A few weeks ago I was at Target and I noticed this woman. She was wearing some black thing with some gray thing but most importantly she had on a short skirt that wasn’t slutty but was definitely eye-catching. One of her woman clothing items was lacey. I don’t know what it’s called, but once again, I noticed.
Then, I realized she wasn’t attractive in the slightest but compared to her two extremely unattractive friends she looked like a dimepiece. Then, I realized she had it figured out. See, she didn’t have any body to speak of, a face to speak even less of, but here I was paying attention because of her outfit and the way it was sexxy without being on some major hosh*t. If I had lower self-esteem or didn’t know my mother I might have tried to holler, but lucky for my ancestors I can read.
If that chick could spruce herself up enough to garner attention (and trust me other dudes were looking) then it must be possible for ANYBODY to make a few alterations in order to appear more attractive than they actually are. And because we’re equal opportunity like bathrooms with handicapped stalls, we’ve got some tips for the mans and the womans.
1. Wear a hat
Any guy looks better with a hat on. I’m not sure why this is the case but its true. Ne-Yo has one very odd shaped head but when he wears a hat he looks like any other goofy-looking guy. LL Cool J made an entire career out of wearing hats to cover up his ginormous dome. And the ladies love Cool James. So the main bullet point here is that the less women can see of your face, the more their imagination will run wild and make you look like Idris Elba.
2. Wear sunglasses
Much like the hat the entire goal is to cover up as much of your self as possible. Of course, if you look like 50 Tyson or somebody with the nickname Stank no amount of face covering will compensate for your shortcomings. You might just need a new face. I’ve gotten away from myself here. Sunglasses add an allure to people. Allure them. Grrrrr.
3. Rock some high heels
Ain’t nothing like a nice leg in a heel. It’s even better if there are TWO legs in a pair of heels. (No dis to our one legged sisters out there, I just can’t fully appreciate somebody called “hip-hop” and it’s not ironic at all). Heels tend to perk the booty up a little and get the calves working. Men love legs. We like to envision them wrapped around us. And trust me, no man gets excited about those Greek-looking beaucoup strap shoes women are wearing right now. In fact, I hate them. I am man, hear me lick shots for Big Poppa in heaven.
4. Show some shoulder
For some reason, shoulders are sexxy. There’s just something about the way the sunlight bounces off a nice shapely shoulder that just brings out the animal instinct in us. Makes me want to go all zebra on a ninja. And trust me, going zebra? Is that hot sh*t. Honestly, I don’t know where I was going with this. So I’ll stop here.
5. Shear clothing
For chicks anyway since I don’t ever want to see a grown man rocking shear unless he’s Jamaican and only then if it’s those gawdawful mesh joints. Shear outerwear means that we can see bras. Bras hold boobs. Men love boobs so anything that helps us envision them automatically gives you a leg up on any competition that ISN’T wearing shear. Unless of course your face looks like a boarded up Baltimore vacant. Illusion makes everybody hotter.
6. Peacocking
Dressing for attention amongst a pool of mundane sucka MC’s makes you look interesting even if you aren’t which makes you more attractive even if you aren’t.
Follow these rules you’ll have mad bread to break up, if not 24 years on the wake up….of misfortune.
Let’s help out the community, what are other ways to look more attractive than you really are?
Talk to me.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka 40 P aka GO KING BEEF aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
“Why, she would hang on him/As if an increase of appetite had grown/By what it fed on” Hamlet
Congrats…
Tips hat and turns back to writing briefs
This post is like magic.
Lmao, I was actually shooting for number 1 this time.
I just want to be Great
“play power remix”
Hell, actually I wasn’t. lol I came here like, I know I can’t have first this late (lol at “this late” being 12:05 eastern) so when I saw it go first I’m like “naw…”. Then when I refreshed I was number 2. Damn glitch. Glitch deez.
Being #1 is always sexy. On that note, I think Cheekie and PJ are the new T.O. and Kita. They’re meant to be together. No, I don’t know why I’m starting isht on a Sunday night. I haven’t even been drinking
Amen to TO & Kita.
That is all.
(-_-) @ both of ya’ll. lol
I’m late to this post, but yes I love TO & KITA as a couple htey both are country as corn, have a bro sis argue relationship, and egos, I want them to be together sooo bad and why is BUCKita lOL in such denial and become sooo freakin’ defensive whenver anyone mentions her & TO being more than business partners/friends..TO’s baby mama drama/ white girl, 2 girls and1 son he hasn’t met, and his nfl hoeshid is enough drama, but I think Kita and HIm would look good/are good for one another!
Again???
I must say that I disagree with this post. If one must use tricks, smoke and mirrors to give the illusion of attractiveness then one need stay in the home.
You might not even care but Ima do it anyway
I would also like to take this opportunity to thank the VSB(s)’s and the entire VSB community for the entertainment over the last (insert #) months. Ish has been real.
Id like to announce my retirement from the game, but dont worry ill be back like Jordan in his prime. I leave you to enter Law school and the grind that is my 1st year.
thank you,
Walks back to textbooks, is that a tear in my eye? Nah
But hey maybe its just me…
Good luck in law school, make vsb.com proud! lol
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!! We’ll miss you but alas you gotta go get that paper booboo ala Katt Williams!!
Go get em!!
aww. good luck! when you return you’ll be an actual bonafide VSB. woowoo. lol.
…and everyone will have VSB t-shirts and talk about how much fun the bbq was. and PJ and Champ will act all hollywood and pretend they don’t know you, and ask which bestselling funnybook you want an autograph for when you say hello.
yep, you’re gonna miss errythang. lol.
1st year is the hell year but it gets much better after that…until the summer of bar prep. Good luck and God bless!
Howard Univ. School of Law (aka “The HUSL”) c/o ’02!!!
I agree. 1st year-1st semester is the hardest because you don’t know what the heck your doing…then it gets better until you are eating/sleeping/breathing bar prep. But it is very doable! and believe it or not…..I’m sure you’ll find time during class to brushup on a post or two. Good Luck!
Howard Univ. School of Law (aka “The HUSL”) c/o ’07!!!
Lies! Lies! and misrepresentation. Lyin azz lawyers all told me life got easier after 1st year. W/2nd year comes journal and moot court and w/3d year comes clinic. My advice:
1. dedicate yourself to every aspect of your experience.
2. Only worry about YOU (who cares how/what your classmates are doing? worry about yourself
3. be open to developing a new approach to academic success. What worked in UG or Grad school may not necessarily apply here.
4. BLSA phi BLSA!
and mind your business bout where I went and when I graduated. *folds arms*
Hey, congrats on the law school, homie! DO WORK! And do it big!
“If one must use tricks, smoke and mirrors to give the illusion of attractiveness then one need stay in the home”
Co-sign… I mean really, ‘you ain’ gotsta lie Craig’… please don’t try and dupe me into giving your unfortunateness more time than its worth
Congratulations on Law School!! Good luck!
Make sure your teeth are white. A decent smile with very white teeth distracts your prey from other facial drawbacks/monstrosities.
and your breath is minty fresh..requirement. I can’t stand when folks breath and their very aura smells. Like white folks who drink coffee.
“I can’t stand when folks breath and their very aura smells”
Yes big co-sign on this! Make sure that your breath is on point!
and your breath is minty fresh..requirement. I can’t stand when folks breath and their very aura smells. Like 2520s who drink coffee.
LMAO @ prey! Bwahahaha!
White teeth are gorgeous though. *heads to Target for whitening strips*
Please remember shear clothing doesn’t work for everyone. So if you have more rolls than the Michelin Tire man, then no, please, don’t.
Add to that wearing clothes that fit. If your back looks like a can of busted biscuits in a baby tee, chances are you need to grow the hell up and wear adult sizes.
S/N: I’m about to miss everything! It’s back to school time and because I love the kids I gotsta get back to work
LLS @If your back looks like a can of busted biscuits in a baby tee, chances are you need to grow the hell up and wear adult sizes.
I cannot stand when otherwise not-body challenged women squeeze themselves into clothes two sizes too small, thereby forcing the muffin top. If you wear a size 4 jeans, then get a damn size 4 and stop trying to rock a 2 for the sake of saying you wear a 2. It’s not cute…EVER!
