10 Reasons Atlanta Fans Should Rest Easy After That HORRIBLE Collapse In The Super Bowl » VSB

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10 Reasons Atlanta Fans Should Rest Easy After That HORRIBLE Collapse In The Super Bowl

That collapse was epic. The loss was monumental. The choke was porn level. Atlanta ATL’d that shit. There’s really no way to sugarcoat it: If you’re a fan of the Atlanta Falcons, it sucks to be you right now. I can’t imagine what that locker room felt like after that loss last night. Tom Brady did what Tom Brady does and when it mattered most, he put numbers on the board. Tom Brady ascended into GOAT status and used the Atlanta Falcons’ defense as his stepping stool. The Falcons’ defense that played so well early in the game clearly lost gas, and Brady began exposing their tired secondary. Eight minutes, Tom Brady, you’re on. And the rest is history.

I’m not saying anything that you don’t know. You watched it. This game was some kind of abstract referendum on all that was right with the world (the Falcons) versus Team Trump (the Patriots), and just like in November, somehow, someway, the Patriots went patriot, with the difference here being at least Tom Brady is the best, most qualified person (argumentative, I know) to do what he did last night.

Grieve, Atlanta. Grieve, but not for too long. See, while this loss hurts I am here to offer some solace, some sunshine where there is perhaps a dark cloud. I’m here to remind you, Atlanta, and Atlanta Falcons fans, exactly what it is that you’re working with. From one ATLien to a vast many of you, here are 10 reasons why you can still hold your head high even though Atlanta sucks at finishing shits sportswise.

1. Atlanta still gets to be…Atlanta.

While it’s not close to being true, for everybody who has never been, Atlanta is a place where life is a non-stop Migos song while strippers make it clap for sport on street corners just because they’re awake. Atlanta has a veneer of being a city of life, fun, entertainment, and opulence, and while it’s exaggerated (though not completely untrue), who DOESN’T want to visit Atlanta and see what it’s all about. Now, you might decide it’s overrated once you get there, but you need to come to find out. Aside from New York City, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas, what other city comes with that kind of positive energy?

Also, I did not include New Orleans here because New Orleans is every bit as awesome as advertised. Go to New Orleans. Just stay in the touristy parts. But go. Right now.

2. Your team made it to the Super Bowl.

The following four teams have never even sniffed the Super Bowl: the Cleveland Browns (let’s be real, they probably never will), the Detroit Lions (better chances than Cleveland, but still), the Jacksonville Jaguars (I sometimes forget they even have a team, as I’m sure does the city of Jacksonville), and the Houston Texans (you know, that team with the great defense that paid Brock Osweiler, like, $2 trillion to be bad in a fucking stadium with retractable roof). Atlanta has been there twice. Maybe the third time is the charm? Let’s go with that.

3. Strippers

Damon and I had a conversation this past summer after he went to Houston about the strip clubs there and his belief that Houston is probably the strip club capital of America. I think there might be more in Houston per capita than anywhere else or something. Damon has never been to Atlanta and witnessed the spectacle of the Blue Flame or Strokers or Magic City or Nikki’s (RIP), or the Gentleman’s Club or Stewart Avenue in it’s prime. I’m just saying Damon needs to visit Atlanta because Atlanta, you are so beautiful.

4. Freaknik

While Freaknik is no more, Freaknik did exist. Atlanta, you did that. While Freaknik in its heyday was probably one of the worst municipal nightmares of all time, the event itself put Atlanta on the urban pop culture map in such a way that the myth of it still lives on and has helped create the idea of Atlanta as Black party central. Miami is Miami, but Atlanta is where you go be, young, Black and act a fool. And throw money.

