Hi, my name is Panama Jackson, OPP. You may remember me from such How To guides as, How To Keep Your Pimp Hand Moisturized if You’re Allergic To Aloe Vera and How To Stay In Your Traffic Lane When Your Woman Gets Out of Pocket In The Car and You Have To Do Something About It.
That last one is a bestseller and is responsible for the reduction in traffic accidents in Oakland, Chicago, and Memphis.
Today we’re going to discuss a phenomenon that sweeps every man’s consciousness at least once or twice when he’s about 22 years old: How To Date a Virgin.
Yes, at some point in every man’s life, he’s convinced that he’d like to date a woman who hasn’t been around the mulberry bush. All of us men are naďve enough to believe at some point that we’ll be able to date the woman that nobody else has touched.
Well, as anybody who’s ever dated a virgin can tell you, it’s no easy chore. I should know; I’ve dated one- for two years. And what with the rate of STDs flying around the Black community, it’s not completely out of this world to think that dating a virgin is a good idea, if anything, just to make sure that you’re not catching a chick with an ignited crotch-rocket from being the wick for too many firecrackers.
That analogy worked so much better in my head.
Smartly, very few women have ever stated that they’d like to date a virgin. Apparently, women don’t like being the teachers. Ironic given the fact that most women are teachers…and sleeping with 13 year-old boys.
Gar.
Anyway, dating a virgin requires a lot of finesse because face it, you’re not getting any real lovin’ during the duration of your duress. So here’s a quick little guide for how to survive your virgin’s constant attempts at “purity”.
1. Stock up on plenty of Jergens.
‘pinchin’ nurses a**es while i’m j*cking off with jergens’
I’m just saying. If you’re dating a chick who “doesn’t go all the way” you’re going to spend more time choking your own chicken than you will cooking any actual chicken. Of course, you’re probably messing with a chick who “does everything but go all the way”. By the way, I hate these chicks with the passion of 4 rusty trombones playing Mozart’s 2nd to last final symphony.
2. Get some very interesting hobbies
The only reason a man will ever think he needs to date a virgin is because he swears that he wants a woman who hasn’t been off the block (they all have). Thing is, at some point in every relationship, you’re going to need to be exploring eachother’s territory. But if you’re dating the chick who’s as undiscovered as Vespucci’s namesake, you’re going to have to fill the time in other ways. I suggest picking up crocheting. You’re already not sleeping with your girl, which makes you gay, might as well be the gay dude who crochets too. Or knit. Both gay, but definitely time consuming.
3. Work out like crazy
Gonna have to release that raw energy somewhere. Methinks that was a pun.
4. Take some time to develop the inner you
Face it, you’re going to have a lot of time to reflect on who you are as a person now that you’re not participating in the old lickemhighlickemlow. Somehow people have equated abstinence with fasting as some sort of spiritual cleansing. Yeah, no. But you can read a lot of Chicken Soup books and pray to Buddha and look for your own spiritual awakening. Especially since you won’t be awakening to any morningwood-lumberjack scenarios.
5. Just don’t do it.
I mean really, why in Sam Hill would you do that to yourself anyway? Seems like a bad idea.
So my compadres and compadrettes, would you ever date a virgin? Why or why not? Hell, have you? And what personal hell did it cause? Or, were you the virgin hold-out?? Why?
Jam on it.
Jelly.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
We have to consider age when dating virgins. Truth be told I am not attempting to date a man who is the 40 year old virgin…I foresee problems. If you are 40 and you ain’t eva got that good coitus, then your jimmycricket hasn’t been jumpin (it’s true Pinocchio aint eva lie). And I don’t want you to jumpstart with me. If you are over the age of 21, male, and still a virgin…I will give you the side eye. I suppose the same goes for women, after 24 if you are a woman and still a virgin men may question and ask “what is wrong with her?,” rather than say pre-24 “how sweet she has morals and is saving herself” (I may be wrong). So the long and short of it is “NO, chances are I wouldn’t date a virgin.”
@blackpearl287,
welcome and sh*t, and regarding this…
“If you are over the age of 21, male, and still a virgin I will give you the side eye”
…in your opinion whats a good number of sexual conquests a guy should have had by 21? 5? 17? 31?
@The Champ,
When I am referencing the age 21, I am making some assumptions (i.e you probably just spent 3 to 4 years in college, which may have allowed you to interact with a number of women in different social settings). By age 21, hmmmm…at least one. And for the record nothing is wrong with a man who may not have engaged in any sexual activity by age 21 or 35 or whatever…I’ll just give him the side eye and keep it moving.
well im a 22 year old virgin male and I have had girls offer to put out on the first date,and yes they were hella hot but I just couldnt do it cause I need more then just sex, I need a strong will intelligent woman that knows her value and is a challenge, whores are easy woman are not, I just got a virgins womans number and hopefully the bitch picks up when I call her later lol lo lol, I know what im worth and any woman would be happy to have me, and if she cant wait fuck her, no not litterally lol she is weak and not worth my time, I dont care what people think and yes I can wait and no there is nothing wrong with my penis lol
@blackpearl287,
suppose the same goes for women, after 24 if you are a woman and still a virgin men may question and ask “what is wrong with her?,” rather than say pre-24 “how sweet she has morals and is saving herself” (I may be wrong).
Yep wrong. I’m 24 and a virgin. Ain’t nothing wrong with me. How come nobody is asking what is wrong with 24 year old women with 10 year old child. *ahem* Toya (Weezy’s ex) or what is wrong with all these women under 25 with 3 or more children and no father or father firgure around? LOL now if you over 25 and virgin who is waiting for someone who won’t leave you with 3-4 children to take care by yourself and never marry you something has got be wrong you? LOL
@Blue Skyez,
Co-sign, more people need to ask what is wrong with women such as cough *Toya and co* who are 24 with a 10 year old child.
I have many female friends who are in their early to mid twenties who are virgins and not a thing is wrong with them. They have made a decision to save themselves until they meet someone whom they feel they can trust and have that type of intimacy with. I respect that, understand that, and stand by the belief. Although, I know that nothing is wrong with them this does not preclude men from asking “what is wrong with them?” Which may be a question which is not necessarily asked openly to a woman, but may run through their mind. Male friends of mine have stated that this question have ran across their minds when they have met a woman of a certain age who may still be a virgin. Also 24 is just an arbitrary age I chose, for some (both men and women in this case) it may be 18 for others it could be 28, and for others age doesn’t matter at all.
Im a 22 year old male virgin and there is nothing wrong with you, a virgin woman is very attractive in my opinion and is way more desireable.
I’m currently a virgin. I hold out because I’m terrified of what lurks on the other side; the dark lickemhighlickemlow side. heehee. I disagree with #5. At some point some guy has got to date a virgin. Why u opposed to letting us virgins get some love Panama?? lol. Virgins need love too
@sexywinergirl,
you dont have to date a virgin. I never have. I get at a girl on hopes that I will get to the promiseland. Why bother if you know there is a high change I’ll remain in bondage?
I’m too old now anyway to bother with any virgins. After you past the 20 yr old milestone virginity is overrated (except for your daughters, nieces, lil sisters, etc. stay pure forever)
@Deviant,
The Dev’s what up Ace?! Good to see you!
@sexywinergirl, It’s a good thing to save it for someone special. The man that is for you will be patient enough to deal with it… don’t worry about the other guys.
@sexywinergirl, Wow….I feel like I just met sasquatch….you guys really do exist huh?
@Yaa,
We do. Us and unicorns.
And Black folks who don’t like chicken.Even more rare, the “not for religion” ones.
*daps sexywinegirl*
@Cheekie,
you dont give off the virgin vibe via the intranets
@Peysonic Temple,
LOL! I was thinking the same thing.
@Peysonic Temple, you dont give off the virgin vibe via the intranets
lmao! what IS a virgin vibe? i think its because people think because someone is a virgin, they must have no personality lol. finally.
*viva la cheekie committee*
@Peysonic Temple,
LOL…I don’t give it off in person, neither, really.
But, I’m interested…what do you mean? I’ve openly said I was on here and elsewhere, too. I guess it’s because I’m comfortable with myself…and my sexuality. I’m not a prude by any means. Here’s an equation for ya:
Virgin ? Prude.
Not necessarily, anyway.
lol @ Ivy St! I guess I should take that as a compliment? Because “virgin vibe”, I would assume, is negative…lol
@overit: Thanks! I like the cheekie committee. I should write grant proposals and ish for it…
“what IS a virgin vibe? i think its because people think because someone is a virgin, they must have no personality”
lol, i was thinking the same thing
@Peysonic Temple, btw, virgin vibe is being marketed, i think i can bring Vibe back, we just need to re-group.
@Cheekie, back at you!!
@ Yaa. yup we do exist
@sexywinergirl,
welcome and sh*t.
***btw, members of the v team arent allowed to refer to themselves as sexy, even if they happen to actually be sexy***
@The Champ,
“***btw, members of the v team arent allowed to refer to themselves as sexy, even if they happen to actually be sexy***”
LMFAO…I knew someone would comment on the “sexy” in her moniker…and I was 75% sure it would be you.
@The Champ,
why can’t virgins be sexy? Britney Spears *ahem* was a sexy virgin lol
well, as the virgin in this situation (in the past) i can say that these fools are crazy. sometimes, guys don’t understand that fact that, “i’m a virgin. i’ve never had sex. so, while i get that you believe that when i do it will be with you, it’s not just gonna happen all randomly while we’re watchin this movie before the pizza gets here.” and then you have to remind them the next day and the next, etc.
plus, when it finally is time and you’re ready to give it up, the guy doesn’t want to use protection because he–understandably–feels safe with you. but um……that’s the break up moment. because why the hell would you feel safe with him?
see? you don’t love me.
@charli skipper,
Safe? With a virgin? Are people still that misguided?
Since when can virgins can’t get pregnant?
*Amen from the Virgin Mary*
Despite pregnancy, do people really think sex is the only way to get a communicable disease?
@kamakula,
they don’t hear you though…
@kamakula,
Despite pregnancy, do people really think sex is the only way to get a communicable disease? .
Preach!
@charli skipper,
“plus, when it finally is time and you’re ready to give it up, the guy doesn’t want to use protection because he–understandably–feels safe with you. but um……that’s the break up moment. because why the hell would you feel safe with him? ”
lmfao @ this foolishness.
And he ain’t all that safe, either.
@charli skipper,
u took the words out of my mouth. men get confused.
easily.
but then again virgins are complicated creatures.
I have nothing against virgins, I just don’t want to date them. I date men I’m physically attracted to.. and if after a while my physical attraction is not being ummm rewarded? satisfied? (is that the word?), then I’m gonna be frustrated. LOL
So I’d guess I’d date a non-attractive virgin, so i’d never have to worry about wanting him and getting
nonedenied.@Selah,
So I’d guess I’d date a non-attractive virgin, so i’d never have to worry about wanting him and getting none denied.
Great logic. lol
@Selah,
I date men I’m physically attracted to.. and if after a while my physical attraction is not being ummm rewarded?
this is potentially a great pick-up line.
“baby, come over tonight and let me reward that ass”
@The Champ,
LOL! I jus couldn’t figure out how to say what I wanted to say and sh*t.
@The Champ,
“baby, come over tonight and let me reward that ass”
*writes this down in her notebook for future use*
@The Champ,
..might use that in Italy….
@Selah, I wholeheartedly agree. I didn’t even want to date a virgin when I was a virgin. That’s one area that a guy has to be experienced in.
**all the VSB virgins are coming out of nowhere (no pun intended).
that’s right, people…it’s a 23-year-old virgin commenting on VSB, can ya believe it?
well, it’s true. and i don’t have six toes…i’m not talkative or annoying…i think i’m pretty, fly, smart & successful. i was one of those chicks that Panama hated.
i’ve messed over a lot of young men w/ the blue balls. most of those same young men left or cheated on me or i broke up w/ them because i was confused, yet stubborn at the same time.
see, at first, it started out as a God thing (and it still very much is.). but then i started finding more & more reasons to not start having sex. waiting for marriage, STDs all over st. louis (where i stay), and more importantly, it seems like sex causes drama…it complicates most relationships. & if sex is with the wrong person, it complicates YOU.
but then as i’ve gotten older & wiser, i stopped being curious simply because…i dunno what sex is, what it feels like. & i, myself, can’t be so anxious for something i’ve never experienced. and it’s so true, virgins don’t get a lot of love, because in many ways for many men, love does equal SEX, and vice versa. if that’s how the math is done, then count me out.
btw: as a virgin, i’d date another virgin, but i don’t know if i’d MARRY another virgin because then we’d be ignorant….together. lol.
@extravirgin101, LOL ! Welcome. thanks for de-lurking in style.
honestly, stay a virgin. just the other day I was wishing I could take it all back and wait. i feel like it could have saved me a lot of drama.
@Liz,
“just the other day I was wishing I could take it all back and wait”
really? like if you could go back you’d do it all again (or NOT do it all again? lol) … There was no one or anything that you value enough to be like yea, that has changed me for the better/caused me to grow?
@Selah, I mean I’ve grown being sexually active over the years, obviously. I think that’s a given though, as I age through the years. But at the end of the day, I think it’s caused more harm than good. I think I’d just rather be without the drama.
@Liz,
i agree. i ended the whole thing (so to speak) at 23. i was curious, and had been with my boyfriend for years, and felt like it was time….even though i had waited so long in the first place for religious reasons…..the chex was good, but i do wish i could take it back…celibacy is really hard now, and in hindsight, i would love to able to just whip it out for my future husband all shiny and new. aow!
@charli skipper,
celibacy is really hard now
SPEAK THAT TRUFE!!! *”power to the people” fist in air*
@K to the…,
celibacy is really hard now
*tabernacle*
@Liz,
Hmm this is interesting. When I was 19, I wished I had waited because I wasn’t getting much out of chex at that point. Now that I’m a bit older, I’m glad I got past the awkwardness and insecurities that came with the first experiences.
