Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

I Have No White Friends (And I Think I Know Why)

rent-a-black-friend-picture-new1

As our wedding date approaches and the planning becomes more and more likely to drive us insane — not insane in a Hannibal or Huck sense, but more of a Will Graham or Radiohead “I’ll be waiting. With a gun and a pack of sandwiches” sense — we made a concerted effort last weekend to detect the main source of stress so we could at least attempt to rectify it.

The verdict? The invite list.

Along with making you the worst person ever, the list is directly involved with the three biggest stress inducers.

1. How many people are we inviting?

2. Who will we invite?

3. How much will all this shit cost?

After debating just saying “Fuck it” and eloping and inviting everyone to a Waffle House in Washington County for the reception, we considered trimming the list. As I glanced through it to see which of her, er, our family and friends could be expendable, I noticed something:

Out of the 200 or so people we have coming, only one is White.

Actually, that’s not completely true. Six are White. But two are married to my cousins, one is one of my dad’s old co-workers, and two are that hybrid Persian/Kardashian off-White that doesn’t really count as White. But, between the two of us, only one of our closest friends is White.

It’s not like we’ve lived segregated lives. We’re both from the Whitest major metropolitan area in the country, we both went to racially diverse high schools and predominately White colleges, and we both interact with many White people on a personal and professional level. We also both have White friends. And we both like hummus. But, the wedding list suggests those friendships are limited.

Although the discovery surprised me a bit, this dynamic isn’t particularly unique. While light beer commercials and The New Girl might suggest otherwise, most of us are very exclusive — reclusive, even — when it comes to the racial make-up of the people closest to us. When it comes to close friends, we all tend to stick to our own kind.

Salon’s Brittany Cooper wrote on this last year, and suggested that our country’s complex racial politics often make it too difficult to maintain close friendships with people who don’t share a racial and/or cultural tie. I don’t disagree with her. But, after considering both personal experience and anecdotal evidence, there’s something I want to add.

When thinking about the White guys I’ve known who were comfortable hanging with a group of brothas and the Black guys I’ve known who’ve had no problem being the perfunctory token Black guy, they each had something in common with those friends: Women. More specifically, an attraction to and/or willingness to date a certain type of woman.

Basically, the White guys legitimately close with multiple Black guys were also interested in Black women, and the Black guys cool with frequenting all the “White” bars, clubs, and parties were also interested in dating White women.

I’m not suggesting they sought out these friendships just because of their dating interests. (Although, I’d totally watch a movie about a Black guy who pretended to be friends with White guys just so he could get closer to White women.) I think that who we’re romantically/sexually interested in has a substantial role in determining our adult friendships. This seems impractical, but it’s actually organic. Pragmatic, even.

Adult friendships are usually cultivated through shared activities. You like each other and you like doing many of the same things, so you spend time with each other. When you’re single, the potential of potential romantic opportunities present often determines these activities. This is one of the reasons why you might be more likely to hit one of the “Black” happy hour spots after work instead of one of the “White” ones, or why the weekend gallery crawl might interest you more than the beerfest. You just know that the type of person you’re attracted to is more likely to be there.

Even thinking of the types of activities and events I’d usually attend when I was single, a single White guy looking for a sorority girl-type was not going to find her at any of those spots. And, when I had White co-workers, as much as I appreciated them inviting me out with them, the perpetual lack of sistas — and the lack of sistas interested in Black men — there limited my enjoyment.

Also, this phenomenon is deeper than race. The White guys into sorority-girl types and the White guys into the ironic hipster types probably wont be spending that much time with each other either. And I doubt the sistas into Donald Glover are going to be frequenting the same spots as the ones interested in someone more Weebay Brice-ish.  

There is a definite benefit to both expanding our horizons and not crafting our fun around the idea of romantic potential. No one would deny that. Unfortunately, by adulthood most of us lose the type of stamina and curiosity that requires.

We still haven’t decided who we’re going to cut from the invite list yet. But, we do know one thing: We’re keeping all six of the White people. It’s the least we could do, right?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) 

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

    I think I have like 1/2 white friend. And the only reason I even know him is because he is the best friend of this young woman I was trying to smang way back when. That’s about it though. The fact that my outings are either usually Black centric (black concerts/restaurants/museums) or just really quiet places like bookstores heavily affects that. All the white people I know and am around now are really ETHNIC white people. Like they know their fam all the way back to Italy and Ireland or wherever. I don’t want to be stuck out drinking with them as the sole Black person. That’s a dangerous situation. I would smang a white girl though.

