Lists

Let’s Go Out On A Date!

So I came across this article on CNN.com and I’ll be damned if it ain’t perfect for our little corner of the Internet.  Now, most of you have gone out on dates before.  Some of you have not; it’s okay, you still have time.  You’ll probably grow out of your face at some point.

Zing!

Them’s jokes.  VSB.com only attractes the highest caliber of mirrorability.  So.  I maintain, most of us have gone out on first dates.  Well, according to CNN.com, here are 6 things that you shouldn’t do on a first date (it doesn’t mention pulling out your schlong and attempting to place it on her forehead, but if you read between the lines…it’s there).

Gander.

1. Introduce unfamiliar grooming regimens into your routine. Never had a Brazilian wax? Today’s not the day to try it. Ditto to shelling out for that new, expensive, zit-zapping, wrinkle-eradicating, sun-damage-reversing miracle cleanser you read about in Allure. Sure, both of these things might work out well, but there’s also the possibility you’ll be left with festering scabs, ingrown hairs, or worse.

If you’re prone to festering scabs AND giving it up on the first night, then I’m with CNN.com.  Just…ewww.

3. Get liquored up first. I know you’re tense, but guzzling three martinis before you meet him is not a good idea. You probably haven’t eaten all day and the combination of stress, hunger and booze is not a good one. Because I’m not completely heartless, you can have up to one glass of wine. But no more. Promise me — no more!

Do, however, get liquored up AFTERwards.  What better way to break the ice than with liquor induced conversation.  Plus it gives you a better excuse when you give it up on the first night….assuming of course you can’t find your panties and you decide to just let him touch your booty!  Score.

4. Not eat if you’re on a dinner date. Women always think they look dainty picking at a small green salad with just a lemon wedge while their date plows through the surf & turf. Wrong. They just look sad, hungry and possibly eating disordered. Even if you’re spazzing on the inside, skip the bunny food and order a normal human-sized meal.

This is important.  If you’re not going to eat, then we’re not going to a restaurant.  Point blank. Period.  We can just skip the theatrics and go straight for the funnin’.  If you’re not going to eat like a rabbit (salad), then I suppose you may as well just f*ck like one.

6. Play make-believe. When you drop lies designed to impress — like claiming to be a Foucault scholar or are actually Johnny Cash’s second cousin — it’s pretty much a given that you’re going to get busted. Either your date will turn out to be some kind of philosophically minded smarty-pants and want to debate you, or he’ll be Johnny Cash’s third cousin, wondering why you weren’t at the last family reunion.

Eh, if you’re just trying to procure panties, just lie.  It’s more effective.  She probably wouldn’t date you if she knew the real you.  Think, 40-Year-Old Virgin.

*******

I let CNN.com do the dirty work today, but what are some other do’s and don’ts for going on a first date?  And yes, everybody knows one should “be themself” so keep that one.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka MR. MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK

ADMIN. NOTES:

1) The Champ and I will be featured on a Battle of the Sexes feature on Juice Radio Thursday swith Miz D and Real Talk Now at 730pm this evening.  You can check out the show here:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/juiceradio

Check it out as men and women discuss their gripes with one another.  The Champ and I do this stupendously since women are all crazy.

2)  The DC VSB Happy Hour will be taking place next Wednesday, November 12 starting at 6pm at Mahogany Restaurant and Lounge @ Bohemian Caverns, 11th and U Street, NW, Washington, DC.  I’ll send more information out to everybody via evite with the emails that were sent to me.  But mark your calenders.  Next Wednesday.  6-10pm.  I’ll try to come up with some drink specials too…

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

    Don’t tell your whole life dayum story. As much as I love to hear/tell a great story, I don’t want to get that deep into your history when we aren’t even “like that” yet. Keep the fare light, please and thank you.

    I’ve marked my calendar for the DC VSB thingy-ma-jib. I’ll be down there, people-watching and drankin’ as usual.

    • 8th Wonder

      “I’ve marked my calendar for the DC VSB thingy-ma-jib. I’ll be down there, people-watching and drankin’ as usual.”

      Overit and I will definitely be in the house.

      Yes Overit, I did just speak for you, lol.

      • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

        Overit and I will definitely be in the house.

        Yes Overit, I did just speak for you, lol.

        lol, good call 8th. i’ll be there:)

        • Lil’T

          Me too. If I can ever find my way out of PG….
          lol.

          • overit

            Do it Lil ‘T. I mean, we don’t want to upstage the Chi town happy hour but it prob can’t be helped;)

            Luv ya Luvvies!

            • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

              I dont feel the Luv, Overit. I dont feel it not one bit.

