Lists, Theory & Essay

I Think You Just Went Too Far.

My current favorite commercials are by Bud Light where they attempt to display just how perfect Bud Light through the extremes of various daily activities. The one with the driving dog is hands down my favorite but only because I swear I saw Tupac driving down Central Avenue in Maryland one day.

Makes no sense, does it? Aw shuga no no no.

Well those commercials got me to thinking about other areas of life where people just might take things too far. Relationships, for instance. In every relationship, there are tests. The tests vary; some are for endurance, others are for sanity and peace of mind, which comes with every piece of the rock.

Prudential.

While these tests exist and will exist as long as man dangles, and patience is a virtue, everybody has a breaking point. I mean we all get pissed for things. But there are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed. And in the spirit of my good friends at Bud Light and their comical depiction of the medium, allow me to bump that up two sizes to XL. Basically, let’s look at some situations that might piss you off but you’ll learn to deal with and then the point where they’ve crossed the line. This is educational, kiddies. Pull out the trusty #2, take notes, and shut the f*ck up while Professor Panama is speaking. Did Panama just go too f*cking far?

Possibly. But f*ck your couch. He’s sexxy. This is what he does.

FOLLOW ME.

1) Sex Tape

Not Happy – After 3 months of dating and boinking, you find out that you’ve been taped on nearly every romp in the sack, including the time you sang the theme song from Pirates of Penzance off key while wearing a checkered table cloth and some tassles.

Crossed The Line – You find out that you’ve been taped by Googling yourself and finding your videos on youtube and you’re not even one of the most viewed videos.

2) A Little Physical Violence

Not Happy – Amidst an argument, you get slapped upside the back of your head, with people watching. You might be pissed as all hell, but you ain’t exactly gonna break up with them because of a little head slap.

Crossed The Line – Amidst an argument, you get hit with THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW. That’s grounds for dismissal and an all out air assault on their assesses.

3) Tattoo

Not Happy – You wake up in the morning to find out that your girl has placed a 4-day temporary tattoo of her name across your forehead and she thinks its a hilarious joke. Not that I’d suggest this for real, but you should kick her down the stairs.

Crossed The Line – You wake up to realize that you have your bf/gf’s name tatted across your abdomen in Sanskrit because they took you out and got you drunk enough that you thought it wasn’t a bad idea because, you know, you’re in love and sh*t.

4) Nudity

Not Happy – Your girl walks around nude all the time despite your please to put those puppies away because if they start hanging any lower, you’ll have to enter them into a Ludacris “How Low Can You Go”  contest with the Twerk Team. (NSFW…you’re welcome).

Crossed The Line – Your girl walks around nude WHEN YOUR BOYS ARE THERE. You have to drop her dunny. I mean really, you can’t just play that sh*t off like, “yo, ignore her, B. She’s just looking for attention.” Mission accomplished. You can’t even be mad at your boys either. I’ve seen dudes stare at nude crackheads. There’s something about Mary nudity.

5) Little white lies

Not Happy – Your girl tells you she’s taking you to a Jay-Z concert but she’s really taking you to the opera. Talk about a blower. And not a good one either. Not that I don’t have an appreciation for opera…oh wait, Panama TOTALLY doesn’t give a sh*t about opera.

Crossed The Line – Your girl tells you she’s taking you to a Jay-Z concert but she’s really taking you to Maury Povich to tell you that you might not be the father of your child. Somebody might have to die. Seriously, can you imagine that shock? How pissed would you be if you ended up on THAT show? Or Jerry Springer?

So good people of VSB, what crosses the line for you?

And remember, it’s Friday, let’s have fun. Be sexxy like Panama.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • eff yo couch

    Thanks for the shout out Panama … I feel special & sh*t

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @eff yo couch, i feel as if that statement needs to be made at least twice a day to keep people honest.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @eff yo couch, i feel as if that statement needs to be made at least twice a day to keep people honest.

