It was only a matter of time before Ray J. made it onto Very Smart Brothas.
We here at Very Smart Brothas, Inc. believe in mass education. In fact, if we had a presidential platform to convey to the people, we’d preach a message of education for all. Hell, I even believe in responsible crime. I hate dumb criminals. That’s how dedicated to education I am…I even want the lower dregs of society to step their reading game up.
Wu-Tang and Panama are for the kids.
With that in mind, The Champ and I, decided that we’d like to open Pandora’s box a little bit today. We often find ourselves telling our friends things that we wish our boy/girlfriends would just realize in order to make our own lives better. Yes, we are indeed selfish bastards. Relish it. It is in this vein that we’ve decided to share with the world the things that we wish the opposite sex knew about us in order to make our lives and relationships more cohesive and fluid.
Because you see, fluidity is the cure for flaccidity. I can’t get it up if you keep me down.
(That’s actually not true.)
I slay me sometimes.
So without further adieu, Very Smart Brothas Presents…
THINGS WE WISH THE OTHER GENDER KNEW ABOUT US
Panama’s Wish (You Knew) List-
1) It actually does hurt when you boo. It wasn’t just a commercial. Men have feelings too and we kind of wish you’d look a little deeper at times. For instance, I’m not just the hardened killer and murderer I present myself to be on the outside, on the inside I like poetry and reading cook books.
2) The whole leaving the toilet seat up, yeah we know its not a good look, but realize that in the middle of the night (when we usually leave it up), we’re doing our best to aim straight in a sleep-induced stupor. The toilet seat? Just be glad I’m not pissing on the walls.
3) Generally speaking, you talk too much. It is what it is.
4) We couldn’t possibly care less about your shoe collection. Or clothes for that matter. In fact your fashion sense? Totally don’t see it. Especially when our shoe game is way more vicious. To hell with your pumps when I can look at and admire my Jordans.
5) We love you despite the fact that your taste in music makes me want to stab midgets AND squirrels. Truly, we only listen to you talk about how good Raheem Devaughn is because you also told us that Carl Thomas could sing. We just think you’re comedians. You know, the unfunny kind. Like Pauly Shore.
The Champ’s List -
1) we occasionally fake it too. don’t worry, it usually has nothing to do with you, its just that sometimes our pillows are a bit more desirable than your ***insert perfunctory vulgar related vagina euphemism***, and its much easier for you us if we faked it than if we just stopped in mid-stroke, pulled out, said “sorry babe, it aint happening”, and fell asleep
2) if we seriously desired that your boobs were bigger or your ass was fatter, we just find somebody with bigger boobs or a fatter ass. since we’re the ones who approached you, we were pleased with what you brought to the table before we even knew what your name was, and there’s really no need to obsess about this. if we’re with you, we love how you look.
3) if its necessary that you have to be seen when the game’s on, at least try not to be heard
4) every time you complain to us about those “bitches at work”, we lose less and less respect for you and your intelligence. seriously
5) lastly, for your own benefit, you should probably know that there’s literally nothing that you can do to make a guy who wants to stray stay. nothing. if he says his mind’s already made up, its been made up for months and he’s just now getting around to telling you.
******
So…what do you wish the other gender knew about you? Huh? Huh????
might be kind of tacky to be the first comment on your own site…however, i have to totally co-sign on the champ’s #1…i know i’ve faked it before.
it is what it be’s.
I’m just saying that men got feelings.
Ya know, sometimes we just want to cuddle. You rub my back I’ll rub yours. ~ Bill Bellamy from Love Jones…
…which still sucks.
tackier yet to co sign your co sign of the Champ’s #1
i guess my dogmatic co-signage on panama’s #2 would be even tackier, huh?
Even tackier…is that I forwarded the blog to my collective and 63 emails later this is what we got, along with two “heated” arguements, a whole lotta CAPS and a few strategically placed exclamation points.
WHAT MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW:
Corey’s List
1) No Games: Brothas are known for having game, but women are notorious for playing them. If you don’t know yourself well enough to know what you want in a relationship don’t make the man suffer for it – stop playin’ a game. If you are secretly trying to dangle a few brothas to see which one can hold on the longest, you are playin’ a game. Playin’ games does and will elicit a handful of reactions from a man ranging from leaving your behind on the curb to playin’ the same game. If you are trying to make a brotha prove that he is not your dog of an ex, you are playin’ a game that, far too often, neither of you will win. FYI, brothas aren’t scared of competition so you don’t have to hide that you are seeing other people. Depending on the stage of your relationship, he may be doing the same. If you are feeling the man too, it’s OK to be upfront with it. To continue the game analogy, with everybody hiding their cards, it’s a wonder people are able to make a real connection. Yell “Domino!” already…..now y’all done made me mix my metaphors. If he’s feelin’ you, he’ll let you know and if he’s really feelin’ you you’ll already know cause he’ll be tryin’ to spend more time with you.
2) Be there: I know, duh, but a woman can take that for granted (and I’ve dated her too). In some way, shape or form you must be present in the relationship. Preferably, in bodily form, but for those of you in long-distance relationships (and I’ve seen them work before) telephone works too. E-mail or text messages can also work if mutually agreed upon and you have the same cell phone carrier….kidding about that last one. This is important because it lets the other person know that you are thinking about them and you genuinely want to be there for them/with them. Not the same as 3), I think we’ve all dated someone and could talk to them on the phone, but not really be communicating with them. For example, I was probably never more in love than when I would call my lady just so she could go to sleep to the sound of my voice. Yeah, I had other things I could be doing, but nothing else seemed as important.
3) Communicate: This means that you must actually communicate with the man you are in the relationship with. It’s all fine and good to think you have an understanding with ‘naught but a glance’. Meanwhile, in the real world, folks who have been married for years are still finding out stuff about each other so why shouldn’t people who are dating? I know this sounds very grade school, but use your words (and, contrary to popular belief, they don’t always have to be small, simple ones). Men aren’t mindreaders……OK, that was actually in the original article too. Warning: If you ask our opinion, be prepared to get an honest answer (see first cent). It’s not fair to ask us no-win questions like, “Do you think she’s cute?” and “Do you think I look fat in these pants or do the other ones make me look thinner?” Communication is not about seeing if the man you’re with can give you the answer you’re looking for, it’s about learning if the man you’re with is the right one for you and, trust me, those aren’t one in the same. A playa can tell you what you want to hear.
Ashley’s List
1. Can we? Got to cosign on The Champ’s #1 — yes, fellas can fake. I’ll expound on that later.
2. It’s easier to “stay home” when you maintain. Just Like the fellas said, if we liked you from jump street, we liked how you look to a 70% or better degree. But real fellas are always a work in progress, and i think that should hold true for my boo. I want you to be proud of what you have on your arm…in body, mind, and spirit. Likewise, keep your gym card, library card, and take sometime ever-so-often towards your inward spirit.
3. I ain’t just taking anybody home to meet my parentals, if that’s your “endgame”. TRUST. Forever is SERIOUS business. If we are not rushing to put ice on your hand, think about it…maybe it’s becuase we only trying to do it ONE TIME. Don’t know about others, but I think a “starter” marriage is crazy. I’ll get a starter condo/home, car, maybe even take a lateral job move…but not the wifey. If we’ve kept you around for longer than a little bit, and you’re being treated right, bide your time…it means we’re deliberating.
4. Mind-reading is for the X-Men…it ain’t real. When two people are vibing, there are those serendipitous instances where you can look at each other and nothing needs to be said. But if that ain’t happening, just tell me what’s up. That closing off just frustrates most fellas, and I know it bothers ladies when I do it. Everybody’s got some friends who f’ed something up due to lack of communication.
5. A girl with no crew is a FLAG. All quality women in my day have 3-4 sista-friends who are their aces. When most fellas meet a girl (whose probably fun as h&%%) but doesn’t have some lady confidants, it may spell trouble. We want you to have some people to run off and play with…why? ‘Cause we want to go get wings & a cold brew with our boys sometimes, too.
