I love women. I really do. Women are so optimistic and all about love. Love? They are all about it. (According to Jay-Z, I may have just completed a quintuple entendre with those sentences.)
So of course, I’m NEVER surprised when some woman I know is pissed with her boyfriend or potential boyfriend and hits me up to tell me, “out of the blue dude is acting right…what should I do?” By the way, getting caught up again refers to the fact that just 30 mintues prior you were talking about your guy won’t act right or do what he says he’s going to do. Now I’m not going to focus on the “what should you do” part. Mostly because I have no idea. But what I do know is how you women keep getting caught up. I’d almost think I was about to give away some kind of trade secret but really, all you women will keep falling for it over and over again anyway, so what difference does it make?
Shots.Fired.
(For the record, we all get caught up. I’m aware of this. Carl Thomas even made a whole career around this. But women will go against every form of conventional wisdom and find a reason to “give love a chance”. I don’t think insanity is too bold a claim here. Oh wait, did I say that outloud?)
So here’s are some ways that us menfolks get you all caught up again:
1) Show up wearing your favorite cologne and sweater/outfit
I don’t think that men wear outfits but I couldn’t think of a better identifier. For some reason, women just love them a smellin’ good ninja. Especially if she picked out the smell-good in the first place. No matter how pissed you women are, if we show up out of the blue with your favorite cologne on and your favorite shirt, and underneath it all got sweat runnin’ all over our booooooooooooooooodies, no matter how mad you are (at whatever we did) you’ll find a way to get close to us. Which means we will hit. Which means you will get caught back up…if…only for one niiiiiiiiiiiiight.
2) Sleep with you
I suppose good d*ck really is hard to find because for some odd reason, women will give up the love musket even if they’re confused about the current situation and where it’s going. Perhaps the belief is if she gives a little, he’ll give a little. And I’m sure it works for a few minutes, but ladies, word of advice: you cannot f*ck a man into a relationship. You can, however, f*ck us to sleep which for us is generally a better alternative.
3) Do something really sweet
Women love them some gifts. Especially out of the blue gifts. Nothing confuses a woman more than a really nice gift after she’s decided to leave a dude alone. They can’t figure out what it means. Does it mean that he does care? Did he just open back up the lines of communication so that you can get that party started? Did you ever think that you would be this rich? Did you ever think that you would have these hits? The more she’s wondering about that gift, the more she’s making excuses for why her man has changed. Poor misguided boobowner.
(By the way, women are NOTORIOUS over-analyzers which means that even if a dude doesn’t say ANYTHING, the woman will be constructing an entire conversation that she thinks SHOULD happen in her head.)
4) Open up and become vulnerable
Women LOVE a vulnerable man. Not a p*ssy. But a man not afraid to share his feelings. And nothing catches a chick up more than sharing feelings while she’s ready to leave. It’s even better if we use deep words, like “muse” and “soulmates” and “fallacy of reality”. Deep chicks LOVE to get roped back in poetically.
5) Simply, show up and give her a hug
One day I was just out hugging chicks because I was bored. Now I can’t get rid of any of them .F*ckin’ roaches. One hug and an upset woman will still be mad, but she’ll find solace and a chick who finds solace will find a reason to get lost in her dude again…and will sleep with him.
6) Be the man she knows we can be
Do that for 2 hours and 98 percent of most women are goners for 2 solid weeks.
So good folks of VSB, let’s help our community out. In what other ways do women keep getting caught up? Let’s do some community service and help our sisters out.
How do women keep getting caught up?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
Gon’ head: Call it a comeback.
So, in my daily pattern of reading the tags right after the title, I am IRATE that you are asking and answering your own questions within the tags.
*dies laughing*
Ok, off to actually read. Levar Burton.
i see you boo!!!
We gotta make it official, girl…
And still the reigning lightweight champeen of VSB Firsting, hailing from Chicago, IL….the one….the only…CHEEKIE…
“Cheekie…bumbaye…Cheekie…bumbaye…”
*….Cheekie now leans in to bite ya ear off.* Tyson.
*sings Kanye’s “Champion”*
Ok, stop. I’m not e’en a champion. I have a long way to go on my journey. Don’t stop believin’.
lol @ Ms. Butta’sWorth. Hatechu. I ain’t e’en hungry right now. *saves ear for later*
@Cheekie
*sings Kanye’s “Champion”*
Ok, stop. I’m not e’en a champion. I have a long way to go on my journey. Don’t stop believin’.
—I think you should be singing “Champion” by Ron Artest
ok. “a comeback”
you’re welcome.
@Cheekie – AWWWWWWWWWWW…so you did feel some kind of way about gettining usurped at #1. you know how i know? anybody who manages to comment at 1201am is WAITING to be first. so young. so tragic. so much to prove so young and tragically.
one day we’ll write tomes about you.
haha. tomes. Edgar Allen Poe
wzup and sh-
Naw, what I felt was the pressure by the VSB fam. So, I had to make a statement. Without being Lady Gaga.
And yes, I’m young and tragic. James Dean.
Who was HOT. ‘Nuff typed.
I tried!!!!! I so tried, but I can’t be first from a blackberry!!
*Dont call it a comeback* Lil Kim
“you cannot f*ck a man into a relationship”
^^^^This needs to be on a t-shirt and distributed to every Target in the country.
Giiiirl yes.
LMAO yes it does!!!
@MsEsquire77 – or if not a tshirt should be handed out to every woman on her first day of college.
WORD
…and again at graduation, too many still haven’t learned.
FOR REAL!!!
“I suppose good d*ck really is hard to find because for some odd reason, women will give up the love musket even if they’re confused about the current situation and where it’s going.”
For the last year, I’ve been telling my friends that good KCID will make you put up with some bullsh*t. I feel vindicated right now.
Conversely memorable p**** will cause a man to put up with mess as well. Not that we particularly care or anything….
@meka – only for the past year? you’ve been slacking.
The funny thing is when yall caught up with a “You Can Do Better Guy” yet aint got the heart to fess up, its hysterical.
And yea men, we go overboard for the Good P but not to these emotional extremes-we accept she’s a idiot but THATS why we are banging her, but women make it sound like the dude actually has something other than the D-to me thats what all the fuss is about-good sex is no indication to ones personality.
“For some reason, women just love them a smellin’ good ninja. ”
YES. This dude from the mail room almost broke my neck when he passed by me today. I see him all the time and I’m like “meh”, but he smelt gooood.
“It’s even better if we use deep words, like “muse” and”
This is obviously a “Muze” shout-out. Don’t e’en say nothing, Panda. I’m right, Muze, ain’t I?
“5) Simply, show up and give her a hug”
(the opposite of) WRONG. *sigh*
Just the promise of a hug
from anyone but Panamagot me swooning. I’m a hugger. Like I told the twitfolks, I love ‘em because when you give one, you get one simultaneously. Dope. Lady Sings the Blues.Hug me.
I hit my UPS guy with a “shat, you smell goooood.” That made my Monday not suck. I was at peace with my Mondays being jacked up. John Legend’s hairline.
“This is obviously a “Muze” shout-out. Don’t e’en say nothing, Panda. I’m right, Muze, ain’t I?”
LOL
even if it isn’t, i’m claiming it. go me! lol
@Cheekie – girl you know you want a hug from me. that’s why you made sure to show up first. you’re just practicing for the VSB BBQ hug and kissing booth. you luuuuuuuuuh me.
Yes, you right, Panda. Just thinking about it makes me want to leyomi drop…
…and never get up.
I love that you referenced a Leyomi drop, lol
I gots an industrial can of lysol to spray up and down in that there booth.
the vsb bbq: coming to an south east northern midwest coast in nevebruary 2095.
yes im bitter.
“Did you ever think that you would be this rich? Did you ever think that you would have these hits?”
________flatline________
*i write from beyond the grave..*
i know what’s done it for me in the past.. (when i was young{er})
– he’ll call my mom…
trans: “did he REALLY care enough to call my mom and try to figure out what the temperature in the house is? just so he knows how much he hurt me? well ma, next time he calls tell him such and such.. (then hands mom written letter) *i didn’t do this one* lol
– he’ll have his brother call me..
trans: “aww, he’s so distraught that he had his brother call me.. see, his brother knows i’m good for him.. why doesn’t he? why won’t he just CAAALLL MEEEEE!?”
– he’ll act like nothing’s happened..
trans: “well.. maybe i just spazzed the h*ll out.. maybe i dreamt it.. maybe i’m in the matrix and i took the wrong pill.. maybe it’s opposite day!? what time is he comin to pick me up?”
– he’ll get emo on the messenger (or gchat or facebook chat)
trans: aww, he’s reaching out to me.. and i can save this message and look over it again and again.. so the next time he fudges up, i can re-read and know that he once cared.. how long will it take him to get here..?”
– show up at a party you KNEW i was gonna be at.. and stare me down the whole night.. then dance with me..
trans: “oh, so NOW you don’t mind that people see you dancing with me.. ooh, don’t touch my booty like that.. yeah, i remember that joke.. you’re parked where? let’s go..”
d*mn, i don’t miss being stupid…
i’m sure i’m not done.. that was round one.. (lol)
“d*mn, i don’t miss being stupid…”
^Co-effin’-sign.
“d*mn, i don’t miss being stupid…”
“^Co-effin’-sign.”
I swear this was my EXACT response.
*dead* at this whole comment. i’ve been swindled by each and errry one of these. of course that was back then… when i was young and dumb. and he was full of… bullish. lol
@Nick – – he’ll act like nothing’s happened..
trans: “well.. maybe i just spazzed the h*ll out.. maybe i dreamt it.. maybe i’m in the matrix and i took the wrong pill.. maybe it’s opposite day!? what time is he comin to pick me up?”
i can’t tell you how often this works with…as long as its with the kind of chick who will seriously over analyze everything. women, man, y’all can think your way into anything even if it makes absolutely no sense.
woman: he put on green today. he knows i like green. out of the 174 colors he put on green today. what a bastard. but maybe he did it b/c he knows i like green which means he was thinking about me when he got dressed today which has to mean that i’ve been on his mind all night which has to mean that he loves me. yeah, that whole not calling me for a fortnight BS was just a ploy to set me up for today and that green ascot. i love ascots too. ascots and air force ones are a lethal combo. why did he do me like that. yeah, he wants to get married. he loves me. now i want collard greens. green is the color of love just like sleep is the cousin of death. what was i thinking about again? oh yeah, love. he loves me…because he wore green.
/scene
“woman: he put on green today. he knows i like green. out of the 174 colors he put on green today. what a bastard. but maybe he did it b/c he knows i like green which means he was thinking about me when he got dressed today which has to mean that i’ve been on his mind all night which has to mean that he loves me. yeah, that whole not calling me for a fortnight BS was just a ploy to set me up for today and that green ascot. i love ascots too. ascots and air force ones are a lethal combo. why did he do me like that. yeah, he wants to get married. he loves me. now i want collard greens. green is the color of love just like sleep is the cousin of death. what was i thinking about again? oh yeah, love. he loves me…because he wore green.”
bury me a G. cause i just DIED. lmbo.
I’mma put myself out there and say the above satire sounds like me. I can over-analyze a cotton ball.
****DEAD**** at the whole “green” scene
But I have to admit I’m guilty of this. Not quite to this extreme, but I’m an overthinker. So I will dissect a comment, phone call, gesture, text or voicemail. Then there’s the other times where I am totally naive and don’t think enough into something, basically I can’t win. Sigh.
“why did he do me like that. yeah, he wants to get married. he loves me. now i want collard greens. green is the color of love just like sleep is the cousin of death”
Such a problem but so true. I’m ashamed for my womanfolk at this moment…
say WORD!!
Hilarious!
yes, that sounds like a some women i know!
” ascots and air force ones are a lethal combo”
I don’t know why but that one little part made me giggle aloud!
I used to analyze a lot… however I usually over-analyzed the other way… so the outcome was rarely pleasant for the dude… even when there were no offense.
early 20′s Sula: I called and the phone rang 3 times when it usually rings 1 and a half time… When he called back, he said “hey baby” instead of “hello baby” like he usually does… Hence, he is up to shennanigans and I have no time for the foolishness: breakup!
*smh*…. Either or is bad and unhealthy in real relationships…
Tears! Tears I SAY! are rolling down my face from the laughter brought on from that damn scene. I was stupid woman not so long ago. *sigh*
\________/ <– bwhahahaha my coffin. iDie.
@Nic
“– show up at a party you KNEW i was gonna be at.. and stare me down the whole night.. then dance with me..”
I loved sexy stalkin when I was young. That got me hooked. “Awww girl you see how he’s so crazy for me. He wants me BAD”
*sigh*
I loved sexy stalkin when I was young
Who you telling. When I was young and dumb I felt so speeeecial when my psycho stalking won’t leave me alone ex boyfriend will be doing the stare down everywhere I went: dining commons, library, skipped his own class and sat in mines, heck he even knew my peeing schedule and stood in front of the ladies room doing the I SEE U AND I WANT U BACK
My stupid ass stayed in an on and off relationship with this mothaflower for 2 years. Yup 2 years cuz I thought I was “special”.
I was a fool
“heck he even knew my peeing schedule and stood in front of the ladies room doing the I SEE U AND I WANT U BACK”
You made me laugh out at work!
Nick, your entire comment is full of truth. Kinda like the opposite of Dick Cheney.
Oh my PHUCKING GOD!!!! So I’m not the only girl this ish happens to?
Especially the “act like nothing’s happened” one and your reaction. That’s me all the way. I wasted about 19 months on a dude who was a MASTER at that and I kept thinking, “Goodness, what’s WRONG with me?! I keep flipping out over NOTHING.” But you know what, it wasn’t nothing when I walked in on him with another girl…in MY apartment. Oh HEYALL NAH!
But I gotta say, I’m not really clueless about what gets me caught up. Unfortunately I’m FULLY AWARE I’m being taken for a ride when it happens and I just justify it ’cause I’m horny or lonely or think he’ll change or whatever. What I (and a few ladies I know) REALLY need is some advice on how to CURE this silly ish! How can we STOP getting got by this ridiculous trumpfoolery? I seriously stay up some nights trying to figure out a way to “fix” my head ’cause I’m so dang TIRED of falling for this crap.
