Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

Four Ways To “Re-Brand” Black Women

***Before we begin, we’d just like to welcome the lovely Liz Burr to “club 30″ today. She is the wind beneath our wings, the sim card in our smartphone, the Oreo pieces in our cookies and cream milkshake. Basically, she is the shit, and please wish her a very masculine birthday.***

"Paging Don at Sterling, Cooper, Draper Price"

There’s a running inter-office joke about “strong Black women.” I’d explain, but it won’t be funny because it’s one of those ‘you had to be there to get it’ insider things. But it all stems from how for the annual Do Right Men Issue years ago, there were like fifty guys featured and we asked all fifty, “What do you love most about Black women?” The logic was, Black women get so-piled on (that was for you Psychology Today) and many feel so unappreciated, overlooked, and criticized by Black men, that it would be a nice shout out to the ladies. Don’t recall the exact number, but almost all of them started out with, “they are strong…”

This excerpt is from Demetria Lucas’ “The Re-Branding of Black Women,” a piece that asks if our favorite go-to terms to favorably describe black women contribute to the feeling that sistas are somehow less feminine than other types of women. To that, I offer a resounding YES.

We can pretend all we want that there’s no such thing as a masculine adjective, but words like strong and resourceful and enduring and supportive sound more like you’re describing a plow horse or some industrial strength Brillo pads than a woman. Yes, women can definitely be “strong and resourceful and enduring and supportive,” when these types of words are always the first things we say when asked to volunteer what we love and respect about black women, it’s not difficult to start to understand why many of us don’t immediately associate “sista” with “feminine.”

It may seem like I’m playing a semantics game by harping on our word choice, but when attempting to re-brand black women — changing the conversation from “black women are less womanly” to “black women are the epitome of femininity” — everything matters. And yes, like Altria (formerly Phillip Morris) and Old Spice (whose series of quirky ads with Isaiah Mustafa resulted in an 11% growth in sales after the first “I’m on a horse” spot aired), black women are due for a serious re-branding.

Why? Well, it’s not that black women are any less beautiful, smart, feminine, and womanly than any other group of women. They’ve just had a couple hundred years worth of some really, really shitty PR.

Anyway, while we can’t change everything overnight, there are some things that we (black men and women) can start and stop doing to begin this process. Throwing away “strong” and thinking of another, softer go-to term when trying to describe black women (shit, how about “soft?”) is step one, and here’s a few more things we can all do.

Stop paying attention to idiots

This means no more conversation, text, blog, tweet, and email space should be given to Slim Thug, Albert Haynesworth, Yung Berg or any other not really all that high-profile imbecile who might have something disparaging to say about black women. Seriously, who the f*ck gives a f*ck about anything any of these people have to say about anything?

Sh*t, in the case of Yung Berg and Slim Thug, we’ve actually made them more famous and more relevant by paying attention to them (Yes, I’m guilty of this as well. Thanks for reminding me.), and entertaining these motherf*ckers does nothing but continue the “woe is me and my ugly-ass” mindset that leads to ghastly documentaries like “Dark Girls” being made.

End affirmative-action attraction

Look, if we want to be on an even playing field, I think we — and by “we” I mean “enlightened and educated negroes” — need to stop the well-intentioned but ultimately self-defeating process of referring to someone as beautiful just because they happen to be darker-skinned. Like with any other possible complexion, there are millions of extremely beautiful dark-skinned women. And, just like with any other possible complexion, there are millions of dark-skinned women who probably wouldn’t be at the top of most people’s looks scale…and that’s ok!!!

Life isn’t a 10 and under soccer league where every participant gets an award, and always making sure to include a token dark skinned girl when speaking of very pretty women is shameless pandering that 1) makes people tune us out because it seems like we’re “trying too hard” and 2) subconsciously reinforces the idea that a woman has to be considered beautiful by all for her to be useful¹. Just because a woman might never be on the cover of Vogue or Cosmo or XXL doesn’t mean that she can’t be on the cover of Time or Life or Black Enterprise, and it definitely doesn’t mean that there won’t be men or even just one man who is very attracted to her.

Create and maintain environments that allow women to be…ladies

While the rough exteriors and demeanors many African-American women work to maintain have been the cause of much consternation, many women either do this as a defensive mechanism or a learned and emulative behavior from those using it as a defensive mechanism. Basically, they learned to act that way because the environments that many of them grow up in forced them to learn to act that way.

And, while we can’t do much about racism, gentrification, the drug war, the recession, Detroit, or Michelle Malkin, we all (black men and black women) can work to create a community where a visibly unburdened sista is the rule instead of the too rare exception.

Anyway, people of VSB: The homie Demetria began this conversation, and I’d like to extend it. In light of the Dark Girls documentary (this year’s early favorite in the annual “Hard To Watch” awards), the Psychology Today Mess and more, do you think black women just need a little “re-branding?” If so, what else would you do to start this process?

¹This is something I’ve been guilty of as well. It’s no accident that I 1) make sure to list brown to dark-skinned black women (ie: Kenya Moore, Nona Gaye, Bria Myles, etc) when I namedrop attractive women and 2) make sure to list lighter skinned women and/or white women (ie: Lisa Lampanelli, Evelyn Lozada, etc) when naming random unattractive women. Shameless panderer I am.

—The Champ

No rapture means that God wants you to stay on Earth and purchase the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime”

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Самая свежая информация автозапчасти для audi у нас.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    *rubs 30th birthday glitter all over Liz*

    • keisha brown

      LMAO. that’s kinda hot there IAYP.
      cheers to the head VSS that keeps us ALL in line. yes. even you. ;)

    • Jhane Sez

      *rubs 30th birthday glitter all over Liz*

      I feel some way about this but I am not sure what that is.

      Happy Birthday Liz ~JS

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        LOLLLLL! Ummm. I’m still celibate. But thanks!!!!

