Ladies, Just How Pissed Would You Be?

You're way more special than my ex! That's why I'm giving you this ring I was gonna give her. #winning

I was listening to the radio the other day and heard an interesting story. I actually didn’t believe it at first because it sounded like SUCH a bad idea that makes complete and total lopsided sense that I’d never think any body (men really) would think to do this.

Until I was informed that there was an episode of Sex And The City that had a similar premise. Well, I’ll be. I never really got into SATC even though I heard it was like the greatest show ever not named The Wire.

Oh, what had happened was?

Right, so what had happened was that the show was about things you are keeping from your spouse and this one fellow called in to the station to confess that his wife’s engagement ring was originally intended for another woman he was engaged to but broke it off with. This ninja used the same engagement ring…twice.

#wheredeydodatat

I couldn’t believe my own two ears except I heard it with them. Honestly, I couldn’t even figure out why I was so taken aback. Perhaps it was the sheer audacity of hope that his wife would never find out (or that he’d ever actually admit that out loud on the off chance that she’d find out). Or maybe because it was actually fairly smart of him. Maybe he couldn’t take it back for some reason or couldn’t sell it anywhere and break close enough to even.

To be clear here (ladies), I think its jacked up to use the same engagement ring twice. I feel like the ring you buy for a woman should be reflective of her specific wants and tastes and is ultimately, supposed to be ‘pacifically for her and her only. To give another woman the ring that was picked out specifically for prior woman just seems wrong.

But also, what if she finds out? There are a few things in life that I think would piss a woman off to the nth degree. Finding out that Lisa Raye is a PhD biomedical engineer would be one of them (she’s not). A TMZ exclusive video of Idris Elba f*cking Eddie Murphy would be another. But learning that your husband gave you the same ring that he gave some other heffa would definitely be at the top of the list of things that might get you stabbed. Its just wrong.

You know what makes it especially wrong? I can’t think of a comparable male equivalent. I mean, we all know that Yeezy taught her how to put those motherf*cking Jimmy Choo’s on. Taught her well in fact. But in terms of something of that high value, both sentimental and emotional that a woman would provide to a man, nothing comes to mind.

Back to the ring. I honestly can’t understand for the life of me what would compel a man to think this is okay. Why he even kept the ring after the first engagement faltered is beyond me. The ring makes no sense as a keepsake or as a memento. Hell, it probably cost him an arm and a leg so I’d be trying to recoup those loses via that ring. Which begs the question over all, who actually keeps sh*t like that after the engagement didn’t work out. Maybe he was just that sure that he’d end up being married at some point.

I know I ain’t keepin’ no ring. I’d take that ho back and get me some golf clubs, a couple prostitutes and a ouija board. But that’s just me.

So after all that, I’m just curious about a few things. Ladies, just how pissed would you be if you found out that your man gave you an engagement ring originally intended for a previous fiance? Is there a male equivalent here? And fellas, would you ever consider doing something like that?

But most importantly…who the hell keeps engagement rings after the engagement ended up like MJ?

MJ gone. Our ninja dead.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka MR. KEEP THAT RING aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

****PS THANKS to everybody who came out to party with Panama Jackson at Liv Nightclub in DC this past Saturday night. The party was INSANE. Good vibes, good music.  Make sure you stay paying attention for more event notices. And that Saturday party…is a monthly. We’re going to do it the first Saturday of every month. Sadatay.****

  • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    My pissitivity would know no bounds.

    I’d probably sell that b*tch and buy me another one just on sheer principle.

    • Yoles

      Hey!! Tes sweetheart… where have you been hon?!?! WELCOME BACK :D

      • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        Hey Yoles! ^_^
        I’ve been working late nights the past few weeks but now I’ve got regular human hours :) so I can comment instead of just read and run.

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          Yay. :D

      • Todd

        Um, where were you on Saturday love? Remember? The NYC VSB meetup? ;-)

        • WayUPThere

          Wait, what? How did I miss this NYC VSB meetup?

          • Todd

            Malik tried to get some peeps together at the Brooklyn Museum of Arts’ First Saturdays.

            • Cayenne

              WHAT??? there was a VSB meetup at the BK museum and I missed it!??!!

    • Tx10inch

      Just askin bout u last week Tes. Welcome back!

      • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        :D Thanks Tex

    • http://kcfiction.tumblr.com NubianEmpress

      You know what though? A lot of guys break up with a chick and marry the next one they get with anyway….ijs

      • Leonie UK

        *Sining and skanking to onto the next one*

    • Ms.MangoButter

      See that pretty much sums up how angered I would feel…thanks Tess

    • Ivonne Oquendo

      I would be the perfect person to talk about this because THIS ACTUALLLY HAPPEN TO ME, my husband propossed with a ring that was meant for his ex. I found out about it becuase I figured it in the most weird way, we were both doing some cleaning and were after going through some of his old things, old girls friends stuff, letters that were in a suitcase he had forgotten about, in there I found the box that he stated was the one the engament ring came in, when I oppened it there was a letter from his ex, then I kind of figured it because this suitcase didn’t contain any of my letters or cards to him, this was years after even being married, I put two and two together and as soon as I did I confronted him and he admitted with no problem like it was no big deal, I couldn’t believe it, he didn’t even try to deny it either and what made it worst is that he said it like if I questioning about it like a kid who asks who ate the last cookie from the cookie jar? You could imagine my surprise and anger, I don’t know what pissed me off the most the fact that he re-used the ring or the fact that he didn’t think it was a big deal, the worst part is that I actually liked the ring, as you can imagine that night there was a huge fight about it and I had told him he owes me an engament ring, over the years the subject would come up he bought me another ring, one that didn’t have a real diamond but a cubic zirconia and I know it was because he couldn’t afford a diamond but I thought at some point he would replace it with a diamond, so last year I put him up to buying a diamond for my ring but instead he gave me a new diamond engament ring as a christmas present, it was very nice and it felt like he finally had made up to me by doing this.

  • Boogs

    First time eva!

  • Boogs

    Anyway, that scenario does not surprise me at all! I think that might have been my ex!

  • Yoles

    ” Ladies, just how pissed would you be if you found out that your man gave you an engagement ring originally intended for a previous fiance? Is there a male equivalent here? And fellas, would you ever consider doing something like that?

    But most importantly…who the hell keeps engagement rings after the engagement ended up like MJ?”

    oh lord i can’t even type the words that would adequately describe how upset i would be if some dude recycled a ring for me… bringing that bad blessing on our relationship… better not

    can’t think of a male equivalent… maybe a nice watch?

    i keep rings after engagements end.. i believe the rule of thumb and law of the land in some states is: if the proposers actions cause the engagement to be broken the proposee may keep the ring.. and if the proposee’s actions cause the engagement to be broken s/he must return the ring.. and there are other situations in which the ring is also a gift and not just a promise i.e. giving it on christmas or his/her birthday etc…

    • http://twitter.com/#!/Mailuv7 Mailuv7

      How many rings are we talking about Yoles?

      • LMNOP

        lol
        but really though, how many rings?

        • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          LOL I vaguely remember Yoles mentioning that she was engaged a couple times at least. Was I imagining this? VSS wifey swag.

      • Yoles

        i have been engaged a total of 5 times in this lifetime… each has a different story and we are all still friends… not bump and grind friends but true genuine friends… the kind of friendship that comes from real love, trust and understanding.. every great person isn’t always the right fit and the one for you…

        • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          Yup, I remembered correctly!! Girl, you should write a BOOK.

          • NinaFontaine

            I agree!

        • randomeffery

          wow…i don’t mean to make light of any heartache you may have experienced, but i’m genuinely impressed

        • LMNOP

          Rings or no rings, that is a life of riches right there.

        • http://www.theleftsidepoets.wordpress.com MicTheMessenger

          @Yoles:

          What form of controlled substance are you lacing your um, “lips” with to get 5 diamonds? One more ring and you gon be up there with Jordan.

          • Yoles

            @Mic as much as I would like to say that my stuff brings men literally to their knees, I’m going to have to say the reason for all the love is because I love with no boundaries, full out, balls to the wall every single time and I’m a happy, pleasant person that enjoys cooking… LOL honestly I really don’t know Malik did say I was endearing and easy to talk to…

            @Todd I thought you knew that while on NYC Mass transit on saturday I was regurgitated on! Yes you read that right.. A child threw up on me!!! And the commute back to bk would have been too long!! :(

            SN: as of aug 1st 2011 I lover of all things brooklyn moved to the bronx… I know I was heartbroken too but what’s done is done… Any & old VSP that live in the bx, harlem or washington heights section of NYC can be my tour guide!! Yes you can show Yoles what’s what in this new borough experience.. Act fast :D just email me @ ImYolie226@gmail.com and put your VSB name in the subject line.. Yoles is an equal opportunity intern employer friend maker!!

