I Didn’t Know I Needed “Don Cheadle Rapping” In My Life Until Kendrick Lamar’s “DNA” Video And Now I Know That I Do » VSB

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I Didn’t Know I Needed “Don Cheadle Rapping” In My Life Until Kendrick Lamar’s “DNA” Video And Now I Know That I Do

Other relatively recent additions to the list of “Things I Didn’t Know I Needed Until I Had Or Experienced Them And Now I Can’t Live Without Them.

Feta cheese

Guacamole

The crab fried rice from Nicky’s Thai on Western Avenue in Pittsburgh

A car with a shitload of unnecessary and obnoxious horsepower

Simply Lemonade with Raspberry

A daughter

An editor

A literary agent

An accountant

Levi’s 522 jeans (which have sadly been discontinued)

Suitsupply

Chorizo tacos

The brussels sprouts and bacon and grits hash from the Square Cafe in Regent Square

Veep

Reductress

My beard

The beat switch in “DNA”

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • “wife” didn’t make the list? I ain’t judging but I bet your wife will.

    • Damon Young

      wasn’t a “relatively recent addition”

      • LMNOP

        Start your list of justifications now.

      • Nice save

      • Janelle Doe

        Hi Damon. Sorry if this is intrusive (but) how are you? Some of us have been waiting on an update from that health scare. You good?

        • Darkchloe144

          Seconded.

        • Damon Young

          i’m better. thanks for asking. i’ll write something more extensively about it soon.

          • LMNOP

            Good to hear you’re doing better, that sounded so scary.

          • miss t-lee

            Glad you’re feeling better Champie.

          • Phoebe Cohen

            That’s great! ?

          • Mary Burrell

            Glad you’re better

          • Janelle Doe

            ??

  • Looking4Treble

    Fam, someone needs to put together a VSB Cocktail Guide to be available at the VSB Mixer.

    • Brass Tacks

      Ciroc summer colada, redberry, and pineapple juice strained over ice with splash of sprite. Garnish with pineapple and cherries.

      Or if you are feeling festive. Take a couple shot glasses pour a smidge of grenadine in them, drop a chilled cherry in the bottom of each and pour the liquid into each glass.

      Enjoy.

      • Looking4Treble

        Many thanks, BT (tips glass).

      • “M”

        I’m feeling festive now :-)

      • Spicy Kas

        Champagne and add vanilla flavored vodka

    • miss t-lee

      Liber grenadine, Deep Eddy Lemon, passion fruit juice, twist of lime.
      Combine in a shaker.
      Get ya life.

      • LMNOP

        I need to look for passion fruit juice, that sounds good.

        • miss t-lee

          It’s soooo good.

        • “M”

          It is good! You can even drink it straight!

          (But that doesn’t mean “cheap”.)

      • Im just gonna upvote this on the delivery alone.

        • miss t-lee

          It’s good Popz. Smooth, but packs a punch.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      These philistines are strictly bout dat brown.

      • Zil Nabu

        Not I. But then again, I’m no Philistine.

      • NonyaB?

        Speak fo’ yoself.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          Odes to Hennessey outnumber paeans to Vodka 10 to 1.

          • NonyaB?

            Well, I enjoy well crafted cognac cocktails and dislike vodka.

      • miss t-lee

        Nah.

    • Anyone know any whiskey cocktails that still tastes like alcohol? Mortal Man ain’t down for anything that tastes sweet.

      • Spicy Kas

        Manhattan?

      • porqpai

        Whiskey Sour is the only whiskey goat

        • What’s in a whiskey sour?

          • Cheech

            Back when I liked them in college, whiskey and sour mix. It was a cheap rail drink for beginning drinkers and beginning bartenders.

            I’d like to go back and try a good one now, from someone who knows how to make one.

            I don’t actually know the answer to your question if it’s not a pre-made mix.

          • Gibbous

            2 ounces whiskey
            1 ounce fresh-squeezed lemon juice
            1 teaspoon sugar
            1 egg white (optional—use if you’re feeling mildly adventurous, or need a drink with a little more gravitas)
            (Serious Eats)

      • miss t-lee

        Old Fashioned.

      • Otherjen

        Sazerac. This is my very favorite cocktail, and the combined scent of whiskey, absinthe (it’s more for scent than flavor), and lemon is so good that I wish I could bottle and wear it.

        https://www.chowhound.com/recipes/sazerac-cocktail-10330

        If you don’t want to fuss with absinthe (it’s a bit pricey) or your bartender’s eyes glaze over when you order it, my runner-ups are a Manhattan or Old Fashioned.

        • I’m mildly middle class, so I can screw around with absinthe.

          I hear absinthe screws you up, but I once survived three shots of Everclear AFTER 3 beers, a bottle of mead, and getting jump by cowboys in Texas during one h e l l of a 24th birthday celebration. So I should be fine.

