"Like I said, the answer is 'the cookie'. Wait, what was the question? Oh. Doesn't matter, protect your cookie. From Cookie Monster. He blue."
One of the great things about VSB is that its a forum for a lot of women to gain insight into what men think. And not just The Champ and myself, but the various brohams that venture here and offer perspectives on any and everything under the sun, from pulpit pimpin’ to sweater puppy management. We generally go in like two gay guys at a Prince concert with Drake as the opener.
Because of this, we get a lot of questions seeking advice, guidance, and help with various situations from women. This makes sense and we’re always glad to oblige seeing as our goal is to reduce crime in the world. But you know what? We have questions at times too. While we may have a very good idea about most things, there’s nothing like hearing an answer from the horses mouth. Which is actually why ninety percent of all relationship advice starts and ends with: maybe you should talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Most smart enough people with common sense and even a minute ability to observe their surroundings should be able to answer most relationship related questions but you just never know really. With that said, we spend so much time hearing from us and about why we think everything is such and such, I figured today, I’d query our wonderful community about a few questions that a lot of men would have if we ever thought to ask questions.
Also, I’m sure I could find answers to a lot of these by going to a website run by a woman who writes about relationships, but real talk, when your commenters give good community, why leave home? So here are some questions that I’d like to know the answers too lady.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
I had a convo with a homegirl about this one today and she basically asked me, “what’s the point?” Unless dude is calling to say he made a mistake there’s no reason to call and interrupt her healing and attempting to get over the dude. As a guy, a lot of guys do just call to see how y’all are doing. It has no greater point. Which could be the problem. I don’t know. I got one hangin’ and two swangin’.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
Kevin Hart said this in his Seriously Funny special. And I tend to think its true. But maybe I’m wrong. I’ve always suspected that women hated it when their man was out having a ball, in like Vegas or something where as men are constantly pushing their women to go have fun with their girls and stuff. We want you to get out without us and it seems like many women never do. My experience has shown me that women go into killjoy mode. Any truth there ladies?
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Seems like women will attempt to work out any and everything. Not that it will be smooth sailing but cheating can be worked out. Murder can be worked out. Finding out your woman cheated on you is nearly universally grounds for a breakup amongst men. Just like throwing a skillet at my mother’s head. That will get you shorted. I’m curious.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
Most of us menfolks tend to think that women severely lack in the accountability department. Are we wrong? Do women realize when they’re f*cking up but just don’t like to let us know?
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
I’m baffled by this.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Seems like women tend to hold on to significant exes in such a way that they want them to suffer for not realizing how great they were. Thing is, men maybe don’t deal with our issues very well, but we pretty much let y’all arses go. Or so it seems.
Ladies, the floor is yours. Help us out. Like Anthony Hamilton so poignantly said, “why?”
Fellas, let’s get all of our questions out there. What do you want to ask the boobed massive of VSB?
Talk to me.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
Don’t call it a comeback, I been here for years.
Maybe it just me…
Look at you coming back strong.
@ Cheekie- Im been reading again daily probably since Dec., but have been waiting to make my “triumphant” comeback and needless to say it feels Great (tony the tiger voice)
Set up:
Meet this young lady out, and we’re vibing for most of the evening, then it comes time for me to make my exit. So I say hey why dont we exchange numbers and get together sometime, ya know nothing to heavy.
And now to my one and only question:
So to that VSS: Whats the word?
Okay, this is going to sound really weird, but I have a small trick for situations like that. In the begining of the conversation, I’ll tell them my name once, maybe twice. When he asks for my number after all this time vibing, he has to remember my name, or he gets no number.
So essentially, it would all depend on you and your level of interest.
*eyebrow raise at who you “may” be referring to*
Yeah, we don’t want yall to have fun…STAY YOUR AS*ES AT HOME! lol. i kid.
suuuuuuuuuure you kid. lol
I can’t answer all of your questions, but I will tell you this. Many of my exes don’t even get a second thought from me, but the brothas who flat out lied….dropped the “L” and then dropped out…I have nothing but hate for them. I do wish them ill and I always will. It is ok to get bored…change your mind…move on….but it is not cool to hurt people.
The only thing that would make me break up instantly without even trying to work it out is blatant disrespect. I understand anger, but there are certain things you just shouldn’t say to me. If you do, then I know you don’t respect me. Without respect the rest is useless…why bother? I’m out. As for that other stuff…I can’t help you. Good luck.
I totally agree with you. When a guy strings you along and through the course of the relationship expresses verbal/physical affection only to end up breaking your heart is cause for some serious loathing. A lot of guys say they don’t intentionally hurt girls but I’m not entirely sure about that. Deception leads to a lot of hurt and can result in a lot of angry women who feel used and manipulated.
“A lot of guys say they don’t intentionally hurt girls but I’m not entirely sure about that. Deception leads to a lot of hurt and can result in a lot of angry women who feel used and manipulated.”
Ah-greed!
Not to mention all the guys that KNOW they aren’t feeling you the same way you’re feeling them… but they fake it, and string you along, and lie… sometimes for years, then just end it. I don’t care if you’re male or female… if you know the person you are dating is madly in love (and planning the rest of your lives) and you’re just “meh” on the whole thing… then you should be the bigger and mentally stronger person… and considerately and thoughtfully end it. This is how you avoid stalkers… and major resentment.
I was sitting at the breakfast table one morning picking out stationary for wedding invitations with a man. He looked up over his blue berry pancakes and just started shaking his head. He got up from the table and said ” I’m sorry. I just can’t settle for you.” and he walked out. Now, again…I don’t fault the brotha for not wanting to spend the rest of his life with me…be he could have come to that conclusion before he gave me a ring and started planning the guest list. That is just plain shady. I’m just sayin….
@macdw
Wow! This story breaks my heart (really).
Incredible. And I totally see your point. You can deal with rejection, but at that point you probably had to disclose that heartache to dozens of people and face their judgement too. Men pick the worst times to be honest.
I’m sorry… that really sucks.
*jaw on ground
that. is. so sad.
PSA for fellas: we want/need truth..but how you deliver it MATTERS.
The next time you argue with your man, remember what you just said and exercise some common courtesy…
Touche.
wow, this hurts me
Seems like we were dating twins/cousins/some sort of relative because my ex got that same memo on “Things to do to that warrant eternal hatred”. But I’ll do you one better, because I experienced the same story. Except after he leaves, you find out the next that you are pregnant after you were rushed to the emergency room. Then your relatives call trifling negro and he says, “that it aint my problem….she’s lying.” Actions like that warrant lifetime, no the eternal death stares etc etc. I shall tease him water from heaven…hahahah*evil cackle*
THIS.
Oh, how this comment resonates w/ me.
Yeah but sometimes when a brotha tries to step up, admit the differences in adoration between the two parties, and tries to let the other down softly, said other gets upset that there was a difference in the first place. I don’t become enamored easily so I’m too worried about hurting someone’s feelings to even get into relationships these days (because my feelings aren’t in danger). And then when I do finally find myself in a relationship, the person is usually really into me (frighteningly so) to the point where I feel trapped and kinda bad for not feeling as strongly. It seems like people fall in love too easily these days.
Co-Sign,Co-Sign, Co-Sign! This is the situation that supposedly makes women “crazy” when someone’s blatant disrespect directly effects our feelings and life for that matter. Rat Bastards!
Yes, constant disrespect is enough to make most women leave. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love me and respect me.
Constant disrespect is enough to make some men leave, too. No man want to be with a female who doesn’t love him and DEFINITELY who doesn’t respect him. DOUBLE those two statements for men like me…
Disrespect/violence. I had a friend whose boyfriend hit her. She’s doing fine now… Him, not so much… Thanks to her older brother and cousins…
You’ve missed my point ENTIRELY… But, since you went there… What about the man whose “woman” hits HIM? Should HE call his boys to wreck HER up? Moving on…
I’m mad beyond words at that pic. And that caption. I can hear Steve Harvey’s ignant @ss as I read the words. Good show.
I think I saw Steve on the previews for Dr. Phil this week. And Steve eerily looks like a black doppelganger of Dr. Phil. Same mustache and all. lol.
I think I saw Steve on the previews for Dr. Phil this week.
Watch Steve get his own Dr Phil type show on TVOne in 3…2…
Steve looks like he should be in Madame Tussauds Wax museum, he looks so….caricature like.
You’re right. He’s reminding me of Mr. Potato Head in that picture. He has the thick mustache, eyebrows, and lips. His skin is potato brown (in that lighting) and he’s very clean shaven. He’s does look almost too groomed- I think he’s a nice looking man though, LOL.
Did I furiously refresh this page so I could read the new post before I went to bed?!
Yes
*admitting myself to VSS/VSB Anonymous*
That picture of Steve Harvey is just…..
“Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?”
Let me breathe….you just broke my heart, I don’t care to talk about the weather. I need to work on being ok with being ‘everyone’ and not ‘your girl’ anymore. For a while, every time you call/text/IM, there is a little piece of me that is hoping we’ll get back together (if it isn’t a mutual breakup). Every time that doesn’t happen it sets me back a little and puts another crack in my heart. ZCP-Zero Contact Policy. Do not violate this.
2. Only if there are beautiful women with bigger butts and boobies then mine. And they are shaking them while clad in spandex or imbibing liquor (and not getting paid) I’m ok with a strip club, but not a club club.
3. I date a lot of non-Black men, so for me it would probably be call me out my name.
4. Becuase y’all don’t. Or at least most guys don’t make it look like they do.
5. never asked, never will
6. I don’t actively wish ill will, but, yeah, things might be easier if you were dead…..least you wouldn’t be with another chick….just saying….
Just out of curiosity…what does race have to do with your #3?
From what I got from it:: If we assume that Dee is black or of a black flavor and she dates non-black men often, one of her dealbreakers would be if the non-black man called her the infamous N-word.
Right, Dee?
Or maybe disparaged her race and gender..ie Black b!#$* or something like that..
Yep my universal rule also. Call me the N word or anything race related when your non Black is the deal breaker. Expected when you date non Black anyway, not that it’s happend so far.
Yep…had a White guy do that. I, uh, extricated my self from, uh, his impalement, got dressed, and went home.
I guess for any guy it would be if he hit me for no reason. It’s one thing if we’re fighting and it’s unclear who hit who first, and another if you just hit me to teach me a lesson or something.
@Dee -“Yep…had a White guy do that. I, uh, extricated my self from, uh, his impalement, got dressed, and went home.”
That is pretty brazen. Not only to drop the N bomb casually, but during chex??
Its probably safe to assume he had called you that many times in his head, and that was the first time he verbalized it. Glad you bounced after you bounced.
This however:
“I guess for any guy it would be if he hit me for no reason. It’s one thing if we’re fighting and it’s unclear who hit who first”
So you’re open to being hit so long as there is a valid reason, or if there is no clear initiator of first contact. Define valid reason?
i was thinking the same thing as I read this.
for # 3 how does race apply/matter?
“Let me breathe….you just broke my heart, I don’t care to talk about the weather. I need to work on being ok with being ‘everyone’ and not ‘your girl’ anymore. For a while, every time you call/text/IM, there is a little piece of me that is hoping we’ll get back together (if it isn’t a mutual breakup). Every time that doesn’t happen it sets me back a little and puts another crack in my heart. ZCP-Zero Contact Policy. Do not violate this.”
Preach!
Nobody else needs to answer number 1, cause you hit the nail on the head. *clap for her*
I’m liking the ZCP…I will have to use this term. And men do not seem to get it. No, I don’t wanna know about how your night was, who said what when you were at the grocery store and the like. It’s OVER…so let me be great and move on. Period!
I’m late, but all I can say to you in amen!! The shyt just hit the fan with an ex, and he’s texting already. It’s one of those where you can’t even get back together or everyone in your LIFE would disown you. So it’s done, I couldn’t help but go off and tell him how much I hate (which I know is temporary, but i’m really convinced right now) One day negro?? Really!!
If we just broke up we have no reason talk so don’t even thing abt dialing my number. And I will def break up with someone if we haven’t been talking long to begin with and he pisses me off.
Read the post…love it and I’ll probably answer the rest of the questions later but #6…*sigh* its something I’m currently battling. I’ve only wished the most evil of hurt and pain on two exes and I can honestly say that yes, women can forgive and move on, but its definitely a struggle. Once a woman realizes that putting energy into hurt and pain and negative thoughts and actions actually stunt and stop her growth and advancement, she can stop hating her ex. Its a conscious thought process where (for me at least) you go from hoping you see his face/name in the paper under a tragic accident headline (and praying that you weren’t caught for the crime), to praying for his well being, safety and hoping he’s blessed.
Like I said its really hard..but it can be done.
Singing ” I hope she cheats on you with a basketball player” this wil be your tune of the day lol
Every super hero needs her theme music!
you know, i keep forgetting to to do it, and i’m sure i’ll never get around to it since the moment has come and gone, but that song was the most retarded illogical sh*t ever. the first time i heard that song, no joke, i laughed and told my boy, “chick logic.”
Its not even chick logic…its bitter b!tch syndrome. I had a lil rant about the song on twitter because when I first heard it I didnt like it at all. The song is not on the caliber of music you’d expect from Marsha and the lyrics are basic, bitter and unrealistic. No woman who is actively hating her ex wishes that his new woman cheats on him…we don’t want him happy at all, so if moving on and finding someone else makes him happy, we want that gone too. And if the new bish was able to snag a ballplayer, that means that she was an upgrade from you and who wants to actively know that he not only left you, but found someone better than you so much so that a ballplayer wants her?!?
well um…exactly! i see we think alike.
i love that song! lol
“it may sound bitter… i’m a little bitter..”
it’s hilarious.
Co-sign to the love for this song! I don’t think she was trying to make a logical argument I think she was trying to make a joke. AND she openly admitted that she was salty and bitter…and let us all remember that admitting your psycho is the first step! **Hi Marsha**
Ok, working on -.- status right now (“pretty tired and near bed-time mode, in English), so this may or may not be coherent…
“1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?”
Yup, it’s about the healing and whatnot. And part of that healing is “no contact.” If the wound is still fresh, it’s like pouring salt that you ain’t “really” in our life anymore. Yes, your intentions are good, and we see that… sometimes we just need space. Kinda like what you’re hinting at needing in number 2…
“2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?”
Eh, like I said yesterday I have to have SOME away time from the booski unless I’ll go insane, but I think it’s not so much that you’re having fun without her, it’s that she gets the impression that you wouldn’t have fun with her… or that you don’t want to be with her. Which, yeah is pretty crazy but ya know… feelings. whoa whoa whoa. feelings.
“3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?”
Down low? Not GO down low (that’ll get you good times). BE down low.
“4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?”
I’ont know is it truly easy for anyone to admit they’re wrong? I mean, even when men do admit they’re wrong, I thought it was just to shut our yapping mouths up.
“5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?”
I’mma have to ask Jeeves this one because I gots nuffin. (Is he even alive?)
“6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?”
Sure, I’ve seen it happen within my own peoples. Mama Cheeks for example. Her man up and left her. Just bounced. She was upset, sure, but she shrugged it off and went about her bidness. Guess who’s calling who all obsessively? Mmmhmm.
Oh, and this:
“Or so it seems”
Is some poignancy for you mothereffers. Yeah, it’s just a simple sentence, but adding that at the end made my left eyebrow levitate. Because I know ya’ll peen pimps are the Fiddy Cents today and asking all the questions, but I have to ask… Since ya’ll are so good with not letting what’s truly bothering you show (i.e. saying “I’m cool” for every dayum thang.
), then how could we honestly believe that you truly let it go? Like you said, it seems…
My bullsh*t bar is set low in terms of what I will take in a relationship, but on behalf of all my girlfriends that continuously take trifling men back, I think we can agree that the relationship ends at the moment you hint at being on the down low.
everyone is saying be on the down low… but I took that as a given. Because if a man is gay, its not like y’all could have had REAL romantic potential in the first place..
@CaribbeanQueen
“Because if a man is gay, its not like y’all could have had REAL romantic potential in the first place..”
I agree. My answer would be knowing that he participated in homosexual activities.
“its not like y’all could have had REAL romantic potential in the first place..”
But there are countless stories of longstanding marriages that end due to someone coming out… and while they may have had suspicions, the marriage was still in place until they actually came out. That’s why I think it’s the ultimate and universal dealbreaker.
Cosign
cosign on needing space after a breakup.
also, reaching out immediately after a breakup is more to reassure him than seeing how you are. No one likes dumping anyone, and it sucks to feel like the bad guy. But tuff, be the bad guy, let me breathe and recollect & gather myself.
@Rae: yeah, he’s just checking to make sure you haven’t killed yourself….
see how selfish that is? pft men
Ditto everything especially this: “Yes, your intentions are good, and we see that… sometimes we just need space”
I would also add that men have an innate need to be liked. Part of the “check up” call is to gauge just how much he’s now disliked or hated.
That’s exactly right.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?”
Down low? Not GO down low (that’ll get you good times). BE down low.
THIS ^ is why I don’t mess with you.
VERY true though!
well since men notoriously don’t deal with sh*t. you can believe we let that ex go. however, that doesnt mean the scars from that relationship, both self-inflicted and unsolicited, won’t rear their heads at some point. its like we kill the messenger but never lose the message.
“its like we kill the messenger but never lose the message.”
i love this sentence. pure poetry. and true. smh.
“its like we kill the messenger but never lose the message.”
Ah, I feelin’ this. No chexual harrassment.
I’mma have to ask Jeeves this one because I gots nuffin. (Is he even alive?)
good question
“I’ont know is it truly easy for anyone to admit they’re wrong? I mean, even when men do admit they’re wrong, I thought it was just to shut our yapping mouths up.”
Touché. Good point. We’ll take the hit in ego because we realize that silence is golden. I rank this method right above the Chewbacca defense.
#1– A lot of the times, that ex is reaching out trying to get some post-breakup, emotional booty. Just move on… if I don’t call you, don’t call me. If it was a contentious breakup, i don’t give 2 piles of doodoo how you’re feeling. And if the breakup wasn’t bad, I’m still not interested in hearing from you. We are no longer together. Let
s allow some time to past before we even think about being friends or even cool acquaintances.
#2– I don’t have a problem with my man going to Vegas with the boys to have fun. As long as he doesn’t mind me going to Jamaica with these girls…
#3– Infidelity and/or hitting me. Actually, raising a hand to me would be enough for me to bounce. I don’t play those kinds of games.
#4– Some of you guys don’t want to talk about issues in the relationship. Instead, you try to keep of this all logic, no emotion facade. You talk to your mama, your boys, your weed man, anyone who might be able to give you some advice. You should be talking to your woman, and since you’re not talking to her, it appears as if you’re not working hard enough.
#5– Who does this? I’ve never said such a thing to any man I’ve dated. smh… These chicks need therapy, and they probably need to be single while they’re in therapy.
#6– I never wished ill on ex. Though, this boy who dumped me in HS, because I wouldn’t put out, ended up getting an STD from the fast girl in school. I kinds felt bad for him… kinda.
*nods head at #4*
LOL @ “your weed man” and I can just imagine him being like,
“Maannn, I ain’t got time for all this. How much you need, yo?”
lol
#4 is my life right about now.
I double cosign your #4. I swear I want to put on a billboard “TALK TO YOUR WOMAN”. I never understood how ignoring issues just to keep peace is “working things out”. It’s called a cover up and problems never get solved this way.
i’ve actually had two women who had pissed me off to the utmost levels of pisstivity recognize this fact and ask me, very bluntly, “so what, you want to hit me now?”
now…of course i did. but that just aint in me. what it DID do though, was instantly cause a reframing in my mind of the type of chick i was dealing with and made me realize that this is the type of woman who might put me in jail. she’s nuts enough to introduce violence into a situation that’s never had any by implying the threat of it. needless to say, after those situations were sedated and the smoke cleared, i was never truly able to look at them the same way again.
interesting enough, ive had one of those women nearly attempt to force me to hit her. she knew i wouldn’t, but she like started to get all up in my grill adn talk sh*t and like chest bump me and what not. and here’s the thing, i’m a very peaceful man. i like flowers and trees and sh*t. but i will get mad brolic in a second if you push the right button. i won’t put my hands on you – and i’ve never hit a woman or really even thought about it, excluding of course pushing down my sisters when we were like 9 – but i will attempt to use my voice to put the fear of God in you that it could be a very real possibility.
thing is, if it has to get to that point, you’re dead to me anyway.
Wow, chick was bold and mad stupid. Sorry, I would never push a dude that far. All it takes is for his eyes to get that look like he has had enough, and I calm the heck down. I am too pretty, and the braces I paid for were too expensive, to get my face and/or grill effed up over some bs.
Wow she was chest bumping you?
I’d be afraid of actually getting hit and having hospital bills etc (I am a little bit cheap that way- you have to pay for the ambulance, every bit of medication, hospital stay, admin costs, food etc.)
Yeh I said it – bills are my main concern
I think only hood chicks really try to fight men like dat… what say you PJ?
Why moderate me? I’m harmless.
this chick was nowhere close to being hood. graduate degree, two parent household from the suburbs, etc. she just got mad froggy one day.
Yeah, but you said there were two… one of them chicks was hood. Anyway, this uh graduate degree, two parent household from the suburbs, etc don’t mean you not hood… I know plenty of hood chicks that know they daddy, got degrees and great jobs but will hop over a VIP rope with a skirt on quick… smh… for why ladies?
that doesn’t make them hood, it makes them unstable.
well that’s what you get for picking crazy over quality.
sorry. but it’s been mentioned several times on this site that dudes will pick the crazy hot chick over the not so hot, not so crazy chick.
so…
you get what you pay for.
Ehhh…that’s way abnormal. How’d you end up with two?????
May wanna rethink your partner selection M.O.
All of this.
#6 happened to my sister….he dumped her on Xmas eve. Then he got more than an STD….he got a baby.
Why do you always ask us questions when you already know the answers? You know the truth already, do I have to tell you or lie…
Also, do you love to hear us say, “I’m sorry”?
People who do that may think they know the answer, but don’t really and just want it to be confirmed. Would you rather they assume things about you all the time..or actually ask you?
If you were with someone who never admits they were wrong, would you love to hear her say “I’m sorry” sometimes? I’m not saying every man does this. I would assume that people who LOVE, or crave that their partner say they were sorry, it is probably because their partner never admits to being wrong in the first place.
*Would you rather they assume things about you all the time..or actually ask you?*
But why ask like you don’t have a clue? You do have an idea of what’s on your mind, what not share that as the reason you’re asking?
“People who do that may think they know the answer, but don’t really and just want it to be confirmed. Would you rather they assume things about you all the time..or actually ask you?”
This is true, hence the reason I ask a lot of questions. I can assume all day but it doesn’t confirm anything.
Drew-
I’m sorry to say Hun. But if you dont already know the answer to your first question then something is wrong my dear. That answer is as simple as knowing how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop… 3!
We ask you questions to answers we already know to see if you are going to lie to us dead in our face. Plain and simple. It’s also a bonus to hear the off the wall story/excuse that comes free with purchase with this obvious lie. We hand you the shovel and watch you dig your hole. It’s a twisted pleasure at times. As for your 2nd question… Only when you’re in the wrong. But who doesn’t want an apology? Just man up, admit to your wrong doings, and move on. Now if she can’t let the issue go, and 3 weeks later your are still apologizing for tossing her tabby cat out the nearest open window because well… u just don’t like cats. Then tell her to get over it, it has 8 more lives, and you find yourself a new girl that owns a dog because cat lady will always bring it back up.
*We ask you questions to answers we already know to see if you are going to lie to us dead in our face. Plain and simple.*
Ok, so just on behalf of men (and to save ourselves all some time in the future) – we are going to lie. To your face, adjacent to your face, whatever. We are going to lie. Especially if the lie will avert an argument (and we’ll lie twice as fast if we think it would be an argument over something trivial). Now that we understand each other, let’s eat.
Hahaha! Well now that we’ve cleared that up, I’ll send out notification to the female masses. Every answer is a LIE, believe NOTHING!!
“To your face, adjacent to your face, whatever.”
LOL
lmao this is why i <3 you DQ
NOT adjacent to your face.
*falls out laughing*
um…this may seem weird but uh e.nicole…i think i know u girl!..lol!! anyhoo *co-signs alladis!*
also as the feminine species we are blessed/cursed with the “benefit of the doubt” syndrome. we only ask so that we wont ASSume and we WANT to believe that you’re not like the rest/what our homegirls deal with. no one likes to sit in the corner rockn and chewing on hair strands wondering what you shoulda coulda woulda said when you had the chance. Im asking dead on the spot. and TRUST we’re gonna catch you slippn. Our mental rolodex is like permenantly stuck on whatever the first letter of your name is keepn tabs of whats been said. why ask why? honestly, half the time WE DONT KNOW!…lol
Yeah what Drew said. What is the point of this exercise?
Really it’s so you can hear YO’SELF say the dumb isht you just did… it’s not for us, it’s for you… help us help you.
Yeah but VSBs don’t operate like that YS. I mean if you start asking questions and they are odd our “completely out of the blue” they’re going to sound strategic. And once they sound strategic then what you’re going to get back is strategic responses that culminate in the patented reversal “why are you asking me all these questions?”
And as soon as you say, “I’m just curious” or “I’m just asking to ask”…
…now YOU are lying too. And all the moral high ground is gone. LOL.
Uh no… this is too general, I need specifics… The reasons why I ask a question when I know the answer varies based on the situation… usually to help you come to the light (people tend to see their own bullsh*t when you make them explain it)… but sometimes to see if you gon lie *GaryColemanShrug*
Also, do you love to hear us say, “I’m sorry”?
Yes, yes we do.
It’s not that we ask you questions that we already know the answer to. It’s that we want to confirm that you are feeling the same way we do. It’s called “hearing it from the horses mouth”. I don’t want to assume that we’re on the same page.
Yes, we like to hear apologies. Who doesn’t?
lol…we wouldn’t know. we never hear them.
lmao
#shotsfired
“Yes, we like to hear apologies. Who doesn’t?”
That’s funny b/c I just read a story on theroot.com about a woman wanting an apology from a former professor for a racist tirade. The author made the point that we allow others to hold power over us by expecting an apology.
If you can’t get over it on your own and you’re already mad at me about it. Why should I stoop down to give you a boost? (exits Randy Watson style)
Because we continually converse. I don’t go back expecting apologies from others. But if you and me are having a RELATIONSHIP, then that means we should have good relations with one another. One of many traits I look for in a good mate is someone who can acknowledge when he makes mistakes…otherwise, he’ll repeat it. What you’re talking about is forgiveness. I’m talking about the ability to apologize for something you say/do that hurts someone you love.
Why do you always ask us questions when you already know the answers?
I bet you’re the introvert type…
Sometimes, we both think we know the answer but we are miles away from it… Reason why therapists and counselors often ask people in conflict to repeat what they think they heard. You would be surprised how much our experiences color what we understand/hear.
