Lists, Theory & Essay

If There Was A Problem, Yo, I’ll Solve It!: Convenient Solutions to Common Interpersonal Problems

1318978832I remember the first time I heard somebody explain to me how they were going to keep their potentially enlarging spouse or significant other in shape over the years. Okay, that’s not true, I don’t remember the first time I heard it at all. But I do remember the plan:

“P, for reals dun son, as we get older, I’ll just park further and further away from the entrance of wherever we’re doing. Every day will just be like a German Volksmarch, exept without the beer and patch at the end to validate the event. If I’m lucky, it will have the effect of hearing Kendrick Lamar’s verse on “Control” over and over again for the next 20 or so years.”

Because the first time I heard this I was likely in high school, a solid 60 percent of that quote is made up. It’s like The Butler, except not 2-plus hours long. By the way, The Butler was a good movie.

Moving on, for righter or wronger, the idea behind doing something relatively benign to achieve a greater good isn’t outlandish. Sure in the case presented it always seemed a bit mean spirited, but you can’t break dance without Turbo and Ozone. And this can go both ways. We all saw Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Aunt Viv kept her figure no matter what color she was and Uncle Phil did too….

*cues Jazz being thrown from the hiznayee*

Well, this got me to thinking about other convenient solutions to issues you might confront in your relationship. And I’m not talking about significant problems, just more…differences between you and your other. Or just the other person with you at the time.

You need un ejemplo right? Is that example in that Spanish? I really don’t know. I could look that up. I totally didn’t.

Problem: The Non-stop Vocalist Non-Singer

So you ever been in a car with somebody who HAS to sing every damn song that comes on if they know it. Except, they ain’t no singer. Nor are they a a rap-singer. They justa be f*cking your entire driving experience with their 27-octave non-range and liberal interpretation of C-notes. It’s almost like singing on-key hurts more than off-key. Well this is a problem, albeit one you can learn to live with…if off note don’t bother you much. If they do, however, you need a solution pronto.

So what’s the solution? Well, you introduce them to new music. In the car. While you’re driving. Basically,  you make sure they hear music they DON’T know the words to so that they CAN’T sing them, all the while introducing them to some new music they will eventually slaughter. Of course, anybody who knows a non-singing singer knows, they will attempt to anticipate words with the music they don’t know so that they can sing, but it will happen less frequently than playing Beyonce, Justin Timberlake or Michelle Obama speeches.

Problem: The Opposites Attract Phenomenon

Say you forego conventional wisdom and decide to date somebody who stands at polar opposites in any number of stances: religion, politics, sexual deviance, cereal brands, favorite Jordan’s, etc. Well, there will come a time – many a time actually – where you will argue incessantly about these things. People have a need to have their opinions validated. Or discredit those ideas for which they don’t agree. I mean why ELSE do you think those Klondike commercials are so popular. Wait. What? If that made any sense to you, you smoke too much weed.

Anyway, here’s the most plausible solution here: not talking about it is out of the picture, it possibly encapsulates too much of your own personhood to pretend it doesn’t exist. Nope. you need a “certain topic safe word” like “tassle” or something. When you feel yourself getting too wrapped up in a convo, you just yell our your safe word and you both have to immediately take a time out for love and revisit the topic later. Or, after saying the safe word, you must engage in some naught behavior or something, you nasty fish you. Point is, in the midst of contention you must still express love. None of that J. Edgar Hoover stuff like the time he broke he and Tolson’s agreement to dine every evening. All because he was in his feelings. Just terrible. Just damn terrible.

Problem: The Temperature Soul Wrangler

You ever meet that person who is always either cold or just damn hot? Like they’re never Los Angeles in January. Nope they’re either Arizona in August or Michigan between January and December at all times. Of course, you being the even keeled weather respecter that you are  would end up with somebody like that.

So how do we fix this issue that so that both of can live and be happy? F*ck blankets and fans. Naw kid, for the person who is always hot, give them free reign of the AC for a month. Then hand them the bill. I’m sure their body will fix itself. Real spit, I got one of THE most egregious power bills one month where I had a family member staying with me for like 3 weeks. Trust and believe…sh*t got real. For the person who is always cold? Just get them those hotfeets footysocks that seem like they’ll electrocute you. Hopefully it doesn’t but as long as their feet are warm they’ll be okay.

