If I Were A Poor Black Kid, What Would You Say To Me?

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I have a confession to make: Although it rang in at a little under 1000 words, yesterday’s “No Pre-Nupt? No Problem” was a “fall-back” post that I scrambled to write in 90 minutes after I scrapped my original, “genius” plan. That plan? A satirical response to Gene Marks’ “If I Were A Poor Black Kid.”

I had the title picked out (“If I Were A Middle Aged White Guy“), a plan (full satire with no winks at the audience), and even went back and forth with the number of penis envy jokes I was going to include (Two. Any more would be tacky). I basically had everything written out in my head before I even typed a word.

But, just as I was about to log on and start writing, something told me to google “If I Were A Middle Aged White Guy.” I did and, well, that “something” saved me the shame of doing the exact same thing that 7578327843 people already did last week. Drats!

Admittedly, it had been a week — a light year in internet time — since that article first hit the internet, so news that my “fresh, witty, and unique” idea was as stale as a day old dog fart wasn’t necessarily shocking. Actually, at this point, any “fresh, witty, and unique” take on this topic would be equally stale.

That venture to Google showed me something else, though, something a bit more disturbing. Our collective rush take Marks’ article down as quickly, wittily, insightfully, condescendingly, factually, and snarkily as possible made for one underlying truth: We really do believe that poor black kids are doomed. 

Perhaps I’m reading to much into this. Maybe, out of the dozens of takes I’ve read on this subject, I overlooked the one that didn’t share this sentiment. But, it seems like the general response can be summed up by just saying “Sh*t is royally f*cked, there’s nothing they can do about it, and it’s insulting to even suggest that anything can be done about it.”

Now, this may actually be true. Maybe luck, serendipity, and divine intervention are the only realistic ways for Dukie to get to Duke. But, lets say I’m that poor black kid. Do you tell me that my destiny is completely out of my control? That regardless of how hard I work, a lucky break or a generous benefactor is the only chance I have to succeed? Do you tell me not to bother walking to the library because I’ll probably trip and fall on an AIDS infected needle on the way there? Do you tell me to forget about downloading Skype on the old laptop my aunt let me borrow because the electricity is gonna be off all next month anyway? That I need to start playing basketball 12 hours a day because my best bet at getting out of the hood is being really, really good at it?

What the hell would you say to me?

—The Champ

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  • mochazina

    I completely loathed the article, not because of the content, which is a good start, butbecause of the presentation of it as if that was all that’s necessary fir a black kid to escape poverty.

    • Todd

      Agree with the content. Heck, I knew a few kids who did what the article said to the letter, so it isn’t out of bounds. I think the tone is what killed it.

      • http://www.reflectionandreview.com S. Kat

        I agree with you two. The basic info was helpful – a poor black kid with access to those resources, a lot of determination, and some degree of support could make her/his way up following Marks’ advice. In fact, many of us have. However, the piece was oversimplified in the many ways that the brilliant responses to it pointed out.This post (yours) is a good one because I’ve been thinking about how – as true as it is that the deck can be/is stacked against poor black kids – there is always agency, always something one can do to better their state. It may be twice, three, four times as hard, but I wouldn’t want to encourage sitting around and doing nothing because the situation’s hopeless. It’s not.

      • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

        I think it was the tone, but moreso, the point of view. I mean, come on? The guy is a middle aged-white guy. What the flip does he know about being a poor black kid? What he’s seen on the Wire? That’s like Martha Stewart telling you how to change an alternator. Now, if homeboy was getting his Dangerous Minds on, and was a teacher who spent umpteen years in the hood playin captain save-a-crackbaby, I MIGHT have taken him a little serious. You can’t tell someone how to do something that LOOKS EASY, and you don’t know about all of the outside factors, like the fact that alot of inner city kids don’t have two parents/income, or the fact that basically none of Maslow’s f*cking hierarchy of needs are met in their lives. I say we challenge him to put his money where his mouth is, and make him take a tour through the ghetto.

        But in the end, his post was simply a gimmick to get blog hits. He probably wrote this article between bong hits.

        • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

          And for the record, it’s possible for kids to escape bad circumstances, but it takes alot; the desire of the child to want better, intelligence/ talent, the sense to avoid as much trouble as possible, some method of mental escapism, at least one mentor who knows how to get that child out of those circumstances, a drug dealer that doubles as a benefactor, and a praying grandmother.

