I Just Can’t Stop Eating Food That’s Bad For Me (Because It’s So Damn Good!) » VSB

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I Just Can’t Stop Eating Food That’s Bad For Me (Because It’s So Damn Good!)

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On any given Sunday — or really, any day that ends with “y”– I have the consumption habits of a 13-year old boy. I’m talking gigantic, carb-heavy meals that prominently feature either rice, cassava, or potatoes, and a a big ole chunk of meat that I can do away with with aplomb. I’m the queen of the Popeyes’ two piece and a biscuit. The co-founder and CEO of the Chicken Is A Breakfast Food 501(c)(3)nonprofit —change.org petition pending. Me and savory foods? That’s my bestie, my best friend.

Unfortunately for my taste buds and general gluttony, I have been informed that I cannot continue ingesting a bajillion calories a day without discretion and remain on fleek. You would think that this is pretty straightforward, but I have comfortably operated for coming up on three decades by eating whatever in the hell I want by and just out exercising my gourmand tendencies with varying level of success. I may no longer be super lean and athletic, but I’m certainly not a sloth; I can say with a fair amount of confidence that if a medium-sized dog gave chase, I could last a solid couple of blocks before resigning to my fate.

Now, though, I’m approaching that point of my life where I’m just feeling everything I eat. I wolf down a burger too late in the night, and my gut is distended well into the next day. Late night diner stops after the club have me more wrecked than the alcohol I consumed to get me there. And the pounds that sneak on after every sodium-laden weekend are somehow more stubborn than any previous weight gain, as I continue to slowly lose the battle of my unscrupulous dietary habits with my waistline. This has resulted in me having moronic conversations with my primary care physician, along the lines of “how many miles do I have to run a day so that I don’t have to give up hot wings, and what pills can I take after so that my gastrointestinal system stops doing the A-town stomp?” So far, I’ve met with little success, but I’m staying strong in faith that science will come through.

The reality is, of course, I know what I need to do — eat more green stuff, put the salt and hot oil down — but it just doesn’t seem like a pleasant way to go about my life on a day to day basis. Is a life without plantains really a life worth living? Or oxtail? Or french fries? This is the land of the free! Nevertheless, at the start of every month I kick off with an earnest attempt to do shit like make green smoothies and meal plan and go to farmer markets and absorb all of my earthy friends’ good habits by osmosis…and then a stressful day at work happens, or I get my period, or the Knicks lose again, and I find myself blacking out and waking up at a Shake Shack. (Editor’s note: Considering the Knicks’ record, you must have a pretty hefty Shake Shack bill.) Whoever came up with the quote “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” has never been to Five Guys.

Carrots and hummus are straight…but they don’t warm my cold and tiny heart the way that fried fish does. Alas, if I want to live long enough to see Stevie Wonder finally get that haircut, Joseline Hernandez realize her Puerto Rican Princess dreams, or see children be our future, I’m gonna need to find some discipline and attempt something close to a balanced diet that goes beyond “I didn’t want to look like that much of a pig so I didn’t order a second burger even though I could’ve totally scarfed one down.” No time like the present to add a few years back to my life and avoid hypertension.

Of course, as I write this I’m currently giving some work to a chicken thigh. But hey, tomorrow’s a brand new day.

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Shamira Ibrahim

Shamira is a twentysomething New Yorker who likes all things Dipset. You can join her in waxing poetically about chicken, Cam'ron, and gentrification (gotta have some balance) under the influence of varying amounts of brown liquor at her semi-monthly blog, shamspam.tumblr.com

  • KB

    Lissen, a brotha tries to eat healthy but wings, fries, and fried seafood are my Achilles’ heel. It’s something about the smell of fried food that just puts your mind, heart, and soul at ease. Nothing, and I mean nothing that is good for you can even come close in terms of olfactory nirvana.

    • fxd8424

      There is nothing like the lovin’ you get from some wings, fries and seafood. I can smell it as I type. Ummmm!

      • KB

        Fried food has been the backbone of the black community for hundreds of years. There’s a reason fish frys and not kale bakes are the go to method of fund raising for various events amongst our people.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          Listen mayne, When Jesus did that whole loaves and fishes thing, please note it was not a fish fry.

