pants on fire
before i start, i want to preface this by saying that i appreciate the effort. seriously, i do. i’m being completely sincere, non-patronizing, non-condescending, and non-disingenuous when i say that. kudos and sh*t for the effort.
with that being said, it greatly pains me to let many women know that their efforts have been for naught.
all those magazine articles? lies. that convo you had with your girlfriend two years ago that got you hooked to the game? she’s full of sh*t.
what am i referring to?
the kegel exercise, which results in tighter, stronger, vagina muscles during sex, is overrated.
yup. i said it.
don’t believe me? ask a guy, any random guy, to list in order the qualities that made the best gotdamn he’s ever had the best gotdamn he’s ever had, and numbers 1 through 20 will probably be one of at least 327 synonyms of the word “wet”, followed by enthusiasm and energy. “tightness” or “vaginal clenching-ness ability” would probably fall in the 25-35 range, bookmarked between “presentation” and “color”.
now, i’m not saying that we enjoy boning women with vaginal canals so cavernous that each stroke echoes twice, but having a vice-grips va-jay-jay is not the business. it, for lack of a better term, hurts dammit, and pain is usually not one of the optimum qualities straight men we associate with good sex.
anyway though, good people of vsb.com, what are some other popular misconceptions about sex that you wish to debunk?
—the champ
I’d have to disagree here. I enjoy the pleasures of a woman who knows how to work her muscle while riding. This is a joy of mine.
And that’s the word I am often hearing.
*applause*
“I enjoy the pleasures of a woman”
me too. i’m actually referring to missionary though, not cowgirl or reverse cowgirl
who does missionary anymore?
Dont knock the missionary.
Granted its not always on the playlist but its nice to go back to an oldie.
Word.
“Dont knock the missionary.”
definitely a t-shirt
It does not matter what position yall are in. A woman that does kegals and is in tune with her body can still work her muscles and depending how sensitive she is her muscles have a mind of their own!
P**sy Control is the word I think of. I like to feel that while she’s riding.
Here’s something I want men to know. Let me preface this by saying another important thing: Every woman is different so while I think this is fairly universal, I can’t be certain…
- The path to the female orgasm is different from that for a man. It seems like when something feels good to a man, they usually want to to do it faster or harder and they will continue to feel good and climax. When something feels good to a woman, (if you get in that spot and she lets you know it) men think they should then go faster or harder. NO. You should continue doing exactly what you did when she let you know it was feeling all kinds of super duper great. I find that when the guy finds the OH YES spot but then tries to deviate, I have to start all over on my road to climax.
oh my goodness, preach. i really did have to tell a guy once to slow the f*ck down cos it felt like he was trying to drill a tunnel to alaska through me… i mean, i guess the bowlegged walk is a good look, but not when it looks like you have a medical condition or some sh*t.
they didn’t call it the bridge to nowhere for nothing
bwahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaa you’re a fool for that
sorry…i just watched the debate. i couldn’t help it.
Didn’t that Palin woman sound just like the mom from the 90s cartoon “Bobby’s World”??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5eDlwcm95I&feature=related
Hells yes. I was trying to think of where I’d heard that accent before!
I think they talk like that on FARGO too.
“I think they talk like that on FARGO too.”
yeah. she sounds exactly like francis mcdormand’s character in that flick
Fargo, yes!!!
I spent all last night tryna figure out where I had heard that accent before…lol
Dontchyaknow?!?!
LOL…i was just telling my co-workers that she sounded like bobby’s mom, and all i got were blank stares. i’m glad y’all feel me. I thought bobby lived in Wisconsin, no?
kudos! i think i just woke the neighbor’s dog with my laud@ss laugh!
They also sound like that in MN. Howboutcha? Anyone seen North Country?
no, but i had a friend from minnesota and i would love it when she said “dontchaknow”…i mean i cracked up everytime
for real, onthe real Obama got to win this thing. I swear b4 Got that I can not take another High leve Gobmnt Official that cannot enunciate and say NUCLEAR correctly. I mean really? sheeet I can say it and English wasnt even my first language
everytime i hear nukyooler from people in power a little piece of my soul dies…i bet palin says irregardless too.
I have no idea why men think it’s hot to pump like rabbits ALL OF THEE TIME! Honestly, the slow stroke must have been vetoed at the last Man Law National Convention.
I DEMAND A RECOUNT!!!
This seems to always work…
Consistency:
1. a degree of density, firmness, viscosity, etc.: The liquid has the consistency of cream.
2. steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc.: There is consistency in his pattern of behavior.
“The liquid has the consistency of cream”
I think I’ll have my bagel WITHOUT cream cheese in the morn. Thanks Monk. Thanks a lot.
bwaahaahahahahhaaha luvvie what kind do you usually have? the one with the fish in it?
EEEWWWW!! NO!!! I eat Strawberry Cream Cheese. Delish
“I eat Strawberry Cream Cheese.”
why do you do such a thing to your mouth?
No fault of mine, Luvvie. That’s the example straight from dictionary.com.
*pushes heavily creamed coffee from lips*
I like faster and harder when I’m on the edge. It always gets me there.
“When something feels good to a woman, (if you get in that spot and she lets you know it) men think they should then go faster or harder. NO. You should continue doing exactly what you did when she let you know it was feeling all kinds of super duper great. I find that when the guy finds the OH YES spot but then tries to deviate, I have to start all over on my road to climax.”
Hallelujah hollaback, cosign and a high five to ya!!!!!!
EXAAAACTLY! Y do they do this? It just makes you want to kick them in the neck and jump up throw ur clothes on and roll 1 or something! Vexed!
A *FREAKIN *MEN first time commenting and this was worth the wait!!!!
*nodding* in total agreement with Bourgie….
Faster and harder is not always best… control yourselves captin of the ship and rock me slow and steady.
i think this somehow also translate to kissing. i do not need to feel like you’re trying to count all of my teeth with your tongue or like your tongue is trying to fight mine. fast, rough, i can’t contain myself kisses and stroke do not equal a good time.
oh my damn! i literally had to hold a guy’s head, look into his eyes and say, “SLOW DOWN!” because his kissing game was ruining my mood! my uvula is not a target for you to try and hit with your tongue dammit!
