Featured, Pop Culture

I Had A Crush On 1983 Michael Jackson In 1993 Because My Religious Parents Kept Me In A Pop Culture Time Warp

I grew up in a rather religious household to reformed Born Again, Evangelical Charismatic, Non-Denominational Christians. I know, that’s a mouthful, right? Like most folks, on Sunday we went to morning service. Unlike most people we were back later that same day for afternoon service or, “Church Part Two: Electric Boogaloo” as I mockingly referred to it. On Wednesday we went to bible study where we learned about church stuff the pastor failed to mention that past Sunday. There was also monthly building fund meetings, praise and worship rehearsals for my mother and that summer my parents made me go to Vacation Bible Camp even though I honestly would have preferred a trip to Camp Crystal Lake. My family was serious about our church thing, religiously so, and yes I wrote this entire post just to make that cheesy ass joke- fight me.  f you came thru la casa chances are Benny Hinn in all his peanut butter charlatan glory was on the TV knocking Theresa from Toledo out of her wheelchair or kicking the crutches out from underneath Barry from Boca Raton. In the name of Jayzus, be healed! Ashamana high I justbought a Honda!

It should come to no surprise then that my parents drew a very bold line in the sand separating our family of believers (and me) and the secular world. We were to be in the world but not of the world. Which sucked because the world had all the best stuff.  We didn’t get cable until I was damn near a teenager because of the plethora of options available to watch filth flarn filth on HBO and Alex Mack was teaching that witchcraft on Nickelodeon. We were very tardy for the party and Clarissa had already been done explained it all.  

Music was another medium where the devil laid his wicked mindfields. Rap music, unless it was Christian rap, was a def no-no in our household. Most of my music was either borrowed from friends or recorded off the radio on cassette when my parents were asleep. You need that radio-edited version of “Mo Money, Mo Problems” with the DJ talking over the best part? Holler at ya scholar! It was hard growing up without secular music. It made me a social outcast at school often. That was until we got our first babysitter. Her name was Tara and all I wanna say is that she aint really care about us. Like AT ALL. My parents would go out for the night and leave us with pizza money and strict instructions on what we were allowed to watch. Tara would nod and then promptly invite her friends over to eat all of our pizza and watch music videos on VHS tapes that she had recorded off of BET or The Box. That’s how I figured out there was more than one Dr. Dre and that neither of them were equipped to perform open-heart surgery.

I wanted to snitch on Tara so much but as snitches get stitches and Tara intimidated me more than that time Kristi Thomas called Mallory Pike the n-word, I kept my mouth shut. When my parents finally caught wise and fired Tara, they got rid of all the secular music in the house. This was rough for everyone as both of my parents were former late 70’s/early 80’s funk/soul musicians who gave up Earth Wind and Fire for the the Eucharist. Basically there was no Prince, no Stevie, no Chaka and for us kids that meant no Crazy, no Sexy, no Cool. No bueno!

My father did allow us to make one exception in the form of a certain incredibly popular late 80s Thriller follow-up album titled Bad. Maybe you’ve heard of it? We weren’t allowed to listen to Thriller because, even though Michael Jackson said it didn’t, my dad thought it promoted the occult. But we could “Smooth Criminal” all night long if the holy spirit moved us. And moved us it did. My younger brothers and I spent hours listening to the Bad album, practicing our dance moves to each track. We had a jazzy Alvin Ailey-like routine worked up for numbers like “You’re Just Another Part Of Me” and “Liberian Girl”. Being the oldest sibling I choreographed all of our moves and I chastised my poor baby brothers whenever they missed a step. Why was it so important to me, you ask? Well, good question!