          • Otherjen

            I salute your liver, good sir!

            • It salutes you back. Good thing it regenerates.

        • Spicy Kas

          He doesn’t want sweet though

          • Otherjen

            Good point. I usually cut way back on the sugar in mine.

        • Zulu1925

          Now you’re talking!! I’m a native New Orleanian… it’s the hometown drink of choice!

  • miss t-lee

    Awww. :)

  • Looking4Treble

    Legit. #PapaOfADaddysGirl

  • Zil Nabu

    If Don Cheadle was 6 inches taller he could have ALL of my babies. Damn, that man is chexy.

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Heightism must stop.

      • miss t-lee

        No.

      • “M”

        Then tell your dudes.

        I’m 5’6″. In heels that makes 5’9″. At which point I’ve been told by VDBs 5’9″ and 5’10” that I’m “TOO TALL”.

        Three guesses what the “d” in “VDB” stands for at that point.

        • Zil Nabu

          Does that stand for Very Dense Bodies?

          • “M”

            Very DENSE Brothas

            where “density” does not refer to body mass

            • Zil Nabu

              Oh…that was going to be my next guess.

              • “M”

                Then you still get your A, just not your bonus point.

                • Zil Nabu

                  I am afraid to take this A home to my African father. It will not be pretty.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          Diminutive?
          Desirable?
          Demented?

        • miss t-lee

          I’m gonna go with d*ckhead.

          • “M”

            *tries not to laugh*

            *fails*

        • miss t-lee

          That’s okay. You don’t wanna mix your DNA with the petite anyway.

        • PinkRose

          F*** those midgets, they’re probably abusive to tall women anyway.

        • Spicy Kas

          Blocking their blessings.

          Sort of related my friend was telling me his 12 year old daughter was standing behind with her head on his shoulder and her arms around his neck.He found it shocking since he is 6′ 3″. She is now taller than her mom who is 5′ 10″

          • “M”

            “Blocking their blessings.”

            LOL!

          • Zil Nabu

            This girl will grow up glorious!

            • Spicy Kas

              That she will and is

          • LMNOP

            That is a tall 12 year old! I have a pretty tall 11 year old and she hasn’t caught up to me at 5’4.”

            • Spicy Kas

              Have I mentioned she has been able to Palm a basketball for about a year now?

            • Zil Nabu

              I was 5’6″ by the time I was 11.

        • cyanic

          I hope you feel glamorous because of your height. Models are tall and everyone looks at them as the height of sophistication.

      • Zil Nabu
        • fedup

          Not “tha Beast” of Beckys!

          • Zil Nabu

            Darth Becky was needed to make my point on this one.

      • NonyaB?
        • Spicy Kas

          That’s different doe

          • NonyaB?

            You’re an army of one.

            • cyanic

              Our differences will always have us picking and choosing what we prefer and this life is all about negotiating the best of your circumstances.

              • NonyaB?

                Sure and everyone has things they don’t negotiate.

                • Hmmm…
                  Like what?

                  • NonyaB?

                    Depending on the person; diet (carnivore/vegan/vegetarian), religion, physical (height, åssage, boobage, magicstick, etc), smexual taste/fetish, etcetera!

        • Charlito Brown

          Ain’t no brothas out here misleading chicks with height implants tho lol.

          • NonyaB?

            I don’t see how implants are misleading when they’re a permanent addition; the bôôbs stay the new size, unlike say, misleading looking junk (while dude’s dressed). Plus, chicks that I know that have one it are pretty proud of it.

            • Charlito Brown

              Either way, there is no way for men unsatisfied with their height to effectively or permanently augment that particular feature.

              Except for money or material things maybe lol.

              • Lmao @ You better have a lot of money then.

              • Zil Nabu

                Those help.

          • Zil Nabu

            Nah, but y’all definitely tryna get extra inches out the soles of your timbs, talmbout, “I know I’m 6 feet” when you’re barely grazing 5’9. I swear men add inches to EVERYTHING.

            • excuse you

              • Zil Nabu
                • there’s fake 6’0″ guys are making me look like a liar when I say I’m 5’9″

                  • Zil Nabu

                    5’9″ – 3″ of falsehood = Ricky’s real height of 5’6″. Now go forth and live in this truth.

                    • Lies. I’m exactly like I am in my avi 1:1. I have witnesses!

                    • Zil Nabu

                      So you’re 2 centimeters?

                    • we got jokes

                    • Zil Nabu

                      I’m just going by what YOU said. I already told you how tall you are and you want to sit here and debate the facks.

                    • you are speaking shenanigans not facts ms Amazon

                    • Zil Nabu

                      Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

            • “M”

              He doesn’t think that.

              They have height implant surgery in China and even Al Pacino has been known to wear lifts.