5. The Atlanta University Center

You ALSO go to Atlanta to be young, gifted, and Black. Sure there are other cities with HBCUs. But Atlanta lays claim to Morehouse College and Spelman College. Morehouse Man and Spelman Woman. It’s just…different. Atlanta has that. Also, Morehouse’s greatest alumnus, and the only Black person to have an entire monument dedicated to him on the National Mall is an ATLien, the first person to throw up the 6 while he was ridin’ thru Edgewood. I can’t prove that, by the way. And on a pop culture note, the AUC, and in particular the adjoining campuses of Morehouse College and Clark Atlanta University have been in more movies lately (and now television shows) than a mother. Just off the top of my head, Morehouse and Clark have hosted Mission College, Georgia A&M U, Atlanta A&T U and Truth University.

6. Love it or hate it, Atlanta is still the Black music capital of America

You can hate every last song and sound that comes out of Atlanta if you want to, but you can’t stop the reign. Migos from the nawf. Outkast from East Point, College Park. Goodie Mob from the SWATS. Gucci from the 6. Rappers from all over Atlanta have taken over your airwaves, and have for years, and if they aren’t from Atlanta, you probably think they are. What started in the early 90s continues today. You’re welcome.

7. Popeye’s is Headquarter in Atlanta.

And who doesn’t love Popeye’s. You can say you don’t, but you are a liar. Shit, I want Popeye’s right now. Yeah, that way.

8. Coca-Cola is headquartered in Atlanta.

And who doesn’t love Coke. It’s the perfect mixer for your brown liquors and your rums. It’s all win. You love Coke.

9. Home Depot is headquartered in Atlanta.

And who doesn’t love Home Depot. Shoot, sometimes I go to Home Depot just to walk the aisles and think about the house I’ll never build with the tools I’ll never buy.

10. Atlanta is the city with the best hometown anthems. You can argue about this. You will be wrong.

“F.I.L.A.”

So rest easy, tomorrow never dies, we’re all undefeated today, and Atlanta is still Atlanta.

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    No waffle house reference???

    • panamajackson

      I figured it would make its way into the conversation by itself.

      • `Abdu’l-Karim Ewing-Boyd

        You should be able to see at least one other Waffle House reference through the window of reference you’re in.

    • `Abdu’l-Karim Ewing-Boyd

      My uncle used to walk into Waffle House and the staff would shout Thomas! like a Black Cheers remake.

      • panamajackson

        Last time I walked into a Waffle House in Atlanta, I randomly ran into one of my great uncles. At 830am. On a Sunday morning. Off of Virginia Ave. So random. He lives nowhere close to that Waffle House.

    • Cheech

      I used to live near Northlake Mall. There was a corner you could stand on and see EIGHT waffle houses at once.

  • `Abdu’l-Karim Ewing-Boyd

    Oh, and “I Am Not Your Negro” is beautiful and everyone should go see it.

    • panamajackson

      Agreed. It is.

    • Madam CJ_Skywalker

      Yup. saw it yesterday. Its great

    • cdj

      It’s not playing in Memphis yet >:-(
      I checked the movie website, and it says it’s “Coming soon” – to a museum that most locals don’t go to, and to the artsy movie theater with the bad parking. I think this is purposeful. I’m going to email Malco about it and see what they say. Either way, I’m going to see it.

      • `Abdu’l-Karim Ewing-Boyd

        Pick one of them and ride to it DEEP. Make sure they and other venues in the area know that we will pay for that and for Hidden Figures and for Fences. Then tell em you want to see a rescreening of The Battle for Algiers this month.

        And check out Wilmington on Fire if you get a chance.

        • cdj

          I’m on it. I’ve sent the initial email to Malco headquarters, so we’ll see what kind of response I get, if any. I’m pretty good at complaining (It’s in my genes!) So I’m gonna be like a dog with a bone on this.

          And I’ll make sure to check out Wilmington on Fire.

  • Niecy

    Y’all got all them fine azz studs down there too…..

    • Val

      Studs? Which studs are you referring to?

      • Niecy

        Girls who like girls who dress like boys :)

  • DC Guest

    But I agree, it does feel like once again Wi-pi-po (as represented by the Patriots) have pulled off the ultimate upset against the blacks and in this case the entire world of minorities (as represented by the Falcons). So the sh@@ hurts not because of the game but because it feels like November 9th all over again.

