Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

Is It Wrong To “Hate” The Homewrecker Too?

We’ve all heard the story before.

Boy approaches Girl while at annual DST nude kickball fundraiser for lupus research. Girl is so intrigued by Boy’s opening line (“You don’t belong here”) and demeanor that she pretends not to notice the fact that Boy’s ring finger is equipped with ring. After 12 to 17 minutes of Boy entertaining Girl with the type of conversation that somehow simultaneously makes women annoyed and aroused, Boy and Girl exchange numbers, with plans to “do coffee” sometime in the next week. They do coffee on Tuesday. 15 minutes after coffee, Boy and Girl check into the Westin and proceed to do each other for the next 31 to 38 minutes.

While Boy’s in the bathroom, freshening up before headed back to work, Girl — who’s still laying in bed — notices Boy’s phone buzzing on the dresser. She glances at it and sees the following message: “Babe, can you pick up some sugar on the way home? Love u.”

Boy walks out of the bathroom at this exact moment, and instead of getting upset at Girl for looking at his phone, jokes “I guess this probably wasn’t the type of sugar my wife wanted me to bring home.” Girl, already feeling kind of shitty after reading the message, feels even shitter after seeing that Boy didn’t even bother to attempt to hide the fact that he’s married.

But, what makes Girl feel the shittiest? The fact that she doesn’t really care, either. Girl wishes she cared more, but she really likes Boy, and this like of Boy allows her to convince herself of the “fact” that if Boy’s wife was doing what she needed to be doing at home, Boy would have no need to step out. As her closest line sister always says, “You can’t wreck a happy home.”

Boy and Girl continue to see each other for months. As they grow closer, their outings become progressively more brazen and more public. What begin as a fling is now a full-fledged relationship. Boy even does the one thing all men in Boy’s position say they’re going to do but never actually get around to doing — leaves his wife.

A year or so later, Boy and Girl make plans to get hitched, yet Girl is surprised at some of the negative feedback she’s beginning to receive when plans of her upcoming nuptials get out. One aunt even tells Girl that she’s not going to Boy and Girl’s “triflin’-ass wedding.”

When Girl defends herself, saying that the aunt should still support her because she (Girl) did nothing wrong, aunt says “Bullshit. Maybe you didn’t sign a marriage contract yourself, but by willingly allowing him to pursue and court you while you were fully aware that he was married, you’re just as triflin as his ass is. You’re my niece, I’ll always love you, and maybe one day I’ll be able to be glad that you’ve found your “one,” but I can’t support triflinness.”

To drive home her point, Girl’s aunt takes off her sweatshirt to reveal a baby-tee with the words “I can’t support trifliness” emblazed on the chest.

“I had it made last week, and I’ve been wearing it everyday since, hoping I’d see you.”

Girl: “I can tell. That shirt smells.”

Aunt: “So do you/”

I happen to agree with Girl’s aunt. Do you?

¹Btw, although “Girl” is the homewrecker in this story, I feel the same way about men who date/sleep with women already in relationships. 

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at Or don't. Whatever.

  • Iamnotakata

    What this shit was posted on time tonight…now to read this post.

    • I agree. it is more than fair to hate both. if you tend to just hate the one, then do both. Much easier.

  • Yeah. I agree with the Aunt as well. It would be one thing if she didn’t know about his Wife at all, but she did. He left his wife for her.

    And we all know that history has a funny way of repeating itself in some form or fashion.

    • GypsyCurl


      Girl may be triflin’ but the Triflin’ Boy is to blame. The girl (if she is playing it right) is just taking advantange of a situation. People will be triflin’ all day every day. But you can’t make a wo/man stay if they don’t want to stay. Boy did what he wanted to do and nothing would have changed that. If not that Girl, then the next girl.

      • DQ

        But it wasn’t next girl… it was her.

        I don’t know why it seems that some folks want to create degrees of bull$h!t-ness when it comes to this. Two people mud wrestle, TWO people come up dirty… and it’s the same amount of “dirty”.

        She is no less deplorable than him.

        • KT


    • A$

      Reminds me of the post on the casualties of relationships.

      Playing devil’s advocate here: what if the homewrecker and the cheating spouse were “meant to be together”?

      • Angela

        Then those “meant to be together” folk should wait until he/she is divorced to find out if they are indeed meant to be together.

  • It’s wrong to hate a homewrecker if s/he didn’t know about the marriage/relationship

    And it’s wrong to ONLY hate the homewrecker…uh, like your spouse was unaware of the marriage? I think not

    But still, Cassie is winning

    • How often do you think the single person is truly unaware?

      • oh mi gosh, @ yoda are those locks?

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          I’m in love with Yoda’s hair….