Age, time, maturity… all that good stuff… also a good rabbit can do wonders… Most importantly, realizing that nothing or noone is more important than your sanity. Not a single thing.
“Age, time, maturity… all that good stuff… also a good rabbit can do wonders…”
LOVE you for that! Truth.com
and let the church say…..
easy just stop getting caught up, hell people with hardcore addictions quit so lets not make a conscious choice born out selfishness a problem…shoot good sex from someone who you otherwise cant stand is a good filter at least you didnt take things too seriously and you got some really great sex.
Some of this is ego. I have friends that have caught off women and the women (all of whom have BF’s) go nuts…ah yea your ish really good baby but not THAT good,
other women just think they are the poster girl for a great GF (cause SHE wasnt -fcuking high school or college…yawn) especially after sexing how do I have the audacity to reduce her to a booty call?
I totally agree… A lot of the driver for this “caught up” business is really Ego… As in, how come I can’t get him to like me!!
I admit that I have been in one of those situations… I didn’t get how he couldn’t fawn over me, I was mad and wanted to prove him/myself/the world wrong… Shoot, dude was just not that into me. Simple. When I finally accepted it, I was embarrassed for myself and got the hell out as far as I could. Done and done.
All of this had me laughing because (unfortunately) it’s so f’n real!
Damn then negroids!!
If you break up with a man because he cheated on you and 2 days later you take him back because “he’s changed”.
Your heart is about to kick rocks. Again.
Sounds like you know about that!?!
@AC Ford – i wanted to say something about this…but i got nothing.
please tell me that’s not happened.
Nope, not me. But I’ve seen this happen to a few girlfriends of mine. And as their friend, I try to let them know that nobody changes that fast without putting in some real work. But the answer is always the same.
“A.C., you just don’t know him like I do.”
Which is funny, because she didn’t know him well enough to know he was getting it wet somewhere else…
Snap!
2 days later?
Ha! I’ve seen instances where women have literally walked in and caught dudes bedded up with another chick, raise all hell, and that SAME night, take homeboy back AND give him the twizzy after sitting with dude on phone for 2 hours as he laments her with sweet nothings. Sounds unreal right? Sheeeiiit, if it wasn’t me I was talking about, I wouldn’t believe it my damn self.
Don’t judge me.
I’ve grown and changed since then. Man in the Mirror.
@A.C. Ford..
i’ve seen this happen.. my homeboy says it’s like a car that’s broken down.. you walk away from the car.. and come back two days later thinking it’s fixed and try to start it..
you DIDN’T fix the CAR!!
i’ve been guilty of takin someone back (not quite that quickly, he was on time out for a while).. but til we broke up, he forever got the -_O from me… and a relationship with the side eye isn’t really worth it..
@MrSoBo
sweetie.. you got more game than Parker Brothers.. that’s madness.. and i’m real glad you grew up!! lol
*shakin my head*… i’m laughin, but i’m shakin my head..
Yeah, I was something else.
I have stories for days. But don’t get it twisted, I didnt go around doggin’ women out. I treated all my ladies nicely. LOL!
Was that before or after you got caught….
<<<>>>
I know they say you can’t judge a man on his past, but I’m trying so hard to find a dude who doesn’t do this ish that I’m starting to think I need to disqualify dudes who EVER did this ish, even if it was in junior high! LOL. This Texas gal has had ENOUGH of these NYC men. Puhlease release me! LOL.
@KitKatCuty84
Good luck finding that dood. Thats like me thinking I’m going to marry a virgin.
You know, I used to think the same way about judging a persons history. But everyone has a past, and no one is perfect or virginesque. We’ve all done some fkcd up stuff at one point or another in our lives. People can and do change(not all, but plenty folks do). I think its wise to be mindful of a persons experiences, but not judge too harshly. Remember, someone has to be willing to accept all your dirt hidden under the rug too.
Maybe that’s the problem: I don’t have enough dirty laundry. I need to soil my sheets a little more and then I’ll be able to relate to the general pool of men available.
….But then that’d make me further away from that semi-virginal chick all the dudes are hoping to marry. Hmmm….this is a tough one. I’ll need to ponder what to do about this.
You know, I used to think the same way about judging a persons history. But everyone has a past, and no one is perfect or virginesque. We’ve all done some fkcd up stuff at one point or another in our lives. People can and do change(not all, but plenty folks do). I think its wise to be mindful of a persons experiences, but not judge too harshly. Remember, someone has to be willing to accept all your dirt hidden under the rug too.
Very well stated, Mr. Sobo. A missing link that has been forgotten along the way. So many folks these days are not all that willing to fully take a person with all their past faults (of course within reason), but expects another to take them with open arms regardless of how ishtty their past once was. How can one “come clean” without dredging your way through a pile uh’ isht? “Everybody’s gotta story.”
@KitKatCuty84
As you stated, I definitely would not advise unecessarily ‘soiling your sheets’ further in order for you to relate to this. Rather, it may be in your best interest to learn to accept certain truths about life.
Acceptance may not be easy, especially when one spends the majority of his/her existence being firmly rooted in strong principles and morality. However, we ALL have our moments(some more than others) where we lose our clarity and run around blindly
and nakedin the thick fog of lustful bliss for an unstated period of time.Regardless, I can’t advocate the “when in rome…” philosophy here. I don’t believe its necessary for one to experience everything in life in order to determine whats not for them or to learn valuable lessons. Sometimes you can learn by watching others or just by using common sense.
So, if you are to ponder on anything, ponder on what it will take for you to accept that there is a strong likelihood you will fall in love with a wonderful man that will love and treat you right, but he may also happen to have a past.
judging someone based on their past is like the credit card companies that won’t let me get a card cuz i maxed one out when i was 17.. (mind you, 14 years ago)..
it’s like no one gives any credit for possibly knowing better now..
besides, someone can only prove that they’re different if given the opportunity to show so..
trying to find a man without a past is like a men trying to marry someone without children.. the older you get, the more likely that the odds for such scenario is not in your favor..
i don’t have children, but i realize that i’m in the minority.. (especially in S. Florida)
so is a man without a past..
besides, if i could be able to tell you all my secrets and at the end of the day still be loved.. there’s no greater security than that..
I feel you, but I’m just tired of gettin’ got. That’s why I mentioned I’d be EXTREMELY interested in the cure for falling for this ish. LOL.
@KitKatCuty84
I judge a mofo off their past (within reason). I ignored someone’s past before and end up getting shafted for giving them the benefit of the doubt. Ronald Reagan said it best “trust but verify”.
Ha! No judgement here, man.
I just don’t know how this happens. I’ve been cheated on once. We broke up. I forgave him (as a friend). We’re still friends but we never even had the seemingly obligatory Ex-Factor Hook-Up, let alone tried to be in a relationship again even though he was so anxious to get back with me. Ginuwine.
What excuse could you possibly give someone TWO hours after they caught you cheating to make them take you back?!
Seriously, I gotta know!
@A.C. Ford
“What excuse could you possibly give someone TWO hours after they caught you cheating to make them take you back?!
It’s a yaad ting, you wouldn’t understand.
if you wanna make the world..a betta place…just look at yourself and make a change…na nana nana na na na naaaa…
I have a former friend who complained about her then bf every single day at work, she fought women over him, went to jail, all kinds of stuff.
The final straw for me was when she caught him in her apt with another chick, raised hell, then asked the other girl if she was screwin him/givin dome right…. O_O
Then she got impregnated by him, with 2 kids. I don’t know where she is right now. But I know he is with her.
you know how its funny when black people talk about other black people, but if a white person tells the exact same joke we get all upset and offended.
Thats kinda how i feel about this post.
The other thing that women do that gets them caught up?
take advice from mofos with a history of bad relationships.
true story
an associate of mine is dating a dude from her past
he is recently divorced they been hanging tough (no NKOTB) for a minute
but he has said he straight on marriage and the like for a while. Any way of course she disregards gets caught up and when she asks him where they are he states “chillin”
she gets mad, kicks him out. Several of our friends were on the” girl, he confused he dont know what he want, give it time” etc.
uh no
he know what he want
to Chill with no commitment, thats what he said. you calling HIM back means you agree to his terms. not vice versa.
but i was the crazy one.
You better Preach. T.D. Jakes
That’s real. I have to admit that I am the friend that every single friend of mine and their associates come to for advice… but guess what, my own track record isn’t that great. While I’m dishing the advice and words of wisdom (sans Rev Run), I’m always thinking to myself “Chica, tu necessitas oir. Por que nadie da los consejos a ti?” (I speak to myself in spanish, that way the lines of communication don’t get crossed). Oh well. For now my advice is getting them to the alter.
“The other thing that women do that gets them caught up?
take advice from mofos with a history of bad relationships.”
PREACH! Thankfully, I have enough sense to take advice from some friends very lightly. The suggestions they make are flat out awful sometimes. I just smh and think that is exactly why your butt don’t have and can’t keep a quality man.
“The other thing that women do that gets them caught up?
take advice from mofos with a history of bad relationships.”
Word.
Yeah, women do, and then wonder why the friend(s) wanna celebrate when it’s over..Guys do this too though. I went through this with an ex bf..He had some of the most DISGUSTING & TRIFLING friends I’ve ever met, yet he was willing to follow their advice…n*ggas be losing. Celtics.
So true! An ex wanted to take the advice of his most trifling patna’. That is partly why he is the ex.
n*ggas be losing. Celtics.
this ish right here???? still hurts.
@shay-d-lady – so what you mad cuz i’m stylin’ on you!?
The other thing that women do that gets them caught up?
take advice from mofos with a history of bad relationships.
mmm hmmm. I usual get the “Gurl give him some time, he’ll come around. He just got out of a relationship [2 years ago], he’s prob still hurt and working on his trust issues so give it some time.” Meanwhile, mofo-with-a-history-of-bad-relationships advice giver lets trifling Tyrone come back b/c she thinks he’s a changed him ever since she saw him at her church. And we (advice takers), never realizes that we’re screwing ourselves over by taking their advice.
We (advice takers) are indeed the crazy ones…
you know how its funny when black people talk about other black people, but if a white person tells the exact same joke we get all upset and offended.
Thats kinda how i feel about this post.
You described to a T that uneasy feeling I had while reading the post… I felt all out of sorts and weird.
“You described to a T that uneasy feeling I had while reading the post… I felt all out of sorts and weird.”
@sula: i co-sign.
@ PJ: look (in my best Obama voice..i love how when he’s exasperated with a dumba$$ question, that’s what he starts his reply off with)…
i heart vsb.com not quite as much as cheekie but way more than the lurkers (lol..i kid i kid!) …and y’all are some sb’s…but um..me no likey this one.
why?
because at the end of the day – there are dudes who like to play mind games with females BECAUSE THEY CAN. you are making it seem as though we’re silly irrational creatures that do stupid things all the time without cause.
kinda like the whole chicken or the egg argument. when a nice guy ends up with a b!tch..and he turns into an a$$hole..and his next chick is a good girl that he treats like crap..so turns her into a cynical jaded chick (they say you can’t turn a bad girl good..but once a good girls gone bad..she’s gone forever)…it’s a vicious song that will never end. lambchop.
men will never FULLY understand why we do/say/feel the things that we do. why? because 1/2 the time, we’re trying to figure out why MEN do/say/feel the things that you say and do. and while you, your co-host and the active unicorns/e-boos are smart, common sensical and would never ever EVER say or do something ambiguous to a female: there are plenty that do. if men were truly the simple creatures that you claim they are – many of the heartbreaks (#no kanye) that us vss have suffered..wouldn’t have happened. and there would be so man vsss (very smart single sistas/sistrens) on this site and in the world.
plus we are BOMBARDED with magazines, talk shows etc.. that tell us how we can interepret men’s action etc. it’s unrealistic to think we’re going to live in a bubble and not fall into that trap. we start watching soap operas early, we read books full of teenage angst. we send note in class. we are the way we are because of how we’re socialized. because of our environments. because of our experiences.
our 5 senses are there for a reason. restaurants use red a lot to induce hunger. hospitals use calming greens and blues. real estate agents will bake cookies at an open house to give the house a home feel. and on and on. so you say we get caught up..again..when he wears our fave scent? humans do this all day, everyday. men are said to be visual creatures..so why not counter with how y’all get caught up with the chick you KNOW is crazy/bad for you..but looks oh so tasty in her freakum dress?
kinda like..
She was in my penz getting stiffy with her friends
And even when she crashed my whip I didn’t flip
My man Slick Nick said Smooth you’re starting to slip
Time went on I started noticing weight loss
Then I had to ask her was she riding the white horse
At first she said no, then she said yo Smooth I’m sorry
But I keep having visions of snow
I need doe
And I said woah little hottie
I’m not DeLorian, Gambino or Gotti
I don’t deal coke, and furthermore you’re making me broke
I’ll put you in a rehab and I won’t tell your folks
And what do you know
In 18 months she came home and I let her back in
And now she’s sniffing again…
i know. the post isn’t talkembout mens. it’s about us. again. and what/how we do wrong.
maybe im just hypersensitive cuz im jetlagged. e-lagged. and just plain lagged.
and there would be so man vsss (very smart single sistas/sistrens) on this site and in the world.
SHOULD read..
there wouldn’t be so many vsss’ on the site and in the world.
Women will stop EVERYTHING to compliment a dude if he smells good. And it never has to be a dude she knows. I’ve had random women tell me that I smell nice and then move on with their day as if I don’t exist anymore. They get put in a trance and have to compliment you. It must be woman law.
