I’ve never really dated anybody who was much older than me. In fact, the “oldest” chick I’ve ever dated only had me by a couple of months. And by a couple, I literally mean 2. Then again, you probably knew that since a couple can really only be 2 as opposed to a few which can be quite simply 2 or more, though not really 5. You see, 5 is a handful, but one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know.
So, the fact remains that despite not dating an older woman, I’ve witnessed a few situations where some of my compadres both hanglow and nohanglow have done so with outstanding results. In fact, it often intrigued me. My standing rule was that I’d date nobody older than 42 (when I was 25). I figure that 18 years my senior, basically a standard American education (I shall call this measure of time a graduation), was old enough to have the insight to teach me a thing or two.
With education in mind, today, VSB P, your friendly neighborhood 3 and crime fighting loverman, will tell you just why you should date an older dust muffin.
1) They’ve seen more pr0n than you
This facet cannot be emphasized enough. Did you all know that pr0n used to have storylines? It wasn’t all just 5 minute segments with a ridiculous lead in where some “random” woman is walking in a thong, a hangar, and a paperclip in her mouth and is all of a sudden open and ready for some stanky leg. Actually, I guess after your done it’s the stanky leg. Before hand, it should all be zestfully clean. What happened to Zest. Anyway, they can put you in scenes and roleplay with the best of them and the more pr0n you’ve seen, the more moves you know. The more moves you know, well, the more you know the moves.
That was dumb.
2) They don’t have ridiculous expectations
On the fo shizzle, a 50 year old woman isn’t out to play games and figure out life. She’s probably got a solid 20 years left and only maybe 10 before she dries up into a ziploc bag. You see, she’s single (or married and plotting her husband’s Lifetime Movie) so she’s in and out and down for one thing.
Smores. And if you have time some of that good lovin. You don’t have to play games. You just do what you do. You and your crew.
Believe it or not, that was an actual lyric from a popular rap song.
My guitar gently weeps for big face huuuuunids.
3) You don’t really have to mentally exasperate yourself
Or even used words like exasperate. Older jawns (Philly what up) don’t care about your mental acumen. They appreciate for you who you are because well, all that mental gymnastics is for marraige and chemistry. All they want is the big bang and I’m pretty sure we covered that in physics. So let’s get physic-al.
Man, I’m corny.
4) They can probably hand-dance
I don’t know why but I feel like all old people can hand dance or step. I imagine that even somebody 5 years older than me can do all kinds of amazing moves on the dance floor and jazzercise. This is weird. But I mean, it’s fun to watch, right?
5) They can regale you with stories of dinosaurs the olden days
And what better way to get to sleep after schlumping a fossil than to drift off to the dulcet sounds of Masterpiece Theater-in-training.
So, good people of VSB, have you ever dated older (and I don’t necessarily mean senior citizen)? Why? What’s the oldest person you’d consider dating? If you won’t date an older person, why not?
Whatcha say, whatcha say, huh? Get money.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3