@Ivy St.,
yeah the first few times at doing the DO is awkward and uncomfortable. it’s easy to be awkward as a pre-adult. it is soooo not cute to be in your mid-20s on some “wtf is going on” type ish.
@extravirgin101,” if sex is with the wrong person, it complicates YOU.”
so, SO true:) i think this can be shortened and turned into a t-shirt. you’re awesome for de-lurking, and you sound like an amazing young woman. guys are wack anyways lol. there is nothing you said that i can add, oh and the God thing resonated a lot as well.
@extravirgin101,
“well, it’s true. and i don’t have six toes…i’m not talkative or annoying…i think i’m pretty, fly, smart & successful.”
geeeeerl, you don’t have to excuse yourself. over age girl virgins are always fly. usually.
FOR the record, i took no offense to Panama’s post, which definitely could seem like it’s targeting virgins in a negative light. truth is, dating a virgin ain’t for everybody…so those were his tips for people want to, but (i.e. Panama, lol) who ain’t ready for this kind of challenge. *clears throat* so, uh virgins in the room– let’s lighten it up a lil’ bit, don’t take it SO personal. sex is funny. and lack of, is as well. haha.
thx to all for the props/encouragement.
@extravirgin101,
Welcome! **Diva Dust ™**
I must commend you on your decision and strength to follow through. And I used to live in STL, so I know what you are talmbout. Its ROUGH out there in tha Lou. I was side-eyein’ errybody (but that didn’t stop the Ho Sh*t years from happeneing *sigh*).
If I could go and take it all back, would I? Well, there are definitely some people, including my first, that I would say “Hayle Nawl” to, which would have led to me possibly retaining my V-card until 24…
BTW, the “God Thing” is probably the best reason to hang onto it. Its hard, but I know people that waited for marriage and trust they are HAPPY now. REAL HAPPY.
@extravirgin101,
very well said. I am also a 23 year old virgin. as a matter of fact I’m 23 today!
@sexywinergirl,
Happy Birthday!!!
@sexywinergirl,
Happy B-day sexywinegirl! You share a b-day with my older sis (and blog partner in crime Chyna). And unlike me and you, she is not a virgin…thought I should point that out so I’m on-topic. lol
Will you be partaking in birthday chex?
@Cheekie,
Will you be partaking in birthday chex?
Proceed to the SADDOWN Corner.
That is all.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Hey, hey, now!! LOL!
People asked me the same thing on my birthday this past July, especially since I’m a Tina Tightstuff (word to Slim Jackson), so I’m just paying it forward…
*hangs head low*
*slinks to corner…which is pretty crowded*
@Cheekie,
well my best friend with whom I share the exact same b-day is a virgin as well!
No b-day chex today.
Thanks for all the b-day love!
@sexywinergirl,
Oh, really? Pretty cool. Hope ya’ll have fun today!
Yeah, it’s probably best to have no b-day chex. Just in case it’s a disappointment (very high probability), you wouldn’t want that to be your b-day gift. Then again, wouldn’t it be sweet if you had b-day chex with a guy since — like me — that’s what you’re waiting for anyway? It’ll be like a fairy tale. All saccharine sweet.
@sexywinergirl,
happy birthday and sh*t, and may your birthday be a very masculine one
@extravirgin101,
“btw: as a virgin, i’d date another virgin, but i don’t know if i’d MARRY another virgin because then we’d be ignorant….together. lol.”
Though I’d rather date a guy who is not a virgin (yes, hypocritical, but it’s not like I’m likely to come across one), I’d probably date a male virgin, too. It depends on why, though. Because of it’s bible-thumping, I’d probably not get along with him much regardless of the virginity.
But yeah, I’m looking for a guy — assuming he is not a virgin — who is sensitive enough to understand why I’m waiting yet experience enough to teach me with said sensitivity. That tenderness and understanding would apply to other aspects of our relationshp as well; not just sex.
@extravirgin101,
welcome and sh*t, extravirgin.
@extravirgin101,
btw: as a virgin, i’d date another virgin, but i don’t know if i’d MARRY another virgin because then we’d be ignorant….together. lol.
lol, so basically if you fell in love with another virgin he’d hafta go out and bang some hookers before you married him?
thx for the welcome.
i know, it’s so wrong, right?! look, if God came down & told me to marry a manvirgin, i’d do it. but i’m just saying, i don’t want the BOTH of us laying there, looking at each other like some preschoolers who never took off their training wheels. lol. definitely not down for the hooker leftovers, though. that’s a no.
@extravirgin101,
well they say you have the rest of your life to figure it out.
@extravirgin101,
“i don’t want the BOTH of us laying there, looking at each other like some preschoolers who never took off their training wheels.”
These things have a way of figuring themselves out.
@V.E.G.,
Chuch
My first didn’t know she was my # 1 people’d be suprised what pr0n and ‘doing what comes naturally’ can teach you.
@extravirgin101,
“but then as i’ve gotten older & wiser, i stopped being curious simply because…i dunno what sex is, what it feels like. & i, myself, can’t be so anxious for something i’ve never experienced. and it’s so true, virgins don’t get a lot of love, because in many ways for many men, love does equal SEX, and vice versa. if that’s how the math is done, then count me out”
Co-sign X infinity. Plus all of Panama’s Guide is only for men who are actually faithful or trying to be faithful to their virgin girlfriends. So many slide off on the sly. This why I’m still keeping it under lock and key. No guy is going to have his cake and eat it too with me.
Its refreshing to see some1 think like me (Extravirgin)…Just last week I kinda sorta gave up on dating, just because it seems like every relationship=sex…Just when I thought the current guy i’m with (no idea how to put that 1) was maybe-you know, the different kind, he calls me up and goes “so when you gon’ let me smash?” My last relationships haven’t lasted long because i won’t “let them smash”. Even my friends are starting to think there might b something wrong with me. NO! I am pretty, beautiful, smart, educated, etc. I just want to wait this ish out. First for religious purposes and secondly, sex is as complicated as it gets. I mean can I first see your AIDS results please, (lol)Well, thanks for this post, (it reveals so much) I now understand that its nearly impossible for un-virgined (lol) guys to date virgins, so i’m just going to keep this moving and he should get his blue balls moving as well! I take pride in this ish and well, you know the rest…
@Dallas,
just because it seems like every relationship=sex
I feel the same way, and I’m celibate. It’s hard for me to attemtp to date anyone because eventually, “going” is gonna come up…along with the possibility of being rejected because you’re not “going”.
Im attempting to stop dating as because of the same issues
@Dallas,
welcome and sh*t
@Dallas, Um as a married man of 9 years let me just inform you that um sex will be a key and crucial ingredient in your future marriage. That’s not to say that you should through away your virginity, but the honest truth is that guys do equate sex to love even in marriage. That doens’t mean you should be ready to shag everyday but I think Dr. Phil put it best…
“If you ask a happily married couple how much sex plays a part in their happiness they’ll say only about 20 percent if you ask an unhappy couple how much a factor sex is they’ll say 80 percent”
First of all, for the female virgins commenting, you go girls. Lord knows I held onto mine
as if Fort Knox was locked up in theredue to religion and knowing that you cannot put Pandora back in the Box (no pun intended). To the point where I earned the nickname, ‘The Girl Who Will Not Give Up the Cakes.” Ah well… that’s been a minute ago.On the flip, ran into a 35-year old male virgin the other day. He is very committed to remaining celibate until marriage. I applauded his restraint and ran (leaving skidmarks) in the other direction.
@OneChele, LMAO “left skidmarks in the other direction”
@OneChele,
“On the flip, ran into a 35-year old male virgin the other day. He is very committed to remaining celibate until marriage. I applauded his restraint and ran (leaving skidmarks) in the other direction.”
Wow. I’m going to applaud his restraint as well.
I’m 21 and a virgin. For me,I want time to figure out what sex means to me. If I don’t know how to pleasure myself and am unaware of what turns me on, then how could I ever expect a guy to?
Before I allow my body to be shared with someone else, I am making sure that I am comfortable with what I like and have a profound sense of what I want. I can’t expect some guy to tell me what makes my body feel good. That is my job to tell him!
And why all the loathing for the virgins? We don’t go hating on those who are sexually active. It is just as difficult for us in a relationship when our partner isn’t a virgin/celibate. Just because we have yet to act on our urges it doesn’t mean that it isn’t just as difficult to deal with them.
@Pe. Riche.,
And why all the loathing for the virgins?
because its fun, lol
seriously though, welcome and sh*t, and there are some sexually active women who need to make this…
“I am making sure that I am comfortable with what I like and have a profound sense of what I want. I can’t expect some guy to tell me what makes my body feel good”
…their own personal mantra before they continue to curse the earth with their stale vaginas.
I’m 25 and my decision has nothing to do with religion or marriage. I wait because I have seen too many women disrespected by men and have decided that I do not want to give it up to just anyone. So I’m waiting. Maybe until marriage, maybe until that serious committed relationship or even till death. Sex is not that important to me.
@Lr1127, Not to be rude. But if it wasn’t that important you would’ve lost it. It’s obviously important because you’ve chosen to keep it.
@Dangerous,
I think Lr1127 meant that having sex isn’t that important to her. Not just the general idea of sex.
I’m a male virgin(22), and I don’t think I could date a virgin. So, I guess I somewhat agree with you.
@DeuceBravado,
welcome and sh*t
@DeuceBravado,
Finally!!!! Hey let’s date we could save our virignities together. That is if you don’t mind older (Im 24) women (shoutz to yesterday’s post I was unable to comment, work was bonkers).
i’m reading a lot of, i wish i could take it back. that is so weird to me, and i feel some kinda way about saying this, but, honestly, i couldn’t wait to lose my virginity, lost it as soon as i could, with a bf who was older, but also a virgin. it was terrible, so i didn’t do it again for a yr, but… idk, i guess i was just that curious, lol.
btw, i was definitely not aware that there’s mad virgins with, like 401k’s and sh!t, lol. you learn s’thing new e’ryday.
@Honey Bee,
btw, i was definitely not aware that there’s mad virgins with, like 401k’s and sh!t, lol. you learn s’thing new e’ryday.
hi-d@mn-larious!!!!
@Honey Bee,
“btw, i was definitely not aware that there’s mad virgins with, like 401k’s and sh!t, lol. you learn s’thing new e’ryday.”
*cracking up*
I just finished my Freshmen year. It’s difficult dealing with virgin females. I had to put a few females to the left because they wasn’t on giving the nappy dugout. It wasn’t like I was only interested in sex but if I don’t get to crush, what’s the point?
@Dangerous,
Iono, maybe getting to know a great girl? Spending time doing something fun stuff with her? Learning about who you are? Seems to me you’ve reduced women to s3x toys and relationships to “hoops to jump through in order to smash.”
But you’re a youngin’ so I’ll give you the “youth and stupidity pass”
By the way, welcome and sh*t.
Its all love from the Molasses One.
@blackberry molasses,
You can get to know a girl and hit it too. Why do people think you cant do these things simultaneously? When you withhold the cooch you mess up a chance to get to know a great guy.
@Deviant,
I’m not saying that you can’t. I’m just saying that the poster was treating the whole exercise as if the ONLY goal is to smash, even though he claimed that wasn’t his only interest. If a girl wants to wait, that’s her prerogative. Just don’t malign her for it.
@Deviant,
**Walks in writes Deviants name on notepad, nods, walks out**
Bond.
@BlkBond,
I hope that was hit list you wrote that name on.
@Deviant,
“You can get to know a girl and hit it too. Why do people think you cant do these things simultaneously? When you withhold the cooch you mess up a chance to get to know a great guy.”
OMG. Please tell me you are under the age of 21 with this messed up notion. I hope there aren’t any guys my age who think like this or else I’m screwed (I’m not even going to say it…)
@blackberry molasses,
au contraire…one could argue u never really know the girl until u KNOW the girl… aside from just compatibility issues…there’s that lil thing where women change up on u after u hit it…the crazy starts to overflow…then the levees break… then its all south from there…
then again maybe those were jus my experiences…long long time ago…
@Jus Me,
o_O
you been f*ckin wit crazy chicks. CLEARLY.
NTTAWWT.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
trus me…its my niche…still tryna find a way to profit from it!! I mean there HAS to be a reason I went thru so many of em. But again…I’m committed now…
@Dangerous,
“It wasn’t like I was only interested in sex but if I don’t get to crush, what’s the point?”
Well, by all means, if a virgin happens to express interest in you, keep it moving. It’s good for you (because you won’t get to smash if with her) and good for her (because she will feel the burden of you not being able to smash if with you). You’d be doing both of you a service.
As a resident virgin, I know I don’t wanna be with a guy who doesn’t feel I’m worth it to wait. If I’m not worth waiting for, I’m not worth anything to him period. Not a serious relationship I wanna be a part of anyway.
@Cheekie, What are you waiting for though?
These girls all did it for religious reasons. they holding out for a ring.. not just “the right guy.” If it was for that reason I would’ve waited.
I actually have a thing for one of my virgin female friends, who is also on this God tip. I genuinely believe she’s a beautiful person all over…. but wouldn’t even consider a relationship with her. I’m not the “one” for her (or the others).
@Dangerous,
“What are you waiting for though?”
I’ve explained it here before…and below in my comment. I’m waiting for love. I’ve never been in love before, hence the reason I’ve kept it tight. So the “right guy” to me is the one I love and who loves me. Someone special. Simple*.
*Except not all…lol
@Cheekie, cool. That leaves men a rather good option.
These no sex before marriage chicks can kick rocks till their toes bleed.
@Dangerous,
welcome and sh*t
and, while i do see why some have issues with this…
“It wasn’t like I was only interested in sex but if I don’t get to crush, what’s the point?”