6. The friend-GIRL. If I knew her before I met you, and we’re tighter that pantyhose 3 sizes small, I probably want to keep her around. As long as I’m not disrepspecting you, we’d ask that you not look at her as a threat. And IF she’s fine…don’t hate on her, or expect us to either. Refer to #2 above. I’m not going to hate on your friend-FELLA(s). (co-signed by Kenol)
7. “Skillz”. I said I’d come back to this. No dude wants a b.d.r. (if you don’t know ask your friend-GIRL), but we also know that ladies don’t want the marathon all the time. Again, communication is the key. Like pairs figured skaters, it takes a few routines/recitals to get the rhythm…after that, improvisation can commence.
Christopher’s List
1) Blue balls isn’t a good look, so, as I said before, if you aren’t trying to get down, we’re going to find a woman who is.
2) In the long run, being cool will get you much farther than being fine.
3) If you didn’t have a solid relationship with your father, you might want to slow down on telling me how to go about being a man/good boyfriend. (co-signed by Kenol)
4) Your girls hate on the men you meet ‘cos they’re single/unhappy, too. (co-signed by Kenol)
5) Don’t kid yourself; we know when you’re trying to flip the script and be a playa.
6) The best way to get something from a man is to NOT nag him about it. And the, ‘Well, he should listen, then,’ defence isn’t going to work. If he’s not ‘listening,’ bounce. But all that nagging … ? Save it.
7) Your girls WILL take your man. (co-signed by Kenol)
8) Being control freaks/brats will be your undoing. (co-signed by Kenol)
WHAT WOMEN WISH MEN KNEW:
Lolly’s List
1. Wear your crown. I’m going to treat you like a King so please, stand proud, make firm decisions, watch my back and assert yourself. I like when you take the lead, take control and take care of things. I like it even more when taking the lead means making sure I’m satisfied and getting what I need.
2. Business is for the boardroom. I love that you are handling your business and stacking your paper. But you can save those conversations about your bling, investments, property, vehicles and connections for the times when it really matters. Please put to rest all the bragging and boasting about what you “gonna have” or “used to have” and “who you know” and focus on what really matters: your character and all those special personality traits that make you you.
3. Be yourself. No crowd pleasers. You don’t have to let popular culture dictate your decisions on how you behave and who you are. Stand firm on what you believe in and please be strong enough to walk alone when need be.
4. I got my own thang. All ladies have a unique set of needs and desires in the bedroom. Just cause those tricks worked on the last…don’t mean it’s gonna work for the next. Pay attention and you’ll get schooled correctly.
5. No laughter, no love. It’s not all that serious. Please be able to laugh at yourself, and me, easily.
Lastly…my List
1. Know who you are. Period. If you are still trying to find yourself or are acting outside of who you really are, you need not apply. Look, I never want to be your mama (she’s done a fabulous job already) or decifer a character your portraying and I’m not a licensed psychologist. Likewise I have no expectation for you to save me. Soft place to fall when you have a mediorce, pissy, horrible or spectacular day, without a doubt. Standing by you when everything hits the fan, absolutely. A man that is spiritually grounded and secure in 97% of who he is…priceless.
2. Don’t be afraid to be silly. Life has waaaay too many stressors, the relationship shouldn’t be one of them. Chase me down the hallway, do that silly “I’m gonna eat real food” dance when I’m cooking and let me give you that look that makes you laugh when your day is bad…let’s bring fun, not just sexy, back.
3. Bottom line I like sports as much as you do….so do me this favor, trash-talking is for time-outs, silence is for the start of the play and full-blown making out is for half-time.
4. To be a great boyfriend you only have to do one thing: Think of her first. Nine times out of ten she is being just as considerate as you, if not more….so return the favor. Both of your needs will be met, guaranteed. Just be open, I know the first love slightly killed it for the rest of us, but the right one will be so much better…TRUST.
5. A man with no crew is a FLAG. Zero accountability, zero mentors, zero poker nights, zero “Shoot the breeze on any given Sunday” friends = Zero Progress. I don’t pretend to be a man, I prefer being a lady so there are certain things I can’t give you. One thing I do know for sure is that men need to congregate as a group by themselves every so often, so if your not congregating then you may not be capable of holding down a friendship, in which I would question your ability to hold me down…enough said.
6. Love Language….I know it sounds bogus, but real talk everyone has a different version of love. For you it may be touch, for someone else it may be quality time and another person it may be special gifts…thing is if your gonna sign-up and do the relationship you gotta give what the other person views as love, and we all need to be free enough to say what that is….otherwise your giving, but your partner isn’t translating that into recieving and if your never really running the play then you can’t make a touchdown.
I have to co-sign on both of your #2s and Champ’s #5. I’m not sure I get Panama’s #1, perhaps you could go into a bit more detail for me. . .
Kudos to Panama’s #1. It’s great that a man is able to admit that. Sometimes you just want to be held too huh?
Word up fellas. On point as usual. I just have to add on…
I’ll never understand why the position of the toilet seat is such a big deal to women. Ive never heard a dude nag his woman about her leaving the seat down. You know what he does when he goes to use it and finds the toilet seat down? He lifts it up. The end.
Boo! Put the damn seat down!
Though I did say I understand, you should also probably look where you’re going. You make sure you walk into the bathroom instead of the kitchen to piss right? Make sure the damn seat is up too.
“Though I did say I understand, you should also probably look where you’re going. You make sure you walk into the bathroom instead of the kitchen to piss right? Make sure the damn seat is up too.”
any woman, please explain what the issue is with this? seriously. i really dont understand, and i really need you all’s help
I look where I’m going. I’ve never fallen in. =) It’s just not visually pleasing looking inside the bowl…
What I wish men knew about me:
1. Don’t say you’re going to do one thing and then end up doing another totally different from what you had planned to do. For example:
BF: 8:30pm “Baby, I’m going to run out and meet [female best friend] for a drink and catch up”
Me: “Okay hun, have fun. I’ll be in candy land chilling with the kids”
tic toc tic toc….finally at 11:45PM
Cell Phone Rings
BF: “hey babe…I had a okay time with [female bestfriend]. I missed you”
ME: “That’s good. Where did you guys end up getting your drink?”
BF: “Oh…well, [bar] was packed and the spot across from it wouldn’t let me in with gym shoes…so we caught a movie instead”
ME: *silence for 2 minutes* “Ummm…a movie?”
2. If you want to invade my shower with your presence…DONT TURN THE WATER TO COLD AND CALL IT WARM. I love my water hot, if you can’t handle it…wait until I’m done! Nuff said.
Hmmm….I’ll come up with more.
In your scenario, dude had a legit reason to not go to the bar. So was he supposed to call you and tell you he was going to the movies instead?
Sometimes, life happens and shit changes.
It’s not that your plans changed, it’s that you spent two hours in the dark with another woman.
EXACTLY DEVIANT!
TELL HIM!!!!
Yeah. We are never excited about you spending hours in the dark with other women. Seems more like a date. lol
Exactly Queen! I could care less the chick is married…since when do no married couples cheat??? Hmmmm.
Just did not rub me the right teddy bear way AT ALL!
further proof that women are insane.
so drinking together which can lead to non-smart behavior is better than going to the movies?
i feel a lot of people put their insecurities off on other people. you dont trust your man to be in the movies with another woman b/c its dark? but you’ll let the dude go get drinks…
UNSUPERVISED AT THE SAME TIME?
I just state the truth. I can’t explain it in a way that will justify if logically because it’s not logical.
um, no one said we were excited about you having drinks with another woman either…dark or drunk, I’m not excited about it. I wouldn’t trip, but still not excited.
Precisely.
of course I wasn’t pleased about the drinks part. I didn’t trip…but definitely wasn’t pleased.
“I just state the truth. I can’t explain it in a way that will justify if logically because it’s not logical.”
another potential t-shirt, but one that only women should wear
Oh yeah, I knew I’d comeup with more…
3. Never ask after sex: “How many times did you cum?”
WTH type of question is that! So not sexy because chances are…we didn’t have the nice “O” at all!
lol Simplecomplexity. If the guy has to ask, apparently he didn’t hit the spot.