You see, even though the Bad album came out in 1987 and my family was living in the early nineties, we were behind the times. We were so far behind the secular times in fact that us kids never got the memo that Jackson-Five era Michael Jackson with his handsome Black features who had morphed into what we’ll just refer to as late 80’s Puerto Rican Pecan MJ had now turned into something all-together… different. The Michael Jackson in my head at the time still looked like the dashing guy with the strong cleft-chin who punked Wesley Snipes on the subway. And that version of him was apparently the man of a young Jordie’s dreams, even if he was a lot little eccentric. So we practiced and practiced and practiced some more because I was in love. With Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson from Gary, Indiana. And I just knew that someday I would meet the man and he would ask me if I had any moves and I would reply, “Why, yes, Michael. I do have moves” and then he would take me on tour with him at which point he would fall helplessly and hopelessly in love with me. I continued this unrequited crush for over a year watching the “Dirty Diana” scene from the Moonwalker home video until that tape popped.

Finally, a little over a year later, my family and I gathered in the den to watch the premier of Michael’s new single, “Jam.” My parents had relaxed a little bit on the secular music ban as I had started to sneak more rap and pop into the home and they got tired of throwing away my several pirated copies of Krush Groove. We were all excited to see MJ’s new video which we heard featured Michael Jordan. I’m pretty sure they cut into an episode of The Urkel to premiere the video too so that shows you how big of a deal this all was to America at the time. Not just us. My heart was racing because I was still holding out hope that one day Michael would discover me and put me in a video and then make me his Queen To Be. My dad hushed us as the video began.

INT      ABANDONED GYMNASIUM      AFTERNOON

(ENTER MICHAEL IN PROFILE)

“Who the hell is that guy?!” I screamed.

I was sent to my room without being allowed to finish the video. I was actually good with that. I couldn’t figure out what exactly about him had changed. Let me rephrase that. Of course, I knew he had undergone some major changes but he still more or less looked like the Captain EO I knew and loved. More or less. But something was different. And just like that I stopped fantasizing about Michael Jackson and I driving away together. Besides, I was pretty sure his sister was the cooler one in the family anyway.

Jordan Kauwling

Jordan Kauwling is an early thirties Philadelphian but she tells everyone she’s in her late thirties because she doesn’t understand how math works. When she’s not busy writing, singing, eating all the falafel or unsuccessfully finishing another craft project you can catch her talking junk on Twitter.

  • Dopamine

    You always gotta wonder what people did to make them turn full 180 and get hella religious. I’m so interested in their stories, but they never wanna share.

    • cakes_and_pies

      They never want to share because they never want to be incarcerated.

      • miss t-lee

        Or statute of limitations.

    • TCB

      Hard living mixed with a completely charismatic pastor and an out of this world altar call. They go hard line religion because that’s what they’re used to doing with everything else in their life prior to being saved, they kinda swap one for the other.

      They also crash hard when religion doesn’t work out for them if they’re in a prosperity ministry type church…its almost like they’re uninformed that life will get rough again.

    • miss t-lee

      It’s always a great testimony.

    • grownandsexy2

      I’ve often wondered the same thing and whenever a person of the fire and brimstone persuasion gets in my face, I ask and they usually share after they get over the shock of me asking.

    • Kasmeoutside

      My opinion for what it’s worth, they are replacing some bad habits with religion.

    • Vanity in Peril

      My musician father went on tour with an (allegedly) coked out De Barge fam who used to scream ‘you light skin, we light skin. They gonna love us!’ and drove him right to the lordt w their antics.

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    Any resentment at y’alls parents?

    • TCB

      Best thing I could’ve had was a father that felt a calling to ministry in his mid 30’s. He lives a good life in the world and never lied to me or my brother about what was out there and never shielded us from it. Only gave unconditional love and wisdom along the way.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        I appreciate the candor.

        As I take note of different parenting styles, usually leaning towards the permissive – it’s nice to hear other perspectives.

    • miss t-lee

      We went to church often, but we didn’t live at church. So, I don’t have any resentment. We learned a lot at home also, since my Mom only attended church on special events.
      I went to morning and afternoon services with my grandparents when we were visiting, but even then it wasn’t constantly.

    • I went to church because I was told to but I was never “raised in the church”. It never felt right. The church part but not the God part but I never resented having been made to go.

    • siante

      My mom went from throwing house parties (where me & my cousins could sip liquor out of those red party cups when the adults got drunk enough to not notice) to saved all day everyday- church multiple times a week- no secular music, etc. I loved it- it brought so much stability to our home that I don’t think would’ve been there if my mom had continued in that partying lifestyle.

