonderbras, because I do not need them. However, I am always in the market for a good minimizer. If wonderbras are evil, does that make minimizers heaven sent?

    P.S. You are going to hell for the entire leg example. Just an FYI.

    • Leila

      Co-sign on the wonderbra. I never needed one either. They are deceiving, but I can see why women would wear them. It allows them to feel better about themselves. It’s tough for women because there’s much pressure to look good from head to toe. That’s why women turn to wonderbras, butt pads, make-up, implants, etc to look better.

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        True, good point. I think therefore wonderbras *are* evil, but different than the reasons Panama points out. His are clearly self-serving!

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        True, good point. I think therefore wonderbras *are* evil, but different than the reasons Panama points out. His are clearly self-serving!

      • Miss Patterson

        true it is tough. i was given many downright evil nicknames as a teenager for my lack of spillage. and most of those nicknames were assigned by other girls…go figure.

        • Leila

          By women? I’m surprised. I was jealous of women with smaller cup sizes growing up because you can wear the tiny shirts. When you have a larger cup size, you have to be careful how you dress and get a lot of unwanted attention.

          • Miss Patterson

            I’m not actually surprised that the nicknames came from women…who do we shop with, undress in the locker room with, b*tch about our bodies with…etc. I had friends growing up who expressed their jealousy in that back-handed compliment sort of way like…”gurl at least you when can wear those baby tees, if i were flat like you I’d wear those all the time too” girls are mean…especially adolescent girls.

          • Miss Patterson

            I’m not actually surprised that the nicknames came from women…who do we shop with, undress in the locker room with, b*tch about our bodies with…etc. I had friends growing up who expressed their jealousy in that back-handed compliment sort of way like…”gurl at least you when can wear those baby tees, if i were flat like you I’d wear those all the time too” girls are mean…especially adolescent girls.

          • yellahamma

            or your so called homegirls know you look good w/ur big ones so they tell you that you aint wearing the shit out yo clothes so they look better. Loves my spillage! cant do the wonder bra thing I find them to be uncomfortable. Ne1 else feel like that?

          • yellahamma

            or your so called homegirls know you look good w/ur big ones so they tell you that you aint wearing the shit out yo clothes so they look better. Loves my spillage! cant do the wonder bra thing I find them to be uncomfortable. Ne1 else feel like that?

        • Leila

          By women? I’m surprised. I was jealous of women with smaller cup sizes growing up because you can wear the tiny shirts. When you have a larger cup size, you have to be careful how you dress and get a lot of unwanted attention.

        • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

          @Miss patterson. As a former memer of the IBTC (itty bitty titty committee), I, too got teased by the big breasted brods ( AKA my sisters) because they were jealous that they couldn’t wear the pink, purple, yellow, etc bras. Women always hate.

        • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

          @Miss patterson. As a former memer of the IBTC (itty bitty titty committee), I, too got teased by the big breasted brods ( AKA my sisters) because they were jealous that they couldn’t wear the pink, purple, yellow, etc bras. Women always hate.

      • Miss Patterson

        true it is tough. i was given many downright evil nicknames as a teenager for my lack of spillage. and most of those nicknames were assigned by other girls…go figure.

    • Leila

      Co-sign on the wonderbra. I never needed one either. They are deceiving, but I can see why women would wear them. It allows them to feel better about themselves. It’s tough for women because there’s much pressure to look good from head to toe. That’s why women turn to wonderbras, butt pads, make-up, implants, etc to look better.

    • JBoogie

      Wonderbras…were always funny to me. I never had use for one either…God blessed me and then some. I co-sign on the minimizer. And I don’t care for the stares I get sometimes…unless of course it’s someone I might be interested in LOL.

    • JBoogie

      Wonderbras…were always funny to me. I never had use for one either…God blessed me and then some. I co-sign on the minimizer. And I don’t care for the stares I get sometimes…unless of course it’s someone I might be interested in LOL.

    • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

      @Liz. I stand behind minimizers and am wearing one today! Dudes just don’t understand how powerful and distracting breasts really are.

      • http://www.sonicstorm.com Anechoic

        Umm, trust me, we do!

      • http://www.sonicstorm.com Anechoic

        Umm, trust me, we do!

    • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

      @Liz. I stand behind minimizers and am wearing one today! Dudes just don’t understand how powerful and distracting breasts really are.

    • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

      no P’s going to hell because he’s a blasphemer

      “Tupac 6:16″? WTF!?!?

      the leg example secured him property in a gated community in hell.

    • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

      no P’s going to hell because he’s a blasphemer

      “Tupac 6:16″? WTF!?!?

      the leg example secured him property in a gated community in hell.

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    And I’m not going to be pissed that you have a fake leg, I have no problem with that.

    You are ridiculous.

    I have no direct experience with wonderbras, because I do not need them. However, I am always in the market for a good minimizer. If wonderbras are evil, does that make minimizers heaven sent?

    P.S. You are going to hell for the entire leg example. Just an FYI.

  • Fulanigirl

    my cups runneth over so I don’t need a wonderbra…..

