If I Give You A Kidney, We Pretty Much Go Together Forever » VSB

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If I Give You A Kidney, We Pretty Much Go Together Forever



Typically, I’m not a big fan of owing people shit once a relationship ends. Like, I don’t owe you to wait before I jump into a new relationship with somebody else. I don’t owe you to not bang your mother if she puts it out there. I mean, I probably shouldn’t bang your mother anywa. But if the opportunity were to present itself, and I decided NOT to do it, it wouldn’t be because I used to date you.

I’m just not a big fan of owing people that you aren’t married to in relationships. In fact, the only thing I think that you owe a person you end a relationship with is respect from afar.

With that being said, if I give you a kidney, you will owe me the relationship we have for the rest of our lives, no matter how you feel about me. Basically, we’re gon’ go together until one of us dies. And since you was (probably) fixin’ to til I, kind of  like, helped undo that, it looks like we’re gonna have to ride that pony out for a good and long time.

OR until EYE break up with you.

Basically, the only way a relationship in which I extended your life through transplant or heroics should end is in death or me ending it. There’s really no other way you’re bouncing on me if I kept you alive.

Why is this a thing?

Well, on the Facebooks today, I saw that question that people keep referencing all over the Twitters about the dude who received a kidney from his ForeverBooEvenIfHeDon’tKnowIt, but realizes that he no longer loves her and is conflicted about ending things. Good. He should be. Have all the conflict. Be Gulf Wars I and II. Operations Storm and Shield.

If that woman gave of her actual self in THE most selfless way possible, you owe her to try really hard. You don’t love her anymore? That’s cool. Pretend, my nigga. Pretend. Pretend for as long as she needs you to pretend. Pretend until she gets tired of you. In fact, if you want out, you should find a way to let her get tired of you (which she probably is, but she gave you a kidney so she’s like, I mean, I kept this dude alive, I kind of owe myself to see if it was worth it, right?)

Real spit, I understand the dilemma. Who wants to stay in a situation where you know you’ll be miserable? That’s fair. And if the dude DID bounce on ole girl, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. People break up. It’s part of dating.

You know what isn’t part of dating though? Keeping people alive with your body. That’s love. That’s going above and beyond.

To be real, she was also in a precarious position. See, at some point it was determined that dude needed a new kidney on her watch. She got tested to see if she was a match because of course she did. Turns out she was. At the point she found out she was a match she couldn’t just NOT give him one if she’d be able to live with just one. You can’t just let folks die out here. That’s rude as fuck, b. She was probably thinking, if I give this cat my kidney, he bet’ not never leave me. But that’s also not realistic. She decided to put humanity over her own potentially misguided feelings.

Except was right. Because most of us are right about such things. Guts are real. Jenny Craig ain’t lie.

So now dude is ready to bounce, but he’s only there because she kept him alive.

Fucking good. It ain’t like he can give the kidney back. Plus, unless I didn’t want a chick anymore, I’d be SUPER pissed if she’s walking around with one of my body parts inside her (hehehehehe), buying herringbone necklaces and PG County Kevin Durant shoes for some other cat ONLY because I prolonged her life.

I’d be salty. And might resort to some pettiness.

Shit, I might feel that way even if I broke things off. HOWEVER, I’d be in the wrong then. If I give a chick a kidney, she better buy ME some KDs.

Point is, I understand the conflict, but just keep this in mind: if I donate to you a body part – I don’t care if it’s some marrow or a kidney or hook you up with some eyelash replacements or something – you might as well buckle up for this car ride until I’m ready to stop like Forrest Gump.

In the parlance of sagacious Cardi B, if I give you a body part, you gon’ be with me…FOH-EVA.

(Or until I’m done with us.)

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • miss fiyah

    You hafta change your bio to include “gorgeous” :)

    • panamajackson

      You’re right. Hold please.

  • NoGames

    He trying to bounce? Nah B. Gimme my kidney back.