And it’s not that we like to hear you say “sorry”… It’s just that (for me), it’s important to understand and take responsibility for what didn’t work. And a good way to do that is to say “sorry”…
I could be wrong, but I don’t think this is what Drew is talking about. I think he is talking about not you thinking something, but you all KNOWING something, but asking us anyway.
If you know I was at the club yesterday, why are you asking me where I was yesterday? You already know where I was. Why the subtrefuge?
“Also, do you love to hear us say, “I’m sorry”?”
Sure. In fact, I just did a backflip just from seeing you type it just now.
This really explains to me the “logic.” Thanks ladies!
@E. Nicole – Can you BCC: on that email! Thanks
I don’t mind talking if the relationship ended on amicable terms, but if it was a bad break up (e.g., he did something sh*tty) then I don’t want to talk to you because I don’t like you. Plus, 99% of the time he probably has some motive in mind. This phone call also tends to come at 3 am…
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
If I broke up with you, then we can talk all day! But if you broke up with me, you know that girl is probably feeling some type of way towards you. Why do you think she would want to speak to you after you broke up with her? We need our time to heal and get over you before we feel comfortable speaking to you again.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
LMAO I didnt think guys noticed this. I never really used to do that until I met the guy that I’m with now. It just makes us feel left out and lame especially if our girls are busy that weekend. It’s like damn I wish I had something fun to do too! Well at least for me. If we are both out at different places, best believe I’m not really worried about him. lol
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
I think if a woman has kids, and she finds out her man touched her kids or something. But if she doesn’t, all women are different and we each have our own “deal breakers”. Some can tolerate what others can’t. Mine would be if he hit me.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
I have never done this, and I never will. Any woman who does is just taunting an already angry man, and god forbid he does do it, what is your a$$ gonna say then? “You shouldn’t have hit me?” SMH
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Actually, I had that situation. This guy tells me how much he loves me how he wants to get married all that good stuff. I really did love him, and he broke my heart. He goes away on a “church retreat” one weekend and is TEXTING me how he needs to get closer with God and he doesnt think we should be in a relationship because it would get in the way. I’m thinking , “well damn we can go to church together” but I’m guessing that wasn’t the real reason. Anyway I cut him out of my life right then and there and never looked back. And of course he found a way to contact me to see “how I was doing”, I told him I was trying to forget he existed and he took the hint and never hit me up again. I’m totally over him now, and I honestly could care less about how he’s doing, however I do not wish ill on him, nor do I hate him. I forgave him and moved on.
i skipped number 4.. oh well I dont really know the answer to that one anyway. lol
“….But if you broke up with me, you know that girl is probably feeling some type of way towards you. Why do you think she would want to speak to you after you broke up with her? We need our time to heal and get over you before we feel comfortable speaking to you again.”
SO on point w/ this!
“Caribbeeeaannn Quueeen/Now we’re sharing the same dream/and our hearts they beat as one/no more love on the run!”
Sorry, the name made me play the song, and i sang along, and now I’m ashamed…
Billy Ocean and his ash colored dreadlocks are smiling somewhere, knowing that someone has played his 1980′s hit again…
lmao and thats exactly why i chose the name!
Sorry to say that your #3 is not universal, especially in our community.
OK!!!… smh.
my #3 states that for every woman its different and we all have our own deal breakers, so how is that not universal?
and also, if you’re talking about the woman who has kids,
i don’t know of ANY woman who would stay with a man who has “touched” her kids.
I know too many people who had inappropriate contact from a father/stepdad/momma’s bf. Some of these people told their mothers, some didn’t. It is very common, and yet black folks want to pretend that it isn’t. And, if by george a young girl (or boy) comes forward, they are victim-blamed and shamed to no end. We talk a good game about this, but do a piss poor job of handling it. Yeah, you may know someone who’se experiences were different, but there are others who go contrary to your experience.
true…
i stand corrected
Actually you may not know any but I can name right off the top of my head… of course I won’t.
hmm…with such a great preface/introduction…i thought.. well never mind what i thought..
alas…
Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
-if i broke up with you: get the hint!
-if you broke up with me: why are you trying to have your cake and eat it to?
(shout out to cheekie on her recent post… i’ll leave it to her to link). lol.
at the end of the day, we know you aren’t trying to be friends with us. especially if we’ve been intimate. so what’s the motive? why bother? just walk away boy.
Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
i give this question a legit soul sideeye: e__O.
what? when im having a sleepover, out with my ladies..my dude out with his boys is the last thing on my mind. if i have a man, i hope the shenanigans dont lead to quickie vegas marriages, std’s or babies. anything else.. who even cares? most women want/know that their man has friends to occupy his time.
Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
no. never underestimate the low self esteem of women. abused women should be your example of this.
Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
i think the problem is men and women communicate differently. women emote. it’s how we’re programmed. we talk and sh*t. so if we’ve mentioned a problem (like y’all want us to) and you dont do anything to acknowledge or fix it..then..who else is there to point the finger at.
if sex isn’t happening, that’s a couple problem and is on both parties.
but the last dude i was dating, decided to change the game in the middle of the 1st qtr. all was good, then it wasn’t. i, in a calm adult manner addressed it with him. he acknowledged it, said he wanted to make it work and would do better. he didn’t.
so i had 2 choices: nag him about it (not my steez), stay and complain to my girls about it (also not my steez) or walk away. i chose #3. you determine how someone treats you. he clearly needed someone who wanted less than i did. a long distance relationship is better for him.
Most of us menfolks tend to think that women severely lack in the accountability department. Are we wrong?
you’ve alluded to this many times on vsb, and its like fingernails to chalkboard everytime. i dont get it. ALL women don’t take responsibility for mistakes/errors? i dont know what that even means. i’m not going to even get indignant on the internet and defend myself, because i’m just 1-dimensional with glossy lips. all i know is that it takes a lot to make oneself vulnerable to a person, and it seems usually women are first/the only to do this in a relationship. this of course depends on many things, incl the type of relationship. but as one gets older and hopefully wiser, one knows oneself better and that includes their flaws. if a woman you are dealing with cant ever be wrong or apologize.. she isn’t for you.
Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
this gets the baby cheekie face: -.-
WHO is asking these questions??? where are you finding these women???
Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
i tend to be the breaker vs the breakee, so i dont have ill will. when i get to that point, i block, delete, purse and keep on movin.
in the case where i’ve flown to a US city, spent $$ on hotel and ended up heartbroken – it takes a while, but we do move on. i dont think this is a gender thing. there are some dudes who (might not express it) but aren’t over an ex either and STAY hating/c*ckblocking on their boys to keep her off limits.
I wouldn’t call it hating, because among guys, exes are usually off limits. Like I wouldn’t think of hollering at any of my boys’ exes. It just wouldn’t sit well with most guys.
If a guy B starts dating the gf of a friend (guy A), then something will eventually die: either the friendship or the new relationship between. It’s pretty rare that guy B dates guy A’s ex and maintains the “pre-smushing-your-ex” level of friendship that guy B had with guy A.
Ok, KB…
*coughclickmynamefortherecentpost* (yes, I’m still shamelessly plugging but I didn’t actually drop a link. this makes it better in my head)
@ Cheekie – on your blog post on “have your cake and eat it too” there’s a great NY Times articles about it!
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/20/magazine/20FOB-onlanguage-t.html
Grazie! Will check it out.
hmm…with such a great preface/introduction…i thought.. well never mind what i thought..
awwww, i’m so sorry to disappoint you apparently. gosh, i hope i don’t do that again!
“all i know is that it takes a lot to make oneself vulnerable to a person, and it seems usually women are first/the only to do this in a relationship.”
My girl crush on you is growing into the unhealthy category. lol I’m straight dammit. Stop making me love you! Anywho, women not taking accountability? That sounds more like men.
My girl crush on you is growing into the unhealthy category. lol I’m straight dammit. Stop making me love you! Anywho, women not taking accountability? That sounds more like men
this respone from you to her, about what she wrote – makes 100 percent sense to me.
LOLOL i had to read it like a thousand times to get your point. hahahahahaa.
Huh? I’m slow.
Oh wait, so it only makes sense for me to date women?
I dunno what you mean home skillet.
i just know y’all love eachother.
Aw.
see i focused on the last part of it…
when you said women not taking accountability sounds like men, thus blaming men and not taking accountability for not taking accountability…
guess my brain is different. either way, made me laugh.
hey girlie. lol
Ha! Nice.
I bet you that’s what he really meant. Jerk. lol
LOL.
SFG…you crack me up.
ps: i can’t decipher pj’s comment below either.
*kanye shrug.
wait, let me rephrase, i hold myself accountable to not understand perhaps the subtle shots fired. i sincerely apologize and will not ask questions to which i either dont want or already know the answer.
i give you peace.
An absolute Thank you and Good night relationship dealbreaker is if my man looked me in the eye and said, “I’m gay.”
And the only reason I can say that now because the first time, my friend looked me in the eye and said “I’m gay.”
And I fell in love with him. (Oops, I was young and insecure and sh*t)
Also this::
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?”
I used to do a version of this all the time, except I would actually HIT my guy friends in the face. I was always playing of course, but one day I hit Darius and he hit me back
O_O
I was in such shock that he did that. And I vowed I would never hit another guy, jokingly or not (unless, you know…..) I still look at Darius cross-eyed though. You should not hit a woman. Ever. I don’t give a f*ck what. I was genuinely hurt that he hit my face. It made me think him way less than a man. Maybe because he was raised in Baltimore (no shots). Maybe because he was gay. Idk.
That’s all I got for now
School ‘em VSS!!!
Bwhahahahahhah!! Geez…….I……cant………breath…….@ him hitting you back and you looking surprised !!!
Whew!! Thanks for this
I believe if a woman has the unmitigated gall to hit another person (male or female), she better also know how to take a quick punch to the face from a male or female
I was thinkin the exact same thing. You threw hands and were surprised to get hit in return?
(-_-)
end up like this chick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxLn6wUplyg
Link is crazy. I felt kind of bad that she was reckless enough to pursue him like that. He got real weak on camera though. No judgment but prayer for both of them.
I’ve grabbed a few women up, looked in the face and firmly told them to stop acting out. Then I learned you can go to jail for that #lame. So, Now I grab em up and give a firm hug. Which usually makes them stop all the foolishness anyways, women just wanted be loved and accepted and they can’t feel like you pushing them away if you are pulling them in.
See this is what you are supposed to do!! When i hear women co-sign on it’s okay to hit other women, I’m looking at yall cross-eyed too. Because MEN ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HIT WOMEN. PERIOD. THE END.
And in my situation, we were friends not lovers. And he would play around too. So if it was really bothering him that i would hit him, then he should done what Sageofsilence did instead of just full blown decking me. I never knew it was bothering him (I don’t think it even was until i made a big deal about him hitting me back) So i don’t play around like that anymore, because on any given day when it’s an actual problem, then i’m getting knocked out and someone’s going to jail.
Ooooh.
MEN ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HIT WOMEN. PERIOD. THE END.
How about:
WOMEN ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HIT MEN. PERIOD. THE END.
See how that works? Everybody would be happy with all their original teeth if we kept our hands to ourselves when were angry and reckless.
@Sage of Silence
“So, Now I grab em up and give a firm hug. Which usually makes them stop all the foolishness anyways, women just wanted be loved and accepted and they can’t feel like you pushing them away if you are pulling them in.”
: )
i kind of agree which is why i kind of know who to hit and who to ask “are you gonna hit me now?” because generally if its a guy and I’m asking him, he ain’t finna me.
you got to know your target!
“I believe if a woman has the unmitigated gall to hit another person (male or female), she better also know how to take a quick punch to the face from a male or female”
And let the Church say ‘AMEN’.
My mother always taught me to be careful what you say to man. Saying some dumb ish like “So you wanna hit me?” after doing something beat down worthy is FOOLISH.
At best, he doesn’t hit you and you’re a punk ass b*tch for taking advantage of someone’s sense and good home training….
At worst, he kills you.
Of course there is the in-between where he hits you, but I have NO DESIRE for someone to hit me and then tell me they are sorry. Sorry doesn’t heal wounds, bruises, etc. So a word to all those dumb broads (Not ladies, broads) who instigate a man and get hit……… What did you expect him to do? Its like kicking a Tiger and getting mad when he bites your face off.
And yeah, yeah, yeah men are trained to ‘Know Better’ and I am a firm believer if a woman is upsetting you, just walk away so you don’t hit her. But for real, you weak as hell if you talk to a dude all crazy, ASKING to get hit, and then get all satisfied because he won’t/doesn’t hit you. -_-
I believe if a woman has the unmitigated gall to hit another person (male or female), she better also know how to take a quick punch to the face from a male or female
Preach it on the streets!
A female yes. A male no.
“I believe if a woman has the unmitigated gall to hit another person (male or female), she better also know how to take a quick punch to the face from a male or female”
This is pure foolishness. A real man doesn’t hit a woman period. This sounds like what abused women say for foolishness.
smh.
Girl bye. If you disrespect someone by putting your hands on them, you deserve what you get period. Even the law does not make concessions on this (granted it can be a tad shady for the men), so move around with that foolishness, cuz today ain’t even the day.
Girl……Bye!! You obviously don’t know what an abused woman sounds like or you wouldn’t have made that insensitive statement. But if one is disrespectful enough to put their hands on another human being, i’m not suprised. Even the law does not make concessions on this (although it can be a tad shady sometimes). I am not debating what makes a “real man” or not so that statement can pass me right on by.
So i’ll repeat for the ones in the stands: IF YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON ANOTHER PERSON (male or female), YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU GET PERIOD!!
sorry for the double post, I got 404′d the first time…
I agree. Everyone knows that it’s wrong for a man to put his hands on a woman, but that doesn’t give a woman the excuse to cross that line. If you know that the same comments or actions would get a man jabbed in his face, then why would you go down that path? I’m going to teach my son not to hit women. I’m already teaching my daughter not to provoke a man or woman unless she’s prepared for the consequences.
I’m already teaching my daughter not to provoke a man or woman unless she’s prepared for the consequences.
Write that on a tablet and hit it in your heart, for reals. Some of the most valuable advice I ever got. Although I’ve never been struck, or even approached as such, I’m trying to keep it that way. I like my life like I like my diamonds, Conflict-Free. Oh yeah, add unbruised to that list, but that goes more for life, and less for diamonds.
Dear Anastasia;
You are absolutely right. No real man should hit a woman. Period. If this world exclusively offered us absolutes, and everything was black and white with no shades of gray, I would encourage you to stand firm on your assertion.
But the world is not black and white. Not only are there shades of gray, but there is an increasing shortage of these “real” men that you speak of. If you have to guess what kind of man you’re dealing with “real” or whatever constitutes the antithesis, then I urge you to err on the side of caution.
Here’s where it gets further convoluted. Let’s explore those shades of gray. While a “real” man should never hit a woman, every man has a right to defend himself. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. When attacked, and the fight or flight instinct takes over, instinct doesn’t stop to rationalize. During those times when you saw an object coming towards your eyes, did you close your eyes and duck immediately, or did you stop to think “hmmm, what could this object flying at me be? Perhaps it is soft and I can easily tolerate its impact with no harm. But then again, it’s coming fairly fast and in a straight trajectory so perhaps I should just go ahead and duck.” I sincerely doubt you chose the latter. When a man, real or otherwise is hit, he responds. Please act wisely. More importantly, please consider all possibilities that may result from your actions…not just the ones based on how you define whom you’re dealing with. You could be wrong.
“When a man, real or otherwise is hit, he responds. Please act wisely.”
The thought of those big heavy knuckles coming across my face. I can’t imagine.
Thank you Cab, thank you. Its late on the east coast, but were still up on the West!
Like I said above, I do not hit men at all anymore jokingly or not and I appreciate your acknowledging both sides of this.
I just get confused and a little hurt when I hear a woman say that is okay for a man to hit us, whether provoked or not. And no women should not provoke men, yes and yes, but that kind of talk just doesn’t make sense to me.
Gosh I love VSB!!!!
Preach Anastacia! And that’s my name too. Anyways, I get tired of hearing that line about women somehow deserving to be hit to be taught some twisted lesson. Yay, you shouldn’t provoke people, but c’mon. Replace woman with mother, cop or even young child (not in a discipline context). Shoot cops can “provoke” you all day but I bet ten dollars you WILL keep your cool. And everyone’s mama has told them off; bet you won’t do nothing about it. Your child can embarass you but if they didn’t do anything punishment worthy, you will have to hold your temper. So I’mma need grown ass nuccas to keep their hands to themselves, unless they want to end up keeping their hands to themselves. #justblanks
Anastasia! *cough* bwahahahahaha *cough* Thanks for making my morning! A man should never hit a woman because he knows his strength trumps hers. If I was a man, I would never punch a woman in the face. I don’t care how many times she hit me. I would push her or restrain her because I’m a man and I’m strong.
I was exaggerating for the sake of humor with the punch in the face, I do think men should realize they are stronger and just you know….pinch the $h*t outta her lol.
But the thing I have a problem with is the notion that women get a blank slate to do whatever violence they want toward another human being, just b/c said human being is a man and then have the audacity to be shocked when/if the man retaliates.
Inono just my 2 cents again.
Oh, I didn’t even see your comment originally but yes, I cosign that too. We can’t do whatever we want. I don’t hit others because I don’t like to be hit. Women who abuse their man get the O_O look from me. I don’t get that kind of behavior.
I’m sorry but I have witnessed domestic violence first hand and daring a man to hit you has to be one of the dumbest things a woman can do. Unless you’re a Williams sister.
And actually being hurt and surprised that he chooses to defend himself is even dumber.
I was always taught that if you hit someone, you better expect to be hit back. Keep your hands to yourself. Being a “weak little woman” does not give you a pass. Period.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?–Because we over analyze EVERYTHING. Is he calling because he can’t stop thinking about me and wants to make conversation? Is he trying to see if I’m still heart broken? Does he want to be nosy to make sure I haven’t moved on? Has he moved on? Should I ask him? Do I want to know the answer? Can I call him back tomorrow? Are we going to be friends now which will eventually lead to getting back together? Not only that, but it does interfere with the healing process for a lot of women…just when you stop thinking about them they call…Shall I continue?
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?–Of course not…as long as you’re not having more fun than us
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?–Eventually there will be that woman who’s been walked all over so many times that the smallest infraction will result in your dismissal…but some women never make it to that point and give second chances like hookers give blow jobs (I’m assuming hookers give a lot of blow jobs…because they’re the easiest…I think. I don’t know. Don’t judge me)
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems? Generalizing…but men usually aren’t the people who bring up the problems…so if you don’t bring it up it seems like you’re not thinking about it at all, let alone working on fixing it.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?–DO YOU!!!!??
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?–Sometimes..and sometimes we put our blood and sweat and tears into a relationship and then it suddenly ends and we’re blindsided and no one likes that….we get over it though.
I really want to stay up and read the hilarious comments that are sure to follow…darn midterms. Don’t say anything funny until tomorrow please!
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?–Because we over analyze EVERYTHING. Is he calling because he can’t stop thinking about me and wants to make conversation? Is he trying to see if I’m still heart broken? Does he want to be nosy to make sure I haven’t moved on? Has he moved on? Should I ask him? Do I want to know the answer? Can I call him back tomorrow? Are we going to be friends now which will eventually lead to getting back together? Not only that, but it does interfere with the healing process for a lot of women…just when you stop thinking about them they call…Shall I continue?
this is all very true. ive had ALL of these thoughts about one particular ex. its so unhealthy to spend so much time trying to decode a simple “how are you doing today, miss?” text
Be honest and tell me the truth. I won’t get mad :/…Mama estebancharles used to get me with this a decade ago and it still confuses me now. Do you ladies really want the truth or a less hurtful variation of it?
It really depends on the woman and your relationship. If you all have a blunt honesty policy then she probably won’t get mad, maybe hurt or disappointed but not mad IF you tell the truth. But honestly no one wants to be lied to…especially not to their face and what causes the anger is if the truth is already known and you change, twist or manipulate it and spoon feed it to her like jello.
It really depends on the woman and your relationship
I think the day men understand this rather simplistic concept, it would be one giant step for relationship-dom…. Get to know the woman you are dating/married to/shagging/whatever-ing… and know that there is NO one size fit all approach to this. At all. As much as y’all like to believe you all come from the same mold (which is as high a fallacy as the devil not existing), we want you to know we are different and react differently to things… Similarities do not imply sameness.
If you get anything from today’s discussion, please get this. Mmkay? thankyouverymuch.
“I think the day men understand this rather simplistic concept, it would be one giant step for relationship-dom…. ”
I need that in all CAPS Sula…and bold it please. Don’t be afraid to shout up in dis mutha.
sula, this answers the entire post. thank you.
Get to know the woman you are dating/married to/shagging/whatever-ing… and know that there is NO one size fit all approach to this.
aaaaaand scene.
YES!
*standing ovation Sula
Co-signing Phi, it depends on the woman.
Personally, I’d like a nice slant to the truth.
Example-
Me: Snugglebutt, do these jeans give me pancake booty?”
Snugglebutt: “Well, they don’t flatter your figure.”
Done and done.
Contrary to popular belief, we can handle the truth. Even I have some instant emotional reaction to something thats unfavorable, I will be OK. I take my big girl pills every morning. Lies take way too much work; save yourself the trouble.
Hahaha, I don’t even waste my breath with that one. I say tell me the truth because a lie would be worse. And then, usually I go someone to be by myself to process the truth cuz my first reaction will.not.be.nice.
the truth of the matter is, the truth can hurt. like a muhfugga. and some women would rather be lied to over being hurt. so as mentioned in responses above, you have to understand the woman to know which she prefers.
when i, Gem of the Ocean, ask for the truth, i sincerely want it. at this stage in my lifei dont understand how some one could get mad at another person for doing exactly what they asked. makes no sense. but ive been there on that end of “illogical” and i hope to never ever go back.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
Not I. I can’t really co-sign with woman that does either.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Be gay.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
LOL! Women ask this? Pssshh! I wish a negro would look like or even have a thought to wanna hit me….
5. Becareful what you wish for. So far I can guess you just haven’t been in that situation.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Be gay. Or let me even SUSPECT it.
I am DONE forever, no going back.
I wish a negro would look like or even have a thought to wanna hit me….
I so bloody wish!!!!! Pshhhh!
1.) The reason I get upset is because I feel that touching base isn’t about me but moreso about clearing your conscience. But that’s only if everything is cordial and friendly. If it’s the opposite and I feel he knows I’m still hurt, I feel like he’s only touching base to see if I’m not over him, thus stroking his ego because I’m still “sprung”.
3.) Universally, no. More women are afraid of breaking up with “the one” so they stay and work it out because “everyone has problems”.
If you broke up with me don’t call me unless you sorry and want to take me to Tiffany’s to pick out an engagement ring because you realized that your life ain’t ish without me and I’m the wind beneath your wings.
A part of me will always wish my exes were hit by buses or drowned in the pacific but it’s part of my healing process. I didn’t really love you unless I have envisioned you dying at least once.
LMBO!
I didn’t really love you unless I have envisioned you dying at least once.
LOL & smh
Yes, this. Thx for saving me the typing. I try to be evolved and not actively hate, butI will delight in his moderate mistfortunes.
1.) well we get upset b/c its a dilemma. we miss you and/or want to let you know how we are but know its prob not best for the closure of the relationship yet we feel obligated to respond as well. It just puts an annoying wedge in the breakup process. 2.) I cant relate to this. You just do you. Ima do me is how that goes. 3.) Cheating unless we are married, giving me an STD, hitting me, stealing from me, lying about significant ish like being married for instance. 4.) Good question.I like to be deceptively in denial to avoid what Im not sure, but I think the more comfortable I get with a dude the more Im willing to be held accountable. Now that I think abt it Ive always believed, subconsciously I guess, that the dude was inherently less committed to resolving issues in the relationship.hmmm 5.) Ive challenged with the “hit me if you want to n*gga” before…it’s just our way of acknowledging that we know we pissed you off but not wanting to be all the way accountable. twisted and deranged but just another be-as-stubborn-as possible and keep-him-in-the-wrong tactic 6.) Yeah…aint nobody got time to be obsessing over ex-dude and how he should lose his job and catch herpes…for too long anyway. Gotta be emotionally available for the next one. Last time I checked you cant really practice good voodoo and date successfully at the same time.
I feel like the hit me thing is a way for us (ladies) to have some control in a situation – because real men aren’t going to actually hit us, so its like provoking a caged lion. The M-effer could kill me if he wanted, but he cant/wont get out the cage
Yes, that too!
you all do realize that is absolutely insane right?
it is, but yall love us, right??????????
i don’t do it anymore panama, i learned from my insanity!!!
Absolutely dangerously insane, actually.
Caged lions end up escaping and terrorizing suburbs, doe.
All this lion and cage talk reminds me of that katt williams tiger skit:
“This cage right here (ninja!), this cage right here (ninja!)”
Right, don’t they kill and eat people?… you sure you want to use THIS to support your point?
1.Assuming the guy broke up with the girl, I believe its because we may think you really don’t care how we are doing. And if you really cared, then you could fix the problem by simply geting back with us. I have found that when guys break up with you and want to see “how you’re doing,” they just want to make sure you aren’t mad at them and that Aye, we still cool right?
3. My deal breakers would be physical violence and cheaitng, especially if its with one of my friends. But to be honest, until you are put in this situation, sometimes it’s hard to say. Often times, we put up with more than what we thought we would.
6.This can depend on the person and how serious it was. But for me, yes its possible. I have no feelings whatsoever anymore for my ex (granted, its been 3 years). I don’t hate him and I don’t even care about him. There is just absolutely nothing there.
I know you asked more questions, but the others require me to think and it’s too late for all that.
Lmao at the cookie monster joke, seeing that Steve Harvey often speaks like that.
Btw, that caption calls to mind the following 5 sec vid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwvXrkCvN80&feature=related
But yeah don’t call after the beak up. We good. And if I wasn’t there is really nothing your calling would fix
I’m not anti fun. Have your fun but keep it within reason and to a respectable hour
Cheating, hitting, public embarrassment will get you instantly cut off.
I also always forgive my ex’s. It releases the power they have over me. I harbor no strong emotions either way about any of them.
I also always forgive my ex’s. It releases the power they have over me. I harbor no strong emotions either way about any of them.
ditto.
Women, I got a few questions. I realize not all women do these things that I’m about to list, but as there are some women to whom these things apply, could you explain:
1. Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
3. What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?
4. Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else
6. What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)
7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?
Alright that’s enough
1. Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?
This made me laugh because this is so me and I don’t know why. I guess maybe beause it seems like things of those other women mean more to you or that if she’d take you back right now, you’d leave me and be w/ her. I guess that’s how I’ve looked at… silly as it may be. *shrug*
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
Another thing I’m unsure of why I do it but maybe it’s because it gives me time to really decide if I want to know the answer to what I’m trying to ask or to get on a take on your mood of what I’m trying to get out of you.