              • overit

                You must feel it! I send glitter blessings every time you make me laugh at work, which is like every hour. We’ll make it up to you come January. IG chapters of the world unite!

    • http://sinceursonosey.wordpress.com Tani Joy

      I’m with you, I don’t care that you were the MVP for your Jr high school team… Nicca you are 29, and unemployed. The NBA is not your friend lol

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    you guys need to have an inauguration day bash….I am definitely planning on being in DC for that….

    • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

      I was thinking this also.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      that is true…i’ll keep you posted…since SO many folks will be in DC we’ll have to do something or other…

      • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

        Damn, I’ve been calling around the DC area and damn near every hotel is booked.

        • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

          (light bukb goes off above my head) that just means that local VSB-ers need to start running security checks on us non-local VSB-ers so we can have sleep overs all over the DMV.. goodeness@gmail.com I am coming to an area near you and I need a place to crash, let’s UNITE here people…SI SE PUEDE! (and shit)

        • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor miss patterson

          monk, I’ll send you some links via myspace to check out for housing.

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    I havent been on a first date in so long…

    I would say, Dont try any new lotions, creams, soap or makeup.. I did this before a presentation and broke out in hives…it was not pretty and I am sure that all that scratching made everyone else uncomfortable

    Dont try out your brand new come f!ck me pumps…as I recall on dates you always end up walking some where and nothing pi$$es a man off more than a woman who did not dress appropriately and is complaining the whole time

    a caveat to the comment above do dress appropriately for the occassion. If you are going to the zoo you do not need to be in skin tight skirt and 5 inch heels orbetter yet having to walk barefoot because you wore the wrong shoes that shyt is tacky as he.ll( I saw this up close and personal at the fair, I mean really? you at the fair in your video vixen best 5 inch heels and all?)

    • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

      “I saw this up close and personal at the fair, I mean really? you at the fair in your video vixen best 5 inch heels and all?”

      This reminds me of the chick I saw in the grocery store last weekend in high heels, leggings w/her tittays out in a low cut top. I was like “For real, club gear to buy frozen waffles?? Safeway got a dance floor in the back? Who’s spinnin’??”

      • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Alise in Chains

        Who’s spinnin’??”

        DJ Clueless and Funk Master Mess

        • 8th Wonder

          “Funk Master Mess”

          L-M-A-O

          • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

            lmao @ Funk Master Mess.

        • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

          Funk Master Mess. Alise, u STOOPID! lol

      • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

        Must’ve been Halloween…chicks LOVE to dress like hoes on Halloween.

        • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

          Must’ve been Halloween…chicks LOVE to dress like hoes on Halloween.

          you aint lying

          I mean it always amazes me how many chicks come in 1 piece jumpsuits with a kitten head band or some type of black spandex tube dress talking about I’m cat woman or Im a video girl(wtf when did this become a costume).. no ma’am you a chick that is using halloween to be on some ho shyt at work…

          • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

            you aint lying

            I mean it always amazes me how many chicks come in 1 piece jumpsuits with a kitten head band or some type of black spandex tube dress talking about I’m cat woman or Im a video girl(wtf when did this become a costume).. no ma’am you a chick that is using halloween to be on some ho shyt at work…

            shoutout to the H.H.I.C (head howes in charge)

            Charles loves ya.

          • Peyso

            I need to work where u work

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

          It was the day after Halloween, so if she was pulling “Halloween Ho-tivity”, she was not only a garden tool, she was a stank one.

          And another place I think it’s inappropriate to have “The Girls” on display is an underground hip-hop show. My crew and I (yes, I travel w/my more people from time to time) saw 2 chicks in all their slore-y glory while everybody else rocked the fly comfortable look @ an LB show a week ago, looking like they had an agenda that had nothing to do w/enjoying the music. I just shook my head.

          Oh, don’t have your tittays out @ church either.

          • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

            “And another place I think it’s inappropriate to have “The Girls” on display is an underground hip-hop show. ”

            I agree.. not only this, but to a spoken word/poetry night… we have these monthly in my city and the girls who come in there looking like “after-the-show-its-the-after party” are so out of place. Takes me back to Sesame Street, “One of these kids just don’t belong here”. You can keep it sexy without throwing on the glitter and your tightest dress.

          • eff yo couch

            “Oh, don’t have your tittays out @ church either.”

            I can’t co-sign this, because looking at exposed tittays during church service keeps me from falling asleep

            • Lil’T

              I think you may be the devil. Like, for realz.

              Although I did see a chick at church a few weeks ago with a mini-dress and hooker 6″ stilettos. No tittay action – but enough leg to incite extra prayer and a lap scarf from the ushers.

