It’s Confirmed: Bad-Ass, Kick-Ass Black Female Lawyers Won 2015 » VSB

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It’s Confirmed: Bad-Ass, Kick-Ass Black Female Lawyers Won 2015

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As much of the country — including, even, school crossing guards — seems to be engaged in an “Oh How I Hate Muslims” pissing contest, it would be understandable for America’s HLIC (head lawyer in charge) to offer something superficially platitudinal about that religion; acknowledging that America is land of the free and home of the brave and shit and we’re all free to practice what we believe. It wouldn’t even be the least politically prudent strategy to offer some ambivalence. “Maybe Muslims aren’t inherently bad,” she might say, but “but it’s understandable how an American could come to feel this way.” Of course, this would be pandering, dog-whistling, and dangerous, but we’ve all heard worse from elected and appointed officials. 

Instead, last week Loretta Lynch appeared at the Muslim Advocates 10th anniversary dinner — a bold act in itself — and said the following:

“The Muslim community is expanding, and it is beautiful.”

Which, effectively, translates to “Bigots, please shut the fuck up.

Of course, for those familiar with Lynch and her politics, this wasn’t a surprise. It also wouldn’t be a stretch to assume that Lynch has experienced some race-based and gender-based discrimination in her career; and that these experiences have helped make her particularly and specifically qualified to fight for fairness and against injustice. Which could also be said for any lawyer who happens to be Black and happens to be a woman. Which, considering the racially and politically antagonistic year we’ve just had, is perhaps why the bad-ass, kick-ass Black female lawyer won 2015.

Along with Lynch, you have Marilyn Mosby, the State’s Attorney for Baltimore; a woman who currently has the highest approval rating in the Black community since 2014 Lupita Nyong’o and 1819 Denmark Vecsy. And National Basketball Players Association executive director Michele Roberts, who has established that she is not fucking around with your bitch ass. Even the single most compelling character on television today — Viola Davis’s “Annalise Keating” — is a lawyer. A murderer and possible sociopath too, but a bad-ass, kick-ass lawyer nonetheless. And the woman who might actually be the most famous Black woman in the world right now is also a lawyer. Of course, she’s spending more time these days taking mean mug selfies with her husband than practicing law, but I’m sure if the Lawyer Avengers were ever to converge, she’d have no problem finding her cape and mask too. These five women are basically the Golden State Warriors’ small-ball lineup; destroying worlds at historically dominant levels and forcing inefficient anachronisms from outdated eras (i.e.: Boehner, John; Bryant, Kobe, etc) to retire.

Of course, there are countless others I could have named by name, but haven’t. Included in that group are the dozens of young lawyers Panama and I met earlier this year, when the Harvard Black Law Students Association invited us to speak at their spring conference. Each of them brilliant, eager, and preternaturally motivated, giving me no doubt that the bad-ass, kick-ass Black female lawyer should be the favorites to win 2016 through 2026 too.  

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Nick Peters

    We’re pretending that light skinned n*ggas don’t win every year…Steph Curry (by himself) done won 2015 in 22 games during football season

    • Damon Young

      lightskints are a close — a very close — second this year. but ultimately you can’t go wrong with either choice.

      • Nick Peters

        I ain’t even get to the ring for the light skin collection or trade ending careers….and the person on the leading image for your article got her job from 1 of us….

      • Nick Peters

        He ain’t got no back

    • Val

      Go Dubs!

      • They should play somebody with a good record.

        • Val

          Lol Playing against the Dubs ruins records so it’s hard to find a team with a good record when you are beating everybody.

          22 – 0

          • Lebron is going to put team light skin back about 5 years come Christmas.

            • Val

              Thas what errybody said was going to happen last year.

              • The league set them up to have a great start. It will be an interesting second half of the season.

            • Nick Peters

              He ain’t got no back

      • I was going to be petty but my Panthers still have to play your team in 2 weeks

        *waits quietly in the shadows*

        • Val

          Mayne, I’m so fed up with the Giants. The Jets haven’t beat them since 1993, until yesterday. WTF. I would be so shocked if the Giants beat the Panthers. Shocked!

          • Nick Peters

            They won’t

          • I don’t understand why y’all don’t want to take the division. Each week it’s laid out for you on a silver plater. Each week you all shake your heads and go, “No. we’re just fine giving the division away to the Skins”.

