The Best Dating Advice For a Man? “Never, Ever Listen To Women.”

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Would definitely fare better with the ladies if he drove a Prius

(The following is an abridged version of a great conversation that The Champ may have never actually had last weekend with a young man who might not actually exist. )

Young Man (“Tommy”): “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Champ: “Why not?”

Tommy: “You’re supposed to be giving me advice about how to be more attractive to women, and your first piece of advice is to ignore everything women say about what they find attractive.”

Champ: “And?”

Tommy: “Well, doesn’t it make sense to get it from the source? I mean, who better to ask about women’s wants and desires than other women?”

Champ: “Hmm. What we have here is a failure to understand basic human behavior. If you don’t retain anything else I tell you, please just remember this one fact: Women are the absolute last people you should be getting advice from about what women find attractive. Why? Well, they have no f*cking idea themselves! Seriously, you have a better chance of hearing a hot 16 from Wiz Khalifa than you do of meeting a woman who knows exactly what they want in a man. And, if you happen to find the one chick in a billion who knows exactly what she wants, good luck in getting her to actually articulate it. It’s like asking a gazelle why they love getting eaten by cheetahs.”

Tommy: “So, just don’t listen to women, ever?”

Champ: “I wouldn’t take it that far. You should probably listen to your mom and when female baristas tell you that your hot chocolate is, in fact, hot. Also, once you’re actually in a relationship, listening to your girlfriend/wife every once in a while isn’t the worst idea in the world.

That aside, life has shown me that the single worst dating mistake young (and old) men make is crafting their behavior around the “cacophony of completely arbitrary noise” that’s better known as “women’s professed wants and desires.“

And, just so I don’t come off as a raging misogynist, “women” could very easily be replaced with “humans.” None of us — men, women, West Virginians — know what we want about anything. Sh*t, I can’t even tell you what I want for dinner tonight, so how the hell do you expect me to know exactly what I’d want from something as complex as a romantic relationship?”

Tommy: “So, um, why am I even listening to you?”

Champ: “Because.”

Tommy: “Okie dokie. So, since I’m not supposed to listen to women, ever, what should I do?”

Champ: “Pay attention. That’s it. Pay attention to what they respond to. Pay attention to who they say they need to stay away from. Pay attention to who makes them nervous.

And, if you want to get specific, if you’re interested in a particular type of women, pay attention to the type of men that those women always seem to date. For heaven’s sake, don’t ever f*cking listen to a word any of them say about what type of men they find attractive, but watch closely, read, observe, assess, and act.”

Tommy: “Anything else?”

Champ: “I’ve noticed that smelling good seems to really help. Seriously, I know some women who’d f*ck a Michelin snow tire if it smelled like Escada Sentiment. What’s weird is that once they start to actually like you, “smelling good” means “any smell you produce aside from a fart.” They’ll eventually become hooked on your everyday scent, but you need some artificial assistance to lure them in. Basically, cologne is to women what lacefront is to men.

Also, I’d advise you to introduce an element of surprise in your life.”

Tommy: “So, hide in shadows and sneak up on b*tches?”

Champ: “Um, not exactly. I’m trying to teach you how to attract women, not homicide detectives. By “surprise” I mean that it tends to intrigue women if they learn something about you that they really didn’t expect.

For instance, if you look like Kimbo Slice, the women you meet probably aren’t going to be very impressed by your collection of Smack DVD’s or your tendency to chase down and stab motorists who’ve cut you off. But, if you generally look, dress, and act like Carlton Banks, revealing a side that’s a bit more “hood” and aggressive than they’d expect from you will make them think “Hmmm. That’s interesting.” And, as we all know, “Hmmm. That’s interesting” is internal womenspeak for “Hmmm. My thighs just got 8.5% more damp.”

Tommy: “I guess that makes sense. I think women would be more impressed by a linebacker at spoken word than some Frankie Lymon looking-ass n*gga.”

Champ: “Right! This is actually what women’s (and men’s) magazines always get wrong when they’re advising men. Women aren’t impressed by men who are well-read or work out regularly or can educate them about our foreign policy as much as they’re impressed when these tasks are done by men who they wouldn’t immediately associate those attributes too.

I mean, if you’re a f*cking accountant, of course you should be able to wax poetic about the economy and the deficit, and you showing off this knowledge on a date aint going to impress anyone. But, if you’re an accountant who plays semi-pro rugby and the drums for a local hip-hop band? Instant Irene.

Tommy: “Irene?”

Champ: “Get it? Wetness? Moisture? Hurricane Irene?”

Tommy: “I see.”

—The Champ

Come and hang out with Panama Jackson this Saturday, September 3, 2011, as he throws the 2nd installment of Reminisce, a party dedicated to all 90′s everything. From 10-3pm, DJ Cuzzin B will be spinning nothing but the best of hip-hop, r&b, and dancehall from the 90′s. Best of all it’s FREE before 11pm ($10 after), there’s an OPEN BAR FROM 10-11PM and no dress code. It’s cheaper to party than it is to stay home. Oh, and no hurricane. So come party with VSB, Shine on Me, and Just Cause at Liv Nightclub, 2001 11th Street, NW, Washington, DC.

396 thoughts on “The Best Dating Advice For a Man? “Never, Ever Listen To Women.””

  1. Since it matters not one way or another what I have to say about wants and desires, I’ll just sit back and listen closely.

    *pulls out notepad while pulling up a bean bag chair*

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      • Thoughts? Hmm…

        I just need comfort and companionship with a person. It seems to be so much harder to accomplish than it should be, and me being an old-fashioned girl puts me at a disadvantage for that sort of thing, but thats what I need. I’m not so sure what I want though, but I am positive of what I need. Does that make me an exception and not the rule?

        I think sometimes women confuse the two; we want the (__insert whatever the hell here__) type man but we really just need someone who understands us…and still choses to stay with us in spite of ourselves. :)

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  4. I’d say that women do know what they want (which may be in many cases what another woman has), but I do agree that paying attention to what women say is important.

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    • “I’d say that women do know what they want (which may be in many cases what another woman has”

      but, you could continue this statement by saying that the women who want what other women have didnt want it until it was had by someone else, which proves that they really dont know what they want, either

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      • Have you not been paying attention? When women “want” something another woman has, it’s not about sincere desire, but either spite/oneupmanship or needing validation by proving that you’re better than that particular woman by taking something of hers that she values. Has very little to do with the dude in question.

        As for the phenomenon of women being more attracted to men who are taken, when out & about, those men are usually 1) being themselves; 2) not being a douche. And they tend to dress & smell nicer.

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        • “When women “want” something another woman has, it’s not about sincere desire, but either spite/oneupmanship or needing validation by proving that you’re better than that particular woman by taking something of hers that she values. Has very little to do with the dude in question.”

          ^^^^Why it gotta be like this? Methinks women go HARD on competition whether its with outfits, hair, or armpieces…can’t we all just have what we have?

          WAIT…men do too. Please disregard.

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          • This post was great. Especially the Kimbo Slice pic lol. This line was so true though

            ” And, as we all know, “Hmmm. That’s interesting” is internal womenspeak for “Hmmm. My thighs just got 8.5% more damp.””

            Classic. Yeah, I agree with the advice (pay attention to what they respond to) and I’ll have to co-sign the fact that women are generally attracted to a guy that comes off as genuine and someone who comes off as atypical. I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard a woman say how she wanted something conflicting like ” A nerd/intellectual with that aggressive swag like Tupac” or some other rare oddity. Be a conflicting figure that doesn’t fall into one box and women will think you’re…interesting ;)

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  5. I really don’t think gazelles like being eat by cheetahs. But this statment
    “Basically, cologne is to women what lacefront is to men.” is TRUTH! Smelling like you bathed in Aqua Velva or Sean John’s Own the Night makes you the anti-Irene.

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  7. My biggest pet peeve is when a man asks me what do I want our relationship to be like, aka:what do you want from me! It drives me nuts! Fool, I dont know how you are within a damn relationship. Act normal and I’ll tell you whether or not I like it!!! *stomps off angrily*

    BTW, lol at the pic and Amen to this subject. I dont what I want but when I see it I’ll take a picture.

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    • Please! This is my FAVORITE question to ask a man I just met!

      I usually ask it around the 2nd or 3rd conversation; no matter what the answer is, you can ALWAYS use it against them later on.