    • Charlie

      How is it dangerous?

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        As someone who has literally been drunk under the table by White people, I fully understand. LOL

      • afronica

        May I ask 1) Are you black? 2) If you are, have you ever been the only or one of a few black people in a room of drunk white folk?

        • miss t-lee

          ” have you ever been the only or one of a few black people in a room of drunk white folk?”

          You don’t make those mistakes.

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

            September 2005 and January 1997- two months where I saw way more than I needed to see.

            • miss t-lee

              Partying with the 2520s, I have two drinks max, and I’m the first one to leave.

              • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                It seems like when alcohol is in the picture, all they want to do is fight. I went to a mostly White club in downtown Auburn recently and there were just as many security guards on the floor as there were patrons.

                I asked a friend of mine, “What’s with all the security guards?”. His response? “Yeah, they happen to fight a lot down here”, LULZ!

                • miss t-lee

                  6th Street-Austin TX any given weekend.
                  Case closed…lol

                  • Val

                    Is there more to the story (than the media is reporting) of the drunk Black guy who ran over all of those people in Austin?

                  • sharitaatx

                    AMEN! White guys like to rip their shirts off too! whats up with that! LOL! I stay off Dirty 6th as much as possible!

                    • miss t-lee

                      Yeah, I only do 6th for special events (was there one night for South By) and when my friends come to town and wanna go. Otherwise, nope. Had enough of it in my 20s, and now it’s much much too crazy. Catch me at a lounge, or a hole in the wall, chillin’.

                    • sharitaatx

                      Please inform me of said lounge/hole in the wall! The nightlife here is not meeting my needs anymore. I need a more chill environment and not Catdaddy central (midtown/or the other place by Burlington’s) :P

                    • miss t-lee

                      there’s a place called Sahara, they have different nights, best time to go is when they do new Jack swing parties. I tend to follow 2 DJs Chicken George, and Chorizo Funk. Anything they are DJing is a guaranteed good time.

                    • sharitaatx

                      a new jack swing party is what i need! thanx

                    • miss t-lee

                      Here’s the FB page, next one will be the 1st Friday in April. https://www.facebook.com/bodyrockatx

                      Let me know if you decide to go. :)

                    • sharitaatx

                      i went it was AWESOME i will return…MAY 2nd! thanks!

                    • miss t-lee

                      YAY!!!! Glad you had fun!

                  • Shamira

                    what are your thoughts on Austin? Ive considered moving there…

                    • miss t-lee

                      Austin is cool. I love it.
                      I know a lot of Black folks who are transplants don’t care for it because we don’t have a huge Black population. However, if you’re used to having a diverse group of friends/people around you, you’ll love it. Aside from the heat, and humidity in the summer time, the weather is great. Winters are mild. It’s always something going on. Lots of culture, food, arts and entertainment, outdoor events.
                      Plus, you’re almost smack in the middle of the state–good for daytrips out to the hill country and other metro areas.

                • nillalatte

                  Alcohol makes people mean. I never liked to party with white folks because they ALWAYS got stupid. Did I tell you about the time I was with white boy and almost took a trip to jail at 16?! He had my arrse running through the damn woods, jumping creeks and gulleys trying to ditch the cops. When I made it back around to the car, I put his arrse OUT! Damn some white boys. They crazy as hell.

                  • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                    I see this happening a lot in Auburn- especially with the high school kids. I once saw three drunk White dudes fight while the fourth one was videotaping, LOL!

          • afronica

            Been there, done that. I just had to make sure *I* wasn’t drunk so that I could read the room and know when to make tracks. Eventually I asked myself why was I going out to get hammered in situations where I couldn’t really do that safely. And that was the end of that.

            • Epsilonicus

              The thing is I don’t feel all that safe in certain Black spots in Bmore. I know I am way more likely to get in a fight at club Select than at the bar around the corner from my house.

              • afronica

                And that’s why I’m glad I’m in the dinner party phase now.

            • miss t-lee

              Yup. Gotta be able to peep the scene. I learned that early…lol

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      That last sentence is related to a thought I have. Check my individual comment for details…

    • IcePrincess

      Once u go white, it’ll be oh so rite….I keed, I keed! ;)

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        So IcePrincess…*Herman Cain smile*

        • Sahel

          Careful about her,i heard stories about how shes a black widow,lmao

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

            *shots fired*

      • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

        I know where my bread is buttered though.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        Hi.

