Lists, Pop Culture, Race & Politics

It’s A Black Thing? I Think They Understand.

[***Check out Part 2 of the Man In The Head: A Barrier or Motivation to be Better over on Urban Cusp today. Shout outs to Rahiel for her great job with UC and facilitating the dialogue. Get thee to the UC. ***]

Except this though...this right here, ninja. This sh*t right here? Totally a Black thing. In fact, anything directly involving Black love for Barack Obama is probably just a Black thing. And no, they wouldn't understand.

Do you remember those t-shirts from the 90s that said, “It’s a Black Thing, You Wouldn’t Understand.” I always loved those shirts. They made me proud because that line was always a built in excuse for any of the stuff that white people (including my own mother) didn’t really understand. Even if it made no sense to anybody. Kick an old man down a flight of stairs because you’re sure he was stalking you down the block? It’s a Black thing, you wouldn’t understand.

Put 22 inch rims on a 84 Nissan Sentra EVEN though the rims don’t fit the wheel well? To the point that we can’t actually turn anywhere but have to coast at an angle to turn? Yeah shawty, that’s a Black thing too.

But you know, there are a few things that we attribute pretty solely to Ninjaocity that I’m not entirely sure we own the monopoly on. Marvin’s Room.

Hmm…why has nobody made a rappers version of Monopoly? Aren’t hotels and houses we can’t afford a staple of hip-hop? What about owning clothing lines because we don’t know what else to own. Kind of like the Water Works? There’s potential there.

Anywho, here is a list of things that we claim for the Black hand side when I’m pretty sure the other side is just as actively and intimately familiar.

1. CP Time

So let me get this right…NOBODY in Montana is ever late? I’d find that hard to believe. For some reason Black folks love CP Time. It’s a built in excuse for everything to start late. Which mostly means things for which a time is set, like Thanksgiving dinner, funerals, weddings, etc. You know things that matter. But I’m fairly sure that other races have people who are JUST as late as commonly as ninjas. Though, if there has to be somebody who’s not only on time but early for an event, chances are its both NOT a ninja and probably IS a white person.

2. Soul Food

Any southerner will let you know that Soul Food isn’t a Black thing, its a Southern thing. White and Black people eat the same sh*t for the most part. It might be seasoned a little bit differently, but there are Black folks who’s deviled eggs taste like cardboad roachclips holding fettucini noodles and ugly toes. But collards, hogmaws, black eye peas, yams, etc. On Thanksgiving day in Memphis, Black and white folks are all eating that combo. I mean hell, who do you think was cooking for them for all those slavery years. What you think they started eating something different in 1863? McDonald’s perhaps? Croutons?

3. The neck-roll and “Black woman attitude”

You ever try to cut a white woman in a line full of white people? Yeah, me too. My bad Barbara Streisand. Anyway, white women have JUST as much attitude as Black women are alleged to have. It’s just that it happens at grocery stores like Wegmans which I’m fairly certain Black people are afraid to go lest other Black people follow them and realize it exists and start going there and telling their friends. Real talk though, Wegmans…is a motherf*cking unicorn. Every time I go in there I feel like when Dr. King said that he may not get there with us, he was talking about his disappointment about not getting to go to Wegman’s because he knew it was coming to Black communities. Or something.

I totally lost my point.

4. Hooked up cars and sh*t

I don’t know about you, but where I’m from, the white boys were JUST as actively involved in overspending on vehicles as we were. If not more. It went well with their hip-hop demeanor that was jacked wholesale. If there’s one thing white dudes who are into Black culture believe in, it’s looking the part. Same with Asians. They seem to have vast disposal income as well. Hell, chances are, those lovely donks, ‘lacs and caprices, and lo-los you saw in videos were being rented from some 84 year old white guy who just liked candy paint and hooking up cars.

5. Trendsetting

Kanye West dresses like an old white woman. A lot of young rappers dress like Kanye West…who dresses like an old white woman. Well there you have it.