          And a partridge in a pear tree.

          Happy Holidays

          • Taylor K.

            Wow, the article and your response really hit me man. It’s interesting because I was raised by a single grandmother, and we definitely did not live in the best situations. Through a lot of prayer and hard work I was accepted to Duke University and am now a sophomore. To answer my man’s question, it is definitely possible for Dukie to make it to Duke; however, lamenting on excuses like “My Mom was never around” or “My Dad has always been on drugs” simply won’t cut it. For poor black kids, it is so easy to use these real life situations as excuses for not making a difference in the world. It really upsets me because I had everything going against me and I still made it. That’s why when I see these kids now making all sorts of excuses and crying over (for lack of a better term) ignorant dumb shit, I just don’t buy it. Poor black kids can and are making differences; I’m a prime example.

            -Taylor

        • DaddysStarFire

          HaHa! Your take on the blog is hilarious, but I completely agree with you.

          I wonder how many poor black kids Marks actually knows?

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I just read it and didn’t find anything particularly loathsome although I agree it’s a bit unrealistic to suggest a child would have enough sense to do all that research themselves; some of it just seemed a bit much. Why even suggest it if you know they child couldn’t do it on his/her own and then state in the end the child must “want” the help. I think he just threw that article together.

    • mochazina

      excuse the fir… Swype got me. I’ve really moved past being a poor black kid, I promise. lol

  • Iamnotakata

    I would say pursue your education…be different and be the exception…

  • Mena

    To ignore the articles, blogs, commentary etc. that give attention to ignorant nonsense – it will do nothing but make you depressed and start to believe the negative hype.

  • http://purplelikerawr.tumblr.com Purplenat

    I think we just sort of overreact to “it’s simple!” from white people with the message “IT’S NOT SIMPLE AT ALL,” and since we’re annoyed/offended/etc, we don’t necessarily realize that we’re sort of making it sound impossible. Part of it is that we sort of feel the need to “defend” them, and in making that case or any one like it, moderation never sounds as good as extremes and indignation to a lot of people–both the people being offended and those on the other side of the argument (e.g. people falling into dramatic anecdotes, inflated stats, etc). I say it’s an overreaction mainly because… responses like that sort of don’t really help the problem in the long run either. Necessarily. I mean from an awareness/calling out insensitivity point of view, I suppose… Actually solving issues for poor black kids? Ehh.

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    I’d tell you to level the f*ck up! But seriously depends on your life situation whilst in poverty and what attributes you do have. The one thing I would unilaterally say to young black men would be to develop a support system.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      I specifically said males instead of females, because women are more likely to already do that naturally as an outgrowth of their friendship. Did not mean it as if it wasn’t necessary for young women as well.

      • Justmetheguy

        Yeah I agree with Malik here. It depends on who the black kid is and what they do have going for them. I’d tell them first and foremost to learn everything about money and social skills. I agree with Malik about the social system too. I’d also tell them to spend at least an hour every day (or night) reading/learning about something that they consider essential to success, happiness, or health.

        Can’t even lie though, I’m with him on encouraging them to spend their time and money learning about programming. It’s their best shot at getting a good job that isn’t in jeopardy, even if they haven’t been to college. I also understand why people are upset by his apparent naivete and insensitivity.

  • Mini

    I think that you bring up an interesting point. But, I don’t think that the idea of introducing technology was the problem, but the assumption that “poor Black kids” even have the access or capital to figure all of those things out and make them happen. He even says at the end of his article, “Many of these kids don’t have the brains to figure this out themselves – like my kids. Except that my kids are just lucky enough to have parents and a well-funded school system around to push them in the right direction.”

    And I’m done. He has invalidated his piece by pointing out the fact that even his privileged White middle class children wouldn’t be able to figure out all of the means and methods of getting ahead without the economic, social, and cultural systems that are already in place for them. So how exactly and where are “poor Black kids” going to get this information. Yes, there are some who manage to succeed, but it’s going to take a lot more than Google Scholar and Skype to fix the educational problems facing the majority of Black youth in this country.

    So it’s not telling them not to try, but the work of education is not and should not be a one way street. Yes, Black kids need to work hard but teachers, principals, school districts, parents, government, and our society as a whole all need to be held accountable for improving educational outcomes. His article basically says that it’s up to Black kids to figure it out on their own. And that’s both wrong and unfair.