3. What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?
This ain’t never been my thing but I think it has a lot to do with insecurity and immaturity.
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else
Being married: 2 or 3
Being a mom: 6 or 7
6. What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)
Ahhh! It just… allows my skin to breathe. Thank ya lawd!
7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?
Even though I’m still recovering from a heartbreak… I’m still happy with men. I know too many good men to be disappointed by any.
Hawaii, fun set of questions!
we over analyze, don’t join us.
1. Depends on where you keep them and how he seems to feel about them. I don’t generally care. But if he were poring through them regularly, misty blue and etc. That’s no threat- it’s a real sign homeslice is stuck in the past.
2. Sigh. I’m working actively on fixing this in myself. When I did it, I thought I was casually trying to get answers I wanted him to be more forthright about. I finally explained that and we sorted through it. Apparently my subtlety was like the Spanish armada. Like I said I’m working on it. To my credit I can be very direct too.
3. Crap if I know. And my man is the most gorgeous, friendly awesome dude you ever wanted to see so heffas circle. Personally taken men are as big a turn off as gay ones. It’s just wrong. Aside from the awkward settling after a guy just starts a committed relationship, just wrong.
4. Yes. Women are better at hiding it and men are less suspicious and worse at discovering it.
5. Ha. Come on now. I’m a woman, phenomenally. ’nuff said.
6. This is a feminine moment. If it doesn’t bother why do you care?
7. In the global economy and the biggest faith based institution in the world (currency)?yes. Men, heck no! You guys are, well, God’s gift to women.
1) Thought process: Why does he need pictures of her around? Why is her hair thicker than mine? Does he like thicker hair? How can I get thicker hair? Why’s her booty bigger? Does he like bigger @sses? Can I even grow my ass that big, sh*t looks like two baby hippos in a blanket. A sexy love poem? He never wrote me no poems. Is this a video tape? Is this why he wanted me to wear that outfit? Is that tongue thing I like something she taught him? (Pretty much on and on like that until you get home to find us roasting marshmellows with your precious memories).
2) Assuming is sometimes easier than knowing. It keeps the pain/hurt feelings/ argument at bay for a little while longer. But some women are just damb manipulative and like to play games with people. No bueno.
3) Self-fulfilling prophecy. By constantly going after unattainable men, a pseudo-relationship will shoo away the lonliness for awhile until she realizes she’s still as alone as ever, and maybe more so. It’s a cycle one has to really want to get out of before anything can be really done.
4) I think it’s about even (I also think it’s a high percentage on both ends).
5) A) 2, B) 8; I was raised to think that being a mother is one of the most important things a woman can do, so if it one day turns out that I can’t have kids I’d be devastated. Marriage, though, I can take or leave; marriage doesn’t promise fidelity nor love.
6) Have you ever seen a woman’s medicine cabinet or the sides of the tub with all the soaps, lotions, creams, ect? That’s why. We work hard for our bodies and like for them to be able to breathe every now and then.
7) I get asked that often, believe it or not; I’m not an “angry sista” or anything like that, but I seem to take all the relationship/dating fails that happen to me in stride which confuses people. No, I’m not angry with men, but I am slightly disillusioned that the men I thought would be in abundance are actually not. I think I’m also disillusioned with love and how little it seems to mean to anybody anymore.
Your #1 is toooooo true and it had me rollin’- man insecurities are about a b*tch
I know! Even if its just one item and not a box full that one item will haunt the sh*t out of some of us.
1. Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?
Though: If he is keeping these things..does he still love her?
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
Maybe we don’t trust you will give a straight answer. Are you direct in your answers to her..or do you prevaricate?
3. What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?
Jealousy and insecurity.
4. Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?
Maybe..but their reasons for doing so might be different.
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else
a,b .. not a lot because I am neither. But then I sometimes I don’t feel like an
‘adult’..but not because I am not married or have kids. It’s more about my
looks and personality.
6. What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)
I don’t do it often..or on purpose. I might have stripped to change clothes or get in the shower and the phone rings..or something else that I need to do and don’t have time to throw on a robe, or don’t feel the need to do so because I live alone and on the top floor so who’s going to see me anyway?
7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?
I feel my responses are boring because I am a generally reasonable person.
No I’m not angry or disappointed in men. I am angry and dissappointed in specific men for specific things that they do. I try not to paint all men with the same brush, simply because I don’t want to be generalized about as well.
@DQ Great qstns!
“Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?”
If after “X” amt of time, you still have them it makes me think that you are still pining for that person. Therefore it doesn’t make me feel very secure. Security is very important to some women.
“Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?”
Cuz there are certain “key words” and “phrases” we are scouting for that will be a red flag, or comfort us.
“What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?”
Not my style, but I would guess EGO.
“Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?”
No, I don’t think so. I would think it has to do more with morals, and personal beliefs more than anything…IDK
“On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else”
You know, for me I am a woman. Period. The way you phrased the qst, to me speaks more of (my assumption) a man’s “manhood” is intertwined with his seed. I am a woman, because I am a woman.
Short answer for me 1.
“What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)”
Not my style…
“Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?”
I wouldn’t say disappointed, more like finding out the Wizard of Oz didn’t exist. Oh well, the characters gained from the experience in the end, so there is hope!
1. Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?
Why are some men threatened by old love letters, pictures, or momentos? It’s the same insecure reason. You either don’t want to know what the competition could be, or it’s the possibility that maybe that’s not really an ex and it’s somebody on the ” I could still hit and do when i get the chance List”
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
Why are some men so strategic and manipulative with their woman? I’ve dated a guy like this and near the end, there was a lot of “What the hell do you really want? Stop trying to figure me out and ask the damn question” in our conversations Needless to say he was clueless to why I was so pissed. Maybe I’m more of a dude than a girl, but that mess pisses me off, as does meeting men who think EVERY woman is calculating. I’m simple, ask a simple question, you’ll get a basic answer…
3. What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?
Easy… you get the best of both worlds, the d*ck without the drama, some temporary companionship without the work of a relationship. For some it’s a power trip and for others it’s an insecurity and an inability to commit. If you keep going after things you can’t have or meeting married men ONLY, well something is wrong with you. Seriously. You need to re-evaluate your commitment “isshas”.
4. Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?
Y.E.S.. it’s called being discrete
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else
5. Only because after a certain age, every stranger you meet wants to know the status of your ovary management and seems very interested in any weight bearing objects on your weakest finger. In the end. it should be a resounding 0. You can be an amazing woman without kids or a man. But society and your grandmother and your great aunt BB still want to know when you gon’ stop running around like a loose woman and get a “Rooster out the yard” birf some babies and stop hustlin’ and making it rain on them H0#$.
6. What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)
Were else can you walk around stark naked, without stares? It’s not commonly or communally accepted in our society to walk around baring what our momma’s gave us, unless were at Hedonism and even then, we get enough of the wrong looks on the street, you need a place where no ones going to stare and you can be free to be you.
7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?
Are men generally angry or otherwise disappointed or disgusted with women as a whole? I meet a lot of bitter broken men.
I don’t male bash, there some ain’t ish negroes roaming in this earth, alot of ‘em. But, as a whole, I’m not angry or disappointed in them as a whole, just in general. There are so many things people f up on that are basic and could be fixed and healed. But some people like to play games and makes things hard… will we ever figure out why people just can’t be people and stop playing games with people’s emotions?
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
I failed so horribly at this one once. I tend to over analyze everything… and I needed to talk to a guy that I was dating about something… but I didn’t want to come off as needy or like I was trippin or upset… I really just wanted an answer to a question. However, instead of just directly asking him like I should have, I ended up kind of pushing him into a corner with my line of questioning. He finally got frustrated and asked me what I wanted from him. I told him… and the he asked me “Why didn’t you just say that???” It made me realize that its best to just be direct and ask. I really had good intentions because I was trying to figure out a way to ask what I wanted without putting too much pressure on him… but I was just doing too much. Thinking too hard about the whole situation.
4. Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?
yup. Women just don’t do it as stupidly as men do most of the time. I think women don’t get caught as often.
7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?
Nope… the older I get, the more I start to understand men and the more I can see the ways that I played a part in the relationships that have failed in the past. I feel more empowered now… because I’m starting to understand the things that I can change about myself that will render a better outcome in future relationships.
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
Because men give answers that are short and simple. it is hard to get you to elaborate. By asking a million questions we are trying to figure out your thought process.
3. What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?
I dont know but why are some women magnets for married men?
4. Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?
Nope! A woman does’nt normally give up on her relationship and will normally only cheat because she is lacking emotional connections at home.
6. What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)
I dont know, but I strip down as soon as I hit the door lol!
7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?
Nope! Somewhere there is a guy that is perfect for me typing answers to a random blog answering these same type questions.
1. Seems like you’re comparing us to old girl
2. Trying to see if you’re gonna lie
3. These men have been “trained” if you will and have increased attractive qualities
4. yes
5. a)5 b)9 c)7 (appearance)
6. feeling the fabrics of things (couch, sheets, drapes) on your skin
7. too many of you all seem complacent with not having sh*t
1. Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?
I guess it comes to the fact that people attribute values to those things. If a man (or woman for that matters) is constantly going back to look at old pictures and reminisce, there is certainly something that this picture brings and that is missing from their life… It can mean the new person is not enough. Now, if the boxes are there just because you haven’t gotten to them yet that’s an entirely different process and a reasonable woman (or man) would not be threatened by it…
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
I would answer for me… I am a chess player in general in life. I plan moves 50 plays ahead of time, it speaks to my need to be in control of most of my own circumstances. I believe it often carries over to my relationship for better or for worst. I recognize the annoying aspect of feeling like you’re being cross-examined, it’s something I am perpetually working on. In business and professional life, it has worked well but in personal relationships not so much. So for all of us out there, I apologize.
3. What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?
I have absolutely no clue… I guess I can throw out the oft-repeated low self-esteem, not believing they deserve it mantra… but maybe sometimes they just do it because it’s easier and fun for them? I don’t know. Never been in that situation.
4. Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?
Is that bait? Lol. I think women and men engage in acts of infidelity in very different ways than men. They may do it for the same reason, but it manifests itself differently… Hence, they get caught less often. Both men and women often do it for an ego boost… however, for a man’s ego to be boosted several people have to know/be aware that he still got it (he has to do the pursuing)… For a woman, it’s often enough for her to know that there are men falling at her feet. No need for her SO to know/be involved…. In other words, men are often sloppier than women.
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else
I have always dreamed of being a mother… I love the idea, I love the nobleness of it. I often joke that I was ready to be a mother ages before I was ready to be a wife… But I am lazy and I don’t believe in raising a kid by my lonesome, so I had to get ready to be a wife first… BUT if none of those happen, I will still think of myself as very much of a woman… because I very much am a woman, kids/marriage or not.
6. What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)
Do you realize how constraining those contraption devices called bras are????? VERY! Lol. And we have to wear those things all the time, it’s not FUNNY! Lol… So whenever I get the chance to be naked, I will take it. I often go to topless beaches just to avoid having to wear a bra while relaxing…
7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why
Nope. I may be disappointed in a particular man at a certain point, but just like seeing a disappointing movie doesn’t turn me off movies in general, a man disappoints me it’s that particular man and not all of them… Also, owning your part of responsibility in disappointments goes a long way towards letting go.
Good questions.
1. Don’t like you keeping old stuff around for you to reminesce over. I won’t throw it out, but I won’t be all jazzed about it. Maybe because I don’t keep ish (except shoes and jewelry) so I feel everyone should do as I do.
2. Dudes say they want straightforward, but don’t react well when they get it. Plus, unless dude is an outright liar, you can catch inconsistencies if you keep asking questions.
3. Insecure chicks do it to boost their ego, petty chicks can do it to mess with the gf/wife’s/SO’s head. Sometimes, the training that another woman put in to turn him into a halfway respectable human being makes you want to take the easy road and get someone that’s ready off the rack.
4. Nope. Not saying they don’t do it, but there is more social stigma, more guilt, and more risk for women. Women cheat more strategically.
5a) 5 b) 0 c) 7- being accomplished; 10 being comfortable in my own skin; 4 being attractive
6. I did it once when I first live by myself no roommates. Other than that I don’t do it.
7. Unfortunately. The Kyriarchy is a muther, and most of y’all have no interest in dismantling it.
1. Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?
I dont have a good answer for this one. I don’t read them and I don’t need to see them.
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
Because men don’t the answer we’re looking for. Theres been numerous times I was blunt with my questions and my thoughts and the guy just lied. So I had to find other ways to extract the truth.
3. What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?
I don’t know and I dont think very highly of women who do.
4. Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?
From what I see it’s pretty even.
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else
A) 5/6
B) 9/10 – I know motherhood isn’t for everyone but God didn’t give me all these eggs so they can just rot #ijs
6. What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)
It just makes me feel free and unrestricted.
7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?
As a whole, no. If you deal with a guy that’s not for you, there will be a lot of pain and disappointment involved. I don’t think all guys are douche bags just because my ex was one to me.
that first question is some real talk. sometimes we dont even realize we have the stuff. but a picture is jjust a picture. like i’ve dated women who want no proof that i’ve dated any other woman. no pictures nothing. now that’s a retarded request b/c my past is why i was with them, but also, they’re pictures…i’m not destroying my history. its mine. i’m supposed to pretend it didnt exist? plus, i like pictures.
i don’t get this one. i rarely, if ever, worry about my man comparing me to an ex…i mean, she’s an ex for a reason. (plus, even if there is comparison going on, i win. lol). if anything, i’m the one asking to see pictures and hear stories to help me learn more about the guy i’m with and what he’s like in relationships. so the answer to this question- like almost ALL the others- will depend on the woman. it’s not all of us.
I am keeping all my stuff so they can feel free to keep theirs…
I know I’m mad late on this one (they actually wanted me to work for my money today – go figure) but basically what Panama said. It’s not that we just keep pictures of women we’ve dated, we keep pictures of EVERYTHING. It’s friends we have known (male and female), and places we have been, things we’ve done, parties that we otherwise wouldn’t have remembered due to some mixture of kool aid and grain alcohol in a Red Solo cup. Our pictures, are just an extension of our “yearbooks” (and we’re not getting rid of those either). But we’re also not trying to hook up with our high school girlfriends. No. Seriously, we’re not. Been there done that.
We don’t have the same emotional type of attachment that you all seem to ascribing to them (they mean something to us, but know what you all are projecting). For us these mementos are not remnants of “a question unanswered” or “a door still open” – they are “a path explored and left behind”. If you all must worry (and let’s be clear, you don’t have to, the good guys actually win if you don’t worry, but… if you must), worry about folks we are in contact with now.
1- i have no answer i like looking through old things and hearing the stories and seeing the girls… hoping that the mistakes that were made helped you to grow etc… if we were married i would feel different, why do you need that pic of you and anna at the carnival? you want a pic of you and a cute girl at the carnival take your daughter. its the act of holding on to those memories, as we are dating i see no problem at you looking back through your rooster but once we take it to the final step. that scrapbook should be closed.
2- i admit that i do this, i don’t know, maybe i was in the CIA in a past life. actually i do know, i just want to see how honest you are, how you hold up under different kinds of friendly fire etc… i’m a work in progress.
3- when you get the answer to this, let me know. i’m still old school and sincerely believe that women should NOT pursue men. Not. At. All.
4- this is tricky, everyone cheats (men AND women) but do i honestly think men more than women? yes. why? because EVERY woman i know has been cheated on, heart broken, devastated, utterly taken for a loop at least once in her life. men not so much, yes i know a men that have been cheated on but far from all.
5- my womanhood depends on me being a female, human and mature, living my life the best way i know how. being a mother doesn’t make someone a woman if that was the case then women with fertility issues/choose to be childless/or just don’t become mothers for whatever reason are not women just as being a wife doesn’t make you a women either, children get married. Maturing, living, gaining knowledge, wisdom and understanding makes you an adult and being a human female adult makes me a woman.
6- i’m home so I’s free… to be me and naked… love it
7- i try not to think about men on a whole, as someone who knows so many different types of women there has to be just as many different types of men… its getting to the places where the different men are located thats the issue. i’m more disappointed in people and the way things are going ie. people don’t seem to talk and genuinely get to know people anymore, technology is moving so fast, can we really keep up?
DQ,
these are very interesting additions to the questions Peej posed in the original post. i appreciate the thought behind you alls inquiries. because they are some great questions!!! id like the answer to these too lol….
but THIS ? in particularly stood out the most to me: 1. Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?
the most obvious answer to this are insecurity. but i think even more than that, woman will over-analyze the meaning of these things because a man having them signals that he has an emotional side and emotionally values them. and we dont typically associate emotion with men. thats us (women). women are the ones who would typically and predictably keep old love letters, pictures, and mementos because they are a physical representation of our emotional selves and our connection to our pasts. and it often times represents a love-past that has not faded in our hearts.
sooooo, being the over-analytical creatures we can be, i think women can be threatened or suspicious that perhaps a man keeping physical evidence of a “former love” because she isnt so former….
this is the most logical answer to an emotional response regarding this situation. good job spockique.
1. Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?
If you still have on display/withing easy reach I’m wondering if you’re still so attached to her that you’d drop me like a hot potato if she came back around.
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
I’m collecting other information that may be relevant on my way to the point. Knowledge is power and stuff.
3. What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?
I wouldn’t know personally, but she probably likes a challenge and/or is foolish enough to think that having a piece of him makes her better than the woman with the title.
4. Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?
I have no idea because I’ve heard we get caught less, but I’ma guess no.
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else
a. 0 b. 0 c. I don’t have a something else.
6. What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)
It’s freeing. I can’t do it anywhere else without being worried about being judged or assaulted.
7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?
I am generally disappointed in men on a whole because I don’t know enough about y’all and basically expect y’all to act/think like women (I’m aware that’s my personal problem). What y’all actually do/think is often disappointing in comparison. Why? Talk amongst yourselves.
“1. Why some women are threatened by old love letters, pictures, or mementos? What is the thought process going on here?”
I guess some women might think you’d still have feelings for the ex if you keep the mementos around. I think it’s cute some guys keep mementos but that’s just my opinion.
2. Why are women so strategic with their men? Why don’t you come out and say what’s on your mind instead of asking a long meandering line of questions trying to extract the truth you’re after piece by piece?
I learned not to do that in high school. So much easier asking directly for what you want to know. I guess women do it because they’ll afarid of the answer so it’s easy to walk around with the questioning than to ask directly to lessen the blow, per sa.
“3. What causes a woman to pursue a man that is taken/spoken for?”
I have no clue but would love to see the responses to this one.
“4. Do women engage in acts of infidelity as much as men in your opinion?”
IMO, yes. The myth is that women cheat better, thus never getting caught=BS.
“5. On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else”
To me, 1 for each question. My womanhood depends on me being born female.
“6. What is it about walking around in your own house naked that is so appealing to you all (not that I’m complaining I just don’t understand it)”
Can’t do it anywhere else safety but inside our homes. I love to be able to go topless in the summer (Yeah long dredlocs!!) but know it’s not done in this country & I ‘d more than likely get raped or arrested. Plus, try wearing a bra for 12 hours while running, walking, lifting, bending, etc-bras chaff like mad. I don’t know about other women but as soon as I get home, the boulder holder gets tossed.
“7. Are you generally angry or otherwise disappointed in men on a whole? If so why?”
I’m not angry at men or disappointed in men. I’ve realized long ago everybody has a little stupid in them, man or woman.
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 How much does your womanhood depend on a) being married b) being a mother c) something else
a) 0
b) 3
I don’t believe in marriage and I don’t believe being mother has much to do with true womanhood.
I am a soon-to-be adoptive mother with no kids of my own and no plans to have any. I don’t think that makes me any less of a woman.
And what if one can’t give birth to her own children? Is she not a real woman in that case? I don’t believe that and hope that most people wouldn’t.
I don’t really have any questions for the women folk cause I don’t think anyone actually understands women, not even women. No shots, yawl are just more of a conundrum than black republicans.
Anywho, the whole point if this comment was to say that if you haven’t seen the Kevin Hart special, watch it. You can stream it on netflix.
What the hell, since I’m typing I’ll ask the simplest question that no woman has been able to give me an answer to. The entire relationship advice industry (and the space time continuum) would probably cease to exist if someone actually answered it though.
WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?
This one wants an intelligent, interesting and kind-hearted dude to fry chicken for, give back massages to, and have real conversations with. Also an occasional “Is the whole block shaking?” type love session. And a few other kinky things that shall remain unnamed until a more adventatious time. *walks away whistling Dixie*
A companion I can grow with..and someone who is vulnerable and honest enough to grow with me.
@Tes and Tonya. I’m going to give you all the benefit of the doubt and assume that women are more complicated this.
The ones who are more complex are usually the ones you realize you don’t want after the fact but the chexxy chexxy is so good you still stay for awhile. Usually said women want a 6″11 professional basketball playing lawyer who volunteers at orphanages after delievering meals on wheels to the elderly at his church that participates in YMCA bake sales. Usually said women keep a regular 9-5 job, on occassion go to church, and haven’t volunteered since probation.
I say all that to say this: The ones like Tonya and I aren’t unicorns, but the multitude of high-strung, list-oriented women out there makes it seem so.
My problem usually isn’t with the list of what women want. My problem is with how the list says one thing, but who they are attracted to/end up dating and what they don’t like about a mate in a relationship usually don’t jive. But this isn’t about my problem, I want to see a list that tells me what women really want.
Women are fickle creatures Meechums; sure they say they want a Rembrandt, but they’ll take a ninja who just fingerpaints if he’s got nice d*ck game. Some women hold tighter to their convictions in hopes that one day one guy will encompass everything she wants, while others just go for what’s available and settle.
And I still hold true to my list; someone to care for who cares about me, someone to have conversations with and someone who respects me.
“WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?”
1. someone that handles business and makes decisions
2. someone to laugh with
3. someone that thinks im sexy and isnt afraid to let me know it
4. someone that will accept and appreciate all the love i give back
5. the ability to tear the mall down every now and then
pretty easy huh
great list. I agree.
Decisive, sense of humor, emotive, not afraid to pull out the wallet. I’m not mad at this list at all. Sounds like a very safe and stable guy with little downside risk. Is safety and security really what women want?
Is safety and security really what women want?
Biological evolution tends to say so.
Yes. If I dont feel safe and secure with you then we have a huge problem.
I’d say security, stability, and adoration.
Wow. I’m guessing this would be news to all the safe and secure guys out there. I also think that biological evolution tends towards favoring mates that stand out. Pretty much the opposite of safe and secure.
I also think that biological evolution tends towards favoring mates that stand out.
This is gleaned from my couch anthropologist ways:
Ever since the female human started standing upright, she only had one hand to fend for her offspring. One hand was definitely not enough in the jungle/frozen tundra/wetlands of the world… Hence the need to find her offspring a progenitor that could handle that little security/safety issue… The basic principle of evolution is to move forward and ensure a legacy … That’s been the numero uno driver of humanity thus far. The urge to continue the species meant that the woman had to make sure her offspring was alive and well… i.e she had somebody who could ensure that. The driver for a man (who can’t procreate) was to ensure that his mate is at her best to provide healthy offspring that could survive the wilderness out there.
In today’s world, it still somewhat holds true. Women are still looking for security/safety… what has changed is that it’s translated in different things… it could (still) be physical safety: big, tall, strong etc… it could be monetary safety: i need my needs and my offspring needs covered. It could be emotional security: I want to provide a safe haven for my children to grow and prosper in.
Men are still looking for the best/most suitable mate to procreate healthy children… it could be translated to good looks, great sense of responsibility, nurturing etc…etc…
Biology still rules. It just wears different costumes.
See, the view is a little different from my couch. The males of most species are concerned with spreading their seed to as many participants as feasible, not necessarily the best and most suitable mate. Females, on the other hand, don’t have that luxury due to biological constraints so they need to insure that the genes being passed to their progeny are strong. That’s why they are more selective and thus why the males engage in myriad displays and rituals to prove their worth.
I think your assumption is that the displays that women value linked to security, I think its basic attraction to positive mating attributes. At one point in our developmental history these would have been one in the same, but positive physical attributes are no longer necessarily linked as closely to social hierarchy. Women do love status.
I am not sure we disagree… but if you say so.
“Decisive, sense of humor, emotive, not afraid to pull out the wallet.”
Sense of humor and attractiveness will make some guys stand out from the rest of the safe and secure guys. WIP’s adoration addition is important. Mutual adoration, mutual sexual attraction/chemistry, shared sense of humor, and shared values/goals added to safety and security sounds like a life mate to me.
Honestly Meech, I don’t know. It changes and varies depending on my environment, current lifestyle, finances and at every blink of my eye. But thats if we’re talking about what do women want in LIFE, and not just in a SO (and even that changes with experience and environment and finances)
Because people are supposed to evolve, what you want should evolve as well. Now there are some core things that will never change… and I believe with all my heart that all any woman wants is to be happy (shoutout to MJB!)
No one is happy/content/ecstatic/blissful all the time and so for a man to try to keep his woman happy thats a daunting task..but it isnt your task or burden to bear. A woman has to first be happy with herself and help create situations to maintain her happiness, also being realistic that its not always gonna be that way will keep her grounded, but it will also help her to know how to get back to that state of contentment.
Does any of this make sense? If not blame it on me not having my coffee yet.
“I don’t know. It changes and varies depending on my environment, current lifestyle, finances and at every blink of my eye.”
Good point. People are dynamic and do change, and sometimes even grow.
To clarify, my question was directed at what do women want in and from men. I know that all too often that question is the same as what do women want in and from life.
I’m here to learn so maybe I will get some real answers.
from a man: someone who is the ying to my yang, the muh to my stang, the cup for my tang! (ok nuff foolery)
honestly, someone who makes the bigger picture make sense. as the new age working woman there are alot of things i can do for myself. I want my SO to accept me for who i am and understand im no cookie cutter reproduction of anyone, a strong conversationalist, in touch with his religious/spiritual side, not afraid to be emotional, allows me to be feminine (for if he’s taking care of the “man” things in the relationship i can sit up and cook, clean, and cater, etc) Im a free spirit and deep thinker so someone who can keep up or not strap me down to where i’d feel like a caged bird and thus figure out why they sing. *shrugs* in a nutshell, love me as i am…
Eb your pic looks like Taraji Henson
lol. so i’ve been told! thanks.
lol. so i’ve been told! thanks.
If that question could be definitively answered, the world would be a much happier place.
Yes, I’m sure if men knew what women wanted the violence in Libya would stop.
You ain’t never lied. Women set the rules and men adapt. The “biological urge” to “couple” with women is urgenter than an mufuka and shapes the way we approach hem, scratch that, life in general. They set the rules, we adapt. If the rulebook was written in a decipherable language instead of hieroglyphics consisting of emoticons, platitudes and Jem and the hologram stickers the world would be a better place.