    However, Panama I have found the equivalent to it

    ****Australian underwear company aussieBum makes undies for men who want their package to appear bigger.

    “It basically lifts, separates and extends,” said aussieBum founder Sean Ashby.

    “This design uses all of the natural assets of the person, whether they be big, small or indifferent.”

    The underwear features a ‘wondercup’, a pouch used to “separate and stop squashing”…….. the company has sold more than 50,000 pairs in Australia and overseas.**** :( deception at its finest

    • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

      @Fulanigirl. I don’t think those drawls would fool me. We all know, it’s not until that thang is out of the drawls and in your hand will you know the TRUE size of it :P

      • genius khan

        Elenda says: “We all know, it’s not until that thang is out of the drawls and in your hand will you know the TRUE size of it.”

        plumps in ur mouth not in ur hands. plumps even more inside ur mmmmm hhhmmmmm. feel the girth. wett yourself.

      • genius khan

        Elenda says: “We all know, it’s not until that thang is out of the drawls and in your hand will you know the TRUE size of it.”

        plumps in ur mouth not in ur hands. plumps even more inside ur mmmmm hhhmmmmm. feel the girth. wett yourself.

    • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

      @Fulanigirl. I don’t think those drawls would fool me. We all know, it’s not until that thang is out of the drawls and in your hand will you know the TRUE size of it :P

    • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

      there is another Australian company that makes men’s drawers that has a pouch in the front that also makes mens assets look bigger than they are, I forgot their name

    • http://www.myspace.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

      there is another Australian company that makes men’s drawers that has a pouch in the front that also makes mens assets look bigger than they are, I forgot their name

  • Fulanigirl

    my cups runneth over so I don’t need a wonderbra…..

    However, Panama I have found the equivalent to it

    ****Australian underwear company aussieBum makes undies for men who want their package to appear bigger.

    “It basically lifts, separates and extends,” said aussieBum founder Sean Ashby.

    “This design uses all of the natural assets of the person, whether they be big, small or indifferent.”

    The underwear features a ‘wondercup’, a pouch used to “separate and stop squashing”…….. the company has sold more than 50,000 pairs in Australia and overseas.**** :( deception at its finest

  • http://www.myspace.com/brwnskndlady Cryssy Crys

    <—36DD

    • Fulanigirl

      same here 36DD…i love my “girls”

    • Fulanigirl

      same here 36DD…i love my “girls”

  • http://www.myspace.com/brwnskndlady Cryssy Crys

    <—36DD

  • http://www.myspace.com/regalmuse Muse

    Men are so damn extra LOL

    I think it’s a deception when men talk about how they are good men but once they enter a relationshp they dog females out. : )

    BTW I’m part of the D club as well Cryssy. 36D as well LOL.

    • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

      “…just got a model chick
      throw some d’s on that b****!”

      • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

        @Deviant. Exactly d’s… pluarl. 38DD Thanks ;-)

      • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

        @Deviant. Exactly d’s… pluarl. 38DD Thanks ;-)

    • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com Deviant

      “…just got a model chick
      throw some d’s on that b****!”

  • http://www.myspace.com/regalmuse Muse

    Men are so damn extra LOL

    I think it’s a deception when men talk about how they are good men but once they enter a relationshp they dog females out. : )

    BTW I’m part of the D club as well Cryssy. 36D as well LOL.

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    How bout, this thread is evil cuz now every chick is bout to check in with her cup size??? You can throw 3 Ds on me tho! hahahaha!

    • malael

      “How bout, this thread is evil cuz now every chick is bout to check in with her cup size???”

      understated value of this post. panama you evil genius you did it again. throws in a jadakiss a-ha for good measure (pun intended).

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “throws in a jadakiss a-ha for good measure (pun intended).”

        the “a-ha” is the gift that keeps on giving

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “throws in a jadakiss a-ha for good measure (pun intended).”

        the “a-ha” is the gift that keeps on giving

    • malael

      “How bout, this thread is evil cuz now every chick is bout to check in with her cup size???”

      understated value of this post. panama you evil genius you did it again. throws in a jadakiss a-ha for good measure (pun intended).

    • JBoogie

      I refuse to tell y’all how big the cup size is…let’s just say a reduction is a serious consideration right now…

      • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

        NOOOOO! Don’t do it J! Please! LOL! What if guys started getting dick reductions? How would you like that? Hmmm? That’s what I thought!

        • JBoogie

          LOL…guys don’t have to worry about how their clothes will fit if they are “well-endowed”…

          • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

            Maybe not the guys you know! LOL!

            • JBoogie

              I stand corrected then…didn’t think it made a difference at ALL…i mean, how big could it be SOFT LOL?

            • JBoogie

              I stand corrected then…didn’t think it made a difference at ALL…i mean, how big could it be SOFT LOL?

          • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

            Maybe not the guys you know! LOL!

        • JBoogie

          LOL…guys don’t have to worry about how their clothes will fit if they are “well-endowed”…

        • 2Degreez

          LOL! I’ve noticed that everytime a woman mentions getting a breast reduction, a man pops out of no where to tell her NO, or that she’s interfering with God’s perfect plan. Ya’ll don’t understand what it’s like dealing with these things.

