How To Build A Black Relationship Bomb

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Step 1: Find a famous Black couple, and hold them and their relationships up as infallible paragons of everything right with Black love, Black dating, Black relationships, Black sex, and Black marriage

It does not matter if this couple is real (Barack and Michelle, Will and Jada, Jay-Z and Bey, etc), fictional (Cliff and Claire, Martin and Gina, Darius and Nina, Dwayne and Whitley, etc), swingers (Will and Jada), dead swingers (Ossie and Ruby), weird as f*ck (Will and Jada, again), or figments of your f*cking imagination (the uber-modern and fulfilling relationships we assume Common, Andre 3000, and Mos Def have with women because, well, they’re Common, Andre 3000, and Mos Def).

In fact, it doesn’t even matter if the couples contain people you personally wouldn’t date because of your excessively arbitrary standards (Darius is too short, Barack and Will are too lightskinneded, Dwayne is a nerd, Ossie was old even when he was young, Whitley is too bougie, Michelle and Claire are a bit too tall, educated, and independent, Nina is kind of a ho, Gina definitely rocks a headwrap and curlers to bed, etc). As long as they’re Black and they’re together, they’re benchmarks.

Step 2: Refer to said couples by their first names

Doing this obviously makes logistical sense. Some couples are so iconic there’s no need to say their full names when mentioning them. Also, it’s just easier to say and/or type “Barack and Michelle” instead of “Barack Obama and Michelle Obama.”

But, while this practice has its practical purposes, it’s really a linguistic trick that allows people to assume that the person incorporating it knows Barack and Michelle and Will and Jada and Whitley and Dwayne personally. And, if you know these couples personally, you have intimate personal knowledge of their relationships. And, if you have intimate personal knowledge of their relationships, you can say things like “The way Will treats Jada is the epitome of everything I want in a man.” without any hint of irony.

Step 3: Cherry pick all positive aspects of said couple’s relationships while ignoring all negatives

Take Jay-Z, for instance. Why bother mentioning the fact that he spent the majority of his adult life using women the way fat crackheads use toilet paper and also made a fortune by bragging about said use and usage of women and was able to have access to Beyonce because of said fortune? He wrote a song about his daughter, so he must obviously be a relationship role model to all men.

Step 4: Compare public things done by said couples to private things done by men and women in your own lives

Say things like “Darius wrote and performed an impromptu poem for Nina, and was creative in tracking her down, and took her on a romantic date, and dudes today don’t even let you order off the dollar menu at Wendy’s” or “Women today be talking about dudes gotta have this or that, but Michelle took a chance and dated Barack when he was too broke too afford name-brand ramen.”

Never mind the fact(s) that Darius was a stalker and “dating a man with a Harvard Law degree” doesn’t exactly scream “taking a chance.” The point is clear. These people are clearly better than the people currently in your dating pool.

Step 5: Combat said unrealistic comparisons with…more unrealistic comparisons

When you’re a man listening to a woman complain about why she can’t find a Barack or a woman reading a man’s Twitter bitch session about how they don’t build women like Claire Huxtable anymore, make sure to respond to said criticism by saying “Well, there aren’t too many Michelles out here either” or “You can’t say you want a Claire if you’re busying bagging and boning Denises.”

Continue doing this for approximately two to four days.

Step 6: Drop bomb on Black populace. Watch Black masses scold, scrap, and scatter

Step 7: Repeat steps 1 through 6

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

828 thoughts on “How To Build A Black Relationship Bomb”

    • Hey now! That’s a quality relationship. They are in love.

      IAYP-a single women in her 30s with more than 2 ex boyfriends and a perhaps even a failed marriage. Sounds like the dating resume of an average single woman to me. Except she’s a multi millionaire.
      #kimstaywinning

      *how obvious is it than I’m a fan?*

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      • “IAYP-a single women in her 30s with more than 2 ex boyfriends and a perhaps even a failed marriage. Sounds like the dating resume of an average single woman to me. Except she’s a multi millionaire.”
        #kimstaywinning

        I will say that I think Kim gets a bit of unnecessary shade. other than her sham marriage, she hasn’t really done anything wrong

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              • Wow, y’all are taking me back. I like reminiscing about old shows like Mr. Ed.

                Wait? Taylor Swift is not the government name of Mr. Ed?

                I kid! I kid!

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                • Yep, America’s Sweetheart. The chick that made Kanye & John Mayer dissapear for a year because they mussed up one hair on her fair blonde head.

                  I realize that sometimes you disagree with me for simple sport :-)

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                  • Disagree with you for sport? Not really I just don’t watch E! news or read OKAY! magazine to be up on the latest happenings ofTaylor Swift and John Mayer.

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                    • Bhillboy, darlin…if that’s the way you need to communicate with people to give you purpose in life then God Bless You.
                      PS- I don’t own a TV. I just don’t live under a rock.

              • Maris,

                Your right…. My 12 year old daughter told me that T Swift makes a breakup song for every dude she dates… I’m like she’s 22, how many is that. She says, I don’t know. A lot.. SMH.

                As for Kim K and J-Lo, how are they any different than most women that move on other than every dude is in the public eye. Other chicks do the same thing but you dont have the entire list of men to follow. So if these dudes is living Kim K, then do you. The marriage was a sham in my opinion, but people followed it and she made 20 mill. She’s winning. Her moms is in straight pimp mode…. No hate here.

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        • “I will say that I think Kim gets a bit of unnecessary shade. other than her sham marriage, she hasn’t really done anything wrong.”

          Besides taping Ray J smanging her into oblivion, giving a$$ to Bow Wow (WTH), chasing Nick Cannon’s wang around Hollywood, snagging Reggie Bush- who before he dated Kim, was on 80% of hetero black women’s dream list, being married twice, professing her love for “Dark Meat” on many occasions, not appearing very bright on television, publicly jumping on Kanye’s wang before the divorce papers on her current marriage have even been typed up, and having the audacity to sport a jumbo, black girl booty, with out all of that “tacky” melanin- you’re right, Kim hasn’t really done anything wrong.

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        • While I’m not fond of her strictly because she gained fame for doing nothing but recieving penis…a) I have to give her and her my props for turning a sex tape into a multi-million dollar empire & b) learning to turn frustration from hate into endurance for success

          However….and I know I’ll get stabbed in the neck for this…I think Kim K represents quite a number of the female masses in general as far as lifestyle…she just happens to be rich, which makes women then hate her more, but I dare any woman to tell me they don’t have a friend just like Kim..except she’s broke…and maybe has 3 kids by now.

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        • I don’t think Kim’s shade is unnecessary, and to me it’s indicative of the weird relationship that Americans have with black people in general. Physically, Kim is about as close to a black woman as you can get and has taken more pipe than the plumbing system of New York, yet she’s lauded as a vixen. If Kim had more melanin not a single thing she did would be relevant. So, why is it that ‘white’ women that look like black woman get play with mainstream America but black woman don’t…? For another example reference the JLo phenomena.

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          • “Physically, Kim is about as close to a black woman as you can get”

            I really don’t understand when people say this. Black women aren’t the only women in the world with hips, thighs, and ass. If you went to Syria or Egypt or even Italy you’d see thousands of women who look just like her. It’s not that she’s “built like a black woman.” She’s just not built like a northern european blonde.

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            • (Gets kettlecorn popcorn ready for this conversation) lol

              Methinks the “intriguing” aspect of stars like J.Lo and Kim K. is crossover appeal. Not too many non-black celebrity women appeal to black men on such a widespread level and not too many wide-hipped thick booty brunette chicks appeal to more than 3 white men. That’s where the hype comes from. She’s a modern day/poor man’s Marilyn Monroe, but it’s noteworthy that she’s a brunette (which is apparently a handicap in the 2520 community) lol

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            • That’s 3 countries with a significant amount of African intermixing. And I’m not talking about in the last 50 years. I’m talking about for hundreds and in Syria’s case Thousands of years. In Egypt’s case they are Africans. But in America, Kim’s big booty, Fully Lips and olive complexion are mostly valued by African Americans. I’ve heard plenty of white guys say Kim was Fat as hell.

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              • not to mention her “assets” aren’t natural.
                i hate that it’s such a trend now for chicks to go do this Frankenstein ish to themselves then force feed this to my eye sockets as what is sexy,
                i actually thought that she was fine way back when little brandy’s dyck made her famous.
                now plastic lookin and gross
                having said that…a nygga gotta respect her biz savvy..she knows how to keep herself relevant

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                • “i actually thought that she was fine way back when little brandy’s dyck made her famous.”

                  Me too. Her sh!t looks wop-sided and ridiculous now. She was chexy as hell in that video though…damn…but yeah black women ain’t the only thick ones out there

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            • Thank you for saying that, Champ. I am Latina and we get plenty of girls with hips and thighs that aren’t Black Latinas either. Got lots of Arab women under their long abayas with some of the finest bodies I’ve ever seen. And we know Kim’s Armenian…not exactly White.

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              • ummm…wtf…EVERYONES gots hips and thighs…sheesh!
                Especially nowadays w/ clothing that gives the illusion that theres an actual shape.
                Look back at women’s clothing before 2000…the ONLY ppl w/ any curves were those of African descent. Now everyones got booty? Yea…ok..

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                  • ladies, plz! these black men aren’t going after these other women because of their curves – if curves was the only factor they’d stick with their own black women – no these no-goods want whiter skin and straighter hair to boot.

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          • You are messing with the facts. Ok let’s be clear.
            a) Kim is very pretty and does have a wonderful body, but that doesn’t mean she’s trying to be Black. It just means she has a nice body

            b) The assumption that women with curves who aren’t Black are getting America’s love while Black women aren’t is a shady subject because people forgot an important piece….Kim has a career that she built through the help of business minded folks and now she’s got millions. People may not like who she is or what she did, but it is what it is. Now name me a shapely young Black woman who’s not a video chick that has managed to amass wealthy be being good at something? No not talking about Halle or Beyonce either.

            c) How is the amount of men Kim K slept with that different from any other female, regardless of fame?

            Only shade Kim should get thrown her way is becoming famous off a sex tape, but that was almost 7 years ago, and since then she’s built an empire. Some things need to be left in the past.

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            • Actually, in terms of what we’re talking about, Kim K’s whole existence is based off of that sex tape. Sorry, I can’t respect (much less take seriously) anyone who goes that route. She doesn’t get a pass just because the majority of America thinks she’s fine. (Which I don’t.)

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              • Not only that, but the biggest problem I personally have with Kim — Reggie Bush on the cover of Essence aside, and that was the last issue I ever picked up — is not that she started her empire with her sex tape … but if a Black woman such as the one Rewind described tried to start a career with something like that, I’d bet you more than a little she wouldn’t have somebody trying to pay her $17mil for her wedding on the back end.

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      • LOL I was actually just saying she ain’t Black. No shade at all. And yes, ok I may have mentioned this to stir up a bit of heat about Kim that always comes. #pinchablearsonist

        I actually think there is love there. In fact, I’ve already said that I can’t wait til Kanye’s EPIC 808s Redux when if when they break up. :D

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      • BS. Let’s be real. If Kanye was dating a Black woman with brown brown skin, he would be catching hell for the way he treats her. Kim is in the category of celebrities it’s okay to hate. The amount of shade his friends and Kanye himself throw at her on a constant basis man. Come on. Black Twitter would be buggin out with how much he constantly say he needs to fix her or all the jokes about how much better he is than her.

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        • I don’t know about that. Look at his exes… all brown women. With the women that he’s dated before K.K Ye has done a relatively exceptional job of keeping them removed from the media circus that is perpetually surrounding him.

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        • In a way Kim Kardashian is kinda like an Armenian Karine Stephans minus the tell all book. They’ve done pretty much the same thing. They’re both opportunists, they both have a sex tape/porn out there, they screw high profile athletes and celebrities to stay relevant, and ninjas CONTINUE to line up to assist them on this quest every step of the way.

