Featured, Sports

I Can’t Wait Until 16 Years From Now When Serena Williams’s Baby Beats Maria Sharapova Too

If you think it’s totally fucked up that Serena Williams would announce her pregnancy on the same day Maria Sharapova — the woman who still somehow out earns Serena in endorsements despite losing to her 18 consecutive times and getting exposed as a drug cheat — turned 30 (and, for the record, it totally, definitely, absolutely is fucked up, but oh well), just wait until 16 years from now if Serena has a daughter. And that daughter also becomes a prodigy, and enters the pro circuit at 15. And then faces Maria Sharapova, who’s extending her career in an effort to break Martina Navratilova’s record as the oldest player to win at Wimbledon (46). Imagine the headlines if Serena the Second beats Sharapova too.

“Sharapova Sonned By Mother And Daughter”

“Maybe Maria Might Beat The Granddaughter Or Niece Or Something One Day”

“Another Year, er, Decade, Another Loss To A Williams”

“Serena Junior Can’t Drive Yet, But Can Surf On Maria’s Tears”

Anyway, happy birthday Maria!

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • TheCollinB

    I’ve seen that look in Serena’s eyes before. That’s that “I wonder if IHOP still has that stuffed french toast?” stare.

  • Serena’s baby and Yonce’s baby gonna have sleepovers and I want to be present at ALL of them.

    I’ll bring the BOY, BYE onesies and breastmilk-flavored lemonade for the culture.

    • Zil Nabu

      Can I come too!? Pretty please.

      • Cha’mon girl!

        Make sure you bring approved sleepwear, tho. I don’t want Blue Ivy kicking us out for noncompliance.

        • Zil Nabu

          I still have a blue fuzzy onesie with the feet. That should be sleepover approved.

    • miss t-lee

      HAHAH.

    • Roz

      Boy Bye onesies need to be made into a thing, stat.

      • HouseOfBonnets

        I think they have lol

        *Checks Esty*

        • Roz

          Esty does have EVERYTHING!

      • they are. I made one for my daughter before the test showed she was my son. tuh.

        • Roz

          lmao! – Bruh.

  • Kat

    So…ya’ll really thinking this baby gonna win the gene pool olympics?

    • TheCollinB

      Nope. I’ve never seen an outlier athlete have outlier athlete offspring.

      • PinkRose

        Kid’s gonna be brilliant though!

        • TheCollinB

          Every kid is until someone older tells them otherwise.

          • PinkRose

            Triflin’ has messed up a ton of otherwise attainable goals. And unlimited resources facilitates this more often than not.

            • TheCollinB

              We can never underestimate having a parent or parents that give a shyt early on tho.

              • PinkRose

                No doubt! I’m just on some other ‘ish when it comes to educating kids these days, the level of triflin’ even with kids with supportive parents, has me ’bout to whip some kid’s a$$.

        • Zil Nabu

          And thicky thick thick with muscles.

      • miss t-lee

        Yeah. They might be good, but not as good as their parent.
        Look at MJ’s sons.
        Althougt Manute Bol’s kid might change my mind.

        • TheCollinB

          He’s getting busy in so cal but while his dad was tall I can’t say he was an outlier athlete.

          • miss t-lee

            Also Sanya Richards-Ross and Aaron Ross’ kid might do great things too.

          • miss t-lee

            Have you seen Shaq’s kid?

            • TheCollinB

              I have actually. I’m Leary only because as talented as he is nobody is out here really developing kids to be strong centers. His dad is probably really involved but I see him being his best as a true center and he balls like a power forward…and again he still won’t be Shaq

              • miss t-lee

                Yeah, Shaq in his prime was absolutely insane. I don’t think the youngsters understand.

              • Spicy Kas

                He doesn’t want to play center. My godson and him were on the same high school team last year.

        • It’s like Barry and Jr Griffey. If their dads were Willie Mays and Hank Aaron good they probably wouldn’t have excelled the way they did.

          • miss t-lee

            Definitely.

          • Cheech

            I just asked this above and here you answered it already.

      • Kat

        My thoughts…exactly. Plus pops is a nerd.

        • TheCollinB

          Super….but he still pulled #datass so he’s gotta have some kinda game.

          • Brother Mouzone

            His game was having some money while being white.