        • Jhane Sez

          “LOLLLLL! Ummm. I’m still celibate. But thanks!!!!”

          Would that’s what she said be appropriate or uncomfortable here…

          * blushing and stammering*~JS

        • http://www.divinetranquility.wordpress.com Miss Patterson

          Happy Birthday, Lizzard! I hope someone appreciates your loveliness today. Until then, “Here’s to celibacy!!!” *cheers*

          wait…

          • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

            I only see Black women cheering a life without s.ex…this needs to be a part of our re-branding.

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            lol thanks miss p!!

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      lolol. thanks IAYP!!!

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    HAPPY BIRFDAY LIZ!!

    (throws goonish confetti)

    • IsOurChildrenLearning?

      My favorite kind of party favor

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

      As for the topic at hand, I personally don’t mind being considered strong and resourceful and enduring and supportive. As long as I still feel “feminine” I couldn’t give half a fck what anyone else thinks of me.

      Regarding sistas in general, I haven’t the faintest idea of how we could/should go about “re-branding” ourselves. I’m not even sure if it’s necessary.

      And until we ourselves know, accept and love us for what we are, we will never be able to convince anyone else to do so either.

      • Yoles

        And until we ourselves know, accept and love us for what we are, we will never be able to convince anyone else to do so either.

        this ? is why you are my e-sis… we have to prioritize… self love is paramount all other love will follow like water down a beaten path

        • http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul

          Co-sign the both of you for this sentiment.

        • Andi

          “self love is paramount all other love will follow like water down a beaten path” <- THIS!

        • Lizzy

          The “until we love ourselves no one else can love us” point is salient, but I wonder if that’s really true? I would actually make the argument that we black women love ourselves a LOT, simply because no one else seems to. Not other races and at times, not even our own men. We’ve had a lot of time to know ourselves and love ourselves. Suddenly when we become involved in relationships, romantic or otherwise, this self-love and self-confidence is often times misinterpreted as too strong, brash, independent, and emasculating.

          (Note: I do acknowledge that we can be insecure, vulnerable, and self-doubting at times, just like the next group of women. Our experiences are not monolithic, that’s always important to underscore when talking about the collective. However, I’m not convinced that I should jump on the “we don’t know or love ourselves” bandwagon.)

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-CoolIsSoSilky

            Hmm…

            I would say that some of us black women who tell ourselves that we love ourselves no matter what don’t really believe our own hype.

            If we did, why do bullshyt studies labeling us as the most unattractive women on the planet send some of us into a super defensive mode? It seems we women constantly seek validation outside ourselves and when we don’t get it we just say we don’t need it as a cover cause we should be “stronger” than that.

            I myself often say that I don’t care what anyone thinks of me and sometimes I don’t. But sometimes I do. But I don’t like to admit that I have those moments cause that doesn’t fit with our “image”.

            Does that mean we should change our image or look at it honestly and find a embrace it in a more positive way?

            • Lizzy

              Well the reality is that we’re not perfect beings, you can still love yourself and be confident and still be affected by negative things that are said. At the end of the day, I do agree with what you’re saying I just didn’t think that it’s as simple as loving yourself…or rather, that’s not the whole story.

              • Around the Way Girl

                Co-sign. When I get upset at things like that, it’s usually because I’m thinking of how it will affect “my people.”

            • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

              I think us going into a hypersensitive mode partly because maybe we do internalize it and are fighting against it..but also to protect young girls.

              In discussing black women’s image we also must think about the girls. These girls are very impressionable, and even if they have the presence of mind to not believe everything they hear, their peers are definitely being influenced by the media and then bringing that pressure to our girls.

              Standing up for ourselves has the effect of one: not allowing society to tear us down, and also setting an example for our girls.. that “YES, we love ourselves enough to fight for us, and this is something that you can do too.”

              I think that we should continue to fight whenever someone tears us down. This is really bullying on a grand scale. And these days, ignoring it is not enough to make it go away.

              As a matter of fact we as a collective should do it more often..not only fight the ‘others’ but fight against misogyny period.

              • Demi

                Exactly. I, too, consider myself to be a beautiful young lady & have to work at telling myself/believing this everyday. It’s so hard to do this and hear from my sistas that that’s enough. As fellow human beings, we also need, not want, outside affirmations as well-something taken for granted by all other groups of people and severly lacking where black women are concerned. So yes, constant negativity does hurt my feelings on a very primal, deep level and it takes the wind out of me at times to hear & read these remarks as they pertain to womem AND girls like me. And as a human being, I also have internalized them as well. We ALL do to some degree. It’s called conditioning. I, too, as a vulerable woman with feelings, feel the pain and I think very positively about myself. What about those who don’t have healthy self-esteems-esp. our girls?

                So I do jump in & defend us whenever possible. However, it is all for naught in that it will not change the mentality of those authoring or speaking this poison but will only serve to let out my frustrations to something akin to a brick wall. I’m not strong; just very tolerant and patient.

      • thenameisyonna

        “And until we ourselves know, accept and love us for what we are, we will never be able to convince anyone else to do so either.”

        *standing ovation* YES! We ARE our own worst enemy at times…got to break that cycle.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      LOL @ goonish. thanks AC :)

  • IsOurChildrenLearning?

    THIS!!
    “Seriously, who the f*ck gives a f*ck about anything any of these people have to say about anything? Sh*t, in the case of Yung Berg and Slim Thug, we’ve actually made them more famous and more relevant by paying attention to them.”

    We are giving these fools power by acting as if their words hold any weight with right thinking people.

    and THIS!!

    “we”…… need to stop the well-intentioned but ultimately self-defeating process of referring to someone as beautiful just because they happen to be darker-skinned.”

    Holding on to the idea that every dark skinned woman is a killer is following the same line of thinking that we as black women are rallying against, that there are complexion based qualifiers to feminine beauty.

    • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

      “we”…… need to stop the well-intentioned but ultimately self-defeating process of referring to someone as beautiful just because they happen to be darker-skinned.”

      It’s seems like there is a need to redefine the word beautiful or repurpose it. When the word beautiful is used for women, such as Whoopi, it’s not due to physical beauty per say, but that they are beautiful ..inside. Or that they have accomplished so much that they should be admired.

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        ^^THIS^^

        I like Whoopi and, while I wouldn’t call her beautiful according to conventional standards, I certainly don’t think she’s ugly.

      • IsOurChildrenLearning?

        I agree with your point. I think he’s referring to the times that she and women on her level are thrown into the vixen/seductress/dime pile. I mean….really?

      • Simba.Africanna

        > there is a need to redefine the word beautiful
        Agree. Beauty is supposed to be aesthetic. But it has been re-interpreted to mean inner beauty (for political correctness, I suppose).
        But making it only aesthetic makes people seem shallow (& only aesthetic-minded). Isn’t that a catch-22? Or do we need another word or just use a phrase (I’ve heard “the beautiful and talented Ms. so-and-so” esp. on TV. )

        • Yoles

          gorgeous is the word that only describes aesthetic beauty… as for speaking of someone’s inner character there are many positive words… kind, thoughtful, considerate, sharing, altruistic, philanthropic, nice, compassionate, selfless, helpful i’m not even sure where i’m going with this comment….

          #asyouwere

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “as for speaking of someone’s inner character there are many positive words… kind, thoughtful, considerate, sharing, altruistic, philanthropic, nice, compassionate, selfless, helpful i’m not even sure where i’m going with this comment….”

            i get what you’re saying, and I agree. there are many other words we can use to favorably describe people, so why continue to try to force them into a category where they’re probably not an optimum fit?

          • NikiPowell

            Co-sign on that Yoles.

        • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

          I have jokes, but not well developed enough that I wouldn’t come off as insensately narcissistic and shallow. The idea that someone is shallow because they care about aesthetics is mind numbingly dumb though. Unfortunately, we live in a society were we must dichotomize everything and in contemporary America with our obsession with self-esteem we’ve (the political correct vein at least) began to see everything that relates to outward beauty as negative because it is now all seen as self-indulgent and without worth.

          • http://www.shesoflyy.com muze

            i love the word dichotomize. that’s all.

            oh, and i agree. lol

          • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

            Malik, ugly scholars want everyone to believe that we are shallow if we favor looks in another person. WRONG. We are built this way. It goes waaaay back to our primal instincts. We are supposed to look at appearance FIRST when choosing a mate. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a physical preference in choosing a mate and you should choose a person who your body reacts to the most, whether it be big bo0bs, bo0ty, etc. This will excite you more, stimulate more blood flow to the p3nis and increase your chances of procreation which is OUR PURPOSE on this planet. Like I said, don’t let the ugly scholars fool you.

            It’s okay to think Whoopi is ugly. It’s ok. We do not think politically correct and you cannot defy your natural instincts.

            • WIP

              “It’s okay to think Whoopi is ugly. It’s ok.”

              I try not to use “ugly” (because I think everyone looks good to someone) but I totally agree. Whoopi ain’t cute but she’s still hilarious, smart, engaging- beauty is not the only feature that makes someone worthy of praise and lack of beauty doesn’t make someone unworthy. I think women, moreso than men, have the burden of maintaining beauty which fades with age for everyone and we bear the stress of losing our value.

              • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

                I believe it’s more that women are burdened to maintain the SAME beauty they had while they were 20s more than just beauty in general. Men have long been afforded a more expansive time line for when we’re still able to be deemed attractive. My brother from another mother Raphael Saadiq (I completely look like Saadiq FYI) is considered absolutely beautiful/handsome and he’s 45. But he’s not good-looking for someone who is 45, he just happens to be both 45 and handsome.

                Women on the other hand, like Stacey Dash, are said to look beautiful IN SPITE of being in their 40s. We’re just now getting into the fact that older women can be beautiful. I’d like to note that Pam Grier circa The L Word is far better looking than Pam Grier circa Foxy Brown.

                • WIP

                  I don’t believe men have a more expansive time with which to be considered attractive physically. Men are more valued on their ability to protect and provide which usually gets greater (for both s.e.xes) with age, so they (men) have the advantage when it comes to the longevity of their desirability. Women do strive to look youthful because that generally is equitable to beauty, but even older women that look good are valued over those that don’t. Our burden (if you will) is to stay looking good no matter what hell we go through.

              • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                Yes, there’s def a pressure on the women and it’s unfair but it’s life because it’s usually the men who do the objectifying and are much more shallow than we are. (Not saying it’s bad, it is what it is.) We’re expected to have kids, not get fat…age and stay pretty.

                • Mo-VSS

                  Right. Women have MUCH more pressure to be young looking forever. While women like Angela Bassett (who definitely looks good) and Stacey Dash are considered more beautiful because of their age, a man like Blair Underwood or Denzel are just considered attractive, age holding no bearing.

                  If a woman has kids and she never “snaps back” she’s considered less than…although it takes a tremendous amount of work for some to ever get back to their original weight, shape, etc. Men can gain weight and still be seen as attractive. Especially as they age. For women, that’s not the case.

              • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                “I try not to use “ugly” (because I think everyone looks good to someone) but I totally agree.”

                Whoopi (Celie) called herself that. But, SHE HERE! ;)

                • V Renee

                  *snickering*

              • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                I prefer the word unattractive to ugly, because to me ugly is to the bone. Hell even Shabba Ranks has folks who find him attractive… just not me.

                • WIP

                  LOL! Ugly, to me, represents being repulsive. I rarely feel that way about someone’s appearance. When I do, I feel bad about it LOL.

                • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                  Okay okay my loves, I’ll use unattractive. *kicks pebble* Whatever yo

          • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

            let me say it this way and it may make more sense…it’s NOT that strength is inherently a bad thing. be strong–we LOVE it…but for Essence to inquire of 50 (supposedly desirable) black men who unnaimously that black women’s most immediately gratifying feature is their “strength” is analogous to sayin’ (about a black man), “he is so articulate/well-spoken” or sayin’ that gabrielle sibide has, “a really great personality.” it’s thoughtless pandering…disguised as a compliment.

  • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

    i’m pretty sure i’ve never characterized black women as “strong”…not ’cause they aren’t, but because i think it’s femininely inherent–and it’s definitely not the first thing that comes to mind.

    • Lina

      So what is the first thing that comes to mind?

      • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

        the FIRST thing that comes to mind is i find black women to be sexier on pretty much every level than every other “brand” of women on the planet…why a dude would lie for the sake of sounding P.C. is beyond me. when you think about women, in the sense of attraction, THAT is the first thing which comes to mind…i don’t know too many (ANY) men who would say, “oh–i LOVE me some ______ women ’cause they’re STRONG!” unless he was talkin’ about black women…which i think is tragically dishonest or, if true, tragically misguided.

        • http://www.shesoflyy.com muze

          this comment. yep.

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with labeling a woman as strong. I like that word.

      • NikiPowell

        I like the word strong too when it’s referred to me, but I also like the word pretty when it’s referred to me as well. I think that the concept of re-branding how we are seen by others definitely depends on how we see ourselves. The views of other people sadly can’t be changed just because I stand up…or I guess I should say the world’s views can’t be changed. I can change a few by interaction….but is that because of my outward appearance or because of my abliities demonstrated? #hardtosay

        • NikiPowell

          Oh, and Happy Birthday Liz!!!

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            thanks NikiP!

        • NikiPowell

          sorry abilities

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          You’d be surprised. I gave the highschool analogy a few posts ago. All it takes is a small percentage to view you as pretty, then word spreads, preception changes like a domino effect then WHAM! you’re prom queen. If someone says green pants are fly, next thing you know lots of people are wearing green pants. It all depends on your “voice”. If you can change the minds of a few, hopefully they can change the minds of a few and so on. Change is usually sparked by one person. We could change certain stereotypes if we project a different image…whether it be in the media, convo, etc. Not all of the “strong aka b*tchy sista” stereotypes are perpetuated by the white man. lol

          • NikiPowell

            You’re right SmartFoxGirl…I wasn’t thinking about it under that context :) I guess I don’t think of being strong with being B*tchy…because I wouldn’t say that I am b*tchy…but strong without disrespecting other folks. I do see where you are coming from though and know a few females that act that way. lol

      • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

        nothin’ wrong with recognizing it as a characteristic when it exists–feminine strength is a wonderful thing…but if it’s the primary thing that comes to mind of a man when you ask him about his affinity for black women, then i think either he’s not bein’ thoughtful or not bein’ honest–or both really.

  • Mel

    Happy Birthday Liz!

    On Topic: I, as a Black Woman, am so tired of hearing about the plight of the Black Woman. This tired horse has been beat to death. In the most eloquent way I can put this: Get off deez!

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      tanks mel!

      • Tx10inch

        Happy B-day Liz! Hope it’s a good one!

        • http://lizburr.com Liz

          thank you :)

  • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

    oh–and happy birthday notorious l.i.z. :)

  • Andi

    Happy Birthday Liz Lemon!!! <3 <3 “Stop paying attention to idiots” is the best way to do it. Other than that, I would recommend living the best life you can and educating your fellow man. Be personally accountable and socially responsible. I think Jhane Sez and O had a great dialogue about it last week. Reach out to those who need it and do it with love. Mmkay.

    • Andi

      …. um I’m really not sure what’s going on with comments, but this is what I actually said.

      “Happy Birthday Liz Lemon!!! <3 <3 <3

      To the topic at hand, does strong always have to equate to masculine? Do you know how much strength it takes to push out a baby? Women have a higher tolerance for physical pain than men and that's what's kept humanity going. What's wrong with being strong?

      As far as better PR, eh I could get down with it but I'm not sure I'm that invested. Not to give the infamous pseudo study any more lip service, but does how a bunch of randoms feel about BW really affect my life? I'm still going to get married, stay married, have a bomb career, and a happy life. Why? Because I'm fly. (You ain't cuz you're not).

      However, if this nonsense is really out there hurting someone, then yeah – let's deal with it.

      This: "Stop paying attention to idiots" is the best way to do it. Other than that, I would recommend living the best life you can and educating your fellow man. Be personally accountable and socially responsible. I think Jhane Sez and O had a great dialogue about it last week. Reach out to those who need it and do it with love. Mmkay."

      • http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul

        What Andi said. I agree that “strength” is feminine too and why should we discard a trait that helped keep the black family alive? I also choose not to expel energy on b.s.

        • http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul

          Just to further reiterate, One can be feminine and soft and still be strong. They are not mutually exclusive.

          • Yoles

            like silk….

            • DQ

              There you go. From this point on, Black Women are to be referred to as silky.

              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                I like, I like. :D

                (dances silkily around this comment)

              • Yoles

                yes.. silky skinned and silky voiced… i’m all that… we are on to something here DQ

              • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                And silk is HOT too. :)

                • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                  Yeah.. like me.

              • Andi

                I like this DQ!

                *wears a “Sistas of Silk” t-shirt*

                • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                  That needs to be your new side hustle. I’ll take 3, size XL.

                • WIP

                  “Sistas of Silk”

                  This sounds like an R&B group or a dance/modeling troupe like they had in college, LOL

              • niksmit

                This is a nice sentiment, but I’ma need y’all new christened silkies to keep this a secret from my mama. She is the original Silky and I don’t know if she really believes imitation is flattery.
                ~Silky II

                • WIP

                  I also knew a lady actually named Silky. She was white but an immigrant; I can’t remember what country she was from. I think somewhere in South America.

