Lists, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

How To Avoid The Stevie Js Of The World

[I just heard that news that Chris Kelly from Kriss Kross died. RIP homey. Jump.]

If you see this man ladies, run. Run like the wind. Run like your life depended on it.

If you see this man ladies, run. Run like the wind. Run like your life depended on it.

I consider myself to be somewhat of a Black pop culture maven (BPCM). I’m not even sure what maven means, but I do know I used it properly in that sentence. I also know somebody named Mavis. No staple.

Well being the BPCM that I am, I spend an inordinate amount of time watching shows that Black Twitter watches. This includes all of the shows in the Ratchet Roundup (Love & Hip-Hop, Basketball Chicks, Real Live In Girlfriends, Say No To That Girlfriend, Pull Over That Ass To Phat, etc). Surprisingly, I do not watch Scandal and have only seen a few episodes in their entirety. I can’t reconcile this with my ratchetry except to point out that I f*cking rock and if you know like I know, you don’t want to step to this. It’s the PJ era, funked out with a gangsta twist.

For those who haven’t seen LHH:ATL, I can’t decide if I feel like you’ve made all the right choices in life or if you’ve missed the boat. Maybe you’ve done both. “Maybe” was a good song. But either way, if you haven’t seen it, one of the central characters is Stevie J aka Sleazy J of Hitmen (Bad Boy) fame. He produced “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems” for Biggie and several other huge (seriously huge) hits for Bad Boy. He and his on-again-off-again girlfriend Mimi have a daughter together. He also has a relationship with a Dominican chick named Josaline Hernandez who most people would have sworn was a man in the beginning of the first series.

But this isn’t a show recap. And this ain’t funny so don’t you dare laugh, but Stevie J might be THE worst kind of man out there on the planet. When women are talking about men that are terrible, they’re talking about men like Stevie J. He’s stereotypically all of the worst facets of manhood (short of his parenting, I have no idea what kind of father he is…by all accounts Mimi has nothing negative to say about his involvement and love for his daughter): he’s a liar, he’s a cheater, he’s the ultimate opportunist, he’s selfish, he’s condescending, he’s emotional, he’s conniving, he makes rat faces, he literally just watches as the ship sinks then gets off as it heads towards the bottom for another ship while the other patrons die. He’s the kind of man that every man with a daughter will encourage her to avoid.

Only because we see Stevie J weekly can most people (read: women) say they’d never date a man like him. But people like him are extremely personable and they tug at women’s heart strings. They come through with gifts. They’re all about the short con and see everything solely through their own eyes.

You know something is wrong when Benzino of Made Men and Almight RSO fame is the voice of reason. Yes, Benzino, is on television spitting realness and truth to Stevie telling him that he needs to change his ways and stop being so selfish. But that’s what it all comes down to. Stevie J is the most selfish man on the planet. He’s so selfish that even men don’t f*ck with him. Do you know how selfish you have to be to make another man stop f*cking with you?

So here are some tips to avoiding men like Stevie J and saving yourself the most severe and painful heartache EVER:

1. If a man ALWAYS sounds like he’s trying to game you, then he probably is…

If I thought Stevie J owned any books, I’d believe he’s spent as much time reading up on game as Obsidian. Everything Stevie says sounds like he’s conning you and giving you half the story. EVERYTHING.

2. Once you feel like a man is trying to game you, be prepared to be taken for all of the emotional capital you have to give…

You know what sucks about bad love? It’s exhausting. It drains your soul and your spirit. Ladies, men will drain you for everything you have and test your entire mettle so that you can see what kind of woman you really are. I have a lot of sisters. A lot. I’ve seen them go through so many levels of Tyler Perry’s hell its almost made me cry (and get a gun). However, they’ve all risen like Maya Angelou in an elevator. But they did lose in the process. A lot of winning involves loss. Remember that. And all loss ain’t just sacrifice. Stevie will take your cookies then expect you to make more so he can take those too.

3. Read the signs. A man’s face will tell you a whole hell of a lot.

I think 99 percent of women are crazy. I truly do. But only 50 percent of that crazy results in actions that are possibly illegal. But a man who has hit his crazy level, that is some scary sh*t. Some men can’t take it when they don’t get their way. It burns because their life is built around controlling everybody like pawns. Entire subgenres of Black movies are built around this premise. Men who snap because their will is not done. God complex having ninjas will tow that line on occasion. God is the giver of life and free will. A man who feels this way will attempt to prove to you he has those abilities.

4. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times…you’re in it forever.

Learn when to cut your losses. This really goes for men and women. But people who can’t seem to do right no matter how many chances and who continue to improve on their f*cktasticness, well, learn the lesson. Let them go. If it doesn’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine then it doesn’t take the end of your life to realize that you’re dealing with some bullsh*t. Learn to move on.

So what are other ways to notice that a woman (or a man for that matter) is dating Stevie J? Help the people out.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. NOT STEVIE J aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Filed Under: ,
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • blackphilo

    “So what are other ways to notice that a woman (or a man for that matter) is dating Stevie J?”

    She thinks almost all Black men are roughly like that.

    • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

      +1

    • GypsyCurl

      “he makes rat faces” —The face tho’! It just makes me laugh looking at it. He really think he is winning.

      Sorry but any woman that falls for that crap is weak. Yes, W-E-A-K. If that hurts your feelings, I don’t care. Which leads me to a question that I really want women to answer:

      Why is it that a woman, that lets a man beat her up and down the street, will become all big, bad and bold and ready to fight another woman who disrespects her? I don’t understand how a woman who won’t take crap from another woman but will cower to a man. Love is not that deep and D is never that good.

      • camilleblu

        “Why is it that a woman, that lets a man beat her up and down the street, will become all big, bad and bold and ready to fight another woman who disrespects her?”
        short answer – misplaced anger/aggression/distrust low/no self esteem and warped understanding of caring/love

      • BriA

        ” I don’t understand how a woman who won’t take crap from another woman but will cower to a man.”

        Bingo! Some women let men get away with way more than we ever would let a friend. Friends will get off in a quickness for betrayal but she will let a man continue to do the same thing and keep giving him chances.

      • southernsweetness

        AAAAAAMEN!!!!!

  • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    I would think the best way to avoid Stevie Js in life is to be about your sh*t and mean it. If Mimi meant it the first (or second, or third…) time she said “I’m out” he wouldn’t have a leg to stand on and by her keepin on and coming back, she’s giving him all her power. Don’t give somebody all your power word to Iyanla, though she has yet to fix my life especially somebody like that.

    Can we also talk about the hilarity that was Benzino stepping to Stevie like he felt betrayed by his relationship with Jose? Cause if I closed my eyes, for a minute there, it sounded like a jealous ex girl talmbout the next girl, I’m just sayin…

    • Charlie

      He was so scorned lol, and when Stevie tried to stay the night, he was like uh uh, go spend time with that other bish, tryna hop back in my life, I ain’t these other girls, ninja I’m special, now leave, can you give me that new cell number though, you know in case of emergencies.

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        ^^ That’s exactly how I heard it, too! LOL!

    • Latonya

      Mimi now has a new man in her life now. So maybe she meant it this time that she is done with Stevie.

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        Here’s hoping *fingers crossed*

    • mena

      You better rock that fro and shades ma’am!

      • Kema

        Yes! Work that combo girl!

        • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

          o^___^o aw, you guys…lol

    • GypsyCurl

      Mimi tries to come off as above and better (than Joseline) but I want to scream “look at who you keep around you!” The reason she keeps going back is because she is just as ratchet as Stevie J.

  • Oshun

    #1…..?! I thought game was good. Otherwise why would O, spend such an inordinate amount of time teaching/preaching/selling/branding/watchumacall what he do with it? Afro Petite, what doth your cliff notes say?