    • NotToday

      The biggest thing I learned from having overly-strict Nigerian parents was to not get caught when I wanted to do ish that they didn’t want me to do. Overall, I made good decisions for a teenager but they do not know half the nonsense that I did do under their roof.

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        This I feel is the hidden lesson of Caribbean households.

        • Kasmeoutside

          All strict households

    • BlackMamba, Romperstiltskin

      Nope. They are some of the best parents I could have.

      • cyanic

        Aww they made you cute and grateful.

        • BlackMamba, Romperstiltskin

          Lol stop.

    • Lucille A Bluth

      Even though my grandma, mother, and father were really religious, I don’t have any resentment for them. My mom is also a huge hip-hop head and believer in not relying on anyone/independence. I couldn’t have asked for better support.

    • Michelle

      With the exception of my intermediate family members and myself, the rest of my family (on both sides) are devoted members of organized religions (JW’s, Jewish (mainly, Israelites), Baptists and Catholics). When it comes to my parents, my brother and my maternal grandmother, we have our own private relationships with God, let’s just put it this way. So, you can imagine how our extended family members feel, whenever we’re in the same room and the topic of God comes up.
      But within the last twenty years (I would say) that I am interacting with the younger generation, who are resentful towards their parents. It’s usually after they realize that the ‘secular world’ isn’t as bad as they thought.

  • cyanic

    I’m mad. That story was too short.

    And you had the nerve to swear in front of your parents. Where did that come from? Were you really that frightened by the altered Mike?

    • TCB

      Best thing I could’ve had was a father that felt a calling to ministry in his mid 30’s. He lives a good life in the world and never lied to me or my brother about what was out there and never shielded us from it. Only gave unconditional love and wisdom along the way.

  • miss t-lee

    Benny Hinn was so fraudulent.

    • I saw that ninja take out a whole row of Koreans with the wave of his hand.

      • TCB

        Spiritual Tsunami?

      • miss t-lee

        LMAO
        My grandmother used to watch him when we were there during the summers, I was always like…ok playa.

      • siante

        hahahaha!!!!!!!! I can’t

        • Either he’s a false preaching con man or his hand is a weapon of mass destruction.

          • siante
            • miss t-lee

              This is when it was extra hilarious.

            • KeyBrad

              I want to fight him and the whole congregation for this foolishness.

              • siante

                you & me both. Especially seeing an interview where a kid who was blind actually thought he could be healed by Benny Hinn & his shenanigans.

            • Brown Rose

              hahahah. Man is that real? Those aren’t movie extras?

            • TheUnsungStoryteller

              Is that him?

              • siante

                yes lol

                • TheUnsungStoryteller

                  Girlll… this led me to searching this coon…I’m sorry, Benny Hinn, on YouTube watching videos and watching this documentary about being a fake. This all looks like a mess. I can’t believe people fall for this ish.

                  • siante

                    yeah, I spent all day watching Benny Hinn scandals on Youtube- at the end I came to the conclusion that he was just stealing from people by promising them healing & collecting huge offerings. He’s a complete scammer smh.

            • Sweet Potato Kai ?

              Jesus take the wheel! ??

              • Kylroy

                Think Jesus took a lot more than the wheel from these folks…

                • Sweet Potato Kai ?

                  True. Take it and steer it into a flaming volcano??

                  • Kylroy

                    Jesus Give Back The Wheel, Your Driving Sucks

                    • Sweet Potato Kai ?

                      Pretty much!

            • Kylroy

              So is Human Whack-A-Mole a regular part of his services?

            • Quirlygirly

              This dude is beat the hayle outta people with his coat. LOL

              • BrothasKeeper

                That’s the Holy Coat!

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        I just tried to envision this scene! Bahaha

    • siante
    • Emily Harris

      My Mom wasn’t a Benny Hinn fan but she did like other frauds like Jim and Tammy Faye Baker, and Billy Graham. His son is a POS too.

      • miss t-lee

        I remember my Mom watching Jim and Tammy back in the gap. I remember being so confused by Tammy’s makeup situation

        • Emily Harris

          It was… major.