Another Hit! I would add regular glasses to the accessories. In the 21st century most glasses aren’t obnoxious and can boost one’s look or at least inferred intelligence & everyone knows smart is sexy.
Also these are good hints for people no matter where they find themselves on the scale.
I was going to ask how you forgot Memphis Bleek among the poster-children for hats, but then I thought it fitting that he was forgotten about here just like in everything else.
Anyway, clear acne-free skin goes a long way. Since I’m often told that my standards are too high, I try to find at least one positive thing about every girl I see. And “well, at least her face doesn’t look like she washes it with bacon grease” has come in to save the day countless times.
“well, at least her face doesn’t look like she washes it with bacon grease”
Dead.
I agree. I actually have never had a break out or suffered from acne at all. That’s just luck or genes I guess but not everyone is that lucky. So peeps with acne issues should invest in good skin care line and wear make up. Especially if you have bumps on your back or cleavage.
Not only invest in a good skin care line, but a dermatologist can usually clear that right up. That and good vitamins and dietary habits.
I hate to see folks suffering from acne cuz they can’t hide it. I always feel badly for them.
@SFG ,lucky you, i have to invest in acne treatment stuff to keep my face clear…
Oh I’m definitely subscribing to these comments. Finally ill learn why all these dusty broads are bagging dudes left and right.
“Finally ill learn why all these dusty broads are bagging dudes left and right.”
Good luck.
I would say get in shape. Nothing makes you more attractive than a nice body.
This is definitely true for both sides, I know many a lady that has overlooked quite a few facial mishaps on account of a bomb body. Damn athletes and the V!
mmmmmmm, the “V”
(drooling)
This post is funny, Panama, especially since I was watching Daniel Tosh stand up videos on YouTube for about an hour. He is too damn funny and brutally honest. He said being an ugly woman is like being a man: you have to work. Effin hilarious.
He is HILARIOUS…his delivery is too funny and so are his jokes. Loves Tosh 2.0
Tosh is a fool!
Appeal to the sense of smell. A yummy smelling man may be able to at least get his foot in the door. The right amount and the right scent can catch some positive attention.
Cosign to the regular glasses comment. I guess it’s the sexy librarian fantasy or something. Men and their fantasies lol *shrug*
Co-sign on smell. I’m currently
stalkinglusting after a dude who smells like what I can only refer to as soapy deliciousness. Honestly I have no idea what he looks like but that smell has me open like I don’t know what…Double co-sign! Dated a dude completely based on his smell…yup…it happened. He was all vanilla spearmint delicious.
‘Sheer’…not ‘shear.’
Right! LOL I was thinking “shear” like scissors. Maybe that’s a new word for a cut up shirt. Is that what he means?
I swear they should make me the copy editor. LOL
And trust me, no man gets excited about those Greek-looking beaucoup strap shoes women are wearing right now. In fact, I hate them.
Word. Shoes that cover your ankles but not your actual foot? Seems backwards. I believe it’s a ploy for fat ankle chicks to fool us men.
Those things are the anti-sexy. They’ll make a “9″ flip upside down…or even lower.
I hate those shoes! My girlfriends all wear gladiator sandals and open toe boots. If it has a dozen straps, that means it takes a dozen minutes to put them on. No thank you.
Word – to ya muva.
I swear I thought I was the only one who hated those Greek/Troy/300 looking sandal things. Ugh. I will not be swindled into the latest trend b/c it’s in every store. No sir.
Same here. Not really a fan of those.
What’s wrong with these sandals? I understand heels are sexy, but I also understand that sometimes my legs/feet need a break. Those don’t EVER look cute? Not even with the right outfit? Just curious…
They can be cute, but on their own they aren’t. But that’s like the majority of things…if you rock it right, then it’s cute.
“What’s wrong with these sandals? I understand heels are sexy, but I also understand that sometimes my legs/feet need a break.”
Those sandals ain’t the only way to give your feet a break, though. lol Trust, I love me some flats I just don’t like that particular style. I’m sure some brothas do like them, though. *shrug*
Be “blessed” in the back area- Trust me guys will overlook shortcomings for something to grab #sheabuttaface
Outdressed everyone- making your clothes/shoes/hair are always on point, gotta work extra hard
Have a nice car- “If a guy could have sex with a girl in a box, he wouldn’t buy a car” -Dave Chappelle (I’m paraphasing)
Six pack- She can always imagine her cuter male friends head on your body. She’s gettin some your gettin some everyones happy
Be good at umm “oral” satisfaction- “Gurl he got a face like who dun it, but he can work his tongue”
Be “cooperative”-Maybe your not attractive, but girls like a project (before a certain age) be willing to make some min…major adjustments.
Be “blessed” in the back area- Trust me guys will overlook shortcomings for something to grab #sheabuttaface
I once kicked with a chick for an undetermined number of months and I do not have any recollection of her face. I know the booty was right though because that is all I remember.
I once kicked it with a buttaface chick for a shameful number of months, although I hid her like stolen jewelry. The booty was so right, it was wrong.
I used to watch her walk around her crib mesmerized by every effortless bounce and jiggle each cheek would make. Jeans, boyshorts, panties, whatever. *sigh* Ah, the memories.
*stands up from chair*
Hello. My name is Mr. SoBo,… and I’m a bootyholic.
Replace bootyholic with @$$aholic. Yeah, that sounds better. @$$aholic.
I met my Miss Fatbooty while hanging out with some home girls. I had to hit the block one mo’ time to make sure the booty was not a mirage. When I got back in the car I was asked if I had see her face. My reply, “what face?”, led to a night of male bashing. I do remember her having a huge cartoonish fro. That is all I remember though.
My name is Rog and I to am a boot….@ssaholic. I have the mudduck female facebook friends to prove it.
Signature scent. Nothing turns my head quicker than a yummy smelling kat. If he’s in a suit, it’s curtains. *sheer clothing 40P? IDK about that unless it’s boyshorts.
Cosign. There is a guy in my office who isn’t the cutest but he always smells so good. It makes me think he’s clean and he could be dirty for all I know.
I don’t think I have ever commented before (been lurking for a couple months) but this is so true…especially as I was just looking at someone’s facebook page and 90 percent of the pictures he had a hat on and the other 10% with no hat I was like hmm what happened? lol
#5- Shear clothing – while I’m sure gardening gear is sexy, I think sheer would be a smarter move. I know, it’s PJ, he’s a 3. #shotsfired Okay, that was meanAnyway…
*get your homonyms together
*smoking is never sexy. Don’t give me that, “I don’t smoke, it’s just weed speech.” Stop smoking.
*You always lose is you’re ashy.
*I’m not sure when ironing went out of style, but I hope it comes back
*Crusty noses aren’t acceptable on anyone who has finished kindergarten (BTW, I met a guy who was left back in kindergarten. He couldn’t master the alphabet or count past 5. That’s when I knew it was going to the wrong clubs. Ah, college.)
*Always carry breath mints
*There’s nothing like a nice smile…and with a full set of teeth
I agree with your ironing point. Latley I’ve been meeting folks who don’t know even how to iron. That isht baffles me, for real.
I’m sorry, don’t KNOW how? And they grown, correct?
*miss t-lee throat punches all around*
Yep…these are overgrown folks Cheekie.
Don’t make no sense.
Speaking of teeth: apparently I get points for having a gap in my teeth? Menfolk, why’s this attractive? I mean, I can’t change it, but I’m curious. Why go gaga for the gap?
My best friend loves chicks who gotta gap. The last 2 of his 3 serious girlfriends have all had a gap. He’s tried explaining it but it’s lost on me…I have no clue.
I was just gonna lurk on this post, but I gotta go in on this;
I not sure why i like the gap in womens teeth, but i think it has to do wit being attracted to (certain)imperfections…it also depends on how wide the gap is…centimeters or inches(!)…hoping the former than the latter.
That chick from Floetry has the perfect gap.
A member of the Gap Band died tha other day…hey, it’s early in the morning.
I’ve been told that it has to do with a woman being able to spit instead of swallow. It may have just been army talk.
I had to comment on this post because I have a gap. Guys totally go crazy over it. IDK what it is but @Kid Video I think you’re on to something when you talk about people being attracted to imperfections. It’s crazy how many guys tell me my gap is sexy, that’s why i have no desire to get it fixed. My thing is, no one is perfect, I have always found little imperfections in guys cute or sexy because it makes them look different than everyone else.
