Lists, Theory & Essay

Ladies, We Need Answers

"Like I said, the answer is 'the cookie'. Wait, what was the question? Oh. Doesn't matter, protect your cookie. From Cookie Monster. He blue."

One of the great things about VSB is that its  a forum for a lot of women to gain insight into what men think. And not just The Champ and myself, but the various brohams that venture here and offer perspectives on any and everything under the sun, from pulpit pimpin’ to sweater puppy management. We generally go in like two gay guys at a Prince concert with Drake as the opener.

Because of this, we get a lot of questions seeking advice, guidance, and help with various situations from women. This makes sense and we’re always glad to oblige seeing as our goal is to reduce crime in the world. But you know what? We have questions at times too. While we may have a very good idea about most things, there’s nothing like hearing an answer from the horses mouth. Which is actually why ninety percent of all relationship advice starts and ends with: maybe you should talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Most smart enough people with common sense and even a minute ability to observe their surroundings should be able to answer most relationship related questions but you just never know really. With that said, we spend so much time hearing from us and about why we think everything is such and such, I figured today, I’d query our wonderful community about a few questions that a lot of men would have if we ever thought to ask questions.

Also, I’m sure I could find answers to a lot of these by going to a website run by a woman who writes about relationships, but real talk, when your commenters give good community, why leave home? So here are some questions that I’d like to know the answers too lady.

1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?

I had a convo with a homegirl about this one today and she basically asked me, “what’s the point?” Unless dude is calling to say he made a mistake there’s no reason to call and interrupt her healing and attempting to get over the dude. As a guy, a lot of guys do just call to see how y’all are doing. It has no greater point. Which could be the problem. I don’t know. I got one hangin’ and two swangin’.

2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?

Kevin Hart said this in his Seriously Funny special. And I tend to think its true. But maybe I’m wrong. I’ve always suspected that women hated it when their man was out having a ball, in like Vegas or something where as men are constantly pushing their women to go have fun with their girls and stuff. We want you to get out without us and it seems like many women never do. My experience has shown me that women go into killjoy mode. Any truth there ladies?

3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?

Seems like women will attempt to work out any and everything. Not that it will be smooth sailing but cheating can be worked out. Murder can be worked out. Finding out your woman cheated on you is nearly universally grounds for a breakup amongst men. Just like throwing a skillet at my mother’s head. That will get you shorted. I’m curious.

4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?

Most of us menfolks tend to think that women severely lack in the accountability department. Are we wrong? Do women realize when they’re f*cking up but just don’t like to let us know?

5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?

I’m baffled by this.

6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?

Seems like women tend to hold on to significant exes in such a way that they want them to suffer for not realizing how great they were. Thing is, men maybe don’t deal with our issues very well, but we pretty much let y’all arses go. Or so it seems.

Ladies, the floor is yours. Help us out. Like Anthony Hamilton so poignantly said, “why?”

Fellas, let’s get all of our questions out there. What do you want to ask the boobed massive of VSB?

Talk to me.

VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://twitter.com/Brklyn2Chi Brklyn2Chi

    Don’t call it a comeback, I been here for years.

    Maybe it just me…

  • http://kineticculture.com NubianEmpress

    Yeah, we don’t want yall to have fun…STAY YOUR AS*ES AT HOME! lol. i kid.

  • macdw

    I can’t answer all of your questions, but I will tell you this. Many of my exes don’t even get a second thought from me, but the brothas who flat out lied….dropped the “L” and then dropped out…I have nothing but hate for them. I do wish them ill and I always will. It is ok to get bored…change your mind…move on….but it is not cool to hurt people.

    The only thing that would make me break up instantly without even trying to work it out is blatant disrespect. I understand anger, but there are certain things you just shouldn’t say to me. If you do, then I know you don’t respect me. Without respect the rest is useless…why bother? I’m out. As for that other stuff…I can’t help you. Good luck.

  • Deeloveli

    I’m mad beyond words at that pic. And that caption. I can hear Steve Harvey’s ignant @ss as I read the words. Good show.

  • http://twitter.com/sweetdivalove Seti

    Did I furiously refresh this page so I could read the new post before I went to bed?!
    Yes
    *admitting myself to VSS/VSB Anonymous*
    That picture of Steve Harvey is just…..

  • Dee

    “Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?”

    Let me breathe….you just broke my heart, I don’t care to talk about the weather. I need to work on being ok with being ‘everyone’ and not ‘your girl’ anymore. For a while, every time you call/text/IM, there is a little piece of me that is hoping we’ll get back together (if it isn’t a mutual breakup). Every time that doesn’t happen it sets me back a little and puts another crack in my heart. ZCP-Zero Contact Policy. Do not violate this.

    2. Only if there are beautiful women with bigger butts and boobies then mine. And they are shaking them while clad in spandex or imbibing liquor (and not getting paid) I’m ok with a strip club, but not a club club.