        • That’s the direction I was going in, but I gave up. My hair is just there now,…lol

          • by the way you are soo hannnnnnsum! youlook like Bilal. you must be his twin!

            • Thank you kindly. When I was teaching public school I got Bilal, Lenny Kravitz, Maxwell, the father of Huey Freeman…. :-/ ….pretty much anyone who ever had big hair or might have had big hair. I don’t even think I heard my legal name after the second week. But….ummmmm….you got nice toes….lol. I know you say they aren’t yours below, but……dose yo’ toes. :o)

      • I do think people occasionally don’t know, especially if you’re in a big city, or travel a lot for work. I’ve heard a few random stories in the news about men who traveled a lot for work so they literally had two (or more!) full families in different states.

        Random: that happened to Dr. Benjamin Carson growing up – his dad had 3 wives in diff places

      • 80% of the time. Loneliness will have that effect. The other 20% doesn’t care because they are getting what they need.

    • MsEmBee


    • msdebbs

      cASSie is not winning.. a man buying you stuff i.e. new boobs, birkin bags & shoes cannot be that full filling because every gal wants that rang and the title..and Diddy is not married so I don’t really consider her a home wrecker. I can’t really judge cause I’ve been in this situation back in my retarted days (don’t judge me) but luckily for me he never left his wife. But I gotta be #team stank auntie on this one.

      • Anastasia!!!

        You know, at some point earlier in life I might’ve agreed that Cassie wasn’t winning, however – I don’t think I’m in a position to say that EVERY woman wants the ring, and because Sean Puffy Diddy Combs hadn’t given it to her, she’s “losing”. Cassie, in her own muthafuggin world, could be the most content bish ever – with her Birkin and Givenchy.

        I’ve realized a supposed “losing” situation to one maybe the most winningnest deal there ever was to another. And at this point in life experience, I gotta realize that my goals for a winning relationship are necessarily THE example for everybody.

        • all Puffy’s broads losing…he hadn’t married nan one of them.

          • The only losing is Kim-she is still holding onto a dream that won’t see the light of day.

            • Sweet GA Brown

              Actually Kim might be winning. She been around the longest and he never puts any other woman before her. He takes care of her oldest son like he is his own so I think when Diddy turns 55 1/2 y/o he will propose to Kim and after 10 years of engagement and a lengthy prenup that will set her for her remaining years, they will get married.

              • Eric McD

                Kim gets $250k a month in child support. That’s a win.

                • GirlSixx

                  Said Word!!!!

                  Kim knows whats up — she isn’t pressed about dem other broads

              • money is, has and never will be the issue. Kim is NOT his wife! The dream of being his Mrs. is yet to come to fruition. All his baby mamas are PAID, big deal.

            • GirlSixx

              Honestly, at this point I don’t even think Kim wants to become Mrs. Combs because she’s living GOLDEN just by being his ultimate baby mama.

          • whostolethesoul1

            it depends: aside from the scrilla, no one SHOULD want to marry him, he is extremely n-a-r, c-o-n-c-i-e, stuck on himself and stuck at 30.5. He can’t do anything for anyone else, his women are no different than his fav pair of pants or cologne; everything is to be used, he can’t even fully develop artists w/o being blinded by envy. Cassie should be making connections, taking lessons, and saving her (read: his) money. A baby would make her yet another casualty, it’s not worth it.

            • Sweet GA Brown

              Diddy baint never giving Cassie no babies. EVER!!!!

              • whostolethesoul1

                yes, he already has a classroom

            • demondog06

              “he can’t even fully develop artists w/o being blinded by envy”

              ^this right here!^

              name one of his artists still shining today.
              puffy and his ego has destroyed the careers of:

              craig mack
              shyne (and in all likelyhood exposed him to male a$$ rape)
              black rob (prolly also male a$$ raped)
              those funny lookin chicks from dirty money
              got biggie murdered
              forced the lox to go to ruff ryders
              junior mafia
              created a rap abomination called mase

              but having said that, his concubines still seem to be well taken care of

              • whostolethesoul1

                C-O-N-spiracy: Um, suge knight “got biggie” murdered, but +1 on the mase reference

    • Hold up people,

      Which home did Cassie wreck?! Diddy, has NEVER been married. She was not the reason Kim’s and Diddy’s relationship did not work. eh eh…

      • legitimate_soul

        Yup. Kim was in Essence calling out JLo.

        • J.LO. did not wreck anything?! C’mon…..Kim is crazy for even thinking that Diddy would ever commit to her. He has said it repeatedly, he is allergic to monogamy-has proven it too…The only thing that keeps Diddy tied to her is the kids. Otherwise, Diddy be upgrading from one to the next once they fall pregnant, and are a day over 29! I pray that Cassie, is on some bc pills, because it’s a wrap once she gets a bun in the oven.