    • AfroPetite

      Game is quintessential to attracting and keeping the fairer sex at your beck and call.

      Obsidian The Infallible says the competency breeds confidence which breeds unfathomable amounts of coitus.

      “Forget the haters! Lift yourself up! NOW SIT THE FUKK DOWN!!” — O

      Narrated by AfroPetite from the mouth of Obsidian

      ***Obsidian fully endorses me to speak on his behalf***

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Yes! Thank you, AP. Now there’s no need for him to comment on this post! :-)

      • nillalatte

        LOL… y’all are killing me! LOL

        Game is good mami, good game that is. There is game to tease, play, create interest, and then there are a-hole games to catch a jump off. Here’s the thing that literally scares men that play those stupid type of “I’m all dyck games and women find me irresistible”; they are FAKE and real women know those moves. ALL.OF.THEM. Whoever believes that a real woman, a good woman will put up with that bullshyt is just foolin’ themselves.

        • Oshun

          I hear you loud and clear mama! But I think I like O’s game berra. It is statistical and shid. I’m 0.0001% gameless, while you are at 99.99999999999999% worth a game.

          • Kema

            Ummm…. I believe I relieved you of that .0001%. *evil laugh* My MV is now .0002%. I just need a lil bit more to begin my plan to take over the SM.

            • Oshun

              That’s right girlfriend! Forgot about it. We need more VSS to join us in the fight. Cause we have a long way to go. Do you see the amount of zero’s infront of us to conquer? #thestruggle. I ASPIRE to be like the 99.niners!

      • SweetSass

        This was perfect. I can die happy now.

      • Breezy

        Afro: you are a nut….lol. Once Uncle O wakes up and releases the harem for their daily feeding…hims coming to get chu gurl :)

        • malvagio tempesta

          LMFAO!!! Forreal. The replies are going to be ridiculous. All y’all need to stop mentioning that man’s name, dammit.

          • Breezy

            IKR!!! Its like subconsciously PJ and Afro screaming out ” Release The Kraken!

            • Sweet GA Brown

              All I can think is “don’t come for me unless I send for you”. O’s fingertips are about to go Kenya crazy on that keyboard.

              • Wild Cougar

                HA!

          • dtafakari

            Has it hit three mentions yet? I think on the third one, the Internet notifies O and he appears like Beetlejuice. :)

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              Lol.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        she don’t wanna neva chill

      • Todd

        I know you’re joking, but there is a point buried in there. Once a dude with a mindset like Stevie J’s finds an in with women, he’s going to milk that ish until it is DRY. Like Sahara in the drought dry. Also, considering his track record, why shouldn’t he be confident? He’s a f*ck up from what I’ve seen, but he isn’t wanting for company at night.

        • AfroPetite

          I’m only half joking. Obsidian usually had valid points within his posts as it relates to “game”.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      Hiya, AM!

      *waves*

      :-)

      • Oshun

        *waving*!!!! :)

        • Breezy

          Hi Val!! Hi Mami!!

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            Hiya, Breezy!

            *waves*

            :-)

          • Oshun

            Breezy Baby!!!!

    • The Human Spider

      I thought game was good. Otherwise why would O, spend such an inordinate amount of time teaching/preaching/selling/branding/watchumacall what he do with it?

      “It’s my soapbox. If you have important things to say, you use a soapbox.”

      - Huey Freeman

      To teach sometimes requires recruiting through the darkness. Finding a needle in the haystack. You’re not often sure it will work, but you try.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        Its like he has opened the doors of the church. He asks if anybody want to give their life over to game. He stands in the pulpit with open arms.

        • Kema

          LMAO… The visual!

  • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

    This is going to sound horrible, but the way you avoid Stevie J’s…is by avoiding Stevie J’s. Stop running after the super-gregarious person that everyone wants to hang out with or be around (but only for 15 minutes at a time) and start looking for a person YOU wanna be around. I have really rarely been the type that goes for the person who is ALWAYS the life of the party or the person that has the shiniest veneer.