          It’s actually pretty amazing.

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          • Nah it’s not the same. Karrine fully blasted herself as a whore. It wasn’t found out by mistake, she went on for years talking about who she was smashing, then would switch up the story when called out on it, and then one day she realized she could make money off these stories. And she did. Now why do men still want to smash? For the sexual risk, because if the stories of her legendary skills are true, common sense goes out the window for one try. And I don’t understand why any woman wouldn’t get that logic, because how often do many women fall for the worst guy possible because they heard how good the pipe game was?

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          • “In a way Kim Kardashian is kinda like an Armenian Karine Stephans minus the tell all book.”

            But Kim has her own show and doesn’t look all that bright (yes, even dumber than Karrine), hence, the lack of a tell-all book.

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          • “In a way Kim Kardashian is kinda like an Armenian Karine Stephans minus the tell all book. They’ve done pretty much the same thing. They’re both opportunists, they both have a sex tape/porn out there, they screw high profile athletes and celebrities to stay relevant, and ninjas CONTINUE to line up to assist them on this quest every step of the way.”

            apples and hand grenades.

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        • “BS. Let’s be real. If Kanye was dating a Black woman with brown brown skin, he would be catching hell for the way he treats her.”

          Calm down I wasn’t going that deep. All I was saying is that when people celebrate Black love, each partner is Black. Simple. lol

          If you notice, Black women ain’t even trippin with Kanye dating her as they were say… Reggie Bush. Which I find interesting. Maybe because they feel Kanye is too far gone to even be considered an eligible bachelor? LOL

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          • “If you notice, Black women ain’t even trippin with Kanye dating her as they were say… Reggie Bush. Which I find interesting. Maybe because they feel Kanye is too far gone to even be considered an eligible bachelor?”

            Nah, it’s because they think Reggie looks 10 times better than Kanye so it stung a lot more. For instance, most the black chicks i see with white dudes my first thought is “Aww, I’m happy for her. She sure was gon have a hard time gettin a black dude” Then when I see a baaaaaad chick wit a white dude I’m like “WTF, you didn’t have to do that! What did we do wrong!?”

            http://s1233.photobucket.com/albums/ff394/Pwouette/?action=view&current=Betrayed.gif&newest=1

            Just…tragic lol

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            • Yeah, that’s stating the obvious, tho. Reggie IS way fahner than Kanye. But, I’ve heard women say that Ye is sexy OUTSIDE of looks. It ain’t all about looks. It’s stature, too. Best believe that if Barack Obama wasn’t handsome and he had a white wife, HELL would still break loose.

              In fact, I’m likely to believe that Barry’s swagger trumps his looks, because his big-eared self prolly wouldn’t have gotten any ladies if he wasn’t smooth. For the record, his big-ears are cute to me because my daddy had them too. LOL

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              • @ Cheekie- Yeah, I got u. I agree. It’s moreso just that I don’t know any chicks that think Kanye’s sexy…at all. Not saying they don’t exist or that there are only 3 of them. Just saying I could probably count on my hands the number of black chicks who DON’T think Reggie Bush is sexy and I could probably count the number of chicks who think Kanye’s sexy on my hand also…all I would have to do is close my fist lol. Seriously though, I agree that it’s not all about looks, but some stars are seen as sexy across the board. Kanye and Reggie are the ideal examples of the dichotomy to me. But you’re right about that Barack part. You have no idea how much this statement resonated with me:

                “Best believe that if Barack Obama wasn’t handsome and he had a white wife, HELL would still break loose.”

                YES! I said this many times before. That was honestly his best political move imo lol. Because the amount of skepticism he would be met with would COMPLETELY change the way black folks (especially the women) viewed his policies… I realize I’m assuming and generalizing but it really would be very interesting to see. I’m not sure which scenario would’ve encouraged ppl to lie to themselves more… I hope he wins though. I’m curious as to how he’s gonna switch it up in his second term…If Mittens wins it’ll be a riot in the d@mn streets lol

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            • i tend to like those artsy eclectic chicks…
              but from what i’ve noticed in my short time in chicago is that all the bangin chicks like that, are all with white boys

              and it stings like someone stabbed me in the nuts with a hot butter knife…
              but let her be average or unfortunate looking and i’m like ” aww grab love wherever you can find it you 2 crazy kids”

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          • “If you notice, Black women ain’t even trippin with Kanye dating her as they were say… Reggie Bush. Which I find interesting. Maybe because they feel Kanye is too far gone to even be considered an eligible bachelor? LOL”

            la2. It’s his metrosexual ways. Many women consider Kanye to be suspect, while Reggie is not as suspicious.

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      • Uh that would be 2 failed marriages and a catologue filled with several high profile dang-a-lang… not the average chick’s resume at all.

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      • Honestly, I wasn’t even thinking about Kim’s past relationships. Let me not be PC and point out the obvious. The title is ” How to Build a Black Relationship Bomb” – not ” A Relationship Bomb”. I was turned off that he didn’t use a Black couple. I mean if that’s the case why not use Iman and David Bowie? Really bothered that my verysmartbrotha erased me – a Black woman- from the Black relationship equation.Not cool-at all.

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    • And does 1/2 of the couple being black make it a ‘Black’ couple?

      Because umm.. Kimmie isn’t black at all. Just like Tiger and Elin weren’t a black couple or Michael Jordan and the current boo aren’t a black couple. I always considered ‘black’ couple when both parties identify as negro.com.

      ;-)

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    • “Phylicia Rashad’s been married 3 times.”

      U just had to kill the one fairytale black men had about marriage didn’t u? I got a naggin suspicion that you ain’t really my people smh

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        • What’s really interesting is that these VSBs are attracted to the clearly scatterbrained character, Denise.

          And they wonder why they always date the girl that will key their car, pretend she pregnant, tell him the baby is his when it is really the other guy’s baby, cheat on him, etc.

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          • And they wonder why they always date the girl that will key their car, pretend she pregnant, tell him the baby is his when it is really the other guy’s baby, cheat on him, etc.

            Thats a pretty far leap you just made. Is it so wrong and unnatural to be attracted to the light-skinned, wavy, suburban, faux-eclectic chick that attended a fictional HBCU??

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            • “Is it so wrong and unnatural to be attracted to the light-skinned, wavy, suburban, faux-eclectic chick that attended a fictional HBCU??”

              I get the feeling that this is a trick question lol

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          • Denise was scatterbrained…but seh was also 18 at the time. honestly, my oldest sister probably followed a life path very similar to what Denise Huxtable did (and interesingly came from my family, which is simlarly modeled) and she’s not even remotely the type to do any of that crazy stuff.

            crazy lives all on its own without reference to what family it comes from.

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          • The hell?!??

            Scatterbrained doesn’t mean crazy.

            Now that Vanessa Huxtable looked like the one to go crazy on a dude. Ask Dabnis.

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      • “And btw most men will gladly take a guaranteed future of “banging Denises” over a Claire Huxtable.”
        Nobody. And I mean nobody is guaranteed that much good fortune.

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      • Man….

        F*** Denise.

        And not how you talmbout…

        She is the definition of Friend Zone Fiona. Wanna come back all after the fact… SMH.

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            • Lmao! Yeah, Imma have to lean back and leave him hangin on that one…U can tell Denise’s irresponsible @ss was a freak too…I’m not even team redbone like that, but me her and Persia White would be a threesome for the ages :P

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                • I see SOME of us Brothas actually saw Girlfriends once in a while….. Was it for her or Golden Brooks, or the Bougie Chick that was Joan’s best friend?

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                  • Definitely her AND Golden Brooks…Lawd….I swear them 2 could get it, mail it back and get it AGAIN with a reimbursement for shippin and handlin. That was the original 3some I wanted honestly….Denise is sexy too tho…
                    @BHillBoy- Persia White is a weirdo, I’ll give you that, but that’s kinda part of the appeal to me. She seems like a down to earth but in her own crazy world type of chick. Like it never occurred to her to be full of herself. It’s very sexy to me. Especially on a pretty chick like her

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                    • All FOUR of the girlfriends coulda got it. Even Tracy Ellis-Ross with them bottom of the ocean, i can see your future eyes.

                      And in terms of crazy, light-skinned crazies have the best box since redbox. Just don’t tell that heaux where you live.

                    • Going off their looks….all four of them could get it.

                      Going off the characters they played on the show…..Zero of them. I didn’t like any of their characters. At all.

                  • “Was it for her or Golden Brooks, or the Bougie Chick that was Joan’s best friend?”
                    Nah cuz it was Jill Marie Jones and the bougie chick that Dated their Male friend. I don’t know her name but she could get it the long way.

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                    • don’t remember the names but if that brown skinned bourgie chick, had persia whites character’s personality…she would be that deal

                      but all 3′s of the chicks could get it..

      • ” And btw most men will gladly take a guaranteed future of “banging Denises” over a Claire Huxtable. IJS”

        you’re lookin at one.
        don’t get it twisted Claire was that ideal woman, smart, funny, stacked like a brick house, hella down to earth and had that phone sex voice….

        but i loved me some gatdamn denise! she was one of them black hippie type chicks, and i dig that…plus she did that movie angel heart ( that got her kicked off of a different world)

        yum yum

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    • Truth. And when you consider that one husband was down with the Village People, and Ahmad Rashad has caught a few domestic violence cases on her head, she has no business being anyone’s role model.

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    • I get why you do it when you’re young and inexperienced with the full responsibility of a relationship….but after 24-30…yall nyggas need get facts right. Imaginary characters can’t give you any damn information on how a real relationship works. It just gives you like 5%. Looking at Cliff & Claire, all you got to see was two horny people over 35 taking care of their kids as best they could…on GOOD DAYS…with few bad ones. You never got to see the episode where Theo was doing crack, or Vanessa got a phone call from the school about blowing some dude in the stairwell or the young assistant at Cliff’s job who keeps pressing him for the D…or any other real life situation that goes down.

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  5. I couldn’t even read this because there is a pic of kanye and Kim in the mix with President & First lady Obama and Cliff &Claire Huxtable o_O

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  6. I don’t want my relationship to be like anybody else’s though. I never really “held up” anybody as a relationship beacon, not even my parents. Every relationship you enter, whether romantic or not, is with that person not with the idea of that person, the potential of that person, or the idea of people you’ve never met. Where’s the logic in that?

    I think a way to fix/combat that is, prior to entering a relationship, like yourself first for who you are. Don’t try to be someone else, or model yourself after someone else and then you won’t expect your person to be or model someone else. Take yourself as you are so you can take others as they are.

    Just a suggestion from someone only 7 or so months in though so… *shrugs* I dunno…

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        • Thank you! They were always at home with their kids. There is no way someone on the partner track could have had five kids without domestic help. She had made partner on the show, but, yes, it was ridiculous and holds women to an impossible standard. Now, had grandmom lived with them to watch the kids, it could have happened.

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          • You missed some major points. Clif had an office in the house. They were both in their 50′s. They had both of their parents living and they all got along. You don’t know if their parent were there in the childrend’s early years. That was a different generation when families work together.

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            • Alladis. Plus, in the first couple of episodes…before Sandra was born introduced, Claire was a housewife (apron and all).

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        • The older kids & Cliff also raised the younger kids. How do you think Theo kicked Rudy to a wall? And Cliff had the baby sick on the sofa while he went to work downstairs?

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    • With everything that our POTUS promised and presented currently being brought under question there is the ONE thing that is undeniable:

      Michelle is a BAD B*TCH. Word to yesterday’s post. Can you run a campaign on that??

      “Yes We Can 2008″… “My B*tch Bad 2012″.

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  10. **tap tap**
    Excuse me sir, but no collage for the unrealistic expectations of Black Lurve is complete without…

    HOOD LOVE.
    So, if you will, please insert Tiny & TI, Jim Jones & Chrissy, and Whazername & Lil’ “Marry a N**ga” Scrappy.