      • The Champ

        once you go white, it’ll improve your credit score

  • 321mena123

    This is something that I understand but has never and will never be my life. I think the last time I went somewhere where the entire room looked like me was in undergrad at a step show. Most of the places I frequent look like the United Nations and my group of friends are half and half even down to my best friends.

    This is foreign to me.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

      It’s only an issue when people make it an issue- or they are more concerned with what certain people are going to say about them…

      • Sahel

        P.A,is there something you want to share

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          Not here- I’ve shared way too much of myself as it is and I need to stop.

          *Mutttley snicker*

          • Sahel

            Aha,true. We don’t want everyone to know you lost it to a white girl

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

              Lolwut, Sahel?! LMAO!!!

    • Dabigpodino

      Your in a room now that would look like an omega party. Do you feel accepted, this is your black experience, feel good now.

      • 321mena123

        No idea what you are talking about.

  • anon in CA

    Just FYI…the Kardashians are Armenian :)

    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

      A branched off version of white, thanks for that.

      • Charlie

        That fine line between middle eastern and darker whites ie: greeks, italians.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Word. Which is why checking my White Girl stat sheet, I’ve messed with a lot of Italians. Hmmm…

        • Tentpole

          That’s Southern European to you. Follow your Black to white rainbow swatches

          • Charlie

            Learn something new everyday, lol

      • Michelle

        I noticed that every woman that Kanye West has dated, some people always try to “de-whitened” them.

        • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

          This is true. People stay trying to give Amber Rose some special “light skin” pass.

          • Val

            But, Amber claims some Black heritage. She says she’s part Cape Verdean.

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              I guess….

            • ForeverCC

              i just thought she was a light skint black woman. i thought i had heard she was mixed or something but i’ve never heard her racial/ethnic makeup…is she not black at all?

              • Val

                Welp, as far as I know Cape Verdean can indeed equal Black, depending on who you talk too. I think she meant it as if she is of mixed ethnic heritage. Not sure about her direct parentage though.

                • ForeverCC

                  so i just googled her…and according to wiki her father is white (they specified italian and irish) and her mother is from cape verde. i never would’ve thought she was white if i saw her walking down the street though. *shrug*

          • Malik

            You and light skin women though.

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              I only said that because it’s applicable to Amber specifically and how people have described her. Their words, not mine.

          • http://trulytafakari.com/ dtafakari

            I have nooo idea what all the above means. What is the special light skin pass (and what’s it good for?) and how has Amber Rose been de-whitened? (I’m just here for the edjumacation…)

            • 321mena123

              I thought she was simply a light skin black woman. No?

              • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                She’s white but enjoys throwing out that she ain’t “all the way white”

                • http://trulytafakari.com/ dtafakari

                  hmm! This is intriguing. lol. I need to read up.

                  • ForeverCC

                    i know, right?! i just googled her lol

                • ForeverCC

                  why do you say she’s white? i don’t know what her mom looks like, but she’s from an island off the coast of africa, so amber’s closer to african-american than i am lol

                  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                    I don’t know what your background is lol Hers is of Italian, Irish and Cape Veredean.

                    • ForeverCC

                      i’m just regluh black lol i guess that goes back to what do you consider black…i still wouldn’t call amber white tho (unless she wants to identify that way) no more than i’d call mariah white

              • http://trulytafakari.com/ dtafakari

                I honestly have no idea about her racial/ethnic makeup. It sounds like there’s something in what AP and Michelle are hinting at. I’m just being nosy.

                And to your question upthread, Kanye was once engaged to a dark skinned Black woman, for years. I think her name was Alexis.

                • 321mena123

                  I forgot about this. She was beautiful. He hasn’t been with anyone, looks wise, under a 9.123 on a 10 scale.

              • Sahel

                She still has one of the best looking set of lips i have ever seen,and i ain’t talking about her face

                • afronica

                  *sigh* Are you alright today, Sahel? Just asking. Don’t mean no harm.

                  • Sahel

                    Am fine. When’s your bday

                    • afronica

                      Um, why?

                    • Sahel

                      Don’t be paranoid,am just asking

                    • afronica

                      I’m an October baby.

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              Folks like to make her out to be a black woman because she has features which are ‘racially ambiguous’

              • SuperStrings

                I always thought she was black. What is she?

                • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                  I just looked it up. Amber Levonchuck is Italian and Irish (dad’s side) as well as Cape Verdean (her mother). However, I know a white South African who was born in Johannesburg. But if she wanna claim black, whatever.

