I Saw Girls Trip In A Theater With Like 17 Million Black Women There And Now I Have Thoughts About That Experience! » VSB

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I Saw Girls Trip In A Theater With Like 17 Million Black Women There And Now I Have Thoughts About That Experience!

Jonathan Bachman/Getty Images for Universal

 

1. It was the first time I went to a pitch black movie theater — while wearing some nice jeans and some really fresh sneakers, if I say so myself — and somehow felt underdressed. I felt like I was wearing house party clothes to a day party.

2. While at a mall a few years ago, I absent-mindedly walked into Lady Foot Locker instead of MAN’S FOOT LOCKER FOR MEN right next door. I didn’t realize it at first, because there’s no immediately discernible difference between the clothes and shoes at Lady’s Foot Locker and the gear at MAN’S FOOT LOCKER FOR MEN, except for more purple and random pictures of Skylar Diggins. But then, after a saleswomen with a Lady’s Foot Locker tag on her referee’s shirt asked if I needed help, I knew I was in the wrong place.

There’s really no connection between that story and seeing Girls Trip in a theater with 17 million Black women there. Except there was a lot more purple in the theater than I anticipated.

3. Is Grapefruiting a real actual thing that real actual people have done? Also, if Grapefruiting is a real actual thing, does the fruit, like, change? If a guy’s really packing, do you use a baby watermelon? Or perhaps a lemon (or a, gasp, grape) if he’s not?

4. Last week I joked that we haven’t seen Larenz Tate since he rode off on his bike with Nina at the end of Love Jones. Well, apparently this nigga drove straight into a cryogenic chamber and just stayed. He’s 41 years old and this dude would seriously still get carded. At an 18 and over club. It’s insane. If he was as old as he actually looked, he’d be the same age as the gnat in my kitchen.

5. The loudest laughs came with a scene involving public urination. Which makes me wonder if women realize how fun it can be to aim and pee on things. Every woman reading this should go and pee on a stop sign or a squirrel or something today just to have that experience. #Allpeestreamsmatter.

6. Each time Mike Colter appeared on screen, a woman sitting in front of us would say “beat that bald nigga’s ass.” She didn’t scream it or anything though. She also sat by herself, so she wasn’t speaking to anyone. She’d just say it calmly and nonchalantly, like she was reminding herself of a grocery list. I think she had a personal beef with him. I think her and Mike Colter used to work together, and Mike Colter would stay eating the pickles she kept in the office fridge. Because Mike Colter looks like someone who’d eat your pickles. And now she wants that bald nigga’s ass beat each time she sees him.

7. Regina Hall has nice arms. As does Regina King. Which convinces me that all 40-something Black Reginas have nice arms. So much so that I now assume that every 40-something Black woman with nice arms is named Regina.

8. The theater smelled like Carol’s Daughter, cocoa butter, popcorn, and weed. Basically the theater smelled exactly how I assume Erykah Badu does.

9. The collective gasp when Kofi Siriboe first appeared on screen was audible. I think one woman literally started choking on her Coke. Either that or she was pantomiming aggressive fellatio. (She was behind me so I couldn’t tell.)

10. I feel like Coke-choke-inducing good looks is too much attention and pressure. I’m fine with my current level of looks, which, depending on how close to haircut day I am, can occasionally induce thoughts about thinkpieces about grits. You don’t look at me and choke on soda. You look at me and think “That nigga would write the hell out of a 800 word thinkpiece about some grits. Damn!

11. I think centering Girls Trip around the Essence Festival is the most meta marketing strategy ever. Each theater it shows in — including the one I was in — basically becomes a miniature pocket roving Essence Festival itself.

12. I think no one has ever said “booty” better than Tiffany Haddish does. We think saying booty is our ally. We merely adopted to saying booty; she was born in it, moulded by it. Jhene Aiko was probably the most famous booty-sayer before Tiffany, but comparing their booty-saying bonafides and talents is like comparing a base model Challenger to a Dodge Demon

13. I think that’s the most I’ve ever said booty in a four sentence span.

14. I think there’s gonna be a Girls Trip sequel.

15. I think I’m done thinking about this today!

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • kniambi

    I loved this movie—I have never laughed this hard in a movie! No like, it was almost too much.

  • Jazz G

    In the original YouTube video about grape fruiting – she suggests a large naval orange as an alternative based on dietary restrictions (grapefruit can react with a lot of medications).

    I saw the original last year and it is hilarious. I can see why Tiffany and the writers would include it.

  • miss t-lee

    I’m only peeking in the comments, because I can’t get to see it until this weekend.