          • miss t-lee

            Definitely!

  • TCB

    The 2017 me has a crush on the 1985 Phylicia Rashad.

    • Vanity in Peril

      This is correct.

  • miss t-lee

    I’ve never known anyone to have a crush on any version of MJ.
    Then again, I grew up with 80s and 90s Michael. I was confused when watching folks faint at his concerts on MTV.
    So…there’s that.

    • TCB

      Maybe he had to be experienced live, like Rihanna.

      • miss t-lee

        I highly doubt it.
        I’ve been to a thousand shows, only time I came close to fainting was heat stroke at a music festival.

    • siante

      I remember being 4 & running up & kissing the “Thriller” Michael, I thought him & Ernie (from Sesame Street) were my boyfriends lol—–I can’t believe I just admitted that I was crushing on a muppet.

      • miss t-lee

        Awwwww. This is cute.

      • “I can’t believe I just admitted that I was crushing on a muppet.”

        Melania married one.

      • Emily Harris

        It’s okay. I was convinced that I would one day marry Al B. Sure which is kind of like crushing on a Muppet. You couldn’t tell me ish about my uni-browed soul mate. We went together, the end.

        • siante
          • Kylroy

            That’s not a unibrow. That’s a tri-brow.

          • Emily Harris

            Look at my boo. Hahahahaha. That eyebrow though.

          • Quirlygirly

            “problematic eyebrows”

            LOL!! We all have regerts…LOL

            • Sigma_Since 93

              Stop looking at Al through today’s eyes. Manscaping was not a thing in the 80s

              • Quirlygirly

                A unibrow was never in Sig!

          • MsCee

            The fact that his lips are on “Black Ink” status. -____- Nah sis.

          • Looking4Treble

            Couldn’t sing a lick, though.

            • siante

              “I can tell you how I feel a-bout yoouuu night & daaaaaaaaaay.”

              I love it though!

              https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa2af99d88e5fc9067826f681689c1c0aacbec2ff18188b00e55d26bc7c58ae7.gif

              • Looking4Treble

                Yeah, a 24-track recording studio and a slick video can make anyone into a ‘singer’ :-) Al B. got on bc his look was ‘in’ in the Eighties. No shade, but trust that he wasn’t doin’ no a capella croonin’.

                • siante

                  I feel like you’re trying to Joe Budden all over my love for Al B Sure.

            • Emily Harris

              Yeah, no. I think as a child even I recognized that, it was just the beginning phase of my love for high yellas with big lips. A signing contest between Al and Keith Sweat would end in a tie for worst place.

              • Looking4Treble

                Indeed. One is begging, the other is snarling and whining. Talk about a race to the bottom. I say this while admitting that I turn up the radio when “I Want Her” or “All Alone You Get Off on Your Own” comes on. I didn’t say I didn’t appreciate good production, and I am a child of the 80’s :-)

                • Emily Harris

                  Such horribly enjoyable cheesiness.

                  • Looking4Treble

                    “Horribly enjoyable cheesiness”. Stealing that.

          • Mary Burrell

            AL B. Sure was pulling women with his unibrow.

      • Wild Cougar

        I had crushes on cartoon super heroes. Is OK

    • KeyBrad

      I had a crush on the human nature poster MJ. He had on a yellow sweater.

      • miss t-lee

        I just googled this. i’d never seen it before.

        • KeyBrad

          He was darling in that poster.

    • cyanic

      I had a Human Nature yellow vest Michael Jackson poster. That I kissed in front of female cousins when I was little telling them I had a crush on Michael Jackson. I didn’t get a whopping because nobody told on me. Everyone was shocked and hysterical with laughter and disgust.

      • miss t-lee

        You and KeyBrad down below had a crush on the same poster.

        • cyanic

          Yup.

      • porqpai

        I had the tarp of that poster. I sold it for twice what I paid around the time NKOTB and New Edition were duking it out.

      • cdj

        This is the poster I had a crush on! I don’t know why I assumed this was a rare poster.

    • grownandsexy2

      Stephanie Mills had more than a crush on Michael according to an interview she did for Ebony way back when.