      Ex.

      “What do you want from me?”
      “An opportunity.”
      *smiling over the phone…this one will be TOO easy!*
      I gave him the pleasure of having the “opportunity” to take me out 3 times and decide I was done.

      A common answer is “I don’t know yet.” That’s a lie. Men (just like women) know what they want from you when they meet you. I allow them to take me out until they figure it out.

      Some will say “I’m just looking for a friend to kick it with” (i.e. FWB). At least you know where they stand.

      That one question has never failed me.

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      • Interesting. I had a man ask me why I thought we were friends? I was sort of stunned with this question. I never really think of why I’m friends with someone, we just are. He hugged me, wouldn’t let go, and then told me I smelled good. I told him my thought was “What does he want?” His response was, “Are you serious? We’re just friends.” Okaaay. Then confusion set in. And, men complain women?! Ha!

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        • Yeah, this is kinda crazy. I agree w/ kickandasnare.

          I only use the things men say in their exact context, I’m not in the business of manipulation.

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        • Translation: I need you to express romantic feelings for me. You are a woman, so your failure to do this makes me feel like you don’t want my wang. But as soon as you declare these feelings, I will tell you I don’t want anything serious. I just want you to want it.

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          • @Wild Cougar… Truth.com right there! My thoughts exactly. He is actually the one that I told him I didn’t want to sleep with him. Getting pannies is too easy for him. I think he needed someone to show him ‘love’ in a different way. Now seems we’re back to Lil Wayne’s “how to love” only this time it is the dude that got jacked.

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      • I usually ask it around the 2nd or 3rd conversation; no matter what the answer is, you can ALWAYS use it against them later on.

        Sheesh, Classy 6ft5, why you gotta use it against them? This ain’t the court of law…and i would think you’d have enough leverage on ppl already, being 6ft5.

        And why does your avi look like a shadow ninja?

        I’s scared of you.

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      • That ish right there is funny cause dudes will trap themselves telling you what want. Back in college, I used to do that game, too. When a guy would tell me he wanted to be friends, I would say, that’s cool, I’m glad were on the same page. You remind me of my brother. I don’t have a lot of male friends, most guys just want sex. I’m so glad you’re different. What a relief. Wanna go to the movies?

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    • Women ask that question a lot too. Between that and “where is this going?” two dates in, I think the Internet has ruined dating b/c every wants too much information.

      I miss the good ole days when you could date somebody for years in limbo where nobody knew where you were going or why. That’s what made for hte best episodes of Jerry Springer and Maury Povich.

      all jokes aside, a dude asking what you want from him is smart money on his part b/c he can figure out what it is that you’re aiming for. Some women will say, “i’m looking to get into a relationship” and if he’s not, he’ll know to try as hard as he can to hit within the next 2 dates b/c once she figures out that he isn’t, she’ll bounce (which never happens…women, what masochists)

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      • “I think the Internet has ruined dating b/c every wants too much information”

        The internet gives way too much information (screw this information age bull crap). I can find out how old you are, your astrological sign, where you currently live, your hometown, where you went to school, that you are missing your pinky toe on your right foot, your favorite artist, where you work, the fact that you watch “Coming to America” everytime it comes on, your last girlfriend/boyfriend, your current girlfriend/boyfriend, if you have kids, how many kids, what you had for lunch, what you wore to your spring ball sophomore year, the fact that you lied about where you were last weekend, the magazine you read while taking a donk on the toilet, and I could go on and on… and this is listed without me even having to ask you one single question (I just ask out of common courtesy, helps the conversation flow n sh*t)

        Just in that alone I could sum up if we would be compatible or not. Sad but true.

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      • Idk…
        I get the whole idea of ‘being upfront’ w/ someone but doesn’t asking the question “what do you want” all out in front like that seem kinda corporate? I’m not even sure thats the right word, but its like we”re in the middle of a business discussion not one based in affection (hopefully!). Where’s the romance?

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          • meh. I think its more about intent than semantics That seems like the kind of thing you would find out (to get back to Champs post) in the course of spending time w/ someone. In fact, as is so very often pointedly pointed out (by vsbs) (wo)men say one thing but mean or really want another thing entirely. Not sure why I want people to be saving their breath and all and just show me what they want… maybe its the eco-sensitive in me… stop spewing CO2 people!
            #Itsgettinghotinhere
            no really, on earth : )

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  8. I agree. I think this definitely applies to people in general. Folks are full of sh!t. Nobody really knows what they’re doing. And a lot of “I always” and “I nevers” can be nuetralized by the right place/time/person.

    As far as what people want, it’s kind of like Potter Stewart trying to define p0rn0graphy, “I know it when I see it.” For me personally, I know myself, I have a good idea of what my needs are, and I know what I want out of life. So it’s not so much that a man needs to have x,y, and z, but whatever his letters are they need to fit mine. I have a good guess as to what he might be like, but I’ll know it when I see it.

    I also agree about complexity being a turn on. I like having to figure someone out. Unless I don’t like what I’m seeing, then he goes back in the box and I take out a new puzzle.

    But back to the original topic, I’m with you Champ. Never listen to (wo)men about what they want in a partner. This is why as much as I love the e-fam in the comments section, I take everything everyone says with a Costco sized vat of salt….

    Corporate thug…? -_-

    Reply ↓

    • “And a lot of “I always” and “I nevers” can be nuetralized by the right place/time/person.”

      This is why I have given up on having “a type.” There is so much complexity that goes into attraction and retention of a mate. Not an exact science at all.

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      • Andi – ““And a lot of “I always” and “I nevers” can be nuetralized by the right place/time/person.””

        Alise – “There is so much complexity that goes into attraction and retention of a mate. Not an exact science at all.”

        These two statements need to be signed, sealed, and delivered to the world. Or at least a lounge on Thursday nights.

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    • I’m glad someone has the ovaries to say stuff like this. I hate the notion that all of my life, I’ve been going about this the wrong way, trying to respect women’s feelings and needs, only to realize they have no clue what’s going on.

      It is ok to just say, “I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know when I get there”.

      Reply ↓

    • I also agree about complexity being a turn on. I like having to figure someone out. Unless I don’t like what I’m seeing, then he goes back in the box and I take out a new puzzle.

      …well dang, what happens when you figure them out? Do you frame them and hang them on the wall as a reminder that you’re good at figuring ish out? Do they sit on your dining room table for eons cuz youre too lazy too frame them? Do you break them down and put them back in the box, losing interest for all eternity?

      I’m curious as to why i asked myself these same questions as i typed them…

      Reply ↓

      • LOL! You definitely took the metaphor and ran with it.

        If I figure it out and I like it, I enjoy it.

        I think that’s what everyone does. You get to know a person, you see if they are a good fit, and if so – you move forward. The puzzle imagery takes it way deeper than I intended.

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  9. While I personally agree with the sentiment here, you do realize that every woman in this hemisphere that has electricity is going to vehemently disagree with you right? Or maybe that further proves the point….hmmmmm…..

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  10. Man that’s so real it’s unreal. Women will tell you what they like and date the exact opposite every time. My dad sprinkled me a long time ago. Never had a problem with the ladies.

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  13. ” Champ: “Pay attention. That’s it. Pay attention to what they respond to. Pay attention to who they say they need to stay away from. Pay attention to who makes them nervous. ”

    Excellent! :-)

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  14. I have gotten pretty good advice from some women who were not the best people to listen to. The thing is, people always give advice that they won’t take themselves…

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  15. None of us — men, women, West Virginians — know what we want about anything.
    this?is so true!!! i was just speaking to a a guy i know about this… what people say they want is hardly ever what they need and even less likely to be what they actually have… so busy chasing dreams, mermaids, (woman on top fish on bottom) ;) centaurs (men on top horse on bottom), fantasy figures, fairy tale cast members that they are completely jaded when someone that would be a true asset to their lives is right in front of their faces!!!

    Pay attention. That’s it
    this is a guaranteed winner for almost every faction of life!! whether its survival from a kidnapping, communicating with a a$$hole boss, copulation, forming friendships and other meaningful relationships… if people paid attention to things outside of themselves, the answers to a lot of questions running through their minds are right there!!

    they’re impressed when these tasks are done by men who they wouldn’t immediately associate those attributes too.
    in this i think you have found that thing that tips the scales in someone’s favor… take a step out of the ordinary… yes i know you read and write, ok you’re a fan of anime, graphic novels or insert popular *nerd* hobby here ______ but what else.. show that you are fun and spirited.. someone that in addition to bringing financial/educational/we can be a power couple benefits you actually bring social and enjoyment aspects… i know i loved being shown things i didn’t know… surprise me ninja!!!!