Swagger – Swagger goes a long way. In college, I swore this guy was the most attractive guy I’ve ever seen. My sister and friends didn’t think he was attractive at all, but he had this swagger and confidence that just grabbed my attention when he walked into my room.
Smile/Laugh – I love a guy who can make me laugh, so a guy cracking jokes and is generally upbeat will grab my attention.
Good Scent – A man who smells nice gets extra points.
Glasses – Sexy
Hit the gym – Even if a guy is out of shape, the sweat from working out and getting a good work-out is a big turn-on.
Leila you are dead on. I totally agree.
i’m so mad at you for those tags. lmbo.
and this: “So the main bullet point here is that the less women can see of your face, the more their imagination will run wild and make you look like Idris Elba.”
LOL.
hmm i hide my ugliness well. me and whoopi are twins, i’m telling yall. so what i find is that big hair works magic. 1000 bonus points if it’s yours. also, like someone said up thread, glowing smooth skin is a plus. and white. white shirts win. big hair, sunglasses and a white tank or crisp white collar shirt… who doesn’t want that chick? see. works.
also, whatever your flaw is, make it your own. if you hair won’t grow on one side, shave that side of your head and rock a cassie. you’ll automatically be deemed nextlevel cool and attract all the other nextlevel cool people. if you like perms but your hair still won’t get straight, buy a pick and a long brown sundress, maybe a few pairs of moses sandals and an onyx ring. every man with locs and incense in a five mile radius will be sweating you.
good post p to the jay.
“1000 bonus points if it’s yours…”
I find this true. Although I don’t necessarily have anything against weaves or wigs per se, I definitely prefer a woman with hair that’s actually grown from her own head. Doesn’t matter if it’s relaxed or natural…just it coming from your head and looks nice earns extra points in my book.
“hmm i hide my ugliness well. me and whoopi are twins, i’m telling yall.”
o_O
LMAO, I’mma need you to stop doing your Pinocchio impersonation, girl.
tell her again for me Cheeks…
@Muze..
Lies don’t look good on you girl!
and LMAO@ “every man with locs and incense in a five mile radius will be sweating you.”
i’ve always said never trust a facebook picture where the ninja is wearing a hat and shades.
Smell good- We women folk love a ninja that smells like a million bucks.
Good oral hygiene- Nothing puts us off like ninjas that smells pigs *ss.
Game-i know some ugly dudes that get smiles and attention from chics than idris look alikes they got more game than the NBA.
This girl has it down ..
“How to trick people into thinking you’re goodlooking”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYpwAtnywTk
I pretty much do the black girl version of this…works just fine for me…
LOL, good look on posting this infamous video. Sh*t is hilarious.
Dressing up/ and knowing how to dress period def. upgrades you a couple of points. Especially if you smell great
I know if I saw a guy reading a book or newspaper I would talk to him even even he has some countenance flaws, mishaps and glitches. I am a nerd and fellow nerdiness or at least the presumption of nerdiness go a long way with me.
Cosign. Something about a smart ninja is sexy! Especially when they are subtle with their smartness.
@naturally Alise and @ SFG
that’s the chexiest sheeeet any man can do to attract me in a hot 2nd!
too bad i’m a 2.5 myself…
To be seen more attractive:
1.) Have lots of money.
I see girls swoon over ugly men with money.
2.) Get a college degree.
Even if you’re dumb and not a dime, seems now-a-days, it’s a requirement for lots of men & women that as long as you have gone to college and earned a degree? You can get it.
3.) Be a dumb rapper
If you can make a catchy tune about absolutely nothing at all… YOU’RE IN THERE!
“1. Have lots of money”
This is true not only because women like men who are/seem financially secure, but dudes who have cheese like that usually have a confidence that shows itself in body language, speech, and everything else.
The flipside of this? N*ggas who ACT like they got a lot of money and exude said confidence based merely on fantasy and perception. *read: most rappers*
Yup for number 3! See Gucci “My lips look like I use Carmex: Plaster of Paris edition” Mane as just ONE example.
There is nothing worse than gift wrapping sh**!
Very true. But like ho*s, sh*t needs love too.
Okay first of all:: the rainbow!!!! When it’s not enough!!!
I’m murdered and so is Ntozake Shange!!
And looking like a shoe??? Your SHOE?!? X_X
So I’m gonna have to call foul here. You clearly aren’t talking to big girls. I ought not see naaah a big girl (and she knows who she is) wearing a shear nothing. No. Maam. As a former heavy, that tisnt the business!
Also, I’ve seen some heels (again big girls wearing) that bow out on the sides. How do I describe!? Yall know what the deal is.
As someone said upthread, being in shape will ALWAYS up your attractivee level.
There should also be an age limit on the sheer … a woman my age (45) in sheer clothing just seems desparate. Cover it up!
lol yeah this title wins the “WTF” award. But then again, P has won that countless times now.
Working out/Staying fit- Most of my guy friends look at women and immediately comment on her body. ” She is slim trim..she could get it.” I’m thinking to myself ….This chick looks like a Gila monster.. what are they looking at? A banging body can make a man forget about your face. Same goes for a man.. I’m easily snookered by dudes at the gym.
Sense of humor – more of an innate gift, but it works (for guys, at least)…
I like dudes w/ a little scruff on their faces, its usually sexy.
Don’t be too trendy, just do your own thing. Trendy folks are annoying (to me)…
How can peacocking and being “interesting” be a positive when on The Test (the one where you had VSBs and VSSs rate men & women) the most plain looking girl had the highest ratings from the VSBs and ya’ll said (paraphrasing), women assume that interesting=attractive but men don’t think this way.
Sheer clothing? I thought you liked the Target girl b/c she was sexxy w/o being on some major ho*hit? Don’t see thru clothes cross the ho*hit line?
In regards to peacocking in relation to the previous post, in that group of women, I think the two who didn’t have the “spunk” were the peacocks, in a way. Given the women (read: photographs) chosen, they’re the ones who stood out to most men ’cause they differed from the rest. It’s always something “interesting” about the one in a group that has a style that deviates from the rest…even if it’s just having “wholesome” or “inviting” look.
iono. there were 5 women and 2 of them didn’t have “spunk” (in their pics) and the VSBs rated them very high. 2/5 is damn near half so Ima have to call b.s. on your “they had a style that deviated from the rest” reasoning. granted, one of them was bria myles… but still.
I agree. Bria’s pic looking boring but the men rated her #1. I think we all know why though. I don’t think men are that deep when it comes to looks.
Men: dress like you either make some money or come from money. That means classics like khakis, simple oxford shirts (light color for casual times), simple shoes (laces mean power and I’m not talking about gym shoes.) Keep the hair neat, edges trim, locs manicured or whatever. No jewelry!!! (Only wedding rings allowed and that is an entirely different subject.) No print shirts and nothing ever shiny. You want to look like you spend your time in banks and boats not clubs. If a woman thinks you make some money and better yet that you’ll be inheriting some in addition, it’s all over.
My name is Meka and I cosign this whole list. I love a neatly dressed man especially if he has a banging body.
I like a man in a print shirt, LOL
P, this post was spot on, especially with the glasses and hat tips. I went to the pool last summer and five 2520s walked in, all donning aviator shades, and one wearing a fidora. Now none of these men had muscles, several looked like they hadn’t shaved in days, two of them had long scruffy hair, and all looked in desperate need of a tanning bed. Nevertheless, they caught the eye of every single solitary female at the pool, simply by the mystery and the swag the exuded from their scrawny pasty bodies that made you think they were rockstars. They even made me cock my head to the side and think about pulling a Sanaa Lathan. Something New.
The formula: a lot of confidence + a lil’ mystery = a surefire way to get someone’s attention.
“The formula: a lot of confidence + a lil’ mystery = a surefire way to get someone’s attention.”
bingo.
Since I have fallen for this #swindle before, I will add these to the list:
1) A sense of humor. It is possible to make a woman laugh so hard that she doesn’t notice she’s naked. So I’ve heard.
2) Chivalry/Manners. Going above and beyond in the gentlemanly duties department works wonders. But be natural about it. Fake or forced is a major turnoff.