    • Other_guy13

      I blame Trump

    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

      That

    • Jazz G

      It’s triggering for sure.

  • Jennifer

    “The choke was pnro level. ”

    Sir?!

    Back to the article…

    • Other_guy13

      Did he lie?

      • Jennifer

        Nah. I just tend to be prudish on Mondays.

        • Other_guy13

          But not Sunday…interesting

          • Jennifer

            Don’t make me say something petty about the Falcons.

            • Other_guy13

              I’m just trying to get to the bottom…of the situation. Besides….nothing you can say can hurt me as much as watching the final 4 minutes of that game.

    • Sasha Grey would be envious.

      • Other_guy13

        Sir

    • panamajackson

      Was it something I said?

      • PhlyyPhree

        I’ve tried three different times to come up with pc responses to this question and that quote.
        This is my defeat for today.

        • Jennifer

          Keep fighting the good fight against White Castle upthread. That’s where your efforts are needed today.

        • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

          I read your ‘I’ve tried three different times’ as you’ve tried to be chocked three different times, carry on….

      • BrothasKeeper

        It was just hard to swallow.

    • miss t-lee

      I let out the ugliest laugh.

      • PhlyyPhree

        I snorted.

  • Other_guy13

    I mean…my rent paid and I get to miss that 285 traffic because of the side route I found to crib so there’s that. Plus Edgewood and Krog street stay giving me a place to drink. Not to mention the fresh fruit on the West End by my bow-tie brothers. There are some things to look forward too I suppose.

    • Val

      *eHUG*

    • panamajackson

      As an ATLien, I will need help.

      VSB Atlanta meetup in a few weeks. Suggestions. Go.

      • Other_guy13

        I been spending a lot of time at Tilting Kilt lately….I may not be the best to ask

        • Lea Thrace

          ewww. do better.

          • Other_guy13

            The wings are amazing

      • Lea Thrace

        No suggestions cause old. But I cant wait for this!

      • Lea Thrace

        Living Room at the W Downtown?

  • I’m glad I internalized Bomani Jones mantra of never trusting an Atlanta team to win a championship. Had very little expectations of them winning.

    • panamajackson

      The graphic of Boston teams winning 35 (now 36) versus Atlanta’s 1 was eye opening.

      • miss t-lee

        I saw that this morning on GMA and I was like ouchie.

      • The Braves left a lot of championships on the table.

      • Malaika Jabali

        This reminds me too of why your list is poignant. I guess we forget Atlanta is in Detroit/Cleveland (pre-LeBron) territory with our championship deficiency. But my city is so bomb and has so much other ish going for itself it doesn’t matter. Kiki won’t hang from the rafters any less skillfully at KOD just bc Atlanta lost the Super Bowl *Kanye shrug*

    • I forgot to check Bo’s timeline last night.

  • 11. Lady Gaga still gave an amazing performance.

    • Other_guy13

      Did she??? We played Pasta Troy the entire performance…but you look nice tho

    • It was cool. Wasn’t as daring as I expected it to be. She has great use of the stage though. Very, very good performer.

      • It was plenty daring. She’s just not trying to get Yonce-level backlash.

        • I was expecting something closer to like a big budget Rocky Horror Picture Show and she didn’t do my favorite single Alejandro

          • Neither of those things makes sense for a Superbowl performance. Would’ve been great. But would not have made sense at all.

            • Makes perfect sense. Debate over. Malik – 1, Sawyer – 0

              • The majority of Middle America, for example, does not want to see or hear that, sweetheart. And they matter too. I know New Yorkers forget that from time to time.

                • She should of performed in her Timbs like a real NYer would have.

          • Val

            Plus, she left out the politics. Chicken move, IMO.

            • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

              The conservatives applauded her for it.

            • Hello? She sang a protest song and a gay anthem??

              • Jennifer

                I think people were expecting her to coordinate the drones into a “Fcuk Trump” formation or something.

                • Yeah, seriously. Clearly she needed to shave her head on stage and drink the blood of her ancestors to top last year’s show. Gag.