Oh man… I hate when they do that.
4. If you must tell me about your day and how traffic pissed you off…can it please wait until AFTER my show line-up has gone off.
5. Okay, you have fast cars and like to race. DO IT WITHOUT ME IN THE CAR!!! I want to see my next Birthday!
Simplecomplexity…you might want to get a DVR…and stop messing with dudes that ask how many times you came. Just a thought. =)
We don’t always want hold your hand,put our arms around you, have you sit on our laps or any of those other “affectionate” touching you might want. It has nothing at all to do with you or our attraction to you. Sometimes, most of the time, we just want our space. Literally. And for me personally, aside from hand holding, all that other stuff is very intimate. It is for US to share and not for everyone else to be an audience to.
And besides, NO ONE wants to be around “that couple” who can’t keep their hands off of each other.
Co-sign…
There are other ways to show your affection without nauseating the people around you.
I’ve been in one of those relationships, and I’ve found thant when you’re with the right person, you truly don’t care about the people around you. Fuck ‘em! LOL
My respect for you grows exponentially when you express yourself, even when you aren’t sure what you feel or what it means, yet.
I fear losing my independence, it doesn’t mean I don’t trust you to be a provider and protect me. I will work on it and extra points if you acknowledge my efforts to do so.
I dig porn too, but if you think it should be used as instructional video, you most certainly will get clowned
The number of times that some amazing head won’t get you off the hook for minor relationship offenses is infinitesimal
Wait…
Are you saying porn is NOT educational?
Damn you, Jenna Jameson…
lol
“I fear losing my independence, it doesn’t mean I don’t trust you to be a provider and protect me. I will work on it and extra points if you acknowledge my efforts to do so.”
*taking notes*
Diva- I have to most definately co-sing # 2 and #3. I have done for me for as long as I can recall. It is hard to simply walk away from that. And porn collection my be more extensive than yours, so dont be surprised. I amd single so to prevent me from random slutting episodes, I sometimes need different stimulation for self gratification
“I fear losing my independence, it doesn’t mean I don’t trust you to be a provider and protect me. I will work on it and extra points if you acknowledge my efforts to do so.”
*hug*
LOL @ Panama’s #5! Sweet tea literally spewed after I read it. I love both Raheem and Carl Thomas *humming “Summer Rain* at desk* But yeah, they aren’t the best vocalists in the world. So I’m picking up my pen and cosigning as well.
1. Don’t ask me to perform certain sex acts. If I want to do it, I’ll automatically do it. If you ask, I won’t. Example: oral
2. If you’ve called and left me a message one time, wait until I call you back. You don’t need to keep calling me. You’ll seem like a bug-a-boo.
3. I’m not impressed by who you know, how many digits in your salary or what kind of car you drive. So why do you brag about those things…if we keep seeing each other, eventually I’ll find out all those things.
4. Hearing about all the women you used to screw isn’t a turn on; in fact, it’s a turn off, because to paraphrase Snoop, “we (women) don’t love dem (male)hoes” either.
5. Don’t act like you’re the only man out there so get your act together or keep it moving.
@#2: Yay-f*ckin’-men.
Women like to know if you’re interested but give her a chance to call you back. That’s all I’m saying.
Can we tell that to the kind gentleman from Brooklyn who called me FIFTY (50) times in the course of three months, despite my refusal to answer any of his calls? And we had never had a real convo to begin with?
So, that said, here is my request:
Don’t be fucking insane.
Thank you.
#1… Shrug. Id rather them ask me and give me the option to tell them “No.” Who knows? Maybe I’ll say yes!
What’s the alternative? “Sneaking,” as D*stroy mentioned before? Willing us with their minds? Squinting at us really hard with an erection before we look up like, “Oh shit, did you say something?”
What the opposite sex needs to know about me:
1. I am spoiled. I am accustomed to getting things my way. However, I don’t want a “yes” man. Stand up for yourself. If I don’t get my way, sure I get a lil assy – but guess what … I GET OVER IT. Plus I’ll like you more for not being a bitch. Summons up your inner alphamale.
2. I dig intimacy more than sex (for the most part), but don’t ever turn me down for sex. EVER. I won’t ever turn you down, so you don’t ever turn me down.
3. Be a man and go have a pedicure with me. Your rewards will be soft healthy nice looking feet … and then some.
4. I don’t give a fudgenugget what your boys think.
Oh, and I don’t give a damn about the toilet seat. Up down whatever. Just don’t pee ON the seat.
Fuck a co-sign…
#1 is on me!
What does a pedicure have to do with manhood? It urks me when women question your manhood cause you don’t do something they want you to do that has nothing to do with manhood. I keep my feet clean, my nails trimmed and toes de-fungused. Why does my manhood require that I have some asian lady rubbing lotion on my feet while she talks shit about me in Cantonese? explain that to me.
I personally don’t view it as a question of manhood, but a lot of men I have come across seem to feel that getting a pedicure deems them as having some tendencies that are less than “manly.” Afraid of what their friends are going to think, etc.
I mean I’m not asking dude to go with me every 2 weeks when I go, but can I get once a year?
A pedicure is more than an asian lady rubbing lotion on your feet while she talks smack about you in mandarin.
and I have no explanation for WHY I want him to go with me. I just do.
You said “be a man and do it” thats why I got that impression that it was a question of manhood. Yeah its not a very manly thing. Its along the same lines as going to the salon for a haircut.
I’m the kind of person that can’t accept things if you can’t give me a reason. Thats me. If its something you want you should be able to expalin why otherwise I just consider it unimportant. I’d think a woman would expect the same of me.
The “be a man” was more for don’t let your friends’ opinions sway your decision, stand on your own. not for the pedicure.
I can’t explain why I like thunderstorms, or why falling snow makes me horny … I just do and it just does. I just want the man in my life to get a pedicure with me.
I’m a mom, so I can I say the reason is “Because I say so” ?
“…or why falling snow makes me horny …”
Your subconscious desire for a facial?
just kidding… maybe.
“Because I say so” is never a good reason. All that says is that I’m too lazy to explain or I think you’re too stupid to comprehend the actual reason. Which is insulting on both accounts.
i have a conscious desire for facial hair … on him. i prefer to keep my face hair free, unless it – you know thats probably way too much info right there.
moving on.
I will admit the reason is irrational and bordering most likely on retarded.
but during all of this, remember my number 1.
1. I actually like it when you say “no” to my semi-ridiculous requests. If I’ve only known you for a month and I ask you to do my laundry, I’m testing you. I don’t want a controlling prick in my life, but I don’t want a pushover either.
2. I’m amused by your inability to pick up on certain details. I change my hair…you ask me if I’m losing weight. I lose weight…you ask me if I’m wearing more make up.
Sometimes it’s cool when you recognize a change, even if you don’t know what it is.
3. I hate when you play Madden. Mainly b/c you won’t teach me how to play too. Is it b/c you think I’ll beat you if I learn?
4. When you talk about what you’d do if you met Beyonce, Melissa Ford, Nia Long, Christina Milian, Kim Kardashian, etc. it aggitates me like a gnat hovering over my food. Why? B/c you know you wouldn’t really do anything but stand there if you met any of those women. Hell, when we met you were afraid to talk to me.
5. I’d appreciate it if you could accept that your favorite shirt is ugly. Sorry. If you have some sort of emotional attachment to it that’s fine. Keep it, just don’t wear it.
3, 4, and 5 had me dying because I can relate. I have to agree with all three 100%.
@3
we won’t teach you how to play Madden cause no one taught us. We had to learn by getting the shit kicked out of us over and over. In fact thats the only real way to learn. Also from my experinece most girls don’t handle the learning (losing) needed to play a game like Madden. I’ve even been told that it wasn’t any fun because she was losing. To us the fun is in the struggle. If you don’t adopt that same mindset it sucks to play with you. Some guys are that way too.