Well in that case, what a woman wants depends on the type of woman you are dealing with. We are not all the same, so what one woman wants will always differ from the next. But, I think the answer to this question is that a woman wants someone that has all HER best qualities and the things she’s proud of. Especially if said women believes that soulmates exist or that there is a perfect match out there for her, she will want a person that complements her. So if we look at it that way, you see how it can differ with each person, each relationship that you have.
WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?
Like I said above, a better question would be:
Medium Meech to current/future/past love interest (a woman): what do YOU want?
Medium Meech current/past/future love interest: *insert response here*
Every woman wants something different at any given time depending on the situation and who is doing the asking.
What do I want now? Land that fabulous job that just magically opened up because it will solve the gazillion issues I am dealing with at the moment including but not limited to my move to another continent, my fulfilling of daughter, daughter-in-law and sister duties.
See? Too specific to fit most women, but very much what I want right now.
just like a chick…answer a question with a question. lol
Hey I am a chick! I have to follow the rules.
” No shots, yawl are just more of a conundrum than black republicans.”
Lol, you’re actually right.
I can’t speak for all women but I want a guy who is considerate, ambitious, family oriented and committed. All in all, someone who complements me
I don’t really have any questions for the women folk cause I don’t think anyone actually understands women, not even women. No shots, yawl are just more of a conundrum than black republicans.
lmao, im not even mad at this comment. but i feel the same about men so… *shrugs*
as for what i, Gem of the Ocean, want? i think i may have finally found it…. and “it” is not something easily verbalized lol
Is it an octave that only 6 year olds can hear that only certain men are capable of making women make?
awwwww……
“WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?”
Well, at first it was Mel Gibson, but I’m not sure that is true today. Back to the drawing board.
Pontius Pilate apologizer.
Already, I have enough votes. It seems like there is only one camp of thought on this one. Women want the safe and secure guy and that each woman is a snow flake, each too complicated and unique for there to be a universal template that applies across the entire gender, or even to the same woman from one point in time to another for that matter.
Amazing. What amazes me more is that with all these diverse and ever-changing palate of interests (save the ubiquitous emphasis on security and stability) is how you all decide that you want to hook up with the same 7 dudes in every 32 square mile radius. Almost seems that your actions are a direct contradiction to your stated desires, but that can’t be the case.
I think I’m going to stick with my original theory that not even women know what they want.
I think I’m going to stick with my original theory that not even women know what they want.
Your original theory is right so you should stick to it. I don’t know what other women want. Lol.
7 dudes? Are you by any chance part of that number?
I have no complaints about the selection process currently in place.
When I figure that out I will let you and the world know in the form of a witty book or major motion picture not starring Mel Gibson.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
Break-ups, even amicable ones, are emotionally taxing. But you know what makes them even worse? Being reminded that the ex in question is, in fact, a decent human being who actually cared about your general well-being. That it wasn’t really his fault, or your fault…that it was just two decent people who couldn’t make it work. Now the last few weeks of progress are undone…next thing you know you’re standing in the middle of your kitchen in a plaid, flannel onesie, eating ice cream and whiskey, and singing “I Will Survive”, “Where Were You Last Night?”, and “Bohemian Rhapsody” to your imaginary dog…which is just a hop, skip and a jump from the purgatory hook-up with said ex…and no (long-term) good can come of that.
All because HE had to soothe his precious conscious in knowing that you are “OK”. Please…he knows you’re not. So selfish. smh
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
No, I like my men to have fun in my absence. I need them to have a rich, vibrant life outside of the good times we share. I just think, because we are ideally best friends, he should have the *most* fun of all with me…I should be at the top of the hierarchy of fun. And he should definitely *not* be having more fun with attractive women that are not blood relatives.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
For me, infidelity is a deal-breaker. Period. I learned that lesson at 16 years old and never looked back. No trust, no relationship. Also, if a man ever so much as raises a finger in anger to me, it’s over. But not before I clock him once with the first solid metal object I can find. And then call the police.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
No, not really. I honestly believe that in all of my past relationships, the men did the very best they could to hold on to me (and I them). It just wasn’t nearly enough…and, in most cases, far too late. Such is life.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
I have never in my life asked this question. I’m a lover, not a fighter. This is clearly the behavior of someone in emotional turmoil…who shouldn’t be in a relationship. Same goes for the person putting up with this kind of behavior.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Yes, particularly when she finally admits to herself that that the reason she “hates” him is that she is still hurting and that she still has residual feelings. At that point, she can make peace with the idea that she deserves to be with someone who wants to be with her and that she will, eventually find that person. Then she can give the dumping ex some apropos nickname (“El Diablo”, “The Virgin”, etc), talk about his “deficiencies” to her girls, and move forward with her life. Or…
When she hooks up with someone else, particularly if he’s cuter, much much better at it and tells her she’s pretty on a more regular basis.
You actually read my mind, used your supersonic writing skills and put it into a nice little package for the world to see. Thank you BrownIvy!
No problem Sula
I usually really like your comments. You should post more.
Thanks:)
“Now the last few weeks of progress are undone…next thing you know you’re standing in the middle of your kitchen in a plaid, flannel onesie, eating ice cream and whiskey, and singing “I Will Survive”, “Where Were You Last Night?”, and “Bohemian Rhapsody” to your imaginary dog”
Replace ‘“I Will Survive”, “Where Were You Last Night?”, and “Bohemian Rhapsody”‘ with the Mariah Carey sad song mix and I’m there again. (“We Belong Together”, “I Stay in Love With You”, “Vision of Love”, etc.)
Mariah, especially during the Mottola, 8-octave range years, really is perfect for wallowing. “I Don’t Wanna Cry”. *sigh*
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
Women, and by women I mean me, get upset by this because we are till in an active state of healing. The biggest monkey wrench in this process is either the man calling (even if sincere) or seeing him out in public being overly happy or interacting with other women. We process things differently and need that separation factor.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
This is usually a trait shown when we are insecure in ourselves or there is some past trust issue with that man. When I am in a healthy relationship (or a healthy stage) I ike it when my man gets to blow off steam and have a good time.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Infidelity with a close friend or family member will not only end in breakup but cuttage. Extreme cuttage.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
I only realize I am fcuking up when it is extreme. I don’t realize those little things that compound to cause a split.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
That’s some ol’ bull I have never asked. next.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Depends on the circumstances of the dumping, but mostly this answer is NO. Yep that is pretty much NO.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
This is usually a trait shown when we are insecure in ourselves or there is some past trust issue with that man.
this. exactly this.
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I think all the ladies said what I’m basically about to say…but I feel compelled to speak on these…just cuz. lol.
1. WTF do we need to talk about? Like many of the ladies have said…unless you’re callin’ to tell me you made a mistake & we ’bout to get murried…lose my damn number. f*cktard.
2. I laughed SO hard when Kev talked about this…it’s somewhat true. But…only b/c it seems like y’all have TOO much fun w/o us. Like…real talk why DON’T you laugh THAT hard when you’re with me? Q_Q (side eye)
3. Every girl is different. I think it takes a lot more for women to up & leave than it does men. I do have some homegirls who are pretty cutthroat though. Sneeze wrong…yo’ ass is grass. Me, myself, personally…getting hit, spit on (I have a homegirl this happened to…I couldn’t even…I still can’t…understand why he ain’t DEAD), and yeah…lemme find out you gay. ooohweeemain. smh.
4. It’s always y’alls fault. Deal with it. But for real…I mostly agree with what the other ladies have said. Y’all have a tendency to talk to EVERYONE else about how hard you’re working & everyone else don’t damn matter. Talk to me…and then…back that isht up with actions. I don’t need you to TELL me how hard you’re working, but your a** is still leaving dirty dishes & clothes all over the d*mn place. ugh.
5. Never asked it, Never will. Although I do agree that men shouldn’t hit women…men are human, and honestly…if you slap someone in the face, step on his j’s, f*ck up his PS3, and shred his dissertation that’s due in a week and then have the nerve to ask him “you wanna hit me?!,” you kinda deserve to be slapped. silly. Plus, I don’t have the type of homegirls that would do a drive-by on a ninja for hitting me if I was stupid enough to get in his face AND hit him first. “If you can pass a lick…you can take a lick.”
6. *sigh* it takes time. I still wish ill on the boy that broke my heart. Like…I don’t want him to die…but I certainly want him to feel as much pain as he caused me. I used to vacillate b/w killing him Othello style & wishing that he got hit by metro & I was there to witness it & kinda just stand over him like “oh…are you hurting? awww, poor thing.” and then walk away. Now…I just kinda hope that he winds up with itchy balls…for life. lmao.
That is COLD BLOODED, but made me laugh.
“Ne’ver asked it, Never will. Although I do agree that men shouldn’t hit women…men are human, and honestly…if you slap someone in the face, step on his j’s, f*ck up his PS3, and shred his dissertation that’s due in a week and then have the nerve to ask him “you wanna hit me?!,” you kinda deserve to be slapped. silly. Plus, I don’t have the type of homegirls that would do a drive-by on a ninja for hitting me if I was stupid enough to get in his face AND hit him first. “If you can pass a lick…you can take a lick.”
GIRL…. COSIGN!
I can’t stand when women want to act a fool, basically beat a dude up and expect him to keep his hands glued to his side while she’s beating his arse because she’s “a lady” and you don’t hit a lady. There’s women in my family that do stupid stuff like this and then come to me expecting sympathy. I always tell them they should have kept their damn hands to themselves. Are you SERIOUS???? Why does anybody think its okay to put their hands on anybody…man or woman???
My motto since HS has been:
If you’re BOLD enough to step to a man like a man. Then be BOLD enough to get knocked out like a man.
Females that provoke the fight make my skin crawl. The moment he grazes her skin 911, her big brothers, crazy uncles & cousins have all been called on 3-way and told some outlandish story. Bish please!!
Right! lol…
1) It all depends on how much time you’ve let go by. A few days to a week? “How the hell you think I’m feeling, you broke up with me and I still got your damn Lucky Charms in the cabinet and your fuzzy slipper under the bed and you out rippin and runnin and I’m all verklempt over you and sh*t. F*ck your life ninja, without lube.” A few months? “Hey, I’m good but I don’t have time to talk, I go and do something real important.” *click. continues painting toes* Time is of the essence.
2) It’s not that he’s having fun without her; it’s the possibility that he’s having more fun than she is. Let’s be real, we all have that friend who, when it’s their turn to pick an activity, picks Ben Stein reading from an Encylopedia Britanica (or some other boring/pretentious/uninteresting/uppity type sh*t). You get to go out with your boys to Hooters and shoot hoops, and I gotta crochet? No bueno.
3) It’s all a personal preference I think. Some women overlook blatant cheating a la “See, I was getting out the shower and she was on fire so I pushed her in and took off her clothes to save her” type sh*t, some women overlook blatant lying (“I don’t know who’s panties those are”) and some women overlook stupidity (“If it ain’t trending on twitter I’ont know nothin bout it”). Personally, I can deal with no ignant @ss, his-momma-still-iron-his-clothes @ss, last book he read was Cat in the Hat @ss man. >.< Makes my skin crawl.
4) Most of the time we're actually blaming ourselves for not being able to make it clear to you what's going on with us and what we need. Thusly, to incite something from you, we'll make it your fault to see if you care enough to even argue the point.
5) It's like Cedric the Entertainer once said, black people go on that wish factor of "I wish that ninja WOULD lay his m'f'in hands on me." We don't really want you to cause us bodily harm, we just want an excuse to cause you bodily harm (or call cousin BamBam and have him roll out on that @ss).
6) Again, I don't think it's so much hate as it is a since of "Where did I fail? What could I have done? Was it me?" We don't want you to suffer (much), but we do want you to realize how much you meant to us and that it not working affected us in a major way. So when you walk in with a Selita Ebanks type chick all smiles, yes, in that moment we wish a bus would hit you, but only because we still care.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
Women, and by women I mean me, get upset by this because we are still in an active state of healing. The biggest monkey wrench in this process is either the man calling (even if sincere) or seeing him out in public being overly happy or interacting with other women. We process things differently and need that separation factor.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
This is usually a trait shown when we are insecure in ourselves or there is some past trust issue with that man. When I am in a healthy relationship (or a healthy stage) I ike it when my man gets to blow off steam and have a good time.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Infidelity with a close friend or family member will not only end in breakup but cuttage. Extreme cuttage.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
I only realize I am f*cking up when it is extreme. I don’t realize those little things that compound to cause a split.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
That’s some ol’ bull I have never asked. next.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Depends on the circumstances of the dumping, but mostly this answer is NO. Yep that is pretty much NO.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
How do you expect us to be doing? Why do you wanna know? I think it really depends on how the break up went down…but in general I think you need to look at your motivation for asking and whether or not that motive is in the best interest of yourself or the other person.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
Again that depends on how the situation came about. Did you ask to go out without her? Did she push you to go out with out her? Is she the jealous type? Does she have something to do while you are gone? Personally, when I was in a relationship- I didn’t care. I liked to have my space on occasion and I don’t like to go out all the time. If my dude wanted to go out with his boys and have fun..just come home to me at the end of the night- it’s all good. Just don’t be collecting phone numbers or anything like that. Strip club..well what I don’t know won’t hurt me…lol
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Cheat and bring home an STD? ..PEACE!
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
Can’t speak in general..but I don’t think so. I feel if a person wants out..then they want out. No amount of ‘working’ on it is going to help, and I don’t think the other person should push the issue. It’s hard to recognize, while you are in love. My ex ended things without really letting me know why until he just ended it. Hindsight being what it is, I can now recognize that he did somethings designed to piss me off, but me being of a forgiving nature, I didn’t take the hint. He finally broke it off and I asked if there was anything I can do..and he said no. If he had been honest and told me there was a problem could we have worked on it? Maybe..maybe not. In that instance I could argue that men don’t work on things. However, he was just one man and he really wanted out. I can’t say all men act the same, though. Who knows?
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
I’m baffled too! I don’t believe in putting myself in danger for any reason. I’m all about self-preservation, so I won’t be doing stuff and asked to be hit. I can’t answer for those women who do.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
After time, I learn to forgive and even be friends. However, my last ex continues to do stupid stuff. I don’t wish ill on him, but I feel if ill happens to turn his way..well..*kanyeshrug*
This was fun…ask more questions!!
Im particularly interested in hearing the woman-folk answers for # 3 And here’s why:
My best friend is dates (and prob will marry….soon) the prettiest, kindest, nicest, smartest blk woman i’ve ever met. I mean she is the kinda of woman that makes you wish tht cloning was like legal just so that you can have one similar to his model. I’m so happy that they are together because they deserve it. But one night after a few too many drinks he decided to keep it waaaayyyyy to real with me. He said that he could do ANYTHING to break her trust and she would take him back. Then he goes on to tell me that if she so much as lied about one guy that she has ever kissed or worst, slept with at any point in her life, he would end the whole thing. 3 solid years of happiness done. Of course as his best friend I advised him against that, but the point is that even the best brothas would dead a chick on the way that she chews her food and woman will ride ish out to the wheels fall off.
I hear alot of woman say infidelity or physical abuse is at the top of there list. But honestly, “we don’t believe you, you need more ppl.” I know a few 20 something and 30 something woman that put up with both. Can you call give a more general answer as opposed to ones that pertain to yourselves. * and don’t give that crap about how different you all are, because your not. 85% of woman value the same ish. I’m j/k. No I’m not.
My thing is respect. If he can’t respect me, my house, my family (close friends included*) or what I stand for, I can’t stand for him. From respect branches off trust, honesty, loyalty, openness, because you can’t withold those things and still respect me.
*Close friends: People I call brother or sister, not that one chick who just hangs around the group. You don’t have to like her. Hell, I don’t even like her.
@TheMagicMan
I admire your honesty.
“But one night after a few too many drinks he decided to keep it waaaayyyyy to real with me. He said that he could do ANYTHING to break her trust and she would take him back”
Not to be offensive, but has this person ever been in jail/prison? Just curious… but,
Let’s be real, people sell their infants to pedophiles…hurt people hurt people.
At any rate possible explanations:
She thinks she can love him into loving her. If she shows him how loyal she is he will one day reciprocate.
She witnessed “love” being exhibited in this fashion…
She thinks that she’s a great care giver by never needing and demanding anything in return, including establishing healthy boundaries…
@TheMagicMan The fact that you are asking us to stop BSing you with the general answer of infidelity or physical abuse should let you know that an overall majority of us don’t have ultimate deal breakers. Period. Though you say that we aren’t different I’d have to disagree. Some of us don’t think your wrong doings are “that serious”. In turn we chalk it up to not being a big deal, when in fact it was a red flag. Others see your wrong doings as a project. They feel as though they can change their men “I’ll get him out of that habit”. Then there are those that feel “he only lied to me to protect my feelings” and these females IMO are 2 loose screws away from being a lost cause. Its not “lady like” to go from man to man, so we hold on and look the other way as long as possible. It’s a mental barrier that we can’t break from. Kind of like men and the urge to protect or provide. It’s in our DNA. For me my ultimate deal breaker is lack of trust. If I can’t trust you, then we don’t have anything. I’m not about to rack my brain about who & where you’ve been. But unfortunately that leaves a lot of ground for eff ups in between.
First off I would say your friend is a unicorn. I have found men to be much more forgiving than indicated in this post. Men take women back all the time because once you guys with comfortable with someone, you find it easier to just stay down. Men forgive all the time. I’ve been forgiven, with little or no backlash/hostility about things.
I’m sure there are a variety of random weird and criminal things a man could do that would make someone break up with them. But physical abuse- yes- #1 on my list. I know some women that allowed it, but overall I believe most women would give a guy the big F*CKU if he put his hands on her.
Im gonna go out on a limb and say miss PYT knows this information that your friend shared with you on his drunken night. at times women actively play the fool knowing wht they’re gettn themselves into. aside from the red flags swaying in the wind we cover our faces and keep pressing forward. im sure there’s a statistical study on all of the emotional issues we have going on but that aint why we’re here today!…lol. Now what your homeboy needs to be aware of is that sister girl prolly has a back up plan in motion just in case he gets a lil too wayward with her forgiveness. we can be fooled once but that second time oh we’re ready!
Can’t speak for anyone else here, but my deal breakers are airtight. I wasn’t always so quick to dismiss a dude that I suspected of cheating, but after living a lil while, I realized that there is no coming back from cheating. So now, dude, if I get a strong gut feeling that you’re cheating, I’m out.
The physical abuse, or hint of physical abuse, has always been an automatic dealbreaker. I don’t care that others put up with it, I just can’t and won’t.
and don’t give that crap about how different you all are, because your not. 85% of woman value the same ish. I’m j/k
So you don’t want an answer then… It’s that male “logic” that keeps us from understanding each other.
I’ll say it again: similarities are different than sameness. Once we get that, we can move forward.
I hear alot of woman say infidelity or physical abuse is at the top of there list. But honestly, “we don’t believe you, you need more ppl.” I know a few 20 something and 30 something woman that put up with both.
its funny you mention this because i thought the same thing. i too know many women (sadly) that have experienced both–esp DV. and they stayed. theres a whole field of psych to explain why. but the reason i am addressing this comment is because i truly believe most women cant say with absolute certainty what would undoubtedly make them end the relationship, unless they actually have experienced infidelity/DV and then deaded the relationship immediately because of all the psych behind why many women do stay. its so much easier said than done.
hell, i wouldnt even put either of those on my list because the truth is, as much as id like to believe id have the will power to walk away from a man i loved and thought loved me if he did [insert infraction here], i just dont know how id react right away. it honestly might take some time. and thankfully i have a great enough support system that would help me make the decision to leave a bad situation.
and to be clear–a woman staying in these relationships (esp ones with DV) is not because a woman is weak or she has no standards.
#2 is all up my ally. BooThang called me yesterday from some happy hour some where and was light weight perked and all cheerful. He was checking in on me because I was at home laid up in bed after a horrible- just horrible- dentist experience. He thought I was mad he was perked. NO!! I was pouting with my Novocain induced lips, because I wasn’t there. Everybody in the back just had to be laughing and had to be having a great time.
Awwww….how are you today?
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
Maybe the ex should ask themselves “why am I calling my ex?” and when you realize you have no good intentions, stop yourself from making that desperate phone call (for the record calling to see how your ex is doing stinks of maliciousness because if you cared how they were doing ya’ll would still be together, right?)
and when is calling to see how someone is doing an “empty gesture”? if there is no point to it, don’t waste your energy or mine.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
I’ve never really put much thought into it but I’ll think over it on the bus ride to work in the morning
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
I’ve actually done this before and I’ve never been hit. I’m waiting for the day a ninja would hit me back though. i ask the question to push their buttons. Yea I’m wrong but whatever. just so you know, I don’t go around hitting random men all the time.. I ain’t that crazy
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
I don’t think you ever really get over it to that point but stay the hell out of my way. out of sight out of mind is the best thing.
A significant other and I separated and I kept bumping into him with DIFFERENT girls every time. it hurt my feelings so much it would ruin my entire day (or evening). I haven’t seen him lately but when I do I’ve got it planned in my head where he wants to be friendly and touchy-feely and I give him an unexpected cold shoulder. Yes I know he may forget this interaction almost immediately after it happens but it will make me feel better to know I hurt him for just one second.
“Maybe the ex should ask themselves “why am I calling my ex?” and when you realize you have no good intentions, stop yourself from making that desperate phone call…”
Excellent point!
“Maybe the ex should ask themselves “why am I calling my ex?” and when you realize you have no good intentions, stop yourself from making that desperate phone call (for the record calling to see how your ex is doing stinks of maliciousness because if you cared how they were doing ya’ll would still be together, right?)”
I don’t agree with you about if someone still cares about how an ex is doing, they would still be together. I still care about the well being of all my ex’s even though I don’t want to be with him anymore. I would be more concerned if an ex NEVER wanted to know how I’m doing. That would make me feel like they didn’t really care.
I feel you on being real about your intentions though…
“Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?”
If you were so concerned “we” would still be together and “we” would be working things out. Since “we” are not working things out… “WE” have no need to talk. You left. I am okay. I don’t want to talk to you.
“Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?”
Au contraire, mon frère. We want you to have oodles of fun! The problem is when you appear to want to have fun all the time w/o including us in the equation. Then we start to feel neglected… Each woman has her specific amount of time/attention that will satisfy her time/attention requirement.
“Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?”
I like CaribbeanQueen’s answer upthread.
Don’t touch the children. Unfortunately hurt people accept a lot of things in the name of love…
“Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?”
Not if she’s being honest… Some people just can’t be honest and some are deceived by the need to be “right”…
“Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?”
RUN.
“Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?”
Been dumped b4, don’t hate anyone and don’t like to see people suffer, I always try to understand why “whatever” happened- and I think this is what gets me and other women in trouble (wanting to know “why”).
1. Cosigning with near all… And pointing out a big man-flaw. You turn into sniveling pansies when it comes to breaking up. It is not hard to do. Man up and cut loose. Remember when you do it, the dumper sets the terms for communication, not the dumper. I’m appalled to learn dudes VSB’s especially won’t cut it clean.
2. Fun is encouraged. Chicks are much better at clean fun than men. We know this and there’s sometimes an iota of worry there but that’s rare. Very rare.
3. Dealbreakers are infidelity, and intentional hurt. Who does that? Very unsexy and unforgettable.
4. Nope. But you guys don’t whine as much. So it’s easy for relationship repairs to seem girl centric.
5. Heavens to mergatroid. I don’t know anyone who would do that. It reads like a sign of domestic abuse. Yikes.
6. No hate at all, still facebook friends with a Quasi-annual birthday wish exchange.
this post was epic! although umm I’m mad you included murder as something that could be worked out *glaring* murder what? A hit? Murder who? My pet turtle?
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
Kevin Hart said this in his Seriously Funny special. And I tend to think its true
Seriously Funny is rapidly hitting Color Purple levels of quotability. I hear people quoting the Shaq falling joke and the “there is a cat drinking milk out the bowl” at least once a week
That special was quite hilarious. He’s climbing back from “Soul Plane”.
LOL sometimes it amuses me how much i quote Seriously Funny, even when it doesnt necessarily apply (think “when in rome…” ron burgundy style).
i use most frequently:
“hey! stop! thats gay!” (nttawwt, to be clear)
“you are somethin else, you are really somethin else”
“say it witcha chest”
“boop, backspace, delete that”
Why?
I mean really….why?
This website gives extremely valuable insights into the male psyche. PJ and Champ, IMAO, rarely get it wrong. Why must you VSS’s(snicker) disagree so much with info that 99.9% of the males here co-sign?
Is it that hard to believe that they are really trying to help you? Do you really distrust men that badly?
Are you reading the “Ladies We Need Answers” Post??…
b/c
1. Who’s disagreeing?, I believe he asked in the form of question and last time I checked those can have multple different answers (no matter how leading the questions seem). But ya know I could be wrong.
This I would expect any VSB *snicker* to know ( see how 99.9% gay that was)
This also applies to other posts on VSB as well, I never really got this staunch disagreement from the women here, everyone seems pretty diverse in their opinions and sh*t, that’s why I enjoy the site.
“Fellas, let’s get all of our questions out there. What do you want to ask the boobed massive of VSB?”
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you didn’t see that part of Panama’s post. I got my question out out there.
I was not talking about any replies to today’s post. I was talking about the general disagreement that I see here all too often.
Got reading comprehension?
I was addressing the perceived disagreement in all the posts as well as this one and not your question, your statment has no relevance. but yeak ok.
LOL, I don’t see that much disagreement on this blog actually. More like exchange. But I guess, as one would do with any advice, you have to compare what is being said with your own experiences and figure out how to reconcile the information in a way that’s useful.
This was probably the better way to approach this, WIP for the WIN!!!
I’ve been told by a few men in my life that I probably should distrust more men, but the sad fact is I just don’t. I don’t distrust anybody until they’ve been proven to be false, habe a history of falsehood or is an absolute creeper (different story for a different day -.-) so when I hear things around the VSB bonfire I just say “Hmm” and maybe log it away for later.
well betamale..
the post is written by a man, asking women questions about how women think.
shocker – we don’t necessarily all think the same way, and therefore dont behave the same way. (there are definite trends in some of the answers though).
i dont disagree with pj’s experiences with women, i question it and dislike the idea that all women act this way.
yes, it is hard to believe because except in in this 1dimension way – what’s in it for you?
and there have been a couple of posts (running game specifically that jumps to mind) that makes us weary. can’t blame us for feeling that way, no more than i can blame pj for thinking women are crazy, unapologetic creatures that can’t shut the eff up and let a man have peace.
i respect the writer. his opinion. and his battle to fighting crime. but don’t have to always agree or always like it. it doesn’t make me a single, bitter, angry black woman. just makes me human.
ps: you DO also realize that some people in the internets like to play a role just to stir ish up right? you can’t only take things on the web so seriously and must proceed with caution many grains of salt.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
Too soon is too upsetting – if we were cool to talk, we probably would have never stopped talking in the first place!
