I Saw Girls Trip In A Theater With Like 17 Million Black Women There And Now I Have Thoughts About That Experience! » VSB

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I Saw Girls Trip In A Theater With Like 17 Million Black Women There And Now I Have Thoughts About That Experience!

Jonathan Bachman/Getty Images for Universal

 

1. It was the first time I went to a pitch black movie theater — while wearing some nice jeans and some really fresh sneakers, if I say so myself — and somehow felt underdressed. I felt like I was wearing house party clothes to a day party.

2. While at a mall a few years ago, I absent-mindedly walked into Lady Foot Locker instead of MAN’S FOOT LOCKER FOR MEN right next door. I didn’t realize it at first, because there’s no immediately discernible difference between the clothes and shoes at Lady’s Foot Locker and the gear at MAN’S FOOT LOCKER FOR MEN, except for more purple and random pictures of Skylar Diggins. But then, after a saleswomen with a Lady’s Foot Locker tag on her referee’s shirt asked if I needed help, I knew I was in the wrong place.

There’s really no connection between that story and seeing Girls Trip in a theater with 17 million Black women there. Except there was a lot more purple in the theater than I anticipated.

3. Is Grapefruiting a real actual thing that real actual people have done? Also, if Grapefruiting is a real actual thing, does the fruit, like, change? If a guy’s really packing, do you use a baby watermelon? Or perhaps a lemon (or a, gasp, grape) if he’s not?

4. Last week I joked that we haven’t seen Larenz Tate since he rode off on his bike with Nina at the end of Love Jones. Well, apparently this nigga drove straight into a cryogenic chamber and just stayed. He’s 41 years old and this dude would seriously still get carded. At an 18 and over club. It’s insane. If he was as old as he actually looked, he’d be the same age as the gnat in my kitchen.

5. The loudest laughs came with a scene involving public urination. Which makes me wonder if women realize how fun it can be to aim and pee on things. Every woman reading this should go and pee on a stop sign or a squirrel or something today just to have that experience. #Allpeestreamsmatter.

6. Each time Mike Colter appeared on screen, a woman sitting in front of us would say “beat that bald nigga’s ass.” She didn’t scream it or anything though. She also sat by herself, so she wasn’t speaking to anyone. She’d just say it calmly and nonchalantly, like she was reminding herself of a grocery list. I think she had a personal beef with him. I think her and Mike Colter used to work together, and Mike Colter would stay eating the pickles she kept in the office fridge. Because Mike Colter looks like someone who’d eat your pickles. And now she wants that bald nigga’s ass beat each time she sees him.

7. Regina Hall has nice arms. As does Regina King. Which convinces me that all 40-something Black Reginas have nice arms. So much so that I now assume that every 40-something Black woman with nice arms is named Regina.

8. The theater smelled like Carol’s Daughter, cocoa butter, popcorn, and weed. Basically the theater smelled exactly how I assume Erykah Badu does.

9. The collective gasp when Kofi Siriboe first appeared on screen was audible. I think one woman literally started choking on her Coke. Either that or she was pantomiming aggressive fellatio. (She was behind me so I couldn’t tell.)

10. I feel like Coke-choke-inducing good looks is too much attention and pressure. I’m fine with my current level of looks, which, depending on how close to haircut day I am, can occasionally induce thoughts about thinkpieces about grits. You don’t look at me and choke on soda. You look at me and think “That nigga would write the hell out of a 800 word thinkpiece about some grits. Damn!

11. I think centering Girls Trip around the Essence Festival is the most meta marketing strategy ever. Each theater it shows in — including the one I was in — basically becomes a miniature pocket roving Essence Festival itself.

12. I think no one has ever said “booty” better than Tiffany Haddish does. We think saying booty is our ally. We merely adopted to saying booty; she was born in it, moulded by it. Jhene Aiko was probably the most famous booty-sayer before Tiffany, but comparing their booty-saying bonafides and talents is like comparing a base model Challenger to a Dodge Demon

13. I think that’s the most I’ve ever said booty in a four sentence span.

14. I think there’s gonna be a Girls Trip sequel.

15. I think I’m done thinking about this today!

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Charles Johnson

    I’m watchin it this weekend probably with my friend, can’t wait!

  • Tam

    So is Carol’s daughter, coco butter, popcorn and weed the smell of hotepettes?

    • Kas

      You are such a habitual line stepper.

      • Tam

        What did I do? Lol.

    • Kat

      Popcorn was extra

    • cakes_and_pies

      The hotepettes are in full #pickme mode (even the married ones) and saying no respectable Black woman would see this movie.

      • Tam

        Stewps! So what is their beef now? Or does this movie need an endorsement from Umar?

        • cakes_and_pies

          I only made it 15 seconds into a youtube video and maybe 2 sentence into a monologue. I think they’re angry Black women enjoy s e x and having fun?

          • Tam

            Stewps. I just press dismiss/not interested when they show up in my feed. What will this movie cause now? Sterility in black men?

            • cakes_and_pies

              Who knows. Some people just don’t like to see Black women having fun.

        • Mary Burrell

          Don’t you know their weaves and perms have affected their brains they are too busy trying to emulate Europeans? (Turns off sarcastic button)??

        • SororSalsa

          Women reveling in their joy and chexual agency? Umar would have NONE of that!

          • Mary Burrell

            But he’s a hypocrite he frequents skrippers.

            • Tam

              Only the Koncious kind

              • Mary Burrell

                Oh yeah I forgot ?