OMG you guys are so on point with all of this today! Jackrabbits and slobberhounds need not apply this way. And i hate to say this but, im really picky..and the MINUTE he does something that I dont like.. its a deal breaker..get up off of me and hit the bricks! lol
U get no “do overs” with me..lol
Next!
“rock me slow and steady”
this is actually the title of the corner memoir goodeness is pining to big buck
Where is The ComeBack Girl? The Champ has borrowed many of your wet blankets tonight.
It’s so funny how you assume that the tightness is only done to ensure male pleasure… Hel-lo?
Now a kegel doesn’t give you a grip of death, but trust me those tidal waves they create are de-li-cious.
I agree! That squeeze is helpful for US, not just to show you all how good our grip is!
“Now a kegel doesn’t give you a grip of death, but trust me those tidal waves they create are de-li-cious.”
Delicious INDEED!!
“Where is The ComeBack Girl? The Champ has borrowed many of your wet blankets tonight.”
***look up in the sky its not a bird, its not a plane, its CBG, flying high (Bette Midler) style with a cute little shabby chic duvet. But its SOAKING WET***
did someone need The Comeback Girl to wet this place up with her throws, comforters, shams and duvets.
“It’s so funny how you assume that the tightness is only done to ensure male pleasure… Hel-lo”
you and me are so ***eye to eye gesture***. I think its a rather selfish assertion. I like the sensation of a snug “situation”. But again …yaya’s must unite because for a man to tell you its not the business suggests you now have to RETHINK your own pleasure principle (cue’s the old Janet tune).
“It’s so funny how you assume that the tightness is only done to ensure male pleasure… Hel-lo?”
i’m not assuming sh*t, lol. i’m just stating how i feel
simmer down..im sure they’ll be someone in to hug you shortly. To comfort you and your “feelings”.
ummm…who wants to hug champ. $5.32, exact change is appreciated.
“ummm…who wants to hug champ. $5.32, exact change is appreciated.”
**searches for 8th wonder**
no one’s coming for you…
looks like we’re gonna have to put you on sale…
ok lets try this again: “Ladies, Champ is on sale…please don’t make me put this negro on ebay.”
**crickets**
“**searches for 8th wonder**”
Come here.
I am AFRAID for the moderation that will have to go on from this Pandora’s Box that Champ has flung open. I think by the time the “Family that Roasts Together” (aka the VSBers) are done with this topic, VSB will be officially banned in ALL corporate environments and in 4 states (Utah & Wyoming included). This will be GOOD!
*Pops popcorn*
*Pulls up a chair*
Anybody got some Na’Latahs (Now n Laters) or Chico Sticks? We gon be here for awhile
i have a feeling the corner will be at full capacity by daybreak.
i hope luvvie’s keeping it well stocked with snacks and beautifully furnished!
Kegels are NECESSARY for the people who’s “sugar walls” have disintegrated (i.e. Lil Kim, Paris Hilton, Supahead).
If your vajayjay can be nicknamed “Slack-jawed Sally”, then kegels may save ur (sex) life.
If you’ve got nicknames like that, your cooch might be beyond kegels. You might need to try that new surgery OR just quit the game.
New surgery? What is it, gastric bypass for your goodie?
lemme find out they are stapling the goodies… lol
I think it changes your “diet”
Vaginoplasty. Google it.
you lie. that ish is outta south park.
*UPDATE* you don’t lie, that ish is real. i need to watch less comedy central.
just because its real doesnt mean you’re wrong to watch comedy central!
“Vaginoplasty. Google it.”
No. Doesnt sound like anything I NEED to know.
yeah…i think i’ll pass
“Vaginoplasty. Google it.”
Nothing good can come from this…
I started doing kegels back when I had a large fetus in my uterus cuz the vag/baby doc said it would get Betty in shape to make it thru delivery and all that. After I survived that trauma, the doc said the kegels would tighten things back up and get me feeling back to normal.
Nowadays, I just do them because it feels good. *shrug*
good yes it feels…..
“Kegels are NECESSARY for the people who’s “sugar walls” have disintegrated (i.e. Lil Kim, Paris Hilton,”
i’ve excluded Karrine because I actually like her but for the others…um they’re past kegels…i think some laser vaginal rejuvenation might be in order.
“i’ve excluded Karrine because I actually like her but for the others…um they’re past kegels…i think some laser vaginal rejuvenation might be in order.”
Karrine has stretch marks… on her lips.
“Karrine has stretch marks… on her lips.” – both sets
i just threw up in my mouth.
Sad…but true.
LMFBAO!!!
“Karrine has stretch marks… on her lips.”
this is wrong on at least 3 different levels
You and I are definitely *eye to eye gesture* lol, here. I like Karrine too!
There is a place here that has been talking about this on the radio, “vaginal rejuvenation” , I didn’t know what it was so I looked it up last week.
Direct from Wikipedia:
Vaginal rejuvenation
Non-reconstructive vaginoplasty or vaginal rejuvenation is used to restore vaginal tone and appearence, largely by removing excess tissue and tightening supportive structures. The popularity of surgery to improve the cosmetic appearance of a female’s genitalia has increased in North America over the last few years. The term “designer vagina” refers to an idealized image of female sex organs attained through vaginoplasty. In recent years laser has been introduced to assiste in the procedure. The rejuvenation procedure is intended to reduce or undo effects of age and childbearing. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, however, warns that this procedure lacks supporting data regarding safety and efficacy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginoplasty
Hmmm…“designer vagina” has a nice ring to it. I think I may just get me one of those as soon as the Society of Vag Docs says its safe n’ shyt.
…“designer vagina”
i love this.
“Designer Vagina”. I could see convos going like this:
“Gurl have you seen the new Gucci Vagina? Oh I’mo cop that. It’s whats hot for Spring 2009″
I weep for where we heading
you can get that giant gaudy house of dereon stamp on your vadge….