                  • SuperStrings

                    Gotcha. So, what’s good in NC these days? I haven’t been back up that way since ’03.

                    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                      Ehh a bunch of crappy weather at the moment.

                    • SuperStrings

                      That sucks. You should come to The A. The weather has been gorgeous, almost sundress worthy.

                • miss t-lee

                  Cape Verdean.

                  • SuperStrings

                    Ahhhh ok. Cape Verdeans have a reputation for not identifying as Black. Many claim their Portuguese heritage more than the African.

                    • miss t-lee

                      I’ve heard this. I’ve never met any.

                    • basilblues

                      Really? There was a Cape Verdean festival in Boston last 4th of July that i wandered through and they definitely looked black to me. admittedly, i did not stop to ask and of them if they identified as such…

                    • SuperStrings

                      Yeah, there are lots of Cape Verdeans in MA and Rhode Island. Some are downright insulted to be considered black.

              • Brother Mouzone

                That A$$ ain’t ambiguous….

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          *cues Kanye’s verse on Slum Village’s “Selfish”*

        • Brother Mouzone

          The “de-whitening thing happens with all white women who go Black…there are MANY examples of this. There is also a de- BLACKENING and reward system that happens
          when sistas are with/married to white men…more film/tv roles, considered more attractive by the masses(2520′s) than they really are, etc…

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

            “The “de-whitening thing happens with all white women who go Black…there are MANY examples of this.”

            In the White communities, they call them “mudsharks”…don’t ask…

            “There is also a de- BLACKENING and reward system that happens
            when sistas are with/married to white men…more film/tv roles, considered more attractive by the masses(2520′s) than they really are, etc…”

            *looks at Alfre Woodard and Diana Ross*

        • 321mena123

          I thought the only white woman he has dated (soon to marry) is Kim.

        • Val

          I think that has a lot to do with the push-back Vogue is getting for putting Kim and Kanye on the April cover.

    • CaliMink

      Armenia was a dependency of Persia for centuries. North Persia is ethnically Armenian. Same difference

      • afronica

        But isn’t that one of those Bosnia vs. Serbia, Israel vs. Palestine, Crimea vs. Russia-type situations? Like people will throw down for even talking about how the areas are or aren’t related or who should or shouldn’t have gotten their independence from whom when?

        • Asiyah

          No. That’s the case with Azerbaijan and Armenia, not with Iran and Armenia. Though I think Azerbaijan was part of Persia like a thousand years ago.

          • afronica

            I was thinking of the Turk and Armenian enmity centered around the Armenian genocide, I think. My mistake.

            • Asiyah

              I understand. It does get confusing lol. Especially since the Ottoman Empire was huge and yet most (if not all) of its inhabitants weren’t Turkish. All mixed up over there. I was just reading about Azerbaijan vs. Armenia yesterday so the info is still fresh in my head.

              • Brother Mouzone

                Especially since the Ottoman Empire was huge and yet most (if not all) of its inhabitants weren’t Turkish.
                ———————————————————–
                This is gonna sound totally random and out there, but as I read this i pictured the scene in Wayne’s World where Alice Cooper gave them a history lesson on Milwaukee while they were in his dressing room….party on.

                • Asiyah

                  That’s a great piece of cinema right there.

  • Joy n L.A.

    “that hybrid Persian/Kardashian off-White…”
    Dead. Just all the way dead. Don’t act like ya’ll can’t picture exactly what they look like…

    • The Champ

      my fiancee is trying to convince me that one of them is “regular” white. it’s not going to work, but i appreciate her effort

      • basilblues

        true though..well i can only speak from one specific experience, so i won’t generalize, but i dated a Turkish guy and he didn’t consider himself white. i did, but i kept it to myself.

  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

    I have white associates. I mix and mingle with them on my social network spaces but I don’t have any of their numbers or know what their favorite food is. I don’t think I could truly consider someone a friend if I don’t have conversations with them regularly.

    • The Champ

      is knowing someone’s favorite food a friend requirement for you?

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

        Maybe not favorite, but I should be able to know what your food likes are. I know what all my friends like to eat and are allergic to. Food is important to me.

  • ratchet d-Ibaka

    When I see a black dude with just white friends, I automatically assume he only likes white girls. I’m yet to be corrected on my thoughts. I also assume other things too. Lawd!

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      That seems pretty common, I went out with a primarily white group before and the first sista I stepped to was surprised “I wasn’t one of *those* type of dudes”

    • Freebird

      many of us sitting with white friends are very aware of this when we see you.

