Last Night.

Since we’ve started doing this site, the concept of sleeping with somebody on the first night has come up various times and in various ways.  Even in Monday’s post, the idea that a woman who gives it up on the first night being a ho came up.  I tend to disagree with this sentiment but many men and women alike (though its more women who feel like this) think that a woman who’s tossing the drawz on the floor within 4 hours of the beginning of a date just might be a tad loose.

Being the defining information source that we are here at VSB.com, I figured we may as well discuss what’s really hood about giving it up on the first night.  Does this make you a trollop?  Or merely a woman who knows what she wants out of life?

If a man gives it up on the first night…does anybody even care or should he be saving his special parts for a special lady?!

Special parts is funny.

The most scientific way to determine whether or not giving it up on the first night is a good or bad is to do a simple cost-benefit analysis – pros and cons, if you will.

PROS

  1. Duh, you get some on the first night – how can you not respect somebody who gives you what you really want in the first place?  i mean the sole goal of most dating is to hopefully see somebody naked at some point, and voila, you get that front and center.
  2. It’s one hell of an icebreaker - Most dates begin with a little bit of awkwardness as a couple attempts to get to know one another.  What better way to research somebody than to, ya know, search someone?  If you can’t find anything else to talk about after you see each other naked, then you only cost yourself one date and you can go on about your lives.  Woohoo for brevity of wackness.
  3. Everybody’s happy - Wouldn’t the world be a better place if everybody was just happier in general?  And here we have two people who are generally happier because they let their hormones do all of the work for them.  You can’t beat physiology.  You just can’t.
  4. You save money - Do you realize how much money you can save by taking the first date to the boudoir instead of the movies?  What with ticket prices and popcorn going through the roof these days, he/she is probably SAVING you at least 40 bucks, minus the cost of some condoms (safety first people!).  I mean it is a recession and all.  Savings are not to be looked at lightly.
  5. Full information – Women will know what they’re working with and whether or not to keep dude employed or fire him on the spot for being under qualified.

CONS

  1. They gave it up on the first night - to quote the late great Tupac, “baby I don’t want it if its that easy”.  Though chances are I probably do, I’m still wondering how many other men have run up in you with minimal effort.  I’ll spend the next day wondering if it took the last guy 4 hours and dinner or should I have just pulled out my schlong, put it on your shoulder and said, “you know what to do.”  Could be none; could be 100.  Nobody wants to think about stuff like that.
  2. For women, it can be nervewracking – I’m guessing since most women tend to spend a lot of time hoping that the men they went out with are still interested in general, I can only guess that knowing he has little yet to aspire to would send the anxiety to N.A.S.A. like levels.  Will he call?  Does he still like me?  Will he think I’m a tramp?  What woman really wants to spend her time doing that when there is food to cook and dishes to wash.  I kid. I kid.
  3. Ain’t had time to get tested – In today’s day and age of disease and infection, sleeping with somebody too quickly poses way too many risks.  Everybody with herpes isn’t riding horses and smiling.   Some people actually hate having STDs.
  4. Hard to top - If you do it all on the first date, what is there really to look forward to for the next date?  As far as dude’s concerned, every nights a Blockbuster Night.  I imagine it would suck to be trying to get to know somebody who kept asking about what color panties you had on.

So, what say you?  Do the pros outweigh the cons?  Are there more pros and cons?

What’s the verdict?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P

Admin. Note:  For those persons in the DC area or coming to DC for the Inauguration, my club is having The Wonderfull Party hosting by Bobbito Garcia and DJ Spinna on Monday, January 19th.  It’s a dance party featuring nothing but Stevie Wonder music.  It’s honestly the best party I’ve ever been too at my club.  Good vibe, good music, good people and you’d be surprised at how much music Stevie made that could rock a club.  And it’s probably the cheapest party at $30 in advance – most parties are going for the $100-$150 range.  Click here for more information.

425 thoughts on “Last Night.

    • @Shay-d-lady,

      *sighs* I’m mad that you’re smurfing. I’m even more mad that I know that dance. Can someone PLEASE do the Bankhead Bounce instead of the Cabbage Patch or Smurf?