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
As long as I get my time & that fun doesn’t include Aquanetta ‘nem, I’m cool w/ it…
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
“Instantly”? Varies from person to person, but there’s always a woman somewhere that will put up w/ the most ridiculous of situations. They mess it up for all of us!
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
Most often its the man who’s content just being around, not noticing (or purposely ignoring) what’s lacking in the relationship.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
Never asked that, never will. I don’t do any type of violence whatsoever – if I even think a dude is on that page I’m outta there. Sometimes you can just sense something is off when you first meet somebody – if the vibe is wrong, I’m gone.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Never been dumped, but I haven’t had a slew of relationships either. I’ve been the ender of things thus far, but I have wished all kinds of death & hell on a friend who did me wrong. I could use that energy in much more productive ways, but I still kinda want some harm to come to that mf…
Honestly none of these seem like genuine questions, it seems like they are just blanket generalizations with question marks at the end.
thanks!
hmm….
*Why is it that women feel like they know the answers to questions that have no absolute answers?*
I can only imagine that they want to be proven wrong and shown by their man why they need their man. Otherwise, how do you explain(women) that you can tell a man how he feels before he gets a chance to take an emotional inventory on an event or situation. (Like a trip to a strip club. Its like a kid in a toy store. Yes, I just objectified women. No, I don’t personally see women as objects. This is a Devil’s advocate question)
*Why do women seem to be control low key freaks but always accuse men like they don’t recognize the hypocrisy of their efforts?*
From the first kiss, to the bedroom, from chores to acceptable hobbies, women seem to want to control every aspect of life, of course, except, the things that men *SHOULD* do. smh. Why?
*Why do women ask questions they know for a fact that they don’t want the answers to?*
Do you like her body? Are you attracted to her? Did you have fun out with your boys? Did I do a good job cooking?
Just doing my part to fight crime. <3
1. heh?
2. My SO asked me if I liked being in control. I told him I’ve had to be in control. This is going to vary by woman, but just tell her “no” (if necessary) and/or make decisions before she has a chance to make them. She’ll appreciate it. Sometimes it’s hard to trust others to make decisions when you’ve experienced people making poor decisions that always f*ck up your plans. Are you worthy of her trust? If so, show her. Eventually, she’ll just let you take over.
3. Making conversation.
@Sage of Silence
“Why do women seem to be control low key freaks but always accuse men like they don’t recognize the hypocrisy of their efforts?*
Women accuse men of what, exactly? Being control freaks? Both sexes will want some sort of control. Guess I need the question to be more specific. *shrugs*
I can’t speak for every woman, but from my perspective…
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
Never had this happen, can’t comment. The question is – why do these exes reach out unless they want some kind of reaction?
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
After realising my man is having fun without me:
1st response: emotional.
Wtf, why doesn’t he care about what I’m doing right now? What about me? I hope he doesn’t have more fun than when we’re together or worse still, meet some other b#tch.
Followed by…
2nd response:Rational. All the above is my insecurity bullsh#t. It’s great he’s having fun without me, lemme try do the same, its GOOD for our relationship.
Then lastly…
3rd response:The Revert. F#ck him anyway. Ima have an extremely fun time doing something I know he won’t like, like clubbing with the girls JUST to pi#ss him off. Let’s see how much he cares now!
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Sleeping with dudes
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
I don’t always think so. Unfortunately I tend to know when I’ve started a problem or when I’m adding to it. More often a curse than a blessing
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
To be in control. If you hit me then you’re in the wrong and to blame. If you don’t hit me you’ll be that much more angry that I said it, making you look worse. It’s a win-win
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
No. If it makes you feel better we wish ill on other women too lol
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
The key word here is “shortly”. Oh so you like pouring salt in open wounds? Any call shortly after a break up feels like a reach in the darkness, a glimmer of hope or a slap in the face. Because you call, it means you care and because you care why did you break up? see… it’s a mess. I did that with an ex. He closed of all contact. He didn’t want to be friends, if we couldn’t be together. I didn’t get it at the time. I still “cared” about him, but he felt like it was too much too soon. I understand.. now.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
Only if “a lot of fun” really means “Im screwing random b*tch#$ Raw” then yes… otherwise PLEASE go away and do you, we need something new to talk about and besides maybe we can write a VSB/VSS version of the Hangover when you return
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Each woman has her own breaking point, and some women just bend. Yoga
*wow* no seriously that answer is subjective. Some woman will forgive anything and others have low tolerance for BS. like that question, if you asked it to certain woman would make them break up with you instantly, you must be planning something with a question like that lol.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
Some men just don’t give a Flying F*ck. Work out a problem? What’s that? they just find a new girl. And some woman are the same. So no, sometimes, it’s easier shuffle the blame to the other side of the table. But a real sign of maturity would be admitting mutual fault and working out the damn thing.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
Statements made in the middle of an argument should not be taking to heart. But , some woman really want a fight, and they’re hoping you’ll say yes so they can practice their kickboxing routine on that @$$.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Do men? I currently have two exes who blame me for them marrying other people. I even got stopped going into WaWa one day by an ex who was still wondering what happened between us. Like I guess he didn’t remember the baby he had when we were together or the time he came to see me and it turned out it was the night before his wedding.
A real, secure, and growing person would after some time, stop using that voodoo doll for evil and start using it for good. After awhile, those i hope you dies turn into I hope he’s doing fines… hopefully
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
In general, because we need our space to get over you. Men are much better at making decisions in spite of their emotions… while on the flip side, women have to work harder to do the same. I can’t move on if you’re constantly trying to be in contact with me. For women, its easier to just go cold turkey. Plus… I fee like a lot of times, when guys are calling to check up after a breakup, the intention isn’t ALWAYS just to “check up”. Sometimes they’re trying to keep their hooks in you, so in case they change their mind later… they can come back with ease.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
I don’t know about other women, but for me, I would love for a man that I’m with to go out with his friends. Lord knows I don’t want him up under me all the time. However, I think the problem that women have is not that their man can’t have a lot of fun without her… but its the frequency of how many times he’s going out having fun without her. If he’s out with his boys 4 or 5 days of the week and never sets aside quality time with his woman… then yeah… that’s a problem.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
I guess to each its own… I can’t get with super angry men or abusive men so if you jumped up in my face or hit me… its a wrap. And you might die.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
I think a emotionally mature woman realizes that they mess up too. Everybody makes mistakes. I know I make/ have made mistakes all the time. I will say that when it comes to fixing problems in a relationship, it helps to have a man that is in touch with his emotions who can be honest with you about what he is feeling. I don’t want an emotional man that going to be crying all day and super sensitive, but at the same time, I can’t fix something if I ask you whats wrong and you play everything off like it doesn’t affect you. I would like to have someone who could tell me “I’m mad… I’m hurt…I’m sad… I’m frustrated…and this is why.” That helps a bunch…
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
Usually, a woman that says something like that has a pattern of dating abusive men and are expecting it.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Yes… eventually. Healing can take a while sometimes…
“. Sometimes they’re trying to keep their hooks in you, so in case they change their mind later… they can come back with ease.”
A thousand times this. They are trying to keep you in their corner……..
i call this.. putting a woman on ice… so they can thaw you at at their convenience later.. just keeping things chill etc… no sir i’ll pass
#1. A break-up with someone you really loved (someone you were in a relationship with for a long time, someone you thought you would marry, someone you thought would be the father of your children) can be devastating. The end of that relationship is like an actual, literal loss or death. Especially if the break-up was a long time coming.
I think that everyone needs to go through the five stages of grief in order to heal (if it was a major, meaningful relationship). And since everyone is different, you may go through your five stages in a month or two; it might take me a year or two. Some people have the need to go “cold turkey” so that they can get through all these stages (and remain healthy and sane), and when contact is initiated, progress is lost. You have to start the grieving process all over again.
Just my thoughts…I’m enjoying reading others’ thoughts….
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I don’t undertand why ninjas think I want to fuckin’ think you exist immediately following a break-up, let alone talk to you. It’s called time and space, why is this a difficult concept?!
1. As many folks have already stated, bc it hurts me. i use to change my number once I broke up with a boy if it was serious then you wouldn’t have the agony of wondering did he call? will he call? is he thinking oh i made a mistake? In my adult years that is not an option, but if I have a sore I don’t want you sticking your finger in it to ask if it hurts. Yes, and leave me alone when I’m over it you’ll know
2. I don’t care my dudes tend to be social anyhoo so I expect them to have fun with the boys antisocial dued=craiglist killer
3. I don’t know obviously kill someone, muder not manslaughter maybe they had it coming who’ s to say? I mean I cannot fathom someone trying to hit me so that isn’t an option bc then we will all be on the news. In a regular situation though I don’t know. I don’t enter into relationships easily so if we are committed (placed in a mental institution) then we are and I would try to work it out sans any craziness.
4. No se’
5. No se’
6. If you were a real chod lint I may wish a tesicle torsion on you for a little while, but normally I just try to get back at you by looking gorgeous and still having the great time. i want when they see me to remember, Ohhh and remember they do. That hurts them like brand new shoes.
Welcome to the world of mis-matched relationships. These questions speak to that woman who needs a man to fill that 20% void in her life. Usually she will end up with some man who bring 80% of his own baggage that will kill any relationship because initally her needs causes her to over look the whole situation she accepted.
There’s really only ONE question I have that I have yet had a woman answer… What’s with the lack of common courtesy from women today? I will ask that one question in terms of the seven posed…
1. Why do some women freak out over a dude being in the same state as some hot exes of his when such women don’t expect him to freak out over the dozen exes in the same neighborhood as hers?
2. Why do some women freak out when a dude is having fun with his boys without such women yet will all-out push a man down for wanting to be with her while she’s out with her girls?
3. Why do some women think they are ONLY entitled to dealbreakers that send such women running away IMMEDIATELY?
4. Why do some women think they are ENTITLED to NOT f*ck up a relationship? Lie not to yourselves… Women CAN AND DO f*ck up relationships…
5. Why do some women think they can push a brother’s nerves when they OBVIOUSLY don’t want THEIR nerves pushed?
6. Why do some women think they are entitled to hate their exes but EXPECT the nice dude they treated like sh*t to have NOTHING but unwavering love to THEM? ‘Cause such women KNOW they’ve done that to at least one nice dude in their past…
and, an extra one…
7. Why do some women think karma is sexist by not applying to them when THEY get treated like sh*t–similar to the nice dude(s) they dissed–by some dude who’s a bigger jerk than they are?
Said it before and I’ll say it again… Common courtesy is becoming increasingly rare among “the fairer sex”… I snicker at the phase “fairer sex” since most of “the fairer sex” refuses to play fair with those dudes who choose TO play fair… Demand of yourself what you demand of “your man”… Lack of THAT is the usual motivation for the Symbiotic Loner to instantly ditch a female, to YELL “f*ckup” to females, and, if the female plays her cards WRONG over a length of time, hate her with an unhuman vengence…
I can’t wait to read the answers to this. It doesn’t get any more basic than that.
i can’t answer any of those questions but i will say that i see common courtesy going by the way side for everyone… males and females, casual and intimate relationships, elders and the young etc…
if you see a repeating lack of courtesy pattern in the women you have relationships with, be it friendships, moreships or love maybe taking a step back and seeing what attracts you to these types of women is the action that is called for in your case.
“…if you see a repeating lack of courtesy pattern in the women you have relationships with, be it friendships, moreships or love maybe taking a step back and seeing what attracts you to these types of women…” The only observation I’ve seen is concerning the attraction I have to “…these types of women…” is that each of them is female. I have YET to be bonded to a woman who demands of herself as CONSISTENTLY as she demands of me–NOT ONE.
Each of the seven questions I had posed are signs of a female lacking common courtesy. And, I have MANY more… Some females have called it nit-picking; I call it being knowledgable. There are three actions that comes to mind, and ALL are fairly radical…
You’re talking to a dude who learned similar to what you said some time ago… It’s ALL about the signs of lack of common courtesy…
I think it’s all about the way some of us are raised. Personally, I was raised to be a Southern belle, and though I fought that notion tooth and nail, common courtesy is just something I think is owed to all peopole. If a man opens my door or pulls out my chair I say thank you. If he offers to pay for a date, I’ll say thank you but no (first dates are always cut 50/50 with me). If I bump into a man, I’ll apologize and say excuse me. I open doors for men, give them compliments, yada yada, because I know that’s how I like to be treated.
So short answer: Manners. Some women now were raised on the notion that because they are a “lady” they don’t need any. I, however, was not.
*co-signs*
@Symbiotic Loner
1. Why do some women freak out over a dude being in the same state as some hot exes of his when such women don’t expect him to freak out over the dozen exes in the same neighborhood as hers?
Insecurity for the first part. For the second part, she believes that she is more capable of not cheating than you are. Rather it is true or not, that is what she believes.
2. Why do some women freak out when a dude is having fun with his boys without such women yet will all-out push a man down for wanting to be with her while she’s out with her girls?
Those women are selfish.
3. Why do some women think they are ONLY entitled to dealbreakers that send such women running away IMMEDIATELY?
Not sure I understand this question.
4. Why do some women think they are ENTITLED to NOT f*ck up a relationship? Lie not to yourselves… Women CAN AND DO f*ck up relationships…
Those women are delusional.
5. Why do some women think they can push a brother’s nerves when they OBVIOUSLY don’t want THEIR nerves pushed?
This is human nature. (No MJ)
6. Why do some women think they are entitled to hate their exes but EXPECT the nice dude they treated like sh*t to have NOTHING but unwavering love to THEM? ‘Cause such women KNOW they’ve done that to at least one nice dude in their past…
Those women have no wisdom.
and, an extra one…
7. Why do some women think karma is sexist by not applying to them when THEY get treated like sh*t–similar to the nice dude(s) they dissed–by some dude who’s a bigger jerk than they are?
This question is personal (I can tell) : )
3. Why do some women think they are ONLY entitled to dealbreakers that send such women running away IMMEDIATELY?
Not sure I understand this question.
Then let me rephrase the question… Why do some women feel they are the ONLY ones entitled to dropping a man instantly yet refuse to understand that there are things such women CAN AND DO that give “her man” reason to drop her like a bad joke?
Concerning your “answers”, now you know my experience with females… Putting up with a female’s insecurity, putting up with a female’s selfishness, being trapped in a female’s delusions along with her, and/or putting up with a female’s straight-up stupitity have been part of what I had done for love…
Oh… And, concerning your “answer” to #5, I must not be human. I try ADMN hard to learn what “hot buttons” my woman has and NOT lean on them. (smile) Too bad I have yet experienced common courtesy from a female since lack of common courtesy has BECOME one of my “hot buttons”…
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
It’s hurts to see that the man is emotionally intact while I’m an emotional wreck. That hurts! I understand men are able to bounce back due to being emotionally resilient, but let me get it all out first before you come around. Another part to this is it kind of feels like the cat playing with the mouse when the mouse is on its last breath. Just do it, and be done with it!
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
This will depend on the confidence and esteem level of the woman. If she has low levels of both, she will side-eye your fun having behind every time. She won’t admit it to you, or even herself! This will require a man being with a woman who knows how to have a fun with his arse as well.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Ummm….. I honestly don’t know. Women will work through a plethora of sh*t (we are born with standard issue shovel and knee high boots).
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
If it’s football season or nba play-offs, then yes. Otherwise, no.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
I’ve never asked this question, so, I’ve got nothing here. Maybe it’s because the woman is playing on your logic to confuse you during this moment. She knows she messed up, but uses her Shrek cat eye’s to break down you. O-0
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Yes! My ex-husband put me through the ringer (cheated, baby born by mistress, left for said mistress). I don’t hate him, or wish him any ill will. Women must realize that it takes power to hate, be angry, or wish ill will on someone. I refuse to give him that type of power over me. Now don’t think I didn’t fantasize about busting windows, driving through the wall of their apartment, or calling the FBI stating that I know where two Americans that are training to join the Taliban are living. Those voices have since been silenced ;-]?
A few questions I have for women.
Why do women go so hard for their ideas as far as how men behave or act? It seems like once women think “men are like this and they do this” it never changes regardless of being shown otherwise.
Why is it so hard for some women to hold themselves accountable for the decisions and choices they’ve made?
Why is the sky blue? Why is water water wet? Why did Judas rat to the Romans while Jesus slept?
Unfortunately women go hard for their ideas on men behavior because of we allow ourselves to be scarred by the same jerks over and over. We Mr. Non-Jerk comes along, we can’t see the forest from the trees.
It’s hard for some women because we are used to being the victim. Victim don’t hurt themselves, right? So if a woman views herself that way, she is never to be held accountable.
Judas ratted out Jesus because Jesus would hear Judas’ theory on evolution. For your other two questions, let me get back to you on those……
@Shamed Face
“It’s hard for some women because we are used to being the victim. Victim don’t hurt themselves, right? So if a woman views herself that way, she is never to be held accountable.”
I see. So my next question is why do some women see themselves as victims all the time?
Environmental conditioning can be one reason. She’s heard her mother, aunts, female cousins spew the ever tired line “Men ain’t sh*t….All men are dogs*. Add with that the fact that the women of her family & friends allowing themselves to be treated any kind of way by men. This creates a pathology of ‘if my relationship doesn’t work, it’s not my fault…. I’m the victim’. If every single man a woman enters into a relationship with is garbage, then she’s the problem. This type of blinder creates a cycle that is extremely hard for this type of woman to see where her faults are.
So my next question is why do some women see themselves as victims all the time?
Find one that does and ask her.
How do you objectively expect a response to this? I don’t even know what that means. Lol.
@ Thereluctantsocialite
“… Sometimes they’re trying to keep their hooks in you, so in case they change their mind later… they can come back with ease”
this right here, almost made me catch the holy ghost. So. Very. True.
1. Because, unfortunately, some of you all behave so similarly it’s like a script. The “types” of men really do act a lot alike. It’s awesome when you think a dude is going to be a “type” and he surprises you though. Your actions will help that woman get over her assumptions- keep showing her.
2. I will never understand where you guys are getting this. Women are constantly holding themselves accountable and taking responsibilities that aren’t even theirs, trying to look out for everybody else but themselves. Women internalize a lot that isn’t their fault. I’m not sure why so many men are oblivious to this.
The “types” of men really do act a lot alike. .
I tend to believe that you meet the same people over and over. And this is not gender specific but just in life.
I’ve found this and I had to kinda “check myself” like ok, why do I keep meeting these kind of guys? Something gotta change.
@WIP
“1. Because, unfortunately, some of you all behave so similarly it’s like a script. The “types” of men really do act a lot alike. It’s awesome when you think a dude is going to be a “type” and he surprises you though. Your actions will help that woman get over her assumptions- keep showing her.”
So why dont some women change the “types” of men they deal with. Men are guilty if this too. But I want to know why some women dint recognize the flaws in the “types” of men they like or are attracted too. What I see is women getting the same results from the same “types” and say it’s men.
“2. I will never understand where you guys are getting this. Women are constantly holding themselves accountable and taking responsibilities that aren’t even theirs, trying to look out for everybody else but themselves. Women internalize a lot that isn’t their fault. I’m not sure why so many men are oblivious to this.”
Give an example because I’m sure most men dont recognize when women hold themselves accountable indirectly.
1. Agreed. Like I stated above, I had to check myself. (And it’s not that I kept dealing with the guys, I just kept meeting them, got 2 or 3 steps in and realized “oh hell, here we go again” and jumped out.) I think it’s just something that comes with age. If you’re not blessed to meet “the one” early on, you just get a lot of extra prep time for you future companion.
2. Woman gets r*ped and feels like it’s her fault for not being forceful enough in saying “no”. A no good BF disappears; GF still feels obligated to BF’s kids and family. Woman has babies but doesn’t pressure father for child support because she knows he doesn’t have it and doesn’t want to “put him on papers.” These are the first few I can recall, true stories.
So why dont some women change the “types” of men they deal with
I can ask you the same thing. You seem to be meeting the same “type” of women over and over again… inducing you to believe all women are like that despite ample proof of the contrary… So the day you break out of your “type” is the day you will figure out the response to your question of why women go for the same type of men… because it’s the same reason you go for the same “type” of women…
@Sula
“I can ask you the same thing. You seem to be meeting the same “type” of women over and over again… inducing you to believe all women are like that despite ample proof of the contrary… So the day you break out of your “type” is the day you will figure out the response to your question of why women go for the same type of men… because it’s the same reason you go for the same “type” of women…”
I agree 110%. Did you over look the part of my comment where I said men do this too?
1- people tend to gravitate toward the same type of people over and over again so once a woman meets the “same” man 4-5-6-59806209 times she forms generalizations that tend to work for her until she meets the one that isn’t. then she is all confused, doesn’t know how to act or think, she doesn’t know how he is going to act or think so she acts the way she does with all the other “same” men and disaster ensues.
2- people including women are flawed and in general it is hard to see yourself in the wrong, but how? why? I’m a good person. this simple sentence is believed by most about themselves, so being the good person and things are going wrong must mean that the other person is doing the wrong things.
3a- The re is a physical phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering that causes light to scatter when it passes through particles that have a diameter one-tenth that of the wavelength (color) of the light. Sunlight is made up of all different colors of light, but because of the elements in the atmosphere the color blue is scattered much more efficiently than the other colors. When you look at the sky on a clear day, you can see the sun as a bright disk. The blueness you see everywhere else is all of the atoms in the atmosphere scattering blue light toward you. Because red light, yellow light, green light and the other colors aren’t scattered nearly as well, you see the sky as blue.
3b- wet is a description of water
3c- hmmm because that was his role in the way the christianity was to play out
3b addendum- by the definition of wet, which is the condition of being covered or soaked in liquid, then water isn’t wet, it just makes other things wet.
So by that definition I could make water wet by covering it in some other liquid? (oil perhaps?)
“Why do women go so hard for their ideas as far as how men behave or act? It seems like once women think “men are like this and they do this” it never changes regardless of being shown otherwise.”
this is just a people thing. women, men, whoever. we all generalize and stereotype.
“Why is it so hard for some women to hold themselves accountable for the decisions and choices they’ve made?”
some women are immature and will never grow up
@humble on
i really didn’t know this lack of accountability is such an issue with men/women.
but it keeps coming up on this site, so i guess i’ll have to alert my friends that we need to start a movement…
but alas..
self-reflection is very hard. after a string of failed relationships, its easy to take a cosmo quiz, commiserate with your girls who will all tell you (in an effort to relieve the pain on a short term basis) that it’s not YOU, it’s him.
but then you come to a point, when you realize that the only common denominator is YOU. that’s some hard shyt. even harder to know where to go from there…
short (man) answer: truth effen hurts. easier to point on then in.
1. n/a
2. no, IMO, only a woman with no life of her own would me mad at you for having fun without her*
3. “Beat her.”
4. I think this goes back to perspective. One person’s definition is not the same as another. Sometimes we, as women, have to quantify and specify what we want because when you tell your man “I want you to be more romantic” he may think that’s watching more TV with you while you’re envisioning picnics in the park. So the man is walking around thinking he’s doing what you want while you’re getting angrier that he hasn’t taken you anywhere. Now, when I communicate with my SO, I try to be specific. THIS is what whill make me happy, just do THIS.
5. I’ve joked about this, but I’ve never said this. I’ve been attacked and it’s not a good look. If a dude is about to flip like that, it’s time to get the hell outta dodge.
6. Yes. Everybody moves on at some point. Chick like me is gonna know that you played yourself and it’s your loss. (If we’re broken up what difference does it make anyway?)
*this answer assumes the fun is with other men only. if other women are there, you could have invited her and the fact that you didn’t is suspect
Apparently I misunderstood question #1, so after reading the other responses:
If we had a bad breakup, we’re not cool. Would you call up some guy you weren’t friends with and try to chit chat? So don’t call me, LOL, (especially if you owe me money.)
As to #6– Do I “get over” it? Sure, in time and with much effort (usually un-aided by the person who caused the hurt in the first place). But that doesn’t mean that you and I are cool now. If I see you on the street, I will not necessarily attempt to run you both down with my truck…BUT I also don’t care to make small talk with you, have you occasionally “like” my FB status or split an appetizer with you at happy hour. Our relationship is over; you’ve become a stranger again. Dudes seem to mistake neutrality for negativity.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
I’m baffled by this.
~There’s never anything funny about domestic violence. And if you’re a man and your SO even hints at saying anything this remotely asinine you need to IMMEDIATELY:
1) Pack all her sh*t in a nice Hefty bag
2) Throw it out of your house/apartment
3) Repeat Step 2 with crazy, psycho b*tch
I knew a guy in GE who had his military career ruined by some dumb chick who locked herself in a bathroom and beat herself up and then called the MPs on him. He’d had enough of her antics and went over to her home to break it off once and for all when this happened. Anyone who tolerates this type of juvenile behavior from a “grown” woman deserves whatever comes of it. And any women who cosigns this obviously rode that little bus to school…..
Agreed.
“There’s never anything funny about domestic violence. ”
Agreed, but there is a difference between hitting your SO, and fighting with your SO physically. If the latter works for people, who am I to complain?
In general, I’d say it doesn’t work for most. LOL
Agreed, but there is a difference between hitting your SO, and fighting with your SO physically.
Really? Could you please explain the logic behind this because honestly I don’t understand you at all.
Scratch that….never mind. If you’re saying it’s ok for men and women to abuse one another physically in relationships your “logic” doesn’t really matter anyways.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
Because we know that one of three things is behind that phonecall
1- Youre too proud to just come out and say you miss me , wanna get back together
2- Youre fishing for a booty call that will lead me back into a situation with you that you will refuse to define
3-Youre hoping that I will have a momemt of weakness and ask you back so that it will be “MY” idea
Ninja please!
Uh. Huh….
1. A clean break is best in most situations. There is only guy I used to deal with I still talk to regularly and that is because we were friends first and he happened to be my first boyfriend, whom I have known since the age of 14. So we go back 23 years and there is only love there as friends, nothing more nothing less.
2. I would never be the uptight bama a$$ brawd that didn’t want my dude to enjoy himself out with the guys. As long as nothing trife is taking place, knock yourself out!
3. Abuse of any kind, lying, esp about things like sexuality, maltreatment.
4. “It takes two to make a thing go right”
5. I don’t think I have asked that, but I have asked are you mad @ me?, then asked them not to be, after an apology, when I know I have done or said something to piss a dude off.
6. I have honestly never been dumped, I have been the one to walk away from situations.
I got one hangin’ and two swangin’.
-Something is not right here… Since when do balls swang? Anyone up for a little Two Dycks One
Cupnut?Because I hate crime too:
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
-Honestly whether you broke-up w/ us or we broke-up with you we need time to get over the relationship… space if you will… with a new him… and finding him can sometimes take a minute so… don’t be selfish, give us FREE! Secondly, y’all know d@mn well we’re using this time to move on you just don’t want us to… haters!