      • 321mena123

        Yep. VERY aware.

      • Sahel

        Hahaha. I can imagine Freebird picking up judging signals all round him

        • Freebird

          disturbances in the force are strong, i feel when this happens fellow jedi.

      • Secretsquid

        I’m too old to give a Sh#t.

        • Freebird

          right on my dude. and im too proud.

      • The Champ

        Yeah, it’s crazy how it works. I even remember hesitating about giving my seat up to a white woman on a packed bus before because of how i thought it would look.

        • Freebird

          i’ve done similar things. a lot of black dudes i know are aware of how quickly no information at all will have you labeled as someone that does not like black women/people.

        • Brother Mouzone

          I had the EXACT same dilemma when I was in college(the last time I rode a city bus). It’s a dam shame that something like that is in our head but, hey *Kanye shrug*. Same situation today and I will only give it up to the elderly and the pregnant…sue me..lol

          • Raymond Daniels

            Its okay. White people expect this attitude from you and make plans accordingly. Its not secret anymore that blacks hate us.

            • Brother Mouzone

              no, we hate your kind

      • afrosaxon1

        Yes! I almost want to wear a little placard that says “This is purely coincidental. Yesterday, I sat with all black people”.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

      What “other things” do you assume?

    • Raymond Daniels

      Yes because god forbid a black person actually enjoying being in the company of white people without having ulterior motives such as screwing a white woman. What is wrong with you people?

  • TheOtherJerome

    “Rather, I think that who we’re romantically/chexually interested in has a substantial role in determining our adult friendships. This seems impractical, but it’s actually pragmatic.”

    Man, thats one heck of an astute observation! My (Non co worker involved) hanging out, bar hoping crew of friends, are overwhelmingly Black, Asian and one Persian. Hence we only go to places that have a good mix of Blacks and Asians. White women (who are cool too) are optional.

    And here’s another thing: The women i date and am attracted to (mostly sistas…. like 70%-30% breakdown) usually have an interracial group of friends themselves. Not all the time of course, but enough for me to notice.

    As for the white friends issue…. i kind of disagree with your conclusion even though i just gave you praise.

    Why?

    Well frankly…… and this is aside from co workers who are a slightly different category…… White people in general have a bit tougher of a time walking into any place were they are not the majority. Blacks, Latinos, Asians, we do this all the time. We’re used to it. They arent.

    Hence, they don’t go into places that are “Too Asian” (White guy told me this) or “Too Latino” (White guy told me this also) or Too Black (come on son, no one said this to my face but best believe if i’ve been told the other two, then he told the Asian homie the same darn thing while i wasn’t there)

    This of course limits your number of White friends. They just aren’t too keen on being the minority, even if its at a spot that has equal ethnic numbers. The best they’ll do is a place thats 50% white, 50% everything else. In other words, ya’ll aint equal. It’s a white privilege thing, so most of the time they don’t notice they do it.

    ….And also there are tons of down white folks who recognize the privilege and adjust their behavior….. just not enough to go around…

    But yeah, by and large people who are unwilling to walk with you because they’re… what, scared maybe? Arent really trying to be YOUR friend. At least not on that level. Thats why you/we don’t have a ton of white friends, though all thing being equal, proportionally most of our friends “should” be white. Heck, doubly so because most people who peruse this site are bougie black people. Its not coming from our end, even if its subconscious.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Hence, they don’t go into places that are “Too Asian” (White guy told me
      this) or “Too Latino” (White guy told me this also) or Too Black (come
      on son, no one said this to my face but best believe if i’ve been told
      the other two, then he told the Asian homie the same darn thing while i
      wasn’t there)

      This quote reminded of two separate incidents, one from several years ago, one from recently.

      As you know, I work in and around the biotech industry, and as a result have dealt with a lot of people from the Asian diaspora. In my department at the company I was working, there were 3 Indians (2 of them women), one Chinese guy, one White guy (my boss) and yours truly. Occasionally, we’d go get lunch on the company dime, and the Indian guy suggested this Indian spot down the road from my job. We get there, and there’s a good lunch crowd. Being an adventuresome sort with my dining, this wasn’t the first time being the only Black guy in a restaurant. That said, checking the tables, it was all Indian people…and their White friends. Apparently, this was the “safe Indian spot to take White people”. LOL

      A few weeks ago, I took my daughter to the Mother of All Ghetto Children’s Parties for one of her school classmates. Now all the kids in my daughter’s class are Black, but one of them has a White mother. In the midst of the sheer…urban-ness of the situation, we just sat in a corner just talking while my daughter got high off of sugar with the other kids. As we started talking, it was clear she had never seen anything like this before. She was trying to do the right thing and make sure her daughter associated with other Black kids (turns out she lives in the White part of Queens), but she was shook and got the heck out of there. Even when I attempted to explain the mess going on, she was LOST.

