Ladies, What’s Up With the Late Night, Last Minute, When I’m Trying To Sleep, We Need A Resolution Convos? » VSB

Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

Ladies, What’s Up With the Late Night, Last Minute, When I’m Trying To Sleep, We Need A Resolution Convos?

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Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

Man and woman get into argument about something. It doesn’t matter what its about. It could be about Obama’s favorite Jordans. Or whether or not Season 3 of House of Cards was any good and advanced the cause of dismantling FEMA. Or an argument about Beyoncé and how she, not Stephen Hawking, has the best theory on black holes. Point is, they get into an argument about something. Maybe its important (black holes are very important) and maybe its not. Woman gets inside all of her feelings. You know Minnie Ripperton’s “Inside My Love”? Replace “love” with “feelings” and that’s the woman.  Because he can see inside her, he knows she’s pissed and attempts to talk about it in the moment to save the rest of the morning, afternoon, millenium. But she’s upset at man and decides she doesn’t feel like talking about it. A woman might got to have it…but this particular woman? She isn’t having it.

It’s like 7pm. There’s tension. There’s awkwardness. There’s walking on eggshells. Man knows that woman is going to pop at any moment. He ALSO knows that “any moment” means right as he’s about to go to sleep.

There isn’t a man alive who has dated a woman who doesn’t know this life. If you get into an argument, or even a spirited debate with a woman who does not appreciate your opinion OR who just so happens to feel strongly about something that was said, even twelve hours previuosly, you are going to hear about it between the hours of 11pm and 2am. Just as you lay your head down and begin to lull yourself to sleep to thoughts of new Kendrick Lamar albums and racial harmony either the phone will ring (and continue to ring until you answer it) or you’ll hear from the other side of the bed, “are you awake? I can’t sleep.”

“Are you awake? I can’t sleep.” is woman code for “we’re about to have a conversation right now and I don’t care if you’re tired, sleep, and have to be up in a few hours.”

I’ve never quite understood how this became a thing. But its consistent as fuck. I’ve always wondered if there was some woman class that happened in the middle of some game that all men were watching – like a midseason NBA Clevelend Cavaliers versus Golden State Warriors game – that we’re oblivious to where this gets discussed as being essential to the woman experience. But it never fails, if a woman is upset about something she will NOT be ready to discuss it until the man is ready to go to sleep AND she is likely to not understand (read give any fucks) that he is nonplussed at her chosen time for discussion.

I have a theory on this.

Here is my theory on this.

Women do not like to be inconvenienced. I mean nobody really does, but women, especially, do no like being inconvenienced by anybody. But especially not by their man.

This is universal truth. Do not attempt to undo this truth for it is truth. And truth cannot be undone. Veritas. An inconvenienced woman – a being that all men come across at some point during the tenure of any relationship – is one who both needs you to know that she’s inconvenienced (and I’m using inconvenienced in a very liberal sense, just because you feel that way doesn’t make it so and conversely because you don’t feel inconveniencd doesn’t make it so) and needs you to also be. In my travels I’ve learned that disagreements with women count as inconveniences. And I mean ANY disagreements.

Women are emotional justice seekers. This is not a bad thing. In fact it makes some sense. It is the crux of the “woman scorned” action statement which is: If you scorn me, I will kill us all, I don’t even care. Granted, that’s extreme. On a smaller scale, say a relationship spat or disagreement, the emotional justice manifests itself differently in the form of seeking out retribution for robbing her of her emotional peace that existed before the conversation arose that created the emotional baseball bat with which she was bludgeoned. Which I think we can all agree, is inconvenient.

It’s only NOT an inconvenience if she goes off by herself and determines that perhaps you were right, in which case you’ll just never hear about it again. BUT, if she DOES happen to feel inconvenienced or as poet laureate Rich Homie Quan inveighed, feels some type of way, then you will hear about it again because she needs you to know that you inconvenienced her emotions. And the best time to let somebody know that you felt inconvenienced…

…is at an inconvenient hour. It’s not enough to tell you, she must show you. It’s happened to be me before. I’m sure it will happen again. I’ve heard many women talk about not wanting to go to bed mad. This is dumb. Because you don’t have to. Generally speaking, most men don’t like it when they’re beefing with their women so they do attempt in some fashion to fix the problem. And because we like our sleep, we’re not trying to wait until sleepy time to make this happen.