    Reply ↓

    • To bed I go after this one:
      You just cleared up mythology for me. hehe.

      Maybe its because every surprise I’ve ever received has been sh*tty, but please don’t surprise me. It is great that you are refreshingly different from the rest but keep them damn surprises to yourself. *shuddering* I’ve had some interesting moments where people wanted to surprise me.

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      • i mean surprise me with interests, hobbies, activities, other things that he is into… NOT that he is secretly still gang banging in little rock or sells rock on the side etc.. but if you are in a rock band my interest is piqued ;)

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        • “NOT that he is secretly still gang banging in little rock or sells rock on the side etc.. but if you are in a rock band my interest is piqued”

          if carlton was a secret gang banger i could see women getting all irene over that

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            • thats different… health status is major and should never be a surprise!!!! i meant like i said up-thread, interest, hobbies, activities.. not criminal activity but things that i wouldn’t know just by looking at you… i like the little surprises…

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              • LOL…. Yoles, he meant burning as in the internal fire for him is lit, you feeling him, and you know you want him. Tell him. Not like VD. LOL Sorry, I started that, but wasn’t speaking about VD.

                Corey, on the flip side, what if a woman tells you she is into you and you’re not into her? Awkward, no?

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                • Depends on if I like her as a person. If she’s all around wack I probably wouldn’t care much (I’m allegedly mean). If she’s cool peeps I would feel kinda bad about it but at least I didn’t drag it out unnecessarily.

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          • @ Yoles
            I guess not everything should be told upfront. But like Corey I stay getting the worse surprises in people. So I am apprehensive when I hear/see new things in people that I could not have imagined. I know an Asian nerd that can recite Hip-Hop, which shocks everyone. But he is also into some crazy arse stuff I’m too scared to type online.

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  17. I’m so happy you said that @ “tgtaggie”!!! .
    I was thinking the same thing!!!.. but it’s definitely possible, because I’m an Aunt and I’m only a few years older than all of my nephews and nieces. I’m able to understand and relate to their generation issues, but old enough to have figured many things out already. It’s possible!
    _____________________________
    As for my opinion on this creative writing..It’s creative! I honestly understand the satire in the title, but many won’t. It’s pretty much telling men to be themselves. You will attract some type of woman doing so. I’ve seen homeless couples. There is someone out there for anyone if they are seeking. You would stand a higher chance of attracting different varieties of woman if you broaden your personal horizons. Basically ..getting a life.

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  18. Women aren’t impressed by men who are well-read or work out regularly or can educate them about our foreign policy as much as they’re impressed when these tasks are done by men who they wouldn’t immediately associate those attributes too.

    Word and sh*t. Just tell junior to be careful that his “surprise” doesn’t incite a flight response:

    Chick 1: Girl, you know that lawyer I’ve been dating? I just found out that he does needlepoint when his nerves are bad. He said he’s been doing it since he started spending summers with his grandma in VA…

    Chick 2: Girl, leave the toothbrush and go!

    Let the church say “yay-man” to a good-smellin’ dude!

    LOL @ “Instant Irene”.

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  19. I agree with this post. A guy friend of mine was kinda taking a poll amongst his chick friends on things he could do to attract women. I was like ‘Iono how to attract chicks! Ask a man that has a woman. I’m sure he knows how to do it.’

    Reply ↓

      • Based on the sex tape with Kim K, I can at least see why Ray J gets chicks. Hell, I know a few hollared at him because of what they saw. LOL Flavor Flav is a completely different issue. YIKES!

        Reply ↓

          • Maybe it was his decomposing liver that was of interest. Or maybe some were intrigued by his ability to be unattractive at all times. He was ugly no matter the angle, lighting, or effects. Somebody found that attractive. I mean take Hoops for example, no matter big or small she likes ugly.

            Reply ↓

            • BWAHHHHAHAHHHAA!
              lmao
              That might be a new Olympic category…..
              I can see it now, dick button announces ‘In the Ugly from Every Angle competition the bronze metal goes to… Flavor flav!’ I put it to the group, any thoughts on who might win gold?

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      • joking as this may be, i actually don’t think this is wrong. on each and every season of their shows there were a few chicks that seemed to actually fall for them ninjas that nearly every dude would make beaucoup attempts to get with.

        none comes to mind right now. lol. but i know it happened when i was watching.

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      • “this is why ray j and flavor flav need to be the ones writing advice books”

        Title it “Yeaaaaah Boy: A Guide To Granting Your One Wish Of Bedding Women”. And sell it at Borders… I mean… er… Barnes & Noble.

        …

        Awwwkward.

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  21. I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. A man going to women for advice on how to pull women, is like a Lion going to a gazelle for advice on how to hunt.

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      • Kenyan Savanna. Still trying to forget last week’s encounter with a smug cheetah, Gabby Gazelle is drinking at the watering hole when…

        Voice:politely Excuse me.

        Gabby: Ahhh!

        Gabby jumps in alarm. She whips her neck toward the voice, which belongs to…
        LEON LION, whose mouth is salivating!

        Gabby jumps back and begins to look for a way out.

        Gabby: A lion! Sweet Osiris! I’ve got to get out of-

        Leon: Wait! Wait! Can’t we just talk for a minute?

        Surprised to hear this, she pauses for a second. She notices that his mane looks like it has just grown in.

        Gabby: Talk? Okay…

        Leon: No! Really! I just want to get your opinion?

        Gabby gives him a suspecting side-eye.

        Gabby: You sure you ain’t running some game on me?

        To be continued shortly…

        Reply ↓

      • Leon: No! I mean…Yes! I promise! No game! I’m just starting my own pride…oh geez…forget it, you don’t want to hear about it.

        She looks hard at him and sees that he is tapping his front paws nervously. He seems even more tense than she is!

        Gabby: Wait! What do you want to ask me?

        Leon’s face beams up!

        Leon: Really? Okay, okay!

        Gabby: annoyed What’s the question?

        Leon rubs one back paw against the other.

        Leon: Well, this is embarrassing, but…how do you…I mean, me- how do I hunt?

        Gabby: (bemused) How do you hunt? Now, I am not-

        Leon: Fine! Let me put it…another way. What does a gazelle like you look for in a predator?

        Gabby: (dumbfounded) Of all of the…what do I look for in a-

        She breaks out in unrestrained laughter.

        Throaty Voice: I’ll tell you what she lookin’ fo’!

        It’s NILES CROCODILE. He’s sporting a toothy grin.

        To be concluded shortly…

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      • Gabby: (under her breath) Somehow, things just got weirder AND worse.

        Niles waddles in between Leon and Gabby.

        Niles: Now you best understand sumthin’ ’bout prey: they stupid!

        Leon: Really?

        Gabby: (deadpan) Clearly, he’s an expert.

        Niles: Alls ya need ta do is lay about with some swagger, cry some tears, and…

        He snaps down his jaw! Gabby hops back!

        Niles: (shouting) Bam! You got yo’self some dinner!

        Leon: Wow! That was great!

        Niles: You know it was!

        Leon: (to Gabby) What do you think?

        Gabby: Uh…here are my tips on hunting gazelle: Roar to announce that you’re coming, approach from the side to be in her line of vision, and only come when you’re alone and she’s in a big grou-

        Silky Voice: (to Leon) Yo, I got that after you right?

        Leon: Huh?

        Leon looks around. It’s HECTOR HYENA, approaching in his shifty manner.

        Hector: I see that you busy right now, and Ima let you do your thing, but I got that right after you, right? I ain’t got no problem wit’ sloppy seconds!

        Gabby: Oh, come- how about this, lion-boy? You’re a lion right?

        Leon: Uh, yeah!

        Gabby: So you’re the mane that rules the savanna plain! A true alpha cat…should set his sights on something bigger and better. See that elephant over there?

        Leon: Uh huh.

        Gabby: Go pounce on her! I’m sure that she’ll love that!

        Leon looks in the distance at the elephant and ponders for a second. He nods.