Those are some convenient solutions to common interpersonal problems. What other solutions do you have? What are some common problems that need solutions that require some nuance and cleverness to avoid bloodshed and yelleration?

Holla at a playa.

Smile, it’s almost September.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka lower.case.p aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is a co-founder of VSB and co-author of Your Degrees Won't Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • Oshun

    Depending on my mood and level of patience at that particular moment I may use humor or straight shoot.

    *FIIIIIRST!*

  • DG

    Problem: The Extremely Picky Eater

    I’m certain I’m probably gonna step on a few toes with this, but you ever been out with someone who’s an extremely picky eater. The picky eater doesn’t have food allergies, no no no….I mean they just won’t eat certain foods. Maybe she doesn’t like how something looks when prepared, or perhaps she doesn’t like the texture of something (I use she because, in my experience, a picky palate is overwhelmingly a woman issue). In any case, it’s difficult to try different types of cuisine when dating a picky eater. If her food of choice at any kind of restaurant is a burger, taking her to a ramen joint might don’t make it.
    So how to solve this lil’ conundrum? I can’t say I really have an answer, but because I’m a bit of an a$$hole, I say challenge that pickiness til the end. If she claims she doesn’t like seafood, take her out for sushi. If she doesn’t care for a lot of veggies, take her to an Ethiopian joint and order the veggie platter. If she complains about it, suggest that you’re trying to introduce her to different experiences and cuisines, but if she’s not down for that, you can stay in and she can cook…lol.

    • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

      I dated this girl who no matter where we went, she ordered chicken fingers….she mastered the art of finding mcnuggets on every.single.menu lol

      • Todd

        I keep hearing about people like that, but knock on wood, I’ve never dated someone like that. Thank goodness for that! It seems like some complete BS.

        • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          Its embarrassing to go to a top rated restaurant and your date is on some “can I get ketchup and bbq sauce please?” LOL

      • 321mena123

        That’s a waste. Stick to Friday’s or Chili’s. I can’t believe adults behave like this.

        • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          Its ok to not be open to EVERYTHING, but dang, at least make an attempt lol

      • DG

        Yep…that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

    • SuperStrings

      Been here too many times. If it wasn’t something her moms cooked growing up, then it was out of the question. And don’t even mention Ethiopian. The look on a chick’s face when she sits down and finds out you’re supposed to eat with your hands…priceless every time.

      • DG

        True, true…good to know I’m not the only who’s gone through this. Lol.

      • Uniquely Blushed

        I hate that…. “My mother didn’t make grits when I was young she made cream of wheat, and i’m sticking with that.” HUH??? Boy you better put some sugar on those grits and enjoy!!!

        • WIP

          Put wha?? why y’all gotta mess up the grits? Isn’t cream of wheat what people who have no teeth eat? LOL, never got that one.

          • Uniquely Blushed

            give me some grits with salt, pepper and butter and i’m in heaven. I said sugar because that’s what he put on his cream of wheat.

            • WIP

              ” I said sugar because that’s what he put on his cream of wheat.”
              LOL,oh.

              now really that turns my stomach…

          • Corey Stovall

            You know they can’t be southerners…..

        • SuperStrings

          True. I knew someone who used S.O.S. pads growing up and refused to try Brillo.

    • b sweet

      Maybe men aren’t ‘picky’ eaters, but they are definitely limited in what they are willing to try. I’m pretty adventurous with food and will try anything once. And I love to cook. In addition to dating men who don’t eat beef, pork, or barbeque, I’ve dated men who don’t like to try new things, not even sushi, and sushi is officially mainstream now. And they feel cheated when we go out and the portions don’t look like Cheesecake Factory. That’s more annoying than someone who doesn’t want parsley on their fish.

      • Todd

        I have to disagree on the portion size thing. You’re right now everything can’t be that size (and the Cheesecake Factory is freakin’ overkill with their sizes). Still, I’ve been to a few places where the portions are so small, I had to go find something to eat afterwards. Somewhere between Cheesecake Factory and hitting the Meeker/Morgan exit off the BQE for Mickey Dees because your food wasn’t enough is a happy medium. :)

        • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          three middle fingers in the air to cheesecake factory and their oversized portions and million page menu….sh*t is longer than Homer’s Odyssey!! but their cheesecake is pure heaven on earth!!!