            PS anyone that has my cell#, email, bbm PLEASE drop me a line my phone got reset and I am at work (yes doing the early shift) experiencing MAJOR technical difficulties!! :(

            Thx :D

            • Todd

              I knew that Yolie. I just had to ride you on the board for that. *Cackle*

              But you’re weirded out at new boroughs? Don’t make me have to take you my old home in Jersey. You’d be flabbergasted. On the flip side, there’s this Cajun/Tex-Mex place there that’s slamming. :)

            • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis (@MOTRenaissance)

              @Yoles

              Sweetheart, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE BRONX…

              I think there is some type of evil spirit up there…

              Every time I watch a WorldStarHipHop video & some sh!t goes down,, like a crackhead dancing naked in the middle of the street, or some drunk getting knockdown on the train…

              It is always a Bronx location…

              Look out for yourself & when you have the means, go to some gated community…

              I stay at Brighton Beach for now… I am considering moving down to Alabama & see if the women are better down there than here…

              • Yoles

                @ Adonis…

                I am with you on the bx has me looking over my shoulder thing… I am a bklyn girl all day every day.. Just found a bigger, cheaper, more house & tree lined street apt in the bx, sometimes it be like that!! I will keep VSB posted on whether I get my purse snatched, carjacked, attacked by dudes in extra tight pants etc…

                On the bright side according to my mom all those hills and steps will make my fat azz lose weight we’ll see ;)

                Good luck in finding what/who you are looking for!

                BROOKLYN :D

            • http://www.theleftsidepoets.wordpress.com MicTheMessenger

              @Yoles

              Happy and pleasant is def whassup, that’s understandable… a happy and pleasant woman means LESS DRAMA…and we don’t like drama (most of us)…but we do like food…and i read your comment a bit further down…your heart is str8 up BATTLE TESTED. I’m glad you found true happiness with yourself!

              And your age + avi = don’t add up.

              I think you should write a book.

          • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 herbetteroption

            KOBE!

        • tosweetness

          Just curious…. 5 times? Why would you say yes, I will marry you and become engaged to someone that you realized soon after “every great person isn’t always the right fit and the one for you”. Shouldn’t you know with 1000000% certainty that they are the right fit , before you say yes, I will marry you?

          5 times?? I’m not judging! I’m FASCINATED … please elaborate… :)

          • Yoles

            5 times sounds crazy… 1st time I was 16 said yes got married @ 18.. According to him right girl, wrong time… 2nd time 24 got married.. Wrong guy, wrong time, 3rd time I just was so in love with what we had the potential to be that I ignored what we really were, 4th time, I was hurt that this kept happening to me, so I decided to become whatever he was looking for.. All I did was please & never put me first or second or even third until I lost myself 5th time, so determined to be me and be the master of my destiny, MAKE happiness come my way, be content own all the aspects of my life that I become someone and something that I wasn’t hence lost myself again… Fast forward to now over 35 not married, not engaged at the most secure & happy part of my life ever. I know, like and enjoy being me…

            All those years when marriage and children were the end all be all didn’t have me as part of the equation.. I’ve finally found myself & it didn’t have to be the mrs to a mr…

            Fin

            • Lynisis

              Brava and well said sista. I love to hear such beautiful self-awareness in a woman. Yay!

            • http://WWW.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com Mahogany Princess

              Wow Yoles. Your honesty is refreshing. Check out “A love like this” on http://www.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com. I think we made the same discovery!

            • ChicagoCutie

              Yoles, I don’t know you, but I must say congrats for putting in the necessary work it took to become the self-aware sister that you are today. If only we all took time to realize that being true to oneself is the truest testament to healthy relationships (not just romantic relationships). Knowing and loving yourself is the only way you can truly love others. Again Congrats!!

        • http://www.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com Mahogany Princess

          Dang, I can’t get one engagement and you got 5. Forward me the handbook! Seriously…………….

          • mandela

            Ms Mahogany,
            I don’t think you want the handbook of someone who had the opportunity to score the winning goal 5x but missed! 5 brothers just vamoosed for abslolutely no reason? No matter how good you are in the bedroom, kitchen or your educational level – if a man can’t envisage you as the mother of his kid..he ain’t getting married. Just the truth.

            • Around the Way Girl

              Unnecessary.

              • Mo-VSS

                Very unnecessary

                • LMNOP

                  also unkind

                  • Yoles

                    also not true… in using mandela’s analogy i scored 2x and actually passed on 3

                    in all my months on VSB i have never been rude or had harsh words to say about anyone’s life choices.. even if i disagreed i would state my side with honesty and dignity… i find it unnecessary as well especially seeing that mandela does not know my life story… or what happened in each occasion..

            • http://WWW.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com Mahogany Princess

              Mandela,
              I only need once. 5 times is way too many to not seal the deal! lol

            • nillalatte

              late, but a man can envision you as the mother of his kid and the marriage still fail. There are no guarantees in relationships. ugh.