          Although if it were a fish fry, it would be the ultimate in blackness.

          • TheCollinB

            Some would argue Sig that when Jesus did the whole feeding 5000 with the fish it was the first Endless Seafood/Shrimp dinner…and we all know those are #pacifically #fortheblacks

            • Lea Thrace

              Crying real tears right now.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              But he didn’t allow cheddar biscuits…something about regular bread. I question is blackness merely because of this appalling tactic.

          • miss t-lee

            Jesus is a Black man, so guaranteed that was fried catfish and hush puppies.

    • miss t-lee

      Mmmm hmmm.

      • KMN

        miss t-lee WHY did you post this pic of our POTUS being chexie as all get out?! WTF LMAOOO that lower lip bite though…hail to the chief and ish lolol

        • miss t-lee

          You’re welcome?
          ?

          • KMN

            lmao Chile thank you lololol…got me thinking nassy thoughts about the leader of the free world…

            • miss t-lee

              HAHAHAHA

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      The succulent taste of fried fish or some scallops on your tongue…..that s h i t is better than some drugs.

      • that boy going

        Praise Him.

      • Asiyah

        Fried fish rocks!

      • A whiting sammich with hot sauce on white bread!!!!!

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          You’re not even a New Yorker if you never had at least one around here

        • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

          extra hot sauce, extra tartar…brown break tho.

          You been to 145th right? I miss that so much.

          • I stopped eating white bread years ago, but I’ll swing back around for a whiting sammich. That’s the only time. And yes, I need to head back uptown for some soul food. But the way this new eating plan is set up…

            *cries into oatmeal and berries*

          • Kim

            Iol well I know what’s for dinner tonight.

      • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

        excuse me. while I have my daily fish and chips day dream….

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Hmmm…thanks..now I know what I want for dinner

          • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

            Just doing my job. I was deputized on one, two fifth in 1986 by the Black Fried Fish Association of America to carry forth the message. Salute your locale BFFA rep today!

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              lmao bruh this deserved a legit laugh, I gotta be down with this now.

  • KB

    I’m the type of person who will go out and order something at least mildly healthy (i.e. a salad made with spinach leaves, not that watery lettuce crap) and then completely ruin it by ordering a plate of fries on the side.

    • LeeLee

      Glad to know there’s someone else who prefers darker leaves. Lettuce is such a waste of tastebuds. And the darker leaves are healthier anyway.

      • miss t-lee

        Romaine and spinach.

        • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

          Oak leaf, Kale, Spinach leaves. Salad trifecta.

          • miss t-lee

            No.

      • Message! Spinach greens are everything!

        • Val

          Try wild spinach. Good stuff. It’s a super food.

      • Val

        Why do they even grow iceberg lettuce? Yuk.

        • Mary

          Actually, ice burg does have some health benefits.

          • Val

            I know that iceberg lettuce is mostly water, so it’s good for hydration. But mainly I was referring to the taste, or absence of taste.

    • KMN

      yes!!! lettuce is such a copout green for salads…it’s only good shredded on tacos…other than that leave that mess elsewhere lol

    • Asiyah

      I will order a salad and ruin it with a lot of dressing. What can I say? I like being fully clothed!

      • orchid921

        I make my own dressing and keep the oil to a minimum. I love playing with vinegars and oils and seeing what I can conjure!

    • We only make salads with baby spinach now. Romaine and iceberg lettuce are a joke nutritionally.

    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

      I know, I eat so much and am constantly snacking cause, ya know..fast metabolism, tall, etc..but still doc hit me that that ‘hmmm, your cholesterol is up’ and I had to go back to my knowledge and discipline.

      But make it sweet potato fries tho. Small steps KB, small steps.

  • Me and Moneypenny started clean eating back in December.

    It involved adding very little seasoning to your food so anger. The first three weeks turned us into pure savages due to the dietary change and the energy loss. (I actually lost time like and extended blackout. As far as I know we flew to another country, raged, and committed a war crime or four.) After that we figured out how to handle it better because cheeseburgers and Budweiser will happen. I will live life no other way.

    • miss t-lee

      Ooooh. Y’all are brave.

      • We had to figure out how to manage the seasoning aspects of it because it got to be to much. I’m to active to eat that way.