          • legitimate_soul

            No, you right. No one was married, but I still liken it to cheating and “common law”. Just because a person isn’t married, doesn’t mean they are up for grabs in my book. Plus, Kim was friends with Puff’s first baby momma Misa Hylton Brim, and went after Puff. So that’s a bit of Karma. I just don’t understand this:

            ^Is that an ad for Ciroc or something else?

            • But at the time, when J-lo and Diddy were on, to my understanding he was already done with madam Kim…no?!

              Nyhoo, probably that’s for his cologne line….

              I was once crazy in love with diddy!! VERY. I remember specifically going to his Sean John store in downtown Manhattan thinking that I had a good chance of finding him there chilling….only to be met with disproving eyes from the sales reps-for my afrocentric fashion, which signaled to them broke azz ness, and they don’t be wanting that kind of bi*tchazzness, I was shown the door.*sigh*

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                African gear isn’t cheap! It costs!

            • Sweet GA Brown

              I thought the ad was an engagement announcement that happened in Cannes.

    • GirlSixx

      Nah, Cassie ain’t winning because she’s part of the tryst. Kim knows what time it is and she’s obviously cool beans with it.

    • I have no idea why everyone assumes she wants to marry Diddy. She’s been a legit model for years. Not like she isn’t constantly around the company of men with dudes at and ABOVE Diddy’s pay grade. Every single relationship isn’t a woman ultimately looking for a marriage regardless of how much time she puts into it.

      • @Malik,

        She WAS interested in getting married to dude. They were going to get married….

      • Eric McD

        With a net worth of Half a Billion- $500M- there aren’t many men above Puff’s pay grade and if they are they undoubtedly are wrinkle like a dried prune.

        • Justmetheguy

          +1 Eric McD- But I still understood what that commenter was trying to say. I wasn’t gon let that part slide either though lol

  • Alana

    I definitely hate the homewrecker! Stop wreckin’ homes! Side note: the Greek references in these posts kill me every time!

    • Beautifullyhuman

      Please tell me you have animus for the individual responsible for preserving his/her marriage?

      Because solely blaming the jump is misplaced anger, and absolving the actual responsible party from their marital obligations. There needs to be some marital accountability.

      • DQ

        The animus for the guy/gal stepping out of on their marriage is a given… (at least to me. I don’t recall folks giving cheaters a pass).

        Who used to get a pass? The person that they cheated with that KNEW they were with someone else.

        • BeautifullyHuman

          You would be surprised at the amount of people who excuse their spouse’s illicit behavior, and make a straight beeline to the outside party, as if their spouse was incapable of turning down an affair/sex.

          In these types of situations, animus is not always directed towards the party most deserving. I’m personally aware of a couple of situations where a cheated on spouse did practically nothing to their spouse having the affair, while pretty much attempting to go HAM on the mistress. SMH.

          • DQ

            I feel like the spouse should be able to direct their animus at whoever they want. They are the wronged party. It would make more sense to me that it be directed at their partner, but what I am talking about is the outside observer saying the person that cheated has committed a more pernicious, criticism worthy, offense than the other participant. And I am suggesting that is an argument that the person who is cheated on has the right to make and express. The rest of us have no business (IMO) saying that even though it was two people knowingly engaged in an affair, one should have some sort of pro-rated criticism and condemnation. It reeks of lack of accountability.

            • Justmetheguy

              Ehh, I hear you, but I disagree. That sounds too much like the idea that all “sins” are equal. No way you can convince me that stealing a piece of candy from the bubble gum store or lying and telling someone they look attractive are as bad as cold blooded murder or rape. The person who got cheated on does have the right to be mad at whoever they wanna be though. Hell they can get mad and kick the dog and break the kids’ playstation for all I care. That’s in their right (besides the cruelty to animals I guess) but I can still judge their aggression to be misplaced if they actually blame the outsider just as much as the person who actually cheated on them. We’ll just have to agree to disagree I guess.

              • DQ

                I’m not sure how their aggression can possibly be misplaced if it is directed at either their partner or the 3rd party that knew this person was your partner. They can put the onus 100% on their partner, they can put 100% on the 3rd party. We can say we agree or disagree, but no one can tell someone they don’t have a right to feel what they fell, based on what happened to them.

                My whole point is, for those of us outside the love triangle, there is no just cause to see the partner as more evil, and more worthy of scorn than those who were knowingly involved with the partner. The only one who has just cause to assign more blame to the partner IS the partner.

  • *comes into this post playing Curren$y’s “What It Look Like”*

    First on here, muthaf*ckers!

    I wonder if Alicia Keys was the inspiration for this piece though…just saying…

    • Okay…so I’m not first…but I’m gonna act like it! LMAO!!!