              Ninjas to stop clowning.

            • Charlito Brown

              About as often as women subtract years and bodies lol.

          • “M”
        • Sidenote: tall women are everything.

          • Charlito Brown

            Tell the truth, my brotha. Long legs ???

            • My ex was 6’3″ barefoot. Maaan, you couldn’t tell me shid.

          • NonyaB?

            We are. I see you proving the point that heightism goes both ways, though. *Cackles*

            • Talkin’ bout, ” I don’t usually daye shorter dudes.”

              Whatever, when are we going out?

              • Brass Tacks

                That perspective is a blueprint to winning at life.

                • Spicy Kas

                  Quote from one of the greatest Judo champions that can easily be applied to life. When a student suggested it wasn’t always possible to grip an opponent in an ideal hold, his response was “You only become champion if you tell yourself this man is nothing for me. I grip you the way I want.” . . . Make life conform to your desires and wishes not the other way around.

                  • Brass Tacks

                    I really fcuk with this.

                  • AKA The Sauce

                    Was that Yoda?

                    • Spicy Kas

                      First and last sentences all Kasito.

                  • “M”

                    o snap

                • Never say never, lol

                  • Brass Tacks

                    Deeper than that fam.

                • It took a minute, but I wore her down, lol

              • AKA The Sauce

                We all the same height in the bed

          • Val

            They really are.

          • AKA The Sauce

            Indeed

          • miss t-lee

            Tell em.

            • Mochasister

              Are you tall? I’m a shrimp. I always wanted to be a little taller but God had other plans.

              • miss t-lee

                I’m tallish. 5’9

                • soraya

                  Me too and I’ve always called this the short side of tall. You’re taller than the average at 5’4″ but short around women taller than you.

                  • miss t-lee

                    My bestie has the same issue. She’s your height and she hates shopping because she’s too tall for petites, but average stuff fits wonky.

                    • soraya

                      Oh no. I’m 5’9 like you! haha. But if i’m around women taller than me i feel so short. One of my sisters is 5’4″ and small for our family and insists that i’m overgrown and she’s average. I hate shopping because everything fits weird.

                    • miss t-lee

                      Ohhh!!!! I hadn’t had my coffee yet…lol
                      Girl I shop like garanimals. I find something I like, I buy multiples.

                    • soraya

                      I need to do that. Do you have a brand of jeans that you like? I’ve been having the hardest time and all of my favorites are like 8 years old and ready to fall apart. :(

                    • miss t-lee

                      Well, I’m chunky so I’m a LB jean girl.

                    • Ms.Moon

                      I have a sister that has the very same problem. She like you is 5’9 so finding pants that fit correctly is so difficult especially since she’s got a booty on her she wears a 12-14 top but 2x bottom because of her hips and butt. She has had men literally stop in the streets and stare.

                    • soraya

                      My youngest sister is built like that and she has the hardest time finding tops. I think she is like a 38G and I don’t know how that turned out because our other sister and me pretty small in that area and I have no hips and get called skinny legs.

                    • Ms.Moon

                      Genetics are weird I got the boobs from my great grandma, she was never able to buy a bra in the store. My other sister is our dad’s mom tiny and small the other sister tall with hips and booty for days it happens.

                    • KCG

                      I feel your sister’s pain, I range between 38/40 F/G. Lane Bryant has been getting my coins for like a year!

                • Mochasister

                  I hate you! Lol! 5’4″. Some of my fifth graders are taller than me.

                  • miss t-lee

                    I’ve been this tall since fifth grade…lol

                    • Mochasister

                      Damn! Now that you mention it there is a little girl who probably is about that height. But she’s not in my class. Blessedly she’s not one of the battler kids.

                    • miss t-lee

                      I like her already.

          • Zil Nabu

            I knew I liked you @popparatzee! You know what’s up.

        • Little booties are cute

          • If you say so…

          • Val

            Some definitely are.

            • Spicy Kas

              On a baby’s foot, otherwise no.

              • AKA The Sauce

                I like small women from time to time….try it

                • Spicy Kas

                  Wifey is 5′ 5″, 112

                  • AKA The Sauce

                    Try 5’2 and below….GF 5 even

                    • Spicy Kas

                      Hmm, let me ponder

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      Ummmm

                    • Spicy Kas

                      My wife told me she could make me shorter if I wished, so I’m going to pass for now.

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      Yea…don’t take that bait

                  • NonyaB?

                    Interesting. Not a big booty frame, yet, you’re up there dissing the supportive-of-little-booties comment?

                    • Roz

                      12 of those could be booty pounds…we would never know.

                    • NonyaB?

                      LMAO. Maybe because I know a couple of peeps with similar build but that configuration doesn’t add up.

                    • Roz

                      I mean, things are possible.

                    • Roz

                      She has 100 too work with, leave them 12s where they at.

