Ladies, It’s Not Worth It To Pretend to Care About Sports » VSB

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Ladies, It’s Not Worth It To Pretend to Care About Sports

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In this 21st century era of brunch parties, Urban League happy hours and Diva Dudes™, the dating game has changed. Instead of guys trying to impress you, the onus is on women – shout out to the black professional gender ratios! The cocktail dresses are tighter, the bras push upper, and the “arbitrary quality that gives off that one-of-the-guys appeal” press is on full blast; anything to stand out from those regular girls off in the corner. I mean, how else do you get the attention of the 6’2 big hunk of chocolate with letters after his name and a job title like “Senior Operations Facilitation Consultant” who you bumped into at Park?

Now, I’m not here to kill anyone’s vibe. Whatever works for you is a-okay with me. I do want to give a gentle piece of advice, however: in your quest to find that je ne sais quoi as your claim to male accessibility fame, your piece de resistance… you may want to refrain from proclaiming a deep and abiding love of all things sports.

As a self-declared former “early Ciara years” style tomboy – I played ball and couldn’t be found without extra-large sweats prior to 2004 – let me let you in on a dirty little secret.

You ready?

*Drumrolls*

Eighty percent of men who claim they would love a chick who loves sports don’t actually want a chick who loves sports. This is true sixty percent of the time, every time.

Whenever the average man says “I love a woman that likes sports”, what they really mean is: “I would really love a woman that doesn’t mind that football is at least two days out of the week, sometimes three, and even four if I care about college football. Then right after it is basketball season, where there’s a game pretty much every other day until June. You know what’d also be neat? If she rooted for my team with me, sometimes walked around in nothing but my favorite player’s jersey, and maybe even offered a little afternoon delight during halftime. Yeah, that’s the dream.”

What a man who ends up actually dating a sports fan gets is something like this: “Why is she cursing louder than me? There’s more spit coming out of her mouth than mine right now. Is she really talking smack in our fantasy football match up? I will never hear the end of it if her team beats mine. Who’s gonna make the damn wings if we’re both posted on the couch???” Ask my boyfriend how he knows. (I’m on a two year streak of kicking him out of the playoffs in our league, by the way. Don’t hate the player hate the game.)

I write this all to say that in my twenty-some odd years of existence, being an avid sports fan has NEVER given me a leg up romantically. No one has ever been turned on by the fact that I know the difference between a nickel and dime defense, or that I would fight Reggie Miller on sight if I ever saw that buster in person. The fact that I loyally root for a team is cool, until it becomes clear that I would root against theirs in a match up. It’s not sexy that I can argue them down on who really belongs in the top three shooting guards list, or explain why the Kobe vs. Lebron debate is nonsense, and that’s okay with me. I truly love every moment I spend watching athletic greatness and I wouldn’t trade it for all of the mangoes on the eastern seaboard – so I found me a man who can respect that my passion for sports is for me and not for him…even if he is a Chicago Bulls fan.

Sports watching is a commitment. In our 40 hour workweek, you can end up spending a big chunk of extracurricular time faking the funk on something that you may care little about. There’s nothing wrong with getting involved in your partner’s interests, but you should feel comfortable standing in your truth and understanding that sports fandom isn’t the chick asset that it seems. Besides, if a dude is really into you, he couldn’t care less if you don’t know who his team’s quarterback is. Trust me on that.

…but it may not hurt to find it out for Jersey-wearing purposes.

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Shamira Ibrahim

Shamira is a twentysomething New Yorker who likes all things Dipset. You can join her in waxing poetically about chicken, Cam'ron, and gentrification (gotta have some balance) under the influence of varying amounts of brown liquor at her semi-monthly blog, shamspam.tumblr.com

  • BeautifullyHuman

    “I would fight Reggie Miller on sight if I ever saw that buster in person.”

    This is why VSB will always have my loyalty. The laughs are endless here. LMAO

  • Yay Shami….

    I agree, as much as I love sports i never actually dated a die hard fan and I’m perfectly okay with that; Idon’t need you to be Jemele Hill. I have homies and social media to get my sports banter on to my hearts content.

    • Rawtid

      I love Jemele Hill!

    • Jemele Hill got a nice booty.

  • I stand in my truth and dangit, I like wine and design. I dont do sports. I just dont. I go to Superbowl parties for the wings and crudite. Shruglife. But my woman is a sports fan, so I do my best to support. I watched some of the 352093690450684 playoff games with my lady this season, and I think that should suffice for the next 3 years…

    …seriously, why is the NBA season soooooo long?!?! Why does it take playing a team up to 7 times to determine they are better? I have so many preguntas and not enough attn span to get the answers..

    ooh, I found out what “in the paint” meant this season and my mind=BLOWN.