While I appreciate your explanation, I have a question for you.
I’m noticing in some instances you are commenting as if you’re a man…”Why does my manhood require that I have some asian lady rubbing lotion on my feet while she talks shit about me in Cantonese?”
And in others as if you’re a woman…”I am not her… Whoever she was, she ain’t me. Please make every attempt to treat me like the amazingly awesome individual I am as I will take into account that you are used to dealing with… well, women who aren’t me*.”
Am I missing something? Care to elaborate?
There’s nothing to miss…
There is…your true gender. Or would you prefer not to disclose it?
The answer to your second question is here.
Gotta love the shameless plug.
I love both of your personalities. Keep up the good work!
Thank you.
2D–Glad you asked cause I’m all messed up. Not to mention Deviant, you definitely corrected somebody the other day about mistakening your gender.
But either way…it doesn’t matter. Deviant, I think you have a great grasp on both perspectives. It’s refreshing.
D*stroy,
I corrected them because they were wrong in their assumptions.
And thank you.
i’m actually surprisingly not confused by any of this. i’m proud of myself
1. Bathroom and bodily function conversations/humor…not appealing or interesting in the slightest.
2. Stop asking me the same questions 50 different ways. I’ve already taken the LSAT, and nobody’s trying to lie to you.
3. If I’m with my girl and you’re trying to holla, can you at least know which one of us you’re trying to holla at?
a) If you do pick one and you strike out with the first, please do NOT even THINK about moving on to the next. Slink off with your tail between your legs and accept defeat. Thanks.
4. Please don’t ask me anything you really don’t want to know the answer to… because I will tell you.
@ #3 – Though that has to be completely annoying, it really is amusing to see that shit in person. In fact, I almost respect the dude who decides to go the f*ck it route and try to holler at all of you…if only because he believes in giving people stories to tell later on.
And life is all about the stories.
You’d be surprised how often it works.
“You’d be surprised how often it works.”
preach and shit
#4 is my bible and goes both ways. I never ask a question of a man that I REALLY don’t want to know the answer to and expect that if he does not want to know the true answer he should probably hold off on his question.
Amen @ #1.
*waves at X*
*waving back at Brownngirl* =)
get a room
You know something, I used to feel like the toilet seat thing was not an issue. up or down– who cares? right? wrong. I recently read something that f-ed me up. It said that you should keep your tooth brush five feet away from your toilet because the airborne particles which create the stench can settle into the bristles. Now, I don’t have an expansive bathroom, so my toothbrush remains in the medicine cabinet or sometimes in close proximity to that crap-trap but I can at least rest easy that the toilet seat and it’s cover is down. Not that putting the lid down really helps but it allows me to believe that little sh*t particles aren’t swarming my toothbrush. Morning breath is bad enough without lathering your teeth with fetid toothpaste.
That little medical tidbit was the shit!
Sorry, couldn’t help myself.
Ignorance, sponsored by Panama D. Jackson.
I read that it is within 20 feet, not 5. It just helps to flush with the toilet seat closed. Then your toothbrush is safer. *wink*
20 what? Whos bathroom has 20 feet between the toilet and the sink? What kind of giant ass bathrooms do you guys have? Sometimes when I bend to pick something out of my toes while pooping, I hit myself into a concussion on the sink. 20 feet? gtfo.
that was an episode of mythbusters. sh*t was everywhere. they set up toothbrushes all over this house and even the ones in the mb kitchen had traces of fecal coliforms present. the reported levels weren’t enough to be considered dangerous. but still i keep the lid down on the toilet, the bathroom door closed and my toothbrush in an undisclosed location. i’m paranoid like that.
I would like to add a couple more to the list that men in general should know:
For Men in a Social Setting
1. If we happen to be in a club/party, do not grab any part of my body. In fact don’t touch me without an invitation.
2. If you touch me anyway (which for some reason you often do), do not grab my butt.
3. If you do grab my butt, don’t grin at me like a hyena as if you did me a favor. I am not excited. Also don’t be angry if I reach around and try to bend back your finger. You touched me, I touch you back.
4. Don’t try to have a conversation with me starting with ridiculous pickup line (i.e. the texture of my baby hair and what it says about me sexually.)
5. Looking at me while you are with a woman (when she can’t see you) is not hot. Stop it.
For Men in Relationships (or trying to have one with me)
1. Saying “you changed your hair” and nothing else doesn’t sit well with me. I assume that you don’t like it unless you say you like it. So basically, say you like my hair. Lol
2. Saying HUH and WHAT to stall only work like one time. Diversify your stalling techniques.
3. If we get a little emotional right before that time of the month, give us some hugs. We don’t know what we are upset about either…we have as much control over this as you do, which is basically no control.
4. Time when we are asleep does not count as time spent together. When I am asleep I don’t know you are there.
5. There is almost never a wrong time for sex (except when you have pissed me off) I can appreciate an aggressive man. Make it happen.
Oh…quit comparing your muscle cramps to our womanly cramps. They aren’t the same, trust us.
Interesing list, let me provide some man perspective on a few of these:
1) Perhaps we DON’T like your hair. We know you all like acknowledgment so its our way of saying, we noticed without saying, “girl, you hair looks like Edward Scissorhands used a Flobee to get at your head.”
4) For you all not to know that we’re there, y’all tend to kick the shit out of us anyway. And given the fact that you land more kicks than Pretty Boy Floyd lands punches, I’m assuming their intentional. Therefore, it counts as time spent. Love taps are just that, taps for love.
5) begs a question that is perhaps another topic for VSB…are men expected to always initiate sexual acts??
5) Simply stated… yes.
That doesn’t make it right but that’s just the way it is.
Re #5 – no. I initiate sex a lot, and tend to initiate it in manners that aren’t expected. Like if I ask you to get off the couch and do some annoying ass thing that I more than likely can do myself … probably means head is gonna be involved at some point.
Kudos to you… but most women do expect the man to initiate.
Not me though.
@Perhaps we don’t like your hair…I can’t comprehend that statement. You should like it. Tell me so. lol
Men shouldn’t be expected to always initiate. I think most women are just used to men initiating.
@ #1 Especially that elbow grab…
@ #4 WTF??? lmao…
uh yeah. I’ve heard this three times now. Apparently there is some Theorem/Proof: if you have a certain type of “baby hair” then the sex is guaranteed to be good. I have been told that I have this type. I am seriously considering slicking all of my baby hair back.
Disclaimer… Let it be known that I do not purposefully brush down the hair around the edges of my hairline.
Wow.
LMAO!!! “Apparently there is some Theorem/Proof: if you have a certain type of ‘baby hair’ then the sex is guaranteed to be good.”
“Baby hair.” Don’t you hate that term? As if it’s possible for the hair you had as a baby to still be on your head.
“2. Saying HUH and WHAT to stall only work like one time. Diversify your stalling techniques.”
i tend to use “ey” but with a british accent. it’s always good for at least 6 extra seconds of thought
lol–gotta try that.
I say “Quoi” it’s French, so it’s sexy. And it promotes multi-culturalism.
1. I wish women knew that when we ask, “How was your day?” we’re not asking for an EVERY.SINGLE.DETAIL. answer.
2. We like being punctual to things when time is of the essence. If you KNOW in advance that we’re going to a 9 o’clock movie or show or event, you shouldn’t still being changing outfits for the FOURTH time or playing with your hair at 8:53. I actually enjoy watching previews before the movie and I hate having to disturb the poor people who got there on time by squeezing pass them to open seats.
3. We are not sex-crazed maniacs who need sex 24/7. Skipping a few days or even a week is not going to make us explode.
Monk, ref#1…you mean you don’t want to know our whole life history. LOL
Ok Monk, I think I do #1. Lesson learned.
yeah, about number one…
a single adjective, followed by a single sentence is all thats necessary.
example: “great. i had pizza for lunch today” or “terrible. do you want some head?”