                    • NonyaB?

                      LOL. And why did “booty pounds” make this song pop into my head?!

                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ReIH2fglE0

                    • Roz

                      I’d never seen this video..I also didn’t know there were actual verses to this song.

                    • NonyaB?

                      The subject of new booty had to be assessed with some respek on its name.

                    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

                      *dead @ booty pounds*

                    • Roz

                      I ain’t know what else to call em.

                    • Spicy Kas

                      My wife’s azz is no joke.

                    • Spicy Kas

                      As she was once described, like a lobster because all the meat is in the tail

                    • NonyaB?

                      #Dead @ this description.

              • Val
              • Why you no love little booties?

                • AKA The Sauce

                  He a booty snob

                  • Spicy Kas

                    My boy accused me of the same during lunch today. Told me I married an outlier and no longer had normal standards.

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      Me thinks he’s right

                • Spicy Kas

                  Meh, burned out on em during my snow bunny phase and my Ethiopian wife.

                  • well I’ve never touched the flesh of a white women in that manner

                    • Spicy Kas

                      I made the sacrifice so you wouldn’t have to.

                    • Charlito Brown

                      Kas did that, so hopefully you won’t have to go thru that.

                  • Brother Mouzone

                    Abesha?

              • Ha!

              • *snicker

              • Brother Mouzone

                Clever.

          • AKA The Sauce

            All booties (on women) matter

          • Brass Tacks

            I agree

          • Brother Mouzone

            Little, okay…flat, no bueno.

        • Mochasister

          Right! As in never!

      • cyanic

        A secret about some very handsome short men I know – God grants them length and girth stereotyped for much taller men.

        • KMN

          Listen I believe this to be truth…SIrLion (that’s what I call him don’t judge me) is a touch shorter than me…I’m 5’10”, and that length and girth is the truth…but I’m a virgin with an 8 year old so I could be wrong lmao

      • Mochasister

        We’ll stop looking at height when ya’ll stop looking at booty and tatas!

        • Brother Mouzone

          C’mon, really? What would we look at? Your ears? Lol..

          • Mochasister

            Our feet? One of the nicest compliments a man ever gave me was on my feet.

            • Brother Mouzone

              Can’t see those through shoes.

              • Mochasister

                Lol! Not my fault you don’t live in sunny SoCal! Some of us show off our feet all year long! ;^)

                • Brother Mouzone

                  I will say, however, nice feet ARE an added bonus when it comes to a woman’s attractiveness level.

      • Brother Mouzone

        I’m so glad I grew to 6′ 1″, I didn’t realize there was so much heightism in these streets. There were some who used to tell ME they had a 6’2″ and above requirement…bish please..lol.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          I’m 5’11”, and this new generation is pushing me into short status.

          We didn’t have all that rGBH in our diets coming up

          • Brother Mouzone

            You right about the growth hormones in the food. My 13 year old is already 5’10” and my 7 month old twins look like they should be starting kindergarten..lol. Even breast milk ain’t safe from it.

          • Charlito Brown

            Nephilim, b. Sixteen-year-olds with full beards and I can’t even get a decent goatee. Yeah, that might not have nothing to do with that, but so what. I ain’t bitter.

  • Don Cheadle.
    Celebrity Lip Sync Battle
    For the win.

    • miss t-lee

      Seee. This!

    • cakes_and_pies

      He was kinda awkward on the show. This is much better.

  • Mary Burrell

    The Kendrick Lamar DNA video was an interesting piece of art and i love Don Cheadle. “Dead Ni**er Association” Hmm….? And chorizo taco sounds yummy.

  • Zil Nabu

    My dad tells me that I used to sneak out of bed and wait at the top of the stairs for him to come home from his night shift. He worked a cookie factory so he’d take me into the kitchen and give me the cookies he’d bring home and then put me back to bed before my mom could realize I was awake. I love my daddy to pieces. You are a lucky man to have 2 daddy’s girls.

    • Spicy Kas

      Sweet

    • Catfish Jenkins

      In a world that can be so cruel and cold, it’s that warmth that a daughter can bring that can melt the stresses of the day away. Until y’all start dating.

      I believe your dad enjoyed those cookie moments more than he let on.

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        “Until y’all start dating.” Hahahaa!!! Okay, Pops. I am definitely a Daddy’s girl too. I am my dad’s twin.

      • Zil Nabu

        I think so too. He still calls to check on me when he hears there’s going to be bad weather in Chicago. Yesterday he told me that he doesn’t like it when I leave my house after dark. At that point I had to say goodbye.

        • Catfish Jenkins

          That’s dad for ya!

  • PDL….HE still working on me

    Don Cheadle is one of my all time faves. Yaaaas, hunni!!!!

  • JennyJazzhands

    I don’t listen to rap, I’m just hanging out.

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