I’m Suffering From “Every Time I Hear ‘First Lady’ I Think ‘Michelle Obama’ Even Though She Aint It Anymore” Syndrome » VSB

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I’m Suffering From “Every Time I Hear ‘First Lady’ I Think ‘Michelle Obama’ Even Though She Aint It Anymore” Syndrome

I’ve accepted, grudgingly, that empty Miracle Whip jar filled with dead maggots with sentience Donald Trump is President of the United States. It’s a reality both horrifying (for obvious reasons) and validating, as his ascent and the support that allowed him to ascend is the best possible verification that America desperately wants to be Crash but is actually the first hour of Get Out. As much as I hate that he’s our President, I enjoy that he’s made our nation butt-ass fucking naked.

That said, I still haven’t yet fully processed and accepted that Michelle Obama is no longer the First Lady. And I know I haven’t fully processed and accepted this because whenever I hear any reference to the First Lady or FLOTUS, I still think of Michelle Obama. Like, earlier this week, when I saw headlines about the First Lady reading Dr. Seuss to kids, I thought “Man, I’d love to read Dr. Seuss books with Michelle Obama. And not as a kid. But, like, right now.” But then I clicked on one of the articles and was like “Who is this woman? This is not my First Lady.” I felt a little dizzy, and wondered if instead of clicking on that link, I’d somehow turned to QVC because the woman they’re saying is the First Lady looks like she should be selling Dyson Supersonic Hair Dryers for 40% off instead of pretending to be the First Lady. And then I remembered that Michelle Obama is no longer the First Lady. And then I got really sad and hungry for some green eggs and ham.

I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually. But I don’t want to.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Mary Burrell

    I love Michelle as our FLOTUS in my opinion she was the best she was elegant and and intelligent resilience and grace in the face of her very ugly detractors. It hurt me to my core to read those ugly post ion different social media sites and just made me furious. But those same racist s**t stains making those statements says a lot about what who and what white America is. Melania Trump is no comparison to Queen Michelle. During the Inaguaration and Melania handed Michelle that Tiffany box the look on Michelle’s face was priceless. That was such an awkward moment. I was thinking “Bish what is she supposed to do with that?” I want Michelle and Barack to have a beautiful and peaceful life away from the madness that is American politics.

    • Lara

      I like Michelle okay, but a lot of liberals worship her. That may be why some less nice white people felt the need to put her down. She isn’t as bad as some of them make her out to be, but probably not as good as many liberals make her out to be.

      • Mary Burrell

        Don’t respond to me i am not interested in anything you have to say Pi$$ off.

        • NonyaB?

          Downvote, flag and ignore the troll. Hopefully, DayMoan and PanaMayne change site settings soon, so that non-accounts/guests can’t comment, which would make everyone blockable.

          • Dee

            No, see don’t do that to guest, I comment here as guest but I’m nice and black, and didn’t vote Trump. At least keep guest.

            • Hugh Akston

              why not just create an account?

            • NonyaB?

              It only takes a few rotten eggs to ruin it for others. You should consider creating an acct because as it is, we have no way of telling if you are the same person as other guests commenting. Hence why some people don’t respond to guest commenters in general.

          • Mary Burrell

            Thank you for this I don’t want it responding to me.

        • Cheech

          It’s not human. It has never denied being a troll, and it has never interacted or responded with anything that doesn’t reply directly to it. It just lobs pre-written pro-Cheeto crap. It may well be a bot.

          Don’t take it personally.

          • Mary Burrell

            Thanks for this

  • [Insert Creative Name Here]
    • Love thyself

      This is gold

  • BrothasKeeper

    No lies were detected in the writing of this piece. I miss my FLY-TUS. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/336146671b73ff3b090305ba281f3f279978cab0313c4a84598d370b726dc54c.gif

  • BT

    Now that you mention it. I never really think of Mrs. Trump as FLOTUS until someone mentions her as such.

  • NonyaB?

    Meanwhile: “My grandmother told me to never speak ill of the dead”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pArNyv2hthM

    • Mary Burrell

      I saw that on another site. How will Nicky respond to that i wonder?

      • BrothasKeeper

        Passive-aggressively.

        • Mary Burrell

          We shall see.

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          It’s her best shot

      • NonyaB?

        By not responding at all because she knows she could never top it. Instead, she’s trying hard to portray not caring by dropping racy pics and showing up at fashion shows in recreated Lil Kim costumes.

        • Mary Burrell

          Man, this rap game is crazy and all the shenanigans.

    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

      Bish came dressed for the funeral.

      • NonyaB?

        She took the high road and came to pay her respects; ashes to mediocre rhymers.

  • Lara

    I wasn’t sure what to make of Melania until I saw her at the inauguration. She is just so pretty, feminine and graceful, that I was charmed. She has a shyness about her, which is endearing. I thought bringing the Tiffany’s gift to Michelle was so sweet.
    Michelle is the girlfriend type. Melania is the type men will go to the ends of the earth for.

    • BrothasKeeper
      • Mary Burrell

        I knew that troll would crawl out of it’s sewer and comment especially since it’s a Trump supporter.

        • BrothasKeeper

          Like an unsightly mole.

          • The ain nobody but that broke azz Rachael.

            • LMNOP

              Rachel on the dole.

              Rhyming is fun, we should do this more lol.

              • BrothasKeeper

                She thinks she’s Beyoncé Knowles.

          • Cheech

            Wanna kick it in a hole.

            • Cheech

              Have somebody yell GOAL!!

              • Wait til xmas,
                Grab her stocking,
                Fuck it, put some coal

                • LMNOP

                  Dr. Seuss day in the comments here.

                  • Mary Burrell

                    Lol?

                  • BrothasKeeper

                    Happy belated birthday to him!

                • LMNOP

                  Ole troll don’t even have a soul,
                  just 86 cents in a bowl
                  from when she worked the pole
                  cause she’s ugly as a foal.

                  • Mary Burrell

                    HA! ?

              • BrothasKeeper

                You’re on a roll!

        • LMNOP

          The unblockable troll.

        • Cheech

          Not a Trump supporter. A Breitbart or Putin troll.

          • Mary Burrell

            All of that is vomit inducing

        • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

          I’m not surprised Sister. That troll is something else.

          • Tam

            It seems to think that is has won friends and it is actually welcomed

            • Mary Burrell

              And it’s too stupid to know its not wanted i just wish it could be blocked.

  • Diego Duarte

    Never has there been a couple as un-presidential as this. I mean, the only way this could be any worse is if Trump was married to Coulter.

  • TheUnsungStoryteller

    Yo…I got second handedly embarrassed watching that video, that was excruciating.

  • Dopamine

    Michelle is Black America’s First Lady forever. We don’t need their titles

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