…sex IS the main reason why human beings have romantic relationships, so i can understand where he’s coming from.
still, dangerous, if you’re a college freshman then i’m assuming the majority of the women you date are between 17-19, and, at that age, even the chicks who are actually having sex are still terrible at it.
basically, although i understand why you’d put sex at a premium, i wouldnt rule out a good chick now just because she wasn’t putting out
@The Champ,
…sex IS the main reason why human beings have romantic relationships
That’s why sex is euphemized as “consummating the relationship”…because it’s made a full one.
And religious and social concerns are why people marry (should be pretty obvious to anyone).
@The Champ,
“sex IS the main reason why human beings have romantic relationships.”
That may be the case for men, but it isn’t the case for women. Please use your God given cognitive ability! We aren’t animals that are only driven by our physical needs.
@Dangerous,
I actually do not mind how blunt you are. And although I do not agree with, “if I don’t get to crush, what’s the point?”, at least you are honest about how vital sex is to you. But if I can respect your stance on sex, then maybe you should also have the same respect for those of us who decide to wait. If not having sex is the sole basis for your losing interest in or not wanting to date a young lady, then you didn’t really like her in the first place.
@pe. riche., I respect it. Waiting for the right person I respect and I also respect the “no sex before marriage” thing. It’s just that I’d like to know ASAP, so that we could be friends or something.
I could date a girl who was “waiting for the right person”, As I like to believe i’m rather special.
But no SBM? Kickrocks.
I never dated a virgin and don’t really have a desire too. First time chex with a new partner is awkward enough, so I can do without having to guide the entire action.
I was a hold out… I lost mine around 21 (give or take one year. I forget).. I guess the two boyfriends I had before I gave in dealt with it pretty well, the only issue I remember is one of them saying something about his friends teasing him bc he wasn’t getting it in. I waited so long because I wanted it to be special… I didn’t want any regrets.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“I was a hold out… I lost mine around 21 (give or take one year. I forget).. ”
You forgot? Was it a really bad experience?
I’m asking since I can’t imagine a woman forgetting the age she lost her virginity, especially after waiting so long. Only than a really bad experience and you WANT to forget.
I know I’ll probably remember the age, day, and time when I’m de-flowered. lol
@Cheekie, Girl , no it was great. He was my first “REAL” boyfriend…My memory sucks so bad- I forget just about everything. If I sat and thought hard about it, I’d prolly be able to get a definite, but I dont’ want to think really hard. lol
@Nicki Sunshine,
Oh, ok, gotcha! lol
Glad you had a great experience, though. I heard that’s rare.
@Cheekie, that’s why saving it for someone that is really special is the best thing to do… they are a little more patient. lol
@Nicki,
Too, too, true.
No offense to anyone, but for real?? Are we giving props to 25 and 30 year old virgins?
I don’t know about you all, but I give props to a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality. Not in a Lil’ Kim circa ’96 type way, but comfortable and knows what she likes nevertheless.
@Monk,
being a virgin does not mean that you are not comfortable with your sexuality. I know I am very comfortable with mine
@sexywinergirl, Exactly.
@Nicki Sunshine,
What I really meant was being comfortable with sex and embracing just being a sexual being.
@Monk, Got you.. but virgins may be comfortable with sex, they just haven’t found a good reason to give it up yet… its not exactly something you get back.
@Nicki Sunshine,
How can you be comfortable with something you have NEVER experienced? What do you know about it? Everyone has a different experience so how would you know how comfortable you would be having not done it?
I think overall confidence is different from sexual comfort.
@sexywinergirl,
Regardless, I know that sex is an important part of adult relationships and to be giving out pats on the back and gold stars for showing “restraint” sounds a little ridiculous to me. I respect a person’s decision but hey, I’m not giving props for inexperience…especially if you’re in your late 20′s or 30′s. It’s like a grown up (say 28 years old) who still lives at home with their parents. They haven’t experienced that part of adult life of living on your own or not under mommy and daddy’s roof. I’m sorry but you don’t get credit for that.
@Monk, ive gotta go with Monk on this one. Im not about to give free hugs and t-shirts to folks who decide to remain a Virgin.
Why?
because they could have gotten the parental bamboozle and think that sex is this ugly and gross thing only used to make babies and shouldnt be enjoyed.
Are scared of getting an STD (clearly you should know your partner before you even start kissing them all the damn time cause you can get 5 different stds just from kissing) and you should know their status before the relationship even gets that heavy.
Or are following a tennant of their faith. You get props for following the expectations of your religion no doubt (because thats a hard thing to do) but alot of folks out here are just thumping that Bible and using it as a convinient excuse to not have to deal with the big bad elephant in the room that is thier own sexuality.
@Monk
I don’t think that being a virgin deserves a pat on the back or a gold star. It’s just a personal decision that someone makes for whatever reason.
@ESQuared,
Contrary to popular belief , not all virgins think that sex is gross, should not be enjoyed, or that they should abstain because of religious reasons. Also, I’m quite sure that most virgins are au courant with the modes of STD transmission.
I know those reasons listed above do not apply to me
@sexywinergirl, “Contrary to popular belief , not all virgins think that sex is gross, should not be enjoyed, or that they should abstain because of religious reasons. Also, I’m quite sure that most virgins are au courant with the modes of STD transmission.
I know those reasons listed above do not apply to me”
That’s what I was thinking… People have different ways for being a virgin.
While some of them wear it as a badge of honor, all do not.
I would much rather hear about an unexperienced virgin , thanc chick who is overexperienced and looking for love in all the wrong places.
@ESQuared,
I figure if you’re holding out because of religion, it makes a lot of sense. Matter of fact, whatever reason you’re holding out for makes sense to me.
I don’t understand the correlation between not having sex and not being in touch with your sexuality. Most folks who don’t have sex, I would wager the vast majority, still WANT to have sex and have regular sexual urges. Often they just practice restraint.
I think it’s a common stereotype that the folks who are virgins late in life are messed up in the head, but I can’t get with that. If I could go back in time with my present mind, I would try harder to wait as well. I think removing sex from a relationship allows folks to see the relationship better.
@Big Man,
wow. you just got a whole lotta respect from me.
what you said is AWESOME.
Thank you.
@ Big Man,
“Most folks who don’t have sex, I would wager the vast majority, still WANT to have sex and have regular sexual urges. Often they just practice restraint.”
Say that again, please…lol
@ESQuared,
I respect that we all view life through our own individual prism.
The reason why I would go back is mainly religious. I regret professing a certain faith, yet you blatantly ignoring the tenets of that faith in order to satisfy my urges. I feel like that was mad hypocritical, and I hate being a hypocrite, even if it is in the past.
However, looking at my marriage and my wife that I love, I think removing sex from the equation would have forced us take a harder look at each other, our common interests and what was binding us together. I think that often in relationships once you become intimate, sex becomes the focus of so many of your interactions. Maybe this is different if you’ve been together a long time, I don’t know. But, my experience in watching folks and my personal experience has led me to believe that sex cl0uds people’s judgement.
I think too often sexual is a casual thing in our society. Something we engage in as if it does nothing but satisfy our lust. Yet, I personally believe there is an exchange of much more than bodily fluids when you have intercourse with someone, and I respect folks who have decided they are going to hold off on that exchange for whatever reason. Not only do I respect them, I think there is something admirable about making what must be a difficult decision.
I know it would be a difficult decision for me to voluntarily abstain from sex for any length of time. The six weeks after the births of my sons were torture.
@Big Man,
I co-sign BBMo’s respect and props to you, man.
How someone is gon’ tell me why I’m a virgin baffles me. There are a plethora of reasons just as there are a lot of reasons to have sex with someone. You can’t pinpoint just one or draw some venn diagram as to the reasons or even invalidate someone’s reason for their choice. It’s not cool. And you probably wouldn’t want the same to be done to you and your choices, no matter what they be.
And for the record, I don’t expect glowing praise when I tell someone because I don’t see it as some big accomplishment (except in the case of sexual restraint)…I think most of the praise is given because folks often wish they could get that time back or whatever other reason. And I support others that do so. Thing is, they…we wouldnt need such support if there wasn’t such an unwarranted and unnecessary stigma attached to waiting.
@sexywinergirl,
“Contrary to popular belief , not all virgins think that sex is gross, should not be enjoyed, or that they should abstain because of religious reasons. Also, I’m quite sure that most virgins are au courant with the modes of STD transmission.”
Im not saying all virgins think anything because im not trying to label anyone. At the same time however my experience and the experiences of those close to me in my life are the window through which i view an issue so bear with me. In all honesty however most folks arent keeping up with how stds’ are transmitted (stds are more frequently transmitted because of ignorance rather than wreckless behavior.) Im not down playing anyones reasons but some of these folks reasons on further inspection and after a few questions you find that they themselves dont really know why themselves why they havent had chex.
@Big Man
“I don’t understand the correlation between not having sex and not being in touch with your sexuality. Most folks who don’t have sex, I would wager the vast majority, still WANT to have sex and have regular sexual urges. Often they just practice restraint.”
I will agree, however i can only talk about this particular issue from the realm of my experience and those who i know. That experience tells me that people really get caught up in the idea that its for God or whatever, but let us be clear, IF in fact you are staying chaste for your god then GREAT i will support you if i know you. but like i said above, people use God as an excuse and use it to mask their negative body image and self esteem issues from time to time. Not saying that thats everyone but its certianly some folks out here.
“I think it’s a common stereotype that the folks who are virgins late in life are messed up in the head, but I can’t get with that. If I could go back in time with my present mind, I would try harder to wait as well. I think removing sex from a relationship allows folks to see the relationship better.”
The sterotype is common, i dont by it but i will agree its out there more than bootleg Northfaces in the early 00′s. I ask this question however, What did you learn that changed your view on chex? Do you think that because of your experiences shaped you in a particular way that you can be a testimony and signpost to others and that its best it happened the way it did? (just asking)
@Cheekie
“How someone is gon’ tell me why I’m a virgin baffles me. There are a plethora of reasons just as there are a lot of reasons to have sex with someone. You can’t pinpoint just one or draw some venn diagram as to the reasons or even invalidate someone’s reason for their choice. It’s not cool. And you probably wouldn’t want the same to be done to you and your choices, no matter what they be.”
Nods and snaps in agreement. Im not here to judge anybody. Ill also agree i cant draw a venn-diagram to say why someone did or didnt do something. However i can say that their are some common reasons we know people choose not to have sex. Using those as signpost of sorts I as an idividual choose to ask certian questions because ive often found that people havent really thought about the reasons they choose certian things. Its like how a person chooses their faith. You grow up with your parents and believe in what they believe in untill you start to take a deep look into yourself and what you believe and why. At that point i have all the respect in the world for your decision because its reasoned and logical. SOME people however stop short and never bother to really think about what they believe in themselves and for themselves….thats all im sayin…..
@ESQuared,
Thanks for responding. I get where you were going now. This:
“SOME people however stop short and never bother to really think about what they believe in themselves and for themselves….thats all im sayin…..”
Is true.
I think what people need to do is ask the questions you mentioned above instead of automatically determining what being a virgin means for that particular person. Or what type of person they are based on them being a virgin. Bottomline: the extremes gotta stop. A virgin doesn’t wanna hear how they’re crazy or a prude anymore than a person with X-amount of sexual conquests don’t wanna hear that they’re a ho or they have an STD. People’s experiences aren’t black or white. There are many shades of gray.
@Monk,
a woman or man who is humpin and pumpin isnt an indicator of being comfortable with their sexuality. I too was a holdout for a while and keenly understood generally speaking what I did and didn’t like. Couldn’t tell a man which way to hold my leg for optimal pleasure but I’ve always understood and accepted my own sensuality and sexuality. Among other factors, Hay SOOS included, I wanted to be sure I knew me first before I let somebody else try to KNOW me like that (and there were plenty offers cuz ninjas STAY tryina conquer new territory). And I didn’t have those rosy “it must be special and he must love me” fantasies, NTTAWWT, but I knew it wasn’t for me.
The man who sacked me ain’t give a damn bout me and I knew it. We enjoyed each others company, still do, and I had grown to trust him with my body, but I knew he just wanted to smash. and that was ok too. While I think I’d have been just fine had I waited, I have no regrets.
@Happy Meal,
I’m confused. What’s the purpose of holding out if you’re just going to give it up to someone who you know just want to hit it?
@Monk,
That was what worked for ME. I initially wanted to wait til I was married, for a whole slew of reasons (even made it through 2 relationships with no chex), but after while I got tired of waiting, and I wanted my first experience to be with someone who I trusted but didn’t necessarily want the emotional attachment b/c I felt like there was too much pressure for it to be special.
We were not in a relationship, I already knew he wanted me in that way, and I wanted it too, he just needed to earn my trust, which took him a while to do. There was no guarantee that he would get the goodies, just over the course of time I decided I wanted that experience and I specifically wanted it with HIM.
@Happy Meal,
oh em frikkin gee. reading your story is like reading a chapter in my own damn book. *smh* that’s crazy
@Monk, whoa whoa now…those ’96 Lil Kims have their purpose in the game called life, too.
@Monk,
“I don’t know about you all, but I give props to a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality.”
Weren’t you comfortable with your sexuality before you were de-flowered? I’d think you have to comfy with your sexuality enough in order to make the decision in the first place. There’s no on/off sexuality switch that automatically turns on once you’ve lost your virginity.
I’m most definitely comfortable with mine and have been for years. Sexuality is about more than the act of sex itself.
@Cheekie,
Sexuality is about more than the act of sex itself.
*Faith Tabernacle of the Living Waters and the Holy Ghost Church of Our Divine Reconciliation*
@BlackBerry Molasses, *interfaith service*
@overit and BBMo,
A mess, the both of you. I love ya’ll.
Ah well, might as well join in: *does the holy ghost dance* I do that because those are always fun.