  • eff yo couch

    Thanks for the shout out Panama … I feel special & sh*t

  • legitimate_soul

    *Crackin up at the Peoples elbow reference….The Rock was a hilarious and charismatic wrestler*

    Funny you should ask this because something weird that crossed the line for me happened today. A small asian guy walks up to me, as I was walking to my car after work. He pays me a great compliment , I tell him thank you, and then proceeds to look me up and down, stare at my shoes (in boots, it’s cold and rainy), and tell me I would love to kiss your feet and I love “large” black women. Something that started off very flattering got really weird. Umm, and let’s not confuse “tall” with “large”, buddy! My response as I switched directions to my car was “Okay, you have a good one!” Going into fetish mode was too far and crossed the line.

    • legitimate_soul

      @legitimate_soul,

      I wasn’t gonna holler and I never stopped walking, we was walking with me on my side. No reason to be rude or crass to a nice compliment. But a compliment went really weird in less than 3 seconds.

    • legitimate_soul

      @legitimate_soul,

      I wasn’t gonna holler and I never stopped walking, we was walking with me on my side. No reason to be rude or crass to a nice compliment. But a compliment went really weird in less than 3 seconds.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @legitimate_soul, so you’re saying you didn’t want him to lick your toes?

      • legitimate_soul

        @Panama Jackson,

        *cringing* NO.

      • legitimate_soul

        @Panama Jackson,

        *cringing* NO.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @legitimate_soul, so you’re saying you didn’t want him to lick your toes?

    • miss t-lee

      @legitimate_soul,
      This is hilarious!!!!

    • miss t-lee

      @legitimate_soul,
      This is hilarious!!!!

    • Shay

      @legitimate_soul,

      Promise you he’s not representative of us Asian folks.

      • legitimate_soul

        @Shay,

        I know :)

      • legitimate_soul

        @Shay,

        I know :)

    • Shay

      @legitimate_soul,

      Promise you he’s not representative of us Asian folks.

  • legitimate_soul

    *Crackin up at the Peoples elbow reference….The Rock was a hilarious and charismatic wrestler*

    Funny you should ask this because something weird that crossed the line for me happened today. A small asian guy walks up to me, as I was walking to my car after work. He pays me a great compliment , I tell him thank you, and then proceeds to look me up and down, stare at my shoes (in boots, it’s cold and rainy), and tell me I would love to kiss your feet and I love “large” black women. Something that started off very flattering got really weird. Umm, and let’s not confuse “tall” with “large”, buddy! My response as I switched directions to my car was “Okay, you have a good one!” Going into fetish mode was too far and crossed the line.

  • SuperDee

    YES! The People’s Elbow! What happened to the rock? He and Ice-Cube are now so children’s movie friendly.. *sigh*

    ANYWAY. I Love this post. Hilarious.

    You’ve taken it too far when..
    … your significant other takes you on Maury to tell you that he/she was actually born a she/he.. In fact, anything of this sort. If you come home and you find him in your panties, or if she’s decked out in your gym wear with a sock in your jock-strap. Reconsider.
    … if he/she has a crazed ex. Not just the kind that calls frequently.. but the kind that looks in the window, with a deep longing stare and a shank.
    …they have a huge gambling problem. Those lotto tickets aren’t so cute anymore… and your car is missing.

    Thats all I can add..lol
    -Dee.

    • miss t-lee

      @SuperDee,
      “YES! The People’s Elbow! What happened to the rock?”

      I know! That makes me sad. I giggled loudly when I read “People’s elbow”…mayne that was my ninja!

    • miss t-lee

      @SuperDee,
      “YES! The People’s Elbow! What happened to the rock?”

      I know! That makes me sad. I giggled loudly when I read “People’s elbow”…mayne that was my ninja!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @SuperDee, your significant other takes you on Maury to tell you that he/she was actually born a she/he..

      i think being taken on Maury by itself is grounds for a breakup. Even if you’re just a guest. The fact that you got pulled into nationwide drama is grounds for a murder beef.

      Going on a daytime talk show of the Maury/Jerry variety is definitely a low point in one’s life.

      Also, if you were to hear that Maury offed himself b/c he just couldnt take it anymore, would you be surprised?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @SuperDee, your significant other takes you on Maury to tell you that he/she was actually born a she/he..

      i think being taken on Maury by itself is grounds for a breakup. Even if you’re just a guest. The fact that you got pulled into nationwide drama is grounds for a murder beef.