3) Read n $hit. Very interesting coversation about any obscure topic about which you are passionate and knowledgeable instantly makes you more attractive. Don’t do it in a, “lemme spew out all the facts I know to make me look smart” kinda way. Again, be natural. But I once met a dude that was really into latin history and word etymology. He was always giving the history behind the most random things that would come up in convo. Even as I’m writing this, I know that it doesn’t make sense why this made him more attractive but it did. *hangs head in shame*
“1) A sense of humor. It is possible to make a woman laugh so hard that she doesn’t notice she’s naked. So I’ve heard”
High-larious!
First, I saw an HBCU production of For Colored Girls…I haven’t seen red or purple the same way since, and on the strength of that (singing somewhat like Jeffrey Osborne) I’m going to see the TP adaptation. Mariah would have been perfect in red, but alas…oh yeah, matter at hand.
1. If you’re over 25, your headgear should be more Ne-Yo (actual hats) than LL (baseball caps)…similar to the jersey rules.
2. As long as you find shades that fit your head, you’re good. Size 10 shades can’t be on size 7 heads.
3. Wearing heels isn’t as sexy to me as the ability to wear them. Balance is good…and my ex couldn’t wear them, so that also helps.
4. There’s a real simple reason for this: clothes pretty much have to be low-cut to show shoulder. Such clothes have the added benefit of giving us VSBs…umm…useful information.
5. See, this is what I was getting at with #4. Re: shear itself…it’s that perfect balance: not too little, not too much.
6. Always good to stand out unless you’re Antoine Dodson – or Frank Lucas.
7. Someone mentioned this earlier, but accessorizing is important. Dated a self-described fashionista once, so I look for this kind of thing more than most VSBs.
8. T.I. once talked about matching your undergarments. That’s important, but at an advanced stage of the game. At this stage, match your labels. At the very least, don’t make it obvious that your labels don’t match.
9. Smile. Even if you don’t have the best smile in the world, do what you can. Since so many VSSs look angry (the stereotype had to come from somewhere), looking like you’re actually happy you woke up this morning is a huge plus.
10. Correct English…few things turn me off faster than someone who sounds like they went to Eastside before Joe Clark got there (it was on Centric yesterday).
11. A little skin is nice, but so is a little personality – actually, I’d rather see a little personality.
12. Along the lines of #3, ability to dance – or otherwise move with some semblance of rhythm and balance – is nice. No sense in having a body if you don’t know how to use it.
“9. Smile. Even if you don’t have the best smile in the world, do what you can. Since so many VSSs look angry (the stereotype had to come from somewhere), looking like you’re actually happy you woke up this morning is a huge plus.”
I recently learned this tactic. A couple of weeks ago, I was walking up the street smiling my butt off (I’d just learned that the guy whom I was interested in was also interested in me) and every man on the street stopped and complimented me or at least spoke. So yes, smiling goes a long way.
“Correct English…few things turn me off faster than someone who sounds like they went to Eastside before Joe Clark got there…”
LMMFAO!!!!!!!
aaaand now I have the school song stuck in my head… “Fair Eastsiiiiiiide…”
Guys always tell me I look mean but I’m not trying to. Smiling doesn’t feel natural!
Eh…I consider peacocking to be the domain of douchebags…I can’t stand attention wh*res so if I notice a person going the extra mile (obnoxiously so) I just ignore their a*s.
I despise sunglasses for the very reason they’re listed here. I can’t tell if you’re attractive if half your face is covered….but these are just my personal biases.
The most attractive thing to me is that quiet confidence the VSS have when they are comfortable in their bodies and own their flaws. If you don’t like something about yourself, work to change it, if it can’t be changed, learn to love it. Other then that…? Well, like folks said above scent is important. There’s a woman I know who most of my friends think is decidedly average…but she can get it all day, erry day, and twice on sunday. I have no clue what perfume she wears but every time she comes around…smh.
“I despise sunglasses for the very reason they’re listed here. I can’t tell if you’re attractive if half your face is covered….but these are just my personal biases.”
Yeah, I can see how this is annoying. lol
But on the flip side, regarding a man who I already know is good-looking, sunglasses is a great enhancer. I love a great-fitting pair of shades on a dude…for real (no Antoine). Then again, I feel the same way about eyeglasses.
some person tagged a six-year old child in a facebook picture … i scroll over the picture and the name that is tagged: Dontfuk Witmy Niyah.
o_O
that’s all.
(O______________________O)
1. Wear a hat
This is SO true!! Couldn’t have said it better **Any guy looks better with a hat on. I’m not sure why this is the case but its true.**
2. Wear sunglasses
true again **Much like the hat the entire goal is to cover up as much of your self as possible.** and a well paired hat and shades might get sone panties thrown atcha. The first time I went to see a local singer (wearing shades AND a hat) perform I was a lil mesmerized (the fact he can sang helped) then after the first set he took them off I was like ugh! I had apparently dreamed him up a face he just didn’t have.
3. Rock some high heels
This is true so I try to wear heels whenever I go out. Maybe not to the grocery store (hell sometimes there too.), but def to the movies, mall, sporting events…
4. Show some shoulder
I don’t get this, I guess PJs logic is correct, but it does seem to be true. I rock halters, spaghetti straps, and tube dress all summer.
5. Shear clothing
I’m torn on this one. While I see the appeal (and own sheer tops) I don’t think this is a good broad statement. It’s more of a how to be MORE attractive. because you should have something to start with before rocking the sheerness.
6. Peacocking
True I’ve had to learn to leave the black alone and wear colors and not follow the current trend (at least not head to toe) I mean how you gonna stand out in a room full of chicks wearing denim rompers? Esp if you (I) don’t have a ba-donka-donk to stuff in said romper.
With this said, I rock the heels, show the shoulders and occasionally throw on a sheer shirt, so why am I not approached more??? Does my breath stank? Am I uglier than I thought? Am I going the wrong places? Do I need to smile more? …sigh
I’d Luke to add.
For men
-smell good. (like humor this will take you a long way)
- look clean and put together. Just like you don’t want to see us rocking sweats, we don’t want to see you in a tshirt and basketball shorts with sock and flip flops. (caveat: sports gear is fine if you’ve actually been playing a sport)
- be polite/chivalrous . Women watch so although you make think we wouldn’t/can’t notice this right away we can. We saw you grab that can for the old lady who couldn’t reach it or hold the door open for the woman behind you. Likewise we saw you plow down the girl for the basket and d@mn near elbow the chick at the bar to get your order in.
How To Appear More Attractive When You Really Ain’t:
Fug Men…
- Smell good. I echo the ladies in that a great smelling brotha can give me some of that whiplash. Like, you ain’t gotta look like sh*t, but if you smell like “Mmmmmmm!”, best believe I’m doing a double-take.
- Confidence. It’s too big, it’s too wide. This one is a fine line though, because if it comes across as a*sholish, then it only brings more attention to the fact that you DON’T have a reason to be conceited. lol
- A great walk. I love that “swag” brothas in particular have in the way the walk. Looking at a brotha from behind walking that walk is probably the sexiest thang evah to me. But, if you look like a pork rind, please don’t turn around. Mystery is chexy.
Panama knows what this is alls about. He a 3 and he had all this ish goin’ on and he easily became a 3.76. Seriously, hun, ’twas nice meeting ya and dranking with ya this past Saturday. You are one hilarious ninja.
I agree Cheekie also
a GREAT sense of HUMOR and sharp wit
highly Intelligent
Yes, duh… *slaps forehead* I meant to add the obvious. A great sense of humor and sharp wit is Niagara nether regions inducing! Obviously, that means a bunch to me… lol
I agree on the walk, it can change somebody’s mind (or ease them in the right direction). Chauncey Billups really ain’t that cute, BUT his walk (& his lips) make me kinda weak! lol
This post is cute. I think everyone should maximize their potential whether they are attractive or not. As a shopaholic, I can tell you the dress code can make or break you not matter what your face looks like. My rules are simple. I just like to dress the part. If I’m running errands, then I dress shabby chic. Going to work, business attire. Going to a party, dressed to KILL. lol
I will say it is very important to know what clothes will flatter your frame and what clothes will not. Here are some simple advice from me to you because I feel giving this morning:
* Muffin top is preventable people
* Big booty is a thang a beauty, I just don’t want to see it in tights
* Is it cold in here cause your n*pples are on alert.