@Cheekie,
I agree that sexuality is about more than just the act, but without experiencing the act, there’s no way one is going to be completely comfortable with it compared to once they have experienced it. It’s like when you first drive a car, you’re bound to be a little timid, afraid, or just plain uncomfortable, but after you do it more and more, you gain more confidence and become more comfortable behing the wheel. If you’ve never driven, you can’t really say that you’re comfortable with driving.
@Monk,
“I agree that sexuality is about more than just the act, but without experiencing the act, there’s no way one is going to be completely comfortable with it compared to once they have experienced it. ”
I can agree that you’ll probaby be MORE comfortable (this; however, is not a guarantee), but virgins aren’t all prudes and/or not knowledgable about sex or their sexuality. Or comfortable talking about it with their significant other. And comparing it to driving isn’t necessarily fair since driving is driving. You either hit accelerate, shift gears, or hit the breaks. But sexuality? Has a wide range of aspects and subcategories that is far more complex than driving. And you can’t really find sexuality in someone else, it has to be within, which is why you can be comfortable with it prior to doing the deed. Sex is a part of sexuality. It isn’t equal to it.
I mean, you would have to be comfortable with your sexuality to play with yourself, which I’m sure most (if not all) do before they do the deed with someone else. There are people who are even squeamish about that (sometimes because of religion, other times not being comfy with their body)…
@Cheekie,
I’m by no means saying that all virgins are prunes at all. I’m not even saying that they can’t be knowledgable about sex or their sexuality. Shiiiddd…you can learn a lot from reading a book (or watching porn…lol!!). But having knowledge about something is totally different from EXPERIENCE. If you’ve never had that special sexual connection with another human being, how can you really say that you know what it feels like? You may have some idea, but you never truly know what it’s like until you’ve done the deed.
@Monk,
Thanks for expounding. I agree, that having knowledge is different from experience. Experiencing sex is knowing about sex, not about your own sexuality. I would argue that you have to know and be comfortable with your own sexuality BEFORE you have fufilling sex anyhow.
Even though, I understand and agree with what you’re saying for the most part, it was your initial comment (“I don’t know about you all, but I give props to a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality”) that I disagreed with. It a was very generalizing statement. You were implying that virgins can’t possibly be comfortable with their sexuality, which is far from true. Again, sexuality isn’t something you can get from another person. You have to get that within yourself.
@Cheekie,
Sexuality is about more than the act of sex itself.
Exactly!!! most men (and a few women) do not understand this. And, I think a few of the men and women who are so against adult virginity probably don’t really understand this point.
@Monk, “I don’t know about you all, but I give props to a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality.”
I agree! A woman should do what she’s comfortable with and not worry about the judgements of others.
@Monk,
Just because someone is sexually active doesn’t mean that they are comfortable with their sexuality. And the same goes for someone who is a virgin. Blanket statements and sex do not work because sex is so subjective. What one person may deem as sexually liberating, another may deem that same thing to be degrading.
I don’t think I would date a virgin with the intention to pursue a relationship beyond being friends. I’m fully aware of my body. I know what it likes and what it doesn’t like and it doesn’t like inexperience. Now that doesn’t mean I want to look in the phone book and see your name under “Head Taker, back breaker” but you need to be able to navigate without a map. I haven’t been sexual in all of my relationships because I’m picky and they didn’t pass muster, lol, needless to say they didn’t last long.
I was lucky to grow up with 7 brothers so I saw a lot of game being played..miss me with that nonsense. I was a virgin until I was 17, so happens that he is now my fiance(long story), and I would do it all over again 100 times. He was my high school sweetheart and to this date no one could touch the sum of who he is. I’m the only woman in my circle who enjoyed their first time…..anyway that’s another story for another post, lol.
If you’re not ready then you’re not ready…period end of story, that’s the only reason you need. You have to live with your choices and regrets…choose wisely and establish your parameters if you choose to date someone with experience.
@Smiley Face,
I’m the only woman in my circle who enjoyed their first time…..anyway that’s another story for another post, lol.
lol, there was actually a post for that here a few months ago. and yea, most of the comments from women equate their first time to a scene from “hostel”
@The Champ,
I remember that post…lol
Can you link it? I wanna read it again.
@miss t-lee,
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/my-first-time/
dont say i never gave ya’ll nothing and sh*t
@The Champ,
Thank ya kindly.
@The Champ,
Thanks, Champster.
@The Champ,
Did I miss that post? Would love to read it. I echo miss t-lee (nothing new), can ya link it?
Or, were you the virgin hold-out??
Yep—til I was 21
Why?
Because I was waiting until I got married,or at least that was the plan. Until, I decided the plan had changed…lol
@miss t-lee, “Because I was waiting until I got married,or at least that was the plan. Until, I decided the plan had changed…lol”
Me too. Lol. I thought I was marrying the guy I gave mine too. Epic Fail!
@Nicki Sunshine,
Well…I didn’t exactly think I was marrying the guy, but we both had limited experience at the time (I was his 2nd).
After dating each other for a year I finally decided I was ready throw in the v-card.
I don’t regret it, I made the choice and I was grown, so I was good with it.
@miss t-lee,
That’s great, miss t-lee. I think that is the biggest accomplishment: having no regrets after doing the deed. Even if it wasn’t the greatest experience or with the greatest guy, it’s important to grow from it. And yes, usually your choice to do it is based off your feelings at the time. Can’t blame anyone for that.
@Cheekie,
Yes ma’am.
I think when you’re older and you are ready to throw in your v-card, you’re more apt to make a better decision about why you are doing it in the first place, versus teenage hormones making all the decisions for you…lol
Kudos to you and all the other v-card holders out there.
@miss t-lee,
“I think when you’re older and you are ready to throw in your v-card, you’re more apt to make a better decision about why you are doing it in the first place, versus teenage hormones making all the decisions for you…lol”
Most definitely.
Thanks for the kudos!
@miss t-lee, I get you. I don’t have any regrets for the one I lost it to either (now some of the others after……. lol)
@Nicki Sunshine,
Really…it was some of the “other-afters” I question too…lol
IMO, the first time wasn’t as memorable as the first time you really cut loose, lost all inhibitions and got caught up in the moment. What a rush.
Or the first time you with someone one and you know, without a doubt, that “you hit their spot” or you get them to lose themselves and get them to do something uncharacteristic of them like start growling and talking in tongues and shyt. Mama say mama sa ma cu sa
It’s moments like that you wonder if that’s the same way Alexander Graham Bell felt when he realized he’d just invented the telephone.
@T. Troy Stewart,
“It’s moments like that you wonder if that’s the same way Alexander Graham Bell felt when he realized he’d just invented the telephone.”
I believe so. LOL
@T. Troy Stewart,
for this :
“Mama say mama sa ma cu sa”.
you stoopit.
*snort*
@T. Troy Stewart,
“Or the first time you with someone one and you know, without a doubt, that “you hit their spot” or you get them to lose themselves and get them to do something uncharacteristic of them like start growling and talking in tongues and shyt. ”
ROFL. I got this visual of the chick from the Exorcist chanting “redrum” over and over again because you hit her spot.
@Cheekie, something you want to tell the class, young lady?
@T. Troy Stewart,
Whatever do you mean? lol
Here I go … so I’m almost a 30 year old virgin. Yeah, I said it!
My main reason for holding out was the religion factor. But now, I’m not as religious as I used to be so that’s not an issue for me. I’m at the point now where I feel ready to lose it, but I’ve held out for so long that I think it might be a little inappropriate to jump on the next dude I talk to. Also, at this age, guys do get freaked out about it and I know they question what’s wrong with me. I guess I have to keep holding on until the “right” person comes along …
@Jenny,
“Here I go … so I’m almost a 30 year old virgin. Yeah, I said it!”
Wow, go ‘head girl. I felt like an oldie for being 25, and I’m glad a lot of ya’ll are coming out of the woodworks and explaining why you’re keeping it tight. They are all valid reasons. I’m glad for this post. Thanks again, Panama Stanima!
@Cheekie,
I must say, I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one!
@Jenny,
LOL, ditto. I mean, I was never really iffy about revealing it in a sea of non-virgins here as I’m comfortable with my decision and can have a sense of humor about it. You have to. It’s sexually frustrating! lol
@Jenny,
welcome and sh*t.
btw, whenever people make statements like this…
“I’m at the point now where I feel ready to lose it, but I’ve held out for so long that I think it might be a little inappropriate to jump on the next dude I talk to”
…i get an image of them having a particularly horny day and spontaneously “jumping” the first unsuspecting guy they see that morning
@The Champ,
Funny you should say that … that’s exactly how I feel on some of those days!
@Jenny,
we’ve all been there
@The Champ, …i get an image of them having a particularly horny day and spontaneously “jumping” the first unsuspecting guy they see that morning
LOL
@The Champ,
“…i get an image of them having a particularly horny day and spontaneously “jumping” the first unsuspecting guy they see that morning”
This may not be too far from the truth, in my case, should the right ninja come along. lol
I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a virgin but I don’t think it is anything that deserves a pat on the back either. It is simply a personal decision on how you want to live your life and control your body. Sex can cause all sorts of drama, the worries of STDs, the hassles of birth control and of course all the “Ooops” babies, however, sex isn’t always JUST physical gratification. When there is true love between those two people the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical bliss is an intoxication beyond words and something I would never want to take back. Sexuality is a pleasure and a gift of which you share with only those deserving and of course that is a personal decision on who and how many are deserving but waiting for 5 carats from Tiffany’s shouldn’t really be a factor, I think love should.
@TLC,
Well said!
@TLC,
I totally agree. If that’s one’s choice, then cool. But you don’t deserve a cookie for it.
@TLC,
“I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a virgin but I don’t think it is anything that deserves a pat on the back either.”
It really ain’t that serious…I just think folks are surprised that we have the restraint and some are just looking back on the time they wish they could rewind in their own lives. It’s not like we’re having a Tightness Parade this year or nothing. lol
@Cheekie,
Tightness parade….LMAO!!!!!!! I just think being a virgin or not being one isn’t always a sign of restraint. I could have waited I wasn’t overcome with an urgency from a few kisses and moaning. I consicously made the choice and don’t want to take it back. No one compliments me for my choice nor would I want them to. Just saying nobody’s choice is better than the others
@TLC,
You read my mind!
@TLC,
“Just saying nobody’s choice is better than the others”
Yup, I agree with this actually. I just think people’s reasons for praising virginity is more personal than universal, know what I mean?
@Cheekie,
“praising virginity is more personal than universal”
Completely agree.
@TLC,
I know it’s a day late
and a dollar shortbut I just had to say it: Co-Sign!True Life….
I wasnt fit to deal with a virgin when i was in high school and had just started college. I was kicking it like ALI and i was ready to rumble. my freshman year i chilled i did a little of this a little of that and it was cool. THEN i moved into an apartment off campus. (DUN DUN DUN)
things started off cool at first folks would come over to study, wash clothes, play 360 on the big ass tv in the living room (Halo Tournaments with dudes smokin the purple monster and the rest of us taking shots everytime we lost a round and ish…good times…..) but then i had this kitchen. no one was using it, so i decided id give cooking a try. Their was this one nice young lady who was like my little sister. She only came over when i was home and stayed in my room on some (let me grab a quick nap or take a shower in a CLEAN shower type thing) she wasnt very social but we had Poli. Sci together so i guess their was a mental attraction. one day im out side whipping something up food network style because my last class of the day had been cancled and i had time to do it big and wasnt tired yet. We ate, I ate, then she asked me to take a shower with her. I didnt find out till AFTER I (theirs no nice way to say this) demolished her. (i talked to her for a few months after, but she was transfering to a school in Cali so it was pretty much a done deal)
I say all this to say, you think you wouldnt date a virgin, but if you just are cool with somebody, take your time, and arent chasing the booty pirates of the caribean style, you might get suprised.
@ESQuared,
haha…sounds like you were pleasently suprised.
@collegebunni, i really was. the randomness of it all made it feel like an out of body experience. like na, this isnt happening, i know it isnt, even when its going on. It still didnt feel real.
*Sigh*
I’ve spoken recently to a couple of virgins. One is 33 or 34, the other is like 28. The first one is chillin. I don’t know what her specific reasoning is but she’s untouched. Sweet girl really.
The second stated that she has had lots of difficulties with the men she’s dated recently. She cites it’s because of her V-card (which is partially true) however I’m sensing it’s something deeper. She told me why she was holding onto her virginity amidst complaints as to why she hasn’t gotten rid of it. Her parents did a doozie on her head, so her sexuality is under arrest by them and Jesus. Can’t knock religion…just seems to make the human experience so unfulfilled.
@CPT Callamity,
Can’t knock religion…just seems to make the human experience so unfulfilled
religion itself or virginity (or both)?
@The Champ,
“From the start the Christian faith is a sacrifice of all freedom, all pride, all self confidence of the spirit.”
Nietzsche
Im not saying its right. but it makes a whole lot of sense.
@CPT Callamity,
Can’t knock religion…just seems to make the human experience so unfulfilled.
Why was I thinking the same thing the other day?
Some controlling arse people, in an attempt to control humanity, jacked the idea of God and created Religion… *smh*
Now spirituality? I can get behind.
@Sula,
Yep. I think spirituality has more to do with tuning into one’s self and inner voice, not an external voice and set of eyes.
In this case, the young lady who made a promise to here parents and God is now frustrated. She has no clue about how her body operates and distraught because guys avoid her like the plague. Damn shame. Heathens like me don’t have those problems.
This could be a huge misconception, but I thought guys were relatively opposed to breaking a chick’s virginity for fear that she’d become too attached or fall in love or some shii. Is this wrong guys?
I don’t know if I could date a virgin…my virginity was lost many moons ago and as time progressed, I developed an “appetite”…and I get really evil when I’m hungry. Since I choose to be a loyal GF (no cheating), we’d probably end up fighting and shii all the time…probably not worth it.
FEED ME SEYMOUR!!!!!