              • eff yo couch

                “I think you may be the devil. Like, for realz.”

                Yeah, my friends call me Lucifer, lol. Seriously, I know looking at T&A , should be the last thing on my mind during church, but what can I say . . .I’m a man. Any man that says they don’t look at that while in church is a damn lie.. Besides this is a neccessary evil. If it wasn’t for sister so&so wearing her stipper outfit to church, I probably would have been sleep and wouldn’t be able to hear the word . . .which is my main purpose for being at church in the first place. Well that and making in rain the the collection baskets. lol

              • Gem of the Ocean

                lol @ the lap scarf

            • Peyso

              sometimes u jus stumble into the church right from the club. i’ve done it before.

              • malaika

                shaggy’s church heathen making sense now? lol

            • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

              exactly. there is nothing else to do but glance at cleavage.

          • Lil’T

            I’ve seen this too, PBG. It’s a tragic scene. To be honest, though, a few years (and pounds) ago it might have been me. (did I just say that out loud?)

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            And another place I think it’s inappropriate to have “The Girls” on display is an underground hip-hop show.

            i fervently disagree with this. that’s the perfect place for it…

            to quote apparently underground VSB fan favorite Phonte from Little Brother:

            “…Even though ya’ll niggas might not cuss like me//
            At the end of the night ya’ll just trying to f*ck like me…”

            everybody’s trynna get their jollies so the chicks with the puppies on display are just speeding up the process…

            some folks jollies just include croutons, chewsticks, and hemp. besides, breasts-on-display chicks are deep and like little brother too…

            further, they’re groupies-in-training, they figure trying to sleep with a broke rapper with a famous name will springboard them to the rich rappers with big names…its a steppingstone.

            • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

              Mmmmm….croutons.

              PeeJay! Stop distracting me w/yummy food references! I stand by my assertion that over-exposed breasticles have no place in underground hip-hop! Save that shyt for Usher and T-Pain!

              But being sympathetic to Eff’s plight, ladies, if you must @ church…sit in the back w/the rest of the sinners. I promise not to suck my teeth too loudly when you slide into my pew.

              • eff yo couch

                “church…sit in the back w/the rest of the sinners.”

                Yeap, the back row at church, I get some of my best sleep on that row

            • 8th Wonder

              “further, they’re groupies-in-training, they figure trying to sleep with a broke rapper with a famous name will springboard them to the rich rappers with big names…its a steppingstone.”

              A gateway lay…if you will.

          • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

            If someone is in church, who cares if there breasts are out?

            It isn’t for us to judge. We got to remove the hypocrisy from organized religion and stop pointing fingers and elevating ourselves above God by judging folk.

            that was the message from this Sunday’s sermon at my church. :)

            A service at which I had some unintentional cleavage on display.

            • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

              let the cleavage be free!

            • V Renee

              “It isn’t for us to judge. We got to remove the hypocrisy from organized religion and stop pointing fingers and elevating ourselves above God by judging folk.”

              I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY! That’s one of my main problems with organized religion, the hyprocrisy in it.

            • Gem of the Ocean

              is that a damp quilt i see you totting, V.E.G.?? lol j/k (well, only slightly)

              but i feel you. i sit in the third center pew so i don’t even see what might be going on in others parts of the church. too focused on praise and the Word. *waving hand* yes, lawd.

              • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

                Slightly damp. lol.

                I sit in the back to stay away from the judging elder woman who hold down the front.

              • Gem of the Ocean

                lol. what’s so funny is, at my church, all the old ppl sit in the back or on the sides. or downstairs and just watch the service on a big screen tv. it seems like the “families” sit up front. i get there just in time to see where the kids are sitting so i can sit behind them. the last time i sat in front of a row of kids i had cheeto dander all over the back of my white sweater (damn kids!).

              • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

                girl…I’d have had to turn around and give those kids ‘the look’.

                We have some old biddies that hold down the right side of the church…I avoid them, too.

              • Gem of the Ocean

                problem is. i didn’t know about it until AFTER service was over and my girl was like, that little kid left a nice little print on your back. i was RED hot.

            • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

              I too have been guilty of the unintentional cleavage. Actually, I am a repeat offender. Then again, I could wear a potato sack and STILL coldn’t hide these puppies…. *sigh*

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                ewl… BBMo can’t spell today.

                and i agree… like i said in the past judge not… our church has very laxed dress codes for a reason… come as you are before the Throne. He doesn’t see your clothes, He sees your heart.