Someone apparently told someone that blowing on the goodies is what is hot on the boulevard, it is not. It is not even lukewarm on the sidestreet.
LMAO Alise!! U STOOPID!
stoopid…but soooo right. lol
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew….
then again, what if he’s been sucking on some peppermint or something? could that be what’s sizzling on the sidewalk?
ehhhh…now chewing a little ice before he starts…or during a “i want to tease you” pause might take him all the way around the block…
mmmm. ice. that’s what’s smoldering on the my cul-de-sac .
*walking away, i need to go get some ice and “cool off”*
Ice? For real? I tried that before and it had Betty (that’s what I call her) all numb. Ice gets nothing poppin’ around my cul-de-sac.
you can’t get carried away with the ice, just a dab will do ya, and you have to be with someone skilled in the art of seduction…. in other words your cul-de-sac has to be in the right neighborhood…. location, location, location.
yes!….and I’m not talking about actually putting the ice ON Betty…you chew it first, then (skillfully) get to work…
Ice….
yes, and yes.
I have it on good authority that using a ICE BLUE HALLS before a session of exchanging Brain, is WHAT IS HOT ON THE BOULEVARD!
HALLS!?!?!? as in those square joints my grandpa used to try to get me to use when i was sick? that made MY mouth numb? forget about somebody else, i can’t do a thing to you if MY stuff ain’t workin…
LOL
oh it works, trust me it works, I mean I have it on good authority.
i will leave that one to you IH. i don’t think i could get past the connection…*shivers*
we trust you and sh*t. i mean, after all, you are an expert
***side eye***
LMAO @ “lukewarm on the sidestreet”!
lawdy! all these variations of “hot in the streets” make me so happy! im not sure why…
“Someone apparently told someone that blowing on the goodies is what is hot on the boulevard, it is not. It is not even lukewarm on the sidestreet.”
Wow, that happened to me once. It was so weird that I chuckled out loud.
FYI: Ladies, it might not be a good idea to chuckle while someones head is down there. Their ego may be bruised…woo woo woo
say word! i dont know whats so bad about a little giggling during the coitus, but it doesnt ever go over well.
Not the sidestreet. LMAO!
so thats cold in the alley then, huh?
As cold as it apparently is in The D.
How the phuck do we supposed to keep the peace?
That song was so profound.
t baby is an urban prophet
its frigid in the gutter
chilly on the service road, my friend…
I’ve noticed that in porn, a lot of guys are taking their um, thing (ha, trying to avoid being censored) and smacking the, um “V” with it. Gives a new meaning to ‘ beat the pu__y up’ I guess. Either way, it’s not sexy.
Then again, I’m sure someone loves it.
Guess there are no universal rules.
Pssssst. I don’t think any girl likes that…. at least none that I know.
yeah, im gonna go out on a limb and say NO ONE loves it. (im perfectly willing to be proven wrong on that one)
this is why faking enjoyment doesnt just ruin your monkey lovin, but it ruins it for the next chick too! ladies, as a public service to each other, please, lets stop sending folks out into the world with whack moves!
This is why it’s pern. Dudes need to realize that them chicks get paid to be degraded. In real life that ish ain’t gonna fly…so don’t even go there.
Are dudes actually doing this in real life? lmao
yes. le sigh.
If a dude ever did that to me, I think I would laugh out loud. In fact, I know I would.
i don’t know about anyone else, but talking outside of – ahem – giving directions just irks me. we don’t need to conversate about how our bodies and souls are intertwining as one and reaching higher levels of metaphysical relativity or some other such poetry reading nonsense. a “turn over” and a few (say 50) “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah’s!” are plenty vocal action, cheers very much.
TypoCop and Captain Syntax (my alter egos) are REALLY upset at u for using “conversate”.
my obnoxious inner english major counters that i was using the word for tonal effect.
Alright then. Carry on, Puff Puff!
I actually like a little talking, BUT don’t ever ask me if i like it…. if I do, you will never have to ask.
girl…yes.
if you got time to talk to me about how im feeling, then you are wasting both of our time down south…
actually… what if it was d’angelo circa voodoo asking “how does it feel?”
again, i feel like you shouldnt be talkin with ya mouth full! if youre doing your job then (1) all imma hear is mumbling and (2) you’ll absolutely know how im feeling…..everytime you stop doing to start talking, i gotta start over.
Well I’d definitely be
at that souls intertwining BS. I do, however, advocate for telling him/her when something feels good or some old fashioned dirty talk (cursing, directives, etc).
cursing…
lol, you have me thinking about that skit off ready to die when the girl’s all like, “you big, watermelon-and-fried-chicken eating, malt-liquor-drinking…” i’d probably start laughing, to be honest. or i’d get turned out of bed for having such a dirty mouth i started to call his mother names.
i will admit, i am a curser….and if its real good, i will speak to the Lord. the plus side of that….i’ll never get caught callin out the wrong name!
in my defense though…im generally a curser. i have a really dirty mouth just in everyday life. its not a habit im trying to break, in fact, i work to be more creative with my cursing.
What about that impromptu staring contest? Blink dammit! BLINK!!
oooooooooooooooooh lord no! that is not what’s happening. i’d have to introduce some garlic cloves and holy water into the bedroom if dude wasn’t blinking.
cant you just close your eyes?? lol
lol…or just flip her onto her stomach, I suppose.
“What about that impromptu staring contest? Blink dammit! BLINK!!”
people do this?
Yes Champ, they do. Their names are Ike n’ Tina and they live in my house. They also slide down the stairs on pillows and say “Awwww, maaaan” a lot.
There are misconceptions about s3x?
Well, glory be. I would’ve never thought that.
I know right!! Well SHUT MY MOUTH WIDE OPEN!
Um, here’s a misconception that had to be learned the hard way. Remember when folks were touting that Altoids-before-head business? Well I never tried that, but I DID mistakenly go down on a guy after I brushed my teeth and gargled with some SERIOUSLY minty toothpaste/mouthwash. Dude said his joint was all tingly, but not in a good way. Like it took a while for the feeling to subside. He was like, “don’t ever do that again!”