              • SororSalsa

                I love it! Koncious Kandi, the original Asiatic strip goddess.

            • LadyLeo

              that USE GRAPEFRUITS!! #betdolla’

              • Mary Burrell

                Okay ????

      • miss t-lee

        Oh dear.

      • MsCee

        Lawd no they ain’t??!! This is why we can’t have nice things.

      • Mary Burrell

        They are trying to tell people to not watch television and not go to the movies. What does Ankh Nation do for fun?

        • Tam

          Making babies?

          • Mary Burrell

            Oh okay I have nothing against “nation building.”?

        • cakes_and_pies

          Trash Black women and watch Tariq, Tommy, and Umar dribble ? I don’t personally know any Black man who thinks like this. Thank Gawd.

      • SororSalsa

        I’ve seen it twice and will be going back next weekend…if that makes me not respectable, I’ll take laughter and joy any day over the approval of a Hotep.

      • NonyaB?

        Hah! The only thing worse than respectability politics is hotep respectability politics.

        • Janelle Doe

          Hey Nonya hey.
          Two things: what is with the BLM and Toronto (read an article in the star)
          Secondly… (not sure why you’d know this but trying anyway) must jollof have shrimp? Almost got into it w someone this weekend defending shrimpfree jollof

          • NonyaB?

            Hey Mizz Janelle!

            No, jollof needn’t have shrimp. Standard recipe doesn’t and is usually eaten with stewed or fried meat.

            Toronto and rest of super-polite, non-confrontational Canada is adjusting to the fact that BLM is outspoken and not going away. Hard to wiggle out when the issues the organization raises have been confirmed by studies. Canuckia will be alright.

            • Janelle Doe

              Thanks! Have a great week.

    • SororSalsa

      The Lady Hoteps only use shea butter….

    • LadyLeo

      Wanna’ bet THAT’S where the GRAPEFRUIT came FROM!!!

  • Erin

    I went to the movies over the weekend to see Planet of the Apes and everybody’s auntie, sister-friend and cousin was lined up in their Sunday’s best to see Girl’s Trip. My friends and I are planning on going next weekend for sure.

  • Shay-d-Lady

    i went to see this friday with at least 20 other black women. we were loud, we snuck Hennessy Popsicles in. we talked all through the movie. we had matching shirts.

    the movie was hilarious. the sisterhood it encouraged was priceless.

  • TD

    Loved it, and would pay to see it again. Definitely great marketing for Essence Fest!

    • MSNY

      Me too! What made it even better was watching it with other FAMU alum. The characters went to FAMU and the producer is an alum. Very proud of the success of this hilarious film.

  • Hugh Akston
    • Tam

      what is the matter Uncledaddy?

      • Hugh Akston

        I’m cool you?

        • Tam

          Yeah, more or less. Entertaining a 5 year old little on on snap chat. We are doing snaps and filters together. What are you up to?

          • Hugh Akston

            Lol that sounds painful

            • Tam

              Not really. He is not chatting with his parents via whatsapp.

              • Hugh Akston

                That’s cool

                • Tam

                  Yes. If only he will ease off my back. Lol

  • Kat

    Went Saturday with my girl cousins both of who are straight. I got more enjoyment out of both grapefruit scenes…lol The movie was funny but and a lil long. Queen was dressed…like the bigger chick.

    I’m probably one of the few black women who thought it was okay, not great, just okay.

    • I agree. How was La spozed to be dressed though? She dressed for her body. I’m glad she didn’t have all her business hanging out

      • Kat

        Just blah. Nothing was really flattering. I’m a plus size chick who loves plus size women. There are beautiful clothes for our size…she just looked. Plain.

        • SAR

          Right!!! The days of big girls wearing clothes to hide our shape have been over.

          Latifah dressed better than her character did.

        • SororSalsa

          Well, without giving spoilers, her clothes did go along with her storyline. Not saying that she couldn’t have had better clothes, but that’s a possibility.

          • Kat

            Yea but she didn’t become broke yesterday. She had something in her closet better than that.

    • grownandsexy2

      You think a 2 hour movie is too long? Queen’s hair was fly tho.

      • Kat

        It felt like 3. Seriously. But I feel that way about most movies. I’m tryimg to “like” them.

  • iamnotakata

    Girls Trip was so d@mn good I was in literal tears throughout the whole movie. Tiffany is a gem! The peeing scene took me out, as did the scene ever she broke the bottle and tried to kill cheating a*s Mike. All in all Dina is me lmao!

  • gender breakdown?

    • SororSalsa

      When I went to see it, I saw about 4 or 5 single guys seeing it by themselves. Not sure if they didn’t have a lady to go with but still wanted to see the movie. The guy sitting next to me kept trying to engage me during the movie. I had to tell him, “Sir, glad you’re enjoying this but I don’t know you. Please eat your popcorn and enjoy the movie.” But I’m glad to see that those guys didn’t see this just as a women’s movie.

      • Alessandro De Medici

        Sounds like the same group of Single guys who go to the Trey Songz concerts

        http://www.1001-votes.com/vote/1234fonds/le_roi_lion-13.jpg

      • Val

        Lol Was he being obnoxious?

        • SororSalsa

          A bit. I know that people were laughing and making comments, but he was talking to me like we came together. Lol

  • I hate driving the peeing scene. It was a little Caucasus for me.

    I liked when Tiffany said “we gone Set It Off” and left Latifah and Jada standing there. That was cute.

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