Also, are most dudes just real stank or something? Women be too excited when they compliment a dude on his cologne. It’s as if cologne has been outlawed, but now she’s found a man who works for the cologne resistance and will help to bring down the leaders who have damned the world to a fragrance-free hell. Hmmmm, that gives me an idea….. *calls Hollywood*
Also, are most dudes just real stank or something? Women be too excited when they compliment a dude on his cologne
nope but most dudes go WAAAAY overboard with it or wear cheap cologne. so its nice to find a guy that knows how to wear it and is wearing something out the norm i mean a lot of joints smell good but if everyone else is wearing it? you just smell normal
I never thought about that. I like to smell nice, but I don’t necessarily think about how unique my cologne is. And yeah, I can usually tell when I’m wearing too much cologne cause it’ll have me sneezing every 5 seconds.
lmao i dont know what it is, but every now and then i find a man smelling so good i will literally have a moment and have to regroup. i once followed a dude around at the mall because he smelled so damn good.
i have a friend who was just telling me that every time he wears a certain cologne, women compliment him and at least one of them will scream out loud with excitement. and his friends confirmed this occurrence!! wtf?? orgasmic-inducing man-scents should be OUTLAWED.
but its not ALL men who are good smelling send me into a frenzy. some colognes/body washes/lotions mix well with a man’s skin and the chemistry that produces the final scent is just inexplicably mind-blowing. im still amazed at how God could create this phenomenon–it’s like He wants me to fail at leaving certain men alone. *smh* why God?? WHY?!
@Gem of the Ocean – i once followed a dude around at the mall because he smelled so damn good.
I KNEW THAT WAS YOU!
guilty *shrugs*
“i once followed a dude around at the mall because he smelled so damn good.”
o_O
Well did you at least find out what he was wearing? I’m trying to get some of THAT.
LMAO Yes, I will stop what I’m doing to acknowledge a good smelling man. Whether it’s an approving look or a “damn, you smell good.” I can’t help it. Not every cologne smells good and not every cologne smells good on everybody. So, I’ve got to show appreciation when the combo is right, lol.
And some dudes do stink . . . be it from excessive cologne or just . . . BO, lol.
YES! And have the NERVE to talk about other people stanking…I knew someone who smelled like straight sewage….talk about repulsive.
LOL yeah I realize some dude’s do stink, I was making an observation that women act almost shocked that a man smells good. A whole celebration occurs lol.
All I know is that I make it a point to genuinely compliment whoever I can throughout the day, especially when I work at Blockbuster. So, while I tell a number of men how wonderful their smile or eyes are or how great they smell, I also tell a number of women the same. I just know how a compliment can make my day, so I always give them out (well only if they’re true).
@ That Damn African–A great smelling man is one of the innumerable ways I know God loves me
@Gemmie–Did you follow him around the mall?! You are a mess but I know the feeling. This sometimes happens to me and I feel like a cartoon where the dog is floating behind the scent of steak.
@Sane–I co-sign on your comment. Everyone loves a compliment so I hand them out to men and women. It doesn’t cost anything but it makes folks happy and I usually get a smile in return so that makes me happy. The world needs a little more joy.
It doesn’t cost anything but it makes folks happy and I usually get a smile in return so that makes me happy. The world needs a little more joy.
Cosign. The world is cold enough on its own. Ain’t no reason we can’t be kind to each other.
*waves* Hey Shay! Still holding down your corner on Georgia Ave? It’s hot outside so maybe I should swing by and take you to lunch.
What up Miss Esquire?
Maaan. Eff my corner. It’s too hawt for this mess. I’m headed home for the 4th to get on the grill and check up on folks back home and make sure everyone’s good as soon as rush hour clears up a bit.
Though, I’ll be back on the corner in a week or two, depending on how folks are at home. So I’ll have to take a rain check on your generous offer, til I get back to the DMV.
yes, yes i did. it was an involuntary action.
I definitely appreciate compliments. This is a great attitude to have and keep doing it. Just making observations on the exuberance that’s displayed by women when they find a dude that smells good. It’s really quite fascinating lol.
Good points Sane, MsEsquire and Shay!
Women will stop EVERYTHING to compliment a dude if he smells good. And it never has to be a dude she knows. I’ve had random women tell me that I smell nice and then move on with their day as if I don’t exist anymore. They get put in a trance and have to compliment you. It must be woman law.
@That Damn African,
So, is it to be understood that YOU do not like receiving said compliments?….or is it dislike for some of us that have the ability to stop what we’re doing, give said compliment…and carry on like nothing took place? Ha, something tells me its the latter. But in all honesty, something has stuck with me for a while now when it comes to you men (especially our black men) due to a light conversation I had with a stranger while at the grocery store, which came about because he initiated the convo by giving me a compliment based on my appearance; stating I had (what he called) classic beauty, especially since he assumed I was wearing makeup and a weave. Anywho, towards the end of the convo….he simply asked me when was the last time I complimented the menfolk….and how a woman going out of her way to stop and not only acknowledge, but to personally let our men out here know it, goes a long way…especially since its likely we women are often on the receiving end when it comes to compliments. That was a couple years ago and like I said has always stuck with me.
So I guess the simple fact that some women can stop everything to compliment some of our men out here and just as quickly get back to the task at hand, without expecting any form of reciprocity …kinda fux a dude’s mental up a bit. I just hope that you’re not standing there looking crazy when this happens. A simple thank you would suffice.
I don’t think he was complaining about the compliments.
Exactly my point..just me being sarcastic (in a way)….point being “how do you want it?”…or rather… would you prefer it any other way?…(so to speak).
LOL nah I wasn’t complaining at all. I love the compliments and every time I get one a “thank you” always follows. I was just pointing out the orgasm that women seem to have after smelling some nice cologne and then the sometimes immediate “back to reality” moment. It makes me laugh, but simply an observation.
“Women will stop EVERYTHING to compliment a dude if he smells good. And it never has to be a dude she knows. I’ve had random women tell me that I smell nice and then move on with their day as if I don’t exist anymore. They get put in a trance and have to compliment you. It must be woman law.”
It’s true! Smell is a helluva sense. I hear it’s the strongest sense of memory. So, please don’t smell like day-old sour fried chitlins and you will ensure world peace.
most dudes aren’t stank, but I have a keen sense of smell, and actually stroll the cologne section to see what’s new (hey, it makes me feel good). I’m a scent-a-holic. If you have a good one, especially one thats kinda obscure I’m impressed…
yea. i have an extensive collection of cologne. i get compliments often. i think mostly from lacoste essential, polo double black and guess man. women do love a man that smells good.
also while i like a ninja that smell good. umm that aint never made me take a ninja back
nor has an old weak a$$ hug. If im mad and you try to hug me? im going to take at as an attempt on my life and react accordingly.
and while i agree with showing vulnerability, crying out the blue? that only works on TV (Chris brown)
or telling me how much you love me and you aint never said it before or you say it ALL The time? Not gone happen
but i must admit I have fallen for a well written letter and a romantic gesture. and food, especially in college and I had dayum near ramened myself into a sodium induced stroke.
lol taking me to a out to eat at a nice upscale joint? has earned a dude about 3-4 days of salvation. okay, maybe a whole week….
And of course alcohol. Alcohol either makes me put that “s” on my chest and act a fool or
get all introspective and shyt which is prime time for a ninja to be on that ol baby baby please
@shay-d-lady – so your main point is that every chick has their thing. for you it’s being saved from ramen noodles or grey goose! lol
especially in college and I had dayum near ramened myself into a sodium induced stroke. lol taking me to a out to eat at a nice upscale joint
RFLMFAO…been there done that (was there after undergrad when funds where tight. i have been known to go on dates just for a meal)…LOL
Man, You wrote the TRUTH today!!!! NUFF SAID!!!!
@Just X – thanks. it was better than the lie i had planned “Your Man Will Never Cheat On You..Ever!”
This comment is EXTREMELY sad.
…but too often true. Watch out, ladies.
it was better than the lie i had planned “Your Man Will Never Cheat On You..Ever!”
See this is my issue with relationships. Who wants to enter a relationship with somone will not protect their heart? GOD is really going to have to soften my heart because I am cool on it! Real talk.
Panama, I take your ampersand (&) and raise you an oomlaut (Ü)
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been caught up. Anita Baker. Every single one of those things I have been apart of (except gettign swindled by good D…)
Women get caught up by
1. Falling in love with gay men. Like actually doing that. I’ve done it once, knew he was gay and all….I just.
#epicfailure. -_-
2. Let a man run up in you raw just because. My co-worker just told me this story – her baby’s father has 3 other children w/ 3 baby mommas. #wack*ss ninjas
3.Service a ninja chexually and get absolutely NOTHING in return. I dont think women appreciate that.
Sigh. I’m kind of sad about how much I’ve let myself be caught up.
#swindle
“Panama, I take your ampersand (&) and raise you an oomlaut (Ü)”
Not an oomlaut!! *PERISHED* I’m done with everything. #VSBafterdark
i was lookin at the oomlaut like “WORD!?”
#IGiveUp..
@Anastasia!!! – you’re lucky I can’t remember how to get to the symbol chart on my computer or we’d be throwing educated symbol-gang signs back and forth all day. kudos to you for snagging German grammar though. I was gonna get all shishi with and take you to France…but Puffy already boarded the last train to paris and if rick ross is on it, there’s no food left.
Dead. tell my mama I love her.
I was gonna get all shishi with and take you to France…but Puffy already boarded the last train to paris and if rick ross is on it, there’s no food left.
1. MORT!!!!!!
2. circonflex!! (might not be the proper spelling but its my fave accent in francais!)
1. Falling in love with gay men. Like actually doing that. I’ve done it once, knew he was gay and all….I just.
WOW (and I have lived in Atl and DC).
2. Let a man run up in you raw just because. My co-worker just told me this story – her baby’s father has 3 other children w/ 3 baby mommas. (mute followed by_____________________________). Not going there until we have papers on each other
thanks Panama! my son’s father just asked me out to dinner…I shall cancel on that ass. Cannot get caught up AGAIN. *goes back to lurking*
@True Story – you better get that free meal. just keep your game face on!
I luh you like a play cousin for this comment
DONT DO IT…Your son may end up with a sibling (Ive seen it happen)…
I’m with Panama, take the free meal. BUT FIRST, write down all his triflingness as well as his charming habits. When you start feeling caught up after the 3rd cocktail bust those out. Heck, if he starts getting too friendly, read it out loud (just do it after you get your 2nd dessert to go).
*puts hands on hips, tenses muscles, and takes a deep breath to go the hell off on this nonsense and ridiculousness*
HOW DARE YOU!! NINJA, YOU
DON’TKNOW MY LIFE!! STOP SPEAKINGHATETRUTH INTO MY LIFE!! F*CKER!!*relaxes and exhales* phew, i feel better now.
but dammit if i’m not a sucker for a fresh, lightly cologned brotha who seems to do something sweet and give me hugs/gifts at the exact moment when he knows im ready to call it quits walk the hell away. ugh! i hate when i look back and see how unreasonable i have been about a recent past “situation”. but the good news is, i have in fact reclaimed my dignity and brain function so hopefully i wont get got by this list ever again.
@Gem of the Ocean – did you just call me a f*cker! well bleep you too then ninja!
7. Eat the pawsee.
@brotherspanky – bold letters too huh?
haha when i read that and saw your avatar the first thing that came to my mind was “oooohh baby I like it raww!! Baby I like it Raw!!”
Some of ya’ll avatars make me stare at it for so long, I forget there’s a comment with it. For that, I thank you.
I no longer deal with guys who don’t do this on the regular, so luckily, this isn’t one of my weak spots.
LMAO!
Women get caught up by falling for their best male friend. We use the best friend as the dummies guide to what a good man is. He is funny, protects you, etc and all that good s*it. After a couple years and tears, we begin to wonder what life would be like if we got together with the homie. Then we ask the million dollar question: “have you ever thought about me in ‘that’ way?” He replies “yes, but it was too late b/c I was trapped in the friend zone.” One bottle of Grey Goose later, you’re crying on his couch. *sigh*
Whoooo, chile.
*fans self*
@Marquita – isn’t this like the premise for 98 percent of all romantic comedies?
@ Marquita-yes, but it was too late b/c I was trapped in the friend zone.
hmmmm I could think of a few friends right now that this friend zone would NEVER be uttered and this is after a good 5+yrs of being homies. D cups does not a friend make.
Not the bottle….
Just one of them days…
Hmm, the usual way a woman uses that male friend is for temporary fun, excitement, and bait.
Being a social creature, we take our cues from others. If you see a guy out having fun with an attractive woman, you think “there must be something about this guy” and vice versa. Best guy friends are great for women. You can take him out, grind up on him on the dance floor, then leave when some guy steps up and buys you a drink when the two of you go for a break. And because he was just your friend, he can’t complain. . . and he’ll be there to do this all again the next time you need a doormat.
WOW…I am quick to put a man in the friend category and it still surprises me when they say they had a thing for me. I treat my males like ‘friends’…i have them wash my hair, i walk around in stuff I shouldn’t because in my mind, they are looking at me the same way i am looking at them…smh. I still do it but I guess its because you get so comfortable with them. When we had the Blizzard, my friend was snowed in with me for days…only when I was bored, cold (and desperate) did I see him in an ‘almost’ different light….
Has there been a post on how to say no to guys (the stranger) without getting your face slashed or (the male buddy) never hearing from him again?
men wash your hair??!?! No wonder they are in the friend zone….suspect.
I love for a man to wash my hair (with minty shampoo). I never turn down a hair washing and a massage (or some utz hot chips but thats for another convo)…
Women who find themselves caught up like Bokeem, are usually in such predicaments because they were conditioned (usually from childhood) to not only be responsible for themselves, but for those around them = nuturing, caretaker, etc. …with little to no encouragement in self esteem, love …let alone, worth. The perfect recipe for a weak foundation that results in constant breakdown and rebuilding….also known as trial and error in relationships. So it’s no surprise she finds herself constantly falling for okey doke scenarios.
I think its extremely important to get a good bird’s eye view at how “we” are groomed into life…such as allowing constant pressure to find a man and keep his azz without first getting to know yourself while being single and satisfied with who you really are. If you can’t stand being with (not by) yourself for an extended amount of time, what in the hell makes you think another person will? And this is where I believe a lot of people go into panic mode and get out here and grab the first thing willing or showing just enough “act right”….all for the sake of not feeling singled out and alone….according to those around you.