            • Val

              Right. And they like to choke at the very end of games too. Out there giving us false hopes.

              Anyway, as I’ve noted before, the NFC East Sucks this year so there’s really no telling who will be on top come play-offs.

              • It’ll probably come down to the last week like it did for us last season. I was so stressed. Your entire season is out of your hands and you’re depending on your division rival to lose every game and beat other division rivals who are on your heels.

          • QuirlyGirly

            I was trying with them. I was too done with them yesterday. Imma have to quit them this year.

            • Val

              Yeah, it’s hard to be a Giants fan in 2015. But, this is the kind of year that will make winning a Superbowl in the future so sweet.

              • QuirlyGirly

                It they can get it together. I stay being heated at them for dumb mess. But if they can pull it together and win- it will all be worth it. But I can’t put all my eggs in the Giants basket. I fear they all will get broken

          • Pinks

            The Giants are bums lol

            • Val

              Stop.

              • Pinks

                I mean, I tell no lies.

                • Val

                  Your bluntness hurt my feelings. :-(

    • I can’t wait for the fall of team light skin. My shadenfreude game is about to explode.

      • Nick Peters

        How do you think Jason Vorhees learned to be Jason Vorhees?

    • uNk

      The only problem for a light skinned brotha these days…

      • QuirlyGirly

        Who knew it was a thing to be “out lightskinned”?

    • Hahaha! You just been waiting in the back, like, “Put me in, Coach! Put me in!”

      Now, you in.

    • YeaSoh

      Why Nick WHYYYYYY? Why we gotta go HERE with this post? Ugh

  • Pinks

    Also included is one of my besties, who took the leap of faith to start her own business two years ago rather than rot away in corporate h e l l, which I will forever be so proud of her for.

    When I was a kid I always said I wanted to be a judge, so my family took that and ran with it. I think I might be a disappointment till this day lol

  • -h.h.h.-

    aw snap, time to celebrate the winning then

    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/the-get-down.gif

    • Just curious, do you watch One Punch Man??

      • -h.h.h.-

        i have it saved to watch…haven’t gotten to it yet

        you watch it?

        • I love it!

          • Charles Johnson

            all you need is 100 situps, 100 squats, 100 push ups and run 10 km EVERY SINGLE DAY.
            – read on my tombstone.
            Ruby: VSS who watches anime = #wifeymaterial

            • I honestly might start doing this (minus the 10km run because I hate running) and post the results. Also, I am not #wifeymaterial don’t let me passing interest in some anime shows fool you.

            • Me

              This isn’t as difficult as it sounds if you commit to building up to it. The calisthenics should take no more than 30 minutes then another hr to hr and a half to knock out those 6 miles. That’s a solid no frills workout.

        • Bushido Brown

          You missing out

  • This is a really strong argument that I don’t think I could argue against considering it goes across politics, sports, personal life, and pop culture. Black women lawyers have definitely had a great 2015.

    • Nick Peters

      Who will have more shine in 25 years all of them put together or Steph?

      • Thank you. We are aware that you’re really broad for being light skin.

    • Val

      “Black women lawyers have definitely had a great 2015.”

      Thanks so much for using “women” instead of “female”. Sounds so nice.

      • No problem sis, also I sent you a message on Tumblr.

        Also. GO JETS. :)

        • Val

          Why, Malik. Why. It was such a nice comment until that last part. Just why.

  • Peezy

    Thanks for the Monday morning empowerment session. Signed, A Black Female Lawyer.

  • Brass Tacks

    Michele Roberts FTW! I personally feel Condoleezza Rice would’ve made for a better NFLPA Executive Director than DeMaurice Smith.

    • I can’t trust Condi in that business. She’d have Roger Goddell’s kids tied up in a basement somewhere.

      • Brass Tacks

        I’m actually okay with that. I like the idea that she wouldn’t cow tail to the egos and power trips of billionaires when she’s dealt with world leaders for years on end.

        I guarantee that last lockout would’ve ended differently if she led the charge.

      • mssporadic

        What’s wrong with that?

        • You know she’s going to take it too far. Goddell can’t even handle Tom Brady’s lawyers.