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
-Insecure women do… or women who are miserable/bored.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
-Prolly, we all got our limits. I think f*ckin a homegirl or relative is my limit.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
-Absolutely not, but sometimes we just don’t give a f*ck so you fix it. Plus, when we’re usually the ones who have to do the forgiving it just feels like we’ve earned the right to see you work for this. Hit em witcho best shot
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
-I don’t ask that, I usually use some variance of You mad huh?… and really I’m only trying to break the ice and get us talking… sometimes it works and sometimes =/
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
-Burr, what is this question about? Did someone put a root on you? Ok, this what I’ve heard… boil a rat foot and sprinkle a 40/60 ratio of salt and paprika over your shoulder while spinning 3 times and listening to Happy Feelings and the root will go away. Seriously, yeah I guess… I haven’t really been dumped before tho I have been rejected and that ninja can BURN IN HEYLL!… kidding… not.
I really am kidding… Ion’t wish hades on anybody… today.
Racist.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
because if the breakup is fresh we will start to think back on the good times, miss having that person around and wonder if there’s hope for reconciliation. if its not–leave us alone –unless you are calling to apologize. no news is good news and the less confusing preferred method for our bruised hearts.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
na, I wouldn’t say that at all. but if other women are involved maybe. women should be out having their own fun too.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
putting your hands on me and/or abusing/molesting my kids (if I had any) you’d probably be dumped and in a ditch somewhere regarding the second one–I know people.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
because y’all aren’t. I know I’m generalizing here, but its how I feel. Its easier to call it quits.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
I’ve never asked that question and I never will. I don’t play those kinda games. If I did something worthy of a beat down I know it. and I’m prob ready to rumble–but we will break up afterwards due to my answer # 3. plus I’m too cute to go to jail and negroes press charges these days.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
if you truly loved someone you should never wish ill will on them–even if they hurt you bad. I’m a Christian so I really try not to do that. I hope for the very best for all of my exes. I think its a maturity thing, though.
#6, true and my Granma (RIP) told me as a young girl to never wish bad things on folk because it’ll come back on you.
In my recent situation, I had an “aha” moment when I realized I was doing great and he was still bumbling around in chaos. At that moment I stopped being mad at him and let it go. I was stiill blessed. Why am I wishing bad things on this guy while he’s already down? It was a good feeling to just let it go.
My comment won’t post!
You mean you and Champ aren’t experts on women??? GTFOH! Who knew. I always thought a woman would be an expert. lol Also, I don’t know of many good relationship blogs run by women. I know a good female s.ex blog but not very good on relationship advice. Anyone know of a relationship blog from a woman’s perspective? I know one but she constantly takes shots at men and I don’t want the “Girl, he’s a man” perspective. Btw, this is in no way shots fired at anyone so don’t run with it. Anyway, I’m going to answer these questions honestly in MY OPINION.
1) Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
- Because we’re trying to get over you, so you calling is wrecking up shop. I don’t know what it is but exes always seem to call right when you’re getting over them. Hell, you could be on a date with that brand new guy who you’re feeling so far then Rrrrring, there’s your ex calling. We hate that. We don’t move on as fast as you do. Please give us our space and time. If it’s one thing men are great at and that’s sending double messages. If you’re done, stay done. Don’t be done and then call us to see if we miss you. That gives us hope.
2) Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
- Most wise men know that there are MANY types of women out there and not just one. That theory is ridiculous. Women-logic varies by age, maturity level, etc. It’s also varied by how stable your relationship really is aka how much she trusts you. No, we do not care if you’re having fun without us. No, we are not jealous. No, it’s not our purpose to ruin your life. If you’re with a woman like that then dump her. Most mature women, who love their man, are very supportive. We want you to be happy. The only time it becomes a problem is when your fun includes popping bottles in the club with your homey Dwayne and his groupies. If she’s upset, try to see why instead of blaming her woman-logic.
3) Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
- Nope. That’s the truth too. When we fall deep for a man, we’re loyal to the brink of stupidity.
4) Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
– Honestly, yes because often times that’s the case. I love the idea that men are these problem solvers and women are the ones who don’t want peace but that’s absolute bullsh*t. Men’s idea of solving problems is to not talk about them, sweep it under the rug, and use time to “get over it”. That solves nothing. Most women are communicators. We need to talk about the issues because we know that talking about the issues ACTUALLY solves the problems. Blame isn’t an always sort of thing. I can’t say that we always blame you but I’ll tell you that women don’t get enough credit for being the ones to make a relationship work.
5) Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
- The only reason why a woman would ask you this is to provoke you. This is going to come as a shock but I’ve never done anything to a man worthy of a beat down…never. I’m actually afraid of a man’s anger. (you read that right) I’ve been through alot and I never want to be hit by anyone. If I see my man is at his limit, conversation is done to a later time. I can’t deal with that dysfunctional love. Nothing is worthy of a beat down. You put your hands on me and you will see prison walls. Period. I’m emotionally unstable when it comes to physical abuse so I’m not sure what I’ll do if you hit me…so don’t.
6) Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
- Yes.
Cosign your #3 and 4. Whats the worst is when a woman is stupid for a stupid man or someone who has no good intentions for that person. I know someone right now that just doesn’t see what everyone else sees about her SO. Its like you can tell that woman time and again he’s no good for you, he doesn’t really care about you, he’s a f^cking idiot and not worth you or your time…and they won’t see it til that dumbass SO drives them into a brick wall (figuratively or literally)
I think sometimes especially for younger women and sometimes older ones too, you stay and endure all of kinds of nonsense until you reach your threshold. Until you have finally had enough. It doesn’t mean she is stupid IMO, just in love and love covers alot of wrongs, keeps no record of them. It takes more than love to make a relationship work and people have to learn that as well in their own time.
If nothing else as you get older you should definitely know yourself better, things you can possibly tolerate and things you absolutely cannot and have the resolve to act accordingly EARLY.
Yes. When we fall deep for a man, you can’t tell us anything. We’re blind. I always have single friends who tell me what they wouldn’t do like “Girl if he cheats, I’m out…Girl, if he lies, I’m OUT” then that same woman has a man later on that cheated and lied so she’s on my couch saying she loves him too much to leave. That’s a woman thing and may be a problem for us but it’s real none the less. I honestly think we were designed that way. It’s like GOD knew men would do dumb stuff so he gave us endless patience. lol j/k
Btw, OSHH’s comment is truth.com!!!
“It’s like GOD knew men would do dumb stuff so he gave us endless patience.”
lol i think you’re on to something. i have another theory about why women take so much from men:
don’t be mad, but i’m about to quote nicki minaj. work with me. you know that line in Your Love when she says “i love him just like i raised him”? that line really resonated with me, and i’m pretty sure it resonated with a lot of other women too. nicki got deep for a second. the thing is, when we really love a man, one of our main concerns in life is to take care of him, make sure he’s happy, and make sure he’s completely whole- the same way mothers are with their kids. it’s the nurturer in us. and because we love that man so much and feel like we’re taking such good care of him, we feel like he would be lost without us. like he’ll never find someone else who has his all of best interests at heart like we do (although that probably isn’t true…the next chick who falls hard for him will most likely love and nurture him just as much because she’s a woman, and that’s what we do. the point is, we FEEL like we’re the best for him).
anyway, fast forward to him f*cking up. sure, the woman is hurt. but it would hurt her more to hurt HIM by taking away her love and leaving him lost out there. it’s like a mother whose child steals from her to support his drug habit, so she kicks him out of the house. she’s hurt about what the kid did to her, but it kills her inside to know she has to cut ties with him. (extreme example, but i think it works). so anyway, that chick on your couch who’s crying about her man may not really crying for “poor me, i’m so hurt and am about to be alone”…maybe it’s more “poor him, i don’t want him to lose me because that’s gonna suck for him.” of course, this isn’t true in every situation or in every woman’s case, but i have felt this way before and i know other women who have too.
am i making any sense at all? or is this just a big reach?
This all made sense. I had these feelings about my ex constantly at first. I knew he was going through it without me (and he called me and told me so, begged for help with one thing or another). But I’ve gotten over this mammy syndrome. He’s a grown a$$ man and he was alive and healthy before I met him.
To be honest, that’s how I got is such bad situations in the past. Trying to help dudes when they didn’t have any other options. I had to learn that- he’ll figure that sh*t out and if he doesn’t- he’ll just have to work with that too. I don’t have to be Captain Save-A-Homie. Those are feelings that kept me emotional unstable inside; but I was still a beast to them dudes after we broke up. I cussed them up and down, I had too much pride to let them know I still wanted to take care of them. I drank some vodka, cried it out, and brushed my shoulder off.
i feel you WIP. it’s the same for men who have it all together too, though, not just the ones who need saving. i was talking about the purely psychological. what goes on in the woman’s head. in reality, the guy will live, and he’ll be just fine. but she just feels like it’ll be a tragedy for him to lose a love as pure and deep as hers, and that’s what makes it harder for her to let him go.
maybe i should do a study.
Yesssssssss! Honey that makes PERFECT sense. We’re born to be nurturers, mommies, etc. It’s natural for us to be patient…much more than a man. D@mn girl, that’s really smart.
cool. and thanks
@Honey
I have a specific question for you.
Did you compose the script for the final scene in “Waiting To Exhale”?
I ask because I’ve noticed that you paint some beautiful pictures of sisterly love. The way you describe the relationships and interractions amongst your fellow sistren is so warm, fuzzy, poetic and romantic. It literally reminds me of the last scene in that film. Awweeee.
I almost expect to see butterflies and pink bunnies hop across my computer screen when reading some of your commentary.
*Bambi is that you frolicking on my browser with your big doe eyes? Oh, wait, that was just my cursor arrow shifting around.*
But anyway, carry on. Your comment is beautiful. Its a big reach, but its beautiful none the less.
And before there is any question of doubt, i’m being sincere in my compliment above You do have a way of painting some very beautiful images with your words.
“Bambi is that you frolicking on my browser with your big doe eyes?”
LMAO. you’re a clown. thanks, i appreciate the compliment and the humor.
i guess i’m pretty good with words. throughout my education i rarely received less than an A on a paper. but my commments probably seem flowery because, at heart, i’m very bohemian and humanist (meaning i believe all people are inherently good). so yes, i definitely see what you’re saying lol.
@Honey -“i’m very bohemian and humanist (meaning i believe all people are inherently good).
No lie, I was going to mention ‘bohemianish’ somewhere in my above comment, but refrained as I didnt want to appear presumptiuous. Good stuff though.
Girl I used to be that girl…the one who said “naw homie, if I dude cheats/lies I’m out,”….fast forward in this thing called life and I can honeslty say that I have stayed in situations like that. Love is a hell of a drug.
For me, though, there are two things that would IMMEDIATELY have me breaking up with someone and in jail. One–hitting me. I can get quite upset and I’m not the fighter type…if I can restrain my desire to hit you with a bottle of Hen in your face, you damn sure better do the same. If not…then you will die and I will be arrested. End.of.story. I do not play that domestic violence stuff. Two–if I had kids and some man abused (physically or sexually) them I’d kill him. End.of.Story.Squared.
Sadly, I have been misused and mistreated. I’ve endured ALOT ALOT ALOT and stayed until the wheels literally fell off. Honestly, I know my loyalty is unhealthy and I need to change that part of me. It’s okay to walk away from someone. Their love is not your lifeline. I’m working on it. You know, I wasn’t even thinking about that but yes, my child. If a n*gga EVAAAA so much as give my daughter a paper cut, not only would I leave but he would have to die….and I’ll get off on all charges. Crime of passion. Physical abuse and mistreatment of my child are my 2 no nos.
1. That’s a selfish dack mode thing to do. Generally, it’s not really to see how we are, it’s for you to feel like you are a nice guy and were so considerate to reach out. No thank you. You are public enenmy #1 and be glad that I’m icing you out because I have a mean left hook. Not that I’d use it, but don’t tempt me.
Even if we were friends before, we’d have to be REALLY good friends for me to keep in touch with you, and even then I need some time of not talking to you. When I’m ready to talk to you civilly, then I’ll get in touch with you. Other than that, we broke up. I need you to not exist.
2. Have fun. Just don’t have the kind of fun that will make me leave you. I operate by the policy of what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If you don’t want me to do it, don’t do it. And if you think you can get away with it, realize that you won’t get away with it forever.
3. Act like you’re going to hit me, hit me, cheat on me, embarass me in front of someone I respect/family, do one of your chronically annoying but tolerable habits on a day when I realize you’re just sorry and will never change
4. I don’t subscribe to that foolishness. I know good and durn well that not all men abide by the “I don’t ever hit women” code. Plus, if I do something worthy of a beatdown, best believe I’ve already bailed on the relationship or am no where near your behind.
5. Men don’t talk as much to resolve problems. Women tend to want both talk AND action. Just doing something takes a little longer for us to recognize. But generally, it’s that men feel they can slack off on the romance dept once they get to a certain stage, and women desire that same level of courtship.
6. Hmmm, most exes I pretty much couldn’t care less about them one way or the other, and I don’t wish them ill. There’s only one that will evoke a smirk when their name is mentioned, but that was the first love (before I learned nuccas ain’t ish but hohz and tricks). I think it depends on if the woman still has feelings, her maturity level, if there was closure, if the nucca apologized (this goes a LOOOOONNG way to helping someone move on).
I can only answer #1
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
I’d get mad if he has demonstrated through the break-up that he doesn’t care about how I’m doing. Not many things are more annoying than having some dude come sniffing around shortly after he escaped the responsibilities of a real relationship. My counter question would be “what do guys who dump you want to know how you’re doing?” My guess would be to make himself feel that he isn’t a horrible jerk. Just own the horrible jerk-ness and move on to the next disposable victim.
Typo: “why do guys who dump you want to know how you are doing?”
Because I can only relate to one question in this list, I can only answer one.
“1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?”
Depending on why we broke up, how long we were together before we broke up and how I truly felt about you, I don’t want you calling because I need time to actually get over you. In my previous life, I tended to jump off the deep in quite swiftly with a guy I was dating or what have you. As a result, I feel to the bottom quickly. So, if we’re actually “breaking up”, odds are, I had strong feelings for us to actually be in a relationship that we can break off.
As a result of this, it’s going to take me some time to get over you and if you’re friggin constantly calling, that’s making it a little more difficult to do. So, if you’ll just give me some time to cleanse you out my system, I could actually foresee us being acquaintances in the future and you can call, “to see how I’m doing” anytime. And by “to see how I’m doing” I mean, to see if I’m seeing anyone new. SMDH!
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
I don’t know about everyone else but when my ex tried to reach out I felt as if it wasn’t genuine. You didn’t care about how I was doing when we were together so why do you care now? GTFOHWTBS.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Universally speaking, I don’t think one exists. Generally, women are forgiving and even if we don’t forgive you we’ll stay with you.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
Yes.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
This is funny. I don’t think i would ask this question and women who do are just too bold for me. This question reminds me of the “You mad?” question. Lol
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
We do…eventually.
Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
Because in trying to get over you and our relationship, I don’t need to hear from you. This grace period is different for every woman. And this so called “checking in” can give mixed signals to women with more elaborate imaginations. They may actually think the relationship may be salvaged. Just let the break up be clean. That means not contact…especially for something like “checking in to see how you’re doing”.
If you lost a championship game, I highly doubt you would want to hear from the captain of that team “Hey dog, I just wanted to make sure you were handling your loss ok”
F. O. H (F*ck Outta Here)
“If you lost a championship game, I highly doubt you would want to hear from the captain of that team “Hey dog, I just wanted to make sure you were handling your loss ok”
i love this. leave it to you to put it in plain man-speak. lolol. maybe they’ll get it now.
@Muze
Thanks love!
P.S. What’s up with Ata?
ahhh you know, i revised and rewrote Ata so much for the book form, that i will really have to post the chapters over again in their new form to even move beyond that chapter. le sigh. i don’t know what to do. lol
book is coming though!
@Muze
Okays…well keep me posted on the book! I’ll definitely buy it!
you know…that’s not completely true. if dude is your man’s and ‘nem. trust me y’all will have a talk about it at some point. he ain’t gonna be all soft and pink and sh*t but it aint like you won’t talk. if you don’t know dude at all…then no, you wouldn’t expect that at all.
so the man-speak here doesn’t work. thanks for playing though.
*dry face*
I don’t believe that one bit.
But let’s say your boy calls you, you’re telling me you’re going to want to hear from him? That the call is welcomed?
*dry face*
I don’t believe that one bit.
But let’s say your boy calls you, you’re telling me you’re going to want to hear from him? That the call is welcomed?
And that’s not even man speak, imo. That’s coming from my competitive spirit. If I lose an important game, I don’t want you calling me talmbout “how you handling it?” FOH…the wounds are still open. Give me a minute…sheesh.
that’s cuz you’re a chick.
dudes will still talk to eachother…they’ll just give eachother sh*t about it. one will talk about winning while the other will say, “well if i hadn’t torn all of my ACLs on the last play you wouldn’t have..”
but we’ll still talk.
And this is what I’m talking about in my post from above. Tell them(women) the truth and they refuse to believe it.
1. I know for me, I take it personally when a relationship doesn’t work, like I failed something. So at this point I’m probably obsessing over why it didn’t work, what I did wrong, what you did wrong and wondering if things are capable of being salvaged. I have a hard time letting go basically. You calling at this point will only give me some sort of false hope and when I find out you were just calling with no intention of working it out…..ugh. Just don’t do it. Give me my time and space, we can work on being friends later.
2. Why would I not like that? lol As long as he doesn’t mind when I have my own fun, I don’t really care.
3. Mr. koko_chanelle and I just talked about this the other day, lol. I told him I can deal with anything outside of physical abuse. Hit me one time, we’re done, period.
4. Another conversation mr. koko_chanelle and I had (while we were on hiatus) and he said that I blame him most of the time. I don’t do it on purpose, I just know that I try really hard when it comes to relationships to be the best partner I can be, so if I’m doing something wrong, you would have point it out to me. And if you don’t tell me anything, I’m going to assume everything is your fault. Unfair maybe, but all you have to do is speak up. lol
5. Um. yeah, never asked that. Not sure about that one. I would assume it’s some sort of weird reverse psychology/ defense mechanism. She’s probably actually thinking “Dear God, please don’t let this man beat my a**.” lol
6. They say time heals all wounds. So I imagine that eventually, any ex can be forgiven, some wounds just take a bit more time than others. I’m working on one now, it’s been three years since he basically took my virginity and kept it moving, so I don’t know about anyone else, but for me that’s not easily forgivable. He came into VS the other day with his girl, I thought I was over it, but when I saw him I wanted to throw the nearest heavy object at his head. I don’t want him, I just hate that he got to do that to me and found happiness anyway. I mean I did too, but I’m not the villain in the story, I deserve the happy ending, not him lol.
1. Because most of the time, they are not calling to see how you are doing. They are calling because they miss the sex and want to know if you have forgiven them enough to sleep with them one more time.
2. No. At least not for me. I prefer a guy that has his own life and doesn’t have to cling to me because he has no friends. We can’t do everything together or we would have nothing to talk about.
3. Lie to me about something serious… having children, already being married, etc.. Oh and cheat on me with another man.
4. When it comes to fixing problems most men are too laid back. They assume by giving space and time, women will get over things when in fact space and time only gives us more time to rehash it in our minds and get more upset. Talking and dealing with a problem within 24-48 hours shows that you care enough to actually work out the issue instead of hoping it goes away with time.
5. I’ve never asked that question so I cannot answer it. N/A.
6. It takes a lot of time but yes. Its like you may spend a lot of time hating someone but it’s not until you truly realize how fortunate you are that you are not still with that person, that you can begin to fully heal and not hate him anymore.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
i think the common belief with this is 1) if she broke up with him he is either a-trying to get back together and she doesn’t feel like re-hashing everything again or b-trying to get physical again and either a-she can pass easily or b-she will backslide until she ends up face down a$$ up and everyone gets confused 2) if he broke up with her he is trying to get physical see above.
well as someone who is friendly with many exes i can say that most people need time and calling too soon usually means he is trying to get some “for old times sake” or trying to get back together even though you both know its not going to work. the solution to this is give everyone some time and some space. if you are really destined to be friends it will happen in time.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
not i. i want you to go out and have fun, i want you to be your own person, i want you to have experiences to bring back into our lives. a man that does not have his own life only has mine and I’m trying to live mine. i can only see that if its a situation where he never seems to want to go out and have fun with her thus implying that he can only have fun WITHOUT her that may cause the killjoy girl to appear.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
the am i woman hear me roar inside me wants to say HELL yea there’s plenty of things that make women leave, cheating, beating, having kids on the side, bringing home diseases but we have all seen that is not the truth. so the only thing i could think of is if he kills her, she did not break up with him per se at the time of her death but she did leave…
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
this may just be due to communication styles. women in general talk things out, while men are described as action takers. the thing is with some problems a lot of times there is no specific one action that can be taken to say you’re working hard for example there is no one action that shows that the childhood sex abuse you suffered at the hands of your uncle is not affecting you and us.
as for you asking if women know they are messing up and don’t say anything.. yea most of the times but we are smarter than you so unless you know how to spit syntax and semantics to make us admit… its not going to happen
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
“I’m baffled by this”. i agree
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
once she is completely over him and no longer wearing the emotional scars from their relationship like a red badge of courage.
“Fellas, let’s get all of our questions out there. What do you want to ask the boobed massive of VSB”?
SoBo knows this. And SoBo knows that. But SoBo don’t know Jack from the accounting deot. Plus SoBo can’t rap.
My questions to you ladies. Enjoy and be gentle with me. I bruise.
1) Why “put out” so easily and frequently out the gate and whenever your feelings develop and you verbally express interest in pursuing something more than casual/booty call chex with the brotha, you begin rationing it out and/or witholding it altogether? I presume its a means to force a relationship committment out of the man, but there is a chance I could be wrong.
Follow up(two part question)
2) Once the humpin around is secured up front, why the ill feelings towards the brotha because he has no interest in getting to know more about you beyond that and has no desire to change the dynamic of the relationship to anything more?
After you quit said brotha for not wanting more with you, why do you embark upon the same type of relationship(rinse, wash, repeat) with the very next brutha you meet?
3) Why after this occurs, lets say, 8, 9, 13teen times, the conclusion made is that all brothas care about is chex, and the solution to this is wh*te men?
4) Which is more comfortable: Glue, sewn in, or tracks?
5) If finger waves came back in style, would you rock them?
6) Is there a universal woman law to comb the hair clockwise before wrapping it at night, or direction doesnt matter?
7) For those with fat @sses, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your back?
8. For those with tig ole bitties, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your stomach?
9) Do you really enjoy tasting yourselves whether it be directly, or indirectly(via popsicle slob knobbery corn cobbery)?
10) What are 15 things men should look out for to confirm a woman’s infidelity?
1. I don’t know about “easily and frequently out the gate” but I think in the past I had a fear that the guy would just get bored with it if I gave it up too much. But I got what I’ve found to be good advice from a guy- “Once you know the guy is worthy, please him.”
2. n/a
3. n/a
4. comfortable? glue. durable? sew-in. (I’m not sure what the third option is. There’s some differing terminology here, the section of hair is referred to as a “track” so one would be gluing or sewing in “tracks.”)
5. No. Don’t have the head shape for it.
6. Depends on where you part your hair. Right= counter clockwise. Left=clockwise.
7. Yes.
8. Yes.
9. I’m neutral on the issue.
10. Disclosing this information would be a breech of the woman’s code of conduct.
for number’s 1,2,3 it takes a woman that is secure in her sexuality to not try and read between the lines of an “agreement’ unfortunately the vajayjay is wired to emotions and some dont know whether to cut the red or the blue wire to avoid the explosion.
now if said young lady is continuously puttn the siamese on the front porch thinkn thats gonna lure him into the house, then ultimately she’s the one puttn the emphasis on s.ex whereas he wasnt even thinkn about it (this time).
as to why they put it out and then be all “indian-giving” after a while is cuz she got all in her feelings and morals and starts feeling guilty.
1-3) N/A; VSV-very smart virgin
4) N/A; going natural. But from what I heard, glue is more comfortable, but sometimes takes out the hair, but sew in last longer and hurts only for a little while.
5) SMH…nuh-uh.
6) I usually go clock-wise; that’s how I was taught.
7) It’s not big enough to have an opinion yet :[
8. Yes.
9) N/A, although I would think it’s an aquired taste and if I expect/want/wish you to spend time down there, I would think I’d have to be comfortable with it as well.
10) If you think she is, she might be and if you think she isn’t she might be.
Great questions, Rock!
I’m only gonna answer these because they’re hilarious… and I honestly believe someone really wants to know this… wanna hear it, here it go:
1.) Why “put out” blah blah blah …and/or witholding it altogether?
-Sometimes when you first meet a dude you really just want to get it in, so you do. But then, you start liking said dude and you test the waters to see how much he likes you by rationing the poon… “Will he still want to kick it if we don’t cut? hmmm”… if no, see answer 2
2.)Once the humpin around is secured… yadda yadda yadda …with the very next brutha you meet?
-If it ain’t broke don’t fix it… I mean she did get the picture did she not and move on to the next? I’m not saying this is an effective way to judge whether someone is into you or not, but for women who don’t mind humpin around… I see how it can work.
3.)Why after this occurs… uh uh right uh … the solution to this is wh*te men?
-For the same reason basketball players stop dating black groupies and marry white ones… me no know.
Now to the REAL QUESTIONS … YES!
Which is more comfortable: Glue, sewn in, or tracks?
First off tracks are glued or sewn… dats it, tracks isn’t an option… Now, I’mma say sew-in because it last longer and isn’t as damaging… and glue itches, don’t glue chickas!
5) If finger waves came back in style, would you rock them?
-No… natural hair and finger waves? Oh lawd…
6) Is there a universal woman law to comb the hair clockwise before wrapping it at night, or direction doesnt matter?
-My rule of thumb is to always comb in the direction of the part… for example, if your part is on the right and your hair will fall to the left, comb/wrap to the left… and visa vera… also, it’s good to switch directions now and then, especially women with long hair.
7) For those with fat @sses, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your back?
N/A… iCry… well is it?
8. For those with tig ole bitties, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your stomach?
-Yes… learned to embrace the side fetal position young
9) Do you really enjoy tasting yourselves whether it be directly, or indirectly(via popsicle slob knobbery corn cobbery)?
-I should have read past the 6th question before volunteering to answer these… smh… ain’t gon be no directly bruh, gross.
10) What are 15 things men should look out for to confirm a woman’s infidelity?
-Ahhh… 15?… o_O… well ok… there is no way to know… we some sneaky muhfukkas.
4) Which is more comfortable: Glue, sewn in, or tracks?
Sewn in are different than tracks? Learn something new everyday. Glue is comfortable but wreaks havoc on the hair… Sewn in lasts longer so they have a better usability index.
5) If finger waves came back in style, would you rock them?
Depends.
6) Is there a universal woman law to comb the hair clockwise before wrapping it at night, or direction doesn’t matter?