You brushed your teeth, FIRST?
Hey, one minute, you’re just getting ready for bed and the next minute… you kind of just… nevermind.
Speaking of minty fresh genitals…
rysell.com/lemisol.htm
Could somebody PLEASE explain this ish?? Nothing tingly should EVER be ANYWHERE near my vajayjay.
the tingling wang (which sounds like the title of some japanese p0rn) isn’t the business. i dont need an icey-hot feeling on my nuts
I accidently put tiger balm on my nuts, wasn’t a pretty feeling
Oh my dayum.
I’m going to need to know how you did that…accidently.
by “accidentally” do you mean “lost a bet and was forced to”?
well, it happened twice. I’ll start w/ the second.
I pulled my hip flexor and needed the cream to help me loosen it up.
The first time i thought it was a blue version of vase…..
wamp wamp wamp
LMAO
Wow, this is my very first crack o’dawn posting, but hey, I have the day off tomorrow, so I do what I want.
One misconception? Okay.
Young sir, unless you and I have spent some time (maybe texting during the workday, engaging in mental intercourse or whatever the case may be) building up some lust, you should not expect me to instantly be ready to rock the casbah just because you are. How about you get me in the mood BEFORE you jump on top of me trying to take the goodgirlmobile out for a spin?
There is a living, breathing human underneath you sir, and you kissing me twice and twisting a nip before presenting me with percy the penetrator is not acceptable.
Thanks,
8th
“kissing me twice and twisting a nip before presenting me with percy the penetrator is not acceptable.”
you had me at twisting a nip….. ha!
i dont think percy is a very manly name for a wang…but “the penetrator” certainly helps his cause!
but back on topic…yeah. spread the word on that one, miss wonder!
How bout Peter the Penetrator?
or Ivan the Inserter….
Innis the Inundator?
Thor the Thruster…. tee hee
Yet another PBG True Story:
I used to take care of this little boy named Thor. He was a HUGE white albino baby. When I say “huge” I mean, he weighed 25lbs when I met him. He was 5 and half months old. His parents were comic book fans (had he been a girl, his name was going to be “Electra”), but some of the coolest 2520s I ever met. The daddy was a serious music fan and upped my cool factor by 15 points w/all the music the turned me on to.
I took care of him until he was just about 2yrs old and his family moved to Canada. I am now the strongest childcare provider in the DMV. Thor was the perfect name for that Big Bruiser.
LOL, I hate you all. I chose Percy because its really a grown man name. No time for kid’s games, ya dig?
It’s OK, 8th Won-dra. I’ll call him Percy w/you. Let’s make his last name “Miracles”. LMAO!!
*single tear* Thanks for the Little Brother refernce, it warms my heart.
PBG=LB’s #1 Stan. You betta check the Myspace! LOL!
You will have to read about my LB stan moment I had a few years ago, and the fact that I went to school with and know these dudes you would think I would not be so gassed….
Lainkage, please. I want to read all about it.
http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/search?q=little+brother
me too. i like those guys.
i’ll try one more time it keeps kicking out my link as spam so, you can find the post by clicking my name and searching Little Brother at the top.
I’m sorry…you say percy and i think of that chubby kid in corrina corrina that was always stuffing his face and doing silly sh*t. lol
when i hear percy i think of one of the red-headed weasley children in the harry potter books….
*slightly obsessed*
the crambonian creamesicle. e. griff
baby leg jones
thick-a-bob long
the equalizer
strength and honor
john henry
brrings rhaine
hoss
…
Percy? lol…
first thing that popped in my head was a climax face… followed by, “uuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhh!”
“ready to rock the casbah just because you are. How about you get me in the mood BEFORE you jump on top of me trying to take the goodgirlmobile out for a spin? ”
I’m miss t-lee and I approve this message…lol
You had me at “rock the casbah”, now I wanna hear that song…
*off to youtube*
I was once told this analogy by my uncle and it changed my life: “Girls are like cars: #1) You test drive before you buy and #2) In the winter, do you just jump in your car and drive it. You always warm that sucker up.”
I need clarification~ you only warm her up in winter?
And in the summer I let her cool down first.
Look, the bottomline is to let the car run for a minute unless you’re in a rush
LOL!
“Percy the Penetrator” HA! Now I am a fan of yours!
Welcome to the club, baby.
The Champ asks for “popular misconceptions about sex that you wish to debunk?”
NUMBER 1: Women don’t enjoy sex as much as men.
This is the BIGGEST misconception known to man(kind).
I have no ‘number 2′.
Its true! Its True!
I think a common misconception is that men cheat more than women.
I stand corrected. This would be my “Number 2″.
these are some great misc0nceptions. good job people
This is good.
@Monk~I need clarification, by enjoy are you alluding that women not only enjoy it as much as men but also want it as much as men?
sorry my allergy meds are making me cloudy today
Oooookay,first,sex is not a contest,2nd too much experimentation is probably gonna leave you needing kegels.And that aint goodatall.
Woman is like dough,kneed it too little you got yoself lumpy bread,kneed too much and the bread kinda disintegrate.
Pace yourself bredrin,no need using Jethro’s tool to mash up the terrain.Also no need to do it like you half asleep Mr. get yourself doing some aerobics or something! So you do not crush the sista with your snakey fake a** moves and give all us Neggas a bad name.
Most important,Chemistry.@ 8th wonder knows the importance of letting the kettle gather some steam.
Staring?Who the F does that.Kick tha Negga off the bed.He need to learn some manners.
Kegels is also good for the fellas.Helps with being able to hold the final moment.
Be firm but gentle and dont forget,lube is the name of the game.
Sometimes it is just a size problem!On both sides!
Some Neggas just have little thingamajjigs.Or is it the other way round.
P.S If you take tips from porn you are so oooooooff the track.It is like a carpool mom trying to get into the Indi 500.Those packs of meat is professional.You better know.And they do it purely for visual appeal.Zero pleasure!
Just do it the way it comes natural and yoy be feeling fine or use my certified patented method……….Skin and spot Attack.You see me.