          • mssporadic

            I have faith in Condi. Goddell’s problem is he had no credible evidence that the balls were deflated. So, it’s a he said he said thing between him and Brady. He should’ve settled for a heavy fine and no suspension. The season’s almost over and Brady is still playing.

  • Jocelyn

    As a black female lawyer and basketball fan, this post is everything! I’m excited these women are in the starting five. I can hear the announcer yelling their names over the music to an arena of adoring fans, drowning out the boos and nay-saying of countless haters. The other cool part about this team is that the bench is DEEP! I can point to more than a handful of my colleagues who are positioned to sub in at any time.

  • Epsilonicus

    Marilyn Mosby is bae. That is all I am gonna say.

    I have found the best Christmas gift ever: https://www.etsy.com/listing/258521556/white-tears-tin-candle?ref=shop_home_active_2

    • Nick Peters

      #teamlightskin

    • Lea Thrace

      Yo. The description is everthing!

      “Let the fragrance of White Tears help set the mood for your holiday season!
      Tears Candles are available in a variety of scents, truly offsetting the spoiled entitlement and pungent delusions of grandeur often present in their purest form.”

      • Epsilonicus

        I might buy it and use it to decorate my desk

    • Cleojonz

      HA HA! of course it’s sold by a New Yorker. gotta be a Harlemite or Brooklynite. I love this, trying to figure out who to buy it for lol.

    • LMNOP

      America needs President Mosby.

  • Nick Peters

    Off Topic: I called Seahawks over Steelers in the Super Bowl and I will be right…

    • Epsilonicus

      I dont think the Seahawks can beat the Panthers

      • tgtaggie

        I watched the last few mins of that Panthers game ( it was the first time I watched any football this season) last night and it looks like Cam learned how to play in the last year. Lol.

        • I wasn’t sold on Cam’s arm until this year. The man ouchea slinging it.

          • Pinks

            He can sling it my way too. #rimshot

            • Negative!

              • Pinks

                Look, don’t come pi ssing on my fantasies! Me and Cam go together.

                • Nick Peters

                  He’s engaged…to a semi-hood chick from PF County who was a s t r i p p e r.

                  • Pinks

                    And I’m married…to a fully-hood dude from NY who don’t chew with his mouth closed. What’s ya point, homie? lol

                    • How does that work for you? Chewing with his mouth open I mean. I would’ve killed him long ago.

                    • Pinks

                      I’ve found a way to ignore it, or I just shoot him a scathing look while he’s doing it so he knows why I’m annoyed. I started mocking him and making these exaggerated sounds whenever he was eating, which kind of did the trick for a while lol

                      It’s taken me YEARS to get here.

                    • You’re much better than me. Stuff like that drives me right up a wall.

                    • Epsilonicus

                      If that is his worst quality though then it is a win.

                    • Pinks

                      Pretty much…marriage taught me that I’m a lot more patient than I could’ve ever imagined lol

                    • Pinks

                      No use in working myself up all the time, I’ve realized. There’s bigger battles to fight. But I’m still petty enough to wipe boogers on him for good measure

                    • Oh my God!

                    • Nick Peters

                      Your fantasies will always be a fantasy

                    • Pinks

                      Thanks for the incredible insight, sensei.

                    • Nick Peters

                      This gave me a very bad idea…there should be an open thread Friday what is your type.

            • mssporadic

              I don’t like him, but I feel like he could be attractive. He looks like he has all the pieces, but they don’t fit properly. I need to see him naked to come to a definitive conclusion about his hotness.

              • QuirlyGirly

                LOL- That is what I thought about Drake. He has all the pieces but they ain’t fitting right.

                • mssporadic

                  Until he grew a beard and got some abs. Those were the missing links.

              • Pinks

                He had to grow on me. I think it’s the teeth. I’m a sucker for a good set of chompers.

          • tgtaggie

            I always been a Cam fan since he was at Auburn but dude has been nothing short of impressive this season

          • Epsilonicus

            With the flick of the wrist. He makes it look easy

      • Nick Peters

        If Russ stays this hot they can…

        • I vehemently disagree.

          #PanthersNation
          #KeepPounding

          • Epsilonicus

            Exactly

            • Russ can’t beat our defense at home and he’d have to come to Charlotte and beat us on a fresh set of legs once we secure this 1st round bye.

              • Nick Peters

                He’s done it b4

                • Different season we’re talking about right now.