* If your boobs look like triangles, pancakes, tiny dots, etc…wear a bra!!!
* If your butt looks square, flat, wide, or abnormal, please find the right jeans, shorts, etc to accentuate. There are websites that assist you in this area.
* Wear toe nail polish at all times, please and thank you.
* You know your thong is showing, cut that out.
* Big boobs are great, but all women with double dees don’t have to act like they are separate entities with names and ish. Stop purposely wearing ish to where they are practically falling out of your shirt just because you feel like that’s your only attractive quality. Sorry I went in but it’s gross.
I frown when I see women who try too hard. It’s like they know their face is a 3 and the body is a 9 so they dress slutty. Oh, and I never ever ever leave my home without showering, hair done, lotioned and glossed. With so many clothing options and hygiene care available to us, there is no excuse. And don’t be talmbout you don’t need to dress this way or thatta way, it’s your inner beauty blah blah blah.
In the words of Nicki Minaj “Da fcuk I look like hoe…I look like Yes and you look like NO!”
Co-sign all the comments about the big girls. Muffin top is preventable. Can I get this on a t-shirt? Plus-sized does not = unattractive. What is unattractive is all them damn rolls and that piece of your stomach falling out the front of your shirt. You know your stomach to big to be wearing a shirt like that *common voice*. Pick a plus-sized role model – Jill Scott, Queen Latifah. These ladies always look fly and you never see them looking like they just tried to shove themselves into a sausage casing. If you’re a size 16 trying to squeeze into a size 10, you’re just making yourself look like a size 20. Stop it.
SFG done got me started.
LMAO!!! THIS! “If you’re a size 16 trying to squeeze into a size 10, you’re just making yourself look like a size 20.” is gospel my friend.
“If you’re a size 16 trying to squeeze into a size 10, you’re just making yourself look like a size 20. Stop it.”
The above should be a mathematical equation it’s so damn true. Ladies STOP with the effing size number vanity. It ain’t like folks can see your size tag, and if they can…you doin’ it wrong. What matters is how the clothes fit on you. And if they being too intimate with your lady lumps, it’s probably best to go up a size…or two. Eff a number.
“Eff a number.”
I still don’t understand why most/many/all heavy-set women claim to be a size 16 even when they are not. Plus a size 16 at Lane Bryant aint a size 16 everywhere else. Like you said, aint nobody going to chase a chick down just to look at the tag on her clothing.
@ SFG, Cheekie, meka
…all of this is truth, whenever i tell this to my er,’more blessed than me ‘ friends i get the ‘you jus jealous’ …
Chile boo…you can’t be slim talmbout big girls…you jus a hater…go eat a biscuit skinny bish.
(don’t they love cussing us out? lol)
@SFG
you know it girl…
Thank you. Thank you so much for saying this. I heart you for this because I feel like that women can look great without overdoing it. Something as simple as keeping your @$$ clean is something grown people nowadays overlook, and that is just sad. A comedian once said that a woman should never stink. There is a whole aisle for y’all at the grocery store. As crazy as you are, I know you have to beat dudes off with a bat because I think your class shines more than anything else about you. LOL at the Nicki Minaj line.
Awww i heart you too. Actually I do look kinda bougie/stuck up and it isn’t until I open my mouth that people see how down to earth I am aka crazy I am. I don’t talk too much with people I don’t know. I just maintain and observe until I’m comfortable. I think looking “classy” men like but sometimes I see they are intimidated or I may look unapproachable. I know what it is about me that can draw a man in, it’s my eyes. I have really intense eyes. I’ve heard this my whole life. I find that when I look at a man, many times they turn shy. It’s nothing I do on purpose, I’ve just been told it’s my eyes. *sigh* Oh well. Lately I’ve been trying to balance this out by smiling more. It helps.
what a gwan ere so???? SFG & CBG….y’all just too syrupy sweet fuh mi ere today….*waves at both of you
*waves back*
Hope all is well back your way. Yeah, when I typed that first comment, I was like “Oh, man. I am laying it on pretty thick to SFG, and I wasn’t even trying to.” Someone was going to call me out.
*Just realized this comment “I am laying it on pretty thick to SFG” is going to get me in court today. Crap.*
Whaapin Bajan!! Everyting cool my girl. Mi hope everyting good wid yu
You know what? People have said that I look bougie at times, especially if you catch me after work, because I wear glasses, wear polo shirts, khakis and loafers to work everyday. One of my friends called me a yuppie and I didn’t know how to take it. She said that because I can talk about anything, things that most dudes from around the way won’t talk about. I know when to put my mug on, especially to let homeless people to step back, but other than that, I am still the same dude from around the way that hasn’t changed much.
A lot of women have said what you just said about looking unapproachable. I think that is all about your intent when introducing yourself. Most women can smell BS from a mile away, so if you trying to run game, there’s a good chance the “classy and unapproachable” woman is going to come off that way because she isn’t going to go for it. Striking up a simple conversation with no intention other than to talk to a pretty woman makes for less awkwardness, or maybe that’s just me. I am about as awkward as you can get. I can believe you have intense eyes. Eyes usually do it for me anyway. Women have told me I have pretty eyes. Why, I don’t know. They are regular a$$ brown eyes. Smiling does help. A pretty smile on a pretty face looking in your general direction usually eases the awkwardness, but there again, that could be just me.
I saw you upthread…laying your thickness on me eh? You know I could right now but it would be too easy. I can picture you in polo shirts and khakis lookin hella good. If you tuck that polo shirt in and show your booty that’s even hotter. Yeah I’m an analyzer to the tenth power and it is written all over my face so I know men approach me with that nervous step. My BS detector is excellent. Plus I can look serious and have somewhat of a glare but that’s only because I squint to focus on distance. I’m always laughing at something and smiling but if you aren’t talking to me you’ll never see it. It’s funny cause I think my smile is my best facial feature but dudes always point out the eyes. Who knows.
*Whew, glad I dodged that bullet, or in SFG’s case, a cannonball*
Actually, I do tuck my polo shirt in and I am working on my legs today at the gym.
(Yeah, I’m starting it today. It’s EffAMonday.)
Boy I’m looking at you through slits right now. You trying to get me there. You notice I’m not bringing it because I’m in a bad mood today (headache). But being that I have a bonified problem I will tell you: the best way to work out your legs is to do that move Melvin did in Baby Boy…just pick me up in a stradle position, squat low while holding me and bounce my @ss around the place. You started it. -_O
Ok, you win. I’ll go sit in my chair now. When your headache goes away, the safeword is “soup”. I hope you feel better. Ain’t nothing worse than a headache on a Monday.
I didn’t say stop. I could get shot, stabbed, and be bleeding to death and still wouldn’t say “soup”. As long as I got air boo, I’m a ride or die chick literally.
LMAO Wild is what you are. You would have to worry about getting shot or stabbed. That’s not kinky, that’s illegal. You are hilarious.
this was on point. and I love that Nicki Minaj line, lol.
Not exactly trying to look more attractive than I already am, I’m already home, but there are ways to def do sexy without being slutty and play up your best features.
Feature one body part @ a time…..if you doing legs, keep everything else basically covered, liked don’t do backless and legs and shoulders etc. or DO backless and have everything else under wraps… this technique draws the eye to the featured body part and also leaves some mystery and demonstrates sexy with much style and grace.
Go minimal on the make up- play up your best feature whether it be eyes, smile, cheekbones etc
Fitness, I really cannot say anough about how clothes fall and hang on a fit frame…doesn’t mean you have to be a size 4 but tone and within a healthy poundage for your height etc
Hair, a style and/or color that compliments YOUR face and skin tone.
some folk have more options than others in this area, they loook god with a wide vareity of lengths and styles and colors, *example black on my skin tone washes me out*
Being and Owning your true self, being fully confident in who YOU are, knowing yourself and what works for you and not being afraid to do so!!!!!!!
“Feature one body part @ a time…..if you doing legs, keep everything else basically covered, liked don’t do backless and legs and shoulders etc. or DO backless and have everything else under wraps… this technique draws the eye to the featured body part and also leaves some mystery and demonstrates sexy with much style and grace.”
