Ivanka Trump Has Actually Already Seen A Mulatto Cock: Her Dad » VSB

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Ivanka Trump Has Actually Already Seen A Mulatto Cock: Her Dad

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For the first 15 or so minutes of last night’s debate, Donald Trump was uncharacteristically subdued. His voice was unusually measured, his gestures and body language were demonstratively less disturbing, his eyes were barely open, and he even struggled — and continued to struggle throughout the night — to take sips of water from a glass. It looked like he never drank water from a glass before. It was remarkable, really, like a walrus taking a sip of a can of Mountain Dew.

This shift in demeanor — which I’m 99 percent certain was either due to him not snorting any coke before this debate or Kellyanne Conway sneaking into his green room to have his cocaine replaced with crushed Ambien pills — caused a few of the pundits on the CNN aftershow I watched to express that he’d improved since the last debate. And that, aside from the whole “this shit is rigged, yo” thing and the “she’s a nasty woman” thing, he didn’t do a terrible job. Basically, he actually resembled a human being instead of the world’s rapiest vat of cheese wiz. Which I guess is an improvement. A puppy shitting on the steps is better than the carpet.

His (relative) sobriety, however, had an unintended negative consequence: instead of being distracted by his bombast and his bluster; his sarcasm and his sick burns; his performative haughtiness and his hair, we actually had to listen to what he actually thinks about shit. And he took this opportunity to say the dumbest and most disturbing thing I think I’ve ever heard him say.

He…

1.  Believes that late-term abortions are when babies are snatched out of their mother’s wombs at nine months. And the scenario he described was some horrorcore fan fic for pro-lifers. Like the baby’s head is crowning already and the mom is like “Eh, nevermind” mid-delivery and texts the abortion guy and the abortion guy blasts through the door and says “I’m here to snatch babies and chew bubble gum. And I’m all out of bubble gum.”

2. Apparently also doesn’t know what a cesarean section is. Because the procedure he described was a cesarean. A cesarean from a Mad Max movie — an Immortan Cesarean — but a cesarean nonetheless.

3. Wants to repel Roe vs Wade to stop women from doing something that has never actually happened. Late-term abortions do occur, but not the medieval shit Trump described.

From Forbes:

If it sounds like I’m being flippant, that’s because, as Jen Gunter, an OBGYN who trained in late-term abortions, pointed out on Twitter, “There is no such thing as a ninth month abortion.” Those who seek late-term abortions are seeking them before a pregnancy reaches full term but often and unfortunately after they have discovered in the second or third trimester some problem with the fetus or danger to the mother.

Ultimately, he has no idea what the fuck he’s talking about. Which we all already knew, of course, but its a knowledge so accepted and ingrained now that its abstract. Like the existence of oxygen or the concept of gravity. But hearing him happily articulate his lack of even a rudimentary understanding of women’s bodies however makes this motherfucker’s idiocy more urgent.

It’s both apropos and somewhat ironic that the biggest election-related news story the day of the debate was Ivanka Trump’s professed interest in seeing mulatto cocks. Apropos because this entire election is a king-sized clown car filled with dead clowns. We’ve already spent an entire month discussing and debating the utility and efficiency of pussy grabbing, so why not throw a few mulatto cocks in there for good measure? But ironic because, while we already knew Donald Trump was a dick (figuratively), between his perpetually flaccid face, his barely-able-to-open mouth’s resemblance to a urinary meatus, and his not-quite-white but not-quite-brown skin, he actually looks like the mulatto cock his daughter so desires to witness.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Other_guy13
  • RaeNBow

    Oh em gee! my whole timeline/newsfeed was like, uuhhhh @ 9 months that’s called “Birth” …-_-
    gosh that was so painful to watch. smh. I’m so glad it’s over

  • -“this sh** is rigged, yo”

    At this point Trump and his legion are Golden State Warriors fans. If Trump does take an L how much and how long will he whine about it?

    -We only watched about five minutes of this sh*t show and I realized that I had said “shut the ***k, Hilary!” aloud like 6 times and couldn’t stop wondering about the health of Donald’s skin so I switched to Unusual Animal Friends on Nat Geo.

    -I woke up this morning and saw that searches for “Roe v Wade” rated really high on Google and without any context realized that maybe that wasn’t a good thing.

    • miss t-lee

      Trust me I thought about Ayesha when he started talking about things being rigged…lol

    • Kylroy

      If Steve Kerr had gone into the post-game 6 press conference saying he would not accept the outcome of game 7 because it was rigged, the entire press would (justifiably) have lost their minds.

  • Mika

    I had to stop watching it after his commentary on it. He is just a big baby and those personalities are quite exhausting to me. Can’t wait for this entire election to be over.

  • cyanic

    Poppycock.

  • cakes_and_pies

    He only kissed Ivanka last night. Where is the other kid?

    • PinkRose

      His daughter Tiffany pulled a Rihanna on him after the second debate, so she was not on the VIP list for this one.

      • Junegirl627

        Tiffany looked like she went and got a PH.D. in curving ninjas

    • He shook his wifes hand.

      • Junegirl627

        When he loses that is going to be the most entertaining divorce. I wonder if someone has told Melanoma that if she leaves him she’s rich either way. Her autobiography “my life in a gilded thunderdome” -by Melanoma Trump. or legalized blackmail (multi zero check to sign a NDA) will make her paid for LIFE.

        • Val

          Not Melanoma though. Lol

          • Junegirl627

            look I’m not trying to figure out how to spell a non-muthafuggin-factors name is spelled. and in an odd way it kinda fits.

            • Kylroy

              I assumed it was intentional. Was this autocorrect at work again?

              • Junegirl627

                100% intentional.

                • Gibbous

                  Just gonna put this here:

                  From Mélanie, the French form of the Latin name Melania, derived from Greek ??????? (melaina) meaning “black, dark”.

                  • Junegirl627

                    Well damn! she’s the secret mulllatto in the Trump Family!!!

        • Kylroy

          Not sure they’re getting divorced. Donald’s 70, and…not looking super healthy. She may opt to run out the clock.

          • Junegirl627

            Nah. She took him grabbing her by the P-meow in secret & silence. She’s jumping ship.

          • Cheech

            She might want to check Anna Nicole’s experience (and hire her legal team). The junior cheetos dont seem the types to go quietly.

      • cakes_and_pies

        That is so wrong on so many levels.

    • KNeale

      The other girl isn’t with the schittsz. I’ve seen in the news this is a legacy she don’t want. Lol. I’m pretty sure she is a democrat that wants nothing to do with this biz. I’ve heard this before also. Also,she majored in Sociology and Urban Studies in college. Does that make her not-racist? No. Does that make her you’re stereotypical white liberal who in any other circumstance wouldn’t dare be seen supporting Trump? Very likely.

      • cakes_and_pies

        You talking about Tiffany? She was there. I’m talking his other son Barron. He’s 10. I don’t recall seeing him anywhere.

        • Junegirl627

          1st debate. he look like the only one who doesn’t start smoking if exposed to sunlight.

  • MsKeisha23
  • Cleojonz

    I turned the debate off about 20 minutes in. I couldn’t deal with his continued dancing around each and every question and evocation of Obama’s name when it has nothing to do with him answering a question about what HE would do.

    • Tambra

      That was to get the inner city votes, that and Malik Obama.

    • Kylroy

      Reminds me of the line about him inviting BHO’s half-brother to the debate: “This will be devastating to Obama’s re-election chances.”

      • Cleojonz

        HA HA HA! And don’t even get me started on BHO’s trifling half-brother.

  • All I could think of while reading this was.. ” Giiiirl, you know yhou want this diiiiiick!”

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