        • miss t-lee

          Gotta have seasoning. I kicked my seasoning game way up to avoid excess salt.

          • Tambra

            Garlic and onions does the trick. What I have done is no longer use those seasoning salts such as goya. I go back to plain old salt, lots of fresh and dried herbs and I am good to go. I recently got a chaddon beni plant, so I am the happiest person on the face of the earth.

            • miss t-lee

              Chaddon beni plant? explain…lol
              Oh yeah, almost everything I make has garlic, onions, bay leaf, green peppers, etc.

              • Tambra

                Its gives a unique flavour really wonderful in curries. I think it is also called culantro.

                • miss t-lee

                  Ohhhh. I’m familiar with culantro. It’s good.

    • KB

      I tried giving up coffee cold blooded once. Halfway through the morning I had headaches and experienced severe moodiness, with the ever increasing urge to turn into hulk at any given moment. Caffeine addiction is real.

      • I’m not giving up coffee, hoss. No! Fcuk nah! Nyet! Nein!

        http://giphy.com/gifs/no-nein-y-y-yTrqQfr8US5bO

        • miss t-lee

          Never, ever, ever.

          • Chucktown would burn. SC would burn. These folks would think I was possessed by William Sherman’s ghost if I couldn’t have coffee.

            • miss t-lee

              Yeah…I’m definitely not a nice person sans coffee.

        • God Shammgod

          Coffee generally isn’t bad for you – its all the additives people use to make it palatable thats the rough part. Put the coffeemate down and take the ish black like the Lord intended.

          • KB

            cream and sugar all day for me. cant have it any other way.

            • miss t-lee

              Zacklyyyy

          • I only use half and half and sugar. I wish I could find a substitute for that sweet Caribbean dandruff that doesn’t taste like a Trump presidency though.

            • miss t-lee

              Yeah, because that stevia shizz is not the move.

              • God Shammgod

                Girl, I’d rather you take in real sugar than fake sugar any the f*ck way.

                • miss t-lee

                  These are my thoughts.

                • Quirlygirly

                  Yes- I dont mess with any fake sugar at all. If I can’t have the real thing..I won’t drink coffee at all!

              • It tastes so bad.

                • miss t-lee

                  It’s fcukin’ terrible.

          • #facts. Black coffee is fine so long as you aren’t drinking like a gallon a day.

            • Tambra

              If it is coffee a gallon or a milliliter doesn’t matter.

          • Tambra

            I concur, when I look at the weight gain which the creamers and lack of sleep and exercise have caused I weep. However, its back to the gym time.

      • miss t-lee

        Nah. I told my nutritionist that was a non negotiable.

      • Asiyah

        It is! That’s how I react to soda. It is real! And a lot of people I know who fast during Ramadan tell me the hardest part isn’t giving up food and water during the fast but it’s not being able to drink coffee when they normally do. My best friend is so addicted he doesn’t even fast because he can’t give up coffee. It’s a serious drug.

      • Tambra

        I have stopped fooling myself with coffee. I love, love, love me coffee. I can do the teas but coffee is still my thing.

      • orchid921

        Acid reflux made me give up coffee (Bustelo, how I miss you!), but I’m all about the tea these days. Teavana and I have become besties. Black and oolong teas will get you going, trust me! If you get the shakes, stick to white and green teas. :)

    • Lea Thrace

      You trying to give up seasoning or is salt the issue?

      Cause you can give up salt and not miss it by amping up all other seasonings (that do not contain salt).

      • It was more of a salt issue but we figured that out. The guy at her gym who came up with the diet was an a**hat so we did what works for us.

        • Lea Thrace

          Good that yall figured it out.

          I havent added salt to any food I make in years. And no one can tell. I amped up my flavor profile game and it is the best thing I have ever done. The salt in my pantry is now only used to make warm water gargles.

      • Oluseyi

        This. My grandmother had high blood pressure and lived with us for a while, so my mom ratcheted the salt way down and I got used to it then. I’m discovering there is an abundance of other spices that add wonderful flavor without increasing sodium. Baby steps.

        • Lea Thrace

          Listen. There is a farmers market in my area that has what I call the Great World of Spice. Im talking every spice you can imagine including the most obscure ones. And they are dirt cheap while still being freshly made/ground. It is heaven for me. I just roll through there and buy one of everything. My mom even makes me go on runs there beforeI head home to visit.