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                I see yo’ heart too, BBMo! Put on a dang-on Dickey!!

                lmao!!

                No offense, but I LOVE clownin’ “The Chuch”. I can’t stand organized religion. I am probably the most irreverent person you’d ever meet when it comes to religion, and it just burns the h3ll out my Mama.

                Church…hmph! Controlling folks w/fear, rhetoric, ritual and dogma. That is NOT Christ-like @ all. I roll w/Jesus and his Daddy, that’s it. No extras.

              • SouthernGirl

                Then again, I could wear a potato sack and STILL coldn’t hide these puppies…. *sigh*

                I feel you BBM, I feel you. *smh and sighing*

              • Gem of the Ocean

                I could wear a potato sack and STILL coldn’t hide these puppies….

                i so don’t have this problem :(

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                @Gem

                you so don’t WANT this problem

                the next time i have to buy a shirt two sizes too big so it will fit my chest, i will SCREAM. my tailoring bill is re-donkulous.

              • Gem of the Ocean

                well can you donate some my way?? lol

          • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

            ok I won’t have the girls out, but I will rock some shorts or something depending on the venue and the weather.,.at RTB last year I had on SHOWTS but it was a 13 hour concert, outside in august…lol…but titties are for R&B shows not the TRUE SCHOOL!

            REAL WOMEN HEART (and respect) UNDERGROUND HIP HOP!!!

            • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

              I love you Goodie! I’ll throw on some shorts in summer in a minute!! We do sooo *heart* underground hip-hop!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        don’t front. the Safeway in NE on Rhode Island is just as good as the club…same with the Giant on 7th Street in NW

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

          OK, how did you know those were “my” grocery stores?? LMAO!!

      • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

        the publix i went to in tallahasse was featured in playboy as one of the top places to pick up chicks. informally known as club publix it was indeed the spot to grocery shop while checking out the chicks in high heels and low cut skirts.

        anecdotally, there was another hangout spot in town called café cabernet. on wednesday nights, it acquired the moniker of café divorcé.

    • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

      Shay-d, I heart you for using “vixen” as oppose to the other word :-)

  • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Alise in Chains

    Don’t dress too provocatively I say. Leave something to the imagination, like for realz. I ain’t saying wear a potato sack, but in the stadium of life men are already thinking about sex, no need to put your titties on the Jumbo-tron, nah mean?

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      LOL I didnt have titays back when I was dating… but I got some girls now and boy they can be hard to contain sometimes…

    • aja

      I ain’t saying wear a potato sack, but in the stadium of life men are already thinking about sex, no need to put your titties on the Jumbo-tron, nah mean?

      LOL..True dat.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “titties on the Jumbotron”

      btw, this is also the working title of 8th wonder’s upcoming autobiography, detailing her time as a ballgirl with the memphis grizzles

      • 8th Wonder

        Ain’t no jumbotron around that can hold these sweater kittens.

        And I luv you too, boo.

      • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

        Oh Lawd…I don’t wanna laugh @ the expense of my girl 8th Wondra!! Hold my mule!!

        • 8th Wonder

          Laugh on, PBGizzle, cause I certainly did.

          Can’t wait to meet you next wednesday!

          Now. Can you take this mule back? He smells.

          • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

            I’ll put him out on Alise’s unicorn ranch.

            • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/ Alise in Chains

              ….for a nominal fee, please and thank u. My unicorn babies can’t eat no books….

    • http://www.kindredsmile.blogspot.com KindredSmile

      Hehe love the name, Alise!

  • puff

    first is my birthday! dand i’m tipsy and a lil sicky both not great for first dates. ddefinitely not sharing all of your crazy life story: ain’t nobody want to know about your uncle joe who creeped on his 3 wives and died when his heart condition was aggreviated by p*ssy galore, stripper wonder of scranton, pennsylvania. keep the conversation light and whatnot.

    • aja

      Happy birthday!

    • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula

      Happy Birthday!

      May you have all the goat-filled pepper soup your heart desires! ;)

      And take care of yourself about that sicky thing.

    • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

      Happy Birthday, Puff!

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      Happy Birthday

    • Gem of the Ocean

      ¡feliz cumpleaños!

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      ip ip ip hooray!

    • puff

      lol thank you!

    • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

      Happy Birthday

    • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

      happy Birthday

    • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

      APPY BAIDAY TOU, APPY BAIDAY TO U, APPY BAIDAY to u, Dear Puff, APPY BAIDAY TO U!!