      Going on a daytime talk show of the Maury/Jerry variety is definitely a low point in one’s life.

      Also, if you were to hear that Maury offed himself b/c he just couldnt take it anymore, would you be surprised?

    • http://www.facebook.com/datfya BigBuck

      @SuperDee, The Rock was killed by his evil and much smaller doppleganger Dwayne Johnson.

    • http://www.facebook.com/datfya BigBuck

      @SuperDee, The Rock was killed by his evil and much smaller doppleganger Dwayne Johnson.

    • Deviant

      @SuperDee,

      “YES! The People’s Elbow! What happened to the rock?”

      he had kids and wanted to make movies his kids can watch

    • Deviant

      @SuperDee,

      “YES! The People’s Elbow! What happened to the rock?”

      he had kids and wanted to make movies his kids can watch

    • MizzouLegend

      @SuperDee,

      I once heard about a guy getting 65 phone calls between 2-3:45am on a Sunday morning. Followed by a knock on his back door by said caller who had to have scaled an 8ft rot iron fence in heels during a Chicago winter.

    • MizzouLegend

      @SuperDee,

      I once heard about a guy getting 65 phone calls between 2-3:45am on a Sunday morning. Followed by a knock on his back door by said caller who had to have scaled an 8ft rot iron fence in heels during a Chicago winter.

  • SuperDee

    YES! The People’s Elbow! What happened to the rock? He and Ice-Cube are now so children’s movie friendly.. *sigh*

    ANYWAY. I Love this post. Hilarious.

    You’ve taken it too far when..
    … your significant other takes you on Maury to tell you that he/she was actually born a she/he.. In fact, anything of this sort. If you come home and you find him in your panties, or if she’s decked out in your gym wear with a sock in your jock-strap. Reconsider.
    … if he/she has a crazed ex. Not just the kind that calls frequently.. but the kind that looks in the window, with a deep longing stare and a shank.
    …they have a huge gambling problem. Those lotto tickets aren’t so cute anymore… and your car is missing.

    Thats all I can add..lol
    -Dee.

  • Acacia

    1. Messing with my $: I can shrug off a couple dollars b/w friends; typically, I don’t even really care if I get that back because I figure I’ll bum a couple bucks from you at some point too. But when it gets to the point where the loans are adding up, I’m calculating how many meals you’re essentially hijacking from me, and I have to start coming at you like a rabid crackhead for my money, heffa–we have a problem.

    2. Grinding etiquette: a chick knows that a randy male may interrupt her 2 step at any time and proceed to rythmically maul her (which may be less/more offensive depending on the qualities of the offender and the blood alcohol content of the victim) and that’s whatever. But when a stranger injects any bodily fluids into the equation, all bets are off *shudders*.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Acacia, 2. Grinding etiquette: a chick knows that a randy male may interrupt her 2 step at any time and proceed to rythmically maul her (which may be less/more offensive depending on the qualities of the offender and the blood alcohol content of the victim) and that’s whatever. But when a stranger injects any bodily fluids into the equation, all bets are off *shudders*.

      i’m not afraid to say that this entire paragraph confused the living hell out of me.

      can i get a re-explanation?

      • La Bakir

        @Panama Jackson, Hmmm…I gather that they are saying it’s one thing for a man to grind/dance on a female…another if he busts a nut while doing so

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @La Bakir, aww….well now that makes sense.

          i was all lost.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @La Bakir, aww….well now that makes sense.

          i was all lost.