Also, I know many women who state that they don’t stay mad long. So by the time we have to talk about it in the witching hour, she’s not even mad anymore, she just wants to talk about her feelings. Which I can understand, by why does that have to wait til late. Do women not like sleep as much as men? These things keep me up at night, ya know, when it’s not my woman keeping me up at night. I’m up at night a lot.

But I truly want to know, from a woman’s perspective what that’s really about. I have my theory – I outlined it – but it’s a theory from the mind of a man. All woman know exactly what I’m talking about.

So what’s that about? Ladies, why do you all wait until we’re about to go to sleep to decide THAT is when a a situation must be resolved?

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • KB

    Problem solved

    • panamajackson

      I laughed so hard at this.

    • Tx10inch

      Lmao. I approve this meme.

  • Breezyx2

    I am a morning type a gyal myself. After I have tossed and turned all night thinking of exactly how I am gonna release the Craken I hit dat nuccka up in the A.M. Great day be dambed. WE NEED A RESOLUTION!!

    https://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7826iovok1qkyhuao1_250.gif

    https://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7826iovok1qkyhuao2_250.gif

    BTW, the answer to all of Aaliyah’s questions is…*loses signal*

  • Tx10inch

    Here’s my theory. They ramp up on Monster and Redbull after an argument, wait until 2am cuz to go in for tha kill cuz they know we’re half sleep and that we could

    a.) Care less about winning any argument at the ungodly time of morning.
    b.) Probably won’t even remember what we said at that ungodly hour and she’ll win by default.
    c.) Want to go back to sleep so bad that we’ll say anything she wants to make that happen.

    Yep. Sounds but right to me.

    • panamajackson

      I will like this because it makes sense.

    • Wild Cougar

      It’s because you are more likely to listen because you want to go to sleep. That simple. When you are awake you are too busy being defensive and dismissing everything she says as emotional or over reaction or inventing bs to flip the script or gas lighting. When you are half nekkid in the bed almost asleep, you will have to listen.

  • HeyBooHey

    For me, it was never done on purpose. I like to resolve stuff so it doesn’t boil over into another day or time. If it happens before bed it’s because I was pissed most of the day or didn’t have to opportunity to talk about it until he wanted to slide in. The intention isn’t to keep him up but I can’t sleep when I’m angry so if that’s when my spirit says we gon talk, that’s when we gon talk.

    • panamajackson

      But arent you pissed most of the day because you didnt talk about it? Wouldnt you rather be unpissed? Why do folks like being pissy? lol

      • HeyBooHey

        That’s only if it’s a major issue that was left unresolved. Sometimes there’s no time to discuss it during the day, depending on occupations and all that adult ish. And I’m not getting finger cramps tryna argue through text lol

        • mochazina

          or making it worse with lost in text misunderstandings. let’s talk. lol

          • HeyBooHey

            Exactly! A peaceful “are you done yet?” is misconstrued and know you mad cuz you think I’m being rude. We just gonna talk when talking is allowed

  • Baemie St. Patrick

    “Women are emotional justice seekers. This is not a bad thing. In fact it makes some sense. ”

    this is me.

    but the only thing I have to say to this is entry is, “did you die though?”

    hey y’all!

    • Hey boo

    • HeyBooHey

      I wanna thank you for giving me what will now and foreva be used in any argument….
      “did you die though?”…”nah??” “then we good”

      • Baemie St. Patrick

        I’m saying. I’m an emotional creature. I’m just gonna walk in my truth.

        • HeyBooHey

          Ditto so I know that walk of truth is the only walk that needs walking

      • Lea Thrace

        That line is the perfect mix of petty and shady. Which is why I will use it everytime!

        • Baemie St. Patrick

          Petty Proud

        • HeyBooHey

          Exactly! I gotta work up the right facial expression and hand gesture for full petty shade emphasis

    • panamajackson

      I might not have died. But God intervened so you aint have to. You taking folks sleep is truly a declaration of war.

      • it only leads to some post 9/11 George W Bush type responses to some things that probably don’t matter anyway.

      • Baemie St. Patrick

        You mad, breh?

