I Love Boobs And You Love Boobs…So Why Can’t We Love Boobs Together? » VSB

Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Featured, Theory & Essay

I Love Boobs And You Love Boobs…So Why Can’t We Love Boobs Together?

You know what’s great? Boobs. Do you know how I know they’re great? Because nearly everybody loves them. Men love them. They make us happy. Women love them? They are orbs worthy of appreciation. Everybody can appreciate curves it seems. Even kids love them. They remind them of pillows. And who doesn’t love pillows? Have you ever in your life met somebody and you said, “hey do you like pillows? And they said, ‘hell naw I don’t like no pillows.'” Naw. You haven’t.

Everybody likes pillows. Sure, people might not use them. That’s not the pillow’s fault. Maybe they have a bad spine or something. Pillows ain’t got nothing to do with that, b. At the very least, people don’t not like pillows. Women put tons of useless pillows all over furniture. Master bedroom beds look like ironing boards with boobs all over them.

Boobs, yo. They’re the best.

And if I know they’re the best and you know they’re the best (and by you, I mean thee of the boob), how come when we BOTH see a set of miraculous and aesthetically pleasing and perhaps even comment inducing boobs, I get in trouble for looking? Serious question.

See, I know you like boobs. I’ve heard you remark about nice boobs in movies. I know that women can appreciate the female human form. I know this because the day I found this out to be true was like the day that Cinque and ‘nem finally won that court case. It was cathartic and I had a moment of “Could it be? Women can enjoy looking at women as much as I do? You mean, we can talk about women TOGETHER?”

That one tear Denzel shed in Glory? I shed that. Different reasons of course, but a tear is a tear. And if I die momma don’t you cry, remember me ballin. Memphis is down 1 game to none. Warriors was a great movie.

Let’s say we’re both out and some woman with tremendous cleavage enters our walking path. Now, I knooooooooooow you see it (I know you see it). I know you see it because Stevie Wonder would see it and would pull out his iPhone and take pictures of it then write a song called “Cracks On The Sidewalk”. So if I see it and you see it, and we both know good boobage when we see it, why for come if I look I feel guilty?

Also, I don’t buy the, “when women look its not perverse so its not that big of a deal” argument. Look, admiratorious boobs make everybody a Perv. Or perve. Is that how you spell perve? Does it have an “e” on the end? Did I just make it French? Is it better as pervé? What happens to an “e” deferred? Black history is real y’all. But you know what’s also real? The chasm between what women can do and men can do when boobs are involved. I mean I’m not looking because I’m dreaming of playing with or fondling them (I might be). I’m merely looking because how can you NOT? It’s not perverse, it’s human nature. It’s like the answer to “why?”

It’s even made me wonder if there’s some sort of code. Like, does the amount of respect we pay depend on what our women are working with? I don’t think there should be because as a man, let me tell you, every time I see a set of boobs it’s like seeing boobs for the first time, even if I’ve seen them a million times. For some objects that don’t really do much except sit there and jiggle when provoked, they sure are super exciting. The way we swoon over them you’d think they could not only do your taxes BUT get you thousands back each year…even if you don’t own property or little people that depend on you.

But I know most men do their damndest not to stare even when women put their sweater puppies on full display. It easily might be the hardest thing to do as a man. It’s like those pants with words on the butt that are meant to be read – I mean, if a word isn’t meant to be read then what is it there for – but people judge you for exercising your 27th Amendment right to reading. Or maybe its just reading butts for too long. Yo no se.

I’m saying though, you see them, boo. I see them. I know you’re looking because I see you looking. For most men, its easier to just walk away then it is to engage in a conversation with a woman who got them thangs out like whoa! Because if we talk too long we’re in trouble. Maybe not real trouble, but like time-out trouble. And if you see them and I see them, and you like them and I like them, why can’t we like them together?

I won’t even chalk it up to insecurity; I don’t think that’s it. You know I love yours. So what gives? How come we can see the same set of ostentatiously gratuitous beautious boobs and I can’t really pay them their respects?

Respect is all we have in this world. I’m paying it forward.

Right?

What’s the rule here, ladies? Sharing is caring. Help us help you enjoy what we enjoy while we’re both enjoying it together.

Fellas, can ya help me?

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • You Ain’t no Guest You Family

    This sounds awfully close to white folks’ “how come you can say n-word but I can’t” whine. And you get the same answer: because you can’t.

    • Lea Thrace

      OOOOOOOOOOOOOh snap!

      This comment is awesome and shady and I love it!

    • Lol

    • panamajackson

      No.

