Theory & Essay

If You Know Better, F&^king Do Better

If they were Black, I'd say they don't know their daddies.

While I know why I do certain things, I can’t really explain why I do certain things.

Feel me? Probably not. Let me try this another way.

A long time ago, I washed a pen in some jeans. Genius move I know. So I pull the pen out of the now so fresh and so clean jeans andI get to pondering. I say to myself, “Self, I wonder if I open this pen cap, will ink spill all over the place?”


Now, this is a dumb question. Everybody knows that if you wash a pen, it generally breaks and goes squidward on your 501s. Most people are just happy to find out that their jeans are unblemished. Panama on the other hand? Nope. I shun common sense in the face of adversity. I scoff at normalcy and unproven factual theories. Sure there MIGHT be ink, but if I don’t pull the pen cap off, can I really say with complete certainty that my pen DID break and I’d get ink everywhere? Philosophy, thou art my maiden.

So yeah, I pulled open that pen cap and got ink on my hands (took forever to clean off) and all over my cheap beige-Halle Berry colored rug. Pure genius move. Plus, everybody knows I’m a motherf*cking monster.

Now the point of this story is that I pretty much knew what was going to happen but I still eschewed conventional wisdom and pulled the cap, caught the fade, and cleaned the carpet. Quadruple C’s.

So what’s the second point of this story? Well, two things. 1) scared money don’t make money, and b) relationships would probably be so much smoother if more of us acknowledged that we just damn know better most of the time…and f*cking leaned on that principle. I can’t tell you how many situations I’ve been in where I KNEW what the right answer was, or what the right way to handle a situation would be, should be, or how it all could be, and because of my own pride, I let the sh*t ride. Front back, and side to side.

That rhymed.

It’s interesting too because nobody is immune to it though it seems like a solid 99 percent of men’s problems in relationship comes down to knowing better and doing otherwise anyway. In fact, that’s probably the reason women stay pissed and peeved (not angry) with us so often, we do little stupid sh*t that we know better than to do. Our biggest liability in most situations is that we aren’t dumb.

Like, I know that if we get into an argument you just want me to listen to you and acknowledge what you have to say. But we’re beefing, f*ck that. I’d rather create the second argument that has nothing to do with the first one just so that you don’t get the satisfaction. Seriously, how f*cking retarded is that?

I know when you ask me how you look that you don’t want to hear “fat” or “not bad”. But do I just say “good” or “lovely”? Nope. I say “not bad” or “you don’t look bad at all.” Semantics is a motherf*cker and I know that. Yet, for whatever reason, my ability to take the shortest distance between my mouth and your nudity never seems to occur. Which is even worse for somebody who writes a relationship blog (unless its a sh*tty one…they really might not know better). I can’t get out of any argument because it’s OBVIOUS that I just damn know better.

I know what to say. I know what to do. I just chose not to do or say the right things because…well, I don’t wanna. Pride is a helluva drug. Which again…stupid logic. I’ve got hometraining and effectively, my entire upbringing was dedicated to making sure that I knew better than to make a bad decision whenever one presented itself.

It’s like getting a liberal arts degree. I keed. I keed. #occupywallstreet

*ducks tomatoes*

I know better than to stick my wang in what looks like a wang shredder. I know not to poke the bear. And I know to just letting sleeping dogs lie. Because I know better.

I know to just tell you whats on my mind. I know to let you know if I’m going to need to change plans. I know that I shouldn’t grind up on that chick in front of you or anybody that knows you. I know I shouldn’t make certain comments to an ex or hug that voluptuous chick with the dong too long. I know that I shouldn’t find myself in a compromising situation even if its not totally my fault…and if I do, I know that I should get myself out of it as quickly as possible. ASAP. And I know that if I get caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing, either big or small, I shouldn’t lie. When I was 6 lying made it worse and when I’m 60, lying will make it worse.

I just damn know. And yet I don’t do it anyway. Or do do it anyway. Or do that thing that I wasn’t supposed to have did done. The things you do, make me come running to you…to stab you. Or at least that’s what she said.