        Leon: Okay! Thanks!

        Leon runs off toward the elephant

        Niles beams a warm smile at Gabby. Hector stares hungrily at her.

        Niles: Hey baby, how you doin’?

        Hector: What up, girl?

        Gabby: (looking into the distance) Hey, isn’t that a herd of zebras over there?

        Niles and Hector look around in a frenzy as Gabby sneaks away.

        Niles: Zebra? Where? Let me at sum ‘a dat juicy rump!

        Hector: Where? Where?

        An elephant trumpet blasts!

        Angry Voice: Boy, you cannot be disrespectin’ me!

        A trampling sound comes from Leon’s direction.

        Leon: Ahhh! I’m sorry!

        THE END.

        Reply ↓

  22. I know what women want… Lil Wayne’s….. money! How else could he make all those babies looking like a lil ole gremlin? * as I put my haterade back on the desk and continue to stare at my computer screen*

    Seriously, Champ, one of your better post. Honestly, people know what they want but they’re afraid to ask cuz they know they are asking for way too much! Like for instance, all I want is a women with supermodel looks, p0rn star skills (Kapri Styles), a six-figure salary, a rag top trey and Beyonce’ to come out the house not wearing a lace front! Is that too much to ask for? In my humble opinion, folks want more than they can bring to the party!

    Reply ↓

    • Honestly, people know what they want but they’re afraid to ask cuz they know they are asking for way too much!

      see, i disagree with this. i think people know what they think they should want, and the know how they want to feel, but they’re not clear on how to get themselves to feel that way

      Reply ↓

  23. Also, I’d advise you to introduce an element of surprise in your life.”

    Tommy: “So, hide in shadows and sneak up on b*tches?”

    I literally had a three minute laugh break at this. Pure foolishness!

    Ok but to actually reply to the post, I think that would be solid advice to give to a man. I don’t know about other ladies, but I admit freely that some days/mornings/months/weeks I have no friggin clue what I want. I admit that I can be indecisive about a lot of things mostly because I’m very picky and only want the best.
    Now granted, I’m not unstable where as everything changes all the time and no kind of decision is ever made, the core of what I want in a relationship is never changing because at the end of the day I just want to be loved and in love with a decent human being.

    I know I can add more to this but so to be continued in the am…..

    Reply ↓

  24. Okay, I’m going against the tide here, but what else is new, right?

    Yes, I know what I want in a man, but the question is, is there a man that can deliver?

    I look for substance in character, intellect, humour, a tender disposition, etc. I think now that I’ve had a taste of the world from different perspectives and cultures it is seriously going to be difficult to find a man that will possess a lot of the qualities I think I need. So, what do I need? A truly open, non-judgmental person with a free spirit. Not afraid to taste life.

    I think with every relationship we learn a little bit more of what we do and don’t want, and what we need. There was an exercise I read once (and I can’t remember it verbatim) but something to the effect of making a list of the people you have been in a relationship with identifying what you liked and disliked in those relationships, what needs were met and those that weren’t. It helps you gain an understanding of the kind of next relationship you strive to achieve.

    Other than this, when a man starts using terms of endearment with me he has literally lit the candle and I’m starting to melt. :)

    Reply ↓

    • A truly open, non-judgmental person with a free spirit. Not afraid to taste life.

      i love this nilla… i’m adding it to my list!!

      Reply ↓

        • it’s not an addition.. its a new way to say something… that statement was me all the way ask anybody no for real ask!!!!!!!… now i know how to say it and i want that back too!!

          Reply ↓

    • You had to know by the time you finished typing this, that I was bound to respond.

      All of the characteristics you list…I possess. There is no doubt. These are the compliments I get. Now, you unfortunately are in “check” because you can agree and save your argument or you can disagree and validate the Champs argument. (Of course, since we got our thang going on, I expect much love and for you to stop flirtin’ with the homie…you makin’ me look bad…) <—j/k bout that.

      I really do feel like you described me. I'm still working on being better though and I've clearly got a long road to travel.

      Reply ↓

      • Sagey, >>> free spirit, here <<< :D And a bit of an e-tease. You know you my main e-boo (whispering: on VSB). ;)

        I think you probably do possess some of these traits and to me that's a very good thing and, unfortunately at the same time, a limiting thing. Dare I say there are not a lot of people out in the world like that — no matter what their ethnicity. While some folks might think they are open and non-judgmental, over time you come to learn their personality and realize they are not as open or non-judgmental as they consider themselves. I'm not saying that about you specifically mind you.

        I think when you stop working on being better you've stopped growing within. Shyt, I ain't young, but I clearly have issues that still need resolution. If I give a man my heart and he stomps on it, that is so not a good thing. So, I'm very careful who I let in my world. Still, sometimes, I make mistakes.

        I'm thinking your west coast style and my southern swag would rock someone's world or at least set off a few more earthquakes and tsunamis! LOL :D Check Mate.

        Reply ↓

        • What you ain’t realizing is that, despite my geography, I identify more southern than I do WCoast. My parents are Full Southern. I learned what I know from them. My region matters less than most I would hope to say…but that don’t really matter none. I am who I am…not most all but all all.

          Reply ↓

      • The premise of the show is one person picking which out of three people to date based on their baggage. It was hilarious to watch this woman be all excited over who she thought she wanted to date because he could sing, looked good ….until he revealed that his bigger baggage was that he used to be bisexual. So by that point she rejects him for the dude left standing whose baggages were that he wanted to get rid of his bellybutton, was in the process of tattooing his member and loved crazy clown sex. She had initially rejected dude #1 for having 3 life coaches and an astrologist and doesn’t like his spine touched as his baggage.

        Dude #3 was tall dark and muscular and happy he beat out two dudes to be the only one standing about to win a date with this tall beautiful brownskinned model…..until he learns her baggage is her daddy pays for her living expenses until she finds a sugar daddy.

        Pure hilarity to watch body language and facial expression shift after learning each other’s baggage to determine if they were interested in each other.

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  26. I think women know what they want from an emotional standpoint, but a lot of us end up going back to the same frowsiness, hoping that our emotional needs will get met somewhere along the way. We get too caught up in the packaging a sometimes and forget about the contents. So, a lot of times, it may not even be a case of not knowing what we want, but just a lack of willpower to hold out for what we want…which is an entirely different issue.

    Reply ↓

    • Totally agree. Just because a woman may not choose properly each time doesn’t mean she has no clue. I think it’s a matter of growing and learning- something we all have to do and with that, you find out that what you want, at the new stage of your life, is what you really wanted all along.

      Reply ↓

  27. *takes copious notes*

    good Post Champ, you might piss off the Morgantown Massive though…lol

    but i see what you’re saying..especially the pay attention part and the ‘having something up the sleeve’ per se…

    *goes off to learn rugby*

    *comes back with 2 missing teeth and another notebook to take notes from everyone else*

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  28. “I am sooooo glad that somebody finally said it!!!”

    I hear some of this so-called advice you (general you) guys be taking from the women & I am just floored at how even these women can park their lips to say certain things???

    I over heard one sistah giving this “advice” on women before. She advised this one young man that “EVERY women wants a thug that may choke her up ay now n gin when she get outta line” …. and the young brotha was just soaking it up like it was the National Inquirer or something.

    ‘Taps mic’ is this thing on?? Excuse me Ma’am & Sir? I want a MAN top and bottom line…if you don’t know what that is …then that’s a whole life lesson you should be more concerned about. That sistah is only speaking for herself, she does not represent the main populus so ll of them childhood school yard (or jail yard, in some cases) “thug” antics keep to yourself please & thank you.

    @Champ
    “Champ: “Pay attention. That’s it. Pay attention to what they respond to. Pay attention to who they say they need to stay away from. Pay attention to who makes them nervous.”

    ^^^^^ I couldn’t have said it better myself! On point!

    Reply ↓

  29. Totally random here but I just stepped outside and caught two dudes breaking in my roomate’s car. One took off but I got the other one while he was pulling the radio!

    Reply ↓

    • You go Corey! Mr. Crime Fighter himself. I don’t remember if you were a part of our crime fighting SHaNKrew, but I officially nominate you! *fist bump and shyt*

      Reply ↓

      • Lol. Thanks babe (I actually paid attention!)
        Real ish I think I might need to go to the doctor and get a tetanus shot. I cut my knuckles on buddy teeth and I don’t know where his mouth been.