    • Wild Cougar

      I’m not going to be ignored. I will be heard. So it’s either when you are captive or I boil your rabbit. Pick one.

  • Epsilonicus

    “poet laureate Rich Homie Quan inveighed, feels some type of way”

    I love that line. Well done. Fetty Wap of “Trap Queen” fame is my hood poet laureate of the week. I can’t quit ratchet music.

    I go to sleep mad. Maybe not mad, but I know how to put a discussion on pause and discuss it later. My wife wants to stop war in Middle East right now before we go to bed. Sometimes I give in, sometimes I don’t. However if I stay up and we resolve it, I hope there is some making up involved as a reward.

    • HeyBooHey

      That’s my whole thing. If I’m keeping you up to talk, we gonna resolve it so he can get that werk after

      • Epsilonicus

        Mmhmm. Tell ’em.

        • HeyBooHey

          All actions lead to “tha werk”. Any disruptions to that will not be tolerated by me smh

          • Epsilonicus

            I see you and Nick having a long productive situationship lol

            • HeyBooHey

              Just when I was starting to like you again, Eps wanna turn into Waldo in this bish smh….

              • Epsilonicus

                You know I love you. So if you two don’t work out, we can get his e-love jumping off lol bwahahahaha

                • HeyBooHey

                  LOL!!! Nah, we’d fight with your Waldo a*$ but I will keep it cute between us so I can see that adorable baby boy of yours

    • Cuz i mean now we awake….

      • Epsilonicus

        If I gotta stay up, it better have purpose

  • camilleblu

    *shrugs*…for the most part, i can go to bed mad without killing anyone…but if EYE am still wide awake at 3am…then yeah…you gon’ get these words. all’adem.

    • Baemie St. Patrick

      AWLLUH. DESE. WORDS.

    • Epsilonicus

      You betta roll dat @ss over and we talk about it in the morning.

      • camilleblu

        *You betta roll dat @ss over and we talk about it RAGHT NAH*

        there…fixed that for you

        • Epsilonicus

          If I gotta get those words, you gonna get this werk then ;-)

          • camilleblu

            lol…#errybodywins

            • Nicholas Peters

              What if the issue isn’t resolved by 4:30?

              • Baemie St. Patrick

                Bougie Black People have #bookoo vacay time. Better take a day and work it on out lol

                • DiamondIsMyRealName

                  I have almost 60hrs right now… lmao… Am I bougie? #FixItJesus

                  • Baemie St. Patrick

                    I have 97 hrs! I’m not that Bougie so I wonder does it this increase my bougie score?!?!

                    • DiamondIsMyRealName

                      bwahahaha!! Welp, I have no boo thing to be working any issues out with sooooo i’ll continue to let them add up so in the event i do run across said boo thing… well we can take vacations together lmao

              • camilleblu

                cuz of *dat werk*??? niqqa please…y’all kill me trying to act like every session is some olympic marathon…smh

                • Epsilonicus

                  It feel like it though!!

                • Nicholas Peters

                  @ 3 AM..I don’t want to be bothered…I will leave you asking “Can I have some more?”

                  • camilleblu

                    ok
                    -_-

                • K Lust

                  iDied

                • Apparently you need some properly trained men. I like Olympic marathons. Think 15 round matches going the distance.

                  • HeyBooHey

                    Todd, cut it out lol. Every man can’t go rounds and every session isn’t the Olympics

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    No.
                    Just no. That’s not feasible, enjoyable or even desirable. Give me 20-25 good minutes, including the buildup and then we can go to sleep. Unless you would like me to fall asleep mid-coitus, which has happened before.

                    • Cleojonz

                      YASSSS! Thank you. Not every time calls for an Olympic session. Quickies can be great! Sometimes I just need to get to sleep lol.

                    • Epsilonicus

                      I aint about that marathon life

                    • Cleojonz

                      Well…I’m not saying never. Just maybe not on a school night lol.

                  • Question

                    Blah Blah Blah.

                    Sometime all one needs is the 100/200/400. If it leads to the finish line regardless, why run the other 26 miles??

                    • The point isn’t to merely finish. That’s why there’s self love. The point is to flood her brain with oxytocin and endorphins, all whole making her sweat like a Texas July and leave her limbs so weak she can’t help but stare at the ceiling like she’s high while clutching to hug you.