    #ThatIsAll

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  11. One hand, holding up real people as standards and expecting your life to fit the fantasy projected on them is completely crazy…

    But on the other hand, societies operate on the stories that we tell each other on how we should live, who we should date, what kind of jobs are “good jobs”, who we should marry, and acceptable ways to treat each other. And having positive role models for that is important. It is much better to try to emulate Barack and Michelle, and fail, than say Chad and Evelyn and succeed.

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      • True, but it runs in the other direction too, with much more negative consequenes. How many people try to emulate one stupid rapper or the other, trying to live the life, when they should know that the crap is just a song, and not real? I’m somewhat encouraged by the focus on people trying to imitate positive relationships and activities. Perhaps we can try to halt the slow decline that some parts of the black community has been in for a while. Even if they try and fail, at least people are aspiring to something positive, rather than that negative crap we have been wallowing in for too long.

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      • This. I’m sure POTUS/FLOTUS are just trying to live, not become the go-to couple for which all Black couples must be compared to. Even though I love who they are and what they stand for, I think it’s unfair to put them on a pedestal which will surely fall if enough people push it.

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      • Because rarely are people taught when they have to get their shyte together.

        Everybody asks for relationship advice, everybody seeks information that tells them the things they feel or want are actually common but how many people actually got the message that you still have to figure out the game for yourself? Judging from all the failed relationships we talk about everyday..it’s clear not that many of us got the memo, and the same could be said for others. That’s just a growth aspect you build up to.

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      • I think having role models for a relationship is stupid, unless its your parents. Why? You can’t see both sides. Good and bad. When you are on the outside, you get only a partial view. Most couples I know present the most perfect picture they can.

        Why would anybody with any sense try to mimic someone else in a relationship? 1. You are not that person and 2. You are not in a relationship with the person they are with. You’re basically creating a fantasy in your head about their day to day life, then trying to cram your real self and your real partner into the fake image in your head.

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    • It’s dope that folks are looking to Michelle and Obama as positive role models in terms of relationship dynamics. But what would even be “doper” is, if these models could be found in each and every familial setting in the black community. I believe in affirmation being best reinforced from within, than outside.

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    • “…It is much better to try to emulate Barack and Michelle, and fail, than say Chad and Evelyn and succeed…”
      I like the cut of your jib with this comment
      But their relationship is unique to them.
      There will not be another Barrack and Michelle, but their core morals and values are things that as people (regardless of race) we should learn about, propogate and appreciate.

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  12. Thoughts:

    -Will and Jada are not “weird”. Swinging, or should I say an open relationship/marriage has started to gain traction as a normalcy in this great country of President Clinton to die for speech! These arrangements are being used as alternatives to divorce. My source (s), can neither be tracked or verified.

    In other news, President Clinton, done made me touch the feet of Jesus, and hi-five his nailed palms on the cross!

    -Side note, women were hollering like they caught the Spirit, but I have another theory, open to discussion.

    ~Goodevening lovelies.~

    Reply ↓

    • “Will and Jada are not “weird”. Swinging, or should I say an open relationship/marriage has started to gain traction as a normalcy in this great country of President Clinton to die for speech! These arrangements are being used as alternatives to divorce. My source (s), can neither be tracked or verified.”

      swinging doesn’t make them weirdos. being scientologists does.

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  13. I don’t have anything to add.. Oh except that if at anytime you compare your black woman to a woman of any other ethnicity in a way that is not flattering expect your relationship to blow up almost immediately after said comparison

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  14. I’m gonna repost that collage on all of my social networking sites because if I don’t, I will never get married and be stuck with 52 a$$hole cats.

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  15. I saw the pic and got to the Kanye pic and thought I lost a day because it must be Friday if VSB him and Kardashian are in the same collage as the President and the First Lady.

    *looks at calendar again*

    Still Thursday.

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  16. The sarcasm in this piece is hilarious. And despite what people say Kanye and Kimmy are perfect for each other becasue I think fcuk up people should stay together and spare the rest of us normal folks.

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  17. 5B- Overestimate what you’re bringing to the table…every chick has a chocha. What else ya got?
    5c- Underestimate the partner you have…not saying you have to settle for less than you deserve, just saying you may not deserve all that you want.

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    • Hell, after watching that speech last night. I hoping congress would give him a special exemption to run again. He’ll win by a landslide without basically trying.

      Clinton is arguably one of the greatest politicians in modern times. He got a gift few people have.

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    • The U.S. Congress and Constitution needs to have a Franklin Delanor Roosevelt-William Jefferson Clinton Amendment: For the President(s) that have transended Serivice during their two Terms and Service after leaving the White House, the American People can hereby Exercise THEIR Voice and Vote to nominate and Elected Said President(s) to a Third Term.

      since Val inspired this, I’d like to have her as a Co-Sponsor of this proposal to Congress and as a Constitutional Amendment

      Reply ↓

      • Actually, Marshal, I think elder Statesman is a better role for Clinton. His Presidency produced some great economic gains but there were some big problems as well. Like; he ignored the genocide in Rwanda, he deregulated the media, and his welfare reform actually hurt a lot of people, especially women.

        So I think it’s best to just have him give great speeches and continue to make amends to the world with his humanitarian projects.

        Reply ↓

        • Yeah, I love Clinton as much as the next guy, but some of his and Greenspan’s economic policies (exacerbated by Bush) contributed to the last recession and a lot of the economic progress was due to an economic bubble. But he really was fiscally conservative and did what one is supposed to do in times of economic stability and cut down the debt.

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        • let’s not forget that his administration created the legislation that’s responsible for locking up more black men for life, than 3 republicon presidents combined

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        • @ Val,

          I’m GLAD he ignored the genocide. TRUST me when I say we do not want the West meddling in our affairs. They are messy! They start situations and then come to play the white savior bull fecal matter script

          Reply ↓

          • But, AM, that’s the point. The West caused all of this by creating artificial countries without any regard to historical relations between African people. So shouldn’t the West come back to help clean up their mess?

            Reply ↓

            • Wait… didn’t EUROPE create artificial nations in Africa???? I don’t think the U.S. was even involved in that, since the American Revolution happened and all….

              That’s all of Spain, Portugal, Germany, France, UK, Italy, the Dutch, the Swiss, etc

              Reply ↓

              • Yes, Europe divided and conquered. NOW, U.S. and its allies are pretty much involved in the atrocities in Africa. Whether you believe me or not, U.S. foreign policy as it relates to Africa, is all about domination, destruction and benefits TO them. My pippoz are not happy with the support I keep on showing Obama ‘n’ em! It ain’t a joke, its SAD! Whilst President Clinton’s speech was moving and was busy hollering and screaming, the reality as it relates to ME, is not that positive! There’s no cause for celebration. Nyhoo….

                Reply ↓

              • The Berlin conference in 19 thirty something, Germany france Britain Canada united states and Japan split up Africa and the middle east along with much of the rest of the world to decide who gets to exploit which country. Japan got the short end of the stick in those negotiations which kinda helped fuel their war against us

                Reply ↓

            • The West does NOT give a rat’s ass about Africa. NADA. I urge you to read the following book:

              “Confessions of an Economic Hitman” by John Perkins. It is a personal account of how corporatocracy works to benefit the developed world, as it milks out the developing world’s resources. SAVAGES, I tell ya!

              Reply ↓

                • It was actually a very JUIIIIIIIIICY read, but I do have to say, I was madder than a raging bull! Currently reading another one…can’t remember the name. The financial systems failing and flourishing are not only well orchestrated, but strategic-to benefit the top dogs! Woof Woof!

                  Reply ↓

                  • Mami, thanks for the recommendation! I’m purchasing his other book (it was about the same thing and much cheaper lol) right now on Barnes and Noble. The “Hoodwinked” joint. I wish more Americans were interested in that type of thing rather than tirelessly arguing over partisan politics or talkin about celebs and their lives. Thanks again though! I’m excited to see what kind of info he has for me

                    Reply ↓

        • If we are keeping it real, the slanted opinions about Obama and his presidency have less to do with his ability to communicate and more to do with the people percieving it.

          Reply ↓

          • @MM

            I only partially agree with that. Yes, crazy Tea Party people don’t want to understand anything he says but, a whole lot of Independents and undecided voters simply haven’t gotten his message because, IMO, he is not demonstrative enough when he speaks. I mean I personally didn’t get what health care reform was all about until other politicians and the media explained it. Obama did a poor job of explaining that to the American people.

            He lectures to people when he speaks. He needs to be more conversational and also he has to remember that his audience isn’t comprised of law students. He has to break it way, way down.

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            • http://usliberals.about.com/od/healthcare/a/ObamaHealthInsSpeech.htm

              He addressed it, and in appropriately simple language. Obama spoke to the public directly more than any other president. Now the real question becomes, how many people listen to the president’s speech in relation to how many people ingest sound bites about his birth certificate or his anti-American plot? How many thousands of hours of rhetoric are out there for him to counter? There are literally entire networks and media outlets that talk about nothing else day in and day out.

              The tea party was formed weeks after he was elected. Clinton couldn’t explain health care well enough to get it passed and he and Obama are two of the most effective political communicators in modern history. It isn’t a matter of him explaining it clearly, he has, but he can’t takeover the responsibility of the US press. The message is there, the method to deliver it amidst all the other noise isnt.

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              • I hate getting into politics but I’m just gonna jump in here and I say I do agree with you on this. We know the press is owned by major corporations who are gunning for the opposing team and that’s a major part of it all.

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    • Because tooting one’s own horn without coming across as a self-congratulatory jerk is tricky. The person who was truly upstaged by Clinton is Biden. Clinton was up there doing Biden’s job.

      Reply ↓

      • That’s true. I thought about Biden last night when Clinton was being the attack dog for Obama. So what is going to be Biden’s role?

        And yeah Clinton did toot his own horn but I think he needed to after the Republicans were trying to re-write history.

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  19. What I hate about that pic (and so many others like it) regarding the perfect man/woman/relationship is that they describe the BEST qualities of a whole bunch of different people. If you want the good of all those folks, you also have to take their bad. No one’s perfect out here, people need to stop. *starts stuff on #blacktwitter*

    Reply ↓

    • This is very true. But I guess that’s what makes the “fantasy” so fantastical. When we see those couples we strive for those “best qualities” in our own relationships. The unfortunate part is, to find someone with ALL the qualities presented is difficult, if not impossible.

      Reply ↓

      • That’s the problem though. How many relationships have been absolutely destroyed because people keep thinking about the fantasy and refuse to deal with the reality?

        Everybody wants sunny days but keep forgetting the rainy days keep that ass alive.

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  20. I’ve always thought that Darius and Nina in Love Jones was the most realistic portrayal of love on screen, regardless of race. You have Darius- educated but not bougie. He drinks, he smokes, he’s knockin’ b!tches, steppin’, kickin’ it with the fellas, clubbin’. Just your everyday dude going out and gettin’ it. Then you have Nina. Ohhhh, Nina, smart, loyal, artsy but not pretentious, well dressed, loves to get a good bonin’ in every now and then. He tries to get on her but overplays his hand. Bumps into her and gets turned down again but he finally gets her to take a chance and they hit it off. Loyal Nina backslides with her former dude and guess what Darius does? He doesn’t beg her to stay, follow her to New York, or holds a candlelight vigil awaiting her return. He goes out and macks up on another broad. Like “Look chick. I got options too.” Nina comes back and gives some action to his homeboy. WTF. Nuttyness ensues and he tells her what it is. She’s unimpressed. A mad dash occurs and they miss each other. Nina FINALLY figures out what and who she wants and comes back for him. He knows that she’s who he wants and professes his love for her. Tell me. TELL ME. Another movie or television couple who went through this type of scenario? Nobody. Tell me. TELL ME. How many of us have been in this type of situation or seen it happen up close? All of us. This is why the movie relationship of Darius Lovehall and Nina Mosely will stand the test of time.