            • Deviant

              F*ckouttahere…disrespeckful azz.

    • NinaFontaine

      I just said a watch in my comment below too!

      and AMEN to this entire comment!

    • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis (@MOTRenaissance)

      I think a male equivalent might be cuckoldry… But that is like rape tho…

      Nope… No male equivalent….

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        (walks away without further comment)

        • Mo-VSS

          Like….

          No words

          • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

            pre-heated-cisely.

            y’all make me wonder what World I’m living on and came from.

            Why is my life so vanilla?

      • S Emm

        I would say the male equivalent would be raising a child that’s not his? I know it’s not the same physically, but emotion wise I feel it would be similar. Technically the child was “intended for another man”.

        • Todd

          Yeah, I agree. Especially if you found out after the kid was grown. There would be consequences and repercussions.

          Oh, and Adonis, rape is the equivalent of rape playa.

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            That last line is gonna fall on deaf ears, I think.

            • LMNOP

              True enough. I appreciated it though.

        • dos pesos

          Throws flag on play…..no ma’am.

          Finding out that you received a recycled ring is not in the same universe as finding out that you are raising a child under the false pretense that it is yours biologically.

          First, allowing a man to raise someone else’s child requires an outright lie…as in “I’m pregnant and the baby is yours.” Giving a recycled ring doesn’t require any duplicity. It requires a lack of tact and alot of balls, but no lying.

          Second, unknowingly raising someone else’s kid implies that the mother was cheating or at the very least double dipping. Whereas recycling a ring doesn’t necessarily mean the man was doing the same.

          Third, your mamma, daddy, nana, etc aren’t that invested in your engagement ring. So if it turns out the ring was initially meant for another, they aren’t that hurt. In contrast, your family is invested in your offspring. So if they find out that their grandchild, lil cousin, neice isn’t really related, it can devastate the whole family.

          Lastly, a ring is usually a gift that costs women nothing. A child, although also a gift, is expensive as hell.

          • Ms. My2Cents

            Well said! I agree on all of this but would say that giving a recycled ring IS a lie. Lying by omission (and we can argue the finer points of whether that qualifies as a lie…or not!)… but it’s deceitful nonetheless!

            On all other points, i concur. I can’t begin to imagine what feelings that type of treachery would bring.

            • Please, No Photos

              Is it truly deceitful if he didn’t tell you he bought it specifically for you? Although, if you are the one he’s going to marry, and he bought it for the one that he will marry (which ever “one” that turns out to be), it still isn’t lying – even by omission.

              I don’t believe it’s anymore deceitful that re-gifting. Just because I have no need for a box of Tupperware doesn’t mean that the person I forward it to as a gift is being deceived…especially if I knew she needed and appreciated Tupperware. What am I missing here?

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                You’re only missing the need for some women to be deprogrammed from Disney movies & romantic man meets women love stories.

              • Nameless for Now

                I think it is duplicitous for the sheer fact that you’ll prob try to keep it a secret. If you’re not ashamed or think she’ll be mad, why you don’t just tell her upfront?

                I don’t think it has anything to do with the value of the ring, nor is it a question of utility. lol, if, after you bought this great ring for someone else, you don’t have any money for another…then let’s not have engagement rings and have simple wedding bands. But don’t give me something that was a symbol of the love and bright future you were gonna have with someone else!

          • Please, No Photos

            Strong and valid points here. Any personal experience with the matter?

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              I used to think the ring indicated his level of commitment & value for me. But it’s still just a ring. I was more excited about the marriage than the wedding which was a small no frills affair. What indicated his level of commitment & his value of me was his character. Marriage showcased this better than a ring could –and I liked my ring and didn’t know if it was recycled.

              Only in fairytales and Disney movies will a ring & wedding be shown as the ultimate goal and the movie is over before we see the value of the marriage.

              And to be fair he is marrying you, not the ex. And if he cares he will let his family know in advance so there are no awkward reactions from them when they see a ring they recognize on the new fiancee’s finger.

              A man I loved dearly could propose with a plain gold band or jlo’s ring from her Ben affleck days and I’d be geeked about the upcoming marriage if I wanted to remarry.

          • Nameless for Now

            Well said! I was thinking that letting him raise a child that wasn’t his but it didn’t sit right; the kid thing just seemed extra, and you hit the nail on the head on why!! :D

        • http://WWW.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com Mahogany Princess

          I think you’re right about that one! That discovery would be sure to deflate a man’s spirit!

  • Gooner Forever

    I wouldn’t want the ring back if the breakup was amicable…

    …but if it was ugly (esp if it was because of something she’d done) I’m gonna need that back. I have a mortgage to pay and two boys Catholic school payments to make sis.