@This Just In…Like Beyonce..Like Trinaaaaaaahhh,
“FEED ME SEYMOUR!!!!!”
*dead* but oh so true.
@This Just In…Like Beyonce..Like Trinaaaaaaahhh,
This could be a huge misconception, but I thought guys were relatively opposed to breaking a chick’s virginity for fear that she’d become too attached or fall in love or some shii. Is this wrong guys?
does that even happen for reals? I blame Hollywood.
all that chat about appetite done made me hungry…
@T. Troy Stewart,
That’s what I wanna know. Are guys really that afraid that the chick will become crazy and too attached to ya’ll if you de-flower her? Seems to me, if this happens to the extreme, she already had crazy tendencies prior to the act. I know chex can do a body good and make folks crazy, but fareal…
Usually when people cite sex as the problem, I’m skeptical…there always seems to be an underlying problem there.
@Cheekie,
Usually when people cite sex as the problem, I’m skeptical…there always seems to be an underlying problem there.
Agreed.
@T. Troy Stewart,
“all that chat about appetite done made me hungry…”
I think you mean the other word that begins with “H” and ends with “Y” and has “orn” in the middle.
@BlackBerry Molasses, isn’t that one in the same?
@T. Troy Stewart,
good point. and I’m a foodie with a voracious “appetite”
*sigh* blessings and curses, man. blessings and curses.
@This Just In…Like Beyonce..Like Trinaaaaaaahhh,
This could be a huge misconception, but I thought guys were relatively opposed to breaking a chick’s virginity for fear that she’d become too attached or fall in love or some shii. Is this wrong guys?
I dated a dude who only dated me to see if he could get the V-card from me b/c the fool just knew that girls did that shnizzle. Like he fully expected to not only get the initial taste of the goods (pun intended) but for me to do the foolywangthinlinebetweenloveandhatestalkhimcuzthepicklewassokoshertastic fool!!! He was immediately dumped and ignored for life.
@This Just In…Like Beyonce..Like Trinaaaaaaahhh,
FEED ME SEYMOUR!!!!!
LOL
For a minute there I thought I stumbled onto the wrong site. I was browsing around and saw all of these virgins, I had check the URL.
I dated a virgin. I was a virgin at the time. Together we became non-virgins. Ha!
@V Renee,
“For a minute there I thought I stumbled onto the wrong site. I was browsing around and saw all of these virgins, I had check the URL”
LOL. At my current rate of not getting none, I might as well be a virgin as frustrated as I am… WHY DC WHY?!
::goes to sit in the corner::
@Happy Meal,
You can’t get sex in DC? What’s going on there?
@CPT Callamity,
I’ll start with me: I’m on my recession hustle and Le grad school grind so between work and studying for the GRE I don’t have much time to get out to meet AND screen new candidates.
High levels of gaydom, HIV (etc.), and immaturity among some of the low hanging fruit keeps me ultra selective.
Needless to say, I’ll be on the prowl come November, assuming I don’t go to Italy first..(shout out to BBMo)
@Happy Meal,
*hands you a free plane ticket to Italy*
you WILL get your back blown out and your groove back.
you’re welcome.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
::holds ticket with both hands as if it were a precious gold bar::
Gee thanks! My homegirl told me Italy was the biznass but I just assumed she thought so cuz she was Italian.
@Happy Meal,
girl, them Sicilians….. matta of fact, them Greeks… h3ll, Mediterranean men in general
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The Summers of ’02 and ’03 were THE BIZ.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
They do love the Sistas.
@miss t-lee,
This could be a good match, Gawd KNOWS I love Baklava
@ Happy Meal
Gone girl…make it happen.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
I heard, I heard! Girl, best believe I have Italy as a destination trip on my bucket list. I heard they have n’an qualms about verbally stating just how gorgeous and sexy you are to them.
@Cheekie,
This Italian kat was trying to holla at me extra hard last year. He was just way too persistent and it was a major turn off.
@Cheekie,
mmmhmmm
I’ll link u to my story about my Trans Altantic Booty Call.
http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/2008/10/way-we-were.html
*checks calendar and ticket prices…*
oh wait, I have a dude. Oops.
@Cheekie, I heard they have n’an qualms about verbally stating just how gorgeous and sexy you are to them.
NONE at all, lol.
Thanks, BBMo. Off to read!
@BlackBerry Molasses,
so I read your tale from the crypt… Me thinks I may have to put grad school on hold for yet another year and just go….well that and follow ur blog
@Happy Meal,
thanks girlie.
and yes. GO. NOW. Tickets are cheap. Its the off season.
@BBMo,
I just read it too. And dayum. Had me daydreaming and fannin’ myself and ish. Good story!
I’ve been to your blog before of course and love it, but that was an exceptionally good entry!
@Happy Meal,
No chex…in DC?!?!? YOU might be disturbed.
Yeah…YOU…lol (I kid)
AYE! AYE!!
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
LOL touche. I AM disturbed, from not getting any *regularly* I dunno which is worse, not getting any at all, or getting a taste only to have it rationed after that….That my dear, is why I’m not afraid to fly for the D. but just because I done already gave up the v don’t mean I stopped being discerning.
I caint be goin around puttin it on EVERYBODY just cuz I can…ninjas get crazy!
@V Renee,
“I was browsing around and saw all of these virgins, I had check the URL.”
Me too!! Virgins coming from everywhere!
I have dated a virgin. We were in our early 20′s. He didnt tell me he was a virgin. I just thought he wasnt aggressive. It wasnt until we actually DID THE DO & he couldnt tell me if he’d FINISHED that I realized that I was his first. Thinking back on it now I wish he would have told me because I dont think I would have gone there: (1) it was really BAD sax (2) I think that your first time male or female should be memorable and with someone that you really care for.
@Yaa,
It wasnt until we actually DID THE DO & he couldnt tell me if he’d FINISHED that I realized that I was his first
so he never even plucked the eyebrow either? damn, talk about being backed up. you probably could have measured his semen in liters
@The Champ,
Ewwwww.
@The Champ, I was like….Did you “FINISH” (clean version). He was like…. “I don’t know?” How could he know know?!?!? I was confused at first but the look on his face was like he’d just hit at bingo, won a spelling bee or put together his first Ikea bookshelf. He just looked accomplished!! I realized then that it was his first time.
Champ you are so gross!!!
@The Champ,
that was VILE. never say that again while I’m eating.
So, is this the post where all the virgines come to the yard? LOL…I’ve actually been waiting for this post, Panda because I’m interested in what ninjas have to say about this.
The number one thing that usually scares men off of us virgines is due to religion. Like, waiting ’til marriage. I’m not necessarily waiting ’til marriage. Just waiting for love. Now those two can be interchangeable, but they rarely are…especially for us Black women.
Now, I have to ask: What makes it worth it?
- The anticipation of deflowering the tightness?
- Being head over heels in love?
- She loves you long time orally?
- She cooks you Cream of Wheat every morning?
- You’re gay?
- She’s your mode of transportation?
I’m intrigued. What would make waiting worth it?
@Cheekie,
The virgin that I know stated that it was a two part reason why she wasn’t giving up the goods. The first being her faith, the second a “promise” made to her parents. Now if you’re approaching 30, there has to be some time where you honor thy parents but at the same time you gotta honor your own body too. Whatever the case, it sounds like too many hands covering the cookie jar. That’s no way to live.
I’ve taken one person’s virginity and luckily she wasn’t googly goo all over me afterwards. It wasn’t as much of a unicorn sighting as all the old heads made it out to be. That virgin death grip that people think they’d get can be gotten from someone who does her Kegel’s so eh…
What could make waiting worth it? Shyt…I dunno. A consolation prize?
@Cheekie,
I’m intrigued. What would make waiting worth it?
you’re in love and you’re convinced that you’re gonna eventually marry the girl.
thats about it.
@Cheekie, besides what was already stated above, what would make waiting on a virgin/celibate worth it was if her company was THAT good and y’all were THAT into each other. Someone who’s wack won’t have you patient.
And while I don’t think oral chex counts as being a virgin, that durb sure does help a lot (but I value that over beating the box anyway, so hey!).
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
lol @ beating the box…I dunno why I thought of Peruvian instruments when I read that… you wouldn’t be a member of Peru Negro would you?
Something I got in an e-mail just this morning to help the virgins, and to make those of us that have been deflowered and the gardeners think a bit……
Current movies, books, television shows and magazines are full of impressions and suggestions about sex. We have examples all around us of couples engaging in pre-marital and extra-marital sex. There’s no way around it-today’s culture fills our minds with hundreds of reasons to just go ahead and have sex outside of marriage. But as Christians, we don’t want to simply follow everyone else. We want to follow Christ and know what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage.
10 Reasons Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage
Reason #1 – God Tells Us Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage
In the seventh of God’s Ten Commandments, he instructs us not to have sex with anyone other than our spouse. It is clear that God forbids sex outside of marriage. When we obey God, he is pleased. He honors our obedience by blessing us.
Deuteronomy 28:1-3
If you fully obey the LORD your God … [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God … (NIV)
God has a reason for giving us this command. First and foremost, he knows what’s best for us. By obeying him, we trust God to look out for our best interests.
Reason #2 – We Won’t Miss Out on the Blessing of the Wedding Night
There’s something very special about a couple’s first time. In this physical act the two become one flesh. Yet it is more than just physical oneness – a spiritual union takes place. God planned for this exclusive experience of discovery and pleasure to happen only within the intimacy of marriage. If we don’t wait, we miss out on a very special blessing from God.
1 Corinthians 6:16
Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever-the kind of sex that can never “become one.” (The Message)
Reason #3 – We Will Be Spiritually Healthier
If we live as carnal or fleshly Christians, we will seek to gratify the desires of the flesh and live only to please ourselves. If we live this way, the Bible says we cannot please God. We will be miserable under the weight of our sin. As we continue to feed our fleshly desires, our spirit will grow weak and our relationship with God will be destroyed. Complacency with sin leads to worse sin, and eventually, spiritual death.
Romans 8:8,13
Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live … (NIV)
Reason #4 – We Will Be Physically Healthier
This one is a no-brainer. If we refrain from sex outside of marriage, we will be protected from the risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (NLT)
Reason #5 – We Will Be Emotionally Healthier
One reason God tells us to honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure has to do with baggage. We carry baggage into our sexual relationships. Memories from the past, emotional scars and unwanted mental images can defile our thoughts and make the marriage bed less than pure. Certainly God can forgive the past, but that doesn’t mean we’re free from the baggage that can linger in our minds.
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)
Reason #6 – We Will Show Consideration for Our Partner’s Well-Being
If we put our partner’s needs above our own and consider their spiritual well-being, we’ll be compelled to wait for sex. We, like God, will want what’s best for them.
Ephesians 5:2
Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. (NLT)
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; (NASB)
Reason #7 – Waiting is a Test of True Love
Love is patient. That’s about as simple as it gets. We can learn the sincerity of our partner’s love by their willingness, or lack thereof, to wait.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking … (NIV)
Reason #8 – We Will Have No Negative Consequences to Deal With
There are always consequences to sin. Some of those effects can be devastating. An unwanted pregnancy, a decision to have an abortion or place a child for adoption, broken relationships with family and friends – these are just a few of the possible outcomes we face when we choose to have sex outside of marriage. We should be sure to consider the snow ball effect of sin. And what if the relationship does not last? Hebrews 12:1 shows that sin hinders our lives and easily entangles us. We will be much better off if we avoid these negative consequences.
Reason #9 – We Will Keep Our Christian Testimony Intact
We don’t set a very good example of godly living when we disobey God. The Bible says in 1 Timothy 4:12 to “be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” (NIV)
In Matthew 5:13 Jesus compares his followers to “salt” and “light” when we represent him in the world. When we no longer shine the light of Christ, when we lose our Christian testimony, we lose our “saltiness.” In other words, we become flavorless and bland. We lose our ability to attract the world to Christ. Luke 14:34-35 puts it strongly, saying that salt without saltiness is worthless, not even fit for the manure pile.
Reason #10 – We Won’t Settle For Less Than God’s Perfect Will
When we choose to have sex outside of marriage, we settle for less than God’s perfect will – for ourselves and for our partner. And if we do this, we don’t know what we might end up with. Perhaps we’ll end up in a miserable marriage.
So, here’s some food for thought: If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign about their spiritual condition. If you are the one who wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign of your own spiritual condition.
Author Bro Abbey from Facebook Group SAVE SEX FOR MARRIAGE!!!
Be Blessed
Melanie B. Kelly
Prophetic Dancer & Poet
http://www.purposedrivenpraise.com
@OrangeStar616,
ummm. thanks and sh*t, i guess
@The Champ,
you’re the worst.
@OrangeStar616,
Be Blessed
Melanie B. Kelly
Prophetic Dancer & Poet
She is a prophetic dancer?
Yeah…
i have dated a virgin that “does everything but go all the way” and i must say it worked out pretty well.
i’m a sucker for love when it comes to a “meeting of the minds” besides, if i’m not trying to wife you then i am only interested in your “thought process” anyway.
ironically, i look askance and have vehemently dumped women that partake in coitus but won’t let me get my lady gaga on.
***while typing this post i realized that i judge women on 4 categories (in no particular order)
- style; clothes, shoes, hair, kooter aroma
- fellatiousness
- callipygianality
- music she listens to
she can get wifed or dumped in a moment’s notice with the right/wrong combination of the above.
@Carver The Great!,
- fellatiousness
- callipygianality
these are beautiful words, man
Well, as someone who was a virgin for much longer than my friends..LOL, and I was 18 geez, loose chicks. Anywho, most women who have RELATIONSHIPS dont’ remain virgins unfortunately. So, why not date a virgin? Chances are if you stick around for a while, you’ll be the first!