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  21. I think the relationship (love triangle) between Bleek, Clarke and Indigo from Mo’ Better Blues is the most realistic fictitious Black love relationship.

    When Bleek was on top he treated Indigo like crap and chased Clarke. But when the ish hit the fan and Bleek was at rock bottom, and Clarke bounced, who did he run back to, Indigo, of course. And just like real life she took him back.

    And they lived happily ever after.

    Reply ↓

      • But Indigo was his girlfriend. So even if he treated them the same, and I’m not sure I agree with that, he would have been doing Indigo wrong, which was my point.

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        • Neither Indigo or Clark was his only “Girlfriend” and both of them knew it. Which is why when he called her the wrong name she got mad but not, “who are you talking about” mad, but “I’m not Clark I’m Indigo- get it right ni66a.” mad.

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          • Yeah but, Indigo, if you recall, was his “official” girlfriend and the beginning and Clarke was an interloper. When Bleek was pursuing Clarke he was cheating on Indigo. Thus, at the end of the film he went crawling back to Indigo and begged her to take him back.

            Reply ↓

            • Somebody had to come first unless he met them at the same exact time. Either way, they both knew they were competing for the attention and the affections of one cool dude. They only wanted to be respected in the process. Indigo won by default not because she was better in any way.

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              • Indigo may have won, if that’s the right word, by default but she was definitely better than Clarke. Clarke was a fair weather girlfriend. Whereas Indigo was there when it really counted.

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                • Clarke wasn’t a fair weather girlfriend. Bleek was selfish. Clarke wasn’t going to sit around while the dude she loved/liked smanged other women, while the dude who had the power to let her showcase her talents, only thought about himself. Shadow said it right and came with that real ni66a game. Paraphrasing, Speaking to Clarke- It’s not about love all of the time. At some point it has to be about respect.- She recognized that you can’t beg someone to respect you. They either will or won’t but if they won’t you ain’t gotta stick around. She had options and exercised them. Got a new man and got a gig singing. Indigo got a emotionally battered former Sax player. Clarke wins.

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    • I like to think that Thelma and Keith was pretty realistic….couple living w/ their parents while dude tries to live out his dream of playing pro ball (or in modern day circumstances, getting a record deal).

      Thelma and Ebay were pretty realistic as well…y’know, with Ebay trying to make Thelma the top chick in his stable and all…smh.

      Reply ↓

        • Thanks for clearing that up for me, RWC, because I was wondering who the heck was Thelma and Keith. Lol And I still don’t know who Thelma and Ebay are.

          Reply ↓

          • That’s the episode where Thelma went Afrocentric, got her hair braided, and was dating a guy from Africa. I forgot that his name was Ebay. Things got pretty serious between them, until he told Thelma he planned to take ther wives in the future #recordscratch

            Good Times moral: Afrocentricity is fun as long as you cherry pick cultural norms from the mother land.

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    • Clarke was the fantasy and what he wanted and Indigo was the reality and what he needed. Both were willing to share because they knew each other existed and didn’t infinged on each others time.

      Reply ↓

      • Interesting. I didn’t see them as willing to share. I think Indigo was just dealing with it because she loved Bleek. And Clark was in it for mostly professional reasons. She had stars in her eyes. So she wasn’t tripping because she was focused on getting ahead.

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    • Would have been more realistic if Indigo was as fine as Clarke and didn’t look like Spike in a dress…I’m sorry, but that has always troubled me about that movie…

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  22. Hm. I’ve never personally had that issue because I haven’t yet formed/fully developed my idea of what an ideal relationship would be for me. All I know that while the Huxtables and Obamas are cute, that’s not something I really care to aim for in my love life. Doesn’t help that I’m often attracted to liberated pro-Black women that dance in the wind.

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  23. ok. i’ll bite since im up.

    if i wasn’t on twitter, i would never know how men and women talk to/about each other.

    sure, it’s not all negative, but the undercurrent of finger pointing and shade-throwing is just out of hand.

    and i don’t know where/why it started or if it will ever die.

    if you are on a social network like twitter, part of you is there to feed your ego, to see you tweets be RT’d, to have your jokes laughed at, to have your inflammatory comments reacted to. (the same can be said for commenters on blogs and/or bloggers themselves). i say this knowing that it’s true for myself. i can admit it.

    so maybe that’s why people feel no ways in throwing their 2 cents about members of the opposite sex out there on a constant basis. the same members they eventually want to get something from (chex, love and/or both).

    like i commented on dr. t’s blog the other day – you throw a bomb out there, people are going to react. that’s human nature. sure – some people shrug the bomb off like it was nothing, and others take it to heart (what’s that about the truth hurting and hit dogs hollering?). we’re all different and i’m not going to judge you (or let you judge me) based on who you are and how you think.

    but what i will say, is that this (and im glad your post alludes to it) is an equal opportunity problem. it’s not just bitter bishes out there complaining about wanting a barack while chasing x. the amount of fellas on my tl making derogatory statements about women not being michelles while their next tweet is ogling the current big bootied flava of the month is high.

    and we’re all at fault and responsible in some way.

    everytime the fellas say to the women – you should settle for less, stop trying to attain a ready-made man, be willing to look/see a man’s potential – it flies in the face of so many things. and everytime a woman takes that advice to heart, and fails… you end up with the exact situation that played out after the FLOTUS speech and like DQ said, plays out on twitter on a cyclical basis.

    i don’t know what came first, the chicken or the egg – but it would be nice if the vicious (and it def is vicious at times) would just stop.

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    • i don’t know what came first, the chicken or the egg – but it would be nice if the vicious (and it def is vicious at times) would just stop.

      This. Yes.

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    • Agreed. Just like on here, I can’t for the life of me understand why some people can’t see that an inflammatory comment is strictly bait, and bait only works when your catch bites it. If nothing bites, you have nothing. But everytime, the same imflammatory remarks get the same rage, and no one wants to take responsibility for their part of the mess. It doesn’t even matter who started it…the question is “what does it have to do with YOU?” That’s what all people should ask themselves on a daily basis.

      So what if we have opinions. I said it before, our opinions doesn’t mean shyte if you can’t prove it, basing your life experiences as truth for the entire world is stupid because nobody else lives your life but you. Yea if you caught a raw deal, chances are others have too, that doesn’t mean we are supposed to be angry about it for the rest of our lives. At some point, people got to let the hate go.

      That’s why this thread is sort of pissing me off. People talking about Barack & Michelle love…but honestly how many people DESERVE that kind of love? What did we do that we actually are meant to have it? What work did we put in? What good lessons did we learn? What mistakes did we fix? In truth, a lot of us had shytty love lives because we deserved shytty love lives….and until you get the story straight, we deserve nothing better because we are all versions of Chad & Evelyn until we grow the hell up.

      End game.

      Keisha, you can take credit for bringing out my fire.

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      • ~ everyone deserves love. true love. cause that’s what we are. a heart and a soul traveling in a body and a mind. but in order to be love, to receive love, to heal wounds, you must give and forgive without expectation or design, and you must love yourself so fully that you become love itself, and once you are, love is free and love is freedom and freedom is peace.

        it’s a process, and it takes commitment, courage, and strength, and you’ll be tested by non-believers every step of the way. but the one thing i have noticed is that once you come from a place of love, people respond in kind. love creates trust and trust is disarming, and that’s the real deal :: how many people want to be armed to the teeth, calling love a battlefield instead of seeing the only blood on the ground is that which you have shed in hurt, hatred, anger, and fear.

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        • See Esa..I don’t know. Love to me is a privilege. It has to be earned. Even parental love in life is not guaranteed. I’m not saying people have to be special to be loved, but you do have to offer something for love to come to you, and some things that people have to offer are not positive at all.

          You have a point though. Love is a battlefield for many because the love they’ve recieved in life may have not been love at all, for many roses aren’t pretty, they just have a lot of thorns.

          I don’t know…it’s just sad.

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          • ~ Love to me is a privilege. It has to be earned.

            you are a victim of the rules you live by. i mean no disrespect. i’ve victimized myself enough times to acknowledge that that happiness is a choice and i’ve found that only love can set me (you) (us) free ~*~

            ~ Even parental love in life is not guaranteed.

            welcome to my world (smile)

            ~ I’m not saying people have to be special to be loved, but you do have to offer something for love to come to you, and some things that people have to offer are not positive at all.

            that doesn’t mean you can’t be love and give love and be at peace. i’ve been working on this turn the other cheek thing i heard about somewhere in the Bible and wow if it hasn’t saved me from the darkness of rage.

            ~ Love is a battlefield for many because the love they’ve recieved in life may have not been love at all, for many roses aren’t pretty, they just have a lot of thorns.

            yup. still also, a choice. you can put down your weapons or you can hold them clutched in your fists until you die.

            ~ I don’t know…it’s just sad.

            it is. but it doesn’t have to be sad for you or for me or for any one else for any longer than we wish to live in misery ..

            Reply ↓

            • “yup. still also, a choice. you can put down your weapons or you can hold them clutched in your fists until you die.”

              ok i’ll bite….
              how does one do this?
              easier said than done right?!

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              • “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” —Lao Tsu

                this is where i began. i fell in love and then i fell on my face. bad. like quite a few times. and he watched. and said nothing. and stayed by my side when i got up. and ran away. and he came back. and umm we’ve done this lil dance step several times.

                and it’s gotten easier, but it is still a challenge because for me to drop every last weapon, i’ve had to face every single fear (and undoubtedly, there are more to come, but the more i do this, the more fearless i have become).

                seriously last nite my head was on spin cycle cause something was bothering me and i was talking to him in my head saying “you this” and “you that” and then, boom, i saw it. every time i cursed him, i was cursing myself. “you suck” sounds like “i suck” in my head no matter who i am speaking of.

                kinda rambling but here is my point: when you realize you’re on the battlefield alone, fighting with your own demons, when you realize it is you who is shooting yourself in the foot, you’ll be like mmmmaybe i wanna be free of this madness cause love is so much better than pain ~*~

                and yup yup. easier said than done. but freedom can only come when you step into the unknown. and the unknown is a world of infinite possibility and i love this because what i could learn is so much more fascinating than what i already know ..

                Reply ↓

        • This. Love is free and there’s plenty for everybody. You give it, you receive it. It’s one and the same. You don’t need to earn it or hold it for ransom, trade it for goods and services. There is an infinite amount. Roll around in it like new money!

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      • “People talking about Barack & Michelle love…but honestly how many people DESERVE that kind of love?”

        I was just saying this to my friend a little while back. Granted, like Esa said, everyone deserves real love. I am all about that, but let’s be real: when people talk about desert or being deserving of love, they don’t speak about it in terms of our inherent right to real love. They speak about it as though they possess qualities that make them entitled to this kind of love. I’m sorry, but what makes you so special? Call me snarky, I know that’s what I’m being, but I know too many people who feel that they are just automatically entitled to real love without putting forth any effort or just putting the bare minimum. It don’t work that way.

        Reply ↓

        • You are not wrong or snarky at all. Some Catholics are like that with the whole “We are Made in God’s Image, etc, etc, etc”, as if as soon as we are born we just Walk the Earth and God will Bless you w/o YOUSELF doing Deeds to wash away the Original Sin Lucifer placed on Mankind. People have to LIVE and Work just to GET to Heaven’s Gates, let alone Inside. We are Born Alone and Die Alone (ideally), but Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself is KEY to have a good ruling when Judged, so the Love we “expect” or “entitled to” is Nothing without Working and Sacrificing to EARN it

          Reply ↓

        • Like Marshall said, it’s not being snarky. It’s just true. Too many people walk this Earth acting like they are owed something but have no viable proof they deserve what they seek. That’s why I realize after a while, as a person, you have to be able to smell your own bullshyte and understand when you’ve been wrong.