The direction is decided by which side your hair falls… Kinda like based on your part.
7) For those with fat @sses, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your back?
It can be difficult because of the slight arch created while on your back. But if you’re truly tired, it doesn’t matter.
8. For those with tig ole bitties, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your stomach?
Let’s qualify tig ole bitties… As a double dang, I find it comfortable enough to sleep on my stomach… except when they get super tender…
9) Do you really enjoy tasting yourselves whether it be directly, or indirectly(via popsicle slob knobbery corn cobbery)?
Yes.
10) What are 15 things men should look out for to confirm a woman’s infidelity?
Again, is that bait?
2) For the most part because WE are emotional beings BUT let me say this there is a new breed of chicks in 2011 who can and do separate chex and their emotions. Trust me on this.
4) Although gluing tracks in is easier (no pain) Sewing in tracks is better for your hair, (well at least for my mine)
10) What are 15 things men should look out for to confirm a woman’s infidelity?
o__o
Women don’t cheat.. So There!!!!! #bbmTongueOut
@ChloeRayne516 – “…BUT let me say this there is a new breed of chicks in 2011 who can and do separate chex and their emotions. Trust me on this.”
I’m afraid you’re tad bit late, as this “new breed of chicks in 2011″ you speak of, are actually nothing new at all. Women like these have existed this way for thousands of years, and are widely known to charge by the hour.
Good night ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for coming.
*lol*
Are you saying that in order for a woman to have the ability to separate chex and her emotion she must be a prostitute???
Doesn’t not help.
o__O
Woooooooowwww….I don’t agree with casual s.ex FOR MYSELF but I can still acknowledge that it works for some women. I wouldn’t dare call them pr0stitutes either. That’s a bit of a stretch. A pr0 gets paid homey.
I didn’t say that you had to be a prostitute, but it does take extraordinary circumstances for women to bypass biology.
You got a point.
In my homegirl’s case.. She just got divorced recently, she was married for years at a young age and now basically she is testing the waters because she is not ready for a relationship.
Biology can only explain so much when it comes to sex & attraction. Women & men usually adapt their sexual norms to those of their community at large or their peer group, not to their own preferences or desires.
I’ve noticed men ask this question a lot. It makes me wonder if they think women don’t like sex as much as men.
Yep!!! It sure does work for some women.
One of my girlfriends is like this, she can get down n dirty with a dude then throw the peace sign and keep it moving as if nothing happened she ain’t trying to be his GF/boo None of that.
You and these double negatives… ugh, just say yes. No Floetry.
It’s called nuance. You should look into it.
*sidenote* n. 1. A subtle or slight degree of difference, as in meaning, feeling, or tone; a gradation… deez.
ChloeRayne516 “Are you saying that in order for a woman to have the ability to separate chex and her emotion she must be a prostitute???”
Of course not. That would be quite absurd.
Prosititutes are the ones with enough business savvy to charge a fee to do what the rest do for free..
So that the context of this convo isnt lost or misconstrued:
By “rest”, I am only referring to your category of “chicks who can and do separate chex and their emotions”.
Prostitute no.
Ho yes.
“Women like these have existed this way for thousands of years, and are widely known to charge by the hour.”
LOL! (I thought it was by the act? Anywho..)
I’d guess that women have always been able to separate $ex from emotion. I’m sure all the king’s c0ncubines weren’t in love with him right. Woman have always had $ex for power, stability, wealth, safety, when they needed to. I think in 2011, perhaps it’s just more acceptable to admit it.
@WIP – “I think in 2011, perhaps it’s just more acceptable to admit it.”
Perhaps you are correct. And if you are, it would mean, ho* is the new black.
T-shirts anyone?
*purchases a pallet of t-shirts to sell (not to wear).
FYI:
For those ladies that are self conscious, I also have a special going on for t-shirts with a more subtle caption: “Garden Tools Rule”
Step right up! All sizes XS, S, M, DL(which is smedium for the DL cats), L, XL, XXL and XXXL,
Be the first on your block, so get it while its hot. There’s a little ho in everyone. Don’t be shy. Buy a shirt, shirts don’t lie.
1- i say it time and time again its that darn oxytocin… here it is she’s thinking ok we’re just going to have fun and BAM oh lord the orgasms and the oxytocin starts flowing, its not voluntary and sometimes she may even see it happening but once the train pulls off its moving. so to combat this she tries to get what she wants-the relationship- while rationing what he wants -the gushy gushy- in a hopes that they can come to a compromise which is actually not a compromise but what she wants… the relationship
2- everyone wants to feel special, wants to feel like they are the one that causes changes. wants to be the type of girl that has him doing what he did not set out to do (in a good way). i really think its bruised ego. how could he not want more? i’m great, so she leaves. she repeats this behavior because sometimes it works.
3- hmmm i have no idea because ALL men (regardless of race/ethnic group/culture/socioeconomic status/upbringing/level of education/health status/age) want sex and a women that believes different is a fool.
4- i’ve never had a weave, but i have had braids and i will say i DON’T like them, they hurt and itch
5- sure i especially love the old school glam era when finger waves was in style 40s 50s
6- i have never wrapped my hair so i’m curious too
7- not really, but i honestly find the breast to be more of a hindrance to back sleeping, it messes with my breathing.
8- no problem at all even though i prefer sleeping on my side
9- absolutely
10- the unmitigated gall you have sir…
5) If finger waves came back in style, would you rock them?
No.
6) Is there a universal woman law to comb the hair clockwise before wrapping it at night, or direction doesnt matter?
Doesn’t matter. I think clockwise may be easier for the right-handed and we are the majority.
9) Do you really enjoy tasting yourselves whether it be directly, or indirectly(via popsicle slob knobbery corn cobbery)?
No. I think this is an individual, not gender kink.
because i like you sobo.. i’ll play…
1) Why “put out” so easily and frequently out the gate and whenever your feelings develop and you verbally express interest in pursuing something more than casual/booty call chex with the brotha, you begin rationing it out and/or witholding it altogether? I presume its a means to force a relationship committment out of the man, but there is a chance I could be wrong.
-never underestimate the low self esteem of some women. if we believe that sex is the only way to get you, some think it might be the only way to keep you.
Follow up(two part question)
2) Once the humpin around is secured up front, why the ill feelings towards the brotha because he has no interest in getting to know more about you beyond that and has no desire to change the dynamic of the relationship to anything more?
After you quit said brotha for not wanting more with you, why do you embark upon the same type of relationship(rinse, wash, repeat) with the very next brutha you meet?
-sometimes the humpin came under false pretenses (yes, there are men that do lie to women to get dem draws). we get mad – mostly at ourselves for being so stupid. but it’s easier to point out then in.
3) Why after this occurs, lets say, 8, 9, 13teen times, the conclusion made is that all brothas care about is chex, and the solution to this is wh*te men?
because 9/10, that’s IS what you want, some don’t mind the extras (aka the relationship) that comes along with it. and it’s the ones whom are misguided, bitter and heartbroken that think the solution is white men.
4) Which is more comfortable: Glue, sewn in, or tracks?
sewn in for me.
5) If finger waves came back in style, would you rock them?
maybe if i was going to a 20′s inspired party. lol
http://2threads.com/wp-content/uploads/img/blog/070907_bosworth_300X400.jpg
6) Is there a universal woman law to comb the hair clockwise before wrapping it at night, or direction doesnt matter?
i would think it would more depend on if she’s right or left handed
7) For those with fat @sses, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your back?
8. For those with tig ole bitties, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your stomach?
it can be. i generally sleep on my side.
9) Do you really enjoy tasting yourselves whether it be directly, or indirectly(via popsicle slob knobbery corn cobbery)?
*i plead the fif on this one. LOL.
10) What are 15 things men should look out for to confirm a woman’s infidelity?
15??? that’s a whole ‘nother post!
1) I don’t put out easy. Never have and never will. Why others may? Because when they like you, they want to get close to you. Sometimes s.ex is the only way some show their affection. It’s primal.
2) She gets mad because she starting to develop feelings for you and is upset they are not being returned. Regardless of the unspoken agreement a woman has walking into the physical relationship, it IS possible for her to develop feelings later on. Why does she repeat it? She’s in search of the same thing just with somebody else. It’s called love and acceptance. Why do I feel like you know the answers to these questions?
3) All men DO love s.ex…is that All they want? No. Most smart women know that. White is right has never been my philosophy.
4) I’ve never worn fake hair
5) No
6) I’ve never wrapped my hair
7) I don’t have a phat @ss
9) Yes
10) I won’t list 15 but look out for those who: have s.ex with you despite being in a relationship. That’s a silly question my friend.
1)“Why “put out” so easily and frequently out the gate and whenever your feelings develop and you verbally express interest in pursuing something more than casual/booty call chex with the brotha, you begin rationing it out and/or witholding it altogether? I presume its a means to force a relationship committment out of the man, but there is a chance I could be wrong.”
Some woman have really low self esteem & believe sex=relationship. Thankfully, I have a great understanding of myself & my motivations when it comes to sex.
“Follow up(two part question)
2) Once the humpin around is secured up front, why the ill feelings towards the brotha because he has no interest in getting to know more about you beyond that and has no desire to change the dynamic of the relationship to anything more?
After you quit said brotha for not wanting more with you, why do you embark upon the same type of relationship(rinse, wash, repeat) with the very next brutha you meet?”
I think because it worked the 1st 4 times in getting a man, they would think it’ll work the next 4 times. Problem is the women don’t learn from their experiences from the last 4 dudes & not do that to get a man.
“3) Why after this occurs, lets say, 8, 9, 13teen times, the conclusion made is that all brothas care about is chex, and the solution to this is wh*te men?”
I don’t know & can’t answer. I’ve dated 2 White men in my life & it had nothing to do about shade on Black men. They just approached, I was interested & dating ensued.
“4) Which is more comfortable: Glue, sewn in, or tracks?”
N/A-I have dredlocs.
“5) If finger waves came back in style, would you rock them?”
Good grief, let the style DIE!!!
“6) Is there a universal woman law to comb the hair clockwise before wrapping it at night, or direction doesnt matter?”
N/A-see question 4
“7) For those with fat @sses, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your back?”
That depends on the bed. If the bed doesn’t have good support, it can hurt the back. Sometimes sleeping on the side helps or on the stomach but it depends on how the woman likes to sleep. I have noticed that certain execrises seem to help, like squats with no weight & surprisingly, crutches-feels like they strengthen my back.
“8. For those with tig ole bitties, is it difficult to sleep comfortably on your stomach?”
N/A-Got regular bittes, lol!!
“9) Do you really enjoy tasting yourselves whether it be directly, or indirectly(via popsicle slob knobbery corn cobbery)?”
I think that depends on the woman & how it’s presented.
“10) What are 15 things men should look out for to confirm a woman’s infidelity?”
I was told, by men by the way, that if a woman goes to the gym when she’s never in the gym/suddenly has new girlfriends that you’ve never met or heard of/dressing up even to go to the corner store then she’s cheating. I think it’s all BS but I don’t know. I tend not to cheat. If I even feel like I could or would cheat on a guy, I’d leave him first.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
this is funny to me for 2 reasons.
1–becuz i hear mostly men make this complaint about their exes too. they dont understand why chicks cant let them just be. most guys i know dont understand why chicks always wanna end the relationship on some “lets just be friends”/”can we still be friends?” tip. and im of the same mindset: whats the point?
2–im in the midst of this now… with pretty much every guy ive ever dated for a long period of time. its not even that i get upset when i hear from them. its more like amused. why are you still calling/texting me??i mean, i dont really NEED you as a friend, and you’re not really that good of a friend to begin with. i dont mind an ex calling to see how im doing, and ill likely entertain the inquiry and pretend to reciprocate, but i internally question the motivation. if what the Champ says (on VSB and in “Your Degrees….”) is really true, that men and women cant be truly platonic friends, esp if theyve known each other in the biblical since, my guess is exes are reaching out basically because they want to be on good terms in case they are in need of some booty or to let the chick know, “look, we can be cool? and if you ever need some vitamin D but dont want to up your number, you can count on me”
moral of the story: we cant be friends (c) deborah cox. so just leave me alone. we’re better off.
*biblical sense
ah.. deborah cox.
#cdnpride!
1.“Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?”
Girl breaks up with guy scenario: Probably because we are in a logical place when we break up with you; and your calling makes us overthink the situation with our heart and possibly do irrational things like take you back. Being upset comes in because we believe you know this and are playing on our weakness.
Guy breaks up with girl scenario: Because that would seem patronizing and/or it sends mixed messages. We believe we have the market cornered on being able to break up with someone and care about them at the same time. We don’t think that men are capable of this (even if you really are).
2. “Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?”
Yes, for immature women, women who don’t trust their man and women who feel neglected by their man. No, for women who are in healthy and fun relationships and feel like they are a priority.
3. “Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?”
Universally? No. Every woman has her own breaking point. However, I will say that finding out her man has experimented in homosexual activities would likely be the front runner.
4. “Speaking of working things out, do women always think it’s the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?”
Different communication and operation styles make it seem that way to women. We want to talk about it; you don’t. We are quick to make ourselves vulnerable again after a problem; you’re not so sure. In turn, we feel like we try harder.
5. “Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?”
She’s gaging how pissed off you are or is subconsciously begging for your attention. If she is trying to get a read on your anger level, then she is likely afraid of what you may do to her. Otherwise, she has been screaming for your attention in some way and this is the only way she knows how to get it (sad, but true).
6. “Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?”
I will go out on a limb and say that most of the time men don’t break up with women. And since this is the case, the ill feelings are generally from whatever caused the breakup. But to answer the question…Yes, women do get over hating an ex.
Why don’t we break up with women? I guess the world may never know.
Because that would require giving up the steady, regular, consistent (redundant, I know) p*ss we are so used to getting. Perhaps its a kind of selfishness. Some men don’t like the thought of someone else getting the same type of affection, love, etc that she would undoubtedly give another should he let her go.
And also, because who purposefully throws away steady, regular, consistent anytime you want you can get it, p*ss?
LOL, Like I mentioned above, I have found men to be very forgiving. Not just with me, I’ve seen it with other women too. If you still want him, he will stay with you.
@Medium Meech
“I guess the world may never know.”
SoBo summed it up nicely for the world. Sort of the same reason why married men don’t typically leave their wives for the side-piece.
Um, yeaaaaaaaa…. that wasn’t supposed to get out. The company line was that we really care deep down and just can’t express it because society restricts how we express our emotions, but the fact that we stay speaks to our feelings. No Ma’am will be levying fines. And a memory “correction” crew will be in contact with anyone who read this shortly. Just reply to this comment to let us know who you are.
@Medium Meech
You know what…I had a very strong feeling you were being facetious with your “why we dont break up with women” question. Something told me not to actually respond the way I did, but I second guessed myself and did it anyway knowing that my response may potentially violate man law.
*deep sigh* What is my penalty, ’cause I fcuked up.
Haven’t heard anything back from the Grand Y counsel yet. Word on the street is they are still waiting on Ving Rhames, George Clooney and that tall chick from basketball wives to get a quorum. You might have to put the CBG cape back on for a while.
@Medium Meech
(Throws up hands in frustration)
My e-lationship will suffer because of this man code malarkey! (Not that you care) Hmph!
@Cnotes
Turn off the lights and put “Good Man” by India Arie on loop. It will help you get through it.
@CNotes
Very well done e-luv. You’re maturit-e is so very well conveyed in your comments, it is undeniabl-e attractive…..-e.
If pandering was in my biological makeup, and I was at expertise, black belt, summa cum laude levels as some others on here, I would pander you to warm melted butter today. Oh yes I would. But just today though.
So yeah…you think about that. You think about that long, hard and good.
@Mr SoBo
“You think about that long, hard and good”
SoBo…..you are flat out wrong for this! LOL You know my e-passion for you will cause me to hang on every one of your long, hard and good key “strokes”.
“If pandering was in my biological makeup…… I would pander you to warm melted butter today. Oh yes I would. But just today though.”
LMAO!!!!!!!!! The coulda, woulda, shoulda admission from you is a huge step. I’m impressed that you would even think of pandering. : )
@Mr SoBo
LOL @ “attractive…..-e”
1. um, well if i dont wanna talk to you, the ignore button is always there and/or i can re-save your number as “do not answer”. simple.
2. IMO women who have nothing better to do with themselves sit around and sulk. um didnt you have a life before him? so whatever you were doing before plan it for that weekend! go out, catch up with friends, pamper urself. something gul!…lol I want him to have fun, cuz when its my girls night/weekend out i dont want him bothering me either.
3.hmmm…different strokes for different folks.
4. not true. however it depends on how each individual viewed the “relationship” if he went into it saying “im not looking for a relationship” and all she heard was “if you stick around long enough, you can change me” then whitney houston we have a problem! Some men put pressure on themselves just as women do.
5. um, who in their RIGHT minds ask such questions. thats really really sary and disfunctional on so many disturbed levels.
6. Wishing ill will upon anyone for whatever reason shows a sign of immaturity. They’ll figure out where they went wrong and karma will be there to catch them everytime. dont ya’ll watch classic films like “Madea’s family reunion” and such?…lol. what goes around comes around. besides if ur sittn dwelling on negativety to come towards him, then there’s is no room for positivety to come and enter into you. women, men, kids: no one likes to be around bitter betty and debbie downer.
1. It depends on how the breakup went. if it was all bad, lose my number & never ask me how i’m doing, esp if you cheated on me. If you didnt care then, why care now?
2. I dont mind my man having fun. I think we should mutually share in outside activities & enjoy ourselves amongst friends.
3. A universal f*ck up for men, for me, would be physical abuse. Dont put your hands on me Chris Brown style…thas an automatic OUT
4. I think men are oblivious to most issues in their relationship, thus they dont think there’s anything “more” they can or need to do. Don’t shove the responsibility back on us. It should be an equal load.
5. I dont ask questions like that b/c it will possibly lead to an automatic breakup. (see answer to #3).
6. I’ve never been dumped, but that doesnt stop me from having ill thoughts about my ex. Its natural to have ill feelings toward someone who has wronged you. As life goes on, those feelings eventually go away
*disclaimer* While I may have given my personal replies to said questions, every woman and relationship is different.
1. hahahaha. why? is all the question that’s needed. if you didn’t care how she was doing before the official split, during the troubled times before the attitudes that caused the military silence that led to the official split, or during the relationship… why do you care now? give time, let wounds heal. a call means hope. and hope means she’s back to square one when he kills it by saying “just called to see how you’re doing. aight i have a date, talk to ya later.”
2. LOL depends on the fun. i’m happy when my Love is happy. unless happy includes something that would cause the above mentioned attitude and military silence. the level of “fun” at which a woman will get an attitude varies greatly though. we’re conditioned to think (usually rightfully so) that fun with your boys will almost always include some type of mischief. some women don’t mind strip clubs, some women would kill you if they found out. so i think that’s where the killjoy attitude comes in sometimes.
3. wow. i’m trying to think of something that has been done that has caused automatic breakup with me. wow. here’s the thing… i think any woman can and will break it off immediately after an offense so offensive she would be crazy not to. however, let a week pass, and we don’t remember that anger. loneliness and love have a way of glossing the memory over so that everything seems less harsh that it originally was, so we’re more likely to get back together and work it out because you said i’m sorry with a glisten in your eye (cause we ALL know that means he really means it), and brought flowers.
4. because he usually isn’t. men like to psuedo-address it, stop talking about it when you both disagree, let a little time pass, and then pull the glisten in your eye/flowers for no reason/good lawd what are you doing to me loving, and hope everything is back to normal. and it usually is, because we don’t remember the anger or problem very clearly … until the next fight, in which now we have to compound the current issue with the old issue that was never settled or worked through, and get accused of never letting things go. ahem. lol
5. when i was young and crazy i used to push my man to their very last string of pissivity, just to see how mad i could get him. now that i am older and mature and i realize that pushing a man to that point knowing that he won’t hit you, is the same as making him hit you. what i’ve learned is that most, if not all men, are stronger than me, surprisingly regardless of weight and size. man anger scares me, just like man tears make me sad. and since i tend to date men who outweigh me by at least 60+ pounds, egging him to hit me is not an option. bc if he does, that is charges pressed. no lol.
i think only women with daddy, self-esteem, or abuse issues actually do this past a certain age.
6. i can’t say i’ve ever actively wished ill-will on an ex. and i’ve had a pretty effed up breakup before. i’m proud of myself. lol.
i do know that women take much longer to get over a breakup if it wasn’t their idea, and depending on what he did to incur said breakup… well… maybe he just doesn’t deserve to be happy in their universe. ever. lol
1. hahahaha. why? is all the question that’s needed. if you didn’t care how she was doing before the official split, during the troubled times before the attitudes that caused the military silence that led to the official split, or during the relationship… why do you care now?
this. exactly this.
I realize that I can’t respond to every one of these, but ladies, trust and believe, the men are listening to y’all today. i know I am. I knew the answer to the first one, I just wanted to see if every woman felt the same way…and generally you all do.
it’s interesting to get perspectives from women when you don’t completely lead the convo. i probably should have just asked the questions with no explanation and we could have had a party up in here.
Party? Where the shots at, doe? Let’s take ‘em! (Fire some, too, if you will)
“1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?”
When men ask this question, it’s more to soothe their ego from causing the ex girl some hurt than to actually ask about her well being. So soon after a break up, I say don’t ask; just leave the woman alone. There’s no karma points in checking up on a ex after a recent break up. Give her some time & space, say a year, then if you’re really, really concerned about how the woman’s well being or even if you just want to be noisy, call/text/email but after a year is up.
“2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?”
If a woman is insecure or unhappy in her relationship with her man, yes, he can’t have fun without her. And good luck trying to get her to have fun without you because some women will think you’re trying to get them out of the way to cheat or something.
But if a woman is secure & happy in her relationship, not only will she be ok with you having fun without her, she might even buy the tickets herself so you can go have some fun.
“3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?”
I was going to say physical abuse but some women stay. I was going to say urinating on your lady but R.Kelly’s stupid@ss made me change my mind. Honestly, I don’t know what would universally make a woman break up with a man & I’m a woman. I think it depends on the woman-we all have deal breakers & different levels of tolerance. Myself, any type of abuse; physical, emotional, mental or sexual; I’m out & you might not even get a memo letting you know that I’m out.
“4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?”
I don’t think all women think men aren’t working on their relationships but the perception says differently. I think men have a different communication style when it comes to hashing out problems within their relationship. That might lead their woman to think their man isn’t fixing the problem.
“5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?”
Back in the stone age when I was in college, I was by standing an ex friend’s argument with her man at the time. She was very loud & out of pocket with her man then yelled, “I just know you want to hit me, don’t you?” Before he could answer her (plus I knew he wasn’t the type to hit a woman), I snuck her in the back of the head & said, “It seemed you wanted to get hit so there you go.”
I think those women that go into flip mode & start that “you want to hit me” mess either have little self worth or are just plain old dumb as bricks. Once a woman utters that phrase, just leave; it’s not worth your time or sanity dealing with her.
“6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?”
Women will get over an ex with time. Yeah, time heals all wounds & sh*t. If he was an nasty, foul, @ss, gossipy, straight up hater about the situation, I think most women will always have some kind of ill will towards the guy years later.
#6 Wrong. men don’t get over anything. They may not always be angry about the past but they sure call me 10-20 yrs later. and not just to ask me how am I doing. As far as women are concerned, I have a girlfriend who broke down crying after hearing about a boyfriend from 5 yrs ago getting engaged. I thought she was crazy but I really think it depends on how you feel about a certain person. some dudes we can care less about.
Por Que?
Why is it that women will say they are ok with something, but when shove comes to push, all of a sudden it’s no bueno?
What is the best way to solicit head from you? Making this request can be a tricky proposition. If I ask and use the wrong wording, you get the “oh no you didn’t, what do I look like face”. If you lay it on her cheek and she wakes up to find it there, I’m fairly certain no fond memories of this occasion will be forthcoming.
If you vent to me and I inform you of a way to rectify your situation, then you opt to do it your way instead, and that doesn’t work, why do you come to me for yet another solution that you promptly ignore, only to discover that you should have done it my way again? Why do you keep asking me if you’re not going to listen?
Why is it that women will say they are ok with something, but when shove comes to push, all of a sudden it’s no bueno?
that’s a good one. why all the tests to prove our love? if you don’t want me to do something, don’t say it sokay to do it then get mad at me b/c i should have known that was my opp to say, “naw, baby, i’m gonna roll with you.” <—just an observation
1. Negrette can’t change her mind? I said it was fine because I was marginal on the issue, and for some reason I was swayed one way or another (you started annoying me, it hurt, it took to long, etc.)
2. Here’s the thing…if I wanna do it, you won’t have to lead me. Once it’s out, it’ll either get popping or not. So if you feel you have to solicit, don’t.
3. I’m just looking for another perspective. I may or may not choose to use what you give, I’m just creating a ‘think tank’ if you will.
I cosign these answers…and could not think of any better way to say it.
Cosign these answers
Yuh huh… signage.
WIP FTW.
From now on, WIP speaks for me. lol
SAME!
1) Because we *want* to be okay with it, and want you to think we’re okay with it. When it comes to fruition, however, we realize how just “not okay” we are with it.
2) Do not just d*ck schlang it in a woman’s face. No effin sir. Just ask. “Baby, would you, pretty please (____insert fellatio euphemism here____)?”
3) Where dey do dat at? o.O If I ask you, I ask you because my methods aren’t working and I want different results so…
@Caballeroso
Mirar, don’t solicit head from a mujer. No need for the creative ways and apprehensive approach to get a “si” result or a “no”. Just Akinyele her and put it in her mouth. In her muth@fcukin mouwwwouwwwth. At that point, its too late for her to say much of anything. Remember, a true lady never talks with her mouth full.
Problemo solved.
ihate that I’m singing this dayum song in my head. You Mr. Sobo are evil. And for the record, if you put something in anyone’s mouth without their consent, don’t be mad if their reaction isnt pleasant for you.
lmao @ What is the best way to solicit head from you?
idk why this made me laugh so hard but it did.
there is one general way to do this that satisfies the “majority” of women. all women are different when it comes to their sexuality and how they respond to certain sexual acts–we all have varying comfort levels.
i think if you’re in a relationship with a woman, you should be more than comfortable with your mate to be honest about what you want sexually. maybe all you need to do is ask her, babe can you give me head? or maybe your woman loves giving head so much you usually dont have to ask, she just takes the lead. some women even respond to you just putting it up to her mouth (asking by way of body language lol). and some women respond in all of these ways, depending on her mood lol.
ugh! that 3rd line should read “there is NO general way to do this that satisfies the “majority” of women.”