        Reply ↓

      • Nope. No hero. I just REALLY REALLY REALLY dislike thieves. I’ve had people take from me before and I wanted heads on a plate. Always been one of my sensitive spots.

        Reply ↓

        • Been burglarized myself…ain’t a pleasant feeling at all.

          If I were you, I would’ve stripped ol’ boy butt naked and beat his a$$, James Evans style. THEN forced him to choose between 1) calling the cops to come get him or 2) enduring another 2-3 hrs. of said a$$ whoopin…

          Moral of the story: the pain from the a$$ whooping eventually goes away, but the memory lasts forever.

          Reply ↓

    • Cats still pullin car radios nowadays?? I thought easily grabbed electronics (i.e., phones, tablets, Ipods, etc.) was what’s happening now, not systems….if you got that kinda time, might as well take the catalytic converter…it’s worth more. smh

      Glad to know you caught ol’ boy in the act, tho.

      Reply ↓

  30. I’ll rephrase your statement to make my comment and say, “women, deep down, know what they want, but what they’ll tell you they want will be almost entirely unrelated”. But yeah I basically agree wit your 2nd part … observation is your best bet.

    Why? Cause people say $h!t that they think they’re supposed to say.

    Reply ↓

  32. The Champ has given all in attendance a treat to behold. The secret of dating. Observation. Of course, I’m a big proponent of observation given my academic focus centered around observation. It is what I do.

    I agree that we think we know what we want. We may even force ourselves into those positions. Maybe those are the relationships that burn out the quickest. The ones we forced by telling ourselves what we wanted instead of observing our personal reactions to other people.

    Since it is rare that a person takes the time to learn to love themselves, get to know themselves and communicate with themselves, we end up with a society of people that think they know but really have no idea.

    All of these “book reading but not experiencing” people. These “only what I can see from the experience I’ve gained but no imagination” having people. This is what we turn into when we fail to properly examine ourselves. And yes, to some it is nauseatingly self aware. However, would you rather be with someone who was unfaithful to you but you never knew OR would you rather be alone and not be taken for granted and abused? This is a parallel between the hypocrisies we exclude others from but not ourselves. Until we remove the pointless bias, we will continue to run around with our heads lost and our hearts under foot.

    Ayo, Nilla luva, get at me. ;-)

    Reply ↓

    • Another thang we have in common… observation. I was already an astute natural observer, but when I was in nursing I fine tuned that art. Folks can’t always express themselves in words so you have to learn to read them.

      “a person takes the time to learn to love themselves, get to know themselves and communicate with themselves”

      Okay, now you’ve described me or perhaps what I had to re-learn after leaving my ex. It is a long process. I lucked out tho and met with an attorney who was also a psychologist… long story… but, instead of becoming my attorney, she gave me a list of books to read and exercises to help me deal with all the things that were going on my life at the time. Knowing yourself is definitely a first step in building a healthy relationship.

      And, Sagey, I think I already have you…. ;) LOL

      Reply ↓

      • There was a passage somewhere, in something that was being read to me two days ago which warned me to beware of the flattery of women, regardless of how sincere it appears to be. Not saying that to you…I’m just saying that men cannot handle compliments…eventhough, when Champ posted it, I thought I could…nope, I was wrong and I cannot.

        Reply ↓

  33. Found myself taking issue until you got to this (& beyond): “Pay attention. That’s it. Pay attention to what they respond to. Pay attention to who they say they need to stay away from. Pay attention to who makes them nervous.

    Very, vurrrrry true… & that photo is just DISTURBING… & LMAO @ “instant Irene”!! & all that there… **shops for lacefronts**

    Reply ↓

  35. To be an active player in this dating game, (thank GOD I’m married) you must be a passive player. Observing female behavior is more passive than going up to ‘ol girl and asking for her number. “Pay attention. That’s it. Pay attention to what they respond to. Pay attention to who they say they need to stay away from. Pay attention to who makes them nervous.” – Is more like obtaining / knowing the answers before there asked. Too bad the all answers don’t translate from one woman to the next; it could have prevented me from running into some brick walls when I was dating.

    Reply ↓

  37. Paying attention is key. A woman can tell you a thousand times that they want this and that, but run to the complete opposite as soon as given the chance. I say its all about the packaging at first: smell, shine, shoes. Later, you have to add some depth to keep them interested enough to see you more than twice. As a man, you have to show some “Manliness”, or “thuggery” to really pique a woman’s interest. Not saying you have to be one, you just have to have the balls to tell her what to do every now and again. Being a push-over is only appealing to gold diggers.

    Reply ↓

  38. ‘…cologne is to women what lacefront is to men.”

    Dead, arisen, and dead again.
    And I always know what I want for dinner. Pizza.

    Don’t pay attention to the guys we are with; they aren’t necessarily the guys we want or the guys we like. He may just be the guy that wanted to pay for dinner that night.

    How about just fcuking with people that like you?

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  42. “Basically, cologne is to women what lacefront is to men.”

    This has pulled me out of nearly a year of lurking and back into the fray. My comeback comment: LOL

    Reply ↓

  43. Great article Champ. Everything you said is dead on. The thing is, women are kind of like magicians or The Illuminati. They are masters in the art of misdirection and deception. Publicly they will state what they think is publicly acceptable for them to want in a man, but as you point out, this rarely jives with who they are attracted to. It’s funny how this misdirection is even more pronounced when women get into discussions with men when around other women around. It really is an interesting phenomenon right up there with why the honeybadger dont give a sh*t.

    Reply ↓

    • I think the larger issue is that women often hope to and try to change those persons whom they are attracted to into what they want. For example, she wants a faithful, family-oriented man, but the smooth brotha at her job has been eyeing her for awhile, and making his interest known. She is fully aware that he does not resemble what she wants in a man, but engages in the hopes that she can turn him into the faithful, family-oriented man she WANTS.

      Reply ↓

      • But couldnt we argue that she innately desires what and who the “smooth brotha” is? I’m inclined to believe that while she wants “faithful, family-oriented”, she also wants smooth brotha. So, not necessarily changing him, but secretly hoping he’s Leonitis.

        Reply ↓

        • Innately desires? We could argue that. But, in my story, she doesn’t. LOL.

          My overall point is that I believe, usually people know what they want. Now, do their actions and behaviors always lead them to closer to what they want? Of course not. Their actions don’t negate their wants, however. It just makes it more difficult for them to reach their wants.

          Reply ↓

    • You know what, I really don’t think they know what they want because they want the inscrutable. Women want a vegetarian that hunts big game. They want a reformed illiterate thug that loves God, puppies, and words with friends. They want an Alpha that pledged Kappa.

      Women are attracted animus, a concept so complex yet so basic that it is all encompassing, and as such can only be comprehended by us mere mortals as contradictions because we aren’t capable of comprehending the entire spectrum at once. We can’t see the dawn and the dusk at the same time. Women are drawn to it intuitively and we are left confused trying to comprehend something we can’t possibly understand.

      I’m just playing, women be tripping.

      Reply ↓

      • “I’m just playing, women be tripping.”

        We be shopping, too.

        “Women want a vegetarian that hunts big game.”

        Hilarity. Here’s the thing, though… I think the problem lies when we list details. Because womens are all about details. We list detailed attributes of a man that may not even exist… and furthermore, said details may not even matter in the great scheme of things. More often than not, we don’t know what we want until we see it. And… there’s nothing wrong with that.

        Reply ↓

        • I agree, I think we all don’t know what we want until we see it. How could you know loved Portillos before you actually went into one? But your lists and your realities are so far apart…

          Reply ↓

          • “How could you know loved Portillos before you actually went into one?”

            *drools at Portillos*

            But yeah, I agree that the lists/realities are very far apart. It’s more productive sometimes to do away with the list all together. lol

            Reply ↓

        • Can I also have you speak at my next dinner party on behalf of the men when this topic arises? The only problem is you and Medium Meech must now fight for the last seat at the adult table.

          Reply ↓

          • I can sit at the kids table as long as they’re singing the soundtrack from various Disney movies. AND I have a babyface that’ll make Kenneth Edmonds cry. Winning.

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      • Ergo our frustration in our futile attemps to decode your deception is just. Please recant all of your responses to the Man Up post.