Other reasons a woman may find herself caught up:
*1- Hangs on to the dream that he will change.
*2- Dude significantly helps pay her bills.
*3- She gotten used to him and his level of crazy.
*4- She feels obligated because he’s done so much for her. (See *2)
*5- Scared and/or too lazy to start over with someone new.
*6- Pride. Allows the opinions and perceptions of what other mofos have to say about the mess you’re in, so she finds herself trying to save face just for the sake of saying “y’all still togetha”…even if the the relationship stinks like the crack of an old man’s raggedy drawz. Nobody wants to be wrong.
*7- Ninja dun’ took the best years of my life…no one else is gonna want her mentality.
But as I’ve already stated, it all goes back to YOU. The only common denominator. Own your isht.
I know a chick who is always fallin for the okey-doke. I just want to drag her to a tattoo shop & have this entire list etched onto her forearm. Way harsh, I know.
….like the Qur’an, huh? Ouch!
And Panamaw….although I laughed so hard and smh at #5, you were so wrong for that Bomb First reference. Hmph, that ninja’s lucky if he gets as much as a church hug from me so I rebuke that. Ha!
@Ms. Butta’s Worth, i was not wrong for that reference. it applied. LOL
Touché Panamaw, touché…. LoL.
Ms. B- “YOU. The only common denominator. “- while your list was so emeffin on point, this right here is the truthiest (no Colbert)…Seriously though, it’s all about responsibility( No Ujima) ….and side note- *3- She gotten used to him and his level of crazy.- -TRUE, sad but still TRUE!
…not the truthiest? LOL
Yep, responsibility indeed….and most of the time being responsible isn’t exactly the most exciting thing about growing up, but it IS liberating… heheheh…
I co-sign this entire post.
*It’s 4.30am on the west coast.*
Im going back to bed.
Ms Buttersworth do you know me? Cause you’re whole comment could have been made into a chapter/verse in the bible.
1- Hangs on to the dream that he will change – YES
*5- Scared and/or too lazy to start over with someone new. – YES
*7- Ninja dun’ took the best years of my life – HE’S IN MY BRAIN!
and this:
“If you can’t stand being with (not by) yourself for an extended amount of time, what in the hell makes you think another person will?”
Thank you! I needed this. Best thread, probably better than Panama’s reasons.
@Stacia ~ I meant to say I chuckled particularly at “BACK to bed”…I knew I wasn’t the only one who occasionally does that sort of thing.
@SFG ~ Gurl…..I “know” you only because that used to be me sitting up there looking crazy, staring at four walls replaying the most effed up scenarios in my head over and over. It truly takes one, to know one. Nobody just folds out of the womb knowing these things. I used to be the poster child for hanging on to one particular bad relationship all for the sake of “being down”….without taking a closer look at who I chose to stay down and ride for. Loyalty and foolish pride (I despised losing), got me every time with that ninja and he knew it. Preyed on those weaknesses like a well executed game of chess….and I let him. *shakes head*
Long gone are the days of being young, dumb and full uh’ c*mmm….
I cosign the comments, but don’t appreciate the disdainful tone towards the women in this situation. It happens and casting the blame all on their shoulders doesn’t do anything for that “self esteem” you mentioned they needed. Not trying to pick a fight, just making an observation.
KKC84,
Oh its cool, we’re all adults here…healthy dialogue is always welcomed from what I’ve read on this forum.
However, I must say….
I believe it only seems disdainful because you yourself (further up thread) stated very plainly that this happens to be a big problem for you. As a matter of fact, when you replied in a previous post that you’d appreciate it if someone would let you in on the remedy to cure this particular ailment, I started to reply with a reminder that you already hold the key to your own remedy. Its just a matter of properly utilizing said tool you’ve (already) been provided with and maybe then it will begin to improve your selection process as well.
And yes it does appear that we women are held to somewhat of a different standard than our male counterparts. Love it or hate it, that’s how “it be” sometimes. However, it still does not justify the lack of ownership with our own fuggupedness. I’ve said this before and I’ll (sincerely) say it again….its all in what/how YOU allow yourself to be treated. And it took me some time in my early twenties to realize this hard truth, embrace it and learn from it.
I asked myself, how can I truly pick my lips up to blame another mofo for how and what I (myself) allowed to go down in the relationship? I couldn’t control his actions, but I could damn fuh sho’ LEARN how to control my own. ‘Cause sometimes (I believe) you have to teach some mofos out here how to treat you. But what clue would “you” have, if you’re not even accustomed to treating your own self with simple decency and respect?…which comes from self worth and love and transforms itself into a healthy dose of good self esteem. Self realization leads to this phase as well. And that is when I began to truly recognize myself as a full fledged young woman. The process hurt like heyal, but a beautiful thang nonetheless….’cause the longer I ran from it, the longer it took the process to take full effect….and the more I held myself back from my own progression….And the sooner folks recognize this, the more better off a slew of the “walking wounded” will be.
Point being: it started with ME just like ended with me. The common denominator.
This whole comment is truth.com
I had to learn the same hard lessons. And it actually allowed me to remain friends with a lot of my exes, because at the end of the day, nobody can do anything to me that I don’t allow them to do. When you can come clean with yourself and take responsibility, it makes you a lot less bitter.
Ms. B you are my new fav
That is all
@Ms. Butta’sWorth
We need to pow wow.
Your post and replies have simply been without question, on point.
You are impaling people with knowledge.
Well put. Didn’t have much to respond but wanted to let you know I read it. Duly noted.
@8th Wonder ~ When you can come clean with yourself and take responsibility, it makes you a lot less bitter. Yes! Bitterness has a way of showing up through your health and on your face….walking around looking like you’re 27 going on 55. Taking pride in being the neighborhood “bitter b!tch” is neither cute nor chexy.
@SFG & Mr. Sobo ~ Why thank you!
@KKC84 ~ Thanks for taking the time out read my response.
@Jai ~ Gurl, confessions are a batch, aren’t they? (lol)
“*2- Dude significantly helps pay her bills.”
What I can’t figure out why these chicks haven’t noticed that there are other men out there that do this too. For the same cost you payin’ this loser…there’s probably another one…might even be an upgrade.
@Toni Childs
*side eye*
Is that how you get things done?
Damn…I concur with every number (in my 20′s)
*8 – She’s over the age of 25 and he’s the only one that she’s slept with.
Chick’s like this will take anything from the only guy that let smash. Ray J. Once you start attaching love and sex, you’re a goner.
“Did you ever think that you would be this rich? Did you ever think that you would have these hits?”
Panama, I’m mad at you for this!
@Hawaii – that’s not true. you love me for it.
Okay, well sorta cause it made me laugh BUT I was mad because I had to go bed with that damn song in my head.
LMAO at the tags for this article! During Father’s Day service, my pastor gave a sermon for women to understand men. The PowerPoint had 2 bullet points:
1. Men must never reveal man law
2. See Rule #1
Your pastor uses Power Point? Word?
That’s some Joel Osteen level type ish. Props.
My best friend in high school is Lutheran and they had Powerpoint presentations with a soundtrack and everything. I was floored with awe.
By the way, your quote here:
“Your pastor uses Power Point? Word?”
Is some sort of Microsoft double entendre. Whatever that means.
@I Am Your People – yeah i already received a cease and desist level from The Universal Brotherhood of Manhood
Why are there Google ads for “Nylons for Men” and “Men High Heels?” Is it bad that I clicked both of them?
That’s for the diva dudes who lurk on the site. Did you see an ad for SPANX for men too? You know they wear em. Especially the ones with the fake chiseled abs. “Does my butt look right in my man skinny jeans?”
“Why are there Google ads for “Nylons for Men” and “Men High Heels?””
I think they saw “Panama Jackson” and acted accordingly.
Sadly, yes, all true. 3 and 4 had me on the ropes for a good 60-75% of my 20′s. I stayed in one or two bogus relationships off the strength of a crying-@ss man’s soliloquy and some flowers/jewelry/poetry, knowing full well both the flowers and the relationship would be dead within the next 2 weeks.
Also, 2 should be qualified. *Great* sex will make a woman stay in some pretty bad scenes. And no that doesn’t go without saying. It should be said. A “good” to “decent” time will keep a dude’s number in the cell phone, but he doesn’t get to drive her car with a suspended license, live in her home rent free, or flirt with her cousin right in front of her.
Also, a thing I’m *still* a sucker for…sadly, a rarity…is a dude I can have a *real* conversation with. Not some bs man/woman pseudo-foreplay crap out of a Hollywood movie with constant, unoriginal, and condescending references to my gender but a real up-all-night, knock-down, drag-out talk about everything under the sun, talking and listening as two people in a frank and honest manner. That’s just sexy.
And food. The men who have liked and loved me know that food is my Achilles heel, as it is with many women. I bet it would be hard for any woman to let go of a gourmet chef. He could look like the It clown and have Tourette’s Syndrome but if he makes great oxtail and crepes, it’s gonna be me & my Cussing Clown-Faced Man against the World.
“He could look like the It clown and have Tourette’s Syndrome but if he makes great oxtail and crepes, it’s gonna be me & my Cussing Clown-Faced Man against the World.”- this right here truly got me CTFU!
brownivyx- and on a serious note, this right here “Also, a thing I’m *still* a sucker for…sadly, a rarity…is a dude I can have a *real* conversation with. Not some bs man/woman pseudo-foreplay crap out of a Hollywood movie with constant, unoriginal, and condescending references to my gender but a real up-all-night, knock-down, drag-out talk about everything under the sun, talking and listening as two people in a frank and honest manner. That’s just sexy. ” x_____________x……seriously , and for this alone, I will take one for the em effin team e’rry time……a VSB will always get me caught up, and I ain’t even sorry for that, now and forever amen.
@ bajanflchick
““Also, a thing I’m *still* a sucker for…sadly, a rarity…is a dude I can have a *real* conversation with. “
Note to self, do not ever converse too long with bajanflchick. Might possibly result in Basic Instinct type events. Must hide Mr. Cottontail.
@Mr SoBo- Have no fear my dear, remember it said “real” conversations…this is the internet, everything here is NOT real, these are purely e-conversations & whatnot…No need to Hide, at least not from me*
It’s true. Every. Single. Time. Intellectual intercourse (no Alanis Morrisette) is like tantric foreplay for me.
“He could look like the It clown and have Tourette’s Syndrome”
This kilt me! What kind of craziness is this? You better believe that I’m going to use this to describe someone today. Betta believe it!
lol
This may or may not be drawn from personal experience.
*shrugs*
LAWD…a man can cook his way into my draws!! Oh yea and my heart too…when my ex broke up with me my first concern was “does that mean he’ll stop cooking for me”. I’m a future fat person, and i’ve come to accept it (i have a pretty face).
Same here! I keep fit and run half-marathons to over-compensate for my deep love affair with food.
But really, I just want to marry a chef who wants to fatten me up like some Botticelli goddess.
LMAO @ I’m a future fat person but I have a pretty face. lol.
@brownivyx – Also, 2 should be qualified. *Great* sex will make a woman stay in some pretty bad scenes. And no that doesn’t go without saying. It should be said. A “good” to “decent” time will keep a dude’s number in the cell phone, but he doesn’t get to drive her car with a suspended license, live in her home rent free, or flirt with her cousin right in front of her.
yeah i’m calling a flag on this one. you are using reading woman logic. i’d be willing to bet that a sizable percentage of women will definitely keep a man around even with subpar bootyage.
@Panama Jackson
yeah i’m calling a flag on this one. you are using reading woman logic. i’d be willing to bet that a sizable percentage of women will definitely keep a man around even with subpar bootyage.
Keep a man around yes…along with the rest of her herd of instant/disposable ____ which, for the average woman, can be anywhere from 2-4. Refer to Chris Rock’s rant on “male friend/__ in a glass” for further details. And chances are, she’s just using the subpar dude to help her kill bugs, put together some IKEA, or buy dinner. It ain’t the booty.
But you said *caught up*. That’s a whole other level that transcends all logic and reason.
Heck, I have friends who would rather sustain considerable “dry” spells than waste time with a dude who has not been certified (and I don’t mean crazy).
Also, 2 should be qualified. *Great* sex will make a woman stay in some pretty bad scenes. And no that doesn’t go without saying. It should be said. A “good” to “decent” time will keep a dude’s number in the cell phone, but he doesn’t get to drive her car with a suspended license, live in her home rent free, or flirt with her cousin right in front of her..
so true…Great sex has done me in and made me step out of character and turned me into a woman that I never said I would be and I could care less what people thought about it…smh (them damn 20′s)
I think I’m traumatized by your avatar. If it is what I think it is.
it is…LOL
“Do something really sweet”
Yep. That’s the one. Since I am an overthinker, I can make any really sweet gesture mean a myriad of things and then take my pick. It’s usually somewhere near “he’s ready to change/has changed” or “he’s willing to try/put forth effort.” Even if it is sincere or genuine, it can’t be that easy. I’ve fallen for it before, let’s hope I won’t fall for it again.
*smacks forehead*
@BSQUARED86, here here now. it happens to the best of y’all. and most of y’all.
LOL @ “most of ya’ll”
Did you ever think that you would be the don?
Have a crib with a fifty acre lawn?
LOL Couldn’t resist…
Opening up and becoming vulnerable. That gets me every time. I NEED to communicate. We MUST share our feelings!!! What the hell is he thinking and why is he so skilled at concealing everything!? :/
@Poetiksoul27 – it always cracks me up how shook chicks get when a dude opens up about his feelings. unless he’s just an emo dude in which case its usually frowned upon.
women love feeling connected. men know emotions lead to booty.
