I Thought Day Parties Were Dumb And Too “Millennial” Until I Had One Of My Own » VSB

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I Thought Day Parties Were Dumb And Too “Millennial” Until I Had One Of My Own

(Photo by Esuasi Segbefia)

When I hear the words day party, I instantly imagine women in strapless dresses from Anthropologie and dudes wearing suspenders with those super high hemmed pants. There’s barbecue chicken that magically doesn’t drip. It’s at a perfectly appointed venue. There’s no talk about politics or hip-hop. There are people sitting on the back of upholstered couches from Pottery Barn which would normally be super Not Okay but because their pants are cuffed and hemmed to the knee it’s okay. No deviled eggs, because you’d have to lick your fingers. There’s liquor but no likker.

I can only imagine because I’ve never been to a day party. I can’t front. When it first became a Thing, I wondered, (sometimes publicly), why I’d never gotten an invite from my younger friends. When my 10-years-younger bestie gave me the tea on his 3rd or 4th day party, I realized I probably wasn’t getting invited because I wasn’t 10 years younger. Ouch.

But here’s the thing. Even if I had been invited, I wouldn’t go.

Parties just don’t work for me. I don’t like to go to parties and I definitely don’t like having them. Why? I’m a homebody. I work from home. I live from home. I do everything from home. Then, there’s my hair—always problematic. I can never count on her to make sense on any given day. Then there’s the adult acne I’ve gotten going on or that story I’m always trying to finish. And I’m just a curmudgeon in general.

I also avoid parties because I have to get to bed early. I have meds that knock me all the way out. If I take them after 11, I’m a sleepwalking gremlin. So it’s out of the question to have a party at my place.

So I just had a party at my place.

Last year I had my first party since I turned thirty. Which was thirteen years ago. Not even kidding. My party last year was amazing. I felt so much warmth and love from my friends and family after a year that kicked my ass in every conceivable way.

I’ll be traveling this year for my birthday so I decided to throw together a party last Saturday.

I thought about this day party nonsense again. Should I have one? But why would you have a party in the middle of the day? A baby shower, yes. But a party-party? With Henny and ratchet clothes and a DJ? But it’s daylight outside! And then what do you do afterward?

A millennial clued me in. Afterward the guests leave. And you’re on the sofa by 8 watching Golden Girls.

Watching Golden Girls by 8!? Well, for me it would be Hey Arnold! But either way—A DAY PARTY IT IS!

My building has a sick rooftop deck with a view of New York City. (I can count on one hand how many times I’ve hung out up there. Shameful.) I planned to have the party there.

I just happened to see an invite template that said: come be jealous of my roof. I chose that one—even though it was supposed to rain. I made it clear that the party was BYOB. And then, because I’m a lazy host, I added that it was BYOF as well. And because I’m trifling, I said everyone had to bring enough B and F to share.

Then, I set the time: 1PM – 5PM.

The morning of the party, I sat up in my bed in horror. I really invited people to my home? Was I really doing this day party nonsense? I couldn’t just read Entertainment Weekly on my iPad and pray Verizon hadn’t cut my cable off?

Now, if this were a regular party, I’d have time to adjust and stop freaking out. But not with this stupid 1pm start time! It was going to take me an hour just to get FroGirl to behave!

Tiny disasters all morning long: too hot to hang out on the roof. Move location to courtyard where random families in my building are stretched out. FroGirl is a hot mess. My sister didn’t put paprika on the deviled eggs. And she didn’t make some without relish for me since relish is vile. Bae and I are arguing because I don’t like what he’s wearing and he’s not trying to impress nobody but who meets their girl’s family for the first time wearing a t-shirt and sweat-shorts?! Having three hours to prepare was not a good look.

At 12:59 I was still trying to figure out what to wear. At 1:10 I was downstairs, sweating out my dress already and wanting to skip to the part where I’m on my sofa watching Hey Arnold.

Can y’all tell me why my day party wasn’t in full swing until THREE THIRTY? Did I do something wrong? Are day parties supposed to start at 3? I know our people come to places when they want to. But shouldn’t there be a rule that we all get to day parties on time since there’s an actual end time?

Well. I guess I know better than that.