          • Todd

            Cheesecake Factory cheesecake is good, but the correct is Junior’s in Brooklyn. Yes. :)

          • Shamira

            Juniors > Cheesecake Factory *sticks nose in air* *falls over*

            • Kema

              *helps you up* Juniors may be better with the cheesecake but the food is better at Cheesecake Factory.

        • Oshun

          CF is not overkill with their sizes. You need to go to an African restaurant, then you will know what overkill is. We serve like you just came out of a drought.

          • Todd

            Remind me if I ever do go to one to pack the good Tupperware in the car or in a backpack or something. Ain’t no way I’m eating all that food in one shot. LOL

            • Oshun

              You can’t….
              When I buy African food, I eat it over 3 days. We don’t play!

          • b sweet

            Who are you telling. This is my plate from a spot I visited in Ghana. It was crazy good, but the portions were huge.

            • WIP

              It’s all rice!

            • Sahel

              Man,that’s a healthy plate and very nice placement

            • 321mena123

              Aint no body looking at that plate ma’am! I see what you did there. :-)

              • b sweet

                Girl! I look at them everyday, so they’re not that exciting to me i was reminiscing on the wonderful food during my trip. I cropped it so I wouldn’t cut off the meat (on the plate lol), but I could have done some more cropping. Ok let me try again.

                • 321mena123

                  sure. :-)

            • Brother Mouzone

              Looks DELICIOUS…..and the food looks good too! lol

            • BreezyX2

              Yup, there goes b sweet and her boobies again making me feel inadequate. *steers down at size A/B cups and weeps*

              • b sweet

                Never breezy! you are one sexy bish and I can vouch for it. Remember our late nights and early mornings with Meech-the boobs are nothing without you!!

                • BreezyX2

                  ROTFLMBO!!!! So silly but oh the memories :)

              • Corey Stovall

                Don’t worry. As long as there is adequate compensation elsewhere I see no foul. Anything more than a mouthful is wasteful…although still quite fun….

            • Todd

              Those ain’t the only huge portions I see. *rimshot* Can I admit I noticed the boobs before the food? LOL

              • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                im just glad i wasnt the one who said it lol

              • Corey Stovall

                TO double. Two bodies, one mind.

            • Corey Stovall

              Absolutely wonderful presentation. The chef was cool too.

            • Oshun

              My question is though, where is the meat?! That looks like some good jollof rice.

      • WIP

        Never met a man that didn’t eat barbeque! Where they made him?

        • b sweet

          Girl, we was from North Carolina! I couldn’t believe it. And he loved to grill. It was crazy.

          • Yoles

            i do not like barbeque sauce.. yes i said it.. i like grilled food but something about barbeque sauce just doesn’t sit well with me

            • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

              my brother believes that “real men do not use BBQ sauce”, he prefers having perfect seasoning in the rub so that theres no need for sauce

              • Sahel

                It is true. Sauce is for suckas. Mayo too

      • DG

        I’ll give you that…both men and women can be unadventurous. Admittedly, I don’t eat beef or pork anymore, but that’s about it as for things I don’t eat….I’ll try just about anything. On the other hand, I’ve known women who claim they don’t like seafood….not a particular type of fish or shellfish, mind you….but seafood. All of it. That’s a pretty broad range of food right there. I could see if you don’t like a particular thing (for instance, I’m not a big fan of oysters…raw oysters, in particular), but you ain’t willing to try salmon ‘cuz it’s “too fishy?” SMH.
        Oh, and that’s a common thing I will say about very picky eaters…the foods they don’t like/won’t try are often too ______ for them: sushi is too fishy, grits are too gritty, vegggies are too earthy, water has no taste (that one always gets me), etc.

        • 321mena123

          Water doesn’t have a taste and grits ARE too gritty. But grits cooked right with several different cheeses are wonderful.

          • DG

            Lol…I guess meat is too meaty and fruits are too fruity as well, huh?

            • 321mena123

              Nope. Meat is great and so is fruit. The only thing i don’t eat is liver. I’m so far from a picky eater it’s ridiculous. But i will let you know where you can get better steak, pasta, seafood, sushi, Chinese, chicken, Mexican, etc if you take me to a place that is crap.

          • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

            you won my heart at “several different cheeses”

        • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          nah, water has a taste of SOME kind….if someone blinfolded you and poured water in your mouth, you’d know its water, so its tastes like SOMETHING lol…water to me tastes like minerals

          • Kema

            When I’m really thirst or just really craving water it starts to taste sweet.

            • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

              i can usually taste the sodium in it lol

          • Yoles

            water has taste… its distinct.. water doesn’t have flavor… at least thats how i explain it to the kids i speak with

            • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

              there ya have it…..a taste but no flavor :-)

      • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

        I dated a man who strongly protested (refused to eat) angel hair pasta in the spaghetti instead of regular-sized spaghetti noodles. As if the angel hair noodles tasted differently -_-

        • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          ppl who dont like a certain pasta make me sick….’scuse me, only thing that changed was the shape!!!

        • SuperStrings

          I actually prefer angel hair pasta…seems to hold the sauce better.

          • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

            a lot of ppl dont know that some pastas are MADE to hold sauce better, hence why we use elbows or rotini for salads and mac n cheese, the curvature holds better.

            …crap, now I’m hungry lol

          • b sweet

            I 100% agree. I only buy angel hair when I’m making spaghetti.

            • SuperStrings

              Same for me. Now I’m thinking about what to cook tonight…I’m hungry.

    • WIP

      Men are just as picky, if not more so. Pointing out their predictability seems to inspire them to branch out.

    • Agatha Guilluame

      Us picky eaters have our reasons.

      I don’t eat Chinese food because General Tso doesn’t taste like chicken (I don’t know what it is but it AIN’T chicken). And it’s usually so “fatty” under the breading but chicken isn’t a fatty meat. AND the guys that work at those places, on their lunch break, they only eat the white rice. If you won’t eat the ish you’re serving why should I???

      I don’t eat off of food trucks (I don’t care how popular they are) or carts or vans because 1) they usually piss in a bucket inside those trucks 2) where dey wash their hands at 3) all that food is open to foul air from the train grates, the NY taxis and buses, passerby coughing, sneezing, breathing which is also why I don’t eat from

      Buffets. Buffets are vile. And it’s the perfect breeding ground for germs because the bottom is too hot and the top is too cold which makes the middle the perfect temperature for bacteria.

      I don’t eat most fast foods so no McDonald’s, no KFC, etc because I want to live past 60.

      I don’t eat soy. Because my estrogen levels are fine. And if you’re a dude and you use protein powders please make sure you don’t get the cheap soy based ones because your estrogen levels are fine too.

      I don’t eat sushi because…think about it…I’m going to kill this living, breathing thing…and now its dead…just inert flesh…and now I’m going to pop it in my mouth. Um there’s a step missing people.

      And I don’t eat from people in general. Yes, I will go to your bbq and say “no thanks” to everything. Because most people do unhygienic things in the kitchen without even realizing it. Like tasting the sauce with the same spoon you’re stirring the pot with…scratching, coughing, sneezing and not washing your hands every time…the 5 second rule…most people don’t wash their meat and fish either…

      So yeah I’m a picky eater. So what…

      • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

        Wow. So basically what you’re saying is, you only cook/eat at home?

      • 321mena123

        Ummm…

        I don’t know what to say to this. Ummm…

      • Todd

        Ah, one of those. I understand that people do some unsanitary stuff in the kitchen unaware, and if you pick up on some signs of it, you should say “Thanks, but no thanks.” However, in my experience, people who say stuff like that are people who are low-key elitist. Just say that you think people’s food isn’t on your level, and I can live. In my experience though, people who don’t eat this or that are so particular about everything else that I usually just throw up my hands in frustration and roll out. I’d rather someone say they don’t want to mess with XYZ then have someone go with me somewhere but say they don’t really want to deal with it. Just deal with the fact that you don’t want to deal with people and move on with life.

        • Epsilonicus

          Church.

      • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

        my best friend worked at the health department, and some of the finest restaurants had some unsanitary practices as well….its easy to spot the really nasty joints, but the fanciest places can also be the filthiest (ever watched Restaurant Impossible?? grossss)…. its unavoidable, really.