    • Mochasister

      You gon’ be like that hair stylist who cut the little girl’s braids off of her head when the little girl’s (trifling) mama said she couldn’t pay for them!

  • MissusMaxwell

    Yeah, dude need to therapy that out or something. I mean she’s a kidney down now. What if her GOOD kidney acts up? Ain’t like she has a spare anymore. And he can’t give her kidney back, so dude gotta find a way until she says boy bye!

    • refslady

      If her good kidney acts up, she goes to the top of the waiting list because she was a donor.

      • LMNOP

        Interesting, I didn’t know that, but I like that they do that.

  • Jennifer

    “I don’t owe you to not bang your mother if she puts it out there.”

    • LOL my reaction! I’m like that’s kinda savage.

      • Jennifer

        I was thinking, “Who is she, PJ? Say her name and tell us what she did to you!” LOL!

        • panamajackson

          Um, that never happened to me!

          • Jennifer

            If you say so.

          • Mayborn7

            Who hurt you????

          • brothaskeeper

            *covers mic* you may step down!

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    • PDL – Cape Girl

      IKR! Cackles!

    • Other_guy13

      Why you surprised…some of y’all moms….let me stop right there before something bad happens to me.

    • Mochasister

      Right?! Like, whose mama is that trifling?!

  • HouseOfBonnets

    If he leave I would sue just off pp (petty principle)…. Five years of my life (with no ring yet I might add) and a whole Kidney? Nah son.

    • miss t-lee

      I mean, this is a whole lot to ask and I ain’t even got your last name, dawg.

      • HouseOfBonnets

        Exactly! I should have gotten a rock as soon as you woke up from surgery.

        • miss t-lee

          Or even before…lol

          • LKNMRE

            As soon as I said “I’m a match!” That’s when you shoulda gone to Tiffany. Not Jared. Tiffany.

            • miss t-lee

              Tiffany, indeed.

            • HouseOfBonnets

              Plus you better have the pinterest engagement board of my dreams set up. I’m taking white lights, violin renditions of our favorite songs, a opera solo, presentation, all the flowers in the tri state area and a special edition tiffany box. When that ring hits the light it better twinkle.

              • LKNMRE

                If Beyonce ain’t singing at this wedding, you ain’t getting my kidney, them’s the rules.

    • Kas

      Don’t nobody want to her coming for them.

      • Tambra

        It is worse because she dispenses the band aids.

      • Other_guy13

        That child got the devil in her

  • Jennifer

    The only way I’m accepting his departure is if he makes it his mission in life (his newfangled, longer life) to find me somebody new. He better search high and low in a exhaustive search to find his replacement. He can do that now that his body is able to remove excess waste products and fluids in a safe and efficient manner. :-/

    EDIT: And, I mean a GOOD replacement. One that is the future husband equivalent of organ donation. Real love! No fuccbois.

    • Janelle S

      “Somebody new” better be an upgrade. Like Boris Kodjoe-looking, house cleaning, back and foot massaging, keep me in the lifestyle I want to become accustomed to kind of upgrade.

      • Jennifer

        The minute he puts in his 2 weeks notice, I’ll start my list of requirements.

        • LaMissLy

          I feel like this comment from the original article might be an appropriate way of ending things

          • Jennifer

            It’s a start.

          • refslady

            He’s going to have to make the story good – it is illegal to exchange “finances” in return for an organ donation.

            • LaMissLy

              Good point. They’d have to explore legal loopholes for money transfers and other types of compensation.

            • femme_esq

              Of course. But the organ transfer already happened. The gift of the house isn’t in exchange for the organ transfer; it wasn’t bargained for. It has no connection with the organ transfer. It’s a gift to the person who saved your life, to make your soul right with your eternal maker. I think you will find there’s no legal prohibition against that.

            • L8Comer

              Just call it a gift. She already gave him the kidney anyway so hard to say she sold it at this point. A token of appreciation

          • Ani-Q

            She and I are on the same train of thought. I am not for him staying with her just because. He is clearly not worthy and she is more than deserving to have a man that loves her. He better put her on his life insurance policy of something.