      *Takes a swig of Bailey’s*

      • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

        hahaha youze a fuuuul

    • Beez

      Happy Birthday!!! Hooray for November b-days!!
      *sippin Kool-Aid: the red kind*

    • eff yo couch

      *pulls out half full flask from the desk and takes birthday swig*

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

      Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

      The Guiness is on me!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      happy birthday. may your birthday be an orgasmic one

      • SouthernGirl

        i agree with this. have a great day!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      happy birthday.

      pop champagne and get arab money.

    • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

      happy bday

    • http://www.kindredsmile.blogspot.com KindredSmile

      Happy Bday!

    • V Renee

      “Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea”

      Oh wait, wrong song. I meant -

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    • overit

      Happy Bday to ya!

    • http://www.powerfulandawesome.com genius khan

      dam puff u reality blogging today. “…aggreviated by puss*e.” fuk did u say? scripper wonder of scranton pa.?

      heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooo!

      happy birthday wether we like it or not huh? now isn’t it?

      salute!

    • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

      Happy Born Day Puff!! Mine’s the 16th!!

    • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      HAPPY B(EARTH)DAY PUFF the MAGIC DRAGON!!

    • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor miss patterson

      happy birthday puff!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/sim1bx Sim1

    Akin to getting liquored up, please refrain from gettin high. While I understand that some are more comfortable in this state, I was not comfortable being in Mr. High’s extra giddy presence.

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      I w ould ammend this to say no getting high or use of any drugs prior to finding out if your date is into this too… I mean if they are cool but if not you might want to let them know a little later that you smoke an ounce of weed a day.( my sister and her boyfriend (the one with the horse in the hood smoke like this thats how they knew it was love)…LOL

      • http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/ Deviant

        my sister and her boyfriend (the one with the horse in the hood smoke like this thats how they knew it was love)…LOL

        they sound like good people

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      welcome and sh*t

    • im_the_sweetest

      I would say don’t get high…. get buzzed. If I cant hit fresh flowers to calm my nerves… you can swig that shot, drink that good looking yet disgusting tasting fru-fru drink.

      I am not advocating smoking an ounce, going to an upscale rest and ordering the entire menu with yo munchie having self, nor am I saying go to a dramatic movie or play and laughing uncontrollably at the death scene cause ol’ boy made “the face”.

      But if flowers set your nerves at ease, go ahead and light on, inhale slowly and self regulate.

      • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

        “But if flowers set your nerves at ease, go ahead and light on, inhale slowly and self regulate.”

        Yes a toke or two can do the body good.

  • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

    I’d say just be creative without being a trick or coming off as trying to impress. Make it light-hearted, fun, and romantic if by previous conversations you want to take it there.

    If there’s a common interest like say…real hip hop music, go to a show with some local cats who really get down. Follow it up with coffee, dessert, or a cocktail and you got a relatively inexpensive date where both parties have had a blast and got some time to get to know each other.

    Or, if you establish something else of common interest (bowling, pool, festival, museum, theatre, etc.), do that. Something of activity is always better as oppose to just sitting at a dinner table.

    Not to mention, you don’t wanna take a chick out and spend $57 dollars on each of your plates plus the bottle of wine for just sitting across from each other.

    Be creative.

    • Jay_Delicious

      and how might one reserve a firs date with Monk?

    • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

      “…go to a show with some local cats who really get down. Follow it up with coffee, dessert, or a cocktail…”

      Change that coffee and desert to 4 wings w/extra mumbo sauce from Yum’s and you have increased your chances of a 2nd date w/PBG by about 61%.

      *shrug* I’m just sayin’…I love chicken wings.

      • Peyso

        I got u on the chicken wings on ur 15th 21st birthday. deal?

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

          Oh, yeah…you’ve got a deal!

          *pumps tiny fist*

          YESSSS!!!

          • Peyso

            I might have to call it off, due to your really really ridiculously small fist that you and Luvvie love to pump. lol jk

      • overit

        Yums! I’m hungry now..

      • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

        I gots to give it to you that is one superior yard bird pick. I mean it’s 1st ever dinner w/ 1st jr high school girlfriend crush dinner safe.

        GF Dad; What piece of chicen do you want young man
        Dude; Wing
        GF Fam; *shocked eye*

    • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Alise in Chains

      I agree with the creativity, I’m like, “dang I like the movies, but not the first date Generic George or Bland Barry”….

      • Gem of the Ocean

        movies on a 1st date is a no no for me. you can’t even have a conversation. i need to be able to assess something about your character and personality and that’s awfully hard to do when “silence is golden”

        • Peyso

          why ppl on here act like they dont talk to the movies? i take all my first dates to the ghetto movie theatre. the one where no one buys anything from the concession stands and everyone sneaks their food in. and we all scream at the screen. i wanna see how she reacts to the hood. u can learn alot about a woman by what she yells at the screen and what food she sneaks in.