      • miss t-lee

        I mean, people I know IRL.

        • grownandsexy2

          I know, but she’s the only person I can think of.

          • miss t-lee

            Gotcha.
            Some other folks have also mentioned crushes.

      • cyanic

        I don’t remember seeing her name in the singing thread. She can sang. I feel good. I feel good all over.

        • Sweet Potato Kai ?

          I mentioned it. She definitely can blow

        • Michelle

          Stephanie Mills have an ‘one-of-a-kind’ singing voice. I don’t think that I can make a correlation with any of the modern singers.
          I say that’s one thing that’s missing from today’s R&B singers: the singers that sang well, but had unique voices.

      • link it! YouTube LINK IT!

    • Brown Rose

      I’ll admit I had a slight crush on the drawing of Michael Jackson of the album insert of the Thriller Album. I would marvel at the lines for hours.
      hey man I was about 8.

      • miss t-lee

        Okay, okay.
        I don’t understand, but okay. :)

        • Brown Rose

          Neither do I man. It was something about the 2D.

          • miss t-lee

            HA.

    • Ess Tee

      Honestly, the only Michael I ever crushed on was “Rock With You” Michael. He hadn’t really sliced and diced his face then, and he was still brown.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X-Mrc2l1d0

      • cyanic

        He was adorable medium brown with juicy hair. He was beautiful here.

        • Robert Dotson

          “Juicy Hair”….DEAD.

        • Ess Tee

          That hair was all kinds of moisturized.

      • Brown Rose

        He wasn’t too bad there. Geez man what the h*ll happened to him.

        • Kylroy

          I feel he was honestly only moderately attractive as a young adult. (Which was all he needed to be to succeed, given his immense musical talent.) But “moderately attractive” was way better than the pale android he morphed into.

          • Brown Rose

            Indeed. he was passable and he was charismatic in his own right with great talent….he gave new meaning to white zombie. *shakes head*

        • Ess Tee

          Some serious insecurity.

      • grownandsexy2

        lol at “really sliced and diced his face.” He was cute brown and with the afro.

      • Michelle

        When I have the cojones… And when have enough likkah in my system… I am going to dress up as Mike from the “Rock With You” video on Halloween, complete with the rhinestone boots and a wig.
        I don’t care if Halloween falls on a weekday and I have to go to work.

    • I never had a crush on him, but…I mean I was like…not even here when Thriller was released…but I do love his music, always have.

      • miss t-lee

        Thanks for letting us know you’re extra young, Twi.

        • I always assume everyone here is my age LMAO

          • miss t-lee

            HA.

    • cdj

      I had a crush on him in one picture. It was a poster where he had a yellow and white tuxedo type outfit on and his curl was just the right length and perfectly moist. I was 7.

      • miss t-lee

        You loved the MJ others are mentioning.

        • cdj

          I see! I always thought it was some limited edition poster, because none of my friends had it.

  • I was 6 years old singing ‘The Clean Up Woman’ at the top of my lungs during an audition to play Annie in the school play. They told us to sing a song we knew all the words to, so that was my go-to at the time.

    Anachronistic music is good in today’s world of mumble rappers and Katy Perry.

    • Kat

      I hollered!!! My momma liked that good good music too.

      • Every Saturday she put on her records and I never knew I’d be so grateful for that.

    • miss t-lee

      I loved Clean Up Woman. It wasn’t until I was about 25 I figured out what it was about…lol

      • Kylroy

        Yeah, knowing all the verses to “Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog” did 8-year-old me no favors.

        • miss t-lee

          *sncikering*

          • Kylroy

            I also had did a full on choreographed routine to “Dentist” from Little Shop of Horrors at the same age. All the adults around me loved it, which may actually be more disturbing.

            • miss t-lee

              Oh man. That was a bit risque.
              I still love all the songs from Little Shop of Horrors, so I understand.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        I would belt out Me and Mrs Jones like she had out put it on me personally LOL

        • Kylroy

          Again, at what age? Could be funny, could be mega creepy.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            I was 7

            • Kylroy

              That’s…almost charming, shading to mega creepy.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                at 7? I didn’t know what “thing” meant.