“Women are so optimistic and all about love. Love? They are all about it.”….. Seriously, what kind of fantasy world are you living in. I do think that women AND men nowadays like to bullshit, bullshit, bullshit when it comes to relationships
@Stefane – you really think i’m living in a fantasy world with that statement? despite the fact that so many women are “down” on love, you can’t tell me 90 percent of you all aren’t still holding out hope that your knight in shining armor will come thru and prove to you that love does exist. even women with the WORST track records and 17 children believe that love is still out there.
the other 10 percent are carpetmunchers.
PJack you sound like you’re giving up too many manlaw secrets. You better take notice of any unmarked white Ford econoline vans following you around…lol
Oh yeah, just being a good smelling ninja will not get you back in after you effed up. A brand new good smelling ninja will be taking your place though.
@miss t-lee – yeah, i’ve gotten a few phone calls from some very unhappy people. i cant say any names. but the big one rhymed with HardRock YoMama.
ok PJ I must admit….”(By the way, women are NOTORIOUS over-analyzers which means that even if a dude doesn’t say ANYTHING, the woman will be constructing an entire conversation that she thinks SHOULD happen in her head.)”- I used to do this, seriously all of the time, I would think it all out until it felt as if my head would explode, but I gave that up a while ago, and you know why? Come on, take a guess, just one, no? Well, because that ish don’t work , plain & simple cause I know unequivocally that y’all just really ain’t that deep, I got it now, if ya’ll say “nothing”, it’s cause y’all have nothing to say, glad to have gotten through that dark period*shudders at the memory though
Preach! I’m an over over analyzer…to the 25th power. It can make me crazy but then the inteliigence kicks in and says “he’s just a man”
@SmartFoxGirl- co signing on the “he’s just a man”..no doubt…I’m busy listening to the new Dwele ******swooning my new favorite song, could be anthem “What’s not to love about you”…..Dwele can SANG to me all dayum day…..carry on
Yes girl Dwele and his soft singing is nice. I like the mini bush fro and his baby face. But don’t let the face fool you girl, he’s a heart breaker.
@bajanflchick – if ya’ll say “nothing”, it’s cause y’all have nothing to say,
if more women accepted this, we’d be out of Afghanistan in three weeks
You men suck.
That is all.
We don’t suck. You all are just gluttons for punishment.
Cosignage to the 10th power.
Gluttons for unrelenting punishment.
Sadism.
So are ya’ll. Since we crazy and you still deal with us and errthang…
@ Cheekie
You are correct with the key word being “deal”. We may deal/put up with the crazy ones for a while(cause for some strange reason crazy punash is some good punash), but we won’t ever wife ‘em.
But, wait so not all women are crazy? You heard it from him first, folks! lol
That implies that PUNISHMENT is MANDATORY, as if y’all couldn’t stop taking advantage of women’s weaknesses if you wanted. C’mon now.
if y’all couldn’t stop taking advantage of women’s weaknesses if you wanted.
In a wonderful and colorful world, where unicorns roam about freely and rainbow colored glitter love dust is sprinkled liberally this would certainly happen… In the world in which we live, each adult human being is responsible for his/her own self. Why would anybody put more effort in caring for you than you do for yourself? I am sure there is a Biological reason behind it… yeah, survival of the fittest. Get fit or don’t survive…
An object/matter will almost always take the path of least resistance (Physics 101)… So if you want your river to flow a certain way, change the path for it to go that way…
Feeling a tad picked-on today…
…goes back to lurking….
@KitCatCuty84,
Don’t feel picked on darling… It really isn’t the purpose… We are all about love here. But sometimes, when things don’t feel good to read/hear, it’s because we are not yet ready to see them for what they are… I am going to assume you are younger than me, and all I can share with you are my experiences. Only you have the power to make them into something meaningful (or not) that applied to your life (or not)… We are all just sharing, I don’t want you to feel singled out at all…
I have 3 younger sisters and like I usually tell them… I made all the mistakes so that you won’t have to repeat history… Learn from me… and that’s my (maybe not so subtle) attempt here.
Hope you are good… All of this is part of the process to get out of that vicious cycle… Bad patterns are bad patterns no matter how we hard we try to pretty them up. Lipstick on a pig type thing…
#dontlurk.
@KitKatCuty84
Awww…don’t go back to lurking. It really is all love here (at least that is how I take it). : ) Like Sula said, some things are difficult to hear/read/accept (that goes for all of us on VSB), but your voice is just as important as the next (not to mention that your comments can possibly help someone else who may go through the same issues that you do). Stay up VSS!
@Liz – harsh
ummm…hi Liz. I hope you have a wonderful day with a happy ending. Are we really that bad?
thanks. and yes.
@Liz
The tereness of your replies amuse me for some reason.
This article just might be the GOAT. I’ve always been a sucks for expressin ninjas. Especially the ones who straight up tell you “I’M NOT READY, but I love you and if I was ready it’d be you” *deep sigh for the woman trying to keep hope alive*. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.
@AShleyG – tricks are for kids. and people having pimplike problems.
I have been caught up by all of these *hanging my head in shame
@Ice_sis – it’s okay. you’re with friends now.
I have fallen prey to all of these swindles..lol..at one time or another. It’s just the way it is…..sigh.
What else is there left to say? nothing…lol.
Good post!
As have I…
“we fall down, but we get up…” Such is life.
@QueenT – What else is there left to say? nothing…lol.
Panama Jackson: leaving chicks speechless since 1941
“(By the way, women are NOTORIOUS over-analyzers which means that even if a dude doesn’t say ANYTHING, the woman will be constructing an entire conversation that she thinks SHOULD happen in her head.)”
LOL this is soooo true!! You were right on with this post.
@A Diva State of Mind – thanks
These days? I’m SOOOOO over Black folks and the Black community. It’s been so disappointing, especially because of the men (and the women who’ve raised them). THIS blog, THIS blog right HERE (and ya’ll comments)????!!!! This blog makes me wanna linger a little longer (vs. run for the hills/jump ship/flee the burning building). Whooo, chile: ain’t NOTHING like Black folks happy to be and be with Black folks!!!! Ya’ll some FUNNY mofos. Tyler Perry.
@Lever – do you have to? do you have to let it linger…
and thanks. and welcome and sh*t. i think
in defense of good d*ck…. in the interest of keeping your number low and not knowing when you will meet and know some one else ” like that”
you could sleep with ole boy those last few times to decrease your inbetween time as much as possible.
not caught up just smart.
still sad I fall for the list….. the conversations in my mind ! glad I am not alone.
( Still stan for Miicheal)
@nolagirl
“in the interest of keeping your number low and not knowing when you will meet and know some one else ” like that”
This is SOOO my issue when it comes to getting caught up. I’m in the 30+ club, so that means my number…………let’s just say, I’m no rookie. I’m well seasoned. Tony’s Chachere. But, the idea of constantly meeting, getting to know and chexing a new ninja is sort of played in my generation. As silly as it may sound, you are less hard on yourself if you end up grabbing a player office the bench as opposed to selecting from a draft of new ninjas.
oops…..meant to say “off” not “office”.
@CNotes
I think me and my friends were different. One of our rules was (still is for me) to never go back. Because of the level of comfort with this person you open yourself to letting your game slip and getting caught up.
Now this is the truth. I never believe in casual anything. If you sleep with him long enough…you will fall hard. Most men are smart in avoiding this all together…notice I said “most”
Thats not an option for me @ 36 honey, I know better, why would I occupy myself with something I don’t really want or can’t have the right ways just to keep numbers down?. which may distract and detract from the REAL thing if it shows up, to keep numbers down or to keep from going the thru the motions with folk I know i am not feeling I abstain…I’m not that weak in the flesh and a release can be had if needed, without the emptiness or bs associated with other methods LLS
@Orange Star Hapy Hunting
I don’t think its an issue of knowing better. Most of us know better when we do certain things, but may not deter us from taking a dive anyway. This just happens to be an area that you are stronger in (kudos). Plus, “keeping the numbers down” is not to sole reason for sometimes having back tracked. The point I made earlier is that “you are less hard on yourself if you end up grabbing a player office the bench”. It’s a notion that provides a sort of comfort. Also, it does not apply to “everyone” you’ve slept with (more likely someone who have loved)
not judging you Cnotes, but by that method folk may be keeping the numbers low as far as drivers, but they still racking up miles!
Mileage that could be used elsewhere, on a more exciting trip, with a most excellent driver, on course to a happier destination LOL, otherwise “you going down the same road knowing exactly where it leads knowing thats not where you want to be”, Trinity to Neo
@Orange Star Hapy Hunting,
ITA! Plus, in all honesty there is an energy exchange with doing the do that for those in touch with that aspect of themselves (I don’t mean to sound elitist, because I am aware some folks don’t put stock in the spiritual elements of chex, but I feel it exists nonetheless) know not to mess with. Once you realize that person is not for you, or if you are wired to have a certain connection before having chex with a person (everybody ain’t wired the same), you don’t want to take part in that energy exchange or be left empty because you gave without getting nothing spiritually nourishing in return. Hence, the feeling some get after chex with someone when they feel “empty”.
@Orange Star Happy Hunting
Point taken ……and I like the matrix reference. : )
@Humble_One
Definitely a flaw on my part because it really is a comfortable place to be (and your game does fold). So you and you’re friends have the right idea. I haven’t back tracked in a while, but I won’t lie and say the last time I did was in my early 20′s. I just know that many women (especially me) get a bit paranoid about being at a shindig and noticing that you have given the good stuff to more than one ninja in the room. Or, finding out that you’ve slept with more than one ninja that runs in the same circle. To us, that’s equivalent to matrimonial suicide.
@ CNotes
We watched a few friends slip and that’s how we got that rule.
“I just know that many women (especially me) get a bit paranoid about being at a shindig and noticing that you have given the good stuff to more than one ninja in the room. Or, finding out that you’ve slept with more than one ninja that runs in the same circle. To us, that’s equivalent to matrimonial
suicide.”
I’ve known this woman and dated her. I don’t know if it’s comfort or what. But a lot of women choose to only date men in their social circle, job, school, organization etc. Men are usually open to anyone. You will never hear a man say “why would I talk to you or give you my number I don’t know you”. If you limit yourself to your immediate circle you end up being the “smashed the homie” chic. Men talk and if you are this type of chic they have given tips on how to hook up you.
Hmmnn……this is interesting.
See, I didnt know women like you existed. From the reckless shagroddery I have witnessed in my time, I assumed most women wouldn’t really care if while attending a shindig, it resembled a shag reunion in her honor.
Fascinating.
@Mr SoBo
I agree. I thought that most chics didn’t care about being that woman either. At least that the impression they give.
@Humble_One
“Men are usually open to anyone. You will never hear a man say “why would I talk to you or give you my number I don’t know you”. ”
The rules of the game are not the same for men and women.
“If you limit yourself to your immediate circle you end up being the “smashed the homie” chic. Men talk and if you are this type of chic they have given tips on how to hook up you.”
No…no. Please don’t misunderstand. I don’t limit myself to an “immediate cirle”. I have way more game than that! lol! But what I’m saying is that I don’t want to end up a serial dater (having more quantity than quality). That puts too many numbers on the scoreboard and increases the “chances” of ending up chexing ninjas who know each other. I would never do that on purpose. Thus my reasoning for backtracking a few times.
@Humble_One
Precisely. I believe “CNotes” (with her mindset) may classify as a unicorn.
@ Mr SoBo
Oh, I care! When I hear women mouth off about not caring how a man sees her, she’s gonna do her….rah, rah, rah…….she is full of it…*SHOTS FIRED* Of course we care, we are built to care because we want to be loved by you guys. If you want to be wifed, you have to be wife material. And that (most of the time) means avoiding shag reunions.
“If you want to be wifed, you have to be wife material. “
T-Shirt
They will be made available to the public this Friday for the very low low price of $19.99. FREE S&H.
See me for details.
@Mr SoBo
“They will be made available to the public this Friday for the very low low price of $19.99. FREE S&H.
See me for details.”
*Chuckling*
Ditto on never going back. It just seems messy, is conducive to getting caught up, and once it’s over it’s over. For me, once I throw in the towel it stays thrown in.
i cracked up at the “tony chachere” reference.. cuz i got him in cupboard raht nah!
i’m in the over 30 club..
i was talking to my friend the other day.. she found it crazy that once i come off “the wang”, i’m OFF it.. i don’t really think about it..
i find that i’m usually picking them up off the bench when i still have residual feelings.. and even then, they usually think that’s some sort of indication that the cooter is back on the menu..
#IGiveYouFree
“i was talking to my friend the other day.. she found it crazy that once i come off “the wang”, i’m OFF it.. i don’t really think about it..”
@ Nick, I didn’t find it crazy! I was just awed by your reserve
@Nick_L_Odeon
“i cracked up at the “tony chachere” reference.. cuz i got him in cupboard raht nah!”
LOL! Louisiana…all day! A meal is not a meal unless it has some Tony’s in it! : )
I don’t care what anybody says… Good D* is hard to find… People who think they have good D is not, but the real, blow-your-mind-out-of-this-world-curl-your-toes good D is hard to find because it is more chemistry than it is technique… So I could understand a woman being caught up by good D… and not merely because of the number thing (which seems…interesting IMO)…
Having great body/chexual chemistry with someone does NOT happen easily… For people who are really in tune with their chexuality *points finger to self*, it is important… Does it justify accepting ridic behavior? Nope… and let’s not confuse enjoying a tremendous chexual chemistry with someone and feeling lonely/horny… Those are 2 different states of mind….
p.s: funny this topic came up today… I have realized that I may have had a very interesting pattern as far as dating goes (newsflash right? lol)… It turns out that my best chexual experiences were always with guys I didn’t want relationships with… ever. Either because I didn’t think we would be good in a long term relationship so it was the “we are just having fun guy” or because it was a sideline dude (I was young once and in LDRs…#weAllF’ukUp)…. I am trying to figure out what does that mean? And is it as effed up as I think it is? It’s been bothering me for a couple of days now…. Hmmm *maybe I should send the question to the VSBs*
@Sula
Finally….someone other than me who has gone back for some good chexing! I didnt get the chance to elaborate much on that point because the “low numbers” thing had become so magnified.