                  • DQ

                    Was that her stage name?

                    • WIP

                      LOL, if she “danced,” those had to be some desparated MFs she hid it well.

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            Exactly.

          • Smilez_920

            We should’nt throw the term away but we need to look at how the media uses the term to paint us in a certain light. The Strong Black women when painted in the media are’nt the women that our mothers were, Its usaullly the strong black women who works in Corp america with the high strung, talk to the hand attitude, men aint shit I can do this all alone Im an independent women (I hate thtat term b/c if your over 21 you should be independent , you are grown )

            When I see that It comes off as negative and manly. our mothers didnt have to be manly/ (attitude described above) to be considered strong, Maya Angelou was’nt like this, Angela Davis did have to act like a Bit*h to be respected. This is a trait that our young sisters have lost. They have confused the wrong strong for being mean or defensive instead of being beautiful standing your ground.

            • WIP

              I see this as well. The strength my grandmother had isn’t the strength generally protrayed in the media. The older women that I’ve seen truly had that “strength through submission” act down. Strength now = attitude, bossy, hyper-sensitivity, etc.

          • Andi

            “One can be feminine and soft and still be strong. They are not mutually exclusive.”

            Thank you!!! This is one of the most important points on the board.

          • WIP

            “One can be feminine and soft and still be strong.”

            Isn’t that a deodorant commercial?

            • http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul

              No. LOL

              Secret is “strong enough for a man, but made for a woman”, but I didn’t say that. :D

              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-CoolIsSoSilky

                I’ve heard the same said about penises. But this ain’t that kind of post. ;)

                • WIP

                  Or is it…?

      • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

        you’re hot ’cause you’re fly lamb chop…;) but i think the overarching point is that it’s NOT just “the others” who’re feedin’ into the weird science of dissecting black women.

        if you ask a black man what he wants in a woman…his FIRST ain’t likely to be “strength.” but if you ask that same black man what attracts him to a black woman, and his immediate answer is strength…there’s a disconnect–does not compute. so either we’re spitefully undercutting what draws us to you (unlikely)…OR we’re so swallowed-up by the rhetoric that “the others” put forward that we can’t think long and hard enough to consider what exactly it is that we fall so long and hard for.

        • Yoles

          but isn’t that a problem with ALL romantic relationships? what you’re attracted to, what you think you want and what you truly need tend to not be in congruence all across the board….

          • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

            perhaps…but it seems to be much more pronounced when we help CREATE and perpetuate the incongruence by grading black women on some ridiculous curve they neither want or need in their favor. you’re already MORE than good enough in enumerable ways…i’m not about to insult your intelligence by pretending that your primary value rests in some sub-feminine category. i LOVE women…BECAUSE you’re women–and if you just happen to be a “strong” woman it’s an ancillary benefit.

          • DQ

            *what you’re attracted to, what you think you want and what you truly need tend to not be in congruence all across the board….*

            Yoles is that ninja. Shawty I will creep in the night and assassinate the Shogun with throwing stars with you anytime anywhere. I like the way you think.

        • Andi

          I can’t gauge this one, because I’m not a man and I really have no clue why men do what they do. But perhaps the dissonance comes from the multiple misappropriated usage of the word strong. You can see it through out the comments. I think of strong as capable, enduring, and resilient. Others seems to think it as aggressive, boorish, and unfeminine. Maybe how a man answers depends on his definition.

      • Jhane Sez

        “To the topic at hand, does strong always have to equate to masculine? Do you know how much strength it takes to push out a baby? Women have a higher tolerance for physical pain than men and that’s what’s kept humanity going. What’s wrong with being strong?”

        Words carry energy and in most language feminine and masculine words are clearly defined, but because the English language is so complex the gender associations are more implied or inferred.

        Strong and capable are synonymous… look it up if you don’t believe me… but they invoke very different images.

        A beast of burden is strong… capable implies something softer and more humane. One is about the limits of endurance and the other is about the limitlessness of ability.

        Black women are capable.

        Black women are audacious… synonymous with bold which is synonymous with strong.

        Audacious as in… extremely original; without restriction to prior ideas; highly inventive

        Often imitated and rarely duplicated… look at our history

        We can make a dollar out of 15 cents… we sent our kids to college from the wages earned scrubbing floors before anyone affirmed our actions.

        And we still wear yellow, the hardest color to wear, from head to toe.

        Who does that… we do.

        You know I still don’t feel comfortable or qualified to talk about the light skin, dark skin thing… I’m stuck in the middle between the brown paper bag and a chocolate bar.

        And am I beautiful by any conventional measure… well my hair is too nappy, my nose and hips to wide

        A beauty by convention no… but a sista is fine

        Fine as in… of superior or best quality; of high or highest grade: fine wine.

        Momma told me the tale of the ugly duck who was mocked and scorned… but that duck was actually a swan… fine, unique, audacious and capable

        A black woman ~JS

        • BmoreCreative

          Hmm, quick question Jhane…Do you talk the way you type cuz all your comments read/flow like poetry.

          Not trying to be funny but you should come out with a line of “Jhane Sez” inspirational greeting cards for women…I know a bunch of female family/friends who would appreciate getting them…

          • Jhane Sez

            “Hmm, quick question Jhane…Do you talk the way you type cuz all your comments read/flow like poetry.
            Not trying to be funny but you should come out with a line of “Jhane Sez” inspirational greeting cards for women…I know a bunch of female family/friends who would appreciate getting them…”

            Thank you for the appreciation.

            Yes actually I do sometimes talk like I write… especially when I get a little bit more than tipsy and start freestyling off the dome.

            It takes a lot of understanding on the part of the folks who are forced to listen to me in conversation, because I pause frequently trying to help my brain catch up with my thoughts.

            I’m hyper mental.