                  • miss t-lee

                    *cackling*

                • miss t-lee

                  Exactly.
                  Plus they had the halftime show on delay, so we never would have even seen it.

              • Val
                • What exactly was she supposed to do to make a bigger statement besides continuing to stand for what she’s always stood for??

                  From Teen Vogue:

                  “The Super Bowl is a massive display of capitalism,
                  contracts, and fragile masculinity. We can only assume that Lady Gaga
                  had to deal with these constraints as she planned her performance —
                  especially following the accusations
                  Beyoncé received last year for displaying Black Pride on a national
                  stage. So in this case, rather than not show up at all, she allowed her
                  art to be the activism. She played within the confines and outwitted
                  them as best she could. It’s up to us to read between the lines.”

                  • Val

                    Mmm…k.

                    • You’re not offering any alternatives to what she did, though. Even Malik made the typically Malik-esque suggestion that she do something Rocky Horror Picture Show inspired and sing Alejandro. Which, again, doesn’t make sense. But it’s Malik.

                    • Val

                      Lol Well, Sawyer, I’m not enough of a Gaga fan to make any show suggestions. It’s just based on here interviews before the half-time show I expected more. Like a definitive push back against Trump. That’s alls I got.

                    • She. Sang. A. Protest. Song. That people are singing at anti-45 rallies today right now. Then an LGBT pride anythem with Pence in the crowd. She still has to entertain an international audience and put on a show, not stand on stage and light candles for 13 minutes for cryin out loud. This is why VSS are breaking up with you today, Val. Geez.

                    • Val

                      “This is why VSS are breaking up with you today…”

                      Lol Okay.

            • Jennifer

              Woodie Guthrie. Born This Way.

              The politics were there. I’m not sure what people expected her to do.

              • Val

                Be more explicit.

              • miss t-lee

                For real, folks clearly weren’t paying attention.

              • wait, i don’t pay attention to super bowl halftime shows…but i heard she sang Guthrie’s “This land is your land”?

                • miss t-lee

                  She did at the beginning of her set.

            • Cheech

              In terms of spectacle, it was one of the best ever. Looked like an Olympic ceremony. In terms of music and message —
              https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7a83237ab9596f0a8a8865e32d6430b5610be897071db84f0c76cab63b35423c.gif

            • miss t-lee

              She didn’t though…

    • Sigma_Since 93

      I used it as an opportunity to make the Fabreeze Super Bowl ommercial a reality.

    • miss t-lee

      Yup.
      I was getting my life, and I’m thinking about seeing her when she hits the city.

      • I looked at ticket prices at her upcoming tour which allegedly went on sale today: $165.

        Guess I’ll just fire up the YouTube and watch cell phone footage a little while longer.

        • miss t-lee

          It would be a good splurge, plus you know you’d be hella entertained the entire time.

          • True. I just don’t know any other fans who would enjoy it with me. So I’ll have to use some strategerie.

            • miss t-lee

              Well…if you don’t find anyone, you could always roll solo. Either way, it would be fun.

              • Jennifer

                Rolling solo ensures you’ll a get better seat.

                • miss t-lee

                  Indeed.
                  Done it before. Still had a great time.

              • Concerts alone are not fun. At the very least you need someone to hold your stuff while you try to fling your body on stage.

                • miss t-lee

                  Oh…they’re plenty fun alone.
                  And a clutch works plenty fine.

        • Jennifer

          $165 for the cheap seats?!

    • Valerie

      I loved her performance, didn’t realized I know all her songs. I’m sad she didn’t perform Applause (favorite song of hers) and I LOVE the drones.

      • miss t-lee

        I wanted her to something off of ArtPop! but I was okay with the set.

        • Valerie

          Some people are saying it wasn’t good :(

          • miss t-lee

            I liked it.
            Minus that terrible song she did with R Kelly, it was solid.

            • Thankfully she remade that song with Xtina.

              • miss t-lee

                It still wasn’t good though…lol

      • For sure she needed 20 more minutes.

        • Valerie

          It was kinda short.