      • afronica

        So I shouldn’t be laughing at your example #2. But I am dying over here.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          I’ll put it to you like this. Think every ghetto stereotype you can think of and turn it up to 11, and you have an idea about the party. When you have to a) beg for non-alcoholic beverages because the punch is spiked b) leave the party because the adults are getting way too rowdy for being around 4 and 5 year olds and c) leave a kids party at 10 to 9 and pass children coming INTO the party as you’re leaving, it wasn’t exactly tea and crumpets.

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

            I try not to judge bad a$$ children because I know that the behaviors they display are LEARNED. Kindergartners who vocalize interest in chex and things of that nature are inherently good but somewhere along the line, some ill equipped human(s) became their parent(s) and they got stuck picking up inappropriate language and such from said human(s).

    • hoyms

      As a white person I am ashamed to say that this is far too true. Like, I actually just learned something about my own psyche from reading this (so thank you!), and that makes me feel like such a privileged piece of shit. The whole “too asian”/”too latino”/”too black” fear is fundamental subliminal racism and it’s something that I have increasingly taken note of amongst my white friends. But nobody with white skin really notices it until someone points it out. It’s crazy how masked and engrained the “majority mindset” has become in white America, and it’s something that needs to change. (Although, I’d be lying if I said I was optimistic about rapid change here, which is depressing.)

    • Brother Mouzone

      This is VERY true. If the setting is anywhere CLOSE to being 50/50 they are uncomfortable, let alone them being the minority…and yet expect you to be okay with being 1 brotha among 100 intoxicated 2520′s..lol. The possible exception to this is the white dude at the Blackety Black of Blackest clubs..but we KNOW why he’s there. This NEVER happens in reverse. A brotha could NEVER go to a red neck country bar and holla at the finest blond 2520 chick in the house without a serious threat to his life and health. The aforementioned white guy though, he gets NO grief hollerin’ at fine a$$ Lakeisha at the Blackety on the south side…lol..smh.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Maybe it’s a difference in parts of the country, but in the Tri-State as the only brother in a 2520 room, I could holla with about the same risk profile as a White guy. Not saying that it’s my first priority, but they tend to treat all threats as equal. Doesn’t mean I won’t have someone try to get the smack down on me, but a White guy would be roughly similarly in danger.

        • Brother Mouzone

          Yeah, but aren’t you like 6’7′ 2 fitty?

          • Brother Mouzone

            Plus, you’re right, it depends somewhat on part of the country, but I’m pretty certain that regardless of part of country, if it’s a redneck country bar, you WILL have problems..the type of places you frequent or a “regular” bar or club regardless of racial makeup, you’re probobly okay.

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            This is true. LOL

      • The Champ

        “A brotha could NEVER go to a red neck country bar and holla at the finest blond 2520 chick in the house without a serious threat to his life and health. The aforementioned white guy though, he gets NO grief hollerin’ at fine a$$ Lakeisha at the Blackety on the south side…lol..smh.”

        it depends, though. while he might not get grief for being white alone, if lakeisha’s baby daddy is the neighborhood barksdale, grief would be the least of his troubles

        • Brother Mouzone

          if lakeisha’s baby daddy is the neighborhood barksdale, grief would be the least of his troubles
          ——————————–
          Likelihood of this? 0.749%

      • Tentpole

        First, there is no such thing as a Black redneck, but there are cool white boys and they do get a pass.

    • Epsilonicus

      “White people in general have a bit tougher of a time walking into any place were they are not the majority. Blacks, Latinos, Asians, we do this all the time. We’re used to it. They arent.”

      And this is the kicker right there.

    • Freebird

      jerome, the other dude with your name needs to give it back.

      • TheOtherJerome

        Hey, until my name comes up first on a google search, there’s nothing i can do about it lol

  • Raymond Daniels

    How come SPike Lee says its wrong to gentrify black areas but its okay for blacks to move into white areas and if not allowed the government would step in.

    • TheOtherJerome

      Good question! Sense i don’t remember voting him the leader of all Black people and thought, perhaps you should ask Spike. Otherwise i couldn’t tell you.