        • KeyBrad

          My little self used to sing EEEE AAAAhh..Mrs, Mrs Jones. I didnt know he was saying “Me and”

        • Cheech

          I still like to do this. It was fun when my 8 year old followed suit.

        • miss t-lee

          LMAO

        • I have to seriously post a vid of me and baby girl singing, “Ain’t NOBODY ” by Chaka…

          The funniest shyt seeing her sing. “Oooh my nights are warm and tender!”

      • Most of those old school RnB tracks were messy AF!

        • Quirlygirly

          They sure where..They talked about errrythang..But my young self didn’t understand what I was saying. I would be singing and dancing to it.

          I remember I used to sing “Another Man”. I was 6 years old..I didnt know what that song was really about. I would be doing the snake and the worm to the song..LOL

          • Sigma_Since 93

            I know I wasn’t the only one singing the Elements Reasons loud and off key lol.

          • miss t-lee

            Another Man is a jam though.
            It’s scandalous as heyll.

          • Michelle

            That song is homophobic-as-[BLEEP]. I remember listening to this song with my gay cousin and just looking at him and just saying, “This is homophobic as hayle!”

            • miss t-lee

              It definitely wouldn’t have gotten recorded today.

        • miss t-lee

          *all

        • cakes_and_pies

          I actually took the time to listen to the whole speaking part of “Miss You” by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes and realized it’s really a fuccboi anthem.

          • Still a jam.. lol

            • cakes_and_pies

              It is.
              I still listen to “Turn your love around” even though it sounds like an old John is trying to convince a young prostitute to be his woman.

              • Lmao..yaaaas.. every woman needs a man.

              • Looking4Treble

                George Benson can still make that guitar beg.

                • Emily Harris

                  Awww, Give Me the Night reminds me of my Dad. He used to pick up me and my brother and dance around the living room with us to that song and El Debarge’s Rhythm of the Night.

                  • Looking4Treble

                    “Cause there’s music in the air and lots of lovin’ everywhere, so give me the night” (strums air guitar)

          • Just looked it up and…facts! LOL

            • cakes_and_pies

              I have been listening to this song since I was in utero and never realized he was a deadbeat dad until 2017.

          • Quirlygirly

            A take me back fuccboi anthem.”I got a gig..a plain J O B”

            • miss t-lee

              Yup. She’d finally had enough and was like GTFO with ya broke azz.

            • BrothasKeeper

              “…forgot you not hip to the hip talk…”

          • miss t-lee

            He was begging hard to get back in those good graces.

          • you know they got that lotter, i hit
            and i’d like to make up for….

            • cakes_and_pies

              This is the Blackest beggingest song that ever existed and ever will exist.

              • chile…

                on the david ruffin version – 2nd verse – the woman in the background states ‘Don’t do that you make it so difficult” after the man done told her You can look at my eyes and see a great big ol man like me been crying, crying, crying my soul out to you”

                Classic effery. She’s done bruh

                • cakes_and_pies

                  After all that begging she didn’t have a choice, even if it’s for a day.

          • My mom would play that all the time!

            Ya man said he walked the dog all by himself.. well good for ya bumazz!!

        • Word. They’re talking about cheating and booty calls. LOL

        • cakes_and_pies

          I miss the innuendos, suggestions, and analogies in old R&B songs. Now, most mainstream R&B songs are “beat it up and skeet it up.”

      • Cheech

        It wasn’t about Miss Hannigan?

        • miss t-lee

          hAHAHAHAHHA

      • Michelle

        Sh*t, just recently, I sat down and analyzed “Woman to Woman” and realized that Miss Shirley was on some sh*t, for calling up Miss Barbara with that bullsh*t.
        Especially for a man that she was paying for.

        • miss t-lee

          Yup.
          She definitely was on some bullsh*t.

          • orchid921

            My mom almost had a conniption fit when I asked her who she was when I was a kid! I was like, “She can’t be that bad! She’s right here on the jukebox!” LOL!

            • miss t-lee

              HA!!!!