            I do slam personally and write fiction professionally… but I hadn’t thought of writing greeting cards. Now that might be kinda cool, my daughter is an artist and that might be a really cool collaborative project we could do together

            When I finish traveling this summer I might do my own blogging, maybe. It’s been something that I have been thinking about for along time… and with the encouragement and love I have received from others I seriously think I should make that happen.

            The only thing stopping me is that I love commenting and engaging in conversation on other blogs and in my head I just can’t see how to balance that.

            I truly don’t feel worthy sometimes of all the love and encouragement I get or have gotten…

            But I wanted to take a moment to give thanks, to you and the others who have given it ~JS

            • WIP

              I agree; you have a way with words miss Sez. An inspirational or poetic card line could be an interesting venture since you are a professional writer already. Let us know when you get that popping so we can buy some (if they’re not too high).

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “Words carry energy and in most language feminine and masculine words are clearly defined, but because the English language is so complex the gender associations are more implied or inferred.

          Strong and capable are synonymous… look it up if you don’t believe me… but they invoke very different images.

          A beast of burden is strong… capable implies something softer and more humane. One is about the limits of endurance and the other is about the limitlessness of ability.”

          what she said.

        • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

          I need this on a poster, a plaque, a beach towel, a bed sheet… something… Because this right here is EVERYTHING. Thank you for these words, JS.

        • Andi

          All excellent points JS. So should we start looking to substitute strong with capable and audacious in our daily language? Would different word choices trickle down and effect how others see us?

        • keisha brown

          LOVE THIS!
          *finger snaps

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        Thanks Andi!

        PS I love Liz Lemon. I think I am her only darker lololol

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “To the topic at hand, does strong always have to equate to masculine? Do you know how much strength it takes to push out a baby? Women have a higher tolerance for physical pain than men and that’s what’s kept humanity going. What’s wrong with being strong?”

        nothing is wrong with being strong, but I don’t think that it’s a good thing if strength is the first thing you think of when thinking of black women. well, put it this way: it has peripheral effects, and one of those effects is the latent feeling that black women aren’t very womanly

        • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

          “nothing is wrong with being strong, but I don’t think that it’s a good thing if strength is the first thing you think of when thinking of black women. well, put it this way: it has peripheral effects, and one of those effects is the latent feeling that black women aren’t very womanly” [i was literally about to type those sentences–almost verbatim…and add:]…OR backhandedly devaluing their womanly worth when you identify “strength” before so many other more femininely attractive and desirable characteristics.

        • It-really-does-not-matter :P

          exactly.

          And black women regardless of circumstance leading them to take on “traditionally male” roles ( eg single parent families etc..) should still allowed to “be” women and treated as so – and a big part of that is not having settle with masculine descriptions just because they hold positive connotations.

    • Mo-VSS

      Yes, I am one of those who (as of late..like last week) has decided to stop even discussing those who put forth stupid claims against black women. Real facts and epidemics in our community being perpetuated by black women, I’m all for talking about. But, generalizations, opinions and assumptions? I’m gonna leave those alone. It’s hard to reason with someone who has individual and personal reasons for feeling the way they do. Only time and positive experiences can turn that person around.

      • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        See, I’m different. I feel like we should discuss these things. Not internally or amongst each other like these idiotic points are valid, but we should give HUGE negative backlash to the authors of this poison. The more negative backlash writers get for this slander, the less they’ll do it. Look how far we’ve come from speaking out. A closed mouth doesn’t get fed in my opinion. I agree that we shouldn’t entertain it though but we should def speak out. I will correct anyone who I hear saying some ridiculous about Black people…we all should.

        • http://twitter.com/kjnetic peter parker

          “but we should give HUGE negative backlash to the authors of this poison. The more negative backlash writers get for this slander, the less they’ll do it.”

          or they’ll just construct other areas to slander…correct?

          or is the strategy just to push it out of sight, out of mind?

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-CoolIsSoSilky

            Not being able to write about won’t stop them or anyone else from thinking it.

            I’m all for calling bullshyt when I smell it but not for taking it to heart and giving it more credibility than it deserves.

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              The less people talk this bullsh*t, the less they’ll think it. Look at how the perception of Blacks has changed over time. A few decades ago, we were filth at the bottom of a man’s shoe. Now we are CEOs and scholars. Don’t underestimate it.

        • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

          I believe that it is incumbent upon us as VSSs and VSBs to always speak out against ignorance. It’s not about changing the mind of the ignorant fcuk who is spewing, but moreso about impacting the ignorant masses who are being spewed upon. Here’s an example. One of the things I try to help school leaders understand is that when we treat children of color like they are not as smart as their white and Asian counterparts, we are doing a disservice to children across the board. Kids of color are hearing the low expectations messages about themselves, which is bad, but the white and Asian kids are hearing the messages about the kids of color, which is worse. These white and Asian children who are inadvertently being spewwed upon are internalizing all of this stuff and unless they hear or experience something different on a regular basis, we end up turning out generation after generation of grown ups who were spewed upon as children and nobody realizes what’s happening. The high acheiving white kid, who are in the gifted and talented/ AP/ IB prgrams throughout their childhood and adolescence, who might have had three black kids in those classes with them at any given time, grow up to be teachers, who don’t expect to see any more than three black kids in the GT/AP/IB classes that they teach. It’s not really their fault because this is how institutional racism is perpetuated. If we ignore the negative messages, then our silence can be perceived as passive agreement, and that, my friends, is what we don’t want to happen. Our voices must be heard so that the folks who are impressionable enough to hear and recognize our counter-story to the status quo, can be positively impacted.

          • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

            EXACTLY! Especially this: “It’s not about changing the mind of the ignorant fcuk who is spewing, but moreso about impacting the ignorant masses who are being spewed upon.”