    • Jae Starz

      Ugh! Same. Seeing it the first weekend in August. One of the besties threatened to cut us if we saw it without her.

      • miss t-lee

        Oh man. You’re gonna have to cover your eyes and avoid all social media.

    • I’m going anyway!

      • miss t-lee

        I hope you do.

  • Pft, I wish I had “Coke-choke-inducing good looks”. I’ll watch the movie when it’s nearing the end of it’s run and Larenz Tate should of had a far more prolific acting career than what he was given. I legit haven’t even remembered him acting since Ray even though I know he probably had like 30 roles since 2004.

    • Val

      Me no know but I wonder what Dana is hiding under that big sundress. Preggers maybe?

      • Doesn’t she play for your team?

        • Val

          One, she’s never said as much and two that doesn’t mean she can’t be preggers.

        • LMNOP

          Women on all “teams” have babies

      • I_AmU

        Maybe, she’s said she wanted children several times. But she’s got a lot on her plate. She takes care of her mother who suffers from heart failure and Scleroderma.

      • The Queen is 47. Having a baby at that age? Adopt or foster. Pregnancy is no joke on women’s bodies.

        • Val

          Janet was 50.

          • That wasn’t Janet’s first baby.

            • Val

              Lol Don’t start that.

              • A queen will do what a queen wants to do. I’m just a big advocate for children who are already here to get homes. Especially if the parents are older and have means.

            • Janelle Doe

              Wait, wahhht?

    • YeaSoh

      Tiffany copping a feel

      • Shes cupping Tate like a booster seat

        • Tam

          You know I misread the photo credits as hotepmanlife .* sees myself out*

          • I_AmU

            “cackling”

          • SororSalsa

            Does Umar have a second job?

        • grownandsexy2

          I ain’t mad at her. lol

        • Janelle Doe

          Lol

      • SororSalsa

        And Larenz looking quite thrilled about it.

        • grownandsexy2

          Yup, look at that smile. lol

  • Val

    The gf wants to see this so I might actually see it before it comes to Netflix.

    • Tam

      lol. Ms Netflix and Chill

    • Take your queen to the AMC and get her the pizza.

      • Val

        Pizza at a movie? I prefer the classics, like Raisinets and popcorn with fake butter. And I don’t even know if there is an AMC theater around here.

        • Them 8 dollar rasininets ain’t worth it. I support you supporting your local theater though!

          • Val

            8 bucks? I would def make a trip to Walgreen.

            • grownandsexy2

              That’s what I do . . . . get my snacks at Rite-Aid, CVS, Walgreen, anywhere except the theatre.

              • LMNOP

                I have a big bag just for snacks at the movie lol, sometimes I pop a bag of popcorn at home too.

                • grownandsexy2

                  lol. When I was growing up, we used to sneak all kinds of food/snacks in the movie. We took hoagies in one day and I know the guy who takes the tickets could smell the onions but he didn’t say anything.

                  • Popeye’s and Black Box wine FTW. When Thor I came out we sat next to this white couple. I broke out chicken strips and BBQ sauce during previews. Lady elbowed her man and was like “Why didn’t we do that?” Hour later me and lady totes bonded over nekkid Thor torso. Good times!

                    • grownandsexy2

                      lol. There was a Popeye’s in the lobby of a theatre I used to go to not long ago. I put some chicken, fries and biscuits in my purse and walked on in. Didn’t have no Black Box wine to wash it down tho.

            • cysinblack

              Dollar Tree or 99 for the snacks.

        • Opening weekend for the Dark Knight I was in an AMC theatre and someone had a pizza delivered.

    • SororSalsa

      Go see it Val…it was the most fun I’ve had at a movie in a long time.

    • grownandsexy2

      Please do. You won’t be sorry.

    • Londa

      It’s worth it.

  • MsCee

    This movie was so good it had me calling my girls that didn’t roll with us to go see it just to tell me how much I appreciate our friendships…also I had a lil baby org@$m when my soulmate (Kofi) appeared on screen. Don’t judge me it’s been months.

    • Tam

      hehehe. Just a baby one?

      • MsCee

        lol I had to keep it cute in there but when I buy the DVD…it’s on. Lol

        • Tam

          Woowee. * action time, seh action time*

  • Mary Burrell

    I guess Girl’s Trip is like what

  • Mary Burrell

    Carol’s Daughter, cocoa butter, popcorn, weed smelling like Badu. ??

  • Alessandro De Medici
    • conlakappa

      NC. No class.

    • Val

      He’s a small man. Very petty.

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