    • legitimate_soul

      Yeah, I felt Alicia was dead wrong. She was photographed with dude at events and on the red carpet and was openly dating a married man. Plus, it seemed like folks were okay with it while his wife is trying to fight for their relationship and their family. Alicia stans actually attacked his wife for trying to fight for her marriage and saying Alicia was disrespectful (which she was). Alicia showed little respect for the sanctity of marriage. Then she marries dude while another woman in Europe has a daughter. Then texts are found to another woman while she is married to him. Folk tried to tell her, but “Willie D told me to let a h*e be a h*e”-Ice Cube, “No Vaseline”

      • Yeah, Alicia was on that Angelina Jolie, LMAO!!!

        • legitimate_soul

          Exactly! LOL! Humanitarian h*es, seem to be spared the shade, lol! Have a foundation, be an ambassador, and get support for your h*e sh!t. *smh*

          • You gotta love them though. They are very concerned about the environment and other serious issues. Another person’s marriage vows? Not so much…

            • legitimate_soul

              BOL! I guess they don’t realize charity and humanitarianism starts at home and sh!t…LOL!

          • Justmetheguy

            Man down! ROTFLMAO @ Legitimate soul

          • WhatItDo

            LMFAOOOO @ Humanitarian h*es!!!! That’s soooo true though!

        • I actually think Alicia is worse than Angelina because at least the latter waited for the divorce to be filed before stepping out with Brad Pitt. Alicia simply just didn’t care. But hey, it’s all good. “It’s called karma baby, and it goes around.”

      • Latonya

        I wonder how long Swiss and Alicia relationship is gone to last? I personly feel like its all front for the cameras.

        • Oh, you ain’t know? Their love is unbreakable (See what I did there? LMAO!)

          • Sweet GA Brown

            “Singing this love is unbreakable…Ohhhh yeah…we living our dreams”

    • Beautifullyhuman

      @ PA

      The “Stoned Immaculate” SLAPS!!! It’s been in non-stop rotation w/ Cocaine 80s.

      • That’s my favorite new album RAT NAH*!!!
        Spitta went all out on this one and he needs to make the next single either “Privacy Glass” or “Take You There”.

        *That’s “right now” for anyone that didn’t grow up in the South by the way…

        • Beautifullyhuman

          My fav, too. It’s so chill. I’ve played the whole album three times back to back since I came home from the salt mine.

          Track #1 is my joint, but overall the album goes. Now, all I need to usher in my summer is the new Rozay (GFID). I need my Bawse fix…lol

          • Ay mane, you forgettin’ about that Nas droppin’ in a month- that “Life Is Good”.

            • Sweet GA Brown

              Yeah I think Nas next album will be a good one. I’m looking forward to it.

              • Word is that he’s supposed to be mad- and we all know what happened the last time someone made Nas mad (See: “Stillmatic” and “Untitled”).

    • I’m going to take your warning next time PA. Prometheus was… *sigh* Let’s just say I wish someone else paid for that movie ticket.

      • It showed all signs of being abysmal. Look at it like this:

        Charlize Theron AND Idris Elba…in a science fiction film…directed by a man whose last good sci-fi film was 30 years ago (Shout out to “Blade Runner”).

        • For some reason I read the Idris part as him dating Charlize. NOW that is A MOTHERFRIGGIN PROBLEM in and of itself, I don’t even like her ONE BIT!!! TUFIA! oooya carry on…..

          • You don’t like her even one bit? Let me guess…you saw “Monster”, didn’t you? LMAO!!

            • nah, she said some controversial shid about Africa-that was not kewwwl at all!

          • mena

            Charlize Theron is hot and sexy. I’m a chick and i recognize that.

            • GirlSixx


            • Aly

              Ok, here’s something random that I’ve always wanted to know about Charlize Theron (who IS gorgeous btw). She’s from South Africa right? Why doesn’t she have an accent? Does she hide it, or do people from this part of the world not have a distinct accent? ‘Cause she sounds as American as apple pie.

              • Claire

                It is an acquired accent. She most likely had a strong Afrikaans accent when she left RSA. Apparently she thought it was better to use an American accent full time rather than switching between her real accent, the American one for auditions and also whichever one she’d be required to use onscreen (e.g. Texan accent). Also read that she was advised not to use Afrikaans accent because it was quite unpopular at that time (just coming out of Apartheid).

        • One of the main characters is a f*cking android! How can an emotionless character be dynamic? ET makes more sense as a main character than an android. None of the subplots made sense, there were gaps in the plot, and wtf kind of accent did Idris have? I’m not convienced Theron is a good actress. They need to stop messing up sci-fi!