      If not, I’ll have to pull a seated Running Man upon posting first. (nevermind pulling hamstrings and possibly getting a hernia while trying)

    • @Shay-d-lady, yeah, the prices of parties is outrageous. folks are pretending this is Another Black Function Weekend. during a time of recession too? folks are gonna be throwing away money they don’t have.

      add to the fact that Jay-Z is doing a concert at the Warner Theatre in DC and money is just going out the window that weekend.

      they shoulda never gave you ninjas a president.

  1. Special parts is funny…inside parts is funnier (and simultaneously scary @ me)

    sorry 8th. i’m sleeping in the corner tonight.

  2. i feel like the cons outweigh the pros….thats a whole lot of internal turmoil that coulda been lessened by a little self-control. like one of the lovely ladies here said (was that shay-d?) if you dont trust him enough to leave your purse with him then you dont need to give it up! (im paraphrasing, of course)

    maybe im just stubborn but i will never believe that men (in general) dont see a woman who gets down on the first date as even just a little bit ho-ish. that whole thought process about “is it this easy for every dude” is an indicator to me that something shifts. maybe respect isnt the right word, but something is lost.

    • @shatani, I agree with you . . . its hard for me to think that a man looking for a relationship is not going to think at least for a little bit about the fact that the girl may be a promiscuous one. I couldn’t have wowed you that much for you to sleep with me that quick . . . I could have allowed for enough alcohol consumption for us to make bad decisions to happen . . . but then again . . . who couldnt . .. maybe she hadnt had some in a while . . . maybe it happened yesterday . . . who the hell knows. . .

      I’m mad early! Can I be a member of the vampire crew now?

      • @IVR,

        lmao!! one night does not a vampire make, my dear!! but youre on the right track! lemme see you back herr tomorrow (and the next night and the next) and we can talk…

    • @shatani,
      “maybe im just stubborn but i will never believe that men (in general) dont see a woman who gets down on the first date as even just a little bit ho-ish.”

      I don’t know about most men but for me if I think youre a whore after I boned you I thought you were a whore beforehand. In fact that assumption was probly the only reason I chose to be around you..waiting for you to drop your undies. In addition, I try to make it a practice not to date the whores because that would make me a trick. Whores get domino’s at some crash spot, if even that. You won’t be seen with me in the public. I don’t want my mama finding out her son socializes with whores. That could bring shame to the household.

    • @shatani,

      maybe im just stubborn but i will never believe that men (in general) dont see a woman who gets down on the first date as even just a little bit ho-ish. that whole thought process about “is it this easy for every dude” is an indicator to me that something shifts

      thing is, the older you get, the less of an issue that becomes. i mean, just because you hit doesnt mean that everyone else did immediately…and vice versa. her “making you wait” doesnt automatically mean that she doesnt have a few “first night stands” in her backpocket either

    • @ladyb, i think it depends on the date and the people. calling a woman a 403 (calculator speak) because she screws on the first date assumes she’s going on tons of first dates. but if she’s picky and hasn’t had a first date since before she started preparing for the job market and graduation from her doctoral program more than a year ago, can you really hold it against her? arguably, she knows that what she wants (needs?) is a good d*down. let’s not judge, good people…

      ps – everyone should go to that party. my brother is one of the djs!

    • @ladyb,
      “damnit! i wanted to be first!”

      Well, next time you’ll know to shave 22 minutes off your personal best. ; )

        • @Blackberry Moses,
          “And that people are coaching each other like they’re on a track team”

          *sighs* I’m sorry about that and sh*t, lol, but all the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of Kamakula and Luvvie.

          They single-handedly (quadruple-handledly, really, I mean they both have 2 hands) forced us vampires into a state of frenzy over who gets the number 1 spot, lol.

          • They single-handedly (quadruple-handledly, really, I mean they both have 2 hands)

            this made me LMAO against my will…

            • @Gem of the Ocean,
              “this made me LMAO against my will…”

              That ^ did the same to me. Against your will, dang – like a hostage situation and sh*t, lmao.

              • lmao when i 1st read it i was like “please dont go there” and before i could finish the rest of the sentence i was crackin up.

                your asides are soooo random yet witty and chuckle inducing lol

  3. If you are genuinely interested in the person, the cons definitely outweigh the pros of having sex on the first date. However, if you know the young lady ahead of time from class or church choir practice or something, and your “date” has absolutely nothing to do with getting to know each other better, but has everything to do with getting to “know” each other better, then do you. literally and figuratively. Good night and Happy Hump Day!!