“P.S If you take tips from porn you are so oooooooff the track.It is like a carpool mom trying to get into the Indi 500.”
LOL@ this.
Woman is like dough,kneed it too little you got yoself lumpy bread,kneed too much and the bread kinda disintegrate.
Pace yourself bredrin,no need using Jethro’s tool to mash up the terrain
this is poetic and sh*t
“Those packs of meat is professional.”
I chuckled.
“Staring?Who the F does that.Kick tha Negga off the bed.He need to learn some manners.”
Ok, I LOL’d! I know I wasn’t the only one.
dang…imagine if the person was staring AND pointing!
3dafrica… me likes you.
*COUGH* *bullsh!t*
Boi STOP! Boi just STOP! I am so disappointed in you this evening!
What the hell you mean Champ? That ish is the bomb!
Of course you don’t want some chick trying to choke the life out of your lil’ man for the duration of your encounter. That just makes unnecessary friction after a while . But don’t tell me you don’t like to feel a little well timed squeeze from the “magic hand”!
Did you have a bad experience or something?
Look man, next time you get some let that young lady get on top, then after she drops it on you, tell her to come back up slowly and squeeze them Kegels the whole way up. It will change your life.
Someone please go give the Champ some and work those muscles right on him so he will never write any blasphemy like this again!
CHURCH!
“Did you have a bad experience or something?”
I was wondering the same thing…lol
Actualley Champ, you do come off as someone that hasn’t had any in a while. I mean what man wouldn’t want slide into a pair of fitted jeans… (LOL!) or maybe not. How about some women are just natuarally tight? With that said, I’m going to get my work out on.
“Actualley Champ, you do come off as someone that hasn’t had any in a while.”
daaaaaang. why you gotta put him out there like that?? that’s like me mentioning he made fun of Palin’s baby’s big head last night, forgetting the child had DS. it just wouldn’t be nice.
wait…oops.
hmmm…you two have jokes, i see.
**nodding head and moving on to next comment**
“Of course you don’t want some chick trying to choke the life out of your lil’ man for the duration of your encounter.”
this has happened before though. it felt like i was f*cking a tube of toothpaste.
again though, like i mentioned upthread, this happened during missionary, and i probably should have been more clear about this in my entry.
the riding’s a different story
why didn’t you just say “hey, cut that out”?
honestly, i have no idea.
Probably because you wanted to continue getting the goods.
Really. . . there are people that sensitive that if you asked them to alter something while having s3x, they’d get up and leave?
I’m with you Buck. I demand that someone exercise their muscle on the Champ this weekend and show him the wonders of it.
C’mon ladies…this is the perfect time to give proof to the “power of p-u-ss-y.”
thanks for the, ummm, displaced solicitation, lol
i aiight doe
Not feeling the kegels? I think you’re gonna need more peolpe for this one Champ.
I cant count the times when a man has whispered, yelled, screamed, or whimpered about how the tightness was too good to be true, and then followed it with a hop, a skip, a jump,
a twirl, a growl, a holy ghost dance, and then an asthma attack.And this is why I think you need more people. The kegels shall continue.
Misconceptions: well I may be alone with this one, but I am so not interested in hearing a man speak on his sexual prowess before we hit the hay. I hate being set up for failure. In my experiences, the man who compares his peen to a jack hammer, is usually the one whose stroke would have barely qualified for the Special Olympics.
So I say, shut up and dont tell me sh@t about what you can do…just do it.
CHURCH! Stop talking about your junk fellas!
Personally I want a woman to assume the worst about my bed skills. That way I can get that real shock and awe effect when I exceed her assumptions! LOL!
But seriously why would I need to talk about it? I’m Buck baby, you already knew what it was when you got on your toes to whisper your number in my ear.
The lesson today is: Confidence speaks volumes more than your mouth in respect to sexual prowess.
……….yeah I said it, rub on your t!tt!es!
“The lesson today is: Confidence speaks volumes more than your mouth in respect to sexual prowess.”
I co-sign. Twice.
Yeah…the ones that brag on they junk never bring the goods.
Silent but deadly…that’s what works…lol
“The lesson today is: Confidence speaks volumes more than your mouth in respect to sexual prowess”
i agree on the surface. But i can usually tell if a guy is really great sex@ually… like the way he eats, how he holds his glass, the way his mouth curves. i don’t like a whole of surprises. I’d like to know what Im buying before i get to the cash register.
extra points if he can play any wind instruments…horn players have the sexiest mouths with that little pucker at the top.
I played the sax……………
really now….??
yes maam. Played it for 16 years……
Sorry actually 12 years sorry about the typo and sh*t
see you at the bbq. lol
So did I.
I played the baritone and the tuba in high school. Neither of which are sexy instruments, but I made that sh!t look good!
brass instruments<–now that’s where it’s at. talk about serious lip/tongue skills.
i played clarinet a few years…
i can beatbox a mean “grindin”
Ha! I can do a mean “Real Love” beat banging on the table….
i can beatbox a mean “grindin”
LOL!!!!
I can step (out a beat) to Audio Two.
Grindin, eh?
I’d like to hear this.
You a straight fool man! LOL! But I feel you, I beatbox that almost as much as I used to beat “one in a million” on the school bus window! LOL!
“I cant count the times when a man has whispered, yelled, screamed, or whimpered about how the tightness was too good to be true, and then followed it with a hop, a skip, a jump, a twirl, a growl, a holy ghost dance, and then an asthma attack.”
Exactly! I thought that if ever there was something universally accepted, Kegels would be it judging by the reactions I’ve ever experienced. Huh. Learned something new today.
Still, they shall continue.
The bigger the better….. IMHO, there is a such thing as too big. I’ve had it…. let’s just say the act didn’t last long.
An aside, I’m scrolling through the horror movies on my Digital box this morning and saw a movie called TEETH, where the girl discovers she has teeth in her vagina! WTF? And who’d want to watch that?
