Lists, Pop Culture, Race & Politics

It’s A Black Thing? I Think They Understand.

[***Check out Part 2 of the Man In The Head: A Barrier or Motivation to be Better over on Urban Cusp today. Shout outs to Rahiel for her great job with UC and facilitating the dialogue. Get thee to the UC. ***]

Except this though...this right here, ninja. This sh*t right here? Totally a Black thing. In fact, anything directly involving Black love for Barack Obama is probably just a Black thing. And no, they wouldn't understand.

Do you remember those t-shirts from the 90s that said, “It’s a Black Thing, You Wouldn’t Understand.” I always loved those shirts. They made me proud because that line was always a built in excuse for any of the stuff that white people (including my own mother) didn’t really understand. Even if it made no sense to anybody. Kick an old man down a flight of stairs because you’re sure he was stalking you down the block? It’s a Black thing, you wouldn’t understand.

Put 22 inch rims on a 84 Nissan Sentra EVEN though the rims don’t fit the wheel well? To the point that we can’t actually turn anywhere but have to coast at an angle to turn? Yeah shawty, that’s a Black thing too.

But you know, there are a few things that we attribute pretty solely to Ninjaocity that I’m not entirely sure we own the monopoly on. Marvin’s Room.

Hmm…why has nobody made a rappers version of Monopoly? Aren’t hotels and houses we can’t afford a staple of hip-hop? What about owning clothing lines because we don’t know what else to own. Kind of like the Water Works? There’s potential there.

Anywho, here is a list of things that we claim for the Black hand side when I’m pretty sure the other side is just as actively and intimately familiar.

1. CP Time

So let me get this right…NOBODY in Montana is ever late? I’d find that hard to believe. For some reason Black folks love CP Time. It’s a built in excuse for everything to start late. Which mostly means things for which a time is set, like Thanksgiving dinner, funerals, weddings, etc. You know things that matter. But I’m fairly sure that other races have people who are JUST as late as commonly as ninjas. Though, if there has to be somebody who’s not only on time but early for an event, chances are its both NOT a ninja and probably IS a white person.

2. Soul Food

Any southerner will let you know that Soul Food isn’t a Black thing, its a Southern thing. White and Black people eat the same sh*t for the most part. It might be seasoned a little bit differently, but there are Black folks who’s deviled eggs taste like cardboad roachclips holding fettucini noodles and ugly toes. But collards, hogmaws, black eye peas, yams, etc. On Thanksgiving day in Memphis, Black and white folks are all eating that combo. I mean hell, who do you think was cooking for them for all those slavery years. What you think they started eating something different in 1863? McDonald’s perhaps? Croutons?

3. The neck-roll and “Black woman attitude”

You ever try to cut a white woman in a line full of white people? Yeah, me too. My bad Barbara Streisand. Anyway, white women have JUST as much attitude as Black women are alleged to have. It’s just that it happens at grocery stores like Wegmans which I’m fairly certain Black people are afraid to go lest other Black people follow them and realize it exists and start going there and telling their friends. Real talk though, Wegmans…is a motherf*cking unicorn. Every time I go in there I feel like when Dr. King said that he may not get there with us, he was talking about his disappointment about not getting to go to Wegman’s because he knew it was coming to Black communities. Or something.

I totally lost my point.

4. Hooked up cars and sh*t

I don’t know about you, but where I’m from, the white boys were JUST as actively involved in overspending on vehicles as we were. If not more. It went well with their hip-hop demeanor that was jacked wholesale. If there’s one thing white dudes who are into Black culture believe in, it’s looking the part. Same with Asians. They seem to have vast disposal income as well. Hell, chances are, those lovely donks, ‘lacs and caprices, and lo-los you saw in videos were being rented from some 84 year old white guy who just liked candy paint and hooking up cars.

5. Trendsetting

Kanye West dresses like an old white woman. A lot of young rappers dress like Kanye West…who dresses like an old white woman. Well there you have it.