        Reply ↓

          • K.I.S.S. version:

            If women are masters of deception and men can’t see through / around it, then frustration sets in. The subject of men voicing of said frustration via VSB blog entries has been met by the B.S. flag in many of your posts. In light of today’s admission at 10:46 a.m., you should pick up your B.S. flag.

            Reply ↓

            • Hey wild cougar, despite our tepid communication embargo….I just wanted to add that I agree with these two…but of course. lol Hey, I tried to hold the grudge. Couldn’t do it…oh well. Do these numbers help though….is this mo peeps enuf fo ya? lol….don’t take this too seriously…I’m just joking. geez…kilt my joy before I could even finish respondin…see…the struggle face is real.

              Reply ↓

              • Basically, you don’t like the title illogical despite the action fitting the definition of the word used to describe you? And your refusal to acknowledge said title and own the cognitive dissonance responsibly instead is formed into a finger aimed to play the blame game? And that is supposed to be logical?

                3 questions…perhaps a bit pointed but fair given your assertions.

                Reply ↓

                • There is perfect logic in the confusing actions of women. The reasons that make the words and actions not contradictory and therefore not illogical are explained in my comment towards the bottom. Men like to use the word illogical for things they don’t understand. It’s a veiled insult. But really its a revelation of limited cognitive ability or stubbornness stemming from male chauvanism.

                  Reply ↓

                  • Basically its a what/who confusion. Women say what they want. Goods and services that improve the quality of life. The man who gives these things is appreciated for What he gives. Not Who he is. What women want in a man as far as who, has nothing to do with what. The two are often mutually exclusive. But that does not make the desire contradictory or illogical.

                    Reply ↓

                    • If you ask a woman what she wants in a man and her response doesn’t match with her choosing then in no complicated way is that not hypocrisy. Either she being asked fails to comprehend the question or she is a hypocrite or she doesn’t know what she wants.

                      My point is this: You do not have card blanche to extrapolate convoluted thoughts from a woman while limiting and over simplifying the scope of a man’s thoughts OR his motivations and reasonings for saying what he said.

                      It is easily a double standard and that makes you full of BS to be so jaded and not see it.

                      Though, I appreciate the jargon and the well gathered approach(it was nicely organized) but the basic thought behind it is: the woman is giving a complex answer based on a multitude of perspectives BUT a man is just unknowingly illustrating his limitations and weaknesses.

                      If that is your argument, you can stay home with that….because HERE @ VSBNATION WE COME HARDER THAN THAT!!! FOR V!!!! S!!!!! B!!!! *Sparta kicks Wild Cougar off the edge* lol
                      C’mon, you know it’s funny. ;-)

                    • Not funny, and you know as well as I that men do the EXACT SAME THING. They just pretend they don’t. And women, at least vsb women don’t spend so much blog space insulting them for it. So, oversimplification credits are all the way piled up on my card blanche. How am I gonna spend my points? On the heads of vsbs. Sparta!!

                    • You jelly! YOU JELLY!

                      Look, I get it, you mad about the double standard. You want to be treated fairly. All I ask is that you let go of the advantageous double standards before you try and recoup the damages from our double standards.

                      If you cannot let go…then getting mad about it should not be alright to you. Because you are speaking about what should violate opinions. And that is the same thing….you know I’m right. You know I’ll always be right…because I’m fair. Stop being jelly. Don’t be mad, bitter nor angry. Just live for yourself and avoid defensive attacks which are derisive.

                      How preposterous right? I’m dangerously treading on the line that would make me hypocritical….I luv it. And all of my VSP’s. Y’all made 2011 worth it. :-)

  44. Hmmm…not listening to me about what I want sounds like a horrible idea. It actually is so bothersome when I am as clear as freshly windexed (yes windexed) window, and people (read men) go and do the exact opposite.

    I actually even had a guy tell me, he thought my admiration for him would make me change up a bit. Geez…listening skills really work wonders. He could have saved him so much time (and money) if he had just listened to what the h#ll I SAID in the first place.

    While, I am not against paying attention, I think paying attention involves all the senses, hearing included.

    Reply ↓

    • LMAO! I thought I did for a loooong time, and one day, I realized my wants were for the most part a crock of sh** because I was seeking said wants in people who couldn’t possess them if you paid them too… smh. My boyfriend likes to say “women want want what they don’t want.”

      Reply ↓

  46. Ok. I guess I will be the lone dissenter here. I must disagree with this post to a point.

    This article is true…if you’re under the age of 30. If you’re older, and really “experienced” life and interacted with a number or people, you know EXACTLY what you want in a mate. There are no games to be played or questions that need to be answered. I am 37 years old and married. If something were to happen where I find myself single, I know exactly what I want in a mate and there is no question about that. I am old enough where I know myself, and I know what I can deal with and what I can’t as far as a potential mate’s personality traits.

    Oh, this is my first time posting here…long time lurker however…

    Reply ↓

    • I agree. I’m 34 and I know exactly what I need/want. My issue is that I am often distracted by people that I have good chemistry with. These people are not always that same people. I have to develop the discipline not to become involved with the later.

      Welcome. I too am a lurker.

      Reply ↓

      • Your comment is 100% on point. What we want and who we are attracted to can be 2 totally different type of people; for better or worse.

        Reply ↓

      • What’s good to you is not always good for you. I bet there’s some dude “hiding” in plain sight that you’ve put in the friend zone that knows all the little things about you that you want your mate to know.

        Reply ↓

        • I have a friend like that. He is EVERYTHING that i want. But I have no attraction for him. I continue to be his friend praying that one day I can feel somthing for him. But right now, kissing him feels like kissing my uncle, or brother.

          Reply ↓

          • He needs to start dating your mortal female enemy; then he’ll become the man you want and can’t have….problem solved.

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  47. I absolutely love this article!!!! Yes, you are right, the unexpected is much more desireable. I remember telling my mother I would date a guy that smelled good and ugly over a man that was funky and cute. Reason why, you can put a bag over someone’s head or even close your eyes much longer than you can hold your nose…lol

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  48. Champ, there’s one thing you should add up there:

    Be honest with yourself.

    I feel like that’s the hardest thing a man can do sometimes when it comes to women, because instead of just really putting the business on the table, we try to play the field and wait for her reaction. F that. Look in the mirror, see yourself for who you are and stick to your guns about what you will provide to the relationship with any woman. Can’t be faulted after that.

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  49. Observation & assesment will give you more information about a person, so yeah, I agred with Champ on not asking for advice from either gender.

    Oddly, folks ask me for advice on relationships. Of course my question after they ask for advice is “what dumb thing do you do or you’re about to do to get some draws?”

    Who’s the chubby in the picture?? I look at it & think the head flying monkey from The Wiz…

    Reply ↓

    • Oddly, folks ask me for advice on relationships. Of course my question after they ask for advice is “what dumb thing do you do or you’re about to do to get some draws?”

      Yeah asking someone else does seem like the effortless/lazy/not-so-serious way of trying to get with someone… I mean if you’re serious about getting with the person on a deeper level than get to know them and figure that isht out on your own. I always give GUYS the side-eye when asked those kinds of questions… like dude be real you just tryna fcuk. Women on the other hand, well… what can I say, I guess I believe in some double-standards

      Reply ↓

  50. Wow, I take a week off of work and it’s firewall to come back to the old neighborhood and this is what the VSB comment section has come to? The game done changed. Either gentrification is creeping in or I missed some kind of HR mandated e-sensitivity training.

    Lets take it back to 2010. Do women know what they want? %&^# no. Play a game where you ask a group of women to write down what they look for in a guy and then ask them to write down a resume of the guys they have actually dated (or are choosing on) and let everyone try to match them up.

    Colonel Mustard. You would think that the resumes were written by a gaggle of sadistic sociopaths or a social worker misplaced her case files and the wants list was written by either the admissions board for the eagle scouts, an application reviewer for the Hogwarts school of Finance and Hooligan studies, or a headhunter for executives for fortune 500 companies.

    You want my opinion? No? Well here it is anyway. I believe that women either have emotional associative identity disorder or their hearts are cross eyed from trying to read Cinderella at the same time they watched Spinderella explain what a “mighty good man” was on The Box during their formative years.

    Reply ↓

    • “I believe that women either have emotional associative identity disorder or their hearts are cross eyed from trying to read Cinderella at the same time they watched Spinderella explain what a “mighty good man” was on The Box during their formative years.”