        • Agatha Guilluame

          I’m not eating at the five star restaurants. I wasn’t saying that or trying to imply that. And NY has 25,000+ restaurants so I still manage to find places to eat. Germs are unavoidable, my rational brain knows that but that doesn’t stop my throat from closing up and my stomach from clenching at certain things.

          I don’t make a thing of it either. I just say “no thank you”. I don’t give a speech or get up on a soapbox. Or make a face.

          • 321mena123

            How do you think you would handle eating overseas? Say like a country in Asia?

            • Agatha Guilluame

              I travel a lot.

              They don’t clean their meat in Paris so it has this real gamey/fresh (fresh in the Caribbean means funky) smell to it…so I drank a lot of coffee and ate a lot of pastries. I ate everything I was offered in all the parts of Italy I’ve been. Everything is made fresh. Even the pizza toppings are fresh and not pre-cut, sitting in open containers. The pasta is fresh, the men making it wouldn’t even shake the hands of the patrons that wanted to thank them, it must be cultural because it was the same in Rome, in Milan, in Venice, etc.

              In England, I stayed with my cousin but I didn’t eat anything she made because I’m not down with raisins in rice or tuna in baked macaroni. She was tripping. My mom and I scrubbed down the kitchen and cooked Sunday lunch (West Indians know that menu) for them on our last weekend there.

              My aunt sells textiles and she’s in China twice a year. According to her, the conditions in most places there are super unsanitary. Public restrooms don’t really exist, so people (men and women) use the ditches that run alongside the roads and they wipe with whatever. Plus the air pollution is so bad that shes usually coughing up and blowing black mucus out of her nose for weeks after she gets back. So no I probably wouldn’t just go into a random restaurant somewhere in China and eat.

              The point is, my picky eating habits don’t stop me from seeing the world and enjoying the sights. I travel and I manage.

              • 321mena123

                Cool. I have been to a few parts of Italy and the food was wonderful. I must admit that everything did taste fresh.

              • WIP

                “…the men making it wouldn’t even shake the hands of the patrons that wanted to thank them”
                that makes me think of the movie Contagion.

      • WIP

        Chile boo, you’ll be alright, LOL. Eat them germs. It will make you live longer.

        • Kema

          Yes! You dont take in the germs your body cant build up a resistance to them. Get out the bubble!

      • Yoles

        humans need germs, bacteria and all those other “bad” things to stay strong and survive… that’s why we are so weak now… too much caution, too much antibacterial, too much sunscreen (kids are being diagnosed with rickets in the 013!! seriously)… weak i say

        what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
        or as my mom says
        what doesn’t kill, fattens

        just food for thought

        • Agatha Guilluame

          I said this to Bunni….Germs are unavoidable, my rational brain knows that but that doesn’t
          stop my throat from closing up and my stomach from clenching at certain
          things.

        • Todd

          Um, they have vitamins for that Yoles. And for Black folk, we need to stay in the sun more. Our bodies were built for stronger sun exposure, and the lack thereof is causing real issues.

      • BreezyX2

        Guess the whole 3 second rule is a no no for you too huh? :)

  • Geneva Girl

    I’m married to a man who can’t carry a tune in a bucket and he knows it. That doesn’t stop him from singing FULL BLAST to anything, especially my favorite, old songs. What he does to Hotel California is criminal. No matter how much cajoling, begging and screaming nothing gets him to shut up. He’s having fun and just doesn’t want to stop.

    Sadly, our muchkin takes after her father. I’ve been on long car rides with them where I’m left screaming, “SHUT UUUUUP!!!!! I can’t take it any more!!!” Changing the station doesn’t help because they’ll just keep screeching – and laughing at me.

    There is no quick fix for the tune challenged.

  • Todd

    I’m not sure what I just read…but it’s funny. :)

    Still, when it comes to personal disputes like that, my reaction is related to how big of a deal the dealbreaker is and what kind of mood I’m in. This can range from an “alright, that’s cool” to “me meeting Jon Stewart in a back alley on a day where I’m carrying a bunch of baseball bats to be donated after finding out someone molested my daughter that day”. It varies widely. :)

    • Agatha Guilluame

      So you’re just going to keep referencing your hate for Jon Stewart without bothering to expound on said hate…you’re driving me nuts.

  • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

    Eh. I won’t go into too much because I don’t know if you want to write a post on it. The Butler was a movie where everyone had very good-great performances wrapped up in terribly problematic politics.

    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

      “everyone had very good-great performances”

      I didn’t see it, but even Oprah?

      • 321mena123

        Oprah can act. Yall acting like the Color Purple didn’t happen.

        • Kema

          Yes! She was awesome in the Color Purple. I’ve always wondered why she didnt do more. She did a good job with beloved as well.

          • 321mena123

            And The Women of Brewster Place where she tore down that wall. Oprah will put some emotions on you.

          • Shamira

            Beloved the movie was an abomination.

            • 321mena123

              All i remember is a b00b milk scene. Is this the right movie?

              • Shamira

                The one where she has to kill her daughter and gets brutally raped? I dont remember a lactation scene. It was just a really poor adaptation of Toni Morrison’s work

                • 321mena123

                  Ok. I haven’t seen this film and now i never will.

            • Kema

              Not Oprah’s fault! She did well. lol! Thats a hard book to turn into a movie. I’ve read it 3 times and am still trying to ‘get it’.

        • Oshun

          Yes, Oprah is a great actress. Like how does somebody cry on cue, every single day. Madam O, during her talk show hey days, stayed crying! I applaud her.

      • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

        Yes. She was one of the better ones actually.

  • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

    I am TOTALLY that obnoxious car singing azz heffa lol…but since I drive mostly alone, no one falls victim to my singing…when I’m alone listening to 90′s club bangers or 90′s girl groups or classic salsa or power ballads, mannnnnn listen!!! Cant tell me NUTHIN!!!!

    • Todd

      OK, lemme tell you something that will get your attention: I’ve fixed your fiance’ up with Donnie McClurkin, and she’s been “cured” of her attraction to you. *cackle* Now she’s been redeemed by the LORD!
      ;-) (Just joking people. I’m not down with that set. Just figured it would catch her eye. LOL)

      • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

        Did Donnie try to pray the gay away????

        • Todd

          Mmmhmm! :) That stopped you from singing, right? :)

          • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

            No shade, but Donnie got some nerve lol….he’s got more sugar in his tank than a lil bit. All the praying in the world aint gon change that!!!

            • Todd

              That’s why I find his act so hilarious. Like TRY to fool somebody first before you start talking that mess. At least make someone think you MAY be in the closet. LOL

              • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                It be the most stereotypically gay folks that wanna renounce their gayness….he aint foolin nobody!!!! I’m sure he just went from being a bottom to a top #dasssitttt

                • Kema

                  *sings* Started as a bottom now I’m here!

                  • Corey Stovall

                    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

            • Kema

              I talk to my mother about him. I’m like he may not be an actively gay man but he’s still gay. Smh! Didnt Antoine Dodson get ‘fixed’ too?

              • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                the concept of being “fixed” is both futile and borderline offensive, IMO. The fvck is broken exactly that you feel the need to be fixed??? Thats just choosing to live life in denial

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              It’s offensive to tell someone they are wrong for being gay but not offensive to tell someone they are wrong for no longer being gay. It’s possible to discover your gayness after living for years as straight, but impossible to discover your straightness after living for years as gay.

              Conundrum

              • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                i think the language he (and others) use is what is troublesome…nothing wrong with making a personal choice about how you wanna live your life….but to say “I was saved from the abomination of gayness” and expect no one to side eye you is an issue lol…thats like someone bleaching their skin and saying “im finally freed from the sin of being black!” its like ummmm whoa there, cool your jets bruh lol

              • MPM

                But the difference is that religious straight people aren’t trying to “pray the straight away”, like religious people are trying to “pray the gay away”. So the problem is that people see being gay as being so much of a problem that they need to change it, not that they’ve discovered themselves. I’m sure if someone realized they were straight after being gay, everyone would be fine as long as that person was being true to who they were.

                • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                  yeah, its more of the stigma attached to being gay than it is someone’s discovery of themselves…..

                • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                  If a person wants to pray the gay away and they believe that is possible to do, that’s nobody’s business but theirs. If someone else is offended by the notion that someone believes that, they need to get a thicker skin and mind their own.

