Last week (and apparently entering into this week) was a good time for mankind.
Cassie has flown like an eagle, Rihanna’s come out of rehab, and now Hoopz is playing with balls and letting the world watch the game.
By the way, if you have no idea what I’m talking about then you must somehow avoid all internet contact at all times – amazing considering you’re reading this right now.
Those pics and now Hoopz video clip have seen more hits than Rihanna Tina Turner a punching bag.
(And no, I’m not providing links to any of those pictures or video. This site is PG. Google is your friend.)
Now as a red-blooded male, I’m more than appreciative of full on female nudity in any form. I mean, the whole point of male existence – in a nutshell – is to procure female nudity. It’s necessary for the survival of the species. It’s even better when its women whose buckeynekkidness you’ve actually pondered. And who hasn’t wanted to get under Rihanna’s umbrella –ella-ella aye aye aye.
Man that is one outdated joke. Aye carumba.
Well the leaking of said nudey pics and the apparent broken dam of celebt*tty pictures that are more than likely to venture our way got me to thinking about something very pontificatious. You see, despite my love for the female form, there are actually women I have no desire to ever see in the buff.
And who might the mighty-ighty-ighty P not want to see au naturale??
Thought you’d never ask.
Beyonce – Sure she’s hot as South Hades, but truthfully, she’s not even all that sexxy to me, unless she’s soaking wet. I’ve long contended that wet women look way better than dry women (and take that as you want – heh heh heh). And God forbid a chex tap were to surface. You know what that would mean, right? It would be her and JayZ. I don’t ever want to see Bey and Jay bumpin’ literal uglies. Plus, what do you think: just how boring would that tape be anyway? She seems like a robot and he’s just getting more obnoxiously detached. It could be the actual definition video of “watching paint dry.”
Kelis – I know she has a tape out there (poor Nas – first Carmen, now Kelis) floating and what not but I’ve just never found her to be attractive. At all. She also seems to have that Mariah problem where she has to stand certain ways in videos to craft the illusion of derrierosity. Put it this way, if she’s got milkshakes, I’ll just take a Sprite.
Lil Kim – I’m almost afraid to see this. In fact, I’ll assume Lil Kim is to me what Michael Jackson is to most women – ^%$%&^#^*#(*&*)$#$. Yeah, whatever that means to you, that’s what Lil Kim is to me. Yech.
Wendy Williams/Wanda Sykes/Star Jones – They’re pretty much the same behemoth unattractive wildebeast to me and at the zoo you can’t touch the animals. You’re also not supposed to take pictures of certain animals as it may excite and agitate them. That’s how I view them – the kind of animals you just shouldn’t take certain pictures of.
Oprah Winfrey – Steadman doesn’t even want to see her nude so you KNOW Panama doesn’t.
Whoopi Goldberg – I’m just not into eyebrowless pr0n, ya know?
I know I’m gonna catch flak for this but…
Michelle Obama – I don’t care what you say, she’s not hot. Nice rump, but I have NO desire to ever see her Presidential tail. Plus, it might singlehandedly set back Black people 2000 years. Hell, it too 2009 years post Hayseuss to see a Black man get inaugurated, the LAST thing we’d need is a scandal showing Michelle Obama in dirty pics with the pool boy because Obama was on TV making ANOTHER damn speech. That’s my new campaign: Keep The Presidential Knockers Under Wraps.
That’s a mere smattering of women I’d never want to see in the buff – ever. Good people of VSB, who would you (male or female) never want to see a la mode??
-VSB P aka TANGLE JIG P aka THE ARSONIST aka YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD 3