So good people of VSB, what else you got?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. MEDALLION aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

For the DC VSBers: Come out to the latest edition of REMINISCE (Facebook event link), the 90s party,  brought to you by Very Smart Brothas x Shine On Me x Just Cause Productions. This month’s party will feature a special tribute to Heavy D and a focus on Uptown Records (Waterbed Heav’s recording home). That means Mary and Guy and Father MC, etc. That means a good time. Get yo’ azz on out to Liv Nightclub on Saturday, 12/3. Free before 11, free drank before 11, and no dress code. And Champ will be in the building too. Sadatay. And invite all of your friends. Let’s make it a night to remember.

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is a co-founder of VSB and co-author of Your Degrees Won't Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • DC

    Yeah, people in Montana are late. #justsaying.

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      Mountain West Time and nuthin to f with

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I’m assuming Idaho is like that too. #staylatepotatostate

  • nillalatte

    First?!

    How about parking in the street in front of your house? We don’t own the street in front of our house, but I park my car on the street because well my drive has my other car in it and I don’t want to put two cars in my 2 car drive way. It looks cluttered..lol. The street in front of my house is ‘my’ parking place.

    Then some ignant fool took my parking space in front of my house. I was all offended. There were fifty-leven parking spaces up and down the street and this moron wasn’t coming to see me, but this mug parked in front of my house! In ‘my’ parking space behind my neighbors car who also parks on the street. But that’s cool because he’s in front of his house.

    So, what does a ghetto girl do? She cops an attitude, of course… oh, no this moron didn’t park in my space! And, since you parked in front of my house, I’m gon’ show you why you should never do that shyt again. I parked right behind them. Then I put my trash out on the street between our two cars. Later, I heard the engine start. I went to the front door and stood there watching them trying to get out of the space basically daring them to hit my car. Please hit my car and see what I do then! Yeah, I didn’t think you would.

    Otherwise, yeah, #1, 2, 3, 4… I’m guilty. But, I have no shame in my game. ;)

    • http://GenevaGirl.net Geneva Girl

      LMAO!!! Go to South Philly and the Italian folks there put out two milk crates and a broom stick to hold “their” spot. Did they buy that spot? No. Do they have a lease on that spot? No. But, it’s in front of their house so it’s theirs. And DON’T think of moving their space holder or Tony Soprano will come after you.

      • Kidsister

        LOL @ Tony Soprano

        • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

          Parking in my spot….Tony Soprano…Tony Soprano….Tony Soprano…

      • http://thephiladelphianegro.wordpress.com thephiladelphianegro

        Dead and gone at the accuracy of your post! All up and down S. Broad, Passyunk Ave, etc. I once spent like 45 min trying to find a spot down by 11th and Ritner trying to get my Primos Hoagie on because of all the double parked cars in the middle of the street…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      tell ‘em why you mad son. tell ‘em.

    • legitimate_soul

      This is ESPECIALLY TRUE when you dig a parking spot out of the snow. My ‘isht better be ready for me to park right back in it when I return. Snow limits parking spaces on the street in a MAJOR way. The snow plow took up 3 parking spots with a mountain of snow.

  • http://GenevaGirl.net Geneva Girl

    You KILLED me with Wegmans! Whenever I’m back in the States I have to go there just to see their displays. I even bought my luggage (!) there. It’s extremely light-weight and sturdy. Who knew that I could find good suitcases at the supermarket.

    Whenever I go there my mother rolls her eyes. She doesn’t get Wegmans and loudly pronounces that it’s too expensive. I call their high prices the riff raff charge: It keeps all the trashy folks shopping at Walmart.

    • Todd

      When I lived out in Central Jersey, Wegman’s was my joint. The funny thing was that my wife worked with a bunch of Black people ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE STORE, yet they refused to shop there because it was expensive.

      That said, once I got laid off from my job, Wegman’s prices looked like the devil. :)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      man they put that Wegman’s out in PG and its like all i hear is angels singing when i hit the parking lot. it makes me happy.