    • @N.I.A. happyhumpdayyall….,

      word. if the point is to know them…in the Biblical sense. then the pros definitely outweigh the cons…

      happy hump day, indeed!

      • @The Champ,

        by genuinely interested, I mean both parties are looking for something more than a quick meal (or not) and a mattress workout.

        However, if a little recreational sport is the intention of the 2 parties involved on this date, then I say hit-up Mickey-D’s for a 10 piece to share. So, not only do you get some, you get 5 pieces of all white meat goodness, and you save some money. Nothing but pros in that situation.

      • @The Champ,

        but on another note, if you have been friends/acquaintances with someone for years, and you decide to take it to the next level, obviously there is some genuine interest in that situation. And sex on first date, and your reactions to the sex, may be a true indicator of whether or not you should try to do the couple thing

        All of this is really on a case by case basis

  4. A hoe is a hoe… whether she gave it to you on the 1st or 10th date. If she is a hoe… how much does the “when” actually matter? IDK… I’ll make more sense after my necessary 6 hours.

    • @Ro, “how much does the “when” actually matter? IDK… I’ll make more sense after my necessary 6 hours.”

      This is true . . . you can be the h*’s captain save’em and waiting out for some chach that been passed around like a collection plate . . . You never know, which is why ignorance has become my bliss, as long as you don’t have a wind tunnel for a vijosh and/or permanent rug burn on your knees (etc) . . . just don’t go volunteering information all willy nilly because I don’t wanna know. “I’ve never done this before” . . .what the fukk evah . . . lol

    • @Ro,
      “I’ll make more sense after my necessary 6 hours.”

      6 hours? I WISH. Well, kudos to you! For the past 5 months or so, I haven’t been able to sleep more than 4 hours a pop. *sighs* Must be nice.

      • @RedBeanzNRice,

        For the past 5 months or so, I haven’t been able to sleep more than 4 hours a pop. *sighs* Must be nice.

        i’m the same way. i can probably count on one hand the number of times in the past few months i was able to sleep for 7 or 8 hours straight

        • @The Champ,
          “i can probably count on one hand the number of times in the past few months i was able to sleep for 7 or 8 hours straight”

          I hear ya. Perhaps we can’t sleep cause we’re brimming with ideas and possibilities? Or does insomnia just reign supreme in the “stressed out and overworked population”. I’d like to think it’s the former instead of the latter, lol.

          But, hell who knows – all I know is that I’d LOVE to meet Mr. Sandman, and let him hit me over the head with a cement club, laced with wrought iron sometime soon. This insomnia crap is for the birds.

      • @RedBeanzNRice, I’m trying to make this “sleeping for 6 hours” thang last as long as possible. Usually I get about 4 hours…pop up like somethings on fire…pass back out and then be dog tired when the alarm goes off at 6:45. My sleep regiment changes more than Beyonce’s Wigs. I wish it and she would stop but we all see how that’s going.

        • @Ro,
          “I wish it and she would stop but we all see how that’s going.”

          Roflmao – ain’t that the truth!! Well, live it up as long as you can, ya never know when the tides will shift. *sighs* How come our parents and/or grandparents never told us this would happen? Hell, they told us everything else that would happen.

          If it weren’t for the fact that they’re family…I’d drag their asses into court and SUE! *sighs* So unfair.

      • @RedBeanzNRice,

        Shoot, I’m on about a 8 year streak of not being able to sleep more than 5 hours straight. Seriously, I get a couple hours in but then don’t get some good sleep until about 2 hours before my alarm goes off resulting in my behind dragging out the door every morning.

        The only thing that works is Ambien. I swear that stuff makes me wake up feeling like a new born child. Note to self: call friend with Ambien hook up.

        • @Luvtheshoes,

          is said “friend” a doctor? just checking… if you have a doctor friend, maybe run this by them hypothetically, just to be safe? the fda makes some bad decisions sometimes and it takes forever for some side effects to see the light of the popular press or those bootleg lawyer commercials (do you know someone with asbestos poisoning?)