          • Gem of the Ocean

            lol. i used to love going to hood spots back when i was in my own hood in cali. but now that i’m grown and living in a western pa city, i stay away from all things hood (except the bbq joint around the way–the wings are on point). here i go to the movie theaters that have plush cushy seats, cost $5 on the weekdays, have majority 2520 employees, and sell soft pretzels (not the gourmet kind, those suck). and i won’t front–i have been known to yell at the screen a time or 2.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “why ppl on here act like they dont talk to the movies?’

            to me, this is grounds for a shanking, especially if i havent seen the flick before.

            • 8th Wonder

              I agree.

              *shakes head*

              Did I just say that?

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                on the other hand, you can go to a foreign film with subtitles.

                this serves a dual purpose: for one, you CAN talk during foreign films b/c some of y’all ninjas can ONLY read outloud…

                but also, you can find out if your date can read:

                you: *administering test* what’d that just say?
                him/her: ummm…ummmm…
                you: spit it out, ninja!
                him/her: ummm…um….my mind’s telling me nooooooooooooooo!

                ole r.kelly lookin’ boy.

              • 8th Wonder

                “you: *administering test* what’d that just say?
                him/her: ummm…ummmm…
                you: spit it out, ninja!
                him/her: ummm…um….my mind’s telling me nooooooooooooooo!”

                DEAD.

              • Gem of the Ocean

                lmao Peej.

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      “Something of activity is always better as oppose to just sitting at a dinner table. ”

      aaaaahhh, creativity… Will you marry me??? LOL .

      j/k

    • Gem of the Ocean

      Monk, this is a great list. i can appreciate the thoughtfulness in these suggestions.

      • SouthernCharm

        Great list. I would also suggest experiencing something new together. No, you probably can’t take her virginity, but you can take her to that wine bar you’ve been wanting to check out for while. Sit back, converse, and just let that Red Riesling charm her panties off.

        • Gem of the Ocean

          wine bar?? Riesling?? i’m in love. dammit, SC, i need to know more brothas like you.

        • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

          Red Riesling

          as the resident Cornell Wine Expert (I took the class and drank my way to an A) I approve of the use of this varietal as an aphrodesiac….

          White Merlot is also quite effective…

          • http://www.museacdonline.etsy.com pgh muse

            Red Riesling–

            i’m going to have to try this… i’ve only had white.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          I would also suggest experiencing something new together. No, you probably can’t take her virginity

          damn!

        • MsSula@Work

          A man who knows his wine. <3

          Roter Riesling is where it’s at.

        • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

          Good addition SC. I actually know a spot that has free wine tastings every Saturday during the afternoon. It’s a good way to break the ice and catch a buzz before doing something else.

    • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

      i too appreciate the creativity and i’m a *fairly* cheap date… my best first date ever was a long walk in the park on a sunny afternoon. we stopped at the playground, fed ducks, lounged on the grass under a big maple tree, then made paper boats and sailed them on a lake. it left lots of time for talking, getting to know someone and being able to just relax… afterwards we went for bomb ceviche (who knew that he knew about that?!) and dos equis at this little mexican place….

      co-incidentally–or not, i married this person.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        awwwwwwww that is the cutest thing EVER!!!

  • 8th Wonder

    Do: Maintain eye contact when conversing, touch when appropriate, and make each other laugh.

    Don’t: Look at everyone but your date, then attempt to remove her bra after engaging in lackluster conversation.

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      LOL how does one move from lack luster convo to bra removal.. I mean no in between did they pull the old yawn and around shoulders bit? I am trying to picture that scenario….LMAO all of the ones in my head are hilarious

      so how bout that election
      scoots next to you real close
      sticks hand under shirt real fast
      BAM fied on..
      date over
      LMAO

      • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

        so how bout that election
        scoots next to you real close
        sticks hand under shirt real fast
        BAM fied on..
        date over

        All I know is that ninjas was getting away with murder on Tuesday in DC lmao. This one dude would not leave the girl next to me alone like “man I’m so happy, I can’t stop hugging you”. I was dying.

        Don’t: Look at everyone but your date, then attempt to remove her bra after engaging in lackluster conversation.

        I wish a ninja would.

        How you communicate is so key. Eye contact, listening and responding thoughtfully, as if you heard what I said goes a long way…and is just basic home training!

        • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

          LoL, ah Tuesday night, the things I do in the name of President Obama. . .

      • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

        once the hand is under the shirt, the bra is off . . . unless you’re trying to trick a brotha with one of those that clasps at the front.