          Reply ↓

        • entitlement is a dead end. agreed. this is when people come to change their heart, or they dig their heels in and move into a vicious netherworld. i know a lot of many people who come to change their hearts as the approach death. only the awareness of the beauty and brevity of life opens them to love.

          Reply ↓

          • I totally agree with you, Esa. Entitlement is a dead end. There’s a difference between desert and entitlement. Once that difference hit me and I saw my own hubris and how I felt entitled to love is when I took a step back and decided I need to do some changes. I deserve love, true, but I have to prove I am worth the hard work, and a man must do that for me as well.

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  24. man I m glad somebody brought this up because one of my boys asked was michelle Obama the model spouse for black women to pattern themselves after follow a speech that resulted in my facebook news feed filled with photos of the first lady. I guess some black people are so desperate to counterbalance the perceived abunance of negativity about black women, and black relationships that a chick like Michelle gets elevated to a Mary poppins status, who has no flaws and is the only black woman in America who looks good in actual clothing some will tell it.

    Reply ↓

    • Mary Poppins status? I don’t think so. I think that there were/ are so many attacks on Michelle by right wing media and crazed racists that a lot of Black people feel protective of her.

      Reply ↓

        • I’m talking about her supporters as well. You said;

          “I guess some black people are so desperate to counterbalance the perceived abunance of negativity about black women, and black relationships that a chick like Michelle gets elevated to a Mary poppins status, who has no flaws and is the only black woman in America who looks good in actual clothing some will tell it.”

          My point was that it’s not that her supporters are trying to make her out to be perfect but that their elevation of her is partly a reaction to the attacks against her.

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  27. The thing about the Obamas that I don’t get is how they’ve become this epitome of blackness for some reason.

    Seriously… What’s with that?

    I’m not gonna lie, from his interviews and other media takes, Barack has swag like a mug, but outside him being the bloody president, what makes him the ideal man that so many young black women are now “waiting for their Barack”? What are they exactly waiting on? An educated black man? A good father? Someone with ambition? Someone with confidence? I mean, I’m pretty sure there are tons of guys out there who posses those qualities. But I feel as though these are the qualities that are merely presented to us, and not necessarily what made/makes their marriage last.

    I mentioned in a response earlier that I get these are beacons or fantasies that we seek to aspire to achieve, but truthfully, even in the post where Champ jokes about when women ask they can’t find a Barack men respond with there aren’t many Michelle’s… What?! I don’t know if I want a Michelle. Think about it, for a dude to want to be president of the United States, his ego needs to be huge. For a woman to want her husband to achieve presidency, her ego needs to be just as huge if not bigger. I have ambition, but being president ain’t on my list. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, nor does that make my ambition any less significant.

    I’m rambling…

    What I’m tryna say is we may need to shut the fk up and stop reaching for what other mofos have, because truthfully, we have no idea what they have, nor the work/sacrifice they put into it. And for as much as we may want the perceived final result, we may not want to go through the process of getting there.

    Reply ↓

    • We have to understand that what we desire isn’t always what we deserve. What we put work into becomes what we have. A lot of people just think Barak just came out the ‘nani like “BAM, I’m muhfuggin Barak Obama. Bow to my swag!” Dude hit Michelle up in a rusted out hoopty and took her for ice cream on their first date. He became someone because he put work into himself, she became someone because she put work into herself, and they became who they are as spouses and parents for the work they put into that.

      Simply put, everybody wants the rewards and the accolades, but nobody wants to work for it.

      Reply ↓

    • @Mr. Queeeen!!

      They became the epitome of blackness because they presented the very ideals that counter the stereotypes of us, propagated by the media. Furthermore, there are folks out there that did not grow up with the privilege of experiencing and seeing firsthand a relationship that was functional. Their role models are dysfunctional, at best. In essence, they use Michelle and Obama’s relationship as a benchmark, to validate their desires for a similar relationship.

      At the end of the day, just be you. If she likes you just as, then, put a ring on it. [or maybe not] I don’t know what else to tell you.

      Reply ↓

    • “stop reaching for what other mofos have, because truthfully, we have no idea what they have, nor the work/sacrifice they put into it. And for as much as we may want the perceived final result, we may not want to go through the process of getting there.”

      I agree with all this, more in terms of wealth/success than relationships. Although I don’t agree one should “stop reaching,” you never know what someone had to go through to get what they have. It might be some hell you don’t want.

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    • “What I’m tryna say is we may need to shut the fk up and stop reaching for what other mofos have, because truthfully, we have no idea what they have, nor the work/sacrifice they put into it. And for as much as we may want the perceived final result, we may not want to go through the process of getting there.”

      Thanks Meisarebel. Comparisons are the fastest way to unhappiness. Looking at perfect couples is a waste of time as you stated because picture perfect can be just a facade. And not even a million and 2 years will any aspect of your life be 100% similar to another person so take what you have and roll with it. If your relationship just started it is important to stfu until you actually experience some hard times instead of looking at others for the key to success. As soon as you hit the first bump in the road you’ll get an idea of whether that person is worth your time. Ninjas don’t wanna shoot wichu in the gym but want to hold the NBA championship trophy. Nawl Son!

      Work on your own relationship, actually like the person you are with, be happy with them, and have s3x (or not, free country and sh*t) instead of working to attain the idea of what others have.

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    • People are just truly fully of shyte and cant’ tell they flooded the toilet.

      That’s the real and honest truth. We all are going to make the mistake of saying we deserve greatness without understanding the sacrifice, blood, sweat, & tears that come along with greatness, let alone downsides that come along with the good sides.

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      • “We all are going to make the mistake of saying we deserve greatness without understanding the sacrifice, blood, sweat, & tears that come along with greatness, let alone downsides that come along with the good sides.”

        You and I are RIGHTHERE today! BK and Bx can get along :)

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    • “What I’m tryna say is we may need to shut the fk up and stop reaching for what other mofos have, because truthfully, we have no idea what they have, nor the work/sacrifice they put into it. And for as much as we may want the perceived final result, we may not want to go through the process of getting there.”

      good point

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  28. I need to poll the women. how many of y’all would really hook up with a cat who was riding a rust bucket and suggested going out to dairy queen on the first date?

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  29. Pingback: Mini Blog: Blog Love | I Am Your People

  30. What’s unfortunate about the Barack and Michelle story is folks STAY trying to justify their own personal narratives and theories based on Barack & Michelle. They are them, and you are you. That was then, and this is now.

    They are different people than you, they dated at a different time, under different circumstances. Michelle and Barack had to learn how to deal with their respective flaws and idiosyncrasies and they will be different than yours. You can extrapolate almost nothing about their relationship to your views on dating, because there are just too many unaccounted for factors.

    All they can be really is symbols.

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  31. I only catch glimpses of this stuff when people RT it, so I must be following the right people *lol*. On a more serious note, wtf is TUK?? All of the crazy sh!t happening in Chicago has me worried about him & others who stay there. If ya live in Chicago, type “here” or “present” so I can not worry so much cause man, they got my nerves going bad in this city.

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      • Refuse a job in Chicago? I don’t know the details but I’d venture to say- Not a really smart move. Chicago is like any other city. If you have a job and make some money, you prolly won’t be living in a War Zone neighborhood. And most of the violence is between boys/men. Women get a pass in the city. Third, Chicago is the land of big time opportunity. Chicago is a good place for someone from the UK to start because it’s cosmopolitan.

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            • Heaven Sutton, Aliyah Shell, Soraya Gibson, Shannon Walton, Equilla Coleman, Priscilla Mercado,Tonya Gist, Michelle Gregory, Kimberly Harris, Lekiah White, Nazia Banks, Lorrie Heidrick, Natalie Brady, Shondell Adams, Dominque Green, Dominique Ollie, Brianna Gardner…

              These are just some of the names of the women who were shot in Chicago *just this summer*. So no. Your generalization is false.

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              • I said “most” so my generalization is not false. Do we have enough room on this screen for you to name the men that were killed as well?

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  34. It’s common for people to look outside themselves in order to figure out who they are as individuals and furthermore who they should be as individuals or within relationships etc.
    It becomes a problem when people try and use these examples (Obamas, Smiths, Huxtabel setc) as blueprints or maps and then wonder why their relationships fall apart or they are single.
    Especially as we do not have 24 hour insight of these couples, we do not know their struggles or the bad that comes with the good.
    So no offence to the Carter’s, but I’m no Beyonce, and I don’t know Sean, so I guess that life is not meant for me….I’ll help them with that money though.

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  35. “dating a man with a Harvard Law degree” doesn’t exactly scream “taking a chance.”

    Amen. I’m kinda sick and tired of this ‘Michelle saw potential’ crap. The president of the Harvard law review isn’t ‘potential’ it is pretty much a guy holding a VERY fat post-dated check. Yes, he was driving a crapy car when he met her, but he had clearly and definitively set himself aside from every other chump driving a crapy car. Hopes and dreams are NOT potential…it’s unreasonable to expect her to think you’re special just because you have them.

    Secondly, dudes need to stop with this hypocrisy….why don’t YOU date potential. I’ve never seen a guy who likes *ss trying to wife up a chick with NO *ss talking ’bout: Yeah son, I know you can’t see it right now, but I see some serious potential, I’m telling you man….a few years down the road, a couple of steaks, maybe 1 or 2 kids and that *ss is gonna be BANGING SON!!!!!
    Yeah…..F’outtahere…

    Lastly, I’ve truly never understood what the reasoning behind this whole ‘women should date potential’ movement is. What exactly are you saying here? That a woman should date you because of who you MIGHT be in the future?? WTF is this? Love on layaway? Do the people who say that realize that the direct implication of this is that she will leave you if you don’t realize your ‘potential’?
    Yes, I have hopes and dreams, but I need the woman I date to be ok spending the rest of her life with who I am NOW.

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    • I love this! It is so true, sometimes we’re so busy looking too far ahead that we don’t see the blessings right in front of us right now. I know I’ve been guilty of this:-/

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    • Hopes and dreams ARE potential when you stay the course. Some people have that “IT” factor and you know they will make their dreams reality. This is all about investing in a person who has their head on straight and is working toward a goal. It also requires you to have your head on straight too. I rather keep that person in my circle and watch her progress than write her off and regret it.

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    • I TOTALY GET YOU. Like whats with the fixation of trying to make it(more than average success), before getting real serious with a woman, cause with success there is possible hard times, are you going to leave after you lose your job or career plans fall through…since you could only get with some one after some climatic success. Both sexes need to be comfortable with who they are, to be okey with being with some one, beyond what they bring to the table………..

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      • Some of us would rather get ourselves together before entering the dating game.

        At least that way, there’s one less (major) thing working against you.

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    • One example of potential is income! If a man is in law, medical, pharm school etc, he has potential to make a certain income and afford a certain lifestyle. Mrs. Obama saw back then that her now husband had the potential to create the lifestyle that she worked hard for and one that align with hers. After all before presidency, they lived in a nice neighborhood, sent their kids to private school and were able to afford the next generation a better life. Potential is what you are trying to create in the future based on your values and ambition. While nothing is guaranteed in life, you still have to give yourself a good foundation and pick potential. There are not many 20 somethings that have reached their potential as of yet because it usually take years of hard work. I hope to not be the same person i am now in 20 years but a better version of myself financially, spiritually and emotionally.

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    • “dating a man with a Harvard Law degree” doesn’t exactly scream “taking a chance.”

      Yeah, but most women aren’t bad Ivy leagued, lawyer chicks, that made partner in high powered downtown law firms. Most of the chicks talking about “But Barack went to Harvard.” are CNA’s fronting on a dude because he has a job with a uniform with his name sewn on the front.