    • sweetbee

      But Spike Lee has never said he doesn’t want white people in those neighborhoods. His point is that he doesn’t want black people displaced from those neighborhoods that they’ve been in since before it started looking good. And I’m sure you knew that. This is another one of those “Why do black people have BET, Ebony magazine, HBCU’s, etc.?” marijuana-induced pseudo-intellectual queries that sound good when you’re high. Residents of gentrified neighborhoods are the girlfriends that were with you before the deal.

      • Michelle

        *goes for the high five and totally misses*

      • Raymond Daniels

        Actually, the fact that black people don’t want whites in their neighborhood while simultaneously lobbying for greater access to white neighborhoods is a topic of greater importance to me as well as a lot of other Americans. Way more important even than why you only have white friends. I heard the whole room full of blacks cheer him when he said that whites shouldn’t move into his neighborhood, so he must be some kind of black leader? Actually, he has since moved to a community FULL of white people. I should say that he doesn’t want black people who can’t afford to live around rich whites like him, to have to have live around middle class white people. I guess he only wants the best for you? Every black in the room cheered for him. I just find the level hypocrisy coming from blacks to be nauseating. Couple that with knockout game attacks, “flash mobs”, the destruction of our inner cities, and their unwavering support for Communist policies and you have reached a whole new level of disgust with the general American public. Instead of asking why you have no white friends maybe you should ask what you can do to make some? The real topics of importance to blacks is of no importance at all to the average white working man. We are concerned with things like the national debt, having stable jobs, schools that don’t teach communism. You know, things that actually matter. newnation dot org.

        • sweetbee

          There are white supremacist sites that will validate your diatribe. Please seek them out.

          • Raymond Daniels

            You are correct. I just hate seeing “very smart brothas” occupying themselves with topics such as “why I have no white friends”, when they could be occupying themselves with fixing things that are actually of concern to people. People are always saying that if only the “moderate” muslims would voice more concern and outrage over “fanatical” muslims they would have a more positive image. It is the same thing with AA people. The talented 10% can’t be bothered. While you are discussing hair weaves and basketball your brothers and sisters are sucker punching pregnant white women and old men and doing home invasions that end in horrific tortures/murders.

            • Brother Mouzone

              I just hate seeing “very smart brothas” occupying themselves with topics such as “why I have no white friends”, when they could be occupying themselves with fixing things that are actually of concern to people.
              ————————————————
              And I hate seeing cowardly white supremacist always infiltrating all things Black and saying things behind a computer that they would never DARE

              • Brother Mouzone

                ….say to a Black man’s face. Keyboard courage is a b*tch with your kind.

                • Val

                  *watches as the troll gets fed*

                  • TheOtherJerome

                    But its sooooo tempting :-(

        • TheOtherJerome

          Not trying to breach the terms of conduct here, but this to no one in particular:

          However, I always wondered what drives bigot troll types? Is it some kind of kink? Do they type their responses with their c*ck on one hand and the keyboard in another? Does stormwatch give these guys points for how many people they troll per week? Is it like a frequent troller punch card? At 10 punches you get a free d!ldo or something?

          Honestly, i’ll bet you (well not you, but other bigot troll types) are some fat, bald, awkward dude who hasn’t been la!d sense the Clinton administration because your visible @ss crack is the first impression you make on people….. that and the BO of course. Likely your (again not you) sitting in your moms basement in a too tight “i’m with stupid” tee shirt with the arrow pointed north toward your face, and your belly hanging out the bottom, pecking away at your keyboard looking for someone, somewhere who possibly is lower then you on the social totem pole.

          It sucks being a loser doesn’t it? I mean, it has to suck when no one likes you, so the only thing left to do is try to get people to hate you more than they already do. But thats the kicker. You’re not successful at that either. You don’t even matter enough to hate.*

          *Of course this is to no one in particular…. code of conduct and all that……

          • Raymond Daniels

            Actually, I’m with your mom and she has my coc* in her mouth, not in my hand. I make more money in a day than you make all year bud. But hey whatever, if you can’t refute the facts just insult the messenger. I just want black people to get there stuff together, more so than the blacks. Thats the problem. Everyone cares about blacks, except blacks. While you insult me and discuss trivial things like someones hair weaves, body sizes, skin color, and weight, real changes are being made in America to exclude black people in the future. People are sick of your crap. No amount of “my brothers keeper”, affirmative action, or midnight basketball programs will help anymore. You can’t refute the facts, I understand. If you don’t care, why should we? Oh while we are generalizing and stereotyping I am betting Jerome sells drugs and “stays” at his moms with 10 other kids with all different last names. Your father is a convicted felon serving time for selling drugs or murder or you never knew him at all. You participate in street gangs and sell drugs yourself in between getting welfare checks. You dropped out of school and have been incarcerated at least 3 times already. You blame white people for all your problems and then wonder why you have no white friends. You steal and lie habitually and think that everything you are given for being black is somehow owed to you. You have never held a real job. When you can’t defend and articulate a political position of yours, you result to declaring your opposition and opposing viewpoints as “racist”. You like chicken and watermelon. Is that accurate?