“and let’s not confuse enjoying a tremendous chexual chemistry with someone and feeling lonely/horny… Those are 2 different states of mind….”
That’s the very thing that had me caught up with one of my exes (chemistry). We broke up because he didn’t want to title our relationship. Although we dated for 6 months and were together every single day and doing everything together (including having ridiculous chexing sessions). His stance turned me off something serious and I broke up with him immediately. Long story short, we reconnected a few years later and the chemistry picked up where it left off. But “I” wasn’t interested in having a relationship this time around because we don’t live in the same state anymore. But we both made a couple of weekend trips to see each other : ) (FIREWORKS!!!!!)
Idk what kind of bloodhound mixed breed women are out there, but a guy would need to be in my personal bubble for me to smell his cologne/natural scent. And that’s not likely to happen.
I think most women have been caught up by at least one of these at some point. Its a right of passage…dam vicious cycle
I’ve seen my homegirls get caught up a few times. One thing I’ve realized is that some women will go 100mph in the wrong direction(wrong direction=man) until a brick wall is in front of them to force them to stop. These are just a few ways I’ve seen women get caught up.
1) Finding happiness in BS
The things that you like in a dude may be the same thongs that cause you heartbreak
2) Creating a man’s personality off of what you see at first sight
Instead of letting him show you who he is you create a personality for him. All he has to do is be the person you think he is long enough to get his.
3) Poor judgement of character
If he steals, lies, backstabs, crosses other people it’s only time before he does it to you. He may be sweet to you now buy in time he will screw you over. He will always push the right buttons on you to keep you around for when he needs you. As long as you serve a purpose to him he’ll try to keep you around.
In moderation? Why? Is it because I have women caught up?
@Humble_One
SMH…you love it in modertaion
It was the “thongs”…you are not allowed to type that word.
#2 and 3 will liberate so many of us women!!
Off topic- O Humble_One, I think I read that you are a Detroit resident. Please give me your take on the Detroit Princess Boat Ride/Dinner. Is it a good activity to take a loved one for a birthday celebration. Me and said Loved One will be in Detroit that weekend and I am looking for good, fun activities. Thanks.
@NoShame
I’ve never been on the Detroit Princess but I’ve heard nothing but good things about it. Since its been operating I’ve heard no bad stories. Everyone from high school proms to senior citizens has events on it. I think you will enjoy it. When will you be here?
Thank you so much. I’ll be there the weekend of the 16th (July). It should be interesting. Please let me know of any cool guy friendly places.
Yeah…basically all of this.
Those three things lend themselves to a woman not actually listening to a man when he says “I don’t want a relationship”.
Listen when a person tells you about themselves, that means words and actions.
LLS,
#1 its the phermones young, underneath the smell good, that makes the smell good smell even better on the right ninja!!! Word to yo motha, if you are attarcted to his natural scent even soap and water are irresistable.
As for the rest sometimes a nice gesture is just a nice gesture, nothing more nothing less, even if his smell is intoxicating.
Saying I MISS YOU
True story: Back in the day, one of my best friends was a guy and he was a big time player with women who were actually friends of mine. One night I was at his house and giving him a hard time about dogging these girls out. I never forget he said to me “Don’t blame me, blame them for being so stupid”. He was telling me how easy it is and I didn’t believe him so he showed me. This man literally got his phone, put it on speaker, and called all the women he was talking to. He told me he could get them all to stop being mad at him by saying he missed them. And it worked! One by one he would say “I miss you…you miss me?” and these women would turn into mush when they knew he was no good. It baffled me but then again we were all 20ish in age. Would it work on a grown woman…maybe.
I watch my brother literally take a woman out to dinner, tell her she’s beautiful, prey on her insecurities and BAM…her car is outside his house at 8am. I think because I grew up around men (and had an excellent father), I promised myself I would never fall for game. But this is where I eff up: not leaving when I know I should leave. I’m too damn loyal and stick around til my heart bleeds! And I have no excuse because I know better. I’ve never been naive yet I still try to stay and make things “work”. I won’t even tell ya’ll about the man I’m seeing now because I know ya’ll will judge me…I’m way to smart for this but I guess that’s the woman in me that believes in love, etc *sigh*
“It baffled me but then again we were all 20ish in age. Would it work on a grown woman…maybe.”
It would, and it does.
…but I guess that’s the woman in me that believes in love, etc *sigh*
Wrong. It’s the woman in you that loves dissonance, controversy, arms house. *smile*
See, it’s really jsut the biological/animalistic side of you that yearns to be with a man that is untamable. To be untamed = to be uncontrolled.
Women typically tend to lose interest quickly in men they can control, because nothing about that type of man embodies alpha male characteristics.
It’s the men you cannot control/tame that gets all of your unrelenting love. You will knowingly and willingly sacrifice better judgement time and time again for this type of man. It’s embedded in your gene code.
Such is life.
Some do want men they can “control”, because in their minds the risk is minimal, or so it seems. Depends on the woman. Control is an illusion for those that really know.
I don’t want to control and/or manipulate any man, when folk do things of their will. its so much better….don’t to tame a man either but rather fly wild and free together, committed to each other……….
@ Orange Star Happy Hunting
“Some do want men they can “control”, because in their minds the risk is minimal, or so it seems”
Yes, there are women out there that do pursue men they can control. However, I can assure you these same women have little to zero respect for these types of men, and are also more than likely unfaithful to them as well.
Nice guys finish where?
Then again, I haven’t seen anywhere in the discussion something about women who want men…. they, wait for it, like!
It’s really that simple at times…
@Mr SoBo
“Women typically tend to lose interest quickly in men they can control, because nothing about that type of man embodies alpha male characteristics.”
I give this the “true” stamp! (well, at least for me)
Dammit Ms. B you are killin me today with all this knowledge and truth. I was just talking with a friend the other day about why we love the man that’s no good for us. This is the reason! You hit the nail on the head. I need you in my life Ms. B! *cries out and falls to floor Baptist style*
@Mr. SoBoI don’t know why (maybe glancing at the avatar) but I thought you were Ms. Buttersworth. *stepping away to get coffee*
Dammit Mr. SoBo. I was just talking with a friend the other day about why we love the man that’s no good for us. This is the reason! You hit the nail on the head. I need you in my life Mr. SoBo!(as a friend ca’ mi don waan Nic a drop likk pon me) *cries out and falls to floor Baptist style*
I’m insulted by your confusion. Ms. Buttersworth? smh. But you are forgiven.
@SFG
LMAO. Greatgawdahmighty….I’m reading along and then its like Huhhhh??? Mr. Sobo looks nothing like me! LOL …but he does make many a valid point and I concur.
And yeah, coffee’s good with cream but better (for you) when its black… (lol). *grabs a handful of NoDoz to pass along*
@Ms. B
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i’m loyal to a fault..
but the older i get, the more i’m lookin around like “mf’ers stole my 20′s, they can’t have my 30′s too..”
i know what it’s like to be caught up in something that was no good for you.. and it’s like you KNOW what you SHOULD do.. but until the heart catches up to the head.. nothing can be done…
Yes my girl. Read your man’s reply…that right there is the TRUTH. It all goes back to our primals.
Honestly, I’ve been studying women since I was 11 years old. And I’m actually being very serious. I mean, REALLY studying women….like I was working for National Geographic. Both from the observer perspective(laying off camera in the bush somewhere watching and observing ya’lls behavior) as well as the participant(having my own relationships).
So anyway, initially, I always thought women were not wired correctly, because of the poor dating decisions and relationship choices many of you made/make. I, like many people, just figured ya’ll were crazy and just dont know what the hell ya’ll want.
Anyway, after many years and thousands of hours of research, testing, etc, I have come to conclude the following:
There are two components governing a woman’s behavior, specifically in terms of relationships.
1: Primal
2: Societal
Unfortunately, both are conflicting. What your carnal instincts tell you is in complete conflict with what society tells you. This results in confusion within oneself, as well as creates the relationship dumbfoundedness that plagues most women.
@MrSobo
“I’ve been studying women since I was 11 years old.”
O_O…you shouldn’t have said that. You might start to compete with CBG now in the ranks…either that or Nick might propose.
But seriously, your comment is on point. I say two things to myself when I meet a man I like: 1) do you want him in your world? and 2) will my fam/friends like him in my world? Also I may ask myself is this “normal”. So yes, this is primal vs societal. If I should so happen to get both, then…well I wouldn’t be having this convo as I would be married with 5 kids. The guy I’m dating now is great on paper. I mean: he’s kind, well spoken, interesting, single, no kids, masters degree, financially independent, no apparent lingering exes…and we have excellent chemistry. HOWEVER…he’s sexually aggressive. I normally don’t mind this but on the first date? We had an excellent dinner and then homeboy turned into spider-man at the end and almost sucked off my lips! I was so turned off. Plus he keeps trying to go there (and I haven’t yet, trying not to break my 3 month rule). But that’s not the problem. The problem is: He lives with a woman.
Okay I’ll wait for you to stop screaming at me through your monitor.
But I can explain…did I mention we have excellent chemistry? Okay so you see what I mean? I KNOW BETTER but haven’t given him the boot yet. I refuse to sleep with him as long as he’s living with a woman. Btw, he says she’s just a roomate, yada yada yada. I’ve spoken to her once and she was kind to me but then again…side pieces usually are. Before you say it, I know what I need to do. It’s just so hard cause I like the man.
@ SmartFoxGirl
Pardon me as I embark on my Chris Brown/Larry King moment
Wow. Thats like…wow. I mean..I couldn’t believe I just read that. Wow. It’s just,…I was like…….wow.
SmartFoxGirl…where do I begin. *deep sigh*
Well first, we need to change your screen name. *just joking babes*
Where is Comic Book Guy when I need the brother. Is there a CBG signal I can shine in the sky? CBG, come save your girl man!!
But SmartFoxGirl, you know better. You really, really know better. Like you said, you know what to do. There is not enough digital space on VSB’s network for me to begin conversing with you on this matter.
I’m calling for an emergency intervention.
ComicBookGuy, Nick_L_Odeon, all caribbean massive and crew!!!!!
One of our sistahs is in dire need of clarity and is on the verge of being ‘that chick’.
If CBG doesn’t get on his job quick, I might have to commandeer his ‘daddy’ spot.
Wait nuh!!!! Lawd god! Don mon, don call di massiv ca’ Nick a gu kill me! An Bajan ah gu cuss mi. An CBG no de yah.
Yes yes yes I am failing major right now. I’m the one who gives advice to all of my friends and major cussings for failings like this. Do I get any credit for keeping him out of my garden? OKAY Sobo Lawd…I will give him the boot. I’m working on it. Grrrrrrr….*lowering head in shame*…next time I aint tellin you ISH.
I am still dating though…it’s just hard here in Miami…(making excuses for obvious failings)…an dem lie…an dem hugly…and dem lie. The men I have been meeting are boring and not intelligent enough to have meaningful conversation…and they don’t get my wit…and…and…and *cries*
@Mr SoBo- I did hear ya “caribbean massive” callout…wha???? mi cyan beleeeeeeveeeee it, @SmartFoxGirl,,,,a joke, no ? mi nahhhhh belieeeeeve it, atall atall, is joke eh??? but me nah cuss yu, yuh deya grown ooman an have unoo own min fi mek up , so if is dat you choose den mi stay silent nuhhhh, is fi you bizness dat…me no biznezz but me still a *kissin teet all da while ma dear* wop’n dahlin ? mi undastand fah true….you jus mine ya don’t get urt up, mi done with all dat deya fool fool bizness m’self…you g’long if you must.
Mama…
you already have my number so we can discuss this off thread (should you wish to)
MI!?!?! a guh kill yu!?!?! FI WHA!?!?!
i haven’t been “there” exactly.. but yeah, i’ve fallen for the other stories.. no one can say they haven’t.. and those that can better take it back..
it just takes a minute for the heart and the head to line up..
you just have to get to the point where you’re TIRED of it.. it’s hard to reach that place though if he’s a nice one.. (and it seems so)
i’ve dealt with a nice one and that took years.. if he was an a-hole, then you could get to that mad place and use that as the fuel for your Chevro-legs.. and keep walkin in the opposite direction..
i’m not gonna kill you.. lol
it would be hypocritical of me to utter anything negative at you..
and no, i didn’t scream at the computer.. lol
and YOU!! easy there!! cuz if the “daddy” role you were talkin bout is anything other than “Father figure”.. i’m gonna have to cut you right here!!
and don’t expect me to take you back in the same day either..!!
we ain’t 20 anymore!!
@Bajan
I was too busy laughing my saa off to absorb your message
@Nick
That’s why you’re my sistren. This isn’t that deep cause I’ve only known dude a month (we spend too much time together and talk everyday which has to stop). I like him yes but it’s not hard at all to walk away. It just makes me mad that the good ones always seem to have some major red flag waving behind their fine *ss heads. Ugh!! I knew you wouldn’t…mi luv yuh like mi luv dr. pepper…and that’s alot! lol
Unless one learns to master a powerful blend of both of those components (read do what the eff fits the situation at the time and take advantage of it)…. only then does one transcend confusion.
@Sula
I feel as if I should sit indian style with my arms outstretched as I read your comment. I hear you girl…I hear you.
@Nick_L_Odeon
“but the older i get, the more i’m lookin around like “mf’ers stole my 20’s, they can’t have my 30’s too..””
You think you got shorted? I spent half of 20s in a LTR. I never stepped out the relationship once. I hit 30 starting all over again.