      • Gaga was only good last night because she gave me this

        https://twitter.com/HeyPariss/status/828411889696833537

    • Jennifer

      Agreed. Plus, she sang all of it LIVE without a lick of backing track. And, Stephanie can actually sing! You can tell she probably increased her cardio in preparation for this gig.

      • miss t-lee

        Yup. I think a lot of that got lost with her earlier antics ie the meat dress.
        However, chick can sing and write.

      • Cheech

        I’m pretty sure there was backing track on the dance numbers. You could hear the contrast between that and the panting during the live piano ballad.

        NTTAWWT. That kind of running and dancing gets anyone winded. And with an 8 minute set change and no sound check, there better be a backing track just in case.

        • Jennifer

          Good points.

  • Val

    I love Atlanta too. It’s a great city but…Krystal. Nope. Bad bootleg version of White Castle. Otherwise, yep, Atlanta (Spelhouse!) is a very nice city that I may even move to one day. And if I do, I’m going to get a petition going to get rid of Krystal and get a White Castle or two there. In fact, I’m pretty sure Krystal restaurants is why the Falcons lost last night.

    • Other_guy13

      Move here please and thank you….I would love to annoy you in person lol

      And Krystal’s is nasty….only good for drunk fools

      • Cheech

        Drunks are just as entitled to tasty sliders as sober people, and more in need of them.

        • Other_guy13

          But those sliders hurt in the morning

    • panamajackson

      What you not gon’ do is talk bad about Krystal. I love and miss Krystal.

      • Val

        Just drive 4 hours north, PJ. And you will know the greatness of White Castle.

        • PhlyyPhree

          WHITE CASTLE???
          Haven’t we had this discussion before about how I think you’re awesome sauce and then I find out that you like White Castle and I have to forcibly remind myself that even Jesus hung with h oes so you’re allowed one flaw too?
          If not, then we should have that discussion.

          • lmao She’s got west coast sensibilities and taste buds now, Phree. Go easy on her.

          • Val

            I don;t even know what to say to this, Phree. Lol

            • PhlyyPhree

              LOL. Just stop eating White Castle and I can fit you back on your pedestal.

        • panamajackson

          Listen, I’ve been to White Castle. Plenny of times. And White Castle is in no way shape or form a spot worthy of any praise. You ain’t got to like Krystal, but White Castle praise is an odd alternative. They’re both a**water.

          • Val

            Wait, didn’t you just say you loved Krystal? Lol Anyway, It’s all about the memories. Going to White Castle at 4am is a right of passage.

            • panamajackson

              I mean I love Krystal. But I know its garbage. Every time I eat at Krystal I go straight home for the, hm…2nd act.

              • Val

                Welp, like I said, it’s all about the memories.

          • Jennifer

            I don’t know anybody who likes White Castle because it’s good. Everybody always has a nostalgic tale of “my dad would take us there after football games, so I still love that trash.”

            • miss t-lee

              I’ve never had it…and from hearing how it tears up your stomach, I’m sure I’ll steer clear.

              • cdj

                You’re really not missing much. I used to go there every now and then in NJ. They sold little boxes of fried clams, too. They were actually pretty good.

                Sometimes those burgers do hit the spot though. I remember this guy I was dating stopped and got some burgers there. I said I didn’t want any, but then around 1am I woke up hungry and ate 6/8 little burgers. They were tasty. He was mad.

                • miss t-lee

                  Bwhaha.

            • Cleojonz

              I love white castle. It’s a thing you crave for every now and then, not want to eat on a regular basis. I have never had the stomach problems people speak of.

              • Val

                Me either, Cleo.

      • Other_guy13

        Why? Krystal is the devil….along with White Castle

    • move back to NY plz

    • Michelle is my First Lady

      Krystal is an insult.

    • Sweet Ga Brown

      “Krystal’s is life.” – Owner of White Castle
      “I second that” – Sweet GA Brown

      • Val

        Noap.

    • Hiding My ?hide yours 2

      Krystal is a woman?? Or a fast food place??

  • miss t-lee

    “F.I.L.A.” is pretty great as far as anthems go.

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