    PS- I know that potentially rules out some genuinely nice (albeit overly extroverted) men, but I don’t need any more history than I already have.
    PPS-Thanks for the cliffsnotes, aside from that horrible GIF on Twitter I couldn’t tell you a thing about him.

    • Latonya

      Girl, Mimi and Joseline both know who is “driving the bus” they better find them a seat belt. They both want to be famous instead of avoiding Stevie they came looking for him.

  • b sweet

    Who you attract is always a reflection of what you’re missing. Women who attract a man like Stevie J are missing a whole hell of a lot. So it’s not a lot that can be done to protect them-Broken women have a certain energy, and their energy will always make them vulnerable to men like Stevie J.

    • IcePrincess

      +236000 Guys like Stevie J are predators. They can smell blood in the water.

    • Latonya

      I agree, Stevie said something last season about other dudes leaving her while he stuck around and gave her a baby. Then the last episode he said that Joseline reminds Mimi of her when she was younger.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        yeah i peeped that too

    • Todd

      *stands for applause* THANK YOU B SWEET! You’ve nailed it. I don’t think women realize how much their energy effects the type of people who come around you. Someone who is literally about their business isn’t going to check for someone who has issues more often than not. The fact that you get Stevie J dudes checking for you while the decent human beings go the other way should tell you a lot about what kind of vibes you’re giving off. I’m not saying that Stevie J isn’t dead a$$ wrong for the crap he does, but someone had to let that dude into their lives.

      • GypsyCurl

        “The fact that you get Stevie J dudes checking for you while the decent human beings go the other way should tell you a lot about what kind of vibes you’re giving off”

        I understand where you are going with your statement but this little part I have to give an interjection. The Stevie J’s of the world will always try to holler at any woman (for example, the men hollering at any woman with a pulse walking down the street). This “game” will not work for 99% of the women, but for that 1%, he will suck his game dry (as someone stated earlier).

        So being “checked” for by a “Stevie J” is not a reflection of the woman. It becomes a reflection of the woman when she then chooses to entertain the nonsense.

      • BriA

        Todd:

        I do think people can give off certain vibes that attract certain kinds of people in some cases. But even the most secure women can attract idiots. Because they will think they have the right to step to any woman that they want (and they do). The only difference is a woman who is secure with herself, won’t even allow the Stevie-J’s to get past a few sentences before she realizes what he is all about.

        • Todd

          You’re right about the lame dudes playing Press Your Luck hoping to to avoid the whammies around women. That’s why I’m talking about the whole body of men that approach a woman. It’s one thing if you end up with a bunch of lames, a bunch of hot dudes and a bunch of regular dudes hollering at you. That’s just chance. But if past 94 dudes who tried to get with you were lames, without a half-decent dude in the batch, at some point, that’s ALL YOU.

          Let me us myself as an example of what I mean. Looking back at the most serious relationships in my dating past before I met my wife, I’ll say that all of them had very similar issues with their own mothers that I had with mine. In some cases, it made me wonder if I was messing around and committing incest. LOL I’ve also noticed that a lot of the people that I’ve personally admired have had to self same issues. At some point, I had to man up and think to myself, “gee, if I’m attracting and attracted to this kind of issue, it’s something about me, not them.” I’m not saying dating one bad dude makes you just like them. But dating a whole line of them makes you somewhat culpable in the BS.