          • miss t-lee

            Trader Joe’s spice blends are also the truth.

      • 909girl601world

        I have found nothing – nothing – that seasons food as well as salt. I’m not even a salt-a-holic, but all the garlic and lemon juice in the world doesn’t make up for lack of salt. As long as my blood pressure stays great? I’m using salt.

        • Lea Thrace

          Trust me when I say this is because your taste buds only know the profile of salt. Which is an overpowering flavor profile. It basically blacks out everything else. Processed white sugar is the same way.

          When you allow your buds to do what they were meant to do, you will be able to taste the nuance of other flavors/seasonings. But to each their own.

          • It takes about three weeks to get salt out of your system After that though? Well, the rare bag of popcorn tastes like going down on Lot’s wife. LOL

            • Lea Thrace

              exactly. But it’s heaven once you kick salt. Your tongue will experience so many good things.

              • Word. Like you’ll be amazed once it clears your system. This I know.

        • miss t-lee

          Thing is…you can use salt when you season your food at home. Most of the sodium we get is in processed foods. So as long as you aren’t going ham on those, you can salt your food.

          Plus, if you ever tried to eat a chicken breast without any salt, you know that there ain’t love in the heart of that city.

          • 909girl601world

            Okay, that makes me feel better. I do cook most of our meals and I’m trying really hard to eat well. Today I have kale, broccoli and squash for lunch. And they’re all lightly salted.

            • miss t-lee

              Yeah. All of this experience, I gotta share with someone. :)
              I’m having white bean soup that I made last night.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Nice.

              If it helps, use stuff like garlic salt…this way you miniimize the amount of salt you’ll use because you don’t want the garlic flavor to over power anything. It’s been a good way to trick myself into using minmial seasoning.

          • Marinades my woman. Marinades. They save lives, and can be made at home.

            • miss t-lee

              nope.

              • 909girl601world

                This made me laugh.

                • miss t-lee

                  I ain’t marinating anything unless I’m about to throw it on the grill, and even then…

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Aint no love in the heart of time neither. Might as well throw it out the window.

            • miss t-lee

              Basically. It’s a sad situation all the way around…lol

            • First the Fat Boys break up, and every day I wake up, somebody got a problem with Hov?

          • cakes_and_pies

            My ex went on a diet to cut fat for a competition. I decided to eat what he was eating to show support. Four words: Plain Boiled Chicken Breast. The worst.

            • miss t-lee

              I’m pretty sure gruel has more taste.

            • *hands you my spice drawer* This stuff saves lives. LIVES!

              • miss t-lee

                don’t nobody want no bland, overly spiced chicken breast Todd.

                • Mary

                  I don’t want chicken breast!

            • TheCollinB

              You couldnta wrote that ni**a a poem or something? Why would you do that to yourself?

              • cakes_and_pies

                Cuz I luh-ded him. Waking up at 4:30 in the morning to jump rope and do burpies, shaving and nairing his hairy baboon boot ie cheeks for competition. Those were the days …

                • PhlyyPhree

                  You did WHA????
                  Girl.
                  Nawl.

                  • TheCollinB

                    Shave a brotha’s butt so he know it’s real Phree…

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      It’s fake as fuck B. Fake. As. Fuck.

                • TheCollinB

                  My boy does competition physique and while he might look like brown tin foil I don’t envy the life at all. Low key a lot of that lifestyle is wild unhealthy leading up to comps.

                  • cakes_and_pies

                    Lissen, no fat in their cheeks or feet, scaling down water, STRIATIONS STRIATIONS STRIATIONS, bitc hy attitude. I followed him on his journey only two times and learned to eat in the car or play like I had to work late.

                  • Kas

                    Can’t shred without diuretics. Razor blade kind of thing, sometimes resulting in going directly from the competition to the hospital.

                  • Kemse

                    Brown tin foil <<< more hilarious because it's SO accurate.

                    I dated a trainer who competed also……Madness.

            • Jennifer

              But, why? Why? You can have flavor without adding salt. I know he was doing a competition, but that doesn’t mean you can’t throw some spices on that, and some white wine vinegar to substitute the salt. I just don’t understand people sometimes.