      *looks toward the sky all nostalgic-like in honor of The Box*

      Reply ↓

    • Meech!! You have been missed man. Like all of what you said is harsh and somebody out there will find fault with it cause their feelings will be hurt… but not me. I think its hilarious.

      Reply ↓

      • Hey Phi. I don’t think it was harsh, just playful witty banter between the sexes meant to arouse conversation, not hostility.

        Reply ↓

      • Thanks negative black Jesus. I wish you were this helpful when they were editing the blueprints for the final draft of blasian King memorial. I guess your eye was on the sparrow instead of the prize.

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    • Or the guys they want, they simply have no access to, so they settle for other dudes. I’ll go with Occam’s razor on this one.

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  51. LOL. Maybe you should just call yourselves “Very Brothas.” That adjective currently holding space between these two words doesn’t seem to fit.

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  52. Ha Hilarious….And while I hate to admit it, you may be “SOMEWHAT” right. Here’s the thing, we will say all day what we want in a man but chances are our dating history doesn’t reflect that. Damn, I hate saying this. However oftentimes our wants change because what we had was so far from what we needed that the list had to be adjusted. Lol
    You gave some sound advice Champ! We like the unexpected. I would probably get 8.5% more moist if the lawyer told me he spit hot fiyah at the local spoken word venue every Friday on our first date as opposed to him telling me about a legal brief. Just saying, it’s the writer in me.

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  53. I think the confusion comes when you don’t know the difference between what a woman/man wants from you and why he/she wants you.

    Goes both ways, see.

    Women want sensitivity, caring, understanding, stability, maturity from you. That is a benefit she will put in her pocket like a paycheck. Thank you, sir. Very much appreciated. Now go away, cause Thugarrific is making me hot. He’s who I want.
    When I’m tired of being treated bad, I will come back for more of your good stuff, then dump you for him.

    Men want sex and a sandwich, a smile and a compliment. To be understood and respected. They will put that in their pocket like a paycheck. Thank you ma’am, much obliged. Now please stand aside, you are blocking crazy goldigging selfish bish. She makes me feel like a man. That’s who I want. When I’m wore out from her, ill come back to get what you give me and then dump you for her again.

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    • Couldn’t agree more! If only our heart and mind became one but that’s not the case rarely do they mesh like lotion to flava flav’s skin.

      Reply ↓

    • Very interesting take. Kind of like choosing between veggies and a battered deep fried burger. Folks don’t do right until these choose to stick with what’s good for them.

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  54. This prompt is a bit confusing I must admit. I thought the way things worked is that I discover or happen upon a woman that I want, then educate her on the reasons she wants me. I mean, when presented with all the facts, why would she ever want anyone else?

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    • “I thought the way things worked is that I discover or happen upon a woman that I want, then educate her on the reasons she wants me”.

      You see I will have to disagree on this method, reason being because this to me is a turn off although I can’t speak for all women. I wouldn’t want a guy to showcase his “talents” and try to take me to school on why I should chose him its too much of a hassle and I feel like I’m being mind-f*cked. Plus how would you know if the reasons you think I should want you are aligned with what I know I want out of a guy? My advice is to be comfortable in your own skin and don’t put on a show. My reaction to you will tell you all that you need to know. We shouldn’t be passing out resumes on the first date. These things will be revealed in due time.

      Reply ↓

      • Being myself is not putting on a show.

        How do I know the reasons I think you should want me are aligned with what you know you want? That’s the point – I’m what you should want, so either you already want me, or are confused on some of the details.

        Reply ↓

        • “I’m what you should want, so either you already want me, or are confused on some of the details”.

          Having confidence is attractive but going around thinking everyone should want you is borderline cocky, it is a fine line. I’m sure you think that you are a catch and you very well may be, but just because you are not someone’s cup of tea doesn’t make them confused, perplexed or disoriented. Everyone is not for everyone.

          I believe I’m a catch but I can’t go off the fly side lining folks because they don’t see the worth in me. As long as I see it in myself, its cool. Next.

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  55. I wrote a blog on this topic before, but I didn’t highlight the advantages of showing a women an unexpected side of a man. I more-so poked fun at young black professional men that have the proposentity to always tell woman; “Ya know I can be corporate one minute and thugged-out the next minute. There aren’t any thugs in corporate America (unless you worked for Enron)

    Reply ↓

    • Right. There IS a difference between what women want and what they’ll settle for, but observation should tell you both. And if you’re not planning on being around for very long, the latter will do.

      Reply ↓

  57. But in all seriousness though, women spend a lot of time and energy deciding (and declaring) what they don’t want, but not enough time figuring out what they actually want…Men too to some degree, but not nearly as bad as women.

    Reply ↓

    • I think it may be a little easier to decide what you don’t want because you have personally experienced it and can therefore cross that off your list. What you fail to understand is by deciding what you don’t want it helps to declare what you do want.
      Ex: I DONT want a man that is a liar. I DO want a man that is honest and trustworthy.
      Ex: I DON’T want a lazy man. I DO want a man that has drive and ambition.

      Seems backwards but it’s shown to be affective.

      P.s. Some of us have to go through the fire so we can feel the burn. Similar to your parents telling you what not to do, they never really classified what you can do. So what do the kids so, exactly what their parents said not to and through that act they figured out personally if it was good or not.

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  59. Why I thought that was rick ross in that pic?

    I’m at a point where I kinda know what I want but at the same time no what I will/will not tolerate as well as some turn ons/offs. Smelling good is definitely a plus. I come from a place where I’m a lil jaded so I judge not by what a guy tells me, but his actions. Because really, do words mean anything these days? I want someone that I genuinely like and want to be around who can peak my interest and make me think about things I never thought of before,..and great in bed. Sounds simple, but finding that has been a b*tch. Oh well, back to fighting crime.

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  60. @ Champ you are crazy….but actually have a good point. I dont think we can actually say what we want , but we can find what we want ..

    that doesnt make since , but you know what im saying…lol

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  62. I think that a number of women lie about what they really want because they’re embarassed to admit what they want isn’t what their girlfriends think they should want.

    What woman is going to tell her girls she’s looking for a man with a big penis who is great in bed, smells good, looks good and that’s it? (Meaning she doesn’t care about his character, if he’s available, if he respects her, if he has a wonderful personality or a boring one and isn’t checking for his STD status nor does she care to ask if he has children and how many or find out if he has his own place or lives with somebody)

    Reply ↓

    • There are more than a few women and their girls who’re all seeking the man you just described and they have no problem letting the world know that’s the kind of man they want. The problem for a lot of those women is that there aren’t enough of those men to go around and for some, their own level of attractiveness prohibits them from being on said dude’s radar.

      Reply ↓

      • I refuse to believe there is a dearth of Black men with a big penis, who smell good and look good.

        What I’m talking about is after she chooses based on that list, and comes back to her girlfriends embarassed because she knows the consequences of not looking at his character…hence the women coming back from a bad interaction with such men….”Girl, he was a cheater” “He had tons of babies” “He tried to choke me and now I am pregnant”

        Well, she didn’t request a man who was faithful, adamant about and proactive on making sure to not have babies and will not put his hands on a woman.

        Women will come back to their friends and save face for not choosing with more discernment.

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  63. As a Black man, sometimes I feel like what’s appealing to many (certainly not all) Black women is akin to asking a Black man to be a minstrel. A desire for a corporate thug or an environmentalist thug. Really?!

    Reply ↓

      • *LMAO* @ environmentalist thug & going hard…for koala bears *LMAO*

        Side thought: Van Jones is not a thug with his handsome & brilliant environmentalist self. . . :)

        Reply ↓

        • Another side note. I know Van Jones in real life and he’s a bonafide a$$hat.

          Don’t let the smooth taste fool you. My organziation works with his in Oakland and he’s a douche. Plain and simple.

          Reply ↓

      • Y’all are funny!! But, seriously, I think one thing that Champ didn’t bring up but I think should be addressed are the issues of class and stereotypes. I think more and more, Blacks are becoming segregated on the basis of class and I think what hobbies or interests that are or aren’t immediately associated with another person can be seen through the lens of socioeconomic class. I know this blog has a satirical lean to it, but how many sistahs would be impressed with a Black male accountant who plays semi-pro rugby? Would the average sistah even see the seemingly opposing interests that would make one become an accountant and a semi-pro rugby player? Seriously.