So good people of VSB, what else you got?


For the DC VSBers: Come out to the latest edition of REMINISCE (Facebook event link), the 90s party,  brought to you by Very Smart Brothas x Shine On Me x Just Cause Productions. This month’s party will feature a special tribute to Heavy D and a focus on Uptown Records (Waterbed Heav’s recording home). That means Mary and Guy and Father MC, etc. That means a good time. Get yo’ azz on out to Liv Nightclub on Saturday, 12/3. Free before 11, free drank before 11, and no dress code. And Champ will be in the building too. Sadatay. And invite all of your friends. Let’s make it a night to remember.

Filed Under:
Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • DC

    Yeah, people in Montana are late. #justsaying.

  • nillalatte


    How about parking in the street in front of your house? We don’t own the street in front of our house, but I park my car on the street because well my drive has my other car in it and I don’t want to put two cars in my 2 car drive way. It looks The street in front of my house is ‘my’ parking place.

    Then some ignant fool took my parking space in front of my house. I was all offended. There were fifty-leven parking spaces up and down the street and this moron wasn’t coming to see me, but this mug parked in front of my house! In ‘my’ parking space behind my neighbors car who also parks on the street. But that’s cool because he’s in front of his house.

    So, what does a ghetto girl do? She cops an attitude, of course… oh, no this moron didn’t park in my space! And, since you parked in front of my house, I’m gon’ show you why you should never do that shyt again. I parked right behind them. Then I put my trash out on the street between our two cars. Later, I heard the engine start. I went to the front door and stood there watching them trying to get out of the space basically daring them to hit my car. Please hit my car and see what I do then! Yeah, I didn’t think you would.

    Otherwise, yeah, #1, 2, 3, 4… I’m guilty. But, I have no shame in my game. ;)

  • Geneva Girl

    You KILLED me with Wegmans! Whenever I’m back in the States I have to go there just to see their displays. I even bought my luggage (!) there. It’s extremely light-weight and sturdy. Who knew that I could find good suitcases at the supermarket.

    Whenever I go there my mother rolls her eyes. She doesn’t get Wegmans and loudly pronounces that it’s too expensive. I call their high prices the riff raff charge: It keeps all the trashy folks shopping at Walmart.

  • The Hallway

    I might slide thru to this party, since I turn 21 Dec 4th or at 12am Dec 3rd…Im throwing a party too but u know black college kids love HOUSE PARTIES *cue Meek Millz*

  • NubianSoul

    The way our waistlines roll when we hear some sweet Reggae or Soca music….no one can move their booty like we do :-)

  • WIP

    I agree with most of this. White people in the south can throw down. And on top of that they’re out there hunting all manner of creature and cooking them up in a stew.

    I thought the Latinos had the car game on lock; black folks can’t touch them. White boys kill the stereo systems too.

    Trendsetting…Iono. Roll-necks? Naw son.

    May I add:
    1. Fcuked up names- people get on black folks for Jaquavius and Vontarian but Indian people got the name game on lock- Duzianathan? WTF?

    2. Bad credit- there are so many old school black folks still scared of credit we can’t keep up with these white folks trying to compete with the Joneses

    3. Weave- I’ve seen women of ALL races with mis-matched weave ponytails (stop that). Most celebrities are rocking extensions, even sew in extensions, and lace wigs. It’s not a black thing at all.

  • Tristan

    The NBA: Its a Black Thing. Sure white people watch but black people study that ish.

    Tattoos, skateboarding, tight clothes

  • Tristan

    Oh and Cognac, the black man’s scotch

  • Wild Cougar

    Latinos had cp time before we did. Shoot, pretty much any warm country you go to, they are very lax about time. It’s too hot to rush.

  • Breazy Taylor

    Acting like ninjas, have you seen the white people that go on the Maury show, Jerry Springer, Ricki Lake (when it was on) and Cops? They are just as bad if not worse than our ninjas.

More Like This