        • Jeanette’s Daughter

          unfortunately, so true. i think boredom (or sloth) \can lead to a a date with a stevie j for one thing. also, slumming – you know , taking a walk on the wild side, living double, etc. then again sometimes we get captured by the game. not quite like mimi, the ‘ baby mama’ or that hot chick who really seems to be deranged, but i do admit i met a clone of stevie j (lots of them in atlanta!) back in the day. soooooo not my type, but i thought i’d have a little adventure. whew! took me ages to get rid of him. he seemed incapable of understanding that i was not interested in pursuing anything but the one thing! ha. but then it just wasn’t worth the aggravation. the elephant in the room is over there in the corner crying because no one has mentioned the sex – which often – with the brain dead and the heartless can be very very good. not fair! not good enough to ever get pregnant, move in and you know really lean in, but ish happens. these shows just play to all our worst and lowest fears/expectations about black men and women. it’s media psy-ops! whenever i watch one of these disturbing shows, i just go read a book, listen to some miles davis. cleans it all right out.

    • mena

      I’m on paleo. Please get rid of the cupcakes. Thanks :-)

      • Todd

        Hey, I’m on the Clean Eating steez myself. #SexyShred #GCH. How about some Ezekiel Bread toast with some honey on top. :)

        • Breezy

          Sir…try some Cinnamon Raisin Ezekiel Bread with peanut butter.

        • mena

          I haven’t had bread in weeks. I want to try paleo bread but I heard that it is heavy as all get out since it’s made with almond or coconut flour.

          Is Ezekiel bread good?

          • Breezy

            Mena: Its made of beans and sprouts.

            • Sweet GA Brown

              cant eat beans on paleo

              • mena

                Yep. How’s it going for you? Yesterday was May1st.

                • Sweet GA Brown

                  Im eating Paleo inspired meals because this pending furlough wont allow me to be great. I still eat a few nonpaleo foods if I already purchased them.

                  • mena

                    One thing I have learned, you can’t be on paleo AND eat out. The cost of having to cook everything is no joke. Especially if you are someone like me who loves eating out. Can’t do both and not feel it when you check your account.

              • LMNOP

                Can’t eat beans???

                but beans are so good for you, protein, fiber, iron, no fat.

                I need to google paleo diets

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              I’m constantly amazed at all the foods that I have never heard of.

          • LMNOP

            Ezekial bread is so nasty.

            I mean if you’re hungry enough and haven’t had bread in weeks, maybe it would be better… maybe.

            Bread made with almond flour sounds really, really good to me. I’m imagining it made with regular wheat flour and butter and sugar though. Actually maybe just skip the yeast and turn it into cookies.

            • mena

              Nope. It is straight paleo. With coconut oil, salt, and some other natural ingredients.

              You could knock out a burglar with paleo bread. It is dense.

              • LMNOP

                makes sense it’d be dense, if there is no wheat then the gluten can’t develop, which is what makes bread rise.

                I would last about 2 days on this paleo diet.

      • b sweet

        My bad Mena. my bad. What will be my avi? What about K. Marie and her love for all things red velvet?

      • AStickySituation77

        Hey Mena- I don’t usually comment but I have been doing Paleo since October and l have discovered a lot of really good recipes to help with those cupcake cravings!! Last night I had chocolate cake in a cup of all things and it was completely Paleo and very good.

        http://www.delightedmomma.com/2012/09/3-minute-chocolate-paleo-mug-cake.html

        P.S. The results I have seen in my health and weight since I started Paleo is so worth giving up foods I thought I couldn’t live without. Good luck on your journey!!

        • mena

          Thank you! Did you see result quickly or were they more gradual?

          • AStickySituation77

            I had been working out like crazy and counting calories prior to starting Paleo (I hate this term lol) and lost maybe 2lbs and felt miserable! After 2 weeks of focusing on eating cleaner and not doing any cardio (only strength training) I lost about 7lbs and felt great. So far I have lost 26lbs and I have leaned out so much. So I would have to say I it was “quick” to me because losing a pound had always been a struggle.

            But I have to say the biggest plus for me is that I am now off my high blood pressure medicine!!

            If you have anymore questions or anything regarding the Paleo journey feel free to ask. I have not met a lot of black folks that do Paleo so I was excited to see some you trying it.

            • Sweet GA Brown

              This is inspiring. Im happy for you. You and Mena give me hope that can do this.

