Leaked: More Danny Ferry NBA Scouting Reports » VSB

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Leaked: More Danny Ferry NBA Scouting Reports

Danny Ferry (Getty Images)

 

The odd circumstances leading to Atlanta Hawks owner Bruce Levenson selling his interest in the team apparently stem from racially insensitive comments made by general manager Danny Ferry during a conference call in June, an act that led to the internal investigation of the Hawks and Levenson self-reporting his own racially tinged comments.

What exactly did Ferry say in that conference call that drew such attention? The following is a quote from an email sent by Hawks minority owner Michael Gearon, who was so offended by Ferry’s comments that he wanted him fired:

With respect to one potential free agent, a highly-regarded African-American player and humanitarian, Ferry talked about the player’s good points, and then went on to describe his negatives, stating that “he has a little African in him. Not in a bad way, but he’s like a guy who would have a nice store out front but sell you counterfeit stuff out of the back.” Ferry completed the racial slur by describing the player (and impliedly, all persons of African decent) as a two-faced liar and cheat.

Apparently, the player discussed was Luol Deng, known through NBA circles as being a great teammate and humanitarian who, according to Ferry, probably also sells Louis purses and belts out of his trunk.

Anyway, intrigued by Ferry’s comments, our crack research team discovered a few more of Danny Ferry’s scouting reports on NBA players, and will share a few of them today.

Carmelo Anthony

Great scorer. A little selfish. Nice looking wife, who may or may not taste like cereal. Is from Baltimore, so has some of The Wire in him. Will definitely rob and murder you if he had to. But, not in a bad way, though. He has a good heart. Basically, he’s just like Bodie

Blake Griffin

Awesome athlete. Improving player. Marketable, because of the Black and White thing. We can market him to fans unaware one drop of Black blood makes you Black. Again, has some Black in him. But not the bad Black, like Idi Amin. The good Black, like Jason Derulo. Maybe you wouldn’t let your daughter date him. But, you wouldn’t be mad if he was in your daughter’s study group

Lebron James

Great player. One of the all-time best. Versatile. Marketable. Is married now, so that’s good. Used to have the bad Akron in him. Which is why he wasn’t married and started losing his hair. But now has the good Akron in him. Which is why he went back to Cleveland.

Serge Ibaka

Great defender. Getting better on offense. But, is African. And apparently has a large penis — at least according to my source at Lipstick Alley — so we can’t risk signing him. Can’t have more than one large penised African on the team. Would make for awkward Bobblehead nights.

Kevin Durant

Best scorer in the game. Hard worker. Humble. Is a mama’s boy, though. But is the good kind of mama’s boy, though. Not the bad kind, like Tyrese in that movie and what’s-his-name from Game of Thrones. But the good kind, who loves and depends on his mama. Can tell he’s the good kind by his reluctant to brush his hair.

Chris Paul

Best floor general. Leader. Marketable. Great teammate. Can’t trust him, though. He is Black, so it’s possible he invented Cliff Paul just to evade the police. My daughter also thinks he’s cute, which…just no.

Kobe Bryant

All-time great scorer and competitor. Asshole, but not the bad type of asshole. Has some issues with women, apparently. But not the bad kind. More the good, charming kind. Like Charles Manson. You need some Charles Mansons on your team to beat the Spurs.

Dwight Howard

Fucking shithead.

Russell Westbrook

Great, great athlete and competitor. Might be the most underrated player in the league. Is apparently a Black hipster. But not the bad, poser kind. More authentic. Like someone from Brooklyn instead of someone from D.C. Still wouldn’t take him, though. Prefer Black players to be more Black, without being too Black. Like Jason Derulo (I really like that guy).