I still wanna see Teeth. I know I’ve been warned, but I think I’m gonna rent it over the weekend…lol
now, i already done warned ya, but guess you will get your kanye on, can’t tell ya nothing, lol
I’m hard-headed, I’m gonna watch it.
oh, i gave you a shout on my blog today by the way…
Oh yeah…I’m headed over there right now, I gotta actually do work today…lol
we will not discuss that abomination…nope, nope, nope.
LOL. Not that there are people that have seen it. I’m crackin up. Was this ever out at theaters?
Yes…I think it was an arthouse flick. So not a major release.
Got ya. sometimes those can be really good movies… like house of 1000 corpses… scared the CRAP out of me.
“there is a such thing as too big.”
what about length..there IS a such thing as too long.
Yes ma’am. There sure is… too big, too long, please don’t apply here. Like Samantha, “Call me goldic****ks… want it juuust right.”
“And who’d want to watch that?”
intellectual hedonist
Champ, I need little words. WTF is this?
screename of a vsb-er
Aw. Ooops. LOL. Thanks girl. Apparantly, I’m never on here long enough.
NEEGRO, didn’t we have a side bar about this BS yesterday.
All I have to say is this weekend in the Burgh watch yo back!
and for the record, until VSB, I aint never heard about this dam movie.
“All I have to say is this weekend in the Burgh watch yo back!”
you’re gonna need a few more people.
tons.
legions.
I’m a ninja, you wont see it coming till Im gone and wonder WTF.
I told you I don’t need no one, I do my dirt all by my lone.
is this the japanese movie where the girl starts using it to take revenge on men? whole new meaning to killa p*ssy…
The american version of it yes. But this movie is better because its funny as h@!!
See it’s not really her doing the kegel prior to that makes any difference, it’s when she does it during sex. It’s nothing like it, her making that luv tunnel pulse on your member.
-JM
MrSwagger.com
“It’s nothing like it, her making that luv tunnel pulse on your member”
I knew someone appreciated this!!! Kudos to you sir.
Just because it’s a footer, doesn’t mean it’s gonna be good. (Curiousity literally killed that kat on that one…lol)
Bigger is not necessarily better.
More like average is better.
Footers are not always good. Usually they are 2 pumps and out (there are exceptions). Leaving me pissed like ninja is that all??? I’d rather have a V8.
And I will take a thick schlong (doesn’t have to be a footer either) over a skinny schlong any day.
Especially if it’s hitting all corners…lmao
Thickness is definitely a winner.
Toy Lady says girth is much more important than length because of how nerve ending are situated all up n’ through the vag.
Toy Lady is like a living and breathing google feature for all things s3x. She keeps me informed.
Oh yeah, she told me yesterday that October is National Org@$m Month, so celebrate w/someone you love, like a lil’ bit…or even alone!
is it really??? oooh, i gotta spread the word!
and by “the word” i mean….
Misconception about sex number 8008:
That you actually need penetration to have a little clima#x. I go to this massage therapist at the Mandarin who does the most ungodly things with my elbows. I can’t even explain it. but she bends them one at a time and puts it under her arm at this really really really really really really nice angle and she massages them with this hot oil. OH MY GOD.
its the closest thing to a lesbian situation I’ll ever have (not that there’s anything wrong with lesbians) but “elbow se#x” . i need a shower AGAIN.
elbow se#x????? Forreal?? I need her name and number.
VSB, where you learn something new every day!
Shakira..Mandarin Oriental DC
“its the closest thing to a lesbian situation I’ll ever have (not that there’s anything wrong with lesbians) but “elbow se#x” . i need a shower AGAIN.”
yeah…this is the first conversation a woman usually has before they turn full carpet munch.
well if I didn’t munch any carpets at my yaya college surely I won’t be doin it almost 10 years later.
I hope all men don’t think like this. if a woman can make another woman “elbow happy”…it might perhaps mean he has a somewhat sensual woman who doesn’t just require the straight up and down.
shout out to all my sensual venus ruled sistern: Taurus and Libras.
Go Taurus!
April 30, checkin in… and married to a freakin’ Libra…
yes, hate on….
ok the salon I go to, when I cheat on my regular pedicurist, there is this Asian guy, I get so happy when he is the one doing my pedicure, because the way he massages my foot, and its only one of my feet, but he knows the particular spot, I literally have to hold on to the chair I’m sitting in, and by hold I mean clench for dear life. Cause damn if it don’t feel like I’m about to start calling on Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the rest of the saints….wooooo I need a drink!
yeah..pedi’s do it too…
maybe im just a simple minded freak..cause just random things can make me “happy” including a fresh situation wax with a little landing strip.
…and then walking…yes and yes.
GIRL, I thought I was going to have to marry my girl at the salon…. the Hot wax is the BEES KNEES!
*** Bowing head gracefully***
ummm…are ya’ll ok?
no, seriously. i’m concerned and sh*t.
talk to me.
what kind of talkin you want Champ?
Co-sign!!!!
I swear when I get a pedi, I feel like I’m cheating. I literally squirm in the chair and and try to stay stone faced checking e mail on my phone to make sure that what is ‘going on’ isn’t that obvious…
My BFF swears she comes close to getting off when she gets her Brazilian wax done. We go to the same lady in downtown DC and I have yet to get that sensation while Maria is ripping the short hairs out from my nether regions.
I suspect my BFF may have a lil’ more kink in her than she’s been willing to admit up until now…
Yeah. Uh…there’s nothing arousing about getting a bikini wax.
uhhhh YES there is. Esp after you’ve been doing them for a while. The first time isn’t so joyous. But if you’re getting “edged up”…to me it feels really good. I think it also helps if the person is gentle.
i just typed that 1 minute ago…LOL
YES. but i think the BEST sensation is actually walking around AFTER the wax.
maybe some of this bothers men because they aren’t ACTIVELY involved in your pleasure. but to me when you know what pleases you, sex with your man is SOOO much better.
Now THERE’S where PrettyBrownGirl will get in a world of trouble! Whew, after I got my first one done ever, I just wanted to rub on it.
And I did! teeeheee!
“I just wanted to rub on it”
medic..over here…wheel me back into the shower please. LOL
“maybe some of this bothers men because they aren’t ACTIVELY involved in your pleasure. but to me when you know what pleases you, sex with your man is SOOO much better.”