I know 3 women that stayed virgins past 18, one until 21, the other until 29, the other until 24. All 3 of these people gave it up to the first guy they had a substantial relationship with….For me, I dated the same guy from 16-23. I gave it up 2 years in at the age of 18 and we stayed together for years after that. BTW, the 29 year old NEVER had a boyfriend until 29, however, she gave and received oral sex with many until 29. Which is worse?
So, men, the key to keeping your daughter a virgin is basically hatin’ so that she doesn’t enter into a full fledge bf/gf relationship. Chances are, she may stay a virgin much longer.
@K-swiss,
“BTW, the 29 year old NEVER had a boyfriend until 29, however, she gave and received oral sex with many until 29.”
Wow, what a situation…
@Cheekie,
LOL, yeah, we used to get into debates all the time because I told her 5 years before she broke her “virginity” that her azz wasn’t a darn virgin. I you’re doing all that, you are NOT pure. That is a fake virgin lol.
@K-swiss,
Exactly. Those “everything short of sticking it in” virgins are just lying to themselves.
@Cheekie,
Those are the ones whose are often the loudest. The hilarious irony of hypocrisy.
Bond.
@Cheekie,
see, “everything short of sticking it in” would be me…..
I think the question would be what should we call ourselves then? If someone asks are you a virgin and I say no…..but then they ask about the best sex i’ve had and I say I haven’t actually had it…. it makes for unnecessary convo right? just easier to say i’m a virgin…although i prefer to just say i haven’t had sex… not loud about it.. like someone said, I don’t think it’s something to be proud or unproud about…. it just is…. like some people have never been on an airplane or cut /permed their hair
@K-swiss,
What’s funny is those chicks love to do “everything but” with a lot of guys and claim “nothing happened.” You CAN be a virgin hoe.
@Voiceofreason,
“You CAN be a virgin hoe” LMMFAO!!!!
I got one of my homegirls thats the same way. U aint gettin nowhere near the taco stand but she take great pride in her neck game, plus the dark tunnel is optional. SMH
Or, were you the virgin hold-out?? Why?
Yep, until I was 19…because I wasn’t tryna “go” with just anyone. I wanted it to be with someone that I knew cared about me as much as I cared about him…which happened to be my first love. And, no, I wasn’t one of those virgins that did everything under the sun.
Now, is it bad that I remember the exact date? And is it bad that since I didn’t go to church on the Sunday it happened…I said a prayer asking for forgiveness before insertion? lol Don’t yall DARE judge me!
@K to the…, LOL, I did the same thing. Also, I remember the date also and I am 32 now!
@K to the…,
“Now, is it bad that I remember the exact date?”
I don’t think so.
I can’t remember the date anymore, but I do remember the month and year…lol
@K to the…,
lol. let the first without blame throw stones…no worries, it ain’t me.
@K to the…,
I remember the exact date too. The difference with me is I SPRINTED to church the next day. And I was waaaaaaaaaay older than you.
The only reason I was a virgin (in every since of the word) until 23:
My shyness and body image issues
The lack of men approaching me
The toothless wonders that did
Finally had sex with someone and we’re still together, 3.5 years later.
@ChiChi,
lmfao @ the toothless wonders that did. I know that all too well.
I’m glad ya’ll are still together and for a substantial time. Beautiful! Aw…
now that the comments have piled up a bit, i wanted to point out a couple misconceptions among them. btw, the “no-pat-on-the-back/props” folks…..slight hateration, eh?
–i appreciate OrangeStar616, but she just scared a LOT of people….
a few people talked about “religious”/”bible-thumping” virgins as if they are the most naive/ignorant creatures walking this earth. simply stated, that’s a generalization. first off, the concept of religion and an actual relationship with God, are polar opposites. religion stifles your identity, while knowing God fulfills it. why NEED sexual experience as an adult, when spiritual experience and integrity should take priority over that? so call me bible-thumping or whatever. this does not mean i’m not sexually aware of my own body or how to develop relationships w/ men (actually quite the opposite, ha). secondly, my parents never made me promise to do anything, but i came to my own conclusions through reading God’s word & drawing upon others experiences. thirdly, i can’t begin to tell you how many people i know who were virgins (even up til 30), who waited until marriage–for love and their commitment to God–and their lives are SO blessed and fulfilled by their relationships, and their decision to wait.
–all virgins are sad…depressed… lonely… frustrated… desperate…. FEARFUL? um so not true.
all i’m saying is that just because it’s not your life and your perspective means you should knock it or demean it. & please don’t peddle the ridiculous stereotypes about Christians…. it looks ignorant on your part. thx!
@extravirgin101,
once again well put!! Virgins R We!!
lol. *high fives*
Panama, you done started a virgine revolution.
@extravirgin101,
–all virgins are sad…depressed… lonely… frustrated… desperate…. FEARFUL? um so not true.
THANK YOU! I know men (and yes, they are straight) and women who waited until they were well in to their 20s. Some folks don’t understand that a lot of older virgins just use discernment. They’re weeding out all the ones who aren’t worth the time it takes to remove a shoe let alone the rest of their clothes. And they’re saving themselves from all the problems sex can bring in to ones life if it’s with the wrong person. A lot of them also view sex as a meaningful experience between two people who deeply care for one another; not a sport.
@Voiceofreason,
*sigh, i heart this comment.
if this comment were a man, i’d let him deflower me, only because we love and understand each other that much….lmao!
V-power!!! i really appreciate this, since i’m approching tough times in school, and by tough i mean h*rny times…
but this is encouraging. personally, i just take it one day at a time, lord knows it’s hard (at times, cause toothless wonders, really help me stay pure) but i’m really encouraged.
@collegebunni,
LOL! I know it’s tough sometimes but you should definitely keep waiting until you find a guy who not only wants to have sex with you, but genuinely wants to get to know you and build a relationship with you 1st. And vice versa, of course.
Toothless wonders and gold toothed villains make it easy to wait. And if you’re picky like me, most men probably don’t grab your attention anyway.
@Voiceofreason,
Your e-moniker is very well deserved, is alls I gotta say!
@Cheekie,
Thanks!
@extravirgin101,
Thank you!
@extravirgin101, yes very nicely stated esp your breakdowns on GOD and religion so many get it confused..
I wasn’t trying to scare people but more folk need to realize that sexuality and spiritualty are connected, VERY connected.
@OrangeStar616,
For some, spirituality and sexuality are indeed connected, in the sense that sex can be a spiritual experience. I think it’s important to understand that spirituality (and how it’s related to sex) is a very personal issue that varies from person to person and even among Christians. Just because people choose to have sex outside of wedlock does not mean that they are not in touch with their spirituality or that they underestimate the connection between spiritually and sex.
@Classic,
That answer is just classic… like the name implies.
@extravirgin101,
I don’t think it’s hating to believe that there are no props or pat on the back due for a personal decision YOU made about YOUR body. That’s like someone giving me a big huge “Yaaaaay You” for using baby oil on my skin or getting a tattoo. They are decisions about my body that some people think are great and others don’t, but if someone happens to be one of the people who are not in agreeance I don’t think they are hating, they just don’t agree, it’s as simple as that.
Also, I don’t think OrangeStar616 scared anyone, as inspirational as some of those points are there surely can be holes poked in a lot of those arguments.
I don’t think those who are not virgins have any less restraint than any one else. I completely made my decision because I felt I was ready and I don’t regret the decision at all. I personally respect your decision to chose what is best for you but that does not mean the choice you have made is the best choice for others.
Riddle me this batman. What’s up with the “I’m not handin out a handshake jus cause yous a virgin”?!?. It’s like those people who ask my married friends “you’re having ANOTHER child” but would NEVER open their mouth to say that to a single mother on her 7th child with the 9th baby daddy. . .had to go on Maury and errrthang to figure it all out! People seem to have a hard time understanding, but no problem vocalizing when folks do things that a)they think is right for themselves that b)aren’t negatively affecting anyone (well except for the blue balls. . .cqtm*) or c)steadily calling out and hating on those who chose to do the opposite. I don’t get it. Picture me puzzled.
When I made my choice it certainly wasn’t for everyone else’s approval; on the contrary, it earned me the ire of many men. It’s a personal decision. Being a virgin until I was 26 and married was no more weirder to me than those people who lost theirs at *insert age here* to you.
Things I NEVER had to worry about staying a virgin:
-being preggers (or getting someone preggers)
-(along the same lines) getting an STD
-if he would be there in the morning / is going to call me the next day/week/ever again
-wondering if he only likes me for the chex
-being attached to the chex and HATING the person (ok maybe hate is a strong word, but you get where I’m going)
Things I appreciate having waited:
-a loving husband who I can communicate with, get as freaky as i want with, will be there when I wake up, proudly be the father of my children, will be there when I wake up, willing to try new things without being judged, can get it anytime I want it.. forever, et al
*cqtm: chuckled quietly to myself -not my original phrase, forgot the author
@GApeachnDC,
welcome and sh*t
@extravirgin101,
religion stifles your identity, while knowing God fulfills it.
Ugh. This was that hot fire…enough to almost make me ask for your phone number…(lol)
Bond. BlkBond.
glad that resonated with you…. as for the digits, you have to fill out a seven-page application, turn in a credit report, take a full physical, and write two short essays before you can get those.
you know us virgins do. LOL. j/k.
@extravirgin101,
The virgin ‘prerequisites’ are nothing compared to the Blk Bond general application….
Bond.
@extravirgin101, religion stifles your identity, while knowing God fulfills it.
you betta get it on olive oil! (extra virgin…get it? ha!) you ROCK. that was probably the edited down version of my thoughts on the religion angle of this discussion. what else would keep a virgin warm but a higher power? lol. all yall are awesome!
@extravirgin101,
No hate here…just not gonna toot your horn.
@monk (and @TLC),
hmm… i dunno. i guess i’ve never understood the logic of a person making a public declaration that they’re not or they are going to do something. just do it or DON’T. no one else had to let everyone know what they ‘weren’t’ gonna do. they just didn’t give props, which is cool by me. it just looks suspect on your part. and it’s kinda funny….
whatever the case, no horns, pats, or yaaays are needed. disagreement is awesome. in fact, i appreciate you leaving my horn alone. *pause. thnk ya.
sincerely,
olive oil.
@extravirgin101,
So declaring that I’m not giving props equates to me hating??
Man, one thing I’ve noticed from some virgins on here today is they some seem to be a little uptight and I wonder why. Never mind, I think I may know why.
@Monk,
“Man, one thing I’ve noticed from some virgins on here today is they some seem to be a little uptight and I wonder why. Never mind, I think I may know why.”
LMFAO. Talk about “shots fired”.
Hopefully, I didn’t come across as uptight — I try to have a sense of humor about it, and pretty much everything — and I didn’t get an uptight vibe at all from the more “vocal” virgins on here. I think most of the “uptightness” was due to unfounded and generalized statements made on here. But then again, people are bound to retort on any genralization, no matter what it (or your chex numbers) may be.
@Monk,
LOL!
@extravirgin101,
I think responding to the words of a blog and the slew of tooted horns that followed are different than making a public declaration of a general behavior. If I were to meet you in everyday life and it was somehow mentioned you were a virgin a simple, “Oh.ok” which would have clearly shown my subjective thoughts of the statement not deserving praise, but in this realm of VSB subjective views are voiced to keep the conversation progressive. As you said “disagreement is awesome” and if we didn’t have it this would just one long thread of “good for you” and that is pretty boring.
@extravirgin101,
“all virgins are sad…depressed… lonely… frustrated… desperate…..”
Your VJJ may be all those things, but YOU my virgin friends, are not.
I was the virgin once. *Throws corner sto likkah on the pavement*
Men will literally try to molest you after you tell them that.
Talmbout, “I’ll be gentle/gurl I’d turn you out,” yaddayadda.
After a good amount of time and pure wear down resistance, college and the “love of my life” pt 1 won the good fight.
@Neicy,
welcome and sh*t
@monk, I agree that sex is the most important part in an adult relationship…so important that it should be a steady process of love (first), respect, mental and emotional readiness and then sex right?… however, I’m sorry but comparing an adult virgin to an adult still living at home is kinda absurd…well, some people have already said it all. sex today is not an intimate and pleasurable moment between two loved ones anymore, but rahter a game. call me oldfashioned but I think its important that sex should be between lifelong partners as it would be more intimate and even spiritually connected, instead of just a satisfaction of the flesh at that very moment. If this is not the case many complications arise (and that’s what I as a virgin is looking to avoid) as extravirgin said “if sex is with the wrong person it complicates YOU” I really don’t want to share my body with the wrong person. some people are not mentally and emotionally ready that’s why there’s so much foolery going on nowadays. Congrats to those who to those who lost it and have no regrets, still with the person, having the time of their lives etc etc, but for some1 like me I am waiting to do it with and at the right time I feel is good for “me” and btw No I don’t want a certificate and hell no there’s nothing wrong with me…lol
@Dallas,
welcome n sh*t
@Dallas,
It’s one’s own decision as to why, when, and whom they choose to have (or not have) sex with and I totally respect one’s opinion or decision either way. I just don’t think it’s prop-worthy if you make the decision (either way).
My analogies about the adult living at home with his/her parents and the one about driving has everything to do with the fact that if one is a virgin, in my opinion, they cannot be a sexpert. They may be knowledgable about sex and sexuality, but if you haven’t experienced it, you are not the authority on it. A 30-year-old adult who still stays a home with their parents and has never lived on their own isn’t going to be very credible in my eyes if they’re preaching about what it’s like to live on their own. Feel me?
I was a virgin before my boyfriend read this blog and raped me. Thanks a lot!
@JamDa,
no problem. glad we could help
@The Champ,
im confused.
