I Work, I Get the Job Done
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If you look around, inappropriate behavior is everywhere. Mothersmurfers are out everywhere smurfin’ people they have no business smurfin’.
Well nowhere is this statement more appropos than the world-famous workplace romance. And just to be difficult, let’s throw the Academic Brain T(h)rust in there for good measure (might have to address this one on its own, actually).
Generally, I poo on pooh-poohing where one dines. What with today’s recession, you’d think people would do everything in their power to make their jobs as cushy and drama free as possible (to include visiting VSB.com assuming it isn’t banned at your job yet), yet some people don’t give a flying copulation and throw caution to the wind like Charles Barkley at a casino buffet.
However, who am I to judge really? I’ve never done the workplace romance but I’ve seen more than enough to know that there are some rules to this sh*t. I wrote me a manual. A step-by-step booklet for you to get, your game on track…with no more drama.
Word to Mary J. Blige.
By the way, this doesn’t apply to Hollywood where a workplace romance is almost mandatory. How else could Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey be explained? Then again, I’m convinced Mariah has some bats in her belfry so perhaps it’s a fitting romance.
People don’t say “bats in the belfry” enough.
5 Ways To Ensure Your Workplace Romance Doesn’t End Up Going Postal
1) Avoid them at all costs
Generally you shouldn’t be schlumping anybody who constantly works within 10 feet of you all day. That’s just bad mojo. The cutesy stuff like sending mango-scented paper planes and hoping nobody sees it will only last for a good week. After a while, seeing them every minute of the day will get older than John McCain. Keep the space unless you’re…invading the space.
2) If you must have constant contact, don’t be awkward
You know, after that first physical encounter, somebody’s gonna have questions. 9.12 times out of 10, the chick is going to be wondering what’s going on now. The best thing you can do is not act awkward towards her. If you do, she’ll try to stab you with a letter opener. And she can get one too. Most offices have them.
3) Shut your trap
Like most criminals, things generally go wrong once one party starts yapping. The optimal situation is for both parties to hush-the-fudge up. The quieter its kept, the more fun the two of you can have while you pretend your both samurai’s of the XiuXiang Order with a secret only for the King of China. In this case, the king is Xerox, but the game is fun, no?
4) No unnecessary flirtatiousness with the office help
Since you met them at work, they might be a little more attentive to see if you’re just a workplace pimp out there trying to give everybody “raises”. Even if you don’t want them for anything more than just a little “work-out”, the least you can do is NOT obviously dismiss them by showing interest in the chick who gives you staples. Keep your supplies to yourself, Mister!
5) Piggybacking on #4, don’t get caught taking some body from the 4th floor to lunch
Not.a.good.look. The quickest way to get stabbed, at work, is to blatantly start taking some other person out to eat during lunch. Oh my goodness, and don’t pay for the cookie. Hmm…that has a double meaning.
Fact is people, if you must make the funtime with somebody that you work in close quarters with, the least you can do is be as conspicuous as possible and not just use them for copy-room fun. We here at VSB.com promote a sense of relationship unity and support.
So I suggest quitting.
But since you won’t do that…what are some other ways to avoid workplace fun-time drama?
And I KNOW some of y’all got workplace stories and experiences. Let’s do the knowledge!
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST