If Women Ruled The Dating World, Would Monogamy Still Exist?
There were a ton of very insightful, articulate, and even soul-bearing comments left in yesterday’s “Where’s The Love?: Making sense of our dating and mating malaise”, but one reply in particular stayed with me for the rest of the day.
From Scipio Africanus:
“When women are free to date as they wish, they wind up all gravitating to the same 3 – 7% of the male population. If they can’t get those guys, they just drop out of the dating market altogether.
This is why monogamy was even created by societies in the first place.
When women have their way, the vast majority of people, male and female, get completely left out in the cold. Monogamous marriage essentially forces women to accede to some dude, somewhere out there. If a dude can’t pull a woman, he’s going to drop out of society too. Work hard and innovate to make money? What for? He ain’t got no kids. Take up arms to defend his homeland from threats? Yeah right – he’s not vested in it in the first place.
Like you mentioned yesterday, most women are completely underwhelmed by the vast majority of guys they encounter or know. I’m still uncertain as to why that is, but it’s the root of everything.“
While I don’t agree with the numbers he cited –I think 7% to 10% is a bit more accurate than 3 to 7% — and the moral arbiter/monogamy promoter in me doesn’t want to believe what Scipio said is true, proof of this phenomenon’s existence can be seen on any college campus; the perfect control group as it’s the only place in America where groups of sexually viable people are forced to live together, have no real concerns about food, shelter, or safety, and have a relatively large amount of sexual freedom and choice.
And, as anyone who’s ever lived on campus will tell you, regardless of what school you’re at, the campus sexual dynamics usually play out the exact same way: a small percentage of the men (10%?)¹ have sole access to a much larger percent of the women (35%?), 40% of the men and 40% of the women are in monogamous relationships with each other, and the remaining 25% of women completely drop out of the dating game, leaving the remaining 50% of men to take out their sexual frustrations on gaming message boards and intramural ultimate frisbee tournaments.
Once these people leave the college universe and are forced to enter the real world, though, monogamy and marriage pressure starts to enter the fray. This finally gives Dragon Ball Z Zachary a realistic chance at finding a mate, which is absolutely fantastic for all of us because there’s absolutely nothing more damaging to the well-being of a society than an abundance of perpetually sexually frustrated men. (Why? Well, perpetually sexually frustrated men kill random people, and occasionally kill random people in bulk)
I wonder, though: if women had complete sexual choice autonomy and weren’t constrained by moral and societal pressure to be in monogamous relationships, would the “real” world be exactly like a college campus — with more relationship and family-minded women making the conscious decision to be in a polygamist relationship/marriage with a high status/high earning man instead of a monogamous relationship with a “mediocre to below-average” joe? I know it’s a hard concept to wrap your mind around, but while I know all women don’t feel this way, there are many women who value security (for themselves and their offspring) a bit more than they value the idea of having a man all to themselves. In this sense, one seven figure earning man can support 10 women easier than one $50,000 a year guy can support one.
¹Although these numbers were pulled directly out of my ass, I do think they’re accurate rough assessments