That doesnt bother men at all. In fact, the more you know what pleases you, the easier it is for ME to know.
“In fact, the more you know what pleases you, the easier it is for ME to know.”
good point
“uhhhh YES there is. Esp after you’ve been doing them for a while. The first time isn’t so joyous. But if you’re getting “edged up”…to me it feels really good. I think it also helps if the person is gentle”
YES! in total agreement
I got a few misconceptions:
Ladies think that when giving the naledge that:
a) they should squeeze
b) go ridiculously fast
c) forget that its ok to use your hands
and d) even if you dont wanna do it, ACTING LIKE YOU DO WILL MAKE IT END SO MUCH QUICKER
Aint nothing worse than some lazy a$$ head treatment
Why do it if you don’t wanna? Wow.
“Aint nothing worse than some lazy a$$ head treatment”
Chuuch! In my younger years, I was just happy to get some. Looking back now, I feel so cheated!
“Aint nothing worse than some lazy a$$ head treatment”
I think that has to be the most selfish and disrespectful thing a man or a woman can do s3xually. I mean, dayum…if you don’t want to do it, then DON’T. If your partner can’t respect that, then ya’ll aren’t a good match.
Misconception:
That size does not matter.
D*MN LIE!!!! It does does matter and it does make a difference guys….I’m not sayin that we need the Titanic sailing through our ocean, but the lil tugboat that could ain’t gonna ride the waves right either.
Size does matter to an extent. If there’s a little tugboat, you just need to be creative. Legs need to be positioned certain ways, backs need to be pumping, and hands need to be caressing/ touching in sync. They can be satisfying, but it does involve work from both parties.
Now if we’re talking the size of my pinky…yeah about that. You may be better off strapping on a strap on….LMAO
A strap-on? LOL i’ve always joked with my boys that they trick their gf’s into thinking theyve got a large tool in the dark with the sue of strap-ons. I see great minds think alike
Tresure needs it full grown:
“…but the lil tugboat that could ain’t gonna ride the waves right either.”
Full GROAN… huh? say what…
Secretary Paulson here a.k.a fatcokbrowneyes reporting live from the backshot hotel. back to u Luke.
this message has not been approved by the status quo.
Oh and another thing …when hittin it from the back PLEASE do not smack our a**ses TOO hard! There is a difference beween an enthusiastic a** tap and domestic violence! Furthermore if you’re not into pain, that sh*t hurts the next morning.
*dead*
true though…smh
enthusiastic ass tapping is one of my favorite past times, and also the reason i’m not allowed in an ole country buffets in allegheny county
Treasure: [...and furthermore]
“Furthermore if you’re not into pain, that sh*t hurts the next morning.”
..and kisses and rubs it till it soothes if ur luky. u see a big ol chunk a dunky rolling, SOMETIMES u just wanna lay the smack down but the nare do wells know not how to soothe it.
signed,
slow poke
well, i am personally into that sort of thing… ive gotten welts and bruises from being “overzealous…” *blushing*
I think men need to understand that women don’t need to have had an orgasm to have had good sex.
Sometimes, all that extra work being put in to ensure one (especially once “pressure to come” has set in and the moment has passed) actually ruins it.
I agree. That’s why I make the necessary moves/adjustments to make sure I get mine. Im like Bernie Mac (RIP) “I got mine, you better get yours”.
ok ok VSB is this fact or fiction: the husband stitch
after giving birth the doctor has to re-sew a lady’s opening … and he’ll add an extra one for ‘tightness’– hence the title ‘husband stitch’
say word?
Kaliber…please bring more people for your myth.
I’ve given birth twice and only got stitched up once cuz it was back when the docs would cut just on GP and I was 21 and stupid and didn’t know about natural ways of stretching and easing things out. I had a smart lady doc the 2nd time around who advised KEGELS both before and after the birth because they strengthen the floor of the pelvic cavity which tightens things up “down there”. 10 years later, I have a 27 year old boy toy singing the praises of the 35yr old chick w/the snug fit.
Oh, and your “more people” can’t be from the 1950s.
I’ve heard about this Kaliber…I always assumed it was a joke…lol
It is a joke Miss T-lee. Well, it came from some truth, back in the middle ages or the 40′s or something. But it just HAS to be a joke…has to be.
i didnt make it up.
the woman who told me had had a baby.
her doctor needs more people.
I’d say she needs a new doctor!! Ewww!
I’ve heard of this, too! The Daddy Stitch.
I am having a baby now and this is actually the latest discussion on my pregnancy board. Some women that ripped during childbirth say that after being stiched up, they have never been snugger. Everyone of us has vowed to check with their doctor for an answer.
I’m all natural/organic/granola-type crunchy when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth, so I shudder @ the thought of stitches and all that. A great certified nurse-midwife (or even a fantabulous doula) will help you get through birth w/out ripping or even all that intrusive medical intervention.
I’ve done it both ways and trust me, natural is better.
It’s gotta be an individual preference thing. Putting the squeeze on has resulted in everything from instant rapture to complaints about my “kung fu grip”. Generally, though, response has been quite favorable. But I agree with the ladies….. I like how it feels to ME.
And don’t look a gift horse in the mouth….. would you rather have the opposite extreme?? Me thinks not.
“don’t look a gift horse in the mouth….. ”
I haven’t heard this in a while….thank you.
Personal misconception 8010
–that i actually was HAVING sex in my 20s. I realized it was just bumpin and grindin.
30s is where its at for real
Now that statement deserves some Diva Dust!
** sprinkles glitter**
in the voice of e4o “sprinkle it, maynnnnnne”
its true though…acrobatics…runnin and jumpin on dycks is fykin..i needs me a little tantric on my bizness nah.
well, that is REAL good to know!
that was sweet, she loves glitter over in the Land of Enchantment…..
glitter and lots of pixie dust.
what did i tell ya’ll earlier about the dust and the glitter???
“Oh I heard you. I just didn’t want to do what you said…”
I swear one of my lil’ 2520 children told me that once. For about 30 seconds, it made wonder how long I could survive on unemployment.