    • Nope. I mean, is a look really hurting anybody, im not leering and adjusting myself, ima look at them, maybe you, smile and keep it pushing. White dude saying the #inward, isnt flattering

  • menajeanmaehightower

    More than likely, i will point them out to you. Like I will literally see them before you and say “her breasts look wonderful.” Then when she walks by, we may check out her other assets as well. I appreciate a beautiful body. Whether it be hard or soft.

    • A couple that creeps together, sleeps together

    • Cleojonz

      This is my husband and I. Most of the time there aren’t even words, I clear my throat or we exchange a look. People watching is the most fun.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    I’ve had to unlearn the “head on a swivel” technique my football coaches taught me. Neck control while with Mrs. = continued access to the pillows. I pray for all brothas (and sistas) as the warm weather and plunging necklines, side b00bage, and a shirts with no bra (for the i.b.t.c. ladies) will be the norm.

  • PunchDrunkLove

    Here’s all I’ll add, I’m embarrassed when I see the highbeams are on, say in the elevator mirrors or window reflections RIGHT AFTER talking to a male coworker. Sooo, you’ve got nips at full attention and nobody told you?? Y’all know we can’t see in front of us like that!! Thanks Mr. Mirror for showing me what no one will tell me. Then I wonder daaaaang, did they see that?!?!

    • Aint my fault you happy to see me

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Noooo lie, I’m always hoping “I shole hope they know that ain’t about them.

        • Dont kill my vibe, ima get off the elevator and look back like

          • PunchDrunkLove

            Arms crossed…..lol. Dreams crusher

    • panamajackson

      Real question…would you WANT a random dude to tell you?

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Nah, not really. There’s just this “danggit, there they go again” kinda thing going on. I feel so so powerless. Lolol

        • panamajackson

          Many years ago, my boss – bless her heart – used to wear THE most useless bras ever. Almost every day her nips were pointing out somebody. Clearly somebody told her (finally) because she doesn’t have that problem anymore. I always wondered who told her.

          • PunchDrunkLove

            Funny you mention, most contured cups will take care of peekaboos, but for me, I can’t do or don’t need rather, all that extra padding and pushing up…..no thank you Vickies…lol. Know I don’t do cheap nor cheesy, but I don’t need pads and padding

            • Lea Thrace

              alladis!

              If you DD and up, padding is for why?! ugh!

              • PunchDrunkLove

                Thank you! I’m a “D” girl, I can’t do the slinkly contoured push-up sling shots at Vickies. I have to get the real thing and the real thing is more than enough. All that extra material and “thickness”, I cannot.

            • Just popping in just in case you wanted some real answers lol I’m a DD and Bally’s has bras that are smooth and flat with the built in nipple flower. Perfect for thin tees and well, actually anything lol. Also, Bravissimo Bras (online)
              #okbye lol

              • PunchDrunkLove

                Thanks, Tasha! Maybe I’ll grab ONE and see how it does over the weekend….that can be one of my Mother’s Day gifts to myself :) Thankfully I’m a “D”, as in singled letter so it’s not too bad. Just eeevery now and again thangs happened.

      • That’s where $exual harassment cases come from. Nope!

    • DBoySlim

      We would tell you but you might cover them up.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Mmm hmmm

    • miss t-lee

      You know they make covers for that issue…lol

    • Freebird

      we are not telling because we are not offended and we want you to feel comfortable in your natural self.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Mmm hmm, I just bet.

    • MzzPeaches

      Um, one of my male professors made a comment about the wording on one of my tshirts before (which was clearly sitting right across bewbs) and I was horrified. Like sir, you shouldn’t be looking below my neck. So I highly doubt I’d want him commenting on my high beams…

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Right!

  • I would like a Men Swangin’ In Sweatpants Movement to kick off but we all can’t get what we want.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      I thought there was an eggplant movement out there already? Young Ricky was the VSB Chapter President

      • That don’t count. Y’all are fortunate enough to get a nice sample of cleavage outside Instagram, and Twitter and such. Why y’all don’t be returning the favor huh? Rude. Disrespectful.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          This is why you ran track and held fellas blocks isn’t it????? :D

          • Nah, I was at the finish line. Much better view coming down the home stretch ;-) Also, football practice + basketball shorts = Heaven must be like this

            • Matter of fact, I need to make it down to a Panthers workout this summer. I’m trying to be a trophy wife.

            • Lea Thrace

              Tutoring football players after practice. Man. I did not appreciate the views I had back then.

          • ChiChi

            Sho was!!
            Also: Tattoos ;)

        • panamajackson

          I don’t understand what’s happening here. Me and OJ are too innocent to understand.

      • Wait what?

    • Lea Thrace

      Preach!