  5. There are many parts that go into the making of the ho. A person could be in a commited relationship with a person they waited to have sex with and still be Loose Legs Lucy (or Luis). I’m sure it depends on the actual people involved and the many, many situations that could have brought them to that first ‘date’.

    We’re in the midst of the dying off of courting. Dates are hard to come by. Some people might see the date as way more than just a date. Some people dont want to wait. Some people’s first dates might include 7 hours of conversation, the saving of a puppy and the meeting of ones parents. After that, could you blame someone for giving it up? Nope. Becuase it involved a puppy among other things.

    I’m just playing devil’s advocate.

    In my eyes the con’s far outway the pro’s. I look at it the same way i look at weave: just because i don’t do it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Looks great on some people, it’s just not for me.

  6. I don’t know, this one has been 50-50 for me.

    I can say that the best women that have come into my life gave me some that day or that night or really soon thereafter.

    Conversely, I took this girl out to eat and to the movies and stuff man we’re kissin’ and grindin’ and stuff, so we hop back to her spot, you know man, this broad rubbin’ all over my jimmy and frontin’ like she’s gonna give it to me, man, and the chick said three words, man: Stop, No and Don’t.

    I said CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK… then went home. This went on for a good 90 days until I found out she nailed her boss, her ex-boyfriend, a stripper whom she met at East of the Ryan (chi-town), and her gay male best friend.

    I swore off women for a good hour, 90 minutes behind that…

      • @Intellectual Hedonist, I even glanced at a brochure from St. John’s Abbey to be a monk. I didn’t go, but their bread is great.

    • @Maximillian,

      wow…you held out for her for 90 days?? impressive! lol

      warning: chick logic to follow!

      theres a possibility that she really really liked you and didnt want to eff it up by having relations with you too soon….i know it sounds redic, but ive been in that sort of position. i just feel less inclined to engage sexually early on (which doesnt mean i dont want to!) when its someone im genuinely interested in being with in a long-term kinda way. meanwhile, its much easier for me to go there when i know i have no intention of going farther (further?) than sex with a guy.

      /chick logic

      go do some math or something….it’ll help you recover.

      • i have a lot of friends who feel this way. they feel like if they’re gonna do ho sh*t, the need to do it with some one they have no desire to be emotionally connected to. but when it comes to a dude they’re interested in having somethin with long term, they’re slower to add sex to the equation. make sure there’s more to the relationship then just sex. idk.

        • @Gem of the Ocean, errbody else on this thread,

          why it gotta be like that though? this whole entry got me on a permanent head tilt. what ever happened to waiting till it felt right, not necessarily i’m gonna make this ninja wait 83.2 days to hit?

          whether i’m feeling you or not, see you as long term or not, i don’t just go jumping into bed with anybody, for any reason until i want to. that usually ends up being awhile after cause that’s just me. if others choose to get down on the first night, no judgment, it’s just not for me.

          but the point i’m making is, it’s about me, how i feel and when i get to that level of comfort/connection and not about playing some nonsensical game about who wants to hit first. and no i wasn’t loose in my younger days and am now trying to make up for it.

          • this the thing, it’s all individual. some women use sex to control a situation/man. some women guard their “goodies” as sacred and treasured and therefore want to wait until they feel the time is right. some women want their goodies to be sampled, tasted, and spread out as often as possible.

            it’s about personal choices.

            • @Gem of the Ocean, lol@sampled, tasted, and spread out as often as possible.

              I’m with you on the personal choices. I guess it’s just that some of the responses have come across to me as either, if you give it up you’re a ho, or you’re playing games if you make him wait and that personal choice sometimes seems to be equated with doing something based on appearances or “chick logic.”

              the truth is people are going to view you how they choose to, often regardless of what your intentions are i.e. deviant saying that at that point you were already thought of as ho. and i often hear guys complaining about how long some chick made them wait and yet, depending on that same guys mental state or just how the wind blows that day, the chick that didn’t make him wait is a ho or a godsend. where is the middle ground?

              now, i’m well aware that chick logic does run rampant on occassion and that it is often a game for both sexes. i guess what i mean is, choosing to wait is not a game that i’m playing. i’m not sitting around in a corner hatching up a dibolical plan on how to give a ninja blue b@lls. i would just at least like to know a bit about you before i let you get all up in my stuff.

