Pop Culture, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

I Think Mother Nature Might Be A Racist

Only a racist mother nature would create a tree sculpture modeled after a Kanye West fantasy: a white ballerina with blotchy legs.

By now, everybody in America knows that an earthquake hit the East Coast yesterday. The epicenter was about 90 miles away from Washington, DC and tremors could be felt in Cleveland, Detroit, Philadelphia, NYC, and Boston as well as the Carolinas.

Allow me to place my conspiracy theorist hat on.

Placing.

Sadatay.

Now I’m not sure if you’re aware of this or not, but if those areas I named probably contain a solid 60 percent of the Black population of America. I was at work doing my civic duty and being a quality worker bee when my motherf*cking building shook. File cabinets moved. White people investigating tripped over things that tip over when the earth moves. The Blacks were either under desks or halfway home by the time the quake was over. I’m mixed so I was conflicted.

By the way, I’m aware that in West Coast cities you all sneeze at what happened today to us here on the East Coast. And fair enough, it might have been slightly blown out of proportion by the more dramatic media types. But the major difference here is that we are not ready for an earthquake around here. So the entire city of DC basically nutted the f*ck up. I’m pretty sure that nan individual had the slightest idea what to do. Buildings that aren’t supposed to sway…swayed. Basically, it was like a small scale FEMA response to an emergency involving minorities. The city was ensnarled in ridiculous traffic. People lost their minds and freaked out. I used a word like ensnarled.

Oh, mother nature and racism. Now this earthquake alone isn’t nearly evidence that Mother Nature has a problem with the coloreds. But…

…this Sunday is the dedication of the finest monument and memorial  you ever did see. It is the dedication of the Morehouse Man of the Millenium Memorial on the National Mall; the monument that shuts down every possible argument about which HBCU has made the most substantial contribution to mankind. Yes, this Sunday (and all week here in DC) people are coming to and fro to view the greatness that is the Dr. Martin Luther Tha King, Jr’s greatness. No Kanye.

And who but who is supposed to be raining on our parade of Blackness?

Motherf*cking Irene. First there was a fish named Wanda. Now we’ve got a hurricane named Irene making her way up the Eastern Seaboard threatening to ruin the third most significant day in Blackness behind inauguration and the day we found out the DC Snipers were Black.

An earthquake AND a potential hurricane…in DC…in the SAME week that Dr. Kang is supposed to be commemorated for the world to see?

Spade.

THEN…to make that even more f*cked up, random and various sources are rumoring that Will and Jada are breaking up. Black love, the strongest natural fore on the planet is being attacked…AGAIN!!!! Of course, Will and Jada have denied such reports but what are they supposed to do? You deny until you are ready to say sh*t on your own terms. Granted I have no idea if they’re breaking up or not…but again…

Earthquate.

Hurricane.

WILL AND JADA SEPARATE?

That’s three natural disasters directly affecting the Black community in the course of one week. So what that Irene is losing steam…what if that ho comes back???? My weatherman who is NEVER right is the one who said that Irene is on the way out. This f*cker said we’d only get 5 inches of snow all last winter and I think it was the snowiest winter on record ever in DC.

You might ask yourself why I continue to listen to a weatherman who never gets the weather right. That would be a good question that I do not have an answer to. He’s funny.

Speaking of racism…I hear that the creator of that Nivea ad that got pulled was a Black guy. Le sigh. That’s like that scene from Fighting Temptations when Cuba Gooding’s character figured out how to market malt liquor to the hood…only the exact opposite. I swear, I wonder sometimes if white execs are like, “it can’t be racist, a Black guy made it!!!” Can’t lie, that would be my defense if I was white too.

Anyway, do we have a case here? Is it possible that Mother Nature is trying to sabotage the King Memorial?? Is Mother Nature the man??

Is Mother Nature racist?!?!?!

Talk to me!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Filed Under: ,
Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Kidsister

    As for the quake, once we figured out that it was an earthquake and not just our raggedy building doing the Harlem shake, I think I trampled some people on the way out of the office. It was not a game…That traffic on the way home tho…?! My normal commute is 45 minutes and thats heavy traffic. It took me 4 hours to get to my neck of the woods. I was some kind of pissed…

    About Mother Nature being a racist, you make an interesting case but I can’t call it…

  • dont$leep

    For some reason when you said Conspiracy Theory, I thought you were gonna go in about HAARP haha

  • Corey

    Everybody was up here freaking out. I didn’t even know there was an earthquake until stuff started getting evacuated. I was in the car by the road and the car was shaking and I just figured it was wind from passing cars shaking me. No biggie. I think this was my first quake and I gotta say I ain’t impressed. :/

  • CurlyTop

    “So what that Irene is losing steam…what if that ho comes back????”

    How you gonna call a hurricane a ho? Lol! As a Floridian, this is actually something we think when hurricanes are in the Atlantic. We stay praying they don’t hit Fl. But Mother Nature or whomever gave us the only state that sits directly in the path of every hurricane. Aw sh*t, I just looked at the projected path for Irene, ya’ll DC ninja might be S.O.L. Good luck Northern ninjas!

  • R_G_love

    Yeah…suspect if I must say so myself.

  • http://www.anythingbutstyle.com Shaynanigans

    “Sadatay.”

    mmmm, hilarious.

    And the Will and Jada rumor shoke people more than that earthquake today. Had everyone questioning loves existence. If a black couple with tons of money, super talented kids, and allegedly the freedom to sleep around can’t make it then what hope do the rest of us have? No really, people crying this question out loud on the bus this afternoon. Serious stuff.

  • Aleyah the Great

    ummm no i don’t think mother nature’s racist. i did read somewhere that all this is george bush tryna make a comeback though.

  • theeclectic

    You forgot to add that Nick Ashford died..the single person keeping Blue Magic and Dax in business

    Kim Kardashian manages to falsify the claim that you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife

    annndddd

    The Help is STILL doing good in the box office

    I think more than the elements hate black people

    …its safe to say black people are having the best worst week ever…

  • http://epiKurious.yolasite.com Khrissy

    Ok Panama…this one had me cracking up!

    Im in CA and i must admit we have been out here makin all kinds of jokes at yall expense. But youre right… The buildings out there are not “Quakeproof” so i suppose a lil sympathy is in order.

    As far mother nature being a racist….uhhh yea. One Word… AFRICA! As much as I would love to visit the motherland someday, it doesnt exactly have the most sought after climate ans vacation potential.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    Being from Chicago, I have found Mother Nature to be a moody btch but I can’t say she’s a racist btch.

    I will say that I believe Father Time hates 2520s. I mean, our Black don’t crack but their White well…I’d much rather have Papa T on my side any day.

More Like This