    • Brandi

      Hellz Yeah!

      • How u just get here and already subjectng yourself to such savagery

        • Brandi

          A couple years ago, I had some old cougar co workers that schooled me to the fact that women “crotch watch”! Knowing’s half the battle. * Kool-Aid smile

    • grey sweatpants UNDEFEATED.

    • miss t-lee
      • HeyBooHey

        Exactly what I’d look like while gazing down at those sweatpant’d treasure troves….

        • miss t-lee

          dayum straight…lol

        • Tsk tsk

          • HeyBooHey

            Don’t be a hater Tristan, be a participant…*Birdman hand rubs*

            • *looks around for Nick Peters*

              • HeyBooHey

                …….no words Tristan. No words……..

                • U gonna tell me the story one of these days

                  • HeyBooHey

                    Lol! What makes you think there’s a story?!? O_O

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      Because we know better. There’s a part 2 after the Valentines Day meet up.

                    • HeyBooHey

                      LOL, no part 2 Sig I promise

                    • Sigma_Since 93

                      The why no part 2 is the story. You can tell Uncle Sig and @disqus_yH1xJ83lxP:disqus :D

                    • HeyBooHey

                      Smh…..smh…..smh….*Otis wails*

                    • Theres always a story

                    • HeyBooHey

                      Not really but I’ll tell you a story if you wanna hear one lol

                    • *opens gchat*

                    • HeyBooHey

                      What?!?!? Gimme yo gchat Tristan!

                    • Tristhomas88@gmail.com (this message will self destruct soon) (i expect a good story)

                    • Lea Thrace

                      I’m trying to be a fly on the wall for this convo…

                      *pulls up chair*

                    • Epsilonicus

                      I want in on the gchat!

        • Mika

          *sits nexts to you* *Brings refreshments and snacks*.

          • HeyBooHey

            Lol! I got the plates and cups then. Gotta quench that thirst from all those sightings

      • K Lust

        Can we also get a slacks movement going too? Cuz them slacks be having me lookin like
        “well helllllo o___õ”

        • miss t-lee

          You ain’t lying…
          All praises to the tailors of the world.

        • This is a serious issue *scoots under desk*

          • K Lust

            Just let it happen

    • I’m with it!

    • Amazonian Midget

      Yes!!! I remember when I first realized this amazing event. I was a teen, and watching “You Got Served.” I played that opening sequence in slow motion…over and over again.

  • chivalrous1won

    Yassssss

  • Lea Thrace

    I can look because I have a set. He!!, some times I give more than a passing glance cause the chick who just walked by has a glorious set. You cant look though. You better stare at your shoes dammit!

    Life is full of double standards. Deal with it.

    I’m petty and I embrace it.

    • Here here!

    • Sigma_Since 93

      ‘You cant look though. You better stare at your shoes dammit!”

      You don’t REALLY want us to do that…you spend to much time propping them up, getting the lift and separate bra, finding the perfect shirt to accentuate them not to have anyone look.

      • Nah, propping up B Cups ain’t all that alluring :-( Tiddy Discrimination is real….

      • Lea Thrace

        naw bruh. These things dont need additional accoutrement. That dog dont hunt.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          Even if the twins don’t need help, y’all still to stuff to get us to look…..

          like checking the weather to see if it’s gonna be sunny and then slather ’em up with the lotion with the glitter so they sparkle when the sun hits em.

          The dress shirt that’s strategically positioned to show a lil something something. We’re not talking about that one button that’s struggling to hold everything in; that’s another debate

          Wearing that necklace with the pendant that stops right in the cavern of the tiddy meat….it wasn’t just a coincidence……

          • Beauty In Truth

            The draping necklace in the cleavage is quite necessary for me. Very simple but very effective.

            :”)

        • PunchDrunkLove

          NOPE….NOT.AT.ALL.

        • Hi.

      • There’s a woman at work that has her insanely propped up cleavage out everyday (even in the winter). But the minute, the fraction of a second, shes catches you peeking – she’ll gather up her top in the front like she’s testifying in court.
        I’m confused.

    • (._.)

    • panamajackson

      Isn’t that just wholly unrealistic though? You know we love boobs. How are supposed to NOT look at the very thing that got you fcuked up in the game?

      Do better than petty.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        *Contributes $10 to PJ’s Love the B00Bs campaign*

  • Brandi

    It’s all good. I see ’em and you see ’em, but you #BETNOT follow ’em with your eyes! Tuh…….

  • John Shannon

    * Giving the Epic Golf Clap to this*

  • This comment thread has potential… #juglife

    • Mika

      LMAO you are always so appropriately sarcastic.

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