                      Is that enough for you?

                    • jolly

                      And once the endorphins and oxytocin hurricane has worn off guaranteed the issue will still be there, there are only so many nights one can f@#k the problem away…

                    • Question

                      LOL.

                      …of course. I’m just sayin, sometimes there isn’t time for all of that…but as long as I get to cross the tape and a photo-finish camera is not required, I’m a happy girl.

          • Lea Thrace

            I approve this resolution.

            • Epsilonicus

              Can we skip the argument and go straight to the resolution?

              • camilleblu

                NOAP

                • Nicholas Peters

                  why not…everybody wins…

                  • camilleblu

                    errybody don’t win until i win

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      what type of logic is this?

                    • camilleblu

                      perfect logic

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      In what dimension?

                    • camilleblu

                      mine. which is really the only dimension that matters. #keepup

                    • Lea Thrace

                      young buck dont know who he’s talking too. School Him Madam!

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      It’s a woman’s world darling

                    • Rachmo

                      YAAAAAAAAAAS

                    • Epsilonicus

                      Gotd&mn terrorists. Can’t negotiate them

                  • Epsilonicus

                    Sometimes it puts the problem in its right perspective.

              • Lea Thrace

                That just leads to angry chex.

                Which aint really a problem if you think about it…

                This is a tough one.

                • Epsilonicus

                  Angry chex puts it in perspective

                  • HeyBooHey

                    No it don’t, it’s just chex cuz we gotta chex. If I was mad before, Imma be mad after & we still gonna talk about it. But thanks for the D

                • Tx10inch

                  Angry chex is always good chex.

                • I don’t do angry sex. If you are so emotionally repressed that you need to be angry to get off, stay away until you’ve completed some therapy for all those repressed issues. Screw you and your warped $exuality. Nope, no and nawl!

    • Rachmo

      *shakes tambourine*

    • panamajackson

      This is a form of torture.

      • Not torture? LOL

        I agree. I can let most things go but if I am still bothered by something… sorry boo… I need to speak to you.

  • My theory is that women, generally speaking, imagine themselves as the emotional caretakers of the relationship and the relationship can’t be going well if they are not happy.

    • Baemie St. Patrick

      YOU WAS FUTHAMUCKIN RRRIIIGGHHTT!!!

    • camilleblu

      aka – if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy

      • The abusive mommy’s national Anthem. PLAY BALL!

    • Rachmo

      Happy wife happy life

      • Epsilonicus

        Lies.com

        • U need a drink or something?

          • Epsilonicus

            Ijs. As a married man, i can tell you that statement is only partially true

      • Nicholas Peters

        Not true…studies have shown that relationships depend more on the happiness of the husband than the wife

        • Rachmo

          What are these studies?

          • Nicholas Peters
            • Rachmo

              Unfortunately, this isn’t how it goes with Rachmo. Dem’s da breaks.

            • Epsilonicus

              Teach them!!

              • Nicholas Peters

                I try…I really do

          • Nicholas Peters

            Essentially, we are the one taking the L’s #INeedMyBeautySleep…and when we get upset, we stop, and relationship goes South

        • Charlisia Nwachukwu

          whhhhattt! Lies

        • kenyadigit

          The Patrice O’Neal School of Relationships.

    • panamajackson

      This sounds like US foreign policy. NO wonder the world hates us.

  • Marcie

    I do not play around when it comes to my sleep so I’m positive this can not be me lol

  • I have a rather difficult time sleeping with unrest in my spirit.
    You can sleep through a tornado, vacuuming, and your neighbor’s block party.
    As you already have the advantage of n*tting every time, I can’t let this one slide.
    I word vomit until my spirit feels at peace.
    I sleep. Fin.
    **As an aside, I believe it also may be secret payback for the romance of the “way to late for this sh*t” poke.

    • panamajackson

      There’s evil at play in this comment.

      • The really funny part is I’ve only ever done the late night “I needasaysometing” once…and it was because EYE was trying to sleep angry and HEEE decided to “poke”. Dems the breaks.

    • MsSula

      I am in total agreement with this here comment.

      I need to talk isht out to free my mind. Pick your time, but you WILL hear this isht.

      • miss t-lee

        Yup. If it’s today, or 3 months from now.

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