        What does it say about a sistah that feels a man with an advanced degree isn’t quite up to par if he doesn’t have a little “thug” in him? What does it say about the brotha that feels he has to downplay his academic accomplishments and play up his thug persona?

        Maybe it’s because I’ve hit my 30s, but I’m enjoying being Black…whatever that means. LOL. I’m so sick of the stereotypes we place on one another.

        Reply ↓

        • I think y’all read too deeply into words… it’s not that women (BLACK women) prefer you to be a thug with a briefcase as much as it’s we prefer you to be well-rounded. Successful with your ear to the ground so to speak… why is that does that get so convoluted with this topical thug crap? Nobody wants you to play down anything.

          No matter how that reads, I so didn’t have an attitude.

          Reply ↓

          • it’s not that women (BLACK women) prefer you to be a thug with a briefcase as much as it’s we prefer you to be well-rounded. Successful with your ear to the ground so to speak…

            that is it exactly Yeah…So i feel like i can do it and it is reasonable to want what i can offer so he should be well rounded too!!!

            Reply ↓

  64. “Women are the absolute last people you should be getting advice from about what women find attractive. Why? Well, they have no f*cking idea themselves!”

    Do men actually believe this? I mean, seriously? I hear this so much I’m starting to think y’all believe it’s actually true. EVERYONE know’s what they’re attracted to. Women are not some how CONFUSED about what’s attractive to them. Some people (DEFINITELY men included) don’t know what they want in a RELATIONSHIP, but every person I KNOW knows what they find attractive.

    Like after dating a string of dudes who wear blazers with jeans, converses, glasses and a nice goatee, if we see another one we’re going to have to figure out what that tingly feeling is. “I don’t get it. WHAT is happening to me? What is this FEELING?” GTFOH.

    Reply ↓

    • KittyKatCutie,

      Dare I ask what does clothes, Converses, goatees and glasses have to do with what type of man a man is? (And I totally get a woman seeking what she finds visually appealing and then a certain personality combined with certain life habits.)

      Reply ↓

      • It has NOTHING to do with what type of man a man is, but it has A LOT to do with what I’m physically attracted to.

        My point is merely that I have no problem identifying what I find attractive in a man. Another example, if that same man, wearing that awesome outfit, went on to say he never tries new foods and he’s never left the city he was born in, I wouldn’t have to consult with myself to know that I found that extremely UNattractive.

        I never said my knowledge of my attracted stopped with the visual. It was merely an example.

        Reply ↓

      • Medium Meech,

        Statistics have nothing to do with me. I’ve accomplished things that are virtually impossible according to statistics, so why on Earth would anything else I do be involved with statistics?

        I know what attracts me to a dude. It’s so obvious what attracts me to a dude my mom and friends can point out the dude I’m going to be drawn to before I even see him.

        I’m not confused like people out here. The only time I’ve been confused is when I briefly thought maybe people were right and I didn’t really want what I want. But I was so unhappy going after what I DIDN’T want (and knew I didn’t want it all along), that I went back to just doing me and knowing what I want.

        It’s called certitude. Some people have it, some people don’t. Some people HAD it, but let media propaganda confuse them.

        Reply ↓

    • Yes, women know what we’re attracted to, we just tend not to verbally communicate it accurately. Sometimes we are tired if the criticisms and backlash. Sometimes we tell a guy our ideals in order to make a passive-agressive political statement.

      Reply ↓

  65. But see, Black people are diverse. There’s a whole range of people we are in between thug on one end and rugby playing accountant on the other. Plus every Black family has all of the above in it. Few are generations of the same socioeconomic class. Very few of us have generational wealth thus it is more common to be from a family who represents every rung of the socioeconomic ladder. So it is feasible to have a cousin who is an accountant and plays rugby/cricket/tennis/golfs and a cousin who is a thug.

    Having said this, I think it is life experiences that allow people to find a commonality with each other in socializing and dating. Education is a big one. College educated folks tend to seek out other college educated folks. Yet there are always exceptions such as folks who didn’t go to college or dropped out who are very intelligent and good people.

    Even then I cannot just attribute a girl wanting a thug to socioeconomic class. Not when I and other girls like me grew up in the hood but didn’t mess with the thugs or our parents would have had our behind. Many boys from the hood did not grow up to be thugs — some did — many did not — so I can see the frustration some men have with women wanting a thug in her life who also can navigate higher up the socioeconomic circles, when many men are not one and don’t know many who are if they exist.

    I want to blame visual images of thugs in music videos, rap songs, magazines and street literature that perpetuate the image of the thug as version of the Prince Charming fairy tale for Black women. The media is influencing what “sexy” is defined to be in Black manhood and some women are eating that up as what they should want.

    Reply ↓

    • Truth.com. Yeah, what I have always found funny is that the women I know that love thugs love the commercial representation of a thug more so a “real thug.” And, I am from the hood and I feel there’s a distinction between a “real thug” or a thug out of circumstance and not choice.

      Reply ↓

      • Yes, the real thugs do not play & are not that way only when the ladies are around. I’m nodding my head in the affirmative on what you said Kamala Jones.

        Reply ↓

      • I remember when my family and I were vacationing in Florida. I stopped to talk to a couple of cute West Indian guys who were from a low-income area. My little brother, your typical suburban dude tryin to look hard in his neatly pressed oversized gear and baseball cap with tags attached, walked by without seeing us. Before I could say anything, the two guys started cracking up, saying “dude look like onnadem video thugs!” I sooo wish lil bro could have witnessed that.

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    • *slow clap building up to a THUNDEROUS ROAR!!!* The last paragraph should be certified as platinum and given a SoulTrain/BET award.

      Reply ↓

      • I want to blame visual images of thugs in music videos, rap songs, magazines and street literature that perpetuate the image of the thug as version of the Prince Charming fairy tale for Black women. The media is influencing what “sexy” is defined to be in Black manhood and some women are eating that up as what they should want.

        my reply was meant for this paragraph….co-sign like a mug!

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  66. I had to come out of lurkerdom for this one…

    What I want varies… but the basis is this, I need a man with a good head on his shoulders, values, common sense, a good heart and an open mind.

    What I need in a relationship evolves with my personal development and on a case by case basis. .Similar to a few comments above I know it when I see it. A nice smile, smelling good and conversation gets you the floor to start. What you do from there and what we do after that determines our path…

    Reply ↓

  67. I hid VSB postings after like 5 articles in a row explaining why women in DC/everywhere are doomed to remain single. I unhid at the urging of a friend so this is the first I’ve read in a while.
    I’m aware that posting negative comments on blogs can be lame and it’s better to just exit browser and complain later to people who haven’t read as fans :) Risking scrutiny, I’d just like to say that the beginning of this article turned me off so much that by the time it got to the great idea of paying attention I was unimpressed.
    This could be because I am a woman and a West Virginian. So that being said you could easily blame it on that, crack some sort of joke about me being inbred and hormonal, and go back to reading the comments from ppl who felt like being told to pay attention was breaking news…

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  68. I agree with not asking women about what we want. Chances are, we will give you feedback that is over idealized, sarcastic, or tainted with jadedness. A lot of us, including myself, will subconsciously give you political answers, thinking “okay, what can I tell this dude to make him aware of how triflin’ most men are” or “what can I tell him to make dating easier for us women?”

    Nowadays, if a guy asks me how to score with women, I tend to evade the question, because no good can come of me answering that question. I assume his goals (smashin it as much as he can before getting tied down by chance) in the dating game contrast starkly with mine (getting tied down before smashin it as much as I can) anyway.

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    • Forgot to add, for these very same reasons, women should never ask men what they are attracted to. Just sit back and observe. If what they say vs. what they choose us confusing, ignore what they say.

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  69. Sounds like serious undermining of Black love relationships before they even start. TO not listen? Undermining behaviors like this do anything but build us up and make us feel better and safer. Rather these actions are meant to make us feel as insignificant, jealous and hateful as the perpetrator. You’ve heard of “each one, teach one?” Well, it definitely applies when it comes to sharing pain and negativity. Please believe: underminers build up their own spirit by breaking ours down.

    Read more about it at:

    http://kissingup.wordpress.com/2011/09/10/undermining/

    Reply ↓

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