@SFG…I’m on the fence. My ex was living with a girl when we met and our problems didn’t stem from her (the fact that she looked like Precious mixed with Don Cheedle didn’t hurt). You have to establish trust. My ex roommate was a man (very handsome, educated, great job) and we lived together platonically for almost 2 years. We lived together in order to save money and when the time was right we parted ways. Talk to him about his situation…BUT if you smell any hints of BS…L_E_A_V_E. Miami can’t be that bad…DJ Khaled and Rick Ross could be single (shivers…gross)
@Jai
Girl I can’t with that avi and this: “the fact that she looked like Precious mixed with Don Cheedle didn’t hurt”…made me laugh and poke my cheek with my pen. DWL
But seriously, I have tried to rationalize the irrational. The bottom line is: he lives with a woman. I feel you on so many levels what you’re saying is true. You never want to say never or cancel a good man out because of one thing but he has shown more than one sign that he could be a good man but not now. I don’t have the time or patience to sit this one out. I think his roommate looks like that Avatar chick but one thing having alot of men in my family has taught me…Men DO NOT have to be attracted to her to sleep with her. Sometimes it’s just out of convenience if anything at all. And of course she’s going to smile in my face because women who are okay with sleeping with a man (knowing he’s dating)…clearly could care less if you know she’s sleeping with him.
He did bring up a good point the numerous times we’ve discussed this: he’s single. We are not in a relationship…it’s supposed to be light-hearted dating. According to him, he said it was okay for her to move in because he didn’t have a serious girlfriend at the time. Now we’re speding time together but we have no titles and barely know each other (it’s only been a month). So I really don’t have a right to gripe but it’s hard knowing that she’s there…walkin around in pum pum shorts and cooking grits. Life is a tricky bish but I know what I need to do.
I was in a LTR (10 years) and now I’m starting all over again at 29. My friends have all these stories of all the things they’ve done..I have no stories…no secrets…NADA.
Sometimes thats a good thing…im sure you have enough stories from your 10 year relationship….only difference between you and your friends is that their stories come from multiple people as opposed to your one person. Never settle/tolerate/accept/entertain BS.
we already know about dating in Miami..
an dem hugly, an dem lie..
and dem tink seh yu muss look some sahta way.. and dem can look like Rick Ross teet…
i hear it ain’t the best everywhere else though..
but i know what it’s like to continously be stickin your toe in the SAME stinkin pool.. and expecting not to smell like sewage..
when you find a clear spring water (Zephyrhills) you wanna lounge in that pool forever..
what you need is a Dunns River Falls!!!! (lol)
I heart my two ebuds Jai and Nick. (an Bajan weheva she de)
@Nick ROFL yu crazy! lol
@SmartFoxGirl-mi luv mi e-buddy too, the electronic plantation had me on lock today*shakes fist *, but Miami, NY, Atl, where ever the eff it’s always the same….cosigning Nick-give we Dunns River !!! I am so sorry I missed out on all of this here womens wisdom today, but we all know you aint the “SFG” for nothing & you will figger all of it out…TRUSSSSSSSSS!
NickO and Humble,
I know that feeling all too well. But one of the good things about that is that fact that you’ll be going forward with more knowledge, insight and a much clearer thought process going forward…and discernment (because after awhile you’re able to not only recognize but check the shullbit at the door). I believe folks like the ones described in today’s commentary did a lot of us a huge favor….meaning: eventually the mofos had to move on over and exit stage left in order for us to make ourselves available for the one that is truly for us, provided we’re “open” enough to properly receive them. Stepping stones. Like training yourself with necessary tools to successfully complete a marathon. For one, building mental stamina is extremely important, setting (realistic) goals and proper gear….to name a few. Now tell me, do you expect to come out of pre training without a few scrapes here and there….not to mention the aches and pains…depends how bad you/we want it.
Hey, No deposit. No return.
PREACH!!! Are you a psychologist? lol we are on a roll today. With all of my dating disasters, I can say I’m loving it though. It’s new to me and I’m becoming more seasoned. I’m also learning more about myself in the process. Thanks Ms. B
You’re welcome, missy. And unfortunately, I’m no psychotherapist. LOL
Because I can’t recall one day where I wasn’t either contributing to discussion or lurking and not have my own perceptions and viewpoints challenged or reconfirming whatever conclusion I had drawn from the getty-up.
Heck, I’m constantly learning something…be it on this forum or on my own.
*saunters in late in tru JA styles…lol.
listen: i know the advice is coming from a warm fuzzy place, but if it was so damn easy..sfg wouldn’t have a story to type.
emotion + logic = does.not.compute.
it’s easy to dish out advice when it’s not your empty bed/heart you gotta answer to.
my two pesos? you’ll make the decision you know you need to make, when you need to make it. plain and simple. if you make it earlier, you’ll be able to save yourself some frustration.
SmartFoxGirl,
What you typed here spoke to me. I have felt that loyalty has been personally, a great asset and flaw. When I got tired of the same results, I changed the behavior and recognized I was being wayyyy too loyal to men who didn’t deserve or appreciate it. I think part of the psyche of being a good woman or “girlfriend”, or so I thought at the time, is the try to make it work, to try to understand, to realize the thought behind an action may be different and try to question if I, as a woman, was correct or fair. Basically, a lot of benefit of the doubt, when it was clear all that wasn’t necessary. I have since learned not to question my gut reaction, yet still be fair, etc. I do not assume behavior and overthink the reasons behind an action. I have learned to ask point blank. Then I had to forgive myself for doing things in the past I thought were or realized were dumb.
Part of the forgiving of myself was to know that I wanted to believe the best in my man. Yet, I can not lie to myself and put the belief in his best before my own best interests. I think similar to what Ms.Butterworth noted and that we are raised not to be selfish, but the negative suggestion of selfishness does not factor or mean the same as self-perservation. I have to trust in myself and recognize the worth in self to not fall for the bald-headed games. I have so much more to say….I might be back. Just, Girl…you are not alone.
Gurl, this was beeautifuuullll….!
(what is it velvet? being silly)I promise this was a page from my journal. Its amazing to think back at those very moments when a lot of young ladies must’ve felt they were completely alone on such a voyage, but coincidentally the next chick who could be a few doors down or on the other side of the country finds herself conflicted with the very same thing….and possibly at that very same moment.
Thanks LegitimateSoul
You already know. It got to the point where I wouldn’t say anything about my past relationship to my fam/friends because I didn’t want to hear their advice. I was too busy trying to justify his actions. The irony is I’m known as the “smart” one…but I guess I can’t apply it when my heart is involved. I’m only 29 but I feel old because I literally have been through hell and back…too much for this blog but I can say I have learned alot. For the first time, my best interests are coming first. I hear you girl…come back if you need to because I’m soakin this all up.
I feel a group hug is in order, as well as a deep inhale followed by an equally deep exhale.
Can you feel the love? I think the call for the intervention proved positive. VSS’s came to the rescue on this one with their own experiences and insight.
Absolutely beautiful.
LOL shat up…but yeah i was feeling the elove. It goes right back to what you said…women know better but for some reason we just do it anyway. Men should use their powers for good and not evil. Your screen name should be SmartSoBo lol I dub you my ebro
I’m crying myself a dayum river at –>>> SmartSobo! LOLOL
Yeah, I agree its nice to feel the positive e-love and energy…momentarily killin’ the negative buzz about women, (particularly Black women) being supportive and encouraging towards everyone else BUT each other. I relish in moments like these…whether virtual or in the flesh.
*snicker* I was always told I was a smart *ss…but that man there? Takes the reign lol
@SmartFoxGirl
““*…next time I aint tellin you ISH.”
Wow, thats the thanks I get for trying to help? Sheesh.
Panama called it: you can hand them the book, they’ll disregard it. Jews in the Desert vs Moses.
For sounding the alarm on my situation *sucker punch*
@SmartFoxGirl- you know you can’t trust any yaad man with a dred avi…..LMAO actually @Mr SoBo-you really belong here with the VSB’s (in case you were wondering , that IS a compliment )
@SmartFoxGirl,
For me, not discussing it because of not wanting to hear advice of other people isolates you. Isolation does not help you move beyond and isolation can lead to some mistakes. One mistake is a false perception that the wrong situation is a better situation than it really is. Being dolo can make you feel your situation is only yours (no one has been through your situation-definitely not true) and the “right now” is feeling good or meeting a need for whatever reason may cause one to act illogically and make mistakes. Sometimes what feels good isn’t good for us. I tend to be very private in my relationships and even typing all this is a big step for me. Yet, being private and not wanting to spill the beans on my relationship conflict was more of me thinking “well, if things get better, I don’t want my friends and family judging me or him from when we had conflict” AND ” you can’t tell your girlfriends and family everything because it can come back and bite you and they’ll remember the strife always”. Truth is, there is a happy medium and you can chose to not be isolated, yet still maintain a level of discretion in your relationship. You can bounce things off of the right people who will not judge you and provide you that much needed community (A lot of people have been through it and it wasn’t until I spoke of my mistakes that I had the amen corner of people who admitted their own and how they grew from them. If people think you good or not asking for any help, they are not gonna offer because they feel it’s not needed or not their place.). Being vulnerable to criticism or admitting to making relationship mistakes is hard, but removing ego out of the equation for me has been most helpful. Sometimes you don’t even need advice. You just need to talk it out….OUT LOUD… and you’ll answer your own question(s). I have had to self-check and really be gully and blunt with myself on some “Ninja, is you serious! WTF is you doing?” (poor grammar and all). You vowed to NEVER be this woman and here you are effin’ up and sliding into some b.s.! ” The easiest way for me to cut the b.s. with myself is to be blunt. So that works with me, but may not work with everyone. Do what works for you. Then, I ask what am I getting from this behavior. There has to be some benefit or else I wouldn’t do it. Sometimes the answer is very clear or has to do with fear, or some idea that someone “looks good on paper” so it SHOULD work and something is wrong with me if it ISN’T WORKING. All, not true. It may be the wrong person, the wrong reason, and the wrong season. Then after you do the blunt self-check, it’s okay to be tender with yourself and forgive yourself. Never punish yourself for wanting the best and putting your best effort towards that or even wanting a relationship to work. Just recognize it can NOT be one-side and reciprocity has to come into play. Then as you learn from the situation you’ll have certain things that you may be flexible on and things that are non-negotiable. I hope I wasn’t going on the deep end assuming things that may not be your situation. Please know I had the best intentions and this is from the heart.
I read this twice. That was my reasoning for not mentioning it because truth is…i already knew the truth. I know you’re intentions as I am a complete stranger and you are taking the time out to share knowledge with me. I think we are all supposed to learn from one another. It took me 29 years to realize what makes me happy…I’m trying to stick to this. Thanks LS!!
Wow.. All I can say is #shoutout to the foolish 20′s.. My sucka for love a$$. Teena Marie.
At 31 (All the 1978 babies stand up!!), I look at all my mistakes and see things sooo differently…
Yes, chile thank for the LORD for Knowledge obtained and the Wisdom to apply it.
1978 was a “very good year..”- Fank Sinatra!
ya’ll know what i meant..
effin keyboard..
Frank Sinatra.. lol
GREAT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!
i remember that PIC!!!! your avatar renders me without speech
iHatechu..
iLoveYou
DontLeaveMe
@Nick_L_Odeon
“iHatechu..
iLoveYou
DontLeaveMe”
Isn’t this exactly what Panama is talking about?
it’s something i transferred over here from my twitter..
and yes, it’s exactly what Panama was talking about..
i write it because i find there’s always someone that knows this type of person..
IWishICouldQuitYou
CallMeLater..
lol
’78 was a very good year. Iono what happened, but I’ve talked to a couple womens from that year and all of them were class acts.
I’m tempted to say ’74 too, but there was just the one, but she impressed immensely me as a person.
78 was a very good year. Iono what happened, but I’ve talked to a couple womens from that year and all of them were class acts.
We, 78′ women love the recognition and acknowledgement!
No worries. Y’all have definitely earned it.
@Shay
74 is a terrible year for women. I want to say 70-75 were bad years for women. I attracted older women in my younger days.
Same story. I was born in ’86, so…
On women born in ’74…
I dunno what to tell you, the woman who was born in ’74 helped me come to a point where I can articulate certain qualities that I desire in a woman in a long term relationship whereas, the year before I started talking with her I would have described it as an intangible that ‘I know when I see it’.
LOL…Shay was done in by a cougar…I approve!
Hush yo’ mouth! Seventy babies (75′!) are the bizness!! Just cause a few were fools doesn’t reflect on the millions born in a beautiful decade
1978 reaped the greatest harvest in all the land..
lol!
we’re fine like wine baby!!!
oh.. and thank you for the compliment.. o
ll take it and run with it.. lol
He’s Just Not That Into You
Just watch it.
That movie was counterproductive as heck. Ol girl with all the men problems ends up with the dude that was telling her that the guys she was dating wasn’t into her. Then Jennifer Aniston’s character finally gets engaged to the commitphobe. HUH?
Agreed!!! It ended up being another rom com… If Jennifer Aniston didn’t get married and the other girl had said to dude: “Sorry Hon, I am with your friend Bill now”, it would have been more realistic…
In the end, it just did some pandering as Rom Com are wont to do…
You just reminded me about that movie. I still ain’t seen it. Wanted to outta curiosity.
Great movie. Straight to the point. Answers all of women’s questions.
its a cute movie, really good.
(By the way, women are NOTORIOUS over-analyzers which means that even if a dude doesn’t say ANYTHING, the woman will be constructing an entire conversation that she thinks SHOULD happen in her head.)
OMG
My friend and I actually sat on the phone for AN HOUR (yes bc I’m a good friend) about how she told this guy that she would Skype with him at 6pm (he’s overseas and it would’ve been 3am his time) and if he would be mad at her if she didn’t get on until 6:30pm because she was running late and should she change out of her work clothes or put on PJs and since it’s Skype would he see all of her pimples bc she has a BRAND NEW pimple brewing right now.
Yes it was all in 1 sentence like this.
shots fired is true!! lol. dag..all i kept reading over and over was NEVER HAVE SEX WITH HIM. correct?
I have gotten caught up in a kiss before. A man has been able to shut me up and it almost became an outer body experience watching watching stand there with noodle legs. Yeah he got me sprung.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
OMG. This is me. He can be an azz, but if he can kiss??!!!! Panties melted RIGHT OFF.
thank GOD my 20s are over!!!
I have to!!! OhMiGod…. Some guys are just excellent kissers… and if memory serves me correctly, it’s usually a good omen of things to come…
In 99% of the cases, YES.