          • JBoogie

            Amen, sista!

          • JBoogie

            Amen, sista!

        • 2Degreez

          LOL! I’ve noticed that everytime a woman mentions getting a breast reduction, a man pops out of no where to tell her NO, or that she’s interfering with God’s perfect plan. Ya’ll don’t understand what it’s like dealing with these things.

      • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

        NOOOOO! Don’t do it J! Please! LOL! What if guys started getting dick reductions? How would you like that? Hmmm? That’s what I thought!

    • JBoogie

      I refuse to tell y’all how big the cup size is…let’s just say a reduction is a serious consideration right now…

    • Miss Patterson

      you know what’s funny about all of these cup size confessions? when VSB published the “Hello Mr. Wang” post, I don’t recall the men chiming in with their various penis lengths…just an observation. i guess women are more comfortable with outing themselves.

      • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

        Honestly i don’t really know the answer to that. Never measured it. But I really never needed to. As long as I know that what I have gets the job done every time, I don’t care if it’s 8, 9, or 10 inches. But if any of you ladies ever get curious I am more than happy to submit myself to your measurement. :-)

        • JBoogie

          Curious minds…LOL

        • JBoogie

          Curious minds…LOL

      • http://www.myspace.com/datfya BigBuck

        Honestly i don’t really know the answer to that. Never measured it. But I really never needed to. As long as I know that what I have gets the job done every time, I don’t care if it’s 8, 9, or 10 inches. But if any of you ladies ever get curious I am more than happy to submit myself to your measurement. :-)

      • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

        @Miss Patterson. Either we are more comfortable or most men just aren’t packing. LOL!

      • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

        @Miss Patterson. Either we are more comfortable or most men just aren’t packing. LOL!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I don’t recall the men chiming in with their various penis lengths…just an observation. i guess women are more comfortable with outing themselves.”

        apples and oranges

        • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

          “apples and oranges”…please ELABORATE i’d love to hear this…because to me it looks like penis size and breast size have the potential to provoke the same level of disappointment in the bedroom…just based on what i’m reading here.

          • JBoogie

            Oh, it most certainly does…happened on SEVERAL occasions…

          • JBoogie

            Oh, it most certainly does…happened on SEVERAL occasions…

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            a) its not the same. although we adore honest boobage, i dont think any of us are exactly throwing women out of bed because they were a cup size smaller than we originally thought. from what i’ve heard though, the level of disappointment some women feel in seeing a substandard wang is much greater than any thing we might feel about boobage

            b) a woman can immediately give you an accurate size measurement (ie “34d”) because its listed on your bras, but i doubt many men could immediately tell you his wang was “7.56 inches long with a 4.6 inch circumference”. all most of us know is whether or not it passes the eye test, lol…

            c)…and, even if we did know, i doubt every guy would be as forthright in sharing his info. we have over 1000 people visit this site everyday, and no guy is going to admit that he’s packing less than average (“average” being within the neighborhood of 5-7 inches erect) with this many sets of eyes reading.

            so, like i said before, apples and oranges

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            a) its not the same. although we adore honest boobage, i dont think any of us are exactly throwing women out of bed because they were a cup size smaller than we originally thought. from what i’ve heard though, the level of disappointment some women feel in seeing a substandard wang is much greater than any thing we might feel about boobage

            b) a woman can immediately give you an accurate size measurement (ie “34d”) because its listed on your bras, but i doubt many men could immediately tell you his wang was “7.56 inches long with a 4.6 inch circumference”. all most of us know is whether or not it passes the eye test, lol…

            c)…and, even if we did know, i doubt every guy would be as forthright in sharing his info. we have over 1000 people visit this site everyday, and no guy is going to admit that he’s packing less than average (“average” being within the neighborhood of 5-7 inches erect) with this many sets of eyes reading.

            so, like i said before, apples and oranges

        • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

          “apples and oranges”…please ELABORATE i’d love to hear this…because to me it looks like penis size and breast size have the potential to provoke the same level of disappointment in the bedroom…just based on what i’m reading here.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I don’t recall the men chiming in with their various penis lengths…just an observation. i guess women are more comfortable with outing themselves.”

        apples and oranges

    • Miss Patterson

      you know what’s funny about all of these cup size confessions? when VSB published the “Hello Mr. Wang” post, I don’t recall the men chiming in with their various penis lengths…just an observation. i guess women are more comfortable with outing themselves.

    • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

      @Liz. *** LOL*** Man, you 1 upped me. Props.

    • http://www.myspace.com/Elendak Elenda

      @Liz. *** LOL*** Man, you 1 upped me. Props.

    • http://www.sonicstorm.com Anechoic

      This discussion is pointless without pictures

    • http://www.sonicstorm.com Anechoic

      This discussion is pointless without pictures

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    How bout, this thread is evil cuz now every chick is bout to check in with her cup size??? You can throw 3 Ds on me tho! hahahaha!

More Like This