True Story: My freshman year, Still holder of the V-Card, I started dating this dude from CT. (why that’s relevant IDK, just vibe with me) So like 3 weeks into us dating I was already tired of him. He was so damn extra. Kissing me on the cheek in the cafeteria during the dinner rush, waking up for no damn reason to eat breakfast with me and ish, walking me to every.single.one. of my classes and extra curricular activities… mad smothering like. Right? Then one day, while studying in one of the private rooms in the library he was trying to “put the moves on me” and ish and I wasn’t cooperating and he got mad and was going off on some why you always shutting me down type ish. I told him up front… you cute, very attractive but there will be no chexing. Not today, tomorrow, the day after, next week, next month or next year. HE ain’t believe me. We go to Morris Brown for the weekend with the school on a sponsored trip and the light bulb goes off. He turns to me and asks “You not a virgin are you?” And I looked him dead in his face and said “yep, gotta problem with it?” HE said “Hell yeah!!” I was shocked. He gone say “My problem is… you a liar. You ain’t no damn virgin.”
I stopped talking to him after that.
Cracks me up even to this day.
@Ro,
Cracks me up even to this day.
lol, after reading all of that, i wish i could say “me too”
@Ro,
“You not a virgin are you?”
I used to hate hearing that. I’d always respond with, “I am. And I can’t believe you’re NOT a virgin. What dumb @$$ heiffer gave it up to YOU!”
I was until 23. I still remember the place, person, time, country, room, everything.
I really have no regrets about my first. Those afterward? Some should have gotten the “you’ve been mooshed” pass, but it taught me some things.
If you are a virgin, then do you. Ultimately, it’s your body.
@Stank-0,
If you are a virgin, then do you
i agree with the most literal interpretation of this
@The Champ,
“If you are a virgin, then do you”
“i agree with the most literal interpretation of this”
LOL, same here. The above is my mantra, actually. In both literal and figurative form.
@Stank-0,
“I really have no regrets about my first. Those afterward? Some should have gotten the “you’ve been mooshed” pass, but it taught me some things.”
Took the words right out of my mouth! well. i woulda never said mooshed. But still. lol
a few things and sh*t
—-the swarm of virgins on vsb today further proves something i’ve always thought: people aren’t having nearly as much sex as we assume everybody is. i actually think we’d all be surprised at how many people we each personally know who aren’t f*cking at all (even those in relationships)
—-nothing’s more amusing than a sexually inexperienced woman saying that she’d only be seriously interested in a sexually experienced man.
—-after a certain age, i equate being a virgin to not having a drivers license. while neither are absolutely crucial to your survival and happiness and some people have perfectly practical reasons (“waiting for the right person”, “i live in manhattan and don’t need to drive”) for each, in the end, the longer you wait the more limits you put on your potential growth as a person.
still, with that being said, although i’ve never been with a v, i can’t say that i’d be opposed to being with one. it would depend on a combination of my level of interest and the reasons why she’s still a v.
—-i’ve been with sexually active women who’ve been so uncomfortable with their own bodies and sexuality that they might as well been on team v. basically, forget whether or not they’re f*cking, the real issue is whether or not a grown ass woman is able to make herself cum. ahhh, the joys of pastorchasing
@The Champ,
to points 1,2/4
CHUUUUUUUUUURCH
@The Champ, “i live in manhattan and don’t need to drive”
ok, i might need lunch now. i’m creating this alternate universe in my head, where only virgins live. their world will be called manhattan and the biggest magazine will be virgin vibe.
@overit?,
go.eat.
@The Champ,
“the swarm of virgins on vsb today further proves something i’ve always thought: people aren’t having nearly as much sex as we assume everybody is. i actually think we’d all be surprised at how many people we each personally know who aren’t f*cking at all (even those in relationships).”
I wish you’d put a number on it. Compare your number to the rise in teenage pregnancy and HIV diagnosis. Tell me then if folks are having sex. Just because 10 folks come out and say they are virgins shouldn’t really make your point. Maybe folks that didn’t wait until marriage are now afraid to say something.
Your driver’s license analogy was great!
@The Champ,
The irony is that I just got my license last week end!! I’m 23!
. . .lost the V at 21 though.
But yea. your analogy game is mean and vicious.
hmm, i’m kinda torn. while i don’t think i’d ordinarily date a virgin, the idea of brukkin one out intrigues me (btw, brukkin out is guyanese for turning them into a freak) thinking bout it now, def on my list of things to do b4 i die. that said, i think virgins hella strong! cuz i can’t see myself being with sum1, getting all close to them and feeling all tingly inside and NOT do anything. maybe its just me, i’m a freak like dat and prob need to turn down my sex dial by a couple hundred notches. but i got mad respect fuh dem tho, all virtuous and ishh
@nikki87,
“all virtuous and ishh”
See…I want this on a shirt.
This made me laugh for a full 10 seconds.
My first “Real” girlfriend was a virgin. I waited for her but eventually time ran out LOL!! But we tried a couple of times but each time she broke down crying. It really made me feel bad so after the 2nd time I told her she was not ready and vowed never to try again with her. The crying was too much for me!!
@J Money,
welcome and sh*t
VSB, we have got to do a better job communicating on topics. I swear, I think our topic folder is being shared. Well, I’m still going to blog about this, guess I will have to simply give more personal info to balance the logic.
I dated a virgin when I was 15 she was my first love. She had sex with another guy who sold drugs who bought her a pager, custom made tweety bird chain & matching earrings (lol). I was devastated at the time because for the most part I was faithful. For the most part after than I was cool on virgins. I felt like they used their ‘status’ as mythical beings to entice unsuspecting guys into their web. Even more ironic-many were not ‘virgins’; they engaged in oral and in some cases, anal sex (WTF?!). Needless to say it didn’t take me long to ‘adapt’ to their style of ‘play’. I dated virgins in college, but of course I would chex other women.
I used to teach one of my best friends (female v-card carrier) that virgins can’t date/be players, but there are some who try. For most men, it’s hard to date a woman who is not active, then if that man learns he is not the only one she is ‘dating’…the ish will hit the fan. Such was the case alot of times in college. Alot of virgins took liberties where other women would be dismissed and often disrespected because of that vcard and the allure of being that lucky man to obtain it.
Ironically, through all of my adventures, I have began talking to a virgin. I wouldn’t say we are dating, but we talk and there is possibility. I only think this is possible because I have done damn near everything imaginable on Earth, in Heaven, and in warm parts of Hell. However, I honestly think that she may take deference to a woman who is just as intelligent, attractive, personable, etc. yet, sexually active.
For me, it’s not about “I need to hit”, but there is an undeniable truth, trust, and respect when someone thinks enough of you and your relationship to share their body with you. That makes it easier to trust them. It allows you to be vulnerable. So, when (at this point in my life) a woman chooses to give herself to me-mentally, emotionally, and physically, I am more inclined to give all of myself as well. It seems hard to fathom that, when you withhold something so intimate from someone who you supposedly love.
Bond.
@BlkBond,
two snaps for the last paragraph
u goin hard on me today but it’s all good lol
@BlkBond,
Deep. Lol.
@BlkBond,
CoSignage.
Been having connection issues in my area, but I’ll try to remember what I was saying.
For one, gotta love this topic begging for the “men ain’t sh*t” comments from the girls….
Anyway, virgins: The women that lost their virginity to me were obviously just ready to go in their mind, and their being a virgin never rated or appealed to me. If I wasn’t interested enough in a chick who happened to be a virgin (or at this current time, if I even sense she is one) I just leave well enough alone, other fish for both of us. I was never one of those weirdos who sought out virgins to deflower like notches on a belt, plus I never equated virginity with virtuosity (I know a virgin chick who has no problem seeing another woman’s man). To me, virgins just see sex as an afterthought and simply ain’t pumped about sex like that
unlike me, who was way too inspired by pron.I won’t even get started on religion, especially those built from cultures that fear and don’t like sex and sexuality to begin with…
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I won’t even get started on religion, especially those built from cultures that fear and don’t like sex and sexuality to begin with…
Y’all were all deep and stuff in here yesterday!
@The champ ….thank you and sh*t…lol
@ Stuff Ghetto People Like: (I know a virgin chick who has no problem seeing another woman’s man)
i know virgins who would readily engage in oral sex and still consider themselves ‘pure’ simply bcuz there was no penetration. but to each their own. everybody convince themselves diff things to help them get thru tha day. although i’m not a virgin there were times when i regretted giving it up when i did. i do believe sex is intimate and special, even more so when it’s shared between 2 persons in luv. eg i was with my ex for 3 yrs and it wasn’t until our 1st yr 2gether that we made luv…cuz that’s what it was, luv. there was no pressure or anything like that. although it wasn’t the 1st time for either of us, it was the first we did something so special 2gether…so i guess in a sense there was a kinda ‘virgin-ness’ about that experience
@nikki87,
i know virgins who would readily engage in oral sex
Even though that’s usually known to be teenagers going that route, I wouldn’t put it past old girl (who’s 29)
@GApeachnDC when I grow up I want to be like you…lol
@cheekie (I think it was you) allow me to re-introduce myself I am a S.E.X.Y Virgin! lol
@Dallas,
Go’ head wit you bad self! *daps*
What I say, though? I mean, what were you replying to?
I’ve never dated a virgin , but lately I’ve been meeting guys who are very religious and want to wait a very long time until having sex. I met this one very attractive guy and a really good guy, but is holding off on sex until he meets the one who he’s going to marry even though he’s not a virgin. This causes a lot of frustration.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like: Even though that’s usually known to be teenagers going that route, I wouldn’t put it past old girl (who’s 29)
trust me, i know some grown a*s ppl who talk and believe the most ignorant sh*t. it ain’t even funny. like this nurse chick once who met my friend for the first time and wanted to screw him w/o a condom cuz he ‘looked clean’….she counsels HIV/AIDS victims and she’s pushing 30
@nikki87,
like this nurse chick once who met my friend for the first time and wanted to screw him w/o a condom cuz he ‘looked clean’….she counsels HIV/AIDS victims and she’s pushing 30
What in the Sam Cassell is wrong with this chick? She needs to have her vajayjay taken away from her…dumbauss!!!
How to make it more equal opportunity and gender neutral?
“they continue to curse the earth with their stale vaginas”
Throw in some commentary about putrid peen?
I’d be interested in knowing the ages of the Virgins on this board..just out of curiosity.
I honestly don’t believe there can be that many GROWN (25 and over) virgins in one place on the web. From my experience, the number of people holding their “virgin” cards drops significantly upon becoming grown. College and high school is a bit different and in most cases much easier to keep your virginity in tact. Once you enter adulthood when you are seriously dating and/or checking for someone and have your own stuff, no rules, no parents, no fear of backlash, it’s MUCH harder.
@K-swiss,
Eighteen. && yah I know I’m not making it until 25..lol.
When I was a virgin, for a while, I found that men who were wildly attracted me, wanted nothing to do with me when they found I still had the v-card. The man who got the jack pot… waited 6 months until I was ready…. We grew very close. Was he getting it from somewhere else… ? Absolutely.
But the truth is, sometimes it’d pay off for a woman to date like a virgin. No not to lie to your sig-o, but date as if your body is precious. When you’re a virgin you’re not trying to lose it to just anyone. And we all know that when you wait and develop interests beyond physical attraction, the relationship is stronger.
Noni Aminah Jones
@Noni Aminah Jones,
“Was he getting it from somewhere else… ? Absolutely. ”
See stuff like that scares me but you have to be realistic. I know that the majority of guys my age (well any age) aren’t going to be willing to abstain from sex for a long time, especially if they’re used to getting some often. && I get that BUT then what are we virgins supposed to do? Accept that they will cheat? Because not all of us are willing to engage in oral sex. Is it selfish/stupid to expect them to wait?
@Anonymiss, Absolutely NOT. First of all, I loved my first… and I don’t regret choosing him, but he was not “the one… the be all, end all”. If you are a virgin and waiting, then I think you wholeheartedly acknowledge and respect how sacred and special the woman’s body is. You’re saving your self for someone worth you, and someone you’re in love with. If he’s in love with you, he’ll wait as long as he has to… I think.. because the gratification is far beyond physical. That’s just my opinion. I believe powerful connections like that really do exist. The choice of virginity is not at all stupid or selfish and please don’t let anyone tell you that. Especially in the age of HIV. More people should follow your lead.
In regards to my first, when were abstaining, we didn’t do anything sexual… nothing that would tease him. But the truth is, we were so close that we would often sleep in the same bed, spoon in fact, and it wouldn’t go beyond that. Hard to believe. I respect him for waiting for me… I don’t know what I feel about his stepping out on me though.
Until this day, he and I are great friends. We have a bond that has yet to be matched by any man that I’ve dated since him.
-Noni
Interesting post.
Well I think it’s important for people to recognize that there are different types of virgins.
There are the virgins who do not want to participate in anything sex related and won’t go past kissing. These are the ones who plan on waiting until marriage to have sex. The pure virgins.
There are also the virgins who do not plan on waiting until marriage but are waiting for “the one” or just for “the right time”. Very different from the virgins who plan on waiting until marriage. This group of virgins are clearly interested in sex and view it as something desirable yet they still view it as “special” and so don’t want to rush into it. May or may not be willing to engage in other forms of sex via the usage of hands and/or mouths.
Then you have the girls/women who frequently engage in non-vaginal/anal forms of sex with lots of different guys but still think they should be grouped together in the same category as the “pure virgins”. (If you’re doing all that you might as well just go all the way…seriously…)
I’m in the 2nd group. People often find it hard to believe that I am a virgin. I don’t know why people think that if you’re a virgin you must not be interested in sex. I consider myself to be very “sexual” even though I’m a virgin. I use that term to apply more to my thoughts/speech than my actions. Just like one of the posters above, the reasons why I am a virgin have changed over the years. Long story short… I’ve always felt considerably more mature than my peers and never took interest in any guys in HS. At least never to the point where I’d even consider having sex with any of them. Plus, I had this big scene playing out in my head of how my first time would be and it didn’t involved having to sneak around or do it in a car becus both our parents were home. Add my trust issues into the mix and yah it just wasn’t happening. Well now I’m in college and starting to realize that its getting down to the wire and I need to hurry things up… I mean I want at least five kids and I only have till 35 till my eggs get stale lol. Nah but really I’ve just come to a point where I think I’m “ready” once that “right person” comes along. The problem is I haven’t defined what the “right person” is or when the “right time” is.