            I read the other day that more black babies are being aborted than being born in NYC. Shouldn’t you be worried about that instead of why you have no white friends? You vote for the party that is exterminating you and now they want your guns. 150 years ago they had you in chains picking cotton. Today they have you in chains called E.B.T and are picking YOU for votes. Still slaves. Just a different kind. “Abortion is empowering!” What a joke. Homosexual marriage is a great thing! Black people completely flipped on that issue just because the president is black and said so. Keep voting down the line.

            P.S. I am not a loser, I am white. you know, white privilege and all.

            • TheOtherJerome

              “If you don’t care, why should we?”

              And you’re doing a great job of not caring!

              “I make more money in a day than you make all year bud”

              Wait, you’ve seen my statements? How could you know this?!? Hoooooooowwwwwww?????

              “Actually, I’m with your mom and she has my coc* in her mouth”

              Your comebacks….. they’re too potent…… i’m wilting under your wit and selfless ethnic caring….. I’ve… I’ve… won the battle but lost the war. Nooooooooooo!! /:Anikan-Vader at end of ep 3 voice

              • Raymond Daniels

                I have the high ground.

                • TheOtherJerome

                  Sorry, i have the high ground. You have George Lucas’ writing and Hayden Christianson’s acting coach.

                  …and Han shot first!!!!!!!!!

                  • Raymond Daniels

                    NooooOoooOOoOoooo!! Okay, Okay, enough already. You win… ..

      • The Champ

        early leader for comment of the week

    • Freebird

      oh boy….
      your avatar says dimwit….add your comment and it explains what has ailed america for toooooo long.

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

        *taps Freebird on the shoulder*

        Check his Disqus feed, man…and you’ll see why he really posted that.

        • ForeverCC

          wow. just wow.

  • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

    Unless it’s specifically about being a “guys night out” men are very conscious to go to places where there will be (attractive) women. Not necessarily to find one. But just to have the option open if you did want to approach someone that night.

  • Charlie

    Well I’m married so I don’t think that’s a factor for me when choosing friends.

    I recently moved away from DC/Murrlyn to San Diego. Making friends out here has been kind of a culture shock for me. When I talk like how I would with Black/Latino friends back home, I feel like a caricature. When I try and act like them it feels like I’m at work. I don’t know how I can build meaningful relationships when I can’t be myself and dont know if I’m being laughed with or at. Any advice?

    • TheOtherJerome

      Well, what do you mean by “Talk like how i would”?

      Also, I used to live in San Diego. Most people ARE really chill there. You should go to a sports bar during football season and watch the “Racist word for Native Americans” play. Tons of recently moved out of towners with your same plight will be there. Thats how i made friends at first.

      • Charlie

        With black friends I can throw a “mmhmm” and “girl” and know that they get it. With white people I feel like a stereotype therefore having to represent all black people in a “proper” way. And I’m not saying they’re mean, they’re really nice people. But thanks for the advice, will do.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Why not just say Indigenous Persons? It’s simple, accurate and non-offensive.

    • anon in CA

      I’m with you. I’m a young black woman and I live in Westlake which 99% white, rich and old. I don’t hate living here but I wish I didn’t have to always drive 30 mins north or south of my city to see friends/family or even see other people who look like me. White woman are odd to me and I’m not really looking to be friends with them. I know that sounds harsh but in my area they are steeped in white privilege and have bubble mentality….I just can’t relate.

      • Charlie

        I understand. For me the people out here are really nice, it’s just something I feel I’m missing that I can only get from black friends. Maybe it’s in my head.

      • The Champ

        you two should start a support group

    • SuperStrings

      DC is definitely different from San Diego, in terms of racial composition as well as overall politics. CA in general has a weird racial dynamic.

    • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

      I am cackling at the way you spelled Maryland how it’s pronounced by those native to the area :-D