*punches you in the neck*… shut up LOL
1. Don’t tell me how to dress. Mainly because I’ve been fresh since ’88. I like my clothes fitted, tailored and cosmopolitan– khakis and Cosby sweaters just aren’t my style. Sorry.
2. On the subject of fashion, just know my taste is expensive, so please don’t ask how much I paid. And if I do see fit to tell you, don’t lecture me on why you would never pay that much for something.
2. Sometimes beef is inevitable. (i.e. Drunk guy tries to push-up on your girl…while she is on your arm). Don’t get mad at me for my subsequent actions, I didn’t ask to be flagrantly disrespected.
3. Furthermore, if the altercation does escalate stay out of the way. I don’t need to worry about you too.
4. I’m barely 27, not 57. Yes, sometimes I still do “youthful” sh*t. Accept it. Love it.
5. If you ask me about my day, understand that I spend the majority of my life at a place I don’t want to be, doing things I don’t want to do, for people I don’t really like(–solely because the pay is good). Don’t expect an elaborate, riveting, feel-good tale. You may only get one or two words. Nothing personal.
6. You don’t know everything. Period.
7. No, [insert male name] is not your real friend. And yes of course he listens to you and loves talking with you. The n*gga would do and say anything to be with you. How do I know because I did the same thing!
8. Don’t ask why we don’t talk like we used to. Back then I didn’t know you. Now I know what you are thinking before you say it. And yes, this is a good thing.
10. (inspired by Queen’s #3b) I don’t care if you are on your cycle, it does not justify you acting a fool. You have been dealing with this long enough to learn to get your emotions undercontrol. But, if for some reason you can’t pull yourself together…leave me the f*ck alone.
well damn this is a good list.
Thanks! You guys really got me going, with this post.
P, on your list #’s 3 & 5 (especially) really hit close to home…I think I may have cried a little. Raheem sucks and so does too much talking.
Champ, I think God may have used you as a vessel to convey #’s 2 & 3 on your list.
LOL @ #10…I stopped using that excuse though. I am the way I am—deal with it…don’t need to claim PMS to speak what’s on my mind.
I can’t deny the accuracy of your list. I think a lot of those things apply to both sexes.
I feel compelled to defend myself for #10. Being rude and a biotch is never ok. Who wants to deal with that? I’m not a crybaby at all, but if I randomly start crying, all I ask for is a hug. Trust that I tried hard not to cry in front of you in the first place.
I have tried. At times, I can’t control the tears. lol We are in this together.
yes, this list goes directly into the list pantheon
this is a great list!
tits, i definitely agree.
1. Please moisturize your hands before you go exfoliating my more delicate parts. I like it rough but not that rough.
2. I don’t want the post-coital cuddling all the time. Sometimes I just wanna roll over and go to sleep too.
3. Don’t go excavating in my medicine cabinet/bathroom drawer asking “What’s this for?” and then playing “Hot Potato” after I tell you. Some things are just better left alone.
4. My tolerance for pain is higher than yours so don’t tell me I’m “being a baby” when I’m in pain. You couldn’t handle it and it would be asinine of you to suggest otherwise.
5. I am not her… Whoever she was, she ain’t me. Please make every attempt to treat me like the amazingly awesome individual I am as I will take into account that you are used to dealing with… well, women who aren’t me*.
* I couldn’t think of anything nice to say.
6. Don’t push my head down while I’m sucking your dick.
I know it’s hard but try to remember that I’m trying to do two things at once: pleasure you and BREATHE.
If you want me to do something different… Tell Me. – This has the added bonus of dirty talk which will excite me more which will in turn result in a better blowjob.
ROTFLMAO @ #6!!!!
In a somewhat related scenario… My hair (unlike some of the previous women you have been with) is actually attached to my scalp. I like a good hair pull every now and then but could you please know your own strength
AMEN!!!! OMG, I am not a hooker or a sex slave. I am all for rough play but DO NOT push my head down during head, DO NOT grab my hair. You need to be nice and tender during this time. Step your game up and give me a little back rub or something.
THANK YOU! and learn the meaning of SAFE WORD, MF’er I said ICE CREAM! not I scream!! LOL
What? I like that. And why are safe words always foods? Mine was mango. My ex roommate’s was papaya.
oh the safe word ROCKS when they remember it and know when to pull the hell up, LOL often times it isn’t heard/understood/or is mistaken for kick it up another notch (despite the look of horror and/or shortness of breathes)
oh and that’s a great question re: food names. I am almost positve The Champ/Dyoung has a well thought out theory on this.
***hurriedly checking notes to see if that’s somewhere in my archives***
7. I like to believe there are things that you do/say just for me.
8. The sexy is natural. The pretty is not. There’s a reason I’m in the bathroom so long. Girlification* is work…
9. As cool as I am, I’m still a girl. I will sometimes be illogical and unreasonable. Don’t judge me. It’s just the programming.
*Girlification = all the things women do maximize smoothness and remain unibrow-free
It’s funny how “THINGS WE WISH THE OTHER GENDER KNEW ABOUT US” has turned in to “Let me make a list of what I don’t want men/women to do.”
You’re right…
Thanks
i was thisclose to making that same comment. oh well.
1. Dont compare my cooking to your moms. If its edible and severe wretching does not occur after you have eaten, then its all good. Plus I am 28 and she’s 68. I got some years to go to be on her level.
2. Dont ask ‘Who’s is this during sex’. If it was yours and you were doing your job correctly your name and title would’ve been yelled already.
3. Be consistent…if your phone rings/vibrates from a text. Either answer it at all times or dont answer it. Not answering some calls/text make you look suspicious, no matter the explanation.
ABC…I like your #3–Yes be consistent!!!
LMAO! A-Lex you really went hard on this! lol! #2 really hurt about half of the black male population. Brothas, have been using this line since the 1800′s. Frederick Douglass may have been the one to first use it.
It puts us in a bad spot. If you aren’t good we have to lie to you and if you are we promise the neighbors will know (or at least in my case they will). WE don’t ask you! That goes up there with all the questions, “Is it good?”, “Is that your spot?”, “Are you cumming?” Is this sex or a job interview? Jesus!!!
So that leads to #5,
5.) Stop asking all those damn questions during sex. We talk too much outside the bedroom but yall kill us with conversation in the bedroom during sex. LOL!
AMEN to #3
Thats why I only consistently answer my phone for one person. if its an emergency my people know they have to blow my phone up for me to answer
Question for Deviant:
Not trying to be offensive at all…but are you male or female?
It’s not offensive.
Now a question for you:
When you ask am I male or female, are you inquiring about my gender or my physiology?
Both.
In that case…
“The simplest explanation is probably the right explanation.”
(c) Occam’s Razor
LMAO! Interesting….
I have it figured out…or so I think.
“I learned a lot more about transgender people. It’s not a choice, but a physiological condition that has to do with the size of the hypothalamus part of the brain.”
-Mercedes Ruehl
More…
1. I enjoy receiving oral…but after about 30 minutes or less…I’m beyond ready for the penetrating mandigo. ENOUGH ALREADY! Shouldn’t your tongue be hurting by now?!
2. My day has been long and hard too…if I’ve explained that to you already, could you please refrain from asking me to give you a back massage?
“but after about 30 minutes or less…I’m beyond ready for the penetrating mandigo”
if someone has been down there for 30 minutes straight, forget about the penetrating mandigo and check and see if that cat had a damn stroke and can’t move
1. Yes, I am an only child…and no, that does bit automatically translate into me being “spoiled?” I mean I like to have my way, but if I don’t I’m not going to pout like a 3 year old…well, not ALL the time!
2. Yes, I am 30 years old and no I do not have any children…don’t stare at me like I’m the bearded woman at the circus…it’s not that rare.
3. Me not cooking does not translate into me not being able to cook…I do what I want to do when I feel motivated to do it. I’m not showing you my culinary skills, that just means that you have yet to prove yourself worthy.
4. When I break up with you, please get it through your head that we are over…whatever the reason was that caused me to opt out of the relationship is my choice…you phone stalking me is not going to change my mind.