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    • THANK YOU VAB.

      that’s all i’ve ever said, but when a girl says it…

      i’mma need y’all fellas to call out your own every so often cuz i certainly don’t support the movement of fake-louboutins, no class/style/substance chicks striving for more than they strive for themselves.

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      • No. But I think what men mean when we say this is that ” I’m good right now and I’m only going to get better as I learn more. Get with me now and stop acting like an unknown future is worth more than a known present.”

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    • Two things. I think men are saying that women shouldn’t date a dude because of his present career or his career track. Maybe they should date dudes based on how they treat them and their decency as human beings? The take away from Michelle and Barak is that he wasn’t balling out of control or on track to be president (or even very well off) when they met. He was focused on helping people and making a difference and she was the bread winner. Not what most ladies are checking for.

      As the Harvard law degree goes, she has one herself. Most of the men that she would probably associate with had similar credentials. The women at HLS are like women everywhere else (kind of like the post is saying), those chicks are still checking for those same few most eligible dudes. That nerdy dude is not getting extra play.

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        • You didn’t say anything about Charisma so why would I add it? Also you wouldn’t know if has Charisma until you had a decent convo with him. To do that you’d have to ignore his lawyerly cornyness in the first place. I don’t see women giving corny guys a chance to show if they are witty or not. I just see a lot of snarky remarks and side eyes.

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          • I was talking to you, I was talking to Meech so…

            Also, I’m a sweet girl so as far as what you see from other chicks eyerolling and whatnot… I don’t know what to tell you, but that ain’t how I roll.

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            • “Also, I’m a sweet girl so as far as what you see from other chicks eyerolling and whatnot… I don’t know what to tell you, but that ain’t how I roll.”

              I can’t tell. You eye roll and get butthurt on VSB all the time.

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    • The potential for earning more money and financial stability in the future is realistic…Attaining a big a** when you wasn’t born with one…not so much………no Nikki M.

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  36. Champ please clarify why Nina is kind of a ho?? She didnt make darius wait the Steve Harvey approved 90 days before hand..so confused. Here is the paradox with black men….sarcastic voice. Either she’s a ho gives it up too easy or she’s too rigid and stingy with the goods…smh y’all needs to make up your mind! I’m mock offended kinda a ho???

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  38. I have “Kindred the Family Soul” as my ideal couple, 6 kids travelling the world, singing real soul music together, that is my pedestal fantasy/real couple.

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  40. Love this post today, because it neatly ties into my life the past few weeks. Originally, I was supposed to work anti-doping at the US Open of tennis. However, due to some screw-ups with the powers that be, they ended up choosing a few people to pull off of anti-doping and throw them into the general pool of workers. As a result, I ended up in another high-profile spot working VIP Security. Simply put, anyone who uses credentials to get in the complex (e.g. the players themselves, their coaches and fam, celebrities, big-name media types, camera crews, etc.) has to pass by people like me to do their thing.

    As a result, I’ve gotten a bit chummy with a lot of Names You May Know, and it’s given me great perspective. It’s interesting how people can look different face-to-face than when you see them on TV. It’s easy to think a certain way about people when all you see if what they throw on camera. We necessarily have a limited view of celebs because the vast majority of people don’t get close to them like we do our friends. However, we aren’t as familiar as we think. On the flip side, when you get to see people up close and personal, they have a much more complicated persona. Most of the time, it isn’t bad (except for that female dog Maria Sharapova, who thinks she’s too good for security), but it takes what we see in the media simple, neat and wrong.

    Simply put, basing relationship decisions (or any other personal decision really) based on people you see on TV is a dumb, dumb idea because you don’t REALLY know them like that.

    (Oh, and for the dudes, Serena Williams is serious in person. What you see on the tennis court is a minimized version of the booty. It’s actually even bigger when she’s just rocking street clothes. And in terms of her crew, I’ll have Serena singing this by the time I’m finished with them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud5na4v6jHs LOL)

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    • “Simply put, basing relationship decisions (or any other personal decision really) based on people you see on TV is a dumb, dumb idea because you don’t REALLY know them like that.”

      Sadly, this will go over a lot of people’s heads in this day and age…

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    • a lot of truth here. i’ve had the pleasure (and dismay) of meeting quite a few celebrities in the past few years. Some folks I’ve even gotten “cool” with enough to exchange info and be on first name bases with, etc. And one thing you learn is that folks are who they present and even that can change. people are people. period.

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    • ~ Simply put, basing relationship decisions (or any other personal decision really) based on people you see on TV is a dumb, dumb idea because you don’t REALLY know them like that.

      this reminds me of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. so eerily prescient that he could envision people sitting in front of the TV for hours, days, weeks, years of their lives, casting aspersions and forming judgments based on constructed images designed to sell advertising and perpetrate a power structure built on lies ..

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  41. How to build a Black relationship bomb? Simple- let it be a Black relationship, LMAO!!

    (You know that went the way of the dinosaur, 8 track and the jerri curl, LMAO! Ain’t no way in holy hell people are trying- and want to see- two Black folks happy and in love at the SAME DAMN TIME! *in Future’s voice*)

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  43. “Michelle and Claire are a bit too tall, educated, and independent.” C’mon, that has nothing to do with nothing. Michelle/Claire may have a bit of “sass” to them, but they also were supportive and caring in their real/fictitious lives. You’re using tall, educated and independent, but you really mean domineering, arrogant and ungrateful. Nobody wants that. As far as calling couples by their first name, it does create a false sense of familiarity. I suggest a compromise: Barack and Michelle Obama. :o )

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  44. I’m glad Champ brought this up. I’ve been amused at how mainly white collar college educated Black women have exalted the Obamas to white Jesus status. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised considering some (not all) professional Black women romanticize and fantasize of being the super corporate Black elite couple or Black intellectual elite couple. What bothers me most about this is how women (not all women) create a whole image and story off of what they see. The couples I see happy are with couples with mates you would shoot down in a second. They aren’t the ones that look good on paper. The marriages I know of with all-star player statistics are where the man or woman is miserable. I’m not implying that there aren’t or can’t be a happy couple where both partners are CEOs of a fortune 500 company. No one realizes what you see is what they allow you to see and its funny how (some) women will create a whole story off of what they see. I struggle to understand why (some) women do this. I’ve seen this done with T.I. and Tiny, the POTUS and FLOTUS, and others. When T.I. was being held up as an example I laughed. This dude is not 6ft+ 220lb dark skinned and highly educated but I’m told that is what I should aspire to. Never mind how I can see how dude reeks of patriarchy and chauvinism.

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    • T.I.’s whole image is askew in my eyes right now. I’ve seen his show that I tried to stay away from a couple times; he’s country-as-hell and quite likeable. Then he puts out garbage like that “You Know” song. I need his lyrics to be somewhere else.

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    • ~ What bothers me most about this is how women (not all women) create a whole image and story off of what they see.

      it’s indoctrination, conditioning, Disney, fairy tales. it’s “this is how the story goes” and this story is told so many times, you unconsciously set it down as the only way it can be.

      then, many (not all) women around you are following the same yellow brick road, reinforcing lies and falsehoods because we want to believe that this is our destiny.

      i just had one of those life changing revelations; the smoke and mirrors cleared and i realized once and for all that i am not going to play this game of “how things should be” with myself anymore.

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    • professional Black women romanticize and fantasize of being the super corporate Black elite couple or Black intellectual elite couple.

      This isn’t really what I appreciate about the Obamas’ relationship though. I love the fact that they *seem like a team, are in love, and are great parents to their kids. Basically they’re a normal (not NORMAL normal, but you get what I mean), happy family.

      *I don’t know them of course, but this is the image that they project.

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    • D@mn Humble… you act like aiming high is bad? geez. I don’t think it’s idolizing the Obamas as much as it’s appreciating and being hopeful. I mean why not aspire to have that fantasy…. granted what you get may not be a knight in shining armour putting a glass slipper on your foot at the ball after the horse and carriage turns back into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight… wait what?… I’m sorry what was I saying?

      Oh yeah, so there’s nothing wrong with having a fantasy as long as you know where the fantasy should end and reality should begin… I’m all about aiming high.

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  45. With such a large percentage of us growing up in broken homes (I did), is it really a surprise that we would look to external sources for guidelines of what a couple should be and how it should function?

    I definitely liked the post and the topic. But, that question was the first thing that popped in my head when I was done. Even on this site, it seems pretty rare (at least in the few months that I have been actively reading) to read comments from anyone who is currently married.

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    • With such a large percentage of us growing up in broken homes (I did), is it really a surprise that we would look to external sources for guidelines of what a couple should be and how it should function?

      that’s a fair point. you can’t really fault people for looking at outside sources if they have nothing else to base it on

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      • This is true. I grew up with my married parents. They are my relationship role models because I saw and felt the pain of them trying to make their marriage work (they are still married). Not one other couple I strive to be like in my marriage.That sh!t was not easy for them as two Black Professionals in the 80s. Between us kids, one getting laid of, no money, a lot of money, illness, debt, etc.

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    • I get that point, as I’m a product of it, despite having two parents.

      But still, at some point I had to learn what I saw on TV was never going to be my life. I had to figure out my dad would never be a TV dad, and he’d never support the things I truly wanted in life, he’d only pat me on the back for staying out of jail. My story goes on, but still I had to let it go. That’s what other people have to do too.

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      • I agree as I had to do the same thing. But I do think some of the things I learned from observing other couples helped me out in my own relationships.

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  46. “Never mind the fact(s) that Darius was a stalker and “dating a man with a Harvard Law degree” doesn’t exactly scream “taking a chance.” The point is clear. These people are clearly better than the people currently in your dating pool.” Lmao!! So true statement!! The point here is President Obama had potential back then that Mrs. Obama saw!! My motto is you gotta find yourself and i can help you fine tune yourself!!

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  47. S/N: The reality is nothing the Barak’s and Michelle’s of relationships have achieved was done by accident. It is called, “Smart and hard work”. If you think you will fall upon success in a relationship like them because you are cute, intelligent or the world owes it to you….you are bound for failure and will be miserable and bitter.

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  48. There’s nothing wrong with having relationship role models, we need more of them. Just be sure to pick the right ones and keep in mind that they’re not perfect. Every relationship has its issues.

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    • Better yet, it’s great to have ones you know personally. We’ll probably never see the “realness” of any of these relationships so they won’t help us get through much.

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    • You are exactly right. There is nothing wrong with having role models. But who those role models are and what you idolize about their relationship is where problem is. And what is being idolized does have consequences. We can argue that it’s the love in the relationships, but I think that these are literally some of the most famous, rich, and powerful black men in the world might have something to do with why these relationships are held up as the ideal. Men at the top if you will.

      There’s nothing wrong with that, human nature actually. Just own it. No less superficial than men idolizing Serena’s assets. But the next time you read this board and see a man assuming an Alpha posture, or talk about “the game”, think back to this post and hierarchical nature of female attraction being presented. When you hear a complaint about a dude with a good job thinking he is God’s gift to women, think about the superficiality of the ideal and where he might have gotten that notion.

      Not trying to play the blame game, but I’m saying, this whole black male/female dynamic may be more intertwined than most people realize.

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      • You must be joking. Meech come get ya boy!!!

        It’s not because the MEN are powerful, it’s because the men AND WOMEN are both powerful in their own right and are still able to maintain a thriving relationship (joint interests) along with their thriving careers (individual interests)… smh.

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        • What exactly would that pandering pansy pacifist tell me? So the fact that these relationships are a mutual pursuit of the superficial instead of just the male halves makes my point less relevant because…? The focus is still on power (your words). You just made it more fantastical by adding an additional layer of conflict and still maintaining your projection of a seamless ideal. Want to see how this really plays out? Watch Basketball wives.

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          • Look you’re new here, don’t talk about Meech like that!!! You on’t een know him!

