I got lucky… extremely lucky …. i knew who my father ( deadbeat bastard that he is ) was, and even better received instructions from his older brother ( a real dad ) and how to be a man..

so i didnt have the authority problem with my elders….

but yes this is a huge problem isnt it ??

There is a difference between talking about your issues, letting go of your baggage, and using it as an excuse. With men it seems to vary between one extreme and the other. Either he’s a “I haven’t cried since 2nd grade” type dude, always suffering because they can’t be real with how they genuinely feel, at risk of being less of a man, or the “I never had a father, that’s why I’m like this” type always using things out of their control as an excuse of why they aren’t/can’t be what they are supposed to be. If those are the only options, I will honestly say, I choose the former.

I’ve had to deal with my issues and work to overcome them to be a healthy part of a relationship, I can’t accept being with someone who is always reminding me of theirs. But, I like men from two parent homes, lol. they seem to GENERALLY be better adjusted at understanding how to be a man, mildly more comfortable with it….not macho, not especially “in touch with his feelings”, just a man. Not too keen on overly sensitive men either. Perhaps I’m just still dealing with my issues, ionno.

No, for real, I’m working on it, though not directly in a literary way, more through the medium of the visual arts.

Plus, when you’re a Black woman, and you truly question anything regarding gender, religion, sexuality, and traditional family values, *especially* in the deep South, people (especially your “own” people) practically start chopping down wood for crucifixes and calling you a witch.

Having a child is a BIG decision… and two people have a say in it.