5. Sex…even if it is the best sex ever…is not going to make me forget about that arguement we just had. Sure, it feels good right now, but trust me…I’m still going to be mad at you when it’s over.
Oh, and I can’t believe I forgot this one…
6. If you lie to me…for any reason…know that you have gotten a double technical and have been ejected from the game. I mean I am a grown woman and I don’t need you to protect my feelings.
***I dated a guy in college that told me that he and his sister where twins…but his b-day was in July and his sister’s was in November…now what was the reasonig behind that lie.***
maybe he thought you enjoyed giving head to twins?
1. If you ask me a question, I am going to give you a TRUE answer, if you cant handle the truth dont ask.
2. Don’t ask for head, it will only make me not want to give you any.
3. I thrive on feedback playing the “stoic man” will get you nothing, if I cant tell that you are enjoying yourself I will stop.
4. I could really care less how many women you slept with. But if you have to know see question 1 first
5. I have paid more or equal money for a pair of shoes than I have for a monthly car note and insurance, so don’t just pick them up and throw them around unless you’re willing to go DEEP in your pockets to replace or repair
6. I expect you to be the aggressor most of the time.
7. If I am reading don’t assume I have nothing to do, I’m reading that is actually an activity.
8.I don’t expect that you get along with all of my girlfriends as you shouldn’t expect that I get along with all of your male friends. (a) I wont allow my girls to disrespect you and expect you to do the same
9. I have “platonic” male friends that have been around before you came around. Deal with it.
10. Sometimes I just want you to listen, you don’t have to say anything, you don’t have to solve anything, JUST LISTEN!
11. Sometimes I like to HEAR from your mouth that you think I’m beautiful, wonderful, that you love me, appreciate me, etc. I shouldn’t have to guess
12. and probably just as important as #1. I don’t do well with ambiguity. I need clarity at all times. I thrive in lucidity.
“9. I have “platonic” male friends that have been around before you came around. Deal with it”
they’re not platonic. deal with that
LMAO! “they’re not platonic. deal with that”
I knew this was going to come back to bite me in the ass… you know what I mean damn it!
lol…i’m saying though
“they’re not platonic. deal with that”
PREACH!
@14
do you know how hard it is to listen to someone unload all of their problems on you? Thats why men die before women. All that stress from listening gives us strokes and heartattacks.
The stress comes from trying to solve the problem not listening to it.
Amen to that, I have a degree in counseling I listen to people’s shit all day… I dont try to resolve their issues, I just listen.
Final point…
6.) If I say no to sex that also includes head and a hand job. Bringing up either will have negative remifications.
well…thats just damn mean
So is: “Well your mouth ain’t bleeding, right? Open up.”
Damnit to hell! I have to get in here earlier I am now so far behind. Have to go catch up.
PS-you people talk to much. brb
Things I Wish Guys Knew About Me:
1. I enjoy sex just as much as you. So just because we are mad at each other does not mean we are not fucking. The two are not mutually exclusive.
2. When I look at you and say I am done with the discussion. I am done! The more you try to talk to me about it the worse off you will be in the end.
3. I did not sleep with all of my male friends for college.
4. I enjoy giving you oral. I really do. And I dont mind you asking for it. But PLEASE OH PLEASE find a better way thay slying asking ‘Hey, wanna suck some dick’. Even if I did, I wont now.
5. When it comes to talking about sex, explictly, I can be very shy. I’d rather just do it than discuss how I am going to do it.
6. During phone sex..I fake it. I am usually cleaning the tub, folding laundry, on the computer or some other mundane household chore.
7. Dont get mad if I flirt with guys when you are not around. If reminds me of how sexy I am, when you no longer feel the need to tell me on a regular basis.
8. I dont tell my girls everything.
9. At least one of your boys has tried to get at me on the slide, at least one time.
10. I love it when you drive. Dont care if it is my car or yours. But I just love being by your side with the windows down and the music on.
I love your list.. co sign to all. Especially #11
1. So true.
8. Also true…
Amen to everything!
you said EVERYTHING I wanted to say…I am new to this blog (about 10 minutes give or take) but I am diggin it! sex and argument aren’t related UNLESS the ARGUMENT is about SEX! you can still get it! and then I will go back to being “mad”…lol…real talk…
“2. When I look at you and say I am done with the discussion. I am done! The more you try to talk to me about it the worse off you will be in the end.”
Interesting how this SAME damn logic doesn’t work so well in the reverse with most women. Somehow all convos end when y’all say they’re done huh? Just some more of that insane chick logic I should just accept right?
Yeah, I said y’all are insane.
Good list though.
There’s no such thing as chick logic.
agreed.
during phone sex, we’re usually reading to you from a porn mag. so there. lol.
stop lying
Right? Someone’s ego got a lil ruffled…
Oh and #11
My deepsest desire is to believe in you. Little unnecessary white lies slowly kill that dream for me.
Awww, you get a gold star for #11.
I think if more men knew this they would could better undstand why sometimes we get so bent out of shape behind the seemingly small things. We know the issues themselves arent a big deal but the potential impact they can have is major.
*kiss*
Ya know, for me, it’s the BIG unnecessary lies that bother me. Shit like, “I’m pregnant!”
I keep a calender too motherf*cker.
Sorry, venting.
Damn.
See shit like that reflects poorly on the rest of the rest of the female population.
“My name was in the streets?!”
i miss “the wire”
Yeah a woman usually tells this dumb ass like a few weeks after she hear that other dumbass lie ‘No the condom didnt pop and naw, i aint come in you’
One lie leads to antoher…Its a really tangled web..lol
2 more:
1. Crying during an argument doesn’t make me sad too. Man-the-f*ck-up.
2. Men don’t ask for felatio b/c they like asking. This is what we do when all else fails (patiently waiting, cleaning, flowers etc). Asking is our last reasonable option.
*Note: After this option has been exhausted, some men may even try to sneak it.* lol– just kidding.
“*Note: After this option has been exhausted, some men may even try to sneak it.* lol– just kidding.”
-Hmm… I’m just curious as to how you “sneak” a dick into someone’s mouth???
lmao! Yeah…don’t know exactly. That’s why I said asking is the last reasonable option. “Sneaking it” is clearly unreasonable.
What. that’s never happened to you before? You never woke up in the morning with a dick on your cheek? Maybe that’s just me then.
LOL! See, told ya…look what you forced that man to do. You turned him into a sneaky-@ss thief in the night. poor fella.
no, his ass was just greedy.
I’m just saying its possible to sneak.
(Men, dont try this at home. Fellatio involves sticking your entire world into a small hole filled with sharp objects. Sharp objects that sometime clamp down involuntarily in moments of surprise)
LMAO…
No, I can’t say that I have.
That’s too funny.
1. When I push you to do better, it’s not because I want a “financial cushion” to rely on in the future. It’s just ’cause I want you to want the best for yourself.
2. I know I’m on a diet. You know I’m on a diet. If you see me eating Krispy Kremes on a hot summer’s day. Do not mention this diet to me, considering I’m already well aware of it’s exsistence.
3. If I say your mother doesn’t like me. Trust me. She don’t like me. As a woman, I can tell when another woman isn’t feeling me.
4. I really don’t think you could ever be a MMA fighter. But, I’ll tell you such things so you’ll feel good about yourself, and get that little cocky smile on your lips.
5. Most of my bad moods can be cured by one thing: Attention.
6. Not all of my poems are about past or current relationships. Sometimes I just make shit up in my head.
7. Chances are, there are a million things I’m insecure about. But if I tell you one, don’t scoff and act as if I’m being ridiculous. It’s serious to -me-.
8. I can’t stand about 69.45 % of your friends, but I’ll kick it with ya’ll to make you happy.
Smiling @ #1. I dont want to take your money. I want you partake in your happiness. If you are happy in your dream job making 30K. I am fine with it. But dont be upset when I make a lot more than use, because just like i wont compromise your happiness I wont sacrafice mine and I am not happy being broke. I tried it, doesnt work for me.