THANK YOU!! My mama taught me this early on.
@OSHH
“example black on my skin tone washes me out”
I learned this the hard way back in high school when I dyed my hair black (eek!). I believe it has everything to do with the undertones of ones skin color. My natural hair color is brown/bronzy, so I can only do variations of that.
wasn’t in high school but was really young, like maybe 19..and yes it has everything to do with the undertones in your skin, mine are too warm for black hair… my natural color is a reddish brown so I do reds, coppers, bronzes, cognacs but mostly red LOL
and Smiley your mom taught you well!!!!
“Feature one body part @ a time…..if you doing legs, keep everything else basically covered, liked don’t do backless and legs and shoulders etc. or DO backless and have everything else under wraps… this technique draws the eye to the featured body part and also leaves some mystery and demonstrates sexy with much style and grace.”
MAYNE this is troof, right here. A seamless sexy is a great sexy. Take that dress Hilary Swank wore to the Oscars when she won for Million Dollar Baby. Miss Swank basically looks like Mr. Ed on a good day. So they say. lol When she showed up on the red carpet, I’m like wow, that dress covers up a whole lot. But then she gave us the back shot?! I was like DAYUM…go girl. It was a very cool moment and a very sexy dress.
@Cheekie
i had to check that Swank shaat out , and you ain’t never lied,bout none of it…
She knew what the eff she was doin’, and I applaud her for it. I’ll always remember that dress. She nailed it. Of course she couldn’t eat that day to wear it (lmao, seriously, she scarfed down on burgers after the ceremony), but she looked fantastic.
Play up your most attractive features. If you have nice legs (or have been told by many that you do), wear skirts the majority of the time. If you have a flair for fashion, dress your arse off. If you have a great face, wear your hair off of your face so people can see it. (my mom use to preach this one to me when I use to rock serious bangs).
Ladies…wear a bra….one that fits. The right bra can make your girls look great (improves your posture and gives the girls roundness). Newflash for the ladies who think their small boobies gives them a license to go braless (It Does Not). While it may make you feel sexy now, no one will be checking for you in 5-10 years when they become friends with your belly button.
Men….a fresh haircut is such a turn on! There is something about that nice, lined-up look for me. It says, I care about the way I look. I know this one guy who really never knew what to do with his hair (and he says he’s not into going to the barber). So he just cuts it himself. o_O I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was part of the reason I wasn’t physically attracted to him. *shrugs*
OK, this may be kind of silly, but I love when men wear “nice” watches. There is something sexy to me about a man who really knows about the different styles and materials of them. Plus, if he’s into nice watches, then he will likely rock nice shoes too! I guess it is like women who like men with glasses (I like men in watches). Again…*shrugs*
I like a man who is into nice watches too!
Grooming and good hygeine IS necessary period.
@OSHH
I’ve never admitted the watch thing before now because I never wanted to seem shallow. : )
Nothing like a fresh hair cut on a man! Either the low buzz cut or fade with the sharp lines. I also like a low mustache and chin hair. Hot!
@SFG
“I also like a low mustache and chin hair. Hot!”
(nodding head in agreement) Yep!!
@SFG & CNotes – “Nothing like a fresh hair cut on a man! Either the low buzz cut or fade with the sharp lines. I also like a low mustache and chin hair. Hot!”
Well, I guess thats my cue to head on outta here. I know when I’m not wanted. *packs up bags and walks to the bus stop*
Hmmn, maybe I should come up with my own website, VSSNB.com. Very Smart Sexy Natural Brothas. A site where anti-pretty, anti-metro & anti-moist brothas are appreciated. Yeah, that’ll show ‘em.
@Mr Sobo
“*packs up bags and walks to the bus stop*”
(CNotes stopping Mr SoBo)
“Wait!” (cues sentimental background music)
“Don’t leave. Look, I didn’t mean to shut you out. Forgive me for neglecting to mention that natural brothers, especially you, are very, very sexy! (CNotes takes bags from Mr SoBo)
“C’mon sweetie. We’re going home….back to VSB.com” (Walking into the sunset)
@CNotes
*puts arm around Cnotes as we walk together*
Mental note: “If things go well, I just might have CNotes hitting those F notes later on.”
*I turn around to give Michael Jackson Thriller grin into the camera*
(cues Vincent Price sinister laugh).
@Mr SoBo
“Mental note: “If things go well, I just might have CNotes hitting those F notes later on.”
(Clears Throat) La, La, La, La, Laaaahhhhhhh.
#DEEEAAAADDD!!! This is funny ish!! Um…dreads are cool. Especially when they are clean and smell like that coconut shampoo ya’ll use. Cho bwoy yu alreadee know mi luv mi yaad man.
*DEAD* @ this whole exchange… why did I hear the music and see the whole scene unfold….sigh I <3 VSB.com
*daps SFG on low mustache and chin hair!*
i want something on your face that reminds me i’m with a man !
LOL!
P everybody don’t look good in hats, they just don’t have that certain something to rock em correctly , that’s apart of knowing what works for you, both men and women
Sunglasses, I abhor them, that “trying” to look cool and following a mass formula, deducts serious style points.
I also hate HATE hate two earrings on dudes.
No earrings or one old school joint is way more fly to me on men.
If I see a guy wearing a hat..I’m going to assume he is balding or has a funny shaped head..and you cannot rock a hat 24/7 that is just strange…so, just let me see what you’re working with. I can’t stand talking to people wearing shades….are your eyes crossed or are you a drug addict,,,may I see your eyes please?
As for heels…when its appropriate to rock heels I do… but not just for attentions seeking purposes..and I’ll be dayum if I’m going out the house wearing see thru clothing….no sir.
Just be clean and neat..and smell good…and smile. If someone is going to be attracted to you they will…don’t use disguises and what not..be your authentic self..because believe me you do not want to start wearing things and doing different things that you are not going to continue to do……
Agreed. If I’m in the club, I politely ask a man to take off his shades/glasses before we commence conversation or dancing for 50-lem songs straight. Won’t fool me.
I was swindled once before by a guy who wore his fitted all the time in the gym. I didn’t think anything of it til I showed up for a date at his house & he had THEE lumpiest bald head EVER. iDied.
@So Flyy
LMAO @ THEE lumpiest bald head
Yeah, I hate when people wear shades when speaking to me. I need to see your eyes.
Shades or sunglasses? You know there is a difference.
With shades, you can still make out the persons face because although they are tinted, they are still very much transparent.
Sunglasses however are pitch black and/or reflective, so they hid a considerable amount of features.
I ironed my clothes this morning, a homage to the fine folks of VSB. Here’s to pulling some idris elba look-a-like.
/sarcasm
here here on the “Greek-looking beaucoup strap shoes women are wearing right now”. I hate that look.
lol I like your moniker.
If you have nice lips of not, Always have the Lip Gloss Poppin!! Especially red & yes all women of color can where red you just have to find the right shade for you skin tone! When I where this red lip gloss I got, I always get compliments but it helps that my lips are my best facial feature. So that brings me to another point: Always enhance your BEST feature(s) and you will get noticed!
I am more of lip stain, lip stick kinda girl, love the colors!!!!
Since the beginning of time, men have been slaves to the WHR (waist-to-hip ratio). That means, they enjoy a woman with a smaller waist to make her hips look wider, or bigger hips to make her waist look smaller. Either way, they like a curvy woman. I did a paper on it in college and Sir Mix-a-lot did a song about it that was, like, the national anthem at the fat camp I attended one summer.
So, wear tailored clothes that accentuate your waist, or those thick belts that all the girls are wearing to make it look even narrower than it is.
And pretty much every woman knows that accentuating the breasts never hurts. Not one bit.
The tags did me IN!
– Hats..
You ain’t lie. Me and Ursher-baby were alright til I realized his head came to a point. I cannot look at Peanut M&M’s the same. and NO! Ne-yo is not the prime example. Not all the hats in the Soji wearhouse can have him. And that head.
my tips
– show some back
on most people (MOST) the back is the slimmest part of the female body. Show some a dat! No, i’m not talkin bout the whole thing down to the part where the rolls come out to play. But just a lil bit. It gives someone from behind something to look at. (And admire)
– wipe the powder off your neck and chest
your sexxy quotient will increase drastically if you look like you weren’t comin from an explosion at the cocaine plant. but then again, some men might like that because you remind them of home.. #waitWHAT
-lotion
if it’s gonna be shown, then get that Jergens and get to it. If you don’t like lotion (like me) then cover it up. Wear pants, long sleeves, and sneakers. The more you know.