            Anywayzzzz! Actually it’s relevent because YOU said “…but I think that these are literally some of the most famous, rich, and powerful black men in the world might have something to do with why these relationships are held up as the ideal. Men at the top if you will” and that’s just not true. They’re held-up because BOTH partners are powerful (not just the men) and the relationship is still successful… something as you put would be a “conflict” and yet they are still able to do it. It has nothing to do with just the man why they’re held-up so highly… there are plenty of relationships that work where the guy is the only prominent figure” and guess what… no one is checking for them as a relationship-model.

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          • Mr. East, men and women do value the same, basic things.

            Are men gonna appreciate flowers and candy and a rom-com. No but if they do, I think there may be something to think about . But would a man like the newest Madden/COD combo and some time to play it without his woman hovering over and asking a lot of questions? Most likely.

            It’s about learning your partner, and not putting your expectations of self onto them. Anybody, man or woman, can do that.

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            • I agree with the last paragraph completely, and those are the kind of things I’m saying should be championed in relationships. All I was saying is that men don’t put as much stock in our potential mate’s careers as women do. We don’t seek “power” as yeahso so succinctly put it. Kanye isn’t dating Kim for the same reason Kim is dating Kanye, if you know what I mean. Both reasons equally superficial, both substantively different.

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                • Good, then it sholdn’t be a stretch to see how men with a little bit of status start feeling themselves a little bit too much. Or why the alpa male/game complex that is so loathed in this comment section may actually have basis in mindset of the very women who decry it (vocally at least) since the perception of power goes so far. Just saying that the ladies have more influence over our behavior than you think/care to admit. Men might not set the agenda to the degree that is commonly accepted and the relationship between the sexes might be a bit more nuanced than the opposing camp theory we always see here. Or, as my geographically opposed name sake might say: “no one organ should have all that power”

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                  • My thing with game, why I reject it more than accept it, is that there are so many planes and levels of people to just attribute everything to “the game”. Hood dudes, 9-5 dudes, CEO dudes, all with different egos for different reasons can all say the same pick-up to me and in the end, the one most like me, the 9-5 dude, would get the most of my attention because he’s at a level I am on, and because we can ultimately grow together not because of his perceived ego, because his pick-up was so unique, or because of his level of power.

                    Egos and power have nothing to do with it to me, because I have my own. I’m smart, independent and know my own worth outside of a relationship with a man and so if a man were to say “Girl, I’m powerful! Get on the bus!” it ain’t gonna do much for me, because I have my own bus. What else you got?

                    The same way women need more than a ‘nani to be an asset, men need more than ego and power to be an asset to me. *shrugs* Then again, folks keep saying I’m weird and different so I could be wrong…

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                    • Again, I agree with your logic, but we are talking about women in general and not you. In fact, we are talking about women specifically (the majority) who are attracted to something you expressly said you are not. You’re pointing out the fallacy in that line of thinking, not the fact that the line of thinking itself exists (and thrives). I’m just saying that flawed line of thinking contributes to the flawed behavior you see in men. But in some respects it isn’t flawed behavior in men because it is accommodating a reality, however flawed its logical foundation may be.

                    • Mr. East, I’m only one woman. I can’t change the mindset of a group of men. I don’t want to change the mindset of a group of men, cause that makes my selection that much easier to pin-point if all them “not for me” dudes remain exactly as they are.

                      The mindset exists. Won’t and can’t deny that. Women and men both perpetuate that mindset. I just happen to be of a subset that doesn’t. So I can’t speak for or on the general woman because *shrugs* I’m apparently not. I like to think I’m the majority and that the majority is just silent or drowned out by the vocal minority…

                    • I would like to think that as well, but I’m afraid that people aren’t that… intrensiclly virtuous.

              • Maybe not to the same degree, but to say y’all don’t look at a woman’s accomplishments is bs… especially after the “gold-digger” craze. Stop it. Ye definitely finds Kim MORE appealing because she has her own money and (questionable) power… don’t get it twisted.

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                • I don’t see any evidence to support that. Kim is really just a more banging version of Amber Rose and he was equally/more smitten with her and she didn’t have anywhere near the status. He really seems to like curves.

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                  • You know what, fine… because this little side convo had absolutely nothing to do with the point of my first comment. Maybe I misunderstood what you were saying. I was under the impression that you thought people idolize these relationships solely because the men are successful, I disagree with that… whether or not Kanye West (not to be confused with East) is into curves and broke bishes and whatnot… I’m not even concerned.

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                  • The problem is you not connecting the dots. Women are interested in power in relationships, men really aren’t all that much. You focusing on the fact that it is mutual power doesn’t take away from the point that it is power (status, hierarchy or whatever you want to call it) that drives the attraction. Once that is acknowledged, my other points logically follow.

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                    • You know what you’re right… I’m the slow one. So how about you help me help you help me… give me some examples of these relationships where the man was the ONLY prominent prower figure and the woman was respected and the relationship idolized at the same (wait for it… d@mn) time.

                      Boo I know what you’re getting at… and the problem with what you think is it’s too general and too outdated… life ain’t like that anymore. Granted Ye may have dated bum bishes in the past… but would he have wifed them? Doubt it. Will he wife up Kim? Ehh maybe. Point is everyone (men and women) look for partners (not cut friends) who are on their level-financial, educational, experience wise blah blah blah… we’re more alike than you think.

        • @ YeahSo- I think it’s both the reason he gave and the one you gave, but I think A LOT (not all) women know that it’s only ok to admit the one you said publicaly

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            • Kanye would date Kim if she a nobody and he met her walking through the mall. Kim would not date Kanye if her were a nobody and she met him walking through the mall.
              Look at Kim’s track record- Music exec, entertainer, entertainer, entertainer, professional athlete, professional athlete, entertainer.
              Look at Kanye’s track record- chick you don’t know, chick you don’t know, chick you don’t know, chick you don’t know, former stripper/video model, Kim K.

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              • See this is why I don’t like talking to yall because you layer all these different ideals into one point… so we end-up having two very different conversations… ok, yeah you have a point but I started the convo because I disagree with Kanye’s East statement about why these COUPLES are looked at as model relationships… maybe I read what he was sayig.

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      • “But who those role models are and what you idolize about their relationship is where problem is. And what is being idolized does have consequences. We can argue that it’s the love in the relationships, but I think that these are literally some of the most famous, rich, and powerful black men in the world might have something to do with why these relationships are held up as the ideal. Men at the top if you will.”

        Meech, that’s my biggest problem with it too. I’m glad you said it though, because most of the ladies on here respect your thought process. I wasn’t gonna really speak on it because I didn’t wanna take it there today, but I do agree that a lot of ladies are in denial about what really appeals to them about these fantasy couples that they place on the pedestal. I’m not saying I’m mad at them for it, I just think that the standard reasons so many women give for this annoying habit that they have are quite disingenuous to say the least.

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        • JMTG… yall are being so archaic with your thinking right now. On here, how many times have we discussed how black women have become just as successful, educated and powerful as their male counterparts? How difficult it is for men to approach black women because they are on the “fast track”… you know, with their degrees and whatnot keep them warm at night?

          So you tell exactly what woman would look at a relationship that DOESN’T include an equally powerful successful women (herself basically) and uphold it?… I’m waiting.

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          • A woman with some sense IMHO. That’s where you lose the argument. Men don’t need a woman to have equal power, income, or educational attainment to consider them for a relationship. Many women do. A good relationship is about far, far, more than power, income, and degrees.

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            • You’re full of sh*t and pissing me off (at the same damn time)… what are you even talking about? I’m saying these couples are idolized because of both parties not just the man… it’s actually really simple.

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              • I have a feeling people would idolize the President even if his wife was a former telemarketer turned stay at home mom and not an Ivy League educated high profile lawyer. I also would venture to say if Barack met Michele and she answered phones at a telemarketing company, he still would have holla’d at her.

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                • Idolize the President yes… their relatonship… I’m not convinced. To your point about him holla’in at her… I could definitely see that… but let’s not forget when they met SHE what the bread-winner so… stop trying to make it a women are superficial, men are authenic argument.

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                  • This narrative of the suspect man and the all powerfull woman is old and tired. Simply put- If Michelle were a housewife and showed the love for her husband that she does now, people would hold their relationship up as a model one. I idolize any relationship that people are happy in and doesn’t cause them to argue in my presence.

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                  • LOL- I’m not saying women are superficial, you are. “So you tell exactly what woman would look at a relationship that DOESN’T include an equally powerful successful women (herself basically) and uphold it?” You are advocating women only dating men that are as powerful or more powerful than them. Men don’t care how much power you have (generally). It’s not on our lists of must haves. It’s on your list of must haves. Where superficial about other stuff but money and power is not one of them.

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                    • First off, I’m not advocating for sh*t so stop putting words in my mouth. Second, I didn’t say it was a MUST HAVE, but it is definitely appealing… sue me. Success is appealing to both genders… I didn’t say it was a must tho.

                    • and you’re using the word wrong… you don’t say “sorry I butthurt you”… wtf that’s weird.

              • I get what you are saying. It’s like comparing Barack and Michelle Obama with Colin and Alma Powell. Both have seemingly wonderful relationships but the Obamas are a “power couple” while the Powells are just a couple with a powerful husband.

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                • So she’s useless because she’s not seen as powerful? Lemme stop messin wit yall, I know that YeahSo’s point is that the Obama’s are ideal to her because both parties have their own sophisticated career and are powerful in their own rights. I get that (so no need to explain it again) Nothing wrong with your ideal, but it is annoying that so many women get tunnel-vision towards an ideal like that (and it’s unrealistic for most of them). The whole idea of power is highly overrated as it relates to relationships imo, but to each their own. I hope you find your Barack

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                  • “I hope you find your Barack”- I don’t. I hope they pass up so many opportunities with good men that they become old and near useless when they come to realize that those guys at VSB were “Right the whole time.” They then go on tho counsel young women against the horrible behavior that lead to their “Cat Ladyism.” LOL

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                  • “So she’s useless because she’s not seen as powerful?” JMTG- That’s what I’m saying. How does it turn into that? I’m starting to understand more fully now. I’ve been on VSB for years trying to figure this thing out. Now I’m starting to get it. This is all a power play. All of it. They are not interested in co-habitation as much as they are interested in power or the appearance of it. “I won’t settle” = ” I’m not good enough on my own, I need a high profile/earning man to validate me.” “He has to be at my level or higher to date me” = “He has to be better than me.” That’s why they are constantly fighting over 15% of the men when they aren’t the most attractive/accomplished 15% of the women. The man represents their sexual/ womanly power. A high status male validates them in a way that men don’t need. They don’t see value in a man other than how it makes them look to their friends and the outer world. They don’t value a man for what he is.

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                    • That statement you’re referencing from JMTG was a joke… and it’s very clear that it was in his comment. You just want to argue to be arguing… ain’t nobody got time fo dat

                    • “They don’t see value in a man other than how it makes them look to their friends and the outer world. They don’t value a man for what he is.”

                      Right, it’s a unique and feminine ego imo. I see way too much of this. I’m not accusing YeahSo of that, even though she hinted that she might be that way today. Appearances (especially appearances of power) seem WAY more important to women. I’m only making this generalization based on the women I’ve known, talked to in person, observed (ones that dated friends of mine), and talked to on blogs though. Not saying they are in the majority out here or nuthin…the phenomenon of which you speak (BHillBoy) is called hypergamy and it’s part of women’s sex drive by nature. It used to be an efficient way to reproduce and ensure quality offspring but it’s…wait for it….ARCHAIC now… (ie more often than not it’s contradictory to the needs of modern Western women). That is one of the points that Obsidian and BM routinely get right. That’s also what the ladies here tend to disagree with the most…

                    • @JMTG we disagree with it because it’s false… ie. pure bull sh*t… if that mess were true most of yall and your friends would still be virgins.