Oh and sorry for the many typos today. Trying to post on the sly with a badly cut finger.
” I’m not happy being broke. ”
Thank you!
WOW…this one is damn good.
I almost caught feelings on #4. When I watch ultimate fighting on tv, you can’t tell me that I am not knee deep in the MMA game– even though I’m not.
My bad, this last comment was for Ree.
1) I have been told I am “unapproachable” at times. Either I “look like I got a man” or I’m not smiling enough. Don’t back down from a challenge if you dig me….and don’t keep fighting me if I shoot you down. If I told you I have a man either A) I have a man and I don’t want to talk to you or B) I don’t want to talk to you. Either way, walk away with some dignity, please!
2) Do not play games with me! We are all protective of our egos and our hearts, but if you do too much messing around or waiting to call…you will be forgotten like *that*.
3) I am down to have sex every single day that I am not menustrating or ill.
4) Speaking of my period, you don’t know what it’s like, you won’t know what it’s like. It’s not about a lack of self-control for me, as much as it is a loss of my ability to be reasonable in some cases. So be sweet and or scarce, but NEVER try to make me feel bad about that which I cannot control.
5) If I am less than friendly to you, Potential Paramour, please remember this: I have been disrespected by about 88 million men at this point in my life. Sometimes, the good guys happen to step right into the shit left by the bad ones. The kinder you are, the more likely that I will, at the very least, reject you kindly.
6) Asking where you went to school or what you do does NOT mean I am a gold-digger. I am looking for common bonds and hints to whether or not we would be a good fit!
7) Titty fucking. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, on my end. I’ll let you do it for a second, but don’t waste too much time in the arcade and miss the movie, ya dig?
8)I am 5’9. If I have to look down to see you, then I am not trying to see you. No offense.
9)I don’t want to put on airs for you. I like to party and drink and laugh and screw and even swear a little bit. I’m still a lady though.
10) Just because I did it with you kinda “early in the game” doesn’t mean I do it that soon with everyone. Take it as a compliment. I’m not looking at you different, so don’t look at me crazy either.
7,8 & 9–Pure Gold!
LOL. Titty fucking. Wtf.
Seriously.
Are you seriously questioning the titty-fucking?
1) Your hand won’t get tired from jacking him off because you’re not using it.
2) You can relax your mouth and let the dick come to you.
3) No deep-throat necessary. You just lick it a little between strokes…
Love of titties + fucking = Titty fucking… It’s not a mystery. It’s like experimenting with kool-aid flavors red+ grape = good
Men enjoy it…
Is this an attempt by the I.B.T.C. to down something because they can’t do it right?
I was just agreeing with the fact that it doesn’t do anything for me. Plus, I find it a little funny looking. Here I am pushing my boobs together, you’re sitting on my chest and humping me. Stabbing the tip of your dick repeatedly into my double chin.
I’m not against titty-fucking. As a big boobed girl, I’ve had my fair share in my day. Just the fascination with it boggles me sometimes.
See if your mouth was open it wouldn’t hit your chin…
I don’t have a double chin, but I know a hard dick tip can hurt like HELL against your sternum!
yo dont hate on the LBTC ill fuvk you up
I’m not hatin’… I just asked a question.
The LBTC can do lots of things we can’t… Like run up stairs without getting hit in the face.
LOL! WORDLIFE! Or run ANYWHERE without wearing two bras or feeling like your breast is being ripped away from your skin.
And if I was LBTC, man….fuck a bra! I’d wear a low cut blouse everyday and let my nips breathe like a celebutante. You better enjoy!
ahh man i thought *i* was the only chick who ran with two bras on hahhahah.
LOOOOL! This is the closest I have ever been to being called a member of the IBTC since 1997. I am a 38DDD and having somebody’s dick slapping about my girls for more than a couple minutes is kinda *yawn*. It’s a stop on the road, not the destination, ya dig?
1) I never said it was the end of the road but it adds to the journey
2) where do you get your bras… I’m always looking for the new-new on the intimate apparel and the selection at the local department stores are kind of just chocolate and vanilla…
LMAO…only at very smart brothas do we expose both bra sizes and the best place to locate tig ole bitty intimate apparel.
stay tuned as we uncover why Fruit of the Loom doesn’t make underwear for well endowed black men.
Well, Lane Bryant has great big titty bras, but I hate having to go in there because I don’t need or want to wear their clothes. But, they have really pretty ones so I pretty much stick it out there. I have lost weight and my bra size has gone down. I don’t want to lose any more titty, but I kinda would like to purchase bras from Victorias Secret again. VS does have bigger bras online, but it is DD only.
Fredricks of Hollywood has big jawns as well. Niiiice and slutty.
I own a few from LB myself.
I do miss the Vickie’s… Ah the good ol’ days…
Frederick’s always made me feel like I had no business being in there… Maybe it’s the the fact that they carry negligees that could double as a car cover… Everything shouldn’t come in every size.
There are a few catalog shops and online places but they’re so expensive.
At least you all can walk into Lane Bryant and get yours. They have to special order mine cause they dont even carry my size in the dang on store! I have never been able to do a dang on thing with anything from VS except thier lotions and body sprays
“Don’t back down from a challenge if you dig me….and don’t keep fighting me if I shoot you down.”
sister toldja, “contradictions” just called, and wanted to thank you for being his closest and dearest friend.
“sister toldja, “contradictions” just called, and wanted to thank you for being his closest and dearest friend.”
-LMAO… Sorry but that was priceless.
Yep, priceless! LOL Funniest sh*t all day!
I must say…it was nice of him to take a message, though.
ROTFLMAO! Ok, you got me! But when I said a challenge, I meant a woman not necessarily looking like she wants to talk. Give it the old college try, then keep it moving.
lol…i know what you meant, but you just have to remember that only assholes and the drunk approach unapproachable women
1. I need my space just as much as you do.
If I let you into my life 5 days out of the week, don’t take it personally when I kick you out on the 6th. If I tell you I don’t want to see you today, it’s not because I’m mad at you. If I have nothing to say to you on the phone, it’s not because I’m being moody. I just need me.
2. It’s not always PMS.
Yes, it might be that time of the month when I bitch you out for something you’ve been doing for the past 3 months. But nothing infuriates a woman more than you dismissing something you don’t like to hear with “Is your little friend here to visit again?”
Admittedly, we get frustrated quicker and easier during those times. You have to understand, it’s not always in our control, and we’re not always aware of these spikes. (I know men think this is a myth, but wait until you see what menopause is like. PMS ain’t shit.) You’re not being any less of a man by humoring us once in a while. And as far as “if we let her get away with it now she’ll think she can do it for the rest of her life” — You should be able to draw the line, if you respect yourself, just as much as she should know better than to run a mile with an inch. And if you respected her, you really wouldn’t be saying that shit.
3. There’s doing things to make me happy, and then there’s being a doormat.
I love that you combed the world to find me the one bodega that still sells Charms candy. I love that you stocked my cabinets with Capn Crunch or drew me an ugly picture just because you thought of me when you did it. I love that sometimes, you agree to sit through a ridiculous movie with me because I will be so giddy afterwards. That shit is awesome.
What I don’t love is you bending over backwards to the point of breakage, worried about the slightest waver in my happiness. What I don’t love is you doubting yourself every time I disagree. I don’t love you nodding to everything I say, or leaving it all up to me, or letting me walk all over you because once I lose respect for you, I will not want to be with you. I need someone who can match me in confidence and pride.
4. I let you walk around looking like that because I love you. But God knows I’m ashamed on the inside. Be vain. Just a little bit. For me? Please?
5. I can’t help it that I’m this fly.
Unless I dress like a 12 year old or an old lady without a mirror, I will get stares, and I won’t get mad at them. I WILL flirt back (a little), because he gave me no reason to be stanky. I WILL go to my male friends’ houses and smoke bud with them. I WILL keep strutting through the boys on the corner, and maybe I will smile a little. Because I will not, in the end, let them touch me or cross the line. I will not take a number or give a number. I will walk away with a grin and a shrug. It happens.