          • Idris had a Jafakin’ accent- yeah that’s it…
            Charlize, on the other hand, originally got her start as a model. I’m not saying that’s she’s a bad actress…I’m just saying she used to be a model.

            • mena

              It was almost like he didn’t know whether to be British or Jamaican so the accents came and went. Mess.

          • kaname

            Whoa, whoa, whoa, that android was the best part of that ragged movie. Most of the other characters barely had any development. The movie was visually nice though.

            • *throws stone at kaname*

              If the android was the best part than we shouldn’t even put that trash on dvd. His motives weren’t made clear but a great deal of the movie didn’t.

              • kaname

                *leaves centipedes in Think2Inspire’s kitchen *

                The andriod’s movie was simple curiosity. After all, he spent the entire flight watching Shaw’s dreams and became curious about the human experience.

        • mena

          Here you guys go:

          I saw the movie this past weekend and it was a mess but this article explains a lot of what was going on in the movie. It’s a long read but definitely gave me a clearer picture of what was happening b/c i was all types of lost.

          I should have gone to see Madagascar 3.

          • whostolethesoul1

            no, don’t-you’ve seen the best part of the movie (afro-circus/polka dot song) and you’ll soon be able to google the julien and penguin one-liners all two-of-’em.

  • I agree with the aunt. By enabling the person to wreck their own home, the homewrecker is committing a social sin by breaking up a union and as he/she is responsible for the dissolution of the union, he/’she will be held accountable for their actions

    • sunshyne84

      By whom and how?

    • MsEmBee

      I don’t think its fair to place accountability on the other person for the dissolution of marriage. The only people responsible for the success of any union are the people involved in that union.

      • Beautifullyhuman


        The side person may not be worth sh*t, but the culpability ultimately lies with the married individual.

        • MsEmBee


        • nillalatte

          Agreed. The vows were between two people to love, honor and cherish and to take no other (not verbatim). With that, if one or the other strays from the marriage it’s on the one that strayed, not so much the “home wrecker.” In reality, the “home wrecker” is the spouse that went outside of the marriage to begin with.

          • ” In reality, the “home wrecker” is the spouse that went outside of the marriage to begin with.”

            And that’s the bottom line ’cause Stone Co- er, Nilla said so. Unless the outside force is Mother Nature (the hurricane that essentally caused Tea Cake to get rabies in Their Eyes Were Watching God) then the destruction of a union is in the hands of either party involved. If one cheats then he/she is to blame.

            • Sweet GA Brown

              I like the Their Eyes Were Watching God reference. But why Teacake have to go out like that? Why???

          • Both are homewreckers–the cheating spouse and the person s/he is cheating with, especially if the latter is fully aware of the former’s marital status.

          • I agree the most responsible party is on the cheater.
            however to say that a person who knowingly and willingly participates is not absolved of it as both are participants in the act of adultery
            and while we most defintely have to get away from absolving the man of any responsibility (i hate to hear people make it seem like a man is so powerless to his desire he cant control it..wonton temptress, these women scandalous etc etc)
            we cant just shift all of the responsibilit over to the man.
            the purchase of known stolen goods is just as much a crime as the theft itself…

            • Justmetheguy

              ” the purchase of known stolen goods is just as much a crime as the theft itself…

              :O (walks away to the corner and tries not to let anyone see the guilty look on my face) lol

      • “The only people responsible for the success of any union are the people involved in that union.”

        Not necessarily. What if the wife or husband who is being cheated on had no idea that their marriage was in trouble because the cheating spouse showed no signs of being dissatisfied? How do you expect a person to work on a marriage they don’t feel is broken in the first place? Look at Mashonda. She has repeatedly said Swizz showed no signs of dissatisfaction. So should she be accountable for the failure of the marriage?

        • MsEmBee

          I dont know that i believe Mashonda’s version of events, especially since Swizz had just had a child outside of their marriage around the same time he got with Alicia. Everything was not peachy in their marriage. He may have mislead her to believe they were reconciling, who knows, but Alicia should not be held accountable for a marriage that wasn’t stable in the 1st place. That’s all i’m saying.

          • I don’t think Alicia should be held accountable for the marriage, just for her participation in its dissolution.

      • TD

        That’s not true. Just like parents need support from the community raising children, marriage needs support. There is a reason why people stand in front of their family and friends to say their vows. Its because in order for it to work, the couple will need positive outside influences because they live and exist in the world. There is going to come a time when the marriage is weakened (maybe she cant have sex due to a medical issue or he’s traveling for business or he’s not working) and friends can either say “you need to leave him girl” or “you need to try reading this book on communication.” Its silly to think that a marriage will always be superstrong and can’t be influenced by others. The difference is whether that outside influence is positive or negative.