        • Asiyah

          I use Adobo. Way better than salt, I believe.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            mad salt in adobo…be careful

          • God Shammgod

            LOLOLOLOLOL au contraire, my good friend. Adobo, bouillon cubes…all jam packed with sodium

            • Asiyah

              oh I didn’t mean better as in healthier. I meant better as in taste lol

              • God Shammgod

                Ahhhh well then *raises a Maggi cube in toast*

              • Tambra

                There are some dishes that only salt can bring out the best. I basically have stopped using adobo.

    • GenevaGirl

      Mrs. Dash is your friend.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        No it is not. Ms. Dash is a lie!

        • You need to rehab from Salt. Once you clean your palate, you’ll realize how much salt you truly eat.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            I do, trust me. I just refuse to use Ms. Dash because I learned on my own there’s something bland about their seasoning. So I just started using better brands.

    • Real talk, you need to work on the seasoning movement. So long as you watch the salt, you have to add your bodyweight in spices to make food palatable. It’s effort, and a bit expensive to start (think$50 in spices) but so worth it.

  • Oluseyi

    In the continuing saga of fascinating advertising placements, I see a “you might be interested in” spot for a story about the end of Mike & Molly. I have to figure that between just having read a piece of the new Ghostbusters movie and Sham talking about food and bellies, the Ad Gods figure, “Yep, Melissa McCarthy is right up his alley!”

    And no, life without plantains is not worth living.

    • Lea Thrace

      “And no, life without plantains is not worth living.”

      Just needed to be repeated. Jesus died so I could have plantains. Who am I to negate his sacrifice?!

      (yeah. I’m going to he!! for that last statement. But I was probably headed there already. #shruglife)

      • Oluseyi

        PREACH!

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Because Jesus did die so you could have plantains. The sweetest maduros possible.

        • Tambra

          Plantains fried in coconut oil is heaven on earth. No joke.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Plantains fried with coconut oil are a part of life. Period.

          • Mary

            Lawd a mercy, fried green plantains !

    • miss t-lee

      “And no, life without plantains is not worth living.”

      Hallelu.
      WHO ARE ME TO JUDGE?

    • Asiyah

      ¡VIVA PLATANOS!

  • miss t-lee

    “Carrots and hummus are straight…but they don’t warm my cold and tiny heart the way that fried fish does.”

    This is my life mayne.
    The last year I’ve been seeing a nutritionist since it’s free because I have old people problems. Every time I go get weighed I’m wearing my lightest clothes hoping there’s a change. Been playing with the same 20lbs the last 8 months. I hate tracking food and water. I hate sweating. I hate Eat This, Not That. I hate 100 calorie packs.
    I ain’t never been little, ain’t tryna be little, but trying to be healthier. Someone needs to invent salad greens that taste like fried chicken. I just gave someone a million dollar idea.
    Get on that.

    • cakes_and_pies

      100 Calorie Snack=Eat the Entire Box when you could have saved 500 calories by purchasing the normal size package of food.

      • miss t-lee

        Actual quote I told my bestie: ” by the time you get to the bottom of one package, they just started getting good.”

        • Quirlygirly

          BOL!! you bestie speaks truth. They also aren’t that filling. I would rather just eat an apple. At least I feel like I have eatten something

          • miss t-lee

            girl…that we me talking…lol
            and yeah…when I have snacks, I like to feel like I actually had something.

      • #facts

    • God Shammgod

      100 calories packs are basically just an extended lesson in portion control. If I cared to do that I wouldn’t be buying these fugazi azz packs in the first dayum place.

      • miss t-lee

        I learned portion control is best for me.
        However, that 100 calorie pack is merely a suggestion for an actual serving of food…lol

      • Sidebar: is it just me, or does what you’re expected to eat based on age, weight and physical activity seem like a gip? Like to eat what I want, I have to beast mode the workouts.

        • TheCollinB

          This is my portico in life. I KNOW during some meals I eat like an absolute degenerate but I also work out at least 4 times a week so I don’t ever feel bad about the degenerate moments.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      If you bought something you liked, could you only eat a small piece at a time?