              • AStickySituation77

                Aww thanks!!

                You can do it!! You will be amazed how easy it is to do this once you get past feeling like you are being deprived of something. Paleo/Clean Eating has so many alternatives to the comfort foods we all love. Honestly though I don’t crave the things as much as I used too. As much as I loved bread and pasta I know now they didn’t love me back so breaking up with them was a must if I wanted to live healthy.

                Sorry for the long post but I wish you blessings on your journey as well.

                • Sweet GA Brown

                  Thanks!

            • mena

              That is awesome!! I am all about people getting off of the meds. I definitely wee wee (sorry guys) like there is no tomorrow. Like wake up in the middle of the night and say “seriously” to myself. I’m not as bloated and i am not as sluggish as i was before. So that’s good. We will check in from time to time.

    • Wild Cougar

      Same for women who fall for game, I’m afraid.

    • Bedrock Obama

      I approve and co-sign this message.

      I stay away from women that make a point of saying they do NOT like drama. Their energy is so wrong and they ARE the drama.

  • The Other Jerome

    How to avoid a Stevie J? Uh, thats easy, just don’t walk around with your head up your @$$ :-)

    It’s not like Stevie hides who he is or anything. His type of game should only work on 16-22 year olds. I believe homegirl is older than that. So i guess she likes being treated like dirt.

    She wouldn’t be the first. Some people like being miserable. It’s comfortable to them, like a ratty old shoe. Who are we to begrudge her the misery she clearly “enjoys”.

    • IcePrincess

      Rite! But even for the low self esteem doormats, at least get someone less lame than Stevie to be a masocist for. Like, he wack AF his game is transparent. His swag on the ground lol.

    • The Human Spider

      It’s not like Stevie hides who he is or anything. His type of game should only work on 16-22 year olds. I believe homegirl is older than that. So i guess she likes being treated like dirt.

      Yeah, Mimi’s in her 30s-40s, and she claims she’s been with Stevie for 15 years, and have a 4 or 5 year old. So she had to have been in that age range. Joseline claims she’s 26 I say she’s 26 in dog years, and she’s been Stevie’s…”artist”…for around 3-4 years, so that would put her slightly over that age bracket.

      • Elodie

        Joseline clearly stated that she is with Steevie for the money, and that she is not as dumb as mimi so she won’t get pregnant from a man who already have 5 baby mamas
        So maybe she is different and doesn’t care
        Mimi on the other hand…she is trapped like a rat!

    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

      ~ His type of game should only work on 16-22 year olds.

      an immature/troubled mindset knows no age.

      • AfroPetite

        Exactly. I have an Uncle who traps women well into their 40′s into thinking that he is Mr. Right smh I try to warn them on the low but they don’t be trying to hear me

  • Royale W. Cheese

    The best advice I can give to the big-hearted suckers, since e counting Stevie-J is inevitable…

    *Grant yourself permission to be an a-hole*

    1. Stop looking for justified reasons to hurt a Stevie-J’s so-called “feelings”
    2. Do completely unjustified ratchet attitudinal ish to get thee far from Stevie-J’s game.
    3. Turn off your moral compass, if only for a moment.
    4. Be a hypocrite. Violate all of your principles of fairness in order to diss Stevie-J.
    5. Lie to Stevie-J.
    6. When Stevie-J accuses you of being a bad human being, deny it.

    I promise that you will still be a good person after descending into the level of Machiavellian behavior that is required to truly defeat a Stevie-J, ladies (and its female equivalents, gentlemen). The best crime-fighters are able to think like criminals.

    • Royale W. Cheese

      e counting = encountering

    • Charlie

      Or leave, but if you wanna mess with him a little before you go, then this is great, but seriously don’t forget to leave.

      • Royale W. Cheese

        Leaving requires turning off the moral compass. Stevie-J’s will try to guilt you out of leaving.