          • HouseOfBonnets

            Add about a extra 10 grand and ensure that the house is paid off and in proper writing and we may have a deal.

          • Other_guy13

            Too much like right

          • Nik White


          • Mochasister

            I dunno. Life is priceless. But I’ll take a diamond tennis bracelet for starters!

    • IlikeHotCheetos

      Upvote for the use of newfangled. That is all. ??

  • LMAO this is why you don’t be donating body parts to just any ol’ body. If i’m your “girlfriend” I am NOT in a high enough position in your life (nor you in mine) to be going under the knife to give you organs…you better call your sister with that mess.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      Marriage would probably be the only way I would seriously consider and with the way those are going these days……..

      • I’m married… nope

        • Mochasister

          I bet George Lopez’s ex-wife wishes she had just said no!

      • Kas

        Give that marriage a couple of years just to be sure.

        • Ve

          I’d need a couple decades of marriage under my belt to even consider it.

      • Andie

        Which reminds me of the Doctor that sued his wife for his kidney. His ex wife cheated on him with the kidney too. Ouch.

        • Nik White

          Dang! She cheated with the Physical Therapist!!! I’d need my kidney back along with the co-pays and premiums.

        • Mochasister

          Man, what is wrong with people?!

    • LaMissLy

      Right? Talk about mismatched levels of commitment…Mschewww, you have my kidney, the together forevah better have been broached at that point…

      Either way, we gon’ “Lemonade” out this situation. #noturningback

  • PDL – Cape Girl

    “So now dude is ready to bounce, but he’s only there because she kept him alive.”

    I would say the heart can’t love what it don’t want to love, but you got my kidney, so that ain’t really an option. A couple of choices. 1) Carve the kidney out (we ain’t gotta be formal go all surgical) and leave it in the cooler by the door. 2) Pretend happy, cause #wetogetherforever

    Since the WORST thing is a dude hanging on that don’t want to be there, I’m down for getting the door for you, but like I said you can’t take my kidney. You decide, stay or leave the kidney in the cooler by the door on your way out.

    • Val

      “Carve the kidney out (we ain’t gotta be formal and go all surgical), leave it in the cooler by the door.”


      • PDL – Cape Girl

        Lol. Everything is doable. You wanna pack your stuff after you got your life (my kidney), kewl gimme back my kidney while I get the door for ya….lol

        In all seriousness I’m not going down that path. We can pray together and I’ll help with “the arrangements” but nope, not giving away something I need in order to survive my dang self.

    • MsSula

      I legit laughed out loud in the middle of a Conf Call. I met my maker @ “Leave it in the cooler by the door”. #Savage

      • PDL – Cape Girl

        Guuurl, it ain’t even that deep. I ain’t NEVER endured a dude that didn’t want to stay. Not in my DNA. Just leave my kidney and lemme get the door for you.

  • Madame Zenobia

    George Lopez did it tho. In 2005 (or 04, can’t remember) his t(hen) wife gave him a kidney. They divorced in 2011. I think she filed for it, citing irreconcilable differences, so maybe that’s ok. But then I think – she have him a kidney. The least he could do is enough to keep her happy. Not cause arguments or difficulties. If you living because of me, be nice to me. How hard is that?

    Plus, I’m not sure I could walk away from somebody who had one of my organs. Nah, Bruh. You gonna have to let me get that back up outcha.

    • panamajackson

      AGain, I think its okay if she wanted out. That’s probably how they made it to 2011.

      • Madame Zenobia

        Nooooope, upon further research, he cheated on her which is why she filed. I gave you a kidney, you don’t cheat on me pleighboi. Now, I need one of your organs. As Ra’s al Ghul says – justice is balance. Justice demands I take an organ from you. Not divorce you.

    • The way my kidneys are set up.. only reserved for blood kin and chirren… I will pray for you though.

  • IwanttobeaRizpah

    He didn’t love her to begin with. Love doesn’t just fade like that. Whatever! Bye!

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