    3. I date a lot of non-Black men, so for me it would probably be call me out my name.

    4. Becuase y’all don’t. Or at least most guys don’t make it look like they do.

    5. never asked, never will

    6. I don’t actively wish ill will, but, yeah, things might be easier if you were dead…..least you wouldn’t be with another chick….just saying….

  • MzThang

    If we just broke up we have no reason talk so don’t even thing abt dialing my number. And I will def break up with someone if we haven’t been talking long to begin with and he pisses me off.

  • Phidelity15

    Read the post…love it and I’ll probably answer the rest of the questions later but #6…*sigh* its something I’m currently battling. I’ve only wished the most evil of hurt and pain on two exes and I can honestly say that yes, women can forgive and move on, but its definitely a struggle. Once a woman realizes that putting energy into hurt and pain and negative thoughts and actions actually stunt and stop her growth and advancement, she can stop hating her ex. Its a conscious thought process where (for me at least) you go from hoping you see his face/name in the paper under a tragic accident headline (and praying that you weren’t caught for the crime), to praying for his well being, safety and hoping he’s blessed.
    Like I said its really hard..but it can be done.

  • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

    Ok, working on -.- status right now (“pretty tired and near bed-time mode, in English), so this may or may not be coherent…

    “1. Why do women get so upset when exes reach out shortly after a break to see how you all are doing?”

    Yup, it’s about the healing and whatnot. And part of that healing is “no contact.” If the wound is still fresh, it’s like pouring salt that you ain’t “really” in our life anymore. Yes, your intentions are good, and we see that… sometimes we just need space. Kinda like what you’re hinting at needing in number 2…

    “2. Do women really not like it when their man is having a lot of fun without her?”

    Eh, like I said yesterday I have to have SOME away time from the booski unless I’ll go insane, but I think it’s not so much that you’re having fun without her, it’s that she gets the impression that you wouldn’t have fun with her… or that you don’t want to be with her. Which, yeah is pretty crazy but ya know… feelings. whoa whoa whoa. feelings.

    “3. Is there anything universally that a man can do that will make a woman instantly breakup with him?”

    Down low? Not GO down low (that’ll get you good times). BE down low.

    “4. Speaking of working things out, do women always think its the man who’s not working hard enough to fix the problems?”

    I’ont know is it truly easy for anyone to admit they’re wrong? I mean, even when men do admit they’re wrong, I thought it was just to shut our yapping mouths up.

    “5. Why exactly do women ask questions like “you want to hit me?” after doing something that would obviously be worthy of a beat down? Like, why even ask that question?”

    I’mma have to ask Jeeves this one because I gots nuffin. (Is he even alive?)

    “6. Do women ever get over hating an ex that dumped her to the point that she doesn’t actively wish ill will up on him?”

    Sure, I’ve seen it happen within my own peoples. Mama Cheeks for example. Her man up and left her. Just bounced. She was upset, sure, but she shrugged it off and went about her bidness. Guess who’s calling who all obsessively? Mmmhmm.

    Oh, and this:

    “Or so it seems”

    Is some poignancy for you mothereffers. Yeah, it’s just a simple sentence, but adding that at the end made my left eyebrow levitate. Because I know ya’ll peen pimps are the Fiddy Cents today and asking all the questions, but I have to ask… Since ya’ll are so good with not letting what’s truly bothering you show (i.e. saying “I’m cool” for every dayum thang. ;) ), then how could we honestly believe that you truly let it go? Like you said, it seems…

  • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A.naturally

    #1– A lot of the times, that ex is reaching out trying to get some post-breakup, emotional booty. Just move on… if I don’t call you, don’t call me. If it was a contentious breakup, i don’t give 2 piles of doodoo how you’re feeling. And if the breakup wasn’t bad, I’m still not interested in hearing from you. We are no longer together. Let
    s allow some time to past before we even think about being friends or even cool acquaintances.

    #2– I don’t have a problem with my man going to Vegas with the boys to have fun. As long as he doesn’t mind me going to Jamaica with these girls…

    #3– Infidelity and/or hitting me. Actually, raising a hand to me would be enough for me to bounce. I don’t play those kinds of games.

    #4– Some of you guys don’t want to talk about issues in the relationship. Instead, you try to keep of this all logic, no emotion facade. You talk to your mama, your boys, your weed man, anyone who might be able to give you some advice. You should be talking to your woman, and since you’re not talking to her, it appears as if you’re not working hard enough.

    #5– Who does this? I’ve never said such a thing to any man I’ve dated. smh… These chicks need therapy, and they probably need to be single while they’re in therapy.

    #6– I never wished ill on ex. Though, this boy who dumped me in HS, because I wouldn’t put out, ended up getting an STD from the fast girl in school. I kinds felt bad for him… kinda.

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