This is just one of the reasons why day parties are dumb. Our folk don’t honor end times! So a party that starts at 1 is just going to be a long ass party!

At 5, folks were still arriving bringing more amazing dishes and likker. At 6, the weather chilled and we went up to the roof to have a toast to good food and good friends. Came back down.

Time for another round of food and likker. My sister’s deviled eggs are not a game. (Even though she didn’t put paprika on them, which is a crime.)

By 7, some of my friends were making conversation with Bae, sizing him up and taking note of his proper summer shorts swag. Then the music got a bit louder and the playful boozy arguments started. At 8:30, I started yawning. At 8:45 I saw one of my besties hit it off rather well with another guest. At 9, Bae started cleaning up and then went upstairs to feed the dog and then walk him. At 9:30, y’all, I left my own party. Which was in full swing. It started raining. People huddled up under the umbrellas.

Likker was still being consumed.

By 11, I was asleep.

My sister tells me that the party did not end until midnight, when building security came through and said to beat it.

So. My day party started at one pm and ended at midnight. 11 hours. Right. That’s what you call a day party. Absolutely ridiculous.

And now I wish I could have one every single weekend.

I’m almost 44. I know this sounds corny. But it is an extreme blessing to have your friends and family around you. I’m getting choked up just writing this.

Maybe it’s because I lost my dad this year. My siblings and I no longer have him as an anchor.

My brother is a man of little words—especially when it comes to his two younger sisters. So when I looked up and saw him playing spades with my younger sister for the first time? All. The. Feels. (Especially since they won.) I love my brother. But I don’t think I’ve ever said that to him in my entire life. I need eight hour long parties to get that point across to him without words.

Now, I do see my friends and family for a dinner or a brunch here and there. But that’s not the same as a long ass day party. Sometimes, you just don’t know what’s going on with folks until you see them in person for an extended period of time.

Example: two of my closest friends are twins. I had no idea that they were beefing and hadn’t spoken in months until I saw them at the party not speaking to each other. When I saw Guy Twin leave my party without speaking to Woman Twin, I was devastated. That’s something I wouldn’t find out if we all went out for after-work drinks.

I implore you. Have a long-ass day party. Not a brunch or dinner. A long-ass party at someone’s place. I don’t care how small your place is. Let people pile up on your bed. They don’t care. They love you. However many people you think you can fit in your place, invite double that amount.

Forget planning a menu. Tell someone to bring some shrimp fried rice. Talk about politics and hip-hop and 4:44 and Lemonade and Anthony Scaramucci and anything else that gets people riled up.

All you need is likker (no liquor) and deviled eggs with paprika and no relish. The rest is optional.

Also? When you set up your day party, can you please invite me?  aliyalovesdayparties@gmail.com

I swear I’ll come.

Aliya S. King

Aliya S. King is the author of two novels and three nonfiction books, including the New York Times bestseller Keep the Faith, written with recording artist Faith Evans. Right here, she wants to add something pithy and quirky about pancakes or something like in Damon’s bio. But she’s just not that witty. It would feel forced.

  • siante

    My mom and I were just having a discussion about an aunt of mine who would throw the best parties, but after she got tired, she would take her wig off, take her shoes off, put on her pajamas & go to her room & go to sleep & people would just have to find their way out lol- I’m thinking this is kinda uncouth, but my mom felt it was uncouth for those people to not realize when the hostess was tired. I dunno.

    • Michelle is my First Lady

      I think it is ok. Sometimes, as the host, you get tired. That’s when a few of my trusted girls step up and help clean up/escort folks out of the house. #ittakesavillage

      • siante

        true, as long as you got your good girlfriends there you’ll be aight.

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    This post pulled me in two directions.

    • Kas

      How so kind sir?

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        “How come I’m not being invited to parties I’d never go to?”

        Strikes me as rank female privilege. Feminine entitlement. Part of That whole “you can’t sit with us” mentality that is low key celebrated on this site.

        But

        Reading the upswing about her fam pulled me in the other direction.

        Whole piece left me uneasy. Cause I was expecting something far more inclusive. Thus entirely my error.