– pumice your heels!
i’m not even gonna say get a pedicure because i know times is hard. But you can buy yourself some sandpaper and get to the heels. Few things worse than the heels hanging off the back of the sandals lookin like the pics from National Geographic about the Sahara. (you know the ones!) If your heels tear socks, you know better than to have them out. Can you do me that favor? Do me that Solid my sista!
– understand your makeup..
if it’s daytime, there is NO reason for you to be walkin around like “Elvira, mistress of the dark.” Not even on October 31st. Halloween parties don’t start that early and you know that. Motto: “if there’s light, keep it light.” Sunlight illuminates beautifully. Just work with that. Layers only work for clothes.. Not makeup..
This would normally be the part where I say something like make sure your tracks are covered. And no, I’m not talking about it being covered by that short patch of broken hair int he middle of your head. i mean COVERED! If your hair is wavy, don’t try to buy Yaki Straight #5468325 and think you look natural. You don’t..
Yes girl, lotion lotion lotion! I hear ya on the heel and feet game. I notice men will look straight down at my feet sometimes. Plus in florida, I wear sandals every day. Too much make up is just horrible. During the day, I wear almost no make up. Heavy make up, eye shadow etc should be saved for going out at night like parties.
PJ—I always enjoy your snarky random musings.
Oh, and this kilt me: “(No dis to our one legged sisters out there, I just can’t fully appreciate somebody called “hip-hop” and it’s not ironic at all).” You love Hip-Hop. You’d marry it and make babies with if you could, be honest.
Eventually the hat, sunglasses, prosthetic limbs, weave, and glass eyes all come off/out (I’m Gonna Get You Sucka) Then you are stuck with a creature and your only choices are to gnaw your own arm off and sneak out or lay their until it wakes up and wants to mate with you in the light of day. Don’t be that one armed fool who falls for the okiedoke and ends up with a collection of fugly children.
Avoid the she-beasts no matter how short the skirt or how perky the boobies. Your future children will thank you for it.
“lay there”
bring back the edit button….
Eventually the hat, sunglasses, prosthetic limbs, weave, and glass eyes all come off/out (I’m Gonna Get You Sucka) Then you are stuck with a creature and your only choices are to gnaw your own arm off and sneak out or lay their until it wakes up and wants to mate with you in the light of day
Y’know, this is an actual fear of many men (myself included): going home w/ a dime and waking up to a penny. That swindle is something crucial…and part of the reason why I don’t drink, cuz I needs to be alert and totally coherent to avoid fallin 4 the okiedoke.
i was talking to a friend of mine a couple of days ago about this ugly pretty chick that attends school with us. like if you don’t really pay attention to her then she’s pretty cute. she dresses nice, has a decent body and a nice personality (which counts for most guys regardless of the lies out there). but if you really pay attention to her or look at her dead on, eye to eye she isn’t cute at all.
wear clothes that FIT…..
if you are shaped like a file cabinet, please stop trying to wear your fav shirt from 8 years ago before you had kids. that ain’t you no mo, homeskillet. you gotta go find a new shirt to love.
have a friendly demeanor….
why are you walking around with precious default face ??? you could try smiling and saying good morning/afternoon/evening. even if your teeth are doing the cha cha slide in your mouth, being nice goes a long way.
dead at ‘precious default face’
ya kilt me!
I’ll take a few moments off the set of my upcoming movie entitled, “There’s Something About Mr. SoBo” to chime in on today’s topic.
Below you will find two of the most simplest, yet arguably most effective tools to make oneself not only appear, but actually become more attractive.
Nothing ground breaking mind you, as we all are aware of these two points. However, I think most seriously understimate the monumental significance of them. The below applies to both men and women and is only related to the physical component of attractiveness. Thge following have to work in tandem in order to be effective.
1) Loving yourself
2) Complimentary ensembles.
With regards to loving yourself, that was really just an oversimplified way of me saying, having confidence, good healthy self esteem, rejecting media’s definition of beauty, accepting your own God given beauty. Allow me to expound:
Beauty/attractiveness/s*x appeal really are all inner states of being, and it emits outwardly. If you do not believe or feel you are beautiful/handsome, more than likely, no one else will either. No amount of sunglasses, hats, high fashion will help. The beautiful state of mind is achieved by accepting and loving yourself and all your percieved physical ‘flaws’- within healthy reason of course. Once that self esteem is established, you will simultaneously build your confidence. Embracing societies/media standards of beauty will corrode your self esteem and taint your own sense of beauty. So, stand in the mirror naked, observe your form, shape, build, etc…and love it for what it is. Any ‘improvements’ you make to yourself (i.e. via excercise, dieting, etc) should be for yourself and not motivated by a desire to appeal to other people.
Complimentary ensembles
Simply put, wear clothes and find/create a style that compliments YOUR FORM.
Clothes should be purchased to compliment your body type, form and features. Just because its the latest fashion style, or you may see that something looks good on someone else,…it does not automatically translate to it looking good on YOU. It is imperative that you find what works for you and the shape God blessed you with. Not being aware of this will definitely destroy your appeal and percieved attractiveness. This goes for both men and women. Know your features and compliment them by paying particular close attention to the styles and FIT of clothes you purchase.
Just cause it looks cute on the rack, or the next chick dont mean it will look cute on you shortie. And for the fellas, buying a smooth fly looking jacket, doesnt make you fly and smooth. The jacket looks fly and smooth, yes…but you just look like….well,….you.
Confidence, self esteem and love of self. Try putting that on before putting on whats in your closet.
nice to see a man say this…
c/s 100,000%
Yes! I nominate this for Comment of the day for sure.
“Beauty/attractiveness/s*x appeal really are all inner states of being, and it emits outwardly. If you do not believe or feel you are beautiful/handsome, more than likely, no one else will either.”
^^^^^^ This needs to be spoken over a loud speaker everywhere, everyday… THE TRUTH!
*clears throat*…since I always intrude on you. I see you but being that I’m the female resident perv and you are def the male resident perv, I know good and well you aint effin with a girl who is not stacked in both directions. All this inner beauty, love thy self yada yada yada. So if a gyal chat to yuh wid no bottom or breast, hair pull up so, foot dem dry, but she pose off like she bad, yu wud slam ar? Nah sah
Haven’t come with a post of my own in a while (I actually don’t post here too often, but definitely read) but I had to for this one.
Women–find a role model that you think is sexy…someone you feel has a great look and it’s somewhat on your style/budget level and emulate the look. I’m not naturally sexy. At least I don’t think so, but it seems as though others think I am. I just have 30 years of being me under my belt and I know what looks good ON ME and what doesn’t. So, here goes with the advice…
Shoulders/neck/back…If you’re a slim chick but have really nice shoulders and a defined back then show it. Think cute decorated tanks (not that crap that says “my bf is hotter than yours”) one shoulder, racer back and other type tops that show those areas off.
Stomach…enough with the muffin top. Make sure your jeans fit your waist or you can be small framed, but look fat as hell in them. A six pack isn’t necessary, but looking 5 months pregnant isn’t ideal either. Find a happy medium or else invest in some spanx. The stomach is key in looking great in clothes
Legs…find jeans/pants that are cut to flatter your shape. If you have short legs, don’t wear wide legged pants. They make you look shorter. Make sure your shirts don’t come down past the top part of your pants because you’ll look shorter as well. Short skirts and shorts with heels look great on *almost everyone. Invest!
Invest in some sexy shoes, sandals and heels. And learn to accessorize as well. If all else fails, watch a marathon of “what not to wear” and take notes. With all the resources in our reach (no matter your price point), there is no reason for ANY woman to be walking around looking unfortunate.
Keeping your core tight ,strong and lean is key to looking and feeling good in or out of clothes…keeping that together also keeps one looking youthful, etc…excess weight in that area is bad for your heart health, just no bueno..you don’t have to have 6 or 8 packs but firmness and toneness there..fitness baby is for life!!!!!