  • Iamnotakata

    What can we say h0es be winning….but I agree with the Aunt…and please believe, if he cheated with you….he’ll cheat on you….

    H0es make it hard for a good man to be faithful and a good man makes it hard for h0es to stay away…

    • Meisarebel

      I enjoy that last part.

      • Iceprincess

        Hell yea.

    • “H0es make it hard for a good man to be faithful and a good man makes it hard for h0es to stay away…”

      That’s what she said (I know, Mena and Breezy…to the corner I go…)

      • mena

        *as long as I don’t have to tell you anymore* :-)

    • nillalatte

      “H0es make it hard for a good man to be faithful and a good man makes it hard for h0es to stay away…”

      But, if he was a “good man” he would not stray, but work on what is wrong in the marriage to improve that relationship. Hoes or not. Just saying.

      • Justmetheguy

        HA! I would agree with you both, but I don’t believe there can be an agreed upon or unequivocal definition of “good man”. Either way h*es be choosin…and they’re just as opportunistic as the married folks they prey on…I’m prayin (<—see what i did there?) for ya monogamy. I'm prayin for u…smh lol

    • whostolethesoul1


    • WIP

      Why are good men so tempted by h0s?

      • whostolethesoul1

        becuz everyone has a fantasy, but not everyone has it fulfilled

      • demondog06

        “Why are good men so tempted by h0s?”

        for the same reasons bad men are….

        • Justmetheguy

          lmao! Good one Demondog- That’s what I was thinkin, but sometimes things are so obvious to me that I just keep em to myself when I realize some folk just won’t be able to understand (or want want to) lol. Well played sir

  • There’s three sides to a story. There’s one side, There’s the other, and then there’s the truth.

    • MsEmBee

      yep. and often the truth is withheld

    • However, this begs the question: Who’s really telling the truth between the three of them?

    • Sweet GA Brown

      My father always used to say that. Thats why I dont argue with ppl.

  • legitimate_soul


    Oh, and the idea of a spouse taking care of home to prevent cheating is some boolsheet. If a person wants to cheat, they will. It is not in the power of the partner to control another grown-azz person nor is it the fault of the other partner when a cheater cheats, man or woman.

    • Alana


    • +1

      Had to learn this one the hard way.

      • MJoy


      • Iceprincess

        @ legitimate soul- Thats because monogomy is not natural for human beings. Maybe the stronger ones can even last many many years, but not FOREVER. Monogomy is a sick joke that the organized Religion folks are playing on all of us.

        • Meisarebel

          I see I said.

          (Jealousy I said.. got the whole industry mad at me I said….)

          • Jay

            One of the few dope lines from Blueprint II.

            • Meisarebel

              You have not told a lie.

        • Iceprincess

          However while i dont believe in physical monogomy, i ABSOLUTELY believe in emotional monogomy. Your spouse is supposed to be your ace boon, point blank period. Leavig the wife to marry the jumpoff? Where they do dat at?

          • huh?! You don’t believe in physical monogamy yet swear by emotional monogamy.


            He should ACE BOON his kcid too, NOT just his mind.

          • legitimate_soul

            See that doesn’t curl all the way over for me either. Lack of physical monogamy can bring a disease back or form a life (baby). Then there are some who feel emotional cheating is WORSE. So it depends on the people involved.

            I prefer physical and emotional monogamy. I think coupling is more than just procreation or that the other person you choose to deal with is “cool”. There is joy in being able to know your partner in every way, explore chexually in every way, and a deeper connection and better chex when all is connected. I am not trying to present a fairytale version of what relationships are, but there is a deeper level that isn’t spoken of as much as the mundane. There is a level of comfortability and openness that for me allows for more intimacy and connection when you agree that what you have is not being shared with someone else. That unit and what you share is stronger, and can be energizing and healing. That’s just me. Folks don’t have to agree.

            • Justmetheguy

              “I am not trying to present a fairytale version of what relationships are, but there is a deeper level that isn’t spoken of as much as the mundane. ”

              Interesting that you see it this way. I think it actually gets spoken for more than the mundane and way more than the downright ugly (which often times is relatively frequently the reality of relationships/marriages). I see what you mean though. We were taught that that’s the way it should be and we evolved jealousy which is a b*tch of an emotion to overcome…so yea I expect most ppl to be team monogamy, but realistically ppl are gonna have to start compromising soon instead of forcing that standard on ppl that don’t want it or are ambiguous about it. I mention those that are ambiguous because if you’re not all in you’re gonna jump off the bandwagon at some point…and divorce is NOT the easy, cheap, or convenient way out…so…yea don’t expect most ppl to take that route when they feel stuck and unfulfilled. It’s like programming an algorithm for failure smh