      For instance..I stopped ODing on sweets. If I by cake or cookies…I take one bite, put it away, and then come back for another bite the next day. Takes me like a whole week but at least I didn’t ingest it all in one go. And if I really have a sugar kick, I’ll make smoothies, eat cereal or oatmeal…anything to stop me from going to a bakery.

      • miss t-lee

        No. I’m pretty much all or nothing.
        Therefore I don’t keep certain things in my house anymore.

        • Kas

          If it’s in the house, it must “all” be eaten by midnight. Apparently, I am part Gremlin.

          • miss t-lee

            LMAO.
            I made the mistake of buying some laceys on saturday.
            Yeah, they’re all gone now.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          That willpower be a b i t c h…that’s how it is with alcohol for me. I can’t keep none in the crib.

          • miss t-lee

            I got plenty alcohol chilling. That can sit there for years.
            Ice cream though? Wrappage.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              We clearly need to switch homes

              • miss t-lee

                LMAO

        • Mary

          Yeah, I only get cookies for guests and make sure none are left when they leave!

          • miss t-lee

            Good tactic!

      • Tambra

        Nah, impossible. I have recently found myself on a Cadbury eclairs craze, and its like i open one and five minutes later I see tons of wrapping paper around me. * Weeps*

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          See, you’re a crack addict!

          • Tambra

            A petite one , if there is such a thing.

  • Ess Tee

    Fries are my vice. Well, that and desserts (yes, plural, and in general).* It’s very true what they say about metabolism taking frequent vacations (or sometimes up and quitting altogether) once you hit your 30s. Like, I see pictures from when I was mid-20s and such, and while I was never a Skinny Minnie, I’ve definitely gone up a cup size and have larger thighs now.

    I’m resigning myself to the fact that I’m just gonna have to be in the gym more BUT not only that–I really do have to be mindful of what I eat. I played myself this past fall and up ’til now thinking that I only needed to be in the gym. Your girl packed on the pounds over the holidays and on a recent vacation, so now not only have I upped my gym trips but I’m on the treadmill (UGH!) and adding free weights (UGH!^10). I also a dance class (which kicked my azz yesterday morning, tbqh).

    *While I’ve not completely given up fries (or desserts), I just know that I can’t be eating it all on the regular.

    • I’ve got to get a good gym routine going. For me timing is the issue — I always say I’m going after work, but 5 o’clock hits and I’m heading home! Lunchtime workouts gave a sista way too much frizz (and made me even hungrier, which defeated the purpose of working out –I can just eat my sour cream Lays without being tired!). I’m planning to try mornings though and see if that makes more sense for me.

      • Look at the gym as another thing you have to do during your day and learn when to take breaks.

      • Ess Tee

        Yeah, what Wu said. It may help to pack your gym bag either the night before or before you leave for work, that way you have no excuse to go home first. Once you have the bag with you in the car (if you drive to work) or on your shoulder (if you’re taking public transportation to work), it’s a big ol’ reminder that you need to hit the gym.

        Or maybe even go in the morning before work? I started doing that this year (only once a week though). I pack my work clothes and my makeup in my gym bag, take the class that I’m gonna take, then shower and dress at the gym.

        • Yeah, I think I’ll try mornings. I’m definitely a person who likes to get stuff done earlier in the day and be free in the evenings, so hopefully it’s a better fit. We shall see this week!

          • If you go after work it helps to change into your gym clothes at the job so you can go straight there. If you still have on your regular clothes you may say “fcuk it” and keep on driving home.

            • Oh, so you just gon tell everybody my routine like that, lol! That’s exactly what happens, it’s so sad. But for me I know it’s a mindset change, learning to crave the adrenaline release of the gym vs. the soothing comfort of the couch.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Don’t feel bad. My gym is one block away from my house and I can still find excuses as to why I shouldn’t go.

  • Oluseyi

    Age is a motherf*cker.

    • miss t-lee

      Ain’t it?

      • Jennifer

        Listen…

        The first time my doc told me I might need to watch my food intake, I thought about changing PCPs.

        • miss t-lee

          *hollering*

        • Mika

          This made me really laugh out loud.

        • Mrs_diabolique

          I just snorted while eating a Sweetgreen salad with quinoa and kale. Jesus take the wheel.

          • Jennifer

            You got that grain bowl?! That’s some good eating.