*memories. . . *
While I agree with the entire post, I feel it is almost incorrect to call it “getting caught up.” It seems that most of us weave these webs, wait for the fly and just jump right in with ‘him.’ Nothing that any man has ever did has really made me give him another chance, if I wasn’t contemplating doing so in the first place. Just my 2.5 cents…smiles
4) Open up and become vulnerable
Sigh, luckily (i guess) this is my only fault. My track record is quit the jerks before they try to play me. But for some reason, I like the social lepers (just one or two cases). The menfolk that’s really needy and talk about the friends they use to have. The attention was cool at first, then old dude started getting too attached. Blowing up my phone for our nightly 3 hour chats (ninja, I’m sleepy and/or talking to someone that matters).
But every time I thought about ending it, all i could imagine was this lonely SOB in the dark watching old episodes of Fresh Prince, crying in his pillow. The last thing I wanted was a text saying “I’m so cold without you”. So I stayed…(for another 4 months, then dipped)
Plus that’s exactly how Nia Long gave it up in Boyz n the Hood. Cuba came in cryin and swingin, next thing you know BONE SCENE. Still a WTF moment in my book…
I so feel this post… The criers/sad dudes can reel me in… Unfortunately (or fortunately for me), I bore easily and can be cold at times… so your crying (or your jumping on my 2nd floor balcony in the middle of the night) can go so far before I make you disappear from my memories…
Sad dudes will drain the flugg outta you. Then you’ll be all drained and sad and that ninja is smiling. Energy transfer on some Trading Places. No Eddie.
Energy transfer
Remember in Two can play that game, they kept sharing the negativity back and forth… That ish is real I tell ya. Transfer of bad energy is for the birds…
Except I’m an extremely positive stress-free bougiefruit. So he would be crying and complaining while I would be watching SATC eating cake. The fights that inevitably led to the breakup was his complaining I was too nonchalant…and me continually calling him a bishash drama queen.
The fights that inevitably led to the breakup was his complaining I was too nonchalant…
Oh boy…. I’ve heard that in all its flavors. Especially, “you never back me up when we are discussing with friends”… Hmmm dude, people who are friends to me usually know where I stand on stuff and suddenly changing my viewpoints to support yours? Not really the move. I will always say that “I can see where you are coming from and your point of view, but” before expressing my opinion… but then I would be served with the “I am condescending” crap…
*smh*
I suppose good d*ck really is hard to find because for some odd reason
* I concur…my ex was the epitome of eye candy and act rite (imagine Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson w/hazel-green eyes). True, he couldn’t even spell his first name, but he had a good heart and we always had a good time. I would fly every other weekend from Atlanta to VA to be with him for a couple of hours (yes, it was that damn good). I needed an intervention from friends, family and co-workers. Da d*ck did me in…I am afraid to talk to him to this day because after dealing with dudes that suffer from lackofpackage and not being in a relationship, I am one email, text, call, assumption away from making that trip….
yet again, i have shared too much…
Chile? I understand….
I, almost, almost, did the unthinkable with this one dude… Like yours, he was sweet and really in love with me… and he KNEW what he was doing in the bedroom… just KNEW! Plus that d… was just…*fans self*… So what if his speech resembled that of an 8th grader… or so what if he could be, uh, uncouth in some situations… He had a big heart… and twice as big a, errrm, ego…
…. He was a hard worker and had ambition… I wouldn’t have been able to go with him to many of my “circles”… or even admit to some of my girls that we did in fact have a tryst (they all think he had the hots for me and I was being nice to him… Ha!)…. The d… is that powerful (and his heart too… Lol)…
So I feel you sistren… I feel you… Then again, sometimes if someone makes you happy, that’s all that should matter… What everybody else thinks should be irrelevant… My main problem was that I wouldn’t have valued him enough and that would have been a disaster down the road… The girl he’s with now (his fiance)can appreciate him much more than I would have (shiddd, she received an X5 as a gift when they found out she was pregnant, I would appreciate him too!
… but yeah, I see where you coming from doll… I do. 
@Jai
*CNotes sitting down indian-style in the circle of trust*
I posted something similar above about one of my exes.
*hangs head*
@Jai,
No you haven’t…at least not in my opinion. Especially considering its all relevant and I’m sure a slew of women can attest to being hypnotized by a good rumble…combined with sincere (mutual) feelings between the two = the perfect storm. Makes it harder to walk away from such a spell. *raises hand*
Admittedly, it took me a few years during my early twenties to master this without breaking down at the slightest “hello” or “hey there, babygirl….” A mess, I tell ya…. So glad I got off of that rollercoaster in time.
Try to stay strong as you can and remain firm, although I know it sucks having to play “big gurl” and biting the bullet on this one.
is there something in VA water? i too have fallen for a dude that just know what to do.. and how to do it..and where and why..
hundreds of dollars on cell bill
flight/hotel costs
but the dude who damn near invented sex..priceless.
for everything else, there is mastercard.
til he breaks your heart…
I suppose good d*ck really is hard to find because for some odd reason
***truest words ever spoken.
JAI WHAT IS THAT IN YOUR AVI?!! My god girl you are too much. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
@Jai
Is that back fat???????? O__O
yeah.. that’s back fat…
that photo made the internet rounds..
yes, this pic is classic LOL
@Jai
I’m coming after you if you keep killing me with these avatars.
http://www.essence.com/entertainment/music_videos/video_corinne_bailey_rae_closer.php?xid=062910-ENews-Tuesday-ExclusiveCorinneBail-mainstory-imglink
This is MY JAM…now if I had some debauchery to get into…smh
Is anyone else noticing how the VSB men are droppin some knowledge here today? Shout out to Humble_One and Mr. Sobo!
Ya’ll my ninjas!…at least for today.
I would include Panama but he’s not as nice when he delivers the truth
raw with no KYwith his educated bluntnessWOW MAN!!! STOP GIVING AWAY ARE DAMN SECRETS. BUT I GUESS… NOW THAT YOU STARTED. HERE ARE FEW OF MY SURE FIRE WINNERS:
1. BORROW MONEY AND THEN ACTUALLY PAY IT BACK: Yall are a sucka for that sh*t. “He’s so nice, plus he keeps his word.”
2. TRY MY HARDEST NOT TO SLEEP WITH YOUR SISTER AND YOUR FRIENDS. “He so loyal. My man don’t be sleeping with nobody i know.
3. I DO THE REVERSE IKE TURNER: When you do something wrong… I act like i want to go upside yo head but then i physically stop myself. “He so discipline. He do not hit women, even when i really f*ck up.”
LMAO–DEAD!
I DO THE REVERSE IKE TURNER:
“You sure you don’t want a piece o’ cake, Anna Mae? It’s your favorite…red velvet? It’s all moist and fluffy…come on, just have a bite…for me.”
scene/
Back from the dead now.
1. Borrow money…where they do that at???? Ain’t no ninja borrowing money from me!
2. Sisters? I ain’t got no sisters (S.E. I don’t have any sisters), and friends better steer clear, if they know whats good for ‘em.
3. Ike ain’t got nothing on me!. Acting like you gonna hit me is just cause to use my mace or 911 speed dial.
Travelling back to heaven now!
you are so right. i don’t know why women over analyze everything when it comes to men. men really are not that complicated. in fact we are quite transparent. take us at our word. not our actions. our word. if we say that we don’t want a relationship but you do then dipset. most likely that will save you a lot of heartache and trouble in the long run.
“I DO THE REVERSE IKE TURNER”
If a ninja did this, only response he would get is the side-eye and a “bish you lame” smirk.
man: I love you, but I’m not in love with you
woman: oh but he said he loved me, let me give him more time, cook him a good meal, put it down real good. he loves me.
sigh,
Texts you that he “luvs” you, text you a smiley face, a double smiley face, eff it, any emicon (*note that these dudes usually use “luv” and rarely “love” to capture us but we are so excited we don’t even notice the trickery!) Sneaky bast*ards!!
Panama, this was on point today. It is good to show that women do silly things when it comes to stuff that men do to them. We all know it can’t top the idiot things we do as men to impress women, but it good to see that VSS are so willing to open up about this stuff. I’ve been in my car all day and I finally got a chance to sit down and catch everyone’s responses.
@Mr SoBo,
You are right, brother. Women say they want a man they can control but the bad boys/wild men are the ones that make them go dumb. I learned this the hard way growing but I had to realize that being a bad boy ain’t me, but I had to learn to tell a woman “No”, no matter how pretty she is. Yeah, nice guys finish last, but @$$holes don’t last.
@SmartFoxGirl,
Like Mr Sobo said, you know better. From what I can tell, you are beautiful, intelligent, educated, funny and a good mother. You have no reason at all to sell yourself short for any man. There are good black men that have what you are looking for and do respect all I just mentioned about you.
I will end it with this. As I was driving, I was listening to the Foxxhole and Lyfe Jennings was talking and he said something that stayed with me. He said women should find their purpose in life, something that want to achieve throughout their lives. It could be a lawyer, an educator, an neuroscientist (shout out to Gem, get it, girl) or just a good and loving mother. Regardless of what you want to or what your purpose is, finding a good man should not be a purpose. A man should be a tool in fulfilling that purpose, meaning that a man’s love, encouragement and support should help you fulfill whatever in life. A woman with a purpose will attract the kind of man that can meet that woman’s needs. Sure, she may attract the kind of men she can’t stand and she may have to weed through some men, but that should be a testament to her greatness.
Forgive the pandering, but I am on the road this week and I had to drop my two cents on this. Plus, what Lyfe Jennings said stayed in my head all day. Y’all be easy.
For once, I’ll cosign the pandering.
Women, finding a good man should NOT be a purpose… Living life to the fullest IS a purpose… and making the best connections while living said life is what it’s all about… Once you know who you are, what you are about, and where it is that you want to go (I am not talking about a career, I am talking about SELF realization) then the world (and all its men) is truly your oyster. Word to Erykah Badu.
Being centered is really key. Yes, you will be disappointed, yes life is going to suck at times but there will also be fun moments (like this trip to the beach this week-end GIRLS ONLY!
) and
as long as there is free flowing liquorhappy times…“I get high off of life” (wkcite V Renee)
have a good evening dear..
i personally think you should go home and play a video games..
#SeeWhatIDidThere
Yes, I saw what you did there. I wish I could bring my PS3 on the road with me but that is too much work.
Lyfe Jennings? Really? It’s come to THAT? We’re enrolling in the U of Lyfe? WTF? Even we can do better than THAT. Shaq’s Degree.
Why does it matter who said it? Admittedly, I don’t know this Lyfe Jennings fellow but shouldn’t Common sense be common sense regardless of who it comes from? Because this is just plain common sense…
@Sula, Lyfe Jennings is a r&b singer sis. He is actually really good and always speaks truth. He is a good source to pull from.
You’re so sweet CBG. Thanks. I haven’t sold anything as I haven’t given him anything except my time. Thank god. That’s why I always hold onto my rules. Yeah today was theraputic. Sorry you missed it. Happy travels.
@ComicBookGuy, You just helped me get back to myself. Thank you!
I have been single my whole life. True story lol. I meet men who I liked who did not give me the same in return. It would hurt and I then shut down again. Then I would meet men who I know were not good for me and found the courage to walk away before it got serious. My focus has always been my career and I have always been taunted because of that. This is confirmation from GOD and I thank you for letting him use you. I know who I am good and bad. I am not afraid to admit I have issues with commitment. In GOD’s time he will heal that part of me. But right now I am building my brand. I am a free spirit and always will be! My attitude has always been I worked too hard to let a man come in and steal my anointing! I know my purpose is larger than me and I am here to fulfill GOD’s work. I fit in with the world, but I will always stand out. Thank you for helping me put everything in perspective.
You are quite welcome. I have a few young ladies in my life that look up to me and despite my screw ups in life, they still look up to me and I try to drop some good advice on them. If my advice helps anyone, at least one person, then I am good. Be a free spirit and be happy. God has a weird way of bringing people into our lives that draw us together. A mate should add to your happiness, not be the source of your happiness.
*has fallen for all of these shits*
btw, most dudes tend to pick real basic/sucky colognes. A man who truly smells divine is rare, so yes it’s a head turner/distraction/panty wetter… I still love the sh*t outta Clinique Happy for men, somebody put that on & travel, LOL!
i see there was a ton of catharsis in here today, as well as memories of ghosts of penis past and sh*t.
that is all.
ghosts of penis past and sh*t.
Bwahahaha! I can see a play with that title… Kinda like The V Chronicles, except you don’t want to kill yourself afterwards…
How come 2 out of 5 of my posts go to moderation… What did I ever do to be blacklisted like so??? *wallslide*
This. RIght. Here.
Having an older sister of 5 years, I have witnessed her go through everything on this list.
The only thing I can relate to myself is the smellgood but I’ve managed to avoid the others because of the stuff I see (and still see) my sister go through.
Her current drama? A 24 year old she can’t seem to leave alone. Dude has literally went upside her head (she has the scar) and has told her all kinds of crazy ish but yet she keeps dealing with him. I don’t get it! But this post has cleared it all up for me.
I used to think I was broken, but now I’m happy to be ‘broken’ and not caught up on some bullchit.
one word: oxytocin
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Ah, damn. I gotta co-sign at least three of these…
Ladies, we are suckas…smh
I know some women that have fallen for everything listed above.
but my fav method is acting like nothing happened, especially if nothing happened.
In reality some of the things I see the ladies get upset at are just so unwarranted and the reaction so irrational. As long as I want you around me, I’ll take your irrationalizations (word?) with a grain of salt.
I have seen this work time and time again, where the over-analytical woman will rationalize herself into confusion and back out of it again because of my lack of response (rather funny).
Patience and a cool head are tantamount to success.
Spot on with poing Number two. I had a conversation with a group of young college women. I was the only male there and i felt bold enought to say it. ” It has been my experience through living it and conversing with women, that women will often stay with a man if his pipe game is corerct. He can do everything else wrong and some women will still stay for that good ol pipe.”