We live in an odd world with an odd future. Wolf gang kill them all. Hell, Lil Wayne, an artist that for all intents and purposes is on that Mary J Blige Art plan – you know, needs to be high to produce quality art – just sold a million copies of an album in his first week. For the second time. This in a time when Kanye West and Jay-Z, two of the biggest hip-hop artists, combined project has yet to crack the million sales mark after being on the charts for three weeks.
And yes, I realize that the terms quality and Lil Wayne go together as well as hot and fat chicks, but to each his own and like it or not, Lil Wayne is prone to flashes of brilliance. By the way, I’m totally losing my point.
Ah yes, my point. So we live in an odd world. And in just in case you aren’t sure, our good friends, the Frenchpeople, have decided to make some revolutionary moves in the realm of marriage and divorce. You see, a Frenchman was recently fined and ordered to pay his ex-wife damages…
…for lack of sex in their marriage. Maywage, that bwessed instution.
Basically, buddy didn’t live up to his required duties as a husband in the bedroom and wasn’t laying the wang down enough. And you know what…he had to pay what he owed.
The 51-year-old man was fined under article 215 of France’s civil code, which states married couples must agree to a “shared communal life”.
A judge has now ruled that this law implies that “sexual relations must form part of a marriage”.
The rare legal decision came after the wife filed for divorce two years ago, blaming the break-up on her husband’s lack of activity in the bedroom.
A judge in Nice, southern France, then granted the divorce and ruled the husband named only as Jean-Louis B. was solely responsible for the split.
But the 47-year-old ex-wife then took him back to court demanding 10,000 euros in compensation for “lack of sex over 21 years of marriage”.
Those damn French. I tell you. I like their style. While I’m not sure I agree on having to pay a fine for not giving up the goods in the bedroom I do find it somewhat comical that a judge actually granted a divorce on the grounds of, well, no sex. Then again, those would irreconcilable differences like a motherf*cker. Especially after 21 years of marriage. Can you imagine being married to somebody for that long and having the wackest bedroom booty life ever?
Which begs the question, let’s say that over here, in America, you could be compensated for this malady in your marriage as part of the divorce proceedings. Just how in the f*ck do you come up with a reasonable fine for not giving up the goods? Is there some mathematical formula for just how many sexual encounters you SHOULD have had under reasonable circumstances, weighted for how many children you have, and a monetary value is assigned to each boink? What’s a reasonable amount of money to assign per smang? Fifty bucks? One hundred? Do they take into account inflation? What about the lagging economy? What about potential stressors due to job insecurity? What if your wife makes you watch stuff like “Say Yes To The Dress?” I mean that would limp me up right quick. Jeers to the freakin’ weekend, I can’t smang to that.
Here’s a better question, do you think people would be more inclined to indulge their partners in sexcapades if you knew you’d have to pay what you owed (like Santa) if you didn’t? With the exchange rate, dude got fined nearly $12,000 dollars for not smanging down his wife enough over the past 21 years. Do you know how much cut-up I could get for $12K??
I’m ’bout dat life. I remember reading something about some pastor attempting to require his congregants to engage in some form of sex for 30 days straight in an attempt to bring that necessary intimacy back into people’s lives. I think it’s very necessary. The point where you no longer want to touch your partner is obviously the beginning of the end. And it becomes sooo easy to just not do anything. That one day turns into two days turns into a month turns into a year and next thing you know you’ve had sex three times in the past five years and get your rocks off to the Bang Bro’s catalog and Vogue magazine.
You know what the f*ck sh*t is? This woman wanted to smang her husband and he cold shouldered her. Now, conventional wisdom tells us that dude was probably cheating. But don’t most men do that because they’re not getting it at home? And yet we seem to have a wife here who wanted to do her husband and he was blowing her off. No pun intended. That sucks. Again, no pun intended. She was SO offput that she filed a motherf*cking suit around it? Do you know how pissed off you have to make somebody for them to find THIS legal loophole? Like that’s just sticking it to the man.
Seriously, I’m not trying to pun it up. It just comes so easy.
I’ll tell you what, if my wife (assuming I ever get me one) tries to divorce me
she’ll have to die because she ain’t gettin’ half OJ SIMPSON it won’t be for lack of smanging. Not if I’ll have to pay. She’ll get that opportunity every day and I’ll document it.
For the record ladies, you hold out on the PJ Smang and you’re getting hit up for WAY more than $12k. My smangage over 21 years is gonna run you a cool million. Bet that.
What do y’all think? Do the French have it right? Should there be some sort of financial penalty for withholding sex from your spouse? Should sex be legally constituted to be part of the institution of marriage in a legally binding fashion?
And what’s your going rate? No streetwalker.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3 IN THEORY BUT I HEARD FROM ASHENKASHAY YOU GOT TO CARRY THE 1