              or maybe it’s just because i’ve never really been in the position to even consider first night sex. *shrug*

              • the truth is people are going to view you how they choose to, often regardless of what your intentions are

                i couldn’t agree more. but at the same time, hoishness is just that. risky, unvetted, impulsive sexual behavior with a stranger (if it’s the 1st night) is some ho sh*t. if you (global sense of “you”) doin ho sh*t does that make you a ho? idk and i don’t really care. but the fact of the matter is, the behavior is questionable. and by engaging in it you put yourself in a position to be questioned. you can justify it if you want to, but that doesn’t change the act.

                if you gon do ho sh*t, where that ish like a badge. matter of fact, paste the badge to the beeper and just go ahead and sprinkle on some glitter…

              • @Gem,

                lmao. erykah is going down in the history books for that one.

                i agree. it is risky and that’s why i don’t do it. i wasn’t
                saying people are going to view you how they choose
                to as a way to justify the actions. what i was saying by using deviant as an example was that before this mythical chick even made the choice to take it off, he already thought she was ho. so even if she had a change of heart, she’s still labeled as a ho in his eyes.

                and if you happen to be a chick who doesn’t get down on the first night you are labeled as playing games or being a prude as you mention down thread.

                my overall point is that your decisions have to be yours alone and not based on others because while you’re trying to figure out what’s best to do for the sake of appearances, winning the game, etc., that person has probably already tagged you in their mind.

                and i just think it’s sad that women who choose not to engage in certain sexual relationships are labeled as prudes, stuck up or playing games simply because they choose to make the best decision for themselves. that just means she/i might not be the chick for you.

                so just follow the glitter trail till you meet up with ‘ol girl.

              • lmao SG, you know you my girl!!! i sooo feel you on everything you say. and my comments were not directed AT you.

                that being said, i wear the prude badge proudly. stuck up?? only on days ending with y. plays games?? only if there’s the word “strip” in the game title. truth betold, i’ve left a lot of dudes chopped and scrood. not on some teasing ish, but on some i told him he wont gon have any and yet he still tryna get up in it. no and suh.

                sometimes its fun to see them beg. well not so much fun as it is sad and irritating. *shrugs* idk

              • Gem, no worries. you know i lurve you.
                we are –>here<–

                lol@i’ve left a lot of dudes chopped and scrood. not on some teasing ish, but on some i told him he wont gon have any and yet he still tryna get up in it. no and suh.

                you are pulling memories out of my head on that one, i tell you!

      • @shatani,

        *sigh* There are whole blog entries on the internets detailing my math ineptitude :(

        Write a story? Sure. Find the slope of a line? ehhhh…

      • @shatani,
        at least you know its ridiculous. The pitfall of this thing is if the dude finds out you bang others while he jumps thru hoops you could get your feelings hurt. I know if I found out I’ll place you in the whore category and not even tell you. You’ll just end up wondering why I don’t call you anymore.

    • @Maximillian,
      “I swore off women for a good hour, 90 minutes behind that…”

      Wow. Couldn’t even make it a whole 3 hours, huh? I know – we’re like AIR. ; )

    • @Maximillian,
      “This went on for a good 90 days until I found out she nailed her boss, her ex-boyfriend, a stripper whom she met at East of the Ryan (chi-town), and her gay male best friend. ”

      And the ghey male best friend? What the WHAT?

    • this broad rubbin’ all over my jimmy and frontin’ like she’s gonna give it to me, man, and the chick said three words, man: Stop, No and Don’t.

      lmao well all i can say is “you’ve officially been CHOPPED and SCREWWWWWWWED (screwed screwed)!!”

    • @Maximillian, anytime ANYBODY references N.W.A.s greatest ignant song of all time “Automobile”, I’m a happy camper.

      “…you don’t have to front on me b*tch/ don’t be afraid, it’s only a d*ck…”

      R.I.P. Eazy E.

  7. I do not think that you make the generalization of h*e-ness of the mere act of sleeping with someone on the first date. Personally, I think that the actions of both parties in the act and leading up to the act have to be taken into account.

    Is this first meeting or first date? What was the situation prior to the first date (long talks, emails, phone calls, etc.)?