                    • You have it all wrong. No one is saying Alma Powell is useless (and i’m sure JMTG was joking about that). And yes, women are generally attracted to powerful men, not because it makes them (women) look more powerful, but because it’s more likely that he’ll be able to support and protect the family. You’re right, men do not look for that. However, that’s not what was being discussed. We were looking at “ideal relationships”, not “ideal companions/mates/spouses/etc”, and a relationship is made of two people. What “ideal” is changes from person to person, and surely there are general differences between who makes up an ideal relationship to men and women. For me, ideal includes a successful woman and man, not as a part of some power play, but because I have pretty good earning potential. The Powell narrative does not include a woman like me. For another woman, maybe not as financially/academically successful, ideal looks like the Powells. Everyone’s not sitting around thinking about their perceived status. Most of us are just living our lives the best way we know how.

                    • I agree Ms. Bridget. Maybe not about the reason women are attracted to “power” (I think it is more basic than needing an abstract end to manifest), but in general, yes.

                      But the original point was simply women are attracted to power and men who exhibit the trats associated with it and this influeces men’s behavior. The point over that power being in the form of a couple or an individual is just noise.

                  • lol… it’s a fantasy, the dream… not the expectation. We’re all adults, we know life don’t always work out like that, but it’s nice to imagine that it could… Yall need to stop trippin.

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                    • YeahSo- It’s just conversation. Me and BHillBoy aint mad or nothin (at least I’m not). I’m not even annoyed, I’m just speakin my mind (as usual). I understand having fantasies. Did u not see me talkin about the threesome I dream of having with Persia White and Golden Brooks upthread? lol, it’s ok that our fantasies are irrational, we’re all allowed to dream :)

          • “So you tell exactly what woman would look at a relationship that DOESN’T include an equally powerful successful women (herself basically) and uphold it?”

            U serious? (Not sure if I even understand that question) A woman that wants a relationship for the reasons that a man wants one that’s who….

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            • Ok… so successful guys idolize relationships where the woman is the bread-winner and the man is barely contributing to the household over relationships where both the man and woman are successful?

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              • @ YeahSo- C’mon now, you’re better than that. You know better than to put words in my mouth.

                “so successful guys idolize relationships where the woman is the bread-winner and the man is barely contributing to the household over relationships where both the man and woman are successful?”

                When did I say that? In fact, I’m not convinced that successful guys idolize anybody else’s relationship (other than perhaps their parents’ relationship in some situations). I think they care more about the woman as an overall person. Personality and character are more important than social status and or accomplishments. That’s ALL I’m sayin. Also I’m co-signing the dots that Kanye East is connecting. Nothing more nothing less. I hvae made enough points, there’s no need to manufacture points and attribute them to my argument

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                  • “so successful guys idolize relationships where the woman is the bread-winner and the man is barely contributing to the household over relationships where both the man and woman are successful?”

                    I don’t know. I’m not a successful guy.

                    Question for you now. What did that question have to do with ANY D@MN THING I was sayin? lol, I’m laughin but I really do want to hear your answer tho…

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                    • I asked “can I go now because… I’m ready to go.”

                      :-( ok… fine… Here’s our exchange:

                      YeahSo: So you tell me exactly what woman would look at a relationship that DOESN’T include an equally powerful successful women (herself basically) and uphold it?”

                      JMTG: serious? (Not sure if I even understand that question) A woman that wants a relationship for the reasons that a man wants one that’s who….

                      YeahSo: so successful guys idolize relationships where the woman is the bread-winner and the man is barely contributing to the household over relationships where both the man and woman are successful?

                      My point is I don’t see someone who is successful would idolizing a relationship where the fundamental parts don’t align with themselves. I as a successful woman I would not look at a good relationship where a woman is not successful and be like “I want that”… that doesn’t make sense. My person goals wouldn’t allow me to fit into that frame… I would look at the good relationship where she is successful and be like “d@mn I want that”… because I wouldn’t have to sacrifice my personal goals to achieve that “fantasy”

                      Can we just agree to disagree? I don’t even think we’re talking about the same things anymore… and I’m tired.

              • YeahSo and many other women try to paint men as either being on their level or a financial and intellectual drain on the relationship. It isn’t an either/or prospect. I don’t think you understand this concept..

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                • +1trillion BHillboy- That’s all I’m saying. Why does everything have to be such an extreme when people have convos on the internet that involve differences in perspective?

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                    • Lol, sadly you’re right though. Assuming the extreme is provocative. Drama sells and sh!t… but yeah most situations are a shade of grey. Why do people always act like there’s a bread raffel? Why do we assume some bread is being won? Why can’t it just be two hustlas makin moves for the same team? Smh, that’s what tryna follow relationship templates will get ya I guess…

  49. I had the good fortune of catching a bit of True Life and listening to a dad tell his daughter: “There is no perfect relationship. There is no knight in shining armor. All your dreams aren’t going to come true, but you can make some of your dreams come true with hard work.” Approximately half of that quote had to do with relationships but I thought it was all very good advice.

    Why are Kim and Kanye up there…?

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  53. I been in my relationship for almost 5 years. I was always confused about what a good relationship looked like. I thought I knew when I was a kid, but then I got older and realized all the older people in my life had shytty marriages, everything was a sham, just a show they put on. So as an adult, I realize i have no idea what a healthy relationship is or what it should be. But then I look at my own and realize I got someone who met me in very poor health and has stuck by me through hell & high water. She kept things for me in order to look out for me, but when I learned the truth about her, I stuck by her and encouraged her to be better and she’s slowly getting there.

    No tv couple or celebrity couple is ever going to show you how their relationship works, you’ll just see what the camera shows you, and if you’re smart, you’d realize anyone can put on a show for the cameras. People need to wake the fawk up and quit wishing for shyte and JUST GO GET IT. If you’re tired of dating O’Dog from Menace II Society, THEN STOP DATING THAT CRAZY NYGGA! If you hate that every girl you meet is Shanaynay from Martin & every single bytch from Basketball Wives, Love & Hip-Hop, & The Bad Girls Club all rolled into one…THEN STOP LOOKING FOR THAT PSYCHO TWAT! The hell is wrong with yall? It’s your fault it happens, nobody forced them into your lives, you took them! Truth hurts but you need to suck it up and better your game, otherwise you really don’t deserve anything better than what you have.

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  54. can we just take a step back for a second?

    when we hear/see Barack speak about Michelle and vice versa – you see so much pride and love there. He knows he couldn’t have gotten his current level without her, and she is the definition of have-yo-back and such.

    WHO THE HAYLE WOULDNT SWOON/WANT THAT???

    maybe it’s not about having a Barack or a Michelle, it’s about wanting a person that does those things for you. i sho as hayle know that i would!

    i think the people we’re talking about don’t frequent vsb and understand the concept of what you bring to the table is what you can request. we also live in a culture where a phat a$$ gets more attention than your opinions on foreign affairs. we live in a microwave society that wants instant fame/fortune/success. of course love is on that list.

    if fellas were really interested in meeting potential michelles, they would attend those ‘dating/mixer’ events where they would be, ripe and ready to be chose. instead they stick to their own niche of activities and the women have to try and infiltrate. does anyone see how backwards this is? and why a blog community like this leads to e-boos and relationships?

    sorry had to drop another 3 cents.
    *goes to have some cereal.

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    • “when we hear/see Barack speak about Michelle and vice versa – you see so much pride and love there. He knows he couldn’t have gotten his current level without her, and she is the definition of have-yo-back and such.

      WHO THE HAYLE WOULDNT SWOON/WANT THAT???”

      Thing is, you can fake that. Not saying that Barack and Michelle have done it — I think their love is genuine — but some of the best actors and actresses on Earth are people in what everyone assumes are “great” relationships.

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    • “if fellas were really interested in meeting potential michelles, they would attend those ‘dating/mixer’ events where they would be, ripe and ready to be chose. instead they stick to their own niche of activities and the women have to try and infiltrate. does anyone see how backwards this is?”

      It’s backwards but who’s suggesting this? I thought the posts Champ (or maybe Panama, can’t remember) had about where to meet single men and women spoke to both genders…did I miss something?

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      • I’ve been to mixers like that, recently, and the chicks in there be really stuck up. Maybe a woman wouldn’t think it’s being “stuck up” but it is. I see women spurning conversations with men to size up other the men with groups of women. I see women pretending to be high class and fronting on brothas. I’ve been to mixers where the ratio was a true 4 women for 1 man and the women were still snobbish. How can a woman justify being a chooser in a beggar environment? If you’re unemployed and go into a job interview and there are 20 people sitting in the waiting area you act like you want the job. You ask for the job at the end of the interview and you thank them for seeing you. You don’t walk in making demands about salary and time off and expecting them to thank you for clearing time out of your schedule to come in for the interview. But that’s what we have today. Rooms filled with women and very few men and they aren’t even giving the couple of men any holla.

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        • It’s unfortunate that the women would be stuck up, there’s no excuse. From the stories you’ve told here, it seems like you come across a lot of them. I will say though that just because there’s a “man shortage” doesn’t mean that I, or any other woman should jump at the first man we come across. It’s good to have standards. Again, I’m not excusing the behavior of these particular women, just speaking in a general sense.

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          • Standards are good but when women have standards for men that they don’t uphold for themselves, it bothers me. And I see it far too often.

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            • I have that same issue, bhillboy. There isn’t anything wrong with standards. I don’t have a problem with anyone who has them, but when you don’t live up to your own standards, I call foul.

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          • Aly- I really thought about your last statement and I think my dismay stems from believing that black male/female relations should be a lot easier than we make them. I focus on the initial approach because you have to start somewhere. What I notice with men and the approach is that approaching is a dangerous business for a man. If you get the wrong signals and approach a woman that does not want your company she may not only say no thanks but might just do it very loudly. I’ve seen it. Other men notice, other women notice and now the other women won’t holla at you because some women has devalued you in public. That’s hard to come back from. Rarely have I seen a man be rude to a woman he wasn’t interested in. Also, even if a woman is taken or not available does not mean that she can’t entertain a conversation. Women get all dressed up, looking and smelling good, in heels that are uncomfortable. They brave traffic, find parking, and pay a cover charge to stand around not talking to anybody. Or at least anybody they don’t already know. What’s the point of going to a public place if you aren’t going to socialize? It is glitching the Matrix.

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            • Yes, I absolutely agree that women and men make dating or even just getting to know each other harder that it should be. I really don’t know how to respond to the things that you’ve seen because I just simply can’t relate. I’ve gone to plenty of bars and clubs and I’ve never witnessed a woman be just blatantly rude to a man who approached her respectfully. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’ve just never witnessed it. I really can’t comprehend why someone would act this way.

              And yes, I agree that if I’m going to take the time to get dressed up, put on make up and heels, best believe I’m going to have a conversation with at least ONE person! Keep in mind though that some women that come off as stuck up may actually just be shy or nervous. Personally I like to go out by myself sometimes, I’ve had more luck meeting men that way. I think approaching a group of women can be intimidating for men.

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            • “Women get all dressed up, looking and smelling good, in heels that are uncomfortable. They brave traffic, find parking, and pay a cover charge to stand around not talking to anybody. Or at least anybody they don’t already know. What’s the point of going to a public place if you aren’t going to socialize? It is glitching the Matrix.”

              +1. That baffles me. Always and forever. Why not just stay home, call your friends over, buy some drinks, and throw on a mixtape/podcast?

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        • I am courious to know one thing. Do the majority of woman there truly belong there? From your account, it seems the woman in attendance seem to be no different than they type you would see in a club or a happy hour.

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          • They belong there as much as anybody else who is invited and decides to show up. I just find that there are a lot of fake Louis purse $12/hr making chicks who “settle” in every part of there lives but tell a man who approaches them, with respect what they “deserve”. GTFOHWTBS

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