@ orange star
…yes on the fitness, it always puts a smile on my face when i hear/see a sista say this!
Be a NICE PERSON!
They say nice guys/girls finish last but that isn’t always true.
Ask anyone who has been in a relationship with a good looking person with a SH!TTY personality: they suck the happiness out of your life and their good looks are no longer attractive. Their ugly core is all you see.
When you encounter that nice, good heart & sweet person those physical flaws (real or imagined) start to disappear. You also remember that you’re not physically perfect, so maybe YOU have to hope your sweetness overrules that lumpy head; strange booty shape or that “interesting” nose.
Panama, you could be a used car salesman, because you really just laid out a good selection of tricks for the trade. The issue is, nobody wants a car from a shady used car salesman, and that’s what you’re encouraging people to be. In most cases, even though I may be viscerally attracted to some of the things you just named, I learned a long time ago, that typically if you’re the type to do these things, even if not in the process of trying to attract a mate, your probably not the one for me. Therefore, I stay very far away from people (male or female) rocking sunglasses (especially at night), cheesy hats, high heels (except on occasion), sheer anything (except for undergarments, kinda dig those), and “peacocking” of any sort. In fact, in most cases, almost everything you named is a surefire way to attract the wrong type of people.
LLS!!!! Superficial and fake as in disingenuous. Thats why I said way up thread be your true self. I don’t care for somebody “trying” to be cool, all “extra smooth”(Aaliyah) if that ain’t you slim!
I also tend to stay away from walking cliches and tired formulas and over used catch phrases, slang..like dude can you talk in a normal fashion.
1. Get your teeth fixed.
It’s amazing how orthodontics/Veneers (sp) can change a smile.. I’m looking at you Chris Rock and others.. (SN: I saw Reggie Miller on 30 For 30 yesterday.. He needs to get his smile together) A smile up grade can change your life Anyone that has had braces with a great outcome can testify (ME!)
2. Dress/Groom Nice
A clean cut look can go far with me.. A slightly preppy look, a nice corporate suit… Add a fresh line from a barber and a mild cologne… YUM!
3. A confident walk
Men, you gotta have a certain stride. Not tight, not too slow.. Just right.. Look like you know what you’re doing.
4. A cool personality
Humorous, fun-loving, & smart.
SN: Panama, after reading your comment to Champ’s post Friday, I officially LOVE you!! Cracked me up! *Dougie(ing) at my desk on the lunch break*
Being comfortable.
Being comfortable in your skin, clothes, etc. creates a certain glow and energy that is attractive. Don’t wear 6 inch stilettos if you gonna walk like you are on stilts, pinch your feet, and make you uncomfortable all night. Yes, sometimes us ladies wear things with a “timer”, but you know when you put something on if it makes you feel good or uncomfortable. Don’t rock the dress that is too short for your taste and you gonna be pulling it down and smoothing it all day/night. Also, be yourself. Be comfortable with who you are. Sometimes the inner glow of you being yourself and having fun catches attention. Have any of you caught more glances your way when you are just enjoying time with friends. Being at ease with yourself is attractive. That doesn’t mean that you wear sweats everywhere.
CORRECTION: Have any of you caught more glances your way when you are just enjoying time with friends?
*forgot the question mark*
I love this!!! You can be fine as hell but sooo unattractive. I think a person is attractive when they know who they are. You have to know yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. I truly believe sexiness comes natural…it’s not anything you do or wear. Good one LS!
*disciple of SFG’s ninja moves and steps out of the shadows to give e-dap*
Thanks@SFG! I think it’s one we fail to recognize or put as much stock in, but it’s true.
*disappears in shadow again*
Basically all this is saying is…*OBSTRUCT THE VIEW*…a la Wilson. We loved him on Home Improvement, yet we were never quite for sure what he looked like. All we knew was he was a voice of reason with kind eyes. For all we know, he didn’t even have a chin. http://i.cdn.turner.com/v5cache/TBS/Images/Dynamic/i10/homeimprov_wilson_240x260_053020041834.jpg
Lmao, Wilson was hilarious.
1. Heels certainly do the trick.
2. Less make up works for me. Blue eyelids are creepy.
3. Look like Veronica Corningstone.
“If I had lower self-esteem or didn’t know my mother I might have tried to holler, but lucky for my ancestors I can read.”
HYSTERICAL! LMFAO!
I adore those trendy gladiator sandals on men & women.
Love them! I own only flip flop sandals, though.
I’m not keeping up with trends lately, but I’m building my professioanl wardrobe.
__ladies__
Women’s Oxfords & suit shirts from Brooks Brothers’ ’09 collection have a longer torso and a more fitted cut. They stay tucked better than department store suit shirts. Buy them discounted on ebay.
Wear lip stain that lasts all business day.
Wear pearl choker necklaces or double strands of pearls.
Listerine held in the mouth for several minutes while you shower guarantees fresh breath all day.
Use a robo toothbrush (like oral b or sonicare).
Spanx under suiting will smooth & contour your figure even if you’re slender & shapely.
If you’re leggy, then wear those suit skirts with 3-4 inch heels.
Sit & stand TALL. (Spanx force great posture.)
Match the color of your underpants & your bra/camisole.
On casual days, if your shirt is fitted, then your pants should NOT be tight from waist to ankle. Don’t try too hard.
Stridex face pads are great for exfoliation in the shower.
Have a signature scent.
__gentlemen__
Don’t wear any earrings. Those are for low-income minority men who were NOT raised by their fathers.
Dress professionally & conservatively for work if you’re a professional.
Wear sports clothes & shoes only when you’re working out.
No exterior labels. Others should have to ask which designer made your shirt. Exceptions: tiny logos like Brooks Brothers
Cufflinks or knots are eye-catching.
No shades or hats indoors.
I’ve found more women pushing up on me when I:
1) wear cologne, especially during times that I don’t have to (e.g. going to the grocery store)
2) wear a watch, preferably one that doesn’t look like a glorified stopwatch
3) wear something slightly preppy or tacky (e.g. crazy argyle socks, plaid shorts, boat shoes), probably along the same lines as peacocking
I absolutely agree with 1 and 2 for men. Sometimes the hat and shades( or sunglasses or w/e) give off a mysterious kinda look. Making some women want to know hmm like what is he hiding? And also to it’s an edgy style which is always an A+ for women some women. Peacocking should be number 1 simply because you want to stand out. Not in a provocative way but in a way that sets you apart from other people. Another thing is wear something that smells good!! Whether it be cologne or lotion or perfume w/e. Just have a scent.. a nice smelling scent lol
A great first liner.
I have dated some “interesting” looking gentleman off the strength that they had the combined will and wit to approach me with something so funny or subtle that I had to know more. One guy at a club (with a jheri curl mind you) saw me wearing a Beatles midriff top, took the high road, and quoted one of their songs. Definitely stood out that night (not so much later tho). Once an (actual) pharmacist made a joke while he was filling my (actual) prescription. I was not attracted to him at all…but I wasn’t quite convinced until after the first date.
A nice, deep, mature voice.
Yep, does it every time. I don’t know what it is, but, *shivers*. Seriously, that will knock a dude up a solid 2-3 points. If Idris had Chris Brown’s voice (even with the accent and without the illiteracy), he would not be getting fashion spreads in Essence.
Height.
Never fails. I’ve seen it time and time again that some tall, nondescript dude with no face to speak of has some gorgeous lady on his arm. I have fallen for this myself. Women will *always* equate height with masculinity and authority, ridiculously so, despite soooo much evidence to the contrary. I guess it’s our version of the hip-waist ratio. It’s possible that an embarrassing percentage of my male friends ended up in the friend zone cuz they weren’t *this* tall…and I’m short. It’s wrong, but it’s life.
All I know is…ya’ll gonna stop comin @ BMore like that. Carry on.
Keeping a nice hairstyle and groomed, shaped eyebrows will always make a woman look better. Even if your outfit is busted or youre rushing out the house with no makeup, a nice hardo will keep you feeling like you look good.
idk if someone mentioned this already cuz i dont have the patience to read thru the comments….
but im pretty sure u meant “sheer”…. shear is like cutting shears or that lame shearling shit used to line and trim suede coats
the end