@Anonymiss, COSIGN
I also fall into your 2nd group…. if i met a guy i was attracted to and we dated long enough for me to think it might have a little bit of a future, i’d sleep with him…. it’s not a religion thing for everone…
I don’t present myself as “pure” and like u ppl never believe i’m a virgin… matter of fact, some of my friends have called me “freaky” only because I’m comfortable enough to do some things….. i find that there are enough of my non-V friends that are uptight about sexual activity that I can not agree with the equation
having sex = comfortable with your sexuality.
and FYI Monk, I don’t claim to be an expert on sex.
Speaking as a 24 year old virgin black woman. I have no qualms about my status. I am public health grad student on my way to med school with an upstanding 3.8 GPA since ugrad. So
, not having d**k and the consequences that come all with it have allowed my totally focus on school and career non-stop. A Obviously, I have a lot of time on my hands and alot of hobbies. I nearly fluent in spanish, I make my own jewelry, I teaching myself the piano&violin, I taking about three classes to learn photography, drawing, and web design on top my grad classes and volunteer projects. Also I am not one of those “everything but the hole” virgins. The farthest two guys have gotten is l**k or two at the tatas which I deeply regret as neither of them deserved to even get that far. After they do get thus far, I subsquently cut them off because the irreversible cockiness “Imma eventually eventually get it” just destroys all my attraction to them. Now, that feeling of regret and guilt and my fear of being used has kept me pure for all my years. I think its my conscience way of telling me to wait for true love. So Contrary to what everyone thinks about me when they learn my status , I’m not super religous ( I barely go to church), I’m not waiting for marriage, and I’m not a prude . I really just want true love within a long term relationship (longer than a year). I feel that guy who truly loves me will wait for me and only me. I also have to fall in love which is a tremendous feat for me. “No nani before true love” is what I say.
@Blue Skyez,
I’m med school bound too!!
the “nani” ?… where you from girl?
@sexywinergirl,
lol, I had alot DR and PR friends.
@Blue Skyez,
ah ha! I know a little West Indian twang was peaking out there!
@Blue Skyez,
Oops to dispell another stereotype about older virgins. I am also attractive. Tall, slender, and cute (when I want to be). I could get a man but I choose not at this point and try not to by keeping a plain, unkempt appearance and I’m dating school at right now.
@Blue Skyez,
Oooh, good point. Best believe I’m not short on giving ninjas whiplash. Okay, I was feeling myself (pun wanted) on that sentence right there, lemme just say I’m attractive and leave it that. Then again, I’m just stating the facts, folks. The facts.
I co-sign your original post, too, BlueSkyez!
@Cheekie,
How come I get the feeling that we somehow know each other in “real life” LOL? Anyways as to keeping the plain appearance. The times when I do give a dam about how I look on the street short of not smelling looking like a bum. I get so many hollas. I find it pointless to try look good have these guys holla, beat around the bush with them, only to have them drop me when they find out that making out is the end of my putting out. It’s too much drama and it takes away from my overall aura of Zen. I’ll keep doing my own thing until one day a truly good guy with come along.
@Blue Skyez,
“How come I get the feeling that we somehow know each other in “real life” LOL?”
Haha…if you’re in the Chi, we might!
*nods* @ this: “I’ll keep doing my own thing until one day a truly good guy with come along.”
Let’s see if all these newbies who lost their VSB posting virginity today will drop something on tomorrow’s post and sh*t.
And am I the only one thinking that Champ, Panama, and Liz are connecting the dots to regulars under aliases?@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
*sniggling loudly*
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I read VSB everyday. I’ve posted once a while back. I posted today cus the topic was right up my alley.
@sexywinergirl,
I can’t w/ you using said phrases
“up my alley”
@WuDaMan,
*DEAD*
I can’t with you at all, Wu. I just can’t.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
As ya’ll know VSB popped my cherry a while ago*.
LOL @ aliases.
I actually thought the same thing. I wonder if a lot of folks will comment more often after today’s post. I was a regular reader long before commenting and it was the same with me, one particular topic brought me outta lurkdom. And this has been one of my e-cribs ever since.
*Wait a minute…if you read the above statement out loud (and instead of saying the acronym letters, say what they stand for), it could very well deserve a pause…and a side-eye with a side order of SADDOWN.
@Cheekie,
Awe yeah just plant em over here Cheekie.
I just saw this up top
Recent Comments
WuDaMan on how to date a virgin (if you think you must) in 700 words or less
Cheekie on how to date a virgin (if you think you must) in 700 words or less
WuDaMan on how to date a virgin (if you think you must) in 700 words or less
Cheekie on how to date a virgin (if you think you must) in 700 words or less
WuDaMan on how to date a virgin (if you think you must) in 700 words or less
@WuDaMan,
Sit yourself down with the quickness.
@Cheekie,
Come over here w/ me Cheekie have a seat take a load off…
@Cheekie, that lurking on the reg thing is odd to me. If I like the community and the topics are compelling, I’ll post there. The only place I can lurk without signing up for an account is AllHipHop…and I’ve been tempted to get an account too and go in on those cornballs. To read the comments after a news entry over there, with all the posturing and douchebaggery they throw around, it would be nice to clown they *sses…without fail, every article, the comments are full of their regulars saying some STUPID sh*t or tryna plug their wack *ss music.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Yeah, with some sites I comment right away and others I don’t have the urge to really until there’s a topic I just HAVE to say something on. With VSB, I would read but wouldn’t have time to dive into the comments (there are a lot!), but now that things have slowed down here at work, (we have more staff now…before we would work down to the wire we were so busy and understaffed) I can lollygag here more often. *does jig*
Which is great because I’ve always liked this community, even when lurking.
@Cheekie,
*Wait a minute…if you read the above statement out loud (and instead of saying the acronym letters, say what they stand for), it could very well deserve a pause…and a side-eye with a side order of SADDOWN.
iLaughed me auss off reading that! You’re right, though…
I bet if I’da stayed a virgin I’d be a surgeon. Ah well.
way to go firestarted. Awesome post.
@WuDaMan,
Does this mean this is a non-hump day?
@WuDaMan,
Get thee to a hospital…like, yesterday.
@BlkBond,
I hope that was a hit list you wrote that name on.
@Blue Skyez,
?
@ K to the… u know right! that’s enuff to have her p*ssy card revoked!
So I just sat and read the epic novel that was this post.
top to bottom. Enjoyed every word
For the record I cut up my V-card at 21 and was a damn near everything but Girl before then. (Judge away)
Main reason I waited cause I hadn’t found anyone I wanted chex before that. Not that I had been lookin for a man to enlighten my spirit and enchant the soul and etc. etc. I was just super picky. If things weren’t exactly how I wanted them (physical attraction, circumstance etc.), it was a no go. One guy I wanted to sleep with, when the time came and I asked him if he had any condoms, he said “i think I might have some”. Sir, I’m bout to bless you with all this wonderfulness and “you think you might” be ready for me to bestow it upon you? <—-P***y Pedestalling at its finest.
Or you thought you were gonna get me wit the okeydoke and not use one? It was a minor infraction but that was enough for me. He was then blueballed and blacklisted.
My first just felt right. There was nothing romantic about it. And I surely didn't love him but it was just fun. He and I are still cool til this day. And we chex on occasion too. . . .
However my main question is, WHERE DO ALL YOU PEOPLE WORK?? Folk up here posting diatribes during they 9-5. I love it. I'm a temp so I got an excuse to bs on the net sometimes but damn yall said the screw the work today huh? LOL F-it it;s Hump Day.
Also. . .Did Panama even post a comment yet?
I wait with baited breath to see what he’s has to say to all of this.
His retorts brighten my day:-)
up until june i was a ‘everything but stick it in’ virgin LOL.
here i was waiting on the ‘right’ man to come along (whomever he might be) i got tired of waiting plus my hormones we’re KILLING ME lol, so i took matters into my own hands (no not literally LOL). called up one of my frens and did the do. now i’m gonna wait till i have a bf to continue my sexcapades, i had bfs in the past but they weren’t the ‘right’ guy.
plus these days b4 i lost it, i don’t look or act like a virgin, ppl think i’m a freak lol they even come to me for advice on their sex lives! lol how funny is that? a virgin advising ppl on sex!
i’m not gonna lie tho another reason i did it is bcuz ,most guys these days when you tell them ur a virgin they’re like oh thats good, and you never hear from them again lol. i’m 19 by the way
For any that’s still commenting and a virgin I curious if that when they get married (if they want to) do they expect to open the gates on their wedding night and have the rivers flow? I mentioned in an above post that sex is a major part of any marriage and having a good sexual relationship takes some time. I think virgins will find thing more complicated than they assume after the wedding night because lets be honest if you’ve held out for 25 plus years isn’t there a pretty good chance that you have a low sex drive? And if you and your mate are incompatible in the bedroom it will effect your relationship.
I do wonder with our modern day expectations of finishing school, getting a career and finding true love if waiting makes sense. When virginity was the expectation before marriage brides and grooms were alot younger and just about all of the things I mentioned were not much of a factor.
@Jaybilal, i’m replying to ur comment about a virgin = LOW SEX DRIVE. I don’t think it’s true for all.
I know it’s not the case with me…. I actually WANT to have sex but i’m not gonna just have it with anyone…. and i haven’t….. so self play comes in a lot and when i’m messing around with someone…yea, i think i def. have a pretty high drive… if it will stay this way till i get married – i don’t know
Actually, you date virgins because they have everything you want OTHER than sex and they’re not savvy enough to interrupt your flow with the other chicks you’re dating.
The virgin is your “best girlfriend”. The one that would get to sit in the front seat if you (for some odd reason) got all your girls in the car at the same time.
She’s your arm candy. She’s the chick that all your boys give you props for pulling, but they give you more props because they know your game didn’t get stifled because she’s holding out.
I was that girl until about march of this year, i’m 24 by the way. *Leos unite* lol. Why? I hadn’t come across anybody that i wanted to share the goodies with. The reason i finally gave in? I was tired of holding out, and i like ole boy that i’m currently dating (and he patiently waited for me to come around.)
Mad late with this response.. just came to this site after a brief hiatus.
This is a very interesting discussion. I too am a virgin (24). It has nothing to do with religion……it’s not even something i specifically decided. I am not “holding out” or anything. I simply have never been in a serious relationship and just don’t want to sleep with a random person….
I take issue with Monks comment about virgins and sexuality…. Just because I don’t actually perform the actual sex act does not mean I have not engaged in other forms of sexual activity. I am very comfortable with my sexuality, moreso that some of my friends that have actually had sex. I know what I like and can verbalize it to a partner….
I think maybe it would help if Monk explained what he meant by being in touch with their sexuality? I would not claim to be experienced in the act of having sex but I don’t think that means I am not in tune or comfortable with my sexuality
Rare is the VSB entry that gets multiple comments for days afterward…on a pace to be best of in…three months?
“By the way, I hate these chicks with the passion of 4 rusty trombones playing Mozart’s 2nd to last final symphony.”
havent quite made it past this line-hilarious!
Hi,
i’m a virgin 18. and believe it or not allot of guys when you just say the word virgin. you see their eyes go open wide. what is she a virgin :O!!! like it’s a big turn OFF
and blehblehbleh so on..
&nd i’m like you guys don’t even give me thetime to fall in love or like (phisaclly attractive to) a guy. i wld like to know you first &nd then come with the option to have sex. cause when i just go around like a mattress.and spead my legs everytime i get the moment i would be called a prostitute .
srry for my english x
but when it happens i want the guy to has experience
Well, I’m sorry so few of you guys have ever had positive experiences with virgins, but I’m 23 and have had my fair share of opportunities to have sex and yet, have chosen not to. It’s not for religious or “wait until marriage” reasons, but it is simply because it hasn’t “felt right” yet. It’s something that’s mine, all mine, and I am the only one who can choose what to do with it. (Barring any horrific extenuating circumstances.) Despite the fact that I’m a virgin, I’m pleased to say that I have never failed to satisfy a man and keep him satisfied. My former boyfriend and I were together for almost 3 years with never a complaint about not having sex per-se. “Virgin” does not have to automatically signal “Prude.” Au contraire, it may actually mean we are more skilled than most others in “other” ways. So, think about it… before you count out that gorgeous virgin.
I wasn’t offended by this post.
I, myself have been holding my virginity for almost 26 years (March 2011 will make 26 if I go that long)
There’s nothing wrong with me. I’ve just never found “that” guy until recently
Like a previous commenter said, for the longest (and partially to this day) I’ve kept it for religious reasons. Now that I’m older and have heard about all the drama that sex (or lack thereof) has caused my friends, I’m honestly scared to open up myself that deeply to someone. I think it will complicate my life WAY more than it will complicate his.
I’m contemplating losing it b/c I’m getting to know someone who I possibly COULD open myself up to in that deep sense.
The funny part is is that my life is becoming complicated b/c of it and I haven’t even done it yet which makes me STILL want to hold out on this particular guy.
I can say his patience and understanding is earning him a LOT of points whereas the lack of those two from others who’ve wanted it immediately took them out of the running for it
mad my first post didn’t show up, now I have to re-write it
pushing 26 and still in possession of my virginity. there’s nothing wrong with me though. for the longest it was (and to some extent still is) for religious reasons but now that I’m older I’m a bit scared to open up myself to someone in such a deep sense. Esp. since I’ve seen and heard what drama sex (and lack thereof) has caused my friends. I think it would complicate my life way more than it would complicate his.
However, I’ve recently come across a guy who will one day be able to say that his patience, understanding and lack of pressure resulted in him being able to devirginize me
Thanks for ruining my day. I’m a 42 year old virgin.
John