              • legitimate_soul

                I see your point, but I think people feel that way but question things once they are linked with a woman they can’t stand because she’s preggers. Or perhaps they caught the germ (any STD) and it slows that azz down and their ability to play like they want to. Owno. Depending on peoples values and personal decisions for themselves, life will give you a moment of truth. #GangStarr (couldn’t help it. RIP Guru)

          • Yoles

            that is my firm belief as well Iceprincess…

        • legitimate_soul

          That’s amatter of opinion and between two adults to decide. However, why say vows, if that’s not how you feel? In most cases if a person likes it, I love it….yet be honest about what you do. If the relationship is open, that’s on them. If they choose to be mongamous, that’s on them. If they swing, that’s on them. Yet, don’t change the agreement because he/she wants to be selfish. This is especially true when a person wants a new piece, but doesn’t want their partner to have the same “priviledges”.

        • Latonya

          So are you saying that you don’t believe in marriage? Since you don’t think monogamy can exist in a marriage?

          • Iceprincess

            Hmmmm….good question. I mean icould take it or leave it i guess. Its good to have somebody thats legally responsible for you, in case something happens or whateva. Kinda like parents are untill the age of 18. So yea, i get that. But i think government & its institutions should stay out of peoples bedrooms, including marriage.

            • Justmetheguy

              ” But i think government & its institutions should stay out of peoples bedrooms, including marriage.”

              +1 But I also see the benefits. So I don’t think it should be banished. Just not applied as the standard across the board. And yes I’m aware of the financial benefits of it.

              • Iceprincess

                Yep we’re saying the same thing. I think its a good idea to partner with someone for the long haul & have the security those benefits give. But that pesky little rule about monogomy? Not so much.

          • Yoles

            marriage≠monogamy we have seen it many times, yes in this country by law it is so but not around the world, not in the histories of the 3 major monotheistic religions, not in pagan religions not in ancient monarchies and so on and so forth…

        • Editgirl

          This is a lie based on some ish people started reading and decided to perpetuate. Human beings are the superior species, and yet people would have you believe they can’t be monogamous like some animals. GTFOHWTBS. That’s what cheaters say.

          • We are more like apes. Monogamy is too damn hard. yet we still try. The gorilla has a harem and he won’t share ’em…

            • Editgirl

              We are smarter than apes.

              • What does being smarter than apes have to do with being in a monogamous relationship? Monogamy is not an intellectual or species-specific given. It is a choice made by two individuals, just as non-monogamy is a choice made by individuals. Both legitimate choices we can make as humans because we -are- smarter than apes.

                • Justmetheguy

                  ” Both legitimate choices we can make as humans because we -are- smarter than apes.”

                  Thank you! Excellent point omni-(snickers). Nice name lol

                • Eric McD


                • Editgirl

                  Apes don’t have much choice, do they? The apes we’re exposed to live in zoos. And, yes, it takes a little bit of intellectualizing to commit to monogamous and honest relationship. Just like it takes the mind to determine whether to be a vegetarian or carnivore. The monogamy bit is as age old as are humans Carnivores, Omnivores or Herbivores.

                  • Committing to an honest monogamous relationship is hard, as is committing to an honest, non-monogamous one.. Neither relationship variation is inherently right or wrong. It’s the dishonesty that’s wrong in either type.

                    • Justmetheguy

                      Omniewhore is goin INNNN today! I hate when people keep trying to moralize love, lust, and emotion and try to turn people’s choices into indications of intelligence or supposed evolved traits. Whatever makes you feel better or morally superior I guess. Well stated tho Omniwhore. Even animals that are significantly more intelligent than apes (dolphins for example) don’t practice monogamy. Also I believe Canadian mole rats are one of the only other species that regularly practice monogamy, but even among them 20% of them either don’t practice it at all, or they do but they cheat constantly. Either monogamy’s an evolved trait or learning how to use the convenience of cheating and get away with it is…it’s all perception

        • jay totha dee

          @ice princess

          When married, is the idea that two people can choose to be mutually exclusive sexually just an impossible concept to grasp/believe?

          Do you think monogamy doesn’t exist today?

        • WIP

          “Thats because monogomy is not natural for human beings.”

          Why is it natural to have s.e.x. with a whole bunch of people but not one person?

          • Eps

            Monogamy is really only present in patriarchal societies. You can only imagine why… they did not have DNA tests back in the day.

          • CNotes

            “Why is it natural to have s.e.x. with a whole bunch of people but not one person?”

            Great question!

            All of this “it’s natural” bullish is killing me today. It’s “natural” to want to lie to get out of a sticky situation. It’s “natural” to want to hurt someone who has hurt you or your loved one. Yes, a lot of things are innate characteristics of humans, but we must understand the importance of self-discipline to avoid negative consequences.