        Stevie-J: “You didn’t have to cut me off. You treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough. Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.”

        Her: “Yep, I’m an a-hole. F*** off.”*

        *Big-hearted people have a tough time saying these types of things.

        • Charlie

          But I felt Gotye’s pain, he just needs one more chance…

    • nillalatte

      You on it RWC!!! Roll on girl, full steam ahead. :D

    • GypsyCurl

      Love the list. Can I add a number 7:

      Think all guys are like Stevi J until they prove otherwise. (This in no way leads to you being alone/single.)

      The first few statements out of a man’s mouth tells me all I need to know about him. And I don’t entertain the foolishness.

      • blackphilo

        “Think all guys are like Stevi J until they prove otherwise.”

        No doubt, there is worse advice, but this is pretty bad. Most “guys,” for all sorts of reasons, are not like this character.

        High value men (who know their value) don’t have much reason to “prove” they have basic worth to a woman: the P ain’t that rare and ain’t worth it. Secure, quality women are already mostly filtering out Stevie J types.

        A woman who requires that men “prove” they’re not like that is simply signaling the loserly male company she has kept or attracted. This only encourages players, while warning off “good” Brothas with options.

        Would you like men to treat you with a default presumption that you’re a witch, garden tool, or prospector? Men are people, too–at least the decent ones–and they’ll know to steer clear of women who obviously have too much “experience” of the wrong kinds.

  • IcePrincess

    Omg Pjack u are on point! My dude & I were jus talkin bout Stevie today. Seriously. Lol. Dude is supa LAME. Like, I honestly don’t see the attraction. Especially wit Mimi. She clearly has intelligence, while he’s a moron. Joseline has his balls in her purse. Barging in da house like that. Mimi was like, “is that the door?” Rotflmmfaoooo. 0_0 Stevie is a loser. A b*tch like me would take him for everything he has. He’s a trick & a simp. This “man” is in his forties. It’s not cute. I agree wit Zino. The level of b*tch azzness Stevie displays is off the charts. He should go play in traffic.

    • nillalatte

      Since you watch this show Ice, what are the characteristics you see Stevie J present? I’m just curious. I think the one time I saw a few minutes of the show he just came off like a total A-hole, if that is who I’m thinking about. If it is who I’m thinking of, ain’t nobody got time for dat kinda bullshyt. Was this the dude that bought a house for someone and then she got all mad ’cause he wasn’t going to stay there with her? Shyt, I would said, “sign the quitclaim deed and I’ll handle changing the locks.” Bye boy. He’s a punk.

      • IcePrincess

        Lol! Yup, dats him. Girl he is the definition of a hoe azz ninja. Just wack & pathetic. He wouldn’t last 5 seconds in the presence of a real b*tch looool. He woulda done met his match f*ckin wit me, I promise u dat. Sounds like you are the same way. *daps up Nilla*

        • Todd

          The problem is that there isn’t a shortage of fake b1tches though. Hell, it’s a damn near flood of them. Remember, Stevie J only has one peen. He can’t hump all of them, so he’ll stay winning.

          • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

            ~ he’ll stay winning.

            i guess this means “winning” is a relative proposition.

            • kenyadigit

              yes

        • GypsyCurl

          “He wouldn’t last 5 seconds in the presence of a real b*tch looool”

          You so hood Ice LOL. Well, I am not hood. I am a educated, classy, bougie woman (no shots), not a B. And for me, a guy like that would never be in the same room with me, not even for a second. We are mutually exclusive. He can’t even enter the room until I leave. And the type of room that he would enter wouldn’t be the type of room I would be in anyway. We are repelling magnets.

    • Latonya

      “The level of b*tch azzness Stevie displays is off the charts. He should go play in traffic.”
      He might as well cause Stevie doesn’t have a drivers license Mimi or Benzino has to take him everywhere.

      • IcePrincess

        BOL! How he gone drive his (short, yellow) “bus” without a liscense? :-)

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    I have never seen this show. I’m proud to say. But, here’s my advice anyway.