        • miss t-lee

          I appreciate the great works of Millie Jackson as I’ve gotten older.

          • Deeds

            Millie Jackson was wild. Went in a YouTube rabbit hole, just laughing at her monologues in her songs.

            • miss t-lee

              Her monologues are gold!!!
              Especially “The Rap”.

      • Maxine Shaw

        My mom was shocked to learn what Love Come Down was about. She’s 57. I don’t have the heart to tell her what Inside My Love is about.

        • miss t-lee

          Oh dear…lol

    • Jae Starz

      My “someone should have stopped me” song of choice was Tina Turner’s Private Dancer. Why was this allowed?! I would put on my aunt’s or mom’s heels and proceed to dance around while singing this totally inappropriate for a 5 year old song.

      • I loved Tina! Private Dancer was my shiiiiizzzzz..I had a jazz costume with a boa that I would put on and jam to in the mirror. Good times.

        • Quirlygirly

          “I’m your private dancer, dancer for money, any ole music will do”

          • Sigma_Since 93

            In retrospect, this is the over the hill stripper’s song…

            • Quirlygirly

              Nah..the right moves to this song could turn b00ty clapping into seduction on the pole or in a private room.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                Nah. In my mind I see the old biddy at the end of the call out line who just like eff it. You got some money….I’ll dance in her raspy voice

                • Quirlygirly

                  LOL..she just finished taking a pull off her Virginia Slims.

                • Michelle

                  Saddest sh*t that I’ve ever seen in a strip club… Minus pregnant strippers.

          • miss t-lee

            Got in so much trouble singing that song…lol

      • Yay Radley

        Imagine being six and crooning in my grandmother’s kitchen about how “I want you to rock me…like my back ain’t got no bone!”

        • Jae Starz

          LOL!!!

      • MsCee

        Mine was “Secret” by Xscape. What kinda side chick ratchetry was my mother allowing?

      • “Deutchmark’s a dollar.. American Express will do nicely.. Thank you! Let me loosen up your collar.. Tell me do you wanna see me do the shimmy again?”

        Yaaaaas!

        • Lindashill


          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !sv30c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
          !sv30c:
          ??
          ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs320ShopBagGetPaid$97/Hour ????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!sv30c:….,……

        • Sharonlfields


          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !sn13c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
          !sn13c:
          ??
          ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs313TopSoundGetPaid$97/Hour ????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!sn23c:….,……..

      • KB

        When I was 6 or 7 I got in trouble for singing Salt N Pepa’s ‘Push It’ because I thought the lyrics were saying, “p***y good, pu pu p***y real good” instead of “push it good” so I went around the house saying the former instead of the latter.

        • Jae Starz
        • CParis

          What’s the problem? I’m sure your kitties were well behaved.

        • Emily Harris

          I knew I wasn’t allowed to sing it but I thought it was because they were saying, “uh, bullsh*t” instead of “push it”

    • Yay Radley

      *”Fire & Desire.” *8th Grade Talent Show Auditions

    • Dmaclee

      My someone should have stopped me was “Between the Sheets” by the Islet Brothers. Our bus driver, TJ, loved it…my mama was another story.

    • You Know I’m Sawcy

      I got in trouble for knowing all the words (and doing the butterfly) to Salt n Peppa’s “Shoop.” I had nooo idea that song or dance were inappropriate, I just liked them. My dad lost his ever-loving mind.

      • Brown Rose

        Ya know. I liked that song too as a kid. I had no idea what the heck it meant either.

    • You’re joking, right? The clean up woman? ROTFLMAO

      • That and Harry Hippie were/are my jams!!

  • siante

    I had a crush on the 1990 Kadeem Hardison (Dwayne Wayne) for the Looooooooongest.

  • porqpai

    I also had a glove. I wore it too. I liked being weird pre-puberty

    • miss t-lee

      You only had the glove?
      I remember kids going all out with the jackets, saddle shoes, etc.

      • porqpai

        I really was mostly a bandwagon fan. And then I started hustling fan paraphanailia.

        • miss t-lee

          Ah!

  • CoilyCue

    ROFL @ this title.

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