Chris Bosh

Underrated. Great shooter. Very unselfish. Will do what it takes to win. May have sugar in his tank. It’s good sugar though. The kind they give you at Ruth’s Chris Steak House and Panera Bread. Not the bad, welfare, sugar. Can’t sign a guy with bad, welfare, sugar. Because it turns into baking soda when it burns.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Lol @ the Dwight shade

    I still wanna see what plans were implemented and failed. Levenson and Ferry are like the Pinky and the Brain of attracting white ppl

    • Danny Ferry was an idiot in Cleveland, so what makes you think he’s smart here? But yeah, the Dwight Howard shade was epic. :)

  • Val

    And people were dismissing that email yesterday as not being racist. I knew the tone of that other guy’s email was wrong and now I see it’s indicative of a much bigger problem.

    But, I cannot lie, I do enjoy the Jason Derulo shade.

    • Classic plead out to a lesser charge

      • YEP! And well done too.

    • menajeanmaehightower

      The email yesterday was nothing to me. This though… Jesus!

      Edit: I’m confused. The general manager made these comments and not the owner. The letter from yesterday was by the owner right?

      • ED

        The email was by the owner. The comments in this post are from the GM. He made those comments while on a conference call. One of the owners was offended by those comments and decided to launch an investigation. That investigation led to the release of the email the other owner wrote.

        • menajeanmaehightower

          Got it. The email wasn’t bad. These comments are horrid.

    • The email was racist, but there were some actual painful truths in there. Simply put, acknowledging a bad business situation caused by racism, he decides to double down on the BS instead of actually looking for opportunities to do well anyway.

  • Lea Thrace

    Need to add the following to the Bosh report: Possibly masquerades as an ostrich in his downtime. Nothing good can come from that.

    The Dwight shade is glorious.

    But you gonna stay off Mr. Derulo cause you dont want no problems with me #nolilscrappy. Wiggle is my mindless jam of the moment. (Plus he is actually a really decent live entertainer).

    • Epsilonicus

      The Dwight Howard shade is utterly hilarious

      • tgtaggie

        As it should be. Dude has more baby mamas than Future.

        • He’s another cornball Negro that stays getting booty. He was messing with Mary Carey the pr0n star for a minute for some random reason.

    • Mo Betta Bosh edition: Looks like he deals pixie dust outside the arena. I don’t want this magical negro photo-bombing family pictures in my house, not to mention bumping up my security cost to protect our champagne.

    • tgtaggie

      lol….

      • Jetty

        #DEAD

  • Where Ferry’s comments were racist, Levenson’s were just racial. Since he outed himself he gets benefit of the doubt from the media too. Plus, since Levenson’s comments came out first everyone evaluated them without any extra context, which helped him in this instance. He made the smartest move he could and cut his losses so he could salvage his career. Just another day in ‘Murica.

    • John Shannon

      Those weren’t His Words, they were from a scout of another team. The biggest thing is to find out Who the Scout is and What Team he/she works for

  • Egnimatic_Foolishness

    I hate you so much right now.
    I’m sitting at my desk laughing my ass off sharing each anecdote.

    Then I realized that this was too good to be true. I hate you all.

  • Epsilonicus

    “But not the bad Black, like Idi Amin. The good Black, like Jason Derulo”
    My stomach hurts from laughing at this

    “Like someone from Brooklyn instead of someone from D.C.”
    This quote warms my heart #Bmore

  • Amber

    I’m at work trying to control the laughter especially the part about Durant’s hair…I just don’t understand

    • tgtaggie

      Its a well known fact that Kevin Durant doesn’t brush his hair. And Dude just resigned with Nike for like $250mil+. Phil Knight should have given him a brush.

      He really is the real MVP.

      • $250million but can’t spend $2.50 on some pomade

      • Amber

        Oh i know he doesn’t brush his hair. I guess wasnt clear I don’t understand why he doesn’t.

  • menajeanmaehightower

    Whew!

  • ED

    I can see the memes already.

  • Guest

    Im going to be hated but I actually laughed at these because 1) they are so outrageous they actually seem fake and 2) this man seems to have very intimate nuances and familiarity with black entertainment culture, referring to people as Bodie and Tyrese from that movie…

    • ED

      All those comments, except for the “…African ni him…” one, are “fake” (they were made up by Damon, who wrote this piece)

    • IcePrincess

      O_o

    • “Hey stranger, I miss you” – the joke

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