                  • Nick Peters

                    Why not?

                    • Because this is literally a different season and both teams are playing differently. Russ is still Russ and Richard is still Richard but I can see my boys beating them again if need be.

          • Brass Tacks

            I like that Cams doing well. I hate that y’all clinched the division. So I hope Cam wins the MVP, then gets a high ankle sprain that effectively ends his post season aspirations
            .
            With Love,

            -Petty Pendergrass

            • Wow.

              It’s because of people like you that I always say an extra prayer that the Lord covers my Panthers. Everyone wants them dead instead of hoping that their team plays a better game. Smh.

              • Brass Tacks

                Better games?! My teams offense couldn’t find the Redzone if you wrapped neon tape around the pylons, and our defense is looking soggier then day old wet cardboard boxes.

                I’ve been trapped in a phone booth of emotion ever since I’ve accepted these truths.

                Congrats on your clinch all the same.

            • QuirlyGirly

              That is low down petty

            • mssporadic

              This is a good wish, but I really need Cam to lose in the regular season.

        • Pinks

          Not happening.

    • Brass Tacks

      Carolina over Bengals.

    • Chiefs!!!!

      • Carr, Cooper, and Bill Musgrave p*ssed me off yesterday

        • WTF happened to Cooper? I thought he was going to kill us.

          • He dropped the first pass they threw to him then made several great ones then muffed another at the end of the game. He was making Ted Ginn look like Jerry Rice yesterday.

            • I want Ted Ginn off my team immediately. I have never been so angry in all my life!

              • He drops the easy ones and some how hangs on to the poorly thrown passes.

                • It’s infuriating. You never know what you’re going to get with him and those easy drops are going to be what kills us in the playoffs. That’s how you lose a game that could’ve been easily won early on in the 4th quarter.

                  I can’t wait for Kelvin to get healthy so we can demote Ginn and eventually cut him again.

                  • I wished the Raiders played in the NFC east so they could make the playoffs.

                    • Nick Peters

                      We suck and we know it….

                    • I had such high hopes for y’all man. Next year I can see y’all coming out guns blazing though. I don’t get to watch a lot of Raiders football but I’m rooting for y’all to rise from the proverbial ashes and be great again.

                    • It’s a work in progress. Two good drafts won’t fix every problem but it’s a start.

                    • It takes time to put all the pieces together but once you find yourself a stellar QB you usually don’t have to worry about much else besides getting a solid defense in place.

                    • Carr was definitely a find for us.

                    • They are the Washington Generals of the NFL. They need to stay in their lane.

                    • Don’t do this.

                    • Apologies…I still hate them niccas.

          • They stopped running the ball too. I hate when Musgrave does that.

    • Why won’t the Seahawks just die??? God!!! We were doing just fine in the NFC without this last December surge from them.

      • mssporadic

        Ciara finally fixed her mojo.

    • TeeDotCee

      Off Topic Off Topic: Roll Tide

      • Brass Tacks

        Thank you for Kirby Smart.

      • ROLL DAMB TIDE!!!! So happy for them and Saban!!

      • Booooooooooooo *clears throat* oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      • Exactly!

        I really need someone to beat the brakes off of Clemson. I don’t want to live in a world where Dabo has a ring.

        • I really wanted to cry after Carolina lost. It wasn’t right!!

          • Clemson was the better squad but North Carolina’s real defense showed up. Clemson’s defensive issues were exposed the week before when the other Carolina exposed their safeties.

            • They were only slightly better, the got some assistance from the zebras.

    • QuirlyGirly

      This is a statement I can stand by

    • mssporadic

      Oh please, the Pats will limps themselves right into the Super Bowl. Even if they have to get Aaron Hernandez’s conviction overturned.

  • Madame Zenobia

    I love this post. I just have one addition. Even though she’s not Black and no longer a lawyer, Justice Sonia Sotomayor has been throwing ether with her decisions and dissents. We gotta show her some love too. #browngirlsrock

    • GenevaGirl

      I’d even give Ruth Badass Ginsburg an honorary degree.

      • Madame Zenobia

        co-sign

    • BigGaySteve

      At least she was honest enough to tell her guidance councilor she got into Princeton because she was the smartest Hispanic in the US, even though she was not in the top 20% of her high school class.

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