        • PinkRose

          And nerds tend to play sport like lacrosse, tennis, and golf.

          IJS.

          • Kat

            Yea but not at that level.

          • Zil Nabu

            Nerds run cross country.

            • PinkRose

              Yep they do that too! I didn’t run cross country but I ran the 880.

              Is it still called that, LOL??

              • Zil Nabu

                Is the 880 like fetch?

        • Holy Room

          Who is a nerd Kat? Lebron?

          • Kat

            Her baby daddy. The dude that started Reddit. You know something we don’t know?

            • Holy Room

              Oh noooooooooooo honey. Only thing I know is his peen small. That’s all I got. God bless you.

              • NonyaB?

                Bhet how do you know this; where did you see it?! #Turrible

      • What about Lebron’s kid? Aren’t they trying to draft him out of middle school? lol.

        • TheCollinB

          He’s still young and while he can hoop he hoops at an age appropriate level. Time will tell with him although I’m willing to bet money he won’t play to the level his dad does. Genetics count for some athleticism but after that it’s really the person’s mentality.

          • So at this point, we can’t know that he won’t!

        • Brother Mouzone

          Lebron’s wife is a Black. She should have let Daddy Richard pick a brotha for her if keeping the gene pool strong was a thing.

      • Cheech

        Ken Griffey?
        Bobby Bonds?

        • TheCollinB

          Griffey’ pops was good but not an outlier. Bonds pops as well.

      • DB

        Bobby and Brett Hull is an example and depending on how one feels about auto racing Dale Earnhardt Sr. and Jr.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      You know it

      • Kat

        I’m thinking not. But we shall see, nothing wrong with brains.

        • HouseOfBonnets

          True

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Eldrick Woods ain’t win that lottery either, especially in the hair and good judgment.

      But he was made into a champion!

    • Regina

      There is always a first time for everything and I am putting all my eggs in this basket! Serena Jr. for the win!

    • mssporadic

      Looks – yep
      Talent – probably will grow up to run Mom or Dad’s businesses, or dominate another field (acting, singing, different sport)

    • NonyaB?

      *Peeps Madam Socio-Meteorologist dropping this shade under guise of inquiry, fetches umbrella* ?

      • Kat

        CTFU…fa shade, fa shade

    • Monica Harris

      No. I’ll be very surprised if that happens. Regardless, tennis is a sport that doesn’t require genes as much as it requires training to be great. The child will certainly have that opportunity.

  • Question
  • miss t-lee

    I love it.
    Pregnant Serena was out there whipping much azz.

  • LadiDD
    • miss t-lee

      For real though!

  • Roz

    Headline straight from my thoughts. I can’t wait either!!! I’m here for all the pettiness. #Cosign.

  • Glo
    • miss t-lee

      Still my favorite gif of her.

      • Glo

        Same. It’s saved on my desktop for occasions like this.

    • Valerie

      Aww you used the gif. :-)

      • Glo

        I told you, this gif blessed me. It’s my favorite thing, lol.

    • Abby

      That is some world-class petty! Love it. Love everything about it.

  • Val

    So, I’m just gonna ask it. Is it a thing now for engaged couples to have babies? Quite a few celebs seem to do this. Like, if you are planning to get married anyway, why not get married once you find out you are preggers and announce the pregnancy afterwards? #confused

    Side-note: This isn’t a moral judgement. Just a common sense sort of question.

    • Zil Nabu

      It happens all the time on Teen Mom. Maybe they’ll get married civilly before the baby is born and then do a wedding once the 2nd coming of alldata$$ arrives.

    • PinkRose

      I think a lot of people pass on the birth control once a man puts a ring on it.

      As for waiting, getting ahead of the “shot gun” wedding rumors seems kinda smart to me to avoid all the judgers.

    • miss t-lee

      IDK.
      I don’t think this is new, folks have been doing it forever. I just think folks aren’t so ashamed and don’t hide the pregnancy until after the marriage anymore.

      • Val

        Yeah, I guess it isn’t a big deal like back in the day.

        • miss t-lee

          It’s funny, even finding out that most of my prim and proper aunties were in the family way before getting married has me real interesting.

          • CParis

            Yup. I have a couple of cousins who were 7.5 month “preemies” that came out weighing 9 pounds. ?