                  • MPM

                    My point is not that they’re not allowed to do it. My point is that it’s offensive, especially when they’re spreading the message that it’s possible; thereby indicating that being gay is wrong and they’ve been “saved”.

                    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                      How do you know it isn’t possible for that person? You don’t know that. If you want people to respect your life and how you live it, you need to do the same. If someone believes they want and need to pray the gay away, that is their business. If you don’t believe it, that is yours. Live and let live.

                    • MPM

                      I respectfully disagree. When it comes to equality and treating people the same, I think it’s important to take a stand and say that some people’s beliefs are just wrong.

                    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                      What does equality have to do with someone’s personal belief that God made them straight? Even if they proclaim it loudly, how does that affect anyone’s equality. What you want is for everyone to believe the same thing and feel the same way about the issue and shame and ridicule until you get that result. That is completely different from rights and equality.

                    • MPM

                      Again, my point is not that he shouldn’t have the right to say it. My point is that he should be rebuffed for doing so and people will and should say that he is wrong. If he said that he was gay and that god had made him straight, that is one thing. But when he says that God rid him of his gayness, that’s where he’s crossing the line. He’s making gay into something wrong that God would need to fix.

                    • Rachmo

                      I think the issue is how loudly and widely Donnie preached it. If he believes it can happen for him ok but preaching it loudly is very uncool.

                    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                      How is it uncool to preach something loudly that you believe? If it can happen for him and he believes it, why wouldn’t he preach that it can happen for someone else? Why is it wrong? He should keep quiet about it? Why. Because society doesn’t like the message? What if it is true that you can pray the gay away for some people. Hmm? Because we don’t like the idea of that, someone who believes it should be hated and called names and ridiculed……the same thing the people doing it don’t want done to them. Ironic.

                    • MPM

                      I get what you’re saying. But as I said before, some things people say are just wrong and should be labeled as such. First amendment rights give someone the right to say whatever they want. But there are consequences for what they say, and they still can be wrong, even if it’s what they believe. At one time people thought that miscegenation was an abomination, but now those people have been proven to be completely wrong.

                  • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                    Its no longer their “personal business” if theyre using it as a tactic to prove that gay ppl choose to be that way and dont deserve any rights….if you choose to “pray the gay away” do it in private and stfu with the soapbox speech about it, no?

                    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                      I don’t see how he’s trying to prove that. Furthermore, why should he or anyone stfu and do it in private. Because it offends you? Doesn’t he have 1st amendment rights?

              • Shay-d-Lady

                I dont think anyone thinks its offensive in theory, in theory anyone can find themselves. I actually have a friend who is dealing with this.
                the issue most often is implementation the “donnie mclurkin” syndrome. Your story is your story, it cannot be applied to everyone and is not an “indicator” of what can and should be done for all gays. that’s the major issue. what is offensive is when someone re-discovers ‘straight” and then they decide to try and fix all of their gay friends or turn their backs and shun them. Therein lies the offense.

          • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

            Just read an article about his fvckery….Donnie needs to go somewhere and have several seats!!

            **still singing tho!!**

    • WIP

      pretty much, I’m singing the whole time i drive and you should be glad i’m singing because that means i’m not asleep and we’re not about to run off the road into a canal.

    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

      Chile, don’t let “Grapevine” come on! I am sanging at the top of my lungs, doing body rolls in the car.

  • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

    oh, and me & my lady are temperature soul wranglers. I am cold year round. I’d pack a blanket on my trip to h3ll. Matta fact, as we speak, the space heater is on max at my desk. Me no likey having my lil knobby knees shaking and my teef chattering… My fiancee? This heffalump is ALWAYS hot!!! alllllwayssssss!!!!! No matter what the temperature is in our room, ONE of us is miserable….I just whine and sob and shiver extra hard hoping to play on her sympathies (sometimes I win, sometimes I dont)…but giving her that electric bill MAY work #genius

    • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

      *looks at avatar* Okay Ms. Bunni

      • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

        Good mornting from gloomy Atlanta!!

    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

      i was with a dude like that. he was a Taurus. like a bull. he used to say he was my heat rock in the reptile cage at the zoo. he used to open the window in the dead of winter, real wide, he he smokt weed and cigarettes and lit incense by the bushel so he was airing things out while i was wearing my sheepskin in tha house ..

      • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

        I need warmth and snuggly awesomeness…..cant believe I’m marrying a polar bear!!!! The great part is that my lady has very warm hands and her body heat keeps me warm when she has the AC set to arctic temps :-)

        • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

          ha yeaa that dude did say his spirit animal was a bear. more grizzly or brown bear i think, but yea, those big warms paws and me with my Morticia Addams hands of death in the winter. i do like a warm blooded animal. yep yep ~*~

  • 321mena123

    Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, gets me more p!ssed than someone touching my air. Don’t touch it. I like my house cold. In the summer or winter, my place is freezing. I have had friends come into my house and ATTEMPT to walk to the AC only for me to ask them what in the entire whole h3!! do you think you’re about to do. PJ, i would just have to pay that electric bill. I don’t do the heat. The heat and I are not friends. If i ever dated a man who was always cold, he would get an extra supply of blankets. If he ever touched my air, he would draw back a nub.

    • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

      lmao **Rick James voice** COLD BLOODED!!

      • 321mena123

        People who are always cold don’t understand how hot the rest of us get. And then yall have the NERVE to want to cuddle. Like really?

        • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          YES I am cold and YES I WANNA CUDDLE DAG NABBIT!! lol

    • WIP

      LOL, Anything below 78 and my house feels like it’s freezing. Cold is not wassup.

      • BreezyX2

        77-78 at mine. I hate to be hot but I sleep every night during all the seasons with a blanket.

    • Shamira

      my ac is set to 81, lol. you would hate me. I hate being cold.

      • 321mena123

        That’s ridiculous. You, WIP, and Bunni would die in my place. My AC is set to 68 and high. When i go on vacation with friends and they share a room with me, the AC is on full blast.

        • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          tryna freeze us out!!!!! i LOVE a cozy home….

          related but unrelated, i stayed in a hotel that had steam showers in every room (essentially a sauna with a shower in it lol), and I fell in LOVE….is it bougie of me to wanna drop $4k to get one installed in my house?? lol

          • 321mena123

            Nope. Bathrooms and kitchens should always look and feel modern and wonderful. Go for it.

            • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

              like, im SERIOUSLY considering using my vacation money to turn our shower stall into a steam shower…to heck with the caribbean, i want steeeeeeammmmm

              • 321mena123

                You can probably get it cheaper than $4000. Go to one of those nice showrooms and see what they have.

                • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                  TRUE, the steam systems ive seen are in the $3k range, then paying to get it properly installed (not tryna go cheap then have a mold problem a year from now lol)…but maybe i need to go bat my eyes and cry into strategically placed cleavage lol

      • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

        oh no, that’s perfect. my A/C been at 80 all summer b/c I work from home. I just put the fan on me and I’m gooood.

    • Kema

      Are you bizarro Kema? I cant do the cold! I dont have air conditioning and was only bothered by that once this summer. But let me not have heat. Awww he!! naw!!! I cant do it. I wont do it. I need it to be 75 or above to be ok.

      • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

        my apt was always set to 73. Perfect temp to wander around half nekked and not succumb to hypothermia lol

        • Epsilonicus

          I tried to come up with a Sahel-like comment but could not find the balance between perverted and funny lol

          • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

            lol, dont give up, theres always tomorrow’s post!! I think PA and Sahel teach perv-humor classes at the Learning Annex

          • BreezyX2

            Don’t! It’s an art form that I am hoping dies sooner rather than later.

      • 321mena123

        What is 75?!? How are yall living?

  • Maris

    This just made my Monday.

    • Kema

      This is about a different comment on a different site on a different day. But I’m over here mad about your ex bf expecting dinner and then wondering if you shouldnt be use to the pain by now. Smh!!!

      • Maris

        I should’ve noted that I offered to kick him in the nuts once a month and ask him after a year if he was used to it, but it didn’t fit the narrative, lolol

        • Kema

          LMAO!!!!

        • Todd

          Wow…I completely missed this convo, and apparently, it’s for my own good. LOL

  • WIP

    I have no solutions on Monday morning…
    I also saw The Butler this weekend and I mostly enjoyed it- (Forest needs captions, Forest and Oprah smangin-eh.., a few other strange moments)- I lost my G and teared up a couple times.