6. Draw your lines early.
Don’t spoil me in the beginning and then take it all away later. This will cause me to think that you have lost interest in me or got too comfortable, and I will react accordingly.
Don’t come with me to every shopping excursion and help me pick out clothes at the beginning of the relationship and then start backing out later. Don’t wine and dine me and shower me with compliments in the start if you’re going to completely close up and withdraw later. Don’t suddenly start not answering texts or telling me that you’re “not into pda” when 2 weeks ago, you were nuzzling my cheek on the train. It fucks with us, and it ruins it for you in the end.
If you know you don’t like something we do, let us know early. It won’t make us run off and cry. It won’t reuin the relationship (and honestly, if it does play that huge of a factor, then why hide it? Nip it in the bud.) That way you can’t resent us for continuing to ask for it. The same way women shouldn’t suddenly start pulling back on sex, Finesse Mitchell said it best:
“that’s like telling a puppy he can’t eat. If you used to feed that puppy twice a day, but you reduce those feedings to once a month, your puppy is always gonna follow you around and cry because he wants that food he used to get all the time. This is why he acts that way when you aren’t giving it to him the way you used to, ladies. It’s not because he’s a pain, it’s because things have changed and his needs and expectations aren’t being met.”
7. While we do love sex as much as you do, more often than not we just let you take it. If I’m around when you have an erection, it usually ends up inside one of my orifices at some point, whether or not I say no in the beginning. Please take this into consideration when you’re hittin it. Don’t just use me as a 5 foot tall jerk off jacket and then call it a day. The nicer you make the sex for me, the more willing I’ll be to give it to you.
8. Head is not just foreplay.
We are down there uncomfortably until you bust nut. No matter how much we enjoy giving it, the last couple of minutes of steady rhythm is hard on a girl. But we do it anyway. It may take you an hour, but we’d like you to match the dedication too. When you feel her body stop tensing, her breathing stop becoming erratic, switch up your tongue game or ask if she wants the d* inside her. Don’t just wadderdadderslurp and say you did your job. I don’t have to come, but come on, really?
That was extensive, for only 8 things. My bad.
You know I’m co-signin’ on #5…
(As tempted as I am to quote Jim Jones… I shall refrain.)
WOW! I really can’t add much but another big CO-SIGN on the points made by Panama and the Champ. Especially P’s #1. We men do need positive reinforcement sometimes, please don’t criticize everything we do that may not make sense to you. Just let us have it sometimes, then go talk about us to your girlfriends when we can’t hear you. It makes the world a better place.
…and more safe.
LMAO @ “5 foot tall jerk off jacket”
Yo, what is up with the whole PMS thing?! It’s like you ladies expect men to just put up with b*tch@ssness and eradic (sometimes villainous) behavior for at least one week out of each month. Do you realize that makes up 3 months of the year? I’m putting my motherf’ing foot down!
All women are not bitches during their “special time”.
Sometimes men just make them “pissed-the-fuck-off” and it has nothing to do with mother nature…
D – Word to the wise. Never ask a woman a rhetorical question about her period a la “Do you realize that makes up 3 months of the year?” – Because that answer is yes…
No one “realizes” more than a woman. I could be dirty and get real graphic but I won’t for the sake of peace and harmony and that would just be gross…
Period, pregnancy, whatever. It’s hormones. We can’t control our hormones any more than you can stop you dick from getting hard when you see something that really excites you.
I’m not saying that you should control your hormones just your behavior. In the same way that a man gets erect (to use your example) and can use enough self-restraint not to go sexually plundering and pillaging small villages, a woman should use the same restraint. Sure your hormones are going hogwild but c’mon.
If I know that it is that “special time” (a term I hate b/c it is far too endearing), then you should know too. Adjust your attitude accordingly and I will too.
An increased need for attention and some weepiness I can understand. But the head-spinning, projectile-vomiting, poltergeist rage…no can do.
I honestly cannot relate to what you are saying.
But you’ve heard of ‘roid rage… It’s a side effect. Same thing. Some woman cannot help how they act during their periods. It’s that serious. You’ve seen “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”… Some women really are like that. But not all…
There’s nothing I can say that will make you understand it any better. You just won’t get it. No offense but no man ever will.
I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. But thanks for giving me some food for thought. the roid rage does add a diffent nuance to the discussion.
And no it is not my “special time”.
And we dont like being that way. It is just sometimes you couple the period with the Birth Conrtol Hormones and the fact that you are usually horney as hell(and not all men will run a red light) and damnit logic dis-a-fucking-pears!
this entire thread goes into my personal hall of fame. (Who knew head would make so many cameos!?)
You all are dropping priceless gems, good job *beaming with pride*
thank you, wise one
What I wish the opposite sex knew about me.
1). Sometimes, I just like to be alone reconciling my thoughts. When I have come to some resolution I may ask your thoughts or opinions but until then don’t push me to be open.
2). I a private person, you don’t have to tell your friends, family or co-workers every detail of my life. If I wanted everyone to know about me, trust I would put it out there.
3). Once you get to know me, you’ll learn that I love profanity. I don’t need to be checked regarding appropriate language for a woman.
4). I am shy. Handle with care.
I’m late but I’m putting my list up anyway. I wish they knew:
1. That when I “complain” about being a single Black female, that I don’t need you to give me some patented, formulaic, there is someone out there for me answer. Sometimes I just need to get the whine out of my system. I’m not looking for answers, or suggestions or some ‘girl just do you’ mess. But to be fair I’ll keep the whine under five minutes. Just nod your head while I do so.
2. Sometimes I don’t know what to do. And I’m scared to ask. And I’m too proud.
3. When you tell me I’m pretty or sexy or [insert genuine compliment here] I might not act like it, but it makes me smile inside.
4. Sometimes I like you soo much. But I’m afraid to show it. Because I’m afraid of the unknown. Encourage me to hold your hand and take that jump…
Ah… Number 3 is a good one.
I’ve found that if you actually do “act like it”, you’ll smile on the outside which will get you more compliments which will cause you to smile more which will…
You get the point.
Yes, I do. And that’s so true. And I have to admit that I’m working on it- the smiling more part… I think a part of it is that I’m not really concious of what men think of me,(the ones I’m dating, not random ones) or how they have like really checked me out, up, down, front, back and sideways. So when they be like, “damn girl you got some sexy legs…” First it catches me off guard and I’m thinking, when were you looking at my legs… And then I’m thinking, “but I like that you think they look good.” LOL!
great list
@ Rum Punch,
If you’re dating them or if it’s just random dudes, Trust Me, YES, they have checked you out.
From what I’ve read, I’m pretty confident saying that women are at fault for everything. If you’re expecting things to go wrong, they will. Chill with your rules and baggage.
“I don’t like 69.4% of your friends.” What if my team is amazing? “When I do this, you do that.” No I don’t, you presumptuous clown.
As for the “don’t ask for head,” thing, I have a very simple remedy: give it. Often. It cannot be equally painful to suffering through your PMSing.
And finally, this is my golden rule: You know that as a woman, you’re subject to bouts of illogic and irrational outbursts (typhoons, hurricanes, cosmic explosions, etc. If you can’t control yourself, don’t make me laugh when trying to control me.
Oh, oh, oh!
The other thing I wish the modern woman would grasp about men: You are a fool to believe in independence and still ask your man to be The Man for you. He is The Man because he had The Job. Now that you’ve got The Job too, welcome to The Level Playing Field. Don’t pull some, “Oh, but I’m the woman!” shit on me in a sympathetic way, then turn around with an empowered, feministical, “I’m the woman!” thing. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. And you’re probably on a diet, anyway, so stop trying.
Ah, last point: If you want respect, you’ll have to earn it. Being hot does not count. I will shag you though, but I won’t necessarily respect you.
And God didn’t see fit to throw this in the Bible? Musta been in the book of Rufus…