I’d of been thinking of how long I could make it in jail… lol
woah, how did I miss this the first time?
2520babysaywhatnah?!?!?!
OH H3LLS NO.
You should’ve seen me standing there looking @ that lil’ tiny blond heffa…a$$ whuppin’ arm tingling and thinking about bill and liquor money.
Needless to say, she did not get seconds @ snack time THAT day!! Hmph!!
Ahem….PBG
While I will not demand royalty payments, I will kindly remind you that contractually, you are obligated to acknowledge that the term “Diva Dust” was introduced by me.
That is all.
*smiles*
I know, I know…I was just borrowin’ it n’ shyt. You don’t mind, do you?
use freely, hon.
if i didn’t want to share, I wouldn’t have put it out there
*sprinkles Diva Dust* (c) Blackberry Molasses
Thanks!
I always wondered if that was true loll. i’ve heard it before. im still in my 20′s and im like “dang, i cant wait to see if all that ’30′s-sex-is-greater’ talk is true!”
actually i heard that your 40s is even better- i look forward to that too.
But for me its been true so far. By 30 you should know how your body works, you should know where your gspots are, you should know the little things that get you off without a man actively helping you. By 30 you should really be bored with the same ole same ole positions. You should kinda be lookin to hear God speakin through your sexxay vajay jay walls. And you should get just as much pleasure through pleasing as you do being pleased. And really your own body should turn you on.
dang! i feel like im in sex 101 loll… but ur right! its funny how kids as young as 12 are sexing already but in reality, they aint ”truly experienced” shyt yet! shoot, im 23, i have my share of experience, and i kno that there’s more to come, so much more! yippee!
prove it to me…..
loll prove wat? r u ‘talkin’ to me?!
I’m talkin to any slightly aged woman who feels that s.e.x. is better in the 30′s
i’m on the cusp of 30 and TRUST it just keeps getting BETTER and BETTER
im 23 and i already know that…
mmmm…. Peyso… woooo I cant even. Women truly we are like wine…. that is all Im a say bout that
wooo
We REALLY dont have to go ALL NIGHT LONG. I’m TAHD. IF you couldn’t achieve what you wanted after 1 hour, hell 1.5 on them extra freaky nights, then damn. Besides, getting the side-eye because of your newfound bowleggedness from the fam at the annual picnic is not cool.
*Not that this has happened to me or anything*
You mean the picnic part, right?
But that isn’t the real medical reason a woman should do kegels.
She should do kegels unless she wants to tinkle on herself every time she sneezes when she hits 40.
Cheryl, that is VERY true. Having babies and getting older and all that will wear your pelvic muscles out. The very first thing I did after I had my first baby was pee the bed. I was young though and it didn’t take long for me to recover.
The older you get, the harder it is to keep it tight down there, so DO YOUR KEGELS.
vsb.com: where TMI happens
You’re welcome n’ shyt.
I wanted to weigh in on this earlier, but I was kinda busy having my boat slow rocked last night ans all… post debate party *aherm*
***so nice by the way that my ass was 3 hours late to work today***
now I gotta run to an off site meeting. maybe I’ll get to comment. Or maybe I’ll just laugh my ass off at all of you while reading my Blackberry during the meeting.
Happy Dirty Talkin’!!!
thanks for stopping by and sh*t
“I wanted to weigh in on this earlier, but I was kinda busy having my boat slow rocked last night ans all… ”
Oh just rub it in, why don’t you?
jerk!
“Oh just rub it in, why don’t you?
jerk!”
LOL @ 8th. Tell her! You always speak my mind. (sickadissh*t)
Why do I hear her taunting me now like “you see me? hi haterrrr”
right! Just throwing her on demand Percy in our faces!
And did you go to the spot last night? I looked for you!
awwww 8th…
angry with me, do not be.
No longer angry with you, I am. Quite haterific, my drought has made me. A bunch of bullshyt, this drought is.
Tap that ass tonight, I hope you will.
and champ, i see there’s been an upgrade from dumb ppl of vsb to good people. thanks!
see…i’m flexible and sh*t
One of the greatest misconceptions among all (most, LOL) “man”kind is he was born knowing how to please each and every woman he will and desires to encounter. Despite popular belief, we women do know what we are talking about. So listen when she gives you some useful directions, a little nudge, a helping hand (literally). You know, it is our body and all.
“Despite popular belief, we women do know what we are talking about”
…on wednesdays and the occasional sunday
Darn day job – I’ve missed quite a bit today! I mentioned this in a previous post, but I just like kegels because i can masturbate at work without anyone knowing. Makes the time go by faster.
I’ve never had a man complain about my stuff being “tight”. Actually, it’s just small on the inside. I’m not breaking bananas off in there or anything, so it shouldn’t really hurt. Although I have to wedge my girthy man in with a shoe horn. TMI? lol.
“TMI?”
Umm, HELL yes!
Just a wee bit graphic there…..
And tightness I do believe is overrated. I’ve only ever come across one female whom I wished were tighter, and that was because (had I wanted to), I would’ve been able to fist her pretty easily.
I have large hands by the way.
And you just declared Sis. Lil’ T’s post “a wee bit graphic”??
*falls the fluck out*
I suppose this is a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. Oh well.
How large?
why, IH? you gonna buy him some gloves?? lmao
@shatani, don’t you know? the way to a man’s heart is through lambskin gloves… LOL!
i can think of something else made of lambskin! *wink nudge*
hm, well from the bottom of my palm to the tip of my index finger measures just under nine inches.
hmmm nice…do you keep your hands nicely manicured. I dont mean that you get a manicure, but that you dont have calloused hands and jagged nails
Well my hands certainly aren’t feminine, as I do a bunch of hands on work (partly out of necessity, partly for fun). I do keep my nails clipped, just cause it makes playing guitar easier.
By the way, noticed you’re a soror. Do you happen to know Brother Dance and Brother Alexander? They previously lived in Providence (as roommates), but recently moved to the DMV.
J.R.~yes I know them I sent you an email. Holla back
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