            • miss t-lee

              Girl…lol

    • Cus shiz-nat happens. Not everyone has the money to get married the way they want to right away, nor does it matter when they do it, or if they even do.

      If you get married and then announce, people will say you did a shotgun wedding. If you announce and then get married, people will say you’re doing it backwards and yada yada.

      Everybody’s cookie crumbles in a different way.

      • Val

        “Not everyone has the money to get married the way they want to right away,…”

        As I stated, this is about celebs. Not your average couple. So they have the money. That’s why I’m asking. What’s stopping them at this point?

        • Freedom of choice. Maybe they just don’t want to.

        • CParis

          Gotta get the prenup in order. That could take months.

          • Val

            Good point.

    • Holy Room

      I don’t think it’s a thing. It’s always been so, no?

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      She a Millionaire, he a millionaire, they engaged.

      How is that not a question about “appearances”?

      • Holy Room

        What do you mean oh thou proverbial son of someone?

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          I believe that goddess Val’s concerns are very much about morality and appearances.

          If anyone can have out of wedlock unplanned pregnancies, it’s rich celebrities.

          Now these dudes running out on these chicks in my hood..

          • Val

            You are projecting, BB. I made it clear why I was asking and everyone else seems to understand my question. If it were about morality I would have said so. I mean, why wouldn’t I? It’s not like I have a history of having some sort of religious agenda.

            • Holy Room

              Exactamundo.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              I mean marriage been optional for decades with us normals.

              The rich and famous scoff at our quaint customs. The last old school family was probably the Obamas.

              The Trumps and the Kardashian/Kenner clan is where the culture is.

              Two parent married nuclear family might be an alternative lifestyle soon.

      • Val

        I’m asking a question about trends among celebs. I made that clear. This seems to be something they are doing more and more. I’m just curious why.

        • Holy Room

          Trendy? IllumInati? Maybe could be no?

          • Val

            Lol @ Illuminati

            Stop it, AM.

            • Holy Room

              My darling Val, never put anything past Hollynonsanctifiedwood.

        • TheCollinB

          Maybe to continue the pace of Hollywood inbreeding.

    • LMNOP

      I know a decent number of regular people that do that for financial reasons, but I guess famous people could probably pay for a wedding and a baby pretty easily, so I don’t know.

    • mochazina

      i think ppl are simply either actively or passively shunning the past religious-based societal norms. used to be you would lose status, etc, for out-of-wedlock kids, now it’s nbd to most, so they just do what they do how they wanna do it.

    • mssporadic

      I think it’s a trend in general. It’s just more noticeable among celebs…’cuz famous.

    • Eri Cad

      F**king has always been and will continue to be a thing though. Folks just aren’t lying about dem babies that happen as a result of it. I’m guessing people feel like they are already going to spend the rest of their lives together the getting married part is just the paperwork. For all we know Serena and Alexis could already be married on the low. Getting married once you find out you are preggers and announcing the pregnancy afterwards sounds like its more about appeasing other peoples moral standards of what’s deemed appropriate than doing what you want to do as a couple.

    • Zurily

      I actually wondered this, too. Like, are all these babies planned? Is it a thing now tho start family planning before the wedding? Or are they “accidents” but the couple felt no need to rush the wedding because most of the social stigma is gone and who is going to check you when you’re Serena Williams?

    • L8Comer

      i think i’m missing something. why is it common sense to wait until you’re married to get pregnant? i’m not sure why it matters either way, especially for rich people. Now if if the prego one is unemployed or has bad health insurance it could make sense to wait so that you can get your spouse’s health insurance. but i can’t think of any other scenario where it matters.

      I guess i just assume that people get excited about being engaged and starting their lives together and start living as a married couple before actually being married. And most people I know want to plan a big wedding which takes about a year of prep.

    • Cleojonz

      I don’t think this is planning. I liken it to engagement celebration chex resulting in a pregnancy.

      Also Serena is 35 maybe she figured she didn’t have forever to wait for this and now that she’s found the one…

    • GenevaGirl

      And, they generally have the wedding and the baptism on the same day. I have already forbidden my 14.5 y.o. from doing this.

      As my gyn said to me, “Get your marriage together first before you add the stress of a baby.” Wise words indeed.

  • Mary Burrell

    So Serena’s going to be a new mommy.?

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