          • peepsqueek

            Snorting while eating salad is better than drooling after a stroke. Next time, throw some tasty beans into the salad. It is healthy and you will have the benefit of making noise out of both ends.

        • Cleojonz

          I had a long overdue physical because I refused to go back to my doctor until I knew the needle on the scale had gone down lol.

          • Jennifer

            Shame is a mighty, mighty weapon. lol

            • peepsqueek

              So is trauma— being told that you can have a heart attack or stroke at any minute based on your numbers! Diabetes is not fun to hear either.

      • Oluseyi

        I feel aches in places I didn’t know I had places!

        • miss t-lee

          The horror!

    • My knees agree wholeheartedly.

      • Kas

        Knees, shoulders, back . . . ego

        • peepsqueek

          I even lose my place during sseexx.

      • Oluseyi

        Knees, back, elbows, neck… places making popping and clicking noises I didn’t know they could make.

      • peepsqueek

        I am am a senior citizens who has complained off and on for years about my knees and back. A few years ago, I had an illness that caused me to lose thirty pounds in two weeks. When I started to feel a little better, I went to the track to take a run, and I was flying around the track like when I was young, with no pain in my knees or back. I was a little stiff the next day, but that happens at any age if you lay off for a while.

        As you get older, it is even more important to watch you diet and keep your weight down. I am seventy, and I can still chase after my wife, but only if she is running down hill.

        • That’s amazing to be 70 and still running! Go you!

          I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older and put on weight, I’ve developed issues in my knees and ankles that I know are because of the extra pounds. At first my fitness goals were about vanity, but when I got winded after trying to chase after my son for one block, it really made me think about getting myself together for my kids instead of my looks.

          • peepsqueek

            There are people older than me that run marathons. The point is that extra weight can not only degenerate your organs faster, it degenerates your joints and discs.

    • Quirlygirly

      The older folks tried to tell me this but I just could understand..until now.

    • MostlyMax

      Real. The first time I coughed too hard and hurt my back was the signal that despite my fabulous melanin keeping me looking glorious I was getting old as sh*t.

      • Oluseyi

        ? Not the “hurt back cough”! ?

        Been there…

    • peepsqueek

      My doctor uses a different terminology, but he says the exact same thing. Age is also a bit itch!

  • Brandon Allen

    The key to eating healthy is accepting sadness. Just chomp down on those leaves and weep.

    • Trust me. Getting that work in at night will ease the pain of those green smoothies and veggies. Trust.

      • Brandon Allen

        Naw. Gotta have both.

    • WarMelody

      FACTS

    • Jennifer

      *nodding as she eats these baby carrots*

    • Roo Ciambriello

      This comment is speaking to me on a spiritual level.

      • kingpinenut

        I thought “spiritual” was “squirrel” …

        • Roo Ciambriello

          That too.

    • Tambra

      Aren’t our teeth designed to chew both meat and leaves?

    • inked_alice

      You’ve described my lunch today. I’m thinking about adding a bottle of hot sauce to every salad, so I cannot distinguish the sauce sweats from my tears of sadness.

    • peepsqueek

      Eating smaller amounts anything is better for you than over eating the healthiest foods. Keep your weight down and exercise and you body will metabolize and detox on its own. And yes, throw in a few leaves even if it makes you weep.

    • LM

      Or learn how to season and use alternative methods such as: grilling, searing, baking, etc.

  • Mary Burrell

    Yep, that’s me with that with that giant turkey leg. There is no proper lady like way to eat them with out looking like a cave woman.

    • miss t-lee

      Nope. Just gotta get in there.

      • orchid921

        Eat them at Renaissance Fairs. You’ll look totally normal! LOL!!!

        • miss t-lee

          !!!

    • Mary

      Oh, like those Rnaissance fairs where folks eat as if they were in pre-cutlery days. No thanks.

  • Mary Burrell

    One hundred calorie packs make me angry I know that’s the point but I really need to do better.

    • PDL – Cape Girl

      One hundred calorie packs of anything means I’m going to eat at least two of them….shoot, maybe three. So I don’t buy.

      • Quirlygirly

        I stopped buying those too. They are a tease and I am weak

        • PDL – Cape Girl

          Mmm hmm, they know you can’t stop at one dern pack…..

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