        • puff

          i know someone who can take a bra off without putting a hand under the shirt. i’d call him gifted if he hadn’t done it to me twice in public.

          • 8th Wonder

            What in the houdini hell….

            • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

              I’m stealing this line… don’t worry, I’ll credit the source.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            i know someone who can take a bra off without putting a hand under the shirt. i’d call him gifted if he hadn’t done it to me twice in public.

            i used to be able to do this too, but the milk incident of the summer of 07 has made me unable to pull this off now

            • puff

              expound.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                no

              • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

                Everytime Champ says a plain “no”, I chortle. One word was never meant to be that funny.

              • http://www.myspace.com/wudaman19 WuDaMan

                Sounds like the Zoolander sityo where he could’t turn left or the character David Duchoveney played.

              • V Renee

                Whenever he says no, I just make up my own story to tie to the incident.

                For example when he says “i used to be able to do this too, but the milk incident of the summer of 07 has made me unable to pull this off now”

                The story is that Champ was feeling this chick who he used to have ummmmm let’s go with “relations” with. They lost contact with one another, and she popped back up in his life about 10 months later. He thought that they would just pick up where they left off at, so when she came to his house and sat on his couch, he tried his Casanova routine, slid his hand under her shirt to unsnap her bra. What Champ didn’t know is that the reason ol girl had disappeared for 10 months because she was knocked up and recently had a baby (which she failed to tell him about). Well once the bra was unsnapped, her breastess spouted out milk like someone had just took the cap off of a fire hydrant. Milk sprayed all over Champ, his couch, table, pretty much everywhere.

                Since this incident, he refuses to unsnap bras on unsuspecting ladies.

              • 8th Wonder

                V Renee, that is actually what I imagined as well.

                But reading it instead of thinking it was so much better.

              • Gem of the Ocean

                lmao! i had the thought of a breast-milk incident as well.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “The story is that Champ was feeling this chick who he used to have ummmmm let’s go with “relations” with. They lost contact with one another, and she popped back up in his life about 10 months later. He thought that they would just pick up where they left off at, so when she came to his house and sat on his couch, he tried his Casanova routine, slid his hand under her shirt to unsnap her bra. What Champ didn’t know is that the reason ol girl had disappeared for 10 months because she was knocked up and recently had a baby (which she failed to tell him about). Well once the bra was unsnapped, her breastess spouted out milk like someone had just took the cap off of a fire hydrant. Milk sprayed all over Champ, his couch, table, pretty much everywhere.”

                v renee, your name isn’t really k***i*d**e, is it?

              • V Renee

                “v renee, your name isn’t really k***i*d**e, is it?”

                Nope can’t say that it is. Or are you trying to be funny?

  • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com MsSula

    Do: Have a couple of conversations before going out together. And I don’t mean for exchanging directions either. Even if it’s supposed to be a blind date, make sure you talk to the person prior. There is nothing worse than wasting 2 hours of precious time entertaining someone extremely boring.

    Don’t: Go to the movies. I think there is nothing worse than going to the movies for a first date. I am a movie junkie, I like to focus on my movie while in the theater. I can’t stand people who talk at the movies. Meanwhile, isn’t the first date supposed to be “get to know each other” time?

    • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

      I agree, Ms. Sula. Going to the movies is the wackest of wack first dates. Sitting in the dark w/a stranger? Nah, I’ll pass. I’d rather hang out at the playground, ya know?

      • Yung$$$ aka D*Pain

        …that’s where I saw this cutie. This girl was swingin’ and she looked so fly.

        sorry. couldn’t resist!

        • Beez

          It was the jam, though… and then they hit puberty.

        • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

          I was hoping somebody couldn’t! Good job, D*Pain!

        • SouthernGirl

          i saw these fools in concert once. *sigh* i lost my young mind that day. lol.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            you know, thinking about ABC reminds me of something. people often get on Jay-Z about being a not so good record exec, but people forget how bad Michael Bivins was at that shit. do you all remember the East Coast Family video? there were no less than 25 acts in that video and to date, only Boyz II Men, MC Brains, and ABC had any success. There was the group WhiteGuyz, Mark Finesse, and a bevy of other random arse groups that never amounted to jack sh*t.

            yep, michael bivins blew arse.