    When I was growing up in NY we’d always joke that the best way to stop someone from potentially bothering/ robbing you was to act crazy. So, I would assume that this would work to get rid of an annoying/ harmful person in your life as well.

    And, wow about Chris Kelly. He was only 34.

    • Latonya

      “someone from potentially bothering/ robbing you was to act crazy”
      LOL you need to watch the show! Cause the women on there are all ready crazy!

      • LMNOP

        Seriously, acting crazy is how you end up on one of these shows.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Well, I guess one would have to find the kind of crazy men like him don’t like and be that. Lol.

        • LMNOP

          So basically, be sane.

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            Lol.

    • mena

      Actually, it seems like men like him love crazy.

      +1 on not watching the show

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Yeah, Mena, I’ve never seen any of those VH1 shows. I just have no interest.

  • nillalatte

    Don’t know much about Stevie J ’cause I can’t stomach LLH:ATL, nor many of those other shows you mentioned… that and I haven’t learned were all the channels that I used to watch on cable are now on directv. I think I’ve only seen partial one episode.

    To the point of being gamed; I believe a woman or maybe just some women know game all too well. I can’t get with the Obsidian’s of the world in their mind set because there is game and then there is being real. I’m real peoples. I can so tell when a man is not. Maybe that comes with ‘experience’ (ehem, age). Maybe it never does for others.

    I kid you not, some of the shyt that Obsidian spouts, nah, maan, I would be looking all side eyed at his arse and asking WTF is wrong with you in my mind. Red flags would be flying like high tides and strong currents.

    This is pretty simple and this is my take away from playing on VSB for a while; if you tell a man what you need/want and he isn’t willing to give you that, then it’s time to let them go. Letting go might be hard at first, but as I was trying to write to Breezy’s post yesterday, close your eyes, picture the person in your mind, say ‘peace be with you’ and envision them floating away. It takes time, but it works.

    (p.s. is anyone else annoyed that the site no longer holds our name and email so you can respond without typing it repeatedly?)

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      “…is anyone else annoyed that the site no longer holds our name and email so you can respond without typing it repeatedly?”

      Is your browser deleting cookies automatically? That only happens to me when I delete cookies. Otherwise all the info is auto-filled.

      • nillalatte

        I haven’t changed any of my settings. It’s only happening on VSB that I can tell.

        • GypsyCurl

          Me too. I am adding it AGAIN just to co-sign.

      • AfroPetite

        I thought it was just me :-(

        • Breezy

          Nope, not just you.

        • Kema

          Me too!

    • IcePrincess

      Omg! I was gonna tell panama that same thing. Ever since they had work done on the site a few days ago, it’s been messing up. U gotta type in yo info every single time, & on my iPhone 2/3 of the comments show up in one vertical line, letter by letter. It’s unreadable.

      • nillalatte

        LOL… I’m glad you looked at it on your phone too ’cause do you know how damn hard it is to figure out the words in a single line?! You wanna turn the phone side ways or start counting letters. AND, the comments that are two and three paragraphs… forget about it!

        • IcePrincess

          Rite! Ain’t nobody got time for dat rotflmao!

    • mena

      Same here!!

    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com esa

      ~ Red flags would be flying like high tides and strong currents.

      exactly. as i slowly pull myself together, i am in awe of my most blatant pathology, which was to be colorblind and take red flags for green. like some dude was waving his cape at me shouting Ole! like i was always going 180 degrees in the wrong direction because, as Albert Einsten notes :: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

      i fit that definition flawlessly ~*~

      retrospect is hilarious and cringeworthy but it is a fine teacher of life. not only for who and what i had been, but also to understand how it is other people make such troubled choices for themselves. for me, all i can say is, i was caught in a proxy war, always trying to resolve my original familial conflicts with poor substitutes, instead of just breaking the pattern once and for all.