            For the most part, people are followers. Words, books, language, etc affects everyone. It influences people’s thoughts, actions and most importantly OUR YOUTH. It will mold and shape our future. It is my duty as a Black person and will always be my duty. It’s one thing to joke and it’s another thing to bash/slander. It does nothing but allow our race to be ridiculed publicly for future years. I could care less what someone thinks. Most White people are not comfortable with Blacks BUT they keep it inside. They think it but rarely say it because they know speaking on racism is NOT socially acceptable. Why isn’t it socially acceptable? Because WE stood out years ago and made sure it wasn’t okay. The same goes here. Like I said, they can think it but they better not say/write about it and spread that poison. It does affect our children. I see it as a parent. Our voice must be heard and history has shown just how powerful our voices really are.

  • AfroPetite

    1. Happy Born Day Liz!

    2. The color complex debate always hits close to home for me. I agree with black women needing “re-branding” of sorts. It’s frustrating to always hear women drop the complexion card for every little thing. Ex: “Rappers suck, there aren’t any darker girls in their videos giving dome, tooting-n-booting it, or swinging around their ta ta’s in pasties!!!” Ummm….ok I guess. Whatever battle that black women have going amongst ourselves we need to attempt to end. First step to that whole process would be to recognize that melanin (or lack there of) is beautiful. Dark or light, black is the epitome of beautiful.

    • http://kineticculture.com NubianEmpress

      pasties are kinda cool though.

      seriously, i concur with your point. that vying for spots in music videos is not a way to uplift women, dark light or in between. i think we should start our own campaign, maybe get some materials drafted up that are funny and provocative, to catch people’s attention. like maybe bumpers stickers. thoughts?

      • Mo-VSS

        Right, like how did a$$ shaking in pasties in 4 minute video become the barometer for success for black women?

        Regardless of complexion, all of that needs to stop.

        • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

          Well let’s remember that the debate about the women in videos began way before women were clapping their a$$es on screen. back in the day the debate was about the “love interest” in videos. These chicks were fully dressed, wearing cocktail dresses and throws and ish. Alexander O’neill and Freddie Jackson and them were the first ones to get the side eye about the light skinned only thing back in the day. Why the dark skinned sista cant wear a red gown with sequins with the pumps to match and go for a ride in your shiny limousine, Freddie? You couldn’t find a dark skinned blind woman to say, “Hello” to Lionel? Don’t no dark skinned women taste like “candy,” Larry Blackman. Chile, we been beefin about this for a LONG time.

          • Around the Way Girl

            LOL. Yeah, it goes deeper than who is allowed to pop her pxssy on screen. It’s about who is considered beautiful/worthy of love. Little girls internalize those messages even when they’re subtle. This is why my kids, when I have some, will not be watching music videos.

      • AfroPetite

        Yes! I’m all in favor of starting our own campaign….all we need is a catchy slogan lol

        • Mo-VSS

          Something like “booty cheeks clap in the club….sho nuf!!!!”

          Uhm wait doe..that’s not what we’re trying to convey.

          I got nothing. LOL

          • Yoles

            something like

            “drop down and get your energy on this …. issue

            no? well its late i tried

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-CoolIsSoSilky

            “Bootybuttcheeks: Clapping for the Cause”

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              Good one! LMAO!!

            • naturalista88

              *Lol*.

            • WIP

              “The blacker the b00ty the louder the clap”?

              • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                DEAD

              • DQ

                It may not be true, but I’ve conferred with the judges and they’ll allow it.

                Me personally? I’m going to support your cause with Bumper Sticker’s. Mine shall read:

                “Big Booty’s Give Their Own Round of Applause”

                • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                  Standing Ovation, even.

                • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                  *falls out chair*

                  • DQ

                    Did you clap all the way to the floor or was that just in my imagination? Cause in my imagination the applause actually broke your fall…

                    …no? Didn’t happen that way? Aight. #AsYouWere

                    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                      LOL I wish

                • kingpinenut

                  “Big Booty’s Give Their Own Round of Applause”

                  Elizabeth…I’m comin

              • AfroPetite

                I cannot…I come back to this post and it has turned into booty clapping proclivities *face palm* lol

            • Mo-VSS

              And the winner is….

              • DQ

                Roc Boys?

                • Mo-VSS

                  In the building tonight! LOL

                  • DQ

                    Mo-VSS FTW as usual.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      Thanks AfroPetite!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      It’s frustrating to always hear women drop the complexion card for every little thing. Ex: “Rappers suck, there aren’t any darker girls in their videos giving dome, tooting-n-booting it, or swinging around their ta ta’s in pasties!!!”

      yeah, panama has mentioned this before. it’s almost like they’re saying “hey, i wanna be objectified too!!!”

      • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        “it’s almost like they’re saying “hey, i wanna be objectified too!!!”

        It’s all about acceptance. We’re taught that the darker, the uglier so we try to project a more positive image by being politically correct and saying “Dark and beautiful” or naming a dark skinned Black person when naming Black beauty. The reality is, when it comes to dark vs light. It’s our issue right now. This is all a result of bad press (like you said.) Society has made us to believe that light-skin Blacks are better looking so we try to diss the light-skints and play up the dark skin beauty when in actuality, we fall into the stereotype when we purposely choose mates with lighter tones and use terms like “good hair”. It’s a cycle and we’re victims, whatever but at some point we have to stop it. I agree we need to quit throwing a bone to dark skin people. At the end of the day, it sounds patronistic.

        • YaleGent

          I am with you on this

    • Ivy St.

      “Ex: “Rappers suck, there aren’t any darker girls in their videos giving dome, tooting-n-booting it, or swinging around their ta ta’s in pasties!!!” Ummm….ok I guess. ”

      I agree with this statement. Seeing only certain complexion of women on a videos probably has more of an effect on adolescents than older women. It seemed to effect me most when I was younger because I made the assumption that the women in the video were used to define beauty. I prefer not seeing women similar to my complexion being forced to do inappropriate things on the tv.

  • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    It’s late and I’m easily confused, so I’ll sit this one out for a bit. *lays out on a beanbag chair*

    Although, I do agree women, especially black women need a re-brand. As Evan said, “strong” is a given. You know were babies come from? That’s some gangster sh*t…what was I saying?

    I support remarketing of black women as sensual, smart and nurturing beings starting with ads around the country, maybe billboards. If somebody could billboard people into believing the Rapture is coming, anything is possible through big print.

    • Taylormay

      If somebody could billboard people into believing the Rapture is coming, anything is possible through big print.

      Good point.

      • bumilla

        agreed. the VSB fellas should use the next installment in their literary series to this effect.

        • Taylormay

          I’d buy it!

    • AfroPetite

      I will donate a dollar to the billboard cause.

    • Andi

      Where do I sign up for billboard donations Pres? lol

  • Taylormay

    Happy Birthday Liz!

    I know people are probably going to hate me for this but the whole “independent woman” thing with black women has got to stop! Now there is nothing wrong with BEING independent but I cringe when I hear women singing or TALKING about imma independent bish. In my family, the women who scream I’m independent are the some ninjas ain’t ish, lonely but i don’t need a man, life is hard, bitter women and they all seem more manly/ unattractive/ unladylike/ hard/rough in comparison to women who are interdependent or who are quietly holding it down.

    Oh! And the keeping it real/ imma speak my mind women get painted as angry black women.

    Again its not every black woman but oftentimes its the negative or loud aspects of a small nugget of a community that get blown out of proportion to make it appear as if the entire population is the same.

    If so, what else would you do to start this process?
    * I honestly don’t have an answer. Perhaps we should strive to not give more attention to things and people who don’t really matter and support independent or even the rare mainstream black projects that align with our morals and principles. Maybe black women should start playing black women instead of black men and comedians

    • IsOurChildrenLearning?

      I agree with the “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T” thing. The main women waving that flag are independent by circumstance. They’ve been abondoned by someone or something and have to shout from the rooftops that they can “do it on their own” as a coping mechanism. I’ve found that the women who are truly resourseful and clever feel no need to re-assure everyone of their skills. Their actions and lifestyles speak for themselves.

      • LMNOP

        I am “independent” by circumstance too, and honestly, it is really hard. Since I’m not even a man, I’ve never wanted to be the man of the house, but basically I do two people’s jobs and I’m like the man and the woman of the house. Sometimes I get btchy, and some people might be like “see, no wonder she doesnt have a man.” But mostly its just because I am fcking exhausted.
        If somebody is talking all the time about how they are independent it can get annoying, but I think its basically like making lemons into lemonade.

        Being strong is great. Having to be strong sucks though.

        • IsOurChildrenLearning?

          “Being strong is great. Having to be strong sucks though.”

          I agree wholeheartedly

    • Mo-VSS

      A great counter to that “independent” women’s movement (in song) is Jill Scott’s “I Need You.” It is the direct antithesis of independent and it’s on point.

      • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

        That is the TRUTH! You hit the nail on the head with that one Mo!!!

      • Around the Way Girl

        YES girl…love love love that song.

    • Jhane Sez

      “Oh! And the keeping it real/ imma speak my mind women get painted as angry black women.
      Again its not every black woman but oftentimes its the negative or loud aspects of a small nugget of a community that get blown out of proportion to make it appear as if the entire population is the same.”

      While personally I get tiered of placating folks who are constantly trying to test me because they want to see if I am going to act up and do my best to get a b*tch told…

      Keeping it real in the manner which we have been doing it has got to stop. I’m calling a moratorium on the loss of control.

      And yet I still feel conflicted about saying this.

      I don’t want to go back to the smile, advert your eyes and eat sh*t mode… but the loud, ignorant, confrontational ready to fight at the drop of a hat ain’t hot either.

      Watching the latest edition of Celebrity Apprentice I was cringed at the Nene/Star confrontation… not to mention the Evelyn/Tami throw down on Basketball Wives.

      I understand the adamant rage when someone has pushed you to your limit and is now just trying for blatant disrespect… I get it… oh sweet baby Jesus do I get it

      But we have got to learn to make more tactical strikes, and effectively harness that emotion because the first rule of firing a weapon is that you must remain calm.

      Before I go in I ask myself if this is the hill I want to die on.

      Because keeping it real doesn’t garner us much in the way of sympathy or empathy… ain’t nobody trying to understand WHY you are getting loud… you are just loud.

      And that reads as angry.

      I have found it much more effective to cut a b*tch smiling to the point she doesn’t even realise she is bleeding… until she walks away.

      Now that sh*t is real… and priceless ~JS

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-CoolIsSoSilky

        Strong and silent isn’t just for men. At least it shouldn’t be.

      • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

        The thing we need to remember here is that we should be living our lives along a continuum, instead of being in a perpetual state of “either or.” There are times when total constraint is necessary and appropriate and there are times when going in is what’s necessary and appropriate. however, ther are far more instances when something in between is what’s really necessary and we need to become skilled at dialing up those in between responses. I don’t “go in” on racist muh fukkas who are doing thins to kill kid’s spirits, but do understand that I have a very professional way whereby I call them out and help their collegaues to see who they are and what they are doing. In my work, I can’t afford to be labeled “angry black,” because i will lose all credibility. That’s why I live my life along the continuum and I try to respond, rather than react.

      • Taylormay

        I have found it much more effective to cut a b*tch smiling to the point she doesn’t even realise she is bleeding… until she walks away.

        Its so hard but when I do it I feel so much better about it and I don’t feel emotionally bonded to the situation or the other person afterwards like I do when I cuss someone out. I walk away thinking about all the things I forgot to say so its never over!

      • StillSuga

        I have found it much more effective to cut a b*tch smiling to the point she doesn’t even realise she is bleeding… until she walks away.

        THIS….it’s an art, and a truly effective one…

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      thx taylormay!

    • LSQ

      you had me at interdependent