With great power comes great responsibility and with growth comes bigger drawz. But sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me as I quest to get better about doing some things. Or why I’ve been that way anyway. Like, I KNOW what I should do or say most of the time and I still struggle. If I was a Carebear, I’d be Struggle Bear. Actually, that doesn’t even fit.

But if I know better, I should just f*cking do better, right? Like Donuts track #2, I’m workinonit.


What about you? Are you part of the #struggleteam? If so, why? Why don’t we (men and women – women f*ck up too) just damn do better? How much time do you spend mad at your boo because they do some f*cksh*t despite the fact that they know better? Why are there so many questions? Do I know? Do I know? Why’d I just ask the same question twice? Who ya wit?


Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at

  • I’ll be the first to say it. I come from a line of hardheaded black men. Stubbornness is a family trait. lol.

  • xLadyTx

    People become part of the #struggleteam because they’re:

    * too stubborn
    * gluttons for punishment and have to learn everything the hard way
    * pushing the limit to see how far they can go before it all blows up in their face.
    * too caught up in the moment to think of the long term effects

    And I’ll openly admit I’ve been thru all 4 lol


  • “With great power comes great responsibility and with growth comes bigger drawz.”

    No you didn’t just quote the great “Stan Lee” and also manage to mix in some urban-styled lingo AT THE SAME TIME. Lol Well done, sir. Well done.

    As to the subject at hand. I’d imagine that “knowing better” and “not” doing better actually means that we “don’t” know better. What I mean is that knowledge only becomes reflexive after we completely internalize it. When we become aware of the right thing to do in any given situation, I believe that we’ll be able to “do” that right thing without actually having to think about it anymore.

  • Iamnotakata

    I have a friend that needs to read this post and then ask her self is she part of the #struggleteam…I would say yes….but in regards to doing better. I would like to think that I do better because I know better…however there are some situations where knowing better just isn’t enough to make me do better ….everyone needs to cut up at least once or twice

  • LadyC

    Admittedly I’m pretty diplomatic in the relationship struggle. I try not to go stereotypical black chick route. But then he may say something ignorant to which I respond “Excuse me?” as if I know I didn’t hear what I thought I just heard and then…it gets all kinds of different #teamshutthatshitdown

    If men treated women better, there would be no struggle. I think people like tension

    Love the UGK reference! :)

  • Jamaicangirl

    This post just summoned up the argument I just had less than 20 mins ago with my boyfriend. I’m not even sure if we resolved anything. The struggle continues. **deep sigh **

  • *sigh* i left what i thought was a GREAT comment and the VSB black hole ate that sh*t. SMH

    thank you for admitting that men do this: It’s interesting too because nobody is immune to it though it seems like a solid 99 percent of men’s problems in relationship comes down to knowing better and doing otherwise anyway.

    i have also been an offender. sometimes i just cant keep my mouth shut, gotta get the last word. which usually means i end up saying some rude ish that is completely unnecessary and what i know will elicit an adverse reaction from him, yet i say it anyway, and further cause the rift between us. and then i gotta back pedal like a muthafugga and try to regain the peace that i would have had had i just let the sh*t go and not tried to go for the jugular in the first place *le sigh*

  • missshell

    “I know that I shouldn’t grind up on that chick in front of you or anybody that knows you.”
    This is my favorite part, because REALLY you prolly shouldn’t grind up on that chick at all. But your additions are really creative, Panama.

  • nillalatte

    “Are you part of the #struggleteam?”

    Nah, holmes. I’m good. I’m on the #IDGAFteam. Dude gots a problem he needs to deal wit it. I gots big girl things to do. I don’t do better cause IDGAF. Take me, leave me, love me, hate me… IDGAF. See how easy that is? No? IDGAF.

    4 replies? I think this site DGAF either! It’s like, you wanna comment… IDGAF and it just shuts off. Or maybe that is because it has joined #struggleteam. LOL

  • Pride. Peer pressure and trying to maintain the upper hand.
    I wish I could have mad that last one start with a “p”
    I had one of these moments tonight hence the reason I’m even up to comment. Ill holla back in the morning

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