  • Giantstepp

    Don’t think I’ve been to an official day party, but the thought of drinking, food, music, family and friends is always a good time — well mostly a good time. But I get to be back at home stretched out on that sectional by 8 is what really attracts me ….after a full fledged party. If I am not in by nine I start getting antsy. Day parties it is!

  • Kat

    I dreaded my bornday party and almost cried when it was over..so much love. And liquor. And love…but that liquor. I think I’m going to have one at the end of summer. Just cause.

    • miss t-lee

      I need to have a just because party. It’s been too long.

      • Kat

        I missed one this weekend cause of life, but I gotta get back on track. Summer 17. Maybe Winter 17 but still..

        • miss t-lee

          That’s the spirit!

  • Diego Duarte

    OFFTOPIC: Democrats to fund anti-choice candidates in 2018. What the actual fuck? So not only are they adopting the pro-corporate mantra of the Republicans but also some of their social conservative views? Time for a new party then.

    https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/7/31/16070490/democrats-2018-strategy-candidates-oppose-abortion

    • Wendy

      This pisses me off to no end! Of course there should be a litmus test when it comes to ensuring ALL humans’ fundamental rights.

    • Hugh Akston

      Why is that surprising?

      • Diego Duarte

        Because they are now adopting it as an official stance and I thought they couldn’t be any more suicidal.

        • Hugh Akston

          And they also said there is Litmus test

          I mean you can be red as much as you want on every issue then say I’m a dem you got their support

    • Epsilonicus

      There have always been Dems that were anti-choice

    • Val

      Blue Dog Democrats.

  • You Know I’m Sawcy

    I used to think day parties were bougie nonsense as well, until I went to one. There are re-occurring QPOC day parties picking up frequency here in Philly. Some of which cater primarily to women. It’s AMAZING. All this positive energy in the atmosphere is created. Sisterhood. Can-I-holla-at-you-sista-hood. It’s seriously beautiful. AND you can be back on your sofa by 10pm. I love day parties now.

  • DCFem

    Need to get my yard tightened up but as soon as I do I will drop you an invite. Have been planning one of these soirees in my head for months but don’t want to do it until the space where folks can spill and I won’t cringe looks less like the Amazon rain forest.

  • Ms.Moon

    I’ve been to parties like this. My cousin’s baby shower turned into a fete after 10 pm because by then everyone had been drinking enough and they put on road march hits my shoes came off we hit the floor. I think we did not get home until 4 am.

  • grownandsexy2

    Old folks have day parties too. They’re not just for millenials. But old folks have day parties because they need naps and are in bed by at least 7 or 8 and I know this because my cousin is old and had a day party last month. She’s usually in bed by 8. Old men way past their prime trying to holla, old women thinking they still got it. Party was lit.

    Since I come from a family of drinkers and people that love food, there was much likker and food cause fam likes to eat and drank. Prior to that the only day parties I attended was for the under 10 set. I stayed two hours and was home early enough to go out later.

  • Diego Duarte

    The one problem with “day parties” is that it is never guaranteed that they will end by 8 – 11 PM. Some friends can be pushy and won’t take hints and even flat out “GET THE FUCK OUT” or “LET ME LEAVE” messages straight to their face. So it really is a double-edged sword.

    • That’s why you have to make some sort of outside. At least the darkness is a clue to people that they’ve been drinking for 8 hours.

      • Diego Duarte

        Cogito some of these people could be thrown into a Black Hole and they would still refuse to consider that “clue”. Rather they would take it as a sign that it is time for a change of scenery and drag your azz to a pub, reminiscent of your younger days, only to find out it has been turned into a gay bar; and then drag your azz to the nearest pub from that place, which also doubles as a cheap brothel which smells like azz, where you will spend the next 5 hours drinking and cheering for “decadence!” until 7 AM, until they are finally satisfied.

        I speak from experience.

        • I cannot confirm nor deny my involvement in such activities.

          • Diego Duarte

            Sure thing buddy.

            *Writes down “confirmed”*

        • Well damn D…

        • Michelle

          Those people are some of the worst party guests. They fall right before the “I don’t have a guaranteed ride home” people, on my list.

          • Michelle is my First Lady

            Uber/Lyft is a thing.

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