    What are the details of the date? Was it an all-day surprise date that he planned through conversations that you had with him before (yes this has happened on a first date), or did he take you to Portillo’s for a burger and you dropped it like its hot?

    And far do you go in this first act of passion?

    • @I was wondering…,
      “Was it an all-day surprise date that he planned through conversations that you had with him before (yes this has happened on a first date), or did he take you to Portillo’s for a burger and you dropped it like its hot?”
      ——————————————————-
      this reminds me of something i saw on bad girls club (which kind of sucks this season. they ain’t bad!) anyway, the girls were speed dating and this 2520 guy tells one of the black girls that she’s pretty. NO LIE–her response was “whaaaaat!!! you think i’m preeeeeeeeety? i’m like…i’m like turned on now. do you wanna see–i want… i.want.to.show.you.my.boobs.”

      i was shocked and awed. like, am i not knowing how to play the game or is she just a ho?

      • @charli skipper,

        *sighs* Girl, you ain’t never lied. This season is the worst ever. Oooh but did you see yesterday’s epi? See, I’ve been saying that damn Kayla needs her ass whooped – reppin Los Angeles when she’s weaker than a single tea bag in 10 cups of water. But ole girl, the otha sista (can’t think of her name off top) was ready to get in that ass after Kayla’s shenanigans. What did Kayla do? Not a damn thing – EXACTLY what we all knew would happen. I hate posers.

          • @The Champ,
            “***the number of IQ points i just lost after reading this comment***”

            *snickers* That’s assuming you had them in the first place. ; )

        • @RedBeanzNRice

          OMG Kayla is definitely a poser. She’s quick to jump in the 2520′s face, because she thinks she can beat them, but she was on mute when Tiffany came at her (and I def. think Tiffany would have got in that azz). I can’t wait for the upcoming episode because it looks like Cookie chokes her out and kicks her in the coo coo.

          • @V Renee,

            Yes, Tiffany is ole girl’s name, and thank you!

            EXACTLY – Kayla does that mess with 2520′s, but she’d NEVER pull that mess with a sista. Last episode she even SAID she was hoping to be the only Black chick on there so she could “run the show” – yet another sign of being a poser.

            But, HELL YEAH, Tiff ain’t no punk, despite her seemingly kind nature. I just know it’s gonna be on and crackin’ next episode, cause Kayla done pushed too many of Tiff’s buttons and Tiff ain’t havin it.

            *sighs* I just wish we could be there on the set to “check” those hoes as their fake-assed-ness unfolds. Now, THAT would make for good reality T.V. drama, lol.

            PS. That chick Boston is a semi-poser. Yeah, she’s a boxer and all, but her “anger” is staged as hell. Besides that, she’s only what…a buck 15 soaking wet? Please – ANYBODY in the house could blow on her and knock her ass over.

            • @RedBeanzNRice,

              ehm, in the words of Queen Latifah.

              A minute ago, you was a nerd and nobody ever heard of ya
              Now you a wannabe…hard
              You barely know your abcs, please
              Theres plenty of people out there with tri**ers ready to pull it
              Why you trying to jump in front of the bullet (young lady)
              Uh, AND REAL BAD GIRLS ARE THE SILENT TYPE.

              thank, U.N.I.T.Y………….

              or as Tanisha said…”These chicks pop off for all the wrong reasons”

    • @I was wondering…, Is this first meeting or first date? What was the situation prior to the first date (long talks, emails, phone calls, etc.)?

      That’s a good point. There’s a difference if you’ve known each other for a while, but for whatever reason, waited until your first date.

  8. good evening, vampires…

    my personal opinion is that the cons outweigh the pros…however, I suppose that the definition of the term, in this case, is dependent on her motivation and/or intention when “dating”. if she’s not actively looking for long-term companionship or validation, and is, instead, sustained by temporary encounters w/men, then s3x on the first night is ideal for her. her idea of fulfillment may not necessarily match my own, but who’s to say that hers is wrong? (other than the Bible and her parents)

    …ultimately, I guess it depends on what you want out of life. so, is she a ho or is she refusing to waste her time w/what she might consider mundane details?

    p.s. my hope is that she is also being tested regularly and practicing safety.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>