    (I feel kinda passionately about this whole education thing.)

    • annette_b

      * Slow clap *

    • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

      and that’s all i’ve got to say about that
      *forrest voice.

    • http://tinawatkins.wordpress.com Tina Watkins

      @Mini: Agree completely with all you wrote.
      @Champ I agree with some others who pointed out it’s less a resounding sense of impending doom and more what Mini hat said: This is about system failure, not individual failure.

      So what I’d say to you? It’d be a long convo but would probably include something to this effect: Ask, ask, ask. Ask for help. Ask for more information. Ask for books. Ask for a ride. Ask for a mentor. Education never comes easy and can never be done without help. You will have to fight to be the best at everything. It’s hard work but you will succeed. Most important, suck it up and find an adult you respect, who seems to be well-educated. Ask them if they’ll mentor you.

  • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Wee Thomas

    I disagree with your assertion, that the responses indicate a majority feel that the poor black kid is doomed. I don’t think that is the impression I gave on my own blog at http://www.mrweethomas.wordpress.com

    My beef with Marks article is that he was out of touch. If his article was 90% the same but read more like what I would tell a poor black kid and not what i would do were I in that situation, I think the response would be vastly different. People were taking issue with the ignorance and presumption of Marks, not to mention the underlying “if black kids were smarter/not so lazy/notwannabe pimps they could easily overcome all these issues”.

    So, one could take most of what Marks would have “done” were he magically a poor black kid with all the life experience and perspective of a middle aged white man and tell that to your kid, mixed with encouragement and examples and stories that try to illustrate that black success, legal and legitimate, should be viewed as the rule and not the exception.

    • Justmetheguy

      ” If his article was 90% the same but read more like what I would tell a poor black kid and not what i would do were I in that situation, I think the response would be vastly different. People were taking issue with the ignorance and presumption of Marks, not to mention the underlying “if black kids were smarter/not so lazy/notwannabe pimps they could easily overcome all these issues”.”

      Exactly! That pretty much sums up my feelings too. He’s just another white guy trying to get rid of the small tinge of guilt they feel for being part of a system that’s been unequal from the start. I also wonder how much of this was his trying to increase viewership/traffic and register his name into the memory banks of the masses….isn’t working cause I don’t even remember it lol

  • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

    I sweatagod one of my 2012 new year’s resolutions is to not take advice from anyone online that I don’t know. I’m so burnt out of these life analyzers and fake @ss preachers on the internet. These people take a talent like being able to write well and translate that into talking sh*t to whoever will listen. We got single dudes telling women how to keep a man, the “who hurt you” sista movement, fake bible scripture quoting get your life right self righteous folks, all black women are angry “nice” guys, etc ALL online trying to tell everybody about themselves.

    I just had to unfollow a few chicks on Twitter who do nothing but throw shade all day on their timeline at everyone from Beyonce’s belly to Keri Hilson’s toes yet you click on their avi and not sure what you’re looking at exactly. I must need a vacation because it’s getting on my nerves. I wish certain people would log off and go live life. Be about it…instead of typing about it.

    …And if you spend 258354 hours online, I DON’T BELIEVE YOU.

    I’ll be on vacation soon and in much better spirits. :)

    • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Dang i didn’t even answer your question. I’m not a Black boy but I would say to dream. Dreaming is a good way to get out of the hood. Dream what you want your life to be and never forget it. Look at those who are doing what you want to be doing then try to come up with a plan on how to get there?

      I dunno. I need to log off. :)

      • Justmetheguy

        @SFG- Tell em how you really feel tho…lol, you’re so right tho. Like I don’t understand y this particular condescending advice from a misinformed/naive white guy got so popular. That’s just his insightful yet prejudiced *ss opinion. I ain’t lost even a minute of sleep over it….btw where we goin for vacay boo? ;-) lol

        • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Anyone online can be seen and gain popularity. I just consider the source. I’ll be home for the holidays then a brief trip to Jamaica, then back home then DC then NYC. Whooo I can’t wait! :)

        • annette_b

          “Like I don’t understand y this particular condescending advice from a misinformed/naive white guy got so popular.”

          Especially in light of the fact that we see so much condescending advice from so many other misinformed/naive white folks. Why this guy?

      • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        Cosign. Folks get an audience and suddenly they think they got the answers for the world. People need to back up for a quick sec and reevaluate what they actually know. Which is pretty close to nothing

        • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Exactly. Too many dr. phil-like prophets for my taste.