          • Iceprincess

            Im not sayin its ok for my husband to be “with a whole bunch of ppl”. Let me clear this up for the folks on her who think im crazy: i dnt believe in full monogomy, but you not jus gonna run wild either. But on the other hand, forever is a loooong time. I’d polly let my man cheat like 1 or twice a year. My stipulations are: condoms are a MUST, & no emotions. Yall not gonna be sitting around sharing laughs & finding out what yall have in common & all that bs. Get your nut, chuck the dueces & thats it!

            • Around the Way Girl

              That’s not really something that can be regulated. If you’re allowing your man to have that type of intimate contact with other women, you are also opening up the possibility for “emotional cheating.” You can’t control what goes on in someone’s head or their heart. What happens when that woman he’s sleeping with once or twice a year puts it down in the bedroom AND laughs at all his jokes? Then he starts enjoying her company and looking forward to it….can of worms. Just saying…something to think about. I’m all for whatever you want to do in your relationship, but I don’t want you to be naive and then get blindsided.

              • Justmetheguy

                I like IcePrincess lol. But yeah ATWG is right. You can’t regulate that, but honestly you also can’t regulate the intense desire to cheat, and quite frankly to someone like me that’s almost as bad and d*mn near as problematic as actually cheating is. Deception, dishonesty for the sake of people’s feelings/ego, and jealousy are the real enemies here, not monogamy or open relationships. Human nature is so complex and often times EXTREMELY and inconveniently conflicting smh

        • Monogamy is not a sick joke.
          its a choice and its not easy. Just because its hard people want to make excuses. if you dont want to be monogamous fine, don’t enter into a relationship under that pretense.
          its hard to eat right and exercise but aint nobody arguing that being fit is unnatural.
          we are humans and as such have the ability to act beyond our physical to think and rationalize and make decisions for ourselves.
          we have willpower for a reason.
          and while i dont know that i believe we are meant to mate for life but i definitely believe we are meant for 1 on 1 relationships

          • Around the Way Girl

            “its hard to eat right and exercise but aint nobody arguing that being fit is unnatural.”

            Great point.

            • Justmetheguy

              Sitting around all day at computers and watching tv is unnatural. Working at desk jobs and living the sedentary lives that ppl in developed and rich countries live is unnatural. If it wasn’t for that actually being fit would be natural (when you combine it with the unnatural food you REALLY see the difference). Therefore having to plan to go to a gym and purposely recruit all your muscles to work for the sake of your health IS in fact unnatural…im just sayin

              • Around the Way Girl

                You are purposely splitting hairs lol….you got the point :-P

        • demondog06

          “Thats because monogomy is not natural for human beings. Maybe the stronger ones can even last many many years, but not FOREVER. Monogomy is a sick joke that the organized Religion folks are playing on all of us”

          Oh i love you!
          this right chere is the most truthiest of truths………..

          • Iceprincess


    • “If a person wants to cheat, they will. It is not in the power of the partner to control another grown-azz person nor is it the fault of the other partner when a cheater cheats, man or woman.”

      That’s at the point when their consciense starts to get to them like:
      “Come on Tiggalo, just take it on home now. It’s 4:30, ain’t nothing open this time of night but legs and hospitals, n*gga be strong…be real real strong”

      • whostolethesoul1

        which occurs just before someone tries to relive a fleeting moment from the King- of-the-Club-days the “whatdidahjusdo” or “whydafckdidahjusdodat” moment…

        • …And it usually happens after a hangover…damn Heinekens, LMAO!

          • whostolethesoul1

            i think the decision is made long before “heiny” become an issue (ha!) If you don’t want it, it ain’t a maybe-if you did, it could be your baby…

      • GirlSixx

        ” ain’t nothing open this time of night but legs and hospitals”


        Consider this STOLEN

    • +1

  • Alia

    I don’t know how you can ever trust a man who cheated on his wife to be with you.

    • Meisarebel

      And vice versa.

      • Alia


    • “I don’t know how you can ever trust a man who cheated on his wife to be with you.”

      This is something that I never heard anyone ever say to Camilla Parker Bowles…

      • she caught hell from the royals tho…she had to pay some serious dues. She just started getting invites to events…LOL

        • They blacklisted her like she was a communist or something, LMAO!

          • legitimate_soul

            I thought that also occured because they wouldn’t let Charles marry her from the gate. The Queen picked Diana for him and he always loved Camilla, but the Royals didn’t deem her proper. The cheating wasn’t cool, but Charles was choosing the crown and “duty” before his true feelings. Dude still ain’t got the crown. Mom’s is celebrating Diamond Jubilees and isht……

            • He LOVED Camille. Diana was just a by the way-a formality of sorts. It was all about keeping the bloodline pure! Nothing more, nothing less.

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