            • Yung$$$ aka D*Pain

              Panama…how. could. you? “Michael Bivins blew arse”????? Are you crazy? How could you call the man that put one of the Bs in BBD an arse-blower? This is the same man that brought us such hits as “Candy Girl,” “Poison,” “When Will I See You Smile Again,” “End of the Road,” “Mr. Telephone Man” and much much more! HOW DARE YOU bad mouth an American hero! Sure he was last seen d*ck-riding Diddy on Making the Band as one of Puff’s b*tches. And sure this took place after Puffy prostituted New Edition for the umpteenth time. But Michael still deserves our respect!

              • SouthernGirl

                he deserves respect for the things you mentioned, yes. but he was not able to translate that across the lines to the ECF. he dropped the ball on that one.

            • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

              MC Brains had success??

              I wonder if he would’ve called himself “brains” if he knew that in the future it would be the euphemism it is today…

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      Going to the movies on the first date makes me uncomfortable… the seats are restrictive, I can’t show proper body language if I’m feeling you (and I don’t mean sitting on his lap. LOL!)

      • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

        “(and I don’t mean sitting on his lap. LOL!)”

        fantasy muchy much? Sunny?

        • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

          I know. I’m always talking about sitting on someone’s lap….

          Ahhh, celibacy… I daydream A LOT! LOL.

          • 8th Wonder

            Yep.

          • Gem of the Ocean

            i understand. believe me i do.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              we know, gem. we know.

              • Gem of the Ocean

                a har har har har har.

    • Jen

      I LOOOOOVE dinner and a movie combos. You go to the movies first, then afterward go to dinner and discuss the movie. You learn a lot about a person based on their film selection/preferences, and movies always contain a lot of conversation starters.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        i like this too, just not as a 1st date. actually i went to the movies a few months ago with this dude as a 2nd date. after the movie i asked him if he liked the movie and he said “yes.” i asked what he liked about it and he said “it was funny.” maybe this shoulda been a 1st date and i could have spared myself the trouble of seeing him a second time. *smh*

        • MsSula@Work

          In a nutshell.

        • overit

          oh no gem! not the “it was good” movie response. smh…

          • Gem of the Ocean

            i might as well have seen the movie by myself and talked to the wind about it afterwards. coulda been a good time.

  • eff yo couch

    @ Panama & the Champ

    What’s up with January 20, 2009, when brother Obama gets inaugurated? I know I’ll be in DC that day and the night before. Will you guys be throwing another VSB get-together? If so I think you guys need to go all out and shyt. Drink specials, free buffet, strippers, the whole nine. This is cause for a celebration!!!!!

    • eff yo couch

      my bad, I didn’t read the comments before I suggested an inauguration party. but you know what they say about great minds.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you know, now that i think about it…as much as i WANT to personally do something for this historic event…

      …the due date for my OWN historic event is right in this area…in fact, her potential due dates have been stated somewhere between January 16-22.

      • 8th Wonder

        Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

        okay… so when is the VSB baby shower… like seriously?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          i actually think this is being worked on…without my input or approval in any way shape or form…

          • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

            As it should be. Just lay back and receive the giftage! It’s a wonderful thang, trust me!!

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              “Just lay back and receive the giftage! It’s a wonderful thang, trust me!!”

              oddly enough, this is exactly what i tell every woman i date right before we jump in the sack.

              • 8th Wonder

                Oh.

                Well, there it is. That’s why they’re all so disappointed 2 minutes later when it’s over.

                It’s really not fair to you, seeing as how 2 minutes is probably a personal best.

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

                Oh 8th Wondra….

                you never disappoint me.

                I literally guffawed, chortled and chuckled…

              • 8th Wonder

                “Oh 8th Wondra….

                you never disappoint me.”

                That’s what he said!

              • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

                From Baby Shower to 8th Wondra puttin’ on him!

                vsb.com: where epic tangents occur on the daily.

              • 8th Wonder

                As long as its not from 8th Wondra puttin’ on him to Baby Shower, I’m fine with this.

              • Peyso

                *DIED earlier so now rolling in grave laughing*

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “Oh 8th Wondra….

                you never disappoint me.”

                That’s what he said…

                vsb.com: where pseudochamps happens

              • 8th Wonder

                “vsb.com: where pseudochamps happens”

                I see you didn’t say anything about the 2 minute jab, though.

                Pun totally intended.

              • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

                This thread is the funniest shyt I’ve read all day…LOL!!

      • http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com PBG

        Please let her be born on the 20th!

        *sends glittery Jesus email*

        • SouthernGirl

          this is a good comment for me to die on, i think. maybe glittery jesus can revive me.

          …………………………………

      • Gem of the Ocean

        yay for the baby VSS! born into the first year of the first black american president. she’ll be a special girl!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          she’ll be better than all the other kids who were born in the Bush years.

          • Gem of the Ocean

            we all certainly hope so.