    • LadyC

      Your rant is genius! I don’t like things being re-packaged as new as if people are not intelligent enough to decipher what’s what. I’m not a huge Steve Harvey fan and not hating on the success of his book, but a movie too?! Really. But he’s not alone…New Year’s Eve movie?! I can’t. Gary Marshall tried with Valentine’s Day already. He can’t make a Love Actually ensemble for the states and it’s ok.

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        Lmao! I have a habit of supporting all black films no matter what. I side eye Steve Harvey but some of what he says makes sense. I’ll see how the movie goes but trust I will watch for entertainment purposes only. lol

    • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

      LMFAO.
      tell em why you mad son!
      TELL DEM!!!
      oh wait. you just did. ;)
      *hugs*

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        *motorboats keishabrownsbosom* Thanks ma

        • KeishaBrownsBosom

          Awww sweet!!! I haven’t had that done in a good lil minute.

          • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

            *DEAD*

        • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

          *records for later*

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      “…a few chicks on Twitter who do nothing but throw shade all day on their timeline at everyone from Beyonce’s belly to Keri Hilson’s toes yet you click on their avi and not sure what you’re looking at exactly.”

      I’ve read this a couple times and it keeps making me laugh.

      • http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        I fired shots lol it’s true though. I love twitter but some ppl are on there 24/7 making fun of everyone. Sometimes it’s funny but if that’s all you do ALL day, you need to do better. (not you) :) D@mn, I sound angry today.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Keri Hilson’s toes?!? lmao

  • http://vanityinperil.com Vanity in Peril

    This poor man. O to live in a world where nobody close to you loves you enough to tell you to have a damn seat…

    I would tell this kid that life is gonna be tough as tacos… especially because you’re black and only a little less so because you’re a man. You have to work hard and you have to make sure all of your habits are good ones (the whole sow a habit, sow a destiny yadda yadda) but you have to make sure you turn it all the way up to eleven because you are black and this is America… the land of the apathetic. I would tell him you’re gonna face adversity, racism, classism and other hoodrat ish but mostly you’re gonna face a whole lot of people talking and very little people who stand behind what they say… except for the evil doers, they always back their ish up. So stand for what you believe, always. Do what you say you will do, always. And be on the look out for middle aged- white guys that think they are helping, always.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      OT: Do you follow me on Tumblr?

    • Justmetheguy

      Yeah, what VanityinPeril said! lol, you took the words right outta my mouth and sh*t lol. I really was about to make the point about making sure the majority of your habits are good ones, and I’m stealin the phrase “The Land of the Apathetic”. Great summary. Every young black kid needs to hear that. Especially the young boys. They don’t deal with the emotional distress of all those things you mentioned well. Especially when they’re already so confused, impulsive and immature. Not a good combination. Great advice though. I’ll repeat your comment in like a decade to my future kids lol

  • LadyC

    I’d tell Dukie to stay away from the man lugging around the junk with the donkey! That was depressing :/

    But really, I’d tell a poor black kid to focus on school and be involved in activities & sports that don’t require a lot of money. And stay in church to get emotional support and hopefully be mentored or be greatly helped by a compassionate person that can find a connection to a stable situation

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      “I’d tell Dukie to stay away from the man lugging around the junk with the donkey! That was depressing :/”

      BOL! That was sad at the end.

      • http://uphereoncloud9.wordpress.com Wu Young, Agent of M.E.

        Watching Dukie ask Prezbo for that money and seeing him with the needle hurt.

        • Mena

          But it showed the end/beginning to the cycle. Man that part was powerful. The kid with the drug dealing father in prison who’s mama wasn’t worth ish was the one that was saved. The kid whose parents left him, literally out on the street, was the one that got caught up. The one that was the most sensitive ended back in the foster system after trying to do what was right and the one that only wanted to protect his brother got lost in the game. Just goes to show that not everyone can be saved or helped and that you will lose some along the way but you shouldn’t stop trying.

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            Yes, it seemed like the kids fell into a role that some other adult character on the show had been in. Mike (?) was the new Omar, Dukie (I guess) was the new Bubba, etc.

            • http://uphereoncloud9.wordpress.com Wu Young, Agent of M.E.

              Simon and company basically said nothing was going to change, just the names.

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