[***Check out Part 2 of the Man In The Head: A Barrier or Motivation to be Better over on Urban Cusp today. Shout outs to Rahiel for her great job with UC and facilitating the dialogue. Get thee to the UC. ***]
Do you remember those t-shirts from the 90s that said, “It’s a Black Thing, You Wouldn’t Understand.” I always loved those shirts. They made me proud because that line was always a built in excuse for any of the stuff that white people (including my own mother) didn’t really understand. Even if it made no sense to anybody. Kick an old man down a flight of stairs because you’re sure he was stalking you down the block? It’s a Black thing, you wouldn’t understand.
Put 22 inch rims on a 84 Nissan Sentra EVEN though the rims don’t fit the wheel well? To the point that we can’t actually turn anywhere but have to coast at an angle to turn? Yeah shawty, that’s a Black thing too.
But you know, there are a few things that we attribute pretty solely to Ninjaocity that I’m not entirely sure we own the monopoly on. Marvin’s Room.
Hmm…why has nobody made a rappers version of Monopoly? Aren’t hotels and houses we can’t afford a staple of hip-hop? What about owning clothing lines because we don’t know what else to own. Kind of like the Water Works? There’s potential there.
Anywho, here is a list of things that we claim for the Black hand side when I’m pretty sure the other side is just as actively and intimately familiar.
1. CP Time
So let me get this right…NOBODY in Montana is ever late? I’d find that hard to believe. For some reason Black folks love CP Time. It’s a built in excuse for everything to start late. Which mostly means things for which a time is set, like Thanksgiving dinner, funerals, weddings, etc. You know things that matter. But I’m fairly sure that other races have people who are JUST as late as commonly as ninjas. Though, if there has to be somebody who’s not only on time but early for an event, chances are its both NOT a ninja and probably IS a white person.
2. Soul Food
Any southerner will let you know that Soul Food isn’t a Black thing, its a Southern thing. White and Black people eat the same sh*t for the most part. It might be seasoned a little bit differently, but there are Black folks who’s deviled eggs taste like cardboad roachclips holding fettucini noodles and ugly toes. But collards, hogmaws, black eye peas, yams, etc. On Thanksgiving day in Memphis, Black and white folks are all eating that combo. I mean hell, who do you think was cooking for them for all those slavery years. What you think they started eating something different in 1863? McDonald’s perhaps? Croutons?
3. The neck-roll and “Black woman attitude”
You ever try to cut a white woman in a line full of white people? Yeah, me too. My bad Barbara Streisand. Anyway, white women have JUST as much attitude as Black women are alleged to have. It’s just that it happens at grocery stores like Wegmans which I’m fairly certain Black people are afraid to go lest other Black people follow them and realize it exists and start going there and telling their friends. Real talk though, Wegmans…is a motherf*cking unicorn. Every time I go in there I feel like when Dr. King said that he may not get there with us, he was talking about his disappointment about not getting to go to Wegman’s because he knew it was coming to Black communities. Or something.
I totally lost my point.
4. Hooked up cars and sh*t
I don’t know about you, but where I’m from, the white boys were JUST as actively involved in overspending on vehicles as we were. If not more. It went well with their hip-hop demeanor that was jacked wholesale. If there’s one thing white dudes who are into Black culture believe in, it’s looking the part. Same with Asians. They seem to have vast disposal income as well. Hell, chances are, those lovely donks, ‘lacs and caprices, and lo-los you saw in videos were being rented from some 84 year old white guy who just liked candy paint and hooking up cars.
Kanye West dresses like an old white woman. A lot of young rappers dress like Kanye West…who dresses like an old white woman. Well there you have it.
So good people of VSB, what else you got?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. MEDALLION aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
For the DC VSBers: Come out to the latest edition of REMINISCE (Facebook event link), the 90s party,Â brought to you by Very Smart Brothas x Shine On Me x Just Cause Productions. This month’s party will feature a special tribute to Heavy D and a focus on Uptown Records (Waterbed Heav’s recording home). That means Mary and Guy and Father MC, etc. That means a good time. Get yo’ azz on out to Liv Nightclub on Saturday, 12/3. Free before 11, free drank before 11, and no dress code. And Champ will be in the building too. Sadatay. And invite all of your friends. Let’s make it a night to remember.