I’m Someone’s Husband? Me? Really? » VSB

Theory & Essay

I’m Someone’s Husband? Me? Really?

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(Damon’s latest at EBONY on the word “husband” and how he doesn’t quite feel like one — or at least the movie version of one — yet)

When I think of a husband, I think of a character Dennis Haysbert or Danny Glover or some other deep-voiced, barred chested man would play in a family melodrama revolving around a Black family in Memphis or Cleveland. They’d have a rugged, distinguished handsomeness earned from decades of being a Black man on Earth, they’d be the voice of reason in every circumstance, they’d dress in calm, earthy tones, and their name would be “John” or “James.” I also think about an aint-shit character Michael Beach or Malik Yoba would play; a successful husband to a successful wife who’ve created a successful, upper-middle class life together that’ll soon crumble because of his aint-shit-ness.

I think about my dad. My uncles. And both my dad’s dad and my mom’s dad. I think about the White guy with the dog and the three and a half kids who used to live across the street from me. I think about Barack Obama. The pastor at my church. My coaches in college. I think about those guys in the Lexus commercials that air around Christmas time. And the guys in the Wrangler commercials during NFL games. I think of Walter Lee Younger. And both the movie and the real life versions of Malcolm X. I think of those anonymous guys with their topcoats and leather briefcases who’d be on the EBA when I used to catch the EBA to work. I think about the men in the stands when I attend my nephew’s AAU basketball games. Shit, I even think about Al Bundy and Stedman Graham

I do not, however, think about myself. Which doesn’t seem to make much sense, because I am someone’s mother f****g husband now. And not only am I a husband, I have a wife. A mother f***g wife!!! Me!

(Read the rest at EBONY)

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  • Meridian

    Your wife is stone cold beautiful and this post was everything.

    I tend to separate men into two categories: married and single. Single men have a bit of a gauntlet to go through before I give them my stamp of approval as good guys but when a black man says he’s married? It’s almost like an automatic respect I have for him. Seriousness and nobility were the perfect words to capture that perception of them. It’s regal to be a black husband so there’s always this sense that a married man is on his P’s and Q’s and I respect that position within our communities. Now, whether or not he’s a good husband is an entirely different thing but this post pretty much sums up my thoughts on husbands.

  • cancergirl08

    Beautiful couple!

  • This is so awesome for no other reason than the fact that I know Mrs. Damon, she grew up over the hill from me in Pittsburgh and my sister was great friends with her. I also read this site which make me feel like I semi know Damon. I never put the two together until I seen pictures of said Mrs. Damon. In regards to the story, I got married at 22. I think it wasnt till 25 that it REALLY hit me that “I was somebody’s m%$#$r F$%#ing husband”, and 27 until I was semi competent at it…..LOL

  • Paradigm

    Man you owned the hell outta that toilet paper thing.. That seem like the type of ‘ish that would happen to anybody on GoodTimes except for Thelma, Willona, or Penny.

  • Did you know that originally, a husband was a title for a farmer, someone who cultivated land, crops and animals? Husbandry is also the management of resouces (that’s what google said at least)
    Champ, i got married about two months prior and i remember reading all the posts on marriage, engagement, relationships after you announced here that you typed a text to a girl you used to see, telling her you found a cutie pie with whom you’d like to be. This husband sh!t is REAL. It is rewarding, at least so far. Its the most rewarding, most difficult title i’ve held thus far. Often times i’ve wondered if i was even deserving. It feels good to know that somewhere another recently married man has some of the same feelings, cuz i damn sure felt non the same and different at the same time.
    Basically, thank you for this!

  • TeachDogg

    You got “wifed.” Wait no, you got “husbanded.”

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