      • TeeNikki

        I still haven’t been in there. I’m waiting until I have some money, because to go and not be able to partake appropriately would be a travesty. My uncle n’em went and said they were in there for 2 hours. I saw an article in the Post talmbout Wegmans is the new hook up spot.

        • http://twitter.com/nikkib1920 Capricorn

          Wegman’s is heaven. Just go and sit in the Market Cafe and watch TV. And they have free WiFi. I love Wegman’s. I LOVE it. :)

          *looks all sappy and lovesick*

      • Nappy Mind

        Wegman’s in PG has live jazz on Friday nights. I don’t see their pricing as high when I use the discount card for weekly specials.

  • http://thesunk.com The Hallway

    I might slide thru to this party, since I turn 21 Dec 4th or at 12am Dec 3rd…Im throwing a party too but u know black college kids love HOUSE PARTIES *cue Meek Millz*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      well do what you do. we’ll be getting it in.

  • http://nubiansoulslocks.blogspot.com NubianSoul

    The way our waistlines roll when we hear some sweet Reggae or Soca music….no one can move their booty like we do :-)

    • kbbn

      *slowly does the pelvic thrust and roll*
      did someone say Carnival?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you might be right about that one.

  • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

    I agree with most of this. White people in the south can throw down. And on top of that they’re out there hunting all manner of creature and cooking them up in a stew.

    I thought the Latinos had the car game on lock; black folks can’t touch them. White boys kill the stereo systems too.

    Trendsetting…Iono. Roll-necks? Naw son.

    May I add:
    1. Fcuked up names- people get on black folks for Jaquavius and Vontarian but Indian people got the name game on lock- Duzianathan? WTF?

    2. Bad credit- there are so many old school black folks still scared of credit we can’t keep up with these white folks trying to compete with the Joneses

    3. Weave- I’ve seen women of ALL races with mis-matched weave ponytails (stop that). Most celebrities are rocking extensions, even sew in extensions, and lace wigs. It’s not a black thing at all.

    • Breazy Taylor

      Even Paris Hilton rocked a sew in for years.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      yeah, weave is universal.

    • itsgoodtrustme

      Coming out of Lurkersville, Ohio to say co-sign the name thing…walked into a meeting so happy that I was gonna see another brown person. I get there only to find out she was an older white woman with the name LA-QUITTA Lol *hairwasthickerthansheepswool*

      Really love this site btw

    • nillalatte

      Naw, see now WIP, I have to disagree with your disagreement on the roll-necks because my daughter can do it so damn well it makes me wonder whose hood she’s been in. I don’t do the roll-neck, but I have been known to give it two snaps up. ;) LOL

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        Lol, well of course there are exceptions. Did u catch the little 8 year old british girl killing the Nicki Minaj Super Bass song? Exception

  • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

    The NBA: Its a Black Thing. Sure white people watch but black people study that ish.

    Tattoos, skateboarding, tight clothes

  • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

    Oh and Cognac, the black man’s scotch

    • Todd

      Ironically, I prefer scotch to cognac. Scotch is smoother to me, and most cognac tastes like cough syrup.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I stay off that brown. it knocks me out. all of it.

  • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

    Latinos had cp time before we did. Shoot, pretty much any warm country you go to, they are very lax about time. It’s too hot to rush.

    • Breazy Taylor

      It’s like that in the Caribbean.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I’d guess the Native Americans had CP time before everybody else.

      that sun dial HAD to be wrong sometimes.

  • Breazy Taylor

    Acting like ninjas, have you seen the white people that go on the Maury show, Jerry Springer, Ricki Lake (when it was on) and Cops? They are just as bad if not worse than our ninjas.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you are absolutely right. Maury is the stupid mofo proving ground.

    • nillalatte

      Oh, please. I’m disgusted with Jerry Springer et. al. Do you know that shyt was/is shown in 52 countries? I was ashamed to be an American traveling internationally because folks thought that show represented who we were as Americans. smdh… couldn’t we have a better international image?