    • CamCamtheGreat

      lmao Were you surprised that the “paint” was literal?

      • mannnnn listen, i was like “YOURE KIDDDING ME….THATS WHAT WACKA FLOCKA MEANT?!?!”

        Im a genius now. No stopping me lol

        • CamCamtheGreat

          Damn, I forgot about that song. One of 3 Waka Flocka songs I actually liked.
          …And now I’ve got that beat stuck in my head.

          • Youre welcome lol

    • Wild Cougar

      In the paint tho!…..I’m the same. I like boxing. dasit. And that’s because there are no balls, nets, fields with markings, flags, downs, innings or any of that to keep track of. One guy hits the other guy. Simple.

      But I’ll be a fan if the person I’m with is a fan. Fan by association. Enthusiasm is contagious. Soon as the game is over I forgot the name of the players.

  • deeflyy

    the opening paragraph is modern dating in a cup.

  • TD

    Another sign they don’t really want a girl who loves sports: I better get first rights of refusal for any sporting event tickets you may acquire, not your boys. I’m sure that’ll go over well…

    • Rawtid

      this!

  • Sham Sham Bigelow with the post!

    That whole sharing interests thing is ehhh at best. Your music tastes, hobbies, and TV viewership isn’t going to sync into some hive mind and that’s really a good. Think of it as Venn Diagram with the overlap including shared interests and the bumping of uglies.

    Moneypenny is a casual sports fan who lets me cook while Bama plays and we bond while her team Carolina plays on Saturday and I put up with her talking sh*t about the Raiders. We’ll watch the NCAA tourney, NBA playoffs, and Super Bowl together too and that works but I’ve never tried to make her the jersey and favorite player girl. Honestly, if she turned into raging sports gal all of a sudden that would kind of ruin things for me.

  • Asiyah

    I just had this conversation with a male friend of mine the other day. Deja vu!

  • This is me. I’ve found that men get really turned off about my undying love [read obsessive fervor] for my Panthers and my Tar Heels. I can’t ever date any man who is a Dook fan, or a Pats fan, or a Saints fan. Like. I can’t.

    I’m a sore loser. I’m the worst whenever my team beats their team. I don’t know the meaning of chill in those situations.

    Y’all would see me on the news in a white Bronco driving away from the crime scene smh.

    • I’m a Tarheel fan but college basketball and hoops in general doesn’t hold my attention on a game to game basis any more.

      • Rawtid

        i still love college bball but pro? tuh. i literally have to be forced to watch until finals time now and even then its only BC its the finals…and to talk shit.

    • b sweet

      I thought you wanted a dude from the NO? You’d be hard pressed to find one who is not a Saints fan.

      • I do and I dated a guy from NOLA who is a Cowboys fan.

        • b sweet

          Damn girl. I’ll be sure to call you next time I lose a needle in a haystack.

  • CamCamtheGreat

    I’m not about the TV sports-watching life, unless it’s NBA playoff season. I’m always down for seeing a game in person, but watching on TV is just all sorts of boring. If we’re talking about playing sports, though, I’m all over that. Grab the ball, lace up your sneaks, let’s get it!

    I’ve come across this situation with video games tho. I’m a die-hard gamer and always wanted a chick who identified herself similarly. Then I got one and would find myself getting frustrated when she couldn’t see something that I thought was obvious or just wasn’t as good as I was. She just couldn’t win. #puns

    • towninc

      I agree. It is probably a little ADHD. my attention span isn’t long enough to sit through a game

    • LehcarB

      “If we’re talking about playing sports, though, I’m all over that. Grab the ball, lace up your sneaks, let’s get it!”.

      Same. Although in my short life I have yet to be with a guy that can beat me in basketball. This frustrates me.

  • Agatha Guilluame

    I spent a lot of my life pretending to like sports. In order to bond with my dad. And because he had a death grip on the remote so I’d sit perched on the couch waiting for his eyes to droop and for his grip to relax and “snatch!” I’d switch to the WB (R.I.P).

    I’ve never even bothered to do it for a boyfriend. You have a home and a tv computer, make haste, oh wait…you don’t got cable? Only Netflix? So what that mean to me? Whatchu mean I must not love you? I love you, I just love ratchet tv and my own sanity more, beloved.

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