I have an additional question:
7. Why do women hate generalizations so much?
Everybody here is assumed to have a certain level of common sense. Us menfolks KNOW that not all women operate the exact same way. We know, but for some odd reason, so many (and I’ve noticed it here today) of the ladies want to ensure that it’s made painstakingly clear that all women aren’t alike and its all situational. Great. Thanks for the heads up. But, the truth is, and the responses allude to it and the ones from the “man” post the other day, that men and women generally do trend towards similar responses and reactions based on gender, despite whatever disclaimer is placed on a response. And I’m asking this seriously, not to be a douche. I know some dudes hate being generalized, but frankly, I don’t care. You think all men suck? A lot of us do. Okay, doesn’t really ruin my odds of finding a woman. Apparently, women like dogs. Anyway, I’m just curious…whats with the tremendous disdain for generalizations?
IMO, some women feel that generalizations are like assumptions & just don’t want any part of the BS anymore. Everyone really is different so we have to be tolerant of others, blah blah, PC blah. So they feel that they must not generalize anything or anyone all the time.
its the fear of not being seen as unique or special enough to stand out amongst the crowd. For example…I am a twin (which some of ya’ll know) I am unique (or was before the mass multiple births) because not many people are born with someone else. Yet in still I fight tooth and nail to make sure people know MY name, make sure that they know that although I look like Phistee and we have the same birthday and both wear glasses we are NOT the same. She has things about her that make her special and unique and I have mine…but we BOTH share the fact that we are special because of our similiarity. So in the context of all women we just want our light to shine brightest to you even when you are looking at all the stars.
*cosign*
so then my question becomes, why is that such a fear of women? how does it come to the poing where women are (in general) afraid of NOT being a complete a total individual, competely distinguishable from every other woman out there? and its not to say that i dont understand why people want to be seen as individuals i get it. but to the point where, from observations on this site anyway, women go so far to ensure that we are all aware that each individual situation is different from the other and no two women are alike and eveything is completely situational – which are all things that i would think should be understood by most thinking people.
when did y’all start being afraid of being like other people?
For me, it has nothing to do with a fear or anything of the sort. I love debate, I have been on debate teams for as far as I can remember. Generalizations are not welcome, they weaken your point of view and your position. So in my opinion, generalizations can make a very good point moot.
You are an economist so you will understand this mathematical concept:
To prove that a theorem is true, you have to demonstrate that it is true in EVERY single instance. To prove that a theorem is false, you only have to find one case in which it doesn’t work.
In other words, there are other ways to discuss and debate valid points… whether they apply to 99.99% of the population or 0.01% should not matter and does not matter. This is the reason why I usually discourage generalizations.
Now, as far whether or not people want to generalize me, I’m cool with that. Lol. I am personally just like 95% of African girls who moved to the US so it’s cool. I would just avoid using that reference as the basis of any argument I make… because it is easy to invalidate.That’s all.
Please feel free to carry on… with the generalizations.
while i feel you to a degree, we’re talking about people and generally sociology and psychology. neither of which is going to always be one way or the other. so generalizations get the ball rolling on most conversations anyway. while it should be understood that not everybody falls into one group…it seems like women tend to be much more upset about being placed in a box than men are. now…i’m not saying generalizations are fact or science. they’re not. they serve a purpose of creating a baseline.
I had a really really good thought out comment…and it was 404′d. Therefore you will get a gist of what I had was trying to say…
We started being “afraid” of being like other people when people started generalizing and making negative comments about the generalized population. Just as you don’t want to be THAT dude…we dont want to be THAT girl..especially when that girl doesn’t have any of the best qualities or attributes that are highly regarded.
thing is, i dont care about being that dude. at all. i know who i am so what others think of me doesnt exactly make me think less of me.
Because a secure and mature person shouldn’t and most likely won’t care about what the masses think. Especially someone that is actually living their life…they probably won’t even have the time or inclination to know and care that someone thinks of them negatively. I know for me, in my everyday life, my esteem is not raised or lowered by unknown persons. I can give two sh!ts about what someone who doesn’t even know me, thinks about me. But in situations like this blog where we are a community and people might (and have thanks to VSB Day) meet, you don’t want any parts of a negative generalization.
I don’t think it’s fear. I think it’s just wanting to represent the idiosyncrasies involved in the situation. I kind of assumed we were supposed to get “situational” *guilty face*. I haven’t read all the posts yet, so idk if someone got out of pocket about “generalizations” implied in your questions. But I think it should be assumed by all people with good sense that a blog targeting a big demographic (reading Negroes) will have to use generalizations out of necessity. Anybody getting worked up over it….that’s just a waste of time.
lol…um, you do know that Panama wrote this right? ninjas are ALWAYS coming at me about my generalizations. LOL.
LOL…sad. The little blogger that could.
7. Why do women hate generalizations so much?
Because they rarely solve any problems.
You are in a relationship with one person at the time…and what that person thinks is what should matter. What Panama thinks on the quality of parrot feathers in the Mojave desert has little to no impact on my situation.
while they rarely solve problems, generalizations are largely how we understand problems even exist in the first place. plus, its unfair to state that all situations are ALWAYS different when we have proof even on this site that both men and women tend to actually think a lot alike when it comes to most things. sure there are variations, but i dont think generalizations are such a bad thing.
Actually, I forgot to add they also tend to be a bit on the intellectually lazy side in my opinion… One can make a point without reverting to big, sweeping and often condescending (and false) generalizations.
All situations are not ALWAYS different but they are not ALWAYS the same, so we are in a conundrum of sorts. Isn’t it easier to speak from the point of YOUR authority and ask others to chime in and share their views/points? We don’t necessarily need generalizations to make a point. If a point of view is shared by many, it would be easy enough to figure it out.
yeah, i feel you and all. but if you’re talking to a huge group of people, you can’t focus on every single solitary situation. its impossible.
nobody gets up in arms when folks say, “we want freedom’
nobody says, well except for the ninjas in jail who murdered my grandmother’s poodle. but its largely assumed we know what we’re talking about. which just leads me to believe, chicks dont like generalizations that dont paint positive pics.
if i said, all women were great and deserved a good man, not a single person would dispute that. hell, i’d get cosigns and become the spokesman for sensitive thugs united.
“if i said, all women were great and deserved a good man, not a single person would dispute that. hell, i’d get cosigns and become the spokesman for sensitive thugs united.”
Are you saying you’d be ComicBookGuy?
Sula I’m with you it doesn’t solve anything and to add to that… it usually feels like the person making the generalization is tiptoe-ing around the actual answer. Stop talking about what “they” and let’s address what we do/need to do… meaning YOU and I.
I think it’s because people like to feel valued for their whole unique individual selves and generalizations marginalize, uncuts that value to some. Some people feel reduced by generalizations, like “So when you think you know the whole you don’t even know the half” GangStarr
Yeah, I think when you notice certain things happen, having to always put a “I don’t mean all” disclaimer shouldn’t be really necessary. I mean, we generalize men, too. We generalize other things such as race, class, bosses, etc. I mean, is it gonna have to come to the point where we have to specifically list every single situation we’re talking about? Yeah, that takes too much time, hence while generalizations (and hoping that people can decipher that you don’t ACTUALLY mean every single person on the earth) is easier.
Anyway, to answer your question, I believe women get hurt more from generalizations because any “minority” or “oppressed” group does. We’re often made to feel like that every thing we do represents us as a whole, which is unfortunate because we ain’t bout that monolith life.
I agree with this, LOL, the disclaimers do get a little bothersome. I’m sure we all assume the person posting doesn’t mean “all women” or “all men”. Same with the spelling errors and grammatical corrections. I’m leaving them be. No one, no matter how brilliant, is above a typo. I will also assume the person knew the correct way to spell or say something (on this blog that is).
“Anyway, to answer your question, I believe women get hurt more from generalizations because any “minority” or “oppressed” group does. We’re often made to feel like that every thing we do represents us as a whole, which is unfortunate because we ain’t bout that monolith life.”
you just hit the nail on the MFing head, dude! that’s it right there. how many of us went to a pwi and were asked to be the voice of the entire black population in a class before? and how many of us absolutely hated it?
i remember having conversations about this type of thing at dinner, with my parents (my mom’s a psych professor, and my dad’s a political science professor). i could go into a long schpiel (sp?) about why that’s true, but i think everyone here is smart enough to get it if they think really hard. and i, personally, am one who will always speak up for the minority or oppressed group even when i’m not a part of it. so you’ll really hear my mouth when i AM a part of such a group lol.
you, cheekie, are a VSS.
When I say “men act like…” I mean the majority of men, not all. So when you say “women hate accountability”, I hear “the majority of women hate accountability”, which from my observation is totally false. Just semantics I guess. I hate the generalizations because even when you mean “most women” it still aint true.
come on Peej. women dont hate generalization–they hate when YOU generalize.
LOL
tu shea.
forget the i (heart) Panama jackson shirts.
i need to make I Hate Panama Jackson shirts and see how they sell.
*cough* Yep *cough* lol
I don’t hate generalizations. I make them myself. I just hate stupid ones. You know, when a woman says “all men aint sh*t” or a man says “all women are b*tches”…those are dumb generalizations. In other words, they’re groundless. Like you said above, generalizations are used alot in sociology/psychology. They take the stat and use that generally speaking. If there isn’t majority truth to the generalization, don’t make it.
Thing is doe, when you take out the “all” (instead say “men ain’t sh*t, or “women are b*tches”), folks still put it in there on their own volition. And that’s not always the person’s intention.
um..
most people dont like being generalized.
you dont and that’s great. you have great self of steam (lol.)
even take the pepsi commercial… some people thought it wasn’t anything to sneeze at, others were unhappy with the stereotypes it presented to the world about black people (women in particular).
the disdain for them is making the assumption that there is no/little room for not falling within it.
most people dont want to be defined by others.
So I debated commenting since a lot of this made me feel like an anomaly, but that’s what spins the world around, right?
1) I don’t really feel some type of way about you calling after. I think it’s a bit unrealistic to expect people to go from constant communication to being complete strangers on the opposite side of the Earth. Or maybe I’ve just never experienced a bad breakup? NOW, to the person that just contacted me out of the blue (after doing a background check through his bank to find my contact info)- you sir, need another hobby. Something about people coming around years after the forces a side eye out of me.
2) Everybody needs their own lives, their own friends, and their own fun. Unless I have a reason to suspect that your fun involves doing shady things that would cause me to take the trust that I have with you and yank it back like a loose tooth tied to a door handle, then we are good.
3) Lying is soo a deal-breaker, but no one is perfect. I guess it would have to be abuse (physical, mental, emotional) -all things punishable by my dad, uncles, and cousins that ain’t afraid to “go back”
4) Nope, I’m guilty. Sometimes when I’m over it, my effort is minimal. Working on that though.
5) Never ask a question you don’t want an answer to. Also if you are (wo)man enough to hit push and shove, then you are (wo)man enough for the consequences. I’m sure I just lost some sista-girl support there, but it makes no sense to me why we (as women) think it’s ok to push someone to that point or even PAST that point and then “dare” them to move or initiate physical altercations. I am firmly against domestic violence, but let’s remember that doesn’t just look like man on woman crime.
6) Again, maybe I’ve never had a terrible break up, but why waste my time and energy on making a voodoo doll?
we like unicorns around here.
1. What your friend said.
2. This is based on fear….if you have too much fun without me, why are you even with me? I understand this logic.
3. Murder can’t be worked out if I’m the victim. Hah. Couldn’t resist.
You cheat on me, it’s over. “It was just sex/I love you” doesn’t work on the Silk.
4. I haven’t been in this situation, so I don’t really know. Anything else would be hearsay.
5. Really? WDDDA?
6. It can happen. But I was blaming myself more for the breakup than anything (I said I was tired of being last on his list, and he booted me off the list entirely).
2. This is based on fear….if you have too much fun without me, why are you even with me? I understand this logic.
doesn’t this assume that one of hte purposes of your inclusion in my life is to bring fun to it? who has ever said i need a woman to fulfill the fun void in my life? lol. no dis, but while we love having women around, generally, our fun changes when you all enter the picture.
2. This is based on fear….if you have too much fun without me, why are you even with me? I understand this logic.
So did this person not ever have fun before you entered their life? I’m with Panama on this one, I don’t think my purpose in the relationship is to bring the fun. I think getting a clown might be cheaper than a girlfriend in that case.
2. This is based on fear….if you have too much fun without me, why are you even with me? I understand this logic.
That’s insecure, no disrespect. And idk if you said this as something you can really just understand, of if it’s something you practice, so I’m not passing judgment on you personally. But I think a woman who believes this is insecure because to me it implies that this woman needs her man to need/want/have her around all the time to feel good about herself. Which is unhealthy.
“1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?”
your call sets off a chain reaction that goes a little something like this: call/text/IM best friend(s) – assess the time of day of the call/duration/exact wording of conversation/voicemail – replay the voicemail (if you didn’t answer) for your friends – assess tone/speed/and cadence of speech (was he crying? had he just finished crying? is their laughter in the background? is that his boys? the new b****h????!!!!) – what’s his motivation? (is he clearing mental space?) – Is he ok? (is his mom ok – his sister?) – does he think i’m not ok? – who the hell does he think he is? he’s not the end of my world!! i’mma be aight!!!! – (insert bad advice from friend) yeah girl let’s ride over there!! (baseball bat [check]/sugar[check]/keys[check] night vision goggles[check].
as you can see, the above takes away from my healing process…
“2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?”
after polling my friends the general consensus is that this probably a myth. please, go out. I can read this book without you asking me what its about, and why i’d rather read it than talk to you, or I can put on the shoe/freak-um dress combination that i’ve been hiding in the closet (because it wasn’t in our budget) and go drop it like its lukewarm with the homies (i’m aging). I’ll meet you at the Diner boo!
“3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?”
there’s no such thing as a position/opinion/belief that all women subscribe too. I’ve seen “down-low-ness” as an answer to this above, but i bet their is a woman out there who will marry a gay man if he can keep her in a certain lifestyle and allow her certain “indulgences”
“4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?”
No. I can honestly say that i have had relationships where i have realized that i have a character flaw that is seriousl contributing to my own unhappiness and worked to correct this. however i’m sure that prior to this great revelation i was blaming men for my unhappiness.
“5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?”
Please see “psycho broads and the men who love them” for an answer to this. I honestly think you’re only going to get this question from your woman if you’re the kind of man that thrives in relationships with women who exhibit have crazy/deranged characterisitcs. this is probably the same woman who told you a story on your first date about why she’s never allowed inside of or within 500 ft of a 5 Guys restaurant.
“6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?”
Yes. once you’re truly happy with yourself.
@ your answer to #3, plenty of women have already done these bearded marital arrangements, I’m sure, but they know the deal going in, full disclosure, discussion of terms etc that’s the difference.
That is a whole ‘nother deal, and I’d wager those had alternative lifestyles also.
OSHH – I see your point. However, I still believe you’d be hard pressed to find one thing all women are willing to throw the towel in over. I mean even in the instance where the man looks you in the eye and tells you he’s gay, hasn’t HE technically ended the relationship? He coming clean with you at that point, he hasn’t given you the chance to break the deal…
Yeah I agree with the first part about universal dealbreakers.
What I was saying is in an arranged marriage situation with a gay man, the women knows beforehand and willingly goes into that situation.
When people are deceiving others in this manner, they rarely, if ever come clean of their own admisson, mofos get caught slipping, their behavior gives them away over time, or someone drops dime.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
As has been stated, your friend covered this already.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
Only when the relationship is shaky.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Sadly, no. I wish physical violence, raping, and child molestation were universal dealbreakers.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
Well I realize when I’m fucking up, but I’m usually trying to work on it and in my experience, he wasn’t working on it.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
I’m baffled by this too.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Um, my wishing ill is mostly passive at this point, so I guess so.
Here’s my answers…
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
I’m not interested in him calling my phone just to see if I would answer or have a casual conversation. I’ve only really had such a conversation with my “first love”, the rest can kick rocks. I personally don’t want to be pulled back in, but I don’t think it really upsets me.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her? Eh, not really…just don’t be stupid
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Any form or threat of abuse and while I have no children yet, pretty sure I would throw up the deuces if he hurt my child whether he is the father or not.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
Welll…men don’t respond like us to problems. While we get in “kill mode”, men just seem to be chilling playing XBOX. I think it’s the lack of emotion or even movement that gets me. Show some type of interest…I know it’s not in y’all’s DNA, but fake it at least lol.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
Um, I’ve never asked this…
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Yup, I have, but I mean I didn’t love them all so I didn’t care too much.
Co-sign on the abuse….that’s not even a deal-breaker. That’s an end-your-life-er. I got some country cousins that don’t play. Just saying.
Great post, Panama!
1. I HATE THIS. Leave me alone, a**hole. You gave up the right to check in on my well-being when we broke up, esp if you were the one who instigated the breaking up *side eye at 1 or 2 of my exes*. I think what bothers women about this is that when you break up, it makes it harder to think you might still care, which is what it looks like when you just check up on me for kicks. It’s almost self-indulgent on the guy’s part because you’re impeding my getting over it just to make yourself feel better in a moment of nostalgia. Go away or stay.
2. I think most women don’t care, unless you were supposed to have been spending that time with us (like a date night you conveniently forgot about) OR there’s a high likelihood that you’re getting into some cheating-prone shenanigans. OR, if you’re not open about where you are. Like, (at least for me–I know some women would teleport if they could to where your’e at) I’m not breaking my neck to check up on you, so to be like “I’m out, w/ some people, doin’ stuff…why?” I’m like just tell me. What the h*ll?
3. UM…CHEAT. For me, that is a deal-breaker. And for more of my friends than not, it’s a deal breaker for them too.
4. Usually women are just more vocal about how they feel about a relationship, where ya’ll are at and where you want to go–like what things need to happen to keep it going. Men aren’t as transparent, not because they’re hiding something necessarily, but because that’s the nature of men. So it can often seem like you’re just following my lead as the woman, and not taking that initiative on your own.
5.LMAO I’ve never asked this…that’s so funny. I’ve heard of women smushing men because they know they won’t get hit. It’s a jerk thing to do, kind of a b*tchmade move on her part, but people in love are flipping insane lol.
6. I think this varies by the woman, obviously. I think emotions shift from active anger to a dull anger that maybe becomes activated by coming in contact with that person where things just were never resolved, they hurt you, etc. But most women don’t walk around angry, harboring ill will–I truly believe that. I think it really is activated by a conversation about or coming into contact with that ex.
1. Full co-sign on your homegirl’s answer. Period.
2. It’s not so much that its bothers us that you’re out having a good time, what bothers us sometimes is WHO you’re out having a good time with…yesterday you said that guy friends actually check one another when they’re doing potentially harmful things re: their relationships and that’s WONDERFUL to hear, but we all know ya’ll have those ignant friends who will co-sign on some stupid ish in a New York minute…
3. This is a tough one b/c what’s a deal-breaker for one woman isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker for another and I’m having a hard time thinking of something universal… I don’t know, maybe if a guy tried to hurt her family members physically (child, parents, etc.)? I know that its the case that some women have turned a blind eye to their child being sexually abused, but I’d like to think that the vast majority of women wouldn’t stand for that. And who would put up with someone threatening to slap Mama?!
4. “Do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?” – Yep (I speak for myself here)
“Do women realize when they’re f*cking up but just don’t like to let us know?” – Sometimes I realize and don’t want to admit, but most times the thought that I could actually be the one not doing enough hardly crosses my mind (probably b/c I’m the one usually addressing the problem)
5. LOL! Can’t say I’ve said this before but I imagine it’s moreso said in an effort to call a dude out/call his bluff for acting like he was mad enough to lose his mind and resort to physical abuse. Like “Oh forreal? That’s how you feel?”
6. Absolutely! As long as the ex didn’t disrespect me or my family in some grave way, once I’m over you and on the next, we’re good
Ladies, how do ya’ll feel about the “friend zone”, when it’s on the other foot? I feel like when we were younger, ya’ll were experts at friending dudes you’re weren’t interested in. But now that we’re all older, a few of ya’ll get upset if we don’t holler within the first 5 minutes.
I’m not talking about regular guys that you ain feelin, but I’m talking about dudes that you actually find attractive. Is this even an issue at all or am I making it up? I feel like I’ve heard the phrase, “I don’t need another friend” a little too much these days.
I hate it; it’s always the dudes I have the most chemistry with who “don’t wanna ruin the friendship” or “respect me too much to think of me too sexualized.” Seriously? Wtf is that?
YES, Tes. YES. I stay pining after the dudes who have friend-zoneded me before I even picked up the dayum ball.
Dude straight up floored me when he said and this is a direct quote “Tes, I can’t date you, cause then, I’d want to have sex with you and I respect you too much for that.” What…the hayhl…is that? o.O
How you just gonna cut me out the game? Aggravatin! >.< lol
LOL, being too respectable for $ex = #fail.
Not really, I’m remembering some random show stating men that cheat with h00kers often claim it’s because they wanna do things their wife won’t do or things they respect their wife too much to do… o_0
But that’s what they say.
*O_O <— does not compute face
LOL, when I read that it took me back to that random thought (men saying they cheat because they respected their SO too much to ask for certain things) and I felt the need to share.
Oh no, not that; oddly enough I understand very flawed man-logic. What does not compute is why? Who does that? Who says that? lol
It takes two to tango, right? Jus because you feel the chemistry, doesn’t mean that he does.
It does take two to tango, but don’t have me all dressed up and then tell me you’re not up for it. The men who put me on the friendship bus usually vibe really well with me and send mixed signals. I’m just saying, let me know before you think I start really digging you, and don’t say you don’t know, because as a “friend” you know you know.
I don’t think I have ever experienced that, even if he wasn’t tryna be my man, he was def tryna hit/put me in the lineup LOL, so I have never had a dude relegate me to the platonic friend only zone.
Plus as I have gotten older it became harder to just have platonic guy friends period without them trying their hand.
Hmmm…friend zone…friend zone? For a woman? Does not compute. Women don’t generally do the approaching, so it’s hard to be thrown into that category unless we actually want to be your friend. And if a dude is single, if you come at him there are few reasons if any he would straight turn you down. But I’ve taken that womanly vow to never sweat a man. I’d just make sure I always was looking good around him, LOL.
You’d be surprised, actually. I man doesn’t have to approach you for to meet him. Therefore, you could meet him and like him and he could like you, too, jus not like that. It happens.
I also, I don’t understand this:
“And if a dude is single, if you come at him there are few reasons if any he would straight turn you down”
Straight turn you down? Probably not. That’s not nice. But there are a plenty of reasons why a man wouldn’t be interested in pursuing anything further.
I think I’m just having a problem envisioning how this scenario would go down. I like guy, guy is single, me and guy talk enough to be friends so obviously guy likes me back…why would guy turn me down? This actually sounds bad as I’m typing it, but I can’t recall having a single (not dating someone) male friend that didn’t express some interest at some point. Mulling…
Oh that’s easy…
Attactive Male Friends — we could never just be Friends!!! *justsayin*
I do have male friends but I have never been attracted to them in any form or fashion not saying that they are cosmetically challenged it’s just they don’t do it for me so they are Friendzoned.
I’ve never been friendzoned initially *shrug*
1. I usually try to cut all strings after a break-up in how you said, healing time. I don’t trust ex’s because I have been an ex and have wanted to “heal” myself through sex. I know alot of women like this and just well unless you have kids together – WTF is there to talk about?
2. There is no truth in that, however no one is the same I appreciate a man who can go out, act accordingly and come home to me. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean your entire life should be dedicated to sitting and staring at each other, you have to continue living and have things to talk about. This goes hand in hand with trying to change a person, as a woman I would appreciate a guy trying to get me to change “good” habits I had when he met me, it would make me rebel and in turn I think about how he would react if I tried to change him (I wouldn’t). I like my own space so PLEASE call Tyrone and go out somewhere
3.You know I always wondered this and if a man was to go get a chick pregnant on me the relationship would be dead on the floor. If he was a molester of children or tortured animals had bad hygiene yeah…..nah don’t want him
4. No I am going through something right now and KNOW I could work harder…..just don’t even want too….*shrugs**
5. Oh HELL NAH, coming from an abusive relationship in my past I would NEVER ask ANYone about hitting me…..Everyone has a little crazy in them I am not trying to discover nothing new or crazy
6. I don’t hate any of my ex’s even the abusive one….everyone’s different
**wouldn’t appreciate
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
If you really cared how I was doing on a regular basis we probably wouldn’t be exes.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
Real women with lives outside of their man don’t.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
No. Some women will put up with the most ratchet chit a man can offer.
For me, personally, putting your hands on me (beating) or my kids (beating/sexually) will get you arrested and prosecuted. If for some reason that can’t/doesn’t happen it will get you killed. Might not be by me but it will happen.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
No.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
Stupidity in thinking that you can say/do what you want to a man and if he was raised right/loves you enough he will just let you.
If he says no what does that prove? That he loves you, that he’s a doormat or that he’s just afraid of prison?
And if he says yes, then what? Do you leave or tell him to go ahead and do it then? This is one of the most rigged relationship tests that women have come up with.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Yes. Mature, emotionally balanced women can.
As a guy who’s seen a girl do it, I can attest to #6 being possible. One of my exes told me about how she had been dropped by this dude when she was a freshman and how she kinda held on to it for about a year after the fact. However, she eventually came to realize, and I’m paraphrasing here: “that hating someone takes energy and shows that you still have emotional investment into that person. The best thing is to be indifferent.”
It kinda shocked me to hear her say that, at the time, as she was a bit older than me and this whole indifference idea was a foreign concept that I had not heard of before, being a young lad. She actually was indifferent to him and it worked, because on a few occasions ole boy tried to creep back up in, and I didn’t even have to say a word before she stopped him.
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2. I want him to have fun but I don’t want him to be stupid either. Don’t put your job, our finances, or our family at risk.
4. I fuck up a lot. But if I admit it right away then he’ll get focused on that and completely ignore what he did that started the damn thing. I know what I did wrong and need to change and he knows that I know. Now to illustrate why I’m mean. Because he legit just doesn’t get it. Then again things are very black and white for him (him being my husband btw) so he has this problem with other folks too.
5. Gain time to work on an exit.
6. Yes. It’s possible.
Not mean, but mad. Damn typos.
1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?
Because you BROKE up with me. Why do you care how I’m doing? It’s like adding insult to injury. Like if you cared how I was doing you would have tried to make the relationship work, not call me when I’m clearly sad and distraught talkin’ about “how you doing?” I’m not an old woman, I don’t need wellness checks. If you didn’t get a call about my death, I’m fine. Assume that and don’t call to “check on me” fresh off of a break-up. No sir.
2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?
I don’t have this issue.
3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?
Tell her you’re not physically attracted to her anymore. That is cruel and ridiculous, but it works.
4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?
Can’t answer. This is a case by case basis.
5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?
LOL! We don’t even know why we do this stupid ish.
6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?
Yes. Right after he stops calling asking how she’s doing…
Why when you go on a few (2) dates with a guy, he wants the cookie. When you say your not ready, thats the end it for him! Why can’t he wait at least until you get to know each other?
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