        • http://wheresana.blogspot.com/ Intellectual Hedonist

          @La Bakir, thank you for the clarification cause clearly I was sitting next to Panama on that one

          • La Bakir

            @Intellectual Hedonist, No prob…I try :)

          • La Bakir

            @Intellectual Hedonist, No prob…I try :)

        • http://wheresana.blogspot.com/ Intellectual Hedonist

          @La Bakir, thank you for the clarification cause clearly I was sitting next to Panama on that one

        • Deviant

          @La Bakir,

          u can buss off from this? maybe I dont dance enuff

          • La Bakir

            @Deviant, Now, I don’t know about all of that. I was just trying to make sense of the post. Using context clues…the only bodily fluid I came up w/ was jizz. Unless of course she was speaking of sweat *kanye shrug*

          • La Bakir

            @Deviant, Now, I don’t know about all of that. I was just trying to make sense of the post. Using context clues…the only bodily fluid I came up w/ was jizz. Unless of course she was speaking of sweat *kanye shrug*

        • Deviant

          @La Bakir,

          u can buss off from this? maybe I dont dance enuff

      • La Bakir

        @Panama Jackson, Hmmm…I gather that they are saying it’s one thing for a man to grind/dance on a female…another if he busts a nut while doing so

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Acacia, 2. Grinding etiquette: a chick knows that a randy male may interrupt her 2 step at any time and proceed to rythmically maul her (which may be less/more offensive depending on the qualities of the offender and the blood alcohol content of the victim) and that’s whatever. But when a stranger injects any bodily fluids into the equation, all bets are off *shudders*.

      i’m not afraid to say that this entire paragraph confused the living hell out of me.

      can i get a re-explanation?

  • Acacia

    1. Messing with my $: I can shrug off a couple dollars b/w friends; typically, I don’t even really care if I get that back because I figure I’ll bum a couple bucks from you at some point too. But when it gets to the point where the loans are adding up, I’m calculating how many meals you’re essentially hijacking from me, and I have to start coming at you like a rabid crackhead for my money, heffa–we have a problem.

    2. Grinding etiquette: a chick knows that a randy male may interrupt her 2 step at any time and proceed to rythmically maul her (which may be less/more offensive depending on the qualities of the offender and the blood alcohol content of the victim) and that’s whatever. But when a stranger injects any bodily fluids into the equation, all bets are off *shudders*.

  • Made In Hawaii

    Not Happy- While gettin it in, he asks you to describe the other female that would join ya’ll if you actually would allow it one day and when he busts, he calls out “her” name! WTF??!

    Crossed the Line- You walk in on him w/ a Tomika Skanes look-a-like and he says, “Hey babycakes, Look… I found our girl! :)”
    Well… maybe not.

    3) Tattoo
    Not Happy – You wake up in the morning to find out that your girl has placed a 4-day temporary tattoo of her name across your forehead and she thinks its a hilarious joke.

    ^^^ This sooooo something I would do! LOL!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Made In Hawaii, Not Happy- While gettin it in, he asks you to describe the other female that would join ya’ll if you actually would allow it one day and when he busts, he calls out “her” name! WTF??!

      Crossed the Line- You walk in on him w/ a Tomika Skanes look-a-like and he says, “Hey babycakes, Look… I found our girl! ”
      Well… maybe not.

      that crosses the line? he did all the work for you!

      • Made In Hawaii

        @Panama Jackson,

        Dude wasn’t ever given permission to have another chick join in, only in the imagination- for play-play. Sooooo, he CROSSED THE DAMN LINE….

      • Made In Hawaii

        @Panama Jackson,

        Dude wasn’t ever given permission to have another chick join in, only in the imagination- for play-play. Sooooo, he CROSSED THE DAMN LINE….

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Made In Hawaii, Not Happy- While gettin it in, he asks you to describe the other female that would join ya’ll if you actually would allow it one day and when he busts, he calls out “her” name! WTF??!

      Crossed the Line- You walk in on him w/ a Tomika Skanes look-a-like and he says, “Hey babycakes, Look… I found our girl! ”
      Well… maybe not.

      that crosses the line? he did all the work for you!

  • Made In Hawaii

    Not Happy- While gettin it in, he asks you to describe the other female that would join ya’ll if you actually would allow it one day and when he busts, he calls out “her” name! WTF??!

    Crossed the Line- You walk in on him w/ a Tomika Skanes look-a-like and he says, “Hey babycakes, Look… I found our girl! :)”
    Well… maybe not.

    3) Tattoo
    Not Happy – You wake up in the morning to find out that your girl has placed a 4-day temporary tattoo of her name across your forehead and she thinks its a hilarious joke.

    ^^^ This sooooo something I would do! LOL!!

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