    #ishtisreal

    • Chocolit_Miss

      *clears throat*

      Dear Gooner Forever,

      Your avi is errthang :-)

      I’m an Arsenal fan myself, good to see a fellow Gunner :-)
      Our numbers are dwindling ‘cos Wenger is doing errthang in his power to drive us away #SMDH

      I swear, most of us are suffering from batterd fan syndrome………

      • Leonie UK

        Oh lord who let those gonners in…

        • thelonius

          lol,Wenger boys stay losing (c) Patrice Evra

          • Chocolit_Miss

            @ thelonius to our eternal shame (._.), we are known as the “could’ve beens”

            @Leonie UK, yes we do exist, although we are damn near being placed on the “endangered” list. GRRRRRR

            • Leonie UK

              I try and snuff you fake North Londoners, but you come strong regardless. Well the season begins in a few, I just want Chelsea to put in a bloody effort this year ( we need to get rid of some players ship sharp).

      • Jimna

        WORD!

      • Gooner Forever

        Thanks for the Gunner love sis! Yeah, I take a beating with the guys who I talk football with but I really don’t put much credence into their opinions because they keep telling me how much they like Manchester (only frontrunners like that side; it’s like rooting for the Yankees or the Lakers) and how they prefer Cristiano ” dive waiting to happen” Ronaldo over the one true Ronaldo. One thing’s for sure, Wenger better not be blowing smoke up our a$$ about signing another quality player before the season starts. Gervinho is cool, but he’s not going to bring us silverware.

        • Leonie UK

          No he is not * looking over my shoulder at the gonner fan eating my tofu friendly fry up, who also agrees*

    • http://WWW.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com Mahogany Princess

      If the engagement didn’t end in marriage regardless of who called it off, I would give the ring back to the man. I don’t need to carry around a reminder of what didn’t happen. Kindly take your ring and pawn it sir! lol

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Mailuv7 Mailuv7

    I think Mariah Carey’s ring was originally on Selita Ebanks’ finger.

    I would be pissed, it’s just inconsiderate and takes away from the feelings that were attached to that moment; however I can understand why some1 would do it; esp if that could of been a down payment on a house/condo/townhouse. Just don’t do it to me.

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      “I think Mariah Carey’s ring was originally on Selita Ebanks’ finger.”

      *dramatic chipmunk like a mug*

    • CaribbeanQueen

      lmaooo nooo way! it cant be. Mariah and her diva arse would NEVER stand for some ish like that

  • xLadyTx

    Oh this is simple. i’d be super duper angry. Like almost Chris Brown angry. I’m with Tes on this one – I’d sell it, trade it in, etc. Or better yet, just make my man take it back. He should’ve known better than do some lazy foolishness like that.

  • missmajestic

    He would have to get me another ring that I’d pick out and it would be way more expensive!

    • http://WWW.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com Mahogany Princess

      Oh yes, he would pay dearly for that error in judgement!

  • http://www.awordorthree.com Crystal Marie

    I think I’d be more shocked than pissed at the audacity. Maybe even a little impressed that he pulled it off w/out me knowing. But rather than going into a flying rage, I’d just use the situation as needed. “Oh, so you’re too tired to cut the grass, just like you were too tired to go to Jared’s and get an original ring. Oh ok.” *one smooth lawn later* “I thought so.”

    • LMNOP

      yeah you could get a lot of mileage out of that. You could use it from “too tired to get up and feed the baby…” to “too tired to go out and get usssome depends.”Probably make for a decent marriage actually.

    • CaribbeanQueen

      LMAO. i like this comment.

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      LMAO. Right… it’s pure laziness on the dude’s part. It’s not like it’s SO difficult to fix that situation. Put SOME thought into it… that doesn’t always have to require 4 times your mortgage or whatever generic formula folks use…

    • Mo-VSS

      LOL @ “one smooth lawn later…”

      I’m sure he’d get tired of that and eventually get you another ring.

      • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

        or just effin leave…who needs manipulation…ps I know it is a joke.

        • http://www.theleftsidepoets.wordpress.com MicTheMessenger

          who needs manipulation

          manipulation = women

          men need women

          men need manipulation?

          • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

            lol. This guy is a classic ^^^ +5

          • kiki

            LMAO! this formula is terrible awesome and hilarious mess…

  • http://twitter.com/kjnetic peter parker

    i’d think about doing it…because hey, you never know, might fit the next one…

    but someone would probably slap me around and force me to sell it…by saying something like “that engagement ring represents your memories of her, you need to sell that and let it go”